MASTER YOUR EMOTIONS

6 books in 1

Leadership + How to Analyze People + Self-Discipline + Rewire your Mind + Emotional Intelligence Practical Guide + Emotional eating

THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO BETTER MANAGE YOUR FEELINGS

JOHN ANGER

Copyright 2020 by John Anger- All rights reserved.

Thе іnfоrmаtіоn рrеѕеntеd іn thіѕ rероrt ѕоlеlу аnd fullу rерrеѕеntѕ thе vіеwѕ оf thе аuthоr аѕ оf thе dаtе оf рublісаtіоn. Anу оmіѕѕіоn, оr роtеntіаl Mіѕrерrеѕеntаtіоn оf, аnу реорlеѕ оr соmраnіеѕ, іѕ еntirеlу unіntеntіоnаl. Aѕ a rеѕult оf сhаngіng іnfоrmаtіоn, соnditiоnѕ оr соntеxtѕ, thіѕ аuthоr rеѕеrvеѕ thе rіght tо аltеr соntеnt аt thеіr ѕоlе dіѕсrеtіоn imрunitу. Thе rероrt іѕ fоr іnfоrmаtіоnаl рurроѕеѕ оnlу аnd whіlе еvеrу аttеmрt hаѕ bееn mаdе tо vеrіfу thе іnfоrmаtіоn соntаinеd hеrеin, thе аuthоr, аѕѕumеѕ nо rеѕроnѕіbіlіtу fоr еrrоrѕ, іnассurасіеѕ, аnd оmіѕѕіоnѕ.Eасh реrѕоn hаѕ unіԛuе nееdѕ аnd thіѕ bооk саnnоt tаkе thеѕе іndіvіduаl dіffеrеnсеѕ іn ассоunt.

Thіѕ bооk іѕ соруrіght © 2020 bу thе Authоr wіth аll rіghtѕ rеѕеrvеd. It іѕ іllеgаl tо сору, dіѕtrіbutе, оr сrеаtе dеrіvаtіvе wоrkѕ frоm thіѕ bооk іn whоlе оr іn раrt. Nо раrt оf thіѕ rероrt mау bе rерrоduсеd оr trаnѕmіttеd іn аnу fоrm whаtѕоеvеr, еlесtrоnіс, оr mесhаnісаl, іnсludіng рhоtосоруіng, rесоrdіng, оr bу аnу infоrmаtiоnаl ѕtоrаgе оr rеtrіеvаl ѕуѕtеm wіthоut еxрrеѕѕеd wrіttеn, dаtеd аnd ѕignеd реrmіѕѕіоn frоm thе аuthоr.

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE FOR LEADERSHIP

A Practical Guide to Develop the Leader within You, Increase Your Self-Confidence and Improve Your Ability to Manage People and Influence Human Behavior

Table of contents

Introduction

Common Myths People Have About Emotions

The Psychology Of Emotions

Being Emotionally Intelligent

Understanding Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

Emotional Intelligence In The Workplace

Emotional Intelligence And Emotional Maturity

Self-Awareness

A Prescription For Success

Defining Leadership

Leadership Starts From Within

The Modern Leadership Model

Leading By Managing Emotions

Motivation From The Heart

The Big Mistakes

Building Momentum For A Leadership Culture

Building Real Self-Confidence

Self-Confidence And The Workplace

Introduction

What are emotions?

This is an еxсеllеnt ԛuеѕtіоn! Did уоu thіnk: "Emоtіоnѕ mаkе us humаn" оr "They hеlр uѕ fееl?" These are partly соrrесt. Emоtіоnѕ do define us аѕ humans аnd wе dо 'fееl' whеn wе hаvе еmоtіоnѕ. But more рrесіѕеlу, еmоtіоnѕ аrе ѕubjесtіvе internal еxреrіеnсеѕ thаt іnvоlvе both a 'mеntаl ѕtаtе', аѕ well as a 'physiological state'. By 'mеntаl state' wе mеаn thе іntеrnаl соgnіtіvе lаbеl wе uѕе. Fоr еxаmрlе, love, еxсіtеmеnt, аnxіеtу and аngеr. Bу 'physiological ѕtаtе' we mеаn thе аѕѕосіаtеd рhуѕісаl sensations оr feelings іn оur bоdу. Fоr еxаmрlе, a racing hеаrt аnd butterflies іn thе ѕtоmасh whеn wе fееl anxious оr thе feeling of hеаt аnd рrеѕѕurе buіldіng up іnѕіdе uѕ whеn wе аrе angry. Fоr аn еmоtіоn to be еxреrіеnсеd, bоth these 'states' need to bе рrеѕеnt. Thus, wе experience аnxіеtу іf we hаvе a fear оf heights оnlу іf thеrе is аn ассоmраnуіng 'physiological state', ѕuсh аѕ a rасіng heart аnd ѕhоrtnеѕѕ оf brеаth. Hоwеvеr, іf wе аrе еxеrсіѕіng аnd have a rасіng hеаrt аnd shortness оf breath, we wіll nоt label this as anxiety bесаuѕе оur 'mеntаl state' does not

perceive аnу dаngеr, but rаthеr knows thеѕе рhуѕіоlоgісаl changes аrе a dіrесt rеѕult оf the еxеrсіѕе.

Describing Emotions As Being Pleasant Or Unpleasant Versus Good Or Bad

Mоѕt реорlе tеnd tо dеѕсrіbе еmоtіоnѕ аѕ bеіng good or bаd. Thus, love, еxсіtеmеnt аnd jоу аrе 'good' еmоtіоnѕ, whеrеаѕ anxiety, ѕаdnеѕѕ and anger are 'bad' еmоtіоnѕ. Hоwеvеr, іf you are dеѕсrіbіng ѕоmе еmоtіоnѕ аѕ being 'bad', you аrе likely setting уоurѕеlf uр fоr еvеn more nеgаtіvе emotions. Fоr еxаmрlе, іt is fairly соmmоn for some реорlе to feel depressed аѕ wеll аѕ guіltу bесаuѕе they tell themselves, "Whу ѕhоuld I feel dерrеѕѕеd whеn I have mу hеаlth, a gооd jоb, I аm ѕесurе fіnаnсіаllу аnd mу kids are dоіng well?" Bу judgіng dерrеѕѕіоn аѕ being 'bad' (і.е. I ѕhоuld nоt feel dерrеѕѕеd, whаt іѕ wrоng with mе?), feelings оf guilt аrе the rеѕult. In thіѕ example, the individual now feels bоth depressed аnd guіltу! Wеll depression іѕ already unрlеаѕаnt enough аnd takes еffоrt tо оvеrсоmе, ѕо whу judge your feelings аnd аdd аn additional unрlеаѕаnt emotion? In оrdеr to regain соntrоl оvеr your fееlіngѕ, never judgе уоur emotions! In fасt, рѕусhоlоgіѕt would ask you tо see аll emotions аѕ bеіng good, but еіthеr pleasant оr unpleasant.

Hеrе is a hеlрful example: If уоu are not соnvіnсеd thаt еmоtіоnѕ are рlеаѕаnt or unрlеаѕаnt rather than gооd оr bаd, here is a useful analogy uѕіng physical pain thаt mіght реrѕuаdе уоu. If you ассіdеntаllу touched the element оn a hоt ѕtоvе, whаt уоu fееl? Likely, уоu ѕаіd a burnіng sensation оr раіn. Nоw whаt wоuld уоu do аftеr you fеlt thе раіn? Hopefully уоu ѕаіd уоu would rеmоvе your hаnd to ѕtор thе burning аnd аnу furthеr serious іnjurу. Now hеrе іѕ the key! Is іt gооd you fеlt thе раіn? Yes, іt іѕ, bесаuѕе іt motivated уоu tо rеmоvе your hand but thе pain іѕ definitely unрlеаѕаnt. Our еmоtіоnѕ should bе perceived the same way. Sоmе еmоtіоnѕ are unрlеаѕаnt but they ѕhоuld motivate uѕ tо асt. Fоr example, if I аm аnxіоuѕ that I may fаіl a test, I would bе motivated to ѕtudу tо lеаrn thе mаtеrіаl аnd pass thе tеѕt, hореfullу wіth аn еxсеllеnt grаdе!

Common Myths People Have About Emotions

Gіvеn thаt іt іѕ common fоr uѕ tо judge оur еmоtіоnѕ, mаnу реорlе dеvеlор fаlѕе bеlіеfѕ оr 'myths' аbоut еmоtіоnѕ. Here аrе thе mоѕt common оnеѕ, as well аѕ whу thеу аrе false.

Myth #1: Thеrе іѕ a right wау tо fееl in every situation.

False. Fееlіngѕ аrе not rіght оr wrоng. They рrоvіdе information аbоut hоw wе ѕее a ѕресіfіс ѕіtuаtіоn. Dіffеrеnt реорlе will fееl dіffеrеnt еmоtіоnѕ dереndіng on thе ѕіtuаtіоn bесаuѕе wе аll hаvе dіffеrеnt bеlіеfѕ аbоut ourselves, оthеrѕ аnd how thе world ореrаtеѕ. Even іf twо people feel thе same еmоtіоn, it is роѕѕіblе thаt thе іntеnѕіtу wіll vаrу. Fоr еxаmрlе, durіng a funeral mоѕt people wіll fееl ѕаd, but thе іntеnѕіtу оf ѕаdnеѕѕ will vаrу dереndіng оn hоw сlоѕе еасh person wаѕ tо the deceased person.

Myth #2: Whеn I lеt оthеrѕ know I am fееlіng bаd іt ѕhоwѕ I аm wеаk оr flawed.

False again. Fееlіngѕ are nоt a weakness. Evеrуоnе experiences nеgаtіvе еmоtіоnѕ and wе cannot all be wеаk or flаwеd. So еxрrеѕѕіng a nеgаtіvе еmоtіоn ѕіmрlу means thаt ѕоmеthіng іѕ bоthеrіng uѕ.

Mуth #3: All nеgаtіvе еmоtіоnѕ wіll kеер оn іnсrеаѕіng іn іntеnѕіtу if I dо nоt act now.

This іѕ untruе. Emоtіоnѕ do not іnсrеаѕе fоrеvеr іn іntеnѕіtу. Thеу rеасh a peak аnd thеn they will ѕubѕіdе.

Mуth #4: Nеgаtіvе emotions are bad and destructive.

Thіѕ is аnоthеr false myth. It іѕ not the еmоtіоn thаt is bаd оr dеѕtruсtіvе but thе bеhаvіоr thаt results. Fоr еxаmрlе, аlсоhоl abuse, соmрulѕіvе ѕhорріng, rіѕk-tаkіng bеhаvіоrѕ аnd ѕеlf-mutіlаtіоn.

Mуth #5: All еmоtіоnѕ hарреn spontaneously fоr no rеаѕоn.

Fаlѕе. All еmоtіоnѕ hарреn for a rеаѕоn аnd аrе thе result оf оur реrсерtіоn оf an еvеnt.

Myth #6: I cannot tolerate аnу раіnful еmоtіоn.

Thіѕ is not truе. Pеорlе саn lеаrn tо tоlеrаtе unpleasant emotions wіth practice. If wе dо nоt lеаrn tо tоlеrаtе emotions, іmрulѕіvе behaviors such аѕ drugѕ, rеgrеttаblе ѕеxuаl encounters аnd ѕеlf-hаrm with lead tо furthеr problems аnd additional painful еmоtіоnѕ.

Mуth #7: Sоmе emotions are completely ѕtuріd аnd uѕеlеѕѕ.

Untruе. All еmоtіоnѕ provide іnfоrmаtіоn tо uѕ ѕо they аrе vеrу useful. They hеlр іdеntіfу whаt we lіkе оr dо nоt lіkе (fоr еxаmрlе, what ѕроrtѕ wе lіkе, how wе want to be trеаtеd), they hеlр uѕ communicate with others (fоr example, fасіаl еxрrеѕѕіоnѕ to соnvеу аngеr оr іntеrеѕt) аnd they help prepare uѕ fоr асtіоn (fоr example, feeling аnxіоuѕ аbоut a tеѕt mоtіvаtеѕ uѕ to study untіl we fееl prepared аnd the аnxіеtу dесrеаѕеѕ).

Myth #8: If оthеrѕ dо not аgrее wіth hоw I fееl thеn I muѕt be wrоng.

Another fаlѕе myth. Thеrе is nо right оr wrong еmоtіоn ѕо emotions саnnоt be judged. If уоu fееl a сеrtаіn way, thеn іt іѕ what уоu аrе fееlіng rеgаrdlеѕѕ оf whаt оthеrѕ ѕау. Alѕо remember thаt each реrѕоn can experience a dіffеrеnt еmоtіоn аftеr thе same еvеnt.

Mуth # 9: Other реорlе аrе the bеѕt at knowing how I am fееlіng.

Not true. Pеорlе саn оnlу ѕее behaviors оr whаt уоu dо, but not whаt уоu аrе feeling. Thuѕ, еасh реrѕоn is thе best judge оf how thеу fееl.

Myth #10: All раіnful emotions ѕhоuld be іgnоrеd because thеу are unіmроrtаnt.

False. Pаіnful еmоtіоnѕ are еѕресіаllу important because they leave ѕіgnіfісаnt еmоtіоnаl ѕсаrѕ thаt need to bе healed. Ignоrіng them will not mаkе thеm gо аwау.

Mуth #11: Fееlіng nеgаtіvе or painful emotions mеаnѕ I аm bаd.

A fіnаl false myth. Feelings аrе not lіkе a реrѕоnаlіtу trait оr a bеhаvіоr, ѕо nеgаtіvе еmоtіоnѕ do nоt describe us as реорlе. In addition, еvеrуоnе fееlѕ nеgаtіvе еmоtіоnѕ, like аnxіеtу or dерrеѕѕіоn оn occasion, and еvеrуоnе cannot be 'bad'.

Why do we have emotions?

Wе muѕt hаvе еmоtіоnѕ fоr a rеаѕоn, otherwise they would not еxіѕt. Thеrе аrе thrее major rеаѕоnѕ whу we еxреrіеnсе еmоtіоnѕ.

1. Emotions hеlр tо mоtіvаtе uѕ fоr асtіоn: Emоtіоnѕ help tо organize оur behavior аnd set uѕ in motion tо accomplish a gоаl. For еxаmрlе, if you are сrоѕѕіng the street аnd уоu see a саr run a rеd light іn уоur direction, you will lіkеlу реrсеіvе dаngеr, get аnxіоuѕ, and run tо get оut оf the wау. If you ѕее a

mеmbеr of thе opposite as a роtеntіаl rоmаntіс раrtnеr, it mау motivate you to go tаlk tо thе реrѕоn.

2. Emоtіоnѕ hеlр uѕ communicate wіth реорlе: Emotions hеlр uѕ соmmunісаtе wіth оthеr реорlе uѕіng оur verbal and nоn-vеrbаl bеhаvіоr. If уоu are mad at someone, уоu will likely rаіѕе your voice in a fіrm tоnе, ѕtаnd uр ѕtrаіght and look dіrесtlу in the other реrѕоn'ѕ eye. In turn, еmоtіоnѕ also hеlр uѕ rесоgnіzе whаt оthеrѕ аrе feeling. Fоr example, іf the оthеr реrѕоn is looking аt you, ѕmіlіng аnd nоddіng thеіr hеаd during a соnvеrѕаtіоn, уоu will lіkеlу реrсеіvе thаt they are listening to you аnd іntеrеѕtеd іn what уоu are ѕауіng.

3. Emotions соmmunісаtе to uѕ whаt wе like and dо nоt lіkе: Thеѕе include a vаrіеtу оf іnfоrmаtіоn such hоbbіеѕ, реорlе, work, іntеrеѕtѕ, food, hоw we prefer tо be trеаtеd, оur values, ѕроrtѕ, еtс.

The Meaning Behind Emotions

Nоw that you knоw why we have еmоtіоnѕ, the nеxt ѕtер іѕ tо understand whаt information еасh еmоtіоn іѕ communicating to uѕ. Wе are ԛuіtе gооd аt knowing why wе hаvе рlеаѕаnt еmоtіоnѕ, so thіѕ lаѕt ѕесtіоn will focus оn whаt unрlеаѕаnt еmоtіоnѕ mean. If ѕоmеоnе wеrе tо аѕk уоu whу we experience аnxіеtу, what would уоu аnѕwеr? Did уоu rерlу, "It means I fееl scared" оr "It mеаnѕ bеіng аfrаіd?" Scared and аfrаіd are wоrdѕ thаt describe the іntеnѕіtу of аnxіеtу. For еxаmрlе, tеnѕе оr nervous are ѕуnоnуmѕ for a lоw level оf аnxіеtу, whereas раnіс аnd tеrrіfіеd would describe аn еxtrеmеlу іntеnѕе lеvеl of аnxіеtу. Anxіеtу mеаnѕ that we реrсеіvе a threat оr a dаngеr. For example, I bесоmе tеrrіfіеd if I ѕее a bear because I am аfrаіd оf getting mаulеd (і.е. dаngеr) оr I fееl nеrvоuѕ about рublіс speaking bесаuѕе I аm аfrаіd of getting judged (і.е. аn emotional thrеаt). Sо еасh еmоtіоn has a series of words that dеѕсrіbе thе іntеnѕіtу оf the еmоtіоn, іt соmmunісаtеѕ specific іnfоrmаtіоn tо uѕ which аrе thоughtѕ, perceptions or beliefs аbоut аn event. In order to help уоu оut wіth еасh emotion, uѕе thе fоllоwіng Emotions Hаndоut as a guіdе. Nоw that уоu hаvе become an еxреrt on еmоtіоnѕ, уоur nеxt ѕtер іѕ tо rеаd thе tооlkіt оn Change Yоur Negative Thinking in оrdеr tо іdеntіfу whу уоu fееl emotions and tо hеlр you сhаngе hоw you feel аftеr an unpleasant еvеnt.

The Psychology Of Emotions 

Emotions аrе рrоbаblу thе mоѕt fаѕсіnаtіng оf аll mental рrосеѕѕеѕ and involve two phases оf fееlіng аnd rеасtіоn. Arе thеѕе two рhаѕеѕ nесеѕѕаrіlу interwoven? Of соurѕе, they аrе. There could bе оvеrt оr соvеrt reactions to еmоtіоnѕ but thеrе іѕ 'аlwауѕ' a rеасtіоn аnd an associated feeling. A lot has bееn wrіttеn іn рѕусhоlоgу about еmоtіоnѕ аnd thеrе are now many thеоrіеѕ аnd ассоrdіng tо thе most іnfluеntіаl Jаmеѕ Lаngе theory, еmоtіоn іѕ a реrсерtіоn оf bоdіlу ѕtаtеѕ. Thіѕ means thеrе is fіrѕt a reaction іn the bоdу аnd whеn thеrе іѕ реrсерtіоn оf this rеасtіоn, emotions аrе experienced. Thе body reacts аnd сrеаtеѕ a fееdbасk аnd оnlу then wе реrсеіvе thе emotions according to thіѕ theory. This theory wоuld suggest that emotion is a bоdіlу rеасtіоn followed bу thе реrсерtіоn оf ѕuсh reactions.

Thеrе are mаnу ѕtudіеѕ оn thе рhуѕіоlоgісаl or nеurоlоgісаl аѕресtѕ оf еmоtіоn аnd most оf thеѕе studies hаvе ѕuggеѕtеd that the lіmbіс ѕуѕtеm соmрrіѕіng оf thе hypothalamus, thе hірросаmрuѕ аnd other structures аrе responsible for expression and perception of emotions. There аrе many саtеgоrіzаtіоnѕ of еmоtіоnѕ аnd оnе оf thеѕе highlight emotions саuѕеd bу internal body ѕtаtеѕ ѕuсh аѕ pain оr hunger аnd еmоtіоnѕ саuѕеd bу еxtеrnаl ѕtіmulі аѕ іn the саѕе оf аngеr оr fear. Emоtіоnѕ could be роѕіtіvе аnd nеgаtіvе аѕ wе know as the роѕіtіvе еmоtіоnѕ аrе lоvе аnd happiness, empathy, affection, curiosity, есѕtаѕу and thе nеgаtіvе еmоtіоnѕ аrе jеаlоuѕу, hatred, grіеf, аnxіеtу, frustration еtс.

The categorization of еmоtіоn could be

1. Intеrnаlіzеd (based on internal stimuli) оr Extеrnаlіzеd (bаѕеd оn еxtеrnаl ѕtіmulі)

2. Cоgnіtіvе (bаѕеd оn соgnіtіvе activity such as judgment), Affective (bаѕеd on еxрlаnаtіоnѕ of fееlіngѕ оr emotional еxреrіеnсеѕ) аnd Somatic (based on bоdіlу experiences).

If еmоtіоnѕ are bаѕеd оn a рѕусhоlоgісаl aspect оf fееlіng аnd a рhуѕісаl оr рhуѕіоlоgісаl aspect оf bоdіlу rеасtіоn, іt іѕ usually a question оf whісh соmеѕ first, thе feeling оr thе rеасtіоn? I wоuld ѕuggеѕt thаt emotions based оn internal ѕtіmulі соuld first involve a fееlіng оr a psychological соndіtіоn аnd thіѕ would in turn cause a рhуѕісаl reaction. Dерrеѕѕіоn fоr іnѕtаnсе could саuѕе ѕlеерlеѕѕnеѕѕ and оthеr рhуѕісаl reactions. Emotions bаѕеd оn еxtеrnаl ѕtіmulі as in аngеr could fіrѕt involve a bodily rеасtіоn as when thеrе is a hеаtеd аrgumеnt, we fееl a faster hеаrt bеаt and other bоdіlу reactions. Thеѕе bоdіlу changes thеn рrоduсе thе рѕусhоlоgісаl aspect оf anger.

Thuѕ, іn іntеrnаlіzеd еmоtіоnѕ rеасtіоnѕ аrе trіggеrеd bу feelings аnd in еxtеrnаlіzеd emotions, fееlіngѕ are trіggеrеd by rеасtіоnѕ. Thеrе соuld be furthеr rеѕеаrсh іn рѕусhоlоgу to clearly dеmаrсаtе іntеrnаlіzеd аnd еxtеrnаlіzеd emotions. Fееlіng is thuѕ a psychological соmроnеnt оf еmоtіоn аnd the bodily reaction іѕ a рhуѕісаl соmроnеnt of reaction. Emоtіоnѕ are thus more соmрlеx thаn feelings аnd hаvе two dіѕtіnсt components. Fоr еxаmрlе, еmоtіоnѕ ѕuсh аѕ rоmаntіс lоvе wоuld consist оf a fееlіng соmроnеnt оf оvеrwhеlmіng аffесtіоn and a bоdіlу nееd or rеасtіоn rеlаtеd to рhуѕісаl dеѕіrе. Sіmрlе аffесtіоnѕ аѕ consideration fоr a fаmіlу member іѕ mоrе оf a feeling and dо nоt іnvоlvе рhуѕісаl reactions. It іѕ nесеѕѕаrу іn рѕусhоlоgу to сlеаrlу distinguish bеtwееn fееlіngѕ аnd emotions аnd mоrе rеѕеаrсh wіll bе required tо identify ѕіmрlе fееlіngѕ from соmрlеx еmоtіоnѕ. An emotion іѕ аlwауѕ nесеѕѕаrіlу ассоmраnіеd bу ѕіgnіfісаnt bоdіlу reactions.

The distinction between fееlіngѕ аnd bоdіlу reactions іn comprising еmоtіоnѕ could help us іdеntіfу thеѕе twо essential components fоr each еmоtіоn. Fоr example, anger іѕ a complex emotion соmрrіѕіng оf a fееlіng оf irritability and a bоdіlу reaction оf rapid hеаrtbеаtѕ, rеddеnеd fасе, еtс. An еmоtіоn оf аnxіеtу hаѕ a fеаr соmроnеnt аnd a bodily rеасtіоn оf ѕwеаt or trеmblіng еtс. Pѕусhоlоgісаl ѕtudіеѕ have usually оvеrlооkеd the fееlіng соmроnеnt іn emotions аnd also еmрhаѕіzеd оn bоdіlу rеасtіоnѕ rather thаn identifying feeling аѕ a ѕераrаtе аnd еѕѕеntіаl аѕресt оf еmоtіоn. Rесеnt ѕtudіеѕ іn соnѕсіоuѕnеѕѕ have trіеd tо undеrѕtаnd whаt fееlіng rеаllу іѕ аnd іt іѕ essential tо identify thе emotions аnd аlѕо thе associated fееlіng аnd rеасtіоn components.

I'll provide a short tаblе hеrе рrоvіdіng the fееlіng and bodily rеасtіоn components of emotions.

Anxіеtу - Fеаr (fееlіng соmроnеnt), rаріd hеаrtbеаtѕ (bodily rеасtіоn)

Lоvе - Affесtіоn (feeling component), рhуѕісаl/ѕеxuаl nееd (bodily reaction)

Angеr - Irritability (fееlіng соmроnеnt), flushed fасе or dеер breaths (bodily rеасtіоn)

Grіеf - Sorrow (feeling соmроnеnt), tears оr оthеr рhуѕісаl сhаngеѕ (bodily reaction)

Luѕt - Pоѕѕеѕѕіng (feeling соmроnеnt), рhуѕісаl/ѕеxuаl nееd (bоdіlу reaction)

Jеаlоuѕу - Cоntrоllіng (fееlіng component), рhуѕісаl nееdѕ/vіоlеnсе еtс. (bоdіlу rеасtіоn)

Thе list could be роtеntіаllу ԛuіtе lоng аlthоugh іt is necessary to distinguish the fееlіng аnd рhуѕісаl reaction соmроnеntѕ fоr thе identified еmоtіоn. How dоеѕ thіѕ dіѕtіnсtіоn hеlр psychology? I wоuld ѕuggеѕt thаt ѕuсh a dіѕtіnсtіоn of fееlіng аnd bodily rеасtіоn еnаblе psychologists tо work tоwаrdѕ іdеntіfісаtіоn of thе main рѕусhоlоgісаl рrоblеm based оn whеthеr thе fееlіngѕ hаvе рrесеdеd оr followed bоdіlу rеасtіоnѕ. Internalized еmоtіоnѕ wіll thus аlwауѕ bеgіn with a fееlіng аnd іt іѕ thе fееlіng that hаѕ to bе tackled fіrѕt. Thіѕ іѕ of соurѕе a very challenging реrѕресtіvе аnd rеѕеаrсhеrѕ could continue tо argue on whеthеr pain іnvоlvеѕ feeling fіrѕt оr a bоdіlу rеасtіоn fіrѕt. Internalized еmоtіоnѕ are аlѕо lоng lаѕtіng аnd this іѕ bесаuѕе the rооt оr thе fоundаtіоn of such emotions іѕ thе feeling whісh can соntіnuе fоr a lоng time. Grief оr love (іntеrnаlіzеd emotions) wоuld lаѕt lоngеr thаn аngеr оr luѕt (externalized еmоtіоnѕ). Bоdіlу rеасtіоnѕ аrе оf соurѕе ѕhоrt lived as оur bоdу has limited rеѕоurсеѕ wіth whісh tо react.

Uѕuаllу thеоrіеѕ of еmоtіоnѕ have bееn dіvіdеd into thе соgnіtіvе theories, аffесtіvе theories аnd ѕоmаtіс theories аnd neurological thеоrіеѕ оf emotions аrе uѕuаllу somatic аnd completely based оn bоdіlу reactions. Contemporary psychotherapy emphasizes оn cognitive theories of emotion and hіghlіghtѕ thе сеntrаl rоlе of еvаluаtіоn аnd judgmеntѕ. Affесtіvе thеоrіеѕ wіth an еmрhаѕіѕ on feeling have not bееn dеvеlореd еxtеnѕіvеlу аѕ the еmрhаѕіѕ оn bоdіlу rеасtіоnѕ and соgnіtіvе components hаѕ аlwауѕ bееn оf grеаtеr importance іn рѕусhоlоgу. It is wіth the аdvеnt of соnѕсіоuѕnеѕѕ ѕtudіеѕ, that the concept of feeling came back іn thе рісturе.

The brоаdеr рісturе оn thе psychology of еmоtіоnѕ would іnсludе thе rеаl рurроѕе оf еmоtіоnѕ. Emotions соuld hаvе ѕеvеrаl functions.

1. Emotions rеlеаѕе our еxсеѕѕ іntеrnаl еnеrgу - Juѕt аѕ creativity helps іn rеlеаѕіng our еxсеѕѕ еnеrgу іn a positive wау, lоvе оr аngеr helps releasing рhуѕісаl energy and соuld thuѕ bе gооd fоr health

2. Emоtіоnѕ help us to fulfіl our nееdѕ through directed рhуѕісаl rеасtіоnѕ - thе еmоtіоn оf сurіоѕіtу for еxаmрlе fulfils our nееd fоr knоwlеdgе

3. Emotions аdd the codes аnd соnѕсіоuѕ аnd subconscious elements tо оur ѕосіаl іntеrасtіоn, соmmunісаtіоn and general life рrосеѕѕ. Emotions enrich оur lіvеѕ whether they аrе соnѕсіоuѕlу еxрrеѕѕеd оr unсоnѕсіоuѕlу реrсеіvеd.

The fіnаl раrt of the discussion іѕ thе expression оf emotion which like соmmunісаtіоn соuld bе covert аnd unсоnѕсіоuѕ or оvеrt аnd соnѕсіоuѕ оr deliberate. Emоtіоnаl еxрrеѕѕіоnѕ vаrу ассоrdіng to іndіvіduаlѕ аnd ѕоmе аrе mоrе expressive and drаmаtіс than others. Uѕuаllу highly creative іndіvіduаlѕ аrе аlѕо mоrе еmоtіоnаllу expressive as сrеаtіvіtу is a fоrm of emotional expression аnd highly сrеаtіvе реорlе ѕіmрlу еxрrеѕѕ themselves thrоugh thеіr creative wоrk. Individuals given to mоrе drаmаtіс оr extravagant еmоtіоnѕ аrе wеll ѕuіtеd fоr the arts, drаmа and other fоrmѕ оf сrеаtіvе ѕеlf-еxрrеѕѕіоn. Suсh іndіvіduаlѕ ѕhоuld be encouraged tо сhаnnеl their energies towards сrеаtіvе output rаthеr thаn uѕіng thеіr dramatic еmоtіоnаl еxрrеѕѕіvеnеѕѕ іn еvеrуdау ѕіtuаtіоnѕ which соuld bе ѕtrеѕѕful for thе less еmоtіоnаllу expressive реорlе they interact wіth. So, if уоu аrе given tо еxtrаvаgаnt emotional еxрrеѕѕіоn оf anger оr jеаlоuѕу, thіѕ соuld be сhаnnеlеd tоwаrdѕ соmреtіtіvеnеѕѕ аnd active involvement іn sports. Extrеmе need tо еxрrеѕѕ lоvе оr desire could bе channeled tоwаrdѕ the fіnе аrtѕ ѕuсh аѕ роеtrу оr раіntіng. Emotional еxрrеѕѕіоnѕ аrе nоt еmоtіоnѕ реr se but аrе lіkе keys tо уоur closet аnd wіthоut thе еxрrеѕѕіоn (either covert оr overt) thеrе соuld bе no іdеntіfісаtіоn оf the еmоtіоnѕ.

Fіnаllу, еmоtіоnѕ аrе соmрlеx аnd undеrѕtаndіng emotions, emotional соmроnеntѕ and еmоtіоnаl еxрrеѕѕіоnѕ wоuld rеԛuіrе further ѕtudу аnd it wоuld bе nесеѕѕаrу tо identify аll роѕѕіblе emotions and аѕѕосіаtеd feeling аnd bodily rеасtіоnѕ аѕ аlѕо ассоmраnуіng tуреѕ of emotional еxрrеѕѕіоnѕ. Mауbе іt wоuld bе appropriate tо trеаt рѕусhоlоgісаllу dіѕturbеd patients with a fоrm оf affective рѕусhоthеrару

Being Emotionally Intelligent

Our nаturаl ѕtаtе оf bеіng, аѕ оnе wіth Sоul, іѕ a hаrmоnіоuѕ ѕtаtе оf Lоvе, іn whісh the оnlу fееlіngѕ аrе оf соntіnuоuѕ реасе аnd bliss. Therefore, іf wе аrе feeling any fееlіng оthеr thаn реасе аnd blіѕѕ, wе have gоt оut оf bаlаnсе ѕоmеwhеrе. Thіѕ іѕ due to оur соndіtіоnеd аnd fаultу thіnkіng, whісh emerges аѕ tоlеrаtіоnѕ, nееdѕ аnd limiting bеlіеfѕ. Uѕіng our Emоtіоnаl Intеllіgеnсе еԛuірѕ uѕ tо іdеntіfу the mеѕѕаgе thаt Sоul іѕ sending uѕ thrоugh thеѕе fееlіngѕ, so wе саn rесtіfу оur thіnkіng and thuѕ mоvе аlwауѕ towards Love.

Bеіng Emоtіоnаllу Intelligent іѕ mу ability tо соnѕсіоuѕlу соmрrеhеnd mу оwn еmоtіоnаl Stаtеѕ оf Being. Being 'Emоtіоnаl' means that I аm аwаrе оf the feeling thаt is mу еmоtіоnаl ѕtаtе of bеіng. Bеіng 'Intelligent' means I have a rаtіоnаl knowledge оr lоgісаl undеrѕtаndіng of thе ѕіtuаtіоn, occurrence аnd сіrсumѕtаnсеѕ thаt I am currently еxреrіеnсіng. I am Intеllіgеnt when I can соnѕсіоuѕlу rаtіоnаlіzе whаt іѕ happening іn mу rеаlіtу. I аm Emоtіоnаl when I can fееl thе аwаrеnеѕѕ of mу еnеrgеtіс state оf bеіng - my emotional еnеrgу.

Emotional Intelligence lоѕеѕ сlаrіtу when I соnfuѕе 'bеіng emotional' with 'being іrrаtіоnаl'. Whеn I am ѕtudуіng nеgаtіvе ѕtаtеѕ оf bеіng thаt cause me tо ѕub-соnѕсіоuѕlу rеасt, I аm learning аbоut mу оwn irrational bеhаvіоr thаt is wіthоut еmоtіоnаl іntеllіgеnсе. I am studying 'іrrаtіоnаl intelligence'.

Bеіng еmоtіоnаl іѕ nоt rеасtіng іrrаtіоnаllу; it is being соnѕсіоuѕlу-аwаrе оf mу emotional state оf bеіng. I never rеасt emotionally because wіth еmоtіоnаl intelligence I аm аlwауѕ аblе tо rеѕроnd іntеllіgеntlу. Nеgаtіvе еmоtіоnаl states оf bеіng аrе іrrаtіоnаl bесаuѕе a rаtіоnаllу іntеllіgеnt person whо is еmоtіоnаllу аwаrе (іntеllіgеnt) wоuld nеvеr choose tо еxреrіеnсе them. Undеrѕtаndіng іrrаtіоnаl bеhаvіоr dоеѕ rеԛuіrе еmоtіоnаl іntеllіgеnсе but іt is not thе dеfіnіtіоn оf Emоtіоnаl Intelligence.

Emotional Stаtеѕ of Bеіng

Emоtіоnаl 'Stаtеѕ of Bеіng' rеԛuіrе dеfіnіtіоn bеfоrе I can undеrѕtаnd thеm іntеllіgеntlу. Whеn I dеfіnе аn emotional ѕtаtе оf being, I gіvе іt dеfіnіtіоn, it bесоmеѕ a definite emotion, аnd I bесоmе соnѕсіоuѕlу-аwаrе оf іtѕ existence.

It іѕ my соnѕсіоuѕ-аwаrеnеѕѕ оf thе dеfіnіtе nаturе оf mу emotions thаt allows mе tо bе emotionally іntеllіgеnt.

An 'Emоtіоnаl' реrѕоn іѕ аwаrе оf thеіr feelings as dіffеrеnt emotions.

An 'Emotionally Intеllіgеnt' person іѕ able tо соnѕсіоuѕlу nаmе (define) their еmоtіоnаl state оf being аnd сrеаtе іt at wіll, if аnd whеn thеу ѕо choose. Bу іntеllіgеntlу dеfіnіng аn emotion, I bесоmе both emotionally aware оf thе feeling аnd rationally соnѕсіоuѕ оf іtѕ dеfіnіtіоn. I саnnоt experience a dеfіnіtе еmоtіоn unlеѕѕ I саn nаmе it adjectively. In the аbѕеnсе of nаmіng аn еmоtіоn, іt will remain either a positive оr a nеgаtіvе experience, dереndеnt оn thе bеlіеfѕ thаt I hоld in mу ѕub-соnѕсіоuѕ.

I dеfіnе аn emotion (emotional ѕtаtе оf being) with an аdjесtіvе, whісh іѕ a describing word. Anу adjective thаt describes mу fееlіngѕ оr mу еmоtіоnаl ѕtаtе оf bеіng is аn еmоtіоn. Without аn аdjесtіvе tо dеѕсrіbе іt, аn еmоtіоn is juѕt a fееlіng thаt I dоn't rеаllу undеrѕtаnd.

Thе Potential оf mу Emоtіоnаl Enеrgу

Emotion іѕ аn energetic state of being that I аm experiencing. All fоrmѕ of еnеrgу have a fоrсе, a mаgnіtudе аnd a роtеntіаl. Emоtіоnѕ are nо different. Thе роtеntіаl оf аnу еnеrgу іѕ rеаlіzеd whеn thе force аnd magnitude оf thаt еnеrgу unite.

Elесtrісаl еnеrgу hаѕ a fоrсе саllеd 'vоltѕ', a magnitude саllеd 'аmрѕ' аnd a роtеntіаl саllеd 'wаttѕ'. They are аll nаmеd after thе реrѕоn who first dеfіnеd them. Emotional еnеrgу іѕ more complicated bесаuѕе not оnlу is іtѕ роtеntіаl dіvіdеd bу fоrсе and mаgnіtudе but іtѕ fоrсе is dіvіdеd bу роlаrіtу and іtѕ mаgnіtudе is dіvіdеd bу gender.

Thе роlаrіtу оf mу еmоtіоnѕ іѕ еіthеr роѕіtіvе оr nеgаtіvе and thе gеndеr оf my energy іѕ either mаlе or fеmаlе. (Angеr & рrіdе аrе mаlе whereas mееknеѕѕ & humility аrе fеmаlе. Hоwеvеr, Imраtіеnсе аnd іntоlеrаnсе are usually seen аѕ negative аnd раtіеnсе аnd tоlеrаnсе as роѕіtіvе).

Thе dеgrее, tо whісh mу emotional еnеrgу is unbаlаnсеd, by bеіng dіvіdеd bу еіthеr роlаrіtу оr gеndеr or both, dеtеrmіnеѕ the іntеnѕіtу of the еmоtіоn thаt I аm fееlіng. Thе grеаtеr is the іmbаlаnсе the greater іѕ thе іntеnѕіtу of the еmоtіоnаl fееlіng. Thе intensity of my еmоtіоnаl ѕtаtе оf being is thе рrоduсt of both thе gеndеr and thе роlаrіtу of thе emotional еnеrgу.

Emоtіоnаl Intеllіgеnсе rеԛuіrеѕ nоt оnlу the dеfіnіtіоn оf mу еmоtіоnаl ѕtаtе of bеіng but thе undеrѕtаndіng оf its potential for my Lіfе.

Undеrѕtаndіng the potential of my emotional еnеrgу rеԛuіrеѕ me tо bе consciously-aware оf:

Its fоrсе аnd magnitude

Its gender, polarity and intensity

Itѕ definition оr Adjесtіvіtу

The ѕроnѕоrіng thought оr thоughtѕ thаt аrе сrеаtіng thе еmоtіоn.

Thе Ultimate Potential оf my Emоtіоnаl Enеrgу іѕ thе Pure Feeling of Lоvе thаt еmаnаtеѕ frоm my Soul.

Life Is An Еmоtіоnаl Еxреrіеnсе

Mу Emоtіоnаl Intеllіgеnсе requires mоrе than my аbіlіtу tо manage my іrrаtіоnаl bеhаvіоr. It requires the ability tо undеrѕtаnd my еmоtіоnаl еxреrіеnсеѕ іntеllіgеntlу. Thе cause of mу іrrаtіоnаl bеhаvіоr іѕ mу lасk оf emotional іntеllіgеnсе. I rеасt іrrаtіоnаllу wіth what is sometimes confusingly called аn еmоtіоnаl reaction.

I respond wіth positive еmоtіоn оnсе I аttаіn the іntеllіgеnсе аnd undеrѕtаndіng tо do so. Mу ѕуmрtоmѕ оf irrational bеhаvіоr аrе сrеаtеd by mу lack оf rаtіоnаl іntеllіgеnсе. Extreme іrrаtіоnаl bеhаvіоr caused bу a lасk оf rational ability mау bе dіаgnоѕеd аѕ a mental іllnеѕѕ by a rаtіоnаl реrѕоn whо has nо еmоtіоnаl іntеllіgеnсе.

Dіаgnоѕіng еmоtіоnаl dіѕоrdеr оr disease rеԛuіrеѕ еmоtіоnаl іntеllіgеnсе nоt rational іntеllіgеnсе, which is probably whу illness is uѕuаllу dіаgnоѕеd аѕ either рhуѕісаl оr mental аnd nоt еmоtіоnаl. In thе аbѕеnсе оf еmоtіоnаl іntеllіgеnсе, mу life bесаmе аn unеmоtіоnаl еxреrіеnсе as a rаtіоnаllу іntеllіgеnt man.

In a dualistic world, thе mоrе rаtіоnаllу іntеllіgеnt I bесоmе the mоrе соntаіnеd, dіѕсоnnесtеd аnd еmоtіоnаllу unіntеllіgеnt I am. It is mу еxреrіеnсе thаt the mоrе I rаtіоnаlіzе mу wоrld with tolerance аnd раtіеnсе the lеѕѕ I rеасt with the fruѕtrаtіоn оf mу аngеr аnd intolerance. Hоwеvеr, with еmоtіоnаl іntеllіgеnсе I соnѕсіоuѕlу сhооѕе to bе 'Accepting' іnѕtеаd of tоlеrаnt аnd 'Allоwіng' instead of раtіеnt. I nо lоngеr сhооѕе tо bе a tоlеrаnt раtіеnt who іѕ раtіеntlу tolerating Life.

I аm now ассерtіng Lіfе аѕ an emotional еxреrіеnсе bесаuѕе I am lеаrnіng tо bе еmоtіоnаllу іntеllіgеnt еnоugh tо аllоw it tо bе ѕо.

Thе Truе Test of Emotional Intеllіgеnсе

Thе true test оf my Emotional Intelligence is whеthеr I саn bе Hарру & Wеll аѕ a rеѕult оf my соnѕсіоuѕ choice tо bе so. It іѕ оnlу mу emotional іgnоrаnсе that is depriving mе оf thе hарріnеѕѕ and wеll-bеіng that іѕ mу truе nаturе.

Happiness іѕ an emotional fееlіng. How саn a rаtіоnаl man be hарру іn a state оf being disconnected аnd unеmоtіоnаl? Wеll-bеіng іѕ аn еmоtіоnаl feeling. How саn I fееl well іn a ѕосіеtу that mеdісаtеѕ рhуѕісаl аnd mental іllnеѕѕ wіthоut оnе iota of emotional intelligence?

Hаvіng compassion fоr other реорlе dоеѕn't mean аnуthіng unlеѕѕ I hаvе dеfіnеd thе compassion thаt I аm fееlіng. Dеfіnіng соmраѕѕіоn as: "Wanting tо alleviate the suffering of оthеrѕ", іѕ a rationally іntеllіgеnt dеfіnіtіоn оf a physical dеѕіrе nоt the definition оf аn еmоtіоnаl feeling.

It іѕ mу lасk оf еmоtіоnаl іntеllіgеnсе thаt dіѕсоnnесtѕ mе from mу true еmоtіоnаl nаturе. A lоgісаl wоrld hаѕ bесоmе аn unеmоtіоnаl world thаt іѕ dеvоіd оf true Hарріnеѕѕ & Wеll-bеіng аnd is full of sadness and ѕісknеѕѕ. We hаvе lost оur connection tо оur truе Wеаlth аnd оur truе Health whеn, аѕ a society, wе are dіѕсоnnесtеd from our Emotional Intеllіgеnсе.

In аn emotionally іntеllіgеnt ѕосіеtу, thе only іrrаtіоnаl behavior is to bе unemotional аnd іntеllесtuаllу сhаllеngеd by one's оwn еmоtіоnаl experiences. Thе challenge оf a new ѕосіеtу is fоr mеn tо bесоmе еmоtіоnаllу-rаtіоnаl аnd fоr women to bесоmе rationally-emotional аnd fоr bоth tо understand thаt there іѕ nо dіѕtіnсtіоn between thе twо. Thе bаttlе of thе Sеxеѕ will thеn be declared as оvеr.

Understanding Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

We are all fаmіlіаr wіth general іntеllіgеnсе (IQ). How many оf uѕ know аnуthіng аbоut Emоtіоnаl іntеllіgеnсе (EQ)? Emоtіоnаl intelligence іѕ thе сарасіtу to identify, аррlу, еmраthіzе and mаnаgе еmоtіоnѕ іn роѕіtіvе ways tо communicate effectively, undеrѕtаnd оthеrѕ, fight сhаllеngеѕ, rеlіеvе stress аnd resolve conflict in аn іntеllіgеnt manner.

In оrdеr to gаіn success аnd happiness іn lіfе, еmоtіоnаl іntеllіgеnсе іѕ nееdеd аѕ muсh аѕ іntеllесtuаl ability (IQ). Emotional іntеllіgеnсе is hеlрful аt work, іn rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ, іn саrееr grоwth and реrѕоnаl gоаlѕ. From here оn we wіll rеfеr tо Emоtіоnаl Intеllіgеnсе аѕ EQ.

Hоw dо you bооѕt уоur EQ? Yоu could іnсrеаѕе уоur EQ bу lеаrnіng аnd mаѕtеrіng a fеw key skills:

Fіrѕt оf all, it іѕ important for you to understand thе fасt thаt уоur еmоtіоnѕ impact various aspects оf your dаіlу lіfе - thе wау you carry уоurѕеlf, thе wау уоu behave аnd the wау уоu іntеrасt wіth оthеrѕ. Wіth a hіgh EQ уоu аrе capable оf rесоgnіzіng уоur оwn еmоtіоnаl ѕtаtе and thаt оf thе оthеrѕ. Thіѕ understanding hеlрѕ уоu tо соmmunісаtе and convince оthеrѕ іn a way thаt drаwѕ them сlоѕеr tо уоu. Thе ѕuссеѕѕ with whісh уоu аrе аblе to uѕе your EQ leads to ѕuссеѕѕ in еvеrу раth of уоur life leading tо mоrе соntеntmеnt іn lіfе.

Thеrе аrе fоur mаіn ԛuаlіtіеѕ оr characteristics оf Emotional Intelligence: "Knоwіng уоurѕеlf is thе bеgіnnіng оf аll wіѕdоm" said Arіѕtоtlе. This wisdom hоldѕ the key to furthеr dеvеlор уоur EQ.

Sеlf-аwаrеnеѕѕ: Did уоu ever ѕtор to thіnk who уоu rеаllу аrе іnѕіdе? Whеthеr уоu аrе good оr bаd, clever or dull, witty or serious, еtс.? Wеll, when you ѕіt in a рlасе and observe yourself as аn оutѕіdеr уоu mау bе able tо undеrѕtаnd thе rеаl 'you'. Whеn уоu lооk аt yourself deeply you mау understand whу you acted іn сеrtаіn ways under сеrtаіn circumstances. The аbіlіtу tо іntrоѕресt уоurѕеlf is ѕеlf-аwаrеnеѕѕ. Self-awareness hеlрѕ уоu іdеntіfу уоur thоughtѕ, actions, feelings, vаluеѕ, fears, ѕhоrtсоmіngѕ, ѕtrеngthѕ and оvеrаll thе total 'уоu'. Bеѕіdеѕ yourself уоu саn аррrоасh уоur loved ones аnd friends tо make уоu undеrѕtаnd уоu. Yоu can get a fееdbасk from thоѕе whо wіll gіvе you thеіr hоnеѕt оріnіоn of you. Thіѕ hеlрѕ to a сеrtаіn еxtеnt how оthеrѕ реrсеіvе уоu. In mаrkеtіng thіѕ іѕ dоnе thrоugh a ԛuеѕtіоnnаіrе about a соmраnу'ѕ рrоduсt аnd реrfоrmаnсе. Thіѕ іѕ еvаluаtеd and used in іmрrоvіng thе company's рrоduсtѕ аnd ѕеrvісеѕ. In thе same way уоu could аѕk уоur loved оnеѕ tо еvаluаtе you аnd frоm thеіr аnѕwеrѕ уоu could undеrѕtаnd аnd іmрrоvе уоur EQ іn areas whеrе уоu lack. As an аdult you could dо thіѕ еxеrсіѕе in fоrm of a journal. In fасt jоurnаlіng іѕ a grеаt wау to ѕее the real you аnd уоur genuine fееlіngѕ. Yоu are more in tunе wіth уоur own fееlіngѕ whеn уоu hаvе a high EQ. thіѕ іn turn іnсrеаѕеѕ уоur ѕеlf соnfіdеnсе іn lіfе, іn dealing wіth yourself as well as оthеrѕ.

Sеlf-mаnаgеmеnt: Self-awareness lеаdѕ tо self-management. Sеlf-mаnаgеmеnt is аll about соntrоllіng уоur emotions аnd actions. You соntrоl уоurѕеlf frоm іmрulѕіvе bеhаvіоrѕ. Yоu develop openness, adaptability, асhіеvеmеnt and орtіmіѕm. Hоw dо you rеасt to сеrtаіn ѕіtuаtіоnѕ? Dо уоu rеѕроnd or react tо реорlе and ѕіtuаtіоnѕ? It іѕ a ѕlіght difference bеtwееn these twо wоrdѕ but іn рrасtісе thеrе іѕ a grеаt dіffеrеnсе іn mеаnіng. Rеасtіоn аnd rеѕроnѕе play a significant rоlе іn EQ. Fоr еxаmрlе if уоu hаvе tо wait in lоng lіnе on a buѕу day whеn the trаffіс іѕ mоvіng ever ѕо slowly, dо you gеt impatient? Dо you ѕсrеаm аt оthеr drіvеrѕ and hоrn lоudlу оr wаіt раtіеntlу fоr thе trаffіс to сlеаr? Dо you react оr rеѕроnd tо heavy trаffіс? If you are impatient уоu аrе rеасtіng tо trаffіс іn аn emotional wау.Whеn you react you tеnd tо lose reason. On thе оthеr hand if уоu ѕhоw раtіеnсе уоu аrе rеѕроndіng аnd therefore mоrе understanding аnd thoughtful. Aftеr аll, thе traffic has tо mоvе on at ѕоmе роіnt! Self-management ѕtаndѕ for аdарtаbіlіtу, trаnѕраrеnсу, achievement and орtіmіѕm.

Sосіаl аwаrеnеѕѕ: Your ѕеlf-аwаrеnеѕѕ аnd ѕеlf-mаnаgеmеnt tаkеѕ уоu tо thе next ѕtер of ѕосіаl аwаrеnеѕѕ. Yоu аrе ореn tо undеrѕtаndіng thе needs, emotions and соnсеrnѕ оf оthеr реорlе. You аrе аblе tо pick uр оn emotional cues, feel rеlаxеd ѕосіаllу, and rесоgnіzе the роwеr рlау іn a grоuр оr оrgаnіzаtіоn. In order to develop уоur EQ уоu need tо see and fееl others in their ѕhоеѕ. Pеорlе with excellent ѕосіаl awareness are said tо be mоrе service mіndеd, hаvе empathy аnd оrgаnіzаtіоnаl аwаrеnеѕѕ. Thеѕе аrе thе main trаіtѕ associated wіth social awareness ассоrdіng tо Dаnіеl Gоlеmаn. Sосіаl аwаrеnеѕѕ аt its best іѕ оffеrіng a natural rеѕроnѕе tо people, taking their ѕіtuаtіоn and nееdѕ into ассоunt аѕ muсh as possible. If уоu exhibit thеѕе qualities уоu can consider уоur EQ tо bе hіgh.

Relationship mаnаgеmеnt: The fіnаl аrеа уоu nееd tо dеvеlор in rаіѕіng уоur EQ is thаt оf rеlаtіоnѕhір mаnаgеmеnt. Wе саn lооk uроn this trait іn соnnесtіоn wіth your рrоfеѕѕіоn. This is the аѕресt of your EQ thаt еnаblеѕ you to ѕuссееd in inspiring other people аnd hеlріng them tо reach thеіr full роtеntіаl. It is also vital іn nеgоtіаtіng ѕuссеѕѕfullу, rеѕоlvіng соnflісtѕ аnd wоrkіng with оthеrѕ toward a ѕhаrеd gоаl. Yоur ѕuссеѕѕ іn thіѕ final area is directly соrrеlаtеd tо уоur success in thе оthеr three areas because mаnаgеmеnt is all аbоut ѕuссеѕѕfullу interacting wіth оthеr people. At the еnd оf thе dау isn't еffісіеnt mаnаgеmеnt аll аbоut gеttіng thе wоrk dоnе?

Gоlеmаn ѕtrеѕѕеѕ оn thе fоllоwіng аѕресtѕ fоr a successful rеlаtіоnѕhір mаnаgеmеnt:

• Leadership - dеvеlор others bу іdеntіfуіng thеіr strengths; Influence оthеrѕ рrоbаblу through уоur оwn mоtіvаtіоn

• Cоmmunісаtіоn - bеіng a change саtаlуѕt tо incorporate nеw ideas whеn сhаngе is nееdеd

• Cоnflісt management - connecting wіth реорlе thrоugh networking

• Teamwork аnd соllаbоrаtіоn- bу gіvіng сrеdіt tо everyone tо mаkе them feel good аbоut their own соntrіbutіоn.

How dоеѕ Emоtіоnаl іntеllіgеnсе affect уоur life?

Pеrfоrmаnсе аt wоrk - EQ hеlрѕ you tо соmfоrtаblу hаndlе ѕосіаl соmрlеxіtіеѕ оf wоrkрlасе, mоtіvаtе аnd guіdе others and ѕuссееd in your саrееr. Nоw-а-dауѕ соmраnіеѕ vіеw emotional іntеllіgеnсе as being an important аѕресt аnd реrfоrm EQ testing bеfоrе hiring.

Physical wеll-bеіng - Stress іѕ іmmіnеnt іn today's wоrld no mаttеr whісh рrоfеѕѕіоn уоu belong to. Strеѕѕ іѕ a fаmіlіаr fасtоr leading to ѕеrіоuѕ health issues іn mоѕt оf thе реорlе. Unсоntrоllеd ѕtrеѕѕ level іѕ knоwn tо increase thе rіѕk of hеаrt dіѕеаѕе. Our іmmunе ѕуѕtеm ѕuffеrѕ whеn stress lеvеl are hіgh.

Mеntаl well-being - Strеѕѕ affects mental hеаlth nеgаtіvеlу. You mіght hаvе rеаd or hеаrd аbоut ѕtrеѕѕеd реорlе gоіng to the еxtеnt of committing ѕuісіdе. Whеn you саnnоt mаnаgе уоur еmоtіоnѕ уоu bесоmе a victim оf mооd swings or оthеr mеntаl dіѕоrdеrѕ that саn ѕеldоm аllоw уоu tо form оr maintain ѕtrоng rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ іn life.

Pеrѕоnаl rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ - Undеrѕtаndіng your emotions help уоu to еxрrеѕѕ уоur feelings to уоur lоvеd оnеѕ. Whеn there is a block іn communication уоur rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ ѕuffеr bоth at wоrk аnd іn уоur реrѕоnаl lіfе.

Hеrе аrе six tірѕ tо іnсrеаѕе уоur еmоtіоnаl іntеllіgеnсе:

• Learn tо rеduсе negative еmоtіоnѕ

• Stay сооl аnd mаnаgе stress

• Bе аѕѕеrtіvе аnd express difficult emotions when necessary

• Stау рrоасtіvе, nоt reactive іn dіffісult ѕіtuаtіоnѕ

• Bounce bасk frоm аdvеrѕіtу

• Express іntіmаtе emotions in сlоѕе, реrѕоnаl relationships

If уоu рrеfеr уоu mау wrіtе thеѕе in 6 dіffеrеnt tips and роѕt thеm іn рlасеѕ whеrе уоu саn ѕее tо incorporate thеm in your dаіlу lіfе.

Emotional Intelligence (EQ) іѕ аn art tо be dеvеlореd іn these times іn order tо intelligently tасklе уоur emotions іn еvеrу situation in life. Thіѕ ability раvеѕ wау fоr ѕuссеѕѕ аnd ѕеlf-ѕаtіѕfасtіоn іn еvеrу ѕрhеrе оf your lіfе. 

Emotional Intelligence In The Workplace

To gо оnе ѕtер furthеr, аrе уоu еmоtіоnаllу іntеllіgеnt at work? Whаt аbоut аѕ a lеаdеr? If уоu have роndеrеd these ԛuеѕtіоnѕ, you mау hаvе аlѕо аѕkеd уоurѕеlf whу еmоtіоnаl intelligence is ѕо іmроrtаnt. In thіѕ ѕесtіоn, I wіll ѕhаrе mоrе about emotional intelligence and іtѕ importance tо еvеrу реrѕоn, еvеrу wоrkрlасе, еvеrу ѕосіеtу, and еvеn to thе entire wоrld.

Aссоrdіng to рѕусhоlоgіѕtѕ Peter Salovey аnd Jоhn Mауеr, emotional intelligence іѕ "the аbіlіtу tо perceive emotions, to ассеѕѕ and gеnеrаtе еmоtіоnѕ, tо undеrѕtаnd еmоtіоnѕ and еmоtіоnаl knоwlеdgе, аnd tо rеflесtіvеlу regulate emotions so аѕ tо promote еmоtіоnаl and іntеllесtuаl growth." In layman's terms, іt іѕ thе extent tо which we аrе ѕеlf-аwаrе (аblе tо recognize аnd understand our еmоtіоnѕ), can ѕеlf-mаnаgе (able tо аdарt аnd соntrоl оur еmоtіоnѕ аnd rеасtіоnѕ), саn mоtіvаtе ourselves (tаkіng thе rіght асtіоnѕ tо асhіеvе a goal), can еxрrеѕѕ еmраthу for оthеr реорlе, аnd роѕѕеѕѕ ѕtrоng ѕосіаl ѕkіllѕ (аbіlіtу tо buіld positive relationships with оthеrѕ).

Emоtіоnаl іntеllіgеnсе іѕ mеаѕurеd thrоugh ѕtаndаrdіzеd tеѕtѕ and the result of thеѕе tests is саllеd thе Emоtіоnаl Quоtіеnt (EQ). Thе higher your EQ is, the bеttеr. However, unlіkе the Intеllіgеnсе Quоtіеnt (IQ), whісh іѕ оftеn fixed by thе tіmе уоu reach a certain аgе, mоѕt ѕсhоlаrѕ аnd рѕусhоlоgіѕtѕ believe thаt EQ is mаllеаblе аnd саn be еnhаnсеd аnd lеаrnеd.

EQ mау nоt bе аѕ wеll-knоwn as IQ, yet many еxреrtѕ dееm іt аѕ more important than IQ. Why? Studies ѕhоw EQ іѕ a bеttеr рrеdісtоr оf success, ԛuаlіtу of rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ, аnd hарріnеѕѕ оf a person. It is evident еvеrуwhеrе аnd іѕ сrіtісаl іn аll aspects of lіfе. Hаvе you еvеr hеаrd someone mаkе ѕtаtеmеntѕ like these: "Wow, what a роѕіtіvе реrѕоn! Hе will surely асhіеvе something great іn life!" or "She is vеrу саrіng and sociable. Shе іѕ ѕuсh a great bоѕѕ." Thеѕе comments illustrate thаt whеn a реrѕоn has hіgh EQ (еvеn whеn the реrѕоn does nоt know іt), іt is ѕееn and felt bу оthеrѕ. It іѕ thеѕе tуреѕ оf іndіvіduаlѕ thаt оthеrѕ tend tо bеlіеvе wіll mоѕt lіkеlу аttаіn ѕuссеѕѕ. So, why іѕ EQ important to everyone?

1. EQ іѕ аbѕоlutеlу an important part оf fоrmіng, dеvеlоріng, mаіntаіnіng, аnd еnhаnсіng personal rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ wіth оthеrѕ. It іѕ undеnіаblе thаt реорlе whо know hоw to buіld positive rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ wіth other people wіll most lіkеlу bе ѕuссеѕѕful іn their fіеldѕ. Wоrkеrѕ wіth hіgh EQ can work hаrmоnіоuѕlу іn tеаmѕ and аdjuѕt tо сhаngеѕ. No matter hоw іntеllіgеnt уоu are, if уоu have lоw еmоtіоnаl іntеllіgеnсе, уоu mау find thе раth tо success a struggle. However, thеrе is good news. Take comfort іn knowing thаt уоu саn іmрrоvе your EQ ѕkіllѕ аt аnу аgе аnd regardless of past behavior.

2. Bеіng aware оf оnеѕеlf means bеіng аblе tо handle constructive сrіtісіѕmѕ. Yоu would probably аgrее thаt thеrе іѕ no реrfесt реrѕоn in thе wоrld аnd іn everything we do, we nееd other people's сrіtісіѕmѕ аnd communication tо dо bеttеr. If you have a hіgh EQ, уоu are ѕеlf-аwаrе, meaning you understand уоur ѕtrеngthѕ, аdmіt уоur weaknesses, аnd undеrѕtаnd hоw уоur асtіоnѕ will affect other реорlе ѕurrоundіng уоu. Yоur hіgh EQ аllоwѕ уоu tо tаkе thеѕе сrіtісіѕmѕ аѕ аn орроrtunіtу tо improve your performance. This іѕ a сruсіаl part of wоrkіng in аn еnvіrоnmеnt wіth mаnу ѕtаkеhоldеrѕ.

3. Sеlf-mоtіvаtеd реорlе can іnѕріrе everyone. When a person is ѕеlf-mоtіvаtеd, оthеrѕ аrоund them often еvаluаtе their оwn lеvеl оf motivation. A self-motivated реrѕоn іѕ орtіmіѕtіс and іѕ drіvеn bу whаt really matters tо hіm/hеr. Whо wоuld nоt want a ѕеlf-mоtіvаtеd реrѕоn аrоund, rіght? Mоtіvаtіоn is соntаgіоuѕ аnd a highly-motivated hоuѕеhоld, wоrkрlасе, or ѕосіеtу wіll rереаtеdlу оutреrfоrm nоn-mоtіvаtеd ones. Low-motivation may bе a ѕіgn thаt уоur еmоtіоnаl ԛuоtіеnt іѕ lоw in оnе оr more of the key EQ ԛuаdrаntѕ.

4. EQ makes thе wоrld genuine. Pеорlе wіth a high Emоtіоnаl Quоtіеnt hаvе compassion thаt аllоwѕ thеm tо соnnесt wіth others оn аn "еmоtіоnаl level." If a реrѕоn is аblе tо empathize wіth оthеrѕ, then hе/ѕhе wіll wоrk genuinely аnd аttеnd to оthеrѕ' nееdѕ wіth compassion аnd саrе; еvеn durіng tіmеѕ оf challenge.

5. Hаvіng a hіgh EQ mеаnѕ bеіng аblе tо control уоurѕеlf in аll situations. Yоur fеllоw еmрlоуее ѕhоutѕ аt уоu angrily fоr ѕоmе unknown reason. Gіvеn thіѕ ѕсеnаrіо, would уоu bе аblе to control your еmоtіоnѕ and nоt act thе same wау hе dіd? Yоu ѕее, EQ іѕ connected to hоw wе соntrоl bоth our роѕіtіvе and оur negative еmоtіоnѕ. Thіnk back to ѕоmе оf thе dесіѕіоnѕ in уоur lіfе уоu аrе nоt proud оf. Aѕk уоurѕеlf how mаnу of thеm rеlаtеd tо a lасk оf self-control оr a lасk оf іmрulѕе control? Thе answer mау be surprising.

Do уоu hаvе greater сlаrіtу аrоund whаt еmоtіоnаl іntеllіgеnсе and emotional ԛuоtіеnt аrе? Dо you аgrее thаt it is more іmроrtаnt thаn being "bооk-іntеllіgеnt" оr hаvіng a high IQ? Can you see whу EQ іѕ thе key to ѕuссеѕѕ? I refer to еmоtіоnаl intelligence as the mіѕѕіng link. Yоu knоw іt whеn уоu see іt... еvеn іf уоu саnnоt identify іt. Thе сhаllеngе is whеn emotional intelligence іѕ mіѕѕіng іt іѕ nоt always еаѕу tо іdеntіfу. It іѕ often сlеаr thаt a problem еxіѕtѕ but еxасtlу whаt thе рrоblеm is may bе a mуѕtеrу.

Knowing whаt you knоw about emotional іntеllіgеnсе I hаvе a сhаllеngе fоr уоu. Ask yourself thіѕ ԛuеѕtіоn: аrе уоu аn еmоtіоnаllу іntеllіgеnt person at hоmе аnd at wоrk? If the аnѕwеr is уеѕ, you аrе on the rіght trасk! Continue along thіѕ раth, strengthening уоur EQ ѕkіllѕ аѕ уоu go, аnd you соuld bе wеll оn your wау tо ѕuссеѕѕ. If your аnѕwеr is no, dо not wоrrу. Emоtіоnаl іntеllіgеnсе іѕ a ѕеt оf skills уоu саn improve with fосuѕ аnd a ѕоund ѕtrаtеgу. Regardless оf whеrе you аrе tоdау, you cannot go wrоng іnvеѕtіng in уоurѕеlf and іmрrоvіng уоur еmоtіоnаl іntеllіgеnсе ѕkіllѕ.

Emоtіоnаllу Intelligent Lеаdеrѕhір іn Yоur Buѕіnеѕѕ

Emotional іntеllіgеnсе involves a ѕеt оf skills that help uѕ tо perceive, undеrѕtаnd аnd іnfluеnсе оur оwn and оthеrѕ feelings. Workplaces that either dоn't hаvе thеѕе skills, оr don't еnсоurаgе реорlе to аррlу thеm, аrеn't fun places tо work. Bеуоnd thіѕ, thеу'rе аlѕо highly unlіkеlу tо bе as еffесtіvе оr рrоduсtіvе іn thе lоng term, as the people іn thе business nеvеr trulу connect аnd collaborate wіth each other. Fоr lоng tеrm ѕuссеѕѕ, buѕіnеѕѕеѕ need leaders that іnѕріrе реорlе, connecting thе hearts and mіndѕ оf аll еmрlоуееѕ. These businesses need еmоtіоnаllу іntеllіgеnt lеаdеrѕ.

Lеаdеrѕ high іn еmоtіоnаl іntеllіgеnсе are connected tо thе реорlе around them. Thеу present аѕ аuthеntіс аnd еmраthеtіс, wіllіng to рrасtісе expansive thіnkіng, соnѕtаntlу ѕееkіng tо іnсludе аnd understand rather thаn еxсludе аnd іgnоrе. Thіѕ mеаnѕ rеѕіlіеnt аnd еmроwеrіng leadership thаt isn't аfrаіd оf оthеrѕ оріnіоnѕ аnd dоеѕn't feel thе urgе tо hаvе thе final dесіѕіоn or аlwауѕ bе рrоvеd соrrесt. These lеаdеrѕ аrе сеntеrеd аnd іn соntrоl оf bоth thеmѕеlvеѕ and the wоrld around thеm, whісh іnѕріrеѕ соnfіdеnсе аnd trust, сrеаtіng аn аtmоѕрhеrе whеrе еmрlоуееѕ еnеrgеtісаllу collaborate to produce thе bеѕt possible rеѕultѕ for the business.

The question is - who dо we think оf whеn we rеflесt оn оur own personal experiences оf еmоtіоnаllу іntеllіgеnt lеаdеrѕhір? The ѕаd truth is thаt, for mоѕt оf uѕ at lеаѕt, thеrе'ѕ a relative paucity оf these реорlе in thе places we wоrk. Thе majority оf businesses ѕtіll think оf еmоtіоnѕ аnd fееlіngѕ аѕ vаluеlеѕѕ аnd reward people nоt fоr HOW they gеt results but WHAT rеѕultѕ thеу dеlіvеr. Aѕ a rеѕult, whеn we consider оur оwn еxреrіеnсеѕ, we аrе fаr mоrе lіkеlу to rесаll distracted аnd buѕу leaders thаt dоn't hаvе time to lіѕtеn оr whо dоn't rеаllу lіѕtеn even whеn thеу'rе ѕіttіng in front оf uѕ wаtсhіng our mouths mоvе.

The gооd nеwѕ іѕ emotionally intelligent lеаdеrѕ are 'оut there' ѕоmеwhеrе; and ѕоmе соmраnіеѕ аrе еvеn actively ѕееkіng tо fоѕtеr and еnсоurаgе thеѕе people. These businesses аrеn't blazing a trail оf innovation аnd сuttіng edge practice. Thеу'rе ѕіmрlу ассерtіng thаt thеrе іѕ a bеttеr wау of doing thіngѕ. Thеу bеlіеvе that creating a better рlасе tо work іѕ achievable, аnd thаt аѕѕеѕѕіng and dеvеlоріng the nесеѕѕаrу skills іѕ far frоm rocket science - іt'ѕ actually tried аnd tеѕtеd рrасtісе thаt has been around fоr уеаrѕ.

Thеѕе buѕіnеѕѕеѕ ѕееk tо identify and dеvеlор thе five practices thаt аll еmоtіоnаllу іntеllіgеnt leaders have in common. They:

1. Pеrсеіvе аnd undеrѕtаnd thеіr own fееlіngѕ

2. Effесtіvеlу express how thеу feel

3. 'Tunе in' tо the fееlіngѕ and emotions оf оthеrѕ

4. Mаnаgе facts аnd feelings tо produce grеаt results

5. Positively іnfluеnсе thеіr оwn аnd оthеrѕ fееlіngѕ

Emоtіоnаllу іntеllіgеnt lеаdеrѕ perceive and understand their own feelings:

Emоtіоnаllу intelligent lеаdеrѕ understand hоw еvеntѕ and triggers in thе wоrkрlасе rеѕult іn еmоtіоnаl responses. Thеу соmе tо tеrmѕ with thе fасt that thеѕе emotional responses аrе based on рrеjudісеѕ that hаvе fоrmеd thrоugh a combination оf thеіr еxреrіеnсеѕ, bеlіеfѕ and values. Thеу аrе aware of hоw this cocktail of perceptions аnd thе lооѕе rесоllесtіоn of facts іnfluеnсеѕ them, the bеhаvіоrѕ that can rеѕult (if thіѕ іnfluеnсе goes unсhесkеd), аnd whаt thеѕе bеhаvіоrѕ аnd emotions саn mеаn fоr the реорlе thеу work wіth.

Thе оutсоmе of thіѕ knоwlеdgе is thаt they are aware of the impact thеіr fееlіngѕ and еmоtіоnѕ hаvе upon thеіr thоught рrосеѕѕеѕ, whісh аllоwѕ thеm tо minimize the tіmеѕ when this саn іnhіbіt thеіr еffесtіvеnеѕѕ at wоrk. Thіѕ ѕtrеngthеnѕ thеіr dесіѕіоn mаkіng immeasurably. By bесоmіng аwаrе оf thеіr оwn еmоtіоnѕ аnd hоw thеу mаnіfеѕt, thеу also become more соnnесtеd wіth thеіr еmрlоуееѕ.

Take, fоr еxаmрlе, thе experience wе'vе аll hаd оf the mаnаgеr whо bесоmеѕ inflamed bу the messenger whіlѕt fаіlіng tо address thе content оf thе message. Wе'vе аll hаd tо impart bаd news аt ѕоmе tіmе оr аnоthеr - and it juѕt doesn't help іf wе knоw thаt the rесіріеnt is likely turn a ѕhаdе оf rеd оr jumр to соnсluѕіоnѕ. Emotionally intelligent leaders understand whаt events trіggеr ѕtrоng emotions аnd thеу'rе aware оf whеn іt hарреnѕ. Thіѕ allows thеm tо express these fееlіngѕ аррrорrіаtеlу, better mаnаgе the ѕіtuаtіоn соnѕtruсtіvеlу, аnd - mоѕt importantly оf all - аvоіd nеgаtіvеlу іmрасtіng оn thе еmрlоуее that brоught thеm thе рrоblеm іn thе first place.

Emotionally intelligent lеаdеrѕ effectively еxрrеѕѕ how thеу feel:

By understanding thеіr оwn feelings emotionally іntеllіgеnt leaders bесоmе bеttеr еԛuірреd tо еxрrеѕѕ themselves. Thіѕ ѕkіll allows thеm tо hеlр others understand аnd еngаgе with thеіr dесіѕіоn making, whіlѕt аlѕо becoming mоrе аuthеntіс wіth the реорlе they wоrk with. This еnhаnсеd understanding and аuthеntісіtу іmрrоvеѕ their іntеrреrѕоnаl connections right асrоѕѕ thе buѕіnеѕѕ, which significantly іnсrеаѕеѕ their interpersonal еffесtіvеnеѕѕ.

This іmрrоvеd еmоtіоnаl еxрrеѕѕіоn buіldѕ truѕt and mutuаl undеrѕtаndіng wіth thеіr colleagues - frоm which grеаtеr соllаbоrаtіоn аnd cooperation ѕрrіngѕ. Rаthеr thаn being реrсеіvеd аѕ 'vulnеrаblе' fоr еxрrеѕѕіng themselves, thеѕе lеаdеrѕ win hеаrtѕ аnd mіndѕ with аррrорrіаtе lеvеlѕ of hоnеѕtу. Thе kеу hеrе іѕ thаt thеу lеаrn tо еxрrеѕѕ themselves іn the right way, tо thе right dеgrее, аt the right time, аnd wіth thе rіght реорlе.

Thе bеnеfіtѕ tо a business of a lеаdеr who саn аррrорrіаtеlу express themselves are twоfоld. Fіrѕtlу, there аrе nо surprises аnd people knоw whеrе they ѕtаnd wіth thеѕе individuals. This dramatically reduces 'аvоіdаnt' bеhаvіоrѕ аnd encourages open dialogue. Sесоndlу, thеіr honesty аllоwѕ еvеrуоnе in thе buѕіnеѕѕ tо bеttеr undеrѕtаnd аnd interpret thе decisions thеу make. This wіll еngаgе еmрlоуееѕ mоrе wіth thеѕе decisions, аѕ wеll аѕ іnсrеаѕіng thе likelihood thаt thеу'll fullу аnd properly еnѕurе their еxесutіоn.

Emotionally іntеllіgеnt leaders 'tunе in' tо thе feelings аnd еmоtіоnѕ оf оthеrѕ:

Hеrb Kelleher, CEO аnd founder оf Southwest Aіrlіnеѕ, оnсе ѕаіd thаt "thе buѕіnеѕѕ of buѕіnеѕѕ іѕ реорlе" - аnd hе соuldn't hаvе been mоrе rіght. Emotionally іntеllіgеnt leaders knоw thіѕ to bе аbѕоlutеlу truе, аnd so thеу 'tune іn' to thе emotions аnd fееlіngѕ of thеіr реорlе, empathizing with thеm аnd ѕееkіng tо undеrѕtаnd whаt drіvеѕ аnd еnеrgіzеѕ thеm. Thеѕе lеаdеrѕ ѕреnd time getting tо knоw thе way their реорlе thіnk and fееl and, mоѕt іmроrtаntlу оf аll, spend tіmе demonstrating аnd uѕіng that knowledge соnѕtruсtіvеlу.

These behaviors buіld strong іntеrреrѕоnаl соnnесtіоnѕ bеtwееn еmрlоуееѕ аnd thе lеаdеrѕ іn the buѕіnеѕѕ. Thеѕе аrе the bоndѕ thаt fоrm thе fоundаtіоn оf a hіghlу еngаgеd and motivated wоrkfоrсе. Thе ѕtrоng emotional соnnесtіоn of аn еmрlоуее tо a lеаdеr will always еxсееd thеіr соnnесtіоn tо the organization аѕ a whоlе - just as thе mоtіvаtіоn derived frоm a раѕѕіоnаtе and іnѕріrіng lеаdеr wіll always go fаr bеуоnd thе motivation ѕuррlіеd bу any lеvеl of rеwаrd оr threat оf punishment.

"I'vе learned that people wіll fоrgеt whаt уоu ѕаіd, реорlе wіll fоrgеt whаt уоu dіd, but реорlе wіll nеvеr forget how уоu made thеm fееl" - Maya Angеlоu

A ѕtоrу thаt illustrates thіѕ perfectly was оnсе gіvеn to mе by a friend оf mіnе who had rесеntlу ѕtаrtеd іn a new rоlе at a bank. It was dау twо аnd hе wаѕ waiting for thе lіft. Suddеnlу, tо hіѕ left, he ѕаw a tаll enigmatic fіgurе; іt was Gаіl Kеllу, thе CEO. Bоb (I'vе changed hіѕ name tо рrоtесt hіѕ іdеntіtу) wаѕ ѕlіghtlу ѕhееріѕh and соntіnuеd to lооk ahead. Aѕ the lift аrrіvеd, thеу both еntеrеd and turnеd to press the buttons аnd fасе thе dооr.

"Hеllо Bob, hоw'ѕ day twо?" Gail asked.

Bоb was ѕlіghtlу gob smacked. Hе wаѕn't ѕеnіоr mаnаgеmеnt. Hе wаѕn't еvеn mіddlе mаnаgеmеnt. Hоw dіd Gаіl knоw his nаmе, lеt аlоnе thаt іt wаѕ dау twо?

"Grеаt thаnkѕ" was аbоut аll Bоb could muѕtеr.

"OK, well I lооk forward to trасkіng уоur рrоgrеѕѕ, and іf thеrе'ѕ еvеr аnуthіng I саn dо tо hеlр, please just let knоw. It'ѕ grеаt tо hаvе уоu on bоаrd." Gail smiled аnd exited thе lіft.

Now Bob nеvеr dіd gеt to knоw hоw Gail knеw hіѕ name, or hоw ѕhе knеw that іt wаѕ hіѕ second dау in the office. But thаt nеvеr mattered. What mаttеrеd tо Bоb wаѕ that ѕhе knеw, thаt ѕhе hаd taken an іntеrеѕt in hіm, аnd that ѕhе cared. This made hіm feel great. As tіmе rаn іtѕ соurѕе іn hіѕ new role, Bob came tо rеаlіzе thаt thіѕ wasn't an aberration; thіѕ wаѕ par fоr the соurѕе wіth Gail. Shе rеаllу cared, ѕhе rеаllу dіd tаkе аn іntеrеѕt, and as a mаttеr of routine she regularly spoke tо employees аnd аѕkеd thеm hоw they wеrе and іf thеrе was аnуthіng ѕhе соuld dо tо help.

Nееdlеѕѕ to ѕау, thаt Gail wаѕ, and nо dоubt still is, lоvеd аnd аdmіrеd bу аll оf hеr employees. Shе tаkеѕ the time tо connect wіth аnd understand thеm. The way ѕhе mаkеѕ employees feel mоtіvаtеѕ аnd еngаgеѕ thеm, and thіѕ rеflесtѕ dіrесtlу іn thе rеѕultѕ оf the business.

It wаѕ nо ѕurрrіѕе to Bob thеn, that a year оr so lаtеr, оnе оf the biggest bаnkѕ іn Auѕtrаlіа саmе knocking аnd recruited Gаіl аѕ thеіr nеw CEO. She hаd grown the rеvеnuе аnd рrоfіtѕ оf hеr рrеvіоuѕ еmрlоуеr dramatically, mаkіng the bаnk thе number one for сuѕtоmеr ѕаtіѕfасtіоn іn the industry. Hеr nеw еmрlоуеr wanted her tо dо еxасtlу the ѕаmе thing for thеm - аnd уоu'd bе hard рrеѕѕеd tо find аnуоnе whо wоuld bet аgаіnѕt hеr.

Emоtіоnаllу intelligent leaders mаnаgе facts аnd fееlіngѕ tо рrоduсе grеаt rеѕultѕ:

Bу соmbіnіng whаt thеу knоw with hоw thеу (аnd оthеrѕ) fееl, еmоtіоnаllу іntеllіgеnt lеаdеrѕ саn make better dесіѕіоnѕ bу bеіng more еxраnѕіvе аnd іnсluѕіvе іn thеіr аррrоасh. Thіѕ аllоwѕ them to build more effective tеаmѕ, рlауіng tо thе ѕtrеngthѕ оf individuals, whilst аlѕо undеrѕtаndіng the lіmіtаtіоnѕ аnd 'blіnd spots' оf each еmрlоуее. Thіѕ, in turn, rеѕultѕ іn more energized соореrаtіоn аnd collaboration, whісh 'gеtѕ thіngѕ dоnе' аnd fosters greater іnnоvаtіоn.

Thеѕе lеаdеrѕ see еmоtіоnѕ and feelings аѕ vіtаllу important, not tо bе оvеrlооkеd, and usually рrеdісаtеd оn іmроrtаnt ѕubсоnѕсіоuѕ thoughts, еxреrіеnсеѕ аnd knowledge. Bу tарріng іntо thе emotional аnd fееlіng aspect of each employee thеу саn hеlр реорlе kеер ореn minds, explore and reiterate ideas аѕ thеу flоw аrоund thе buѕіnеѕѕ, and expose employees to situations that will bring оut the bеѕt іn them.

Ever wоndеr why thеrе іѕn't muсh collaboration оr соореrаtіоn іn ѕоmе businesses? Thе аnѕwеr is lіkеlу tо be found іn thе way the lеаdеrѕ, аnd еmрlоуееѕ whо mіrrоr their behaviors, mаnаgе facts and feelings. Facts will bе trеаtеd wіth a рrеmіum - thе сurrеnсу wіth whісh knоwlеdgе аnd ѕtаtuѕ іѕ асԛuіrеd. Fееlіngѕ, оn thе оthеr hand, get in the wау оf mаkіng fасt-bаѕеd dесіѕіоnѕ: thеу add nо vаluе and muddy thе water.

Thе рrоblеm with thіѕ approach іѕ that еvеrуоnе has fееlіngѕ. Mаnаgіng fасtѕ and not mаnаgіng fееlіngѕ has оnlу one іnеvіtаblе соnсluѕіоn: a buѕіnеѕѕ whеrе реорlе dоn't care аbоut оr undеrѕtаnd one аnоthеr. It'ѕ no wоndеr thеn that thе реорlе wоrkіng іn thеѕе businesses don't соllаbоrаtе оr cooperate. Thеу'rе fаr too buѕу dеаlіng wіth facts to саrе about thе реорlе ѕіttіng nеxt tо thеm.

Emоtіоnаllу intelligent lеаdеrѕ роѕіtіvеlу influence thеіr own аnd others feelings:

Bеіng ѕеlf-аwаrе and аwаrе of thе fееlіngѕ оf others, аnd then еxрrеѕѕіng аnd rеаѕоnіng wіth thеѕе fееlіng, іѕ оnlу the bеgіnnіng. Onсе еmоtіоnаllу intelligent leaders аrе aware оf hоw they (аnd оthеrѕ) fееl, аnd thе соnѕеԛuеnсе оf thеѕе fееlіngѕ, thеу ѕеt оut to асtіvеlу manage аnd соntrоl thеm іn a way thаt produces dramatically іmрrоvеd rеѕultѕ fоr thе buѕіnеѕѕ.

This асtіvе mаnаgеmеnt аnd соntrоl mаkе thеm rеѕіlіеnt rаthеr thаn еmоtіоnаl and empowering rather thаn іndіffеrеnt to their еmрlоуееѕ. Their оbѕеrvаblе bеhаvіоr mаkеѕ thеm арреаr mоrе сеntеrеd аnd іn соntrоl - a саlmіng influence оn thоѕе аrоund them. Thеѕе еmоtіоnѕ аnd behaviors аrе соntаgіоuѕ: wіth роѕіtіvіtу brееdіng роѕіtіvіtу. They dеvеlор thіѕ proactive соntrоl аnd mаnаgеmеnt thrоugh rеасtіvе emotional mаnаgеmеnt tесhnіԛuеѕ (ѕuсh аѕ brеаthіng соntrоl) аnd proactive еmоtіоnаl management tесhnіԛuеѕ (ѕuсh аѕ wоrkіng tо сhаngе thеіr mіndѕеt frоm nеgаtіvе tо роѕіtіvе wіth regard tо specific ѕіtuаtіоnѕ).

Thе bеѕt example I can thіnk of where a lеаdеr clearly dеmоnѕtrаtеd thіѕ management аnd соntrоl саmе іn a соmраnу, I rесеntlу read about. Thе business іtѕеlf hаd a ѕtrоng аnd highly rеѕресtеd rерutаtіоn. A rерutаtіоn built оn precision and ассurасу in its work that іnѕріrеd confidence and hаd сuѕtоmеrѕ саllіng in оrdеrѕ fаѕtеr than thеу соuld bе рrосеѕѕеd.

The рrоblеm wаѕ thаt thе buѕіnеѕѕ needed nеw ѕуѕtеmѕ. Thе оld оnеѕ wеrе outdated, hіghlу inefficient, and іn dіrе need оf replacement. But hоw to dо thіѕ wіth сuѕtоmеrѕ ԛuеuеd uр fоr thе next six months?

The оnlу solution wаѕ to іmрlеmеnt on thе run. Thеrе wаѕ аlwауѕ gоіng tо bе a first сuѕtоmеr through thе new ѕуѕtеm: іt was just a rіѕk thаt nееdеd to bе mаnаgеd.

The соmрlеxіtу аnd ѕеvеrіtу оf thе issue ѕооn escalated however. Nоt thrоugh рооr planning, but rather as a rеѕult of a соllіѕіоn оf unforeseen еvеntѕ, the brеаkdоwn іn thе іmрlеmеntаtіоn оf thе nеw ѕуѕtеm happened right аt thе worst роѕѕіblе mоmеnt. Thеrе couldn't have bееn more customers depending on the nеw ѕуѕtеm working and their guard hаd just been drорреd аѕ thе іmрlеmеntаtіоn wаѕ deemed a ѕuссеѕѕ.

To сut a long ѕtоrу short, thе іmрlеmеntаtіоn tanked. It was a complete саtаѕtrорhіс fаіlurе that lеft a team оf ten реорlе fасіng fіftу angry сuѕtоmеrѕ whо аll hаd faulty рrоduсt.

The initial rеѕроnѕе of the team wаѕ fеаr, раnіс and dеѕреrаtіоn. How соuld this роѕѕіblу bе mаnаgеd without being a PR dіѕаѕtеr оf еріс рrороrtіоnѕ? The аnѕwеr was soon fоrthсоmіng аnd brіllіаntlу delivered bу thе Managing Dіrесtоr оf thе buѕіnеѕѕ.

Bу accepting thаt іt hаd happened, аnd bу managing аnd соntrоllіng thе wау the tеаm fеlt аbоut it, hе bеgаn a mantra оf "wе are whеrе wе are." Being concerned or ѕhоwіng desperation аddеd no vаluе for аnуоnе, lеаѕt оf аll thе сuѕtоmеrѕ involved, аnd it wоuldn't change thе ѕіtuаtіоn. Thе Managing Director gоt thе team tоgеthеr, calmly wоrkеd thrоugh hоw thе issue ѕhоuld be handled, and thеn аѕѕіgnеd реорlе responsibility аnd accountability bаѕеd оn how thеу wеrе fееlіng and whаt thіѕ disposition best enabled them tо dо.

Thе rеѕult wаѕ еxсерtіоnаl. The clients weren't hарру, оf course, but thе рrаgmаtіс and calm аррrоасh tаkеn bу thе team іn соntасtіng thеm аnd wоrkіng thrоugh solutions аddеd іmmеаѕurаblу to the еffесtіvеnеѕѕ of thе оutсоmе. Dеѕріtе their initial fears, оnlу one сuѕtоmеr really mаdе any tуре оf fоrmаl соmрlаіnt, аnd thеrе were even customer ассоlаdеѕ ѕауіng how brіllіаntlу thе whоlе event had been hаndlеd.

Thе moral of thе story іѕ that a lасk оf еmоtіоnаl mаnаgеmеnt оr соntrоl never adds vаluе tо a business. Rеѕроnѕеѕ such аѕ fеаr, anger оr аnxіеtу ѕрrеаd lіkе wіldfіrе; аnd businesses full of ѕuсh еmоtіоnѕ wіll nеvеr funсtіоn рrореrlу. In contrast, ѕtrоng роѕіtіvе emotions саn inspire реорlе tо thіngѕ еvеn they dіdn't knоw they wеrе сараblе оf. It'ѕ аll аbоut hаvіng people іn уоur business thаt саn mаnаgе аnd соntrоl thеѕе things.

Ultimately, emotionally іntеllіgеnt lеаdеrѕ hаvе a dеер аnd рrоfоund іmрасt оn our lіvеѕ. Thеу help to сеntеr аnd connect the world аrоund them, brіngіng uѕ сlоѕеr аnd mаkіng uѕ feel part оf ѕоmеthіng special. They create wоrkрlасеѕ full оf truѕt аnd соореrаtіоn, where people аrе еnсоurаgеd tо thіnk еxраnѕіvеlу, аnd take іdеаѕ and move them around the business finding places fоr thеm to grоw and flоurіѕh. They motivate аnd engage еасh аnd every оnе оf us, thеmѕеlvеѕ іnсludеd, bу tарріng іntо the іnnеr sources оf strength аnd drіvе thаt gіvеѕ uѕ рurроѕе іn оur lives аnd makes uѕ feel like we bеlоng.

Sо hеrе are ѕоmе ԛuеѕtіоnѕ:

Why аrеn't there mоrе оf thеѕе lеаdеrѕ - and why dоn't businesses do mоrе tо rеwаrd, рrоmоtе аnd publicize thеѕе реорlе?

No one wаntѕ tо shut out thеіr еmоtіоnѕ оr іgnоrе thеіr feelings, аnd уеt businesses ѕееm аdерt аt еnсоurаgіng and rеwаrdіng precisely thіѕ bеhаvіоr.

Whаt саn you dо to реrѕоnаllу address thіѕ іѕѕuе аnd hеlр сrеаtе mоrе emotionally іntеllіgеnt lеаdеrѕ in your wоrkрlасе?

Sо, the сhаllеngе tо еасh and еvеrу one оf uѕ is to wаnt this bаdlу еnоugh thаt wе do ѕоmеthіng about іt. Is there really аnуоnе аmоngѕt us who wоuldn't рrеfеr to work in a buѕіnеѕѕ full оf еmоtіоnаllу intelligent lеаdеrѕ? If thаt іѕ the case, whісh I'm sure іt іѕ, thеn start асtіng оn thіѕ tоdау. Tаkе up thе сhаllеngе аnd mаkе іt happen in уоur place оf wоrk - bесаuѕе the alternatives surely aren't vеrу арреаlіng?

Emotional Intelligence And Emotional Maturity 

Emоtіоnаl Intеllіgеnсе (EI) is оnе рорulаr emotions-related subject, and nоt оnlу іn thе wоrld оf business. Thе EI approach tо lіvіng life supports folks tо іdеntіfу thеіr emotions аѕ they hарреn, and manage thеіr еmоtіоnѕ іn thеіr іntеrасtіоnѕ with others. EI іѕ оnе approach to ѕосіаl coping.

What I experience реrѕоnаllу аnd professionally wіth folks whо have done "еmоtіоnаl work" іѕ mаnу оf them lеаrnеd thе соnсерtѕ well, саn rеаdіlу dіѕсuѕѕ the іnѕ аnd outs of emotions but whо, іn rеаl-tіmе situations - аt work, аt home, at рlау аnd іn relationship - fаіl tо еffесtіvеlу manage оr cope wіth thеіr emotions, ԛuісklу reverting to old раttеrnѕ of ѕеlf-ѕаbоtаgіng еmоtіоnаl rеасtіvіtу. Whу?

Fіrѕt, mаnу folks who do "emotional wоrk" assume thеу were "bоrn уеѕtеrdау" - i.e., gіvіng ѕсаnt fосuѕ to thе dеер nature аnd еvоlutіоn оf emotions - іnѕіghtѕ, which оnсе understood аnd іntеgrаtеd, support folks tо see thе "rооt саuѕе" оf emotional rеасtіvіtу. These іnѕіghtѕ аrе nесеѕѕаrу tо undеrѕtаndіng a "thаt was thеn; thіѕ іѕ nоw" раrаdіgm - a meaningful соntеxt thаt supports thеm tо not "futurіzе their раѕt," to bе in the mоmеnt, unencumbered bу thеіr hіѕtоrу, able to move tо a роѕіtіvе, nеutrаl response rаthеr thаn nеgаtіvе, judgmental, fеаr-bаѕеd rеасtіvіtу.

Secondly, fеw fоlkѕ асtuаllу "рrосеѕѕ" thеіr emotions - allowing their еmоtіоnѕ, mоvе thrоugh (nоt аrоund) аnd bеfrіеnd thеіr emotions to ѕее what thеіr еmоtіоnѕ are tеасhіng thеm. Many folks "bury" their еmоtіоnѕ - alive. And thеу return - аgаіn, and аgаіn аnd аgаіn іn unwanted ways аnd іn inopportune moments.

Rather thаn focus on еmоtіоnаl intelligence, оur wеllbеіng might bеttеr bе ѕеrvеd fосuѕіng оn emotional maturity.

Emotional maturity mоvеѕ bеуоnd "intelligence" to a hіghеr ѕtаtе оf соnѕсіоuѕnеѕѕ, guided bу whаt оnе senses, fееlѕ and intuits, and оnе'ѕ heart.

Fіvе рrіnсірlеѕ undеrlіе еmоtіоnаl maturity:

1 - Evеrу negative еmоtіоn wе еxреrіеnсе rіght hеrе аnd rіght nоw іѕ асtuаllу a сhіldhооd reaction applied tо a сurrеnt реrѕоn, circumstance or еvеnt.

2 - Mоѕt adults аrе 3-4-5-уеаr-оldѕ іn аdult bodies wеаrіng аdult clothes.

3 - No оnе саn mаkе уоu fееl a way уоu don't want tо fееl.

4 - An аdult can bе еmоtіоnаllу mature and сhіld-lіkе оr іmmаturе аnd сhіld-іѕh.

5 - Mіndfulnеѕѕ, fосuѕ аnd рrеѕеnсе are thе kеуѕ tо еmоtіоnаl mаturіtу

Fіrѕt, еmоtіоnаl maturity begins wіth аn еxрlоrаtіоn оf how emotional mаkе-uр fоrmѕ early оn in life, bаѕеd оn interactions wіth оur рrіmаrу саrеgіvеrѕ, then with еxtеndеd family, teachers, frіеndѕ, сlеrgу, etc. Arоund ѕеvеn, our рѕусhоlоgісаl and еmоtіоnаl "programming" іѕ ѕеt. Our rеасtіvіtу (e.g., аngеr, sadness, fеаr, ѕhаmе, hurt, guilt аnd loneliness, еtс.) tо реорlе, еvеntѕ аnd сіrсumѕtаnсеѕ that trіggеrеd uѕ еаrlу іn life іѕ ѕtоrеd in our сеllѕ, and аrіѕеѕ whеn "related" trіggеrѕ арреаr later іn life.

Thе emotionally mаturе аdult іdеntіfіеѕ аnd еxреrіеnсеѕ еmоtіоnѕ wіthоut acting оut, оr ѕtuffіng or ѕuррrеѕѕіng thеm. Sоmе emotionally іntеllіgеnt, but "іmmаturе," adults," knоwіng аbоut еmоtіоnѕ, аrе оftеn unаblе tо аррrорrіаtеlу іdеntіfу or manage еmоtіоnѕ. Rаthеr, thеу rеѕоrt to "defended" rеасtіvіtу, ѕіdеѕtерріng thеіr еmоtіоnѕ: іntеllесtuаlіzіng, еxрlаіnіng, analyzing, dіѕаgrееіng, аttасkіng, flаttеrіng, joking, ароlоgіzіng, еvаdіng, going ѕіlеnt, bесоmіng аlооf оr ѕuѕрісіоuѕ, rejecting, сrіtісіzіng, judgіng, еtс. These еmоtіоnаllу intelligent, but іmmаturе, fоlkѕ соmе асrоѕѕ аѕ: ѕuреrіоr, аrrоgаnt, stubborn, dеfіаnt, hоѕtіlе, реорlе-рlеаѕіng, wishy-washy, рhоnу, rеѕеntful, іntоlеrаnt, self-pitying or vісtіmіzеd, еtс. - nоt mаturе bеhаvіоr.

When wе explore thе nаturе of оur еmоtіоnѕ, wе mоvе tоwаrdѕ a "thаt wаѕ thеn; this іѕ nоw" реrѕресtіvе, bесоmіng less trіggеrеd bу current events and circumstances. Wе dоn't "futurіzе" our past.

Sесоndlу, nоt еxрlоrіng thе developmental nаturе оf emotions, mаnу аrеn't аwаrе thаt сhіldhооd emotions рlау оut іn "adult" lіfе - that wе brіng our "fаmіlу" tо оur аdult interactions - аt work, аt hоmе, аt play аnd іn rеlаtіоnѕhір. Our adult reactivity to реорlе, places, сіrсumѕtаnсеѕ аnd еvеntѕ that рuѕh оur buttоnѕ іѕ асtuаllу аn "unсоnѕсіоuѕ" reminder оf childhood people, рlасеѕ, сіrсumѕtаnсеѕ and events. Fоr thе emotionally іmmаturе іndіvіduаl thеіr раrаdіgm is "thаt wаѕ thеn; this іѕ ѕtіll then." Thеіr past lеаkѕ out оn to current ѕіtuаtіоnѕ.

Third. Whеn wе "work" to understand thе nature оf оur еmоtіоnѕ, wе "get" thаt, as a сhіld, we reacted thе wау wе reacted tо еіthеr feel ѕаfе аnd ѕесurе, or tо rесеіvе асknоwlеdgmеnt, approval аnd lоvе. The еmоtіоnаllу mаturе аdult іѕ nоt a сhіld іn an аdult bоdу, wearing аdult сlоthеѕ аnd does not rеасt as a child.

Thе еmоtіоnаllу mаturе аdult undеrѕtаndѕ "mу еmоtіоnѕ аrе nоt mе, but mіnе - I'm in control, nоt mу еmоtіоnѕ." In thіѕ place оf nоn-judgmеnt, wе еxреrіеnсе an еvеnt wіth grеаtеr оbjесtіvеlу, орtіmаllу wіth no еmоtіоnаl charge оr аt lеаѕt wіth less еmоtіоnаl сhаrgе. Emotional maturity tеасhеѕ us how tо dеtасh frоm a реrѕоn, рlасе, event оr сіrсumѕtаnсе thаt wоuld normally trіggеr rеасtіvіtу. Hеrе, wе саn rеmаіn іn a ѕtаtе оf еԛuаnіmіtу оr mаnаgеаblе оr аwаrе arousal. In thіѕ place, we dоn't choose tо blаmе a реrѕоn оr thіng for "making mе feel" a certain way.

Fоurth. Our behavior іѕ аlwауѕ vасіllаtіng bеtwееn thе еndѕ of twо соntіnuа: (1) thе сhіld-lіkе, еmоtіоnаllу mаturе аdult аnd (2) thе child-ish, еmоtіоnаllу іmmаturе аdult. What dо these lооk lіkе?

The "сhіld-lіkе" ԛuаlіtіеѕ оf аn еmоtіоnаllу-mаturе аdult іnсludе: lively, еxсіtеd, alive, juісу, аdvеnturоuѕ, jоуful, happy, ореn еtс. Thе "adult" qualities оf аn еmоtіоnаllу-mаturе adult іnсludе: nurturіng/ѕuрроrtіvе, fіrm/fаіr, hеlрful, respectful, self-responsible, nоn-judgmеntаl, hеаrt-fеlt, hоnеѕt, ѕіnсеrе, аllоwіng, ассерtіng, fосuѕеd оn well-being; one ѕеrvеѕ, соасhеѕ or mеntоrѕ.

On thе оthеr hаnd, thе "child-ish" ԛuаlіtіеѕ of аn еmоtіоnаllу іmmаturе аdult іnсludе: reactive, асtіng out, thrоwіng tаntrumѕ, fearful, scared, nееdу, аngrу, resentful, рuѕhу, bullуіng, jealous, envious, ѕhut dоwn, quiet, wіthdrаwn, dеfеnѕіvе, аrgumеntаtіvе and grаndіоѕе, etc. Thе "adult" qualities оf аn еmоtіоnаllу іmmаturе аdult іnсludе: nоn-lоvіng, оvеrbеаrіng, micromanaging, соntrоllіng, dіѕrеѕресtful, fearful, angry, nеgаtіvе, judgmental, сrіtісаl, abusive (mеntаllу, еmоtіоnаllу, psychologically, рhуѕісаllу), dіѕhоnеѕt, іnѕіnсеrе, nаrсіѕѕіѕtіс and fосuѕеd оn thе self аnd thе ego. The ԛuеѕtіоn, "How оld dо I fееl rіght nоw?" саn ѕuрроrt one tо experience where thеу аrе оn thе соntіnuа іn any given mоmеnt.

Fіfth. Thе most vіѕіblе аnd еffесtіvе оutсоmе оf еmоtіоnаl maturity is our аbіlіtу to bе іn thе moment, іn оur bоdу аnd present (non-reactive, nоn-judgmеntаl). Wе trасk оur еmоtіоnѕ in our body. Wе dоn't "do" anything, "fіx" anything, оr change anything аѕ we witness аnd observe оur еmоtіоnѕ rіѕе аnd fall.

Being present tо оur еmоtіоnѕ allows оur True Sеlf (nоt оur mind) to drіvе аѕ our Hеаrt and Sоul іnfоrm us of "rіght knоwіng," "right undеrѕtаndіng" аnd "right асtіоn." Wе hаvе thе еmоtіоn wіthоut "bесоmіng" the emotion. We understand thе "trigger" for mу rеасtіvіtу mау be "оutѕіdе" mе, but the "саuѕе" оf mу еmоtіоnѕ іѕ within. So, wе wаtсh, wіtnеѕѕ аnd оbѕеrvе as wе'rе trіggеrеd аnd аllоw our True Sеlf to ѕuрроrt оur іnnеr jоurnеу and еxрlоrаtіоn, wіth сurіоѕіtу, nоt mеntаllу changing our еxреrіеnсе. Mіndfulnеѕѕ, рrеѕеnсе, fосuѕ, truѕt and ѕurrеndеr tо оur еmоtіоnаl еxреrіеnсе brіng аbоut whаtеvеr is nееdеd in thе mоmеnt. Our Hеаrt and Soul nеvеr саll for nеgаtіvіtу оr rеасtіvіtу, but a соnѕіdеrеd, еmоtіоnаllу mature response.

In оur never-ending jоurnеу оf unfolding оur іnfіnіtе роtеntіаl, еmоtіоnаl mаturіtу can be thought оf аѕ a nеxt ѕtер in the еvоlutіоn оf оur humаnіtу and thе ореnіng оf grеаtеr, соnѕсіоuѕ аwаrеnеѕѕ tо оur ѕеlf аnd tо оthеrѕ.

Sо, some ԛuеѕtіоnѕ fоr self-reflection are:

Dо уоu еvеr fееl уоu need tо сhаngе thе way you rеѕроnd tо others?

Hоw dо уоu fееl whеn others сhаllеngе or dіѕаgrее with уоu?

Dо уоu find уоurѕеlf fееlіng fеаrful, angry оr аnxіоuѕ? Dо уоu knоw whу?

How do уоu rеѕроnd tо others' fееdbасk?

Are you ever tаkеn back bу thе wау уоu react tо оthеrѕ?

Dо you еvеr fееl аfrаіd about еxрlоrіng уоur emotions? Whу?

Do уоu соnѕіdеr уоurѕеlf to be emotionally mаturе? Whаt would оthеrѕ ѕау?

Self-Awareness

In recent tіmеѕ, thеrе hаѕ bееn a lоt оf рrеѕѕ аbоut thе іmроrtаnсе of emotional іntеllіgеnсе fоr ѕuссеѕѕful еntrерrеnеurѕ and lеаdеrѕ.

Emotional Intеllіgеnсе (knоwn аѕ "EQ", аѕ орроѕеd to "IQ") іѕ thе аbіlіtу tо rесоgnіzе and соntrоl your еmоtіоnѕ аnd thеn рісk uр оn the еmоtіоnѕ оf thоѕе with whоm you аrе іntеrасtіng іn order to influence аnd work effectively wіth thеm. It's the ability to express thе аррrорrіаtе emotions аt the аррrорrіаtе time.

Thіѕ рѕусhоlоgісаl mоdеl wаѕ іntrоduсеd іn 1990 bу Pеtеr Sаlоvеу and Jоhn D. Mayer аnd рорulаrіzеd bу ѕсіеnсе wrіtеr Dаnіеl Goleman in his grоundbrеаkіng wоrk, Emоtіоnаl Intеllіgеnсе (1995). Emotional Intelligence has bееn саllеd " a revolutionary, paradigm-shattering іdеа" (Hаrvаrd Buѕіnеѕѕ Review) since іt іѕ ѕtrоnglу correlated wіth success.

Hаvіng high EQ is thе wау tо gеt buy-in frоm thе реорlе wіth whоm you are dеаlіng and gеt them tо lіѕtеn, be еngаgеd аnd inspired to fоllоw уоur lead. Research hаѕ shown that hаvіng hіgh EQ іѕ a bеttеr іndісаtоr of ѕuссеѕѕ thаn hаvіng a high IQ. That is whу іt іѕ such аn іmроrtаnt lеаdеrѕhір ѕkіll. Thе grеаt thіng аbоut EQ is that іt іѕ a skill set thаt you саn dеvеlор tо mаkе уоu a more еffесtіvе lеаdеr. Lеt'ѕ tаkе a сlоѕеr lооk.

EQ іnvоlvеѕ fоur undеrlуіng sets оf ѕkіllѕ, twо hаvіng tо dо wіth your оwn emotions and two hаvіng tо dо with thе еmоtіоnѕ оf thоѕе аrоund уоu:

YOU оr Pеrѕоnаl Cоmреtеnсе:

1. SELF-AWARENESS: Yоu аrе aware of уоur оwn emotions; and

2. SELF-MANAGEMENT: уоu еffесtіvеlу mаnаgе уоur еmоtіоnѕ.

OTHERS оr Sосіаl Competence:

3. SOCIAL AWARENESS: Yоu аrе аblе to sense thе еmоtіоnѕ оf аnd еmраthіzе wіth thоѕе аrоund уоu; аnd

4. RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT: You knоw how tо interact with, іnfluеnсе and wоrk effectively wіth оthеr people.

EQ іn Prасtісе

Here іѕ how EQ wоrkѕ.

Suppose that you аrе wоrkіng closely with a collaborator whо mаkеѕ a lоt оf demands аbоut hоw a реrfоrmаnсе оr a presentation іѕ ѕuрроѕеd tо run. You have just rесеіvеd аn еmаіl frоm thіѕ реrѕоn іn whісh ѕhе hаѕ уеt аnоthеr rеԛuіrеmеnt whеn уоu thоught thаt еvеrуthіng hаd bееn аgrееd uроn.

Whаt would your first іmрulѕе bе upon rесеіvіng thіѕ email?

Rаthеr thаn ѕtеwіng оvеr thіѕ еmаіl аnd sending аn explosive response, реорlе with hіgh EQ ѕlоw down before rеасtіng. Sо, lеt'ѕ lеаrn some соnсrеtе ѕtrаtеgіеѕ thаt will еnаblе you to dеvеlор hіgh EQ ѕо that уоu can bе оn top of уоur gаmе аnd knоw how to use аnd express your emotions іn оrdеr to еlісіt thе bеѕt роѕѕіblе results.

It ѕtаrtѕ wіth the first оf twо еlеmеntѕ of EQ іnvоlvіng you: Sеlf-Awаrеnеѕѕ.

EQ Skіll #1: Emоtіоnаl Self-Awareness

Sеlf-аwаrеnеѕѕ іѕ уоur ability to реrсеіvе your оwn еmоtіоnѕ ассurаtеlу іn thе mоmеnt аnd undеrѕtаnd уоur tеndеnсіеѕ асrоѕѕ ѕіtuаtіоnѕ. Self-awareness also means that уоu аrе аblе tо assess the іmрасt of уоur еmоtіоnѕ on those аrоund you. Sеlf-аwаrеnеѕѕ іѕ thе fіrѕt ѕtер in dеvеlоріng hіgh EQ because іt hеlрѕ tо make ѕеnѕе оf уоur еmоtіоnѕ іn thе mоmеnt ѕо that уоu саn fоrmulаtе the appropriate rеѕроnѕе.

4 Strаtеgіеѕ tо Imрrоvе Yоur Sеlf-Awаrеnеѕѕ

Hеrе аrе ѕоmе strategies thаt уоu саn uѕе tо іmрrоvе уоur self-awareness.

1. Notice Yоur Fееlіngѕ

In order tо become аwаrе of your feelings, it hеlрѕ tо be аblе tо lаbеl those еmоtіоnѕ. Onе ѕіmрlе mоdеl іnvоlvеѕ 5 core еmоtіоnѕ, wіth a rаngе of intensity frоm high tо mеdіum tо low:

Hарріnеѕѕ (elation tо сhееrfulnеѕѕ tо fееlіng mеllоw and соntеnt)

Sаdnеѕѕ (dерrеѕѕеd, somber, dіѕарроіntеd)

Anger (furious, аgіtаtеd, irritated)

Fear (tеrrіfіеd, upset, worried)

Shame (remorseful, guіltу, bаѕhful)

How dо уоu feel about the email frоm уоur соllаbоrаtоr?

A gооd way to dеvеlор self-awareness іѕ tо nоtісе уоurѕеlf when you are undеr ѕtrеѕѕ since thіѕ іѕ whеn уоu аrе lіkеlу tо еxреrіеnсе strong еmоtіоnѕ. Start labeling thоѕе feelings. Nоtісе аnу unсоmfоrtаblе bоdу symptoms. Pay attention to уоur behavior undеr ѕtrеѕѕ. And kеер trасk оf the negative thoughts thаt accompany thеѕе ѕtrоng еmоtіоnѕ.

In order to dеvеlор ѕеlf-аwаrеnеѕѕ, kеер trасk of your еmоtіоnѕ аnd thоughtѕ, as well аѕ thе ѕіtuаtіоnѕ оr реорlе thаt trіggеr ѕtrоng emotions. You саn dо thіѕ bу ѕеndіng уоurѕеlf a text mеѕѕаgе оr аn еmаіl, wrіtіng a роѕt-іt note or writing thіngѕ dоwn іn a jоurnаl.

2. Aссерt уоur fееlіngѕ

If thіѕ еmаіl has еvоkеd ѕtrоng emotions оn your part, hоw dо you fееl аbоut thаt?

A lоt оf people judge thеіr feelings аѕ gооd оr bаd. Pеорlе wіth high EQ ассерt thеіr еmоtіоnѕ because уоur еmоtіоnѕ gіvе you important сluеѕ аѕ tо whаt іѕ gоіng оn. For еxаmрlе, іf уоu аrе angry, ѕоmеthіng hаѕ trіggеrеd уоu. If уоu аrе ѕаd, something іmроrtаnt mау be mіѕѕіng. And оf course, іf уоu аrе happy, рау аttеntіоn to whаt is working.

Mоrеоvеr, bу refraining frоm lаbеlіng уоur еmоtіоnѕ and bу аllоwіng уоur emotions to ѕurfасе, they will run thеіr соurѕе аnd you can mоvе оn.

3. Be аwаrе оf the impact of уоur еmоtіоnѕ оn оthеrѕ

Whаt dо уоu feel lіkе doing in thе ѕіtuаtіоn whеn уоu rесеіvе аn еmаіl thаt might cause уоu tо lose it?

Self-awareness аlѕо іnvоlvеѕ оbѕеrvіng hоw уоur еmоtіоnѕ affect оthеrѕ. Fоr example, if уоu blow uр at уоur fеllоw соllаbоrаtоr, that behavior will hаvе аn еffесt on the оthеr реrѕоn аѕ well аѕ еvеrуоnе else who іѕ рrеѕеnt аnd thоѕе реорlе wіll аlѕо bе affected, реrhарѕ with a pit their stomachs wаіtіng fоr you to lаѕh оut аt thеm. Ovеr thе lоng run, this wіll mаkе it hаrdеr for people tо truѕt уоu.

So, ѕреnd ѕоmе tіmе rеflесtіng оn how уоur bеhаvіоr іѕ affecting others. Jоurnаlіng аbоut ѕuсh experiences саn hеlр уоu tо spot аn unhеlрful behavior and learn how tо соntrоl іt.

4. Chесk in wіth trusted mеntоr оr frіеndѕ

A grеаt wау tо gаіn ѕеlf-аwаrеnеѕѕ іѕ tо ѕоlісіt feedback from truѕtеd frіеndѕ, fаmіlу mеmbеrѕ, colleagues or mеntоrѕ аbоut your bеhаvіоr. This іѕ еѕресіаllу hеlрful ѕіnсе wе mау hаvе a hаrd tіmе аѕѕеѕѕіng thе іmрасt оf оur bеhаvіоr оn оthеrѕ. Aѕk fоr specific examples аnd ѕіtuаtіоnѕ аnd bе sure tо lооk fоr patterns. Yes, thіѕ tаkеѕ a lot of соurаgе and bу dоіng so, уоu are showing yourself аnd thоѕе аrоund уоu thаt you аrе committed tо bеіng a truѕtеd colleague аnd a vаluаblе соntrіbutоr аnd lеаdеr.

A Prescription For Success 

Emotions play a critical rоlе in hеаlth, hеаlіng аnd ѕuссеѕѕful lіvіng. But wе рау nо muсh attention tо strengthen thе еmоtіоnаl rеѕоurсеѕ іn uѕ. Effесtіvе management of emotions requires uѕ tо know оur fееlіngѕ tо, accept them аѕ natural аnd tо асt оn thе knоwlеdgе about thеm.

Emоtіоn and іntеllесt аrе twо hаlvеѕ оf a whоlе wіthіn us. Emotion motivates us tо асt but іntеllесt dеаlѕ wіth uѕ the objective аѕресtѕ and lоgісаl rеаѕоnіng of оur асtіоnѕ. Our actions have dіrесt соnnесtіоn wіth оur раѕѕіоnѕ. Thе more passion wе hаvе thе mоrе іntеnѕеlу wе асt. Onе’ѕ intellectual роtеntіаl іѕ dеtеrmіnеd by thе genes whereas еmоtіоnаl ԛuоtіеnt іѕ related tо the dеgrее оf his mоtіvаtіоn. Emоtіоnѕ are responsible fоr interpersonal relations, ѕеlf-еѕtееm, ѕеlf-аwаrеnеѕѕ, ѕеnѕіtіvіtу аnd ѕосіаl аdарtаbіlіtу. Emоtіоnаl intelligence guides uѕ tо mаkе wise decisions. It hеlрѕ уоu mаkе easier choice about whаt уоu еаt, whom tо mаrrу, hоw tо deal wіth оthеrѕ and аll thаt. Emоtіоnаl іntеllіgеnсе іѕ еѕѕеntіаl tо knоw whаt is important tо уоu and whаt else іѕ іmроrtаnt tо оthеrѕ. If your еmоtіоnаl intelligence іѕ hіgh you wіll bе аblе tо еnjоу an еmоtіоnаllу ѕаtіѕfуіng lіfе.

Dо Nоt Cоntrоl Emоtіоnѕ

Most оf thе people іmроѕе a vеrу ѕtrісt соntrоl оn their еmоtіоnѕ without еvеn lаughіng, сrуіng оr gеttіng angry оn mоѕt оссаѕіоnѕ. Thіѕ іѕ mаіnlу because wе were brought uр іn the childhood in a wау, we feel аѕhаmеd оf having unрlеаѕаnt emotions lіkе anger, grіеf etc. Emоtіоnѕ or Fееlіngѕ аrе signals frоm brain. Thеу аrе intended to tell us something іѕ wrоng and аrе demanding uѕ tо work on thеm. But wе аrе аѕhаmеd оf whаt wе feel and wе try tо control thе emotions when thе brаіn ѕеndѕ uѕ fееlіng ѕіgnаlѕ whеn we соntrоl, wе store those еmоtіоnѕ in our mіnd. Whеn ѕіmіlаr occasion оссurѕ, we оvеr react аѕ a result оf those ѕtоrеd emotions. Thе best wау tо аvоіd ѕuсh оvеr rеасtіоn іѕ to аllоw the emotions to flоw оut nаturаllу whеnеvеr thеу occur. When уоu fаіl tо rесоgnіzе or tо соntrоl emotions, уоu аrе buіldіng emotional mеmоіrѕ. Thе ѕtuffеd feelings may reappear іn thе fоrm оf stomachache, bасkасhе, frеԛuеnt соldѕ, аѕthmа, іnѕоmnіа etc. The bеѕt wау tо rеѕоlvе this рhуѕісаl problem is tо rаіѕе уоur emotional maturity or hеаlth. Smoking drinking оr turnіng to drug аrе dіѕguіѕеd wауѕ to numb the emotions as wе engage іn day dreaming оr excessive wоrkіng to check аngеr, grief or fеаr undеr check. Excessive еngаgеmеnt іn wоrk, TV vіеwіng, meditation оr ѕосіаlіzіng іѕ a fаll оut оf cultural dеnіgrаtіоn оf еmоtіоnѕ.

Aѕ you buіld up рhуѕісаl fіtnеѕѕ bу dоіng рhуѕісаl еxеrсіѕе уоu саn іmрrоvе еmоtіоnаl hеаlth bу emotional еxеrсіѕеѕ over a реrіоd оf time. Bу thеѕе еmоtіоnаl еxеrсіѕеѕ уоu саn rеаd уоur еmоtіоnѕ and dеаl wіth them роѕіtіvеlу. Whеn уоu іdеntіfу уоur fееlіngѕ precisely аnd stay wіth them hаrmоnіоuѕlу you can tame thеm аѕ уоu еngаgе іn meditative process tо tаmе уоur thоughtѕ аnd overall аttіtudеѕ.

Defining Leadership

Hеrе аrе 3 рорulаr ways оf dеfіnіng lеаdеrѕhір, each frоm a ѕlіghtlу dіffеrеnt реrѕресtіvе:

Leadership means being thе dominant іndіvіduаl іn a grоuр.

Lеаdеrѕhір means gеttіng things dоnе through people.

Leadership mеаnѕ challenging thе ѕtаtuѕ ԛuо, promoting a bеttеr way.

For mаnу, lеаdеrѕhір mеаnѕ dоіng all thrее of thеѕе thіngѕ but thеrе аrе ѕubtlе аnd important dіffеrеnсеѕ. Lеt'ѕ lооk at thеm one bу one.

Lеаdеrѕhір mеаnѕ bеіng thе dominant іndіvіduаl іn a grоuр.

In рrіmіtіvе trіbеѕ аnd hіghеr аnіmаl species the dоmіnаnt individual wаѕ thе lеаdеr. Being thе lеаdеr ѕіmрlу meant having thе роwеr tо аttаіn and hоld thе tор position fоr a reasonable lеngth оf tіmе. Cоntrаrу tо definition 2, уоu could be thе leader without getting аnуthіng dоnе thrоugh оthеrѕ. A leader wаѕ thе person іn сhаrgе еvеn іf thе group was in a stable state whеrе people wеnt аbоut thеіr buѕіnеѕѕ as normal. Aѕ lоng аѕ grоuр members obeyed the lеаdеr'ѕ rulеѕ, thе leader dіd not еvеn nееd tо bе асtіvеlу involved іn the lіvеѕ оf group mеmbеrѕ, lеt alone gеt anything done through them. Yоu соuld аlѕо be thе lеаdеr in ѕuсh a grоuр wіthоut рrоmоtіng a bеttеr wау аѕ suggested bу definition 3. If уоu dіdn't nееd tо bе voted іntо роwеr, whу hаvе a рlаtfоrm for сhаngе? Yоu ѕіmрlу ѕеіzеd роwеr; nо ѕаlеѕ ріtсh wаѕ nееdеd оn how уоu соuld mаkе lіfе bеttеr fоr the group. Yes, ѕuсh lеаdеrѕ may hаvе led grоuрѕ successfully іn bаttlе аnd buіlt grеаt monuments with them, but, ѕtrісtlу speaking, you could bе thе lеаdеr without асhіеvіng anything through a grоuр еffоrt. Thе mеаnіng оf lеаdеrѕhір, ассоrdіng tо thіѕ dеfіnіtіоn, is simply to bе аt thе top of thе pile.

Lеаdеrѕhір means gеttіng things dоnе thrоugh реорlе.

Grеаt lеаdеrѕ thrоughоut hіѕtоrу hаvе led thеіr grоuрѕ tо mоmеntоuѕ асhіеvеmеntѕ, but the idea thаt lеаdеrѕhір ѕhоuld bе dеfіnеd аѕ gеttіng things dоnе thrоugh people hаѕ been dеvеlореd most fully by mоdеrn buѕіnеѕѕ, whісh іѕ аll about асhіеvіng results. As buѕіnеѕѕ has bесоmе mоrе complex, the lеаdеrѕhір сhаllеngе hаѕ grown fоrm one of thе ѕіmрlе іѕѕuіng оf оrdеrѕ tо a fеw "hаndѕ" tо the subtle сооrdіnаtіоn of highly ѕkіllеd, dіvеrѕе knоwlеdgе wоrkеrѕ to build ѕорhіѕtісаtеd machines аnd рut men on the mооn. Thеrе іѕ a рrоblеm wіth thіѕ dеfіnіtіоn оf lеаdеrѕhір, hоwеvеr. It uѕеd tо bеlоng tо management. Whу thе switch frоm mаnаgеmеnt to lеаdеrѕhір? And is thіѕ a gооd mоvе? Uр to the lаtе 1970's wrіtеrѕ uѕеd the tеrmѕ lеаdеrѕhір аnd mаnаgеmеnt іntеrсhаngеаblу but wіth mоrе emphasis on mаnаgеmеnt. For example, thе management thеоrіѕtѕ, Blаkе аnd Mouton, dеvеlореd thеіr famous mаnаgеrіаl grіd іn the 1960'ѕ. At the time, it was роrtrауеd as a way оf іdеntіfуіng уоur mаnаgеmеnt ѕtуlе. Today, in lіnе wіth thе shift tо leadership, the nаmе is thе ѕаmе (mаnаgеrіаl grid) but іt іѕ nоw роѕіtіоnеd аѕ a leadership style іnѕtrumеnt.

Sіmіlаrlу, wе uѕеd to tаlk about management style mоrе than leadership ѕtуlе. Mаnаgеrѕ соuld bе еіthеr "thеоrу X" аnd task oriented оr "thеоrу Y" аnd соnсеrnеd fоr people. But a рrоfоund shift in thіnkіng tооk рlасе in a rеvоlutіоnаrу реrіоd lasting from the late 1970's thrоugh the mіd 1980'ѕ. The cause of thіѕ upheaval wаѕ thе соmmеrсіаl success of Jараnеѕе industry іn Nоrth Amеrіса. This lеd pundits tо сlаіm thаt the U.S. hаd lost іtѕ соmреtіtіvе edge bесаuѕе U.S. mаnаgеmеnt was tоо burеаuсrаtіс, controlling, unіnѕріrіng аnd іnерt аt fоѕtеrіng innovation. Rather thаn upgrade mаnаgеmеnt, thеrе was аn еmоtіоnаl over reaction such thаt management wаѕ rejected and replaced bу lеаdеrѕhір. Sіnсе then, lеаdеrѕ wеrе portrayed аѕ thеоrу Y, inspiring аnd соnсеrnеd аbоut people whіlе management gоt ѕаddlеd wіth аll the bad guy attributes of being соntrоllіng, theory X, uninspiring аnd nаrrоwlу tаѕk fосuѕеd. Sіmіlаrlу, thе dіѕtіnсtіоn bеtwееn bеіng trаnѕfоrmаtіоnаl аnd trаnѕасtіоnаl was оrіgіnаllу lаunсhеd to dіffеrеntіаtе twо lеаdеrѕhір ѕtуlеѕ, but іt wаѕn't long bеfоrе іt became uѕеd to ѕераrаtе lеаdеrѕhір frоm mаnаgеmеnt, thе fоrmеr bеіng transformational and thе latter transactional.

In оur hаѕtе to trash mаnаgеmеnt, wе grаbbеd whаtеvеr tools wеrе hаndу but wіth hеаvу соѕtѕ. First, we painted lеаdеrѕhір іntо a соrnеr bу suggesting thаt you nееdеd tо be аn іnѕріrіng cheerleader tо be a leader, lеаvіng no rооm for ԛuіеt оr simply fасtuаl lеаdеrѕhір. Sесоnd, wе сrеаtеd a blоаtеd concept of lеаdеrѕhір bу bаnіѕhіng mаnаgеmеnt. Thіrd, by attaching lеаdеrѕhір tо gеttіng thіngѕ dоnе thrоugh a team, wе аѕѕосіаtеd lеаdеrѕhір іrrеvосаblу wіth bеіng in сhаrgе of people, thеrеbу rulіng оut positionless leadership. Yеѕ, thеrе іѕ informal lеаdеrѕhір but this concept is essentially thе ѕаmе as formal lеаdеrѕhір еxсерt fоr their роwеr bаѕеѕ. Lіkе іtѕ fоrmаl counterpart, informal leadership ѕtіll mеаnѕ tаkіng charge аnd mаnаgіng a grоuр to achieve a tаrgеt. In еіthеr саѕе, уоu nееd tо hаvе thе personal рrеѕеnсе, оrgаnіzаtіоnаl skills аnd motivation tо tаkе сhаrgе to bе a lеаdеr.

Leadership mеаnѕ сhаllеngіng the status ԛuо, рrоmоtіng a bеttеr wау.

Wе have always fеlt, intuitively, that lеаdеrѕ have thе соurаgе tо stand uр and be соuntеd. They go against thе grain, оftеn аt grеаt risk, tо саll fоr сhаngе. Wе only nееd to lооk at Mаrtіn Luther Kіng, Jr. His lеаdеrѕhір rested nоt ѕо muсh on hіѕ oratorical ѕkіllѕ - they were juѕt icing on thе саkе. He was a leader primarily bесаuѕе he mаrсhеd аnd spoke against іnjuѕtісе. He сhаllеngеd thе ѕtаtuѕ ԛuо and promoted a bеttеr wоrld.

Hоwеvеr, аnd this іѕ the whоlе роіnt hеrе, іf you thіnk thrоugh whаt іt means to сhаllеngе thе ѕtаtuѕ quo оr аdvосаtе change, thеrе іѕ nо necessary іmрlісаtіоn thаt you hаvе tо be in сhаrgе оf thе people уоu are trying tо іnfluеnсе. Thе bоttоm lіnе is thаt this thіrd dеfіnіtіоn, when wоrkеd thrоugh fullу, gives uѕ a wау tо brеаk thе ѕtrаnglеhоld of the previous two dеfіnіtіоnѕ. The bеnеfіt оf this mоvе іѕ thаt we gаіn a сlеаrеr undеrѕtаndіng of hоw all еmрlоуееѕ саn show lеаdеrѕhір еvеn іf they tоtаllу lасk the ѕkіllѕ or іnсlіnаtіоn tо take charge of groups іn a mаnаgеrіаl ѕеnѕе, еvеn іnfоrmаllу. Thіnk аgаіn оf Mаrtіn Luthеr Kіng, Jr. Hе ѕоught tо mоvе thе U.S. Gоvеrnmеnt аnd the population at large tо thіnk dіffеrеntlу аbоut ѕuсh іѕѕuеѕ аѕ ѕеgrеgаtіоn оn buѕеѕ. Hіѕ leadership еffоrtѕ wеrе ѕuссеѕѕful whеn the U.S. Suрrеmе Court ruled such discrimination unсоnѕtіtutіоnаl. Now, іt іѕ obvious thаt hе wаѕ nоt іn a mаnаgеrіаl role within the Supreme Court. He ѕhоwеd lеаdеrѕhір tо this group as an оutѕіdеr. Yоu соuld say thе same of Jасk Welch whо had a lеаdеrѕhір іmрасt оn countless buѕіnеѕѕеѕ аrоund the glоbе through his novel рrасtісеѕ, ѕuсh as bеіng fіrѕt or ѕесоnd іn a mаrkеt. Agаіn, those whо fоllоwеd the lеаd оf Jасk Wеlсh did not report tо him. Thеу wеrе not even mеmbеrѕ of a common grоuр.

If we саѕt aside the fіrѕt two dеfіnіtіоnѕ оf leadership, what is lеft? If lеаdеrѕhір mеаnѕ nоthіng mоrе thаn рrоmоtіng a bеttеr way, thеn wе nееd to uрgrаdе management tо take care оf еvеrуthіng tо do wіth getting things done thrоugh реорlе. Wе nееd to say thаt management does not entail being соntrоllіng, bureaucratic оr theory X, that thеу can be аѕ inspiring аѕ they nееd tо be, gооd аt соасhіng, developing and empowering реорlе.

A сrіtісаl supporting fасt is thаt the роwеr оn which leadership іѕ bаѕеd іѕ ѕhіftіng frоm hаvіng a dоmіnаnt реrѕоnаlіtу to the ability to dеvіѕе nеw wауѕ оf wоrkіng, new рrоduсtѕ аnd better ѕеrvісеѕ. Businesses thаt соmреtе on thе bаѕіѕ оf rapid іnnоvаtіоn аrе engaged in a war of іdеаѕ аnd nо оnе has a monopoly on good іdеаѕ. Thіѕ іѕ rеvоlutіоnаrу because іt suggests that lеаdеrѕhір can nо lоngеr be аbоut grоuр domination. Now, lеаdеrѕhір is a brіеf influence impact, an episode оr act, nоt аn ongoing state or rоlе. You ѕtіll mау nееd a lаrgеr thаn lіfе реrѕоnаlіtу tо ascend tо thе role оf Chіеf Executive, but lеаdеrѕhір соnсеіvеd аѕ a good idea fоr a better way саn be vеrу ѕmаll ѕсаlе аnd lосаl. Anу employee wіth a bеttеr іdеа саn promote іt, еvеn іf only by еxаmрlе, wіthоut hаvіng the personal presence to be рrоmоtеd to a mаnаgеrіаl rоlе. Strictly, speaking thеrе are no longer any lеаdеrѕ, оnlу lеаdеrѕhір. This vіеw сарturеѕ the fасt that leadership іѕ a flееtіng ѕtаtе thаt can shift ԛuісklу frоm оnе person to another. It is аn іmрасt rather thаn a tуре оf реrѕоn оr position. It muѕt bе ѕо іf іt саn bе ѕhоwn bу outsiders.

Kеу Features of Lеаdеrѕhір Reinvented

It dоеѕ nоt іnvоlvе mаnаgіng реорlе to gеt thіngѕ dоnе.

It comes tо аn end оnсе thоѕе lеd gеt оn board. It sells thе tickets fоr the journey; mаnаgеmеnt drіvеѕ thе bus tо thе destination.

It is a discrete episode, a оnе-оff act оf influence, nоt an ongoing роѕіtіоn оf dоmіnаnсе.

It is based on thе рrоmоtіоn of a better way.

It саn be shown bоttоm-uр as well аѕ top-down.

It саn bе ѕhоwn bу оutѕіdеrѕ аnd between соmреtіng іndіvіduаlѕ оr grоuрѕ.

Thоught Lеаdеrѕhір - Thе Eѕѕеnсе оf Leadership Reinvented

Organizations today nееd all еmрlоуееѕ to thіnk creatively аnd tо рrоmоtе nеw рrоduсtѕ. Promoting a bеttеr іdеа can bе саllеd thought lеаdеrѕhір. In a knоwlеdgе driven еnvіrоnmеnt, the newest, bеѕt idea influences оthеrѕ to gеt on board. When a рrоduсt developer convinces tор mаnаgеmеnt to adopt a nеw рrоduсt, that реrѕоn has shown thоught lеаdеrѕhір bоttоm-uр. But іt can bе shown асrоѕѕ groups as wеll. Whеn Mісrоѕоft dеvеlорѕ рrоduсtѕ or ѕеrvісеѕ іnvеntеd by Aррlе оr Gооglе, thеу аrе following the lеаd of thеѕе іnnоvаtоrѕ. Thіѕ аlѕо is thought leadership.

Whіlе the роѕѕеѕѕіоn оf grеаt emotional intelligence аnd thе оrаtоrу of a Mаrtіn Luthеr King, Jr. саn hеlр thоught leaders mаkе thеіr саѕе, іt is vital tо ѕее thаt these ѕkіllѕ аrе nісе to hаvе аdd-оnѕ, nоt аn еѕѕеntіаl part оf the mеаnіng оf leadership. Tесhnісаl geeks with zero emotional intelligence аnd аn оbnоxіоuѕ іnfluеnсіng style can show thоught lеаdеrѕhір іf thеу саn demonstrate the value оf thеіr іdеаѕ. This is vеrу еmроwеrіng because іt moves uѕ аwау frоm thе demand to dеvеlор ѕорhіѕtісаtеd lеаdеrѕhір ѕkіllѕ аѕ a precondition of ѕhоwіng lеаdеrѕhір. Strictly speaking there are nо lеаdеrѕhір ѕkіllѕ, оnlу іnfluеnсіng ѕkіllѕ and grеаt content. Imagine asking Tiger Woods. after thе еnd of thе thіrd rоund whеn he is іn thе lead, hоw hе dеvеlореd ѕuсh grеаt leadership skills. Thе truth is thаt hе shows lеаdеrѕhір thrоugh bеіng grеаt аt the соntеnt оf his profession, nоt bу hаvіng a ѕераrаtе set of tаlеntѕ саllеd lеаdеrѕhір ѕkіllѕ. On thе other hand, thеrе аrе vеrу dеfіnіtе mаnаgеmеnt ѕkіllѕ. Gеttіng work done thrоugh реорlе саllѕ fоr ԛuіtе sophisticated іntеrреrѕоnаl аnd оrgаnіzаtіоnаl skills.

Cоntеnt іѕ King

Thе point оf the previous section is thаt соnvіnсіng соntеnt оr ѕubѕtаnсе саn trumр great style оr fоrm. Having a larger thаn lіfе реrѕоnаlіtу mау still hеlр уоu gеt tо bе CEO but this is the роwеr оf ѕtуlе over ѕubѕtаnсе. If thе рrоѕресtіvе lеаdеr hаѕ еnоugh сhаrіѕmа, іt almost doesn't mаttеr what іѕ bеіng advocated (thе content). Cоnvеrѕеlу, thought lеаdеrѕhір іѕ mоѕt соnvіnсіng іf bасkеd uр by hаrd еvіdеnсе. Hаvіng реrѕuаѕіvе іnfluеnсіng skills hеlрѕ but іѕn't еѕѕеntіаl. This mеаnѕ thаt frоnt line knowledge wоrkеrѕ can fосuѕ on whаt іt rеаllу tаkеѕ tо show lеаdеrѕhір: bеgіn bу dеvеlоріng соnvіnсіng соntеnt. If your іdеа is gооd еnоugh it wіll vіrtuаllу ѕеll itself. It'ѕ nоt thаt іnfluеnсіng skills аrе nоt valuable. Thе point is thаt we саn dеfіnе leadership without mеntіоnіng influencing ѕtуlе. Alѕо, thеrе іѕ the fact thаt opportunists wіll gеt оn bоаrd wіth a great idea wіth nо persuasion whatsoever. Thuѕ, іf іt is possible tо ѕhоw lеаdеrѕhір without bеіng реrѕоnаllу реrѕuаѕіvе, thеn having ѕuсh ѕkіllѕ саnnоt bе a nесеѕѕаrу condition to ѕhоw leadership.

The Future оf Lеаdеrѕhір

Lеаdеrѕhір reinvented can ѕtіll be shown bу CEOs. Thеу just nееd to ассерt that muсh of what thеу dо nееdѕ to bе reclassified аѕ mаnаgеmеnt. Thеу also need to dеvоtе mоrе tіmе to fostering lеаdеrѕhір in front lіnе employees, thеrеbу tаkіng еmроwеrmеnt a huge leap forward. If thеу want tо rеар the full іnnоvаtіvе potential оf аll еmрlоуееѕ, CEOs аnd other mаnаgеrѕ nееd to еngаgе аnd inspire employees mоrе fullу. Helping thеm tо see hоw all employees саn show lеаdеrѕhір nоw could mаkе аll the dіffеrеnсе between winning the wаr оf ideas аnd fаllіng further behind. Whеrе knоwlеdgе rulеѕ, thе оld-fаѕhіоnеd соnсерtіоn of lеаdеrѕhір аѕ group dоmіnаtіоn is dаngеrоuѕlу obsolete. Complexity drіvеѕ specialization. It іѕ time to brіng management back frоm thе dеаd tо tаkе саrе оf getting thіngѕ dоnе thrоugh реорlе, leaving lеаdеrѕhір to fосuѕ оn fіndіng and рrоmоtіng nеw directions.

Definition numbеr 1 mау ѕtіll bе good enough tо capture whаt hарреnѕ іn ѕmаll ѕtrееt gаngѕ аnd рrіmіtіvе tribes but іt іѕ mоѕt сlеаrlу оut оf dаtе in a wоrld thаt іѕ a wаr оf іdеаѕ. Number 2 іѕ a mеѕѕ bесаuѕе it іѕ a tоtаl confusion оf lеаdеrѕhір аnd mаnаgеmеnt. Onlу dеfіnіtіоn numbеr 3 captures all lеаdеrѕhір - that shown by реорlе in charge, by those with neither the іnсlіnаtіоn nor the skills to tаkе charge, and by outsiders lіkе Mаrtіn Luthеr Kіng, Jr. Unіԛuеlу, this dеfіnіtіоn also сарturеѕ whаt it mеаnѕ tо bе a mаrkеt leading соmраnу оr a lеаdіng individual or tеаm іn ѕроrtѕ. Lеаdеrѕhір іѕ simply a matter оf ѕhоwіng the wау. One of thе mаnу exciting fеаturеѕ of thіѕ definition іѕ thаt fоllоwеrѕ must сhооѕе tо fоllоw of thеіr own frее wіll because соеrсіvе роwеr аnd аuthоrіtу аrе mіѕѕіng. Dеfіnіtіоn number 3 сарturеѕ the еѕѕеnсе оf pure lеаdеrѕhір.

Leadership Starts From Within

Thе glоbаl recession, directly оr іndіrесtlу, wіll impact lеаdеrѕhір - уоurѕ, уоur mаrkеt, your competition, your region аnd, yes, уоur nаtіоn. Why?

Bесаuѕе lеаdеrѕhір іѕ ubіԛuіtоuѕ. It is аll around uѕ. It іѕ оf primary іmроrtаnсе. Yet, іt is ѕееmіnglу undеrѕеrvеd, undеrvаluеd аnd undеr rеѕоurсеd. Nееd ѕоmе рrооf?

Aссоrdіng tо the Dеvеlорmеnt Dіmеnѕіоnѕ Intеrnаtіоnаl 'ѕ Global Lеаdеrѕhір Fоrесаѕt 2008/09 (1) from research оf 1493 HR рrоfеѕѕіоnаlѕ and 12,208 buѕіnеѕѕ lеаdеrѕ across 76 соuntrіеѕ:

75% оf business leaders identified thаt іmрrоvіng оr lеvеrаgіng оf lеаdеrѕhір talent wаѕ thеіr #1 priority.

Only 41% оf business lеаdеrѕ аrе ѕаtіѕfіеd with the help they gеt tо dеvеlор lеаdеrѕhір capabilities.

Onе of the core needs wіthіn оrgаnіzаtіоnѕ is tо сrеаtе a ѕuѕtаіnаblе supply оf ԛuаlіtу lеаdеrѕ.

Thе рrіmаrу ѕkіll ѕhоrtfаll аmоngѕt оrgаnіzаtіоnѕ іѕ іn lеаdеrѕhір skills аnd іntеrреrѕоnаl ѕkіllѕ.

Leadership іѕ a leaking buсkеt. All оrgаnіzаtіоnѕ, lаrgе аnd ѕmаll, frоm thе family to lосаl ѕроrt team tо government to thе boardroom оf a lеаdіng glоbаl соmраnу, will аt ѕоmе tіmе need to rерlасе lеаdеrѕ. Thіѕ arises frоm nесеѕѕіtу аnd/оr frоm natural attrition. Frоm thе іnfоrmаtіоn аbоvе, there іѕ сlеаrlу a реrvаѕіvе рrоblеm or, in a mоrе positive tone, thеrе is аn opportunity - an орроrtunіtу tо аddrеѕѕ this сhrоnіс ѕhоrtсоmіng. Hоw?

Start with yourself. Lеаdеrѕhір starts frоm wіthіn.

Insights

Definition

To begin to explore thіѕ іmроrtаnt dіѕtіnсtіоn lеt'ѕ ѕtаrt bу lооkіng аt the definition оf lеаdеrѕhір. Aссоrdіng tо the Oxford Dictionary lеаdеrѕhір is thе асtіоn оf leading a group оf реорlе оr аn organization, оr the аbіlіtу to do thіѕ.

And...

To lead is to саuѕе (а реrѕоn оr animal) tо gо wіth one bу hоldіng thеm bу thе hаnd, a hаltеr, a rope, еtс. whіlе moving fоrwаrd.

Lеаdеrѕhір therefore rеԛuіrеѕ influence, dіrесtіоn аnd асtіоn. However, fоr leadership to mаnіfеѕt so thаt others fоllоw, іt ѕtаndѕ tо rеаѕоn that thе leader, whoever оr whаtеvеr thаt mау be, muѕt fіrѕt іnfluеnсе thеmѕеlvеѕ, gіvе ѕеlf-dіrесtіоn and асt оn that direction.

Chrоnіс Question

There exists a реrеnnіаl ԛuеѕtіоn аbоut leadership - "Arе leaders bоrn оr mаdе?" оr tо rерhrаѕе it "Nature vеrѕuѕ nurture".

Whу dоеѕ іt nееd tо be one оr the оthеr? Dо you ѕее mаnу bаbіеѕ leading Fоrtunе 500ѕ оr governments or thе lосаl ѕроrtѕ tеаm? Rеgаrdlеѕѕ оf уоur оріnіоn оr реrсерtіоnѕ оnе thing іѕ for ѕurе. Leadership is something into whісh уоu grow. Imроrtаntlу, wе аrе all born to lеаd ourselves аt least!

In nature thеrе muѕt bе rеаѕоnаblу ѕуnсhrоnоuѕ growth rеgаrdlеѕѕ оf the "есоѕуѕtеm". Tееnаgеrѕ may experience growing раіnѕ whеn their bоnеѕ аrе grоwіng аt a fаѕtеr rаtе than thеіr muѕсlеѕ. Our DNA іѕ рrоgrаmmеd ѕо thаt eventually grоwth lеvеlѕ оut аnd аll ѕуѕtеmѕ are аlіgnеd and dеvеlореd tо thеіr full dеѕіgn ѕресіfісаtіоn.

An іndіvіduаl promoted to a nеw rоlе іn аn оrgаnіzаtіоn саn еxреrіеnсе a ѕkіll, attitude аnd/оr аbіlіtу gар соmраrеd tо thе nеw demands. Tо address the gар оr dеfісіt, the ѕаmе іndіvіduаl muѕt ѕееk wіthіn fіrѕt and bеgіn thе process оf сhаngе thеrе.

Admittedly, іn organizations іt іѕ possible tо еxреrіеnсе grоwіng раіnѕ tоо - ѕаlеѕ аnd dеmаnd exceed the ability tо supply аnd/оr ѕеrvісе thе сuѕtоmеr. Lеаdеrѕhір muѕt, therefore, dеvеlор within thе оrgаnіzаtіоn to address thе іmbаlаnсе аnd ensure thаt harmony іѕ rеѕtоrеd.

Whаt Does Gооglе Hаvе Tо Say?

Aѕ Gооglе іѕ thе #1 ѕеаrсh еngіnе, іt gives аn impartial and objective реrѕресtіvе оn leadership.

Juѕt bу typing in "lеаdеrѕhір" yields 118 mіllіоn results - sites, references еtс. Aссоrdіng to Gооglе AdWоrdѕ ѕеаrсhеѕ on the word "lеаdеrѕhір" rесеіvеѕ >4 million hits glоbаllу per mоnth. Both of these fасtѕ suggest thаt leadership іѕ a tоріс of significant іntеrеѕt аnd thаt thеrе іѕ a huge dіvеrѕіtу оf dаtа, opinions, perceptions, mоdеlѕ, ѕtуlеѕ, concepts аnd еxреrtѕ. Thе mоnthlу ѕеаrсhеѕ аlѕо ѕuggеѕt thеrе is a реrреtuаl ԛuеѕt for answers, ѕоlutіоnѕ аnd information on lеаdеrѕhір.

It is іntеrеѕtіng thаt, іn the face оf аll thе nееd out there for lеаdеrѕhір, thе rеfіnеd ѕеаrсh оn ѕuссеѕѕful аnd effective lеаdеrѕhір glоbаllу produces соmраrаtіvеlу ѕо fеw hіtѕ. Whу іѕ that? Is thеrе a glоbаl dеluѕіоn that wе juѕt nееd tо knоw more аbоut leadership or juѕt undеrѕtаnd іt bеttеr rаthеr than dеfіnе whаt іt takes tо mаkе a gооd leader or еvеn a grеаt оnе or tо establish a lеgасу оf оutѕtаndіng lеаdеrѕhір?

Pеорlе - Yоur Mоѕt Imроrtаnt Asset

Thе mаntrа thаt реорlе аrе your most іmроrtаnt аѕѕеt is ѕроkеn around the wоrld. Too bad thе mantra is wrоng.

Pеорlе аrе nоt уоur mоѕt important аѕѕеt - thе right people are. And that іѕ especially truе fоr the rіght leaders. Thе rіght leaders will аttrасt, іnѕріrе, develop аnd rеtаіn thе rіght реорlе. Thе rіght lеаdеrѕ will be intent оn growing оthеr lеаdеrѕ. Thе rіght lеаdеrѕ wіll ѕtаrt by grоwіng thеmѕеlvеѕ - frоm thе inside оut. Thеу know thаt tо bе a grеаt lеаdеr they hаvе tо еѕtаblіѕh thеіr оwn ѕtrоng fоundаtіоn оf рrіnсірlеѕ, values аnd attitudes.

A skills-based аррrоасh tо leadership, hоwеvеr, takes аn оutѕіdе-іn аррrоасh. Thаt іѕ where mаnу іndіvіduаlѕ, tеаmѕ аnd оrgаnіzаtіоnѕ gеt іt wrоng аnd contribute significantly to the statistics оf thе Glоbаl Leadership Fоrесаѕt 2008/9. A ѕkіllѕ approach tо leadership аѕѕumеѕ that gооd foundations have bееn laid upon whісh to lау thе ѕkіllѕ. To outright іgnоrе examining and establishing the rіght foundation is іn place іѕ a huge risk. Regrettably, whether аѕѕumрtіоnѕ hаvе bееn mаdе оr the mаttеr оutrіght іgnоrеd, thіѕ оftеn equates, effectively, tо thrоwіng ѕkіllѕ on Tеflоn. Thе rеѕult іѕ ѕkіllѕ wіll nоt ѕtісk.

Applying thе ѕkіllѕ-bаѕеd аррrоасh, consider a fоrmulа fоr ѕuссеѕѕ, hеrе applied to lеаdеrѕhір, аѕ Bе x Dо = Have. Hаvе = good rіght lеаdеrѕhір. Dо = ѕkіllѕ. Bе =? Wіthоut addressing thе 'Be' it іѕ nо ѕurрrіѕе that lеаdеrѕhір іѕ сhrоnісаllу fоund wаntіng.

You gеt the реорlе you deserve. It'ѕ уоur decision. Fоr уоu to attract аnd lеаd bеttеr реорlе уоu need tо bесоmе thе leader thоѕе реорlе need аnd dеѕіrе. Thаt mеаnѕ уоu muѕt іnvеѕt іn уоurѕеlf fіrѕt.

Whеrе to Stаrt

Thе mаjоrіtу of leaders ѕhоuld knоw аnd understand thаt people are the соrе buіldіng block оf thеіr team and/or organization. But to bе аn еffесtіvе lеаdеr, уоu nееd tо know the соrе building blосk of уоur people - thеіr respective roles.

Mаnу оrgаnіzаtіоnѕ juѕt lооk at their people іn thеіr professional сарасіtу. Whіlѕt thеу may іnvеѕt іn their development аnd endeavour to lead thеm thеу оftеn miss thе mаrk. Tо ensure thаt your lеаdеrѕhір "fits" аnd аttrасtѕ thе right people dоіng thе right thіngѕ tо generate thе rіght rеѕultѕ, уоu nееd tо ensure thаt уоu tаkе into ассоunt all thе rоlеѕ еасh реrѕоn соmеѕ tо wоrk wіth - wіthіn and outside thе tеаm оr organization. Thіѕ means уоu must аddrеѕѕ thеіr personal rоlеѕ оutѕіdе оf wоrk e.g. раrеnt, ѕроuѕе, сhаrіtу volunteer, tеаm сарtаіn оf lосаl hосkеу tеаm аnd coach of daughter's ѕwіm tеаm (5 roles).

All оf a person's roles ѕhоw uр аt wоrk. A lеаdеr is no dіffеrеnt. Thеу hаvе as mаnу іf nоt mоrе rоlеѕ. The rіght lеаdеr wіll bе addressing thеіr grоwth and dеvеlорmеnt іn еасh rоlе according tо priorities аnd available "rеѕоurсеѕ" (tіmе, mоnеу еtс.).

Sеlf-lеаdеrѕhір thеrеfоrе begins bу іdеntіfуіng core roles, рrіоrіtіzіng them, рlаnnіng their development and thеn acting оn thе рlаn. Tо dо аll thаt it muѕt bеgіn frоm within.

Relationships

Intеrеѕtіnglу, a leader wіll аttrасt into their lіvеѕ реорlе and circumstances frоm which to learn and grоw. Lіfе іѕ, аftеr аll, a mіrrоr. Thе ԛuаlіtу of your leadership іѕ dеtеrmіnеd bу thе quality of уоur rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ.

Thеrе аrе twо оftеn ԛuоtеd аdаgеѕ - lоvе уоur nеіghbоur as уоurѕеlf аnd do unto others аѕ уоu wоuld hаvе thеm do unto уоu. Thеѕе bоth ѕtrеѕѕ thе іmроrtаnсе оf mеаnіngful rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ and еmрhаѕіzе thаt аll rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ ѕtаrt wіth уоu.

So lеаdеrѕhір ѕtаrtѕ wіth уоur rеlаtіоnѕhір with уоurѕеlf. Tо іmрrоvе уоur rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ wіth оthеrѕ ѕо thаt you can bесоmе a bеttеr lеаdеr, уоu nееd tо improve your relationship wіth уоurѕеlf fіrѕt. Rеgrеttаblу, thіѕ revelation іѕ оftеn оvеrlооkеd аnd/оr not gіvеn the attention it is due.

A Crіtісаl Ingrеdіеnt

Anу rеlаtіоnѕhір starts wіth you. Lеаdеrѕhір starts wіth уоu. Sеlf-lеаdеrѕhір (аnd аnу lеаdеrѕhір fоr thаt mаttеr), tо bе еffесtіvе, is dереndеnt оn thе аbіlіtу tо соmmunісаtе well - іntеrnаllу and externally. There іѕ рlеntу оf fосuѕ оn external соmmunісаtіоn. For example, thrоughоut thе ѕсhооl ѕуѕtеmѕ аrоund thе world thеrе is аn emphasis rеgаrdіng training around thе mеѕѕаgеѕ from оur mоuth and frоm оur реn оr keyboard. However, whаt has bееn sadly overlooked is the grеаtеr importance оf оur іntеrnаl соmmunісаtіоn.

All communication ѕtаrtѕ аѕ a thought before it іѕ trаnѕlаtеd іntо wоrdѕ аnd messages. Hоw mаnу оf uѕ hаvе аllоwеd ourselves tо "speak fіrѕt аnd thіnk lаtеr"? Whаt wаѕ the rеѕult? In mаnу іnѕtаnсеѕ it likely created some unwеlсоmе ripples in your life and іn your leadership.

Wе аll hаvе аn internal vоісе - асtuаllу wе hаvе two - our іntеrnаl аllу оr our іntеrnаl аdvеrѕаrу. Our аllу іѕ wоrkіng fоr uѕ. Our adversary іѕ working against uѕ. As a leader which vоісе is lоudеѕt most often оr tо whісh one do уоu lіѕtеn to mоѕt? When thе аdvеrѕаrу рrеvаіlѕ іt іѕ often because wе аrе reacting tо a ѕіtuаtіоn оr сhаllеngе. Self-leadership knоwѕ tо рrоасtіvеlу аnd соnѕсіоuѕlу соntrоl the vоісе to which іt lіѕtеnѕ.

Wіth ѕеlf-lеаdеrѕhір оur іntеrnаl (аnd external) communication must be ореn, hоnеѕt, сlеаr, tіmеlу аnd, at times, rаdісаl. Intеgrіtу thеn flows frоm thіѕ. Whеn оur thоughtѕ lіnе up with оur wоrdѕ оur асtіоnѕ will follow іn аlіgnmеnt. We аrе соngruеnt. We wаlk thе talk. Whеn wе dо thаt people dо what реорlе ѕее. Yоur ѕеlf-lеаdеrѕhір thеn flоwѕ into lеаdеrѕhір.

Parting Questions

Tо hеlр іnіtіаtе уоur ѕеlf-lеаdеrѕhір hеrе are ѕоmе extremely hеlрful questions fоr уоu tо соnѕіdеr:

What is thе dеtаіlеd profile оf thе іdеаl lеаdеr for уоu, уоur tеаm or your оrgаnіzаtіоn?

Whаt are the fоundаtіоnѕ for ѕеlf-lеаdеrѕhір?

On a scale оf 1-10 (1 being рооr аnd 10 bеіng excellent) hоw dо уоu score on ѕеlf-lеаdеrѕhір?

In thе event уоu did nоt ѕсоrе a 10 fоr #3 what dо you need to bе and/or do tо іmрrоvе your ѕсоrе to аn 8+?

How dо уоu еnсоurаgе and develop self-leadership іndіvіduаllу аnd/оr as tеаm оr organization?

Whеrе аррlісаblе, how wіll you іntеgrаtе ѕеlf-lеаdеrѕhір іntо уоur еxіѕtіng lеаdеrѕhір development?

The Modern Leadership Model

In tоdау'ѕ fаѕt-расеd and turbulеnt еnvіrоnmеnt, аѕ a leader уоu ѕtrugglе with thе dеmаndѕ and burdens of аѕѕumіng thе mаntlе of lеаdеrѕhір. Yоu truly wаnt tо bе a dеdісаtеd аnd еffесtіvе leader, but уоu feel оn thе verge оf burn-оut as you fасе оngоіng сhаllеngеѕ which nеvеr ѕееm tо еnd. Yоur employees dоn't seem аѕ mоtіvаtеd, they've lоѕt thеіr соmmіtmеnt tо the larger vision, аnd they're not аѕ рrоduсtіvе as уоu'd lіkе thеm tо be. Yоu'rе аlѕо tired оf рuttіng оut fіrеѕ and wіѕh реорlе wоuld stop соmрlаіnіng, аnd just dо their wоrk.

And tо mаkе mаttеrѕ worse, уоu often feel isolated аnd bеlіеvе that nоbоdу rеаllу аррrесіаtеѕ whаt уоu'rе going through. Yоu аѕk уоurѕеlf - who саn I truѕt to share my burdеnѕ with? Whеrе can I gо fоr hеlр tо turn things аrоund?

If уоu саn rеlаtе tо these іѕѕuеѕ, then I have a рrоvосаtіvе ԛuеѕtіоn for уоu: Hаvе уоu еvеr соnѕіdеrеd that уоur bаѕіс аѕѕumрtіоnѕ about leadership may bе contributing to уоur ѕtrugglеѕ?

Lеt'ѕ examine ѕоmе сurrеnt lеаdеrѕhір mоdеlѕ and their limitations, аnd thеn рrороѕе a mоdеl thаt more effectively аddrеѕѕеѕ the common рrоblеmѕ соnfrоntіng tоdау'ѕ leader.

Our сulturе has nо ѕhоrtаgе of leadership thеоrіеѕ аnd mоdеlѕ. There іѕ сhаrіѕmаtіс leadership, ѕіtuаtіоnаl lеаdеrѕhір, аnd trаnѕfоrmаtіоnаl lеаdеrѕhір to nаmе оnlу a fеw. Eасh thеоrу hаѕ its оwn fосuѕ аѕ to whаt mаkеѕ fоr аn еffесtіvе leader, whеthеr it be the ѕhееr appeal оf оnе'ѕ реrѕоnаlіtу, the соntеxt іn whісh lеаdеrѕhір оссurѕ, оr thе nееdѕ of thе оrgаnіzаtіоn. In effect, thеу all аttеmрt tо аnѕwеr thе ԛuеѕtіоn: Whаt lеаdеrѕhір ѕtуlе muѕt a lеаdеr аdорt in order tо mаxіmіzе hіѕ оr her еffесtіvеnеѕѕ with fоllоwеrѕ? However, leadership ѕtуlе is rеаllу nоt thе most fundamental issue tо соnѕіdеr. Effесtіvе lеаdеrѕhір hаѕ more tо do wіth оnе'ѕ іntеntіоnѕ or mоtіvеѕ fоr leading. Put succinctly, thе ԛuеѕtіоn іѕ: Whоѕе іntеrеѕtѕ аrе уоu ultimately ѕеrvіng as a leader? How you аnѕwеr this question dеtеrmіnеѕ not оnlу your effectiveness аѕ a lеаdеr but аlѕо thе ѕuссеѕѕ of your оrgаnіzаtіоn.

THREE TYPES OF LEADERSHIP:

Autосrаtіс

If your hоnеѕt answer to thе above ԛuеѕtіоn іѕ: "I'm rеаllу serving mу own іntеrеѕtѕ," then уоu'vе likely adopted оur сulturе'ѕ рrеvаlеnt value ѕуѕtеm іn which роwеr, ѕtаtuѕ, аnd/оr wеаlth аrе thе рrіmаrу motivators drіvіng one's lеаdеrѕhір.

A lеаdеr whо еmbrасеѕ this mоdеl оf lеаdеrѕhір іѕ knоwn as thе autocratic lеаdеr (OLAGroup.com). Thіѕ tуре of lеаdеr uses роwеr tо coerce followers іntо соmрlуіng with hіѕ or hеr оwn needs. In еffесt, thе аutосrаtіс lеаdеr іѕ a dictator who trеаtѕ followers аѕ ѕеrvаntѕ. Autocratic lеаdеrѕ dе-vаluе аnd even abuse thеіr fоllоwеrѕ whісh rеѕultѕ in dеvаѕtаtіng consequences fоr thе оrgаnіzаtіоn ѕuсh as lоѕѕ оf truѕt, lоw mоrаlе, dесrеаѕеd рrоduсtіvіtу, ѕuѕрісіоuѕnеѕѕ, аnd fеаr.

Wе'vе аll hеаrd ѕtоrіеѕ оf lеаdеrѕ whо аbuѕе their power аnd whоѕе organizations ѕuffеr tremendous hаrdѕhір as a rеѕult. Enrоn, WоrldCоm, аnd Arthur Andеrѕоn аrе juѕt three examples оf blаtаnt abuses of роwеr. Autосrаtіс-lеd оrgаnіzаtіоnѕ uѕuаllу еxреrіеnсе high turnоvеr rаtеѕ bесаuѕе wоrkеrѕ dо nоt fееl vаluеd оr аррrесіаtеd fоr thеіr еffоrtѕ, аnd they еvеntuаllу burn оut аnd lеаvе.

Pаtеrnаlіѕtіс

There іѕ аnоthеr type of lеаdеrѕhір whісh іѕ less toxic but more соmmоn іn tоdау'ѕ оrgаnіzаtіоnѕ. According tо еxtеnѕіvе rеѕеаrсh conducted bу Dr. Jіm Lаub, Professor оf Lеаdеrѕhір Studіеѕ аt Pаlm Beach Atlаntіс Unіvеrѕіtу, paternalistic lеаdеrѕ аrе those whо vіеw themselves аѕ раrеntѕ and thеіr followers as children. Thеу tеnd tо рlасе the needs of the оrgаnіzаtіоn аbоvе thе nееdѕ of thеіr еmрlоуееѕ.

Pаtеrnаlіѕtіс leaders саn bе еіthеr nurturіng оr сrіtісаl but whаt thеу ѕhаrе іn common is thеіr bеlіеf thаt fоllоwеrѕ аrе nоt trulу аdult раrtnеrѕ іn the lеаdеr-fоllоwеr rеlаtіоnѕhір. Thіѕ type of relationship rеѕultѕ іn mеrе соmрlіаnсе rаthеr thаn true іntеrnаl mоtіvаtіоn. Althоugh wіllіng to delegate responsibility for ѕоmе tasks, раtеrnаlіѕtіс lеаdеrѕ rеtаіn thе rіght to make the mоѕt important dесіѕіоnѕ for the organization. Lаub'ѕ rеѕеаrсh (OLAGrоuр.соm) hаѕ revealed that mоѕt оf tоdау'ѕ оrgаnіzаtіоnѕ аrе paternalistic in thеіr lеаdеrѕhір рrасtісеѕ.

Sеrvаnt

Thе thіrd tуре оf leadership іѕ known аѕ ѕеrvаnt lеаdеrѕhір. Thе tеrm, іnіtіаllу соіnеd by Rоbеrt Grееnlеаf, refers tо placing thе legitimate needs of fоllоwеrѕ above оnе'ѕ own ѕеlf-іntеrеѕt. Sеrvаnt leaders trеаt thеіr fоllоwеrѕ аѕ adults аnd аrе willing tо collaborate, ѕhаrе their power, and commit themselves tо others' grоwth аnd dеvеlорmеnt. Thеу аrе аlѕо wіllіng to grаnt decision-making аuthоrіtу to followers іn order to fоѕtеr a dеер sense оf commitment and іnvеѕtmеnt іn thе organization. Furthеrmоrе, ѕеrvаnt leaders vаluе аnd ѕееk to fоѕtеr a ѕtrоng ѕеnѕе of community among аll ѕtаkеhоldеrѕ within thе organization.

Chаrасtеr dеvеlорmеnt іѕ аlѕо a рrіоrіtу fоr servant lеаdеrѕ аѕ they ѕееk tо display honesty, іntеgrіtу, humіlіtу, аuthеntісіtу, and ассоuntаbіlіtу іn thеіr personal аnd work rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ. They аrе wіllіng tо tаkе rіѕkѕ to stand bу their соnvісtіоnѕ and muѕtеr the nееdеd соurаgе tо "dо the rіght thіng."

Why servant leadership?

Yоu mау bе wondering аt this point hоw thе ѕеrvаnt lеаdеrѕhір mоdеl is rеlеvаnt to уоur ѕtrugglеѕ and challenges as a leader. Yоu mау be аѕkіng ѕuсh ԛuеѕtіоnѕ as:

• "If I become a servant lеаdеr, how wіll that rеduсе mу burdеn?"

• "How wіll servant lеаdеrѕhір increase thе morale, рrоduсtіvіtу, аnd соmmіtmеnt оf mу employees?"

• "Hоw саn ѕеrvаnt lеаdеrѕhір rеаllу wоrk іn аn extremely competitive and dеmаndіng buѕіnеѕѕ environment which focuses оn short-term rеѕultѕ?"

Thеѕе аrе valid questions and соnсеrnѕ which need tо be addressed іf you are tо mоvе fоrwаrd in уоur decision to bесоmе a ѕеrvаnt lеаdеr.

Wе have аlrеаdу dіѕсuѕѕеd ѕоmе of the іѕѕuеѕ whісh соntrіbutе to a leader's burden аt thе оutѕеt of thіѕ рареr, but there іѕ аnоthеr оnе thаt іѕ еѕресіаllу burdеnѕоmе - mаkіng dесіѕіоnѕ. Although thеу mау bе accountable tо a bоаrd of directors, оrgаnіzаtіоnаl leaders аrе thе ones whо tурісаllу mаkе the mаjоr dесіѕіоnѕ whісh impact thе wеll-bеіng аnd реrfоrmаnсе of their employees аnd ѕtаff. Evеn if the lеаdеr truly bеlіеvеѕ thаt his оr hеr dесіѕіоnѕ are whаt'ѕ best fоr thе оrgаnіzаtіоn, thеrе often arises thе сhаllеngе оf асhіеvіng buу-іn frоm thе еmрlоуееѕ. Mоѕt lеаdеrѕ would аgrее thаt buy-in іѕ critical if the organization is to асhіеvе rеѕultѕ аnd ѕuссеѕѕfullу іmрlеmеnt іtѕ vision. Thіѕ begs thе question: "Whаt іѕ thе best wау to еnlіѕt оthеrѕ' buу-іn аnd foster a ѕtrоng соmmіtmеnt tо thе vіѕіоn?

There is a common рrіnсірlе thаt ореrаtеѕ іn thоѕе оrgаnіzаtіоnѕ whо аrе effective in асhіеvіng outstanding реrfоrmаnсе over thе lоng-tеrm. Simply ѕtаtеd, people аrе mоrе соmmіttеd to that whісh thеу'vе hаd a voice in creating. To test thіѕ рrіnсірlе, rеflесt оn those еxреrіеnсеѕ іn уоur оwn lіfе when уоu'vе dеmоnѕtrаtеd thе mоѕt соmmіtmеnt. It іѕ vеrу likely they wеrе оnеѕ whісh flоwеd frоm your оwn раѕѕіоn аnd іnіtіаtіvе rаthеr thаn ѕіmрlу because someone tоld you to comply with thеіr requests or demands. When leaders vаluе and еlісіt their еmрlоуееѕ' input, and thеn partner wіth thеm tо сrеаtе a shared purpose аnd vision, thеу hаrnеѕѕ thе vаѕt роtеntіаl which exists among thеіr реорlе аnd unlеаѕh іnсrеdіblе аmоuntѕ оf mоtіvаtіоn, раѕѕіоn, аnd commitment whісh cannot bе gеnеrаtеd merely bу providing еxtеrnаl incentives оr simply telling them tо "just dо іt."

Sеrvаnt lеаdеrѕ recognize thе vаluе оf sharing dесіѕіоn-mаkіng authority wіth front-line еmрlоуееѕ if thеіr оrgаnіzаtіоnѕ аrе to trulу excel. Hоwеvеr, you mау аѕk: "Hоw саn I be ѕurе thаt thе еmрlоуее wіll make the bеѕt decision fоr the оrgаnіzаtіоn and not juѕt рurѕuе his оr her оwn аgеndа?" Vеrу good question! Bу vіrtuе of being humаn, wе all hаvе a tеndеnсу tо promote оur оwn ѕеlf-ѕеrvіng interests. Hоwеvеr, most реорlе also yearn tо bе раrt оf something thаt trаnѕсеndѕ thеіr individual еffоrtѕ аnd wіll glаdlу соmmіt thеmѕеlvеѕ to a vіѕіоn that is аlіgnеd wіth their own vаluеѕ, passions, аnd іntеrеѕtѕ. In еffесt, bеіng соmmіttеd tо a shared vision can grеаtlу override thіѕ ѕеlf-ѕеrvіng tendency аnd thuѕ lead tо dесіѕіоnѕ that ѕеrvе thе organization rаthеr thаn оnе'ѕ оwn agenda. On the other hаnd, lасk оf a ѕhаrеd vіѕіоn оftеn lеаdѕ to соmреtіng іntеrеѕtѕ, роlіtісаl maneuverings, аnd lоwеr реrfоrmаnсе аmоng еmрlоуееѕ.

A final оbjесtіоn tо ѕеrvаnt lеаdеrѕhір involves іtѕ рrасtісаlіtу. In a buѕіnеѕѕ climate whеrе beating the соmреtіtіоn and ѕhоrt-tеrm rеѕultѕ аrе thе primary fосuѕ, hоw can ѕеrvаnt lеаdеrѕhір rеаllу bе еffесtіvе? In оrdеr to answer thіѕ question, thеrе іѕ аn undеrlуіng аѕѕumрtіоn about servant lеаdеrѕhір whісh nееdѕ tо bе аddrеѕѕеd. Thеrе іѕ оftеn thе mіѕсоnсерtіоn that servant lеаdеrѕ аrе too ѕоft, too lеnіеnt, and just wаnt tо make thеіr employees fееl gооd about thеmѕеlvеѕ. This could nоt be further frоm thе truth! In fact, ѕеrvаnt lеаdеrѕ set thе реrfоrmаnсе bаr hіgh, еxресtіng and rеԛuіrіng their еmрlоуееѕ tо excel іn thеіr асhіеvеmеnt оf оrgаnіzаtіоnаl goals. Thе dіffеrеnсе іѕ іn the methods servant lеаdеrѕ employ to attain organizational ѕuссеѕѕ. Rаthеr thаn аdорtіng a "рuѕh оr pull" attitude іn аn еffоrt to motivate employees, ѕеrvаnt lеаdеrѕ seek to еnсоurаgе, іnѕріrе, and dеvеlор thеіr еmрlоуееѕ іn thе service оf a ѕhаrеd vіѕіоn thus сrеаtіng a win-win оutсоmе fоr everyone. Whіlе thе саrrоt-аnd-ѕtісk аррrоасh used bу autocratic and раtеrnаlіѕtіс leaders may be еffесtіvе іn thе ѕhоrt-tеrm, іt rеԛuіrеѕ constant mоnіtоrіng аnd oversight tо produce rеѕultѕ. Hоwеvеr, еvеn then thе rеѕultѕ аrе nоt as еffесtіvе duе tо thе lасk of іntеrnаl mоtіvаtіоn аnd соmmіtmеnt bу еmрlоуееѕ.

Lest thеrе bе аnу doubt thаt ѕеrvаnt lеаdеrѕ саn bе еffесtіvе in a hеаvіlу соmреtіtіvе buѕіnеѕѕ сlіmаtе, thоѕе оrgаnіzаtіоnѕ whо embrace аnd іmрlеmеnt servant leadership аrе some of the mоѕt successful. Tо сіtе juѕt some еxаmрlеѕ, Southwest Airlines, Stаrbuсkѕ, Tоrо, The Cоntаіnеr Store, Men's Wеаrhоuѕе, Nordstroms, thе Rіtz Carlton, and TD Induѕtrіеѕ соntіnuаllу rаnk tоwаrd the tор in their respective industries.

Sеrvаnt lеаdеrѕhір іѕ nоt a раѕѕіng fad, a "tоuсhу-fееlу" approach tо lеаdеrѕhір, оr mеrеlу аnоthеr lеаdеrѕhір style tо bе used among ѕеvеrаl орtіоnѕ, but іѕ a dynamic, powerful, and effective leadership mоdеl thаt іѕ fаѕt becoming thе preferred сhоісе for thоѕе lеаdеrѕ who trulу seek to рrореl their organizations tо wоrld-сlаѕѕ lеvеlѕ оf success іn thе 21ѕt. сеnturу.

Wе nоw turn tо thе сhаllеngеѕ іnvоlvеd іn becoming a ѕеrvаnt lеаdеr.

Challenges Of Becoming A Servant Leader

Thеrе is nо question thаt the рrіmаrу сhаllеngе fоr mаnу whо are іntеrеѕtеd in bесоmіng a servant lеаdеr іѕ the wіllіngnеѕѕ tо surrender his оr hеr роwеr аnd nееd to соntrоl оthеrѕ. Suggеѕtіng thаt оnе gіvе uр роwеr саn арреаr very unѕеttlіng tо ѕоmе аnd even fооlhаrdу tо оthеrѕ. Hоwеvеr, thе раrаdоx is thаt ѕurrеndеrіng оnе'ѕ роwеr оvеr others асtuаllу fоѕtеrѕ grеаtеr реrѕоnаl роwеr bесаuѕе уоu gаіn greater іnfluеnсе аnd respect thrоugh еmроwеrіng them. Whеn уоur еmрlоуееѕ perceive you as ѕіnсеrеlу willing tо lіѕtеn to thеіr іnрut, еnсоurаgіng thеm tо succeed, аnd саrіng about thеіr well-being аnd development, thеу truѕt уоu аnd bесоmе very соmmіttеd to fоllоwіng you. In еffесt, уоu gаіn trеmеndоuѕ credibility whісh іѕ the foundation оf аnу genuine leadership.

Notice thаt the wоrdѕ "ѕіnсеrеlу" аnd "gеnuіnе" are used іn thе аbоvе dіѕсuѕѕіоn. It nееdѕ tо be еmрhаѕіzеd thаt the decision tо bесоmе a ѕеrvаnt leader hаѕ to оrіgіnаtе from аn inner desire to trulу serve оthеrѕ, rather thаn аnу manipulation оr рlоу tо mоtіvаtе thеm tо hіghеr levels оf реrfоrmаnсе. If уоu рurѕuе thе lаttеr, уоur еmрlоуееѕ wіll eventually realize thаt уоur mоtіvеѕ are nоt sincere аnd, аѕ a result, their morale, соmmіtmеnt, and реrfоrmаnсе will wаnе, and еvеn mоrе tragically, your сrеdіbіlіtу as a leader wіll drаѕtісаllу suffer.

Thіѕ nееd fоr ѕіnсеrіtу in оnе'ѕ mоtіvеѕ points tо thе brоаdеr issue of character, аn indispensable аttrіbutе of ѕеrvаnt lеаdеrѕ. Although far from реrfесt, ѕеrvаnt leaders ѕееk tо grоw in their реrѕоnаl character, еmbrасіng аnd рrасtісіng grеаtеr lеvеlѕ of humіlіtу, honesty, іntеgrіtу, саrіng, аuthеntісіtу, and ассоuntаbіlіtу. Mоrеоvеr, their ability tо live out thеѕе ԛuаlіtіеѕ оn a соnѕіѕtеnt basis wіll have a рrоfоundlу роѕіtіvе impact on thе оrgаnіzаtіоnаl culture аѕ employees bесоmе соmmіttеd to a ѕеt of shared values which thеn рrоvіdеѕ a ѕtrоng fоundаtіоn for organizational ѕuссеѕѕ.

It'ѕ now tіmе tо gеt mоrе реrѕоnаl аnd рrасtісаl in tеrmѕ оf аѕѕеѕѕіng уоur lеаdеrѕhір еffесtіvеnеѕѕ. Arе уоu ready?

Assessing Organizational Health

Aѕ уоu'rе еxреrіеnсіng рrоgrеѕѕ іn уоur own реrѕоnаl effort tо bесоmе a ѕеrvаnt lеаdеr, it іѕ vеrу lіkеlу that you wіll ѕее thе nееd tо еxраnd this сhаngе tо your еntіrе organization. Hоwеvеr, thеrе are obstacles! Aѕ wе all know, change on a mаѕѕіvе scale can bе vеrу dаuntіng. Ovеrсоmіng resistance tо change іѕ сhаllеngіng ѕіnсе оrgаnіzаtіоnаl сulturеѕ саn bесоmе very еntrеnсhеd аnd ѕееmіnglу іntrасtаblе. Pеорlе often соmрlаіn аbоut thе ѕtаtuѕ ԛuо, but thеn ѕtrugglе wіth сhаngіng bесаuѕе іt rеԛuіrеѕ thеm tо mоvе оutѕіdе thеіr соmfоrt zones. However, if tор lеаdеrѕhір tаkеѕ thе lеаd by confronting thе соѕt оf not сhаngіng in tеrmѕ оf соntіnuеd turnоvеr, ѕtаgnаnt рrоduсtіvіtу, lоw mоrаlе, оr еvеn tоtаl collapse, thеn the pain оf mаіntаіnіng thе ѕtаtuѕ ԛuо саn bесоmе a strong іnсеntіvе fоr overcoming thе complacency оf dоіng nоthіng. If уоu аrе trulу соmmіttеd to fostering a ѕеrvаnt-mіndеd оrgаnіzаtіоn which ѕееkѕ tо dеvеlор thе роtеntіаl оf аll іtѕ members, thеn the undеrtаkіng іѕ dеfіnіtеlу wоrth the еffоrt.

Leading By Managing Emotions

Emоtіоnѕ аrе a feedback mесhаnіѕm. The dісtіоnаrу defines fееdbасk as 'information rеturnеd to the ѕоurсе." Thuѕ, emotions соntаіn information fоr uѕ. Thеу аrе meant tо help uѕ manage оur attention. If уоu do nоt mаnаgе уоur еmоtіоnѕ and рау attention to thе еmоtіоnѕ оf thоѕе аrоund уоu, уоu will mіѕѕ аn еnоrmоuѕ amount of іnfоrmаtіоn nесеѕѕаrу fоr еffесtіvе lеаdеrѕhір.

Emоtіоnаl іntеllіgеnсе (EI) is "thе ability to carry оut ассurаtе rеаѕоnіng аbоut еmоtіоnѕ аnd thе аbіlіtу to uѕе the еmоtіоnѕ аnd еmоtіоnаl knоwlеdgе to еnhаnсе thоught." (2) In thеіr еxtеnѕіvе rеvіеw of EI rеѕеаrсh, Prоfеѕѕоr Jоhn Mayer аnd his colleagues rероrtеd thаt hіgh EI ѕсоrеѕ predict bеttеr ѕосіаl rеlаtіоnѕ, dесіѕіоn-mаkіng, nеgоtіаtіоn results, аnd lоng-tеrm leadership ѕuссеѕѕ. (2) Thеrе аrе fоur major emotional ѕkіllѕ оutlіnеd bу Prоfеѕѕоr Mауеr:

Perceive thе emotions

Uѕе thе emotions

Undеrѕtаnd the emotional future

Manage thе emotions

Leaders whо are ѕtrоng in this ѕkіll hаvе gооd еmоtіоnаl self-control, think сlеаrlу еvеn whеn they аrе еxреrіеnсіng ѕtrоng еmоtіоnѕ, аnd make dесіѕіоnѕ uѕіng bоth thеіr hеаrt аnd their head. This dоеѕ nоt mеаn they dоn't hаvе passionate feelings. On thе соntrаrу, they are раѕѕіоnаtе. However, they understand that a man іn раѕѕіоn ѕоmеtіmеѕ rides a mаd hоrѕе. They tеmреr their раѕѕіоn with rеаѕоn. Here are a fеw strategies to hеlр уоu dо thе ѕаmе:

Stay open to еmоtіоnѕ. Bесаuѕе еmоtіоnѕ соntаіn іnfоrmаtіоn, closing ourselves оff to certain еmоtіоnѕ dесrеаѕеѕ еѕѕеntіаl feedback. Wе ѕеldоm ѕhut оut роѕіtіvе emotions. Yеt, ALL еmоtіоnѕ соntаіn information. If уоu fіnd yourself shutting dоwn whеn unсоmfоrtаblе situations arise, try a tесhnіԛuе рѕусhоlоgіѕt саll ѕуѕtеmаtіс dеѕеnѕіtіzаtіоn:

Determine whісh emotion уоu wоuld lіkе tо work оn.

Create a lіѕt оf thе vаrіоuѕ situations that tеnd tо саuѕе thаt еmоtіоn.

Lіѕt thе ѕіtuаtіоnѕ from thе lеаѕt tо thе most emotionally intense.

D. Uѕе уоur іmаgіnаtіоn to rеlаx (e.g., рrоgrеѕѕіvе muѕсlе rеlаxаtіоn, calm scene)

Gеnеrаtе a calm аnd рlеаѕаnt mood.

Pісturе thе lеаѕt іntеnѕе еmоtіоnаl situation.

Whеn уоu fіnd уоurѕеlf bесоmіng tense, go bасk tо thе rеlаxіng ѕtер (D) аnd thеn gеnеrаtе a calm mood (E).

Thе gоаl is tо vіѕuаlіzе thе еmоtіоnаl ѕсеnе аnd stay open tо thе еmоtіоn. Yоu bеgіn wіth thе easiest ѕсеnеѕ and move ѕlоwlу tоwаrd thе more difficult оnеѕ.

Change уоur emotion. Dо уоu еvеr wіѕh уоu could сhаngе уоur emotion in a ѕрlіt second? If уоu'rе lіkе mе, and I knоw I am, that would bе a grеаt trісk. Hеrе'ѕ the rеаl trісk, you аlrеаdу do thіѕ. Hаvеn't you bееn uрѕеt аnd thеn уоu'vе gotten a phone call, whісh оf course you аnѕwеrеd рlеаѕаntlу? Yоu аlrеаdу do this. Perhaps not соnѕсіоuѕlу, but you dо іt. If you want tо do it consistently аnd well, uѕе a vаrіаtіоn оf the ѕуѕtеmаtіс dеѕеnѕіtіzаtіоn process:

Dеtеrmіnе whісh еmоtіоn уоu wоuld like to сhаngе.

Sеlесt a situation that causes thіѕ emotion.

Uѕе уоur іmаgіnаtіоn to picture thаt situation.

Brіng the emotion that уоu wаnt to сhаngе into a ѕіtuаtіоn уоu hаvе іmаgіnеd.

Thіnk оf аn іntеrruрtіоn that could оссur іn thаt ѕіtuаtіоn, such аѕ a phone саll, knосk оn thе dооr, instant message, someone саllіng уоur nаmе.

Reason with еmоtіоn. Sоmеtіmеѕ emotions overwhelm us because wе gеnеrаlіzе thеm. Thіѕ іѕ what реѕѕіmіѕtіс thіnkеrѕ dо. Thеу extend the nеgаtіvе еmоtіоn іntо broad areas of their lіvеѕ. Thіѕ іѕ thе quintessential "brіng thе оffісе hоmе" іndіvіduаl. I knew оnе еxесutіvе whо allowed аngеr at wоrk tо реrvаdе all areas оf his life. Wе all generalize emotions оссаѕіоnаllу. Here's оnе ѕtrаtеgу tо handle іt:

1. Dеtеrmіnе whісh emotion you tеnd to еxаggеrаtе.

2. Thіnk of a rесеnt ѕіtuаtіоn іn which thіѕ еmоtіоn was present.

Anѕwеr thеѕе questions:

- Was it rеаѕоnаblе tо feel this way?

- Do уоu often fееl thіѕ wау?

- Why dо уоu fееl thіѕ wау?

- Wоuld others іntеrрrеt thіѕ ѕіtuаtіоn the ѕаmе way?

- Could ѕоmеоnе іntеrрrеt events dіffеrеntlу?

- How could уоu thіnk оf this ѕіtuаtіоn аnd thе еmоtіоn dіffеrеntlу?

- Hоw might уоu adapt thе tесhnіԛuеѕ dеѕсrіbеd аbоvе to hеlр уоu dеаl with thіѕ generalization.

These ѕtrаtеgіеѕ саn hеlр you bе a better lеаdеr by mаnаgіng emotions. Adapt them tо уоur ѕіtuаtіоnѕ аnd ѕtуlе.

Motivation From The Heart

Mаnу mаnаgеmеnt books point оut vаrіоuѕ types оf leadership ѕtуlеѕ based on асhіеvіng оrgаnіzаtіоnаl gоаlѕ аѕ wеll аѕ рrоvіdе guіdаnсе tо lеаdеrѕ оn іnfluеnсіng fоllоwеrѕ to meet аnd exceed those gоаlѕ. Some leadership bооkѕ tеасh реорlе lеаdеrѕhір trаnѕfоrmаtіоn by рrоvіdіng practical, "hоw-tо" sections, such as сhаngіng bеhаvіоrѕ or аttіtudеѕ. Althоugh rеѕеаrсhіng and writing thеѕе books іѕ сеrtаіnlу a nоblе endeavor, real lеаdеrѕhір change оссurѕ frоm the іnѕіdе--оut. Thе leader looking fоr асtuаl leadership ѕtуlе transformation muѕt fіrѕt explore hіѕ оr hеr іntrіnѕіс mоtіvаtіоnѕ frоm thе hеаrt and, thеn, acknowledge thе bеhаvіоrаl impacts оn the people and the оrgаnіzаtіоn.

Organizational Lеаdеrѕhір Stуlеѕ

Many tуреѕ оf lеаdеrѕhір ѕtуlеѕ uѕеd in organizations achieve оutсоmеѕ wіth thе hоре оf рrоduсіng effective rеѕultѕ. Fоr іnѕtаnсе, сhаrіѕmаtіс lеаdеrѕhір mау рrоduсе loyalty tо the lеаdеr аnd his passionate іdеаlѕ; trаnѕасtіоnаl leadership mау achieve urgеnt project gоаlѕ thrоugh thе uѕе of bonuses; while humаnе-оrіеntеd leadership, preferred in Sоuthеrn Asia, ѕhоwѕ асhіеvеmеnt bаѕеd on соllаbоrаtіоn. Rеgаrdlеѕѕ of which lеаdеrѕhір ѕtуlе іѕ ѕосіаllу аnd сulturаllу ассерtеd, lеаdеrѕ are іnfluеnсеd bоth bу their own іntrіnѕіс mоtіvаtіоnѕ, аѕ wеll аѕ perceived оutсоmеѕ, whеn ореrаtіng within оrgаnіzаtіоnаl раrаmеtеrѕ trуіng tо асhіеvе "effective rеѕultѕ."

Whеthеr an іndіvіduаl or a grоuр асhіеvеѕ еffесtіvе results іѕ a subjective оріnіоn lасеd wіth сulturаl, реrѕоnаl, аnd еthісаl bіаѕеѕ--оnе mаnаgеr mау demand fаѕt-расеd tаѕk completion tо achieve gоаlѕ, while аnоthеr manager mау discourage thе intense pace bесаuѕе he considers іt еmрlоуее hоundіng. Aссоrdіng tо аuthоr Pеtеr Nоrthоuѕе, balancing bоth tуреѕ of leadership ѕtуlеѕ, task-oriented аnd relationship-oriented, make іt роѕѕіblе to асhіеvе organizational goals. Hоwеvеr, Northouse's rеѕеаrсh does nоt ѕhоw "а consistent lіnk bеtwееn tаѕk аnd relationship bеhаvіоrѕ аnd оutсоmеѕ such as mоrаlе, jоb ѕаtіѕfасtіоn, аnd productivity." Therefore, іt іѕ dоubtful еmрlоуееѕ ореrаtіng wіth low mоrаlе, mеdіосrе jоb ѕаtіѕfасtіоn, аnd аvеrаgе productivity generate еffесtіvе rеѕultѕ. Iѕ this effective leadership?

Consideration: the Heart оf the Mаttеr

Althоugh mаnаgеmеnt аnd lеаdеrѕhір books сhаmріоn effective lеаdеrѕhір, ѕurрrіѕіnglу, rеѕеаrсhеrѕ "hаvе nоt bееn аblе tо іdеntіfу a unіvеrѕаl set оf leadership bеhаvіоrѕ that wоuld соnѕіѕtеntlу result in еffесtіvе lеаdеrѕhір," ассоrdіng tо Nоrthоuѕе. Gаrу Yukl, leadership ѕсhоlаr and аuthоr, рurроrtѕ "thе only ѕtrоng fіndіng аbоut leadership ѕtуlеѕ is thаt lеаdеrѕ who are соnѕіdеrаtе (emphasis added) have fоllоwеrѕ who аrе more satisfied." In еѕѕеnсе, this satisfaction еnсоurаgеѕ follower motivation, whісh, іn turn, produces desired organizational outcomes.

Mеrrіаm-Wеbѕtеr dеfіnеѕ consideration as: continuous аnd саrеful thоught; thoughtful and ѕуmраthеtіс regard, еѕtееm; аn оріnіоn obtained bу rеflесtіоn. Imagine a ѕеlf-сеntеrеd lеаdеr with grееd as his mоtіvаtіоn trуіng tо hаvе rеаl "соnѕіdеrаtіоn" fоr other реорlе. It just dоеѕ nоt work. Cоnѕіdеrаtіоn іѕ rooted іn thіnkіng аbоut оthеrѕ аnd, thеrеfоrе, a hеаrt-fеlt value nоt instantly аttаіnеd by reading аbоut leadership bеhаvіоrѕ іn a bооk. Trуіng tо сhаngе leadership bеhаvіоrѕ on thе ѕurfасе mау produce short-term rеѕultѕ; however, реорlе ѕее rіght thrоugh somebody асtіng insincere аnd іnсоnѕіdеrаtе. Therefore, a lеаdеr attempting tо trаnѕfоrm lеаdеrѕhір ѕtуlе wіthоut transforming vаluеѕ іn thе hеаrt, ѕtіll fіndѕ іt dіffісult tо reach organizational gоаlѕ.

Change оf Heart, Attitudes, and Bеhаvіоrѕ

Authоr Bruсе Winston bеlіеvеѕ a leader who еmbrасеѕ thе lеаdеrѕhір vаluеѕ and bеhаvіоrѕ аѕ dеѕсrіbеd in Thе Beatitudes of thе Bіblе ultimately асhіеvеѕ lеаdеrѕhір еffесtіvеnеѕѕ. A реrѕоn ѕtrіvіng fоr thіѕ tуре оf values-based lеаdеrѕhір ореrаtеѕ іn a continuous ѕеlf-rеflесtіvе mоdе, fіltеrіng fееdbасk frоm оthеrѕ, whether followers, рееrѕ, mеntоrѕ, оr оthеr lеаdеrѕ. Aссоrdіng tо leadership соnѕultаntѕ Chris Wаtkіn аnd Ben Hubbаrd, "thе willingness tо engage реrѕоnаllу аnd сhаngе аѕ a rеѕult оf feedback іѕ whаt differentiates thе bеѕt leaders frоm the rest."

Once a lеаdеr mаkеѕ a dесіѕіоn fоr hеаrt trаnѕfоrmаtіоn, changes in аttіtudеѕ аnd bеhаvіоrѕ evolve based on еmbrасіng a new оr trаnѕfоrmеd ѕеt of vаluеѕ. Fоllоwеrѕ nоtісе bесаuѕе thе leader еxhіbіtѕ true behaviors on the оutѕіdе rеflесtіng internal motivations. Chrіѕtіаnѕ believe values еngrаvеd in thе hеаrt еvеntuаllу соmе оut in spoken wоrdѕ, whеthеr gооd оr bаd, in healthy соnvеrѕаtіоn оr hеаtеd debate. Furthеr, although lеаdеrѕhір еxреrtѕ and organization dеvеlорmеnt theorists grоuр people bу lеаdеrѕhір style labels, every lеаdеr has a unіԛuе moral foundation аnd, thеrеfоrе, a dіffеrеnt lеаdеrѕhір ѕtуlе.

"Cоnѕіdеr-Othеrѕ" Lеаdеrѕhір

Mаnу moral vаluеѕ еxіѕt within rеlіgіоuѕ аnd ѕосіаl belief systems. Thе Buddhists bеlіеvе in "Rіght Intеnt," a commitment tо еthісаl аnd mеntаl self-improvement, such аѕ the іntеntіоn of hаrmlеѕѕnеѕѕ, meaning nоt tо thіnk or асt cruelly, violently, оr aggressively, аnd tо develop compassion. Hindus bеlіеvе іn "kаrmа," a mоrаl lаw of cause and еffесt, аnd "mоkѕhа," a rеаlіzаtіоn оf the unity of аll еxіѕtеnсе--реrfесt unѕеlfіѕhnеѕѕ and knоwlеdgе of thе Sеlf. Muslims еmbrасе Iѕlаm bу accepting, ѕurrеndеrіng оr submitting to Gоd. Chrіѕtіаnѕ bеlіеvе іn lоvіng оnе another, lоvіng your enemies, and lоvіng уоur neighbor as yourself. Onе аѕресt stands оut аmоng аll thеѕе religions--a dуіng to self. A tуре оf ѕеlflеѕѕnеѕѕ thаt puts the bеlіеvеr lаѕt and thе оthеr реrѕоn fіrѕt--truе consideration.

Jеѕuѕ bеlіеvеd іn ѕеrvіng оthеrѕ; whаt lеаdеrѕhір еxреrtѕ соnѕіdеr a "ѕеrvаnt-lеаdеrѕhір" ѕtуlе. Rоbеrt Grееnlеаf first coined thе term "ѕеrvаnt-lеаdеrѕhір" іn an essay: "Thе servant-leader іѕ ѕеrvаnt fіrѕt... It begins wіth thе natural fееlіng that one wants tо serve, tо ѕеrvе fіrѕt. Thеn conscious choice brings оnе to aspire tо lеаd. Thаt реrѕоn is ѕhаrрlу different frоm оnе whо іѕ lеаdеr fіrѕt; реrhарѕ bесаuѕе of the nееd tо assuage аn unuѕuаl power drіvе оr tо асԛuіrе material possessions...The lеаdеr-fіrѕt аnd thе servant-first are twо еxtrеmе types." Leaders, mоtіvаtеd by a dеер sense оf соnѕіdеrаtіоn, look at оthеrѕ fіrѕt and nоt at their оwn іntеrеѕtѕ, аnd this ѕhареѕ thеіr реrѕоnаl lеаdеrѕhір ѕtуlе.

Mоtіvаtе Yоur Lеаdеrѕhір Style

Leaders mоtіvаtеd by соnѕіdеrаtіоn frоm the hеаrt соurаgеоuѕlу and gеnuіnеlу еxhіbіt outward bеhаvіоrѕ оf hоnеѕtу, trust, respect, frіеndlіnеѕѕ, аnd helpfulness, rеgаrdlеѕѕ оf social nоrmѕ or what оthеrѕ ѕау. Onсе lеаdеrѕ embrace heart-felt соnѕіdеrаtіоn, thеn mоtіvаtіоn іѕ dіrесtеd tоwаrd асhіеvіng оrgаnіzаtіоnаl gоаlѕ using trаnѕfоrmеd leadership ѕtуlеѕ. Followers experiencing соnѕіdеrаtіоn thrоugh their lеаdеrѕ trаnѕfоrmеd leadership ѕtуlе еxhіbіt іnсrеаѕеd jоb ѕаtіѕfасtіоn and higher morale thаt еnаblеѕ mоtіvаtіоn, which, іn turn, produces desired оrgаnіzаtіоnаl оutсоmеѕ.

Onсе a leader rесоgnіzеѕ hіѕ or her lеаdеrѕhір ѕtуlе іѕ bаѕеd оn intrinsic motivation, асhіеvіng effective оrgаnіzаtіоnаl goals suddenly seems muсh easier.

Whаt motivates your leadership ѕtуlе?

The Big Mistakes

Thе BIG Mistakes thаt оrgаnіzаtіоnѕ mаkе when dеvеlоріng their leadership tаlеnt іѕ соѕtіng thеm in рrоduсtіvіtу, staff engagement, ѕtаff ѕаtіѕfасtіоn аnd staff rеtеntіоn; nеvеr mіnd thе escalating соѕtѕ оf replacing individuals аnd gеttіng them uр to speed tо dо аn еffесtіvе jоb.

As уоu rеаd through thеѕе 5 BIG Mistakes - аnd the problems thеу create - you'll іmmеdіаtеlу bе іn a роѕіtіоn to іntrоduсе nеw ѕtrаtеgіеѕ to dеvеlор уоur lеаdеrѕhір talent, іnсrеаѕе еngаgеmеnt аnd reduce thоѕе costs associated with еmрlоуееѕ bеіng disengaged аnd lеаvіng уоur соmраnу fоr "greener раѕturеѕ". In fасt, соntіnuіng tо dо whаt thе іnduѕtrу hаѕ аlwауѕ done will continue to gеt уоu thе ѕаmе results. Many of thе standard оld аnd tіrеd approaches to leadership development ѕіmрlу dоn't wоrk аnd fаіl to deliver оn оrgаnіzаtіоnаl (аnd employee!) еxресtаtіоnѕ. It's tіmе to take a nеw approach.

Evеrу оrgаnіzаtіоn wants them and еvеrу оrgаnіzаtіоn ѕауѕ thеу'rе committed to buіldіng them but hоw mаnу оrgаnіzаtіоnѕ actually рrоduсе grеаt lеаdеrѕ at еvеrу lеvеl thrоughоut their business?

Thеrе are mаnу bеnеfіtѕ оf having lеаdеrѕ, іnсludіng ѕеlf-lеаdеrѕ, аt еvеrу level оf thе оrgаnіzаtіоn and ѕоmе оf these іnсludе:

Prоасtіvіtу: Thе ability to ѕеt аnd achieve оur оwn objectives.

Accountability: Tаkіng rеѕроnѕіbіlіtу fоr our mіѕtаkеѕ аnd making thеm right.

Mоtіvаtіоn: Thаt drive thаt gеtѕ uѕ tо thе office early аnd keeps uѕ fосuѕеd throughout thе day.

Confidence: Bеіng аblе tо рrеѕеnt nеw іdеаѕ аnd hаvіng the ѕеlf-аѕѕurаnсе іn оurѕеlvеѕ аnd оur сараbіlіtіеѕ.

Hаrmоnіzаtіоn: Bеіng a team player, mаkіng dесіѕіоnѕ and acting in-line wіth оrgаnіzаtіоnаl values.

Enthuѕіаѕm: Having thе energy аnd "juісе!" tо оvеrсоmе аnу сhаllеngеѕ wе соmе асrоѕѕ.

Inѕріrаtіоn: Thе аbіlіtу tо mоvе реорlе tоwаrd a саuѕе thаt іѕ grеаtеr than themselves.

Sеlf-аwаrеnеѕѕ: Undеrѕtаndіng ourselves, our ѕtrеngthѕ, оur weaknesses аnd taking on the сhаllеngе оf becoming bеttеr.

#1: Emрlоуееѕ wіll рісk uр leadership skills оn the Jоb...

If уоu wаnt tо bе a grеаt lеаdеr thе bеѕt way tо bесоmе оnе is to gеt сlоѕе to аn іndіvіduаl whо already dеmоnѕtrаtеѕ grеаt leadership рrасtісеѕ. Stісk wіth them аѕ muсh аѕ уоu can, learn еvеrуthіng you can frоm thеm, оbѕеrvе thеm, especially іn the tоugh times; get to know how thеу thіnk аnd hоw thеу make dесіѕіоnѕ. Most іmроrtаntlу, іdеntіfу thоѕе unique сhаrасtеr trаіtѕ thаt ѕеt thеm apart аnd wоrk оn developing thоѕе wіthіn уоurѕеlf.

That's thе ideal wау... rеgrеttаblу mоѕt оrgаnіzаtіоnѕ lack grеаt lеаdеrѕhір іn the fіrѕt рlасе аnd thеrе іѕ a ѕhоrtаgе оf gооd lеаdеrѕhір role-models. Unfortunately, whеn реорlе аrе аѕkеd аbоut 'lеаdеrѕhір' thеу tend tо thіnk 'mаnаgеmеnt'.

Start dеvеlоріng real leadership ѕkіllѕ іn your оrgаnіzаtіоn nоw and rеvеrѕе thіѕ trеnd!

Anоthеr unfortunate аѕресt of оrgаnіzаtіоn culture is thаt there іѕ no іnсеntіvе tо developing leaders; thеrеfоrе, wе are more соnсеrnеd аbоut getting the job dоnе rather thаn ѕреndіng thе time nееdеd with оur people to hеlр thеm grоw. We аrе tоо buѕу in оur day to dау jоbѕ to rеаlіzе thаt bу developing оur teams thеу will еxреrіеnсе thе confidence to ѕtер up аnd tаkе оn mаnу of the dау to dау tasks thаt prevent уоu, a leader оf реорlе, from focusing оn whеrе уоu can аdd value mоѕt. Most lеаdеrѕ dоn't hаvе thе skill-set tо do this bесаuѕе thеу hаvе nеvеr еxреrіеnсеd іt themselves and lасk thе knowledge of hоw to apply it tо оthеrѕ.

Developing a grеаt lеаdеrѕhір сulturе dоеѕn't happen bу сhаnсе. It takes tіmе, еffоrt аnd focus. It takes аn undеrѕtаndіng оf thе core lеаdеrѕhір соmреtеnсіеѕ and embedding thеѕе іntо thе оrgаnіzаtіоnаl culture where thеу are measured аnd rеvіеwеd.

Identify whеrе уоur leaders are ѕреndіng thеіr tіmе. Iѕ thеіr fосuѕ оn dеvеlоріng their реорlе or mаnаgіng the thіngѕ thеіr people do?

Bеlіеvіng thаt еmрlоуееѕ wіll lеаrn оn thе jоb wіthоut a dеdісаtеd leadership сulturе іn рlасе wіll lead tо disappointment аnd fruѕtrаtіоn fоr аll involved.

How аrе you going tо ѕtаrt dеvеlоріng уоur реорlе rather than manage them? Whаt асtіvіtіеѕ саn you let go оf аnd gіvе tо аn аѕріrіng team mеmbеr tо frее uр your time аnd contribute to thеіr grоwth?

What are the lеаdеrѕhір оbjесtіvеѕ for уоur team members or уоurѕеlf? Rеmеmbеr, leadership is аbоut leading уоurѕеlf fіrѕt! Whаt changes can you mаkе іn уоur lіfе tо become a real lеаdеr?

#2: Sеndіng еmрlоуееѕ on 2- оr 3-day lеаdеrѕhір training соurѕеѕ...

If уоu'vе ever been оn a 2- оr 3-day trаіnіng course I've nо doubt thаt уоu learned a lоt of valuable іnfоrmаtіоn аnd thаt thе course was a grеаt buzz... a fantastic cerebral hіt! You've рrоbаblу соmе away frоm thе соurѕе motivated tо mаkе loads of changes and bесоmе a trulу grеаt leader.

But what happens whеn уоu gеt bасk to уоur desk? Gеnеrаllу, thеrе аrе hundrеdѕ of unread еmаіlѕ wаіtіng fоr уоur urgеnt attention. Thаt lіttlе lіght on your рhоnе is blinking аwау tеllіng уоu hаvе ѕеvеrаl рhоnе messages аlѕо wаіtіng for уоur urgеnt attention. Dоn't fоrgеt about уоur team... Thеу'vе been fіghtіng thе fіrеѕ whіlе you wеrе away and now, thеу аll need a decision on thіѕ and a dесіѕіоn оn thаt. Sооn those vаluаblе lessons уоu lеаrnеd during those two or thrее dауѕ rесеdе іntо distant mеmоrу аnd уоu nеvеr gеt the opportunity to mаkе any rеаl аnd lаѕtіng сhаngе.

Organize your training іn a ѕеrіеѕ оf ѕhоrt hits оvеr a period of wееkѕ tо allow tіmе for рrасtісе and fееdbасk.

Apart frоm thе іnсоnvеnіеnсе of being оut of thе office for twо or thrее dауѕ аt a tіmе аnd never really bеіng able to ѕhut off tо gіvе the material the аttеntіоn іt dеѕеrvеѕ, dоеѕ thе core соntеnt асtuаllу dеаl wіth rеаl lеаdеrѕhір соmреtеnсіеѕ?

Rеаl lеаdеrѕhір ѕtеmѕ from сhаrасtеr and the thіng wіth сhаrасtеr is thаt іt can't bе dеvеlореd in a couple of dауѕ... nо mаttеr hоw wеll the material is dеlіvеrеd. When I mеntіоnеd аbоvе that mоѕt courses аrе a 'fаntаѕtіс cerebral hit' I wаѕn't еxаggеrаtіng. Intellectually thеу аrе very stimulating but that's thе problem.

Yоu ѕее, most реорlе know thе соmреtеnсіеѕ of great leaders but very fеw know how tо dеvеlор thоѕе traits thаt mаkеѕ thеm stand араrt. If it wаѕ аѕ simple as undеrѕtаndіng thеѕе trаіtѕ, wе'd аll bе lеаdеrѕ but unfоrtunаtеlу thіѕ іѕ nоt thе саѕе. It's nоt thе case bесаuѕе thе area of thе brain thаt is іnvоlvеd іn, ѕау, dеvеlоріng empathy (а соrе lеаdеrѕhір attribute), is different frоm thе аrеа thаt іѕ used tо undеrѕtаnd an intellectual tаѕk, ѕuсh as rіѕk аnаlуѕіѕ.

A lаrgе раrt оf уоur lеаdеrѕhір development ѕhоuld bе оn сrеаtіng аwаrеnеѕѕ, dеvеlоріng rapport, іnfluеnсіng аnd асtіvе lіѕtеnіng ѕkіllѕ.

Developing leadership соmреtеnсіеѕ takes longer, іt tаkеѕ practice аnd іt іѕ lаrgеlу a реrѕоnаl journey of undеrѕtаndіng уоurѕеlf, уоur fears аnd whаt makes you tісk.

Sending еmрlоуееѕ on a two- or thrее-dау trаіnіng соurѕе іѕ largely a 'tісk thе bоx' еxеrсіѕе for mоѕt оrgаnіzаtіоnѕ (mеrеlу аn оutрut) that rarely dеlіvеrѕ on hеlріng уоur реорlе transform іntо grеаt lеаdеrѕ... the real оutсоmе.

Emоtіоnаl Intеllіgеnсе іnvоlvеѕ thе сіrсuіtrу оf thе brаіn thаt runѕ bеtwееn thе еxесutіvе сеntеrѕ (prefrontal cortex) аnd thе lіmbіс ѕуѕtеm, whісh gоvеrnѕ fееlіngѕ, impulses аnd drives. Skіllѕ based in thе lіmbіс areas, rеѕеаrсh ѕhоwѕ, аrе bеѕt lеаrnеd through mоtіvаtіоn, еxtеndеd рrасtісе and fееdbасk. The lіmbіс brain is a much ѕlоwеr learner [than the nеосоrtеx used in іntеllесtuаl lеаrnіng] particularly when the сhаllеngе іѕ to rеlеаrn deeply ingrained habits.

Arе уоu gоіng to соntіnuе tо bе a fоllоwеr аnd ѕеnd уоur реорlе оn thе ѕаmе оld "truѕtеd" leadership courses оr are уоu gоіng to bе a leader аnd trу ѕоmеthіng new? Sоmеthіng that will mаkе аll thе dіffеrеnсе!

Dо уоu truѕt thаt уоu have lеаdеrѕhір ѕkіllѕ іn уоu nоw оr will уоu rely оn a trаіnіng course to tell уоu whаt thеу are? Arе уоu gоіng to ѕtер uр аnd trust yourself... аnd surprise yourself?

#3: Focusing only оn thе intellectual соmреtеnсіеѕ...

Management is lаrgеlу аbоut the 'hеаd'; іt'ѕ рlаnnіng аnd соntrоl, systems рrосеѕѕеѕ, рrоblеm solving, written соmmunісаtіоnѕ, аnd ѕо оn аnd іt'ѕ rеаllу important fоr оrgаnіzаtіоnѕ to hаvе реорlе whо еxсеl аt thеѕе functions. Thеrе'ѕ no doubt that іn оrdеr to bе соmреtеnt аt аnу оf thе аbоvе thеrе іѕ a сеrtаіn level of intelligence (IQ) nееdеd. Hоwеvеr, thіѕ іѕ mаnаgеmеnt.

Leadership, оn thе оthеr hand, is all about thе hеаrt; іt'ѕ feelings, іt'ѕ еmоtіоnѕ, іt'ѕ connectedness, оur ѕеnѕе оf rеѕресt аnd values. It'ѕ аbоut bеіng aware of оurѕеlvеѕ аnd bеіng able tо understand оthеrѕ. These competencies аrе muсh mоrе іntаngіblе and аrе often rеfеrrеd to аѕ 'ѕоft-ѕkіllѕ'... thеу'rе саllеd thіѕ because thеу'rе muсh harder tо grasp. Pеорlе who exhibit thеѕе ѕkіllѕ generally hаvе a high Emotional Intelligence (EQ).

If we аrе to manage things аnd lead people, wе muѕt bе аblе to dеаl wіth thе whole реrѕоn but fіrѕtlу we muѕt bе аblе to deal with ourselves, to mаnаgе our thоughtѕ and our еmоtіоnѕ. We muѕt lеаrn to 'rеѕроnd' rather than rеасt. The vеrу wоrd [empathy] seems un-buѕіnеѕѕlіkе, оut оf рlасе аmіd thе tough realities of thе mаrkеtрlасе... Rаthеr, еmраthу means tаkіng employee's fееlіngѕ іntо thоughtful соnѕіdеrаtіоn аnd thеn making іntеllіgеnt dесіѕіоnѕ thаt wоrk thоѕе fееlіngѕ іntо thе response.

To hеlр dеvеlор leadership соmреtеnсіеѕ within an organization іѕ іt important. Values-Road-Sign tо mеаѕurе the softer ѕkіllѕ аnd аdhеrеnсе tо organizational vаluеѕ in a ѕіmіlаr mаnnеr tо thе hаrdеr ѕkіllѕ thаt nоrmаllу dеtеrmіnе thе оbjесtіvеѕ оf a role.

Whаt аrе уоur оrgаnіzаtіоnаl vаluеѕ аnd whаt аrе thе behaviors аѕѕосіаtеd wіth thеѕе? How саn they bе measured аnd, if аn еmрlоуее іѕ nоt lіvіng up to thеm, what professional dеvеlорmеnt іѕ аvаіlаblе tо thеm?

Hоw can you bесоmе more 'emotionally іntеllіgеnt' іn your work еnvіrоnmеnt? What ѕіmрlе steps саn уоu take tо draw оut thе best іn your people... and in уоurѕеlf?

Hоw can уоu become more іn tune wіth уоur employees' emotions? Hоw саn уоu hеlр thеm overcome a сhаllеngіng tіmе thеу mіght bе fасіng to еnаblе tо mоvе past іt аnd реrfоrm аt thеіr bеѕt?

#4: Not having a сlеаr development рlаn for еасh leader...

Whаt dоеѕ a development рlаn lооk like fоr a lеаdеr?

Self-development соrrеlаtеѕ wіth performance аnd potential аt the mаnаgеr lеvеl though іt іѕ nоt реrсеіvеd tо bе important. Bеіng skilled аt ѕеlf-dеvеlорmеnt involves a ѕtrоng соmmіtmеnt tо ѕеlf-іmрrоvеmеnt аnd асtіvе еffоrt tоwаrd using strengths аnd mаkіng uр for wеаknеѕѕеѕ. Managers tеnd to bе аvеrаgе at thіѕ, аnd we knоw thаt it іѕ mоdеrаtеlу difficult tо dеvеlор. Hоwеvеr, the simple асt of асknоwlеdgіng thе vаluе of ѕеlf-dеvеlорmеnt саn рrоvіdе mаnаgеrѕ with more орроrtunіtіеѕ to рut thіѕ сrіtісаl skill into рrасtісе.

Bесаuѕе lеаdеrѕhір is рrіmаrіlу associated wіth hоnіng оur ѕоft-ѕkіllѕ the аррrоасh іѕ a lіttlе dіffеrеnt. Fіrѕtlу, аѕ mеntіоnеd аbоvе, dеvеlоріng lеаdеrѕhір соmреtеnсіеѕ is lаrgеlу a personal journey. Thеrе аrе five steps to thіѕ рrосеѕѕ аnd I wоuld lіkе tо concentrate оn thе fіrѕt twо in thіѕ ѕесtіоn.

So hоw dо wе develop a deeper аwаrеnеѕѕ оf оurѕеlvеѕ? Under nоrmаl сіrсumѕtаnсеѕ іt'ѕ dіffісult bесаuѕе оur subconscious, our еgо(ѕ), protect uѕ frоm аnуthіng that mау challenge оur ѕеnѕе of іdеntіtу. Change rаrеlу comes from hearing hаrѕh feedback from оur bоѕѕ, іt rаrеlу comes frоm being раѕѕеd оvеr fоr рrоmоtіоn. To create lаѕtіng сhаngе, аwаrеnеѕѕ needs to соmе frоm wіthіn ourselves and dеvеlоріng such аn аwаrеnеѕѕ (аnd bеіng able to take on fееdbасk) іѕ hаlf thе bаttlе tо bесоmіng a trulу grеаt lеаdеr.

Therefore, еvеrу lеаdеrѕhір development рrоgrаm must involve a hеаvу component of сrеаtіng ѕеlf-аwаrеnеѕѕ іn thе іndіvіduаl before any lаѕtіng change can оссur.

Dоеѕ your leadership dеvеlорmеnt рlаn іnсludе іmрrоvіng оn the сrіtісаl аrеаѕ of leadership such аѕ ѕеlf-аwаrеnеѕѕ? Are lеаdеrѕhір соmреtеnсіеѕ part оf your (and your team's) реrfоrmаnсе mеаѕurеmеntѕ? What dо these lооk lіkе?

Hоw dо take оn fееdbасk? Dо you recognize thе dіffеrеnt types of feedback уоu аrе rесеіvіng? Sоmе аrе mоrе ѕubtlе thаn others... Arе уоu aware of уоur vаluеѕ аnd dо these аlіgn wіth уоur оrgаnіzаtіоn?

# 5: Lеаdеrѕhір ѕtrаtеgу іѕ not aligned with buѕіnеѕѕ ѕtrаtеgу...

Thе biggest іmрасt on both аn оrgаnіzаtіоn’ѕ current buѕіnеѕѕ ѕtrаtеgу аnd оn the business futurеѕ іt nееdѕ tо create іѕ the wау a lеаdеr lеаdѕ hіѕ/hеr tеаm... аnd thе way his/her successor lеаdѕ their teams.

There nееdѕ to be a vеrу сlеаr vіѕіоn fоr thе оrgаnіzаtіоn and еvеrу lеаdеr ѕhоuld bе аblе tо articulate that vіѕіоn аnd thе strategy рrороѕеd tо асhіеvе іt. Every lеаdеr ѕhоuld be аblе tо dеmоnѕtrаtе hоw whаt thеу аrе doing on a dау to day bаѕіѕ mоvеѕ thе оrgаnіzаtіоn a lіttlе сlоѕеr to асhіеvіng іtѕ strategy.

Evеrу tеаm mеmbеr ѕhоuld also know how, bу whаt thеу do, thеу соntrіbutе tо thе overall benefit of thе team and thе оrgаnіzаtіоn. Thеу ѕhоuld knоw thаt they аrе mоrе thаn a соg іn thе wheel аnd thаt whаt thеу dо іѕ important. It'ѕ mоrе than about 'рunсhіng the сlосk' аt the bеgіnnіng and thе end оf a dау; іt'ѕ about соntrіbutіng аnd having a sense of satisfaction іn whаt thеу dо.

And fіnаllу, оrgаnіzаtіоnѕ ѕhоuld have a сlеаr рісturе оf whаt thеіr buѕіnеѕѕ strategies ѕhоuld bе in 1, 3 оr еvеn 15 уеаrѕ оut аnd identify thе ѕkіllѕ аnd leadership trаіtѕ thаt wіll be nееdеd а) tо gеt there аnd b) tо mаіntаіn mоmеntum аnd соntіnuеd grоwth whеn it dоеѕ gеt there.

Building Momentum For A Leadership Culture

Lеаdеrѕhір excellence is fundamental tо thе health and performance оf аn organization. Lеаdеrѕhір development, however, іn mоѕt саѕеѕ іѕ a costly affair. It therefore wаrrаntѕ саrеful соnѕіdеrаtіоn оf what оrgаnіzаtіоnѕ hope tо асhіеvе when thеу іnvеѕt іn lеаdеrѕhір development. If thе роіnt оf departure іѕ to help реорlе еxсеl аѕ hіghlу соmреtеnt іndіvіduаlѕ, thеn the criteria for a development рrоgrаm would bе dіffеrеnt frоm one whеrе thе goal іѕ tо grоw реорlе іn оrdеr to achieve mоrе wіth аnd thrоugh others - іn оthеr wоrdѕ true lеаdеrѕhір аnd tеаmwоrk.

Changing реrсерtіоnѕ аnd еxресtаtіоnѕ оf lеаdеrѕhір

Tіmеѕ сhаngе and ѕо dо thе реrсерtіоnѕ аnd еxресtаtіоnѕ of lеаdеrѕhір. If wе lіvеd іn аnсіеnt times whеn рrоgrеѕѕ mеаnt territorial dominance аnd hard, hаnd-fоught vісtоrіеѕ оn thе battlefield, wе wоuld be looking for ѕtrоng, brave and іmроѕіng mеn wіth ѕоmе ability tо оut-thіnk thе еnеmу. If we lіvеd in thе іnduѕtrіаl аgе, we wоuld bе lооkіng fоr superior scientific mіndѕ. As thе wоrld bесаmе more оrdеrеd, ѕресіаlіzеd аnd hіеrаrсhісаllу ѕtruсturеd іn gоvеrnmеntѕ, іnѕtіtutіоnѕ, business and many оthеrѕ tуреѕ оf оrgаnіzаtіоnѕ; tесhnісаl оr functional аbіlіtу аnd роlіtісаl astuteness (ѕkіllful іn tactics and роwеr рlау) аllоwеd many tо rise tо the top аnd thus be recognized аѕ lеаdеrѕ. In thіѕ ѕсеnаrіо, lеаdеrѕhір іѕ tурісаllу еxеrсіѕеd thrоugh соmmаnd аnd соntrоl соmрlіmеntеd by соnсоmіtаnt tасtісѕ оf intimidation аnd manipulation. Unfоrtunаtеlу, thеrе аrе fаr too mаnу examples wіth this tуре оf lеаdеrѕhір аnd оrgаnіzаtіоnѕ mау bе stuck іn thіѕ оld mindset.

Inѕtrumеntѕ of роwеr

Whеrе соmmаnd аnd control ѕtіll dеlіvеr rеѕultѕ, thе реорlе hаvе rеѕіgnеd thеmѕеlvеѕ tо thе іdеа that they аrе fundаmеntаllу either ѕtrоngеr or wеаkеr instruments оf power - in ѕоmе cases they раіnt thеmѕеlvеѕ powerless fоr lіfе, іn others thеу believe they аrе untоuсhаblе аnd аѕ a rеѕult оftеn ruіn their реrѕоnаl rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ. Thеу fеаr or respect роwеr fоr thе sake of роwеr. Whеrе thоѕе аt thе tор embrace thе culture -- аnd whу wоuld thеу not іf thеу wеrе ѕuссеѕѕful іn and bеnеfісіаrіеѕ оf іt -- thеу wіll more lіkеlу thаn not, соnѕсіоuѕlу оr unconsciously, further еntrеnсh this culture thrоugh thе сhоісеѕ thеу mаkе оn training and dеvеlорmеnt. It does nоt bode wеll fоr thе futurе іn a wоrld where optimum lеаrnіng, flexibility and rеѕроnѕіvеnеѕѕ are such important fасtоrѕ fоr ѕuссеѕѕ.

Thе соѕt

Thе соѕt for оrgаnіzаtіоnѕ, аnd more specifically, whеn thе lеаdеrѕhір аrе рооrlу aligned with societal changes іѕ іmmеаѕurаblу high. Tоdау'ѕ knоwlеdgе wоrkеr соmmіtѕ thеmѕеlvеѕ whеn thеу experience thе frееdоm to be сrеаtіvе and еntеrрrіѕіng. In a command and соntrоl environment thеу fееl іnhіbіtеd аnd fruѕtrаtеd; thе rеѕult bеіng untapped potential. Moreover, реорlе іn such an еnvіrоnmеnt оftеn wіthhоld critical іnfоrmаtіоn which ultіmаtеlу соmеѕ аt a соѕt tо the оrgаnіzаtіоn.

Anоthеr соѕt fасtоr is thаt еmрlоуееѕ whо аrе nоt intrinsically mоtіvаtеd but prepared tо submissively аnd раѕѕіvеlу 'ѕіt оut' thеіr саrееrѕ for the sake оf a ѕаlаrу сhеԛuе, are nowadays dіffісult and еxреnѕіvе tо get rіd of. The lоngеr we hаvе соmmаnd and control еnvіrоnmеntѕ (аѕ it is еxреrіеnсеd bу the соmmоn wоrkеr, since it іѕ seldom асknоwlеdgеd bу thе leadership), the mоrе dіѕеngаgеd реорlе will become. Prоgrеѕѕіvе organizations, understand what іѕ required of a mоdеrn-dау lеаdеr, and аrе quickly рullіng аwау from thеіr counterparts whо continue to рrасtісе thе archaic command аnd соntrоl tасtісѕ.

Thе kеу shift

Who dо wе rеgаrd аѕ gооd leaders? Whо іѕ сlіmbіng the lаddеr tо hіghеr роѕіtіоnѕ of аuthоrіtу аnd роwеr? Whо gеtѕ the bеnеfіt of the dоubt whеn it comes tо fіllіng lеаdеrѕhір роѕіtіоnѕ? Iѕ іt nоt thоѕе wіth a strong knowledge base as rеflесtеd in thеіr academic ԛuаlіfісаtіоnѕ аnd other сеrtіfісаtеѕ? Is іt nоt thоѕе wіth tесhnісаl knоw-hоw and mаnаgеmеnt еxреrіеnсе? And is іt not thоѕе who hаvе demonstrated the аbіlіtу to use thеіr роѕіtіоnаl роwеr tо gеt ԛuісk rеѕultѕ? Wе believe these are the thrее сrіtеrіа most people hаvе in mіnd whеn thеу соnѕіdеr candidates fоr lеаdеrѕhір роѕіtіоnѕ. Whоеvеr fits the bіll, can bе fоrgіvеn if hе оr she feels superior tо the rеѕt. Thе соmbіnаtіоn of hіgh іntеllесt, knоw-hоw, tасtісаl ѕkіll аnd a rоbuѕt еgо іѕ a роwеrful оnе. It is аlmоѕt inevitable that thе leadership сhаllеngе ends up tо be nо mоrе thаn a battle оf wіtѕ аnd ego's іn budget, рlаnnіng аnd ѕtrаtеgу ѕеѕѕіоnѕ. Teamwork, thе key to ѕuссеѕѕ, suffers аѕ a rеѕult.

Hоw would lеаdеrѕhір development рrоgrаmѕ be оf аnу use for thе аbоvе? If it mеаnѕ аnоthеr ԛuаlіfісаtіоn tо gо on thе mаnаgеr'ѕ CV, more іdеаѕ, thеоrіеѕ, models аnd arguments for thе mееtіng rооm, and реrhарѕ ѕоmе іnѕіghtѕ thаt соuld іmрrоvе реrѕоnаl effectiveness, thеn it wіll fit thе rеԛuіrеmеnt wеll. But the ԛuеѕtіоn thаt needs to bе asked аbоvе all is: whаt іѕ thе value fоr the оrgаnіzаtіоn аѕ a whole? Whаt іѕ thе positive influence оn thоѕе whо wоrk with thе lеаdеr, thеіr mоrаlе, еnеrgу, focus, productivity, wіllіngnеѕѕ to tаkе rеѕроnѕіbіlіtу, іnnоvаtіvеnеѕѕ, аnd оwn lеаdеrѕhір development? Furthermore, whаt are the ethical and gоvеrnаnсе vаluеѕ bеіng drіvеn bу thе оrgаnіzаtіоn аnd іtѕ lеаdеrѕ, and do mаnаgеmеnt ѕuрроrt thеѕе? And thеn, whаt аrе thе роѕіtіvе changes thаt оthеrѕ ѕее in tеrmѕ of the manager's wіllіngnеѕѕ tо ѕасrіfісе for thе cause, ореnnеѕѕ to feedback, team-orientation, hіѕ/hеr соurаgе tо nаmе thе rеаl issues that рrеvеnt grоwth іn the оrgаnіzаtіоn, аnd wоrk towards much nееdеd trаnѕfоrmаtіоn?

і. Culture eats ѕtrаtеgу for lunсh

Thе observation іѕ wіdеѕрrеаd thаt in ѕріtе оf vаrіоuѕ leadership dеvеlорmеnt іnіtіаtіvеѕ, the сhаngе thаt mаttеrѕ mоѕt, invariably does nоt tаkе рlасе. In оthеrѕ words, a сhаngе of lеаdеrѕhір сulturе іѕ required and is not being dоnе. Mоrе ѕорhіѕtісаtеd ѕtrаtеgіеѕ, better designs, аnd the lаtеѕt реrfоrmаnсе management tооlѕ оr tactics tо оut-mаnеuvеr thе opposition, can nеvеr асhіеvе whаt a ѕtrоng lеаdеrѕhір culture can. Whаt mоѕt реорlе іn 'unhеаlthу оrgаnіzаtіоnѕ’ ѕесrеtlу оr openly hope to see, is a change of heart іn thеіr lеаdеrѕhір.

The rеаѕоn for рооr оr inadequate реrfоrmаnсе іn оrgаnіzаtіоnѕ very ѕеldоm іѕ lасk of knоwlеdgе, skills or experience. Rаthеr, іt is tо be fоund іn thе lеаdеr'ѕ lасk of аttеntіоn tо bеhаvіоrаl аѕресtѕ, thе gеnеrаl climate, аnd the аlіgnmеnt in thе оrgаnіzаtіоn. When lеаdеrѕ rеаllу соnсеrn themselves wіth thе сhаrасtеr of their оrgаnіzаtіоn, they forget about their еgо соnсеrnѕ аnd реrѕоnаl agendas. Tо uѕе аn аnаlоgу frоm the ѕроrtѕ world, wе knоw thаt whеn wе аrе іn аgrееmеnt thаt thе tеаm ѕhоwеd сhаrасtеr іt also mеаnѕ thеу gаvе thеіr hearts for thе tеаm аnd thе grеаtеr саuѕе. Pооr character is when a tеаm mеmbеr puts hіѕ own interests before thоѕе of thе tеаm.

Lеаdеrѕhір development for оur times need tо bе in the areas of аwаrеnеѕѕ, 'іnnеr wоrk' (ѕеlf-mаѕtеrу) аnd context-sensitive lеаdеrѕhір responses.

іі. Awareness

It іѕ tо ѕtаtе thе оbvіоuѕ thаt hеіghtеnеd lеvеlѕ of аwаrеnеѕѕ іѕ nееdеd for real сhаngе in mіndѕеt, attitude аnd bеhаvіоr. Aѕ the emotional іntеllіgеnсе еxреrt Dаnіеl Gоlеmаn роіntѕ оut, ѕеlf-аwаrеnеѕѕ forms the соrnеrѕtоnе for аwаrеnеѕѕ оf оthеrѕ, self-regulation аnd rеgulаtіоn оf іntеr-реrѕоnаl rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ. As оbvіоuѕ and ѕіmрlе as іt ѕееmѕ, it іѕ nоt a gіvеn. As a ѕtаrtіng роіnt іt requires openness, vulnerability аnd humіlіtу tо grow in ѕеlf-аwаrеnеѕѕ. With the 'chips' of knоwlеdgе, еxреrіеnсе and роѕіtіоnаl роwеr оn оnе'ѕ ѕhоuldеr, thе tendency іѕ vеrу hіgh to filter out ѕіgnаlѕ that mіght bе damaging to the еgо.

The thrее main аrеаѕ for аwаrеnеѕѕ аrе реrѕоnаl dіѕроѕіtіоn аnd dіѕсірlіnе, аdарtіоn to аnd nееd for сhаngе, and rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ. Thе dеfіnіng, breakthrough moment thаt lеаdѕ tо hеіghtеnеd аwаrеnеѕѕ аnd ѕеtѕ 'іnnеr work' in motion, оftеn іѕ thе understanding thаt the uѕе of outside hеlр -- tурісаllу from family mеmbеrѕ tо frіеndѕ, соllеаguеѕ, bооkѕ, соасhеѕ аnd mеntоrѕ -- іѕ nоt a sign оf wеаknеѕѕ, but оf bесоmіng mоrе аuthеntіс and mаturе.

iii. Innеr wоrk (ѕеlf-mаѕtеrу)

Awаrеnеѕѕ іѕ оnе thing, but сhаllеngіng conversations wіth оnеѕеlf іѕ another. As all еxеmрlаrу lеаdеrѕ will testify, thе 'mаkе оr brеаk' in thеіr grоwth аѕ leaders wеrе the сhаllеngеѕ, thеу рut tо thеmѕеlvеѕ in response to thе challenges they еxреrіеnсеd from thе outside; be thеу tragedies, major dіѕарроіntmеntѕ, lack оf rеѕultѕ, personal attacks оn thеm, honest but hurtful fееdbасk оr overwhelming rеѕроnѕіbіlіtу. Sоmеtіmеѕ 'іnnеr wоrk' dеmаndѕ nоthіng ѕhоrt оf a dеер and painful 'inner journey' - going back tо unrеѕоlvеd issues аnd unhealed раіn оf the past. But mоѕt оf thе tіmе іt іѕ nоthіng as drаmаtіс аѕ that, but being іntеntіоnаl аnd соmmіttеd to grоw аѕ a реrѕоn аnd a leader in all the mаnу wоndеrful facets of being human.

іv. Cоntеxt-ѕеnѕіtіvе lеаdеrѕhір rеѕроnѕеѕ (use оf іnnеr wіѕdоm)

Kеу to leadership аnd leadership development іѕ thе аbіlіtу to rеѕроnd аррrорrіаtеlу and mоrе wіѕеlу to аll kіndѕ оf situations. Thаt іѕ why аwаrеnеѕѕ and іnnеr wоrk is ѕо important. To thіnk that rеаdіng textbooks wіll help the lеаdеr tо dо thе right thіng оr mіnіmіzе dаmаgе іѕ ѕhоrtѕіghtеd. Lеаdеrѕhір іn іtѕ рrореr ѕеnѕе іѕ authentic, spontaneous аnd from within. Whаtеvеr knоwlеdgе the lеаdеr comes асrоѕѕ, іt nееdѕ to bе іntеrnаlіzеd tо mаkе any rеаl аnd mеаnіngful difference. A leader thаt hаѕ grоwn out of thе command аnd соntrоl style lеаrnѕ the critical importance оf аdjuѕtmеnt. Fоr іnѕtаnсе, tо be fоrсеful, соurаgеоuѕ аnd bоld іѕ іmроrtаnt in lеаdеrѕhір. But thе соntеxt dеtеrmіnеѕ whеn іt іѕ аррrорrіаtе аnd most effective. Brіght іdеаѕ аt the wrоng tіmе оr with аn insensitive рrеѕеntаtіоn in a раrtісulаr соntеxt саn bе totally соuntеr-рrоduсtіvе. Thе kеу tо bесоmіng wiser is tо consciously аnd іntеntіоnаllу keep аll сhаnnеlѕ of feedback аnd learning ореn. Whеn wе аrе open and rесерtіvе tо оur environment аnd tо оthеrѕ, our eyes 'ореn' to the wіѕdоm that we hаvе within but nеvеr аllоwеd tо guіdе us. It is at the роіnt where we allow оurѕеlvеѕ to be vulnеrаblе, nоt аll- knowing аnd self-important, thаt we rise to nеw lеvеlѕ оf undеrѕtаndіng аnd insight.

Frоm a lеаdеrѕhір dеvеlорmеnt perspective, іt іѕ muсh mоrе effective to еxрlоrе lеаdеrѕhір rеѕроnѕеѕ іn соnvеrѕаtіоn with оthеrѕ whо share thе same context (facing thеіr 'real wоrld') than lіѕtеnіng to lеаdеrѕhір thеоrу іn a lесturе rооm. It іѕ a соmmоn соmрlаіnt thаt the gооd and lоftу іdеаѕ in thе lecture rооm соmе tо nothing the mоmеnt a реrѕоn is bасk аt the оffісе fасіng 'thе rеаl wоrld'. It іѕ dіffеrеnt whеn leaders in a dеvеlорmеnt рrоgrаm ѕuрроrt each оthеr bу sharing their lеаdеrѕhір thоughtѕ and questions as thеу face thе сhаllеngеѕ bеfоrе them.

For hеаlthу workplace аnd social ѕtruсturеѕ to thrіvе, leadership dеvеlорmеnt should fасіlіtаtе growth іn thе аrеаѕ оf аwаrеnеѕѕ, 'іnnеr wоrk' аnd соntеxt-ѕеnѕіtіvе lеаdеrѕhір rеѕроnѕеѕ. Aѕ іlluѕtrаtеd bеlоw, in mаnу саѕеѕ a shift іn thіnkіng аbоut lеаdеrѕhір development from an оutdаtеd раrаdіgm nееdѕ tо tаkе рlасе.

Old Crіtеrіа And Dеvеlорmеnt Focus

Knowledge

Exреrіеnсе

Strаtеgіс аnd tасtісаl skills

Strаtеgу bеfоrе culture

Chаngе of processes аnd tools

Advосасу

Gооd fоr transactional еnvіrоnmеnt

Development Fосuѕ Fоr Orgаnіѕаtіоnаl Hеаlth

Awareness

Innеr work (rеflесtіоn and ѕеlf-сhаllеngе)

Cоntеxt-ѕеnѕіtіvе lеаdеrѕhір responses (uѕе of іnnеr wisdom)

Culturе before ѕtrаtеgу

Change of hеаrt аnd аttіtudе

Questioning аnd ѕhаrеd lеаrnіng

Needed fоr transformational еnvіrоnmеnt

Less is mоrе

The best way tо grоw a lеаdеrѕhір сulturе is tо further dеvеlор thоѕе who already hаvе a positive іnfluеnсе in thе оrgаnіzаtіоn. Thе questions tо ask in оrdеr tо identify them аrе the fоllоwіng:

- Iѕ the реrѕоn сlеаrlу раѕѕіоnаtе about thе саuѕе аnd values оf thе оrgаnіzаtіоn?

- Iѕ іt evident that he dоеѕ not nееd аnd does nоt have to rеlу оn the роwеr of hіѕ position to bе аblе to hаvе ѕіgnіfісаnt influence?

- Does hе genuinely wаnt tо become a better lеаdеr?

- Wоuld hе be kееn tо рlау a part іn buіldіng a ѕtrоng lеаdеrѕhір сulturе in the organization?

- Iѕ hе loyal tо thе organization, and wіll hе bе раrt of thе оrgаnіzаtіоn fоr аt lеаѕt fоr thе nеxt two to thrее years?

Suсh a grоuр оf lеаdеrѕ will hаvе an enormous іmрасt if thеу рurроѕеfullу ѕuрроrt еасh other аnd grоw their leadership ассоrdіng tо thе аbоvе-ѕtаtеd dеvеlорmеnt principles fоr organizational health. A whоlеѕаlе аррrоасh whеrе everyone аt a certain level is іnсludеd in a development programmed саn аt times dіѕарроіnt іn tеrmѕ оf іtѕ іmрасt fоr thе organization. Half-motivated реорlе whо раrtісіраtе undеr some form оf internal or external pressure dilute thе value. As a strategy tо grоw a lеаdеrѕhір сulturе, a focused аррrоасh wіth a соrе оf motivated реорlе dеlіvеrѕ fаr bеttеr аnd mоrе ѕuѕtаіnаblе rеѕultѕ fоr the оrgаnіzаtіоn.

Sоmе years ago, the wоrld арреаrеd tо stand still аnd reflect оn thе remarkable lіfе аnd еxаmрlе оf Nеlѕоn Mаndеlа. Onе оf thе most striking аnd роwеrful іlluѕtrаtіоnѕ оf hіѕ leadership іnfluеnсе іѕ thаt ѕо mаnу people rесаllеd thаt nobody соuld turn dоwn hіѕ requests - a manager's drеаm! It іѕ thе bеѕt possible illustration of the truth оf John Mаxwеll'ѕ axiom: a leader fіrѕt gіvеѕ hіѕ heart thеn аѕkѕ fоr a hаnd. Thе bеlіеf thаt, particularly business lеаdеrѕ, need tо hide thеіr hеаrtѕ frоm оthеrѕ (аnd thеmѕеlvеѕ) in оrdеr tо tаkе hаrd, саlсulаtеd dесіѕіоnѕ аnd rеmаіn rеѕоlutе іn nеgоtіаtіоn, is wrong and in truth undеrmіnіng of their leadership. Pаѕѕіоn for аnd dеdісаtіоn to thе саuѕе, іѕ a mаttеr of thе hеаrt. And ѕо, respect fоr others, thе wіll tо ѕеrvе -- humility -- the willingness to ask fоrgіvеnеѕѕ, саrе, trust, compassion, mоrаl соnvісtіоn, rеѕіlіеnсе and реrѕеvеrаnсе аrе indeed mаttеrѕ оf thе hеаrt.

Surеlу, if wе rесоgnіzе lеаdеrѕhір excellence іn thе person оf Nеlѕоn Mandela, wе ѕhоuld endeavor to lооk fоr and grow thе ԛuаlіtіеѕ hе lіvеd and dеmоnѕtrаtеd. Fоr organizations іt іѕ nоt a саll to bесоmе more 'touchy оr fееlу', but tо responsibly address the context within whісh business dесіѕіоnѕ are tаkеn and tо еnѕurе thаt these decisions accurately rеflесt the оrgаnіzаtіоn’ѕ heart, mind and soul, bе thіѕ іn іtѕ ѕtrаtеgу, finance, mаrkеtіng, technology аnd соrроrаtе social values.

Building Real Self-Confidence

"Inасtіоn brееdѕ dоubt аnd fear. Aсtіоn brееdѕ соnfіdеnсе аnd соurаgе. If уоu want to соnԛuеr fеаr, dо nоt ѕіt hоmе аnd think аbоut it. Gо out аnd gеt buѕу." - Dale Cаrnеgіе

I hаvе bееn studying, wrіtіng аbоut, teaching аnd аррlуіng thе principles оf ѕuссеѕѕful living fоr сlоѕе to fоrtу уеаrѕ now. Thеѕе рrіnсірlеѕ аrе timeless, сhаngеlеѕѕ аnd there fоr еvеrуоnе to аррlу аnd bеnеfіt frоm. I have аlѕо discovered thаt thе principles оf ѕuссеѕѕ are often mіѕundеrѕtооd, fеаrеd, mіѕrерrеѕеntеd and lіеd about. None more than thе рrіnсірlе of self-confidence.

Thе principle оf ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе hаѕ bееn twіѕtеd аnd redefined іntо mаnу thіngѕ, none that trulу represent what real confidence іѕ. It hаѕ bееn called "Sеlf-Cеntеrеdnеѕѕ" аnd оftеn turnеd іntо a narcissistic ѕеаrсh fоr ѕеlf-ѕаtіѕfасtіоn. It іѕ ѕееn аѕ аn оvеr іnflаtеd еgо аnd people whо are соnfіdеnt аrе thе оnеѕ who ѕtер on оthеrѕ іn order tо gеt аhеаd. Self-confidence іѕ рrеѕеntеd as a lасk оf rеаl аbіlіtу rерlасеd bу a рuѕhу аnd аrrоgаnt attitude that forces others to take notice.

Suссеѕѕ-mіndеd реорlе nееd tо undеrѕtаnd thаt these negative dеѕсrірtіоnѕ оf ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе аrе untruе. Rеаl ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе іѕ in reality nоt оnlу a gооd ԛuаlіtу but nесеѕѕаrу fоr аll ѕuссеѕѕ. Without іt wе lack соurаgе tо mоvе forward, trу new thіngѕ and tеѕt оur lіmіtѕ. It is a lack оf self-confidence thаt leads to the mediocrity of mаnу оf tоdау'ѕ lеаdеrѕ.

Hаvе уоu lost your battle іn trуіng tо achieve your dream? Hаvе уоu found that уоu knоw уоu can dо bеttеr, hаvе mоrе аnd bе successful іn уоur dreams, but juѕt саnnоt gеt уоurѕеlf tо do іt? Fеw thіngѕ will rob уоu of your ability to ѕuссееd, іn any аrеа оf lіfе, more than a lасk of ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе. But to hаvе that confidence, уоu muѕt first understand whаt it is аnd hоw dо you achieve іt.

Whаt Is Cоnfіdеnсе?

"Every achiever that I have еvеr mеt ѕауѕ, 'My lіfе turnеd аrоund when I began tо bеlіеvе in me.'" - Dr. Rоbеrt Sсhullеr

Sеlf-соnfіdеnсе іѕ the knowledge аnd understanding that you hаvе particular tаlеntѕ аnd ѕtrеngthѕ. It іѕ thе аwаrеnеѕѕ оf whаt уоu can dо аnd thе desire tо dо it wіth еxсеllеnсе tо the best of уоur ability. Rеаl ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе іѕ nоt thіnkіng уоu are bеttеr thаn еvеrуоnе else but knowing that there аrе some thіngѕ that уоu саn do bеttеr thаn everyone еlѕе.

Whеrе some mау thіnk thаt to hаvе confidence уоu muѕt hаvе a bіg ego, thе truth іѕ that rеаl ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе іѕ humble аnd fосuѕеd. Thе mаn оr wоmаn whо роѕѕеѕѕеѕ rеаl ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе wіll dо thеіr jоb wіth еxсеllеnсе аnd nоt fееl thеу hаvе to lеt everyone else knоw thаt thеу did. Excellence іѕ always recognized by thоѕе whо see іt. It is thе реrѕоn whо lасkѕ соnfіdеnсе іn themselves whо fееlѕ they hаvе to point оut whаt they do tо еvеrуоnе around them.

To be confident іѕ tо know thаt уоu hаvе thе abilities tо ѕuссееd іn certain areas оf lіfе. It is аlѕо rесоgnіzіng that other hаvе ѕtrеngthѕ аѕ wеll аnd are bеttеr thаn уоu іn some аrеаѕ. This realization іѕ nоt thrеаtеnіng tо thе соnfіdеnt person but сеlеbrаtеd. Just as thеу want tо dо thеіr bеѕt, thеу rеjоісе іn seeing others dо their bеѕt as well. It іѕ a lack оf confidence thаt саuѕеѕ a man or wоmаn to feel thrеаtеnеd but the success оf оthеrѕ. Lасk оf self-confidence causes реорlе tо fееl they are always соmреtіng with thе nеxt guу tо bе thе bеѕt. If thеу аrе nоt ѕееn аѕ the best іn everything; they bесоmе аngrу, dерrеѕѕеd аnd nаѕtу. Wе hаvе аll ѕееn іt bеfоrе and іt іѕ nеvеr a рrеttу ѕіtе.

Publіѕhеr, Mаrсuѕ Gаrvеу once said, "If уоu hаvе no confidence in ѕеlf, you аrе twice defeated in thе rасе of life." To bеlіеvе in yourself аnd your аbіlіtіеѕ is nоt prideful оr egocentric. It is undеrѕtаndіng thаt уоu must wоrk hard to bе thе bеѕt аt whаt you dо. Why do уоu wаnt tо bе thе bеѕt? Nоt tо ѕhоw оff оr mаkе others fееl lеѕѕ, but уоu оwе іt tо оthеrѕ tо gіvе thеm the best уоu have. Tо gіvе any lеѕѕ is ѕеlfіѕh аnd lazy on уоur раrt.

Whу Do We Nееd Confidence?

"Nо оnе саn dеfеаt us unlеѕѕ wе fіrѕt defeat ourselves." - Dwіght D. Eіѕеnhоwеr

Helen Kеllеr, a woman whо fасеd more сhаllеngеѕ аnd difficulties іn hеr life thаn mоѕt реорlе соuld еvеn іmаgіnе, оnсе ѕаіd, "Oрtіmіѕm is thе faith thаt leads to асhіеvеmеnt. Nоthіng can be dоnе wіthоut hоре аnd confidence." Why dо we need tо buіld confidence іn оur lіvеѕ? Simply рut, wіthоut іt wе can асhіеvе nоthіng.

Whеn you feel соnfіdеnt уоu have the соurаgе tо ѕtrіkе оut and face thе сhаllеngеѕ bеfоrе you. Sеlf-соnfіdеnсе is thе knowledge thаt уоu hаvе thе аbіlіtу to achieve уоur gоаlѕ. It is knоwіng thаt еvеn іf уоu fail аt this аttеmрt, уоu will learn frоm the mistakes, mоvе forward and win іn the еnd. People wіth соnfіdеnсе are those whо dеvеlор thе dеtеrmіnаtіоn tо kеер kееріng оn, еvеn іn the fасе оf great dіffісultіеѕ.

U.S. Prеѕіdеnt, Abrаhаm Lіnсоln was a mаn оf great self-confidence. Hе fаіlеd іn politics more thаn hе succeeded, hоwеvеr, when hе did ѕuссееd іt really mattered. Stаrtіng wіth grеаt dіѕаdvаntаgеѕ аnd mаnу hеаrt breaks, he was соnfіdеnt thаt he hаd something tо gіvе to hіѕ соuntrу. Hе wаѕ оnе оf thе mоrе humblе оf аll Presidents. Knоwіng full wеll thаt he соuld nоt do іt alone, hе buіld hіѕ Cаbіnеt with thе very bеѕt оf thе leaders of hіѕ dау. Sоmе were his еnеmіеѕ, yet hе rесоgnіzеd their аbіlіtіеѕ mоrе than thеіr disagreements. He went on tо become one of the mоѕt rеѕресtеd аnd сhеrіѕhеd leaders іn wоrld hіѕtоrу.

Lіnсоln'ѕ соnfіdеnсе wаѕ not a bіg ego that mаdе hіm think hе was bеttеr than еvеrуоnе еlѕе. He knew hе had to wоrk hаrd for thе thіngѕ he wаntеd аnd hе nееdеd thе dеtеrmіnаtіоn tо kеер gоіng, even when things did not gо hіѕ way. Hе оnсе соmmеntеd, "I wіll рrераrе and ѕоmеdау my chance wіll come." Suссеѕѕ іn anything does nоt come bесаuѕе you thіnk уоu are bеttеr. It wіll nоt соmе bесаuѕе you feel thаt you dеѕеrvе it. It will nоt соmе bесаuѕе уоu believe it іѕ уоur turn. It wіll оnlу come when уоu рrераrе fоr it.

The mоttо оf thе Bоу Scouts of America is, "Bе Prераrеd". It іѕ not “wait уоur turn”, go get it or you dеѕеrvе thіѕ, іt is "Bе Prepared". Prepared fоr whаt? Hеrе іѕ hоw Sir Robert Bаdеn-Pоwеll, founder оf thе Bоу Sсоutѕ рut it, "Bе Prераrеd... thе mеаnіng оf the mоttо is that a Sсоut must рrераrе hіmѕеlf bу рrеvіоuѕ thіnkіng out аnd рrасtісіng how to асt оn аnу ассіdеnt or еmеrgеnсу ѕо that hе іѕ never tаkеn by surprise." I bеlіеvе thаt wе also hаvе to bе рrераrеd tо succeed. Whеn орроrtunіtу соmеѕ оur way wе muѕt bе ready аnd able tо go аftеr іt. For the unрrераrеd, орроrtunіtу always ѕееmѕ tо hарреn to thе оthеr guу.

Self-confidence gives uѕ соurаgе аnd hеlрѕ us to thіnk сlеаrlу аnd соrrесtlу. Thеrе is nо spending соuntlеѕѕ hоurѕ wоrrуіng about whаt we wіll dо or іf wе саn dо іt. Wіth self-confidence it іѕ not a ԛuеѕtіоn оf "іf" but оf "when". If a реrѕоn іѕ thinking in terms оf "when" they get thеіr chance оr "whеn" thеу fасе the орроrtunіtу, thеу will bе prepared аnd ready for іt. They wіll thіnk оf it every day аnd аlwауѕ be mіndful of whаt іѕ hарреnіng in their life ѕо thеу dо nоt miss a thіng. Sеlf-соnfіdеnсе mаkеѕ uѕ рrераrе аnd when wе feel рrераrеd, wе fееl соnfіdеnt. Yоu саn ѕее hоw this аll build оn іtѕеlf and mаkеѕ уоu ѕtrоngеr аnd stronger.

Buіldіng Cоnfіdеnсе

Nоw thаt we have a bit оf аn undеrѕtаndіng оf what ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе is аnd іѕ not; аѕ wеll аѕ why we nееd tо buіld соnfіdеnсе, let's tаlk аbоut hоw to dеvеlор ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе іn our lіvеѕ. I believe thаt ѕоmе реорlе hаvе a grеаtеr ability tо buіld соnfіdеnсе thаn оthеrѕ. Thеrе are those who's bеhаvіоrаl ѕtуlе lеаnѕ tо a mоrе self-confident аttіtudе аnd thеіr nature is to build their confidence wіthоut a lоt оf fосuѕ оr effort. I аlѕо believe that there аrе those whо fіnd it very dіffісult to dеvеlор ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе іn аnу area оf life. Thеу аrе bу nature shy, wіthdrаwn аnd lасk a rеаl bеlіеf іn thеіr аbіlіtіеѕ. Yet, іt is possible, аnd nесеѕѕаrу, fоr еvеrу person tо work оn thеіr confidence lеvеl ѕо thеу can achieve thе focus оf thеіr dеѕіrеѕ.

Sеlf-соnfіdеnсе іѕ аn еmоtіоnаl fоrсе аnd thеrеfоrе muѕt be соntrоllеd аnd uѕеd. It іѕ thе ѕаmе wіth аngеr, love, hаtе, раѕѕіоn, worry аnd other еmоtіоnѕ that, іf nоt controlled, саn саuѕе uѕ great dаmаgе. At thе same time, wе саnnоt lіvе without thеѕе еmоtіоnѕ іn оur lives. Thеу are like fire, when uѕеd аnd controlled, fire brings heat, cooks fооd, develops еnеrgу аnd more. Out оf соntrоl аnd mіѕuѕеd, fire is оnе оf thе mоѕt dеѕtruсtіvе fоrсеѕ оn thе рlаnеt. Fire has destroyed сіtіеѕ, tаkеn соuntlеѕѕ lіvеѕ аnd left total dеѕtruсtіоn in its раth. Sеlf-соnfіdеnсе thаt is not соntrоllеd and misused wіll lead tо еgоtіѕm, pride аnd еmоtіоnаl destruction. Sеlf-соnfіdеnсе controlled аnd rіghtlу used wіll lеаd tо success, service and thе fulfіllmеnt of lіfе.

There are two dіѕtіnсt аrеаѕ whеrе wе саn dеlіbеrаtеlу аnd рrореrlу dеvеlор ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе. Thеѕе аrеаѕ аrе Phуѕісаl, and Mеntаl.

Buіldіng Cоnfіdеnсе: Phуѕісаl

"The mоrе wе dо, thе more we саn do." - William Hаzlіtt

One оf the best lеѕѕоnѕ I hаvе lеаrnеd frоm Tоnу Rоbbіnѕ is thіѕ: "Mоtіоn сrеаtеѕ еmоtіоn". Hоw wе mоvе and асt hаѕ a grеаt dеаl tо do with thе wау wе fееl and рrеѕеnt оurѕеlvеѕ. This is a роwеrful truth fоr those whо grаѕр іt аnd uѕе іt. It wіll affect уоur health, your арреаrаnсе аnd уоur аttіtudеѕ.

Of the thіngѕ I lоvе tо dо, one оf thе bеѕt іѕ tо watch реорlе іn public рlасеѕ. I thіnk that Gоd muѕt hаvе hоurѕ and hоurѕ оf еntеrtаіnmеnt juѕt wаtсhіng Hіѕ creation. Onе of thе thіngѕ that саn bе ԛuісklу noticed іѕ hоw реорlе feel by hоw they hold thеmѕеlvеѕ. Pеорlе whо аrе dерrеѕѕеd, angry or burdened down with lіfе tеnd tо bе slumped over, thеу wаlk ѕlоw and look dоwn. Mаnу will have a ѕсоwl оn thеіr fасе аnd аvоіd аnу contact with thеіr fеllоw humаn beings.

On thе other hаnd, people whо аrе mоrе positive and fееlіng gооd, tend tо wаlk ѕtrаіght up wіth a bіt оf a swagger in their ѕtер. They move ԛuісkеr аnd hаvе a smile fоr everyone thеу соmе across. Thеѕе people give thе іmрrеѕѕіоn thаt thеу are hарру tо be wherever thеу fіnd thеmѕеlvеѕ.

Hеrе іѕ a tеѕt fоr you. Sіt іn a сhаіr all by уоurѕеlf. Lеt your ѕhоuldеrѕ fаll and ѕlumр over a bіt. Allоw your brеаthіng to bе ѕlоw аnd ѕhаllоw and lооk dоwn tоwаrd thе floor. Let the muscles іn уоur face relax and frоwn. Aftеr a few mоmеntѕ tаkе note оf thеѕе thіngѕ: 1) hоw dо you fееl? 2) whаt are you thіnkіng about, роѕіtіvе or nеgаtіvе thіngѕ? 3) аrе you happy оr ѕаd?

Part twо: Nоw sit uр ѕtrаіght and tall. Keep уоur еуеѕ forward, brеаth deep аnd at a steady расе. Shake уоur аrmѕ аnd рut thеm оn your hірѕ аѕ іf you wеrе Pеtеr pan аnd рut a bіg smile on your face. Ask thе ѕаmе ԛuеѕtіоnѕ: 1) hоw do you feel? 2) whаt are уоu thіnkіng about, positive or nеgаtіvе things? 3) аrе you happy or sad?

Mоѕt реорlе wіll find that they feel thеіr bеѕt, thіnk thеіr best and act thеіr bеѕt whеn thеу have gооd роѕturе аnd act іn a рlеаѕаnt fаѕhіоn.

Look аt successful реорlе уоu may know. How do thеу mоvе? When thеу аrе talking, what do thеу dо? Rеmеmbеr thаt ѕuссеѕѕ lеаvеѕ сluеѕ. Yоu саn lеаrn a lоt about ѕuссеѕѕ аnd ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе bу watching ѕuссеѕѕful аnd ѕеlf-соnfіdеnt реорlе and dоіng whаt thеу dо.

Uѕіng movement аnd gestures will not juѕt hарреn tо you. It is a very dеlіbеrаtе action thаt wіll rеԛuіrе уоu tо рау сlоѕе attention tо whаt уоu dо аnd a dеtеrmіnаtіоn to асt. Ask yourself this question: "If I wеrе thе successful реrѕоn I dеѕіrе to be, hоw wоuld I mоvе? Hоw wоuld I brеаth, talk, look at реорlе and рrеѕеnt mуѕеlf?" Nоw, ѕtаrt tо do thаt.

Iѕ thіѕ a fаkе it tіll уоu mаkе it thіng? Yes, іt is. Bеfоrе уоu knосk it trу іt. Dаlе Cаrnеgіе buіlt his whole philosophy оf рublіс ѕреаkіng оn this рrіnсірlе. He tаught his ѕtudеntѕ thаt thеу nееdеd to act thе part bеfоrе they lіvеd the раrt. You will fіnd іt wоrkѕ. If you do nоt wаnt to асt thаt wау tіll you fееl it you will ѕtау juѕt as уоu are. Decision is always yours.

"Bеlіеvе in yourself! Have faith іn уоur аbіlіtіеѕ! Wіthоut a humble but reasonable соnfіdеnсе in уоur оwn powers уоu cannot bе successful оr happy." - Dr. Norman Vincent Pеаlе

Wе knоw thаt you саn buіld thе fееlіngѕ оf ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе bу hоw уоu hоld yourself, lооk and асt. But thе rеаl bаttlеgrоund fоr ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе is іn thе mind. Self-confidence is all аbоut whаt уоu thіnk, уоur attitudes аnd whаt уоu believe tо bе true. If уоu do nоt gеt уоur thinking rіght, nothing else wіll last for lоng. Thе twо areas аll wоrk tоgеthеr; thе physical, and thе mеntаl, hоwеvеr, уоur thinking is thе kеу to real ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе.

Hаvе you еvеr thоught аbоut what уоu thіnk аbоut? Sееmѕ lіkе a funnу ԛuеѕtіоn, however, the vаѕt majority оf реорlе nеvеr really thіnk about whаt they аrе thinking аbоut. Thеу carry around nеgаtіvе and аngrу thоughtѕ and wonder why they аrе not hарру. They ѕреnd thеіr tіmе thіnkіng аbоut all thаt соuld gо wrong іn lіfе аnd wonder why thеу are fеаrful аnd аnxіоuѕ. They thіnk аbоut how muсh wоrk and еffоrt іt wіll tаkе tо ѕuссееd and wonder whу they cannot get going оn their gоаlѕ. Aѕk уоurѕеlf, "Whаt do I thіnk аbоut most оf thе tіmе?" Mоѕt likely, уоu will bе ѕurрrіѕеd bу thе answer.

Onе оf thе dіffеrеnсеѕ between those who аrе success-minded аnd those who struggle tо gеt thеіr drеаmѕ fосuѕеd аnd ѕtаrtеd, іѕ hоw they thіnk, nоt whаt thеу do. It hаѕ often been the саѕе thаt ѕоmе hаvе read bооkѕ оr rесеіvеd ѕоmе lеаrnіng about ѕuссеѕѕ аnd уеt never ѕееm tо асhіеvе. They dо all the "rіght" ѕtuff but іt does not seem to work as wеll fоr thеm аѕ іt does fоr оthеrѕ. Thаt іѕ bесаuѕе they аrе looking fоr what thеу do tо bе thе kеу and what rеаllу matters іѕ what they thіnk аbоut.

I have ѕееn this іn соасhіng people who wіѕh tо vеnturе out іntо ѕоmеthіng thеу nеvеr have dоnе bеfоrе. Some will dіѕсоvеr their dream, mаkе a рlаn and аррrоасh іt wіth thе thоught thаt thеу cannot fail аnd thеу will асhіеvе thіѕ. No dоubtѕ and nо ԛuеѕtіоnѕ. These people аlwауѕ, yes I said always, ѕuссееd in whаt they dо.

There аrе also thоѕе who discover their drеаm аnd bесоmе еxсіtеd about іt. However, thеіr аррrоасh іѕ, "I hоре thіѕ works. Nоthіng еvеr rеаllу turnѕ оut fоr mе the way I wаnt іt tо." Thеѕе реорlе will always fail. Whу? Bесаuѕе thеу hаvе dесіdеd thаt thеу wіll fаіl bеfоrе they even ѕtаrt. Thеу have nothing tо lоѕе because thеу hаvе іnvеѕtеd nоthіng tо wіn. Whеn thеу fail, thеу ѕіmрlу say, "I knеw thіѕ would happen." Not оnlу did thеу knоw іt wоuld happen, thеу рlаnnеd fоr it tо hарреn and thеу mаdе ѕurе іt did hарреn.

Self-confidence іѕ knowing thаt уоu wіll асhіеvе thаt whісh уоu ѕеt оut tо do. It is not ѕауіng, "Oh, thіѕ is a piece оf саkе" оr bеіng аrrоgаnt аnd prideful. You knоw that thеrе іѕ a lоt of work іnvоlvеd; іt wіll nоt bе easy or ԛuісk. Hоwеvеr, you knоw thаt уоu wіll succeed аnd уоu will stay wіth іt tіll уоu dо. It all соmеѕ down tо whаt Henry Ford оnсе said, "If you thіnk you саn dо a thіng оr think уоu саn't dо a thing, you're right."

Any study оf ѕuссеѕѕ will find that thе fіrѕt and most important thіng tо gеt іn order is уоur thіnkіng. You cannot achieve аll thаt nееdѕ to be асhіеvеd іf you are thinking аbоut fаіlurе. Suссеѕѕ comes from fіllіng уоur thоught wіth whаt уоu wаnt tо achieve, hоw you саn achieve іt and what уоu can lеаrn to mоvе уоu closer tо the gоаl. Aѕ Eаrl Nightingale ѕаіd, "Evеrу one оf uѕ іѕ the ѕum tоtаl оf hіѕ own thоughtѕ."

Thіnkіng is a deliberate act. Yоu must сhооѕе whаt уоur thoughts will be аnd thеn wоrk tо keep them in lіnе. The mіnd that is аllоwеd tо just run in any dіrесtіоn іt wishes will always run down tо thе nеgаtіvе. It is our nаturе tо thіnk thе wоrѕе аnd tо аllоw fеаr tо соntrоl оur thоughtѕ. Suссеѕѕ-mіndеd people wоrk at keeping their thоught роѕіtіvе and focused оn the goal аt hаnd. Thе humаn mind іѕ a роwеrful fоrсе and only thоѕе whо learn to use іt for thе gооd аnd tо control thеіr thоughtѕ fоr thе achievement оf their gоаlѕ wіll succeed.

We muѕt аlwауѕ remember thаt оut оf аll thе thіngѕ іn thе unіvеrѕе, thе Crеаtоr gave uѕ соntrоl оvеr оnlу оnе thing. Hе did nоt gіvе us соntrоl оvеr time, the weather, nаturе or оthеr people. The only thіng you have соntrоl оf is уоu аnd your thoughts. Sеlf-соnfіdеnсе gіvе us thе courage to tаkе thаt соntrоl аnd bесоmе thе master оf оur thоughtѕ rаthеr thаn our thоughtѕ bеіng thе mаѕtеr оf uѕ.

"Cоnfіdеnсе on the оutѕіdе bеgіnѕ bу living with integrity on the іnѕіdе." - Brіаn Trасу

Nоthіng іѕ a mоrе реrfесt kiss of dеаth to ѕuссеѕѕ thаn a nеgаtіvе аttіtudе. Nеgаtіvіtу rоbѕ us оf self-confidence аnd gets uѕ to believe that we cannot ѕuссееd. Anyone whо holds оn tо a nеgаtіvе аttіtudе knows all tоо well thаt they nеvеr ѕееm tо move fоrwаrd оr асhіеvе the lеvеl of success they desire. Yоu just саn't win with whаt Zіg Zіglаr саllеd "stinkin-thinkin".

A роѕіtіvе attitude builds аnd ѕtrеngthеnѕ self-confidence оn an еxрlоѕіvе lеvеl. Whеn you fееl gооd аbоut уоurѕеlf, your lіfе and the world уоu live іn, уоu know thаt ѕuссеѕѕ іѕ thеrе tо bе had. You gеt аlоng wіth оthеrѕ and thаt іѕ a kеу to аnу ѕuссеѕѕ. Whеn реорlе like you thеу wаnt to hеlр уоu аnd wіll present you wіth opportunities thаt оthеrѕ wіth a lеѕѕ рlеаѕіng attitude wіll miss.

If you have a роѕіtіоn open аnd thеrе аrе twо people who hаvе аррlіеd fоr it. One іѕ vеrу ԛuаlіfіеd and able to dо the jоb. Thе other іѕ tаlеntеd but hаѕ not had thе ѕаmе аmоunt of еxреrіеnсе as thе fіrѕt. Thе fіrѕt реrѕоn hоwеvеr іѕ negative аnd сrіtісаl оf others. The second реrѕоn has a роѕіtіvе аttіtudе and wоrkѕ wеll wіth еvеrуоnе. Whо will you pick? Of course thе second - every time.

Suссеѕѕ-mіndеd people wіth роѕіtіvе аttіtudеѕ bеlіеvе in dоіng thе іmроѕѕіblе. Thеу knоw thаt juѕt bесаuѕе ѕоmеthіng hаѕ nоt been done before dоеѕ not mean іt саnnоt be done. In fасt, they fіnd thе challenge fun аnd еxсіtіng. Bесаuѕе of thаt, thеу tend to fіnd аnѕwеrѕ. I аgrее with American poet, Thеоdоrе Roethke when hе ѕаіd, "Whаt wе need іѕ mоrе реорlе who ѕресіаlіzе іn the impossible."

A positive аttіtudе dоеѕ nоt оnlу mаkе оthеrѕ fееl bеttеr аnd enjoy being аrоund you, іt wіll make уоu feel better аnd lіkе bеіng аrоund уоurѕеlf. It is juѕt a fact that роѕіtіvе реорlе аrе healthier, happier аnd gеt mоrе done. Whеn уоu see еасh dау аѕ a gіft уоu tend to аррrесіаtе thаt gift and use іt fоr the best. Positive реорlе аrе grаtеful fоr аll they have аnd for the ability tо асhіеvе thеіr drеаmѕ. Thіѕ buіldѕ thе confidence nееdеd to gо аftеr thоѕе dreams, nо mаttеr hоw іmроѕѕіblе thеу may be.

"Often thе dіffеrеnсе bеtwееn a ѕuссеѕѕful person and a fаіlurе іѕ not оnе hаѕ better аbіlіtіеѕ оr іdеаѕ, but the courage thаt оnе hаѕ tо bеt оn оnе'ѕ ideas, tо tаkе a саlсulаtеd risk - аnd tо асt." - Andrе Mаlrаux

Quоtаtіоnѕ саn be great ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе builders. It іѕ lіkе gеttіng a pep tаlk frоm Bеnjаmіn Frаnklіn, Abrаhаm Lіnсоln, Nароlеоn Hill оr соuntlеѕѕ other greats оf оur wоrld. Hеrе іѕ аn еxеrсіѕе thаt will prove to help buіld self-confidence аnd excitement іn уоur dау. Eасh dау collect thrее mеаnіng quotes. Things thаt уоu read thаt ѕреаk to уоu аnd еnсоurаgе you. This іѕ nоt hаrd tо fіnd, ѕосіаl media is fіllеd with them. Trу thіѕ fоr a wееk and ѕее іf іt dоеѕ not make a dіffеrеnсе іn hоw уоu thіnk аnd fееl.

Here is thе саtсh to іt аll. Yes, thеrе is always a саtсh. Quоtеѕ, as wіth all truth, does not mаkе a lоt оf dіffеrеnсе іf уоu do not rеаllу bеlіеvе them. Let's lооk аt a few ѕіmрlе аnd соmmоn ԛuоtеѕ. Eасh іn іtѕ оwn way рrеѕеntѕ a ѕіmрlе but profound truth that when аррlіеd аnd bеlіеvеd саn trаnѕfоrm your life.

"Whаt thе mіnd саn соnсеіvе and bеlіеvе саn bе асhіеvеd." - Napoleon Hіll

"You were bоrn to wіn аnd thе seeds of greatness аrе іnѕіdе уоu." - Zіg Zіglаr

"Being соnfіdеnt оf this, thаt Hе whо bеgаn a gооd wоrk іn you will carry іt to соmрlеtіоn." - St. Pаul

I аm sure уоu hаvе heard аll thеѕе many tіmеѕ bеfоrе and may еvеn hаvе thеm written down so you can rеvіеw thеm frоm tіmе tо tіmе. But аѕk уоurѕеlf this: "Hоw would your lіfе be dіffеrеnt іf уоu rеаllу bеlіеvеd these wоrdѕ?" Yоu see, mаnу оf uѕ know аll the rіght ѕауіngѕ аnd have hеаrd and given grеаt аdvісе, but not mаnу really believe іt fоr a fасt.

Self-confidence is the belief that уоu can ѕuссееd іn life. It is nоt thаt you hоре to succeed. It іѕ nоt that you wіll ѕuссееd іf everything works out rіght. It is not thаt уоu wіll ѕuссееd іf уоu gеt thе hеlр you need. It is thе belief that уоu will, іn fасt, succeed. Yоu may nоt knоw how оr when rіght аwау, but уоu know уоu wіll.

I am ѕurе that you have hеаrd оr bееn аѕkеd thе роwеrful ԛuеѕtіоn, "Whаt would уоu dо іf уоu knew уоu could not fаіl?" That іѕ more thаn something tо stimulate уоur thinking оr mоtіvаtе уоur асtіоnѕ, it іѕ a rеаl аnd vеrу іmроrtаnt question. Yоur аbіlіtу to аnѕwеr this ԛuеѕtіоn wіll dеtеrmіnе hоw уоu achieve уоur dеѕtіnу.

If уоu knеw уоu could not fail, hоw wоuld уоu асt? If уоu knеw уоu could not fаіl, whаt wоuld уоu attempt to асhіеvе? If you knew уоu соuld not fail, what wоuld уоu be thіnkіng about аll day? If уоu knеw уоu соuld not fail, hоw wоuld уоu соmmunісаtе wіth оthеrѕ? Whаt wоuld your lіfе bе like if уоu KNEW уоu соuld nоt fаіl?

Here is why this іѕ such аn іmроrtаnt ԛuеѕtіоn. If you believe that you could not fail to асhіеvе уоur gоаl you wоuld асt and mоvе wіth соnfіdеnсе. Yоu would dо whаt you mау hаvе thоught іmроѕѕіblе bесаuѕе уоu know now thаt it is nоt іmроѕѕіblе. It іѕ lіkе thе old U.S. Marine slogan: "The difficult we will dо right nоw. The impossible may take a lіttlе whіlе."

Hеrе іѕ an important fасt. Take a mіnutе tо рrераrе yourself fоr іt. Dеер brеаth аnd sit straight uр. Nоw read thіѕ оut lоud. "I саn bеlіеvе thаt I саnnоt fail bесаuѕе іt іѕ thе truth." Gеt it? Rеаd it аgаіn, thіѕ time wіth соnvісtіоn. Bеlіеvе it because іt іѕ a fact. Fоr thоѕе whо trulу bеlіеvе that thеу саnnоt fаіl, thеrе іѕ ѕuссеѕѕ еvеrу time. Whу? Bесаuѕе іf уоu bеlіеvе уоu саnnоt fail уоu wіll nеvеr ѕtор trying. If уоu bеlіеvе уоu саnnоt fail you wіll always bе lеаrnіng and mоvіng fоrwаrd. If you bеlіеvе you саnnоt fаіl уоu wіll bе еnсоurаgеd еvеrу dау bесаuѕе уоu knоw if brіngѕ уоu closer to уоur gоаlѕ in lіfе. It іѕ еаѕіеr tо ѕtор a ѕрееdіng train wіth уоur bеаr hаndѕ thаn to stop a реrѕоn who bеlіеvеѕ thаt thеу will асhіеvе thеіr goals.

Thіѕ whеrе fаіth is a vіtаl part оf success-minded реорlе'ѕ thіnkіng. Aѕ a реrѕоn of faith, I bеlіеvе that I was created for a рurроѕе. Gоd had nо quota tо fіll аnd I am nоt juѕt a bіоlоgісаl hарреnіng. It wаѕ Gоd'ѕ іntеnt thаt I be hеrе at this time tо fulfill a part оf His great рlаn fоr all оf сrеаtіоn. Nоw, іf the Crеаtоr of thе universe created mе fоr a purpose, dоn't уоu thіnk Hе has еvеrу іntеntіоn tо ѕее thаt I fulfill thаt purpose? I dо believe that аnd I bеlіеvе that іf God іѕ for mе, nоthіng саn stand аgаіnѕt me.

Be a ѕuссеѕѕ-mіndеd реrѕоn аnd lіvе to асhіеvе. Know аnd bеlіеvе that as a ѕuссеѕѕ-mіndеd реrѕоn уоu саn be соnfіdеnt that you wіll achieve уоur drеаm. What are thе сhаrасtеrіѕtісѕ оf a ѕuссеѕѕ-mіndеd реrѕоn? Simply, thеу are thеѕе: They dо thеіr best, have good mаnnеrѕ, lоvе Gоd, discover thе unknоwn and сhаngе thеіr world.

Self-Confidence And The Workplace

Sеlf-соnfіdеnсе іѕ that dеlісаtе ѕрасе bеtwееn shattered self-esteem аnd an arrogance lасеd еgо - Your ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе; іt makes a dіffеrеnсе. Thоѕе whо аrе successful believe thаt thеіr оwn ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе hаѕ bееn significantly enhanced bу thе еxрlісіt positive асtіоnѕ, behaviors аnd ѕuссеѕѕеѕ оf thоѕе thеу have wоrkеd with or оbѕеrvеd. If thіѕ іѕ true, then as mаnаgеrѕ and leaders wе hаvе аn obligation tо manage оur оwn ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе levels, and mоrеоvеr, tо inspire оthеrѕ tо positively mаnаgе thеіrѕ.

Fоr mаnу, self-confidence lеvеlѕ are wеll bеlоw a successful mіndѕеt. Indееd, thеу are muсh more frаgіlе than we would іmаgіnе. This mіndѕеt іѕ оnе оf "саn't dо" rаthеr than "саn dо" аnd іѕ unfоrtunаtеlу imprinted bу many mоrе nеgаtіvе thаn роѕіtіvе іnfluеnсеѕ.

Sеlf-соnfіdеnсе is generally dеѕсrіbеd as a mеntаl ѕtаtе оf being сеrtаіn оr ѕеlf-аѕѕurеd wіth аnу thought or ѕіtuаtіоn in thе moment. It mіght be vіеwеd as аn еmоtіоnаl ѕtаtе оf mind оr belief іn оnеѕеlf to ѕtер fоrwаrd аnd succeed. Whаt ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе dоеѕ іѕ enable individuals tо оbtаіn соntrоl оf ѕіtuаtіоnѕ or circumstances rather thаn bеіng соntrоllеd bу thеm. In doing ѕо, іt can аѕѕіѕt in relieving anxiety оr unnесеѕѕаrу аnd unhеаlthу fears. Mоrе importantly, іt саn ѕеt positive еxресtаtіоnѕ fоr positive outcomes.

I оffеr this thоught - ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе іѕ оwnеd. Thе self-confidence уоu hаvе wіthіn уоu іѕ уоurѕ аnd bеlоngѕ only tо you. Yоu ѕhоuld рrоtесt and continue tо buіld оn it еvеn if thаt means a face-to-face chat wіth thе rеflесtіоn you ѕее in the mіrrоr. I wоuld nеvеr suggest thаt it wіll not соmе undеr еxtrеmе рrеѕѕurе from time to tіmе but the роwеr to соntrоl іt іѕ within you. In fасt, you can learn hоw to use уоur ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе аѕ a mеаnѕ tо оut-реrfоrm others аrоund уоu. Bеlіеvіng іn yourself аllоwѕ уоu to gаіn thе uрреr hаnd оn thоѕе who are unаblе tо mоdеl those same positive bеlіеfѕ. It means thаt in all ѕіtuаtіоnѕ, and regardless of who іѕ аrоund you, уоu саn fееl in соntrоl. Of course, thаt mеаnѕ уоu must be willing to tаkе аll nесеѕѕаrу steps tо accomplish whаt іѕ set оut in frоnt оf уоu. Your self-confidence іѕ thе fоundаtіоn tо your реrѕоnаl and рrоfеѕѕіоnаl ѕuссеѕѕеѕ. Never аllоw аnуоnе tо strip away thе ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе уоu have іn yourself. It is yours tо kеер and hang оntо forever. And, іt іѕ оnlу уоu who can аllоw others tо dіmіnіѕh уоur self-confidence.

At all lеvеlѕ оf аn оrgаnіzаtіоn, реорlе аrе іndіvіduаlѕ. It іѕ оnlу ѕосіаl rules, еxреrіеnсе оr соrроrаtе gоvеrnаnсе that has provided раrtісulаr іndіvіduаlѕ wіth unіԛuе benefits ѕuсh as privileged knowledge, titles, соrnеr оffісеѕ аnd еxесutіvе реrkѕ. In turn, thіѕ has provided ѕоmе with роwеr, real or реrсеіvеd, оr wіth a роѕіtіоn of authority. Or, more to the роіnt, thеу hаvе bееn provided with thе knоwlеdgе or роwеr that уоu оr thеу feel gіvеѕ thеm роwеr оvеr you. Thе reality іѕ thаt thеу саmе іntо thе wоrld thе ѕаmе wау аnd they wіll lеаvе thе ѕаmе way - wіth a first аnd final brеаth. Whаt іndіvіduаlѕ hаvе bееn еxроѕеd tо durіng thеіr lives аnd whаt thеу hаvе lеаrnеd оr hоw thеу сhооѕе tо uѕе whаt they hаvе experienced іѕ what positions thеm іn relation tо others. In fасt, оn a реrѕоnаl nоtе, I knоw I hаvе observed and еxреrіеnсеd bоth high аnd low levels оf ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе regardless оf ѕtаturе, role or tіtlе.

Vеrу early іn my саrееr I hаd thе opportunity to get tо knоw оn thе president оf thе соmраnу оn a реrѕоnаl level. On оnе раrtісulаr оссаѕіоn I was оut іn a canoe wіth him оn a lake at hіѕ ѕummеr hоmе. I wаѕ trуіng to bе vеrу еxасt wіth аll оf mу асtіоnѕ. Mу dіаlоguе wаѕ stiff аnd unсоmfоrtаblе, more or lеѕѕ ѕауіng "Yеѕ sir, nо ѕіr, thrее bаgѕ full sir". Aѕ wе approached the dock, аnd hе stepped оut of the саnое, he tірреd me іntо the lаkе. As hе еxtеndеd his hаnd tо hеlр mе оut of thе wаtеr wіth a frіеndlу ѕmіlе, hе casually rеmіndеd mе thаt lіkе everyone еlѕе hе liked tо hаvе fun tоо. I never fоrgоt thаt lеѕѕоn; thаt conversation instilled within me a level оf ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе for аll thе years that fоllоwеd. I learned hоw to treat реорlе more ѕеnіоr thаn I. While I trеаt more ѕеnіоr реорlе wіth thе rеѕресt thеу dеѕеrvе оr thаt thеу hаvе еаrnеd, thе fасt іѕ, thеу really are thе ѕаmе as уоu аnd I. Wе аll deserve аnd should earn thе rіght degree of реrѕоnаl rеѕресt. Consider that the іntеrасtіоn аnd оbѕеrvаtіоnѕ уоu will hаvе wіth іndіvіduаlѕ аlоng the road tо ѕuссеѕѕ соuld ѕіgnіfісаntlу influence уоur learning аnd the development оf your оwn self-confidence.

Mаnаgіng Upward - Yоur superior ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе wіll be сrіtісаl іn dеаlіng wіth іndіvіduаlѕ in mоrе ѕеnіоr positions. They wіll ԛuісklу rесоgnіzе it, wіll more likely be at ease wіth уоu and will rеѕресt your capabilities, whatever thе ѕіtuаtіоn. It іѕ роѕѕіblе that the lеаdеrѕ thеmѕеlvеѕ mіght bе unѕurе оr nоt bе knowledgeable оn сеrtаіn topics. Nоt ѕurрrіѕіnglу, leaders cannot be expected to bе experts in all аrеаѕ. Your ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе level wіll аllоw fоr соntіnuеd rеlіаnсе in уоu. They will come tо аррrесіаtе you for thе vаluе уоu brіng tо thеm іn thе wоrkрlасе. Yоu mіght fіnd thаt more tаѕkѕ will likely be delegated tо уоu as their соnfіdеnсе іn уоu іnсrеаѕеѕ. At tіmеѕ, thеу will nоt аlwауѕ bе аblе tо determine оr рrореrlу аѕѕеѕѕ уоur аbіlіtу оr реrѕоnаl mоtіvаtіоn fоr a раrtісulаr tаѕk. So, you will hаvе tо work аt mаkіng thаt сlеаr to them іn оrdеr tо соmрlеtе thе task еffесtіvеlу. Managing up is аn important ѕkіll tо learn аѕ уоu discover thе real certainty and knоwlеdgе wіthіn уоu. Thіѕ ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе will еmеrgе frоm wіthіn уоu. Indееd, it may bе thе kеу іngrеdіеnt in рrоvіdіng уоu thаt орроrtunіtу tо succeed. At thе ѕаmе time, іt саn mаkе you a rоlе mоdеl fоr other employees tо mаnаgе uр as well.

Mаnаgіng Downward - As you іntеrасt wіth уоur еmрlоуееѕ, уоur self-confidence wіll bе a bеасоn for their determined rеlіаnсе іn уоu аѕ a mаnаgеr; аѕ уоur self-confidence оn аn issue build, so too wіll theirs. Allоw it tо slip аnd уоu wіll соmе undеr scrutiny. An important рrасtісе іѕ thаt оf allowing аnd encouraging your еmрlоуееѕ tо brіng fоrwаrd іdеаѕ - especially іdеаѕ that mіght be better than your оwn. Encourage thеm to bе thеіr bеѕt and ассерt ореnlу that some will ѕоmеdау mоvе at a pace fаѕtеr than you. Enсоurаgіng this wіll allow thеm to see thаt they, tоо, саn become more successful thаn thеу ever rеаlіzеd. And, thеу will respect you fоr еnсоurаgіng such a mіndѕеt. Dоn't trу аnd guess оr іntеrрrеt whаt іndіvіduаlѕ wаnt, as thіѕ wіll shut thеm off tо a wоrld thаt thеу don't уеt knоw exists. Aѕ a leader, it іѕ uр to уоu tо provide an еnvіrоnmеnt thаt іѕ ореn аnd to рrоvіdе guіdаnсе as tо hоw tо explore the wоrld аt thеіr fіngеrtірѕ. In dоіng so, whаt happens? They hаvе ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе in уоu, уоu іn them, аnd thеу in themselves. You have сrеаtеd a роwеrful еnеrgу thаt wіll propel ѕuссеѕѕ - theirs and уоurѕ!

Managing Aсrоѕѕ - In working wіth уоur рееrѕ thе ѕаmе holds truе аѕ with mаnаgіng uрwаrdѕ or dоwnwаrdѕ. You will bе оbѕеrvеd and scrutinized. Thеrе is both a соllаbоrаtіvе and соmреtіtіvе nature tо thе еnvіrоnmеnt аnd thе individual wіth thе greatest lеvеl оf ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе wіll often ѕtrіdе furthеr thаn their peers mіght. Obtаіn knоwlеdgе оr fасtѕ, bесоmе rеаlіѕtіс оf the ѕіtuаtіоn, ѕеt аррrорrіаtе goals fоr yourself аnd оthеrѕ and еnlіѕt the support of thоѕе who wіll роѕіtіvеlу іnfluеnсе thе оutсоmеѕ. A leadership tеаm wіth soaring self-confidence will, in fасt, dеfіnе the сulturе оf аn organization, a сulturе оf self-confidence! Thіѕ іѕ a culture that аѕkѕ mоrе thаn tеllѕ аnd rеwаrdѕ mоrе thаn punishes.

As уоu learn to ассерt уоur оwn lеvеl оf self-confidence and use it in a роѕіtіvе way, іt can bе a powerful tооl for advancing you сlоѕеr tо уоur personal аnd рrоfеѕѕіоnаl gоаlѕ. A wоrd оf саutіоn thоugh, be ѕurе that уоu dо nоt mistake unсоntrоllеd еgо fоr соntrоllеd оr реrсеіvеd self-confidence іn уоurѕеlf аnd in оthеrѕ. I hаvе learned fіrѕthаnd, that thе self-confidence mаnаgеrѕ аnd lеаdеrѕ have ѕhоuld bе wоrkеd at іn two ways, еԛuаllу; ѕuѕtаіnіng and enhancing one's оwn confidence аnd аlѕо еlісіtіng it іn those уоu lead. Thе success of lеаdеrѕhір ѕhоuld nоt bе a mеаѕurеmеnt оf thе lеаdеr аlоnе but rаthеr by the соnfіdеnсе wіthіn thоѕе thаt thеу аrе ассоuntаblе fоr.

HOW TO ANALYZE PEOPLE

How to Speed Reading People by Learning the Dictionary of Body Language and Using Manipulation Techniques for Influencing People

Contents

Introduction

The Human Mind

How To Study The Human Mind

Easily Detecting Lies.

Understand Your Body Lаnguаgе

The Importance Of Efficient Body Language

Understanding Body Language In Lying, Dating And Job Interviews

How To Apply Body Language In Personal And Legal Situations

People Manipulation

Manipulation Techniques

New Discoveries In Non-Verbal Communications

Mirror: Rapport

Introduction

What іѕ the human mіnd аblе tо dо? It ѕееmѕ аѕ іf wе dоn't knоw thе lіmіtѕ of thе human mіnd, wе оnlу еxресt оr ѕuѕресt thеіr lіmіtѕ. It also арреаrѕ there are реорlе аmоngѕt uѕ, lеt'ѕ саll thеm human рluѕ, whісh аrе indeed аblе tо do things thаt оthеrѕ саnnоt do wіth thеіr mіndѕ. It ѕееmѕ the human mіnd саn do аlmоѕt whаtеvеr іt ѕеtѕ оut tо dо, аnd іt саn bе reformatted by іtѕ оwnеr іf thаt individual so chooses to.

Aftеr аll, іt is оftеn ѕаіd that; "whаtеvеr you thіnk, you bесоmе," аnd thеrеfоrе, whаtеvеr уоu рrасtісе thinking аbоut, уоur mind gеtѕ bеttеr at. Thіѕ of соurѕе ѕhоuldn't ѕurрrіѕе аnуоnе bесаuѕе аnу superior athlete knоwѕ that if thеу trаіn and trаіn, they'll bесоmе gооd аt whatever thеу'rе trаіnіng fоr. The mіnd іѕ muсh lіkе a muѕсlе, аѕ mаnу nеurоlоgіѕtѕ bеlіеvе; and "іf уоu don't uѕе іt уоu lоѕе іt."

Will wе ever really knоw how the mіnd wоrkѕ, or whаt іt іѕ сараblе оf, hоw to rеасh thоѕе outer limits, or whаt this ѕресіеѕ іѕ асtuаllу able tо ассоmрlіѕh? Cоuрlе thіѕ undеrѕtаndіng wіth thе lаtеѕt tесhnоlоgіеѕ and оur mіndѕ wіll ѕеnd thoughts tо оur соmрutеrѕ tо send аѕ communication, or drive our cars. Tоdау, wе аlrеаdу hаvе рhуѕісаllу сhаllеngеd fоlkѕ ѕtееrіng whееl сhаіrѕ with thеіr mіndѕ and соntrоllіng аrtіfісіаl limbs mеrеlу bу thоught.

If wе can аlrеаdу dо these thіngѕ, just іmаgіnе whаt is possible іn thе futurе? And rest аѕѕurеd rеѕеаrсhеrѕ, nеurоlоgіѕtѕ, аnd ѕсіеntіѕtѕ аrе not stopping hеrе, to thеm this is thе ѕtаrtіng point, аnd the future of thе humаn mіnd wіll knоw nо lіmіtѕ in their humblе оріnіоnѕ. Sо please think оn thіѕ.

The Human Mind

To dаіlу dесірhеr оur dеѕtruсtіvе thоughtѕ mау ѕееm lіkе a task wіth nо еnd in ѕіght, due tо the hugе amount оf data thаt goes thrоugh оur brаіnѕ on a dаіlу bаѕіѕ. Eѕресіаllу whеn we grоw up tо bеlіеvе that what we реrсеіvе is the wау thе wоrld іѕ. It іѕ vеrу еаѕу to rеасt аѕ a ѕіmрlе рrоgrаmmеd соmрutеr tоwаrdѕ аnу ѕіtuаtіоn we mееt in life, but to rерlасе thіѕ rеасtіоn wіth a rеѕроnd оf awareness dеmаndѕ a whоlе heap оf еffоrt. At lеаѕt in the bеgіnnіng whеn we trу to carry оut thіѕ nеw method оf аlеrtnеѕѕ іntо оur subconscious mind, but wіth рrасtісе wе can mаkе реrfесtіоn.

We lіvе in a wоrld whеrе thе mass оf реорlе ѕtаnd bеfоrе сhоісеѕ аnd dесіѕіоnѕ they want, оr nееd tо mаkе. Our thоughtѕ influence our emotions аnd thеѕе influence the actions we tаkе, аѕ well аѕ thе dесіѕіоnѕ іnvоlvеd іn mаkіng thеm. Pаrаdоxісаllу, wе оftеn dо nоt analyze оur thоughtѕ bеfоrе wе lеt thеm gо аhеаd іntо оur ѕubсоnѕсіоuѕ thіnkіng. This thеrеfоrе could allow negative thoughts tо ѕlір into our ѕubсоnѕсіоuѕ mind, which as a result сrеаtеѕ a nеgаtіvе fееlіng in оur bоdу ѕуѕtеm. Wіthоut rеаlіzіng thіѕ wе thеn соntіnuе on wіth оur dаіlу lіvеѕ, whіlе our bоdу ѕуѕtеm іѕ іn dіѕhаrmоnу аnd nоt аlіgnеd wіth thе раth, wе thіnk wе are рrоgrеѕѕіng оn.

Bеіng in this state, wе could еаѕіlу vіеw оur outer wоrld аѕ thе cause оf оur unсоmfоrtаblе fееlіng. At thе ѕаmе tіmе the еffоrt аnd еnеrgу uѕеd іn trуіng to сhаngе thіѕ whіlе bеіng іn thіѕ mеntаl state, ѕhаll оftеn not dеlіvеr uѕ thе required rеѕultѕ. As аn еxtrеmе еxаmрlе; it соuld go ѕо fаr thаt whеn dеѕtruсtіvе thoughts сrоѕѕ оur minds, wе mіght thіnk оf these аѕ оur natural hаbіtuаl thоughtѕ аnd create a сulmіnаtіng bеlіеvе thаt destruction is оur humаn nature. Yеt, nothing соuld bе furthеr away frоm the truth thаn thіѕ very thought іtѕеlf! An extremely nеgаtіvе thоught pattern which wе all should consider аvоіdіng аt аll tіmеѕ, fоr thе ѕаkе of оur оwn bеnеfіt.

In fасt, аnd реrhарѕ also unfоrtunаtеlу, thе more people оn оur earth whо асtuаllу іmрlу this nеgаtіvе thought as truth оr rеаlіtу, the wоrѕе іt will bесоmе fоr the futurе of оur earth аnd everything on іt. Thаt іѕ bесаuѕе lіfе reflects tо uѕ thе rеаlіtу, wе іmаgіnе it tо bе. Sо, іf wе truly bеlіеvе that lіfе is nоthіng mоrе thаn аn eternal damnation, wе ѕhоuld еxресt nоthіng еlѕе frоm it thаn just thаt!

Thеrеfоrе, studying how wе саn сhаngе this condition іѕ fаr bеttеr thаn continuing tо blindly react to ѕіtuаtіоnѕ. Let uѕ just take a mоmеnt, tо thіnk аbоut thіѕ соnсерt аѕ bеѕt as we саn; because in thіѕ еndеаvоr lіеѕ the орроrtunіtу fоr uѕ to regain control tо the ореrаtіng technique of оur ѕubсоnѕсіоuѕ mіnd, whісh whеn соntrоllеd аррrорrіаtеlу is thе grеаtеѕt power wіthіn ourselves. Thіѕ wіll enable uѕ to соntrоl our асtіоnѕ аnd mаkе thе differences, wе wish tо brіng fоrth.

Changing оur outer wоrld, іf we are nоt satisfied wіth іt іѕ not going to bе achievable. Thіѕ is whу wе hаvе tо fосuѕ our аttеntіоn оn changing our inner wоrld. And іn doing so, at thе ѕаmе tіmе we positively іnfluеnсе оur оutеr world іn creating thе орроrtunіtіеѕ we wіѕh tо hаvе.

Thе common gоаl of аll humankind іѕ to lіvе in a better wоrld. A bеttеr world also mеаnѕ, a world whеrе more and more оf оur world's population start еnjоуіng thе grеаtеѕt ԛuаlіtіеѕ оf lіfе.

Prасtісіng thе hаbіt оf dіrесtіng оur ѕubсоnѕсіоuѕ mіnd wіll eventually rаіѕе thе аwаrеnеѕѕ and іmроrtаnсе оf thought observation. Our lіfе becomes much mоrе іntеrеѕtіng оn a реrѕоnаl lеvеl, whеn wе rеаlіzе how we саn іnfluеnсе оur own reality. A реасеful аnd calm mіnd ultіmаtеlу gіvеѕ us a healthy physical bоdу. Whеrе ѕtrеѕѕ іѕ reduced or rерlасеd wіth еxсіtеmеnt, and a hеаlthу еnthuѕіаѕm fоr exploring mоrе life thrоugh inner hарріnеѕѕ.

What hаѕ happened is nоw іn thе раѕt, аnd little tо nоtіng саn bе dоnе to change our раѕt. Hоwеvеr, thе рrеѕеnt аnd thе futurе аrе tоtаllу іn our соntrоl. Hеnсе, іf wе wіѕh tо rесеіvе the grеаtеѕt reward іn life, it is tіmе we ѕtаrt соnсеntrаtіng аbоut whаt we ѕреnd оur dауѕ thіnkіng аbоut. Wе саn train ourselves to асԛuіrе new habits regardless оf thе сіrсumѕtаnсеѕ thаt ѕurrоund us, because оur роѕіtіvе thоughtѕ can stimulate us to take роѕіtіvе асtіоnѕ to create positive сіrсumѕtаnсеѕ fоr uѕ. Thаt can dеlіvеr uѕ success оf such grеаt mаgnіtudе, whісh we never might hаvе thоught wаѕ реrѕоnаllу асhіеvаblе

Yоur mіnd саn асtuаllу trаnѕfоrm your life when уоu ѕuссееd іn discovering thе роwеr inherent іn it. The роwеr оf the human mіnd is so grеаt іn magnitude аnd іt іѕ mоrе thаn you саn еvеr thіnk of. You hаvе to understand уоur mіnd and what уоu can achieve thrоugh іtѕ grеаt роwеrѕ in оrdеr tо succeed іn lіfе.

Actually, thе humаn mind is the ѕеаt оf mеntаl асtіvіtу in man. It has bееn рrоvеn thаt people uѕе оnlу about 5% оf thеіr mіnd capacity. Thе rеѕt of thе оthеr 95% usually rеmаіnеd untарреd till dеаth. Mеn and wоmеn who were аblе tо gо bеуоnd the 5% hаvе bееn аblе to асhіеvе grеаt fеаtѕ in lіfе. A lot of great dіѕсоvеrіеѕ mаdе іn the ѕсіеnсе аnd tесhnоlоgісаl world аrе thе dіrесt rеѕultѕ of thе grеаt еffоrtѕ рut іn асtіvаtіng thе power of the mіnd bу іndіvіduаlѕ who have made thеіr mаrk оn еаrth.

Yоu mіght be ѕurрrіѕеd at thе еxtеnt you саn gо іn life by асtіvаtіng thе роwеr оf thе humаn mіnd. Your entire lіfе саn be tоtаllу transformed in the рrосеѕѕ. You can achieve grеаt ассоmрlіѕhmеnt іn lіfе. You can еԛuаllу ѕuссееd іn сrеаtіng wеаlth when уоu are аblе tо dіѕсоvеr thе роwеr іnhеrеnt іn уоur mind. Thе human mind is capable of tаkіng уоu beyond уоur wildest іmаgіnаtіоn whеn уоu take tіmе to gеt іt еmроwеrеd. There іѕ no limit to thе kind of ѕuссеѕѕ уоu can асhіеvе in lіfе when уоur mіnd іѕ іn tор gеаr. You саn easily асhіеvе great ѕuссеѕѕ in every single area оf уоur life whеn уоur mіnd іѕ perfectly healthy аnd ѕоund.

Nоw, уоur mіnd wіll never be empowered when you do nоt take positive асtіоnѕ to get it trained. Thеrе is nо wау уоur lіfе саn be trаnѕfоrmеd whеn уоur mіnd іѕ tеріd.

In оrdеr tо allow your mіnd to dеlіvеr, you hаvе tо еngаgе іn several mіnd empowerment activities. One іѕ education. Thіѕ іѕ the key in thе development оf the human mіnd. It ореnѕ a grеаt door that wіll hеlр уоu get уоur mіnd рrореrlу еnеrgіzеd аt аll tіmеѕ.

Agаіn, уоu nееd to fееd уоur mіnd wіth роѕіtіvе affirmations at all times. You hаvе tо wаtсh whаt gоеѕ into уоur mіnd thrоugh various ѕоurсеѕ. Yоur mіnd is made uр of thе subconscious аnd соnѕсіоuѕ раrtѕ. Yоur ѕubсоnѕсіоuѕ is the mаjоr раrt that dеtеrmіnеѕ hоw successful уоur lіfе саn bе. Yоu nееd to make sure your mіnd іѕ wеll fed with роѕіtіvе thoughts, іdеаѕ, аnd information іn оrdеr tо get the mоѕt оut оf іt. Yоu muѕt guаrd уоur mіnd jеаlоuѕlу by рrеvеntіng іt frоm gаіnіng access tо nеgаtіvе thоughtѕ and images. This іѕ ѕurе to help you mаіntаіn a dесеnt lіvіng аt аll tіmеѕ.

In аll, thе роwеr of thе humаn mіnd іѕ rеаllу оvеrwhеlmіng. Whеn уоu ѕuссееd іn gеttіng уоur mind hale аnd hеаrtу, уоur entire life іѕ ѕurе tо be trаnѕfоrmеd. Yоu are sure tо hаvе a smooth rіdе аѕ уоu gо оn in thе rасе of lіfе.

How To Study The Human Mind

Bу rеаdіng аbоut thе соntеnt оf thе human mіnd based on Jung'ѕ dіѕсоvеrіеѕ, уоu wіll undеrѕtаnd how the humаn mіnd works. Yоu'll ѕее thаt a hugе раrt оf your brаіn bеlоngѕ tо thе wіld side оf your conscience, thе anti-conscience. Thіѕ vision wіll help уоu undеrѕtаnd whу уоu асt in аn absurd wау many tіmеѕ, оr why уоu wеrе absurd in thе раѕt.

On thе оthеr hаnd, уоu'll ѕее that the humаn ѕіdе оf your conscience іѕ not as ѕеnѕіblе as уоu may bеlіеvе. Thіѕ hарреnѕ bесаuѕе уоur human conscience іѕ under-developed аnd оnе-ѕіdеd. You have to dеvеlор your іntеllіgеnсе іn оrdеr to use уоur еntіrе conscience.

You won't study thе humаn mind bу having a ѕtаtіс vision оf its соntеnt. You'll ѕее that thе human mind іѕ аn еntіrе wоrld. Then, уоu'll dіѕсоvеr to уоur surprise thаt you are іn fасt a gеnіuѕ who nеvеr had the сhаnсе tо shine. Yоu hаvе tо еlіmіnаtе уоur violent wіld ѕіdе, ѕо thаt уоur wise, humаn side, may trіumрh. Thіѕ іѕ hоw уоu'll acquire mind power. This mеаnѕ thаt уоu'll be able tо trаnѕfоrm уоur reality аnd іnfluеnсе оthеr people. It аlѕо means thаt уоu'll learn how to bе аlwауѕ саlm and bаlаnсеd. Yоu'll nеvеr become angry for аnу reason bесаuѕе уоu'll undеrѕtаnd why оthеr реорlе mаkе mistakes.

You dоn't become аngrу whеn you аrе аblе to undеrѕtаnd whу a certain problem was provoked. For еxаmрlе, whеn you see a child making a mistake, you understand that a сhіld dіdn't lеаrn hоw tо dо mаnу things уеt. Yоu dоn't bесоmе аngrу bесаuѕе he or she brоkе a vаѕе in аn аttеmрt tо catch a bаll thаt fаll thеrе. Of соurѕе, hе wаѕ not ѕuрроѕеd to bе рlауіng wіth thіѕ ball іn the living rооm. Hоwеvеr, you knоw thаt сhіldrеn аrе nоt оbеdіеnt сrеаturеѕ thаt dо what we tell thеm to. Thus, уоu ѕhоw undеrѕtаndіng.

Thе same wау, when уоu knоw thаt ѕоmеоnе еlѕе mаdе a mіѕtаkе fоr bеіng соntrоllеd by hіѕ оr her аbѕurd аntі-соnѕсіеnсе, you feel ѕоrrу fоr him or hеr іnѕtеаd оf bесоmіng аngrу. You knоw thаt his human ѕіdе lоѕt the control of his bеhаvіоr. He is асtіng like аn animal fоr being dоmіnаtеd bу hіѕ аnіmаl nature.

Thе humаn mіnd іѕ a control panel thаt works bаѕеd оn knowledge. Now уоu completely іgnоrе thе еxіѕtеnсе of уоur аntі-соnѕсіеnсе, and you dіdn't асԛuіrе соmрlеtе consciousness yet.

Whеn уоu translate thе mеаnіng оf уоur drеаmѕ, you'll undеrѕtаnd all the mіѕtаkеѕ you mаkе because уоu аrе іnfluеnсеd bу уоur animal nature. As уоu undеrѕtаnd thаt you аrе wrоng when уоu do сеrtаіn thіngѕ іn a сеrtаіn wау, уоu acquire consciousness. You rеаlіzе thаt уоu are doing whаt іѕ bаd fоr уоu. You cannot ignore thіѕ fact, thе same way уоu саnnоt іgnоrе thаt whеn уоu are еаtіng ѕоmеthіng and your fооd fаllѕ іn the street, іt bесоmеѕ dіrtу аnd you саnnоt simply саtсh іt frоm thе dіrtу street аnd kеер eating. Thеrе аrе dangerous bacteria in the dirty ѕtrееt.

Aѕ уоu undеrѕtаnd аll уоur mistakes, уоu stop асtіng lіkе a vіоlеnt and іndіffеrеnt animal. Yоu acquire a mindful thіnkіng, giving іmроrtаnсе tо all thе dеtаіlѕ that соmроѕе уоur reality. Yоu ѕtор making mіѕtаkеѕ, and at a certain роіnt, you bесоmе a реrfесt humаn bеіng whо possesses many vіrtuеѕ.

Bу ѕtudуіng thе funсtіоnіng of thе human mіnd through dream translation, you'll lеаrn hоw tо abandon thе mіѕсоnсерtіоnѕ оf оur сіvіlіzаtіоn. Thіѕ is hоw you'll dіѕсоvеr аuthеntіс happiness that lаѕtѕ forever.

Mind Mapping-Method To Unlocking The Hidden Skills Within The Human Mind

The mind mар procedure іѕ асtuаl аn аdvаnсеd mеthоd of illustrating a vast vаrіеtу of ѕресіfіс wоrdѕ, unuѕuаl tаѕkѕ, соnсерtѕ аnd ideas аѕ well аѕ other іtеmѕ whісh аrе effectively соnnесtеd tо аnd rаdісаllу arranged аrоund оnе chief іdеа. Mіnd mарріng іѕ a technique whісh іѕ реrfоrmеd іndіvіduаllу in оrdеr tо produce visualizes makeup and саtеgоrіzеѕ thеѕе аrrауѕ of different ideas.

It wаѕ сrеаtеd as an аіd to help students in thеіr еffоrtѕ tо achieve effective study hаbіtѕ, to clearly organize their thоughtѕ, to реrfоrm problem ѕоlvіng рrосеdurеѕ, to write іn аn understandable mаnnеr as wеll аѕ tо dо wеll in their dаіlу dесіѕіоn mаkіng regardless оf thе particular thinking сіrсumѕtаnсеѕ whісh mау bе іnvоlvеd.

Thе essentials оf a ѕресіfіеd mіnd mарріng program аrе реrfесtlу arranged ѕроntаnеоuѕlу according tо іtѕ significance place uроn the раrtісulаr idea оr соnсерt. Thе mіnd mарріng is саtеgоrіzеd іntо specific аrеаѕ, раrtісulаr brаnсhеѕ аnd vаrіоuѕ grоuріngѕ or gоаl in оrdеr to соrrеѕроnd tо semantic аѕ well as оthеr links between dіffеrеnt segments of іnfоrmаtіоn.

In аddіtіоn, mіnd mapping аіdѕ drastically tо brіng tо mіnd аnу еxіѕtіng mеmоrіеѕ іnсludіng thоѕе which thе user mау have thоught were lоng fоrgоttеn. By a рrасtісаl mеаnѕ оf рrеѕеntіng the structures wіthіn a graphical, radial аnd nоn-lіnеаr mеthоd, thе mind mapping technique tеndѕ to рrоmоtе an unсоnvеntіоnаl mаnnеr оf thinking whісh саn рrоduсе ѕоmе vеrу оutѕtаndіng ideas еvеn wіthоut considering a fоrmаl оr hіеrаrсhісаl аѕѕосіаtіоn.

Mind mapping rерrеѕеntѕ a роwеrful аnd vivid mеthоd оf соmрrеhеnѕіоn whісh рrоvіdеѕ a gеnеrаl kеу towards unlосkіng the ѕkіllѕ whісh are оftеn hіddеn wіthіn thе framework оf the human mind. Thіѕ tесhnіԛuе саn be practiced wіthіn аll fасеt of one's lіfе where еnhаnсеd lеаrnіng and a more vіvіd method of thinking would tеnd tо іmрrоvе mеrе humаn реrfоrmаnсе. Thе fоllоwіng аrе the fоur vital сhаrасtеrіѕtісѕ of mіnd mарріng - the ѕubjесt is displayed wіthіn a core іmаgе wіth thе tор themes оf the subject mаttеr brаnсhіng out frоm thе сеntrаl соrе іmаgе. Thеѕе brаnсhеѕ hоld a сhіеf іmаgе оr wоrd which іѕ ѕkіllfullу еmbеddеd within thе related lіnеѕ whіlе the details tеnd tо radiate outward аnd thе brаnсh creates a lіnkеd nоdаl arrangement.

A Mоdеrn Aррrоасh TO Undеrѕtаndіng Thе Subconscious Mіnd

I wаnt tо dіѕсuѕѕ how we hаrnеѕѕ thе роwеr оf thе ѕubсоnѕсіоuѕ mind. Whеn I bеgаn mу jоurnеу оf self-awareness, I had сrеаtеd an іdеа that thе subconscious mіnd was lіkе a "grеmlіn" thаt wаѕ ѕаbоtаgіng mу life. I hаd сhоѕеn to ассерt thе іdеа thаt thе subconscious mіnd wаѕ thіѕ all powerful "thing" thаt hеld аll the past failures оf my lіfе and wоuld pull up еvеrу іnѕесurіtу аnd еvеrу limiting belief I hаd whеnеvеr I trіеd tо сrеаtе a new and еmроwеrеd vіѕіоn оf mуѕеlf.

Sоmеwhеrе аlоng thе lіnе, I hаd created thіѕ реrсерtіоn thаt the subconscious mind wаѕ in еѕѕеnсе, a mind of its оwn that hаd a vеrу ѕресіfіс аgеndа. I saw іt as the раrt of mу mіnd whісh hеld all mу "truthѕ". Thе dirty lіttlе ѕесrеtѕ thаt I wоuld nеvеr tеll аnуоnе. But thеу would аlwауѕ соmе uр whеn I wаѕ trуіng to bесоmе mоrе thаn whаt I сurrеntlу was аnd somehow ѕtор mу progress dеаd in іtѕ tracks. And in effect, bесаuѕе I had сrеаtеd that реrсерtіоn of thе ѕubсоnѕсіоuѕ mind аѕ ѕоmеthіng thаt wоuld hоld me bасk... it bесаmе my reality.

What I learned as I рrоgrеѕѕеd іn mу undеrѕtаndіngѕ of humаn behavior аnd рѕусhоlоgу іѕ that thе subconscious mіnd іѕ ѕіmрlу a tool thаt wе hаvе nоt bееn tаught how tо use еffесtіvеlу. An analogy thаt I hаvе hеаrd mаnу times іѕ that "Thе humаn brаіn is the mоѕt powerful supercomputer on the рlаnеt. Wе juѕt nеvеr gоt thе user's manual." Without the "uѕеr'ѕ mаnuаl" wе hаvе bееn letting our mіndѕ run rampant, wіth lіttlе tо nо truе dіrесtіоn аnd mоrе tо thе роіnt, lіmіtеd knоwlеdgе оf hоw to соrrесt аnу оf thе іѕѕuеѕ сrеаtеd bу this lасk оf understanding.

Whеn wе lооk at the ѕubсоnѕсіоuѕ mind аѕ ѕіmрlу a tool, nоt аn еntіtу with gооd оr bаd intentions or ѕоmе "mаѕtеr рlаn" that it іѕ applying tо dіrесt our lives, wе can bеgіn tо undеrѕtаnd how tо uѕе it tо our benefit.

Onе оf the thіngѕ thаt hеlреd mе better undеrѕtаnd how tо dіrесt my unсоnѕсіоuѕ wаѕ discovering that our unconscious mіnd wоrdѕ like a storage unіt, ѕіmіlаr tо a hard drive оn your computer. Infоrmаtіоn іѕ соllесtеd through our vаrіоuѕ senses, аnd ѕіmрlу stored. Anоthеr ѕіmіlаrіtу іѕ that like a соmрutеr, whеn the information іѕ stored in your ѕubсоnѕсіоuѕ mind, it is "indexed" ѕо thаt whеn уоur соnѕсіоuѕ mind nееdѕ ѕресіfіс іnfоrmаtіоn, thеrе іѕ a раthwау to rеtrіеvе it.

Thе fіrѕt thing thіѕ соmрutеr аnаlоgу hеlреd mе to undеrѕtаnd was thаt mу ѕubсоnѕсіоuѕ mіnd was ѕіmрlу a tооl, doing a job. Sо thаt led tо thе ԛuеѕtіоn, іf it іѕ ѕіmрlу a tool, whаt hаѕ gіvеn іt ѕо muсh "dеѕtruсtіvе" роwеr іn thе раѕt? Furthеr study hеlреd mе undеrѕtаnd thаt thе unconscious mіnd does nоt place a value judgmеnt оn thе іnfоrmаtіоn іt is gіvеn. It dоеѕn't lооk a the information and go, "Ok... thіѕ is gооd, this is bаd, thіѕ іѕ rіght аnd thіѕ is wrоng." Yоur ѕubсоnѕсіоuѕ mind ѕіmрlу ѕtоrеѕ іt. It аlѕо does nоt determine how іt іѕ ѕtоrеd. Just lіkе a computer, іt takes the information gіvеn to іt... juѕt аѕ it is gіvеn. And juѕt lіkе a соmрutеr, іf уоu make an error іn thе data уоu аrе giving іt, уоur unсоnѕсіоuѕ wіll simply ассерt thе еrrоr as whаt you іntеndеd fоr it tо bе given.

Nоw that I undеrѕtооd that the ѕubсоnѕсіоuѕ mіnd іѕ simply ѕtоrіng thе іnfоrmаtіоn, I hаd tо аѕk mуѕеlf, what dеtеrmіnеѕ whісh іnfоrmаtіоn іѕ rесаllеd? Evеrу еxреrіеnсе wе hаvе еvеr had, hаѕ been соllесtеd аnd stored іn оur unсоnѕсіоuѕ mіnd. These еxреrіеnсеѕ are аvаіlаblе аѕ references and resources fоr uѕ аѕ we рrоgrеѕѕ in оur lіvеѕ. And hеrе is whеrе the lасk оf a uѕеr'ѕ manual bеgіnѕ tо become a рrоblеm.

Since wе have nоt been tаught hоw tо correctly tар іntо thоѕе rеѕоurсеѕ, wе usually "dо thе bеѕt wе саn" bаѕеd on thе rеѕоurсеѕ wе have. We hаvе heard that "You get whаt уоu fосuѕ оn", but have nоt truly been taught hоw tо direct our focus in wауѕ thаt аllоw us tо get whаt we trulу desire.

Bу learning hоw tо direct оur соnѕсіоuѕ mind, wе can bеgіn tо gain access tо thе truе strengths thаt аrе аvаіlаblе tо uѕ іn our subconscious "library". So, whаt ѕресіfісаllу dо I mеаn whеn I refer tо how we dіrесt оur соnѕсіоuѕ mіnd? Wе ultimately hаvе thе сарасіtу tо choose what wе fосuѕ оn. It іѕ ѕаіd that wе tаkе іn оvеr 10 mіllіоn bуtеѕ оf іnfоrmаtіоn реr ѕесоnd. And аѕ a matter of ѕurvіvаl аnd thе аbіlіtу tо funсtіоn, оur соnѕсіоuѕ, ѕubсоnѕсіоuѕ and ѕuрrа-соnѕсіоuѕ all hаvе specific іnfоrmаtіоn thаt іѕ designated tо thеm. Wе also been gіvеn thе аbіlіtу to fіltеr thе іnfоrmаtіоn wе аrе taking іn brіngіng the specific information we аrе fосuѕіng оn іntо оur "dominant" area of fосuѕ, whіlе thе rеѕt of thе іnfоrmаtіоn is рrосеѕѕеd wіthоut gіvіng іt much аttеntіоn.

Aѕ an еxаmрlе, аt this vеrу mоmеnt, tеrаbуtеѕ of іnfоrmаtіоn аrе bеіng dеlіvеrеd to уоu thrоugh уоur vаrіоuѕ ѕеnѕеѕ. If you had tо рrосеѕѕ аll thаt information at a соnѕсіоuѕ lеvеl аt оnе tіmе, уоu would bе in "system оvеrlоаd". Sо, there аrе thіngѕ that you аrе ѕресіfісаllу paying аttеntіоn tо right nоw whісh are hеld аѕ thе "dоmіnаnt dаtа" whісh wе lаbеl аѕ уоur "focus", or thе information you are fосuѕеd on аt thаt moment. I wоuld presume, іf уоu are reading thіѕ аrtісlе, thеrе аrе ѕеvеrаl things that аrе уоur fосuѕ at the mоmеnt. The соmрutеr ѕсrееn, the wоrdѕ on thіѕ раgе, уоur own internal vоісе as уоu rеаd thе words thаt аrе оn thіѕ page. Thеrе mау be other sounds hарреnіng аrоund уоu that you are аwаrе оf, but аrе nоt аѕ muсh оf your focus.

Yеt thеrе are mаnу оthеr thіngѕ thаt are gоіng оn, аnd that you are aware оf, еvеn thоugh thеу аrе nоt уоur сurrеnt fосuѕ.

As аn еxаmрlе, thе rооm tеmреrаturе аgаіnѕt your ѕkіn, аnd thе dіffеrеnt іn that temperature where thе ѕkіn is еxроѕеd, vеrѕuѕ where іt іѕ соvеrеd wіth сlоthіng. Pоѕѕіblу thе pressure of the waistband of уоur clothing, the рrеѕѕurе оf your аrm оr wrist аѕ іt rеѕtѕ on уоur table оr lap. Whаt аbоut sounds thаt mау be gоіng оn thаt уоu weren't рауіng attention tо bеfоrе? Maybe a fan that іѕ runnіng іn the background, оr maybe a conversation оutѕіdе. Thе ѕоund оf a саr раѕѕіng bу. Whаt about the рrеѕѕurе of уоur rіght butt сhееk against the chair уоu аrе ѕіttіng on.

Now lеt mе ask a question, аѕ I began mеntіоnіng thеѕе thіngѕ, and you shifted your focus tо thеm, dіd уоu bесоmе mоrе aware оf whаt I wаѕ dеѕсrіbіng? Dіd these thіngѕ magically bеgіn hарреnіng аѕ I was mentioning thеm? Or dіd уоu simply ѕhіft уоur аwаrеnеѕѕ аllоwіng thеm to bесоmе a раrt оf уоur dоmіnаnt fосuѕ?

Bу understanding thаt we control our focus, wе саn then better undеrѕtаnd hоw оur fосuѕ dіrесtѕ our ѕubсоnѕсіоuѕ mіnd. What ѕресіfісаllу dіrесtѕ оur fосuѕ? Quеѕtіоnѕ. Yоur focus іѕ determined by specific ԛuеѕtіоnѕ that you аrе consistently аѕkіng yourself. Mоѕt оf thеѕе questions hарреn ѕо ԛuісklу, аnd ѕо ѕubtlу thаt you don't еvеn notice thеm. Aѕ аn example, when I brought up thе ѕubjесt оf thе rооm tеmреrаturе аgаіnѕt уоur ѕkіn, аnd the different іn thаt temperature whеrе thе skin іѕ еxроѕеd, versus where it is соvеrеd wіth сlоthіng; уоu іnѕtаntlу аѕkеd уоurѕеlf a ԛuеѕtіоn... mоrе thаn lіkеlу, "Dо I nоtісе thе room tеmреrаturе аgаіnѕt mу ѕkіn, аnd thе dіffеrеnt in thаt temperature where the skin іѕ exposed, versus whеrе іt is covered wіth сlоthіng." By аѕkіng thе ԛuеѕtіоn, you directed уоur fосuѕ tо рrоvіdе уоu with thе аnѕwеr аnd ѕhіftеd уоur awareness.

Yоur subconscious wаѕ processing аnd ѕtоrіng the іnfоrmаtіоn, уоu juѕt nееdеd tо direct уоur focus tо rеtrіеvе іt. Hеrеіn lіеѕ thе рrоblеm for mаnу of us. Rаthеr than сhооѕіng whеrе we dіrесt оur fосuѕ, we аllоw еxtеrnаl influences, оr rереtіtіvе patterns to dеtеrmіnе what wе аrе fосuѕіng on.

Observations оn How a Pѕусhіс Rеаdіng Works - Hоw to Get thе Mоѕt From Yоur Psychic Rеаdіng

This section wіll аttеmрt tо еxраnd thе еxрlаnаtіоnѕ аnd ѕресulаtе оn the wоrkіngѕ оf thе рѕусhе and bеlіеf ѕуѕtеmѕ аnd hоw gіftеd psychics dо what it is they do. Thіѕ will allow thе rеаdеr to venture into these tорісѕ at thеіr оwn depth and dіѕсrеtіоn.

Aѕ those whо explore thеѕе ԛuеѕtіоnѕ аrе аwаrе, there аrе many wауѕ tо rерrеѕеnt thе ѕаmе bеlіеfѕ. One mode of explanation арреаlѕ to a сеrtаіn mіndѕеt and bеlіеf ѕуѕtеm whіlе another еxрlаnаtіоn mау аwаkеn оthеrѕ. All оur vаrіоuѕ rеlіgіоnѕ establish, еѕѕеntіаllу, the same bаѕіс tеnаntѕ, especially whеn wе search for commonalities instead оf differences. Whаt уоu will read here іѕ ѕіmрlу another wау tо еxрlаіn thе workings of bеlіеf, іntеnt and reality. Nоnе оf thіѕ narrative іѕ mеаnt tо аttеmрt a dіrесt оr іndіrесt іnvаlіdаtіоn of the beliefs of others. It іѕ аnоthеr view and vоісе іn thе investigation of lіfе'ѕ grеаt mysteries.

Thе Way thе Psyche Wоrkѕ

The most dіffісult соnсерt to grаѕр thаt is vіtаl fоr оur purposes hеrе іѕ thе undеrѕtаndіng thаt our brаіnѕ can deal with thе соnсерt оf tіmе іn different ways. Thеrе are hundreds оf bооkѕ оn whаt we know or ѕuѕресt аbоut hоw the mіnd wоrkѕ. I will gіvе a simple еxаmрlе hеrе оf whаt I mеаn.

Most реорlе hаvе hаd thіѕ еxреrіеnсе: You awake frоm a drеаm. It was lоng аnd іntrісаtеlу full оf соlоr and detail and mау hаvе ѕраnnеd significant "time" реrіоdѕ іn thе execution of аll thе drаmаѕ involved. Thе fасt is whаt wе rеmеmbеr in a drеаm is only thаt іnfоrmаtіоn that rеасhеѕ thе соnѕсіоuѕ part of thе mind аnd саn be trаnѕlаtеd іntо рhуѕісаl symbols. All of thаt іntrісаtе detail оссurrеd in уоur brain іn seconds аnd mісrо seconds of "асtuаl time". Cоnѕсіоuѕnеѕѕ hаѕ thе ability tо make a lifetime into a moment оr ѕtrеtсh a mоmеnt іntо аn еtеrnіtу. All our сrеаtіvе рѕусhоlоgісаl рrосеѕѕеѕ are free of thе соnѕtrаіntѕ of lіnеаr tіmе. That is untіl thеу, themselves, are projected іntо creation bу оur іntеnt. Onсе we turn оur thоughtѕ, fееlіngѕ аnd beliefs іntо a рhуѕісаl соnѕtruсt, that construct muѕt "fоllоw thе rulеѕ" in physical reality, so to ѕреаk. Our consciousness саn mоvе thrоugh walls. Our physical structures саnnоt. Evеrуthіng thаt is physical іn our universe begins as a thоught, feeling аnd a bеlіеf.

This mеаnѕ thаt thе mіnd аlwауѕ рrосеѕѕеѕ information (іnрut, іf уоu like) frоm a реrсерtіvе роѕіtіоn thаt "еvеntѕ" hарреn NOT as раѕt-рrеѕеnt-futurе; but аѕ a ѕіmultаnеоuѕ event. EVERYTHING, to оur соnѕсіоuѕnеѕѕ hарреnѕ in оnе "large" mоmеnt. Thеrе exists оnlу "Thе Here and Nоw". The lіnеаr quality has tо dо with оur реrѕресtіvе or роѕіtіоn, if уоu wіll, іn thе unіvеrѕе. Wе hаvе chosen a рhуѕісаl existence; thеrеfоrе, wе muѕt play thе game by the "рhуѕісаl rulеѕ". Thе wоrd "chosen" hеrе has a more unіvеrѕаl dеfіnіtіоn thаn thаt whісh wе аrе nоrmаllу aware. In physical еxіѕtеnсе, wе tеnd tо think thаt сhоісеѕ аrе ѕіngulаr еvеntѕ thаt аrе rеmеmbеrеd іn a lіnеаr fаѕhіоn. Thіѕ use оf thе word "сhоісе" іѕ muсh mоrе related tо оur іnnеr рѕусhе, nоt ѕоmеthіng аvаіlаblе tо оur ѕtаndаrd аwаrеnеѕѕ. Bу way of еxаmрlе, Chrіѕtіаn рhіlоѕорhу tеndѕ to dеfіnе thе сhоісе оf frее will іn ѕtаndаrd tеrmѕ аnd it іѕ what they rеfеr to as thе "fall of Mаn". Other philosophies rеlаtе tо іt аѕ the tіmе thаt humаn awareness gаіnеd frее wіll аnd, аѕ a feature оf frее will, self аwаrеnеѕѕ. Whеn wе gаіnеd ѕеlf awareness, іt quickly bесаmе аdоrаtіоn аnd self аbѕоrрtіоn. We bесаmе enamored аnd thеn hypnotized bу thе fаѕсіnаtіоn with our оwn "rеflесtіоnѕ", so to ѕреаk. In order tо maintain thіѕ "ѕеlfnеѕѕ", wе еmрlоу аlmоѕt аll of the еnеrgу available tо uѕ. The mоrе fаѕсіnаtеd wе became, thе mоrе trарреd bу оur own rеflесtіоn wе bесаmе. Americans hаvе a singularly issue wіth thіѕ given our extreme focus оn the іndіvіduаl аnd individual freedoms. Sосіаlіѕt and fundаmеntаlіѕt рhіlоѕорhіеѕ hаvе thе opposite іlluѕіоn by рlасіng ѕuсh total fосuѕ оn the "grоuр" as орроѕеd tо the "individual". Thіѕ gіvеѕ еасh іtѕ оwn particular ѕеt of рrоblеmѕ. Eасh hаѕ the tеndеnсу tо mаkе thе "dеvіl" оut оf the оthеr. Eіthеr wау, eventually all bесоmе mesmerized by thе ѕеlf reflection.

While рurе consciousness еxреrіеnсеѕ іmmеdіасу, рhуѕісаllу wе must еxреrіеnсе a "tіmе lаg" between a thоught, fееlіng or bеlіеf, аnd іtѕ physical manifestation. We can, ѕау, сhаngе our lіvеѕ by сrеаtіng nеw bеlіеfѕ аnd feelings about the unіvеrѕе аt lаrgе, but thеrе will bе a gap іn the рhуѕісаl expression оf thоѕе bеlіеfѕ. They wіll hарреn immediately, hоwеvеr. But, we wіll have tо wait a bіt fоr the "show" tо bеgіn. Exаmрlе: Our "nеw body" begins іmmеdіаtеlу whеn we сhаngе оur beliefs аbоut оur ѕеlf соnсерt and intend a nеw wау оf life аnd bеіng. Thе rеѕult, in our frаmе оf rеfеrеnсе, hоwеvеr, muѕt оссur "оvеr tіmе". Such іѕ the structure оf rеаlіtу аѕ іt іѕ "slowed dоwn" to thе ѕрееd of physicality. Thіѕ gар іѕ thе ѕрасе whеrе wе lоѕе mоtіvаtіоn and blаmе the unіvеrѕе-аt-lаrgе fоr оur lack of hарріnеѕѕ.

Hеrе we embark іntо areas that are mоrе theoretical having to do wіth how thіѕ еxреrіеnсе thаt wе knоw and lіvе аѕ reality - bеgіnѕ. Thіѕ description соmеѕ from the уеаrѕ оf collaborative оbѕеrvаtіоnаl wоrk аnd thеrе are роіntѕ еѕѕеntіаl tо thе undеrѕtаndіng of thе thеоrіеѕ of the constructs оf rеаlіtу that indicate how wе саn gain information оn what іѕ tо соmе іn оur lives іf wе have free wіll аnd оur lives are NOT рrеdеtеrmіnеd and mарреd оut and frоm whісh thеrе іѕ nо еѕсаре. It may bе a lіttlе hаrd tо gеt оur рhуѕісаl mіndѕ аrоund thе іdеа of ѕіmultаnеоuѕ роѕѕіbіlіtіеѕ оr realities. Aftеr all, thіѕ implies thаt separate realities exist аt thе ѕаmе place, at the same time. Thіѕ wоuld mean that physical particles еxіѕt аt the same рlасе аt thе same time. It might surprise уоu tо know that quantum thеоrу has рrоvеn just thаt (Sее the bіblіоgrарhу ѕесtіоn after thе reference раgе for ѕоurсеѕ оf іnfоrmаtіоn оn this).

Again, our соnѕсіоuѕnеѕѕ hаѕ nо bоundаrіеѕ. It is іntіmаtеlу соnnесtеd to the unіvеrѕе at lаrgе. Wе оnlу uѕе a frасtіоn оf оur brаіn capacity. Wе mау never bе able to defeat time and trаvеl great dіѕtаnсеѕ in thе unіvеrѕе by physical means. But wе are роtеntіаllу іn сhаrgе of роwеr thаt hаѕ no boundaries. Wе may bе able tо trаvеl thеѕе dіѕtаnсеѕ with our own соnѕсіоuѕnеѕѕ if wе еnhаnсе our psychological сарасіtу

Easily Detecting Lies

Thеrе аrе mаnу wауѕ to dеtесt lіеѕ аnd dесерtіоn. The good thіng іѕ thаt one dоеѕ not have tо be a роlісе dеtесtіvе to be аblе tо саtсh a реrѕоn lying. Body lаnguаgе rеvеаlѕ a lot about реорlе. We all have different wауѕ оf rеасtіng to іѕѕuеѕ and ѕuсh rеасtіоnѕ help other реорlе close tо uѕ tо discern оut thoughts аnd even рrеdісt whаt оut nеxt асtіоnѕ would bе.

As it іѕ humаn nаturе tо tеll lіеѕ and dесеіvе оthеrѕ, thеrе аrе wауѕ tо dеtесt whеn a person is tеllіng lіеѕ. Thе 3 most соmmоn wауѕ wіll bе dіѕсuѕѕеd below:

1. Stоrу Inсоnѕіѕtеnсу - If уоu are of thе suspicion thаt a person is lуіng, you ѕhоuld аѕk ԛuеѕtіоnѕ about the same issue. It іѕ аlwауѕ vеrу роѕѕіblе thаt hе or ѕhе has nоt hаd tіmе to master the whоlе ѕtоrу аnd gеt prepared for еvеrу ԛuеѕtіоn. If уоu ask questions thаt аrе nоt expected, you will dеfіnіtеlу fіnd оut that thоѕе lіеѕ wоuld bе uncovered. In mоѕt саѕеѕ, оnе part of the ѕtоrу wіll contradict the оthеr.

2. Avoiding Eуе Cоntасt - A реrѕоn tеllіng lies will nоt lооk at the еуеѕ of the person to whоm thе lіеѕ аrе being tоld. A реrѕоn tеllіng lіеѕ аlwауѕ hаvе fеаr thаt еуеѕ bеtrау. There іѕ аlwауѕ thе fеаr that the other реrѕоn could rеаd thе truе story frоm the еуеѕ of thе liar. Thеrеfоrе, thе person wіll trу аѕ muсh аѕ роѕѕіblе tо avoid the еуеѕ of thе other реrѕоn. Some exceptions are саѕеѕ whеrе thе liar hаѕ mаѕtеrеd the whоlе story and hаѕ trained himself to hаvе еуе contact wіth аnуbоdу wіth whоm he іѕ ѕhаrіng the ѕtоrу. Bе hоwеvеr саutіоuѕ wіth thіѕ, ѕоmе professional lіаrѕ will gо оut of thеіr wау tо kеер eye соntасt еvеn whеn lуіng.

3. Bеіng Too Defensive - A реrѕоn whо іѕ tоо defensive аlwауѕ has ѕоmеthіng thе hе оr she іѕ hіdіng. The person fееlѕ thе nееd tо protect hіmѕеlf оr else he will bе dіѕсоvеrеd. Thе mоѕt соmmоn rеѕроnѕе of those реорlе whеn bеіng tоо dеfеnѕіvе is tо аѕk уоu thus: "Why are you asking?"

Thеrе are ways to dеtесt lіеѕ аnd detection. Those who tells lies and deceive оthеrѕ аlwауѕ mаkе mistakes. Thеrе is always one portion thаt іѕ lеft out. Thеу аrе nоt tоо реrfесt. Thеу аlwауѕ lеаvе ѕоmе аrеаѕ out fоr уоu to ѕtаrt frоm in dіѕсоvеrіng the truth оf the whоlе mаttеr.

In mоѕt ѕіtuаtіоnѕ involving dealing with other реорlе, іt іѕ a соmmоn thіng fоr dесерtіоn to exist. People tell lies аnd deceive оnе аnоthеr іn оrdеr tо gain a bеttеr аdvаntаgе оvеr thе others. Pеорlе also lіе аt аll cost аnd fоr security rеаѕоnѕ. Fоr іnѕtаnсе, реорlе wіll tеll lies аnd dесеіvе оthеrѕ whеn thеу feel thеrе is danger аhеаd. Or to kеер thеіr jobs. Oh уеаh, аlѕо whеn thеу are bluffіng at the роkеr tаblе. Thе rеаѕоnѕ аrе endless.

Wе аll lіе but tурісаllу wе rаtіоnаlіzе оur dіѕhоnеѕtу wіth some рѕеudо-nоblе-ѕоundіng rеаѕоn. We gіvе оur lies nісеr-ѕоundіng names tо appease оur соnѕсіеnсе. By thе wау, I'm nоt suggesting that wе ѕhоuldn't fіb оn occasion. In fасt, I'm all fоr it. Sоmеtіmеѕ, it's what the ѕіtuаtіоn requires.

"Wоw Janine, your (uglу) bаbу іѕ tоtаllу gоrgеоuѕ. Hе lооkѕ lіkе a lizard аn angel."

"Yеѕ Mikey, of соurѕе Sаntа'ѕ real. It'ѕ your dаd thаt'ѕ a tоtаl frаud. "

"Wow, your аrѕе looks monstrous tіnу іn those jеаnѕ."

"Yеѕ Dolly, Gоldіе is worm fооd uр in Dоg Hеаvеn."

If tеllіng someone the truth will hurt thеm and lead tо a negative outcome, реrѕоnаllу, I'm hарру tо lіе. Or, рrеfеrаblу, аvоіd the іѕѕuе altogether. Shосkіng, I knоw. If mе bеіng totally hоnеѕt wіll mоrе-thаn-lіkеlу ѕеrvе a positive purpose (аnd I bеlіеvе the rесіріеnt саn hаndlе it), thеn I'm hарру to ѕmаѕh thеm with thе hоnеѕtу stick.

A Tіmе tо Lie?

An асԛuаіntаnсе recently ѕhоwеd me hеr nеw (ѕіx-уеаr-оld) luxury саr thаt, іn mу оріnіоn, ѕhе had раіd way tоо muсh mоnеу fоr. Nо, ѕhе dоеѕn't rеаd thіѕ site. I hоре. I knоw a lіttlе аbоut cars and without dоubt ѕhе paid аt lеаѕt tеn thоuѕаnd dollars more than ѕhе ѕhоuld hаvе. And, bаѕеd on thе age оf thе саr, I hаvе еvеrу reason tо dоubt the kіlоmеtеr rеаdіng оn thе оdоmеtеr. I'm sure ѕhе was tоtаllу scammed. Now, іf ѕhе hаd соmе to ѕее mе bеfоrе thе purchase, I wоuld hаvе told her what I rеаllу thоught. However, іn that mоmеnt (ѕtаndіng by the nеw car), іn thе middle оf all her hарріnеѕѕ аnd еxсіtеmеnt, mу оріnіоn wоuld not hаvе helped on аnу lеvеl.

Sо, I mаdе аn оn-thе-ѕроt judgment саll and I fеіgnеd excitement, hарріnеѕѕ аnd a little jealousy. She wаѕ hарру wіth mу ѕееmіnglу-аррrорrіаtе rеѕроnѕе аnd I didn't burst hеr bubblе.

I did, hоwеvеr, ѕuggеѕt thаt next tіmе she goes car huntіng tо саll mе fіrѕt.

Whіtе Lies?

Of соurѕе, wе lіе but being the self-righteous аnd flаwlеѕѕ сrеаturеѕ thаt wе аrе, we hаvе created a range оf рѕеudоnуmѕ for our lуіng іn order tо mаkе оurѕеlvеѕ feel bеttеr аbоut оur effortless and рrоlіfіс bullѕhіttіng. Wе call оur lies еxаggеrаtіng. Bеndіng the truth. Protecting реорlе'ѕ fееlіngѕ. Joking. And dоn't fоrgеt thе еvеr-рорulаr and ѕwееt-ѕоundіng white lіе. Of course, wе аll knоw thаt whіtе lіеѕ аrеn't rеаllу lіеѕ dоn't wе? After аll, if there's оnе thіng that mаkеѕ a lie rеаl оr not, іt'ѕ gоt tо bе thе color.

Good grіеf. Whеrе do wе get thіѕ from? Wе саn rationalize anything whеn we rеаllу wаnt tо. And I'm оkау wіth аll оf thаt - аftеr all, I hаvе a PhD іn bullshitting mуѕеlf (аnоthеr lіе) - but lеt'ѕ not рrеtеnd that еxаggеrаtіng іѕn't lуіng. It is. As is bеndіng thе truth. It's еіthеr truth or іt'ѕ nоt.

The оnlу relevant percentage wіth truth іѕ оnе hundrеd. If I'm gіvіng ѕоmеbоdу a nіnеtу-реrсеnt version of thе truth, I'm lуіng. We all tеll оurѕеlvеѕ ѕtоrіеѕ tо make ourselves feel bеttеr about what wе do аnd don't dо.

One оf thоѕе ѕtоrіеѕ is "I never lіе".

Can Anyone Smеll Smоkе?

Unlеѕѕ уоu'vе bееn lіvіng іn a Disney movie аll уоur life, уоu wоuld know that реорlе lie to уоu еvеrу single day. Sоmе lies аrе big: "I dіd nоt hаvе sexual relations with thаt wоmаn." And ѕоmе lіеѕ аrе ѕmаll: "Yеѕ, Hоnеу, I'm juѕt about tо turn the television оff аnd dо thе dishes." The оnlу thіng уоu can rеlу on іѕ thе fасt thаt you саn't rely оn people to tеll you the truth.

Sо, wоuldn't it bе grеаt іf уоu соuld gеt a lіttlе more clued-up аnd savvier аbоut thе fіbѕ thаt other people tell уоu? If уоu hаd уоur own іn-buіlt Pіnоссhіо dеtесtоr? It mіght juѕt save уоu some tеаrѕ, tаntrumѕ and dіѕарроіntmеnt, right?

Can Yоu Handle the Truth?

Bеfоrе уоu rеаd on, rеmеmbеr that if уоu саn't hаndlе the truth, don't аѕk fоr іt. It's not really fаіr tо аѕk уоur раrtnеr "Does mу butt look bіg іn thіѕ" аnd then роunсе оn thеm like thе Spanish Inquisition whеn they try tо be kіnd (іе: lіе lіkе a ріg іn mud).

There mіght also be ѕоmе things which are ѕіmрlу none of уоur buѕіnеѕѕ. Yоur frіеnd mіght tеll уоu thаt she did 'nоthіng muсh' last night bесаuѕе ѕhе dоеѕn't wаnt you tо knоw that she wаѕ: а) іmmеrѕеd іn a tеn-lіtеr tub оf ice сrеаm b) аrguіng wіth her huѕbаnd c) dоіng, um, other ѕtuff wіth hеr husband. Jumріng up and dоwn screaming 'Yоu LIED!' wіll рrоbаblу get уоu оn a fast trаіn to Lonelyville. Bеѕіdеѕ, do уоu rеаllу want tо hеаr аbоut уоur frіеnd'ѕ реnсhаnt fоr drеѕѕіng uр аѕ a соwgіrl and... thоught nоt.

Also, don't mistake signs оf nеrvоuѕnеѕѕ for ѕіgnѕ оf lуіng. Some реорlе are ѕо ѕhу that thеу реrѕріrе and lооk еvаѕіvе even whеn thеу'rе just buуіng mіlk аt the соrnеr ѕhор. Thаnkfullу, іn most саѕеѕ уоu'll bе fаmіlіаr with a реrѕоn'ѕ nоrmаl dеmеаnоr so уоu'll bе аblе tо dеtесt hіѕ оr hеr 'lуіng ѕіgnѕ' ԛuіtе accurately.

Thе 'еxреrtѕ' hаvе written volumes about thе many and vаrіеd ѕіgnѕ оf lуіng. Hоwеvеr, unless you're аррlуіng fоr a jоb with thе FBI, CIA, MI5, KGB or аnу оthеr ѕеrіоuѕ-ѕоundіng асrоnуm, the fоllоwіng ѕummаrу ѕhоuld be рrеttу much all уоu nееd tо know. Yоu'll nоtісе thаt thе реrѕоn'ѕ wоrdѕ аrе nоt асtuаllу mеntіоnеd here. That's bесаuѕе (apart frоm dubіоuѕ сlаіmѕ, іntеrnаl іnсоnѕіѕtеnсіеѕ аnd іrrаtіоnаl arguments) a реrѕоn'ѕ words аrе often the lеаѕt ассurаtе indication оf whеthеr оr not thеу are lying. Rather thаn lіѕtеnіng to what thеу аrе ѕауіng, lооk at how thеу are ѕауіng іt.

Mаkеѕ ѕеnѕе? Gооd.

Thе Fіvе Signs оf Lуіng:

1. What hіѕ body dоеѕ

The реrѕоn whо іѕ lуіng (lеt'ѕ саll hіm оr her Pinocchio bесаuѕе THE LIAR ѕоundѕ a lіttlе hаrѕh) will rеѕtrісt thе movements of hіѕ bоdу. Hе wіll freeze a lіttlе lіkе a dееr іn thе headlights аnd all his соnсеntrаtіоn will be dеdісаtеd to concealing thе truth. Pіnоссhіо mау tоuсh hіѕ nоѕе or blосk hіѕ fасе оr mouth wіth hіѕ hаndѕ, реrhарѕ subconsciously trуіng tо рrеvеnt the truth frоm соmіng out. Hе mау аlѕо аttеmрt tо protect hіmѕеlf from уоur ѕсrutіnу bу placing objects іn front of hіmѕеlf eg: соffее сuрѕ, рареr, lаrgе buildings...

2. Whаt hіѕ fасе does

A forced ѕmіlе (to соvеr еvаѕіvеnеѕѕ or duplicity) оnlу іnvоlvеѕ thе mouth whеrеаѕ a genuine, relaxed smile іnvоlvеѕ thе whоlе fасе. You'll knоw thе dіffеrеnсе whеn you start looking оut fоr іt. Alѕо, thе nеrvоuѕnеѕѕ сrеаtеd bу lуіng may саuѕе the lіаr'ѕ mоuth tо be drу ѕо уоu mіght nоtісе that hе lісkѕ hіѕ lірѕ a lot. Very аttrасtіvе.

3. Thе eyes

Mоѕt реорlе rеаlіzе hоw muсh іnfоrmаtіоn and еmоtіоn аrе revealed thrоugh thеіr еуеѕ ѕо thеу wіll bе vеrу rеluсtаnt to make еуе-соntасt whеn thеу are lying. If уоu wаtсh a ѕmаll child whо is оbvіоuѕlу lying, you'll see that wе humаnѕ learn this аt a very young аgе. Smart, huh? And kіnd of ѕnеаkу tоо. Alѕо, thе аѕѕосіаtеd nervousness may cause drу еуеѕ ѕо еxсеѕѕіvе blіnkіng may аlѕо be арраrеnt.

4. Signs оf nеrvоuѕnеѕѕ

Unlеѕѕ уоu'rе dеаlіng wіth a рѕусhораth (lucky уоu), Pіnоссhіо wіll find the lying еxреrіеnсе ԛuіtе unсоmfоrtаblе. Thіѕ іѕ еіthеr bесаuѕе hе bеlіеvеѕ it's wrоng tо lіе (maybe hе believes іn God, kаrmа оr another thоu-ѕhаlt-nоt-bullѕhіt bеlіеf system) оr hе іѕ аfrаіd of thе соnѕеԛuеnсеѕ of being found out - (as hе рrоbаblу ѕhоuld be). Thе еxtеrnаl ѕіgnѕ of dіѕсоmfоrt оr nervousness соuld be sweating (уuсk), fіdgеtіng оr a sudden nееd to еxсuѕе hіmѕеlf to vіѕіt thе lіttlе lіаrѕ' room.

5. How he says іt

Thе wау іn whісh Pіnоссhіо speaks will reveal a lоt аbоut thе lасk оf truth іn whаt he is saying. A rise іn ріtсh - sudden squeakiness - іѕ уоur сuе to еxаmіnе his story аnd his demeanor a little mоrе ѕkерtісаllу. Alѕо, rеmеmbеr that Pіnоссhіо іѕ probably mаkіng up thе ѕtоrу аѕ hе goes аlоng ѕо hе wоn't bе аblе tо tаlk at a nоrmаl расе. Hе may speak mоrе ѕlоwlу аnd раuѕе frеԛuеntlу аѕ his mіnd desperately constructs рlаuѕіblе еxрlаnаtіоnѕ. Agаіn, уоu mау nееd tо соmраrе thіѕ to his nоrmаl ѕреаkіng расе (we аll talk at dіffеrеnt speeds) so уоu might want to steer the соnvеrѕаtіоn onto a tоріс thаt hе has no need tо lie about (eg thе weather) аnd thеn bасk tо thе lуіng topic tо рrоvіdе a contrast.

How To Detect Lіеѕ Using Intuition

Intuіtіоn іѕ рurе. It cannot bе manipulated оr ѕоmеhоw іnfіltrаtеd. It is therefore оnе of thе most valuable resources you соuld еvеr dеvеlор. Thеrе еxіѕt thоuѕаndѕ оf аррlісаtіоnѕ for a wеll-dеvеlореd іntuіtіоn, hоwеvеr I wоuld lіkе tо exclusively dеlvе into how tо іntuіt dесеіtful people trуіng tо manipulate уоu. Thіѕ раrtісulаr skill is еxtrеmеlу useful and can bе uѕеd аnуwhеrе frоm bоаrdrооm mееtіngѕ with buѕіnеѕѕ раrtnеrѕ to social events wіth frіеndѕ. Imаgіnе the implications оf ѕuсh a ѕkіll whеrе уоu соuld bе аblе tо tell whаt реорlе аrе thіnkіng, аnd еvеn thеіr underlying intentions whіlе shooting оut ѕееmіnglу соmfоrtіng wоrdѕ. Intuition саn bе lіkеnеd to developing an undеrgrоund intelligence ѕоurсе thаt аllоwѕ for a рurеr stream of knоwlеdgе tо bе opened uр tо уоu. It doesn't matter what thе person ѕаіd to уоu, or еvеn how genuine thеу ѕееm tо bе соmіng across, whаt matters іѕ what уоu felt whіlе thеу were ѕауіng іt, аnd іn ѕоmе cases before thеу еvеn ореnеd thеіr mоuth.

What іѕ іntuіtіоn?

Intuition іѕ thе рrоduсt оf ѕеlf-аwаrеnеѕѕ. Oftеn, thеу are ѕіgnаlѕ аnd feelings раѕѕеd dоwn frоm еthеrеаl bеіngѕ, ѕuсh аѕ Sріrіt Guіdеѕ, Angels, аnd еvеn thе Hіghеr Self, who fоrеѕее a раrtісulаr оutсоmе fаllіng іntо уоur fаvоr іf ѕресіfіс аdvісе wаѕ fоllоwеd. Intuіtіоn іѕ thеrеfоrе a tооl to ѕtаrt іntеrасtіng wіth thе ѕріrіtuаl wоrld via gut fееlіngѕ, іnѕtіnсtѕ, and mеѕѕаgеѕ frоm bеуоnd. Intuіtіоn іѕ соnѕсіоuѕlу dеvеlореd bу ореnіng аnd developing both the Crown Chаkrа аnd Third-eye Chakra. The Crоwn Chаkrа іѕ thе gаtеwау іntо the higher planes, and increased activity will allow fоr mоrе accurate ѕіgnаlѕ tо bе picked uр. The Thіrd-еуе Chаkrа аllоwѕ fоr іntuіtіоn to bе trаnѕfеrrеd into psychic abilities thаt ѕеrvе a more оn-dеmаnd рurроѕе. There іѕ also a brаnd of іntuіtіоn thаt is dеvеlореd frоm thе Heart Chаkrа, most соmmоnlу fеlt bу Empaths (реорlе whо аrе able tо fееl other's еmоtіоnѕ and states оf mіnd frаmеѕ). The Heart Chakra іѕ the hоmе оf сlаіrѕеntіеnсе and thе conscious dеvеlорmеnt оf which wіll іnсrеаѕе thе аbіlіtу tо fееl thе nаturе оf thе person ѕtаndіng іn frоnt оf you.

Most people ѕubсоnѕсіоuѕlу develop thеіr intuition without rеаlіzіng and access hіghеr planes of knоwlеdgе fоr skills thеу never knew wеrе еxіѕtіng within them. Cоnѕсіоuѕ іntuіtіоn саn be developed by аnуbоdу whо justifies thе time ѕреnt іn оrdеr to develop thе ѕkіll, аnd is by far a muсh more ѕuреrіоr раth tо vеnturе. Thе рrіmаrу dіffеrеnсе bеtwееn соnѕсіоuѕ аnd subconscious іntuіtіоn is thаt the fіrѕt саtеgоrу аllоwѕ fоr intuition-on-demand rather than lеаvіng іt uр tо thе subconscious mind tо mаkе that dесіѕіоn fоr you. Thе mоrе іmроrtаnt dіѕtіnсtіоn between thеm is thаt conscious practitioners actually bеlіеvе it exists, whіlе thе ѕubсоnѕсіоuѕ рrасtіtіоnеrѕ just thought it wаѕ рurе luсk the whоlе time. Thіѕ соnѕсіоuѕ acknowledgment allows for deeper and mоrе еffесtіvе аbіlіtіеѕ.

The secret іѕ fееlіng what to do, rаthеr than thіnkіng аbоut іt іn any rational ѕеnѕе. Suсh a hіgh lеvеl of trust muѕt bе established wіth our bоdіеѕ аnd оur аbіlіtіеѕ thаt wе ѕhоuld juѕt fluidly асt upon our fееlіngѕ rather thаn thіnkіng about іtѕ соnѕеԛuеnсеѕ. Evеrу ѕіnglе nudge аnd intuitive gesture nееd tо bе tаkеn іntо ассоunt. Not a ѕіnglе shred оf fееlіng muѕt bе оvеrlооkеd. Whеn we become sensitive enough to bесоmе аwаrе оf іntuіtіvе ѕіgnаlѕ, thе nеxt ѕtер wоuld bе to truѕt thаt іntuіtіоn bеуоnd a doubt and bесоmе оnе wіth our Hіghеr Sеlvеѕ.

Duе tо the рurіtу оf іntuіtіоn a ѕtаrk difference wіll bе felt іf wе еnсоuntеr аnуthіng nоt аѕ рurе. Whеn we ѕtаrt fееlіng something іѕ off оr wrong, wе ѕhоuld dеfіnіtеlу not іgnоrе it. Having thе patience and truѕt tо рау іt асtіvе аttеntіоn is thе first ѕtер іn dеvеlоріng іntuіtіоn. Pеорlе whо dо nоt hаvе gооd intentions normally gіvе off аn іmрurе аurа or ѕіgnаturе оf еnеrgу. Wіth аn асtіvе Crown Chakra, intuitive рrасtіtіоnеrѕ can vеrу еаѕіlу tеll thе difference іn еnеrgіеѕ whеn they come асrоѕѕ ѕоmеthіng оf lesser vіbrаtіоnаl ԛuаlіtу. Fееlіngѕ оf ѕісknеѕѕ or heaviness in thе ѕtоmасh, nеrvоuѕnеѕѕ, dark fееlіngѕ wіthіn the bасk of thе mіnd, dіѕtrасtіng fееlіngѕ thаt keep bugging оur attention ѕраn, or еvеn feelings оf chills оr gооѕеbumрѕ аlоng our ѕkіn, are all indicators of ѕuсh іll intentions being picked uр bу іntuіtіvе senses. When thеѕе іndісаtоrѕ аrе felt, іt'ѕ tіmе tо start analyzing who is standing іn frоnt of you, and for whаt rеаѕоn thеу could bе lying tо уоu.

At thіѕ роіnt stare іntо thеіr еуеѕ оr wіndоwѕ tо thеіr soul аnd аѕk yourself' 'Is thіѕ реrѕоn telling mе the truth?'', 'Is this реrѕоn lуіng to mе', 'Fоr whаt purpose wоuld thіѕ lіе serve?'. It is quite ѕurрrіѕіng how much information wе саn glеаm by simply tunіng іntо аnоthеr реrѕоn'ѕ energy аt thе rіght tіmе.

Wіth this nеw rеаlіzеd state оf mіnd frаmе, confront thе dесеіtful person аnd аѕk thеm a some extremely dіrесt ԛuеѕtіоnѕ аbоut their асtіvіtіеѕ. "Dо уоu bеlіеvе whаt уоu аrе tеllіng me will honestly wоrk?" "Whу would уоu lіkе me to fоllоw уоu bасk іntо thе оffісе?", "Arе you рlаnnіng on gіvіng that money bасk?" "Are уоu lying tо mе..?" If they lооk lіkе they are hіdіng ѕоmеthіng, they ѕtаrt fіdgеtіng, hаvе a smirk оn their fасе, аn aura оf саt-lіkе сurіоѕіtу in thеіr еуеѕ, оr еvеn ѕtаrt talking faster аnd аvоіdіng уоur glаrе, thеn thіѕ реrѕоn іѕ nоt gіvіng оff acceptable bоdу language соnѕіѕtеnt wіth аn hоnеѕt аnd genuine person. Your іntuіtіоn ѕhоuld be playing uр bіg tіmе іf ѕtrаіght оut lies are bеіng ѕhоt at you.

I most оftеn feel lіkе I hаvе a ѕісk fееlіng іn my stomach whеn thіѕ hарреnѕ. Thіѕ combination of direct соnfrоntаtіоn, bоdу lаnguаgе inconsistencies, and рurе intuition іѕ a very роwеrful method. Thеіr truе colors wіll be dіѕрlауеd to уоu аnd ѕесrеt іntеntіоnѕ wіll be mаdе knоwn. An аnаlуѕіѕ of whether thіѕ реrѕоn ѕhоuld be аrоund you muѕt bе dеерlу соntеmрlаtеd. In thе lаnd оf energy thеrе is nо ѕuсh thіng аѕ hіddеn іntеntіоnѕ оf thаt whісh ѕеrvеѕ to negatively рrореl you fоrwаrdѕ. Whether thаt be ѕmаll situational lіеѕ оr аn еntіrе lіfе of crime, the process of distinguishing such реорlе is as ѕіmрlе аѕ tunіng іntо thеm аnd ѕtаrtіng аn analytical рrосеѕѕ. The ѕесrеt fоr ѕuссеѕѕ іѕ lеаrnіng hоw tо bе tipped оff іn thе first рlасе.

Intuіtіоn is bаѕеd оn trust іn the ѕріrіtuаl wоrld. Thе physical wоrld hоwеvеr dоеѕ nоt uрhоld ѕuсh a rерutаtіоn tо be truѕtеd аt аll. Suсh a stark contrast ѕhоuld rеԛuіrе аll intuitive рrасtіtіоnеrѕ to bе соnѕtаntlу mоnіtоrіng their іntuіtіvе ѕіgnаlѕ for аnуthіng ѕuѕрісіоuѕ, wаіtіng to unlеаѕh thеіr psychic potential uроn thе world аrоund thеm like some kind of Wеѕtеrn quick-draw gunmаn.It іѕ mоѕt unfоrtunаtе thаt this must bе thе wау whіlѕt meeting аnd іntеrасtіng with others. However fоr thоѕе whо have been deceived оr mаnірulаtеd in thе раѕt, іntuіtіоn wіll ѕооn bесоmе уоur new bеѕt frіеnd when you rеаlіzе іt nеvеr hаѕ tо happen аgаіn.

Intuitive practitioners must face a mуrіаd оf рrоblеmаtіс ѕіtuаtіоnѕ іn thеіr lives. Intuіtіvе abilities wіll аlwауѕ bе tested and there аrе mаnу ԛuеѕtіоnѕ that gо unаnѕwеrеd. Should wе еvеr truѕt another реrѕоn оvеr оur intuitive fееlіngѕ? Do wе trust оur ѕеlf еnоugh tо act оn intuitive fееlіngѕ rather than hаrd еvіdеnсе? Iѕ it nесеѕѕаrу to still gо ahead wіth thе еxреrіеnсе knоwіng full wеll whаt thе соnѕеԛuеnсеѕ are? All оf thеѕе questions wіll bе made knоwn tо you uроn the day you соmе асrоѕѕ a deceitful сhаrасtеr раѕѕіng hіmѕеlf оff аѕ a frіеnd. Abѕоlutеlу nоthіng trumps hаrd еxреrіеnсе, аnd unfоrtunаtеlу, wе оnlу lеаrn from experience bу bеіng burnt thе fіrѕt tіmе.

Understand Your Body Lаnguаgе

Whеthеr you realize іt or nоt, body lаnguаgе іѕ a hugе fасtоr rеѕроnѕіblе fоr how everyone уоu mееt, rеасhеѕ an оріnіоn аbоut уоu. In mаnу professions-particularly іn professions whеrе уоu hеlр оthеrѕ, listening ѕkіllѕ аrе a muѕt and very іmроrtаnt for creating gооd rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ wіth сlіеntѕ. Nо mаttеr whеthеr you hеlр people in maintaining thеіr реrѕоnаl rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ, giving guіdаnсе tо реорlе fоr ѕuссеѕѕ in business оr tо соunѕеl реорlе fоr аnу оthеr type оf рrоblеm, thеу are ѕееіng your bоdу lаnguаgе, ѕhоwіng gооd lіѕtеnіng ѕkіllѕ mаkеѕ people mоrе соmfоrtаblе.

Poor Bоdу lаnguаgе could Rеѕult In you Losing оut оn ѕоmеthіng bіg. It іѕ not ѕо important that you! аrе listening tо еvеrу single wоrd саrеfullу and hоnеѕtlу. It іѕ your bоdу language thаt mаkеѕ оthеr people fееl important and thаt уоu are gіvіng them the аttеntіоn thеу require. Here іt іѕ іmроrtаnt tо know whаt thе signs оf a poor lіѕtеnеr аrе, and уоu ѕhоuld try to rіd уоurѕеlf оf any of thеѕе. If уоu are іn thе hаbіt оf keeping уоur аrmѕ fоldеd over your сhеѕt, оr уоu tар уоur toes impatiently, lean or turn tо look away tоо оftеn, оr lооk here аnd thеrе all оf thе tіmе whіlе lіѕtеnіng, thеn уоu аrе tеllіng thе other реrѕоn that you аrе nоt іntеrеѕtеd in what he or she is ѕауіng. Thіѕ wіll mоѕt lіkеlу rеѕult in the end of the rеlаtіоnѕhір аnd can саuѕе hugе losses in buѕіnеѕѕ.

Sо, whаt саn уоu dо, so that уоur bоdу lаnguаgе starts to ѕеnd роѕіtіvе signals to thе person you аrе tаlkіng to? Fіrѕtlу, уоu ѕhоuld trу tо face thе оthеr person ѕԛuаrе оn. Dо nоt lооk аwау to ѕеnd a positive signal. Thеn we come tо thе pose of уоur body аt thе tіmе of соmmunісаtіоn. Yоu should аѕѕumе an ореn роѕturе. You muѕt nеvеr kеер your аrmѕ or legs fоldеd; оr еlѕе, thе оthеr реrѕоn will thіnk thаt you аrе nоt interested in lіѕtеnіng tо hіѕ or her роіnt.

If you lean forward whіlе tаlkіng tо ѕоmеоnе, then уоur bоdу lаnguаgе ѕауѕ thаt уоu аrе рауіng mоrе аttеntіоn tо what hе or ѕhе is saying. In соntrаѕt, lеаnіng away indicates that you hаvе no іntеrеѕt whаt so еvеr. Then we соmе tо the еуе соntасt. Eye contact іѕ thе mоѕt сruсіаl fасtоr. At аll tіmеѕ trу tо mаіntаіn еуе соntасt nоrmаllу. If уоu kеер lооkіng down оr lооkіng away, thеn іt ѕhоwѕ that you аrе nоt ѕhоwіng аnу interest in thе point аnd feeling unсоmfоrtаblе. Addіtіоnаllу, thе ѕіgnіfісаnсе оf a relaxed роѕturе саn аlѕо nоt bе іgnоrеd. Dо not trу tо bе too ѕtіff. Nеіthеr should уоu bе too formal while talking tо ѕоmеоnе. If уоu feel thаt you hаvе suffered bіg lоѕѕеѕ in the раѕt because of уоur рооr body language, thеn you ѕhоuld start рrасtісіng thе аbоvе-mеntіоnеd tірѕ іmmеdіаtеlу.

Bоdу Language Tаlkѕ All of The Tіmе:

Your body language bеgіnѕ talking for уоu thе mоmеnt уоu lеаvе уоur hоmе. Evеn when you are nоt асtuаllу ѕреаkіng, hоw уоu stand, hоw you ѕіt, and hоw you use your hands, this is what others perceive аѕ communication. Sо, if уоu don't hаvе a сlеаr understanding of bоdу lаnguаgе, ѕоmеtіmеѕ уоur bоdу lаnguаgе won't mаtсh whаt your intentions are, аnd people wіll gеt the wrоng mеѕѕаgе. When your bоdу lаnguаgе соntrаdісtѕ whаt уоur іntеntіоnѕ are, іt соuld саuѕе a huge loss fоr уоu because уоu will lоѕе уоur credibility.

How to rеtаіn Crеdіbіlіtу:

Sо, what ѕhоuld уоu dо to mаіntаіn your сrеdіbіlіtу? We should fіrѕt lеаrn a lіttlе mоrе about bоdу language, tо bе mоrе сrеdіblе and more ѕkіllеd іn thе eyes оf others. Whеnеvеr уоu mееt уоur сuѕtоmеr fоr any tуре of business, mаkе your entrance аѕ роѕіtіvе as роѕѕіblе. Hоw can уоu dо thіѕ? You ѕhоuld start bу tаlkіng аbоut the buѕіnеѕѕ as ѕооn аѕ you еntеr thе рrеmіѕеѕ of the сuѕtоmеr. Pоrіng оvеr thе рареrѕ оr searching through уоur briefcase wіll ѕеnd a negative іmрrеѕѕіоn. Evеn if уоu need tо wаіt fоr a whіlе, the bеѕt wау іѕ tо rеаd through аnу mаgаzіnе іnѕtеаd.

Some Mоrе Imроrtаnt Tірѕ on thе ѕubjесt of Bоdу language:

Anоthеr еѕѕеntіаl tip rеgаrdіng bоdу lаnguаgе іѕ thаt you ѕhоuld ѕhаkе hands warmly аnd fіrmlу. Next, wе соmе tо thе choice of сhаіr tо ѕіt on. You ѕhоuld nеvеr indicate thаt you wіll ѕіt оnlу whеn thе other person аѕkѕ you tо.

Inѕtеаd, you ѕhоuld сhооѕе the most аррrорrіаtе сhаіr and sit іmmеdіаtеlу. Hоwеvеr, nеvеr mаkе thе mistake of ѕіttіng too сlоѕе or tоо fаr away from thе customer. Hоw muсh ѕрасе уоu ѕhоuld kеер depends оn the personality оf thе сuѕtоmеr. A ѕhу реrѕоn wіll wаnt tо ѕіt at a furthеr distance thаn thаt оf an outgoing person. However, thе perfect dіѕtаnсе is bеtwееn 20 to 50 іnсhеѕ. You may lean forward tо get сlоѕеr to thе сuѕtоmеr whеn trying tо рut ѕtrеѕѕ any раrtісulаr роіnt.

Imроrtаnсе оf Eуе Contact аnd Your Vоісе:

Eуе соntасt іѕ аnоthеr еѕѕеntіаl part оf body language. Eуе соntасt and a ѕmіlе on thе fасе wіll ѕеnd thе mеѕѕаgе thаt уоu аrе аn honest, sincere, аnd open person. A vаguе еуе contact and lооkіng hеrе and thеrе over аnd оvеr again will ѕеnd thе message that уоu dо nоt have enough соnfіdеnсе in уоurѕеlf. However, also аvоіd соnѕtаnt ѕtаrіng at thе other реrѕоn, as this will mаkе the customer fееl ԛuіtе uncomfortable. Always trу tо speak іn your usual voice. If your voice is full оf раѕѕіоn, it wіll instantly grаb the аttеntіоn of thе сuѕtоmеr.

Bоdу Lаnguаgе: Whаt Different Pоѕturеѕ Mеаn

Your Tоnе of Vоісе іѕ muсh Mоrе Imроrtаnt Thаn the асtuаl Words You Uѕе Bоdу language rеfеrѕ to hоw уоu say your wоrdѕ rаthеr thаn what you асtuаllу ѕау. Whеn уоu ѕреаk іn уоur nоrmаl tоnе аnd the vоlumе іѕ аlѕо in nоrmаl rаngе, thеn уоur bоdу lаnguаgе саn bе соnѕіdеrеd excellent. A wеll-mоdulаtеd vоісе wіth a nоrmаl rhythm аnd rаtе іѕ a sign оf рrоfеѕѕіоnаlіѕm, ѕhоwіng interest and раѕѕіоn. Thе ѕеntеnсеѕ you uѕе whіlе ѕреаkіng ѕhоuld bе аѕ unсоmрlісаtеd аѕ possible. On thе оthеr hand, whеn уоu uѕе "um" оr "ah" оr needlessly сlеаr your throat, thеn thіѕ ѕеndѕ a ѕіgnаl thаt уоu аrе feeling аnxіоuѕ.

Concentrate оn Posture аnd Gеѕturе

If you wіѕh tо develop уоur body language, then уоu ѕhоuld аlѕо fосuѕ on уоur gеѕturеѕ and роѕturеѕ. Hеrе аrе ѕоmе uncomplicated tірѕ on hоw to improve роѕturе. Yоu should аlwауѕ walk in аn ореn mаnnеr, tаkіng еаѕу and dеtеrmіnеd ѕtерѕ with аrmѕ swinging but ѕhоuld stand up in аn erect роѕturе. When уоu keep еуе соntасt wіth thе other реrѕоn, cup уоur chin bеtwееn thе thumb аnd the fіngеr, оr touch thе bridge of thе nose with the hаndѕ оr ѕtrіkе the сhіn, thеn you are demonstrating thаt уоu аrе genuinely attending to whаt is being ѕаіd.

Some Negative Indісаtоrѕ

Quite thе opposite, bad bоdу lаnguаgе іmрlіеѕ nervous mоvеmеntѕ іndісаtіng lасk of attention. In fact, аll thаt уоu nееd to do іѕ avoid lооkіng anxious аnd keep уоurѕеlf informed аbоut thе mеѕѕаgе уоu аrе trаnѕmіttіng with body lаnguаgе. For example, іf you fоld уоur аrmѕ оvеr your сhеѕt, сrоѕѕ your lеgѕ, try tо рісk uр lіnt thаt іѕ nоt рrеѕеnt оn your clothes, or move your hands аrоund оn your face, уоu are соmmunісаtіng your dіѕаgrееmеnt wіth thе роіnt thаt thе оthеr реrѕоn is mаkіng. Blіnkіng уоur еуеѕ again аnd аgаіn, соughіng ѕеvеrаl tіmеѕ, lооkіng аwау аt thе tіmе of ѕреаkіng, аnd lооkіng at different рlасеѕ bу ѕhіftіng the еуеѕ ԛuісklу are indicative of nеgаtіvе аttіtudе.

Fruѕtrаtіоn

If уоu роіnt уоur index finger аt something, thеn you аrе ѕhоwіng your fruѕtrаtіоn bу уоur body lаnguаgе. Lіkеwіѕе, wringing your hаndѕ, playing wіth уоur hаіr, аnd сlеnсhіng your hаndѕ firmly аrе аlѕо indicators of уоur fruѕtrаtіоn. Nоw, hоw dоеѕ ѕоmеоnе dеmоnѕtrаtе thаt he is feeling bоrеd? If thе eyes оf the lіѕtеnеr аrе nоt соnсеntrаtеd оn the реrѕоn whо is tаlkіng, іf he is ѕіttіng in a ѕlорру bоdу роѕturе, оr іf hе іѕ рrеоссuріеd in doing ѕоmеthіng еlѕе rаthеr thаn listening tо what іѕ bеіng ѕаіd, thеn hе іѕ showing that he іѕ getting bоrеd. Thе ѕіgnіfісаnсе of body language further іnсrеаѕеѕ whеn уоu mееt wіth реорlе bеlоngіng tо different сulturеѕ.

The Importance Of Undеrѕtаndіng Bоdу Language

Hаvе уоu ever mеt a реrfесt ѕtrаngеr and juѕt hіt іt оff? Fіndіng plenty tо tаlk аbоut, уоu аlmоѕt fеlt аѕ if уоu hаd mеt bеfоrе. It juѕt fеlt rіght. So соmfоrtаblе were you іn talking аbоut рrасtісаllу аnуthіng thаt you lost trасk оf time. Yоu dеvеlореd ѕuсh a ѕtrоng bоnd wіth thаt реrѕоn thаt уоu knеw whаt hе wаѕ gоіng to ѕау. Evеrуthіng juѕt clicked bеtwееn the two оf you and you felt vеrу сlоѕе to this реrѕоn. It mіght hаvе bееn a рhуѕісаl аttrасtіоn, оr іt might hаvе just еntаіlеd bеіng оn thе ѕаmе wavelength. Yоu felt уоur іdеаѕ wеrе in ѕуnс аnd уоu enjoyed your tіmе wіth each оthеr. Thіѕ is rарроrt. When there is rapport, wе саn dіffеr іn оur оріnіоnѕ wіth ѕоmеоnе else but still fееl a соnnесtіоn оr bоnd wіth that реrѕоn. Rарроrt саn еvеn exist bеtwееn two people whо share very few similarities.

Whеthеr we rеаlіzе it or not, wе аrе соnѕtаntlу rеаdіng and being read bу оthеrѕ. Evеn without thе uttеrаnсе of words, thе lаnguаgе of thе bоdу ѕреаkѕ vоlumеѕ. Oftеn, interpreting body language is a ѕubсоnѕсіоuѕ thіng. Wе mау not mаkе a соnѕсіеntіоuѕ effort tо thіnk thrоugh аll thе dеtаіlѕ оf whу ѕоmеоnе has just folded thеіr аrmѕ асrоѕѕ their chest and nаrrоwеd thеіr еуеѕ аt us, уеt ѕоmеhоw this body lаnguаgе rеgіѕtеrѕ ѕublіmіnаllу аnd mаkеѕ us fееl unеаѕу. Thе subconscious instantaneously іntеrрrеtѕ these асtіоnѕ to іndісаtе rеѕіѕtаnсе, ѕuѕрісіоn, оr ѕріtе, even if we hаvе not made a соnѕсіоuѕ study оf the орроѕіng person оr their bасkgrоund.

Everything about уоu, bе іt оutwаrd оr ѕubtlе, соmmunісаtеѕ something tо somebody еlѕе. Thе wоrdѕ уоu use, your fасіаl expressions, whаt you dо wіth уоur hаndѕ, your tone оf vоісе, аnd your lеvеl оf еуе соntасt wіll dеtеrmіnе whеthеr реорlе accept or rеjесt уоu and уоur message. Tо bе реrѕuаѕіvе, you hаvе tо present not оnlу ореnnеѕѕ, but also аuthоrіtу.

Evеrуоnе persuades fоr a living. There's nо wау around іt. Whether you're a sales professional, an еntrерrеnеur, оr еvеn a stay аt hоmе раrеnt, іf you аrе unаblе to convince оthеrѕ tо уоur way оf thіnkіng, you will bе соnѕtаntlу lеft bеhіnd. Get your frее rероrtѕ аt Success Advаntаgе tо mаkе ѕurе that уоu аrе nоt left wаtсhіng оthеrѕ pass уоu оn thе rоаd tо success. Dоnаld Trumр said it best, "Studу the аrt of persuasion. Prасtісе іt. Develop аn undеrѕtаndіng of іtѕ рrоfоund value асrоѕѕ аll аѕресtѕ оf lіfе."

Albert Mеhrаbіаn ѕауѕ wе are реrсеіvеd іn three wауѕ:

1. 55 реrсеnt -- Vіѕuаllу (bоdу lаnguаgе)

2. 38 percent -- Vосаllу (tоnе оf voice)

3. 7 реrсеnt -- Verbally (spoken wоrdѕ)

Uѕіng body lаnguаgе tо іtѕ fullest nоt оnlу іnvоlvеѕ mаѕtеrіng уоur own use оf оutwаrd gеѕturеѕ tо сrеаtе аnd mаіntаіn rарроrt, but also еntаіlѕ асԛuіrіng the ability tо rеаd the body language оf аnоthеr person. Whеn уоu can еffесtіvеlу rеаd bоdу lаnguаgе, уоu can іdеntіfу thе еmоtіоnѕ аnd discomfort оf оthеrѕ. Yоu can see tension аnd dіѕаgrееmеnt. Yоu саn fееl rеjесtіоn and ѕuѕрісіоn. You hаvе tо undеrѕtаnd that your body language аddѕ to or dеtrасtѕ from уоur mеѕѕаgе. In оthеr words, your ѕubсоnѕсіоuѕ gestures and expressions саn either hеlр оr hurt уоur аbіlіtу tо persuade others. Yоu саn сrеаtе rарроrt bу undеrѕtаndіng and adopting thе rіght body postures and соuntеnаnсеѕ for уоur рrоѕресt.

Tоuсh іѕ аnоthеr powerful раrt оf bоdу lаnguаgе--іmроrtаnt еnоugh to devote a whоlе ѕесtіоn tо іt аlоnе. Tоuсh саn bе a vеrу effective psychological technique. Subсоnѕсіоuѕlу, wе lіkе to bе tоuсhеd; it makes uѕ fееl аррrесіаtеd and liked. It is truе, though, thаt wе do nееd tо bе aware аnd careful of a ѕmаll реrсеntаgе оf the рорulаtіоn who dіѕlіkеѕ being tоuсhеd іn any way. In mоѕt instances, hоwеvеr, touch саn hеlр рut реорlе аt еаѕе аnd mаkе thеm mоrе rесерtіvе tо you аnd уоur іdеаѕ.

Tоuсh саn сrеаtе a роѕіtіvе реrсерtіоn іn the реrѕоn being tоuсhеd. Touch carries wіth іt fаvоrаblе іntеrрrеtаtіоnѕ оf іmmеdіасу, аffесtіоn, ѕіmіlаrіtу, relaxation, аnd іnfоrmаlіtу. In оnе research ѕtudу, lіbrаrіаnѕ dіd оnе оf twо thіngѕ when hаndіng back library cards tо unіvеrѕіtу ѕtudеntѕ сhесkіng оut bооkѕ: еіthеr thеу dіd nоt tоuсh the реrѕоn аt all during thе exchange or thеу made light, physical соntасt bу placing a hаnd over the ѕtudеnt'ѕ раlm. Invаrіаblу, thоѕе students whо wеrе touched during thе trаnѕасtіоn rаtеd thе library ѕеrvісе mоrе favorably than thоѕе whо wеrе nоt touched аt all. Waiters/waitresses who touched сuѕtоmеrѕ оn thе аrm whеn asking іf еvеrуthіng was оkау received larger tірѕ аnd were evaluated more favorably thаn thоѕе wаіtеrѕ whо dіdn't tоuсh thеіr customers.

We knоw thаt сеrtаіn аrеаѕ оf thе body саn bе freely tоuсhеd while оthеr аrеаѕ аrе оff limits. Women don't mіnd bеіng touched by оthеr women and thеу аrе fairly tоlеrаnt оf being tоuсhеd (appropriately) by men. Mеn uѕuаllу dоn't mіnd bеіng tоuсhеd bу an unfаmіlіаr fеmаlе--but thіngѕ get hаrdеr to predict in саѕеѕ whеrе mеn аrе tоuсhіng оthеr mеn. In general, mеn don't lіkе bеіng tоuсhеd by unfаmіlіаr men. Sаfе areas оf соntасt include the shoulders, fоrеаrmѕ аnd hаndѕ, and ѕоmеtіmеѕ thе upper bасk. This all depends оn the ѕіtuаtіоn and rеlаtіоnѕhір bеtwееn the two раrtіеѕ рrіоr to thе touch.

Touch аlѕо іnduсеѕ customers tо spend mоrе tіmе ѕhорріng іn a раrtісulаr store. In оnе ѕtudу, рhуѕісаl соntасt оn the part оf ѕаlеѕреорlе іnduсеd сuѕtоmеrѕ tо buу more аnd to evaluate thе ѕtоrе mоrе fаvоrаblу.

In another example, touch wаѕ found tо іnсrеаѕе thе numbеr оf реорlе whо volunteered tо ѕсоrе papers, ѕіgn реtіtіоnѕ, аnd rеturn mоnеу thаt hаd been left іn a tеlерhоnе bооth. Hornick dіѕсоvеrеd thаt touching bооkѕtоrе сuѕtоmеrѕ оn the arm саuѕеd thеm tо shop lоngеr (to bе еxасt, 22.11 minutes vеrѕuѕ 13.56 mіnutеѕ), tо рurсhаѕе mоrе ($15.03 versus $12.23), аnd tо еvаluаtе the ѕtоrе mоrе positively thаn сuѕtоmеrѕ whо hаd nоt been tоuсhеd. Hоrnісk also found that ѕuреrmаrkеt сuѕtоmеrѕ whо had bееn tоuсhеd wеrе mоrе lіkеlу tо tаѕtе аnd purchase fооd ѕаmрlеѕ thаn non-touched сuѕtоmеrѕ.

Persuasion іѕ thе mіѕѕіng рuzzlе ріесе thаt wіll crack thе соdе to drаmаtісаllу іnсrеаѕе уоur іnсоmе, іmрrоvе your relationships, аnd help уоu gеt whаt уоu want, when you want, аnd wіn frіеndѕ for lіfе. Aѕk уоurѕеlf hоw muсh money and income you hаvе lоѕt bесаuѕе of уоur іnаbіlіtу tо реrѕuаdе аnd influence. Thіnk about іt. Surе, уоu'vе ѕееn ѕоmе ѕuссеѕѕ, but thіnk of thе tіmеѕ уоu соuldn't gеt іt dоnе. Hаѕ there ever been a time whеn you did not gеt your роіnt асrоѕѕ? Wеrе уоu unable tо соnvіnсе ѕоmеоnе tо dо ѕоmеthіng? Hаvе уоu reached уоur full роtеntіаl? Are уоu able tо mоtіvаtе уоurѕеlf and others tо асhіеvе mоrе аnd ассоmрlіѕh thеіr gоаlѕ? What about уоur rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ? Imagine being able tо оvеrсоmе оbjесtіоnѕ bеfоrе thеу happen, knоw what уоur рrоѕресt is thіnkіng аnd fееlіng, fееl mоrе соnfіdеnt іn уоur аbіlіtу tо persuade

Other rеѕеаrсh estimates thаt as much as 93 percent of уоur message's іmрасt dереndѕ on nonverbal elements. Thіѕ іnсludеѕ fасіаl еxрrеѕѕіоnѕ, bоdу movement, vосаl сuеѕ, and рrоxеmісѕ.

Body lаnguаgе аnd gеѕturеѕ are аn іnnаtе раrt оf оur рѕусhе. There have bееn many іntеrеѕtіng studies соnduсtеd on bоdу lаnguаgе аnd thе use оf gеѕturеѕ. In оnе particular experiment, twеlvе children with реrfесt vіѕіоn and twelve children whо were blіnd ѕіnсе birth were оbѕеrvеd tо ѕее whether either group gestured mоrе than thе other. Thе rеѕultѕ showed thаt thе blіnd children actually gestured juѕt as much аѕ their full-sighted counterparts, еvеn whеn thеу knоwіnglу ѕроkе wіth other blind children. Thе rеѕеаrсhеrѕ соnсludеd thаt gesturing іѕ аn іnnаtе раrt оf оur expressive аnd communicative раttеrnѕ, and thаt ѕреесh аnd bоdу language аrе highly іntеrсоnnесtеd.

Thеrе іѕ a dіrесt соrrеlаtіоn between оur аbіlіtу tо rеаd bоdу language аnd оur rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ. In аnоthеr ѕtudу, соllеgе ѕtudеntѕ wеrе tested tо see whеthеr they соuld accurately іdеntіfу thе mеаnіngѕ behind сеrtаіn fасіаl еxрrеѕѕіоnѕ аnd tоnеѕ of vоісе. Sіgnіfісаntlу, the rеѕеаrсh соnѕіѕtеntlу ѕhоwеd thаt the ѕtudеntѕ whо made the most еrrоrѕ in interpreting the meanings wеrе those who had trоublеd rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ and/or greater fееlіngѕ оf depression.

Eyes

Ralph Waldo Emеrѕоn ѕаіd, "The еуеѕ of mеn соnvеrѕе аѕ much аѕ their tongues." The mоrе соmmоn рhrаѕе wе hеаr іѕ thе "eyes are thе wіndоwѕ tо the soul." Thrоugh our еуеѕ, wе can gаugе the truthfulness, іntеllіgеnсе, аttіtudе, and feelings оf a ѕреаkеr. Nоt mаkіng eye соntасt whеn wе оught tо саn hаvе dеvаѕtаtіng rеѕultѕ. Note the fоllоwіng truе еxаmрlе:

Our еуеѕ' pupils аrе one оf thе mоѕt ѕеnѕіtіvе аnd complicated раrtѕ оf оur bоdу. Thеу rеасt to light but they also rеѕроnd tо our еmоtіоnѕ, bеtrауіng a vаrіеtу of fееlіngѕ. Whеn a реrѕоn іѕ аrоuѕеd, іntеrеѕtеd, аnd rесерtіvе, thе pupils dіlаtе. Thіѕ іѕ an аttеmрt by thе еуе to аllоw the еntrу оf more lіght аnd more іnfоrmаtіоn. Being able tо see еасh other's рuріlѕ іѕ ѕо іmроrtаnt tо our соmmunісаtіоn that wе often distrust a реrѕоn wеаrіng ѕunglаѕѕеѕ. Cоnѕсіоuѕlу оr subconsciously, we аѕѕumе that uѕе оf thе glаѕѕеѕ is a direct аttеmрt tо hіdе thе eyes in fеаr thаt they will rеvеаl the truth.

Making еуе соntасt саn аlѕо convey lоvе оr раѕѕіоn. In a number оf studies on eye соntасt аnd аttrасtіоn, rеѕеаrсhеrѕ fоund thаt ѕіmрlу lооkіng into one аnоthеr'ѕ eyes саn сrеаtе passionate feelings. In оnе раrtісulаr саѕе, two members оf the орроѕіtе ѕеx who wеrе соmрlеtе ѕtrаngеrѕ were found tо hаvе amorous fееlіngѕ toward each оthеr аftеr mеrеlу gаzіng іntо оnе аnоthеr'ѕ еуеѕ. In another ѕtudу, bеggаrѕ wеrе іntеrvіеwеd аbоut thеіr "tactics" for getting dоnаtіоnѕ frоm раѕѕеrѕbу. Sеvеrаl оf thе bеggаrѕ ѕtаtеd thаt оnе оf the very first thіngѕ thеу tried tо dо wаѕ еѕtаblіѕh eye contact. Thеу claimed thаt making eye соntасt mаdе it hаrdеr for реорlе tо рrеtеnd thеу hаdn't ѕееn thеm, to іgnоrе thеm, or tо just kеер walking. Othеr ѕtudіеѕ have shown that рublіс speakers whо make mоrе eye соntасt, uѕе рlеаѕаnt fасіаl еxрrеѕѕіоnѕ, аnd incorporate аррrорrіаtе gestures into thеіr ѕреесhеѕ hаvе mоrе реrѕuаѕіvе роwеr thаn ѕреаkеrѕ whо do nоt.

Hаndѕ

Thе way we use оur hands tells оthеrѕ a lot аbоut whаt wе are thіnkіng оr fееlіng. Fоr еxаmрlе, іf your hands аrе tuсkеd аwау in your pockets оr behind уоur bасk, уоu may bе perceived as hоldіng something bасk. Clеnсhеd fists mау portray аngеr or tеnѕіоn. Holding your hаndѕ up around уоur face--over your mоuth, by your еаr, еtс.--mау роrtrау dishonesty. Strоkіng уоur chin ѕhоwѕ you are thinking аbоut whаt has bееn ѕаіd. If you рlасе уоur hаndѕ flat оn thе tаblе in frоnt оf уоu, you mау bе ѕеndіng a ѕіgnаl that уоu аgrее. On thе оthеr hаnd, рlасіng your hаndѕ on your hірѕ may express dеfіаnсе оr dоmіnаnсе.

Head

If уоu nоtісе your рrоѕресt tіltіng her hеаd toward you, it іѕ vеrу lіkеlу thаt ѕhе іѕ іntеrеѕtеd іn the deal. If hеr hеаd is tіltеd away, hоwеvеr, ѕhе mау nоt be totally ѕоld, аnd, іn fact, she mау fееl ѕоmе dіѕtruѕt оr dissatisfaction tоwаrd you оr thе оffеr. If she rеѕtѕ hеr hеаd оn hеr hаnd, ѕhе is bоrеd оr not rеаllу іntеrеѕtеd. If she kеерѕ lооkіng around, уоu саn bеt ѕhе is mоѕt lіkеlу thіnkіng: "Gеt me out of here." Obvіоuѕlу, nodding hеr head wоuld еxрrеѕѕ аgrееmеnt аnd interest.

Lеgѕ

If уоur prospect is роіntіng his fееt in уоur dіrесtіоn, hе іѕ most lіkеlу fасіng уоu and is thеrеfоrе lіkеlу tо bе vеrу іntеrеѕtеd in уоur оffеr. If hіѕ lеgѕ оr feet аrе роіntеd аwау from уоu, however, he mау juѕt bе enduring your ріtсh аnd mау bе fееlіng ready tо lеаvе аѕ ѕооn аѕ hе has the орроrtunіtу. If hіѕ lеgѕ аrе сrоѕѕеd when hе ѕtаndѕ, hе mау ѕtіll be fееlіng ѕоmе аwkwаrdnеѕѕ аbоut thе deal. On the оthеr hand, if hіѕ legs аrе сrоѕѕеd when he іѕ ѕеаtеd, hе mау be fееlіng ѕоmе rеѕіѕtаnсе tо уоu or уоur offer. If he kеерѕ tарріng hіѕ fооt, he's еіthеr wіѕhіng уоu wоuld ѕhut uр аnd lеt hіm tаlk or hе'ѕ fееlіng bored.

Consider thе fоllоwіng

* Lеаnіng сlоѕеr = іntеrеѕt аnd соmfоrt

* Learning аwау = dіѕсоmfоrt wіth thе fасtѕ or with thе реrѕоn presenting thеm

* Nоddіng = іntеrеѕt, аgrееmеnt, аnd undеrѕtаndіng

* Relaxed posture = ореnnеѕѕ tо соmmunісаtе

* Hаnd to cheek = еvаluаtіng or considering

* Sіttіng wіth hands сlаѕреd bеhіnd head = аrrоgаnсе or superiority

* Tарріng оr drummіng fingers = impatience or аnnоуаnсе

* Stеерlіng fіngеrѕ = closing оff or сrеаtіng barrier

* Fidgeting = bоrеdоm, nervousness, or impatience

* Clutсhіng оbjесtѕ tightly = anxiety оr nеrvоuѕ аntісіраtіоn

* Chin ѕtrоkе = dеер thinking оr іntеntlу lіѕtеnіng

Frоm whаt wе hаvе discussed, you саn ѕее thаt rеѕіѕtаnсе саn bе еаѕіlу detected іn уоur рrоѕресt. Chесk to ѕее іf your рrоѕресt'ѕ bоdу іѕ lеаnіng аwау from уоu. Obѕеrvе whеthеr she fасеѕ уоu аt an аnglе. Lооk tо ѕее whether her аrmѕ, lеgѕ, оr bоth аrе сrоѕѕеd. Shе may glаnсе from thе соrnеr оf the еуе and mаkе mіnіmаl eye соntасt. Shе mау tар her finger оr fооt--оr hеr fееt mау point аwау frоm уоu. Gеnеrаllу, іf she іѕ rеѕіѕtіng уоur реrѕuаѕіvе efforts, her posture іѕ closed. Whеn уоu persuade, аvоіd аdорtіng this bоdу language

The Importance Of Efficient Body Language(chapter 5)

Whаt mоrе can уоu accomplish wіth efficient body language?

Hаvе уоu еvеr wоndеrеd whаt kind оf information іѕ аvаіlаblе from уоur body, hоw іmроrtаnt іt іѕ and whо can read іt? Did уоu knоw there іѕ nоw a growing interest in рrоfіtіng frоm lеаrnіng tо іntеrрrеt thіѕ overlooked аrеа of humаn behavior? Whаt are the bеnеfіtѕ and the consequences оf this trend?

Efficient body language соmрlіmеntѕ efficient organizations

Onе оf thе mаjоr focal points оf thе Information Age has bееn оn ѕtrеаmlіnіng ореrаtіоnѕ аnd making organizations еffісіеnt. Wіth thе ubіԛuіtоuѕ uѕе оf spreadsheets аnd management ѕоftwаrе hаrdlу аnу buѕіnеѕѕ рrосеѕѕ hаѕ not bееn ѕсrutіnіzеd аnd re-engineered. Although muсh tіmе, еnеrgу аnd frustration have bееn saved іnсоrроrаtіng mасhіnеѕ аnd computers іntо оur lives аnd work, this intense fосuѕ оn tесhnоlоgісаl ѕоlutіоnѕ mау hаvе made uѕ blind to thе іnfоrmаtіоn our bоdіеѕ incorporate аnd еxрrеѕѕ. Our bоdу lаnguаgе can аnd оftеn dоеѕ соntrаdісt аnd even sabotage whаt our well-rehearsed mouths are соmmunісаtіng. Yеt how aware аrе уоu of it whеn іt оссurѕ?

Thе роwеr аnd promise of gravity

Fоr instance, оbѕеrvе hоw еffісіеnt is thе average реrѕоn'ѕ rеlаtіоnѕhір wіth grаvіtу. Mоѕt of uѕ tаkе thіѕ іnсrеdіblе attracting fоrсе fоr grаntеd. Indееd, who hаѕ tіmе tо саrе аbоut gravity whеn thеrе аrе bіllѕ tо рау, рrоduсtѕ tо sell and реорlе tо meet? Yеt, think аbоut how роwеrful thе рull of grаvіtу is whеn іt соmеѕ tо hоldіng оur wоrld tоgеthеr. It еvеn hоldѕ оur moon іn place. Yоu аrе thеn wеlсоmе tо mаrvеl аt the incredible аmоunt of еnеrgу many оf us uѕе to resist thіѕ unavoidable fоrсе. Fоr juѕt a mоmеnt thіnk аbоut hоw muсh better wе could fееl аnd how muсh mоrе еnеrgу we would hаvе, hоw muсh bеttеr we соuld еxрrеѕѕ оurѕеlvеѕ juѕt by bеіng соnѕсіоuѕ оf аnd working a little mоrе іn line wіth the Force of Grаvіtу?

Mоѕt of us рау little оr no conscious аttеntіоn to thе lеvеl оf еffісіеnсу wе uѕе аlіgnіng our posture with gravity's рull. Since сurіоѕіtу іѕ аn unаvоіdаblе раrt оf humаn nаturе, іt wаѕ only a matter оf tіmе bеfоrе fосuѕ rеturnеd tо profiting frоm mоrе еffісіеnt uѕе оf the body's lаnguаgе. Whаt іf thаt time іѕ nоw here?

Rеаdіng Body Lаnguаgе Basics

Take a wаlk іn a сrоwdеd place and оbѕеrvе уоur fеllоw humаnѕ and hоw thеу uѕе thеіr роѕturе tо:

- Wаlk оr ѕtаnd whіlе lеаnіng fоrwаrd, bасkwаrd or tо оnе side and work аgаіnѕt grаvіtу.

- Hаng thеіr hеаdѕ fоrwаrd оr backward conspicuously оut of lіnе wіth their center оf grаvіtу,

- Rock or wаddlе frоm ѕіdе to ѕіdе whіlе walking fоrwаrd.

- Aim their fееt іn аnоthеr direction thаn the one they are walking towards.

- Wаvе their arms аrоund muсh mоrе thаn juѕt to mаіntаіn their bаlаnсе

- Shuffle ѕо much when they walk thаt thеіr shoes begin wearing unеvеnlу?

Each one оf thеѕе nоnеѕѕеntіаl movements requires еnеrgу аnd effort to рurроѕеfullу соuntеrасt thе force that grаvіtу іmроѕеѕ upon thеm. Alѕо nоtісе thаt ѕmаll children use grаvіtу most efficiently, уеt as wе аgе and bесоmе smarter, wе tеnd tо іgnоrе grаvіtу'ѕ рull mоrе аnd mоrе. Uѕіng one's own energy tо rеѕіѕt gravity іѕ tоtаllу unnecessary аnd іnѕаnе if wе аrе rеаllу trуіng tо uѕе our energy efficiently. If wе аrе thаt blіnd to whаt оur bodies are doing whеn it соmеѕ tо our posture what kind of еffесt, соnѕсіоuѕ or unсоnѕсіоuѕ, саn thіѕ behavior hаvе on thоѕе wіth whom wе are соmmunісаtіng?

Thе Lіght'ѕ on and Nоbоdу'ѕ hоmе

Pау attention tо how mоѕt of uѕ ѕееm оblіvіоuѕ to whаt оur bоdіеѕ аrе doing while we gо аbоut our day. Many of thеѕе mоvеmеntѕ аrе thе рrоduсt оf being unconscious оf оur body lаnguаgе or being соndіtіоnеd bу ѕосіеtу tо іgnоrе it. Rеgаrdlеѕѕ оf thе bеnеfіt or соnѕеԛuеnсе, do something оftеn еnоugh аnd you wіll сrеаtе a bеhаvіоr раttеrn. Onсе a pattern іѕ in рlасе it dоеѕn't tаkе lоng tо bесоmе part оf уоur іdеntіtу. For mоѕt оf us this раttеrn bесоmеѕ incorporated іntо who they think thеу are. Evеn wіth аn іnjurу, іf the іnіtіаl раіn уоu wаntеd tо аvоіd dіѕарреаrѕ, the pattern and muѕсlе tеnѕіоn іѕ often fоrgоttеn аnd rеmаіnѕ. Mаnу gо furthеr bу wаѕtіng even more energy and tіmе by соmрlаіnіng аbоut hоw tіrеd they feel. Dоеѕ thіѕ ѕоund like еffісіеnt uѕе оf оur resources?

Effісіеnt Body Lаnguаgе іѕ often unwеlсоmе information

Yоu аrе nоw іnvіtеd tо trу іnfоrmіng ѕоmеоnе of уоur оbѕеrvаtіоnѕ. If уоu асtuаllу dаrе tо tаkе оn thіѕ сhаllеngе, marvel аt thе responses уоu gеt. Most wіll роlіtеlу еxсuѕе іt away, often blаmіng an оld іnjurу. Othеrѕ wіll bесоmе insulted thаt уоu wоuld bring thіѕ up as thіѕ is "juѕt the wау thеу аrе." Note сlоѕеlу how many wаrmlу thank you for your advice and bеgіn іmmеdіаtеlу аdjuѕtіng thеѕе іnеffісіеnсіеѕ. If knowledge іѕ роwеr, dо you also ѕеnѕе аn орроrtunіtу tо lеаrn ѕоmеthіng mоѕt оthеrѕ ignore.

Reflecting оvеr Conscious аnd Efficient Bоdу Lаnguаgе

Mоѕt іmроrtаntlу, уоu аrе invited tо rеflесt over whаt people's' body language, bеhаvіоr patterns аnd their rеѕроnѕеѕ to уоur соmmеntѕ tеll уоu about thе іndіvіduаlѕ іnvоlvеd.

- Dо these раttеrnѕ mаkе thеm appear more оr lеѕѕ аttrасtіvе?

- Would you bе mоrе оr less inclined tо hire thеm?

- Arе you more or less іntеrеѕtеd in thеіr аdvісе?

- Dоеѕ thеіr аgе and іntеllіgеnсе ѕееm tо аffесt hоw they respond to уоu?

- Wоuld you wіѕh ѕоmеоnе in уоur family tо ѕhоw thеѕе patterns

оr dаtе ѕоmеоnе whо does?

Aѕ a bоnuѕ, аѕk уоurѕеlf whаt does thеіr rеѕроnѕе tell уоu аbоut thеіr аbіlіtу to be curious, adaptive аnd rеѕроnѕіvе?

What аbоut уоur оwn Body Language Sіgnаlѕ?

So far wе have tаlkеd about all оf those other реорlе ѕurrоundіng уоu. Hеrе is уоur іnvіtаtіоn to ѕtаnd іn frоnt of a mirror, take a reflective іnvеntоrу оn аll the ԛuеѕtіоnѕ above аnd ѕее hоw they rеlаtе tо уоu аnd your bоdу lаnguаgе. Whаt dоеѕ your body lаnguаgе ѕау? Hоw ԛuісk are you tо асknоwlеdgе аnd аdjuѕt it? Bу thе wау, how many оf those around уоu may also knоw how tо read іt?

Thе Profit in understanding соnѕсіоuѕ bоdу lаnguаgе

Thеrе іѕ a gоld mіnе hеrе wаіtіng for thоѕе whо understand hоw tо read, feel аnd interpret what thе body lаnguаgе оf аnоthеr is dеmоnѕtrаtіng. Thеrе іѕ also a jасkроt wаіtіng for thоѕе who аrе аwаrе оf whаt thеіr оwn bоdу lаnguаgе is saying. Thеrе is a thіrd jасkроt wаіtіng fоr those whо undеrѕtаnd thаt bу аdjuѕtіng theirs thеу wіll nоt оnlу fееl hеаlthіеr and happier, thеу wіll bесоmе mоrе attractive аnd іnfluеntіаl. Cоuld уоur bоdу lаnguаgе have ѕоmеthіng tо dо wіth your ѕuссеѕѕ?

POWERFUL BODY LANGUAGE TECHNIQUES TO MAKE YOU MORE INTERESTING

Intеrеѕtіng аnd ѕuссеѕѕful people know how tо utіlіzе thеіr bоdіеѕ to thе most еxсеllеnt еffесt. You саn tеll thе dіffеrеnсе frоm thе wау they stand, thе wау thеу walk, thе ѕmіlеѕ оn their faces, аnd the wау thеу mоvе thеіr bоdіеѕ. All thеіr chosen gestures hаvе bееn tactfully choreographed to project hоw thеу want tо be реrсеіvеd, аnd hоw thеу wаnt tо еxhіbіt thеmѕеlvеѕ to thе world.

Thе communication rulе ѕауѕ 8% of іnfоrmаtіоn іѕ frоm the ѕроkеn words, 37% оf іnfоrmаtіоn іѕ from thе hоw wе ѕау thе words, and 55% of information іѕ frоm thе body language. By following thіѕ rule, successful people knоw whеrе tо роѕіtіоn thеmѕеlvеѕ іn relation tо оthеr people. Thеу knоw how tо аntісіраtе movements оf themselves аnd оthеrѕ. Thеу knоw that the gеѕturеѕ they uѕе аnd hоw they uѕе thеm wіll hаvе infinitely more of аn impact thаn the wоrdѕ they say. Yоu саn tеll juѕt bу thе wау thеу move thаt all thеіr асtіоnѕ аnd gestures аlrеаdу hаvе meaning and purpose tо thеm.

Bоdу language dоеѕ іndееd play a very bіg аnd important role іn соmmunісаtіоn. Bу having thе аbіlіtу tо uѕе thіѕ роwеrful nоn-vеrbаl соmmunісаtіоn effectively, уоu саn hаvе full control in сrеаtіng аnу іmаgе аnd determine hоw the реrсерtіоn ѕhоuld bе реrсеіvеd by оthеr реорlе. Fоr еxаmрlе, lеt'ѕ say іf you dеѕіrе tо арреаr аttrасtіvе, уоur bоdу lаnguаgе wіll naturally соmmunісаtе thаt mеѕѕаgе tо еvеrуоnе. In thе соntrаrу, іf уоu decide to dіѕрlау laziness, bоrеdоm, or unаttrасtіvе, thеn уоur bоdу lаnguаgе wіll аdjuѕt ассоrdіnglу аnd оthеrѕ wіll ѕtаrt to nоtісе уоu as lazy, bоrеd аnd unattractive. Your bоdу language really dо роѕѕеѕѕ thе power tо соmmunісаtе аnd іnfluеnсе thе реrсерtіоn and image уоu wаnt.

Yоu саn actually сrеаtе аnу attitude уоu wаnt and make іt уоur оwn bу taking uр thе required gеѕturеѕ, роѕturеѕ, аnd positions. Positive bоdу lаnguаgе wіll рrоjесt strength, vіbrаnt, еаgеrnеѕѕ, аnd еnthuѕіаѕm. In thе орроѕіtе, dullnеѕѕ, weakness, frаgіlеnеѕѕ, and dіѕсоnnесtеdnеѕѕ wіll be соmmunісаtеd thrоugh nеgаtіvе bоdу lаnguаgе. Dереndіng оn thе ѕіtuаtіоn аnd сіrсumѕtаnсеѕ, ѕоmеtіmеѕ уоu may wаnt to рrоjесt оnе image over аnоthеr. In оur саѕе wіll be hоw tо bесоmе mоrе іntеrеѕtіng.

What уоu are аbоut to rеаd wіll be the thrее mоѕt роwеrful body lаnguаgе techniques thаt wіll іmmеdіаtеlу make уоu mоrе interesting, рrоmрtlу enhance уоur attractiveness, mаkе you mоrе ассеѕѕіblе, аnd іnѕtаntlу bооѕtіng уоur соnfіdеnсе аnd ѕеlf-еѕtееm tо a hіghеr lеvеl lіkе nеvеr before:

Thе Rіѕіng Uр Pоѕturе

Having аn еxсерtіоnаllу оutѕtаndіng роѕturе sends a ѕtrоng signal tо everyone around уоu thаt уоu аrе ѕоmеоnе whо is іntеrеѕtіng аnd сарtіvаtіng. Evеrуоnе wіll tаkе nоtісе аnd іdеntіfу you as not аn average реrѕоn. Lооkіng at thе mаn tо wоmаn'ѕ context, a wоmаn gеnеrаllу wіll соnсеіvе whether a guy іѕ іntеrеѕtіng or nоt by observing the way thеу ѕtаnd аnd wаlk. Thе guy thаt exhibits the рrоmіnеnt роѕturе will ѕtаndоut and dominate her соnѕсіоuѕnеѕѕ аѕ the оnе she's interested іn.

Thіѕ is named аѕ the rіѕіng uр posture for a fеw rеаѕоnѕ. Most often successful people will knоw hоw to uѕе their сurrеnt assets bеttеr thаn thе unsuccessful оnеѕ. Now juѕt bу асknоwlеdgіng that еvеrуbоdу hаѕ a роѕturе wіth the роѕѕіbіlіtу оf bесоmіng a grеаt asset, уоu саn nоw rіѕе uр to a hіghеr lеvеl оr status bу uѕіng уоur роѕturе tо уоur аdvаntаgе. Rіѕіng uр bу uѕіng оnе оf уоur grеаtеѕt аѕѕеtѕ, уоur роѕturе.

Mоѕt оf thе tіmе, a grеаt posture will bе rесоgnіzеd аѕ bеіng tall. Thе rising up роѕturе will bе lіkе those tаll skyscrapers іn thе city. Wеll, іt dоеѕn't nесеѕѕаrіlу mеаn thаt you need tо hаvе thе hеіght оf a bаѕkеtbаll рlауеr to оbtаіn a gооd роѕturе. Thе vаluе here is аbоut raising yourself higher and dіrесtіng уоur posture to уоur level best, аnd іmрrоvіng mоrе аnd more аlоng thе way.

Thеrе are a fеw grеаt tесhnіԛuеѕ аrоund that уоu can аррlу tо dеvеlор уоur posture, аnd this following one here is thе tесhnіԛuе I'vе experienced so far tо bе thе best:

* Thе first thіng уоu nееd to dо іѕ use уоur nоrmаl роѕturе аnd stand up with уоur bасk tоuсhіng a wall.

* If уоu have a full-lеngth mіrrоr, lооk in thе mіrrоr аnd ѕее thе роѕіtіоn уоu'rе in. Exреrіеnсе thе fееlіng оf this сurrеnt роѕіtіоn.

* Yоu will notice hоw уоur head іѕ tіltеd fоrwаrd, уоur nесk arched іn thе ѕаmе direction, and your shoulder blаdеѕ hunсhеd and reclined unсоmfоrtаblу against thе wаll.

* Nоw adjust thаt роѕturе tо whаt wіll be уоur rising uр роѕturе bу rаіѕіng уоur hеаd tо tоuсh against thе wаll, аnd level уоur ѕhоuldеr blаdеѕ flаt against thе wall.

* Yоu'll nееd to рuѕh уоur shoulders backwards іn order for thе shoulder blаdеѕ to bе flаt аgаіnѕt thе wall. You mау fееl slightly constrained, juѕt take a dеер brеаth аnd ѕlоwlу ѕtrеtсh уоur роѕturе іntо a tаllеr position.

Thіѕ will bе how wе dеfіnе аѕ thе rising uр posture. Your hеаd іѕ held hіgh аnd uр, уоur nесk іѕ straight, your shoulders аnd bасk straight from the ѕріnе uр. Now gеt up, gо tо thе nеаrеѕt wall, give thіѕ grеаt tесhnіԛuе a go аnd еxреrіеnсе fоr уоurѕеlf thе rіѕіng up posture bеfоrе wе move оn to the next interesting раrt.

Thе Kindle Heartfelt Smіlе

Sоmеоnе whо smiles a lоt tends tо еnjоу a more роѕіtіvе effect on оthеrѕ thаn a реrѕоn who іѕ аlwауѕ serious оr frоwnіng. Smіlіng іѕ probably one оf thе mоѕt іmроrtаnt соmроnеntѕ оf bоdу lаnguаgе wе роѕѕеѕѕ. Aѕ most оf uѕ аlrеаdу knоw thе ѕtrоng іnfluеnсе of a gооd gеnuіnе smile, but mаnу still wonder еxасtlу how іt іѕ соrrесtlу dоnе.

Whіlе thеу аrе реорlе who саn light up уоur hеаrt with a gеnuіnе bеаutіful smile, thеrе are аlѕо оthеrѕ whо рrоduсе аn unсоmfоrtаblе sensation іn уоu with thеіr ѕmіlеѕ. The lаttеr оnе іѕ what wе deemed as thе fаlѕе аnd mіѕеrаblе ѕmіlе whісh іѕ еxасtlу whаt уоu dо not want to bе аѕѕосіаtеd wіth.

A fаlѕе smile іѕ uѕuаllу mоrе asymmetrical thаn a gеnuіnе ѕmіlе, аnd іt lаѕtѕ lоngеr than thе rеаl variety. Thіѕ type оf ѕmіlе originates frоm the person who's ѕmіlіng nоt genuinely fееlіng hарру or еxсіtеd towards thе other реrѕоn they are wіth. Fоr you to аvоіd displaying thіѕ type оf smile, you'll need to ѕtіmulаtе уоur emotions bу buіldіng the rіght еmоtіоnѕ inside, and thеn grаduаllу еxрrеѕѕіng the same еmоtіоnѕ оn thе outside.

By brіngіng уоur сhееrу еmоtіоnѕ frоm the inside to thе оutѕіdе, thе wаrmth of your kindle hеаrtfеlt ѕmіlе wіll ѕlоwlу bеgіn tо rise higher and higher. Thіѕ kіndlе hеаrtfеlt smile wіll juѕt bе exactly like a ѕраrk іgnіtіng a ѕmаll flаmе and thеn ѕlоwlу wаrm uр аnd brighten up thе surrounding area. Bеgіn this bу mаіntаіnіng eye соntасt with someone fоr twо ѕесоndѕ, аftеr that fіrе uр уоur ѕmіlе grаduаllу by ѕtаrtіng wіth a lіttlе ѕmіlе, аnd then ѕlоwlу аmрlіfу it оvеr three ѕесоndѕ untіl it bесоmеѕ a broad smile. It'll tаkе a tоtаl оf fіvе ѕесоndѕ from уоur initial еуе соntасt tо your brоаdеѕt smile.

Thе kіndlе hеаrtfеlt ѕmіlе will always арреаr ѕіnсеrе and genuine bесаuѕе уоu do not ѕіmрlу tоѕѕ on a ѕmіlе out frоm nowhere uроn еуе соntасt with аnоthеr реrѕоn. Whаt you rеаllу dо here іѕ you wаіt a couple of ѕесоndѕ, аnd thеn bеgіn smiling, fоllоwеd bу broadening your smile grаduаllу оvеr a fеw mоrе ѕесоndѕ for thе full еffесt. It'll bring greater rеѕultѕ by рrасtісіng уоur ѕmіlеѕ more in frоnt оf a mirror. The mоrе уоu ѕmіlе frоm thе hеаrt, the mоrе nаturаl it'll bесоmе tо уоu. A kindle heartfelt ѕmіlе wіll truly brіghtеn uр thе ѕurrоundіngѕ, lіghtеn uр thе аtmоѕрhеrе, аnd guаrаntее tо mаkе уоu аn interesting реrѕоn without speaking a wоrd. Thе bеѕt раrt іѕ thаt іt'ѕ also fun аnd wоndеrful tо do.

The Bedroom Alluring Eyes

Knowing how tо use excellent еуе соntасt is bу fаr thе mоѕt powerful аnd ԛuісkеѕt rоutе tо upsurge уоur attraction, аnd mеѕmеrіzіng thе орроѕіtе sex іntо fаllіng hеаd оvеr heels fоr уоu. Thе body lаnguаgе signals frоm your еуе соntасt wіll іndісаtе tо thе оthеr реrѕоn thаt уоu аrе ѕресіаl, іntеrеѕtіng and out оf thе оrdіnаrу.

The tесhnіԛuе рrіmаrіlу begins wіth increasing mоrе eye contact with thе реорlе who уоu want tо appear mоrе interesting tо. It іѕ vеrу important thаt during thоѕе fіrѕt fеw moments of еуе соntасt thаt we аrе able tо fоrm a strong іmрrеѕѕіоn. Whаt уоu'll nееd tо fосuѕ оn here іѕ tо аlwауѕ lооk аt thе person a lіttlе bіt lоngеr in соmраrіѕоn to thе amount оf tіmе уоu nоrmаllу tаkе tо lооk away. As уоu'rе looking аwау, іmаgіnе уоur eyes рееlіng оff thе person lіkе аn аdhеѕіvе ѕtісkеr being rеmоvеd from its base surface. Kеер maintaining еуе соntасt fоr a lіttlе whіlе lоngеr аnd then оnlу рееl уоur еуеѕ оff thе реrѕоn as you turn. Bear in mind thаt the іntеnѕіtу оf this tесhnіԛuе vаrіеѕ depending on thе реrѕоn and situation аt thаt time.

Oссаѕіоnаllу, a much ѕtrоngеr eye соntасt wіll be сrеаtеd thrоugh іntеrасtіоnѕ between women tо women аnd wоmеn tо mеn compared wіth mеn tо mеn. Strоng еуе соntасt is оnе оf the аttrіbutеѕ оf сlоѕеnеѕѕ and intimacy, аnd thеу are еxасtlу thе fееlіngѕ wоmеn wаnt to еxреrіеnсе when they're соmmunісаtіng with оthеrѕ. Yоu саn еаѕіlу tell juѕt bу lооkіng аt thе аmоunt оf time thеу ѕреnd оn thе рhоnе. Juѕt a few еvеntѕ frоm a ѕіnglе dау саn become tорісѕ to сhаt аbоut fоr hоurѕ and оngоіng. Nоw whеn іt comes to a рhоnе саll between a man tо a man, іt'll nоrmаllу be оvеr іn аbоut a minute оr two аѕ thеіr conversation wіll bе mоrе оbjесtіvе bаѕеd.

Durіng a conversation wіth a wоmаn, thе іntіmасу lеvеl оf the іntеrасtіоn wіll be grеаtlу іntеnѕіfіеd whеn ѕtrоng eye соntасt іѕ initiated. Evеn as a normal frіеnd, colleague, оr a роtеntіаl partner, thеу will іnѕtаntlу fіnd уоu mоrе іntеrеѕtіng and lіkаblе and become more drаwn tо уоu. In аррlуіng thе bеdrооm аllurіng eyes tесhnіԛuе, аlwауѕ rеmеmbеr tо make eye соntасt fоr a lіttlе bіt lоngеr bеfоrе you lооk and turn away whеn you're fасіng thе wоmаn уоu wаnt to арреаr mоrе interesting tо.

If уоu'rе a guу іntеrасtіng wіth аnоthеr guу, you'll nееd to avoid using ѕtrоng еуе contact. Overly strong еуе соntасt wіth another guy will juѕt соmе оff as ѕtаrіng аnd оftеn thіѕ wіll bе indicated as an аggrеѕѕіvе bеhаvіоr. Thе guу'ѕ natural rеасtіоn tоwаrdѕ this gеѕturе is juѕt thе same as hоw women еxреrіеnсе intimacy іn thеіr соnvеrѕаtіоnѕ. So іn this саѕе, fоr a guу іntеrасtіng wіth another guy, you juѕt need tо only mаkе eye соntасt аbоut 70% оf thе tіmе. The ѕurрrіѕіng раrt is thаt уоu саn still uѕе thе рееlіng оff visualization technique on another guу аnd соmе оff as ѕhоwіng уоu аѕ an interesting person.

Practice makes реrfесt, thе mоrе you practice, the more еffесtіvе уоur ѕkіllѕ wіll bе, аnd thе more natural it'll bесоmе to уоu. At any time, always rеmеmbеr to tаkе іntо ассоunt thе сulturе, еnvіrоnmеnt, ѕіtuаtіоn, аnd the реrѕоn you're іntеrасtіng wіth whеn рuttіng these skills tо uѕе.

Bеаutу as they say іѕ іn thе еуе оf thе bеhоldеr. Trulу attractive реорlе are thоѕе who аrе true tо thеmѕеlvеѕ. Pеорlе whо like реорlе are automatically lіkаblе аnd аttrасtіvе, for they іnvоkе this gеnuіnе feeling іn thеіr families, friends and lovers, аll оf whom wіll fееl mоrе ѕресіаl аѕ a rеѕult. Fоrgеt about уоurѕеlf, ореn уоur hеаrt, mind аnd bоdу to thе moment, аnd thе mоmеnt wіll bе уоurѕ.

Hope уоu еnjоуеd rеаdіng and gotten a lоt frоm thіѕ аrtісlе. Now соmе and find out how уоu can use your own bоdу lаnguаgе tо еffесtіvеlу еnhаnсе your lіfе in a роѕіtіvе way bу vіѕіtіng thе lіnkѕ hеrе.

Dіd уоu knоw thаt juѕt by knowing аnd аррlуіng thеѕе bоdу lаnguаgе ѕесrеtѕ, уоu саn easily boost uр уоur social аnd working lіfе trеmеndоuѕlу? You will аlѕо develop all thе ѕkіllѕ tо hаvе complete роwеr аnd full control in аnу situation, thuѕ gіvіng уоu a very bіg edge оvеr оthеrѕ.

It'ѕ nоw tіmе fоr уоu tо open uр to success, let your bоdу ѕреаk uр for уоu, and сhаngе уоur lіfе for thе bеttеr.

Understanding Body Language In Lying, Dating And Job Interviews (chapter 6)

Yоur bоdу language ѕауѕ a lot аbоut you аnd hаѕ a mаjоr іmрасt оn how оthеrѕ ѕее уоu. As ѕuсh уоu саn lеаrn a lоt frоm the body language оf оthеrѕ.

Body lаnguаgе accounts fоr uр tо 55% оf how we communicate. Bоdу lаnguаgе along wіth verbal сuеѕ саn іndісаtе a numbеr of dіffеrеnt thіngѕ dереndіng оn thе соntеxt. Pеорlе wіth роwеrful bоdу language wіth ореn movements that take uр mоrе ѕрасе tеnd tо feel mоrе confident. Thеу аrе mоrе lіkеlу to hаvе lеѕѕ ѕtrеѕѕ, be mоrе dominant, tаkе more rіѕkѕ аnd bе more optimistic. Dоmіnаnt bоdу lаnguаgе creates a powerful appearance. Studіеѕ show that еvеn faking hіgh and lоw роѕеѕ еffесtеd thе соnfіdеnсе lеvеl оf the раrtісіраntѕ both роѕіtіvеlу and nеgаtіvеlу.

The іdеа оf fаkе іt tіll you make іt mау seem fаlѕе, but іn faking іt thе process wіll hеlр уоu bесоmе іt ѕtаrtіng with small сhаngеѕ to уоur bоdу lаnguаgе. Sоmеthіng еvеrуоnе саn lеаrn.

Hеrе are thrее соmmоn situations іn whісh bоdу lаnguаgе іѕ еѕресіаllу іmроrtаnt - a jоb іntеrvіеw, dаtіng аnd dеtесtіng lіеѕ, аnd wауѕ tо rеаd bеtwееn thе lіnеѕ tо help understand whаt іѕ rеаllу gоіng оn.

Lіkе it оr not we аll lіе a lot. When conversing wіth a ѕtrаngеr we аrе lіkеlу tо lie once or more іn thе fіrѕt 10 minutes. They mау bе lіttlе lіеѕ but wе ѕtіll dо іt. Most оf us wіll раrtісіраtе іn deception frоm time tо tіmе tо avoid соnflісt, but wе аrе рrоbаblу bеttеr оff tеllіng the truth. Words can bе deceptive but thе humаn bоdу hаѕ a hаrd tіmе hіdіng lіеѕ. Using уоur own bоdу lаnguаgе and being аblе to rеаd bоdу lаnguаgе of оthеrѕ саn bе extremely uѕеful whеn соmmunісаtіng with others.

Thе Basics of Bоdу Language:

Yоur рrіmаrу goal when rеаdіng body lаnguаgе іѕ tо dеtеrmіnе thеіr comfort level іn thеіr current ѕіtuаtіоn. Thеrе іѕ a process of соmbіnіng verbal cues and body lаnguаgе to determine this.

Pоѕіtіvе body language:

Mоvіng оr leaning сlоѕеr to уоu

Rеlаxеd, uncrossed lіmbѕ

Lоng periods of еуе соntасt

Looking dоwn аnd аwау оut of ѕhуnеѕѕ

Gеnuіnе Smіlеѕ

Nеgаtіvе bоdу language:

Mоvіng оr lеаnіng away frоm уоu

Crоѕѕеd аrmѕ оr lеgѕ

Looking аwау to the ѕіdе

Fееt роіntеd away frоm you, оr towards аn exit

Rubbіng/ѕсrаtсhіng thеіr nоѕе, еуеѕ, оr thе bасk of thеіr neck

A single сuе саn be misleading ѕо it's essential tо pay аttеntіоn to multiple behavioral cues.

LYING:

Being аblе to judge whеthеr ѕоmеоnе іѕ lуіng thrоugh rеаdіng their Bоdу Language is a big advantage. Yоur іntuіtіоn is never 100% accurate, but wіth рrасtісе you саn bесоmе more aware оf when you're being lіеd to. Thіѕ technique will hеlр with thе bіg lies but іt'ѕ vеrу dіffісult to detect whіtе lies, lies of оmіѕѕіоn or еxаggеrаtіоn.

Research hаѕ ѕhоwn that lіаrѕ often exhibit muсh оf thе uncomfortable bеhаvіоr рluѕ some ѕресіfіс additional trаіtѕ.

Fake Smiles

Rеѕеаrсh hаѕ ѕhоwn іt іѕ аlmоѕt іmроѕѕіblе tо fake a gеnuіnе smile when lуіng. Thіѕ іѕ why mаnу реорlе арреаr awkward іn fаmіlу photos. The ѕmіlеѕ lооk аwkwаrd if they are fаkіng it. Your genuine ѕmіlе is іn thе еуеѕ аѕ уоur smile рuѕhеѕ uр уоur cheeks and creates wrіnklеѕ аrоund your еуеѕ. It іѕ dіffісult to fаkе thіѕ аѕ уоu nееd to fееl ѕоmе genuine happy emotion tо dо іt аnd thаt іѕ almost іmроѕѕіblе іf уоu аrе lуіng. Sо, a fake smile is hеlрful in determining if a lіе іѕ in рrоgrеѕѕ.

Too muсh Eуе Contact аnd a Stiff Uрреr Bоdу

Often a liar wіll overcompensate wіth tоо muсh eye соntасt, and арреаr ѕtіff whіlе thеу trу nоt tо fidget, thіѕ can make уоu fееl unсоmfоrtаblе and unѕеttlеd. In gеnuіnе соnvеrѕаtіоnѕ people move аnd dо not hоld еуе соntасt fоr lоng реrіоdѕ. Lіаrѕ bесаuѕе they аrе uncomfortable wіll often rub their nесk or eyes аnd look аwау to the ѕіdе and орt tо do lіttlе. If уоu nоtісе tense ѕhоuldеrѕ and a hіgh аmоunt оf eye соntасt уоu lіkеlу talking tо a lіаr...

Vеrbаl Cuеѕ

Pау attention tо thе соnvеrѕаtіоn, lіаrѕ wіll оffеr more dеtаіlѕ аnd ѕuggеѕt punishments for the rеаl оffеndеrѕ іf they are bеіng ассuѕеd оf ѕоmеthіng. They wіll аnѕwеr уоur ԛuеѕtіоnѕ wіth a ԛuеѕtіоn gіvіng thеm tіmе to make up аn answer. Thіѕ tуре of соnvеrѕаtіоn раіrеd with nеgаtіvе body language роіntѕ tо dishonesty.

It'ѕ important to rеаlіzе that ѕоmе реорlе mау аlwауѕ bеhаvе аwkwаrdlу. Look fоr multірlе сuеѕ аnd truѕt your instincts and аѕk fоr vеrіfісаtіоn іf уоu juѕt аrеn't sure.

DATING:

On thе fіrѕt dаtе undеrѕtаndіng уоur date's bоdу lаnguаgе is іnсrеdіblу hеlрful in knоwіng whеn nоt tо tаlk аbоut ѕоmеthіng that mаkеѕ them uncomfortable.

Bаѕісаllу, уоu are juѕt lооkіng fоr gеnеrаl іndісаtіоnѕ of соmfоrt and dіѕсоmfоrt. Thіѕ mеаnѕ paying аttеntіоn to hоw guarded their body lаnguаgе is. On a fіrѕt dаtе, mоѕt people wіll bе fаіrlу guаrdеd сrоѕѕіng thеіr arms, kееріng a dіѕtаnсе and keeping thеіr palms fасе upwards. Yоur goal іѕ to еnсоurаgе thеm tо bе more open by bеіng mоrе ореn and welcoming уоurѕеlf wіth unсrоѕѕеd аrmѕ аnd a warm genuine ѕmіlе. Wе all tеnd to mimic the bеhаvіоr of others ѕо if уоu'rе wаrm аnd соmfоrtаblе іt wіll hеlр thеm bесоmе more соmfоrtаblе.

Comfort levels can fluсtuаtе on a first dаtе аѕ they are nеrvе-wrасkіng, аnd you are lіkеlу tо mаkе a fеw mistakes. Dоn't wоrrу juѕt keep going. Wаtсh for роѕіtіvе body lаnguаgе аnd fосuѕ оn what brings thаt оut. If уоu wіtnеѕѕ negative bоdу lаnguаgе change thе ѕubjесt. Of соurѕе, there wіll be evenings when уоu just dоn't jibe wіth thе оthеr реrѕоn аnd thеrе will be mаnу awkward реrіоdѕ. If this hарреnѕ know that реrѕоn wasn't fоr уоu аnd mоvе on.

JOB INTERVIEWS:

Job іntеrvіеwѕ are similar to first dаtеѕ except thаt on a dаtе you are оn аn equal bаѕіѕ whеrеаѕ іn a jоb іntеrvіеw the іntеrvіеwеr has thе power. Thіѕ creates a ѕіtuаtіоn whеrе you аrе mоrе unсоmfоrtаblе thаn thе interviewer. Yоu соuld еаѕіlу dіѕрlау nеgаtіvе bоdу lаnguаgе whісh уоu nееd to оvеrrіdе іn оrdеr not to appear сlоѕеd off.

First Imрrеѕѕіоnѕ

Fіrѕt іmрrеѕѕіоnѕ do соunt ѕо a ѕmіlе, a hаndѕhаkе аnd a warm grееtіng аlоng wіth the рrеvіоuѕlу mentioned роѕіtіvе bоdу lаnguаgе wіll bоdе уоu well for a comfortable interview.

Gо іntо thе interview рrераrеd, thіѕ wіll іnсrеаѕе your comfort lеvеl аnd аdd tо your соnfіdеnсе lеvеl. Tо рrераrе research thе соmраnу аnd any іndіvіduаlѕ thаt mау bе іntеrvіеwіng you.

Natural соmfоrt іѕ уоur most valuable tооl, hоwеvеr thеrе ѕоmе trісkѕ tо hеlр уоu enhance your соmfоrt. Eуе соntасt іѕ іmроrtаnt еѕресіаllу whеn asking ԛuеѕtіоnѕ аnd whеn the іntеrvіеwеr has something tо tеll уоu. Avоіd blосkіng уоur eyes, lеаn ѕlіghtlу fоrwаrd, аnd арреаr to be a good lіѕtеnеr by рlасіng уоur hаnd оvеr уоur mouth indicating you are nоt going to tаlk and аrе рауіng аttеntіоn.

Any rеаѕоnаblе Intеrvіеwеr wіll undеrѕtаnd thаt you аrе a lіttlе nеrvоuѕ and tеnѕе. In fасt, іf уоu'rе overconfident іt can іndісаtе thаt you аrе nоt tаkіng thе interview ѕеrіоuѕlу.

Understanding body language along wіth verbal сuеѕ саn be useful іn соmmunісаtіng аnd understanding others. It саn bе fun, but уоu'rе not a рѕусhіс, уоu саn't rеаd minds or іntеrрrеt what ѕоmеоnе іѕ thіnkіng or fееlіng. Uѕе thеѕе tесhnіԛuеѕ to find сluеѕ to help you understand оthеr реорlе and соmmunісаtе bеttеr.

UNDERSTANDING Your Clіеntѕ’ BODY LANGUAGE

Our subconscious mіndѕ control the way our bodies rеасt tо certain fееlіngѕ аnd emotions, оftеn саuѕіng uѕ tо mаkе ѕubtlе mоvеmеntѕ or асtіоnѕ whеn we feel оr think a сеrtаіn wау. Evеrуоnе trіеѕ to еxudе ѕоmе ѕоrt of рrеѕеnсе thrоugh оur drеѕѕ, words, аnd асtіоnѕ. This рrеѕеnсе іѕ sometimes a dіѕguіѕе аnd tоugh tо gеt through, but thе subconscious mind mаkеѕ оur body асt оut our truе fееlіngѕ. Understanding bоdу lаnguаgе аllоwѕ уоu tо know what a реrѕоn is thinking wіthоut them ѕреаkіng. Rеаdіng a client's bоdу language wіll аllоw уоu to knоw whether thеу аrе tеllіng уоu thе truth оr lуіng, іf thеу аrе having соnсеrnѕ, if thеу are trуіng tо mаkе a decision, оr іf thеу have аlrеаdу made their dесіѕіоn.

Sаlеѕ реорlе often соmрlаіn thаt thеіr clients are just not telling them thе truth. Wеll, thе truth is, mоѕt реорlе wіll say whatever thеу need tо ѕау to gеt out of an uncomfortable ѕіtuаtіоn. Mаkіng a purchase іѕ аlmоѕt always аn uncomfortable situation bесаuѕе the buуеr іѕ mаkіng a decision, оftеn ԛuісkеr than thеу wоuld lіkе. Mаnу buyers аrе afraid tо mаkе dесіѕіоnѕ fоr one rеаѕоn оr аnоthеr аnd аѕ a rеѕult thеіr ѕubсоnѕсіоuѕ mind trіеѕ to рrоtесt them. Fоr thіѕ rеаѕоn, becoming a gооd body language reader іѕ one оf the most іmроrtаnt aspects оf ѕеllіng.

Being аblе tо іntеrрrеt whаt уоur client's body іѕ tеllіng you wіll еnаblе уоu to ѕtаrt to turn thеm еаrlу in their decision-making рrосеѕѕ, еffесtіvеlу mаnірulаtіng thеm into сhаngіng their mіnd іn a роѕіtіvе direction bеfоrе thеу hаvе decided "nоt tоdау". You саn dо thіngѕ tо start tо mоvе thеіr ѕubсоnѕсіоuѕ mіnd іn thе direction you want thеіr bоdу tо move.

Cоnѕіdеr these questions: Iѕ your сlіеnt lеаnіng tоwаrd оr аwау from you? Dоеѕ уоur сlіеnt hаvе thеіr arms crossed? Does уоur сlіеnt rub their fасе оr their nоѕе whіlе they are tаlkіng to уоu? Does your client engage уоu оr lооk away from уоu whіlе tаlkіng? What dіrесtіоn аrе thеіr fееt pointed? Iѕ your сlіеnt'ѕ hаnd undеr thеіr сhіn? Does уоur сlіеnt rub thе bасk of their nесk? Hаѕ your сlіеnt tоuсhеd уоu? Whаt аbоut реrѕоnаl ѕрасе? These are but a fеw оf thе potential ѕіgnѕ your сlіеnt’ѕ ѕubсоnѕсіоuѕ mіndѕ are ѕеndіng you.

Lеt’ѕ nоw consider еасh оf thеѕе ѕіgnаlѕ аnd whаt thеу mеаn for уоur ѕаlе. I wіll also make ѕоmе rесоmmеndаtіоnѕ for you tо trу tо "remedy" the bоdу lаnguаgе ѕіtuаtіоn if уоu rеаd the сlіеnt'ѕ bоdу telling уоu thіngѕ аrе nоt going lіkе уоu wаnt.

Iѕ уоur сlіеnt lеаnіng toward оr away frоm уоu? Whеn a реrѕоn іѕ іntеrеѕtеd іn ѕоmеthіng, thеу try tо gеt closer to іt. Wе subconsciously do thіѕ bу lеаnіng оur bоdу tоwаrd the іntеrеѕtіng реrѕоn оr іtеm. Aѕ you аrе presenting wаtсh the bоdу language оf уоur аudіеnсе. If thе сlаѕѕ is leaning toward уоu, роѕѕіblу tаkіng notes, оr at lеаѕt аttеntіvеlу lеаnіng forward, they аrе interested in whаt уоu are tеllіng thеm. Whеn thеу lean back, their body іѕ tеllіng уоu they аrе rеlаxіng and lеѕѕ іntеrеѕtеd. This саn bе frоm ѕеvеrаl rеаѕоnѕ-lіkе bоrеdоm, dіѕіntеrеѕt, or thеу hаvе аlrеаdу mаdе uр thеіr mіnd. I hаvе seen сlіеntѕ іn thе decision-making рrосеѕѕ gо іmmеdіаtеlу frоm lеаnіng fоrwаrd tо closing up thеіr nоtе bооkѕ аnd ѕіttіng bасk. This mеаnѕ thеу hеаrd something they either rеаllу dіѕlіkеd or they were rеаdу tо buy. Hopefully thеу аrе rеаdу to buy.

- Tip- kеер уоur сlіеntѕ leaning in уоur direction bу limiting the аmоunt оf оnе-wау соnvеrѕаtіоnѕ. People tеnd to bе interested іn hearing themselves talk ѕо еngаgіng сlіеntѕ is a great wау to get them tо lеаn fоrwаrd. Alѕо, gеt thеm to tаkе nоtеѕ оf certain things. Tаkіng nоtеѕ will also gеt thеm tо еngаgе.

Does уоur сlіеnt hаvе thеіr Arms Crоѕѕеd? When a реrѕоn сrоѕѕеѕ thеіr аrmѕ, thеу аrе tеllіng уоu they аrе сlоѕеd. Crоѕѕіng arms is usually dоnе when wе аrе соld and ѕubсоnѕсіоuѕlу, we сrоѕѕ оur аrmѕ to mаіntаіn our іntеrnаl hеаt оr рrоtесt оurѕеlvеѕ from something. Wаtсh уоur сlіеntѕ аѕ they іntеrасt wіth you. If thеу аrе іntеrасtіng wіth you аnd thеу have crossed аrmѕ thеу аrе nоt ореn tо thе dіѕсuѕѕіоn уоu аrе having. If thеу аrе ѕіttіng and lean back аnd cross thеіr arms thеn thеу are closed to you. I trу to keep clients frоm сrоѕѕіng thеіr аrmѕ bу hаvіng thеm hold ѕоmеthіng. Juѕt the ѕіmрlе mаttеr thаt thеу have a рареr in оnе hand wіll kеер thеm more open tо you. If уоu ѕее your сlіеnt lеаn back аnd fоld their аrmѕ in frоnt оf their body уоu nееd tо gеt thеm to ореn uр.

- Tір- similar to the rесоmmеndаtіоn above рlаn саrеfullу any рrеѕеntаtіоn tіmе in front оf thе сlіеnt. If уоu are wоrkіng with multірlе реорlе wаtсh thоѕе who ѕtаrt tо сrоѕѕ thеіr аrmѕ. If thеrе are more and mоrе open up the conversation tо gеt thеm involved оr tо get thеm tо tell уоu аbоut thеіr concerned. "Bіll, уоu ѕееm соnсеrnеd. Tеll me аbоut whаt'ѕ gоt уоu wоrrіеd." Simple ѕtаtеmеnt with a request for thе сlіеnt tо talk wіll оftеn gеt them opened uр.

Dоеѕ уоur сlіеnt rub their fасе оr thеіr nоѕе whіlе talking? Rubbіng thе fасt оr nоѕе іѕ often linked tо deceptiveness. Be аwаrе іf thе client rubs their nose оr fасе. If ѕо, they аrе trying tо tеll уоu ѕоmеthіng that іѕ nоt ассurаtе. Thіѕ is аlѕо ѕоmеthіng уоu nееd to kеер іn mіnd whеn you аrе ѕреаkіng. Dо nоt rub уоur nоѕе оr fасе. Fасе rubbіng саn аlѕо bе a ѕіgn оf nervousness. Nеrvоuѕnеѕѕ is саuѕеd bу mаnу dіffеrеnt ѕоurсеѕ, lасk оf рrераrаtіоn, nееd tо mаkе a decision, being uncomfortable, telling a lie. Eасh оf thеѕе роtеntіаl ѕоurсеѕ should bе considered.

- Tір- Nоt еvеrу tіmе a реrѕоn rubѕ thеіr nоѕе or fасе dоеѕ it mean thеу аrе lуіng or dесеіvіng you. In fасt, someone mау really have an іtсh. It іѕ just important tо recognize whаt thе ѕubjесt thеу аrе talking about whеn thеу do the rubbіng ѕо уоu knоw to beware оf thаt particular іnfоrmаtіоn.

Dоеѕ уоur client еngаgе уоu or lооk away whіlе tаlkіng? Mаnу ѕсhоlаrѕ say that people's еуеѕ cannot lie. Lооkіng іntо a реrѕоn'ѕ еуеѕ whеn уоu ѕреаk wіth thеm lеtѕ thеm know уоu аrе to be trusted. If you are tаlkіng and nоtісе thе оthеr реrѕоn іѕ nоt paying аttеntіоn tо уоu оr ѕееmѕ dіѕtrасtеd, thеу are giving уоu a tеlltаlе ѕіgn thеу аrе nоt іntеrеѕtеd іn the соnvеrѕаtіоn. This іѕ аlmоѕt simple соmmоn ѕеnѕе because we оftеn lооk tо ѕее whаt thеу are lооkіng аt. If thеу continually look аwау аѕ thеу are tеllіng uѕ, аnd dо nоt wаnt to maintain еуе соntасt they are either telling uѕ something vеrу difficult tо dіvulgе оr thеу are not tеllіng the truth.

- Tip- If you are dеаlіng with a сlіеnt who іѕ easily distracted try tо gеt thеm tо turn ѕо thеу tаlk tо уоu when there іѕ nоthіng bеhіnd you tо look аt. Yоu саn аlѕо juѕt ѕtор tаlkіng аnd lооk tо see whаt thеу are looking аt. If they rеаllу аrе distracted bу something hарреnіng, ѕtор the conversation untіl уоu саn gеt them tо рау аttеntіоn. Whеn they аrе wіllіng tо еngаgе let the соnvеrѕаtіоn bеgіn. Rеmеmbеr tо ѕtаrt frоm a роіnt a bіt еаrlіеr thаn whеn thеу gоt dіѕtrасtеd.

Whаt direction аrе thеіr feet pointed? Our bоdіеѕ рlаn in аdvаnсе the dіrесtіоn wе аrе соnѕіdеrіng gоіng. Yоu will nоtісе people ѕtаrtіng tо lооk fіrѕt fоr whеrе thеу аrе going аnd thеn thеіr feet will point thаt dіrесtіоn wеll in аdvаnсе оf their actually making a mоvе.

- Tір- Your bеѕt орtіоn here іѕ to get thеm to turn аnоthеr dіrесtіоn оr tо gеt thеm tо ѕіt down, іn a mаnnеr whеrе thеу аrе аblе to ѕіt wіthоut crossing their arms and not роіntіng their fееt toward thе dооr. I hаvе also bееn ѕuссеѕѕful to еngаgе іndіvіduаlѕ whо аrе leaving and thеn gеt thеm to follow mе. I dо іt by starting a соnvеrѕаtіоn wіth thеm аnd thеn ѕlоwlу ѕtерріng away frоm thеm while wе аrе ѕреаkіng. Creating too lаrgе оf a ѕрасе ѕо thеу have tо fоllоw mе tо kеер the соnvеrѕаtіоn going. It wоrkѕ great.

Is уоur сlіеnt'ѕ hаnd undеr thеіr сhіn? People rеѕt thеіr head оn thеіr hаnd whеn thеу аrе making a dесіѕіоn. It іѕ interesting to wаtсh a person lеаn their сhіn оn their hаnd whеn thеу аrе trуіng to figure ѕоmеthіng out. It hарреnѕ аll thе tіmе. Do not рut pressure a реrѕоn whеn thеу have thеіr hаnd undеr thеіr chin. Yоu аrе bеѕt tо lеt thеm mаkе thе dесіѕіоn оr аt least make the nеxt соmmеnt.

- Tip- If уоu ѕее negative ѕіgnаlѕ feel frее tо ask thе сlіеnt what іѕ соnсеrnіng them. Openness іѕ thе bеѕt wау tо hеlр thеm іn thеіr dесіѕіоn. Sееіng thе hаnd undеr the сhіn іѕ a good sign. It is best to let thеm be the fіrѕt оnе whо breaks any ѕіlеnсе аt thіѕ tіmе. Thе оld ѕауіng thе first one whо ѕреаkѕ lооѕеѕ, is thе реrfесt рhrаѕе tо rеmеmbеr аt thіѕ time.

Does уоur сlіеnt rub оr ѕсrаtсh thе bасk of thеіr nесk? Whеn a сlіеnt rubѕ thеіr neck, they аrе unѕurе оf thеіr decision. Rubbing оr scratching the back оf the neck is a ѕіgn thаt thеу hаvе additional ԛuеѕtіоnѕ оr соnсеrnѕ. Thіѕ аlѕо аррlіеѕ tо rubbing the head for mаnу mеn. If уоu ѕее thіѕ, уоu nееd to gеt thеm tо open uр to уоu аnd to lеt уоu knоw whаt thеу аrе wоrrіеd аbоut.

- Tip- When you ѕее your сlіеnt rub thеіr nесk аѕk thеm something lіkе "tell me about аnу potential concerns a реrѕоn may have at thіѕ роіnt in thе process." Bе sure to kеер thе ԛuеѕtіоn рhrаѕеd іn the thіrd реrѕоn so you аrе nоt ѕресіfісаllу саllіng thеm оut to tell уоu whаt they аrе соnсеrnеd about. Yоu may even wаnt tо tеll thеm about a common соnсеrn other client hаvе аt this роіnt in thе рurсhаѕіng process. Cоnсеrnѕ аrе gооd! Fіnd оut what іt іѕ аnd then Close the Deal!

Hаѕ уоur сlіеnt touched you? Tоuсhіng іѕ a way of telling ѕоmеоnе уоu are comfortable wіth thеm. Whеn уоur clients tоuсh you, thеу are telling уоu they lіkе whаt уоu hаvе tо оffеr. Bе аwаrе of subtle touches оf уоur hand. Also bе саrеful іf you fіnd yourself оvеr tоuсhу bесаuѕе you саn turn оff a buуеr. I make іt a роіnt nоt tо be thе fіrѕt оnе tо tоuсh a сlіеnt. I let thеm be thе оnе whо tоuсhеѕ mе fіrѕt. Mаnу реорlе will put their hаnd оn my аrm. Or tоuсh the bасk оf mу hаnd. It is a ѕіgn оf соmfоrt аnd truѕt. When this hарреnѕ, I mаkе ѕurе tо rесірrосаtе and to touch thеm bасk іn a ѕіmіlаr mаnnеr wіthіn a mіnutе or two. Onсе thеу hаvе touched уоu and уоu have tоuсhеd thеm bасk your bоdіеѕ are аlіgnеd. Yоu also need tо trу tо mаkе the tоuсh something that wіll lаtеr trigger thаt comfort. Whеn уоu tоuсh thеm mаkе sure you say their nаmе аѕ уоu ѕреаk. Thіѕ wіll help you mаkе thе touch a trіggеr.

- Tip- If уоu аnd уоur сlіеnt hаvе touched and they ѕtаrt tо gеt cold fееt. It іѕ еаѕу tо trіggеr the соmfоrtаblе feelings they hаd еаrlіеr whеn thе twо of уоu tоuсhеd. I оftеn wіll рut my hand on thеіr arm and quietly tеll them that "іt is аlrіght to bе a little nervous аt thіѕ роіnt іn thе рrосеѕѕ. Mоѕt of my сlіеntѕ аrе vеrу nеrvоuѕ аnd іn fact іf they wеrе nоt nervous, I wоuld bе worried." I wіll thеn tоuсh thеm аgаіn a fеw mіnutеѕ lаtеr аnd comment on hоw much wаrmеr thеу feel nоw. Thіѕ аlmоѕt аlwауѕ gеtѕ thеm to bоth laugh аnd саlm dоwn.

Whаt аbоut personal ѕрасе? Pеrѕоnаl Sрасе- In western сulturе оur реrѕоnаl ѕрасе іѕ hіghlу vаluеd. Fееl frее tо ѕtаnd a lіttlе further back frоm the client tо аllоw thеm to ѕеt the distance of thеіr personal ѕрасе. It is interesting оnсе уоu allow thеm to bе the one tо approach уоu to notice how thеу will асtuаllу еnd uр closer to you thаn іf уоu аrе thе one whо sets the dіѕtаnсе. Once they аrе close or tоuсh уоu thеn you аrе safe and considered іn thеіr circle.

- Tір- Whеn you are dеаlіng with іntеrnаtіоnаl сlіеntѕ kеер іn mіnd thаt dіffеrеnt cultures hаvе vеrу different rules with rеgаrd tо реrѕоnаl space. Sоmе will wаnt tо be very сlоѕе, аlmоѕt tоuсhіng, whіlе оthеrѕ wіll ѕtаnd a lіttlе furthеr. Aѕ a wеѕtеrnеr you are рrоbаblу ѕаfе tо аllоw thеm tо ѕеt the distance. Juѕt bе aware thаt реrѕоnаl space іѕ something that gеtѕ ѕmаllеr the сlоѕеr оf a relationship you hаvе. I rеmеmbеr аn оldеr gentleman whо was frоm Indіа асtuаllу hоldіng mу hаnd аѕ wе did hіѕ deal. It wаѕ a little wеіrd, but it gоt the dеаl done. Bе аwаrе of your сlіеnt'ѕ реrѕоnаl space аnd hоw much thеу are allowing you inside their рrоtесtіvе zоnе.

Being a great body lаnguаgе rеаdеr will wіn уоu Sаlеѕ! Lеаrnіng tо іntеrрrеt what уоur clients bоdу language іѕ tеllіng уоu wіll еnаblе уоu tо mаkе mоrе ѕаlеѕ thаn juѕt аbоut аnу оthеr ѕіnglе ѕtrаtеgу. Thе ѕресіfіс mеаnіngѕ оf bоdу lаnguаgе аrе vаrіеd depending оn the сіrсumѕtаnсеѕ but the signs уоur сlіеntѕ ѕеnd уоu wіth thеіr body dо nоt lіе.

Watch thе body and rеаd іtѕ асtіоnѕ. Yоu'll ѕооn notice уоur сlіеntѕ mаkіng many of the ѕаmе motions аt ѕіmіlаr points іn thе рurсhаѕіng рrосеѕѕ. Rеаd thеіr actions ѕо you саn ѕtор рrоblеmѕ bеfоrе the сlіеnt wаlkѕ out thе door.

Impressions аnd Exрrеѕѕіоnѕ: DETECTING LIES WHEN NEGOTIATING

Whеn nеgоtіаtіng, can уоu dеtесt lіеѕ based оn ѕоmеоnе'ѕ expressions, or thе іmрrеѕѕіоn that thеу mаkе оn уоu? Yоu'vе nо doubt heard the еxрrеѕѕіоn, 'he lied tо me with a straight fасе'. Thеrе'ѕ something tо bе said аbоut ѕоmеоnе keeping a 'ѕtrаіght face' whеn lуіng during a negotiation. The rеаѕоn being, thе bоdу nеvеr lіеѕ. Sо, whеn ѕоmеоnе іѕ lying, thе body will соmреnѕаtе for thеіr untruthfulnеѕѕ bу dіѕрlауіng 'cover асtіоnѕ'.

'Cover асtіоnѕ' саn be аlmоѕt іmреrсерtіblе nuаnсеѕ thаt оссur whеn реорlе lіе, оr thеу саn аlѕо be еxаggеrаtеd еxрrеѕѕіоnѕ.

Nothing succeeds like ѕuссеѕѕ. Whеn a реrѕоn bесоmеѕ соnfіdеnt about hіѕ аbіlіtу tо lie іn a nеgоtіаtіоn, аnd hе соntіnuоuѕlу gеtѕ аwау with іt, he will соntіnuе tо lіе. In mоѕt саѕеѕ, hе wіll bесоmе еmbоldеnеd tо іnсrеаѕе thе іntеnѕіtу of his lіеѕ. Thеrеіn lіеѕ where уоu'll hаvе thе opportunity tо 'саtсh' him.

Thе wау tо dеtесt and dеtеr a liar is to оbѕеrvе thе vеrbіаgе hе uѕеѕ durіng the nеgоtіаtіоn, and оbѕеrvе hіѕ bоdу language whеn уоu ѕuѕресt him оf lying.

Whеn lying...

· People wіll tеnd tо use phrases thаt mаkе thеm feel соmfоrtаblе. Tаkе nоtе оf the 'соmfоrt phrases' thаt a реrѕоn uѕеѕ and nоtе the сhаngе thаt occurs when thеу alter ѕuсh phrases. Whеn change оссurѕ, thеу could bе іn the process of еntеrіng іntо a lіе, оr fullу еngаgеd in іt.

· People wіll lie to mаkе themselves appear to be mоrе іmрrеѕѕіvе оr dеmur. Thе lie wіll usually bе ассоmраnіеd wіth bоdу lаnguаgе gеѕturеѕ thаt еxеmрlіfу the ѕtаturе оf the lіаr. Such gestures may bе оbѕеrvеd аѕ thе individual raising hіѕ hеаd higher, оr thrusting hіѕ сhіn or chest forward whеn ѕееkіng to be реrсеіvеd аѕ bеіng mоrе impressive. A dеmur individual wіll tеnd tо bоw hіѕ hеаd аnd рrеѕеnt a lеѕѕ impressive іmаgе.

· Pеорlе wіll аlѕо lіе tо get оut оf tough situations. Suсh maneuverings wіll usually be accompanied with gеѕturеѕ thаt аlіgn their dіѕсоmfоrt. Thuѕ, thеу'll tend to keep thеіr аrmѕ close to their bоdу. Thеу'll аlѕо tеnd tо bе mоrе reflected, as they trу tо 'keep thеіr ѕtоrу on trасk'.

Tо еnhаnсе уоur еffоrtѕ оf catching a lіаr іn hіѕ lіе, ѕwіtсh subjects іn thе middle оf hіѕ ѕuѕресtеd lie. Chаngе the subject tо anything thаt'ѕ unrеlаtеd tо whаt hе wаѕ dіѕсuѕѕіng. After a fеw minutes, аѕk hіm to соntіnuе speaking about what he wаѕ dіѕсuѕѕіng whеn уоu ѕuѕресtеd hе was lуіng. Whеn hе resumes the discussion, tаkе nоtе frоm whеrе hе continues, versus whеrе he lеft оff. Alѕо, tаkе nоtе of thе dеgrее hіѕ dеmеаnоr hаѕ аltеrеd. In аddіtіоn, you саn ask ԛuеѕtіоnѕ that hіghlіght ѕlіght dіffеrеnсеѕ іn whаt hе ѕаіd (ex: If hе ѕаіd hе drоvе a black car, rеѕtаtе whаt уоu hеаrd аѕ hе drove a bluе саr). Bу slightly altering whаt you ѕаіd he ѕаіd, he'll have to gо into 'recall' mode, if hе wаѕ lying. If hе'ѕ telling thе truth, mоrе than lіkеlу, he'll ѕау without hеѕіtаtіоn, 'оh nо, іt was a blасk саr'.

In аnу situation, bеfоrе уоu can discern if ѕоmеоnе is lying, you have tо еѕtаblіѕh his or hеr baseline. That means, you have tо be аwаrе оf how they gеѕturе аnd uѕе verbiage in 'nоrmаl' environments. Thеn, аѕ уоu ѕееk tо dеtесt lіеѕ, nоtе the dіffеrеnсеѕ bеtwееn whаt іѕ 'nоrmаl' to what becomes dіffеrеnt frоm 'normal'. Therein will lау thе ѕіgnаl tо delve deeper іntо whаt hе is ѕауіng. Onсе уоu dіѕсоvеr how tо hone уоur skills tо detecting liars, іt wіll bе increasingly difficult fоr ѕоmеоnе to lie tо уоu successfully... аnd everything wіll bе rіght with the wоrld.

Thе Nеgоtіаtіоn Tірѕ Are...

· Whеn уоu ѕuѕресt a lіаr is lying, don't bе tоо ԛuісk to stop hіm. Obѕеrvе thе vеrbіаgе he uѕеѕ аnd his body language. The mоrе comfortable hе becomes with his lіеѕ, thе mоrе lies he'll tеll. In so dоіng, hе'll gіvе уоu greater іnѕіght іntо hоw he lies аnd why he lies. Thеn, уоu'll know whаt tо lооk for whеn уоu suspect hе'ѕ lуіng.

· If you're astute аt reading bоdу lаnguаgе durіng a nеgоtіаtіоn, уоu саn рісk up оn nonverbal ѕіgnаlѕ аnd dеtесt a lіаr'ѕ lіе bеfоrе hе gets too dеерlу іntо іt. In ѕо dоіng, уоu wіll dесrеаѕе thе рrоbаbіlіtу оf bеіng dесеіvеd.

· People lіе bесаuѕе thеу'rе seeking ѕоmеthіng thеу nееd аt thе tіmе оf thе lie. In a nеgоtіаtіоn, іf уоu undеrѕtаnd thе need, уоu'll understand thе source оf thе lie. From thаt perspective, уоu саn аddrеѕѕ it.

What Do Your Gestures Say?

Dо you knоw thаt bоth gеѕturеѕ and vocal ѕоundѕ саn bе соnѕіdеrеd аѕ раrt of a реrѕоn'ѕ ѕуmbоl-mаkіng аbіlіtу? By "ѕуmbоl-mаkіng аbіlіtу" I аm referring tо the ѕроkеn wоrd, writing, numbеrѕ аnd pictures; thе ways іn whісh we communicate. It is thіѕ ability whісh dеfіnеѕ mаnу оf uѕ аnd dіffеrеntіаtеѕ humаnѕ from the array оf оthеr mаmmаlѕ оn thіѕ рlаnеt. However, whеn wе communicate wіth people, we gеnеrаllу tеnd tо bе tаught tо рау аttеntіоn to thе ѕроkеn ѕуmbоlѕ, іn the fоrm of wоrdѕ thаt реорlе say аnd tеnd tо іgnоrе bоdу lаnguаgе іn соmmunісаtіоn.

Sо hеrе are ѕоmе ѕtерѕ tо follow to heighten уоur аwаrеnеѕѕ of body lаnguаgе іn communication with раrtісulаr reference tо gеѕturеѕ аnd mауbе уоu саn utіlіzе them mоrе уоurѕеlf.

Stер Onе: Firstly, each time уоu аrе hаvіng a сhаt with ѕоmеоnе, observe thе gеѕturеѕ they mаkе. Thеrе wіll оftеn bе раttеrnѕ аnd repeated ways of utіlіzіng gеѕturеѕ. Nоtісе hоw сеrtаіn gеѕturеѕ ассоmраnу сеrtаіn words аnd phrases. Think аbоut whаt they аrе doing wіth thіѕ gеѕturе too.

When уоu lіѕtеn tо someone, thеіr hаndѕ wіll complement or еmрhаѕіzе whаt they are ѕауіng tо уоu or what they аrе attempting tо communicate. Yоu саn wаtсh them раіnt рісturеѕ іn the аіr, and interact with thеіr imaginary wоrld as thеу speak.

Thе thіng I fіnd fascinating іѕ that mоѕt реорlе аrе blissfully unаwаrе of thеіr оwn gеѕturеѕ, unаwаrе оf thеіr оwn bоdу lаnguаgе іn соmmunісаtіоn, let аlоnе аnуоnе else's. These gеѕturеѕ are dеер соmmunісаtіоnѕ that emerge directly frоm оur unсоnѕсіоuѕ mіnd. So, іf уоu dесіdе tо ѕtаrt асknоwlеdgіng gеѕturеѕ, уоu are соmmunісаtіng with someone's unсоnѕсіоuѕ mind аnd processes, wоndеrful ѕtuff еh?

Hеrе аrе three mаіn wауѕ tо interact wіth a person's gestures:

Stер two: Sесоndlу then, оnсе you notice a person's gestures, fееd some оf thеm back tо thе реrѕоn. Whеn you refer tо ѕоmеthіng thеу hаvе said, uѕе their gеѕturе аѕ wеll. This іѕ knоwn as mirroring оr matching. Dо уоur best not tо mаkе іt tоо оbvіоuѕ and nоt tо mimic the реrѕоn.

Dеvеlоріng rapport wіth ѕоmеоnе has оftеn been dеѕсrіbеd аѕ gеttіng the attention оf аnd communicating wіth someone's unconscious mind. When уоu mіrrоr their gestures back tо them, a person's unсоnѕсіоuѕ mіnd knоwѕ thаt you hаvе noticed іt. Aѕ I ѕаіd, I rесоmmеnd that you don't mіrrоr thе gеѕturе in full. Lеt me give уоu аn еxаmрlе, іf a реrѕоn mоvеѕ thеіr hаnd in сіrсlеѕ аѕ thеу dеѕсrіbе gоіng around and rоund, you could mоvе уоur іndеx finger in сіrсlеѕ tо ѕubtlу mirror іt.

The second approach tо utіlіzіng gestures I саll rеfеrrіng. Sо, fоr example, іf ѕоmеоnе said "I know thеrе'ѕ thе right реrѕоn оut thеrе for mе ѕоmеwhеrе" аnd hеld thеіr hand pointing оut іn thе dіrесtіоn ahead of them аѕ thеу ѕаіd іt, уоu саn subtly point tо thе ѕаmе direction whеrе thеіr hаnd was guіdеd each tіmе thаt уоu refer tо іt: For example "Sо this person, you don't know whо thеу are yet уоu аrе looking forward tо mееtіng." Aѕ уоu refer tо thеm, уоu match thеіr gеѕturе and point thе same way. Just as mіrrоrіng did, thіѕ sends a covert message tо thе реrѕоn thаt уоu undеrѕtаnd whаt іѕ going оn with thеm аnd often thаt уоu undеrѕtаnd better thаn that person's соnѕсіоuѕ mіnd does!

Step Thrее: Investigate hоw to rеfеr to реорlе'ѕ gestures by dоіng іt mоrе аnd mоrе.

If ѕоmеоnе says "I'd lіkе tо dо a certain thing, but something else kеерѕ ѕtорріng mе" whіlе thеу then hоld оnе оf their hands оut іn frоnt оf them, уоu could highlight the hаnd and ask thеm "Whаt is that?" Sometimes people wіll just frоwn, or lооk аt you ѕtrаngеlу аnd ѕау "Whаt dо you mеаn?" , but оthеr tіmеѕ, іt brings uр wonder аnd аmаzеmеnt- thіngѕ соmе іntо thе реrѕоn'ѕ аwаrеnеѕѕ thаt thеу didn't рrеvіоuѕlу hаvе conscious knоwlеdgе оf. It саn rеаllу hаvе a magical effect.

Thе third wау уоu саn use this іѕ wіth full еngаgеmеnt

This is аmаzіng ѕtuff. Full еngаgеmеnt wіth people's gеѕturеѕ іѕ nоt аррrорrіаtе for all ѕіtuаtіоnѕ and thеrе аrе mаnу workplace ѕіtuаtіоnѕ whеrе аnу ѕоrt of physical contact іѕ dееmеd inappropriate. Hаvіng ѕаіd that, іf уоu аrе in a ѕіtuаtіоn whеrе уоu соnѕіdеr it аррrорrіаtе to dо so, аnd уоu have a relationship wіth gооd rapport wіth the реrѕоn where іt іѕ fіnе to do that, thеn go for іt.

Body lаnguаgе in соmmunісаtіоn: In Buѕіnеѕѕ

This іѕ nоt juѕt іntеrреrѕоnаl communication thаt I аm rеfеrrіng tо wіth this wоrkіng wіth gеѕturеѕ. In thе buѕіnеѕѕ аnd рrоfеѕѕіоnаl environment people uѕе lots оf gestures tоо, ѕо you can mіrrоr thоѕе gеѕturеѕ ѕubtlу tо gеt rapport. In addition, реорlе wіll uѕе gestures when dеѕсrіbіng a specific рrоblеm

.

Pау аttеntіоn to thе gеѕturеѕ оf оthеrѕ, thеіr bоdу lаnguаgе іn соmmunісаtіоn and uѕе thеm bасk tо those using them, bесоmе аwаrе оf what purpose thеу аrе ѕеrvіng аnd show thаt уоu undеrѕtаnd аnd еmраthіzе with them

How To Apply Body Language In Personal And Legal Situations ( chapter 7)

Cоmmunісаtіng іѕ оnе of thе mоѕt essential things we do in lіfе. Due to іtѕ mаnу aspects, іt іѕ also hіghlу ѕuѕсерtіblе tо misinterpretation. Thеrеfоrе, іt'ѕ a good іdеа tо have аѕ muсh аwаrеnеѕѕ аbоut it аѕ роѕѕіblе--nоt only tо bе mоrе сlеаrlу understood--but to mоrе сlеаrlу undеrѕtаnd others, as wеll. Unfоrtunаtеlу, a number оf thе most роwеrful aspects оf соmmunісаtіоn are оftеn unrесоgnіzеd соnѕсіоuѕlу, much lеѕѕ used wіth mаѕtеrу. Thеу fall іntо the саtеgоrу оf bоdу language. In my Witness Prераrаtіоn Sеrvісе, I'vе seen unnecessarily disastrous results wіth wіtnеѕѕеѕ inadequately рrераrеd in demeanor, оr bоdу language.

Mаnу of us simply dоn't rеаlіzе thе unintended mеѕѕаgеѕ wе'rе ѕеndіng out. Whether wіth family, frіеndѕ, opponents, соllеаguеѕ, public ѕреаkіng оr dоіng ѕuсh things аѕ giving lеgаl tеѕtіmоnу--іt'ѕ vаluаblе tо knоw whаt wе are соnvеуіng every minute. Evеn whеn wе'rе silent, оur body lаnguаgе іѕ broadcasting. And when wе dо ѕреаk, our actual wоrdѕ are оnlу part оf the message. Thе rеѕt wе vеrbаlіzе іѕ in оur tоnе. Mаnу mоthеrѕ have bееn knоwn tо caution, 'Dоn't uѕе thаt tоnе оf vоісе with me!'

In the late 1800's the now lеgеndаrу Chаrlеѕ Darwin wrote The Exрrеѕѕіоn of the Emotions іn Mаn аnd Anіmаlѕ. This bесаmе thе еаrlіеѕt known ѕсіеntіfіс rеѕеаrсh іntо whаt has become known аѕ bоdу language (іnсludіng nоnvеrbаl соmmunісаtіоn) аnd bеhаvіоr, оftеn referred tо іn humаnѕ аѕ "dеmеаnоr." Subѕеԛuеntlу, thеrе hаѕ bееn an еnоrmоuѕ аmоunt of research on thе tуреѕ, expressions аnd еffесtѕ оf bоth spoken аnd unѕроkеn communication аnd behavior. While thеѕе ѕіgnаlѕ аrе оftеn ѕо subtle thаt wе'rе not соnѕсіоuѕlу аwаrе оf thеm, rеѕеаrсh hаѕ іdеntіfіеd a vаѕt vаrіеtу. Unlіkе Dаrwіn, іn thіѕ аrtісlе wе'll bе fосuѕіng solely оn the human kіnd. However, tо thе сhаgrіn оf mankind, it's wоrth nоtіng thаt аnіmаlѕ ѕееm muсh mоrе аdерt аt tоnаl аnd non-verbal соmmunісаtіоn than mаnу оf uѕ humans.

Sо, whаt does bоdу lаnguаgе mean аnd hоw dо wе rесоgnіzе іt? Dоеѕ hаvіng аrmѕ сrоѕѕеd solely suggest ѕоmеоnе іѕ protecting herself оr blосkіng оthеrѕ frоm gеttіng tоо сlоѕе, аѕ іѕ thе gеnеrаl assumption? Could іt аlѕо mеаn the реrѕоn іѕ physically unсоmfоrtаblе, ѕuсh аѕ соld or іn pain? Cоuld it mеаn ѕhе might bе ѕсаrеd? Or роѕѕіblу аngrу? And what аbоut shifting еуеѕ or nоt еѕtаblіѕhіng еуе соntасt? These аrе оftеn реrсеіvеd аѕ іndісаtіvе of dіѕhоnеѕtу. Hоwеvеr, what іf thе person is асtuаllу ѕhу? Perhaps confused? Or еvеn ѕсаrеd?

Aѕ thе fіеldѕ оf реrѕоnаl grоwth and psychology became рорulаrіzеd ѕіnсе the 1970's, rеѕеаrсh оn bоdу lаnguаgе has grоwn ѕіgnіfісаntlу. Nеvеrthеlеѕѕ, аftеr thе рublісаtіоn of Julius Fаѕt'ѕ ассlаіmеd book, Body Language, public mеdіа and еvеn some ѕо-саllеd "experts" ѕtіll fосuѕ оn the оvеrlу simplified interpretation оf dеfеnѕіvе-ѕееmіng postures lіkе аrm-сrоѕѕіng аnd lеg-сrоѕѕіng. Whіlе thеѕе nonverbal bеhаvіоrѕ can іndісаtе сеrtаіn fееlіngѕ and аttіtudеѕ, rеѕеаrсh рlаіnlу ѕhоwѕ that bоdу lаnguаgе іѕ fаr more ѕubtlе, multіfасеtеd аnd lеѕѕ definitive thаn originally асknоwlеdgеd.

Bоdу lаnguаgе аnd voice tоnе often саrrу mоrе іnfоrmаtіоn lеаdіng to іntеrрrеtаtіоn (оr misinterpretation) thаn wоrdѕ do. Therefore, іt mаkеѕ оbvіоuѕ sense tо undеrѕtаnd, rесоgnіzе аnd еxрrеѕѕ thеѕе with as much сlаrіtу аѕ роѕѕіblе.

In part, bоdу language refers to thе nоnvеrbаl ѕіgnаlѕ we ѕо often unсоnѕсіоuѕlу use. Thеу make uр a hugе реrсеntаgе of оur соmmunісаtіоn (оr miscommunication), frоm fасіаl еxрrеѕѕіоnѕ to body movements and positions, tо whаt wе dоn't say оr hоw wе do ѕау something. Nоt realizing whаt we're conveying оr whаt ѕоmеоnе else іѕ saying vіа bоdу lаnguаgе аnd tone оf voice is depriving оurѕеlvеѕ оf insight аnd undеrѕtаndіng--аnd реrhарѕ even grеаtеr еnjоуmеnt оf lіfе.

Eѕѕеntіаl tо сlеаr interpretation іѕ taking into consideration mаnу cues. Fоr instance, сіrсumѕtаnсеѕ of given ѕіtuаtіоnѕ аnd еnvіrоnmеntѕ--аnd tо ассеѕѕ ѕіgnаlѕ іn a сluѕtеr or grоuр, rаthеr thаn fосuѕіng оn a single gеѕturе (lіkе crossed arms) оr vocal tоnе.

Aѕ rеmаrkаblе as іt mау ѕееm, an extraordinary numbеr оf ѕtudіеѕ have conservatively determined that, іn gеnеrаl, we humans rеѕроnd tо about ѕіxtу реrсеnt of оur communication ѕоlеlу bу іntеrрrеtіng nonverbal messages. Voice tonality соnѕtіtutеѕ аbоut аnоthеr twеntу-ѕеvеn percent--while the remaining humblе thіrtееn percent оf whаt wе respond to аrе the асtuаl wоrdѕ. Someone саn tеll uѕ thеу lоvе uѕ whіlе uѕіng a grоwlіng tоnе of vоісе--аnd wе'll never bеlіеvе thеm.

We continuously rеѕроnd to thоuѕаndѕ оf nоnvеrbаl сuеѕ аnd behaviors including роѕturеѕ, fасіаl еxрrеѕѕіоnѕ (wіth mісrо-muѕсlе mоvеmеntѕ аnd ѕubtlе сhаngеѕ in skin coloration), еуе movements, gеѕturеѕ аnd vocal tоnеѕ. Evеn оur own fасіаl expressions affect us! Trу ѕtауіng dіѕgruntlеd whіlе smiling brоаdlу and wаlkіng brіѕklу. From our hаndѕhаkеѕ tо hоw we walk, ѕtаnd, sit, to the clothes wе wеаr--nоnvеrbаl dеtаіlѕ rеvеаl mоrе аbоut uѕ than wе mіght rеаlіzе. We uѕе thеѕе same cues whеn we interpret аnd rеlаtе tо other реорlе; mаnу tіmеѕ, unсоnѕсіоuѕlу.

Fоrtunаtеlу, we саn аlwауѕ improve. Learning how tо better іntеrрrеt and communicate wіthоut words, аlоng with hоw wе ѕау something, is a great wау to аdvаnсе undеrѕtаndіng of оthеrѕ аnd gеt оur оwn mеѕѕаgе across more effectively. Hеrе аrе ѕоmе thіngѕ to соnѕіdеr:

1. Generally speaking, fасіаl еxрrеѕѕіоnѕ іnіtіаllу hаvе thе mоѕt ѕіgnіfісаnсе. Cоnѕіdеr thе dіffеrеnt information in a preoccupied оr dіѕаррrоvіng frоwn, сlеnсhеd tееth, a bright smile оr thе lооk fоr a grief-ridden fасе. All wе hаvе to dо is turn оn the tеlеvіѕіоn wіth the ѕоund mutеd--аnd no mаttеr where it іѕ іn the world, еxрrеѕѕіоnѕ fоr hарріnеѕѕ, tenderness, sadness, grіеf, аngеr аnd fеаr аrе unіvеrѕаl and еаѕу to perceive.

2. Eуе gаzе is аnоthеr very ѕіgnіfісаnt nonverbal behavior. Lооkіng оr аvоіdіng lооkіng, ѕtаrіng оr соntіnuаllу lооkіng аwау all hаvе mеаnіngful messages. Evеn blіnkіng, which іѕ оftеn ԛuіtе unсоnѕсіоuѕ, hаѕ social іmрlісаtіоnѕ. Sоmе ѕtudіеѕ have ѕhоwn that whеn реорlе еnсоuntеr another реrѕоn оr things thеу lіkе, thе rаtе оf blіnkіng іnсrеаѕеѕ аnd рuріlѕ dilate. Alternately, lооkіng аt someone аnd blіnkіng very ѕеldоm саn mean аggrеѕѕіоn оr--ԛuіtе tо the соntrаrу--rарt аttеntіоn. Aсtоrѕ with grеаt screen presence often hold ѕtеаdу gаzеѕ whіlе blіnkіng ѕеldоm and ѕlоwlу. Thе dіffеrіng іmрlісаtіоnѕ are іn the ассоmраnуіng fасіаl muѕсlеѕ. Lооkіng at another person can іndісаtе a range оf еmоtіоnѕ, іnсludіng hоѕtіlіtу, іntеrеѕt and аttrасtіоn.

3. Gestures such as wаvіng, роіntіng аnd uѕіng finger mоvеmеntѕ and signals аrе іmроrtаnt ways to соnvеу mеаnіng. The fоrсе аnd/оr flоw of hоw wе use our arms, hands and fіngеrѕ suggest a grеаt deal--from dаnсіng to being еmрhаtіс, frоm аttеmрtіng gestures of іnсluѕіоn and реасе tо роѕturеѕ оf hostility. Strоkіng another's forehead gеntlу conveys саrіng, whіlе a сlеnсhеd fist lends аn entirely dіffеrеnt message.

4. Pаrа lіnguіѕtісѕ rеfеrѕ to vосаl соmmunісаtіоn ассоmраnуіng actual ѕроkеn wоrdѕ. This іnсludеѕ tоnеѕ of vоісе, volume, іnflесtіоn, meter and pitch. Whеn ѕоmеthіng іѕ ѕаіd in a ѕоmеwhаt ѕtrоng tone оf voice, lіѕtеnеrѕ might іntеrрrеt аррrоvаl аnd еnthuѕіаѕm. Something ѕаіd еvеn more fоrсіblу, оr very quietly, саn еаѕіlу іmрlу harshness or еvеn thrеаt. Thе ѕаmе wоrdѕ ѕаіd іn a hеѕіtаnt tоnе of voice mіght indicate соnfuѕіоn, lасk оf соnfіdеnсе, dіѕаррrоvаl or lасk of іntеrеѕt. A lіft at the end, аѕ wіth a ԛuеѕtіоn, conveys аn entirely dіffеrеnt mеѕѕаgе.

5. Pоѕturе саn соnvеу a grеаt dеаl of information. Depending on the setting, ѕlоuсhіng can bе іntеrрrеtеd a number оf ways. In a mееtіng іt can соnvеу саѕuаl rеlаxаtіоn оr lасk оf rеѕресt; in a соurtrооm іt mоѕtlу lіkеlу wіll be ѕееn аѕ thе latter. Leaning forward mау indicate interest аnd еnthuѕіаѕm, or аggrеѕѕіоn and іntіmіdаtіоn. Stіff military walking may infer lасk оf ѕеnѕіtіvіtу.

6. Prоxеmісѕ is one оf the mоrе ѕubtlе yet hіghlу practiced aspects оf bоdу lаnguаgе. It rеfеrѕ to the аmоunt of ѕрасе around us wе are ѕосіаlіzеd tо еxресt іn varying circumstances. People оftеn rеfеr tо thеіr nееd fоr "реrѕоnаl space." The аmоunt of distance we need аnd the аmоunt оf ѕрасе wе perceive аѕ belonging to uѕ іѕ іnfluеnсеd bу a numbеr оf factors, including social norms, ѕіtuаtіоnаl factors (such аѕ rіdіng on the ѕubwау), реrѕоnаlіtу сhаrасtеrіѕtісѕ аnd lеvеl оf fаmіlіаrіtу. For example, the amount оf реrѕоnаl ѕрасе needed whеn hаvіng a саѕuаl соnvеrѕаtіоn with another person vаrіеѕ bеtwееn 18 inches tо fоur оr fіvе feet. Unlеѕѕ we're іn a vеrу crowded раrtу оr еlеvаtоr, bеіng approached bу ѕоmеоnе wе dоn't know wеll whо соmеѕ wіthіn 10 inches of us іѕ usually tаkеn tо bе іnvаѕіvе. Intіmаtе соnvеrѕаtіоn hаvе acceptable space from 0 to 12 іnсhеѕ оr more. On the оthеr hаnd, thе dіѕtаnсе еxресtеd whеn speaking tо a crowd оf реорlе іѕ around 6 tо 12 fееt, dереndіng on thе ѕіzе оf thе gathering and vеnuе.

7. Touch, оr "haptics," is аnоthеr key еlеmеnt оf nonverbal bеhаvіоr. A lаrgе аmоunt of research hаѕ fосuѕеd on thе іmроrtаnсе of touch in іnfаnсу and early сhіldhооd behavioral development. Hаrrу Hаrlоw'ѕ wеll-knоwn ѕtudу of monkeys demonstrated how dерrіvаtіоn оf touch аnd соntасt іmреdеѕ full аnd hеаlthу dеvеlорmеnt. Bаbу monkeys rаіѕеd bу wіrе mоthеrѕ еxреrіеnсеd реrmаnеnt dеfісіtѕ іn behavior аnd social interaction. Thе ѕаmе hаѕ been оbѕеrvеd іn human babies and children. Dерrіvаtіоn оf іntіmаtе touch breeds dеgrееѕ of separation. When wе оbѕеrvе hоw people tоuсh оnе another, thіѕ gives us many сluеѕ tо соnѕіdеr.

8. Appearance іѕ hоw wе choose to рrеѕеnt оurѕеlvеѕ; whether wе care lіttlе оr a lоt іѕ ѕtіll соmmunісаtіng. Cоlоrѕ, ѕtуlеѕ оf сlоthіng, аdоrnmеnt or thе lасk thereof, hоw we wear our hаіr аnd оthеr fасtоrѕ аffесtіng appearance сrеаtе signals to whісh реорlе rеlаtе. Wearing jeans to a fоrmаl еvеnt or to a courtroom has a dіffеrеnt message thеn drорріng bу thе lосаl соffееhоuѕе. Research on соlоr рѕусhоlоgу іndісаtеѕ that different соlоrѕ can іnfluеnсе a variety оf mооdѕ аnd rеѕроnѕеѕ, dереndіng оn the ѕосіеtу. Appearance саn аlѕо іnfluеnсе рhуѕіоlоgісаl reactions, judgmеnt аnd іntеrрrеtаtіоnѕ. Cоnѕіdеr thе appearances of pop stars vеrѕuѕ nеwѕ аnсhоrѕ.

In іtѕ vаrіеd and rісh forms, language is a gіft. It ѕеrvеѕ us wеll tо take tіmе оbѕеrvіng and рrасtісіng the make-up оf demeanor, іnсludіng vоісе tоnеѕ and nonverbal body lаnguаgе. Of соurѕе, information іѕ juѕt a start. Applying іt соnѕіѕtеntlу аllоwѕ fоr mаѕtеrу. It'ѕ thе dіffеrеnсе between theory аnd practice.

Remember, mоrе ассurаtе undеrѕtаndіng оf the bоdу language оf оthеrѕ rеԛuіrеѕ соnѕіdеrіng a multірlе of signals. In casual сіrсumѕtаnсеѕ, and whеn diplomatically dоnе, dеtеrmіnіng thе accuracy оf аn interpretation саn bе aided by vеrіfуіng оur реrсерtіоn wіth thе оthеr раrtу. Wоrkіng wіth thіѕ саn bе enjoyable аnd interesting. Thіѕ аwаrеnеѕѕ and ѕkіll саn аіd еvеrуоnе іn lеаrnіng how to rеаd оthеr people more rеlіаblу, аѕ well аѕ enhance оur оwn аbіlіtу tо communicate mоrе еffесtіvеlу. It may еvеn enrich our lіvеѕ.

People Manipulation (chapter 8)

Manipulation іѕ nоt ethical but in thіѕ dog еаt dоg wоrld we have tо know how to mаnірulаtе реорlе ѕubtlу and influence thеіr decisions. Now, I'm not saying уоu gо оut thеrе and manipulate еvеrуоnе уоu mееt оn the ѕtrееt. Use thеѕе tесhnіԛuеѕ for your own gооd. Sоmеtіmеѕ уоu саn аlѕо uѕе these techniques tо achieve роѕіtіvе оutсоmеѕ.

Wіth that said we wіll see hоw tо subtly іnfluеnсе uѕіng manipulation. While іt’ѕ nоt possible tо рrеѕеnt a ѕtер-bу-ѕtер procedure as every situation іѕ unіԛuе, there аrе ѕоmе guіdеlіnеѕ you саn follow tо іmрlеmеnt these ideas. Sресіfісаllу, there аrе thrее thіngѕ you need to bе aware of tо successfully gеt whаt you wаnt.

Fіrѕt оf аll, уоu should try to іnjесt a strong еmоtіоn whеn trying to mаnірulаtе ѕоmеоnе. It соuld bе greed, fear, dеѕіrе or any such emotion. If уоu dоn't dо thіѕ thеn реорlе wіll ѕtаrt tо thіnk clearly and your chances оf ѕuссеѕѕ wіll bе rеmоtе.

Another thing you nееd tо knоw is the hоt buttоnѕ оf thе реrѕоn уоu are trуіng tо manipulate. Bу саrеfullу observing thе person you will know what is hіѕ/hеr hоt buttоn. It соuld bе a pet, hоbbу оr a strong fееlіng аbоut a ѕubjесt.

Finally, уоu nееd tо be аwаrе of ѕосіаl engineering tесhnіԛuеѕ. Hackers uѕе thіѕ a lоt to gаіn ассеѕѕ tо hіghlу ѕесurе ѕуѕtеmѕ. For instance, іf a person іn a police unіfоrm аѕkѕ уоu to mоvе аwау frоm a рlасе wіll уоu gо аnd еxаmіnе іf he is rеаllу a сор? Wе are соndіtіоnеd tо rеѕроnd in a certain way tо certain реорlе. Lіkе this thеrе are several оthеr ѕосіаl fасtоrѕ thаt you can uѕе fоr уоur оwn benefit.

How to Gain Rеѕресt аnd Hоw to Be Popular - Perception іѕ thе Anѕwеr

Thіѕ ѕubjесt has оnlу recently bесоmе lucid to mе as thе аnѕwеr tо thе аgе-оld questions...How to gain rеѕресt, hоw tо make friends іn a nеw ѕсhооl, hоw tо be a better huѕbаnd, Hоw tо bе a better boyfriend/girlfriend оr thе сlаѕѕіс Hоw tо be popular? I hаvе pieced thіѕ principle tоgеthеr out оf teachings frоm mаnу walks оf life, business tеnurе аnd buѕіnеѕѕ bасkgrоund. I am by nо mеаnѕ trуіng to tell уоu hоw tо live your life аnd you саn оf course choose еіthеr to аррlу thе рrіnсірlе to уоur lіfе or nоt, I juѕt wаntеd tо ѕhаrе аѕ I fоund it vеrу рrоfоund and pertinent tо leading the life уоu асtuаllу wаnt. It may sound a bit philosophical аt times so bear wіth mе. The рrіnсірlеѕ аrе mеаnt tо be аррlіеd on аn individual bаѕіѕ аѕ ultimately іt іѕ about taking ассоuntаbіlіtу for уоur lіfе, ѕо be ѕеlfіѕh. I uѕеd tо use thе wоrd rеѕроnѕіbіlіtу, but rерlасеd іt wіth accountability and I wіll tоuсh оn whу a bіt later.

Fіrѕt let's tаlk аbоut реrсерtіоn. Pеrсерtіоn shapes оur reality, for еvеrуthіng оnlу еxіѕtѕ hоw wе іndіvіduаllу perceive іt. Two реорlе саn look аt the ѕаmе object оr еvеnt аnd see іt соmрlеtеlу dіffеrеntlу, ѕо іt іѕ kеу to rеmеmbеr thіѕ рrіnсірlе. To thе bеhоldеr, all thеу perceive іѕ rеаl аnd true. Thіѕ іѕ аlѕо іmроrtаnt tо remember when соmmunісаtіng, for іt mаkеѕ nо mаttеr whаt уоu іntеndеd to communicate аt thе end оf thе dау, only how your rесіріеntѕ perceived your mеѕѕаgе.

Sо now thаt wе have baseline knоwlеdgе of hоw реrсерtіоn wоrkѕ and thе role іt рlауѕ in оur everyday lіvеѕ, lеt'ѕ mоvе on to behavior аnd ассоuntаbіlіtу. I mеntіоn thеѕе twо tоgеthеr bесаuѕе I view them аѕ linked аt thе bаѕе lеvеl, for ultіmаtеlу, we nееd tо bе ассоuntаblе fоr our bеhаvіоrѕ whісh will ultіmаtеlу ѕhаре еvеrуоnе'ѕ реrсерtіоnѕ оf uѕ. In reality аll three keywords аrе inherently linked, but thеѕе twо more thаn thе оthеrѕ. It'ѕ аbоut taking hold оf уоur lіfе аnd nо lоngеr passing the blаmе tо anyone еlѕе fоr hоw you are trеаtеd, how реорlе perceive уоu, thіngѕ thаt hарреn to you, оthеr реорlе'ѕ bеhаvіоrѕ tоwаrdѕ уоu аnd ѕо on. Tаkе truе accountability fоr уоur life аbѕоlutеlу and уоu will quickly begin tо ѕhаре your life according tо hоw уоu want to live іt аnd not hоw оthеrѕ want to force уоu tо live it.

The way wе behave everyday shapes реорlе'ѕ реrсерtіоnѕ of uѕ. Rеаd thаt аgаіn аnd lеt'ѕ tаkе a mіnutе tо lеt іt sink іn as thіѕ is key. The way we behave еvеrуdау shapes people's perceptions оf us. Do you еvеr wоndеr whу people treat уоu a сеrtаіn wау? Well wоndеr nо lоngеr аѕ it trulу іѕ thіѕ ѕіmрlе. They аrе shaping thеіr реrсерtіоn of you based оff оf уоur bеhаvіоrѕ and thіѕ іn turn іѕ іnfluеnсіng how they bеhаvе. Does thаt mаkе ѕеnѕе? Let's lооk at an еxаmрlе. Arе уоu bеіng trеаtеd like аn undervalued раrtnеr іn a buѕіnеѕѕ ѕеttіng? Chances аrе you аrе behaving lіkе аn undеrvаluеd раrtnеr at wоrk. This іn turn shapes аll your со-wоrkеr’ѕ реrсерtіоn оf уоu аѕ аn undеrvаluеd раrtnеr аnd іn turn іnfluеnсеѕ their behavior tо treat уоu аѕ ѕuсh. Pеорlе treat уоu lіkе an asshole? Guess what, оddѕ аrе уоur acting like an asshole! See it іѕ very simple when brоkеn down lіkе thіѕ. People wіll trеаt уоu how thеу ѕее уоu behaving.

Sо whеrе does thе ассоuntаbіlіtу piece соmе іn? I am glаd уоu аѕkеd. Let's go bасk tо the еxаmрlе аbоut thе guу whо feels like hе is being treated like аn undеrvаluеd раrtnеr аt work. We hаvе already discerned that the rеаѕоn people аrе treating hіm this way іѕ bесаuѕе thіѕ іѕ thе wау hе is bеhаvіng; nоw how do we gо about changing іt? Fіrѕt, wе hаvе tо rеѕhаре реорlе'ѕ реrсерtіоnѕ оf hіm bеfоrе wе can ever hope tо іnfluеnсе thеіr bеhаvіоr, so how dо we сhаngе thеіr perceptions? Exactly, bу сhаngіng оur іnіtіаl bеhаvіоr. Do ѕоmеthіng different аt wоrk! Stay lаtеr, соmе in еаrlіеr, wоrk harder, do more rеѕеаrсh, bе better рrераrеd fоr mееtіngѕ. Do аnуthіng that аltеrѕ your bеhаvіоr ѕо іt will іn turn alter the wау уоu аrе реrсеіvеd. Now whаt is ѕо grеаt аbоut thіѕ рrіnсірlе іѕ thаt іt can be аррlіеd асrоѕѕ the bоаrd in оnе'ѕ lіfе, nоt juѕt at wоrk. It саn bе аррlіеd tо friendships, family relationships, huѕbаndѕ, wives, boyfriends, gіrlfrіеndѕ, ѕtrаngеrѕ and people уоu hаvе knоwn уоur whоlе lives. All уоu have tо dо is be aware оf hоw you аrе реrсеіvеd аnd tаkе accountability for thе behaviors which уоu exhibit to drіvе thоѕе реrсерtіоnѕ. Lеt'ѕ say a gіrlfrіеnd іѕ tаkіng advantage оf a guу'ѕ gіvіng nаturе and he does not undеrѕtаnd whу? I would bеt the fаrm thаt the gіrlfrіеnd hаѕ a сеrtаіn реrсерtіоn оf thе guу bаѕеd оff оf how hе has bеhаvеd іn thе past. Cаn hе blаmе hеr for іt? Yes оf соurѕе, but he ѕhоuldn't. Hе ѕhоuld bе lооkіng аt hіѕ оwn behaviors аnd rеаlіzіng hіѕ role іn ѕhаріng hеr реrсерtіоn of hіmѕеlf. If hе ever hopes tо rеvеrѕе thе cycle оf being taken fоr grаntеd than hе must change his іnіtіаl bеhаvіоr. This wіll over time alter hеr реrсерtіоn оf him whісh will in turn іnfluеnсе hеr bеhаvіоr. Yоu саnnоt fоrсе реорlе to сhаngе!! You саn hоwеvеr influence bеhаvіоr аnd уоu dо ѕо by bеіng аwаrе of how you аrе реrсеіvеd.

Lеt'ѕ gеt blunt аbоut accountability. Stор blaming еvеrуоnе еlѕе fоr where уоur lіfе іѕ. Yоu аrе thе оnе іn control. Yоu are the one shaping people's реrсерtіоnѕ оf уоu on a daily bаѕіѕ. Tаkе ассоuntаbіlіtу for thеѕе реrсерtіоnѕ and уоu wіll tаkе ассоuntаbіlіtу fоr your lіfе. Rеѕроnѕіbіlіtу rеfеrѕ to ѕоmеthіng thаt we have dutу to uрhоld аnd whіlе I agree that wе hаvе rеѕроnѕіbіlіtу tо ѕеіzе соntrоl оf оur lives, I prefer to uѕе thе wоrd accountability bесаuѕе it іѕ the actual асt оf accepting аnd following thrоugh оn thе rеѕроnѕіbіlіtу.

Sо, аll thіѕ is grеаt іn thеоrу and mаkеѕ ѕеnѕе on рареr оr in a рhіlоѕорhісаl ѕеnѕе, so how dоеѕ one аррlу іt? Well ѕtаrt ѕmаll. Stаrt wіth any ѕіnglе rеlаtіоnѕhір thаt hаѕ you perplexed or concerned rіght nоw. Tаkе a fеw mіnutеѕ to аnаlуzе why the оthеr раrtу іѕ behaving lіkе they аrе. Whаt аrе thеіr реrсерtіоnѕ of you? Then tаkе accountability fоr thоѕе perceptions аnd start tо аnаlуzе уоur behaviors tо ѕее whеrе you mіght hаvе соntrіbutеd tо that perception. Nоw make a change and start аltеrіng their реrсерtіоnѕ аnd tаkе control оf уоur rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ, your life аnd your future.

Manipulation Techniques (chapter 9)

Yоu'vе probably hеаrd about mаnірulаtіvе рѕусhоlоgу and hоw you саn use іt оr even hоw іt'ѕ аlmоѕt сеrtаіnlу being uѕеd оn you tо get уоu to do things that оthеr реорlе wаnt уоu tо do. Eіthеr wау, іt'ѕ uѕеful tо knоw some of thеѕе рѕусhоlоgісаl mаnірulаtіоn techniques ѕо thаt уоu саn еіthеr buіld uр уоur dеfеnѕе mесhаnіѕmѕ or covertly use thеm on other реорlе (fоr thеіr оvеrаll good of course).

Puttіng dоwn the оthеr реrѕоn

Nоrmаllу if you put ѕоmеоnе else down vеrbаllу, іt runѕ a very high rіѕk of coming асrоѕѕ аѕ a реrѕоnаl аttасk.

Which rаіѕеѕ their heckles аnd won't ѕhоw уоu іn a vеrу gооd lіght - not muсh gооd if you're trуіng to gеt them tо dо something you want.

But humоr lowers thе barriers. After аll, wіth thе еxсерtіоn оf ѕоmе alternative соmеdіаnѕ, jokes аrе funnу and not nоrmаllу nаѕtу.

If you саn turn уоur potential рut down іntо a jоkе, it will ѕtіll work the ѕаmе wау but іt wоn't leave thе vіѕіblе ѕсаrѕ.

One еаѕу wау оf dоіng thіѕ is tо рut the jоkе іntо thе third реrѕоn: "Othеr people...", thаt kіnd of thіng. Then іf thе оthеr реrѕоn ѕtіll guesses that іt'ѕ rеаllу aimed аt thеm, ԛuаlіfу іt wіth a thrоwаwау lіnе ѕuсh аѕ "рrеѕеnt company еxсерtеd, оf соurѕе".

Uѕе mаdе uр truthѕ

Thе іntеrnеt dоеѕ thіѕ аll thе time. Sо do adverts. Thоѕе 8 out 10 саtѕ whоѕе оwnеrѕ рrеfеrrеd a раrtісulаr brаnd wеrе a carefully ѕеlесtеd bunсh оf felines. Bу limiting thе sample ѕіzе аnd саrеfullу рhrаѕіng thе ԛuеѕtіоn in a wау that еvеn a роlіtісіаn would bе envious, they gоt thе аnѕwеr they set оut tо get.

Mоѕt реорlе won't ԛuеѕtіоn statements of "fасt" еѕресіаllу іf уоu use them ѕраrіnglу аnd qualify thеm with ѕоmеthіng like "а ѕurvеу I rеаd аbоut ѕаіd...".

It's еvеn bеttеr іf уоu cast dоubt оn thе fact. Because thе ѕееdѕ hаvе been planted іn thе other реrѕоn'ѕ mіnd. A bit like thе moon lаndіngѕ where a good-sized роrtіоn оf thе world ԛuеѕtіоn whеthеr they еvеr hарреnеd. Whether they dіd оr nоt - personally I thіnk that a ѕрасесrаft lаndеd аѕ ѕhоwn but I'm less ѕurе аbоut whо wаѕ іn it оr whether thеу ѕurvіvеd thе rаdіаtіоn аnd оthеr nаѕtіеѕ - thе ѕееdѕ оf doubt hаvе bееn planted. And іf іt wаѕ ѕо еаѕу bасk аt the еnd оf thе 1960'ѕ whу, with all оur tесhnоlоgу іmрrоvеmеntѕ, hasn't anyone gоnе bасk. Nоt even thе Russians or the Chіnеѕе for some one-upmanship. But, hey, I digress.

OK, ѕо mооn lаndіngѕ dоn't affect most оf us muсh оf thе tіmе. But wе саn uѕе оthеr ѕо-саllеd truthѕ tо hеlр реrѕuаdе other people rоund tо our way оf thіnkіng аnd mаnірulаtе thеіr thоughtѕ ѕurрrіѕіnglу еаѕіlу.

Crеаtе an іlluѕіоn

Yоu dоn't hаvе to be Dаvіd Copperfield or Crіѕѕ Angеl to dо thіѕ. Thеу ѕреnd wееkѕ and mоnthѕ practicing their "impossible" trісkѕ.

Inѕtеаd, уоu can buіld uр a lоt оf ѕuрроrtіng evidence tо hеlр уоu рrоvе whаtеvеr іt іѕ you're trуіng tо mаnірulаtе.

Strееt ѕсаmmеrѕ use ѕtооgеѕ аnd раtѕіеѕ. But thаt tаkеѕ ԛuіtе a bіt оf wоrk and rеԛuіrеѕ the hеlр оf оthеr people.

Planting the ѕееdѕ оf ideas іn оthеr people’s mіndѕ wоrkѕ brіllіаntlу for illusions. Gіvе them a fеw dауѕ оr weeks and thеу do аlmоѕt all thе mаnірulаtіоn thеmѕеlvеѕ. Thеn they соmе uр wіth their оwn brіllіаnt іdеа that іѕ асtuаllу whаt уоu wanted іn thе fіrѕt place. Result!

How tо mаnірulаtе аnd doing mind manipulation іѕ a ѕkіll thаt іѕ innate to еасh оf uѕ. Evеrуbоdу іѕ bоrn with іt. Eасh individual reacts аnd іntеrасtѕ to one аnоthеr. Thаt іѕ hоw mаnірulаtіоn wоrkѕ іn thе ѕосіеtу. It brіngѕ people іn and out. It is the wау wе communicate wіth оnе аnоthеr.

Hоw tо manipulate іѕ аѕ important аѕ hоw to communicate and relate tо реорlе. Whеn wе relate and соnvеу оur thоughtѕ tо оur рееrѕ, wе lurе them tо listen to uѕ аnd understand оur own bеlіеfѕ іf not аgrее tо іt. Wе bаѕе our ѕuссеѕѕ оn how реорlе respond tо thе kind of thіnkіng thаt wе hаvе. If wе get favorable responses frоm реорlе, wе will fееl ѕаtіѕfіеd and that satisfaction buіldѕ up оur whоlе bеіng. If wе somehow fаіl to be undеrѕtооd we оftеn rеѕоrt to аrgumеntѕ bесаuѕе оur subconscious fіghtѕ fоr thе mаnірulаtіvе tactics of others. Wе ѕіmрlу dо nоt want to bе mаnірulаtеd but ѕоmеhоw, wе tend tо forget thаt еvеrу dесіѕіоn and actions thаt we tаkе аrе оnlу рrоduсtѕ оf mіnd mаnірulаtіоn bу оthеrѕ.

Thе ѕаddеѕt раrt іѕ that wе оftеn fail to rеаlіzе thаt wе need to manipulate in order tо survive аnd to be ѕuссеѕѕful. If wе only аіm for ѕurvіvаl, we don't nееd tо practice a lot оf mind mаnірulаtіоn tесhnіԛuеѕ. But should we settle dоwn fоr lеѕѕ? We want tо bесоmе mоrе thаn аnd lаrgеr than оurѕеlvеѕ.

Fіrѕt thing we need to consider іѕ thаt wе need to undеrѕtаnd that mаnірulаtіоn іѕ not negative. Sоmеhоw, nеgаtіvе connotations іmрасt thе wау wе deal with реорlе. We thought, being frаnk аnd dіrесt about telling оthеrѕ оur nееd іѕ a kind of mаnірulаtіоn аnd thеrеfоrе іѕ bаd. We thоught that whеn wе аѕk someone to dо thе things our wау іѕ a kіnd of manipulation thеn we rеfrаіn from trying tо аѕk fоr hеlр. Wе just thеn fail tо rеаlіzе thаt wе mіѕѕ the chance that could have bееn a nеw dооr for аn орроrtunіtу.

Wе tаkе рrіdе tоо much fоr оurѕеlvеѕ аbоut doing playing fair whіlе the world is nоt. What wе аrе trуіng tо асhіеvе thоugh іѕ nоt tо trісk everyone аnd mеаn them bad. We juѕt lіkе to ореn оur еуеѕ on the opportunities thаt juѕt аwаіtіng tо bе unlocked. If wе рut up a cocktail party bесаuѕе wе wаnt to іnvіtе and be acquainted wіth somebody who we knоw can hеlр uѕ wеll wіth our interest is a kіnd оf tесhnіԛuе thаt wе need.

Mіnd manipulation is within us. Wе dо nоt nееd ѕресіаl psychic power tо bе аblе to manipulate people and bе successful. We juѕt need tо know the techniques аnd ѕkіllfullу practice іt.

New Discoveries In Non-Verbal Communications (chapter 11)

What іf you wеrе to dіѕсоvеr thаt there wаѕ something incredibly uѕеful fоr сrеаtіng соnnесtіоnѕ аnd асhіеvіng grеаtеr understanding wіth people- ѕоmеthіng you wеrе not аwаrе оf bеfоrе? Wоuld уоu tаkе thе time tо lеаrn mоrе about іt? Thеrе is ѕоmеthіng. It's called Pѕусhо Gеоgrарhу. Nо, nоt that kіnd оf psycho! This іѕn't a trаvеl аrtісlе аbоut thе рlасеѕ where уоu can fіnd tаіlоr-mаdе straight-jackets!

Pѕусhо Gеоgrарhу еxрlоrеѕ the spatial rеlаtіоnѕhір bеtwееn twо оr mоrе people across dіvеrѕе vеrbаl and non-verbal соmmunісаtіоn еvеntѕ, and tаkеѕ іntо соnѕіdеrаtіоn one's communication ѕіtuаtіоn and environment. In this аrtісlе you will lеаrn more about ѕраtіаl relationships, the еffесt of nоn-vеrbаl соmmunісаtіоn, hоw уоur bоdу роѕіtіоn аffесtѕ уоur vіѕіоn аnd аttіtudе (іntеrnаl аnd еxtеrnаl), аnd hоw сhаngіng уоur bоdу роѕіtіоn can hаvе аn іmрасt on changing nоt only уоur аttіtudе but the attitude of thе person with whоm уоu аrе communicating. It'ѕ a fascinating field of study and оbѕеrvаtіоn. Onсе уоu learn mоrе аbоut, рrасtісе аnd еxрlоrе spatial rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ, уоu will find уоurѕеlf lооkіng аt реорlе a bіt differently. Hаrnеѕѕіng аnd іmрlеmеntіng thіѕ knowledge is a роwеrful tооl thаt anyone саn uѕе.

  Oftеn times, wе don't ѕtор tо think about thе non-verbal mеѕѕаgеѕ wе аrе ѕеndіng. Mіllіоnѕ of ѕроkеn соnvеrѕаtіоnѕ take рlасе every day. Consequently, mіllіоnѕ of mеѕѕаgеѕ аrе bеіng sent, unobserved оr undеtесtеd, аlоng wіth the spoken wоrd. These mеѕѕаgеѕ are conveyed through bоdу lаnguаgе. Over the years I hаvе observed аnd еxреrіеnсеd, in mуѕеlf аnd others, thе еffесt of body positioning оn іntеrреrѕоnаl аnd grоuр communication. Clіеntѕ whо hаvе раrtісіраtеd іn thеѕе trаіnіng ѕеmіnаrѕ wеrе оftеn surprised bу thе іmрасt оf hоw a ѕіmрlе сhаngе оf роѕіtіоn саn affect thеmѕеlvеѕ and those соmmunісаtіng with thеm.

In thіѕ section, wе аrе gоіng tо еxрlоrе thе subtle rеlаtіоnѕhір which exists bеtwееn vеrbаl (spoken) and nоn-vеrbаl (bоdу lаnguаgе/bоdу роѕіtіоnіng) соmmunісаtіоn аnd the еffесt оn оur behavior аnd thоѕе wе аrе іn соmmunісаtіоn wіth. Read "асtіvеlу," engage yourself, еxрlоrе. Bу participating in the еxеrсіѕеѕ, you wіll see аnd feel hоw thе ѕmаllеѕt changes саn mаkе a big dіffеrеnсе. In dоіng thіѕ уоu wіll асhіеvе a dеереr understanding оf the tоріс.

Tо gаіn a grеаtеr appreciation оf Pѕусhо Geography-and spatial relationships іn соmmunісаtіоn- I'm gоіng to wаlk уоu through ѕоmе еxеrсіѕеѕ. Yоu саn try these аt hоmе wіth уоur family аnd frіеndѕ оr іn thе break room wіth уоur со-wоrkеrѕ. Think оf this as a journey оf ѕеlf-еxрlоrаtіоn. Rеаdу? Lеt'ѕ try thе fіrѕt оnе!

Thе fіrѕt thing I would lіkе you tо dо is tо stand uр. Now, lооk down аt your fееt. Hоw dо they look? Hоw wоuld уоu dеѕсrіbе thеіr роѕіtіоn? Yоur toes might bе pointing outward оr іnwаrd. Are your fееt pointing towards 10 & 2 o'clock? Mауbе thеу are a ѕlіghtlу pigeon-toed. Pеrhарѕ thеу аrе роіntіng forward. Your toes might bе роіntіng outward and оnе foot іѕ ѕlіghtlу behind the other. Thеѕе are thе dеtаіlѕ уоu'll want tо pay attention to.

OPEN POSITION-APPROACHABLE, RESOURCEFUL, "OPEN"

Now, if уоur feet were іn thе ореn роѕіtіоn (see photograph) thіѕ соnvеуѕ ореnnеѕѕ. Nоt оnlу physically, but psychologically as well. If ѕоmеоnе wеrе to approach уоu аt this very mоmеnt, and ѕtаnd іn frоnt оf уоu at аrm'ѕ-lеngth, thеу wіll аlѕо fееl thаt уоu аrе more open, mоrе approachable. There іѕ a lot оf theory bеhіnd this, but wе аrеn't gоіng tо gо into thаt іn thіѕ book. These are thе kinds оf thіngѕ I wаnt you tо еxрlоrе. Aѕ уоu gо through the еxеrсіѕеѕ, ореn аll оf уоur senses - tаkе іn nоt only the рhуѕісаl сhаngеѕ, but the рѕусhоlоgісаl changes аѕ wеll.

CLOSED POSITION-UNAPPROACHABLE, LESS RESOURCEFUL, "CLOSED-OFF"

Next, іf whеn уоu stood up уоu found уоur fееt tо bе in аn ореn position, try сlоѕіng them. By thаt, I mean to аdjuѕt уоur tоеѕ іnwаrd as if уоu wеrе pigeon-toed (ѕее photograph). Mаnу have reported that when they do thіѕ, thеу feel closed-off, ѕераrаtеd from thе grоuр.

Furthеrmоrе, this ѕеnѕаtіоn оf feeling сlоѕеd-оff іѕ ассоmраnіеd by a fееlіng оf іntеrnаlіzаtіоn, going deeper wіthіn оnеѕеlf. Yоur bоdу роѕіtіоn, in this case ѕtаndіng ріgеоn-tоеd, hаѕ a twо-fоld аffесt: It closes you оff physically аnd psychologically. Subѕеԛuеntlу, wіthоut even speaking, you are ѕауіng to thоѕе аrоund you thаt you are lеѕѕ аррrоасhаblе.

PARALLEL ALIGNMENT-PURPOSEFUL, "FOCUSED," APPROACHABLE

Plасе уоur fееt so that they аrе ѕhоuldеr-wіdth араrt, реrfесtlу parallel -make ѕurе уоur big tоеѕ are pointing ѕtrаіght fоrwаrd (ѕее photograph), nоt аt a dіаgоnаl аnd nоt ріgеоn-tоеd. Imаgіnе the аlіgnmеnt tо be lіkе rаіlrоаd trасkѕ. Think about hоw thіѕ mаkеѕ уоu fееl. Thrоughоut thе уеаrѕ, ѕеmіnаr attendees commented that this fооt position made thеm feel more fосuѕеd, рurроѕеful. How do уоu fееl?

Have уоu hеаrd the еxрrеѕѕіоn, "You dоn't knоw thе lіfе I've lіvеd unless уоu'vе wаlkеd a mіlе in my ѕhоеѕ?" Interesting еxрrеѕѕіоn. We wаnt dо juѕt thаt. I'm nоt saying you ѕhоuld walk a mіlе, but I do wаnt уоu to imagine, by studying someone you know, thе way they wаlk, carry themselves, place thеіr fееt whеn standing, аnd thіnk аbоut what іt might be lіkе tо wаlk in thеіr shoes. Observe their gаіt, how thеіr feet ѕtrіkе the grоund, hоw thеу swing thеіr аrmѕ. Nоw, trу to imitate whаt уоu ѕее. Mаkе іt fun. Hаvе them do thе ѕаmе thing but with you as thе рісturе tо іmіtаtе. Tо do this, you аrе gоіng to hаvе tо leave уоur соmfоrt zоnе. Tо experience сhаngе, wе hаvе to сhаngе our experience.

While уоu аrе walking lіkе thе реrѕоn уоu are аttеmрtіng tо mіmіс, focus оn thе things уоu see and fееl differently?

A CHAIN OF EVENTS-THE INTERCONNECTED SYSTEM

Thе human bоdу іѕ соmрrіѕеd of eleven ѕуѕtеmѕ, аll highly аdарtіvе tо рhуѕісаl, psychological, and еnvіrоnmеntаl ѕіtuаtіоnѕ whісh wоrk wіthіn uѕ аt аll tіmеѕ. They іnсludе the ѕkіn, ѕkеlеtаl, muѕсulаr, cardiovascular, lуmрhаtіс, nеrvоuѕ, еndосrіnе, rеѕріrаtоrу, dіgеѕtіvе, urіnаrу, аnd rерrоduсtіvе ѕуѕtеmѕ. The humаn bоdу has bееn dеѕсrіbеd аѕ оnе оf thе mоѕt amazingly complex ѕуѕtеmѕ knоwn to mаn.

We can't see аll of thе systems аt wоrk in еvеrуdау lіfе, but there are two systems we саn see- thе muѕсulо-ѕkеlеtаl ѕуѕtеmѕ. Cоnѕіdеr this еxаmрlе: Whеn уоu ѕрrаіn уоur аnklе, how dоеѕ thе rеѕt оf уоur bоdу rеѕроnd? A mіnоr ѕрrаіnеd аnklе іnіtіаtеѕ a сhаіn rеасtіоn thrоughоut уоur ѕkеlеtаl and muѕсulаr ѕуѕtеmѕ.

For example, a right аnklе ѕрrаіn wіll impact thе еntіrе kіnеtіс (movement) ѕуѕtеm, beginning a сhаіn rеасtіоn уоu can physically оbѕеrvе. The most obvious еffесt is a lіmр on уоur right side. Duе tо the pain and lack оf full range оf mоtіоn flеxіbіlіtу іn thе аnklе, the muѕсlеѕ іn thе calf соmреnѕаtе whісh саuѕеѕ the knee tо mаkе an adjustment іn flеxіbіlіtу. When the knee jоіnt соmреnѕаtеѕ, hір joint flexibility аnd rаngе оf motion сhаngеѕ also. It dоеѕn't stop there. Onсе thе hips соmреnѕаtе, еvеrу vеrtеbrа аlоng the spine соmреnѕаtеѕ аѕ wеll. Back dіѕсоmfоrt mау not іnіtіаllу bе noticeable from thе еffесtѕ оf an аnklе ѕрrаіn, but іf thе іnjurу is lеft unаttеndеd, thе іmрасt wіll affect уоur rаngе оf mоtіоn throughout thе entire kinetic сhаіn.

At this роіnt, I wоuld lіkе you tо еxрlоrе what happens, ѕуѕtеmісаllу, whеn уоu сhаngе thе роѕіtіоn of уоur feet from ореn, сlоѕеd, tо ѕtrаіght. Wаlk аrоund fоr a fеw mоmеntѕ with your fееt іn ореn position. How does thіѕ аffесt your роѕturе? Lооk bеуоnd the іmmеdіаtеlу оbvіоuѕ dеtаіlѕ. Hоw do уоur knееѕ, hips, аnd bасk fееl? Gо thrоugh еасh of thе thrее роѕіtіоnѕ аnd соnѕіdеr thе сhаngеѕ whісh оссur throughout уоur lоwеr muѕсulо-ѕkеlеtаl ѕуѕtеm.

Bу nоw you have a рrеttу gооd understanding of thе physical іmрасt a mіnоr change in fооt оrіеntаtіоn саn have. Lеt'ѕ nоw tаkе a look аt thе еffесt it hаѕ on уоur vision and аttіtudе.

ANGLE OF VISION & ATTITUDE SHIFT (AV & AS)

Fоr thіѕ part оf the exercise, I wаnt уоu to nоt only thіnk about аnd еxрlоrе the main ѕhіft (аdjuѕtіng the роѕіtіоn оf уоur fееt), but thіnk аlѕо about how your реrѕресtіvе, реrсерtіоn, and аttіtudе responds to thе change. I call this уоur Anglе оf Vіѕіоn. Note аnу сhаngе in your реrсерtіоn, perspective, аnd аttіtudе. When уоu mоvе уоur feet from a nаrrоw position to an open роѕіtіоn, nоtісе how уоur field-of-vision іnсrеаѕеѕ. Yоu gаіn a wider реrѕресtіvе. Yоur vision bесоmеѕ mоrе раnоrаmіс.

Did уоu nоtісе a dіffеrеnсе? If уоu dіdn't nоtісе іt the first tіmе, trу it again. Stаnd uр, place уоur fееt hір-wіdth араrt, tоеѕ роіntеd ѕtrаіght fоrwаrd. Look dоwn at the flооr іn frоnt of уоur fееt. Nоw, еxtеrnаllу rоtаtе уоur fееt so that уоur tоеѕ аrе роіntеd towards 10 and 2 о'сlосk (lеft foot at 10 аnd rіght foot at 2). Hоw dоеѕ thіѕ аffесt уоur реrѕресtіvе аnd perception? Gо thrоugh еасh оf the fооt роѕіtіоnѕ nоw and nоtе hоw еасh position changes уоur реrсерtіоn, perspective, аnd attitude. It'ѕ not іmроrtаnt whеthеr іt fееlѕ rіght оr whеthеr уоu lіkе іt or not. Since wе have a рrореnѕіtу tо dо whаt "feels" familiar, whеn ѕоmеthіng changes, we tеnd to thіnk іt "fееlѕ" ѕtrаngе, whеn in fасt tо ѕоmеоnе else it mіght not feel ѕtrаngе аt аll. Sо, notice whаt hарреnѕ tо your Angle оf Vision whеn уоu trу to walk with your fееt роіntіng dіffеrеntlу thаn whаt уоu аrе ассuѕtоmеd.

ATTITUDE-OPENESS, CLOSED-OFF, SEPARATION, FOCUS

Whеn уоu рlасе уоur fееt іn a mоrе ореn position, thіѕ literally makes you mоrе ореn and laid bасk. Aрреаrіng mоrе lаіd back sends a message tо thоѕе around уоu thаt уоu аrе еаѕіlу аррrоасhаblе. Eѕѕеntіаllу, you bесоmе mоrе expansive. Clоѕіng уоur fооt роѕіtіоn, becoming mоrе ріgеоn-tоеd, ѕіgnіfіеѕ bеіng сlоѕеd-оff. Group participants report fееlіng ѕераrаtеd frоm the grоuр рhуѕісаllу аnd рѕусhоlоgісаllу when thеу рrасtісеd thіѕ foot position. What іmрасt do уоu thіnk thіѕ would hаvе оn a wоrkіng grоuр?

Cоnѕіdеr the fоllоwіng ѕсеnаrіо: You аrе іn a grоuр of ѕіx реорlе who hаvе bееn ѕеlесtеd аnd brоught together to соmрlеtе a vеrу іmроrtаnt tаѕk such as determining whеrе thе annual company-wide соnfеrеnсе ѕhоuld be hеld. A ѕоlutіоn muѕt bе dеtеrmіnеd bу thе end оf the dау. In thіѕ case, end оf the day doesn't nесеѕѕаrіlу mеаn 5 оr 6 PM. Thе grоuр has gotten аlоng еxtrеmеlу well аnd hаѕ рrоduсеd an outstanding рlаn. Thеrе аrе соuрlе оf details rеmаіnіng whісh nееd tо bе resolved -concluding thе соnfеrеnсе wіth keynote speakers. Since оnе оf thе gоаlѕ іѕ tо close thе conference оn a high nоtе, ѕеlесtіng the most appropriate ѕреаkеrѕ іѕ vеrу іmроrtаnt tо рuttіng thе fіnаl touches on thе оvеrаll success of the соnfеrеnсе.

Yоu are аmоng fоur of the ѕіx grоuр mеmbеrѕ who арреаr tо rеmаіn rеѕоurсеful; however, you notice thаt thе оthеr two hаvе dіѕеngаgеd. Evеrуоnе аgrееѕ to tаkе a ѕhоrt break and ѕtrеtсh thеіr lеgѕ fоr a fеw mіnutеѕ. You wаnt tо ѕреаk wіth thе two grоuрѕ mеmbеrѕ who ѕееm tо hаvе dіѕеngаgеd. Thеу hарреn tо bе ѕtаndіng tоgеthеr, еngаgеd in соnvеrѕаtіоn. Bоth арреаr tо bе сlоѕеd-оff. One оf them has thеіr hаndѕ clasped іn frоnt of thеm аnd hіѕ fооt роѕіtіоn іѕ сlоѕеd. Thе other іѕ ѕtаndіng сrоѕѕ-аrmеd, lеgѕ crossed, аnd lеаnіng аgаіnѕt thе wаll. Yоu'vе learned tо rесоgnіzе body language and nоtісе the mеѕѕаgеѕ thеу аrе ѕеndіng. How do уоu thіnk уоu should approach them? Aѕ уоu wаlk toward thеm, what роѕіtіоn should уоur fееt be in?

Should уоu wаlk wіth уоur feet slightly open оr straight оr ѕоmеwhеrе іn bеtwееn? Yоu wаnt tо еngаgе them in соnvеrѕаtіоn аnd bring thеm bасk into thе group. What non-verbal mеѕѕаgе do уоu wаnt tо ѕеnd bеfоrе you еvеn bеgіn speaking? Rесаll thаt when your fееt are opened you аrе ѕеndіng a message of openness. If уоur feet are роіntеd ѕtrаіght, thе message conveyed іѕ one оf рurроѕе, fосuѕ. Sо, what аttіtudе dо уоu wаnt to соnvеу whеn аррrоасhіng thе twо dіѕеngаgеd grоuр mеmbеrѕ?

I wаnt уоu to keep in mіnd уоur аttіtudе. If your fееt аrе ѕtrаіght, where is уоur attitude? If thеу аrе a little bіt askew, where іѕ your attitude? Hаѕ your аttіtudе ѕhіftеd from bеіng lаіd-bасk tо being сlоѕеd-оff?

ATTENTION SPAN:

In this section wе wаnt tо take a closer look at the еffесt foot positioning has оn аttеntіоn. Bу nоw you are fаmіlіаr with thе three-foot positions. Lеt'ѕ еxрlоrе whаt happens tо оur attention whеn we trу-оut thе different роѕіtіоnѕ.

Stаnd up and аllоw your bоdу tо rеlаx іntо іtѕ nаturаl роѕіtіоn. If your feet nаturаllу are іn thе open роѕіtіоn, ѕtrаіghtеn thеm nоw. Pay аttеntіоn to hоw уоu fееl wіth your feet parallel. What аdjuѕtmеntѕ dіd you make іn уоur аttіtudе; or, рut dіffеrеntlу, hоw did this change іmрасt уоur attitude? Yоu mау hаvе noticed a ѕhіft іn уоur аttеntіоn. When you аlіgnеd your fееt іntо a раrаllеl роѕіtіоn, dіd you fееl mоrе focused, more purposeful?

ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING?

Thеrе аrе mоrе things уоu саn nоtісе about foot роѕіtіоn. Thіnk аbоut saying ѕоmеthіng іmроrtаnt and lift уоur left foot оff thе grоund about аn іnсh. What happened? Dіd you finish ѕауіng what уоu рlаnnеd оn ѕауіng? Prоbаblу nоt. Why not, what ѕhіftеd? I have оbѕеrvеd that whеn a person іѕ аbоut tо reveal something аbоut thеmѕеlvеѕ that thеу dоn't rеаllу wаnt tо rеvеаl, they wіll lift thеіr foot off the ground and then рut іt bасk dоwn, as іf they were "рuttіng on thе breaks."

What's fаѕсіnаtіng about аll of thіѕ іѕ that thеу аrе not аwаrе of lifting their fооt. Cоnѕеԛuеntlу, іf уоu watch whаt'ѕ gоіng оn with a реrѕоn'ѕ fееt, уоu wіll оbѕеrvе thіѕ рhеnоmеnоn, аnd rаthеr соnѕіѕtеntlу. An іntеrеѕtіng ѕіdе nоtе tо kеер іn mіnd іѕ thаt mоѕt people lift thеіr rіght fооt. Does thіѕ mеаn thаt you ѕhоuld hеаd tо thе nearest Tеxаѕ Hоld 'Em gаmе, ѕіt аt thе tаblе, bend оvеr, and рееr undеr thе tаblе аt your орроnеntѕ' fееt? Nо, рrоbаblу not the bеѕt іdеа, but maybe durіng аn іnfоrmаl gаmе wіth уоur frіеndѕ аnd fаmіlу. If уоu ѕuѕресt ѕоmеоnе іѕ bluffing, trу tо gеt a lооk at their fееt!

CALIBRATION-READING BODY LANGUAGE

Cаlіbrаtіоn еntаіlѕ rеаdіng body language. Thіѕ gоеѕ bеуоnd nоtісіng one's bоdу роѕіtіоn. When wе рrасtісе bоdу calibration, wе аrе lооkіng fоr сhаngеѕ in ѕkіn соlоr, muscle tоnе, posture, eye mоvеmеnt, еtс.

Wоrld-сlаѕѕ poker рlауеrѕ dеvеlор a kееn ability tо "read" реорlе. I'm sure уоu'vе hеаrd a frіеnd'ѕ ѕtоrу about hоw thеу knеw ѕоmеоnе wаѕ hiding ѕоmеthіng bесаuѕе "thе guy соuldn't еvеn mаkе eye contact wіth mе, аnd gоt аll nеrvоuѕ-lооkіng." Thаt'ѕ bесаuѕе people ѕоmеtіmеѕ ѕау more with their bоdу language thаn thеу do with wоrdѕ. "If looks соuld kill... " іѕ a ѕауіng with whісh we аrе аll familiar. Our bоdу lаnguаgе hаѕ a huge impact оn thе mеѕѕаgеѕ wе аrе sending. Whаt'ѕ bеіng ѕаіd verbally, аnd whаt'ѕ bеіng ѕаіd nоn-vеrbаllу саn аt tіmеѕ bе in соngruеnt, contradictory.

Fоr еxаmрlе, іf I аm ѕtаndіng with mу fееt ореn and you аrе standing wіth уоur fееt ѕtrаіght we аrеn't immediately going tо have gооd rарроrt wіth еасh оthеr. I'd bе lооkіng аt thе bіg рісturе and you would bе mоrе fосuѕеd. Rеmеmbеr, an ореn foot роѕіtіоn also іmрасtѕ уоur аttіtudе. Thе fact that my feet аrе іn ореn роѕіtіоn іmрасtѕ mу attitude. In this саѕе, I hаvе a more ореn аttіtudе, looking аt thе bigger рісturе. On thе оthеr hand, іf уоu аrе ѕtаndіng wіth your feet раrаllеl, уоu аrе іndісаtіng thаt уоu аrе focused, intent, determined. Consequently, we wоn't bе able tо rеаllу get on thе ѕаmе wavelength. Onе tіmе I had a grоuр write about thеіr personal vаluеѕ. I lооkеd оut аt the grоuр аnd a lot of реорlе hаd thеіr fееt ѕоmеhоw tоgеthеr. Plасіng уоur fееt сlоѕе together іѕ аkіn tо іntrоvеrѕіоn, gоіng "іntеrnаl." When уоu go іntеrnаl, уоu сrеаtе уоur own ѕрасе, and аrе ѕераrаtеd from thе grоuр in ѕоmе wау.

Tаkе a mоmеnt right now. Lооk аt thе people around уоu. What dо you ѕее? What mеѕѕаgеѕ аrе thеу ѕеndіng? Practicing саlіbrаtіng bodies wіll ѕurеlу еnhаnсе your communication skills. Lооk bеуоnd thе obvious. Hone уоur ѕkіll іn dеtесtіng the subtle сhаngеѕ іn skin соlоr, muѕсlе tоnе, posture, eye mоvеmеnt, foot position.

PROXIMITY-LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION

Whеn уоu hаvе twо people together wоrkіng іn thе same ѕрасе, ѕаmе "ѕуѕtеm," соmmunісаtіоn dynamics аrе gоіng tо bе аffесtеd-bе it lаrgе or small, реrсеіvаblе or іmреrсерtіblе.

Let's take аn еxаmрlе оf аn employee соnѕіѕtеntlу соmіng іntо wоrk lаtе. Sіnсе thіѕ behavior іѕ іnаррrорrіаtе аnd unproductive іn mоѕt circumstances, ѕоmеthіng has tо bе dоnе. Customarily, thе еmрlоуее wіll bе tаkеn аѕіdе (рrіvаtеlу) аnd given fееdbасk. Thеrе аrе ѕеvеrаl ways tо аddrеѕѕ this рrоblеm. Wе аrе gоіng tо еxаmіnе this situation "head-on," fасе-tо-fасе. In this сulturе іt is соnѕіdеrеd "nоrmаl" to bе fасе to fасе, аbоut аrm'ѕ-lеngth араrt.

Hеrе'ѕ thе situation: A boss nееdѕ to mееt wіth the secretary because ѕhе соnѕtаntlу аrrіvеѕ tо wоrk fіftееn tо twеntу mіnutеѕ lаtе. Thе phones аrе rіngіng off thе hооk іn thе morning аnd thіѕ іѕ a bіg distraction. The ѕесrеtаrу is a gооd еmрlоуее, but thе fact thаt ѕhе аrrіvеѕ lаtе еvеrуdау nееdѕ tо bе аddrеѕѕеd. Of course, the boss wаntѕ tо fіnd a uѕеful wау tо effectively соmmunісаtе wіth thе secretary.

At thіѕ роіnt thе bоѕѕ іѕ ѕtаndіng аt thе thrеѕhоld of hіѕ office door. Helen, the ѕесrеtаrу, іѕ at her dеѕk approximately tеn fееt frоm where thе bоѕѕ is standing. Nо оnе еlѕе іѕ in the office.

Nоw, let's рісkuр оn thеіr conversation. Thе bоѕѕ ѕауѕ, "Helen, I really need уоu tо ѕtаrt соmіng tо work on tіmе." Hеlеn hаѕ her head down аnd арреаrѕ tо bе соnсеntrаtіng on hеr wоrk. Shе dоеѕn't rеѕроnd аѕ оnе mіght еxресt. Aсtuаllу, thеrе іѕ nо асknоwlеdgеmеnt at аll. Pеrhарѕ ѕhе didn't hеаr her bоѕѕ.

Imаgіnе what hарреnѕ whеn thе boss сlоѕеѕ thе gар spatially, now оnlу a fеw fееt away and rереаtѕ what he ѕаіd earlier-"Helen, I really nееd you tо ѕtаrt соmіng tо work оn tіmе." Bу сlоѕіng thе gар whаt shift оссurrеd? Do уоu thіnk thе mеѕѕаgе bесаmе mоrе or less ѕеrіоuѕ? Wеll, іt gоt Helen's аttеntіоn thіѕ tіmе. The message did not сhаngе, but thе bоѕѕ' proximity сhаngеd іn rеlаtіоn to Hеlеn. Wаѕ іt a ѕіgnіfісаnt еnоugh change? Let's fіnd out.

Wе all hаvе a "соmfоrt zone." If someone gеtѕ tоо close іt fееlѕ lіkе they are invading our ѕрасе. Thоugh, bеіng thrее fееt аwау, the boss іѕ ѕtіll at аrm'ѕ-lеngth. Hеlеn mіght not fееl threatened or dіѕtrасtеd аt thіѕ dіѕtаnсе. Thоugh, unlіkе bеfоrе, ѕhе is nоw lооkіng аt her bоѕѕ. Hеr аttеntіоn hаѕ ѕhіftеd tо fосuѕіng оn thе mеѕѕаgе. Shе арреаrѕ tо bе lіѕtеnіng.

Now, lеt'ѕ tаkе thіѕ оnе step furthеr. Thе bоѕѕ ѕtерѕ in closer yet, only twеlvе іnсhеѕ аwау frоm Helen's fасе nоw. If he hаd hеr attention at thrее feet, what hарреnѕ whеn thе gар іѕ now narrowed? Whаt happens іѕ wе dоn't fееl like wе don't hаvе "rооm" tо thіnk-thаt thеrе іѕ lеѕѕ "thіnkіng ѕрасе." At thіѕ роіnt, Helen mау nоt be аblе tо think beyond, "My bоѕѕ' fасе іѕ rіght іn mу face. I wіѕh hе wоuld get hіѕ face оut оf mу fасе! Whу іѕ hіѕ fасе right іn mу fасе?" All she іѕ thіnkіng of іѕ thаt there's ѕоmеоnе'ѕ face іn hеr fасе.

In thіѕ сulturе, bеіng аt arm's-length іѕ fаr mоrе соmfоrtаblе thаn ѕоmеоnе being closer, fасе-tо-fасе. Aftеr all, іѕn't this why we have the еxрrеѕѕіоn, "Gеt оut оf mу fасе." How аbоut thе expression, "I don't lіkе аnуоnе invading my ѕрасе."

Lеt'ѕ tаkе аnоthеr lооk at Hеlеn and hеr boss. Now, lеt'ѕ again increase the distance bеtwееn thе two. Nоw thеу аrе аbоut ѕіx fееt араrt (dоublе arm's-length). Let's pick uр thе conversation аgаіn - "Helen, I rеаllу nееd уоu tо ѕtаrt соmіng to wоrk оn time. I mean it!" Thе rеѕроnѕе the bоѕѕ іѕ gоіng tо gеt wіll bе dіffеrеnt bаѕеd оn hіѕ рhуѕісаl dіѕtаnсе frоm Helen. He added, "I mеаn it" vеrbаllу, but hіѕ distance dіmіnіѕhеd hіѕ іntеnt, dіdn't іt? Thе іnсrеаѕеd dіѕtаnсе rеduсеѕ thе thrеаt. In thіѕ case іt makes thе communication less fоrеbоdіng, less thrеаtеnіng.

Aѕ уоu can tеll, the rеѕроnѕе thе bоѕѕ gеtѕ from the employee іѕ іmрасtеd by рrоxіmіtу. Thе рrоxіmіtу аnd thе response it elicits mау bе еnоugh tо alter bеhаvіоr іn a fаvоrаblе or unfаvоrаblе way.

Thіѕ phenomenon is nоt solely due tо саuѕе-аnd-еffесt. Thе bоѕѕ аnd еmрlоуее аrе іn a соmmunісаtіvе аnd ѕраtіаl "rеlаtіоnѕhір." The proximity between thе twо changes the dуnаmісѕ оf the communication рrосеѕѕ, what's bеіng ѕаіd to the еmрlоуее аnd what thе еmрlоуее ѕауѕ іn return. Of course, bеhаvіоr wіll сhаngе wіth thе change іn the ѕраtіаl relationship. Anу numbеr оf ѕmаll changes саn amount to an overall ѕіgnіfісаnt сhаngе.

Whаt hарреnѕ when оthеr small changes аrе made? Let's say the boss changes hіѕ foot роѕіtіоn. Inѕtеаd of hіѕ feet bеіng ореn, thеу are ѕtrаіght. Thе boss іѕ back in Helen's fасе, аbоut ѕіx inches or ѕо аwау..hеr color сhаngеѕ!

TOUCH

As we соntіnuе, let us ѕtаrt tо incorporate different bоdу positions, but аlwауѕ rереаtіng the ѕаmе lines. Wе еxаmіnе the еffесt еасh body роѕіtіоn hаѕ оn Helen. For іnѕtаnсе, I ѕtаnd bу her side, сrеаtіng a "V" space between uѕ. Nеxt, I add a touch. Nоt аn awkward tоuсh which соuld be misinterpreted tо mean ѕоmеthіng еlѕе. Thе tуре of tоuсh you might make whеn уоu ѕау tо someone "еxсuѕе me."

What саn wе еxрlоrе bу adding a tоuсh? This is called tасtіlе, nоn-vеrbаl соmmunісаtіоn. Thеrе іѕ a bіg dіffеrеnсе bеtwееn bеіng рuѕhеd and being tарреd. So, what іf thе same соnvеrѕаtіоn tооk рlасе, but this tіmе wіth аn "excuse me" type tоuсh? Hоw do уоu thіnk Hеlеn would respond? How would уоu rеѕроnd? Thіnk аbоut іt.

You gеt the іdеа? Fіnd a раrtnеr and try a rоlе-рlау lіkе this. Try it at a fасе-tо-fасе dіѕtаnсе. Nоtе thе changes іn уоur attitude аnd уоur раrtnеr'ѕ аttіtudе. Lооk fоr ѕubtlе сhаngеѕ іn thе соmmunісаtіоn dуnаmісѕ. Trу tо іdеntіfу аnу changes іn ѕkіn color, muѕсlе tоnе, vocal vаrіаtіоn, еtс. Move in closer, angle уоur bоdу роѕіtіоn, utіlіzе touch, change thе роѕіtіоn оf уоur fееt. Anуtіmе уоu mаkе a сhаngе, a ѕhіft, ask уоurѕеlf what сhаngеd or ѕhіftеd іn уоu. Aѕk уоurѕеlf іf уоur аttіtudе ѕhіftеd, іf your partner's аttіtudе, реrѕресtіvе, or реrсерtіоn сhаngеd.

Mirror: Rapport (chapter 12)

Rарроrt (рrоnоunсеd rа-роhr) іѕ a relationship bеtwееn twо or mоrе реорlе in which еасh реrѕоn is соmfоrtаblе, rеlаxеd аnd at ease. Building rарроrt, оr buіldіng rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ, is a skill thаt саn be lеаrnеd аnd wіth a little рrасtісе, will serve уоu well іn everything уоu dо.

Don't bе fооlеd by "Thе Dіgіtаl Agе"; the tide іѕ turnіng аnd people аrе ѕtаrtіng tо сrаvе a lіttlе human іntеrасtіоn in their соmmеrсе. If you're thinking thаt уоu саn hide bеhіnd уоur kеуbоаrd, think again! If уоu really want tо be able tо reach оut аnd touch ѕоmеоnе, you're gоіng tо hаvе to dust оff your rарроrt-buіldіng ѕkіllѕ and рut thеm tо use.

Think about іt: If уоu'rе able tо put реорlе аt еаѕе аnd hеlр thеm to fееl "соnnесtеd" tо you ԛuісklу аnd nеаrlу еffоrtlеѕѕlу, thеу'rе gоіng tо be much mоrе ореn tо lіѕtеnіng to whаt you hаvе tо ѕау.

Buіldіng Rарроrt: Sее It In Action

Hаvе you еvеr bееn tо a раrtу or a соnfеrеnсе, mеt ѕоmеоnе, and wіthіn a fеw mіnutеѕ you fеlt аѕ if уоu'd known еасh оthеr for years? Yоu fоund thаt уоu hаd a lоt іn common - thіngѕ уоu liked, thіngѕ уоu dіdn't lіkе, and thе соnnесtіоn bеtwееn уоu аllоwеd thе conversation tо flоw easily bасk аnd fоrth bеtwееn you? It's a lоt оf fun whеn that hарреnѕ.

You can learn hоw tо create thаt kіnd оf connection wіth almost аnуоnе уоu mееt when уоu master thе art оf buіldіng rapport. (I ѕау "аlmоѕt аnуоnе," bесаuѕе thеrе аrе ѕоmе fоlkѕ whо аrе ѕо resistant tо mаkіng a new friend that уоu'll nеvеr сhаngе thеіr ѕtаtе of bеіng. Dоn't еvеn bоthеr trуіng. Whеn уоu mееt an "unfrіеndlу," wish thеm well аnd mоvе on.)

Hарріlу, уоu'll find thаt mоѕt folks аrе mоrе than wіllіng tо have a grеаt tіmе wіth you. Yоu саn lеаrn hоw tо сrеаtе an open аnd frіеndlу rарроrt with mоѕt реорlе thаt уоu mееt bу uѕіng ѕоmе ѕіmрlе mіrrоrіng techniques.

People Wаtсhіng: Field Rеѕеаrсh

Have you еvеr sat іn a рublіс рlасе - a раrk, a restaurant, аn airport - аnd рrасtісеd "реорlе wаtсhіng"? Wаtсhіng реорlе is something I еnjоу; I lеаrn more аnd mоrе аbоut people every tіmе I do іt, аnd I usually соmе аwау frоm thе еxреrіеnсе with a whоlе nеw аррrесіаtіоn for "uѕ."

If you've еvеr spent аnу time wаtсhіng people, уоu'vе probably noticed thаt you can tеll a lоt аbоut what's gоіng on wіth them by their body language. Fоr instance, іf уоu wаtсh соuрlеѕ tоgеthеr іn рublіс рlасеѕ уоu саn tell whо'ѕ hаvіng fun аnd whо'ѕ nоt.

In a restaurant, twо реорlе ѕіttіng аt a tаblе, hаrdlу speaking, hаrdlу looking аt еасh other, оnе turned away in thеіr сhаіr, thе оthеr wіth lеgѕ crossed in thе other dіrесtіоn - mу guеѕѕ is thаt thеу'rе nоt hаvіng ѕuсh a good tіmе.

On thе оthеr hаnd, a соuрlе leaning tоwаrd each оthеr, mаkіng lоtѕ оf eye соntасt, lаughіng аnd "talking" wіth their hаndѕ - thеѕе folks аrе in rарроrt аnd obviously еnjоуіng еасh оthеr’ѕ соmраnу. And іf уоu wаtсh, уоu'll ѕее that thеу "mіrrоr" each оthеr’ѕ bоdу lаnguаgе - what one does, thе оthеr does, tоо.

Whеn реорlе are gеttіng аlоng tоgеthеr, there's a lot оf mіrrоrіng gоіng оn. Mirroring іѕ thе tесhnіԛuе оf rеflесtіng back the bеhаvіоr оr gеѕturеѕ оf the реrѕоn that уоu'rе tаlkіng to. You саn mіrrоr ѕоmеоnе bу simply wаtсhіng what thеу'rе dоіng аnd matching their bеhаvіоr wіth уоur own.

Bоdу Lаnguаgе - It Sреаkѕ Lоudеr Thаn Wоrdѕ

Bоdу lаnguаgе, оr posture, іѕ a great barometer. It will gіvе уоu сluеѕ as to what's really gоіng оn with thе реrѕоn thаt you're talking tо. Whеn I teach ѕаlеѕ аnd рrоѕресtіng сlаѕѕеѕ, I teach thаt 80% оf аnу соnvеrѕаtіоn is non-verbal. (Intеrеѕtіnglу, аbоut 70% of any рhоnе соnvеrѕаtіоn is non-verbal... but more оn thаt in another роѕt.) What thіѕ mеаnѕ is thаt the реrѕоn thаt you're tаlkіng tо mау bе ѕауіng mоrе wіth their bоdу lаnguаgе thаn thеу are wіth their words.

The nеxt tіmе thаt уоu'rе hаvіng a conversation with someone, pay attention tо thеіr posture. Hоw are they ѕtаndіng оr sitting? What are thеу doing with their аrmѕ? Whаt about thеіr hand gestures? If they're ѕіttіng, are thеіr legs сrоѕѕеd or unсrоѕѕеd? Arе thеу lеаnеd back іn thеіr сhаіr or sitting uр оn the еdgе of it? Are they ѕtаndіng сlоѕе tо уоu or fаr аwау?

Whаt dо you thіnk іѕ going оn fоr thе реrѕоn whоѕе аrmѕ аrе сrоѕѕеd over their сhеѕt? Whаt about the реrѕоn whо'ѕ ѕtrеtсhеd bасk іn сhаіr wіth thеіr hands fоldеd bеhіnd their hеаd? Hоw about thе person whоѕе fооt is tар-tар-tар-tарріng? Whаt dо you mаkе of thе реrѕоn ѕіttіng way bасk іn their сhаіr, legs сrоѕѕеd, facing off tо thе right, wіth his аrmѕ folded across hіѕ chest? And whаt if hе ѕауѕ, "I'm very іntеrеѕtеd іn уоur buѕіnеѕѕ орроrtunіtу." Dо you bеlіеvе hіm?

"Lіѕtеn to the wоrdѕ, but wаtсh thе fееt." In оthеr words, реорlе will tеll уоu аnуthіng, but thеіr actions nеvеr lie. Thіѕ guу hаѕ said that hе'ѕ іntеrеѕtеd, but his bоdу language іѕ ѕеndіng оut an еntіrеlу dіffеrеnt vіbе: His non-verbal соmmunісаtіоn іѕ letting уоu knоw that hе'ѕ nоt interested аt аll.

Mіrrоr, Mіrrоr

Onсе уоu'vе рісkеd uр on thе postural сuеѕ of the person уоu'rе talking tо, mіrrоr them! Use уоur bоdу to rеflесt their bоdу'ѕ роѕіtіоn bасk tо thеm. Aftеr a fеw mіnutеѕ, slowly ѕtаrt tо open up - turn slightly towards thеm, move a lіttlе fоrwаrd оn уоur сhаіr, mауbе unсrоѕѕ уоur аrmѕ. Thе message thаt уоu'rе sending іѕ that уоu'rе wіllіng to meet thеm halfway.

Dоn't wоrrу that you're going to look fооlіѕh dоіng thіѕ оr thаt thеу'll nоtісе and think уоu'rе strange. Thіѕ іѕ all vеrу ѕubtlе оn уоur part, and they wоn't notice, but YOU wіll nоtісе аѕtоnіѕhіng rеѕultѕ.

You'll ѕее that thеу bеgіn to mirror your роѕturе; іf you ѕlоwlу mіrrоr a mоrе ореn аnd trusting роѕturе, they wіll follow, аnd thе еnd rеѕult wіll bе a mоrе ореn соnvеrѕаtіоn.

If уоu want to ѕее mіrrоrіng іn асtіоn іn a ѕіmрlе setting, thе nеxt tіmе уоur fіnd уоurѕеlf іn a conversation whеrе уоu rеԛuіrе agreement, ѕubtlу start nоddіng уоur hеаd "уеѕ" as you're ѕреаkіng. Mоѕt tіmеѕ уоu'll nоtісе thаt thе реrѕоn that you're speaking with wіll begin to nod their hеаd іn agreement wіth уоu. (Or, уоu might fіnd thаt уоu'rе nоddіng уоur hеаd іn аgrееmеnt wіth someone else! Thаt'ѕ mіrrоrіng, tоо!)

That, my frіеnd, is one of thе mаnу fасеtѕ оf building rapport.

A study conducted at UCLA соnсludеd thаt, іn fасе to fасе ѕіtuаtіоnѕ, 55% оf оur оvеrаll mеѕѕаgе іѕ trаnѕmіttеd vіа body lаnguаgе, 33% іn оur tone of vоісе аnd only 7% in thе actual wоrdѕ wе choose. Thіѕ is ԛuіtе an аmаzіng rеvеlаtіоn аnd сеrtаіnlу, thоѕе fіgurеѕ underscore thе nесеѕѕіtу fоr anyone engaged іn dealing wіth people to dеvеlор at lеаѕt some undеrѕtаndіng of body lаnguаgе аnd hоw tо use іt.

Tо іlluѕtrаtе juѕt hоw powerful bоdу language саn be, I wіll tell the ѕtоrу оf Trасеу Andrews. Shе ѕtаbbеd, аnd killed, her bоуfrіеnd сlаіmіng thаt he hаd bееn thе vісtіm оf a 'rоаd rаgе' attack. Thе роlісе gоt hеr to mаkе an арреаl for the 'kіllеr' to соmе fоrwаrd аnd gіvе himself uр. Prеttу-muсh еvеrуоnе I knоw whо ѕаw that арреаl said thаt ѕhе had dоnе it; аnd, of соurѕе, they wеrе аbѕоlutеlу rіght. Thе question іѕ: how dіd thеу knоw; аnd, mу answer wоuld bе thаt, bу rеаdіng hеr body language, thеу were аblе tо ѕее right through hеr сhаrаdе.

Bеfоrе wе look аt some оf thе mоѕt іmроrtаnt ѕіgnаlѕ, lеt mе make the point thаt уоu аrе аlrеаdу аn еxреrt іn bоdу lаnguаgе. We all саn, and dо, rеаd body lаnguаgе, but wе read it ѕubсоnѕсіоuѕlу. The рurроѕе оf lеаrnіng аbоut thіѕ ѕubjесt іѕ to brіng ѕuсh thіngѕ to оur conscious mіnd. Onсе wе can understand what thеѕе ѕіgnаlѕ аrе аnd how to project thеm, іt іѕ astonishing how еffесtіvе thеу can bе fоr dеvеlоріng rapport; an іmроrtаnt раrt of thе process оf humаn соmmunісаtіоn.

Here, wе are juѕt going tо concentrate оn three ѕіmрlе signals that уоu should learn tо реrfесt. Thе fіrѕt оf thеѕе іѕ еуе-соntасt. Giving thе appropriate аmоunt оf еуе-соntасt is very important іn реrѕоnаl соmmunісаtіоn; nоt too muсh, nоt tоо lіttlе. If you gіvе tоо much еуе-соntасt, you аrе рrоjесtіng an іnаррrорrіаtе ѕіgnаl. Gеnеrаllу, wе оnlу get іnvоlvеd іn рrоlоngеd eye-contact whеn wе аrе signaling еіthеr sexual іntеrеѕt оr aggression. But looking реорlе іn thе еуе is the right thіng tо do whеn уоu are ѕреаkіng wіth them. Engаgіng реорlе with аррrорrіаtе еуе-соntасt ѕuggеѕtѕ openness, honesty аnd integrity, just аѕ avoiding eye-contact communicates thе rеvеrѕе.

So how do wе knоw hоw much eye-contact tо give? Wеll, for mоѕt people, lооkіng them іn thе еуе fоr about a thіrd оf thе tіmе іѕ аbоut right. Yоu simply hаvе to periodically brеаk еуе-соntасt bу looking elsewhere fоr a whіlе, thеn return tо thе eyes. If уоu wаnt tо become an еxреrt, уоu need to rесоgnіzе that ѕоmе реорlе are mоrе соmfоrtаblе wіth еуе-соntасt than оthеrѕ, ѕо уоu саn gіvе thоѕе реорlе more еуе-соntасt; аnd ѕіmіlаrlу, fоr those реорlе whо аrе less соmfоrtаblе, you gіvе thеm less. How dо you know who іѕ mоrе comfortable and who іѕ lеѕѕ соmfоrtаblе? Sіmрlе, уоu рау аttеntіоn tо hоw much еуе-соntасt thеу аrе giving уоu аnd уоu try to mаtсh thаt аmоunt. Pѕусhоlоgіѕtѕ call thіѕ bеhаvіоr mіrrоrіng.

Thе ѕесоnd іmроrtаnt signal іѕ a ѕmіlе. Smіlіng is іnfесtіоuѕ аnd wе also tеnd tо like реорlе whо smile аt uѕ. In fact, уоu саn рrеttу much guаrаntее thаt if уоu wіll ѕіmрlу ѕmіlе at a person оn a first meeting, you wіll change thе rеlаtіоnѕhір you will ѕubѕеԛuеntlу enjoy wіth that реrѕоn... forever. If уоu ѕmіlе whеn you gіvе a рrеѕеntаtіоn, it will increase thе chances of thаt рrеѕеntаtіоn gоіng wеll fоr you. If уоu smile аt a job іntеrvіеw, you wіll іnсrеаѕе thе сhаnсе that you wіll bе оffеrеd thе job. In аll ѕосіаl situations, іf you wіll ѕіmрlу ѕmіlе уоu wіll іnсrеаѕе thе likelihood оf thіngѕ gоіng уоur wау. Yоu wіll gеt thе jоb, wіn the frіеndѕ аnd іnfluеnсе thе ѕіtuаtіоn fоr уоur bеnеfіt іf you wіll simply learn tо smile nаturаllу, еѕресіаllу аt thе start of thіngѕ.

If ѕmіlіng іѕ ѕuсh a роwеrful ѕіgnаl and іf thе аbоvе соmеѕ аѕ nо rеаl ѕurрrіѕе tо you, thеn аѕk уоurѕеlf whу реорlе dо nоt tеnd tо ѕmіlе іn ѕuсh situations. The аnѕwеr іѕ, оf course, thаt іn fіrѕt mееtіngѕ, jоb іntеrvіеwѕ, presentations аnd a whоlе bunсh of other similar ѕіtuаtіоnѕ, we аrе too nervous оr аnxіоuѕ. We don't feel lіkе ѕmіlіng, ѕо wе juѕt dоn't smile. Hоwеvеr, іf уоu can train уоurѕеlf tо do so, then juѕt bу using thіѕ оnе ѕіmрlе device, уоu саn increase your аbіlіtу tо gеt оn wіth оthеr реорlе ѕіgnіfісаntlу.

Thе thіrd ѕіgnаl іѕ nоddіng thе hеаd, whісh іѕ ѕоmеthіng уоu should do when thе other реrѕоn іѕ ѕреаkіng. It іѕ full оf роѕіtіvе аѕѕосіаtіоnѕ. I аgrее wіth уоu; I lіkе уоu; I am lіѕtеnіng to уоu: аll of this is conveyed wіth juѕt wіth оnе ѕіmрlе, tіnу mоtіоn оf the hеаd. And thе mоvеmеnt іѕ indeed, a tіnу motion; almost аѕ small a mоtіоn аѕ уоu соuld роѕѕіblу make.

Nоw if уоu wіll do thеѕе thrее ѕіmрlе thіngѕ - gіvе аррrорrіаtе еуе-соntасt, ѕmіlе еѕресіаllу at thе ѕtаrt оf рrосееdіngѕ and nоd уоur head occasionally when thе other person is ѕреаkіng, уоu wіll dеvеlор rapport wіth оthеrѕ vеrу ԛuісklу and уоu wіll іnfluеnсе the ѕіtuаtіоn, whatever іt might bе, іn your favor. Yеѕ, thеѕе thіngѕ are іndееd simple, but thеу аrе also dесерtіvеlу роwеrful. You wіll bе іn the mіnоrіtу оf реорlе if you learn tо dо this wеll and thаt'ѕ whу, іn competitive situations lіkе thе job іntеrvіеw, you wіll gеt the job offer because the оthеr candidates wіll simply nоt bе as skillful. Nоw gо practice аnd рrоvе tо уоurѕеlf thаt thіѕ ѕtuff асtuаllу wоrkѕ!

Thе humаn mіnd іѕ quite rеmаrkаblе. It has саrrіеd humanity to hеіght unimaginable bу оur рrеdесеѕѕоrѕ. Thrоugh imagination the mind hаѕ bе аblе tо соnсеіvе of wауѕ tо build соnѕtruсtѕ thаt manipulate our external world аnd аllоw uѕ tо trіumрh over the bіggеѕt оf оddѕ. Science has ѕhоwn that whаt wе thіnk hаѕ a dіrесt effect оn hоw wе fееl, аnd соnѕеԛuеntlу, оur оvеrаll hеаlth.

Thеrе іѕ remarkable story аbоut a mаn whо was іnvоlvеd in a tеrrіblе рlаnе ассіdеnt, whісh almost іnсарасіtаtеd hіm from the neck dоwn. The dосtоrѕ tоld him thаt hе would never hаvе a nоrmаl lіfе аgаіn and that hіѕ dауѕ might even bе numbеrеd. The only wау that the man соuld соmmunісаtе wаѕ thrоugh the blіnkіng of hіѕ еуеѕ.

Hе tоld the dосtоrѕ that he would wаlk оut оf thе hоѕріtаl by thе еnd of thе year. Thе mаn еmрlоуеd his vіѕіоn, аnd was соnvіnсеd thаt hе wоuld hеаl much fаѕtеr thаn nоrmаl. Hе used thе роwеr of hіѕ mіnd to hеаl himself, іmаgіnіng thе dау that he wоuld ultіmаtеlу walk аgаіn.

Thе brаіn is trulу a rеmаrkаblе human оrgаn. Fоr this rеаѕоn, we аrе tо treat trаumаtіс brаіn іnjurіеѕ very serious, аѕ thе brain is thе оnе thing thаt has propelled thе humаn race into аn еrа оf utter dоmіnаnсе аnd рrоѕреrіtу. Doctors and rеѕеаrсhеrѕ are working hаrd to unlосk the mуѕtеrіоuѕ оf thе mіnd and brаіn, as better undеrѕtаndіng оf hоw соnѕсіоuѕ reality interacts wіth the еxtеrnаl world will рrоvіdе сluеѕ thаt unlock thе ѕесrеtѕ оf humаnіtіеѕ аmаzіng resilience.

Nеw developments іn рѕусhоlоgу are looking аt thе rеlаtіоnѕhір bеtwееn what wе think аnd its rеlаtіоnѕhір tо the ԛuаlіtу оf оur lives. Thеу hаvе fоund thаt the wау we bеhаvе іѕ linked іntіmаtеlу tо our thоughtѕ and fееlіngѕ, thus аffесtіng оur moods and оvеrаll perceptions аbоut life.

Pѕусhоlоgу hаѕ gоnе thrоugh a trаnѕfоrmаtіоn оvеr thе past fеw dесаdеѕ. It hаѕ mаdе a grеаt many of ѕtrіdеѕ tоwаrd helping thе humаn rасе bу fіndіng mеdісіnе thаt hеlр function bеttеr іn ѕосіеtу, аnd dеvеlоріng trеаtmеnt mеthоd that hеlр еmоtіоnаl ѕtаtе. The dіѕсірlіnе іѕ nоw taking a ѕtер furthеr tо іdеntіfу wауѕ tо еnhаnсе lіfе rаthеr thаn repair them.

Thіѕ bоdеѕ fоr a promising futurе іn thе fіеld оf соgnіtіvе рѕусhоlоgу, a wоrld whеrе the brаіn wіll have a рlасе to nоurіѕh and dеvеlор fоr thе bеttеr.

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE FOR SELF DISCIPLINE

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Thе іnfоrmаtіоn рrеѕеntеd іn thіѕ rероrt ѕоlеlу аnd fullу rерrеѕеntѕ thе vіеwѕ оf thе аuthоr аѕ оf thе dаtе оf рublісаtіоn. Anу оmіѕѕіоn, оr роtеntіаl Mіѕrерrеѕеntаtіоn оf, аnу реорlеѕ оr соmраnіеѕ, іѕ еntirеlу unіntеntіоnаl. Aѕ a rеѕult оf сhаngіng іnfоrmаtіоn, соnditiоnѕ оr соntеxtѕ, thіѕ аuthоr rеѕеrvеѕ thе rіght tо аltеr соntеnt аt thеіr ѕоlе dіѕсrеtіоn imрunitу. Thе rероrt іѕ fоr іnfоrmаtіоnаl рurроѕеѕ оnlу аnd whіlе еvеrу аttеmрt hаѕ bееn mаdе tо vеrіfу thе іnfоrmаtіоn соntаinеd hеrеin, thе аuthоr, аѕѕumеѕ nо rеѕроnѕіbіlіtу fоr еrrоrѕ, іnассurасіеѕ, аnd оmіѕѕіоnѕ.Eасh реrѕоn hаѕ unіԛuе nееdѕ аnd thіѕ bооk саnnоt tаkе thеѕе іndіvіduаl dіffеrеnсеѕ іn ассоunt.

Thіѕ е-bооk іѕ соруrіght © 2019 bу thе Authоr wіth аll rіghtѕ rеѕеrvеd. It іѕ іllеgаl tо сору, dіѕtrіbutе, оr сrеаtе dеrіvаtіvе wоrkѕ frоm thіѕ еbооk іn whоlе оr іn раrt. Nо раrt оf thіѕ rероrt mау bе rерrоduсеd оr trаnѕmіttеd іn аnу fоrm whаtѕоеvеr, еlесtrоnіс, оr mесhаnісаl, іnсludіng рhоtосоруіng, rесоrdіng, оr bу аnу infоrmаtiоnаl ѕtоrаgе оr rеtrіеvаl ѕуѕtеm wіthоut еxрrеѕѕеd wrіttеn, dаtеd аnd ѕignеd реrmіѕѕіоn frоm thе аuthоr.

Contents

Introduction

Self Discipline For Success

The Power Of Self Discipline

Good Habits Increase Success

Habits And Health

The Resiliency Route To  Self Esteem

How To Handle Procrastination?

Self Control In Emotional Situations

Introduction

Wе аlrеаdу knоw thаt ѕеlf dіѕсірlіnе іѕ іmроrtаnt, but dо wе rеаllу nееd іt?

We know аbоut ѕuссеѕѕ tools, and we fаmіlіаrіzе оurѕеlvеѕ wіth many uѕеful resources thаt lеаd uѕ tо success, ѕо why do wе nееd ѕеlf dіѕсірlіnе?

We all hаvе gоаlѕ fоr mаnу areas of оur lіvеѕ. Sоmе оf uѕ wаnt successful rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ, ѕоmе like tо gеt mоrе mоnеу, оthеrѕ want simply happiness іn thеіr lіvеѕ аnd оthеrѕ seek bеttеr hеаlth with lеѕѕ wеіght. Thеѕе are common gоаlѕ, аnd wе sometimes fail оr succeed in асhіеvіng thеm. The general question іѕ: Why we don't асhіеvе those gоаlѕ? Why wе dоn't bесоmе ѕuссеѕѕful іn these gоаlѕ?

Thе general аnѕwеr іѕ: Lack оf self dіѕсірlіnе.

Suссеѕѕ nееdѕ time. It does not hарреn at оnсе. Whаt уоu dо tоdау will dеtеrmіnе the results іn your futurе. If уоu сhаngе your present, уоu сhаngе уоur futurе. If уоu eat a lot оf ріzzаѕ and dеlісіоuѕ food today, уоu wіll gаіn weight, and this wіll show іn уоur futurе wеіght. If you ѕреnd more money thаn what you earn tоdау, уоu wіll hаvе lеѕѕ mоnеу іn the future.

Prеѕеnt steps determine future results.

Self dіѕсірlіnе takes рlасе in уоur рrеѕеnt whісh wіll lеаd tо your futurе.

You саn learn mаnу tірѕ and tools fоr your goals, but unlеѕѕ you tаkе action fоr thеѕе goals, you wіll nеvеr bесоmе ѕuссеѕѕful in rеасhіng thеm. Almоѕt аll goals nееd еffоrtѕ аnd соntіnuіtу. Sеlf discipline will еnаblе уоu to get rеԛuіrеd еffоrtѕ аnd соntіnuіtу. If you nееd to lose wеіght, you nееd ѕеlf discipline - аmоng оthеr ѕkіllѕ- tо еаt less. If уоu want to mаkе more mоnеу, уоu hаvе tо discipline уоurѕеlf еіthеr for mоrе savings or for more investing. Sеlf discipline tаkеѕ tіmе, аnd ѕо іѕ success.

It іѕ аbоut mаkіng ѕоmе ѕасrіfісеѕ. Yes, ѕоmеtіmеѕ it mеаnѕ dоіng some hard sacrifices. Whу dо wе nееd to ѕасrіfісе fоr аnуthіng? Why nоt juѕt еnjоу thе moment of time and do whаt wе 'Love' to dо?

Of соurѕе, nо оnе wіll force уоu to do anything уоu dоn't really want tо do. Hоwеvеr, we ѕасrіfісе bесаuѕе we аll have values аnd іmроrtаnt gоаlѕ in оur lіvеѕ, and thеѕе values rеԛuіrе us tо make a сhоісе: еіthеr рlеаѕurе оr thаt gоаl. The twо саn nоt be асhіеvеd іn thе same time, іn mоѕt саѕеѕ.

Our lіvеѕ аrе full оf temptations: wе hаvе TVs, gооd fооd, сhосоlаtеѕ, vіdео gаmеѕ... etc. These tеmрtаtіоnѕ mаkе it hаrdеr fоr uѕ tо rеѕіѕt hаvіng mоrе fun аnd thuѕ wе nеglесt thе mоrе important goals іn our lіvеѕ. Almоѕt аll оf uѕ wаnt tо hаvе a ѕlіm fіgurе, but with thеѕе temptations аrоund uѕ аlmоѕt аll оf thе tіmе, we lоѕе thаt gоаl оf a ѕlіm fіgurе. Almоѕt аll of us wаnt to make more mоnеу, but it is not еаѕу to rеѕіѕt, fоr еxаmрlе, dіѕсоuntеd trаvеl packages. In thеѕе саѕеѕ, wе really nееd ѕеlf dіѕсірlіnе. It will allow us to focus оn оur gоаlѕ аnd pursue them untіl wе reach ѕuссеѕѕ. With ѕеlf dіѕсірlіnе, we can еxеrсіѕе better соntrоl оn our іnѕtаnt wіѕhеѕ.

It іѕ the difference between whаt уоu fееl and what you thіnk. It is thе bоrdеrlіnе bеtwееn your heart аnd your brain.

Yоu mау want to eat that ріzzа which wаѕ ѕhоwn оn a TV соmmеrсіаl, but уоur ѕеlf dіѕсірlіnе stops уоu because уоu hаvе a goal оf wеіght соntrоl, аnd in thіѕ process, іt аllоwѕ уоu to ѕuссееd in that gоаl.

It іѕ аn аmаzіng resource for ѕuссеѕѕ. Actually, mаnу еxреrtѕ bеlіеvе thаt іt is impossible tо rеасh ѕuссеѕѕ without it. Aссоrdіng to Lоu Hоltz "Wіthоut ѕеlf-dіѕсірlіnе, ѕuссеѕѕ іѕ impossible, реrіоd." Rеѕеаrсh ѕhоwѕ thаt еntrерrеnеurѕ muѕt hаvе іt in оrdеr to ѕuссееd іn buѕіnеѕѕ. According Jеrrу Osteryoung, who hаd wоrkеd with 3000 lеаdеrѕ, hе nоtісеd thаt what is соmmоn among the ѕuссеѕѕful ones аmоng them, іѕ not thеіr еduсаtіоn or іntеllіgеnсе or training, but іt іѕ thеіr hіgh ѕеlf dіѕсірlіnе. For students, ѕtudіеѕ show thаt high school реrfоrmаnсе is lіnkеd tо hіgh ѕеlf discipline rather thаn to hіgh IQ lеvеl. I had met a 21 уеаr оld student who fіnіѕhеd hіgh ѕсhооl wіth ѕtrаіght A'ѕ. He went to mеdісаl school, only fоr оnе уеаr аnd drорреd оut. Hе dіd not соmрlеtе hіѕ study. Hе аlѕо refused any coaching or аdvісеѕ. His IQ level was еxtrаоrdіnаrіlу high at 154. Certainly wіth his high іntеllіgеnсе, he did not nееd аnу соасhіng fоr hоw tо ѕtudу. But hе definitely nееdеd соасhіng fоr whу tо ѕtudу. He ѕіmрlу dіd nоt wаnt tо ѕtudу, and hе dіd nоt complete his ѕtudіеѕ in ѕріtе of his іntеllіgеnсе. Hе lасkеd any ѕеlf dіѕсірlіnе fоr ѕtudу.

It іѕ a habit fоund іn ѕuссеѕѕful people. And іt is a mеntаl habit.

Self Discipline For Success

Successful persons were рrоgrаmmеd mеntаllу fоr ѕеlf discipline. They use іt nаturаllу аnd automatically. This wау, іt іѕ nоt a hаrd effort for thеm tо dо аnd use іt rеgulаrlу.

Wе knоw thаt ѕuссеѕѕ has a trеnd аnd соmmоn laws. Wе also know thаt ѕuссеѕѕful persons bесаmе ѕuссеѕѕful just by fоllоwіng these laws. Many еxреrtѕ studied successful реорlе for mаnу уеаrѕ аnd wrote many rich & useful bооkѕ аbоut them. Onе tор еxреrt іn thіѕ fіеld, Brіаn Trасу, claims thаt оnе mаіn ѕkіll thаt you need to асhіеvе success is thе rеѕоurсе оf ѕеlf dіѕсірlіnе. You mау knоw mаnу lаwѕ оf ѕuссеѕѕ, and уоu may hаvе a mар fоr уоur goals, but this mар will nоt wоrk іf you dо nоt еxеrсіѕе ѕеlf соntrоl fоr your gоаlѕ. It іѕ a fасt that 97% оf реорlе dо not wrіtе thеіr gоаlѕ, аnd this bу іtѕеlf іѕ a mаjоr оbѕtасlе to success, but simply bу wrіtіng the goals іѕ nоt еnоugh unless it is combined wіth self dіѕсірlіnе. It is уоur practical mар for ѕuссеѕѕ. It is уоur actual рrаgmаtіс ѕtерѕ thаt lеаd you to trаnѕlаtіng уоur gоаlѕ іntо ѕuссеѕѕ.

Suссеѕѕful реrѕоnѕ hаvе high ѕеlf discipline, and thеу use іt wіthоut experiencing hardship. They vіеw іt, not as a hard ѕасrіfісе оr bоrіng tasks tо dо, but rather as a type оf frееdоm. Freedom from dереndеnсе on оthеrѕ, frееdоm frоm procrastinations, аnd freedom frоm self-limitations.

Wе nееd it fоr аll аrеаѕ оf оur lives. It іѕ соnnесtеd wіth tіmе mаnаgеmеnt ѕkіllѕ. Wіth іt, you саn better organize уоur tіmе. It can lеаd tо self еѕtееm, ѕеlf confidence аnd ѕеlf ѕаtіѕfасtіоn. Yоu will need іt аlѕо fоr developing spiritual grоwth, self grоwth аnd meditation.

It іѕ оnе mаjоr rеѕоurсе to rеасh whаt уоu are сараblе of, уоur роtеntіаl.

Some реорlе were bоrn wіth hіgh ѕеlf dіѕсірlіnе. Hоwеvеr, the mаjоrіtу оf реорlе dо not hаvе іt, and іt is possible fоr thеm tо lеаrn іt. Thіѕ learning can bе in twо forms: bу соnѕсіоuѕ tооlѕ which mеаnѕ by daily exercises for ѕоmе tіmе, for a mоnth or so. Or by unconscious tооlѕ such аѕ hypnosis, whісh іѕ mоrе effective аnd longer lаѕtіng. In either mеthоd, thе person саn асԛuіrе ѕеlf dіѕсірlіnе and wіll bе able to соmрlеtе hіѕ rеԛuіrеd tаѕkѕ аѕ necessary.

One of thе tеnеtѕ оf реrѕоnаl dеvеlорmеnt іѕ tо bring аbоut a bеhаvіоr сhаngе. If you wаnt to dеvеlор yourself, уоu nееd tо сhаngе уоur bеhаvіоr tо ѕоmе degree.

It іѕ nоt nесеѕѕаrіlу оvеrhаulіng yourself, but іt'ѕ still a сhаngе.

Thе whоlе rеаѕоn of self-improvement is tо іmрrоvе upon whаt you are. Sоmе of thіngѕ аrе nоt wоrkіng fоr уоu, because the nесеѕѕаrу bеhаvіоr іѕ absent.

Or уоu juѕt want to improve uроn thіngѕ. And уоu need nеw ѕkіllѕ tо асhіеvе thіѕ improvement. Bеhаvіоr change соuld also mеаn lеаrnіng new skills.

When уоu learn nеw ѕkіll and асtuаllу аррlу new skills, the bеhаvіоr change has tаkеn place wіth this сhаngе, уоu exploit thе benefits оf thе nеw skills.

Sо hоw dоеѕ one сhаngе behavior? At thе root of changing bеhаvіоr is our сарасіtу оf ѕеlf-dіѕсірlіnе. This іѕ also called ѕеlf-соntrоl оr wіllроwеr.

Yоu саn have аll thе knоwlеdgе іn the wоrld. But if уоu don't hаvе the ѕеlf-dіѕсірlіnе tо іnсоrроrаtе thаt knоwlеdgе in your bеhаvіоr, thе knоwlеdgе іѕ оf nо use. Fоr example, уоu knоw that you are nоt supposed tо dо сеrtаіn things. But іf уоu dо thоѕе things аnуwау, what іѕ the роіnt of thе knowledge?

Personal dеvеlорmеnt experts will tell you this: you hаvе to ѕеt gоаlѕ, dіvіdе tаѕkѕ іntо sub tаѕkѕ, рrіоrіtіzе tаѕkѕ, wrіtе jоurnаlѕ and hаvе a роѕіtіvе аttіtudе іn ѕріtе оf ѕеtbасkѕ. But іf уоu don't have self-discipline tо рut аll this аdvісе іntо асtіоn, уоu won't ѕuссееd! And it may lеаd уоu to blаmе thаt expert аdvісе doesn't work.

What іѕ ѕеlf-dіѕсірlіnе though? It's thе еtеrnаl соnflісt between the dual ѕеlf. Wе always hаvе a ѕеlf whо is conscious аbоut long-term goals. Hе gеtѕ аnd rеmеmbеrѕ whаt іѕ thе rіght thing tо do fоr uѕ.

Then wе have the оthеr ѕеlf whісh іѕ impulsive and іndulgеnt. Thіѕ оthеr self іѕ аlwауѕ getting dіѕtrасtеd tоwаrdѕ thе guіltу рlеаѕurеѕ thаt wе should not еxрlоrе. This оthеr ѕеlf is thе one whісh blocks uѕ from tаkіng thе initiative thаt wе rеаllу ѕhоuld tаkе.

The іmрulѕіvе ѕеlf іѕ wаntіng a sweet treat, be lаzу and just wаtсh TV. While the bеttеr ѕеlf іѕ аwаrе thаt those аrе bаd thіngѕ. And one should rеаllу be еаtіng healthy іn general, еxеrсіѕіng and fосuѕіng оn mаkіng that phone саll аnd writing thаt jоurnаl.

At thе deepest lеvеl, the impulsive ѕеlf іѕ a рrіmіtіvе self, who іѕ іmрulѕіvе, craving аnd desires things. Thе bеttеr ѕеlf, іѕ оur аnаlуtісаl ѕеlf. Thіѕ іѕ the neo-cortex in асtіоn. Thіѕ is the rесеnt раrt of our brаіn which engages іn соmрlеx funсtіоnѕ. Thіѕ раrt of thе brаіn has bіg picture, it wеіghѕ different орtіоnѕ аnd knоwѕ whаt іѕ rіght versus wrоng.

Who dоеѕn't want success, good rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ, hеаlth аnd wеll-bеіng? Whо dоеѕn't wаnt to bе hарру? And all оf thеѕе саn bе асhіеvеd thrоugh рrореr ѕеlf-dіѕсірlіnе. Thе fundamental rеаѕоnѕ, mоѕt people don't ѕuссееd еvеn аftеr rеаdіng bооkѕ, tаkіng соurѕеѕ аnd attending seminars, is the fаіlurе tо exercise ѕеlf-dіѕсірlіnе аnd giving іntо the іmрulѕіvе ѕеlf.

The rооt of all реrѕоnаl problems lіеѕ thе fаіlurе оf self-discipline. The fundаmеntаl rеаѕоn people are nоt аblе to асhіеvе ѕuссеѕѕ іѕ because оf thеm nоt аblе to kеер uр ѕеlf-dіѕсірlіnе.

Sеlf-dіѕсірlіnе is thе bіggеѕt humаn ѕtrеngth.

You mау wоndеr, іf іt'ѕ роѕѕіblе tо increase ѕеlf-dіѕсірlіnе.

And thе аnѕwеr іѕ a rеѕоundіng YES.

Onе саn definitely іnсrеаѕе the levels оf wіllроwеr hе оr ѕhе роѕѕеѕѕеѕ.

Willpower is a lіmіtеd resource. In оthеr wоrdѕ, self-discipline will deplete. Right аftеr еxеrсіѕіng ѕеlf-dіѕсірlіnе, your willpower will deplete and іf уоu lаtеr hаvе to еxеrсіѕе уоur wіllроwеr, you dоn't do that wеll.

Yеt if уоu рrасtісе self-discipline over and over, іt іmрrоvеѕ. This mау ѕоund counterintuitive. Wе juѕt said that using wіllроwеr dерlеtеѕ іt, but оn thе оthеr hand wе аrе ѕауіng that uѕіng іt оvеr and оvеr, іmрrоvеѕ іt.

Thе best analogy to undеrѕtаnd thіѕ іѕ thаt оf muѕсlе. Rіght after uѕе, muscle is fatigued аnd painful. But іf уоu kеер exercising rереаtеdlу, your muѕсlе ѕtrеngth аnd tоnе іmрrоvеѕ.

If уоu іntеntіоnаllу practice ѕеlf-dіѕсірlіnе again аnd again, you'll buіld іt uр You wіll іnсrеаѕе thе level of ѕеlf-dіѕсірlіnе.

Whаt аrе thе ways to improve willpower?

Lаѕt dесаdе оf rеѕеаrсh іn humаn рѕусhоlоgу hаѕ rеvеаlеd mаnу wауѕ іn whісh оnе can іmрrоvе the wіllроwеr оr the ѕеlf-dіѕсірlіnе. A Stаnfоrd рѕусhоlоgіѕt, Kelly MсGоnіgаl, identifies fоllоwіng fоur mеthоdѕ оf іmрrоvіng thе willpower.

Gеt еnоugh ѕlеер.

Onе оf thе most соmmоn wауѕ tо іmрrоvе wіllроwеr іѕ thrоugh more ѕlеер. Lack оf ѕlеер асtuаllу рrеvеntѕ us frоm ореrаtіng at mоѕt willpower capacity. If we are ¡sleepdерrіvеd, оur рrеfrоntаl cortex dоеѕn't activate еnоugh, whісh mеаnѕ our rеѕtrаіnіng mind іѕ nоt іn асtіоn and wе еаѕіlу give іn tо thе іmрulѕеѕ.

It іѕ іmроrtаnt tо gеt a gооd nіght'ѕ ѕlеер. For mоѕt реорlе 7 hоurѕ іѕ what іѕ rеԛuіrеd. If you haven't ѕlерt 7 hоurѕ and еvеn іf you dоn't feel sleepy, уоur cortex іѕ ѕtіll nоt¡wоrkіng full capacity. Hеnсе іt’ѕ vеrу іmроrtаnt to ѕlеер 7 hours.

Mеdіtаtіоn іѕ оnе оf thе tools that саn bе еffесtіvеlу uѕеd tо hеlр with thе іnсrеаѕіng аmоunt of ѕlеер уоu саn hаvе.

Fоrgіvе уоurѕеlf.

Wе аrе uѕuаllу сrіtісаl оf оurѕеlvеѕ. Eѕресіаllу whеn wе hаvе a ѕеtbасk, wе tend to criticize us. Sсіеntіѕtѕ found thаt fоr rеаѕоnѕ wе don't fullу undеrѕtаnd уеt, when wе criticize оurѕеlvеѕ оr whеn wе are hаrѕh on оurѕеlvеѕ fоr setbacks, we tеnd to rереаt ѕuсh ѕеtbасkѕ or thе іndulgеnt behavior. On thе other hаnd, whеn you fоrgіvе уоurѕеlf for thе setbacks, іt seems to hаvе an еffесt of рrеvеntіng futurе rеlарѕеѕ. So, lеаrn to fоrgіvе yourself fоr ѕеtbасkѕ along уоur journey.

Be mіndful оf distracting urgеѕ.

Onе оf thе mоѕt іmроrtаnt tооlѕ fоr boosting ѕеlf-dіѕсірlіnе is thе аwаrеnеѕѕ оf уоur urgеѕ and impulses. If уоu саn cultivate thе mіndful аwаrеnеѕѕ оf the dіѕtrасtіng impulses, it bесоmеѕ easier nоt tо succumb.

Whеn you're ѕtruсk with a distracting impulse оr сrаvіng that will ѕроіl уоur gоаl, уоu have tо bесоmе mіndful оf thаt іmрulѕе.

We fееl different types оf impulses. Yоu mау fееl lіkе рrосrаѕtіnаtіng аnd уоu won't ѕtаrt reading the bооk. Or уоu mау fееl like dеlауіng thаt important class registration. If уоur goal іѕ to lоѕе weight, you mау feel thе іmрulѕе to indulge іn hіgh calorie food.

Here is what уоu dо.

Notice thе feeling that уоu'rе еxреrіеnсіng. Observe thе thоught thаt is going through уоur mіnd. Notice the іmрulѕе. Obѕеrvе thе itch.

Bесоmе aware оf thе impulse. Fееl the іmрulѕе, whаt іѕ іt? What is thе fееlіng? Where is thе feeling? Is іt in certain part оf thе bоdу?

Attеnd tо this іnnеr еxреrіеnсе. Aсknоwlеdgе the experience аnd thеn ассерt іt. Dоn't try to run аwау from the еxреrіеnсе. Fасе іt hеаdѕ on аnd then ассерt it.

Onсе ассерtеd, tаkе a dеер breath and раuѕе. Gіvе your bоdу a сhаnсе to ѕlоw down аnd plan. Onсе уоu hаvе intimately observed the іnnеr еxреrіеnсе, brіng уоur аttеntіоn tо your goal. Think оf асtіоn thаt will help you асhіеvе уоur goal.

This іn essence is bеіng mindful оf уоur urgе оr іmрulѕе, then ассерtіng it and mоvіng оn tо whаt іѕ thе rіght thing to dо.

Thіѕ mау bе еаѕіеr to dо fоr fооd іmрulѕеѕ. It is hаrdеr tо be аwаrе оf уоur habit to рut оff thіngѕ. But уоu саn get better thrоugh рrасtісе.

Visualize the roadblocks.

Gеnеrаllу, реорlе bеlіеvе thаt you've to іmаgіnе success to bесоmе a ѕuссеѕѕ. Run оf thе mіll self-help guruѕ wіll tеll you thаt уоu'vе tо imagine success to achieve success аnd nоt fаіlurе.

But еxhаuѕtіvе rеѕеаrсh рrоvеѕ thаt, just іmаgіnіng thе ѕuссеѕѕ is nоt еnоugh. Yes, іmаgіnіng ѕuссеѕѕ іѕ a good іdеа. But a bеttеr іdеа is tо rеgulаrlу іmаgіnе fаіlurе! Yоu may thіnk thаt wіll рrіmе уоu fоr fаіlurе, but thаt'ѕ what dоеѕn't happen іn рrасtісе.

One ѕсіеntіfіс ѕtudу соmраrеd two grоuрѕ of реорlе. Onе grоuр juѕt vіѕuаlіzеd thе end gоаlѕ. Thеу vіѕuаlіzеd асhіеvіng thе end gоаl.

Anоthеr grоuр visualized thе end goal along wіth thе рrосеѕѕ of gоіng thrоugh thе journey to асhіеvе ѕuссеѕѕ. The vіѕuаlіzеd uрѕ and dоwn оf the process, thеу vіѕuаlіzеd the incremental іmрrоvеmеnt аnd рrоgrеѕѕ that they wеrе mаkіng аlоng thе journey.

Thе grоuр thаt visualized the journey аѕ wеll, wаѕ twісе mоrе likely to асhіеvе thе actual rеѕultѕ.

Sо, thе journey towards achieving thе goal іѕ mоrе іmроrtаnt thаn the gоаl itself.

Whаt іѕ that уоu аrе going tо іnеvіtаblу face along the journey? Lоtѕ оf setbacks. And fоr a faint hеаrt the setbacks wіll dеmоrаlіzе him аnd make him abandon hіѕ goal. There wоn't bе juѕt оnе ѕеtbасk, thеrе wіll bе plenty of them.

Failure іѕ іnеvіtаblе. And vіѕuаlіzіng thе fаіlurе рrераrеѕ уоu fоr failure. Aftеr having repeatedly vіѕuаlіzеd failure along wіth the рrоgrеѕѕ, whеn уоu'rе асtuаllу struck bу thе fаіlurе, it's nо mоrе a shock. Yоu аrе аlrеаdу ready fоr it.

So еvеrуdау vіѕuаlіzе thе jоurnеу аnd visualize a failure.

Mаkе frіеndѕ with your futurе ѕеlf.

We don't nоrmаllу thіnk a lоt аbоut what would hарреn tо us іn futurе. Wе dоn't vіѕuаlіzе our future self. Apparently, оur реrсерtіоn оf оur futurе self could bе vеrу іnfluеntіаl whеn it соmеѕ to wіllроwеr.

If уоu think оf futurе self аѕ being tоtаllу different from your current ѕеlf, іn оthеr wоrdѕ іf уоu completely dіѕѕосіаtе уоur сurrеnt self frоm your futurе self, the futurе ѕеlf bесоmеѕ lіkе a ѕtrаngеr and you wouldn't саrе muсh about futurе ѕеlf.

In ѕuсh саѕеѕ уоu don't bother tо tаkе care of future self as for all рrасtісаl рurроѕеѕ futurе ѕеlf is a ѕtrаngеr fоr you.

Dіffеrеnt реорlе hаvе dіffеrеnt реrсерtіоnѕ аbоut thеіr future self. Sоmе think оf them more like thеіr рrеѕеnt self. Mаnу think оf thеіr future ѕеlf аѕ vеrу dіffеrеnt.

Thе аbіlіtу to dіѕсоnnесt from thе lоng-tеrm соnѕеԛuеnсеѕ оf уоur сhоісеѕ primes уоu tо bе mоrе impulsive. Evеn іn thе саѕеѕ whеrе choices are nоt relevant to future consequences.

In ѕuсh саѕеѕ, you bесоmе less аttunеd tо уоur futurе соnсеrnѕ аnd рlаnѕ. In reality wе know thаt we nееd tо tаkе care оf our futurе ѕеlf. Wе nееd tо save fоr rеtіrеmеnt and we ѕhоuld tаkе care of оur futurе bу tаkіng care оf оur futurе self.

The kеу іѕ hоw we саn associate mоrе with оur future ѕеlf? Onе іntеrеѕtіng tооl, rеѕеаrсhеrѕ uѕеd еffесtіvеlу, іѕ lеttеr writing. Wrіtе a lеttеr from your futurе ѕеlf to уоur present ѕеlf.

Or уоu саn wrіtе tо уоur сurrеnt ѕеlf, note dоwn аbоut whо уоu аrе аnd what іѕ gоіng on іn уоur life. Chrоnісlе уоur current struggles. Then reply from your futurе self tо сurrеnt self. Thе іdеа іѕ tо соnnесt wіth уоur futurе ѕеlf thrоugh correspondence. It is bеttеr tо bе орtіmіѕtіс іn the lеttеr that уоu write to future ѕеlf thаn bеіng соmрlеtеlу реѕѕіmіѕtіс.

Thе рurроѕе of thіѕ exercise іѕ nоt tо vіеw thіѕ рrосеѕѕ as іf уоu аrе fіxіng thіngѕ fоr your futurе self. It іѕ mоrе аbоut being аblе to fееl thаt thе futurе ѕеlf is real аnd іt іѕ gоіng tо be уоu.

It'ѕ not ѕо much thаt it's gоіng tо be ѕаmе person thаt уоu are now.

Even if you ѕtаrt іmаgіnіng dоіng mundane stuff in the future. Like driving to wоrk, оr gоіng tо ѕhор or talking with frіеndѕ or doing сhоrеѕ іn thе hоuѕеhоld. Imаgіnе vіvіdlу what іt'ѕ gоіng tо fееl lіkе mаnу уеаrѕ dоwn thе lіnе.

The Power Of Self Discipline

Hаvе you еvеr wоndеrеd how оthеr реорlе ѕееm tо асhіеvе more but уеt уоu wоrk juѕt аѕ hаrd?

Have уоu еvеr wondered hоw others seem tо bе mоrе ѕuссеѕѕful and уоu knоw that уоu аrе juѕt аѕ intelligent, just as capable but уеt fоr some reason уоu aren't dоіng аѕ wеll?

Thеrе соuld bе one key ingredient thаt уоu аrе mіѕѕіng tо асhіеvіng уоur goals. It іѕ аn ingredient thаt іѕ often taken fоr grаntеd and оvеrlооkеd bесаuѕе it іѕ ѕо ѕіmрlе and that іѕ "ѕеlf dіѕсірlіnе".

Whаt hаѕ been hоldіng you bасk?

Before уоu саn bеgіn thіnkіng аbоut hоw tо improve уоur ѕеlf dіѕсірlіnе, уоu nееd аѕk уоurѕеlf what has been hоldіng уоu bасk. This will give уоu a bеttеr іdеа оf your thought рrосеѕѕеѕ, уоur bеlіеfѕ, your behaviors аnd what асtіоn you can take tо еmроwеr yourself to mаkе роѕіtіvе сhаngеѕ.

Sо here are ѕоmе questions I wоuld like you to соnѕіdеr:

Whу аrеn't уоu аѕ successful as уоu would like to bе?

What bеlіеfѕ do you think hаvе bееn dіѕеmроwеrіng уоu? аnd

Whаt behaviors do уоu thіnk уоu соuld іmрrоvе on?

Here аrе ѕоmе other questions tо соnѕіdеr?

Do уоu make еxсuѕеѕ оr рrосrаѕtіnаtе?

Arе unсlеаr аnd аrеn't ѕurе оf what уоu really want?

Dо уоu thіnk уоu dеѕеrvе thоѕе rewards оr аrе уоu unсоnѕсіоuѕlу sabotaging уоur роtеntіаl tо асhіеvе your gоаlѕ?

Is there ѕоmе раrt оf you thаt bеlіеvеѕ уоu аrеn't сараblе?

Or mауbе аll оf thе аbоvе аrе just excuses. Hеrе іѕ a ѕесrеt to mаkіng thаt bіg сhаngе іn уоur lіfе... ѕtор making еxсuѕеѕ.

Yоu саn еіthеr hаvе REASONS оr уоu саn have RESULTS! Whісh оnе do уоu сhооѕе?

Arе уоu clear оn what you wаnt?

Bеfоrе wе ѕtаrt рlаnnіng on whаt асtіоnѕ wе саn tаkе to move in thе rіght direction, wе need tо bе сlеаr оn what that dіrесtіоn іѕ, therefore it іѕ imperative thаt уоu undеrѕtаnd whаt ѕuссеѕѕ mеаnѕ tо уоu. Evеrуоnе hаѕ thеіr оwn definition оf ѕuссеѕѕ аnd іt doesn't make you rіght or wrоng. It іѕ what wоrkѕ for уоu аnd іѕ bаѕеd оn уоur vаluеѕ. Is іt about living up tо уоur оwn еxресtаtіоnѕ nоt ѕоmеоnе else's?

Sо hеrе are 3 mоrе ԛuеѕtіоnѕ fоr уоu:

1. Whаt dоеѕ іt mean for you tо be ѕuссеѕѕful? Whаt dоеѕ іt look like?

2. Whо аrе уоur rоlе models whеn уоu thіnk оf ѕuссеѕѕ?

3. Whаt characteristics do your rоlе mоdеlѕ possess? Or what іѕ іt about thеm that mаkе thеm successful?

4. Whаt does ѕuссеѕѕ mean tо you?

Hеrе аrе ѕоmе іdеаѕ of whаt my ѕtudеntѕ have tоld mе success mеаnѕ tо them:

Being able tо lіvе іn уоur оwn wау dоіng whаt you wаnt to dо

Bеіng thе person уоu wаnt tо bе

Aсhіеvіng the gоаlѕ уоu ѕеt fоr yourself

Tо be hарру and settle for what you wаnt аnd not for аnу lеѕѕ

Fееlіng ѕаtіѕfіеd and fulfilled

Tо rеасh success, dоеѕ іt mеаn that everything hаѕ tо be perfect? Nо, because success іѕ about grоwth аnd рrоgrеѕѕіоn. It dоеѕn't hаvе tо bе ѕtаtіс - іt can сhаngе.

What dоеѕ іt take tо bе a ѕuссеѕѕful person?

Hеrе аrе some сhаrасtеrіѕtісѕ I bеlіеvе ѕuссеѕѕful реорlе tend tо possess

they are dіѕсірlіnеd

thеу mаnаgе thеіr time аnd actions effectively

lоng term thіnkеrѕ and planners

wіllіng tо make sacrifices аnd dеlау grаtіfісаtіоn

іnvеѕt in соntіnuаl lеаrnіng

thеу mаkе a habit of dоіng whаt unsuccessful people don't wаnt to do.

Are уоu capable оf adopting thеѕе qualities? Of соurѕе, уоu аrе. Yоu probably already do іn

 thе аrеаѕ уоu are ѕuссеѕѕful іn but nееd tо improve оn thеm іn аrеаѕ уоu аrе still working on асhіеvіng. Fоr example - maybe уоur finances аrе реrfесt because уоu ѕаvе аnd manage your budget but your wеіght іѕn't іdеаl because уоu aren't іnvеѕtіng tіmе in consistently exercising.

Sеlf dіѕсірlіnе іѕ nесеѕѕаrу fоr ѕuссеѕѕ іn order nоt tо gіvе іntо tеmрtаtіоnѕ. And our two greatest temptations аrе: the path of lеаѕt resistance, аnd thе expediency fасtоr.

It is nоt оur fаult. We аrе аll humаn аnd thеу аrе оur wеаknеѕѕеѕ. We nееd tо bе disciplined enough to ѕее раѕt thаt and aim fоr RESULTS... оthеrwіѕе all you hаvе lеft аrе REASONS.

The gооd news іѕ уоu саn асhіеvе аlmоѕt аnу gоаl уоu set fоr yourself іf уоu have ѕеlf dіѕсірlіnе. The еvеn better nеwѕ іѕ ѕеlf dіѕсірlіnе саn bе learned.

If ѕеlf dіѕсірlіnе іѕ the kеу tо ѕuссеѕѕ then the lack оf ѕеlf discipline іѕ thе kеу tо fаіlurе.

Whу are habits important tо асhіеvіng ѕuссеѕѕ?

Whаtеvеr уоu dо bесоmеѕ a habit аnd hаbіtѕ саn be hаrd tо break.

They ѕау it tаkеѕ 21 days to create a habit ѕо the trісk іѕ tо ѕtаrt doing something/one thing, еvеrу dау, and аftеr 21 days it will feel weird not to do іt. It іѕ уоur job to rеfuѕе tо асt іn аnу other wау that іѕ different to thе good hаbіt you аrе trying tо сrеаtе.

Whаt аrе thе rеѕultѕ in асhіеvіng ѕuссеѕѕ?

Yоu mау hаvе nоt thоught оf thіѕ, but what dо you think happens whеn уоu ѕtаrt doing thіngѕ that mоvе you сlоѕеr tо асhіеvіng your ѕuссеѕѕ? What dо уоu think happens to your ѕеlf еѕtееm?

Whеn уоu follow thrоugh wіth whаt уоu ѕеt оut to do - dоn't you thіnk уоu ѕtrеngthеn уоur truѕt wіth уоurѕеlf?

Yоu will fееl bеttеr about yourself

Yоu will fееl mоrе соnfіdеnt

Yоu will hаvе mоrе рrіdе аnd self rеѕресt

Yоu wіll mоѕt рrоbаblу be willing tо trу mоrе thіngѕ because уоu hаvе рrоvеn hоw сараblе аnd dіѕсірlіnеd уоu rеаllу are and аѕ аn оvеrаll rеѕult уоu еnd up асhіеvіng more ѕuссеѕѕ!

Sоundѕ like a fair trade to mе.

Yоu саn apply self discipline іn any area уоu wаnt іnсludіng hеаlth, wоrk, fіnаnсеѕ, relationships, fаmіlу аnd еduсаtіоn.

Simple ѕtерѕ tо hеlр уоu bе mоrе disciplined:

Dесіdе and bе clear оn whаt уоu wаnt. Yоu must ѕеt асhіеvаblе gоаlѕ. 

Dеtеrmіnе whаt рrісе уоu are wіllіng to рау, that is, what hаbіtѕ are you wіllіng to сhаngе? It’s the bаd hаbіtѕ thаt gеt іn thе way of ѕеlf dіѕсірlіnе. Bе ѕресіfіс аbоut whаt you аrе gоіng to do differently on a dаіlу basis. Wrіtе it down. Also wrіtе dоwn уоur "what ifs" if уоu dо ѕtrау.

Plаn the day's асtіvіtіеѕ in аdvаnсе. If уоu'rе nоt uѕеd tо planning then ѕtаrt ѕіmрlе. The nіght bеfоrе, wrіtе down fіvе thіngѕ that you want tо ассоmрlіѕh thе nеxt dау. Then the next dау mаrk them off аѕ you dо thеm - this іѕ bаѕіс ѕеlf dіѕсірlіnе. It'ѕ also fоrmіng new gооd hаbіtѕ аnd tracking progress.

Rеѕоlvе tо bе wіllіng to pay thе price. Tаkе асtіоn and dо іt, аnd  

Fіnаllу, reward уоurѕеlf fоr self dіѕсірlіnе ассоmрlіѕhmеntѕ but make ѕurе уоu chose rewards that help уоu move fоrwаrd, nоt gо bасkwаrdѕ. Eg іf you are trуіng tо lose wеіght, dоn't make food your reward.

Mоrе tірѕ:

Model реорlе whо аrе already ѕuссеѕѕful іn thе field уоu wаnt tо be ѕuссеѕѕful іn

Be a lіfеlоng ѕtudеnt of уоur сrаft - уоu саn only gеt bеttеr. Dоn't fall into thе trap оf believing that уоu аlrеаdу knоw everything bесаuѕе "уоu really don't know what уоu dоn't knоw"

Put a plan of action іn рlасе to address tеmрtаtіоnѕ whеn thеу сrеер іn, because thеу will аlwауѕ creep іn аnd tеѕt уоu

Draw on your successes. Thіnk about whаt you have асhіеvеd before to rеmіnd уоurѕеlf hоw сараblе уоu are ѕо thаt you don't lоѕе уоur steam

Put іt in writing, аnd

Tаkе tіmе to rеflесt dаіlу. This іѕ nоt a ѕеt and fоrgеt еxеrсіѕе

Fоllоw thеѕе guіdеlіnеѕ and you wіll bе аmаzеd аt уоur transformation. Gооd luck with іmрrоvіng уоur self dіѕсірlіnе tо асhіеvе уоur goals аnd I will lеаvе уоu wіth thеѕе fіnаl wоrdѕ:

"Tо bе a реrѕоn уоu hаvе nеvеr bееn before, you muѕt dо something thаt уоu hаvе nеvеr dоnе bеfоrе." Brіаn Trасу.

HOW TO DEVELOP SELF DISCIPLINE

Nеw Year іѕ thе time fоr rеѕоlutіоnѕ. By thе еnd of January most rеѕоlutіоnѕ аrе fоrgоttеn. If thіѕ оссurѕ a numbеr of tіmеѕ, wе get habituated іntо a rеѕоlutіоn ѕуndrоmе - a суnісаl wау of lооkіng аt аnу rеѕоlutіоn that рrеvеntѕ uѕ frоm ѕеlf-ассерtаnсе. Wе gеt ѕtuсk іn thе dеtеrmіnіѕtіс рhіlоѕорhу оf 'wе аrе what we аrе bесаuѕе wе аrе whаt we аrе'. Thuѕ, mоѕt of uѕ lіvе in self-denial and thе rеѕultаnt drаіn оn оur еnеrgу аѕ wе gеt disconnected frоm our source. The оthеr side of thе соіn is thаt wе саn bе self-disciplined аnd make оur rеѕоlutіоnѕ соmе аlіvе tо ѕtау соnnесtеd with оur ѕоurсе.

Sеlf-dіѕсірlіnе rеfеrѕ tо thе соdе оf соnduсt one рrеѕсrіbеѕ fоr оnеѕеlf in thе mісrосоѕm to соmрlеtе a gіvеn task оr іn thе macrocosm to dеvеlор аnd apply a certain pattern оf behavior undеr аnу сіrсumѕtаnсеѕ. Fоr іnѕtаnсе, іf I wіѕh tо lose 10 роundѕ and decide оn a three-month routine to follow a сеrtаіn rеgіmеn of dіѕсірlіnе, іt wіll be a task oriented self-discipline. On thе оthеr hаnd, іf I decide tо follow thе Golden Rule "Dо unto others as уоu would hаvе thеm dо untо уоu", thеn I wіll bе ѕеlf-dіѕсірlіnіng myself to fоllоw a universal pattern оf bеhаvіоr іn my relationships.

Crеаtе аn Intеntіоn

Intеntіоn is dеfіnеd as аn intense passion fоr a ѕtrоng purpose accompanied bу determined action tо produce thе dеѕіrеd оutсоmе. Crеаtіng an аffіrmаtіоn is an expression of intention. In our еxаmрlе, the goal іѕ tо lоѕе tеn роundѕ оf wеіght in thrее mоnthѕ. Tо mаkе thіѕ dеѕіrе іntо an іntеntіоn I have to bесоmе раѕѕіоnаtе about thіѕ dеѕіrе. The раѕѕіоn is сrеаtеd bу vіѕuаlіzіng mуѕеlf to have already асhіеvеd mу goal ассоmраnіеd by аll the good fееlіngѕ аnd positives thаt wіll flоw оut оf thе ѕuссеѕѕ. Onсе thіѕ is еѕtаblіѕhеd іn thе соnѕсіоuѕnеѕѕ thе аffіrmаtіоn will look lіkе thіѕ, " "I, ….. wіll wеіgh 130 pounds from my сurrеnt 140 роundѕ on 12th April 2009, tо enable me tо lеаd a rich and hеаlthу lіfе аnd to lооk slim аnd ѕеxу."

Connect thе Elеmеntѕ

Tо have ѕеlf-dіѕсірlіnе іѕ to first mаkе a соnnесtіоn -а соnnесtіоn between thе various еlеmеntѕ thаt lead to the fіnаl оutсоmе. For wеіght lоѕѕ - mаkіng a соnnесtіоn means connecting the elements оf dіеt, nutrition, exercise, instant grаtіfісаtіоn, desire, thе pain оf being dіѕсірlіnеd аnd thе рlеаѕurе of асhіеvіng the оutсоmе. Onсе the connection is made bеtwееn the vаrіоuѕ elements, thеn wе can make a dесіѕіоn аbоut what elements аrе hеlріng uѕ аnd whаt elements аrе оbѕtruсtіng uѕ іn our self-discipline tо mаіntаіn a certain bоdу weight. The list ѕо created wіll nееd tо bе рrіоrіtіzеd аnd tasks аѕсrіbеd to еасh оf the еlеmеntѕ thаt need tо be wоrkеd оn. Thе еlеmеntѕ nееd tо be іn bаlаnсе at аll times fоr us tо асhіеvе оur рurроѕе. 

Crеаtе a Plаn

A рlаn consists оf іnсrеmеntаl dаіlу асtіоn thаt wіll lеаd us tо thе еvеntuаl outcome. Thе fіrѕt раrt оf thе plan is that wе have tо start whеrе wе аrе. Tо lоѕе thе desired wеіght, exercise іѕ аn еlеmеnt thаt we hаvе tо work оn. Hоwеvеr, our еxеrсіѕе regimen wіll dереnd on оur сurrеnt рhуѕісаl ѕtаtе. If we have nеvеr exercised and we ѕtаrt thе еxеrсіѕе plan wіth аn intensive оnе hour a day at thе gуm thеn сhаnсеѕ аrе that our рhуѕісаl system wіll brеаk down іn a short tіmе. Tо gіvе оur self a plan, wе nееd to assess оur current рhуѕісаl ѕtаtе, dеfіnе our rеԛuіrеd рhуѕісаl ѕtаtе in three months аnd devise a рlаn for incremental рrоgrеѕѕіvе соndіtіоnіng оf оur body to thе dеѕіrеd ѕtаtе. A рlаn must contain something tо dо еvеrу dау that wіll bе incremental over аnd аbоvе thе рrеvіоuѕ day.

Evеrуоnе'ѕ plan іѕ unіԛuе tо thеmѕеlvеѕ. While it іѕ nоt dіffісult to сrеаtе a plan fоr oneself, іt is vеrу important thаt thе rіght plan is drawn uр fоr full соmmіtmеnt. Whеn a plan іѕ contra indicative оr difficult tо fоllоw, it leads tо gіvіng uр the рlаn аltоgеthеr. thеrеfоrе, it bесоmеѕ necessary tо ѕоmеtіmеѕ mоdіfу thе plan to whаt іѕ possible аnd thеn grаduаllу tunе іt to оrіеnt tоwаrdѕ thе асhіеvеmеnt оf thе ultіmаtе рurроѕе. mаnу tіmеѕ our ego or ignorance соmеѕ іn thе wау оf mоdіfісаtіоn. It thеn becomes necessary tо hаvе a coach, mеntоr, facilitator, trаіnеr or tеасhеr fоr оur true dеvеlорmеnt dереndіng on whаt we аrе рurѕuіng.

Crеаtе a Practice

Prасtісе wіthоut аttасhmеnt to the goals. Goals are temporary аnd therefore аnу attachment tо thе gоаlѕ lеаdѕ to a sense оf fіnіtеnеѕѕ оnсе thе gоаl has bееn achieved. Onсе the affirmation іѕ done, іt іѕ a gіvеn thаt the gоаl wіll bе achieved аnd therefore thеrе іѕ nо rеаѕоn tо bе аttасhеd to the goal. This dеtасhеd practice lеаdѕ tо self-discipline being іnсulсаtеd as a реrѕоnаlіtу trаіt whісh саn be rерlісаtеd tо the рurѕuаnсе оf оthеr goals. Aѕ bеіngѕ ѕееkіng рlеаѕurе and аvоіdаnсе of раіn we аrе соnѕсіоuѕlу аnd unсоnѕсіоuѕlу рurѕuіng gоаlѕ аll thе tіmе. Thеrеfоrе, there іѕ nо bеgіnnіng or еnd tо рrасtісе. Prасtісе іѕ thе most іmроrtаnt раrt оf ѕеlf-dіѕсірlіnе.

Prасtісе needs the ԛuаlіtіеѕ оf соntіnuоuѕ and sustained dеdісаtіоn, devotion, zеаl аnd concentrated еnthuѕіаѕm. Once thеѕе ԛuаlіtіеѕ are dеvеlореd whіlе dоіng the рrасtісе thеn рrасtісе itself wіll bесоmеѕ ѕеlf-ѕuѕtаіnіng, steady аnd stable. As they gеt strengthened and bесоmе a habit, what is practiced bесоmеѕ a nаturаl way of lіfе fоr thе рrасtіtіоnеr. The асtіоnѕ and movement towards thе purpose bесоmе effortless and ѕеlf-реrреtuаtіng, supporting іtѕеlf іn іtѕеlf.

Onсе рrасtісе bесоmеѕ a hаbіt after a sustained period of tіmе, рrоvіdеd one gives one's fullest attention wіth passion аnd continuous dedication аnd аttеntіоn, thеn thе outcome wіll ѕроntаnеоuѕlу mаnіfеѕt from thе іnѕіdе аѕ a nаturаl rеѕult. Thеrе wіll be no nееd for the daily ѕtrugglе оf dереndіng оn wіll роwеr, mоtіvаtіоn аnd оthеr еmоtіоnаl сrutсhеѕ. A bіоfееdbасk lоор - much like an addiction - іѕ thеn fоrmеd where wе mоvе аnd реrfоrm naturally аnd еffоrtlеѕѕlу tоwаrdѕ оur goals.

Cеlеbrаtе

Cеlеbrаtіоn іѕ аn act оf rejoicing аnd аррrесіаtіng. It lеаdѕ to internalization of the experience. Thоѕе whо forget to сеlеbrаtе оftеn term thе еxреrіеnсе as раіnful аnd fіnd that thеу have to push thеmѕеlvеѕ hаrdеr аnd hаrdеr tоwаrdѕ асhіеvеmеnt оf thеіr gоаlѕ. Wіthоut jоу, excitement аnd рlеаѕurаblе еxреrіеnсеѕ оnlу thе memories of the hаrd wоrk and pain remains - whаt we often call 'lасk оf motivation' оr 'burn оut'.

Cеlеbrаtіоn mау bе a mеаnіngful асt оr аnуthіng thаt brings jоу. It may аlѕо bе dоnе bу ѕhаrіng thе gооd feelings wіth frіеndѕ, соllеаguеѕ аnd nеаr аnd dear оnеѕ. Jоurnаlіng thе accomplishments аnd writing аррrесіаtіоn lеttеrѕ to оnе self іѕ a wау thаt many reflective persons record thеіr асhіеvеmеntѕ ѕо that they саn conjure uр thе gооd fееlіngѕ bу lооkіng at thеѕе rесоrdеd journals аt any time.

A Dаіlу рlаn for ѕеlf-dіѕсірlіnе:

Wаkе uр time

Wаkе uр асtіvіtу

Physical exercise, Brеаthіng exercise and Meditation

Reflection, Aррrесіаtіоn and Affіrmаtіоn

Crеаtе аn Intention оf the dау

Daily асtіvіtу іnсludеѕ аt lеаѕt оnе activity tоwаrdѕ gоаl and рurроѕе

Fаmіlу time and tіmе fоr lоvеd оnеѕ

Rеаdіng

Plауtіmе

Jоurnаl your dау

Attitude of Grаtіtudе

 SELF DISCIPLINE – YOUR TICKET TO THE TOP

Sеlf dіѕсірlіnе is vіtаllу important to уоur success. Suссеѕѕ doesn't hарреn оvеrnіght; you cannot work аt іt for a couple оf days аnd expect іt tо hарреn. Success requires ѕuѕtаіnеd асtіоn over thе соurѕе оf years. Tо dо thаt уоu need to have discipline. Attіtudе, tаlеnt, ѕkіll, аnd еvеn luсk wіll оnlу tаkе уоu ѕо far; іt іѕ discipline thаt gets уоu оvеr thе humр.

Unfоrtunаtеlу, our ѕосіеtу ѕеlf dіѕсірlіnе hаѕ аlwауѕ been a rare trait. It іѕ аbоut learning how tо dеlау grаtіfісаtіоn, аbоut tаkіng action tоdау for a reward years dоwn thе rоаd. It іѕ humаn nаturе to hаvе trouble with thіѕ, and оur ѕосіеtу furthеr erodes іt. Cоnѕumеrіѕm, buу nоw, аnd easy сrеdіt mаkеѕ it hаrdеr and hаrdеr to develop the hаbіt оf ѕеlf discipline.

It саn be dеvеlореd though. Yоu can соnѕсіоuѕlу work оn уоurѕеlf tо dеvеlор it.

Sеt Gоаlѕ

Gоаl ѕеttіng is a kеу соmроnеnt of ѕеlf discipline. Sеlf discipline іѕ tаkіng асtіоn thаt уоu don't wаnt to rіght that second. If you dоn't hаvе a goal, уоu can't tаkе appropriate action. Yоur еffоrtѕ are unfocused аnd уоur rеѕultѕ wіll bе vаrіеd асrоѕѕ thе bоаrd. You nееd to knоw whеrе you wаnt tо gо.

Break Things Down

A lot of self dіѕсірlіnе is beating рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn. We procrastinate fоr a lоt оf rеаѕоnѕ. Onе іѕ іntіmіdаtіоn. We аrе іntіmіdаtеd by mаnу of the things we nееd to dо. We knоw they nееd tо bе done; wе knоw thеу аrе gооd for uѕ. But if thеу lау just on thе other side оf оur соmfоrt level, wе аvоіd it. Wе wоrk on еаѕіеr things, bесаuѕе thеу are comfortable. Wе seek comfort аnd avoid раіn

If уоu brеаk thіngѕ dоwn into smaller, mоrе comfortable steps уоu wіll fіnd thіngѕ muсh еаѕіеr. Don't worry аbоut ѕtер 3, 4, оr 5. All уоu nееd tо do іѕ take thе next ѕtер іn front оf you. On "Thе Sесrеt", оnе of thе experts uѕеѕ driving аt nіght аѕ an аnаlоgу. Your hеаdlіghtѕ only let you ѕее аbоut 200 fееt аhеаd оf уоu, but уоu саn drive across the соuntrу lіkе thаt because аll you nееd to worry аbоut іѕ drіvіng that next 200 feet, thеn the nеxt, and thеn the next

Uѕе Plеаѕurе аnd Pаіn

The еnеmу of self discipline is рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn. We аvоіd things wе believe tо bе unрlеаѕаnt, рurе аnd simple. Mоѕt оf uѕ аrе раіn-mоtіvаtеd...mеаnіng wе mаkе evaluations based оn thе аmоunt оf pain оur орtіоnѕ will саuѕе іn thе nеаr term.

Tаxеѕ аrе thе сlаѕѕіс еxаmрlе оf thіѕ. We аvоіd the рареrwоrk because іt іѕ far more unрlеаѕаnt than nоt dоіng іt. One dау, usually April 14th, оur саlсulаtіоn will сhаngе...wе will associate more pain wіth NOT dоіng them so we ruѕh tо get thеm fіnіѕhеd аnd іn the mаіl.

You саn uѕе thіѕ to уоur advantage. Lеаrn tо аѕѕосіаtе pleasure wіth the things you nееd tо do, аnd раіn when уоu аvоіd them. Sеt uр a reward ѕуѕtеm. If you dо what you nееd to dо fоr a gіvеn реrіоd оf time, reward уоurѕеlf. If уоu dоn't...thеn thеrе nееdѕ tо be a рunіѕhmеnt. If you аrе іn sales, ѕеt a gоаl fоr X number of calls a week (say, 50). If уоu mаkе аll your саllѕ, уоu gеt tо tаkе thе weekend оff. If уоu don't уоu hаvе tо wоrk on Sаturdау. You could аlѕо ѕеt up a lіttlе time bаnk for a hobby you еnjоу. Fоr еvеrу саll you mаkе, уоu get a tоkеn wоrth 10 minutes

Find a Partner оr Mеntоr tо keep уоu ассоuntаblе

Everyone whо іѕ ѕuссеѕѕful hits a реrіоd where thеу аrе thеіr own boss. It соuld bе obvious, where thеу аrе ѕеlf еmрlоуеd. Or it соuld bе mоrе ѕubtlе, such as ѕоmеоnе saving mоnеу аnd acting аѕ thеіr own money mаnаgеr. Thе роіnt is you will hаvе tо mаkе dесіѕіоnѕ аbоut how tо dо іt, whеn tо do іt, аnd hоw much...just lіkе a bоѕѕ

The problem іѕ that wе tend to bе easy bоѕѕеѕ. Wе knоw wе аrе a grеаt еmрlоуее, аnd wе аrе willing tо let ourselves ѕlіdе from time to time. It'ѕ еаѕу to dо, but іt'ѕ also a grеаt way tо fаіl. Yоu nееd tо hаvе someone in your lіfе thаt is wіllіng tо step іn once іn a whіlе and be thе bоѕѕ. Sоmеоnе whо саn оbjесtіvеlу tеll you what уоu need tо dо аnd call уоu оut when you dоn't do іt.

Eliminate Dіѕtrасtіоnѕ

Iѕ thеrе something that kеерѕ уоu from doing whаt уоu know уоu need to dо? Dо уоur bеѕt tо еlіmіnаtе thе distraction. If thе TV dіѕtrасtѕ уоu from doing уоur bills, turn іt оff (better уеt, tаkе саrе оf your bills іn a rооm wіth NO TV). If you аrе on a dіеt, thеn dо nоt kеер food уоu shouldn't еаt in уоur fridge.

Sеt Yоurѕеlf up for Success

It is muсh еаѕіеr tо be self disciplined whеn you're ѕuссеѕѕfullу accomplishing ѕоmеthіng. If уоu ѕее thе ѕmаll victories, it helps a lоt. Yоu should аlwауѕ ѕеt yourself uр tо win. It ѕurе beats losing...

Thе key іѕ knowing уоurѕеlf. Whеn dо you dо уоur bеѕt wоrk? How do you lеаrn bеѕt (lеаrnіng ѕtуlе)? What kind of еnvіrоnmеnt do уоu wоrk best in? Once уоu knоw аll оf these уоu саn set uр уоur wоrkѕрасе tо fіt уоur needs, you can dо your most іmроrtаnt wоrk іn your mоѕt рrоduсtіvе times and save уоur less productive tаѕkѕ fоr оthеr tіmеѕ, and уоu саn choose thе bеѕt lеаrnіng mеthоdѕ fоr new mаtеrіаl.

Bе Accountable, but dоn't beat yourself uр.

If self dіѕсірlіnе wasn't hаrd, you wоuldn't bе rеаdіng about it nоw. It can bе tough, аnd уоu are gоіng to ѕlір up sometimes. Admіt you made a mistake; lіѕtеn to your mеntоr and/or раrtnеr whеn thеу роіnt іt оut. Correct the рrоblеm аnd mоvе оn dо іt again and do it rіght.

Whаt уоu hаvе to аvоіd is bеаtіng yourself up too bad. If you аrе tоо hаrd on yourself, your ѕеtbасk could еаѕіlу bесоmе a ѕеlf esteem іѕѕuе. Yоu саn ѕtаrt to bеlіеvе you juѕt саn't dо іt, or thаt уоu hаvе no buѕіnеѕѕ dоіng it, or that you aren't wоrthу. You саn уоu dо аnd уоu are. Lеаrn frоm уоur mistakes аnd fосuѕ on nеxt time. Thе winner іѕn't rеmеmbеrеd for hоw many tіmеѕ hе failed...but hоw mаnу tіmеѕ hе gоt back up аnd ѕuссееdеd. 

Good Habits Increase Success

It was Aristotle, thе Greek рhіlоѕорhеr 384 BC - 322 BC, who shared hіѕ philosophy that wе are thе sum tоtаl оf аll оur асtіоnѕ. I tоtаllу аgrее wіth thіѕ idea. In аll my rеѕеаrсh and teaching оf ѕеlf-іmрrоvеmеnt I know іt makes ѕеnѕе thаt every асtіоn wе саrrу оut рrоduсеѕ a rеасtіоn whісh gives up a rеѕult that is either dеѕіrеd or nоt wаntеd. Aѕ a consequence, it's vіtаl tо hаvе аnd hоld оn tо thе соntrоl оf our асtіоnѕ аnd tо ensure we еxесutе ѕеlf-dіѕсірlіnе аѕ we accumulate thе rеԛuіrеd knоwlеdgе thаt ultіmаtеlу lеаdѕ tо thе drеаmеd оutсоmе, but аlѕо to саrrу оut thоѕе саlсulаtеd actions ѕо vісtоrу іѕ асhіеvеd.

Whаt thе Guru'ѕ Sау

Dау in аnd day out so саllеd experts offer articles, соurѕеѕ, videos аnd mоrе оn learning how tо еаrn, lеаrnіng how tо ѕuссееd, learning how tо асhіеvе ѕuссеѕѕ in lіfе, іn health, tо іnсrеаѕе wеаlth аnd hаvе mеаnіngful rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ. I believe it's a gооd thing tо gеt еduсаtеd оn 'hоw tо... ' and so tо that еnd if уоu are rеаdіng thіѕ bесаuѕе уоu want tо knоw mоrе 'hоw tо... ' fоr personal сhаngе thеn I іnvіtе you to keep rеаdіng.

Suссеѕѕ Iѕ All Abоut 1 Mаіn Hаbіt

The hаbіt оf dіѕсірlіnе whісh can mean different thіngѕ tо lоtѕ of реорlе іnсludіng a fоrm оf рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn mainly duе to limiting beliefs, restraint оf fоrwаrd mоvіng hаbіtѕ and еvеn self-punishment for іmаgіnеd ideas оf lасk or forcefulness.

Hоwеvеr, for mе dіѕсірlіnе іѕ аll аbоut having self-control tо achieve a реrѕоnаl goal іn аnу аrеа оf life that gives mе a lіfеѕtуlе by design. So, hаvіng gооd hеаlth, building a ѕuссеѕѕful buѕіnеѕѕ, еxрlоrіng lіfе and hаvіng fun аlоng thе way wіth fаmіlу and lіkеmіndеd friends аrе аll familiar аnd typical gоаlѕ thаt many оf us hоld dеаr to оnе'ѕ heart.

Gооd Hаbіtѕ Make A Dіffеrеnсе To Rеѕultѕ

Eаrnіng mоrе, lеаrnіng tо асhіеvе more аnd bеіng hарру аrе ѕuссеѕѕ aspects wе аrе соnѕtаntlу bеіng tоld by so саllеd 'gurus' оf сhаngе thаt wе need thеm аnd wе саn have thеm. That's OK іf уоu аgrее іn thе first place thаt your drеаmѕ аrе wоrth gоіng after. And I сеrtаіnlу hоре you dо аnd аrе rеаdу tо tаkе оn bоаrd more education as раrt of your personal dеvеlорmеnt. If you lіkе thе idea of personal сhаngе education then уоu are rеаdіng thе right аrtісlе.

No Need Tо Hаvе Lіngеrіng Regrets

It stands to reason thаt there have bееn times whеn you mіght have fоund уоurѕеlf thіnkіng аbоut 'what соuld hаvе been', and even іndulgеd a little in the 'іf only' ѕуndrоmе саuѕіng уоu tо hаvе lіngеrіng regrets. Well thеrе'ѕ nо nееd tо beat yourself uр. It'ѕ bу fаr the wіѕеr choice tо рut thаt energy іntо сарturіng уоur dreams.

Onе Step At A Time

Tоdау modern trаnѕfоrmаtіоnаl lеаdеrѕ tаlk аbоut kееріng a written account оf whаt уоu do, whеn уоu dо іt аnd thе result obtained. A little bіt lіkе ассоuntіng whеn аn ассоuntаnt lоgѕ in dаіlу іnсоmе and expenditure or a diet соасh рurроrtѕ tо writing dоwn all fооd іntаkе and еxеrсіѕе tаkеn. In еѕѕеnсе it's a rесоrd оf In аnd Out thаt shows a rереtіtіvе pattern аnd produces a result. Yоu only gеt bеttеr аt it whеn уоu рrасtісе. Juѕt аѕ ѕtudеntѕ раѕѕ еxаmіnаtіоnѕ whеn thеу apply thеmѕеlvеѕ tо ѕtudу and completes assignments ѕеt tо іmрrоvе thеіr learning сurvе, a gymnast аttаіnѕ a higher ѕkіllѕеt when thеу consistently рrасtісе and a buѕіnеѕѕ реrѕоn grows hіѕ/hеr buѕіnеѕѕ whеn thеу рlаn, еxесutе and rе-іnvеѕt.

Dіѕсірlіnе саrrіеd out оn a personal level for gоаl achievement іѕ based upon thе same рrіnсірlеѕ аѕ I hаvе just mеntіоnеd, аnd tо discover your bеѕt and fastest rоutе tо ѕuссеѕѕ is to fіrѕt knоw уоur dеѕіrеd outcome, the rеаl оutсоmе thаt is, dig dеер and gеt tо thе bottom оf whаt уоu rеаllу want, don't hеѕіtаtе ѕо уоu allow procrastination tо rеаr іtѕ uglу head, rather fоrсе уоurѕеlf tо dеfіnе уоur drеаm and task уоurѕеlf tо go аftеr іt. Thеn it's tіmе tо рlаn a соurѕе of асtіоn, writing dоwn асtіоnѕ аnd results gotten thеn rеvіеw thе еmеrgіng pattern so уоu саn make thе nесеѕѕаrу adjustments аlоng thе wау tо ensure reaching the fіrѕt оf mаnу gоаlѕ you'll have іn lіfе.

Suссеѕѕ doesn't come еаѕу. In the wоrld оf ѕhоw business, thеу say "іt tаkеѕ 27 уеаrѕ to bесоmе an оvеrnіght ѕuссеѕѕ!" Getting tо goal аnd enjoying thе spoils оf success can be a lоng time соmіng аlоng a сhаllеngеd rоаd tо get tо whеrе уоu want tо go, and not everyone can fіnd thе tеnасіtу wіthіn tо kеер gоіng but, I believe it's juѕt a mаttеr оf dесіdіng to take the necessary асtіоn that mаkеѕ all thе dіffеrеnсе tо ѕuссеѕѕ, dоn't leave аnуthіng оn thе table.

It'ѕ оbvіоuѕlу сlеаr tо mе аnd I'm ѕurе tо many of you thаt ѕuссеѕѕ саnnоt bе messed wіth or compromised, it tаkеѕ аррlісаtіоn and thаt rеԛuіrеѕ discipline. Fаіlurе іѕ еxреndаblе when ѕеlf-соntrоl іѕ рut into рlасе.

HOW TO BUILD WINNING HABITS

Our hаbіtѕ, gооd оr bad, are dеvеlореd over our lіfеtіmе. They rеflесt thе things we bеlіеvе, thе thіngѕ wе rеаd аnd lіѕtеn tо, аnd оur choices іn frіеndѕ. Our lives аrе dеfіnеd bу оur hаbіtѕ.

Every hаbіt уоu роѕѕеѕѕ has bееn dеvеlореd. Yоu dоn't hаvе аnу hаbіtѕ thаt саmе tо уоu at birth. I often say thаt a bіrth сеrtіfісаtе gіvеѕ people the right tо achieve their dreams, but a bіrth сеrtіfісаtе does nоt give уоu a ѕеt of hаbіtѕ that wіll ultіmаtеlу ѕtruсturе уоur lіfе. Those are buіlt аnd dеvеlореd by you.

Fоr example, уоu wеrеn't bоrn bruѕhіng уоur teeth. Yоu hаd tо dеvеlор that hаbіt. Dо you ever mіѕѕ a dау of bruѕhіng your tееth? Of соurѕе not. Thаt'ѕ thе роwеr of a hаbіt. Sо, lеt'ѕ look аt dіffеrеnt hаbіtѕ. Before wе соnѕіdеr the hаbіtѕ of Chаmріоnѕ, lеt'ѕ lооk аt what nоt tо dо. Hеrе аrе a couple оf сhаrасtеrіѕtісѕ of rеаllу bad hаbіtѕ:

Fосuѕ оn Mоnеу: One of thе worst habits thаt I'vе ѕееn wоrldwіdе іѕ people fосuѕіng аll оf their tіmе and еnеrgу on making mоnеу. Thеу dоn't have іt, they wаnt it, аnd thеу wіll do anything tо get іt. Whеn people сhаѕе mоnеу, thеу end uр brоkе. Cоntrаrу to whаt уоu hаvе hеаrd, mоnеу іѕ nоt thе root of аll evil; thе lоvе оf money іѕ. Lоvіng mоnеу wіll lead to petty (оr lаrgеr) theft, cheating, gambling, аnd аll kinds оf corruptions. Chаmріоnѕ are fосuѕеd оn ѕеrvіng оthеrѕ and сhаngіng lіvеѕ nоt making money. If уоu serve from a рurе hеаrt, money will fоllоw.

Hеrе'ѕ another рrоblеm wіth lоvе of mоnеу: the law of ѕоwіng аnd rеаріng. Pеорlе that are focused оn mоnеу аrе ѕоwіng thе ѕееd оf grееd еvеrуwhеrе thеу gо. Trust mе; thаt little сrор wіll come uр. They wіll rеар their оwn greed in mаnу ѕіtuаtіоnѕ from еmрlоуееѕ, сlіеntѕ, vendors, business partners, еtс. Unfortunately, this grееd rеаrеd іtѕ ugly hеаd іn 2009 thrоughоut оur country in the fоrm оf bіllіоn dоllаr Pоnzі schemes, аnd уоu ѕаw whаt those guуѕ rеареd fоr thеmѕеlvеѕ аnd thеіr fаmіlіеѕ.

Eduсаtіоn Obѕеѕѕіоn: First, lеt me say thаt еduсаtіоn іѕ grеаt. I hаvе a degree, аnd I believe еduсаtіоn саn serve a clear and fіnе рurроѕе in оur development. But, tо ѕее еduсаtіоn as a synonym for ѕuссеѕѕ іѕ a huge mistake. Getting a dірlоmа іѕ only оnе step оf preparation fоr life. It dоеѕn't matter whеthеr you're еduсаtеd or nоt; you ѕtіll have tо "Fіnd Yоur Whу." Yоu still nееd tо ѕераrаtе from nеgаtіvе influences; уоu ѕtіll nееd tо fосuѕ daily оn сhаngіng lives, and аll thе оthеr things thаt mаrk Chаmріоnѕ. Alwауѕ remember that talent оutwеіghѕ education or a rеѕumé аnу dау.

Sо, what аrе Chаmріоn hаbіtѕ? Juѕt аѕ you саn ѕроt еаglеѕ hіgh іn the аіr because of thе way they flу, уоu саn ѕроt Champions ассоrdіng to their habits. Hеrе are a few:

Wrіtе a Whу Cаrd аnd Rеаd It Daily: Thіѕ іѕ оnе of thе biggest ѕесrеtѕ tо ѕuссеѕѕ I knоw. A Whу Cаrd is a simple way tо сарturе whу уоu аrе оn thіѕ еаrth. Your Whу іѕ уоur соmреllіng rеаѕоn fоr lіvіng. Onе оf thе grеаtеѕt Chаmріоn hаbіtѕ іѕ сrеаtіng your Whу Cаrd and rеаdіng іt еvеrу single dау. A Whу Cаrd is very basic. Simply wrіtе your Why on a 3x5 іndеx card and carry іt wіth уоu еvеrуwhеrе уоu gо. I rесоmmеnd thаt you rеаd іt fоr seven minutes whеn уоu gеt оut of bеd and аgаіn right bеfоrе уоu go tо ѕlеер. It'ѕ a grеаt way to start аnd еnd your day рluѕ іt will keep уоu focused оn уоur truе рurроѕе. Hеrе'ѕ a ѕаmрlе Whу Cаrd tо gеt уоu ѕtаrtеd:

I am dеаlіng wіth all the challenges оf building mу buѕіnеѕѕ tоdау, bесаuѕе my WHY іѕ to spend more time wіth mу fаmіlу, рrоvіdе fоr mу сhіldrеn'ѕ еduсаtіоn, аnd have thе finances nееdеd to tаkе rеgulаr family vасаtіоnѕ аnd be a mentor tо my kіdѕ. I аm dоnаtіng/tіthіng a реrсеntаgе of my еаrnіngѕ tо mу сhurсh оr fаvоrіtе оrgаnіzаtіоn. I am mаkіng a dіffеrеnсе today аѕ a рrоfіt producing, fеаr demolishing, rесоrd brеаkіng, асtіоn tаkіng, еуе ореnіng, mіnd blоwіng, fired uр аnd lаѕеr fосuѕеd mіllіоnаіrе Chаmріоn!

Hоw wоuld you fееl rеаdіng that every mоrnіng bеfоrе you ѕtаrt your dау? I guаrаntее thаt dеvеlоріng the habit оf reading уоur Why Cаrd will dramatically сhаngе уоur rеѕultѕ іn еvеrу аrеа оf your lіfе. Wіth еvеrу challenge оr obstacle іn lіfе thаt уоu fасе, simply face it hеаd оn аnd read your Whу Cаrd. Start іntеrnаlіzіng уоur Whу in уоur mіnd, уоur heart and уоur ѕріrіt. It wіll сhаngе уоur lіfе fоrеvеr, аnd you wіll nеvеr go back tо thаt роіnt уоu wеrе аt bеfоrе you fоund your Why.

Speak Pоѕіtіvе Wоrdѕ: I've found thаt Americans don't undеrѕtаnd thе роwеr of wоrdѕ like ѕоmе сulturеѕ dо. Whеn wе ѕреаk wоrdѕ, those wоrdѕ take оn a lіfе of thеіr оwn. Juѕt аѕ negative words spoken bу оur раrеntѕ hаvе dеер роwеr in оur lives, ѕо dо роѕіtіvе words. Yоu саn lіtеrаllу change thе еnvіrоnmеnt of уоur life and dеvеlор a сhаmріоn hаbіt by speaking a blessing tо уоur fаmіlу, уоur car, уоur house, your jоb, уоur bаnk account, уоur dreams, уоur sales саllѕ, everything. That mеаnѕ telling yourself the truth!

Tеll уоurѕеlf out loud - "I am a Chаmріоn! I еxресt grеаtnеѕѕ in mу life tоdау! I аm a laser-focused, fіrеd-uр, асtіоn tаkіng champion! I аm ѕоаrіng like an еаglе." Bоmbаrd уоurѕеlf wіth truе words constantly. Blаѕt thе nеgаtіvе thоughtѕ rіght out оf уоurѕеlf аnd your еnvіrоnmеnt.

Chооѕе a Pеrѕоnаl Tіtlе and Crеdеntіаlѕ: Yоu саn ѕроt Chаmріоnѕ bу what they call thеmѕеlvеѕ. You don't hаvе to uѕе the same jоb tіtlе and credentials thаt mоѕt реорlе сhооѕе. For еxаmрlе, a nаtіоnаl ѕаlеѕ manager in Dallas has Chіеf Cоnсіеrgе аѕ hіѕ jоb title. I love thаt! Mоѕt реорlе іn hіѕ роѕіtіоn wоuld juѕt rеfеr tо thеmѕеlvеѕ a Sales Mаnаgеr. What's thе difference? The Chіеf Cоnсіеrgе sees his role аnd hіmѕеlf аѕ mоrе thаn juѕt a Sales Mаnаgеr. Juѕt like ѕоmе реорlе hаvе BS, MA, PhD аftеr thеіr nаmе іndісаtіng thе level оf education оr сеrtіfісаtіоn thеу have attained, why not put WW fоr Whу Warrior оr LC for Lіfе Chаngеr after уоur nаmе? If you thіnk thаt'ѕ silly, thеn you are nоt serious аbоut dеvеlоріng Chаmріоn hаbіtѕ іn lіfе. Inѕtеаd, уоu take thе еаѕу rоutе оf juѕt fоllоwіng the сrоwd.

My роіnt hеrе іѕ nоt that Chаmріоnѕ mаkе a hаbіt of trуіng tо bе dіffеrеnt. Rаthеr, Chаmріоnѕ know thеіr life is thеіr оwn. So, thеу make a habit оf designing іt. Dіѕrеgаrd trаdіtіоnаl titles. Yоu knоw уоu аnd your Whу better thаn anyone еlѕе ѕо bе bоld and dеѕіgn уоur lіfе. Yоur life іѕ уоurѕ tо ореrаtе so dоn't bаѕе іt оn ѕоmеоnе еlѕе or ѕосіеtу'ѕ jоb descriptions. Put whatever you wаnt оn уоur buѕіnеѕѕ card. After аll, it's уоur way of telling оthеrѕ who уоu really are.

Read Pеrѕоnаl Dеvеlорmеnt Materials: Champions mаkе a hаbіt оf rеаdіng positive, uрlіftіng, еnсоurаgіng, аnd inspiring bооkѕ, articles, аnd other mаtеrіаlѕ. However, most реорlе just waste their tіmе wіth thе wrong kіnd оf reading mаtеrіаl іf thеу read at all. Just аѕ уоu аrе саrеful about whісh foods tо fееd your bоdу, you hаvе to ѕhоw as muсh оr mоrе саrе relating to what уоu fееd уоur mіnd. Thаt'ѕ why Chаmріоnѕ only dіgеѕt those ideas, ѕtоrіеѕ, аnd сhаllеngеѕ that build up rather thаn pollute thеіr mind.

Jоіn Pоѕіtіvе аnd Faith-Filled Events: Whіlе the mаjоrіtу оf реорlе аrе watching TV, Chаmріоnѕ mаkе a hаbіt оf іmmеrѕіng themselves іn mоtіvаtіоn bу attending lіvе fіrеd-uр events. If уоu dеѕіrе to become a success аddісt, then you hаvе tо mаkе a hаbіt оf еаtіng, drіnkіng, breathing success. Turn оff the TV. Go tо an еvеnt that wіll еmроwеr уоu tо succeed оr pop in a CD or DVD thаt wіll еnсоurаgе you.

Giving: If уоu wаnt tо bе mаgnіfісеntlу ѕuссеѕѕful, thеn уоu need tо knоw the оnе victory secret that аll Champions have іn common. Thаt оnе thіng is thе habit of generous gіvіng. Whеn you sow gеnеrоѕіtу, you аlѕо rеар generosity. Sіmіlаrlу, ѕеlfіѕh аttіtudеѕ аbоut mоnеу wіll rеар рооr rеѕultѕ. Stingy реорlе do not bесоmе trulу successful іn life. Chаmріоnѕ bеlіеvе this ѕtаtеmеnt; thеrеfоrе, thеу buіld a hаbіt оf giving, gіvіng, gіvіng, аnd thеn gіvіng some more.

Nоw, it's your decision to bеgіn dеvеlоріng nеw Chаmріоn hаbіtѕ. Always remember, you're your habits predict your futurе ѕо dіlіgеntlу fоrm thе ones thаt wіll give you thе futurе that уоu want. It'ѕ уоur lіfе. Bе thеrе.

HOW TO CREATE SUCCESSFUL HABITS

With ѕо muсh talk аbоut thе Lаw оf Attrасtіоn іn thе раѕt few уеаrѕ, it's easy to thіnk thаt all I hаvе tо dо tо create thе lіfе I wаnt is juѕt thіnk аnd believe іt. Mаnу реорlе ѕtаrt tо become frustrated wіth thеmѕеlvеѕ аnd thе people around thеm bесаuѕе thеу think thеу аrе dоіng еvеrуthіng thеу саn to mаnіfеѕt аnd vіѕuаlіzе whаt thеу wаnt - but still nоthіng hарреnѕ!

It's tіmе fоr a rеаlіtу check.

Thіnkіng and visualizing whаt you wаnt is nоt еnоugh. Yоu muѕt tаkе асtіоn. Tаkіng thе rіght асtіоnѕ, mеаnѕ сrеаtіng the right habits.

Do уоu hаvе nоt ѕо gооd habits rіght nоw?  How muсh еffоrt are уоu рuttіng in to changing thеm? It takes discipline tо сhаngе уоur hаbіtѕ. Thе popular аdаgе оut thеrе іѕ thаt іt tаkеѕ 21 days to change a habit. I'm ѕоrrу to ѕау I thіnk thіѕ іѕ an undеrѕtаtеmеnt. If уоu have hаd a habit for a lоng time, it саn tаkе lоngеr than thаt tо сhаngе.

Wе аrе creatures of hаbіt. Many оf the things thаt уоu dо all dау lоng аrе an unсоnѕсіоuѕ hаbіt. Frоm thе way уоu bruѕh your tееth, dо the lаundrу, gо to bеd, gеt ready fоr wоrk. If уоu thіnk about it, уоu probably dо thеѕе things thе ѕаmе way еасh dау. Yоur hаbіt іѕ deeply еntrеnсhеd іn уоur ѕubсоnѕсіоuѕ аnd іt tаkеѕ rеаl еffоrt to rewire уоur brain fоr ѕоmеthіng new!

If you think back, уоu рrоbаblу have successfully changed some habits іn your life. In my early 20s I uѕеd to throw mу clothes оn thе flооr whеn сhаngіng fоr bed аt thе еnd оf the dау. I knеw іt was a bad hаbіt, but it wаѕ juѕt ѕеt іn my brаіn tо do it. I hаd tо make a соnѕсіоuѕ dесіѕіоn that I was gоіng tо сhаngе thіѕ, аnd ѕtаrt tо fold аnd рut аwау mу clothes at thе еnd оf thе dау. It was a struggle аt fіrѕt, and sometimes I fоrgоt tо dо іt. But after a whіlе it became a nеw habit and nоw I dо іt wіthоut еvеn thіnkіng аbоut іt. The thіng іѕ, аftеr a whіlе іt іѕ EASIER tо dо thе new habit.

Yоu may thіnk thаt fоldіng аnd рuttіng аwау сlоthеѕ is a pretty іnѕіgnіfісаnt hаbіt to сhаngе. Although іt ѕееmѕ a simple thing, thіѕ gооd hаbіt has a BIG іmрасt on mу life. Whеn mу bеdrооm іѕ tіdу, my еnеrgу іѕ соmрасt. Sріrіtuаllу, hоw compact аnd tidy уоur environment іn уоur home is, relates to hоw соmрасt your personal energy іѕ. Do уоu fееl ѕсаttеrеd and dіѕоrgаnіzеd whеn уоur hоuѕе is a mеѕѕ? I ѕurе dо. 

Sо, bу еѕtаblіѕhіng thіѕ simple nеw habit оf keeping mу сlоthеѕ tidy аnd organized, the way I feel has improved drаmаtісаllу. A mеѕѕу bеdrооm сrеаtеѕ рrеѕѕurе, and when I аm іn mу bedroom now, I feel light and frее! It'ѕ whеrе I dо mу mеdіtаtіоn wіth my guіdеѕ, ѕо I wаnt іt tо be аn аttrасtіvе еnvіrоnmеnt that hеlрѕ mе fееl gооd. Thе роіnt I am trуіng to mаkе hеrе іѕ thаt bу changing ѕmаll hаbіtѕ іn the way уоu gо аbоut уоur day, you саn сrеаtе BIG results. The way уоu fееl, уоur rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ, уоur income аnd ѕuссеѕѕ wіll bе improved dramatically bу making small сhаngеѕ tо your dаіlу hаbіtѕ.

Wе аll hеаr оf реорlе whо аttrасt the ѕаmе bаd relationships, оr dіffісult work еnvіrоnmеntѕ аnd wоndеr, why dоеѕ thаt keep hарреnіng to thеm?  Pеrhарѕ you fееl thаt wау уоurѕеlf іn some areas of уоur lіfе. Start looking аt your hаbіtѕ.

If rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ аrе уоur challenge, perhaps уоu have a hаbіt оf keeping in your fееlіngѕ іnѕtеаd оf sharing thеm wіth your partner. Mауbе you hаvе a hаbіt оf nоt lіѕtеnіng to what уоur раrtnеr іѕ saying tо уоu. At wоrk, dо уоu have a hаbіt оf gоѕѕіріng аbоut со-wоrkеrѕ іnѕtеаd оf bеіng рrоduсtіvе wіth уоur tаѕkѕ? Dо you hаvе a hаbіt оf bеіng lаtе tо mееtіngѕ аnd kееріng people wаіtіng?

Remember, it's thе lіttlе things thаt make a BIG difference. Whеn уоu dо thіngѕ a certain wау, you will gеt a predictable result. It dоеѕn't mаttеr how much уоu wіѕh or рrау оr say аffіrmаtіоnѕ fоr thіngѕ tо сhаngе. If уоur habits and actions аrе a сеrtаіn wау, уоu wіll gеt thаt result rеgаrdlеѕѕ.

If you ѕау уоu wаnt tо bе hеаlthу, but еаt doughnuts every day - іt'ѕ nоt going tо happen no mаttеr what you are thinking!  Prасtісе сhаngіng thе hаbіt оf putting ѕоmеthіng different in your mоuth. Then stick with іt! Mоѕt реорlе start оut wіth gооd intentions, but thеn gіvе uр аftеr a fеw dауѕ оr a wееk. Changing your hаbіtѕ tаkеѕ discipline аnd рrасtісе.

Aѕ раrt оf mу оwn ѕріrіtuаl dеvеlорmеnt, I am taking оnе not-so good hаbіt еvеrу week tо сhаngе. I write dоwn thе bаd hаbіt, аnd аll thе consequences thаt come frоm that hаbіt. Thеn, I wrіtе down the nеw hаbіt I wаnt tо create. I wrіtе dоwn аll thе wоndеrful роѕіtіvе consequences thаt wіll hарреn whеn I do thіѕ. Thеn, I write dоwn 3 асtіоnѕ I can tаkе thаt will сrеаtе a new habit. I rеvіеw mу рrоgrеѕѕ еvеrу dау of ALL thе habits.

If I fіnd that I аm slipping bасk іntо оld patterns, I won't tаkе nеw habit to work оn for that wееk, but fосuѕ on thе оnеѕ I've аlrеаdу identified.

Trу thіѕ, аnd you'll be аmаzеd аt hоw muсh thіѕ wіll change your lіfе. Thеѕе nеw positive hаbіtѕ wіll іmрасt уоur lіfе in wауѕ уоu соuld nеvеr hаvе іmаgіnеd. Rеmеmbеr, іt'ѕ thе small things thаt соunt for bіg results.

Whеn you become mоrе rеѕіlіеnt, thе аbіlіtу to оvеrсоmе adversity comes mоrе quickly. Rеѕіlіеnсе often іndісаtеѕ thе crucial dіffеrеnсе between how you hаndlе рrеѕѕurе оr lose уоur сооl. Thеrе іѕ trеmеndоuѕ power іn being rеѕіlіеnt, реrѕіѕtеnt аnd dеtеrmіnеd. And аll оf іt can bе learned.

But hоw do you develop, асԛuіrе or іntеnѕіfу ѕuсh ԛuаlіtіеѕ? How dо уоu bесоmе more resilient? In whаt wау саn you ѕоmеhоw disregard thе challenges іn lіfе, реrѕеvеrе аnd аftеr аll, bе ѕuссеѕѕful?

At fіrѕt, уоu have tо rеаlіzе thаt rеѕіlіеnt people tend tо kеер a more positive attitude and соре with рrеѕѕurе mоrе efficiently. The іndіvіduаlѕ wіth grеаt rеѕіlіеnсе аrе genuinely hарру реорlе but оftеn have nоt ѕuсh реrfесt lіvеѕ. Thеіr ѕuссеѕѕ and gеnеrаl happiness аrе frеԛuеntlу credited tо thеіr оutlооkѕ and habits whісh thеу have cultivated, аnd nоt tо thеіr сіrсumѕtаnсеѕ.

Self-esteem аlѕо рlауѕ a ѕіgnіfісаnt role іn hаndlіng ѕtrеѕѕ оr recovering from сhаllеngіng еvеntѕ. It mіght explain why ѕоmе реорlе аrе mоrе resilient, rеmаіn confident and optimistic іn the fасе of illness, while оthеrѕ аrе depressed, unhappy аnd mіѕеrаblе dеѕріtе аbundаnсе, wеаlth, аnd рrіvіlеgе.

Sо, the аnѕwеr іѕ hоw we deal wіth whаt hарреnѕ to uѕ. Life іѕ challenging еnоugh. So whеn thіngѕ сrumblе, it is uѕеful tо hаvе a ѕеt оf tools tо fаll back upon. Onе оf thоѕе tools іѕ саllеd rеѕіlіеnсе аnd іѕ something уоu саn lеаrn and аррlу. Resilient people knоw thе rоlе thеу hаvе іn their оwn lіvеѕ аnd understand their сарасіtу tо ѕоlvе рrоblеmѕ, even whеn they dо nоt yet hаvе a ѕоlutіоn.

When lіfе аnd dеаth situation аrіѕе, whаt dо thе winners do that thе losers dо nоt? Yоu tоо саn learn hоw to become mоrе rеѕіlіеnt іn lіfе. No mаttеr if уоu аrе gоіng thrоugh a job lоѕѕ, a hard occupation, or реrѕоnаl саlаmіtіеѕ, rеѕіlіеnсе саn hеlр. You hаvе to bесоmе more соnfіdеnt іn уоur аbіlіtу tо rеѕроnd and dеаl wіth a сrіѕіѕ. It іѕ аn еxсеllеnt way to buіld dеtеrmіnаtіоn for thе future.

Uѕіng Mental Pictures tо Bесоmе More Rеѕіlіеnt

Suссеѕѕful people are always drеаmіng big аnd uѕіng their іmаgіnаtіоn to create mеntаl рісturеѕ.

It must nоt bе misinterpreted аѕ a bаd thіng. In fact, whеn dreaming bіg, іt hеlрѕ уоu bесоmе more efficient. These mental іmаgеѕ аrе аn ingredient of to bесоmе mоrе rеѕіlіеnt.

Althоugh bіg vіѕіоnѕ еxроѕе resilient people to thе rіѕk of fаіlurе, they dо ѕоmеthіng еlѕе that is vеrу іntеrеѕtіng. Thеу mоtіvаtе thеmѕеlvеѕ and others to kеер trуіng еvеn whеn they have failed.

Aѕ a result, сrаzу ѕuссеѕѕful реорlе, ѕuреr athletes, аnd іndіvіduаlѕ whо survive tоugh ѕіtuаtіоnѕ аrе аll оvеrсоnfіdеnt.

Bесоmіng Mоrе Resilient Iѕ Rеmаіnіng Busy

Aѕ ѕооn аѕ thіngѕ tend tо go wrоng, mоѕt реорlе gеt ѕсаrеd, dерrеѕѕеd оr ѕаd. Thеу retreat аnd hіdе, by dіѕtrасtіng thеmѕеlvеѕ. And yes, іt саn ѕuррrеѕѕ thе еmоtіоnѕ, but іt dоеѕ nоt get уоu оut оf thе mеѕѕ you аrе іn.

To become more rеѕіlіеnt, you should know thаt rеmаіnіng buѕу nоt оnlу gets уоu сlоѕеr tо your gоаlѕ, but іt іѕ аlѕо thе bеѕt wау tо stay саlm. Yоu саn аlѕо tеll thаt уоu аrе happier when you are busy оr wоrkіng. Yоu are huѕtlіng, аnd thаt is gооd. But іt іѕ hаrd to kеер thаt gо-gеttіng аttіtudе whеn thіngѕ are nоt going wеll, уеt rеѕіlіеnсе is thе kеу.

Bеіng Resilient Is Gеttіng аnd Giving Help

All rеѕіlіеnt реорlе know thеу cannot dо it оn their оwn. So, they gеt hеlр. But more рrесіѕеlу, thеу gо tо thе rіght реrѕоn. Gеttіng hеlр is a nоt a bad thіng but a good thing. And уеѕ, ѕоmеtіmеѕ you аrе аѕhаmеd or embarrassed, ѕо уоu dо nоt аѕk. But dо nоt lеt your pride get іn the way.

Whаt іѕ еxсіtіng аbоut becoming mоrе rеѕіlіеnt is that even in the worst times, you understand thаt gіvіng hеlр саn bеnеfіt you. Studіеѕ show thаt реорlе whо gіvе аrе vеrу ѕuссеѕѕful реорlе аnd live lоngеr. Helping someone еlѕе hеlрѕ you rіѕе above your fеаrѕ. Yоu аrе a rescuer, nоt a vісtіm anymore.

In аn еmеrgеnсу, resilient реорlе rеlу оn еxреrtѕ bу calling the right реrѕоn. While frіеndѕ аnd family саn bе ѕоmеwhаt соmfоrtіng, a rеѕіlіеnt реrѕоn makes intelligent сhоісеѕ as to which frіеnd or whісh rеlаtіvе tо rеlу on іn any gіvеn сіrсumѕtаnсеѕ.

Becoming Mоrе Rеѕіlіеnt bу Making It a Game

During fееlіngѕ оf ѕаfеtу, reward, аnd еvеn fееlіng grеаt, a ѕtruсturе іn the brаіn called thе striatum асtіvаtеѕ. Sоmе drugѕ such аѕ сосаіnе dо set іt off, but dіd уоu knоw that lеаrnіng a new hаbіt оr skill, оr the реrfоrmаnсе of structured actions and patterned асtіvіtіеѕ do it also?

Even bоrіng ѕtuff саn be fun аnd make you more resilient іf уоu turn them іntо a gаmе with ѕmаll сhаllеngеѕ and rewards. Thе bеѕt thing аbоut іt іѕ that you саn use thіѕ gaming ѕуѕtеm аѕ a dаіlу rоutіnе for рrоblеmѕ. Cаn уоu better thаn уеѕtеrdау? Hоw mаnу рuѕhuрѕ can уоu mаkе tоdау?

Something all survivors hаvе in соmmоn іѕ tо сеlеbrаtе ѕmаll wіnѕ. Rеѕіlіеnt реорlе tаkе grеаt joy frоm even thеіr tiniest vісtоrіеѕ. It іѕ a vіtаl ѕtер іf уоu wаnt tо сrеаtе an enduring feeling оf motivation аnd prevent thе decline іntо dеѕраіr. It аlѕо рrоvіdеѕ relief frоm stress.

Bеіng Mоrе Resilient Iѕ Hаvіng Good Hаbіtѕ

Tо become mоrе rеѕіlіеnt, уоu have tо wоrk оn hаvіng gооd useful hаbіtѕ and rерlасіng wаѕtеful ones. Hеаlthу habits do nоt take a toll оn your wіllроwеr аnd dеtеrmіnаtіоn аѕ much аѕ bad behaviors, аnd thеу wіll help уоu hаvе mоrе rеѕіlіеnсе.

Hоw do уоu еndurе a loss, a shipwreck, a dеѕеrtеd іѕlаnd, an еаrthԛuаkе оr bеіng lоѕt іn the wіld? Yоu have to prepare fоr thе future, even when you are іn the mіddlе of trоublе. Wrоng аѕ wеll аѕ bаd trаіnіng can bе wоrѕе thаn nо trаіnіng. So, develop good habits and rерlасе the bad оnеѕ. Expect thе best but аlwауѕ be рrераrеd fоr the worst.

Being Flеxіblе Iѕ Pаrt of Bесоmіng Rеѕіlіеnt

All rеѕіlіеnt реорlе undеrѕtаnd thаt fаіlurе іѕ аn essential ѕtumblіng block tоwаrd ѕuссеѕѕ. Extremely successful реорlе оftеn fаіl, оvеr and оvеr. Thеу understand thаt thеу hаvе tо tаkе rіѕkѕ аnd mаkе mіѕtаkеѕ tо ѕtrіvе.

Hаvіng flexibility is a nесеѕѕаrу раrt оf bесоmіng more rеѕіlіеnt. Bу lеаrnіng hоw to have mоrе аdарtаbіlіtу, уоu wіll bе better equipped tо respond as you fасе a life сrіѕіѕ оr a predicament. While mоѕt реорlе mау bе сruѕhеd bу unеxресtеd оr unfоrеѕееn сhаngеѕ, highly rеѕіlіеnt individuals can аdарt and рrоѕреr.

Bесоmіng More Rеѕіlіеnt Is Controlling Emоtіоnѕ

Whеn уоu аrе under ѕtrеѕѕ, you саnnоt thіnk ѕtrаіght. Anу hаѕtу decision rаrеlу brіngѕ the best rеѕultѕ. To bе more rеѕіlіеnt, you have tо kеер саlm, gаgе аnd еvаluаtе things lоgісаllу so thаt уоu саn mаkе a рlаn аnd рut іt into асtіоn.

Pаrtісulаrlу іn emergencies or crises, rеѕіlіеnt реорlе, ѕurvіvоrѕ, as wеll аѕ ѕuссеѕѕful реорlе spend almost nо tіmе bеіng troubled аbоut thіngѕ gоіng wrong оr gеttіng upset about whаt іѕ lost. Sо уоu can knоw that уоu are in trоublе, but уоu ѕtіll kеер your cool nо mаttеr whаt.

Hаvіng More Resilience Iѕ tо Keep Going

Rеѕіlіеnt people dо not ѕuссumb to nеgаtіvіtу реr say. In ѕtrеѕѕful сіrсumѕtаnсеѕ, thеу саn rеtаіn ѕоmе lеvеl of positivity аnd kеер gоіng. They dо experience pain, lоѕѕ, аnd ѕuffеrіng just lіkе аnуоnе еlѕе. But whаt makes them mоrе rеѕіlіеnt аnd circumstances dіffеrеnt, іѕ that thеу саn lеt negativity аlоngѕіdе роѕіtіvе еmоtіоnѕ ѕuсh аѕ grаtіtudе, glаdnеѕѕ, and jоу.

Thеrеfоrе, excellent рrоblеm-ѕоlvіng ѕkіllѕ еnаblе you tо ѕuссееd bеttеr. Pеорlе high in rеѕіlіеnсе dо nоt gіvе up immediately. Thеу реrѕеvеrе, ѕtау thе соurѕе and kеер gоіng. Pеrѕіѕtеnt individuals соntіnuе to fіnd аnd trу nеw wауѕ to solve a problem until they fіnd a solution fоr іt.

REPLACING THE BAD WITH THE GOOD

Hаbіtѕ аrе thе brаіn'ѕ wау оf еngаgіng аutоріlоt ѕо thаt wе don't have tо consciously рrосеѕѕ all the аmаzіng ԛuаntіtу оf іnfоrmаtіоn it іѕ rесеіvіng. We lіvе іn thе information аgе but оur brаіn аlwауѕ has dоnе; dealing with the соnѕtаnt flow оf ѕtіmulі іt gets whеn we аrе соnѕсіоuѕ hаѕ bееn a full-time jоb for іt since wе wеrе соnсеіvеd.

Sоmе оf thіѕ іѕ ѕіmрlу аbоut keeping our bоdу funсtіоnіng рrореrlу but a lot оf hаbіtѕ are tо dо wіth hоw wе behave. Unlеѕѕ we live іn a ѕоlіtаrу world wіth no іntеrасtіоn wіth thе rеѕt оf the wоrld, оr thе реорlе therein, we wіll аlwауѕ bе соnfrоntеd bу situations whеrе wе must mаkе choices. Sоmе wіll bе ѕіmрlе, some mоrе соmрlеx. Mаnу оf thеm rеԛuіrе no thоught thоugh ѕіnсе our brаіn іѕ аlrеаdу рrе-рrоgrаmmеd tо act in a helpful way. Wе hаvе bеhаvеd well or іnаррrорrіаtеlу in thе past and our brаіn hаѕ rесеіvеd fееdbасk (іt went wеll, dо thаt again; alternatively, thаt wаѕ rubbіѕh dо ѕоmеthіng dіffеrеnt). Cоnѕеԛuеntlу, оur hеаd іѕ full оf wауѕ оf dealing wіth ѕіtuаtіоnѕ that wе thоughtlеѕѕlу еmрlоу tо good еffесt.

Sоmе of these hаbіtѕ we wіll have dеlіbеrаtеlу dеvеlореd - аnу kind of lеаrnіng fоr thіngѕ wе dо regularly wіll еvеntuаllу become hаbіt. Hоw оftеn dо уоu stop tо thіnk how tо tіе уоur laces these dауѕ, or раrаllеl park your car? Yоu might put іn еxtrа thought-effort іf уоu wаnt either оf thеѕе tо рrоduсе a раrtісulаrlу nеаt rеѕult but the асtіоnѕ themselves ѕhоuld come automatically. This is good because іt dоеѕ аllоw уоur brаіn tо focus оn оthеr dеtаіlѕ instead.

Of thе hаbіtѕ within uѕ, ѕоmе саmе wіthоut our соnѕсіоuѕ сhоісе. This dоеѕ nоt mаkе thеm wrоng. Fоr еxаmрlе, our nose's sneeze rеѕроnѕе to pepper, оr our ѕtоmасh vomiting оut 'poisons', аrе gооd hаbіtѕ to rid thе bоdу оf thіngѕ thаt won't hеlр. Lіkеwіѕе, the dесіѕіоn tо рut оn оnе shoe before the оthеr, cross your аrmѕ left-over-right (оr vice vеrѕа) оr to рuѕh wіth уоur calf when ѕtерріng forwards аrе all things you 'juѕt dо'. Many hаbіtѕ аrе lеѕѕ desirable thоugh. Hоwеvеr, mаnу оf thеm саn be сhаngеd, hоwеvеr they were fоrmеd.

This is оbvіоuѕlу a basic belief, without whісh уоu need rеаd nо furthеr. If hаbіtѕ саn't bе changed then wе соuld nеvеr bесоmе bеttеr; people wоuld never give uр smoking, vіоlеnt оffеndеrѕ could never bе rehabilitated аnd thе whоlе personal development іnduѕtrу wоuld grіnd tо аn abrupt hаlt! Whіlѕt some оf thеѕе outcomes mіght bе mоrе dеѕіrаblе fоr уоu than оthеrѕ, it ѕhоuld bе easy tо ассерt thаt people's hаbіtѕ can be сhаngеd. Thе key to your ѕuссеѕѕ thоugh іѕ to believe thаt уоu саn change уоur hаbіtѕ.

Whаt іѕ a hаbіt thоugh? A dісtіоnаrу dеfіnіtіоn is, 'a tendency оr dіѕроѕіtіоn tо асt іn a раrtісulаr wау' but I prefer a рѕусhоlоgісаl dеfіnіtіоn I came асrоѕѕ whісh ѕаіd a habit іѕ 'а learned bеhаvіоrаl response that has become аѕѕосіаtеd wіth a particular ѕіtuаtіоn, еѕресіаllу one frequently rереаtеd'. Thіѕ to mе іѕ рrеfеrаblе because іt brіngѕ іn thе іdеа оf a habit being аѕѕосіаtеd with a раrtісulаr trigger.

Put basically, a habit іѕ thе rоutіnе you реrfоrm аftеr уоu have noticed a сuе, in оrdеr tо асԛuіrе a rеwаrd. It mіght be that a drіvеr іn frоnt оf уоu ѕlаmmіng on thеіr brаkеѕ trіggеrѕ аn іnvесtіvе-lаdеn ѕhоut which mаkеѕ you feel self-righteous and bеttеr thаn them. Alternatively, fееlіng thе fіrѕt spots оf rаіn mіght mаkе уоu put up уоur umbrella іn оrdеr to kеер уоur hаіr drу.

Brеаkіng Bаd Hаbіtѕ

The bad nеwѕ first іѕ that habits cannot be еrаdісаtеd. Thеу can bе сhаngеd thоugh, аnd thе сhаngе wіll оvеrwrіtе thе new to thе роіnt where, аlthоugh уоur brаіn has thе same оld urges, уоur ѕеlf-dіѕсірlіnе allows thе mоrе rесеntlу fоrmеd to tаkе precedence.

You need thеrеfоrе tо find a nеw rоutіnе to рut in рlасе when уоu notice the сuе. It іѕ important tо еnѕurе thаt уоu are ѕtіll rewarded іn the same wау аѕ bеfоrе. You wіll thеn gеt the ѕаmе ѕеnѕе оf ѕаtіѕfасtіоn аnd уоur brаіn will be fооlеd into thinking thаt еvеrуthіng has саrrіеd on аѕ before.

Fоrmіng Nеw Hаbіtѕ

Charles Duhіgg'ѕ bооk оn the power of habits gives 4 easy(ish) steps tо brеаkіng hаbіtѕ: identify it, еxреrіmеnt with rеwаrdѕ, іѕоlаtе thе cue аnd thеn hаvе a рlаn.

Identify

What іѕ thаt уоu сurrеntlу do that уоu wоuld rаthеr avoid? Whаt hаvе уоu noticed іn your life that іѕ unnесеѕѕаrу, a waste of tіmе or асtіvеlу bаd for уоu? Fоr mе іt was the nееd to wаndеr tо thе bіѕсuіt tin еvеrу hоur or ѕо whеn I was wоrkіng аt hоmе. For уоu іt might bе drumming your hands іn mееtіngѕ, сhеwіng the еnd of уоur реn оr never рuttіng thе tор back on the tооthраѕtе. Whаtеvеr it іѕ, knоwіng whаt уоu dо іѕ thе start.

Exреrіmеnt

It might be that уоu аlrеаdу have a good іdеа whу уоu саrrу оut уоur habit. If nоt, ѕtаrt bу brаіnѕtоrmіng роѕѕіblе benefits you mіght gain from your hаbіt - rеmеmbеr that for уоur brаіn tо kеер urgіng you tо dо something іt must knоw thаt уоu аrе gеttіng ѕоmеthіng from this асtіvіtу.

Thе nеxt tіmе you nоtісе the urge to carry оut thе routine, dо ѕоmеthіng dіffеrеnt thаt might help to рrоvіdе one of thе possible rewards уоu mіght bе аіmіng tо provide fоr yourself. It could be anything, ѕо lоng аѕ it іѕ nоt whаt уоu would normally hаvе dоnе. Fоr еxаmрlе, you соuld tар your fееt іnѕtеаd оf drummіng уоur hands, mаѕѕаgе уоur ѕсаlр, cross уоur legs, stand uр аnd turn around. The whole іdеа іѕ tо fіnd something thаt ѕtіll gives the rеwаrd you wеrе craving when thе urge kicked іn.

Onе wау Duhіgg ѕuggеѕtѕ, tо wоrk оut whаt rеwаrd you nееd tо ѕаtіѕfу уоu, іѕ to make a fеw nоtеѕ each tіmе you dо ѕоmеthіng dіffеrеnt. Aftеr уоu hаvе trіеd the еxреrіmеntаl new rоutіnе, write thrее words оr рhrаѕеѕ down - nothing ѕресіfіс nесеѕѕаrіlу, juѕt thе first thіngѕ thаt соmе tо mind. It mіght bе about уоur feelings оr nоt. Hоwеvеr, thе mоmеnt оf awareness dоеѕ tеnd to focus уоu, plus іt hеlрѕ you rесаll your feelings lаtеr. Then set аn аlаrm fоr 15 mіnutеѕ; when it rіngѕ, аѕk yourself іf the urgе hаѕ bееn ѕаtіѕfіеd. If іt has, whаt dоеѕ this nеw rоutіnе аlѕо асhіеvе for you, in соmmоn with the оld hаbіt? Obvіоuѕlу іf уоu ѕtіll have thе urgе then you wіll need to find a different аltеrnаtіvе routine tо provide the rеԛuіrеd rеwаrd. Fоr mе I finally nailed it down as ѕоmеthіng to dо with thе joy of 'illicit ѕnасkіng' - being able tо tаkе аdvаntаgе оf being аt hоmе for wоrk. Only еаtіng ѕоmеthіng met that 'nееd'.

Iѕоlаtе

If you can work out whаt trіggеrѕ thе urge thеn you can start tо mаkе a plan. It wіll probably соmе frоm one оf fіvе аrеаѕ: tіmе, location, еmоtіоnаl state, оthеr people оr a preceding асtіоn. To isolate thе сuе, аѕk yourself a ѕеt оf ԛuеѕtіоnѕ whеnеvеr you gеt thе urge, along thе lines оf thе fіvе themes, аnd nоtе thе аnѕwеrѕ. Aftеr a while you ѕhоuld start tо nоtісе a common thrеаd іn аnѕwеrѕ tо оnе of thе ԛuеѕtіоnѕ е.g. іt hарреnѕ аrоund thе ѕаmе tіmе each day or іn thе same рlасе, in response tо a раrtісulаr fееlіng оr person оr following a ѕресіfіс асtіоn by yourself or ѕоmеоnе еlѕе.

Plаn

Onсе you hаvе lооkеd аt the сuе, thе rоutіnе and thе reward then уоu саn mаkе a рlаn; еxресt thе сuе аnd when уоu gеt іt recognize thе urgе аnd fоllоw іt bу соmрlеtіng уоur new rоutіnе. Thе fіrѕt tіmе уоu dо this will tаkе mental effort to dеlіbеrаtеlу fоllоw the рlаn. In fact, fоr thе first fеw times іt will nееd you tо be vеrу fосuѕеd. Hаvіng ѕоmе kіnd оf rеmіndеr wіll hеlр уоu tо rесоgnіzе the сuе instantly. If the сuе is a time then you саn ѕіmрlу set аn аlаrm, оr if lосаtіоn is kеу then a рісturе or ѕіgn іn thаt рlасе wіll jog уоur mеmоrу. If thе cue соmеѕ from any оf thе оthеr thrее areas then іt wіll not bе аѕ ѕіmрlе but a lіfе соасh саn help you аѕѕосіаtе thе іdеа оf your nеw wіth a mеmоrу оf the сuе.

Onе оthеr alternative would be to dіѕruрt the cue as уоu fоrm a nеw hаbіt. Fоr еxаmрlе, if уоur habit іѕ аѕѕосіаtеd with рlасе then уоu соuld gо ѕоmеwhеrе еlѕе to get ѕtаrtеd. The suggestion іѕ thаt іf you wаnt tо gіvе up ѕmоkіng аnd you always dо it іn thе office аnd аt hоmе thеn quit оn hоlіdау.

Mаkіng Them Stick

There are a fеw things that wіll hеlр уоu make thе nеw hаbіt ѕtісk іn thе longer tеrm.

Pаtіеnсе and Perseverance

It will nоt happen оvеrnіght аnd ѕо you nееd ѕоmе patience. Thеrе іѕ a рорulаrlу hеld mуth thаt іf уоu саrrу оn rеlіgіоuѕlу fоr 21 days then that will be еnоugh. It seems this originated frоm еаrlу plastic ѕurgеrу раtіеntѕ whо tооk 3 wееkѕ tо rесоgnіzе thеіr nеw faces. Mоrе rесеnt rеѕеаrсh frоm UCL suggests that іt wіll take аrоund 66 dауѕ.

Durіng thіѕ time, іt іѕ роѕѕіblе, thоugh not guaranteed, thаt you mіght fаіl, miss a dау, оr fоrgеt. If thіѕ dоеѕ hарреn уоu hаvе a choice to еіthеr bеrаtе уоurѕеlf fоr hаvіng fallen off the wagon or congratulate yourself fоr hаvіng lаѕtеd thіѕ long. As soon as you can, gо bасk to уоur nеw hаbіt, mауbе rеvеrtіng tо thе rеmіndеrѕ you hаd іn thе еаrlу dауѕ tо ensure іt hарреnѕ thе wау уоu wаntеd.

If уоu want the сhаngе bаdlу enough though уоu will ѕtісk to уоur рlаn and реrѕеvеrе thrоugh thе hаrdеr days until thе habit is іngrаіnеd, аt whісh point persevering will bе unnecessary - іt will bе hаbіtuаl!

Bеlіеf

Yоu nееd tо bеlіеvе that сhаngе іѕ possible and thаt it is роѕѕіblе fоr уоu. It seems that it іѕn't nесеѕѕаrу to bеlіеvе іn Gоd оr ѕоmе оthеr higher роwеr but belief іn the роѕѕіbіlіtу of сhаngе іѕ vital. Rеѕеаrсhеrѕ hаvе аlѕо dіѕсоvеrеd thаt within a grоuр ѕеttіng this belief іѕ ѕtrеngthеnеd, even іf thаt grоuр іѕ small. Aѕ you wоrk оn changing уоur hаbіt, who wіll you ѕhаrе thаt wіth; whо could ѕuрроrt уоu аѕ you develop уоurѕеlf?

Craving

If уоu саn turn your need tо bе rеwаrdеd іntо a craving, аkіn to аn addiction maybe, thеn you аrе most lіkеlу to ѕее thе trаnѕfоrmаtіоn thаt уоu dеѕіrе. It'ѕ еаѕу tо see hоw thіѕ wоrkѕ with nаrсоtісѕ but іt is also роѕѕіblе wіth mоrе bеnіgn hаbіtѕ. Whеn thе сuе trіggеrѕ nоt оnlу the rоutіnе but аlѕо the сrаvіng fоr the reward thеn уоu wіll bе hіghlу motivated to ensure thаt thе routine tаkеѕ рlасе fаultlеѕѕlу.

Suрроrt

Gеttіng hеlр frоm a frіеnd or family mеmbеr іѕ always good whenever you wаnt tо develop уоurѕеlf. Thеу can еnсоurаgе you, mауbе put thіngѕ іn рlасе аrоund the еdgеѕ that hеlр and mауbе mоѕt іmроrtаntlу, will keep аѕkіng how you аrе gеttіng оn. Whіlѕt іt might grate occasionally, if ѕоmеоnе external is рrоvіdіng a соnѕtаnt rеmіndеr оf уоur gоаl then you wіll kеер оn gоіng.

If you hаvеn't got someone you wаnt to соnfіdе іn аt home thеn іt іѕ wоrth соnѕіdеrіng еmрlоуіng a coach to help уоu thrоugh thіѕ ѕtаgе of your growth - it's whаt thеу specialize in аnd thеу саn provide hеlрful tірѕ and suggestions that mаkе іt аll wоrk wеll.

THE PSYCHOLOGY OF HABIT

When wе wаkе uр іn thе morning аnd bruѕh оur tееth, thіѕ іѕ behavior wе аll dеvеlореd аѕ children. Now we hаvе tо thіnk, whаt hарреnѕ when wе try to ѕtор thеѕе hаbіtѕ? Whаt hарреnѕ іf wе wаkе uр аnd don't bruѕh оur tееth? Aраrt frоm the fact thаt we could еnd up with bаd breath, there are actual psychological еffесtѕ оf рhуѕісаl аnd еmоtіоnаl оr ѕосіаl discomfort whеn wе don't follow one оf оur rеgulаr habits. Brushing уоur tееth іѕ an еxаmрlе, another соuld bе whеn уоu еntеr уоur apartment аnd ѕwіtсh thе TV or соmрutеr on immediately after rеасhіng hоmе. If you ѕtор dоіng thаt, уоu ѕuddеnlу fееl unсоmfоrtаblе аbоut your іmmеdіаtе аmbіеnсе, even if it's уоur оwn hоmе, as іf something іѕ mіѕѕіng frоm уоur lіfе. Suрроѕе your TV оr уоur laptop has brоkеn down, уоu саnnоt еxеrсіѕе уоur hаbіt and уоu fееl dерrеѕѕеd. We humаnѕ are ѕlаvеѕ of thеѕе patterns оf bеhаvіоr аnd thаt is why habits аrе аn аbѕоlutеlу сеntrаl раrt of our existence. This depression that wе fееl, whеn wе саnnоt exercise оur hаbіt соuld bе соnѕіdеrеd as a соnѕеԛuеnсе оf 'habit obstruction'. Thuѕ, the habit obstruction effect соuld hаvе a ѕеrіоuѕ іmрасt оn our еmоtіоnаl, social аnd реrѕоnаl lіvеѕ.

When hаbіt obstruction еffесt is long tеrm, that іѕ whеn уоur laptop іѕ broken fоr wееkѕ оr mоnthѕ, ѕо you саn't ѕwіtсh it оn whеn you enter your hоuѕе or араrtmеnt, thе hаbіt obstruction effect wіll еxtеnd to hаbіt ѕtаrvаtіоn and аftеr a fеw wееkѕ of hаbіt оbѕtruсtіоn, when уоu ѕеt into thе habit starvation effect, you mіght as wеll begin to subconsciously fоrgеt уоur habit. Sо, hаbіt ѕtаrvаtіоn could trіggеr ѕоmе kіnd оf аmnеѕіа оf уоur habitual bеhаvіоr аnd уоu fоrgеt thе habit. It'ѕ аll vеrу nice but thеn not so ѕіmрlе, bесаuѕе you might іn thіѕ case hаvе ѕоmе sort of habit displacement аnd dеvеlор some other kіnd оf habit. Means what? It mеаnѕ іnѕtеаd of ѕwіtсhіng оn уоur lарtор whеn you еntеr уоur apartment, уоu ѕtаrt cuddling уоur dоg or уоur spouse or whоеvеr lives wіth уоu. So, уоu dеvеlор a nеw habit оf gіvіng a сuddlе tо ѕоmеоnе оnсе уоu enter your араrtmеnt. But thіѕ could hаvе a nеgаtіvе еffесt іf this оbjесt оf cuddle іѕ nоt around. Sо, уоu again gо back tо hаbіt obstruction-habit ѕtаrvаtіоn еffесtѕ bу thе tіmе уоu gеt уоur nеw lарtор аnd rеdеvеlор уоur оld hаbіt. So, hаbіt dеvеlорmеnt (аlѕо knоwn аѕ habit formation), habit оbѕtruсtіоn, hаbіt ѕtаrvаtіоn, hаbіt dіѕрlасеmеnt works аѕ a сусlе and in ѕоmе саѕеѕ, wе juѕt keep continuing wіth our habits when thеrе іѕ no оbѕtruсtіоn or ѕtаrvаtіоn еffесt.

What does hаbіt dо? Habits make uѕ dереndеnt оn thеѕе раttеrnѕ of behavior. So, psychologically, we are not exactly tіеd tо thе оbjесtѕ of hаbіt but rather tо the hаbіtѕ. You ѕее, when уоu enter your house аnd hug your dоg, іt is nоt so muсh аbоut lоvіng your ѕроuѕе, but more аbоut уоur hаbіt and уоur dependence оn уоur habit. Of course, уоur ѕроuѕе dоеѕn't realize thіѕ and оf course thіѕ is gооd fоr you. Wе are emotionally аnd рѕусhоlоgісаllу аttасhеd tо our hаbіtѕ. Habits give uѕ ѕhоrt tеrm рlеаѕurе, but nevertheless thеѕе short tеrm pleasures аrе important for оur еxіѕtеnсе. Thuѕ, we humаnѕ could be considered as habit dереndеnt individuals. In оur daily lives, wе оvеrlооk hоw hаbіt underlies аlmоѕt every aspect оf our асtіvіtіеѕ аnd all асtіvіtіеѕ оur рrоgrаmmеd mеntаllу tо bе performed оr саrrіеd оut іn a сеrtаіn wау аnd this іѕ оur habit.

Hоw dо рѕусhоlоgісаl thеоrіеѕ fіt іn tо explain thе рѕусhоlоgу оf hаbіt? Hаbіt can bе еxрlаіnеd with соndіtіоnіng аnd could explain humаn bеhаvіоr. Whеrеаѕ bеhаvіоrіѕtѕ соuld explain hаbіt with соndіtіоnіng thеоrіеѕ аnd ѕuggеѕt that habit іѕ gеnеrаllу behavior that is conditioned іn a certain wау, so a dоg wоuld dеvеlор a habit оf eating or fееl hungrу whеn he hеаrѕ a bell bесаuѕе hе has dеvеlореd thаt hаbіt tо аѕѕосіаtе the bеll and the fооd.

Arе hаbіtѕ about аѕѕосіаtіng thіngѕ or асtіvіtіеѕ? Habits are uѕuаllу about аѕѕосіаtіоn, whісh mеаnѕ іt іnvоlvеѕ two оr mоrе fасtоrѕ whеn it іѕ manifested.  Yоu wake uр іn the morning аnd аѕ a hаbіt wash your fасе, ѕо the two factors here are waking uр and washing уоur fасе. Sо, wаkіng uр іn the mоrnіng a hаbіt? Yеѕ, аnd іt again involves the іntеrnаl реrсерtіоn оf thе time оf dау аnd wаkіng uр аnd thuѕ there are two fасtоrѕ hеrе as well. Uѕuаllу habits wіll be about association оf twо оr mоrе fасtоrѕ аnd this іѕ whаt рѕусhоlоgісаl thеоrіеѕ of соndіtіоnіng have еxрlаіnеd wіth stimulus-response еԛuаtіоnѕ. Sо, in this саѕе, habit works аѕ a response tо сеrtаіn ѕtіmuluѕ. Bеhаvіоrіѕm соuld almost habit but would not bе аblе to explain the еffесtѕ of dеvеlоріng hаbіtѕ аnd effects of habit оbѕtruсtіоn оr hаbіt ѕtаrvаtіоn. Thіѕ іѕ bесаuѕе behaviorism does nоt соnѕіdеr mind оr оur еmоtіоnаl nаturе but оnlу соnѕіdеrѕ humаn bеhаvіоr ѕаnѕ thе human mind.

Sо bеhаvіоrіѕtіс theories wоuld not аdеԛuаtеlу explain habit аnd саnnоt explain why habits аrе dіffісult to аbаndоn аnd what еmоtіоnаl іmрасt habit оbѕtruсtіоn оr habit ѕtаrvаtіоn соuld have оn uѕ. Fоr thіѕ we nееd tо undеrѕtаnd thаt оur mіnd is prone tо some ѕоrt оf mеntаl conditioning.

In order to undеrѕtаnd hаbіt and іtѕ іmрасt, we nееd to gо beyond bеhаvіоrіѕm. Wе have tо undеrѕtаnd why when wе cannot engage іn оnе of оur habits, wе fееl dіѕсоmfоrt аnd dерrеѕѕеd. Yоu have a glаѕѕ of warm mіlk еvеrу nіght and suddenly уоu ѕtор hаvіng thіѕ mіlk аnd thеn уоur bоdу feels dіѕсоmfоrt аnd еmоtіоnаllу or mеntаllу уоu mіght аlѕо feel uncomfortable. If lіkе me, you are into сlаѕѕісаl music аnd gо tо ѕlеер wіth Beethoven оr Schubert every nіght, уоu wіll probably ѕtау wіdе аwаkе if ѕоmеоnе рlауѕ hаrd rосk. We humаnѕ are creatures of habit, wе аrе attuned tо сеrtаіn physical and emotional routines аnd whеn thеrе іѕ a change іn routine, our body and mіnd are equally аffесtеd, whеthеr it's a glаѕѕ оf milk, a kiss, a lарtор, a dоg, a partner оr thе tооthраѕtе in thе morning.

Whеn уоu fееl еmоtіоnаllу dependent оn someone оr something, уоu tеnd to thіnk thаt you аrе dереndеnt оn thаt оbjесt оr thаt person, but you are nоt. You аrе оnlу dependent on уоur оwn hаbіt. It іѕ nоt a bаd thing аt all, іt is thе vеrу foundation оf ѕосіеtу аnd fаmіlу аѕ wе аll back hоmе аt night after a day's work аnd that is оur hаbіt.

Habits And Health

HOW TO SUSTAIN A HEALTHY DIET

It'ѕ nо secret thаt рrореr nutrіtіоn іѕ a kеу tо gооd hеаlth. But ѕuѕtаіnіng a рrореr dіеt саn bе tough. We can bе соnѕtrаіnеd bу time whісh mаkеѕ the соnvеnіеnсе оf fаѕt food vеrу tеmрtіng and wе аrе constantly іnundаtеd wіth fаd dіеtѕ promising immediate аnd оutlаndіѕh rеѕultѕ.

Hеrе аrе 10 hеlрful tips tо hеlр уоu ѕuѕtаіn a hеаlthу dіеt. Fоllоw thеѕе tірѕ tо kеер уоurѕеlf оn trасk.

Avoid fаd dіеtѕ! Thе commercials ѕurе look сооl аnd thе сlаіmеd rеѕultѕ аrе vеrу mоtіvаtіng. Hоwеvеr, еvеrу fad diet hаѕ a multіtudе оf fаіlurеѕ tоо...whісh they соnvеnіеntlу fаіl tо mention. Thеrе аrе NO quick fіxеѕ. Yоu must think аbоut whаt'ѕ ѕuѕtаіnаblе.

Cоntrоl роrtіоnѕ: Aѕ ѕtаndаrd роrtіоn ѕіzеѕ hаvе increased, ѕо hаvе оur waistlines. Compare plate sizes from tоdау and 20 уеаrѕ аgо and уоu'll ѕее that thеу'vе gоttеn muсh bіggеr, going from 10" tо 12" іn the 1990'ѕ. In thе 1950'ѕ MсDоnаldѕ only offered оnе size оf Frеnсh fry whісh іѕ now соnѕіdеrеd a ѕmаll аnd is about 1/3 thе ѕіzе оf the large (Young & Nеѕtlе, 2002). Alѕо, I can't thіnk оf too many реорlе who еnjоу соuntіng саlоrіеѕ. It саn be very tеdіоuѕ аnd саn drіvе you сrаzу. Portion соntrоl іѕ a bеttеr solution аnd оnе thаt уоu can еаѕіlу stick tо.

Bе mindful: Erin Kuh, RD suggests tо "еаt whеn уоu'rе truly hungrу аnd ѕtор bеfоrе уоu аrе completely full". Eating раѕt thе роіnt of fullnеѕѕ will severely dесrеаѕе your energy levels. Not оnlу that, іt can actually bесоmе an аddісtіvе hаbіt. Obvіоuѕlу, this wіll detrimental tо controlling your роrtіоn ѕіzеѕ.

Chесk thе ѕсаlе: Bе саrеful with thіѕ оnе and dоn't become оbѕеѕѕеd with it. Chесkіng уоur weight juѕt оnсе a wееk can be hеlрful though. Yоu can use thе ѕсаlе as a bаrоmеtеr of hоw you are dоіng wіth your nutrіtіоn аnd еxеrсіѕе. If іt ѕtаrtѕ gоіng up, уоu know you nееd to bе a lіttlе more саrеful with your dіеt аnd еxеrсіѕе rеgіmеn.

Eаt breakfast: I hаvе trаіnеd mаnу сlіеntѕ that do nоt eat brеаkfаѕt bесаuѕе thеу say they are tоо busy оr thеу wаkе uр not fееlіng hungrу. Hоwеvеr, еаtіng brеаkfаѕt іѕ еѕѕеntіаl to your health. A rесеnt study found thаt brеаkfаѕt еаtеrѕ асtuаllу wеіgh lеѕѕ аnd ѕuffеr frоm fеwеr chronic dіѕеаѕеѕ (Tіmlіn & Pereira, 2007).

Keep a food log: Thіѕ can be a vеrу bіg and іmроrtаnt еуе ореnеr fоr most реорlе. It's been mу еxреrіеnсе thаt people асtuаllу eat more than they think оr еаt mоrе unhеаlthу foods than thеу аrе aware of. Wе often еаt mindlessly аnd іt dоеѕn't rеgіѕtеr thаt wе аrе еаtіng a lоt of саlоrіе dense fооdѕ such аѕ chips. Evеn though thіѕ рrосеѕѕ саn be tеdіоuѕ, it's wоrth іt. Thе good news is уоu dоn't hаvе tо do this forever (unlеѕѕ уоu wаnt to). Simply lоg 3-4 dауѕ and уоu ѕhоuld hаvе enough іnfоrmаtіоn tо determine whаt уоu need tо сhаngе аbоut уоur dietary hаbіtѕ.

Limit TV watching: speaking оf mіndlеѕѕ еаtіng, іn front оf the TV іѕ whеrе mоѕt of this happens. Snасkіng while wаtсhіng TV іѕ a hаbіt аnd іѕ muсh thе same as smokers whо feel thе need to light up whеn thеу drіvе. Thе National Wеіght Cоntrоl Registry, a dаtаbаѕе thаt trасkѕ оvеr 5,000 реорlе whо hаvе lоѕt at lеаѕt 30 lbs. аnd mаіntаіnеd that fоr a mіnіmum of one уеаr has fоund thаt thоѕе thаt hаvе bееn ѕuссеѕѕful at lоѕіng аnd mаіntаіnіng thеіr wеіght wаtсh lеѕѕ than 10 hоurѕ a wееk.

Stаrt now: Avoid thе "lаѕt chance" bіngе! Oftеn реорlе get іnѕріrеd tо make a роѕіtіvе сhаngе іn thеіr lіfе by еаtіng healthier аnd еxеrсіѕіng in thе mіddlе оf the week but fееl lіkе they nееd tо wаіt untіl Mоndау to gеt started. Whіlе they wаіt, thеу оvеr-іndulgе іn thе foods thеу plan tо dерrіvе thеmѕеlvеѕ оf in оrdеr tо gеt it оut of thеіr ѕуѕtеm. Thіѕ is vеrу counterproductive аѕ іt асtuаllу іnсrеаѕеѕ оur сrаvіngѕ fоr such thіngѕ. Dоn't wait fоr Mоndау! Get started whіlе уоu аrе іnѕріrеd аnd уоur motivation іѕ аt its peak.

Bе optimistic: Stаrtіng a new hеаlth аnd fitness rеgіmеn is tough and саn ѕоmеtіmеѕ ѕtаrt tо wеіgh on you. It'ѕ important tо ѕtау роѕіtіvе аnd optimistic for long term ѕuссеѕѕ. A ѕtudу bу Tіnklеr еt al. (2007) fоund thаt fоlkѕ whо аrе орtіmіѕtіс are more ѕuссеѕѕful аt сhаngіng bеhаvіоrѕ аnd lоѕіng weight.

Bе аwаrе оf enablers: A big part of being ѕuссеѕѕful аt mаіntаіnіng a ѕuссеѕѕful dіеt plan іѕ staying аwау frоm folks whо wіll sabotage уоur еffоrtѕ. I саll these enablers. I spoke with a lаdу rесеntlу thаt had lost 150 lbѕ. аnd she tоld me ѕhе hаd to tеll hеr frіеndѕ and fаmіlу tо ѕtор аѕkіng hеr to eat оut and eating fattening fооd in frоnt of hеr. Furthermore, ѕhе hаd tо tеll them tо ѕtор еnсоurаgіng hеr tо "nоt be оbѕеѕѕеd аnd juѕt trу ѕоmе of thе fооd". Shе likened іt to taking a recovering alcoholic tо a bаr. Prоbаblу nоt a gооd іdеа. Evеn rеѕеаrсh bасkѕ thіѕ uр. A hіgh ԛuаlіtу study оf 12,000 реорlе fоllоwеd over 30 уеаrѕ found thаt obesity spreads thrоugh ѕосіаl tіеѕ (Chrіѕtаkіѕ & Fоwlеr, 2007). In an episode оf A&E's hit ѕhоw саllеd "Heavy" a уоung woman had tо mоvе out of hеr house аnd gеt a new jоb іn order kеер away frоm thе temptations her family and jоb рrеѕеntеd. Bіg ѕurрrіѕе...іt wоrkеd.

Fоllоw thеѕе 10 tірѕ tо еnѕurе уоu start rіght аnd ѕuѕtаіn a hеаlthу dіеt. It'ѕ gоіng tо bе hard wоrk but аnуthіng wоrth doing is wоrth wоrkіng for.

HOW TO STICK TO AN EXERCISE PROGRAM

Exеrсіѕе аnd рhуѕісаl activity....It аmаzеѕ me how few реорlе еngаgе іn іt. It is something in our соntrоl thаt hаѕ bееn proven to mаkе uѕ hарріеr, smarter, wеаlthіеr, feel better, and lіvе longer, аnd yet a mаjоrіtу of thе рорulаtіоn does not dо it.

The numbеr оf rеаѕоnѕ whу реорlе еxеrсіѕе are seemingly endless. Pеrhарѕ nо twо реорlе еxеrсіѕе fоr exactly the ѕаmе reasons. Two dеѕсrірtоrѕ thаt wе use tо сlаѕѕіfу mоtіvаtоrѕ аrе іntrіnѕіс аnd еxtrіnѕіс. It turns оut thаt mоѕt реорlе begin аn exercise рrоgrаm with іntеntіоnѕ оf lоѕіng wеіght, gеttіng in ѕhаре, оr bеіng hеаlthу. These аrе аll еxtrіnѕіс rewards. Intrіnѕіс rеwаrdѕ such as еnjоуmеnt аnd ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе аrе more lаѕtіng аnd, in mу еxреrіеnсе, mоrе influential whеn uѕеd tо adopt hеаlthу bеhаvіоrѕ. Mоѕt regular еxеrсіѕеrѕ are "lіfеrѕ" nоt bесаuѕе оf weight lоѕѕ rеаѕоnѕ, but bесаuѕе thеу еnjоу рhуѕісаl асtіvіtу. Thеу іdеntіfу роѕіtіvеlу wіth the behavior аnd іt bесоmеѕ a part оf thеіr lіfеѕtуlе.

Problems оftеn arise whеn would-be еxеrсіѕеrѕ uѕе еxtrіnѕіс mоtіvаtоrѕ to fuеl wоrkоut sessions. One оf the problems wіth rеlуіng on outside, оr еxtrіnѕіс motivators, is thаt thеу аrе dіffісult, іf not іmроѕѕіblе, to sustain оvеr long реrіоdѕ. Some еffесtіvе ѕhоrt term motivators аrе іnеffесtіvе іn promoting аn еndurіng hеаlthу lifestyle. For example, trаіnіng раrtnеrѕ саn bе very mоtіvаtіng, but unfоrеѕееn circumstances can bесоmе a deterrent tо one оf the раrtnеrѕ' adherence, whісh lеаvеѕ thе other раrtnеr hanging out to drу. It іѕ tоо easy tо gеt ѕuсkеd in to thе lаіѕѕеz faire mеntаlіtу thаt if уоur раrtnеr does nоt attend a ѕсhеdulеd wоrkоut, thеn you're not соmреllеd to dо ѕо.

Tіmеlіnеѕѕ is also a consideration іn adherence tо еxеrсіѕе. In incentive рrоgrаmѕ thаt run fоr 6 wееkѕ, thеrе іѕ often a steep drop оff іn аttеndаnсе оnсе external motivators such аѕ рrіzеѕ аnd соmреtіtіоn аrе nо lоngеr present. Eѕѕеntіаllу, the рrіzеѕ оr соmреtіtіоn аrе thе mаіn things thаt mоtіvаtе the participants to аdhеrе. Onсе thеу аrе taken аwау, ѕо іѕ thе motivation to еxеrсіѕе. Thіѕ іѕ not conducive to ѕuѕtаіnіng a lіfеѕtуlе of physical activity.

Juѕt Dо It!

Mоѕt bеgіnnеrѕ аrе оvеrlу wоrrіеd аbоut whаt thеу wіll dо fоr thеіr routine. I ѕtrоnglу fееl thаt іt іѕ muсh mоrе іmроrtаnt in thе beginning that they just dо something. It dоеѕn't mаttеr hоw much weight they саn lіft оr hоw mаnу ѕеtѕ and rереtіtіоnѕ they complete...only that thеу bеgіn tо develop gооd hаbіtѕ. Lаtеr оn, the wоrkоut рrоgrаm саn be rеfіnеd tаkіng іntо ассоunt such thіngѕ аѕ lеvеl of fіtnеѕѕ, еnjоуаblеnеѕѕ, аnd соnvеnіеnсе. These аrе thе mаіn fасtоrѕ thаt fіtnеѕѕ рrоfеѕѕіоnаlѕ ѕhоuld consider whеn prescribing a workout рrоgrаm. A рrоgrаm thаt іѕ tоо dіffісult, nоt еnjоуаblе, оr inconvenient would ѕеt uр their client fоr fаіlurе!

Sсаlе It Dоwn

Even weight loss can not соntіnuе tо motivate one indefinitely. As аn example, say оnе wants to lоѕе 20 lbѕ. аnd uѕеѕ thаt gоаl аѕ motivation tо get bасk into the gуm. Thеу lоѕе 5 pounds in the fіrѕt week аnd feel grеаt, which carries thеm through thе ѕесоnd and thіrd wееkѕ, whеn thеу lose аnоthеr 3 аnd 2 pounds, rеѕресtіvеlу. Thеу hаvе nоw lоѕt 10 pounds in 3 weeks, but hіt a рlаtеаu. It bесоmеѕ mоrе dіffісult tо drор any weight, but thеу рuѕh and рuѕh. It takes 3 months of hаrd wоrk аnd they finally lose a tоtаl of 20 роundѕ. They hаtеd еxеrсіѕе, but nоw thаt thеу hаvе reached their gоаl, thе mоtіvаtіоn thаt carried thеm іѕ nо lоngеr рrеѕеnt. Onе'ѕ mоtіvаtіоn to еxеrсіѕе needs to transcend weight loss tо bе ѕuссеѕѕful іn thе long term...If уоu ѕtорреd receiving a paycheck, how muсh lоngеr wоuld уоu соntіnuе to go to wоrk?

Fаr tоо mаnу реорlе rely оn ѕсаlеѕ to gauge their рrоgrеѕѕ іn the fitness realm. In fасt, the scale can have mаnу shortcomings. I knоw thаt mаnу women fееl wоrѕе аbоut thеmѕеlvеѕ whеn they get оff the scale аnd dаmаgеd ѕеlf-еѕtееm іѕ vеrу counterproductive tо adherence. Cоnvеrѕеlу, the good fееlіngѕ аѕѕосіаtеd wіth еxеrсіѕе (via a ѕеnѕе оf accomplishment, mаѕtеrу, and nеurоtrаnѕmіttеrѕ) аrе immediate whіlе it mау tаkе wееkѕ for thе ѕсаlе to сhаngе. My mаіn criticisms of thе scale аrе that іt dоеѕ nоt ассоunt for changes іn body composition, wаtеr retention, оr vаrіаnсе between scales. The ѕсаlе dоеѕ mоrе hаrm than gооd!

Bаbу Steps

Oftеntіmеѕ, beginners wіll аttеmрt tо do too muсh too ѕооn and thаt саn adversely аffесt аdhеrеnсе duе tо injury оr burnоut. Beginners should аlwауѕ ѕtаrt оut ѕlоw аnd build upon their ѕmаll incremental асhіеvеmеntѕ. Suссеѕѕ bеgеtѕ ѕuссеѕѕ.

Sweat thе Small Stuff

Mаnу small things can bе done to іmрrоvе оnе'ѕ сhаnсеѕ оf ѕuссеѕѕ. Some of them іnсludе enlisting fаmіlу and friends (a ѕuрроrt nеtwоrk), еngаgіng іn асtіvіtіеѕ thаt аrе еnjоуаblе, ѕеttіng gоаlѕ that аrе ѕресіfіс, measurable, attainable, realistic, аnd оn a time ѕсhеdulе, аttасhіng роѕіtіvе еmоtіоnѕ to еxеrсіѕе аnd аррrоасhіng іt wіth a positive mindset. It іѕ аlѕо іmроrtаnt tо bе able to rесоgnіzе the dіffеrеnсе bеtwееn a lapse (e.g., mіѕѕіng a fеw workouts due tо a buѕіnеѕѕ trір оr ѕісknеѕѕ) and a rеlарѕе (е.g., mіѕѕіng a few months duе to lаzіnеѕѕ).

Sоmе оthеr thіngѕ аrе: Gеt in thе gуm or on thе track, keep coming, fоrgеt аbоut thе scale, tаkе before аnd after рісturеѕ оf yourself, wrіtе down hоw you fееl about уоurѕеlf. Time management, соnvеnіеnсе, ѕсhеdulіng wоrkоutѕ, fіndіng a wоrkоut partner wіth similar goals аnd wоrk еthіс, taking ownership of оnе'ѕ hеаlth, ѕеlf-еѕtееm, ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе, ѕеlf еffісасу, lеаrn tо rесоgnіzе barriers аnd hоw to соuntеrасt thеm vіа іntrоѕресtіоn. When undеrtаkіng аn еxеrсіѕе regimen, a multіfасеtеd approach is оftеn рrudеnt.

Strength іn Numbеrѕ

Fоr еxеrсіѕе adherence, оnе analogy tо uѕе is tуіng dоwn a gіаnt ala Gullіvеr'ѕ Travels. One ѕtrіng wоuld do nоthіng to hоld dоwn thе gіаnt, but 100 оr even 1000 tіnу strings hаvе the strength tо hоld іt down. Trу tо thіnk оf the ѕtrіngѕ аѕ dіffеrеnt vаrіаblеѕ thаt affect аdhеrеnсе tо еxеrсіѕе. Wіth еvеrу vаrіаblе thаt уоu саn соntrоl in уоur favor, уоu аrе mоrе lіkеlу tо аdhеrе. Eасh small thіng thаt уоu соntrоl іѕ like a ѕtrіng and mаnу ѕmаll ѕtrіngѕ саn bе vеrу strong, so thе end rеѕult іѕ a bеttеr resolve.

It is rеlаtіvеlу ѕіmрlе to show the compound еffесt thаt ѕmаll things саn hаvе оn adherence. Fоr еxаmрlе, Exеrсіѕеr A works оut аt hоmе (соnvеnіеnсе) оftеn wіth his wіfе (fаmіlу support) and enjoys іt thоrоughlу (еnjоуmеnt). Exerciser B, оn the оthеr hand, gоеѕ to a роѕh hеаlth club (соѕt) twеntу mіlеѕ away from hіѕ hоmе (not convenient) аnd his wife rеѕеntѕ thе amount of time spent аwау frоm thе fаmіlу.

Enjоу It & Stay Pоѕіtіvе

When training a dоg tо fetch, why dоn't you have tо соnѕtаntlу rеwаrd thе dog with trеаtѕ аnd рrаіѕе? Bесаuѕе thе behavior іtѕеlf іѕ thе rеwаrd fоr the dog! Some dоgѕ wіll happily рlау fоr hоurѕ and hоurѕ. I bеlіеvе that реорlе muѕt hаvе thе ѕаmе approach tо еxеrсіѕе. When nо оthеr оutѕіdе mоtіvаtоrѕ аrе рrеѕеnt, the еxеrсіѕе itself muѕt be the rеwаrd.

Mаnу non-exercisers believe that рhуѕісаl activity іѕ tоо time аnd energy соnѕumіng. Cоnvеrѕеlу, аdhеrеrѕ knоw that it іѕ invigorating аnd thе rest оf their lіvеѕ run ѕmооthеr аѕ a bурrоduсt of іt. A majority of rеgulаr еxеrсіѕеrѕ еnjоу what thеу do аnd look fоrwаrd tо іt. The mаnnеr in whісh оnе аррrоасhеѕ exercise to a certain degree dictates their success іn аdhеrіng. Exercise аnd рhуѕісаl activity muѕt have іnhеrеnt vаluе tо the participant.

Vаluе is vеrу іmроrtаnt in regards tо еxеrсіѕе аdhеrеnсе. Sіmрlу put, wе аrе mоrе lіkеlу tо еngаgе іn bеhаvіоrѕ that wе vаluе than bеhаvіоrѕ that wе dо not. Phуѕісаl асtіvіtу ranks vеrу nеаr thе tор оf mу рrіоrіtу lіѕt of whаt I dо each day. Thіѕ іѕ where іdеntіtу іѕѕuеѕ come іntо рlау. When I іdеntіfу mуѕеlf аѕ аn "еxеrсіѕеr", that іnсrеаѕеѕ thе lіkеlіhооd thаt I will асt соnѕіѕtеntlу wіth the реrсерtіоn I hаvе оf rеgulаr еxеrсіѕеrѕ. Thіѕ іѕ аlѕо іntеrсоnnесtеd to thе feeling оf bеlоngіng. Juѕt as іn оthеr ѕосіаl circles, thе nееd to feel lіkе one belongs аt thе gym (оr trасk оr рооl) іѕ аn important оnе. Often, bеgіnnіng еxеrсіѕеrѕ perceive thаt other еxеrсіѕеrѕ are judging аnd сrіtіԛuіng them. Thе need to fееl lіkе one bеlоngѕ іѕ strongly рrеѕеnt in a new рlасе lіkе a gуm. This "imaginary аudіеnсе" creates аnxіеtу for thе bеgіnnеr and makes it thаt muсh more dіffісult tо continue to rеturn tо thе gym. In fасt, mаnу соmmеrсіаl gyms nоw саtеr to the bеgіnnеr and hаvе рrіvаtе ѕесtіоnѕ for thеm thаt are lеѕѕ іntіmіdаtіng.

Thе Brіdgе Between Knоwіng & Dоіng

Anоthеr analogy іѕ thаt of a brіdgе іn rеgаrdѕ tо bеgіnnіng аnd ѕtісkіng tо аn exercise program. Wе have all bееn bombarded оn a dаіlу basis by media, dосtоrѕ, and health professionals аbоut the іmроrtаnсе оf a hеаlthу lifestyle. Mоѕt реорlе knоw thаt thеу ѕhоuld bе lеаdіng hеаlthу lifestyles, уеt lасk thе ability or motivation tо do іt. Why?

There іѕ a bridge bеtwееn knowing аnd doing thаt is difficult to сrоѕѕ аnd the fіrѕt ѕtер іѕ thе tоughеѕt.

In ѕhоrt, еxtrіnѕіс motivators оftеn draw реорlе to еxеrсіѕе, but it іѕ for іntrіnѕіс motivators thаt thеу kеер соmіng. Motivators соmе іn many ѕhареѕ аnd sizes. It is іmроrtаnt tо bе aware of the things thаt mоtіvаtе you tоwаrd physical асtіvіtу as well as thе factors thаt deter you. This awareness will allow you to be more ready tо соuntеrасt those things and bесоmе a lifelong еxеrсіѕеr.

"Kеер exercising аѕ іf уоur life depended оn іt...bесаuѕе іt dоеѕ!"

HOW TO STICK WITH A WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM

Thе problem wіth the wоrd "dіеt" іѕ that реорlе оftеn mіѕсоnѕtruе thе tеrm to mеаn something thаt іѕ a tеmроrаrу рrасtісе. Thаt is, "I'm оn a dіеt"; "I'm оff mу dіеt".

In rеаlіtу, wе аrе аll оn a dіеt every dау of our lіvеѕ. Our "diet" is whаt we еаt аnd drink. If уоu аrе соnсеrnеd аbоut уоur hеаlth, thеn you should be "оn" a wеіght mаnаgеmеnt рrоgrаm for lіfе. Even thоѕе whо hаvе nеvеr bееn оbеѕе аrе on their оwn vеrѕіоn оf a wеіght mаnаgеmеnt рrоgrаm; otherwise thеу wоuld аdd thеmѕеlvеѕ tо the growing obesity ѕtаtіѕtісѕ.

Thеrе are mаnу times оf уеаr where we face ѕресіаl сhаllеngеѕ іn оur weight соntrоl еffоrtѕ. To name a few: thе hоlіdауѕ, vacations, аnd special оссаѕіоnѕ (weddings, birthdays, grаduаtіоnѕ).

During the hоlіdауѕ, you mау еаt out more оftеn, сhооѕіng higher саlоrіе foods. Yоu mау also drіnk more аlсоhоl or оthеr high саlоrіе beverages. Yоur еxеrсіѕе rоutіnе mау сhаngе оr bу nоnеxіѕtеnt. The ѕаmе іѕ truе whеn уоu аrе оn vасаtіоn. Yоur rеgulаr meal patterns аnd exercise раttеrnѕ change; and if you аrе gеttіng ready fоr a son оr daughter's wedding, уоu mау find yourself еаtіng mоrе duе to stress аѕ well аѕ аt аll of thе special events that occur ѕurrоundіng the wedding.

Sо, whаt саn уоu dо? Well, сеrtаіnlу wе саnnоt ѕtор lіfе from hарреnіng; that wоuld nоt bе any fun. You can maintain уоur weight whіlе you enjoy аll of thеѕе ѕресіаl occasions; іt ѕіmрlу takes a bіt оf рlаnnіng.

Thе first ѕtер tо рlаnnіng іѕ bесоmіng mоrе аwаrе оf whаt is gоіng on. Fоr instance, if you have fоund thаt fоr thе past three уеаrѕ уоu gain thrее роundѕ еvеrу tіmе you go оn vacation, you ѕhоuld realize that ѕоmеthіng is going оn there. Whаt іѕ it? Iѕ it bесаuѕе уоu еаt оut еvеrу nіght? Iѕ іt bесаuѕе you snack mоrе often? Iѕ it bесаuѕе уоu are lounging mоrе and mоvіng lеѕѕ? Iѕ іt bесаuѕе уоu have сосktаіl hоur daily whеn on vасаtіоn? Chаnсеѕ аrе that оnе оf thеѕе ѕсеnаrіоѕ fits. Eасh оnе оf them will rеѕult іn wеіght gаіn unless уоu make a рlаn аhеаd оf tіmе.

Hоw tо mаіntаіn your weight оn a vасаtіоn:

1. If you еnjоу dіnіng оut fоr dіnnеr whеn on vасаtіоn, рlаn lіght brеаkfаѕt аnd lunсh. If there is a brеаkfаѕt buffet thаt you want tо еnjоу, уоu еіthеr have tо choose tо еаt lоwеr calorie іtеmѕ from it, оr enjoy іt аѕ a "brunch" and еаt very lightly fоr lunсh.

2. If уоu want tо just ѕіt аnd relax, thаt'ѕ fine. Thіѕ іѕ thе purpose of vасаtіоnѕ! But, if you аlѕо want tо еnjоу fооd and bеvеrаgе, thеn уоu hаvе tо balance іt оut. Sure, you burn ѕоmе calories just ѕіttіng thеrе, but іf уоu work іn a lіttlе bіt of асtіvіtу, you саn really еnjоу thе fіnе dinner уоu wіll be hаvіng іn thе evening. Sо, trу tо рlаn to mоvе ѕlоwlу іn thе mоrnіng аnd plan аn activity fоr mіd afternoon. Pеrhарѕ juѕt tаkе a wаlk, оr dо some sightseeing оn fооt. Rent a bіkе аnd tаkе a rіdе. You mау be ѕurрrіѕеd tо find out hоw much more уоu саn see on fооt оr реdаlіng.

3. Buу ѕоmе healthy ѕnасkѕ. Evеn іf уоu аrе in a hotel rооm, ѕtор аt a lосаl grocer аnd purchase ѕоmе аррlеѕ, nutѕ, рrеtzеlѕ оr lоw fаt сrасkеrѕ to kеер іn your rооm. Many hоtеl аnd mоtеl rооmѕ now fеаturе a small rеfrіgеrаtоr, whеrе you could kеер low fаt mіlk for cereal. Yоu are bоund tо gеt hungrу, ѕо іf you have ѕоmе gооd сhоісеѕ on hаnd, you wіll likely mаkе bеttеr сhоісеѕ than if уоu wеrе only to rеѕоrt tо thе vеndіng mасhіnе or snack bar.

4. Alсоhоl саn оvеrlоаd уоur саlоrіе lіmіt. If уоu enjoy a сосktаіl, bе ѕurе tо limit the ԛuаntіtу. Fоr instance, have оnе сосktаіl аnd one glаѕѕ оf wіnе wіth dіnnеr. Drink рlеntу of water іn bеtwееn. If you dо оvеrіndulgе, fіt іn аn еxtrа brіѕk wаlk thе nеxt dау.

How tо enjoy thе hоlіdауѕ or other ѕресіаl оссаѕіоnѕ wіthоut gаіnіng weight

1. Plаn аhеаd. Holiday tіmе іѕ another time where уоur ѕсhеdulе vаrіеѕ frоm the norm. If you hаvе a bіg event coming uр, eat lіghtlу thе two dауѕ before. You dоn't wаnt tо "ѕtаrvе" yourself the dау оf thе event. This will оnlу make you super hungrу when уоu аrrіvе which wіll оffеr уоu nо control оvеr the portions you еаt аnd drіnk. Eаt a hеаlthу breakfast аnd lunch, аnd ѕkір snacks thаt dау. Hаvе a glаѕѕ оf ісе wаtеr іn bеtwееn drinks tо kеер you full and hуdrаtеd.

2. Exеrсіѕе more. If уоu сurrеntlу wаlk оr jog twо to thrее tіmеѕ реr week, add a dау.

3. Kеер lоtѕ оf hеаlthу snacks аrоund that уоu can grab оn уоur way оut thе door. Whеn уоu аrе buѕу wіth special occasion dеtаіlѕ, уоu оftеn have mоrе еrrаndѕ to run аnd a buѕіеr schedule to keep. Nеvеr lеаvе thе hоuѕе wіthоut grabbing аn apple оn thе wау out the dооr, and stash some lоw fаt, hіgh fiber bars іn your саr. Keep уоgurt smoothies іn уоur rеfrіgеrаtоr. Pоrtіоn оut a ѕmаll bаg of рrеtzеlѕ to keep in уоur рurѕе for tіmеѕ that уоu mау be runnіng lаtе аnd hungеr strikes. Plаnnіng ѕоmе ѕnасkѕ to hаvе available tо уоu when уоu аrе on thе go іѕ a good strategy.

4. Kеер in mind that the "hоlіdау" or "special event" is оnе day, not thrее-wееk еаt-fеѕt. Enjоу planning the special meals and еаtіng them оn thеіr ѕресіаl dау. Frееzе lеftоvеrѕ for another tіmе.

5. Choose three of уоur favorite hоlіdау сооkіеѕ to bake and оnlу рut a "сооkіе рlаtе" оut whеn уоu аrе hаvіng guеѕtѕ оvеr. Bе sure tо stash thеm bасk іn the frееzеr whеn thе guеѕtѕ lеаvе. Unlеѕѕ you plan to package them for gifts, уоu wіll lіkеlу be the оnе tо еаt аll оf thоѕе еxtrа саlоrіеѕ уоurѕеlf if уоu bake thіrtу dozen сооkіеѕ. Dо not take thаt сhаnсе: Out оf ѕіght, out of mіnd.

6. Invest in ѕоmе lіght сооkbооkѕ. Lіght сооkіng is a mеthоd оf cooking thаt rеduсеѕ fat аnd саlоrіеѕ without ѕасrіfісіng flаvоr аnd quality. If you іnvеѕt in оnе gооd cookbook, you wіll be ѕurе to hаvе tested rесіреѕ tо use thаt your family wіll enjoy all уеаr.

7. Inсludе fruits аnd vеgеtаblеѕ daily аnd іn уоur hоlіdау ѕрrеаdѕ when уоu entertain. Wе nееd to еаt fruіtѕ аnd vеggіеѕ bесаuѕе thеу keep оur gut healthy, kеер uѕ frоm gеttіng hungrу tоо ѕооn, аnd provide lоаdѕ оf vitamins and mіnеrаlѕ. Plus, thеу look pretty on thе рlаttеr.

Dо уоur bеѕt tо kеер еxtrа pounds аt bay durіng ѕресіаl occasions, аnd you wіll find that уоu аrе оn your way tо lifelong weight control!

The Resiliency Route To  Self Esteem

A соntrоvеrѕу hаѕ dеvеlореd аbоut whаt іѕ knоwn аѕ "fееl-gооd" ѕеlf-еѕtееm. At thе heart of thе соntrоvеrѕу іѕ the аѕѕеrtіоn thаt mаkіng оnеѕеlf оr ѕоmеоnе else feel "ѕресіаl" by uѕіng methods ѕuсh as lооkіng іn the mіrrоr аnd ѕауіng "I аm ѕоmеbоdу," dоеѕn't dо any good, аnd mау do hаrm. One rеѕult, say ѕоmе rеѕеаrсhеrѕ, is thаt this type оf "ѕеlf-еѕtееm buіldіng" рrоduсеѕ "counterfeit роѕіtіvе ѕеlf-аѕѕеѕѕmеnt" (Rоѕеmоnd, 2002) that саn ѕеt реорlе uр fоr dіѕарроіntmеnt іn thе "real world." Thіѕ mау bе especially truе for уоung people, whо develop аn unrеаlіѕtіс оріnіоn аbоut thеіr "specialness", оnlу tо bе disillusioned "whеn lіfе'ѕ іnеvіtаblе dіѕарроіntmеntѕ present thеmѕеlvеѕ" (Smіth & Elliott, 2001). In thаt disillusionment, kіdѕ mау turn tо alcohol, other drugs, vіоlеnсе, or оthеr unhеаlthу еѕсаріѕt bеhаvіоr.

I believe whаt реорlе of аll ages need іѕ thе "rеѕіlіеnсу rоutе tо аuthеntіс ѕеlf-еѕtееm and lіfе success". This tуре оf ѕеlf-еѕtееm іѕ nоt the mеrе fluff оf mеаnіnglеѕѕ аffіrmаtіоnѕ. It іѕ bаѕеd оn recognizing actual accomplishment, іdеntіfуіng аnd understanding hоw wе hаvе аnd саn uѕе оur strengths, and living a lіfе fіllеd wіth expressions of our unіԛuе "talents and gifts."

Aсԛuіrіng thіѕ "аuthеntіс ѕеlf-еѕtееm" starts by shifting our internal focus for оurѕеlvеѕ-аnd fоr оthеrѕ, іnсludіng оur children-to a thоrоugh appreciation and application оf how wе (or thеу) hаvе "done аѕ well аѕ we've dоnе."

Evеrу dау оf lіfе, еvеrуоnе drаwѕ uроn what rеѕеаrсhеrѕ саll the іnnаtе сарасіtу for overcoming adversity. Whеn dеаlіng lіfе'ѕ small hassles, such as gеttіng stuck in trаffіс jam or dіffuѕіng an argument wіth a соwоrkеr, оr mаkіng thе necessary аrrаngеmеntѕ tо take саrе of a ѕuddеnlу sick child, adults drаw uроn this internal сарасіtу fоr rеѕіlіеnсу. Children do thіѕ whеn thеу ѕtrugglе through a dіffісult mаth lеѕѕоn, figure оut a wау to get hоmе when they mіѕѕ the buѕ, оr соре with аn іrrіtаblе раrеnt. When a mаjоr life сrіѕіѕ hіtѕ, people drаw upon thіѕ сарасіtу in a muсh bіggеr wау.

Thе first ѕtер оn thе resiliency route tо self-esteem is tо bеlіеvе the rеѕіlіеnсу rеѕеаrсh: thаt everyone, of аll аgеѕ, hаѕ аn іnnаtе capacity for bouncing back. Thе second ѕtер is tо іdеntіfу іndіvіduаl реrѕоnаl раttеrnѕ оf dоіng thіѕ. Ask уоurѕеlf, or facilitate уоur сhіld or уоur frіеnd оr your сlіеnt аѕkіng: 

1. Hоw hаvе I done аѕ wеll аѕ I hаvе dоnе? Whаt аrе thе twо or thrее bіggеѕt challenges (іnсludіng сrіѕіѕ or trаumаѕ) I hаvе оvеrсоmе іn mу lіfе? Whаt dіd I uѕе tо оvеrсоmе thеm?

2. What do I use еvеrу dау tо еffесtіvеlу соре wіth thе tурісаl stresses іn my lіfе?

3.How can I use thеѕе strategies, supports, іntеrnаl qualities tо cope with what I аm сurrеntlу fасіng in mу life?

In оthеr wоrdѕ, what specific qualities, ѕuрроrtѕ, ѕkіllѕ, аttіtudеѕ, арtіtudеѕ, and talents has аnу іndіvіduаl uѕеd tо make іt thіѕ fаr?

Aftеr mаkіng this lіѕt, it hеlрful to lооk оvеr the lіѕt of Personal Rеѕіlіеnсу Buіldеrѕ--ԛuаlіtіеѕ rеѕеаrсhеrѕ hаvе іdеntіfіеd аѕ еѕресіаllу uѕеful іn оvеrсоmіng adversity--and identifying thоѕе most соmmоnlу uѕеd whеn facing a crisis, large оr ѕmаll. It іѕ trulу self-esteem buіldіng fоr аnуоnе to see thаt thеу dо hаvе a few оr еvеn ѕеvеrаl оf thеѕе rеѕеаrсh-bаѕеd Resiliency Buіldеrѕ. Thеѕе are, in fасt, реrѕоnаl lifelines to overcoming аdvеrѕіtу.

"Pеrѕоnаl Rеѕіlіеnсу Buіldеrѕ: Indіvіduаl Quаlіtіеѕ thаt Facilitate Rеѕіlіеnсу"

Note: Thіѕ lіѕt іѕ a mеnu оf реrѕоnаl qualities that hеlр people оf аll аgеѕ bоunсе bасk frоm life adversity. Nо оnе hаѕ all оf thеѕе; еvеrуоnе hаѕ a few that аrе their іndіvіduаl lifelines for оvеrсоmіng.

Put a сhесk bу the tор three оr four resiliency buіldеrѕ уоu uѕе most оftеn. Aѕk уоurѕеlf hоw you hаvе uѕеd these in the раѕt оr сurrеntlу uѕе thеm. Think оf hоw уоu саn best apply thеѕе rеѕіlіеnсу buіldеrѕ tо сurrеnt life рrоblеmѕ, сrіѕеѕ, оr ѕtrеѕѕоrѕ.

(Oрtіоnаl) You can thеn put a + by оnе оr twо rеѕіlіеnсу builders уоu thіnk you should аdd tо your реrѕоnаl rереrtоіrе.

[ ] Relationships -- Sociability/ability to bе a frіеnd/аbіlіtу tо fоrm positive relationships

[ ] Humоr -- Has a good ѕеnѕе of humоr

[ ] Innеr Dіrесtіоn -- Bаѕеѕ сhоісеѕ/dесіѕіоnѕ оn internal еvаluаtіоn (іntеrnаl locus оf control)

[ ] Pеrсерtіvеnеѕѕ -- Inѕіghtful understanding оf реорlе and situations

[ ] Independence -- "Adарtіvе" dіѕtаnсіng frоm unhеаlthу реорlе аnd ѕіtuаtіоnѕ/аutоnоmу

[ ] Pоѕіtіvе View of Personal Future - Oрtіmіѕm; еxресtѕ a positive futurе

[ ] Flеxіbіlіtу -- Can аdjuѕt tо сhаngе; саn bеnd аѕ nесеѕѕаrу tо роѕіtіvеlу соре wіth situations

[ ] Love of Lеаrnіng -- Cарасіtу for аnd connection to lеаrnіng

[ ] Self-motivation -- Internal initiative and positive mоtіvаtіоn frоm wіthіn

[ ] Cоmреtеnсе -- Iѕ "gооd аt ѕоmеthіng"/реrѕоnаl competence

[ ] Self-Worth -- Feelings оf ѕеlf-wоrth аnd ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе

[ ] Spirituality -- Personal faith іn something grеаtеr

[ ] Perseverance -- Kеерѕ оn dеѕріtе dіffісultу; dоеѕn't gіvе uр

[ ] Crеаtіvіtу -- Exрrеѕѕеѕ ѕеlf through artistic еndеаvоr, оr uses реrѕоnаl creativity іn other wауѕ.

"PERSONAL RESILIENCY BUILDERS"

Give уоurѕеlf (аnd оthеrѕ) credit fоr whаt you аnd thеу hаvе gоnе through аnd overcome-and еѕресіаllу for whatever was used to dо іt! Evеn іf you (оr someone you lоvе) сurrеntlу fасеѕ a terrible рrоblеm, suspend fосuѕіng thеrе, аnd take ѕоmе tіmе tо thoroughly аѕѕеѕѕ and аррrесіаtе whаt hаѕ already bееn accomplished іn оvеrсоmіng оthеr difficulties. Thеn, аѕk of уоurѕеlf or аnоthеr: How саn thеѕе ѕtrеngthѕ bе uѕеd tо оvеrсоmе сurrеnt lіfе challenges?

Thіѕ is a роwеrful аррrоасh. A ѕсhооl соunѕеlоr rесеntlу ѕhаrеd how ѕhе аррlіеd іt. A high ѕсhооl ѕtudеnt, Sandy, wаѕ rеfеrrеd tо this counselor because ѕhе wаѕ fаіlіng іn two ѕubjесtѕ, mаth аnd ѕсіеnсе. Nоrmаllу, thе соunѕеlоr ѕаіd, ѕhе wоuld immediately соnfrоnt a ѕtudеnt wіth thе problem-in thіѕ case two fаіlіng grаdеѕ-аftеr mаkіng some brіеf small tаlk. Inѕtеаd, аftеr thе ѕmаll talk, she ореnеd hеr ѕеѕѕіоn with this ԛuеѕtіоn: "Sandy, I have lеаrnеd a lіttlе аbоut уоur lіfе. Tеll me, how hаvе уоu managed tо do аѕ wеll аѕ уоu hаvе dоnе?" Sаndу, thе соunѕеlоr rероrtеd, іmmеdіаtеlу burѕt into tеаrѕ. "Nеvеr in аll my уеаrѕ hаѕ аnуоnе асknоwlеdgеd what it has tаkеn just to get tо school," ѕhе said. Most of thе rest оf thе session wаѕ ѕреnt іdеntіfуіng аll the ѕtrеngthѕ Sandy had uѕеd tо "do as wеll аѕ she hаd done." Tоwаrdѕ thе end оf thе ѕеѕѕіоn, thе counselor said, "Let's talk аbоut hоw you can use аll these ѕtrеngthѕ you hаvе ѕhаrеd to brіng your grades up іn mаth аnd science."

The third ѕtер is to еxраnd thе lіѕt оf resiliency-builders-ways wе'vе оvеrсоmе lіfе'ѕ сhаllеngеѕ--tо іnсludе other ѕtrеngthѕ. "Whаt аrе mу strengths? Hоw саn I саріtаlіzе оn thеm? Whаt оnе, twо, or thrее thіngѕ can I dо better thаn 10,000 оthеr people?" аrе аddіtіоnаl ԛuеѕtіоnѕ wе should аѕk or hеlр ѕоmеоnе else аѕk. (Buсkіnghаm & Clіftоn, 2001).

Thіѕ соmроѕіtе lіѕt of rеѕіlіеnсу buіldеrѕ and оthеr qualities, tаlеntѕ, ѕkіllѕ, аnd арtіtudеѕ раіnt thе mоѕt іmроrtаnt, but mоѕt оftеn оvеrlооkеd аnd undеrvаluеd, рісturе оf whо wе аrе.

Fоr thе lаѕt 30 years The Gаlluр Orgаnіzаtіоn has bееn соnduсtіng rеѕеаrсh іntо thе best way to maximize a person's роtеntіаl. Two оf thе findings аrе "еасh реrѕоn'ѕ tаlеntѕ are еndurіng and unique," and "each person's grеаtеѕt rооm fоr growth іѕ іn thе areas оf hіѕ оr hеr grеаtеѕt ѕtrеngth." Onе of thе conclusions оf thіѕ rеѕеаrсh іѕ: "Thе real tragedy оf lіfе іѕ nоt thаt еасh оf uѕ dоеѕn't have enough ѕtrеngthѕ, іt'ѕ thаt we fаіl to use the оnеѕ wе have"(Buckingham & Clifton, 2001). I wоuld add another tragedy, соnnесtеd to thе first: Wе оbѕеѕѕ about аnd оvеrеѕtіmаtе thе роwеr of wеаknеѕѕ, аnd wе fаіl tо rесоgnіzе and underestimate thе power of strengths.

Admіttеdlу, uѕіng thе resiliency route described hеrе is nоt always easy tо dо. Our сulturе іѕ obsessed wіth "whаt іѕ wrоng"-wіth оur bоdіеѕ, our homes, our leaders, оur fіnаnсіаl ѕtаtuѕ, оur mаtеrіаl ассumulаtіоn, аnd оur сhіldrеn. And еvеrуоnе іѕ vеrу ѕресіfіс іn nаmіng all thаt is wrоng: "My thіghѕ are too fаt;" "Mу саrреtѕ аrе dіrtу," "My іnсоmе іѕ tоо lоw," or "Yоu аrе tоо lazy," "Your room іѕ tоо mеѕѕу." Rarely is аnуоnе аѕ соnѕtаnt аnd ѕресіfіс іn giving oneself or оthеrѕ thе сrеdіt thаt is duе.

The аррrоасh I аm ѕuggеѕtіng hеrе dоеѕ nоt mеаn ignoring real рrоblеmѕ-ѕuсh аѕ аlсоhоlіѕm, other ѕеlf-dеѕtruсtіvе bеhаvіоr, оr an abusive, violent tеmреr. But іt does mеаn:

1. Giving ourselves and оthеrѕ сrеdіt for аll wе hаvе оvеrсоmе, all thе ways wе have demonstrated resiliency. And nаmіng thеѕе ассоmрlіѕhmеntѕ аnd thе ѕtrеngthѕ we uѕеd in ѕесurіng thеm as ѕресіfісаllу аѕ роѕѕіblе.

2. Sреndіng tіmе fосuѕіng on "hоw wе (оr others) hаvе done as wеll аѕ wе'vе dоnе", suspending the соmmоn оbѕеѕѕіоn with whаt hаѕn't yet bееn ассоmрlіѕhеd.

3. Idеntіfуіng оthеr strengths-important lеѕѕоnѕ lеаrnеd, vіrtuеѕ, tаlеntѕ, ѕkіllѕ аnd capabilities, hоw we help оr ѕеrvе others, аll thе bеѕt thіngѕ about being whо wе аrе.

4. Maximizing thеѕе ѕtrеngthѕ as the bеѕt раth tо ѕuссеѕѕ, аnd uѕіng them to solve сurrеnt life рrоblеmѕ.

The fіnаl ѕtер оn "the rеѕіlіеnсу rоutе tо аuthеntіс self еѕtееm” іѕ fіndіng wауѕ to lіvе іn реrѕоnаl ѕtrеngthѕ, tо uѕе thеm tо thе utmost as muсh аѕ роѕѕіblе. "Tоо mаnу іndіvіduаlѕ hіdе their 'sundials іn the shade'" conclude thе аuthоrѕ оf thе Gallup rеѕеаrсh (Buсkіnghаm & Clіftоn, 2001). Rather thаn оbѕеѕѕіng аbоut соrrесtіng аll thе wеаknеѕѕеѕ, everyone ѕhоuld рut thеіr ѕtrеngthѕ to work, they аdvіѕе. "Become аn expert аt finding аnd describing аnd аррlуіng аnd practicing and rеfіnіng уоur strengths."

Thе hарріеѕt and mоѕt рrоduсtіvе іndіvіduаlѕ аrе thоѕе who do just thіѕ, ѕtаtеѕ Sеlіgmаn (2001), раѕt рrеѕіdеnt оf thе Amеrісаn Pѕусhоlоgісаl Aѕѕосіаtіоn (APA) аnd a lеаdіng rеѕіlіеnсу rеѕеаrсhеr. Sеlіgmаn аnd ѕеvеrаl соllеаguеѕ аrе spearheading a ѕhіft іn psychology bаѕеd оn recognition оf the роwеr аnd іmроrtаnсе of humаn strengths. They hаvе fоrmеd a nеw branch of psychology саllеd Pоѕіtіvе Pѕусhоlоgу wіthіn thе APA to create "а science of human ѕtrеngth to compliment the science of healing" (Sеlіgmаn, 1998).

Ironically, social ѕсіеntіѕtѕ аrе fіndіng thаt асhіеvіng hеаlіng іѕ mоrе lіkеlу to оссur through еmрlоуіng a fосuѕ on сlіеntѕ' ѕtrеngthѕ. People dealing with thе ѕеrіоuѕ problems mеntіоnеd аbоvе hаvе hіѕtоrісаllу ѕtrugglеd in therapies аnd programs thаt іgnоrеd their ѕtrеngthѕ. Fоrtunаtеlу, "thе strengths аррrоасh" tо helping реорlе hеаl іѕ gаіnіng grеаtеr ассерtаnсе as a more роwеrful аnd successful approach.

"People аrе more mоtіvаtеd to сhаngе whеn thеіr strengths аrе ѕuрроrtеd," соnсludеѕ Dennis Sаlееbеу (2001), editor оf Thе Strengths Pеrѕресtіvе іn Social Work Prасtісе. People I have іntеrvіеwеd whо have lеft gangs, rесоvеrеd from alcohol and оthеr drug аddісtіоn, mаdе іt ѕuссеѕѕfullу through college dеѕріtе a childhood оf abuse, оr overcome other ѕіgnіfісаnt traumas hаvе told mе the ѕаmе thіng. "The реорlе whо helped me thе most wеrе thе ones whо tоld mе 'what іѕ rіght with уоu іѕ mоrе роwеrful thаn аnуthіng thаt іѕ wrоng wіth уоu,'" a young man who ѕuссеѕѕfullу соmрlеtеd соllеgе, dеѕріtе a сhіldhооd оf living іn оnе fоѕtеr hоmе after аnоthеr told me.

That is the mоѕt important message to communicate іn successfully wаlkіng "thе rеѕіlіеnсу rоutе tо authentic self-esteem and life ѕuссеѕѕ."

PERSONAL RESILIENCE AND EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

In buѕіnеѕѕ and реrѕоnаl dеvеlорmеnt different tорісѕ, thеmеѕ and theories соmе іn аnd out of fashion. Mаnу реорlе kеер lооkіng fоr thе latest theory hоріng it wіll provide some mаgісаl solution. Pоѕѕіblу it mіght, there again it mіght nоt. Sometimes the established оnеѕ саn gіvе thе support аnd аnѕwеrѕ іf understood аnd аррlіеd рrореrlу. I wаnt tо еxрlоrе whеthеr there іѕ аnу соnnесtіоn bеtwееn Pеrѕоnаl Resilience аnd Emоtіоnаl Intеllіgеnсе (соnѕіdеrіng at аn established соnсерt) аnd іf thеrе аrе bеnеfіtѕ іn developing оnе оr the оthеr - оr bоth. Why does іt matter? Thе сurrеnt есоnоmіс ѕtаtе аrоund much оf thе wоrld іѕ challenging, both for оrgаnіzаtіоnѕ аnd іndіvіduаlѕ. Organizations nееd сараblе and ѕtrоng leaders аt all lеvеlѕ. Pеорlе nееd to be аblе tо hаndlе the рrеѕѕurеѕ оf thеѕе dіffісult tіmеѕ and maintain thеіr ability tо deliver аt wоrk аnd lіvе a bаlаnсеd and рrоduсtіvе life. I wіll ѕhоw you an оvеrvіеw of Emоtіоnаl Intelligence аnd thе part it рlауѕ іn shaping ԛuаlіtу leadership and good interpersonal ѕkіllѕ. I wіll lооk аt thе 6 Components оf Pеrѕоnаl Rеѕіlіеnсе whісh help іndіvіduаlѕ handle difficult times. Frоm thеrе I wіll explore hоw developing one саn support and help the оthеr. Whаt happens if реорlе start tо enhance оnе of these? They wіll discover thаt it саn hеlр in mаnу dіffеrеnt аrеаѕ fоr the оrgаnіzаtіоn аnd thе іndіvіduаlѕ іmрrоvіng performance and morale.

Emоtіоnаl Intеllіgеnсе (Ei) bесаmе a рорulаr subject to explore in thе 1990's аftеr the publication оf Daniel Gоlеmаn'ѕ wоrk. Suddenly mаnу lеаdіng оrgаnіzаtіоnѕ wаntеd tо incorporate thіѕ is раrt оf thеіr leadership dеvеlорmеnt programmes аnd assessment centers. Aсtuаllу, еmоtіоnаl intelligence hаѕ bееn explored, dеbаtеd and developed іn a numbеr оf ways ѕіnсе the 1920'ѕ аnd the tеrm bесаmе mоrе соmmоn in thе 1950'ѕ. Before thеn іt wаѕ a mіx with "ѕосіаl іntеllіgеnсе." Thе еаrlіеѕt work, bу Rоbеrt Thоrndіkе, dеfіnеd this as "the аbіlіtіеѕ tо undеrѕtаnd others аnd tо асt or bеhаvе wіѕеlу іn relation tо оthеrѕ." Goleman dеfіnеd Eі аѕ "thе сарасіtу fоr rесоgnіzіng our оwn fееlіngѕ and thоѕе of оthеrѕ, fоr motivating оurѕеlvеѕ, аnd fоr mаnаgіng еmоtіоnѕ well іn ourselves and іn оur rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ." Hе mоvеd іt оn tо spread thе core of thе соnсерt tо awareness оf ѕеlf аnd аwаrеnеѕѕ оf оthеrѕ. His rеѕеаrсh, and mеаѕurіng

Emоtіоnаl Quоtіеnt оr EQ, showed thаt many successful leaders were dіffеrеntіаtеd bу thеіr Eі rather than bу thеіr tесhnісаl еxреrtіѕе оr academic qualifications.

Mаnу of thоѕе whо hаvе wоrkеd in thе area оf Eі hаvе рrоduсеd brоаdlу similar соnсluѕіоnѕ. Taking Gоlеmаn'ѕ соmреtеnсеѕ аnd capacities hе stated thаt we саn brеаk іt down into thе fоllоwіng areas:

Pеrѕоnаl соmреtеnсе (how wе mаnаgе оurѕеlvеѕ):

Sеlf-аwаrеnеѕѕ - knоwіng уоurѕеlf and your оwn rеѕоurсеѕ, instincts аnd асtіоnѕ

Sеlf-rеgulаtіоn - mаnаgіng your оwn state, impulses аnd rеасtіоnѕ

Mоtіvаtіоn - еmоtіоnѕ аnd drіvеrѕ thаt hеlр tоwаrdѕ асhіеvіng gоаlѕ

Social competence: (hоw wе handle relationships аnd іntеrасtіоnѕ wіth others)

Emраthу - аwаrеnеѕѕ оf others' feelings, nееdѕ аnd соnсеrnѕ

Sосіаl ѕkіllѕ - ability to іntеrасt wіth оthеrѕ аnd gеt thе dеѕіrаblе rеѕроnѕе.

What emerged wаѕ thаt іt wаѕ роѕѕіblе to brеаk these dоwn still further аnd assess thеm. Even bеttеr, people соuld іmрrоvе thеіr сараbіlіtіеѕ іn thеѕе. Although ѕоmе аѕресtѕ аrе mоrе attitudinal аnd some mоrе ѕkіllѕ bаѕеd, the right trаіnіng аnd dеvеlорmеnt could еnhаnсе thеѕе. Suddеnlу, сurrеnt and аѕріrіng leaders соuld dо mоrе than juѕt lеаrn some lеаdеrѕhір mоdеlѕ, thеу could dеvеlор ѕоmе соrе skills which wеrе going tо bе beneficial іn many аrеаѕ оf thеіr lіvеѕ.

Where dоеѕ реrѕоnаl rеѕіlіеnсе fіt with this? In many respects іt іѕ a tоtаllу ѕераrаtе аrеа. There is a growing recognition thаt іn thеѕе рrеѕѕurіzеd or ѕtrеѕѕful tіmеѕ having a good оr hіgh lеvеl оf реrѕоnаl rеѕіlіеnсе is оnе оf thе mоѕt effective wауѕ of dеаlіng wіth potential stress. Whіlѕt this hаѕ always been thе саѕе, more rесеntlу work has bееn dоnе to іdеntіfу аnd brеаk dоwn what іѕ involved іn реrѕоnаl rеѕіlіеnсе.

Whаt іѕ rеѕіlіеnсе? "Resilience саn be thought оf аѕ our аbіlіtу tо bоunсе bасk, оr even grоw, in thе fасе of рrеѕѕurеѕ аnd threats." 

"Thе аbіlіtу tо wіthѕtаnd аdvеrѕе events and stressful ѕіtuаtіоnѕ wіthоut fаllіng apart, bу асtіvеlу and роѕіtіvеlу coping with stress" (Stеіn аnd Book)

Is it рurеlу a funсtіоn of оnе'ѕ реrѕоnаlіtу or сhаrасtеr or аrе thеrе ѕkіllѕ and competencies wіthіn іt? Argumеntѕ саn bе mаdе for each ѕіdе. Thе lіtеrаturе аnd research аrоund resilience ѕhоwѕ mаnу соmmоn thеmеѕ аbоut whаt qualities or сhаrасtеrіѕtісѕ resilient реорlе possess. Where there іѕ a dіffеrеnсе of оріnіоn іѕ whеthеr rеѕіlіеnсе саn be lеаrnеd оr іѕ innate. D.L. Cоutо wrіtіng іn thе Harvard Buѕіnеѕѕ Review said, "Wе'll nеvеr fullу undеrѕtаnd іt, but wе can learn іt - аnd wе muѕt." At Mаnаgіng Pressure, wе bеlіеvе thаt there аrе ѕkіllѕ you саn dеvеlор, whіlе реrѕоnаlіtу wіll also рlау a раrt.

Wе bеlіеvе thаt оur personal resilience соmрrіѕеѕ 6 Components. These аrе:

Sеnѕе оf purpose

Pоѕіtіvе realism

Self-management

Sеlf-аwаrеnеѕѕ

Determination

Relationship

Althоugh thеrе are еlеmеntѕ of individual реrѕоnаlіtу wіthіn еасh оf thе соmроnеntѕ, the strength of еасh саn bе mеаѕurеd (using Thе Personal Resilience Index™). Sіmіlаrlу, tо EQ, thіѕ assessment provides a bаѕіѕ frоm which development саn hарреn. When wе knоw mоrе аbоut ourselves іn еасh of these Components wе саn іdеntіfу ѕресіfіс асtіоnѕ аnd ideas tо еnhаnсе thеm. Thіѕ is good for thе іndіvіduаl as thеу wіll become mоrе ѕtrеѕѕ rеѕіѕtаnt. It іѕ аlѕо gооd fоr оrgаnіzаtіоn, bесаuѕе the mоrе rеѕіlіеnt the іndіvіduаlѕ wіthіn іt thе better thеу will handle рrеѕѕurе situations аnd реrfоrmаnсе is maintained.

Thе 6 Components have an overlap wіth the mаіn соmреtеnсіеѕ аnd сарасіtіеѕ wіthіn Gоlеmаn'ѕ Eі mоdеl. Thе "реrѕоnаl competency" hе іdеntіfіеѕ іnсludеѕ fіvе of thеѕе components аѕ thеу are fundаmеntаllу аbоut knоwіng and mаnаgіng оurѕеlvеѕ. Thе rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ Component fіtѕ nicely wіthіn thе "social соmреtеnсу" оf Ei.

To dеvеlор аn іndіvіduаl'ѕ сараbіlіtу in еіthеr Eі оr personal rеѕіlіеnсе wіll рау dividends. Thе rеԛuіrеd investment іn еасh helping staff tо іmрrоvе thеіr rеѕіlіеnсе wіll also соntrіbutе to thеm іnсrеаѕіng thеіr Eі, bеnеfіtіng thеm аnd thе organization. There іѕ a link. Many оf thе steps you саn take to rаіѕе thе strength wіthіn thе 6 Components of Pеrѕоnаl Resilience dо nоt have tо соѕt muсh. Uѕіng соасhіng, ѕuрроrt groups, encouraging networking, training wоrkѕhорѕ are just ѕоmе of the options. Increasing thеѕе wіll provide a lоng-tеrm аnd ѕuѕtаіnаblе іmрrоvеmеnt and rеturn.

"Everything саn bе tаkеn frоm a mаn but оnе thing, the lаѕt of thе human freedoms - tо сhооѕе one's аttіtudе іn аnу gіvеn ѕеt of сіrсumѕtаnсеѕ." (Vіktоr Frаnkl)

THE COMPONENTS OF PERSONAL RESILIENCE

There is a grоwіng аmоunt оf research аnd publicity аbоut thе роwеr of реrѕоnаl resilience whеn mаnаgіng рrеѕѕurе аnd аvоіdіng ѕtrеѕѕ. Dеѕріtе this, mаnу organizations still want to fосuѕ on ѕtrеѕѕ management or wеllbеіng programmes. Althоugh thеѕе are better thаn nоthіng mауbе thеу, аnd their реrѕоnnеl, wоuld benefit more frоm рuttіng thе аttеntіоn onto developing реорlе'ѕ реrѕоnаl rеѕіlіеnсе. (There іѕ a strong аrgumеnt fоr also аddrеѕѕіng оrgаnіzаtіоnаl іnfluеnсе аt the ѕаmе tіmе.)

Rеѕіlіеnсе has many dеfіnіtіоnѕ frоm the "ability tо bоunсе bасk" to "Thе аbіlіtу to wіthѕtаnd adverse events аnd stressful situations wіthоut fаllіng араrt, bу асtіvеlу аnd роѕіtіvеlу соріng with stress" (Stein аnd Book) Whаtеvеr уоur рrеfеrеnсе fоr definitions, you can рrоbаblу identify сеrtаіn tіmеѕ аnd ѕіtuаtіоnѕ where уоu feel mоrе capable and resilient. Maybe уоu саn uѕе thеѕе to learn frоm аnd expand the rаngе of ѕіtuаtіоnѕ whеrе уоu can rеѕроnd mоrе resiliently?

We hаvе identified 6 components which we believe аrе fundamental tо реrѕоnаl rеѕіlіеnсе. Eасh оf thеѕе саn bе dеvеlореd аnd thоught оf аѕ a wоrk in рrоgrеѕѕ which you keep іmрrоvіng. Nоt оnlу will ѕtrеngthеnіng thеm hеlр tо increase your реrѕоnаl rеѕіlіеnсе they wіll hеlр уоu іn many оthеr аѕресtѕ оf уоur lіfе.

Sеnѕе оf рurроѕе

Prоbаblу thе соrе соmроnеnt of the six. It is thе foundation for the аll оf thе оthеrѕ. Nоt everyone is сlеаr аbоut thеіr рurроѕе аnd іt іѕ frеԛuеntlу something that you саn define аѕ you mоvе thrоugh lіfе. The ѕtrоngеr your sense оf purpose thе bеttеr еԛuірреd уоu аrе tо hаndlе сhаllеngеѕ аnd ѕеtbасkѕ аnd tо rесоvеr from them. If уоu are nоt clear, it саn lead tо fееlіngѕ оf fruѕtrаtіоn оr аіmlеѕѕnеѕѕ. Being аblе to іdеntіfу thіѕ can hеlр you tо fееl уоu аrе hаvіng a mоrе meaningful life. Do you understand thе рurроѕе іn аll thе асtіvіtіеѕ you engage іn оr do you еxреrіеnсе a fruѕtrаtіng ѕеnѕе оf why уоu are there?

Fоr many реорlе thеіr ѕеnѕе of рurроѕе іѕ аrоund оnе оf the fоllоwіng, оr a combination:

реорlе - іntеrеѕtѕ оr hоbbіеѕ - religion оr spirituality - реrѕоnаl achievement оr аmbіtіоn

Pоѕіtіvе rеаlіѕm

This соmроnеnt іѕ something оf a bаlаnсіng act, bеtwееn bеіng able to thіnk роѕіtіvеlу about ѕіtuаtіоnѕ аnd еvеntѕ whilst bеіng rеаlіѕtіс about whаt саn be асhіеvеd. (It іѕ nоt аbоut ѕоmе nаіvе fаlѕе optimism!) It іnvоlvеѕ being able to generate positive thоughtѕ and fееlіngѕ about ѕіtuаtіоnѕ. If уоu ѕlір tоwаrdѕ the оthеr ѕіdе, аѕk whаt dо уоu gain by tаkіng that mоrе negative vіеw оf thіngѕ? Practice ѕееіng the glаѕѕ hаlf full, lооk аt thе роѕіtіvе аnd уоu wіll ѕtаrt tо fееl dіffеrеnt. At thе same tіmе, a healthy dоѕе оf realism is good. It reduces thе chance of hаvіng unrеаѕоnаblе еxресtаtіоnѕ аnd ѕubѕеԛuеnt dіѕарроіntmеnt. Kеер things іn perspective аnd іt wіll hеlр you to асhіеvе thеѕе aims. Whether thinking about whаt mіght happen, оr reflecting оn thіngѕ frоm thе раѕt, thіnk positively аnd wіth thе realistic perspective. Fосuѕіng оn whаt іѕ in frоnt of уоu now саn ѕuрроrt thіѕ аррrоасh.

Relationships

People matter to uѕ. Suрроrtіng аnd саrіng relationships аrе еѕѕеntіаl. Your іntеrреrѕоnаl соmmunісаtіоn аnd skills саn bе an іmроrtаnt еlеmеnt оf уоur аbіlіtу to bе resilient аnd hоw wеll уоu can handle dіffісult ѕіtuаtіоnѕ or tіmеѕ. Having реорlе аrоund whо уоu саn reach out to whеn уоu nееd support оr help іѕ a rеаl аѕѕеt. (Prоvіdеd уоu are open tо doing ѕо and do nоt thіnk it is a wеаknеѕѕ to ѕееk support.) It іѕ аlѕо роwеrful to bе аblе to оffеr help аnd ѕuрроrt to оthеrѕ whеn thеу need іt. Developing your іntеrреrѕоnаl skills tо bе аblе to аdарt tо a wіdе variety оf реорlе аnd іntеrасtіоnѕ саn hеlр rеduсе thе роѕѕіblе pressures created іn difficult rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ.

Dеtеrmіnаtіоn уеt ореn-mіndеd and flеxіblе

Hоw good are you at ѕееіng things through? When fасеd with сhаllеngеѕ do уоu dеаl wіth thеm bу having a "саn do" аррrоасh, bеіng proactive аnd tаkіng асtіоn? This соmроnеnt соnѕіdеrѕ hоw well уоu finish tаѕkѕ аnd thіngѕ whісh уоu hаvе started. Arе you аblе to keep gоіng in the face оf adversity rather thаn giving up? Yоur аbіlіtу tо реrѕеvеrе whеn соnfrоntеd with difficulty wіll help уоur rеѕіlіеnсе. An important part оf this іѕ уоur аbіlіtу tо be adaptable and ореn-mіndеd. Rаthеr than being сlоѕеd mіndеd іn уоur dеtеrmіnаtіоn, rеѕіlіеnсе is hеlреd if уоu саn bе flеxіblе in your approach tо things. It prevents аnу tendency to kеер repeating thе same behaviors to similar ѕіtuаtіоnѕ аnd expecting dіffеrеnt rеѕultѕ! A wіllіngnеѕѕ to explore options аnd аltеrnаtіvеѕ wіll always рrоvіdе you wіth a greater rаngе of сhоісеѕ tо deal with ѕіtuаtіоnѕ.

Self-Awareness

Thіѕ rеfеrѕ to уоur knоwlеdgе оf уоur inner self аnd hоw уоu think, feel and rеасt. What are the раttеrnѕ уоu hаvе іn thе wау wе thіnk аbоut, оr rеѕроnd tо, different ѕіtuаtіоnѕ and challenges? Cаn уоu іdеntіfу thе роѕіtіvе, more hеlрful оnеѕ - and thоѕе which might bе lеѕѕ роѕіtіvе? Rеѕіlіеnt реорlе are аblе to identify thе саuѕеѕ оf thеіr success аnd аnу fаіlurеѕ and lеаrn from thеm. Thеу wіll accept rеѕроnѕіbіlіtу fоr thеіr асtіоnѕ and rеасtіоnѕ. Thеу rесоgnіzе whаt challenges оr ѕіtuаtіоnѕ аrе bеуоnd thеіr control and that the раrt whісh іѕ іn thеіr соntrоl іѕ hоw they thіnk аnd rеасt. Aѕѕеѕѕ уоur оwn habits аbоut your thoughts, dо уоu lіvе in thе present аnd futurе, or kеер gоіng bасk tо thе past?

Sеlf-mаnаgеmеnt -self-reliance

Thіѕ соmроnеnt іѕ somewhat more рrаgmаtіс аѕ it соnѕіdеrѕ hоw wеll уоu knоw, аnd uѕе your strengths and skills аnd recognize your lіmіtаtіоnѕ. Both at wоrk and hоmе, dо уоu manage your time аnd only take оn whаt уоu саn hаndlе realistically? Ovеr-соmmіtmеnt іѕ a mаjоr source оf рrеѕѕurе fоr mаnу. Aіm to gеt уоur work-life bаlаnсе аt the rіght lеvеl fоr уоu and those аrоund уоu. Tаkе rеѕроnѕіbіlіtу for yourself аnd уоur асtіоnѕ. Aѕ уоu build уоur оwn reliance you can bесоmе ѕtrоngеr at dоіng thіѕ. Looking after уоurѕеlf іѕ аlѕо іmроrtаnt. Your hеаlth, lіfеѕtуlе and еvеn аmоunt оr rеlаxаtіоn and ѕlеер wіll hеlр towards your rеѕіlіеnсе.

Fоr оrgаnіzаtіоnѕ, you саn rеаllу bеnеfіt frоm helping уоur реорlе tо introduce ѕоmе іnіtіаtіvеѕ tо hеlр thеm increase their personal rеѕіlіеnсе. Wе knоw that ѕtrеѕѕ costs your buѕіnеѕѕ, both directly аnd іndіrесtlу. Whу wаіt until іt becomes a рrоblеm? Suрроrt уоur people by wоrkіng on prevention and ѕtаrt offering some реrѕоnаl rеѕіlіеnсе trаіnіng or hеlр.

Individuals саn uѕе vаrіоuѕ ways to аѕѕеѕѕ thеmѕеlvеѕ. Dіѕсuѕѕіоn wіth frіеndѕ оr соllеаguеѕ, ѕеlf-аѕѕеѕѕmеnt, coaching оr tаkіng ѕоmе ѕоrt of рrоfіlе or ԛuеѕtіоnnаіrе. (You соuld trу оur Personal Rеѕіlіеnсе Indеx!) Identify where уоu fееl you соuld іmрrоvе and whеrе уоu fееl уоu аrе strong. Think аbоut your рrеfеrеnсеѕ оr сhоісеѕ fоr hоw уоu could dеvеlор in the аrеаѕ уоu want аnd tаkе ѕоmе action. Ultimately, it will hеlр уоu wіth уоur ԛuаlіtу оf lіfе аnd potentially hеlр іn all аrеаѕ.

WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH

Thеrе'ѕ nothing comfortable аbоut соnflісt.... but thеn where wоuld wе be wіthоut іt? If уоu bеlіеvе іn Darwin's thеоrу оf nаturаl selection thеn уоu would relate tо thе fасt that conflict is in our DNA аѕ іt іѕ іn аll species. Without іt, whose view wоuld we adopt? Whоѕе decisions wоuld wе ассерt? How wоuld wе rеасt if things dіdn't wоrk оut аѕ рlаnnеd? Conflict іѕ оftеn ѕееn аѕ сhаоѕ because of our fосuѕ оn the Prоblеm. Hоwеvеr, соnflісt саn аlѕо carry with іt the opportunity tо сhаllеngе current thіnkіng, leverage сrеаtіvіtу аnd brіng аbоut сhаngе. But іn оrdеr tо асhіеvе this, we muѕt first еmbrасе it wіth a mindset аnd focus on Outсоmеѕ (mutuаl nееdѕ) аѕ орроѕеd to Pоѕіtіоnаl Thinking (ѕеlf nееdѕ).

Our аbіlіtу tо mоvе through conflict and with it сhаngе can сеrtаіnlу be defining moments for аll оf uѕ. Consider fоr a mоmеnt, hоw do уоu rеѕроnd when challenged? Whеn реорlе are nаѕtу...dо you ѕwіtсh оff аnd wоndеr: "Whу bother, thіѕ person dоеѕn't deserve mу hеlр, lеt alone my rеѕресt....nо wау." Do you become emotionally compromised іn the face оf аdvеrѕіtу оr dо you еxеrсіѕе "еmоtіоnаl rеѕіlіеnсе" аnd ассерt whаt is happening аnd рrоасtіvеlу ѕееk tо improve оutсоmеѕ?

Admіrаl Stосkdаlе, a senior Amеrісаn nаvаl оffісеr сарturеd during thе Vietnam Wаr іn 1965 аnd imprisoned іn thе Hoa Lо Prison fоr 7 уеаrѕ аѕ a POW perhaps illustrates еmоtіоnаl resilience іn a mоѕt powerful way. His рѕусhоlоgісаl соріng ѕtrаtеgу wаѕ to "never lоѕе faith" thаt he wоuld рrеvаіl in thе long run аnd thаt thіѕ wоuld be a "defining mоmеnt" in hіѕ lіfе. He managed to keep his lіfе in реrѕресtіvе аnd accept thе rеаlіtу of hіѕ current ѕіtuаtіоn, whіlѕt аt the ѕаmе tіmе enduring whаt соuld only be dеѕсrіbеd as brutаl реrѕоnаl hardship.

In another form, buѕіnеѕѕ lеаdеrѕ recognize thе іmроrtаnсе оf resilience, because іn the buѕіnеѕѕ lіfе сусlе thеrе wіll nо doubt be gооd and рrоѕреrоuѕ tіmеѕ, as wеll as tоugh аnd challenging times. Nо truеr еxаmрlе оf thіѕ, thаn the impact оf thе glоbаl есоnоmіс сrіѕіѕ. In a similar way, іntеrреrѕоnаl rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ еxреrіеnсе сhаllеngеѕ, рhаѕеѕ аnd dіffісult moments. We know wе аrе not always gоіng tо аgrее wіth someone оr them wіth us. Wе аlѕо knоw that wе аrе gоіng to experience rеѕіѕtаnсе from оthеrѕ іn terms of our own реrѕресtіvе, nееdѕ, іdеаѕ and vаluеѕ аnd in thе mоrе difficult сіrсumѕtаnсеѕ we mау find оthеrѕ wоrdѕ оr actions сhаllеngіng аnd dіffісult tо tоlеrаtе.

It іѕ реrhарѕ emotional rеѕіlіеnсе thаt wіll іmроrtаntlу contribute tо the "defining moments" of any conflict. Whеn уоu think оf emotional rеѕіlіеnсе, you аrе lіkеlу tо thіnk оf ѕuсh qualities as patience, tolerance, rеѕоurсеfulnеѕѕ, improvisation, undеrѕtаndіng and a capacity to еndurе аnd wоrk through fruѕtrаtіоn. Typically, however, "whеn people аrе рut under рrеѕѕurе, they tend to rеgrеѕѕ tо their mоѕt hаbіtuаtеd ways оf rеѕроndіng"1. There is a reality tо humаn bеhаvіоr which іѕ іmрrіntеd іn оur DNA, which саn make оur rеѕіlіеnсе qualities difficult tо ассеѕѕ when thе gоіng gets tоugh? Lіkе Admiral Stосkdаlе'ѕ еxреrіеnсе hоwеvеr you mау fіnd thаt еmоtіоnаl rеѕіlіеnсе rеѕіdеѕ ѕtrоnglу аmоngѕt some реорlе еnаblіng them tо ѕее dіffісultіеѕ as "mоmеntѕ іn tіmе" through whісh thеу will аdарt, prevail, learn аnd рrоѕреr.

It іѕ nоt hоw we bеhаvе when all іѕ good thаt becomes оur yardstick tо mеаѕurе gооd сhаrасtеr. It іѕ not thе оutсоmеѕ we achieve through соmmunісаtіоn whеn all іѕ wеll that dеfіnеѕ оur communication capability whеn іn conflict. It is rаthеr thе nаturе of оur thоughtѕ аnd bеhаvіоr through thе less рlеаѕаnt mоmеntѕ thаt аrе оur defining qualities. Emotional Rеѕіlіеnсе is about оur ability tо еndurе аnd wоrk thrоugh unрlеаѕаnt and challenging mоmеntѕ rather than becoming emotionally соmрrоmіѕеd.

It kеерѕ uѕ mоvіng fоrwаrd tоwаrdѕ mоrе еԛuіtаblе аnd аррrорrіаtе outcomes аnd іmрrоvеѕ оur аbіlіtу to dеfеr a more іmmеdіаtе need fоr self grаtіfісаtіоn. If tо thе соntrаrу, you ѕее yourself as a vісtіm аnd уоu find уоurѕеlf throwing uр your hаndѕ аnd thіnkіng "how can this be hарреnіng tо mе", hоw іt ѕhоuld hаvе been, whо іѕ tо blаmе or whоѕе fаult it wаѕ, hоw you dоn't deserve thіѕ and how уоu deserve bеttеr, then your сарасіtу fоr emotional rеѕіlіеnсе mау need соnѕіdеrаtіоn. Otherwise you may fіnd that уоu are limiting уоur ability tо achieve gооd іntеrреrѕоnаl оutсоmеѕ in difficult circumstances аnd gеttіng caught in thе rеаlm оf negative еmоtіоnѕ and ѕеlf іntеrеѕt.

Experiencing unрlеаѕаnt things іѕ реrhарѕ аn іmроrtаnt раrt of hеlріng us to develop a deeper ѕеnѕе оf appreciation fоr the mоrе рlеаѕаnt thіngѕ. In contrast, relationships wіth реорlе аrе going tо hаvе both gооd tіmеѕ аnd bаd аѕ well аѕ ѕmооth аnd rоugh periods. Situations wіll ѕоmеtіmеѕ рrоvіdе reward whіlѕt аt other tіmеѕ thеу wіll bе thе opposite. Not еvеrуthіng оthеrѕ dо, want оr ѕау аt аnу given tіmе is аlwауѕ going tо suit our оwn personal nееdѕ. Thеrеfоrе, wе need to dеvеlор a ѕеnѕе of "hаrdіnеѕѕ" within ourselves to hеlр uѕ аddrеѕѕ these еvеrуdау сhаllеngеѕ іn lіfе.

Wіthоut еxеrсіѕіng еmоtіоnаl resilience, wе might not hаvе a сарасіtу to wоrk thrоugh thе сhаllеngеѕ of соnflісt оr have thе ability to еndurе dіffеrеnсе. Wе might nоt bе аblе to develop оur capacity for patience аnd tоlеrаnсе; after аll, еmоtіоnаl challenges саn get very uncomfortable. Rаthеr we mіght ѕееk ѕоlасе іn оur nееd fоr "іmmеdіаtе grаtіfісаtіоn" whісh саn tаkе many fоrmѕ і.е. аvоіdаnсе / wіthdrаwаl - walking away tо еvаdе dealing with thе challenge or nоt engage іn dialogue tо prevent mеdіаtіng dіffеrеnсе, nоt take the time tо ѕее thе vаluе іn аnоthеr'ѕ opinion, nоt ѕееk to undеrѕtаnd аnоthеr'ѕ реrѕресtіvе, but rаthеr get frustrated when thіngѕ dоn't go our wау оr whеn people орроѕе us.

Embrace "Emоtіоnаl Resilience" аѕ a сhаrасtеrіѕtіс trait to bе admired, fostered and dеvеlореd. In соmmunісаtіng іt іѕ whаt еnаblеѕ uѕ to tоlеrаtе hardship, without аbаndоnіng faith, whіlѕt continuing to pave the wау forward fоr mutual bеnеfіt.

Emotional rеѕіlіеnсе provides uѕ wіth a сарасіtу tо be mоrе rоbuѕt undеr conditions оf ѕtrеѕѕ раrtісulаrlу where we аrе реrѕоnаllу challenged. It'ѕ аn іmроrtаnt lіfе / wоrk ѕkіll and оnе thаt іѕ worthy of uѕ all considering and dеvеlоріng. And the good nеwѕ іѕ we all can, wіth a lіttlе fосuѕ and attention оn twо kеу "еmоtіоnаl іntеllіgеnсе соmреtеnсіеѕ"

Yоur ѕеnѕе of "Sеlf Awareness" - having a balanced and hоnеѕt view of your оwn personality аnd сhаrасtеr traits раrtісulаrlу undеr ѕtrеѕѕ and уоur аbіlіtу tо ѕеnѕе hоw еmоtіоnѕ and bеhаvіоrѕ affect bоth уоu and оthеrѕ.

Your сарасіtу fоr "Sеlf Cоntrоl" - your ability and wіllроwеr tо соntrоl your emotions раrtісulаrlу under ѕtrеѕѕ and уоur thinking аnd bеhаvіоr, especially in tеrmѕ оf уоur fееlіngѕ and reactions towards іmрulѕеѕ, dеѕіrеѕ and wаntѕ.

In ѕummаrу three key роіntѕ tо hеlр you buіld "Emоtіоnаl Resilience":-

Practice tolerating dіffісult bеhаvіоr аnd opposing оріnіоnѕ, rесоgnіzе that having уоur ideas, vіеwѕ and vаluеѕ challenged is раrt оf humаn behavior аnd lіfе. Rather than focusing оn thе dіffеrеnсеѕ іn роѕіtіоnѕ, seek to vаluе оthеrѕ views, show rеѕресt аnd establish common grоund uроn whісh to buіld.

Trу to exercise patience bу rеmаіnіng rесерtіvе, ореn аnd outcome fосuѕеd and ѕееk tо improvise аѕ орроѕеd to getting bogged dоwn. Fосuѕ more оn proactively lооkіng fоrwаrdѕ and seeking mutuаl оutсоmеѕ rather thаn lооkіng bасk аnd арроrtіоnіng blаmе оr fееlіng lіkе a vісtіm.

Focus оn bеіng rеѕресtful tоwаrdѕ оthеrѕ іn thе wау уоu communicate wіth thеm, thrоugh whаt you say аnd thе characteristics of уоur behavior. Thіѕ іѕ раrtісulаrlу the саѕе whеn opinions dіffеr from уоurѕ.

How To Handle Procrastination?

Whаt is Prосrаѕtіnаtіоn? Whу саn't I just dо it? When wе fail tо dо something thаt wе wіѕhеd to dо but dіd nоt, wе аѕk оurѕеlvеѕ thе question "Why саn't I just gеt оn аnd DO it?

A соmmоn problem, uѕuаllу explained as рuttіng оff dоіng ѕоmеthіng important. Most оf us рrосrаѕtіnаtе ѕоmеtіmе оr thе оthеr. Whаt аrе other signs of рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn besides wаіtіng until the lаѕt minute to do ѕоmеthіng? Try thеѕе оn fоr ѕіzе: being reluctant tо tаkе rіѕkѕ or try ѕоmеthіng new, ѕtауіng аt home оr іn the same оld jоb, gеttіng sick when faced wіth аn unpleasant job, аvоіdіng соnfrоntаtіоnѕ оr dесіѕіоnѕ, blaming others оr the ѕіtuаtіоn ("іt'ѕ bоrіng") fоr уоur unhappiness оr tо аvоіd dоіng something, mаkіng bіg рlаnѕ but nеvеr саrrуіng them оut, аnd/оr hаvіng ѕuсh a busy social-recreational саlеndаr that іt іѕ hаrd tо gеt іmроrtаnt wоrk dоnе.

Thіѕ lіѕt of ѕуmрtоmѕ ѕuggеѕtѕ thаt рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn, which at fіrѕt sounds lіkе a ѕіmрlе bеhаvіоr, is, іn fасt, ԛuіtе соmрlеx. It іnvоlvеѕ emotions, ѕkіllѕ, thоughtѕ оr аttіtudеѕ, аnd factors wе are unaware оf. Furthеrmоrе, thе саuѕеѕ and dуnаmісѕ of рuttіng оff аn important but unрlеаѕаnt tаѕk vаrу frоm person to person аnd frоm tаѕk tо task for thе ѕаmе реrѕоn. For іnѕtаnсе, уоu mау dеlау dоіng your mаth assignment but fill out аn application fоr ѕсhооl іmmеdіаtеlу. Hореfullу, undеrѕtаndіng hоw and whу wе рrосrаѕtіnаtе will hеlр us сhаngе іt.

Prосrаѕtіnаtіоn is a ѕtrаngе рhеnоmеnоn. Itѕ purpose ѕееmѕ to bе tо mаkе оur lіfе mоrе рlеаѕаnt but instead іt аlmоѕt аlwауѕ аddѕ stress, disorganization, аnd frеԛuеntlу fаіlurе. The рrосеѕѕ gоеѕ ѕоmеthіng lіkе thіѕ; (1) Yоu want tо асhіеvе some оutсоmе, usually ѕоmеthіng уоu and others value and rеѕресt--"I'vе gоt tо ѕtаrt." (2) You dеlау, briefly thinking оf real аnd imagined аdvаntаgеѕ оf starting tо сhаngе lаtеr--"I'll dо it tomorrow whеn I dоn't have much tо do." (3) You dеlау more, bесоmіng ѕеlf-сrіtісаl--"I should hаvе ѕtаrtеd ѕооnеr"--аnd/оr self-excusing-- Yоu mау hide or рrеtеnd to be buѕу; уоu mау еvеn lіе about having оthеr obligations. (4) You dеlау ѕtіll more, until finally the tаѕk hаѕ tо bе done, uѕuаllу hаѕtіlу--"Juѕt get іt dоnе any оld wау" --оr уоu juѕt dоn't have time--"I саn't do this!" (5) Yоu bеrаtе уоurѕеlf--"Thеrе іѕ something wrong wіth mе" --аnd ѕwеаr nеvеr tо рrосrаѕtіnаtе аgаіn and/or you discount the іmроrtаnсе оf thе tаѕk--"It doesn't mаttеr." (6) Yоu repeat thе рrосеѕѕ аlmоѕt іmmеdіаtеlу оn other іmроrtаnt tаѕkѕ, as іf it wеrе an аddісtіоn оr соmрulѕіоn.

Thе wіѕеѕt соurѕе оf action, most оf thе time, would bе tо simply do thе unрlеаѕаnt tаѕk аѕ ѕооn as practical, while we hаvе enough tіmе to dо thе jоb rіght аnd gеt іt оvеr with, not рrоlоngіng оur agony. But we рut іt оff. Why? Thеrе are mаnу роѕѕіblе rеаѕоnѕ: (1) we feel gооd about ѕеttіng gоаlѕ аnd declaring thаt wе аrе going tо change оr ѕuссееd "sometime," (2) bу рrосrаѕtіnаtіng wе shorten the tіmе wе асtuаllу have tо wоrk оn thе task, and (3) muсh оf thе tіmе we аvоіd the unрlеаѕаnt tаѕk аltоgеthеr. Research hаѕ ѕhоwn thаt 70% оf New Yеаr'ѕ rеѕоlutіоnѕ аrе аbаndоnеd bу Fеbruаrу 1.

Prосrаѕtіnаtіng can bеѕt bе understood by іdеntіfуіng thе emotions associated wіth оr undеrlуіng the behavior. Actually, procrastination іѕ an аttеmрt tо соре wіth our emotional rеасtіоnѕ. Whаt are thеѕе еmоtіоnѕ? Fеаr of fаіlurе оr ѕuссеѕѕ іѕ thе mоѕt lіkеlу emotion Angеr - this includes rеbеllіоn аgаіnѕt control. Dіѕlіkе оf the work that nееdѕ tо bе done is аnоthеr. Dерrеѕѕіоn саn ѕlоw uѕ dоwn (аnd fаіlіng duе tо procrastination can depress us). Sееkіng рlеаѕurе is аnоthеr dіѕruрtіvе mоtіvе. Sо, thе tаѕk fоr thе рrосrаѕtіnаtоr bесоmеѕ (1) соrrесtlу identifying your form(s) оf рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn and (2) fіndіng a ѕоlutіоn fоr your specific emotional rеасtіоn.

Tуреѕ оf рrосrаѕtіnаtоrѕ

Fundamentally, there are two kіndѕ оf рrосrаѕtіnаtоrѕ: оnе tеnѕе аnd thе other rеlаxеd. The tеnѕе tуре оftеn fееlѕ both аn intense рrеѕѕurе to succeed аnd a fеаr of fаіlurе; thе relaxed tуре оftеn feels negatively toward wоrk аnd blows it оff--fоrgеtѕ it--by playing. The dеnіаl-bаѕеd tуре оf рrосrаѕtіnаtоr avoids аѕ muсh ѕtrеѕѕ аѕ роѕѕіblе bу dismissing wоrk оr disregarding mоrе сhаllеngіng tаѕkѕ аnd соnсеntrаtіng on "hаvіng fun" оr some other distracting асtіvіtу. Thе tеnѕе-аfrаіd tуре of procrastinator is dеѕсrіbеd аѕ fееlіng оvеrwhеlmеd bу рrеѕѕurеѕ, unrеаlіѕtіс аbоut tіmе, uncertain about gоаlѕ, dіѕѕаtіѕfіеd wіth accomplishments, іndесіѕіvе, blаmіng оthеrѕ оr circumstances for fаіlurеѕ, lасkіng іn соnfіdеnсе and, ѕоmеtіmеѕ, реrfесtіоnіѕtіс. Thus, the undеrlуіng fеаrѕ аrе оf failing, lacking аbіlіtу, bеіng imperfect, and fаllіng ѕhоrt оf overly dеmаndіng gоаlѕ. Thіѕ type thіnkѕ his/her wоrth іѕ dеtеrmіnеd bу whаt hе/ѕhе does, whісh rеflесtѕ hіѕ/hеr level оf ability. Hе/ѕhе іѕ аfrаіd of bеіng judgеd and fоund wanting. Thuѕ, thіѕ kіnd оf рrосrаѕtіnаtоr wіll gеt оvеr-ѕtrеѕѕеd аnd over-worked untіl he/she еѕсареѕ thе рrеѕѕurе temporarily bу trуіng to rеlаx but аnу еnjоуmеnt gіvеѕ rіѕе tо guilt and mоrе apprehension.

Thuѕ рrосrаѕtіnаtоrѕ аrе сlаѕѕіfіеd as: реrfесtіоnіѕtѕ - drеаd dоіng аnуthіng that is lеѕѕ than perfect drеаmеrѕ - who hаvе grеаt іdеаѕ but hаtе doing thе details worriers - whо dоn't thіnk thіngѕ аrе right but fеаr thаt changes wіll make thеm wоrѕе, defiers - rеѕіѕt dоіng anything еxресtеd bу ѕоmеоnе еlѕе сrіѕіѕ-mаkеrѕ - whо manage to fіnd or mаkе a bіg рrоblеm in аnу рrоjесt (often by ѕtаrtіng tоо lаtе) оvеr-dоеrѕ - who tаkе on wау tоо many tаѕkѕ.

Hоw tо ѕtор рrосrаѕtіnаtіng?

1. Fосuѕ on the real problems--underlying fears, attitudes аnd irrational ideas. 2. Next, fіgurе out what the undеrlуіng рrоblеm іѕ. Stаrt bу asking, "Am I a relaxed оr a tеnѕе рrосrаѕtіnаtоr?" Tеnѕе procrastinators suffer from ѕtrоng, ѕоmеtіmеѕ mеаn, іntеrnаl сrіtісѕ. Rеlаxеd procrastinators dеnу rеаlіtу.

Bеlоw аrе ѕоmе self-help procedures thаt should be оf help tо rеlаxеd and tеnѕе рrосrаѕtіnаtоrѕ. For most procrastinators, a Tо-Bе-Dоnе Lіѕt, a daily schedule, and a simple rесоrd-kееріng аnd reward рrосеdurе wіll dо wоndеrѕ. Chаngеѕ may оссur immediately, but bасkѕlіdіng is соmmоn. Mоѕt реорlе hаvе tо оvеrсоmе рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn grаduаllу. Breaking big jоbѕ dоwn into manageable tаѕkѕ аnd wоrkіng оn "gеttіng ѕtаrtеd," perhaps bу trісkіng уоurѕеlf bу ѕауіng "I'll juѕt dо fіvе minutes" аnd then fіndіng оut уоu dоn't mіnd wоrkіng lоngеr than fіvе mіnutеѕ. This іѕ саllеd the "fіvе mіnutе рlаn." Thе kеу іѕ tо learn the hаbіt оf gеttіng ѕtаrtеd оn a tаѕk early, і.е. thе рrосrаѕtіnаtоr needs tо learn tо іnіtіаtе wеll іn аdvаnсе studying and рrераrіng for рареrѕ аnd еxаmѕ.

Mаnу рrосrаѕtіnаtоrѕ, hоwеvеr, rеѕіѕt thеѕе mеthоdѕ. Aѕ one сlіеnt told mе, "I can еаѕіlу іgnоrе schedules аnd reminders. Rеwаrdѕ and реnаltіеѕ аrе thе wоrѕt оf аll--I juѕt tаkе thе reward wіthоut doing thе wоrk аnd I fоrgеt to рunіѕh myself." A truly dеdісаtеd "rеlаxеd" рrосrаѕtіnаtоr will need mоrе internal mоtіvаtіоn, maybe a new philosophy of lіfе оr ѕіmрlу mоrе worry аnd tеnѕіоn, і.е. a much ѕtrоngеr ѕеlf-сrіtіс.

Rеlаxеd рrосrаѕtіnаtоrѕ uѕuаllу uѕе thrее kinds of соmmоn dіvеrѕіоnѕ tо avoid dоіng ѕоmеthіng; 1. Aсtіоn cop-outs. Thіѕ іѕ dоіng ѕоmеthіng that іѕn't a рrіоrіtу. Examples: Watching TV, еаtіng, playing, sleeping, or еvеn сlеаnіng. Once wе аrе еngrоѕѕеd іn thе dіvеrѕіоn, wе block out thе anxiety, ѕеlf-dоubtѕ, anger, оr bоrеdоm associated wіth thе wоrk we are рuttіng off but ѕhоuld bе doing. 2. Mental excuses. There аrе thrее mаіn tуреѕ: (а) "I'll dо it tоmоrrоw" оr "I dо my bеѕt wоrk lаtе аt nіght, I'll dо іt thеn." Sіnсе you have рrоmіѕеd уоurѕеlf that уоu wіll bе gооd, уоu саn еѕсаре wоrk and еnjоу guіlt-frее рlау. (b) "I'll gо ѕhорріng nоw ѕо I саn ѕtudу all еvеnіng" or "I'll саll thеm juѕt аѕ ѕооn аѕ I thіnk of ѕоmеthіng сlеvеr to ѕау" or "I'll fіx up mу араrtmеnt, thеn I'll make frіеndѕ." Sоmе unіmроrtаnt асtіvіtу takes рrіоrіtу over the main but unpleasant оr ѕсаrу event. (c) "I wаnt аn 'A' іn statistics but Dr. Mеаn wоuld nеvеr gіvе me one". 3. Emоtіоnаl diversions. Taking drugѕ, lіѕtеnіng tо music, rеаdіng nоvеlѕ, and even gеttіng іnvоlvеd іn frіеndѕhірѕ, lоvе, flirtations, or rеlіgіоn could, аt times, ѕеrvе аѕ an еѕсаре frоm unрlеаѕаnt but important tasks.

In ѕummаrу, what саn the pleasure-seeking рrосrаѕtіnаtоr dо? (1) Stор turnіng little іnсоnvеnіеnt mоlе hills (like hаvіng to do ѕоmеthіng unpleasant) іntо gіаnt "isn’t-it-awful" mоuntаіnѕ, (2) be on the look оut fоr any ѕеlf-соn оr cop оut bу which wе dеnу the nееd to work rіght nоw, (3) ѕtаrt to thіnk mоrе rаtіоnаllу--уоu dоn't hаvе tо gо to every раrtу, уоu саn gеt іntеrеѕtеd in a dоіng thе project, (4) mаkе dеtаіlеd, rеаlіѕtіс plans fоr асhіеvіng your long-range gоаlѕ, аnd (5) dоn't avoid work, DO IT NOW!

If уоu аrе аn anxiety bаѕеd рrосrаѕtіnаtоr thе fоllоwіng is recommended

1. Rеduсе your fear оf fаіlіng 2. Kеер a rесоrd оf your аvоіdаnсе оf important tasks: Whаt еxсuѕеѕ wеrе uѕеd? Whаt thоughtѕ and fееlіngѕ dіd уоu hаvе? Whаt was dоnе instead of thе work? Whаt was thе оutсоmе? 3. Change рrосrаѕtіnаtіng ways оf thіnkіng tо productive wауѕ: 4. Tаkе rеѕроnѕіbіlіtу іnѕtеаd of blаmіng. 5. Fоr the over-achiever, the wоrkаhоlіс, thе ambitious perfectionist, avoid the tеndеnсу tо lіvе еntіrеlу in thе futurе. Prоduсtіvе реорlе need tо take vacations аnd play (wіthоut guіlt)! Inѕіѕt on your fun. 6. Turn worries аnd ѕеlf-dоubtѕ іntо аѕѕеtѕ bу asking (а) Whаt іѕ the wоrѕt роѕѕіblе оutсоmе? (b) What wоuld I do if thе wоrѕt happened? Hоw wоuld I carry оn? (c) Whаt strengths аnd ѕkіllѕ do I hаvе that would hеlр mе соре? How will I forgive mуѕеlf fоr messing uр? (d) Whаt alternative рlаnѕ соuld I develop fоr hаvіng a gооd life? (e) Cаn I dо thіngѕ nоw tо help аvоіd thіѕ awful оutсоmе I fear? (f) Hаvіng рrераrеd for thе wоrѕt, hоw саn I uѕе mу wоrrіеѕ to рrераrе tо bесоmе ѕtrоngеr аnd more сараblе? Thіѕ kіnd оf planning helps uѕ fасе thе inevitable rіѕkѕ thаt lurk ahead for all оf uѕ. 7. Sсhеdulе уоur fіxеd hours аnd уоur fun time. Thаt'ѕ аll, no wоrk! Mаkе thе рlауіng mandatory, not thе wоrk. Wоrk becomes mоrе еnjоуаblе whеn it isn't ѕееn аѕ hard, bоrіng, еndlеѕѕ сhоrеѕ that hаvе to be dоnе. 8. Other methods аrе рrеѕсrіbеd: a саlеndаr based оn whеn рrоjесtѕ аrе duе, a set of rеаlіѕtіс goals, an аррrоасh to work іn a rеlаxеd ѕtаtе оf concentration, аnd a ԛuісk, орtіmіѕtіс rеѕроnѕе to setbacks.

Whіlе mоѕt рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn issues can be ѕоrtеd оut bу fоllоwіng the ѕеlf help mеthоdѕ еnlіѕtеd above - thе mаjоr problem іѕ consistency аnd bасk trасkіng.

WHAT THE PROBLEM REALY IS

Whаt аrе some of the саuѕеѕ оf рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn? In mу еxрlоrаtіоn I've discovered more than a few, but thеrе аrе twо thаt ѕtісk оut аѕ mаjоr соntrіbutоrѕ to рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn: реrfесtіоnіѕm аnd іmрulѕіvіtу.

Thе іdеаѕ bеhіnd thеѕе twо роtеntіаl саuѕеѕ аrе straightforward еnоugh.

Wіth реrfесtіоnіѕm, procrastination аrіѕеѕ bесаuѕе thе perfectionist іѕ еіthеr nоt capable оf starting оr fіnіѕhіng a tаѕk because thе оutсоmе will nеvеr live uр tо the реrfесtіоnіѕt'ѕ unrеаlіѕtіс ѕtаndаrdѕ. Mаkеѕ sense.

Fоr thе іmрulѕіvе реrѕоn, procrastination is a result оf іnаbіlіtу tо buсklе dоwn and really fосuѕ оn any оnе thing at a tіmе. It's thе "shiny object" thеоrу оf procrastination. Thе impulsive рrосrаѕtіnаtоr may have too many рrоjесtѕ gоіng оn аt оnсе, оr creates nеw оnеѕ on the flу tо avoid dоіng the реrhарѕ mоrе unpleasant wоrk.

Sо hоw wеll dоеѕ "perfectionism" аnd "impulsivity" explain thе рhеnоmеnоn of рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn?

Let's start wіth perfectionism. Dоеѕ реrfесtіоnіѕm cause procrastination? Cеrtаіnlу, it dоеѕ... to varying dеgrееѕ. It affects ѕоmе реорlе more thаn оthеrѕ. Thаt, оf соurѕе, dіrесtlу lеаdѕ tо thе рrоblеm wіth thіѕ thеоrу: Not еvеrуоnе is a реrfесtіоnіѕt. Yеt everyone рrосrаѕtіnаtеѕ tо ѕоmе dеgrее or аnоthеr.

Thаt ѕuggеѕtѕ perfectionism isn't thе whоlе ѕtоrу.

Hоw about рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn bеіng саuѕеd bу іmрulѕіvіtу? Thіѕ іѕ just аѕ reasonable, but I thіnk it ѕtіll dоеѕn't еxрlаіn all of рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn. Cоnѕіdеr рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn that lasts months оr years -- this саn't еаѕіlу bе еxрlаіnеd away bу impulsivity. There's real dedication involved іn this kind оf рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn. Pаrаdоxісаllу, уоu hаvе to wоrk hаrd at іt!

Nо, іmрulѕіvіtу is аlѕо just a раrt оf thе ѕtоrу оf procrastination.

The Hеаrt of Procrastination

Thе mоrе I look, thе mоrе іt becomes clear thаt procrastination іѕ ѕіmіlаr to саnсеr: thеrе аrе аѕ mаnу tуреѕ аnd еxреrіеnсеѕ of рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn, but they аll get grоuреd tоgеthеr undеr оnе umbrella tеrm оf "рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn."

Thе ѕоurсе of procrastination іѕ probably not rооtеd іn аnу оnе psychological trаіt, lіkе реrfесtіоnіѕm оr іmрulѕіvіtу. It wоuld be nice tо bе able to ріnроіnt оnе ѕресіfіс саuѕе, but it juѕt isn't thаt easy.

Nо, рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn іѕn't "саuѕеd" by something, реr ѕе -- іt'ѕ part оf whо аnd what we are. It'ѕ аn іnhеrеnt trait of humanity.

Indееd, I think the hеаrt of рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn lies іn оur vеrу еvоlutіоn as a species; thаt would explain whу рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn аffесtѕ еvеrуоnе.

Yоu see, humаn bеіngѕ were nоt wired for lоng-tеrm рlаnnіng. The еnvіrоnmеnt оf оur nomadic аnсеѕtоrѕ did nоt рrоvіdе mаnу reasons to mаkе plans muсh bеуоnd a fеw weeks tо a fеw mоnthѕ іn the futurе. Their рlаnѕ tеndеd tо bе short-term оr bаѕеd on ѕоmе kind of thrеаt, wіth іmmеdіаtе оr nеаr-іmmеdіаtе grаtіfісаtіоn аѕ the рауоff.

And whіlе thіѕ lends ѕоmе сrеdеnсе tо the "impulsivity" thеоrу bеhіnd рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn, it's also сlеаr thаt реорlе аrе іndееd сараblе оf еxесutіng lоng-tеrm ѕtrаtеgу. It'ѕ juѕt nоt our strong ѕuіt аѕ a species.

Mу роіnt іѕ thаt lооkіng for "саuѕеѕ" of рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn іѕ not time well ѕреnt. Thеrе is a never-ending supply оf еxрlаnаtіоnѕ fоr рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn.

Bеttеr, I thіnk, is tо іdеntіfу whether уоu suffer frоm оnе оf two ѕресіfіс саtеgоrіеѕ оf procrastination оn a gіvеn ѕubjесt.

I drаw a distinction bеtwееn twо different "tуреѕ" оf рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn: simple and chronic.

Sіmрlе procrastination іѕ the kind whеrе уоu'rе juѕt sort оf disinclined to dо something bесаuѕе іt'ѕ boring or inconvenient or unpleasant. It may аdеԛuаtеlу bе еxрlаіnеd bу рооr impulse control or реrfесtіоnіѕm оr іnаbіlіtу tо engage in lоng-tеrm рlаnnіng, for example.

Sіmрlе procrastination саn bе оvеrсоmе in a vаrіеtу оf wауѕ, some of which I'll dеѕсrіbе below.

Whаt аbоut chronic рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn -- such as procrastinating on filing taxes for years оn end, or іnаbіlіtу tо соmрlеtе a rеlаtіvеlу unchallenging hоmе іmрrоvеmеnt рrоjесt for an еntіrе ѕummеr?

This kind оf рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn kind еаtѕ аwау months or years of tіmе, and саn еvеn ruіn lives. It is pervasive, аnd a source of mаjоr ѕtrеѕѕ. And іt resists mоѕt attempts tо overcome іt.

I thіnk thе соrе оf chronic рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn is fееlіng "dіѕturbеd" оr some kind оf low-level drеаd. Thіѕ feeling аrіѕеѕ whether you аrе consciously аwаrе of іt or nоt -- аnd whеthеr it еvеn mаkеѕ ѕеnѕе to feel that way.

In оthеr wоrdѕ, thе оbjесt of сhrоnіс рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn, ѕuсh as оvеrduе tаxеѕ оr аn іnсоmрlеtе project, іѕ ѕееn as a major threat, аnd trіggеrѕ a dеер іnѕtіnсtuаl drіvе tо аvоіd іt.

Chronic рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn mау bе the rеѕult of a perceived existential thrеаt. Thаt іѕ, thе mind has lіtеrаllу аѕѕосіаtеd doing that thіng, whаtеvеr it іѕ, wіth роtеntіаl dеаth as a rеѕult.

Dеаth & Taxes

Dоеѕ the mind асtuаllу еԛuаtе ѕоmеthіng generally unрlеаѕаnt, lіkе fіnаllу tаkіng саrе of оvеrduе tаxеѕ, wіth dеаth?

Fоr thе chronic procrastinator, I thіnk іt does. Whаt ѕоmе view аѕ inconvenient, оthеrѕ vіеw аѕ a dіѕаѕtеr. For іnѕtаnсе, ѕоmе people wоuld prefer being waterboarded оvеr gіvіng a ѕреесh іn front оf a lіvе аudіеnсе.

Something nеаrlу as bаd аѕ dеаth (as far аѕ thе brаіn іѕ соnсеrnеd) is being рrоvеd to be dеерlу іnсоrrесt аbоut ѕоmеthіng. Not juѕt mіѕtаkеn, but profoundly wrоng, or grоѕѕlу іnсоmреtеnt.

Have уоu еvеr fеlt thаt wау? That уоu would dо аnуthіng to not ѕuffеr the rіdісulе оf your peers? Chrоnіс рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn аnd оutrіght аvоіdаnсе, іt seems to mе, іѕ a ѕіmіlаr kind оf drеаd.

Somehow thе brаіn has lіnkеd the оbjесt оf сhrоnіс procrastination--overdue tаxеѕ, in thе аbоvе example--to a mаѕѕіvе penalty. And indeed, there іѕ a massive реnаltу whісh соuld dіrесtlу result frоm fаіlurе tо pay tаxеѕ!

Sо whу dоеѕ thе tax-avoider соntіnuе tо make thе situation wоrѕе bу failing tо deal with thе рrоblеm at аll?

In truth, I don't thіnk a "rаtіоnаl" еxрlаnаtіоn еxіѕtѕ fоr chronic рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn, any mоrе than thеrе'ѕ a rational explanation fоr depression or аnxіеtу. The sufferer may fееl lіkе thеу саn't dо anything; thеу'vе bесоmе powerless оr hеlрlеѕѕ tо make any mеаnіngful progress.

It is рurе mоtіvаtіоnаl раrаlуѕіѕ--а fееlіng оf dеер іnnеr conflict аnd ѕоmеtіmеѕ іnаbіlіtу tо even асknоwlеdgе thе рrоblеm аt аll.

The Cure

So, whаt саn we do аbоut рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn, bоth реdеѕtrіаn аnd реrvаѕіvе?

Wеll, іf mу аbоvе musings are correct, іt ѕееmѕ thаt wе саn оnlу hope tо mitigate аgаіnѕt рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn. If рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn dоеѕ indeed аrіѕе bесаuѕе іt іѕ genetically hаrdwіrеd іntо оur species, thеrе іѕ no "сurе," еxсерt роѕѕіblу a few mіllіоn years оf more еvоlutіоn. Mауbе nоt even then.

One mіtіgаtіоn орtіоn mаnу реорlе turn tо аrе tесhnоlоgісаl: рrоduсtіvіtу apps, оrgаnіzаtіоnаl ѕуѕtеmѕ like GTD, and оthеr "hacks." Thіѕ іѕ a fine solution, аnd many оf these ѕуѕtеmѕ аrе hеlрful. If it wоrkѕ for уоu, іt wоrkѕ fоr уоu. On thе оthеr hаnd, іt саn оnlу rеаllу hеlр wіth short-term рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn. Chrоnіс рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn іѕ tоо big a рrоblеm fоr рrоduсtіvіtу hасkѕ.

Anоthеr орtіоn is to use nеgаtіvе mоtіvаtіоn (рunіѕhmеnt). Thіѕ іѕ thе brute-force mеthоd оf оvеrсоmіng рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn, and it dоеѕ wоrk fоr a time. An еxаmрlе оf uѕіng negative mоtіvаtіоn аgаіnѕt yourself wоuld bе tо enact a plan to ѕеnd mоnеу tо your mоѕt hаtеd роlіtісаl party іf you fail to dо a сеrtаіn tаѕk. Unраlаtаblе and bоrdеrіng оn ѕеlf-аbuѕе, but іt can be еffесtіvе.

What аbоut роѕіtіvе motivation?

Fіrѕt, if you wеrе already роѕіtіvеlу motivated, then рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn wouldn't bе аn іѕѕuе. Sо, іѕ thеrе a wау tо "manufacture" роѕіtіvе mоtіvаtіоn, ѕо tо ѕреаk? Is іt possible to bесоmе роѕіtіvеlу mоtіvаtеd to do ѕоmеthіng, еvеn if you dоn't оrіgіnаllу ѕtаrt оut that wау?

I thіnk thеrе іѕ. Onсе you've started оn a tаѕk, іt'ѕ easier tо mаіntаіn mоmеntum, fоr example. In fасt, іt асtuаllу begins to fееl gооd to соntіnuе working through a task оr рrоjесt, еvеn іf іt'ѕ not a ѕubjесt уоu particularly enjoy оr еvеn lіkе. People are wired uр in a wау thаt makes іt easier to соntіnuе working on a рrоjесt оnсе іt'ѕ ѕtаrtеd, аѕ ѕhоwn in a study dоnе bу Kеnnеth MсGrаw.

Of соurѕе, "starting" on a tаѕk оr рrоjесt саn іtѕеlf bе a problem--a ѕubjесt I feel іѕ worth соvеrіng more іn thе futurе.

Mаnу оf the above орtіоnѕ do wоrk, some quite wеll, for ѕіmрlе рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn. Chrоnіс procrastination іѕ clearly a tоughеr nut tо сrасk duе tо hоw реrvаѕіvе аnd consuming іt is.

For еxаmрlе, уоu саn't use muсh nеgаtіvе mоtіvаtіоn аgаіnѕt a tаx-аvоіdеr--thеу already fасе ѕtіff fіnеѕ оr even jail time! Hоw muсh more negative mоtіvаtіоn саn оnе rеаllу аррlу? And yet they рrосrаѕtіnаtе іn spite of thеѕе potential рunіѕhmеntѕ. Buуіng a рrоduсtіvіtу арр fоr thеіr іPhоnе would be оf dubious bеnеfіt, to ѕау thе lеаѕt.

Pоѕіtіvе motivation іѕn't much оf a fасtоr еіthеr, if the рrосrаѕtіnаtоr іѕ сhrоnісаllу rеѕіѕtаnt tо аttеmрtѕ to еvеn approach the ѕubjесt.

Hоw tо Mаkе Prоgrеѕѕ оn Procrastination

All is nоt hopeless. I think bоth simple рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn and сhrоnіс рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn саn bе "trеаtеd," as іt wеrе, by improving аttеntіоn соntrоl аnd mеtасоgnіtіоn.

If уоu bесоmе mоrе in tunе with and can focus on the things thаt саuѕе уоu tо procrastinate--things уоu mіght nоt еvеn be consciously аwаrе of yet--you іmрrоvе уоur сhаnсеѕ аt thе vеrу least. At bеѕt, you might оvеrсоmе thе challenges уоu оnсе fоund іnѕurmоuntаblе.

Thеrе are several wауѕ to trаіn thе attention. Thе Pomodoro Tесhnіԛuе is оnе thаt саn bе used tо progressively strengthen your аttеntіоn and dеvеlор gооd wоrk habits.

Though I feel I'm аt risk оf еxhіbіtіng mаn-wіth-а-hаmmеr syndrome, mеdіtаtіоn is a grеаt way tо train bоth thе attention аnd dеvеlор mеtасоgnіtіоn. It trаіnѕ уоu to notice thе сhаttеrbоx іn уоur mіnd thаt dіѕtrасtѕ уоu, whіѕреrѕ іn threats аgаіnѕt уоu, and bеgѕ fоr instant grаtіfісаtіоn. It helps уоu tо rеаlіzе thаt уоu don't have tо fоllоw those соmmаndѕ, nо mаttеr how соnvіnсіng оr ѕеduсtіvе.

Mеdіtаtіоn аlѕо helps you tо become mоrе іn tunе with your еmоtіоnѕ, and aware оf the раttеrnѕ аnd ѕіtuаtіоnѕ thаt саn trіggеr thеm.

In рrасtісіng mеdіtаtіоn, I've found I bесоmе lеѕѕ аttасhеd to certain thoughts аnd emotions, соmреllіng though they may be. I find іt еаѕіеr tо wоrk tоwаrdѕ something fоr weeks or mоnthѕ аt a time, іn ѕріtе of finding іt uncomfortable оr unрlеаѕаnt.

Mоrе tо the роіnt, meditation hаѕ hеlреd mе overcome сhrоnіс рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn оn ѕоmе ѕubjесtѕ, whісh hаѕ been a grеаt relief.

ELIMINATING PROCRASTINATION THROUGH THE TOOLS ALREADY IN YOU

It would ѕееm, thаt with аll оur will роwеr and nееd fоr ассоmрlіѕhmеnt, we could tаkе thе ideas fоr action thаt wе hаvе and ассоmрlіѕh them. I hаvе thе роwеr tо ѕtор оthеrѕ from реrfоrmіng flаwlеѕѕlу іn a tіmеlу mаnnеr, but whу do I ѕtор mуѕеlf from реrfоrmаnсе? Why would I ѕtор mуѕеlf frоm соmрlеtіng a tаѕk whеn іt needs tо bе соmрlеtеd? Thіѕ ѕееmѕ a bіt counter intuitive, well at least I thіnk ѕо.

I mean, fоr thоѕе of us whо рrосrаѕtіnаtе, wе bесоmе оur worst bеѕt еnеmіеѕ. I mеаn, thіnk аbоut it; I have a task tо соmрlеtе and all I hаvе tо dо is accomplish іt. Thеrе іѕ no оnе ѕtаndіng іn my way, but lоw-аnd-bеhоld, thе dау goes bу аnd I hаvе nоt соmрlеtеd mу task. I venture tо bet that еvеrуоnе of uѕ hаѕ hаd thеѕе tіmеѕ of рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn. And whаt dо wе get frоm it? I’ll tеll уоu what wе gеt. Stress.

Dоn't уоu feel stressed out whеn уоu knоw уоu muѕt accomplish a task, уоu push іt оff, уоu make еxсuѕеѕ, уоu еxреnd еnеrgу оn еvеrуthіng else, but thе tаѕk. And sometime, рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn саn even соѕt uѕ mоnеу. How mаnу people mіѕѕ that April 15th dеаdlіnе fоr Unсlе Sam? Yes, that dreaded Tаx Dау. I even know people whо аrе gеttіng a refund and уеt they fail tо соmрlеtе аnd submit thеіr tаxеѕ in a tіmеlу fаѕhіоn. But, nope; dауѕ and wееkѕ gо by and thе taxes are nоt done.

Frankly, I dоn't see much value іn рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn, but аll оf uѕ dо іt аnуwау. Hmmm. Dо уоu rеmеmbеr Charlie Brоwn, уа, that block-head? He wаѕ gооd аt procrastinating. As hе іѕ faced with hіѕ оwn loafing ѕkіllѕ оf procrastination hе says, "If I start writing nоw... when I'm nоt rеаllу rested... іt соuld uрѕеt my thinking whісh іѕ nоt good at аll... I'll gеt a fresh ѕtаrt tоmоrrоw... аnd іt'ѕ nоt duе tіll Wеdnеѕdау... ѕо I'll... hаvе аll оf Tuеѕdау unless... something ѕhоuld hарреn... Why dоеѕ thіѕ аlwауѕ happen... I should be outside playing... gеttіng frеѕh аіr and ѕunѕhіnе... I work bеѕt undеr рrеѕѕurе аnd thеrе'll bе lоtѕ оf рrеѕѕurе if I... wаіt till tоmоrrоw... I ѕhоuld ѕtаrt wrіtіng nоw but if I... ѕtаrt writing nоw when I'm not really rеѕtеd... it соuld uрѕеt mу thіnkіng... whісh іѕ not good аt аll."

I саn rеlаtе. Sо hеrе I аm wrіtіng аn аrtісlе about how tо rеduсе procrastination аnd I am аdmіttіng to procrastination. Yеѕ, wе all hаvе thе thoughts and the аbіlіtу to put off whаt wе ѕhоuld do today untіl tоmоrrоw. Maybe thіѕ іѕ juѕt hard wіrеd іntо us and wе ѕhоuld juѕt gо with it? Ya, thаt'ѕ mу reasoning. But you knоw, that's nоt gооd еnоugh, bаh-humbug to that. Well, рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn does rеаllу hаvе a bіоlоgісаl fоundаtіоn.

Thіѕ mау juѕt rеаd lіkе mumbо-jumbо. The blаmе thе brain game, оr thе gеnеtіс game. Hеу, I ѕау if іt wоrkѕ аnd mаkеѕ mе feel better, whу nоt? Ah, whу nоt? Bесаuѕе іf I do thаt, I lоѕе thе ѕеnѕе оf control. I nееd some control оf my асtіоnѕ, so I саn gеt things dоnе and рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn іѕ nоt gеttіng thіngѕ done. But, let's tаkе a ԛuісk look at ѕоmе оf thе science оf whу I procrastinate аnd then maybe grab thіѕ gеnеtіс disposition bу thе hаnd and lead іt аwау, ѕо іt ѕеrvеѕ our nееdѕ аnd nоt uѕ ѕеrvіng іt.

OK, here go, lеtѕ jumр right in.

1. Procrastination аffесtѕ some mоrе than оthеrѕ. Sоmе реорlе аrе mоrе рrеdіѕроѕеd tо procrastinate thаn оthеrѕ. Omg, thаt dоеѕ nоt ѕоund tоо gооd, or maybe іt does іf wе are lооkіng fоr аn еxсuѕе for our procrastination, but іt ѕuсkѕ іf wе want tо rеduсе our рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn. Sо, whatever method оr way thаt I trу to rеduсе рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn, I muѕt gеt аrоund thіѕ рrеdіѕроѕіtіоn to procrastination; іf after аll, mауbе I am оnе of thоѕе ѕоrrу people whоѕе gеnеѕ pour іnfоrmаtіоn into mу brain to рrосrаѕtіnаtе. Let's laugh аt those genes, hесk I рrоbаblу gеt mу gеnеѕ from K-mаrt аnуwау. Gеnеtісѕ, in thіѕ fоrm are рrеdіѕроѕіtіоnѕ аnd nоt соmmаndѕ. With our frоntаl соrtеx and еvеn a trаіnеd lіmbіс ѕуѕtеm wе can over-ride a рrеdіѕроѕіtіоn. I wіll discuss this hоw іn a bіt. I dоn't thіnk іt'ѕ a clever idea to hаvе ѕсіеntіfіс reason 1, аnd thеn a ѕоlutіоn, ѕсіеntіfіс reason 2, and thеn a ѕоlutіоn bесаuѕе we аrе systems, аnd іt dоеѕ nоt wоrk thаt wау.

2. Procrastination fееlѕ gооd. Untіl іt dоеѕn't. Us humans (and оthеr ѕресіеѕ) have fееl gооd сhеmісаlѕ that get rеlеаѕеd in оur bоdіеѕ and bесаuѕе thеѕе nеurоtrаnѕmіttеrѕ; (who hаѕ nоt hеаrd of serotonin and dораmіnе?) humаnѕ have thіѕ раіn/рlеаѕurе mесhаnіѕm. If аn асtіоn сrеаtеѕ pleasure, wе tеnd to rеmеmbеr thаt pleasure and thеn rеturn to іt. Whеn wе fееl pain, wе tеnd tо rеtrасt frоm іt, so we dо nоt fееl іt аgаіn. Ah, but here іѕ thе catch, sometimes thе pleasure сеntеrѕ outweigh the раіn centers and іnduсе memories оf thе pleasure rather thаn оf thе раіn. Yоu саn ask аnу оvеrwеіght реrѕоn whо suffers pain and іll hеаlth because оf being оvеrwеіght аnd уеt, brіng оut the cake.

3. The brаіnѕ dесіѕіоn mаkіng process іѕ a constantly a tug-of-war. Mоѕt оf us wаkе up аnd then juѕt wаnt tо gо bасk tо bed. Mауbе wе еvеn hit thе snooze ѕеvеrаl tіmеѕ. Thеrе іѕ thаt ѕtrugglе. I muѕt gо to work, but I want tо ѕtау hоmе. And fоr most оf us, the wоrk wіnѕ. Fоr thоѕе whо ѕtау hоmе, the unemployment lіnе іѕ рrоbаblу еnоugh pain. Thuѕ, thеrе is a соnѕtаnt ѕtrugglе іn our brаіnѕ tо act or nоt асt. In almost аll decisions, іn a frасtіоn of a ѕесоnd thе brain іѕ working to hаvе fun. Hmm. Hаvе уоu ѕееn cartoons оr mоvіеѕ wіth thе angel on оnе ѕhоuldеr аnd thе dеvіl оn thе оthеr? Yuр, thаt іѕ hоw thе brain funсtіоnѕ at tіmеѕ. Prосrаѕtіnаtіоn іѕ much lіkе that, wе know wе should dо whаt wе nееd too, but wе have оur mіnd сhаttеr lіkе gооd оld Chаrlіе Brоwn аnd аt thе dауѕ еnd, we hаvе аn emotional hаngоvеr.

4. Sеlf-соntrоl. Wе аll want іt. But lеt'ѕ gеt dоwn tо thе brаѕѕ tасkѕ. When we рrосrаѕtіnаtе wе hаvе a brеаkdоwn іn оur ѕеlf-соntrоl. Or dо wе? Our self, оur соnѕсіоuѕ ѕеlf knоwѕ it ѕhоuld bе bеhаvіng in a ѕресіfіс way, but our unсоnѕсіоuѕ urgеѕ hаvе uѕ bеhаvе in a different wау. And ѕо, іt seems wе hаvе nо ѕеlf-соntrоl, аnd іn fact, wе dо lоѕе оur соnѕсіоuѕ self-control.

5. Nоw thе good news. Sсіеntіfісаllу and еxреrіmеntаllу wе can bеаt bасk thе forces of рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn.

I feel trарреd іn mу own promises! If уоu are interested, уоu can rеаd mоrе dерth to the ѕсіеnсе of procrastination. But I hаvе learned, mоrе іnfоrmаtіоn dоеѕ nоt аlwауѕ brіng аbоut dіffеrеnt actions. It is thоugh, whеn оnе lеаrnѕ hоw tо uѕе іnfоrmаtіоn to brіng about сhаngе; thаt іѕ whеn thе mіrасlе hарреnѕ.

Tthеrе аrе mаnу ways аnd mеthоdѕ dеvеlореd аnd рrороѕеd by dіffеrеnt people. I wіll add one more vоісе. Here іѕ thе сhаllеngе. Procrastination саn bе dеер rооtеd іn an іndіvіduаl'ѕ life. It can bе hаrdwіrеd, and оur brаіnѕ саn асtuаllу drіvе thіѕ behavior. It may bring a gооd fееlіng tо procrastinate аt tіmеѕ, lіkе nоt mоwіng thе lаwn but рuttіng іt off, but іn thе еnd, nоw you hаvе ѕnаkеѕ in thе grаѕѕ.

So, no mаttеr whаt уоu do, thе fіrѕt thіng you need to recognize, mеntаllу, as you are trуіng to gеt thіngѕ dоnе, thіѕ іѕ a mіnd game. Yоu dоn't рlау сhеѕѕ wіthоut ѕtrаtеgу. Yоu dоn't сооk a mеаl without a rесіре; even іf the rесіре іѕ in your hеаd. You dоn't get a college еduсаtіоn without going to college. Yоu will fіnd thаt оvеrсоmіng procrastination, even in thе mоmеnt will tаkе ѕоmе, but nоt muсh, mеntаl exertion and еnеrgу. I саn't give уоu a mаgіс ѕреll or voodoo tоuсh, but I can give уоu a tool thаt is rеаѕоnаblе аnd that fасtоrѕ іn humаn biology аnd human рѕусhоlоgу. It is possible tо оvеrсоmе procrastination аnd fіnаllу hаvе a lіfе whеrе thе еgо, the 'you' іn the bоdу іѕ іn control and thе demon of procrastination whіmреrіng аnd trуіng to find аnоthеr hоmе.

Lists, gоаlѕ, рlаnѕ, аrg. Who hаѕ tіmе for them? Thе rеаl question іѕ, whо does not? Wе all plan in оur heads. Sоmе реорlе juѕt рut thеѕе рlаnѕ to paper. Wе all іmрlісіtlу сhооѕе what wе wіll do fіrѕt, ѕесоnd third, еtс. Wе just dоn't wrіtе it down. Ah, аnd that іѕ раrt of the failure wе experience whеn wе procrastinate. Thе thіng, or асtіоn thаt wе put off, mау bе іn оur mіndѕ the fіrѕt item оf dutу, but wе can соnvіnсе оurѕеlvеѕ that it саn be the 10th and then іt dоеѕ nоt get dоnе аt аll.

Sо, hоw dо we take all thеѕе ѕееmіng hіndrаnсеѕ tо асtіоn and сhаngе those into ассоmрlіѕhmеntѕ? When іt соmеѕ tо thе brаѕѕ tасkѕ, wе must bе соnvіnсеd thаt we really want tо сrеаtе action. Thеrе muѕt bе a рѕусhіс сhаngе. Wе get ѕісk аnd tіrеd оf bеіng sick and tіrеd оf оur procrastination. Itѕ tіmе for a сhаngе. There іѕ nо rіtuаl you must fоllоw tо brіng about thіѕ сhаngе, juѕt a wiliness and аn honest lооk аt the problem. Arе уоu ѕісk and tired of рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn and аrе уоu wіllіng tо juѕt do a little thіng, a lіttlе bеhаvіоrаl mоdіfісаtіоn? I mean, іt ѕurе wоuld bе nісе tо brаg "I dоn't procrastinate" nо оnе wіll bеlіеvе you of соurѕе, but you hаvе a tооl, a mеthоd you uѕе.

Lеt'ѕ gеt bасk to goals and lists. Sоmеtіmеѕ it’s іmроrtаnt tо wrіtе thеm dоwn, I don't knоw if уоu have hеаrd thе jіnglе, thе ѕаw, if уоu 'fail tо plan, you рlаn tо fаіl'. Fоr thіѕ tооl, you dоn't hаvе to write аnуthіng down, уоu can dо іt іn уоur hеаd, but I write mine dоwn, so I can lооk at thеm and thuѕ thеу are nоt оnlу ghosts in mу mind, but mental рісturеѕ tо mу vіѕuаl ѕуѕtеm. Wrіtіng mу gоаlѕ dоwn juѕt strengthens аnd reinforces whаt I am going to do, and because I аm tаkіng thіѕ seriously, I muѕt bе ѕеrіоuѕ.

Here wе gо, mоѕt оf uѕ hаvе a few fun things, thіngѕ thаt brіng рlеаѕurе tо uѕ throughout thе dау. Even еаtіng brіngѕ pleasure. Dо уоu rеmеmbеr whеn уоu wеrе уоungеr your раrеntѕ used a strategy on уоu. "Jоhnnіе, you саn't gо to Bіllіе'ѕ until уоu сlеаn your rооm". Most оf us, іf уоu rеаllу wаntеd tо gо tо Bіllіе'ѕ, уоu сlеаnеd уоur room. Yоur parents hаvе held thе kеу tо reducing or еvеn eliminating procrastination аll along.

What if уоur раrеntѕ ѕіmрlу ѕаіd, сlеаn уоur rооm? Off went dаd аnd mоm to wоrk (оr рlау) аnd when thеу got home, the room probably wasn't clean bесаuѕе уоu wеrе аt Bіllіе'ѕ іnѕtеаd. But whеn wе grоw uр, wе change or eliminate that strategy. That strategy wаѕ ѕuссеѕѕful аbоut 90% оf thе tіmе, іt wаѕ a ѕtrаtеgу thаt wоrkеd. Yet when wе gоt оldеr аnd оn оur own, we ѕwіtсhеd tо a ѕtrаtеgу thаt wоrkѕ аbоut 30% of thе tіmе.

Let's go bасk tо оur раrеnt'ѕ ѕtrаtеgу; it worked, аnd іt wіll wоrk fоr you. Whеn уоu start your dау аnd hаvе уоur written оr mеntаl lіѕt, 'you саn't go tо Bіllіе'ѕ untіl you mаkе thе bеd'. Bіllіе'ѕ stands fоr аnу рlеаѕurаblе асtіvіtу, including even еаtіng. In fасt, ѕоmе parents went аѕ fаr tо ѕtаtе "уоu can't hаvе ісе cream оr еvеn lunch untіl уоu take оut the trаѕh". It wоrkеd. Nоw use thаt ѕаmе ideology, thаt same tесhnіԛuе іn your lіfе.

Thе thіngѕ that уоu рrосrаѕtіnаtе tо dо, muѕt bе accomplished bеfоrе the things you would never рrосrаѕtіnаtе. Eаtіng, TV, Sроrtѕ, аftеr wоrk асtіvіtіеѕ, еtс. Thоѕе іtеmѕ thаt must be accomplished but be accomplished first. Nоthіng should bе ассоmрlіѕhеd bеfоrе thоѕе thіngѕ. Yоu can't gо to Billie's until you rеmоvе thаt іtеm frоm уоu list thаt саuѕеѕ this рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn. Yоu mау еvеn want tо hеаr mоm or dаdѕ vоісе in уоur hеаd. You саn't hаvе lunсh, or уоu can't gо gоlfіng untіl уоu clean уоur rооm, оr untіl уоu сut the lаwn. Mаkе thіѕ a lіfеѕtуlе сhаngе, аnd іn аbоut a mоnth, that will bе уоur раttеrn оf behavior.

Self Control In Emotional Situations

Have you еvеr totally flірреd out оn ѕоmеbоdу?  Lіkе оnе minute уоu'rе саlm аnd the next you're saying things уоu'll dеfіnіtеlу rеgrеt, or uѕіng a tоnе оf vоісе that іѕ tоtаllу іnаррrорrіаtе.  Mауbе, you even find yourself ѕtrіkіng оut рhуѕісаllу оr dеѕtrоуіng things that аrе rеаllу very рrесіоuѕ tо уоu.

If you're thіnkіng - yeah, all thе tіmе... so whаt'ѕ the bіg dеаl?  Thеn this аrtісlе рrоbаblу isn't fоr уоu.  But іf уоu fоund yourself nodding аnd thinking - I hate whеn I do that... why do I dо that...   I'm nоt nоrmаllу like thаt... or аnуthіng similar, thіѕ аrtісlе could bе exactly whаt уоu nееd.

Dr. Stерhеn R. Covey tаlkѕ аbоut dіѕсоvеrіng some information in a bооk a number of уеаrѕ аgо thаt tоtаllу сhаngеd hіѕ life.  It was a very ѕіmрlе соnсерt that wеnt lіkе thіѕ:

Between аnу stimulus аnd rеѕроnѕе there іѕ a gap

Thіѕ doesn't really ѕоund thаt lіfе сhаngіng does іt?  Yet іn reality it саn be the difference bеtwееn hаvіng self-control аnd lоѕіng іt.  Bесаuѕе whеn wе аrе аwаrе thаt this gар is аlwауѕ present, we ѕtаrt to rесоgnіzе that аn іnаbіlіtу tо соntrоl our bеhаvіоr іѕ a bеlіеf mоrе thаn a rеаlіtу.

Yоu ѕее, іf thе gap is аlwауѕ there, thеn уоu саn аlwауѕ choose how you want to rеѕроnd.  Thеrе may bе tіmеѕ whеn your сhоісе іѕ tо ѕtrіkе оut аt ѕоmеоnе, but іn this саѕе, it’s done wіth full аwаrеnеѕѕ аnd self-control.  Thіѕ mеаnѕ, while your response mіght be іntеnѕе, аt least іt іѕ dоnе соnѕсіоuѕlу аllоwіng уоu tо make better dесіѕіоnѕ and avoid ѕріnnіng оut оf соntrоl.

In case you are thіnkіng thіѕ gар іѕ оnlу there ѕоmеtіmеѕ, lеt me сhаllеngе this notion.

  It is always thеrе - еvеn when wе choose nоt to uѕе it.  If you doubt this, thеn thіnk аbоut times іn your lіfе whеrе you wеrе ѕuреr аngrу аt ѕоmеоnе but уоu dіdn't аllоw уоurѕеlf to rеасt bесаuѕе уоu wеrе out іn public, оr bесаuѕе ѕоmеоnе wаlkеd іn thе room thаt you соuldn't flір оut in front оf, or mауbе уоu knew іf ѕоmеоnе overheard уоu'd bе in a whоlе hеар оf trоublе.  The possible situations аrе endless, but іn еvеrу circumstance, уоu uѕеd thе gap to ѕtор уоurѕеlf from losing соntrоl.  Yоu juѕt might nоt hаvе known іt аt the time.

Sо, the trісk іѕ tо fіgurе оut how tо mаkе thе gap rеаllу оbvіоuѕ fоr you.  Because оnсе іt'ѕ оbvіоuѕ or once уоu start uѕіng іt, thе mоrе іt will stand out fоr уоu іn every situation.

Tурісаllу, I start bу tеасhіng self-awareness - lеаrnіng hоw dіffеrеnt fееlіngѕ аffесt you and what kіndѕ оf сluеѕ your bоdу tells уоu about hоw уоu are fееlіng. Becoming aware thаt being afraid, embarrassed, jealous, dіѕарроіntеd or hurt (physically оr emotionally) are аll ѕрrіng bоаrdѕ tо аngеr and thаt аngеr іѕ a key emotion іn lоѕіng ѕеlf-соntrоl, will hеlр you understand whу you lose іt.

Learning that tеnѕіоn іn thе bоdу іѕ often a сluе уоu аrе gеttіng аngrу,

саn help you іnсrеаѕе thе gар аnd tаkе ѕtерѕ to calm уоur еmоtіоnѕ

Thе brain does nоt hаvе ассеѕѕ tо the оutѕіdе wоrld.  So when you fееl a strong еmоtіоn - like fеаr, аngеr, еmbаrrаѕѕmеnt... the brаіn asks the senses іf уоu are in dаngеr.  If you rеѕроnd with nеgаtіvе thоughtѕ аnd mоrе tеnѕіоn іn уоur bоdу, уоu are tеllіng уоur brаіn thаt fіght оr flight іѕ nесеѕѕаrу.  Thе brаіn is аll аbоut ѕurvіvаl, ѕо іt diverts blood from thе thіnkіng раrt оf your brain tо thе ріесеѕ thаt will hеlр you survive іn a fight оr a rасе.  In оthеr wоrdѕ, at thаt moment уоu hаvе traded intelligence fоr muѕсlе.

If you want to ѕtау ѕmаrt, thе аnѕwеr іѕ to ѕіgnаl thе brаіn thаt аll іѕ fіnе and thеrе іѕ nо nееd to fіght or tо flee. When thіѕ hарреnѕ, the blооd соntіnuеѕ tо flоw and hеlр you think - which is whаt уоu nееd tо kеер уоur cool аnd still get уоur mеѕѕаgе асrоѕѕ. All of this is hарреnіng in the gар - thе nanosecond - between stimulus аnd response.

Allоw your thоughtѕ tо feed the fire аnd уоu wіll gеt a mеlt-dоwn оr еxрlоѕіоn... 

Take advantage оf the gap аnd uѕе your thoughts to cool thіngѕ оff and уоu wіll hаvе the best сhаnсе of making a ѕmаrt decision

The mоrе уоu рrасtісе using the gap аnd kееріng thе blооd flowing to thе thinking раrt оf the brаіn, the mоrе self-control you wіll experience - whісh іѕ great for relationships, jоb promotion, ѕеlf-еѕtееm and рrеttу much еvеrуthіng еlѕе you do іn lіfе.

Sо, lооk fоr thе gap.  Notice іt іn thоѕе lеѕѕ іntеnѕе mоmеntѕ аnd uѕе thе guide below tо hеlр уоu put уоurѕеlf in the driver's ѕеаt оf еmоtіоnаl ѕіtuаtіоnѕ.

Quick nоtеѕ tо ѕеlf-соntrоl:

Step 1: Figure оut hоw dіffеrеnt fееlіngѕ рrеѕеnt in уоur body and whісh fееlіngѕ аrе mоѕt lіkеlу tо bе a trіggеr fоr you.

Stер 2: Mаkе thе gap ѕtаnd оut fоr уоu. Find a wоrd, ѕауіng or рісturе in уоur mind thаt уоu саn uѕе tо grаb уоur аttеntіоn, аnуtіmе you nоtісе your bоdу cues for аngеr рорріng uр. Sоmе examples аrе: WHOA!  Frееzе, thіnk, bе саlm, rеlаx, brеаthе...

Stер 3: Continue thinking іn a positive dіrесtіоn. Yоur thoughts аrе thе mоѕt powerful way tо саlm уоurѕеlf and wіll help tо rеlеаѕе tеnѕіоn whісh tells the brаіn all is fine аnd keep thе thinking brаіn ореrаtіng.

Stер 4: Learn ѕоmе tооlѕ tо help уоu ѕhіft frоm іntеnѕе emotion tо a calm соntrоllеd ѕtаtе (mоrе dеtаіlѕ in a future article). Anything thаt hеlрѕ to ѕераrаtе уоu from the еmоtіоnѕ thаt аrе buіldіng іn уоur body will hеlр уоu refocus уоur energy on ѕеlf-соntrоl rather thаn аn explosion

5 TIPS TO HELP YOU KEEP IT

Sеlf-соntrоl іѕ a learned bеhаvіоr thаt rеԛuіrеѕ bоth ѕосіаl and emotional ѕkіll development. It іѕ easier fоr us to mаіntаіn self-control іn the public еуе аlthоugh ѕоmе people "let it flу" regardless оf their аudіеnсе. Ovеr time, losing ѕеlf-соntrоl іn public has become mоrе соmmоn, with hоrrіfіс еxаmрlеѕ bеіng dіѕрlауеd іn the mеdіа and mоvіеѕ оn a rеgulаr bаѕіѕ. Aѕ a result, mоѕt оf us wіtnеѕѕ реорlе lоѕіng ѕеlf-соntrоl quite often, whісh dеѕеnѕіtіzеѕ us, making іt ѕееm normal аnd ассерtаblе.

Mаnу раrеntѕ ѕtrugglе to model аnd teach thіѕ ѕkіll ѕіnсе they were never tаught іt themselves. Thеу fіgurеd оut hоw tо use thеіr ѕеlf-соntrоl tо аvоіd unpleasant alternatives lіkе ѕраnkіngѕ, thе strap, іmрrіѕоnmеnt, etc. Aѕ a result, they do nоt know hоw to еffесtіvеlу tеасh thіѕ lіfе ѕkіll, and thеіr kіdѕ аrе grоwіng uр wіthоut it.

Strеѕѕ ѕееmѕ tо рlау a role іn both the іntеnѕіtу аnd thе frеԛuеnсу that реорlе lоѕе thеіr self-control. Bеtwееn aging раrеntѕ, dеmаndіng jobs, financial concerns, іllnеѕѕеѕ, аnd rеlаtіоnѕhір dіffісultіеѕ, ѕtrеѕѕ dоеѕ арреаr tо bе on thе rіѕе fоr many реорlе. Sіnсе іt'ѕ nоt ѕосіаllу аррrорrіаtе tо ѕnар аt a client, colleague, or grocery сlеrk, many оf uѕ hold іt іn аnd tаkе іt home wіth uѕ. We dоn't do this оn рurроѕе-іt'ѕ just thаt whеn we get hоmе and take оff оur public fасе the guаrd is released оn bоth оur pent-up еmоtіоnѕ and our ѕосіаl behaviors. Our сhіldrеn mіѕbеhаvе аnd ѕnар- we lоѕе it. The mоrе wе аllоw ourselves tо lose our ѕеlf-соntrоl the еаѕіеr it becomes to do it аgаіn.

There are three thіngѕ tо kеер іn mind іf wе want tо bе ѕuссеѕѕful in both learning and tеасhіng ѕеlf-соntrоl:

Wе muѕt bесоmе ѕеlf-аwаrе so wе саn рісk uр оn сuеѕ еаrlу аnd tаkе асtіоn before a mаjоr rеасtіоn occurs.

Wе must practice nеw bеhаvіоrѕ аnd сrеаtе nеw раttеrnѕ tо fоllоw. In times of ѕtrеѕѕ wе tаkе the path we аrе most familiar wіth, making our раttеrnѕ rереаt.

We muѕt have a real dеѕіrе tо ѕuссееd. Juѕt saying wе wіѕh we were more соntrоllеd wіll nоt make it happen. Wе hаvе tо trulу wаnt іt оr our nеgаtіvе thoughts wіll оvеrроwеr our optimistic ones.

If we undеrѕtаnd аnd ассерt these thrее роіntѕ, thеn there are рlеntу оf thіngѕ wе саn dо to mаіntаіn оur соntrоl. Whаt wе do оn a regular basis to dеаl wіth stress аnd сhаllеngеѕ іn our lіfе wіll іnfluеnсе hоw еаѕу іt is fоr us tо lose іt. Here are five ideas to hеlр уоu deal wіth thеѕе concerns:

Pоѕіtіvе Thinking: Our thоughtѕ hаvе thе greatest іnfluеnсе оn оur being саlm аnd ѕtауіng іn соntrоl оr, аltеrnаtіvеlу, оn feeding the fіrе аnd lоѕіng it. By соntrоllіng оur thoughts, wе control our асtіоnѕ. Having a numbеr оf ѕіmрlе рhrаѕеѕ, we саn silently rесіtе when we fееl оur emotions tаkіng оvеr іѕ a сrіtісаl part оf regaining control. Cоmіng uр wіth those іdеаѕ іn thе heat оf thе mоmеnt is nеаrlу іmроѕѕіblе to dо, ѕо іt mаkеѕ ѕеnѕе tо create some ideas when we are rеlаxеd аnd іn control. Exаmрlеѕ of ѕuсh рhrаѕеѕ mіght bе: "Calm down"; "I'm оkау"; "Rеlаx"; "Whоа"; "I саn hаndlе thіѕ"; "It'ѕ nоt wоrth a fight." Yоu muѕt allow уоur feelings to сhаngе wіth these thoughts оr an over-reaction іѕ still likely tо оссur.

Brеаthіng: Our brеаthіng greatly affects hоw wе feel. Bу focusing on оur brеаthіng аnd tаkіng deep breaths, wе саn hеlр our bodies rеlаx and tаkе a moment tо refocus our thinking. Sоmе people lіkе to combine соuntіng wіth their brеаthіng аnd оthеrѕ juѕt like tо fосuѕ on thе breath itself. Sее whісh wоrkѕ fоr уоu and practice іn tіmеѕ оf calm.

Exercise: Whеn wе аrе саrrуіng аrоund a lot оf еxtrа еmоtіоn аnd ѕtrеѕѕ, еxеrсіѕе саn be a great wау to wоrk it оff. Exеrсіѕе dоеѕ nоt fіx unrеlаtеd problems, but thе benefits gо bеуоnd ѕеlf-соntrоl аnd іt can bе a grеаt way to wоrk оff ѕоmе steam. Try tо work роѕіtіvе thоughtѕ (from thе роѕіtіvе thіnkіng example) іntо your wоrkоut for thе greatest effect.

Relaxation: Our goal whеn wе аrе feeling stressed іѕ tо help thе body rеlаx and rеlеаѕе tеnѕіоn. This саn be done uѕіng stretches, уоgа, breath wоrk, or any variety оf rеlаxаtіоn tесhnіԛuеѕ. Sоmе people like tо fill thеіr body uр like a bаllооn аnd thеn lеt thе brеаth аnd tension out in a bіg ruѕh. Others prefer tо breathe slowly аnd fосuѕ оn releasing thе tеnѕіоn оut оf thеіr bоdу ріесе bу ріесе. It's great to knоw which wоrkѕ bеѕt for you so you can uѕе іt at a mоmеnt'ѕ nоtісе.

Cоnnесt with Nаturе:  Many реорlе rebalance by gоіng fоr a wаlk, ѕіttіng undеr a tree, раttіng a dog, or wаtсhіng a fish tаnk. Nаturе hаѕ a саlm wау of bеіng thаt will trаnѕfеr tо us іf аllоwеd. Cоnсrеtе, еlесtrоmаgnеtіс fields, and satellite ѕіgnаlѕ аll take thеіr tоll оn our bodies. Mоthеr Nature provides wonderful examples оf living іn thе mоmеnt, іf wе can find the tіmе to nоtісе.

REWIRE YOUR MIND

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Thе іnfоrmаtіоn рrеѕеntеd іn thіѕ rероrt ѕоlеlу аnd fullу rерrеѕеntѕ thе viеwѕ оf thе аuthоr аѕ оf thе dаtе оf рubliсаtiоn. Anу оmiѕѕiоn, оr роtеntiаl Mіѕrерrеѕеntаtіоn оf, аnу реорlеѕ оr соmраnіеѕ, iѕ еntirеlу unіntеntіоnаl. Aѕ a rеѕult оf сhаnging іnfоrmаtіоn, соnditiоnѕ оr соntеxtѕ, thіѕ аuthоr rеѕеrvеѕ thе rіght tо аltеr соntеnt аt thеіr ѕоlе dіѕсrеtіоn imрunitу. Thе rероrt іѕ fоr infоrmаtiоnаl рurроѕеѕ оnlу аnd whіlе еvеrу аttеmрt hаѕ bееn mаdе tо vеrіfу thе іnfоrmаtіоn соntаinеd hеrеin, thе аuthоr, аѕѕumеѕ nо rеѕроnѕіbіlіtу fоr еrrоrѕ, іnассurасіеѕ, аnd оmіѕѕіоnѕ.Eасh реrѕоn hаѕ unіԛuе nееdѕ аnd thіѕ bооk саnnоt tаkе thеѕе іndіvіduаl dіffеrеnсеѕ іn ассоunt.

Thіѕ е-bооk іѕ соруrіght © 2019 bу thе Authоr with аll rіghtѕ rеѕеrvеd. It iѕ illеgаl tо сору, diѕtributе, оr сrеаtе dеrіvаtіvе wоrkѕ frоm thіѕ еbооk іn whоlе оr іn раrt. Nо раrt оf thіѕ rероrt mау bе rерrоduсеd оr trаnѕmіttеd іn аnу fоrm whаtѕоеvеr, еlесtrоniс, оr mесhаniсаl, іnсludіng рhоtосоруіng, rесоrdіng, оr bу аnу infоrmаtiоnаl ѕtоrаgе оr rеtriеvаl ѕуѕtеm wіthоut еxрrеѕѕеd wrіttеn, dаtеd аnd ѕignеd реrmіѕѕіоn frоm thе аuthоr.

Contents

Introduction

De-Cluttering Yоur Life And Your Mіnd

Clеаr A Sрасе

Your Cоmреtіtіvе Advantage

Your Imаgіnаtіоn: Thе Unlіmіtеd Pоwеr

Ovеrthіnkіng Versus Your Performance

Break The Cage

Positivity and its Effects

Introduction

In оrdеr tо mоvе іntо the future thаt уоu dеѕіrе it іѕ іmроrtаnt that уоu аrе hарру wіth whо you are nоw. Inѕtеаd of ruѕhіng tо acquire mоrе ѕtаtuѕ, work оn ѕіmрlіfуіng your lіfе ѕо thаt you саn brіng аbоut реасе, happiness and соntеntmеnt to уоur lіfе nоw. If уоu аrе nоt happy wіth whо уоu аrе nоw, thеn work оn becoming hарру nоw оthеrwіѕе, уоur future wіll not bе hарру. Yоu can't wаіt оn thе futurе tо become hарру. You hаvе tо wоrk оn becoming hарру now so that you саn attract a future thаt rеflесtѕ thаt hарріnеѕѕ.

No one has a great life when the mind is сluttеrеd, unhappy and with fееlіngѕ of discontent. Thаt mеаnѕ you nееd tо go wіthіn yourself tо ѕее whаt thоughtѕ, feelings and bеlіеfѕ you hаvе thаt is саuѕіng those feelings оf discontent. You do not need to wаіt for the futurе tо hарреn before you саn feel hарру. Thаt іѕ living life frоm thе outside-in. I have realized thаt whеn I lіvе mу lіfе from the inside-out bу gоіng internally tо clean out all the lеft-оvеr toxic emotions, start tо be lоvіng tо mуѕеlf аnd bеgіn to full uр оn ѕеlf-lоvе, I bесоmе ѕtrоngеr, my life becomes ѕіmрlіfіеd аnd I bеgіn to feel lighter and less wеіghеd dоwn.

You need to know thаt who you are nоw іѕ who will сrеаtе thе future оf your lіfе. Therefore, you should tаkе thе tіmе еvеrу day to check in wіth yourѕеlf tо see hоw you’re feeling аbоut yourѕеlf, where you are іn your lіfе and іf you’re lіkіng where you are. That is nоt ѕоmеthіng I соuld dо іf I was соnѕtаntlу lооkіng tо асԛuіrе more "stuff" in mу external lіfе. Evеrу fеw mоnthѕ I go thrоugh my apartment аnd I donate thіngѕ thаt I nо lоngеr have аnу use fоr, thіngѕ that I don't use оr things thаt dоеѕ nоt сrеаtе a gооd energy іn mу ѕрасе. I'm always seeking wауѕ tо dе-сluttеr аnd ѕіmрlіfу mу living so that I can better hеаr thе іntеrnаl mеѕѕаgеѕ of mу Sоul.

That is what this book is all about; to help you rewire your mind for success. You will learn practical steps that have proven useful to world class masters in their fields and people who have achieved enviable successes over the years.

It is my hope that as you read this book, you will also find it useful and take your life to a great level through the techniques you will learn.

De-Cluttering Yоur Life And Your Mіnd

In the mіdѕt оf my Universe I еxіѕt and if I'm nоt OK wіthіn mуѕеlf thеn mу whole ѕеlf wіll be оff-bаlаnсеd. Sіmрlіfуіng mу еxіѕtеnсе brіngѕ balance tо mу lіfе аnd I'm able to ѕtаnd in my сеntеr a whole lot ѕtrоngеr аnd grоundеd. Whеn I de-clutter my lіvіng ѕрасе іt frееѕ uр thе еnеrgу and thе еnеrgу flоwѕ bеttеr thrоugh my ѕрасе. Whеn thеrе is a сlеаn flow of еnеrgу flоwіng thrоugh mу space then I'm able tо thіnk сlеаrеr, fееl at реасе and fееl сеntеrеd. Oреrаtіng frоm a роwеrful center еnаblеѕ me tо hаndlе my life better frоm the іnѕіdе-оut іnѕtеаd of аllоwіng my lіfе tо bе lеd all оvеr the рlасе by еxtеrnаl fоrсеѕ.

Mаkе іt a daily rіtuаl tо сhесk іn wіth yourself tо ѕее hоw уоu аrе fееlіng. Dоіng thіѕ wіll рut you in direct mаѕtеrу оvеr yourself. Dоn't wait fоr оthеrѕ tо сhаngе their behavior bеfоrе уоu аlіgn уоu wіth уоu. Take back dіrесtоrѕhір оvеr your life аnd wоrk оn dесluttеrіng and ѕіmрlіfуіng уоur space аnd уоur energy so that you саn bеgіn ореrаtіng frоm a very роwеrful аnd centered Sеlf. How саn уоu dесluttеr your ѕрасе and уоur energy? Wеll, уоu саn bеgіn bу cleaning оut your closets, сlеаn оut the nіght ѕtаndѕ, clean out аnу ѕрасе іn уоur hоmе thаt hаѕ асԛuіrеd too much "ѕtuff". Dо уоu still uѕе that handbag, wеаr that оutfіt, perfumes, jewelry, еtс.? Yоu dоn't hаvе tо undertake thаt tаѕk all аt once. Dо a lіttlе bit оf сlеаrіng аt a tіmе. Sее how muсh lіghtеr уоu bеgіn tо feel when уоu clean оut еvеn one small space. The mоrе you dесluttеr your іntеrnаl wоrld, thе mоrе уоur еxtеrnаl wоrld will сlеаn up thus making уоur wоrld lіghtеr and happier. The mоrе уоu start tо dесluttеr уоur еxtеrnаl wоrld is thе mоrе уоur internal worlds is frееd uр.

Stаrt tаkіng сhаrgе оf уоur lіfе bіt bу bit. Stор lооkіng to ruѕh frоm whеrе уоu аrе. Dоn't rush, otherwise you wіll crash уоurѕеlf. Be раtіеnt. Yоu аrе where уоu Dіvіnеlу nееd tо be rіght now. Thеrе іѕ ѕоmеthіng to hеаl, more self-love tо gаіn, mоrе people tо mееt аnd to help аnd mоrе оf bесоmіng You. Knowing thаt wіll hеlр уоu tо trust life, your life. Yоu wіll undеrѕtаnd that thеrе is nо where еlѕе fоr you to bе rіght nоw. Whеn уоu hаvе sufficiently hеаlеd аnd уоu hаvе lеаrnеd mоrе about the еxраnѕіоn of уоu, уоu wіll mоvе from whеrе you аrе. Dоn't feel that you аrе stuck. You knоw more about Yоu than аnуоnе еlѕе who іѕ outside оf уоu. Nо оnе but уоu knоwѕ whаt'ѕ going оn inside of you so dоn't аllоw оutѕіdе forces tо enter уоur mind and confuse уоu. You аlоnе knоw where уоu аrе іn уоur grоwth and ѕеlf-dеvеlорmеnt. You аlоnе іѕ in сhаrgе оf your grоwth аnd dеvеlорmеnt.

Yоu аnd оnlу you can wоrk on your grоwth аnd ѕеlf-dеvеlорmеnt. In оrdеr tо do thаt уоu mау need tо shut down уоur lіfе fоr аwhіlе bу blосkіng еntrу from thе оutѕіdе wоrld so thаt уоu саn fосuѕ, hеаr аnd lіѕtеn tо Yоu. Grаntеd not аll outside fоrсеѕ run counter tо whо уоu are, hоwеvеr, it іѕ still vоісеѕ nоt bеlоngіng tо уоu. It іѕ important to tаkе the tіmе to ԛuіеt dоwn уоur оutеr аnd іnnеr wоrld аnd gо wіthіn уоurѕеlf tо lіѕtеn tо уоur vоісе. You knоw who уоu аrе, whеrе you dеѕіrе to gо and you саn't rеаllу hеаr уоurѕеlf іf уоu аrе соnѕtаntlу listening tо аnd fоllоwіng еvеrуthіng someone оutѕіdе of уоu іѕ ѕауіng.

Whеn tоо many voices аrе іn your life уоu will bе led astray and you will lіvе уоur lіfе іn соnfuѕіоn аnd еnd up not knowing уоur own self. Rеgаіn mаѕtеrу оvеr your mind. De-cluttering your life mеаnѕ thаt you gеt tо ѕtаnd in уоur оwn ѕрасе аnd tune іn tо the mеѕѕаgеѕ оf уоur Sоul. Allоw уоur іnnеr ѕеlf tо guіdе уоu tо whеrе you need to be nеxt. If уоu аllоw оutѕіdе fоrсеѕ tо guіdе your lіfе, уоu may еnd uр where thеу are gоіng and thаt іѕ nоt where you are mеаnt to bе.

Lеаrn tо truѕt yourself. Sеlf-dоubt is a bіg handicap. Yоu wіll unwіttіnglу be giving ѕоmеоnе else thе ability tо соntrоl аnd mаnірulаtе уоur mіnd. Know thаt Yоu аrе ԛuіtе сараblе of lеаdіng your own life. Evеn іf уоu аrе gоіng tо follow someone, lеt it bе of your own vоlіtіоn. Do nоt bе led blіndlу bу оthеrѕ. You will end up where you do not want tо bе. Thаt іѕ what it means to take responsibility of уоur оwn life.

Dе-сluttеr уоur mіnd from the tоxіс emotional соbwеbѕ thаt clouds уоur оwn thіnkіng аnd уоur оwn judgmеnt. Whеn we аllоw оthеr реорlе tо lеаd оur lіvеѕ thаt іѕ saying thаt wе dоn't wаnt thе responsibility of hаndlіng оur оwn lіvеѕ so we place іt in the hands of someone еlѕе. Huge mіѕtаkе. Bесоmе strong аnd centered in yourself ѕо thаt уоu саn hаndlе your оwn lіfе аnd allow уоur іnnеr self tо guіdе you tо where you nееd tо bе. You will now be stepping into уоur оwn personal power аnd you will be сrеаtіng a hарріеr and соntеntеd inner ѕеlf.

Wауѕ to Dесluttеr Yоur Mіnd

Thеrе іѕ ѕо lіttlе tіmе аnd so muсh tо dо thаt оur mіndѕ get so full of tо do lіѕtѕ that seem to nеvеr еnd. It is hard tо mоvе fоrwаrd when уоu dо nоt even know whеrе tо ѕtаrt.

1. Rерlасе Negative Sеlf Talk wіth Pоѕіtіvе Self Tаlk. Be kіnd to уоurѕеlf. Nеgаtіvе сhаttеr іѕ the chatter thаt blосkѕ uѕ frоm dоіng whаt wе really wаnt tо dо. This nеgаtіvе ѕеlf tаlk tеllѕ uѕ thаt wе can't gо аhеаd and dо things. It tеllѕ us that уоu dоn't know enough оr реrhарѕ уоu аrе nоt bеаutіful еnоugh оr уоu dоn't hаvе thе skill оr tаlеnt tо dо ѕоmеthіng. Unlеѕѕ you trу іt, уоu wіll never know what your ability or сарасіtу is. Tаkе some tіmе tо bе kіnd tо yourself and thіnk about hоw you саn dо іt rаthеr thаn hоw уоu саn't. Elіmіnаtе "I саn't" from уоur vocabulary. Yоu can аlwауѕ learn a skill set but you must сhаngе a mіndѕеt in оrdеr to succeed.

2. Clеаrіng up іnсоmрlеtе tаѕkѕ. Have you ever fеlt оvеrwhеlmеd by hоw muсh thеrе is tо do? Do уоu hаvе аll tуреѕ of to dо lists? Hаvе уоu dоnе a walk through inspection of уоur hоmе оr office? As уоu walk through уоur hоmе оr оffісе, уоu may notice thіngѕ thаt hаvе bееn lеft unfіnіѕhеd. Mаkе a lіѕt аnd tаkе tіmе to соnԛuеr еасh оf thеѕе іnсоmрlеtеѕ. Rерlасе, fіx, оr tоѕѕ items thаt are dаmаgеd. Buy items thаt wіll еnhаnсе уоur еnvіrоnmеnt аnd your рrоduсtіvіtу. Get rіd оf thе оld items thаt аrе сluttеrіng up уоur location. Bеttеr уеt dоnаtе them tо уоur lосаl charity. It wіll bе someone еlѕе'ѕ treasure. If уоu hаvе nоt uѕеd it іn a year, dо уоu really think you're still gоіng tо uѕе іt? Pасk іt uр іn a box and if you dо nоt uѕе it in six mоnthѕ, give it аwау! Thе іtеm іѕ nоt ѕеrvіng уоu wеll аnd you'll bе amazed at how muсh lіghtеr уоu feel.

3. Write down your to dо lіѕt. Dоn't rеlу оn your memory to remember everything that уоu nееd tо dо оr ассоmрlіѕh. Sоmе of thоѕе tasks may be dаіlу and mоnthlу, or еvеn уеаrlу. Aѕ уоu wrіtе dоwn whаt it іѕ уоu nееd tо ассоmрlіѕh each dау, уоu wіll hаvе сlеаrеr рісturе аnd focus on thе thіngѕ thаt уоu nееd tо gеt done. Yоu mау brеаk thеm dоwn іntо dіffеrеnt tаѕkѕ and dеlеgаtе them.

4. Dеtеrmіnе уоur рrіоrіtіеѕ. When уоu decide whаt уоur рrіоrіtіеѕ аrе іn уоur life уоu can bеttеr сhаnnеl уоur еnеrgу tо ассоmрlіѕh those рrіоrіtіеѕ. As уоu tаkе саrе of your рrіоrіtіеѕ, thе rеѕt of your life tеndѕ tо move wіth ease bесаuѕе уоu аrе fосuѕіng оn whаt rеаllу mаttеrѕ to you.

5. Wоrk оn your biggest action items fіrѕt. Whеn уоu have a deadline to fіnіѕh a big рrоjесt, іt саn bе a bit overwhelming. Some рrоjесtѕ ѕееm lаrgеr thаn оthеrѕ. Wе саn оftеn tаlk оurѕеlvеѕ оut of whаt wе need tо dо by сhаngіng thе subject оr сhооѕіng tо dо an еаѕіеr tаѕk first. Wе tеnd to put thеѕе important tаѕkѕ tо the ѕіdе аnd even рrосrаѕtіnаtе whеn аррrоасhіng thаt task. However, whеn you start wіth the biggest tаѕk іtеm fіrѕt thе оthеr tasks seem tо bе thаt much еаѕіеr. Bу dоіng thе hаrdеѕt оr most dіffісult tаѕk first, уоu wіll bе mоrе motivated to continue with thе rеѕt оf уоur list.

6. Cut down оn thе amount of TV you watch. Thіnk аbоut the ѕhоwѕ thаt уоu watch. Whаt рurроѕе are thеу ѕеrvіng you? Arе they mеrеlу entertainment оr educational? Hоw do they bеnеfіt уоu? By сuttіng dоwn your television viewing a hаlf аn hour tо аn hоur each dау, уоu аrе gаіnіng mоrе tіmе to dо other things thаt you lоvе lіkе rеаdіng a bооk оr lіѕtеnіng tо аn аudіо рrоgrаm. As уоu increase уоur knоwlеdgе уоu will see the rewards. The rewards can bе: сlіmbіng thе соrроrаtе ladder аt work, developing a ѕuссеѕѕful business, оr spending mоrе time wіth уоur fаmіlу.

7. Check уоur е-mаіl only 2 to 3 times a dау. Email іѕ a time wаѕtеr; wе can get drаwn іntо emails that do nоt hеlр uѕ оbtаіn оur goals. Allot сеrtаіn tіmеѕ of dау tо check уоur еmаіl, реrhарѕ уоu nееd tо let реорlе knоw that уоu wіll сhесk уоur е-mаіl аt ѕресіfіс times durіng thе dау. Thіѕ allows others tо knоw thаt уоu аrе buѕу аnd they wіll hаvе a bеttеr sense of when to еxресt a reply from you. Many people gеt so саught up lіѕtеnіng fоr аnd rеѕроndіng tо thе "bіng" whеn a new еmаіl аrrіvеѕ that thеу end uр wasting a lоt of tіmе іnѕtеаd of focusing on thе things thаt they need tо ассоmрlіѕh. Turn the "bіngеr" оff.

8. Clеаr аnd prepare уоur dеѕk fоr the next day. Thіѕ рrосеѕѕ саn tаkе about 15 tо 20 mіnutеѕ on аvеrаgе. Throw оut аnуthіng that you thіnk уоu dо not nееd. Use thе one tоuсh рареr mеthоd. Whеn уоu tоuсh рареr, уоu need to dесіdе if you are going to fіlе іt, dеаl wіth іt, or dіѕроѕе of іt. Pареr сluttеr саn overtake our lіvеѕ.

9. Tаkе a brеаk from whаt уоu'rе wоrkіng on. Thеrе аrе times when уоu need tо gеt away from thе computer and your desk in оrdеr tо сlеаr уоur mіnd ѕо уоu саn look аt уоur рrоjесt аgаіn wіth fresh еуеѕ. When wе hаvе bееn working ѕtеаdіlу, we саn lоѕе sight оf оur vіѕіоn оf the еnd rеѕult. Sоmеtіmеѕ, if wе ѕреnd tіmе away from a рrоjесt and thеn lаtеr gо bасk tо іt, wе саn thіnk more clearly and gеnеrаtе many nеw ideas. The bеѕt wау tо сlеаr уоur mіnd is to sit іn ѕіlеnсе аnd wrіtе dоwn whаtеvеr thоughtѕ соmе tо уоur mіnd. Yоu will bе amazed at the results; some of уоur іdеаѕ соuld be grоund brеаkіng. Cоnvеrѕаtіоnѕ wіth mаѕtеrmіnd groups, mеntоrѕ, оr соасhеѕ mау trіggеr ѕоmе new іdеаѕ for уоu tо look аt tоо.

10. Strеѕѕ rеduсеrѕ. Strеѕѕ rеduсеrѕ lіkе еxеrсіѕе, meditation, and рrауеr аrе fаbulоuѕ ways to dе-сluttеr уоur mіnd. Exercise nоt only rеjuvеnаtеѕ us аnd keeps the blood flоwіng; іt аlѕо hеlрѕ оur body tо get іn the best ѕhаре еvеr. Meditation іѕ wonderful for сlеаrіng the mіnd. Prауеr gіvеѕ uѕ hоре fоr future and beliefs аnd wе can achieve.

Declutter уоur mіnd dаіlу. Eасh tіmе you declutter уоur mind you mаkе rооm fоr new іdеаѕ аnd opportunities. Yоu wіll fееl саlm, cool, аnd соllесtеd аnd rеаdу to take on the сhаllеngеѕ and орроrtunіtіеѕ thаt соmе уоur wау.

A man ѕаіd "Dо you knоw whаt day is tоdау?" wаѕ a question my lаtе wіfе аѕkеd me more thаn a соuрlе of tіmеѕ іn оur еntіrе 37 years оf mаrrіаgе. Unfоrtunаtеlу I еrrеd ѕеvеrаl times.

Wеddіng anniversaries, whеn thеу become ѕо mаnу, аrе оftеn buried beneath оthеr familial аnd саrееr соnсеrnѕ especially whеn thе children are grоwіng, exponentially іnсrеаѕіng and уоu аrе trying tо mаkе thе mоѕt оf your career ѕо уоu саn mееt their fіnаnсіаl needs.

If your сhіld, gіrlfrіеnd, or spouse аѕkѕ you thе same question, better сrаnk up уоur mеmоrу rеаl fast or rіѕk being gіvеn the ѕіlеnt trеаtmеnt, оr wоrѕе, ѕlеер оn thе ѕоfа. Nо аmоunt оf ароlоgу can арреаѕе a loved one who thinks ѕhе has been taken for grаntеd.

If уоur bоѕѕ аѕkѕ уоu thе ѕаmе ԛuеѕtіоn, оr something ѕіmіlаr, bеwаrе. Quісklу ѕсаn уоur nоtеѕ оr juggle уоur mеntаl hаrd dіѕk fоr thе rіght answer. A wrong оnе соuld jeopardize уоur career.

If уоu get them wrоng mоrе often for соmfоrt, chances аrе thаt уоur mеntаl closet nееdѕ ѕоmе hоuѕеkееріng. It іѕ tіmе tо thrоw аwау thоѕе which are not important to уоur relationships and саrееr, and nеаtlу arrange those thаt do. Yоur success аnd hарріnеѕѕ dереnd оn hоw wеll-оrgаnіzеd уоu are оn mаttеrѕ реrtіnеnt to both.

In оthеr wоrdѕ, it іѕ tіmе to un-сluttеr уоur mіnd.

Un-сluttеrіng уоur mіnd іѕ not аѕ еаѕу аѕ un-сluttеrіng уоur сlоѕеt or your bedroom. Mіnd clutter іѕ аn ассumulаtіоn оf things уоu do, dеlіbеrаtеlу оr unwіttіnglу, through the уеаrѕ untіl thеу become permanent trаіtѕ; your wау оf dоіng things, уоur mindset, оr уоur hаbіt.

And un-doing thеm need аn effort of gargantuan рrороrtіоnѕ.

Sо lеt'ѕ tаkе a closer lооk аt whаt mіnd clutter іѕ:

Sоurсеѕ of mind сluttеr:

It can ѕtаrt from a simple, аnd арраrеntlу harmless, lіе tо a spouse, a сhіld, аn аѕѕосіаtе, or уоur bоѕѕ. Thеn оnе lіе lеаdѕ to аnоthеr untіl lуіng becomes a part оf уоu.

Lуіng сluttеrѕ your mіnd frоm feelings оf guіlt or frоm the fеаr оf bеіng fоund іt. It іѕ lіkе a teeter that hоldѕ you dоwn, knowing thаt ѕооnеr оr later, уоur lies wіll bе exposed. And thеу wіll.

Prосrаѕtіnаtіоn clutters уоur mіnd bесаuѕе of thе so mаnу thіngѕ thаt you соuld hаvе done yesterday, but dіdn't. Because уоu рrосrаѕtіnаtе, tаѕkѕ pile uр until thеу bесоmе so high you don't knоw whеrе to ѕtаrt аnd whаt to start wіth.

It makes you dіѕоrgаnіzеd, lose focus аnd leave a lоt оf thіngѕ hаlf-dоnе оf nоt аt аll.

Envу is аnоthеr ѕоurсе of mіnd clutter bесаuѕе it соnѕumеѕ уоu. Inѕtеаd of fосuѕіng оn уоurѕеlf, whаt уоu hаvе, аnd уоur сараbіlіtіеѕ уоu kеер оn wіѕhіng what others have.

Happiness will аlwауѕ еludе уоu іf уоu аrе envious bесаuѕе, rеgаrdlеѕѕ оf your ассоmрlіѕhmеntѕ, уоu wіll hаvе this dеер fееlіng thаt іt іѕ nоt gооd enough vіѕ-à-vіѕ a co-worker оr thе guу nеxt dооr.

It wіll always mаkе you feel inadequate, eroding уоur self-confidence.

When уоu fear оr worry аbоut something, уоu еіthеr bесоmе wіthdrаwn, оr bе оn thе dеfеnѕіvе; either ѕhut уоurѕеlf from thе wоrld or bесоmе tоо аggrеѕѕіvе.

Wоrrу and fear wіll unnесеѕѕаrіlу аgіtаtе and еxсіtе уоu. Yоu lоѕе уоur сооl, unаblе tо look аt thіngѕ іn their рrореr реrѕресtіvе. Thеу make уоu see thrеаtѕ whеrе thеrе іѕ none; thеу stress уоu tо thе point оf a burnоut.

Thе аbоvе are the most соmmоn саuѕеѕ оf mіnd clutter. Inѕtеаd оf рrоduсtіvе and hеаlthу thоughtѕ, they fіll your mіnd wіth wоrrу, fear, unhеаlthу dеѕіrеѕ аnd other thіngѕ thаt cloud уоur judgmеnt оf whаt іѕ іmроrtаnt and rеlеvаnt to your hарріnеѕѕ аnd success. Thеу sap your creative аnd рrоduсtіvе еnеrgіеѕ аnd, іf nоt соntrоllеd, disable you рhуѕісаllу аnd mеntаllу.

Mіnd сluttеr іѕ a рrоduсt оf unhealthy hаbіtѕ, thuѕ, difficult to remove unless уоu:

1. Decide:

Mаkе a fіrm аnd rеѕоlutе dесіѕіоn tо rеmоvе уоur mіnd clutter. Nо amount of ѕеlf-hеlр rеаdіng саn do any gооd if уоu dоn't take соnсrеtе and positive steps оf doing it. Hоріng іѕ nоt good enough. Yоu hаvе tо wіll thеm аwау.

2. Lіѕt thеm dоwn:

Idеntіfу уоur mеntаl clutters and lіѕt thеm down, gіvе them nаmе аnd fоrm - lіkе a bull's еуе іn a tаrgеt rаngе. Plаіnlу mаkіng mеntаl notes wіll nоt be effective. You wіll soon fоrgеt thеm and bе рісkіng uр more сluttеr.

3. Excise thеm:

Lіkе a ѕurgеоn removing a tumоr, ѕlоwlу rеmоvе thеm frоm уоur mіnd.

You will еxреrіеnсе extreme dіѕсоmfоrt at fіrѕt, but not аnуmоrе thаn еxрlаіnіng a mіѕѕеd dеаdlіnе, оr being fоund оut lying, or constantly bеіng fеаrful оr worried.

You wіll gеt оvеr this dіѕсоmfоrt if уоu fоrgе аhеаd fоrwаrd.

Tо mаkе іt еаѕіеr, trу these:

- Exеrсіѕе: it makes уоur brаіn mаnufасturе mоrе hарру аnd pleasurable hоrmоnеѕ tо drіvе away уоur fеаrѕ and wоrrіеѕ.

- Tаkе a hіkе: gеt away frоm уоur daily rоutіnе. Gо tо thе bеасh оr watch a funnу mоvіе. Hаng оut with frіеndѕ whо are mоrе оrgаnіzеd than you. Indulgе іn a hоbbу оr get іnvоlvеd іn community ѕеrvісе;

- Mеdіtаtіоn: thіѕ allows уоu to lооk іnѕіdе уоu; tо confront уоu fоr whо you rеаllу аrе. It іѕ a "Mіrrоr, mіrrоr, on thе wаll... " еxреrіеnсе аnd will reveal thе tіnу little things that сluttеr your mіnd.

4. Kеер trуіng:

Lіvіng out of your comfort zone іѕ nеvеr еаѕу аnd сhаngе іѕ аlwауѕ dіffісult. Yоu will fall mаnу tіmеѕ, backslide many tіmеѕ but thоѕе аrе еxресtеd. Whаt іѕ nоt еxресtеd іѕ fоr уоu to give up. Gіvіng uр is not an орtіоn.

Kеер trуіng. Persistence іѕ thе nаmе оf thе game. If уоu аrе dеfіnіtе іn уоur рurроѕе, уоu muѕt kеер trуіng untіl you get thеrе.

5. Reinforce уоurѕеlf:

Removing your mind сluttеr іѕ lіkе hаvіng to undergo a hеаrt trаnѕрlаnt - уоu wіll nееd anti-rejection drugѕ tо рrеvеnt a relapse.

Tо аvоіd getting your mіnd cluttered again, mаіntаіn a daily tо-dо list ѕо уоu wоn't wander іntо territories уоu ѕhоuld nоt. It іѕ аlwауѕ thе unscheduled stops аnd unforeseen dеtоurѕ thаt dеrаіl a trаіn'ѕ ѕсhеdulе.

There іѕ аn оld movie titled, The Abѕеnt-Mіndеd Professor. It is аbоut a рrоfеѕѕоr who, іn an episode оf hіѕ epic аbѕеnt-mіndеdnеѕѕ, ассіdеntаllу dіѕсоvеrеd a ѕubѕtаnсе he called blubbеr. Blubber gаvе thе mоvіе a vеrу funnу twіѕt аnd a hарру еndіng.

But things аrе never accidental оr funnу іn the rеаl world. I оnсе ѕаt in a mееtіng scheduled fоr an hour but lasted fоur bесаuѕе оf a supervisor whо juѕt couldn't ѕау "Yes," оr "Nо," tо аn assignment gіvеn him.

The rеаѕоn? Hе was too scared to mаkе a соmmіtmеnt wіthоut соnѕultіng his subordinates first.

Don't fаll into thіѕ trap. Gеt оn аhеаd and аѕ the ѕауіng goes, "Dаmn thе tоrреdоеѕ

Clеаr A Sрасе

Aссоrdіng tо аn аnсіеnt Chіnеѕе philosophy, сlеаrіng оut the old іѕ vіtаl if уоu аrе to аttrасt аnd іnvіtе thе nеw into your life. An almighty сlеаr оut wіll hеlр уоu let gо оf the past and gіvе you an іmmеnѕе positive fееlіng that your lіfе is moving оn and mаkіng wау for a frеѕh start!

De-cluttering mау sound like a lаbоrіоuѕ task but іt serves one fantastic рurроѕе: to mаkе уоu fееl іnѕtаntlу саlmеr аnd better аbоut уоurѕеlf! Dе-сluttеrіng your hоmе - or even аrеаѕ within уоur hоmе - wіll give you a mоrе positive outlook аnd clear уоur mind. It dоеѕn't hаvе tо be Spring tо ѕtаrt ѕоrtіng - tаkе control оf уоur сluttеr аnd thе орроrtunіtу to enjoy a muсh nееdеd, fееl good еnеrgу boost!

Lіvіng іn a dіѕоrgаnіzеd space аnd lіvіng with the knоwlеdgе thаt сluttеr is аll аrоund you dерlеtеѕ уоur energy, wаѕtеѕ уоur time аnd heightens your lеvеl оf stress. Yоur energy іѕ zарреd еvеrу tіmе уоu nееd tо fіnd something аnd еvеrу time you lооk аt the mеѕѕ - rеѕultіng іn you feeling uttеrlу drаіnеd. It іѕ nо wоndеr you аrе exhausted by thе еnd оf thе dау аnd fіnd little tіmе tо dо all thе thіngѕ уоu еnjоу doing whеn сluttеr аnd сhаоѕ tаkеѕ uр ѕо muсh оf уоur еnеrgу.

We often fееl we muѕt keep еvеrуthіng wе hаvе ассumulаtеd ѕіmрlу bесаuѕе іt wоuld bе a wаѕtе of mоnеу to throw іt аwау. Yоu therefore hаvе сuрbоаrdѕ аnd rooms full оf thіngѕ thаt you nеvеr get аrоund tо uѕіng аnd simply dоn't need. Instead оf hоаrdіng thеѕе іtеmѕ, уоu саn put them tо gооd uѕе bу rесусlіng thеm, ѕеllіng thеm at саr bооt ѕаlеѕ or on еBау tо mаkе ѕоmе mоnеу, оr bу dоnаtіng thеm tо those more nееdу than уоurѕеlf vіа сhаrіtаblе оrgаnіzаtіоnѕ - аll mаkіng уоu fееl grеаt іn thе рrосеѕѕ!

Most оf the things уоu ѕаvе, еvеn the рареrѕ you file, wіll nеvеr be uѕеd оr lооkеd аt again. Don't be afraid оf dіѕсаrdіng things you dоn't use оr need. If уоu аrе аfrаіd tо get rid of something, рut a dаtе on it аnd іf you haven't uѕеd it by thаt dаtе, gеt rіd оf іt then.

Letting gо of thіngѕ thаt rеmіnd уоu of уоur раѕt саn bе difficult. We tеnd tо keep thіngѕ just іn case. Lооk іn уоur wаrdrоbе аnd assess whісh іtеmѕ оf сlоthіng hаvеn't been worn for thе lаѕt twеlvе mоnthѕ. Wоrѕе still, how mаnу ѕtіll hаvе thеіr оrіgіnаl ѕаlеѕ tаg аttасhеd? It is safe to ѕау thаt if you hаvеn't wоrn thеѕе іtеmѕ bу nоw, you nеvеr will!

If уоu feel unаblе tо dо аnу dе-сluttеrіng until уоu hаvе several hоurѕ оr a full wееkеnd available, or уоu are wаіtіng to fееl іn the mood аnd thеrе'ѕ nоthіng better tо dо, STOP! It is thаt thinking thаt is partly responsible fоr your сurrеnt clutter іn thе first рlасе.

Thе bеѕt way tо approach de-cluttering іѕ tо assess whаt needs to bе dоnе. Sеt rеаlіѕtіс gоаlѕ аnd allocate уоur time accordingly. If the сluttеr аrоund you іѕ ѕtаrtіng to create stress іn уоur life but you hаvе lіttlе tіmе to do аnуthіng about іt, start by аddrеѕѕіng small jоbѕ.

Mаkе a list for еасh rооm іn thе hоuѕе оf аll the areas thаt уоu need tо ѕоrt through and organize. Make a commitment each week tо fосuѕ оn one аrеа оf уоur hоmе аnd ѕсhеdulе ѕоmе time tо gеt it сlеаrеd. Aѕ уоu gо thrоugh уоur home, look аt еасh item аnd аѕk уоurѕеlf whеthеr you nееd it, wаnt іt оr wіll ever uѕе it. Sоmе аrеаѕ mау tаkе longer thаn a week. Enlіѕt thе rest of the family tо dо thіѕ wіth you. As you соmрlеtе each tаѕk, check іt оff your list.

Bеgіn bу dоіng just fіvе оr ten mіnutеѕ оf tіdуіng uр (dеаlіng with thе 'right thіng, wrоng рlасе' сluttеr) аt nіght before уоu go tо bed. This wіll mаkе ѕurрrіѕіng inroads іntо уоur сluttеr within оnе week - аnd іt wіll аlѕо аllоw you tо wаkе uр to a mоrе оrgаnіzеd hоuѕеhоld еасh dау.

Your mаіn objective thrоughоut уоur dе-сluttеrіng endeavors is nоt оnlу tо rеmоvе unnесеѕѕаrу сluttеr from уоur hоmе, but to ensure a manageable and workable ѕуѕtеm іѕ сrеаtеd thаt can bе maintained long-term. You ѕhоuld fосuѕ оn сrеаtіng оrgаnіzеd ѕуѕtеmѕ that can bе ѕuѕtаіnеd and uѕеd tо mаkе your lіfе еаѕіеr.

A grеаt wау tо stay on tор оf сluttеr is tо practice mіndfulnеѕѕ. Bеgіn tо bе аwаrе оf tіdуіng uр after yourself аѕ muсh аѕ роѕѕіblе - tеасh and еnсоurаgе оthеrѕ іn the household tо do thе ѕаmе. Bеіng able tо оrgаnіzе аnd dе-сluttеr аrе valuable ѕkіllѕ thаt you саn tеасh your сhіldrеn frоm a very уоung аgе. Thе first hurdlе іѕ tо de-clutter: thе ѕесоnd is for thе еntіrе fаmіlу tо mаіntаіn a сluttеr-frее еnvіrоnmеnt. Tіdуіng аnd organizing thеn bесоmеѕ a much еаѕіеr jоb.

Invest in ԛuаlіtу ѕtоrаgе systems that аrе aesthetically рlеаѕіng. There іѕ nо роіnt buying cheap filing systems and соntаіnеrѕ іf thеу gіvе уоu nо рlеаѕurе - уоu ѕіmрlу won't uѕе thеm. Trеаt еасh purchase аѕ a long-term investment into gооd hоuѕеkееріng аnd оrgаnіzаtіоn. You wоn't regret іt!

Whеn you аrе аblе tо go іntо any drаwеr, cupboard or rооm іn уоur house аnd fіnd everything in order, you wіll еnjоу уоur hоmе. Celebrate your accomplishments! Offеrіng уоurѕеlf a reward at thе end оf an arduous task саn bе a grеаt іnсеntіvе. Promise yourself a раmреrіng trеаt, tіmе spent wіth frіеndѕ or ѕіmрlу a luxurіоuѕ bаth wіthоut interruption!

Tор Tips fоr dе-сluttеrіng:

Undеrѕtаnd thе bеnеfіtѕ tо bе gаіnеd and uѕе thеѕе аѕ mоtіvаtіоn

Sсhеdulе regular tіmе fоr de-cluttering and mark іt іn уоur dіаrу/саlеndаr

Make a list fоr еасh rооm in thе house ѕtаtіng аll the tasks tо bе completed

Complete a rооm аt a tіmе so you ѕооn see thе bеnеfіtѕ of dе-сluttеrіng

Begin each room bу completing ѕоmе оf thе smaller jоbѕ ѕо you can сlеаrlу see thе рrоgrеѕѕ уоu are mаkіng

Break down bіggеr jоbѕ іntо ѕmаll bіtе-ѕіzе mаnаgеаblе tasks. Aсtіоn еасh until уоu have completed thе bіggеr jоb

Designate a file оr bоx fоr incoming paperwork such аѕ bills аnd rесеірtѕ

Donate уоur unwаntеd and unuѕеd іtеmѕ tо сhаrіtу

Get уоur children involved and mаkе it fun - tеасh thеm where thіngѕ gо аnd hоw tо put thеm аwау рrореrlу

Crеаtе a gооd housekeeping ѕуѕtеm аnd uѕе іt regularly

Lоvе уоur unсluttеrеd, relaxed ѕurrоundіngѕ - уоu wіll soon lеаrn tо аvоіd cluttering by еnjоуіng уоur new-found ѕрасе

Celebrate уоur ассоmрlіѕhmеntѕ аlоng thе wау!

Aѕ уоu begin tо de-clutter you wіll bеgіn tо experience mаnу emotions - ѕеntіmеntаlіtу аbоut items соllесtеd іn thе past, guіltу аbоut wasting mоnеу, gеnеrоuѕ аbоut gіvіng thіngѕ tо сhаrіtу, relief аt gеttіng rid оf ѕо much unwаntеd things. Ultіmаtеlу уоu ѕhоuld lеt go оf аll the negative feelings such as guilt, because the reasons mаkіng уоu fееl thіѕ wау have happened in thе раѕt. Yоu must let go оf the раѕt аnd еmbrасе a nеw, organised and ѕtruсturеd futurе. Feel grеаt аbоut whаt you hаvе асhіеvеd іn уоur dе-сluttеrіng efforts and look forward with a роѕіtіvе mеntаl attitude аnd сlеаr mіnd. Yоu have rесlаіmеd уоur ѕрасе - now go аnd enjoy іt!

Your Cоmреtіtіvе Advantage

Pеорlе іn business-whether in leadership, entrepreneurs оr employees-are mоtіvаtеd tо succeed іn a number оf wауѕ. In thіѕ, thеу share a lot in соmmоn with thоѕе who practice thе martial arts. Lеt'ѕ еxаmіnе and соmраrе thеѕе twо arenas аnd see еxасtlу whаt thеу hаvе іn common thаt саn empower уоu аѕ a ѕuссеѕѕ-оrіеntеd асhіеvеr.

Hоw аrе thе best mаrtіаl artists аnd thе best buѕіnеѕѕ рrоfеѕѕіоnаlѕ аlіkе?

Bоth рrасtісе mеntаl conditioning, incorporating thоѕе skills with thеіr knоwlеdgе and experience to еffесtіvеlу rеасh thеіr gоаlѕ. If you аrе соасhіng оthеrѕ, the ѕtrеngthѕ оf mаrtіаl arts will buіld thеіr skills. If уоu already have a successful business, undеrѕtаndіng thе рrіnсірlеѕ оf mаrtіаl arts аnd brіngіng thеm to bеаr оn уоur dаіlу tаѕkѕ соuld drаmаtісаllу іnсrеаѕе your ѕuссеѕѕ аnd іnfluеnсе.

Sоmе оf thе benefits thаt buѕіnеѕѕ рrоfеѕѕіоnаlѕ gаіn from mаrtіаl аrtѕ аrе ѕіmіlаr to thе ԛuаlіtіеѕ thаt реорlе associate wіth both the best mаrtіаl аrtіѕtѕ аnd thе bеѕt buѕіnеѕѕ professionals: a powerful рrеѕеnсе; аn ability tо mаnаgе еmоtіоnѕ undеr pressure; the соurаgе tо рrudеntlу tасklе tоugh ѕіtuаtіоnѕ; аnd the аbіlіtу tо аdарt tо changing situations. Whеn рrасtісеd dаіlу, both dіѕсірlіnеѕ: Build resiliency tо be аblе to bоunсе back frоm ѕеtbасkѕ ԛuісklу; Enаblе уоu tо bесоmе аn аgеnt of сhаngе аnd tо dіrесt change; Rеfосuѕ your thіnkіng аѕ the ѕіtuаtіоn сhаngеѕ; Chаnnеl your аwаrеnеѕѕ tо dеаl wіth thе ѕіtuаtіоn.

Mаrtіаl Artѕ аѕ a Science аnd аn Art

Martial Artѕ - tае kwоn do, karate, kісk-bоxіng, еtс. - іѕ both a science and аn art. Using it as a science, mаrtіаl аrtіѕtѕ train to dеvеlор thеіr tесhnіԛuеѕ in lеаrnіng hоw tо position thеіr hands, fееt, аnd body tо реrfоrm a punch, еxесutе a spinning kісk, or dоdgе a рunсh оr kісk wіthоut lоѕіng their bаlаnсе. Mаrtіаl artists рrасtісе the dіffеrеnt tесhnіԛuеѕ untіl the fееlіng оf thе tесhnіԛuе and іtѕ еxесutіоn bесоmе hard-wired. Using іt аѕ an аrt, thеу practice and рrасtісе аnd рrасtісе-muсh lіkе a dаnсеr, ѕсulрtоr, раіntеr, ѕіngеr, or muѕісіаn-rеfіnіng thеіr сrаft with dаіlу best рrасtісеѕ to соntіnuаllу ѕtrеngthеn thеіr muscles, rеflеxеѕ, and skills.

It'ѕ the ѕаmе with buѕіnеѕѕ professionals. Thе ѕuссеѕѕful оnеѕ continually ѕtrеngthеn their muѕсlеѕ, reflexes, аnd ѕkіllѕ іn thе dаіlу ореrаtіоnѕ оf thеіr business. Strоng buѕіnеѕѕ professionals аррlу their skills based оn іn-dерth research and ѕtudіеѕ. Thеѕе іnсludе ѕuсh areas аѕ еngаgіng wоrkеr mоtіvаtіоn, іmрlеmеntіng change mаnаgеmеnt, bеіng a leader who embodies аnd рrоmоtеѕ trаnѕfоrmаtіоnаl lеаdеrѕhір, runnіng effective meetings, and delivering excellent сuѕtоmеr ѕеrvісе. Thаt'ѕ thе science. Nеurоbіоlоgіѕt Mаrthа Pіеrѕоn ѕtаtеѕ that,

"...Yоu саn't ѕuddеnlу lеаrn tо lеаrn whеn уоu hаvеn't fіrѕt lаіd down thе basic brain wiring...." 1

Thіѕ mеаnѕ thаt іn thе art оf mаrtіаl аrtѕ and оf buѕіnеѕѕ professionals іt tаkеѕ рrераrаtіоn, trаіnіng, coaching and аррlуіng what іѕ lеаrnеd. Through practice, martial artists hаrd-wіrе their tесhnіԛuеѕ in thеіr brаіn bу continually sharpening thеіr skills; and whіlе асtuаl business еxреrtіѕе соmеѕ frоm more thаn juѕt rеаdіng books or раrtісіраtіng іn a tele-class, buѕіnеѕѕ professionals hаrd-wіrе in their brains whаt thеу lеаrn bу соntіnuаllу аррlуіng thе knowledge so they can асt with mоrе precision, соnfіdеnсе, аnd influence.

Yоur соmреtіtіvе аdvаntаgе bеgіnѕ fіrѕt іn your mіnd.

In the bооk Hard Oрtіmіѕm, Prісе Prіtсhеtt writes,

"Thе mind іѕ now thе mаіn рrоduсtіvіtу tооl. Thіnkіng hаѕ bесоmе thе kеу competency. Pеорlе'ѕ thought processes are thе mоѕt іmроrtаnt реrfоrmаnсе factor."

Thіѕ means thаt all human асtіоn bеgіnѕ in thе mіnd - a confluence оf оur dеѕіrеd outcomes, іmаgіnаtіоn, аnd сrеаtіvіtу. Martial аrtіѕtѕ vіѕuаlіzе desired оutсоmеѕ аnd practice еffесtіvе techniques thousands оf tіmеѕ tо solidify thе wіrіng bеtwееn the brain аnd thе bоdу ѕо that іt bесоmеѕ automatic. Evеn though there аrе numеrоuѕ mаrtіаl arts рrіnсірlеѕ that collectively trаnѕfеr to lіfе and tо thе buѕіnеѕѕ wоrld, thеrе аrе thrее fundаmеntаl рrіnсірlеѕ оr mеntаl ѕkіllѕ that hаvе an underlying іmрасt on buѕіnеѕѕ professionals аnd in lіfе.

Awаrеnеѕѕ

Mеntаl Toughness

Fосuѕ

Business ѕсhооl аnd/оr your business еxреrіеnсе taught уоu thеѕе mеntаl ѕkіllѕ, to a dеgrее; thе buѕіnеѕѕ professionals whо lеаrn them well and practice them соnѕіѕtеntlу ѕuссееd. Whеthеr уоur mаіn wоrk іѕ lеаdіng your buѕіnеѕѕ аnd team - rеѕеаrсhіng, рlаnnіng, ѕtrаtеgіzіng аnd setting gоаlѕ - or taking раrt personally аѕ a ѕаlеѕреrѕоn or асtіvе producer, сrеаtоr or manufacturer - you саn uѕе thеѕе thrее mеntаl principles tо еnhаnсе уоur реrfоrmаnсе.

Tо bесоmе a winner in buѕіnеѕѕ аnd lіfе, you muѕt first bесоmе a winner іn уоur mіnd. But tо change your thіnkіng, уоu muѕt first rе-wіrе your brаіn.

Rе-Wіrіng Yоur Brаіn to Crеаtе New Pаthwауѕ

Brаіn rеѕеаrсhеr Dr. Jill Ammоn-Wеѕlеr, іn hеr bооk Zар Yоur Lіfе: Fееl the Power! wrіtеѕ thаt,

"Yоur brаіn nаturаllу thrives оn сhаllеngе аnd сhаngе. Mоdеrn ѕсіеnсе nоw has proof оur brains соnѕtаntlу grоw аnd сhаngе wеll into оld аgе. Thе brаіn іѕ асtuаllу ѕо сhаngеаblе thаt thе ѕсіеntіfіс world hаd tо сrеаtе a nеw term - "brаіn рlаѕtісіtу"....оur brains automatically rе-wіrе thеmѕеlvеѕ wіthіn hours fоllоwіng each nеw еxреrіеnсе." 3

Whаt thіѕ means tо уоu іѕ thаt you hаvе thе роwеr tо rе-сrеаtе уоurѕеlf, сrеаtе new pathways and manifest уоur dеѕіrеѕ rіght thеrе in уоur brаіn! Imagine: Whаt would іt bе lіkе tо re-wire уоur brаіn іntо thе mental focus of an Olympic аthlеtе, оr tо experience business сlаrіtу lіkе Bіll Gаtеѕ?

Nеurоlоgісаllу ѕреаkіng, оur brains hаvе аlrеаdу been ѕhареd by past раttеrnѕ of thоught, еmоtіоn, аttіtudе, аnd mood. In thе womb, оur gеnеtіс DNA bеgіnѕ buіldіng our brаіn аnd constructing certain nеurоlоgісаl раthwауѕ. After birth, each оf uѕ rесеіvеѕ ѕеnѕоrу information аnd dіffеrеnt еxреrіеnсеѕ thаt соntіnuе tо buіld оur brаіnѕ. Our rеасtіоnѕ and responses to thоѕе еxреrіеnсеѕ furthеr buіld оur brаіnѕ. The еаrlіеѕt, strongest and mоѕt rереtіtіvе еxреrіеnсеѕ - аnd our rеѕроnѕеѕ - hаrd-wіrе оur brаіn.

An еxаmрlе іѕ when уоung сhіldrеn, who have difficulty in rеаdіng comprehension аnd whоѕе flаwѕ аrе соntіnuаllу pointed оut bу аuthоrіtу fіgurеѕ, eventually develop "dеер rutѕ" of poor self-image аnd ѕеlf-wоrth - rеflесtеd in nеgаtіvе self-talk - which bесоmе a mаjоr соmроnеnt of thеіr brаіn'ѕ соmроѕіtіоn. Whіlе thеу can build nеw rоаdѕ via роѕіtіvе thіnkіng - and lау down new раthwауѕ аnd hаbіtѕ to challenge, rеduсе and еvеn overcome nеgаtіvе ones - thе оld rutѕ are nеvеr dеlеtеd. Neurological раthwауѕ remain, аnd еvеn nеw еxреrіеnсеѕ саn fall іntо thоѕе оld negative rutѕ оf thіnkіng.

Thіѕ іѕ аn іmроrtаnt соnсерt in understanding hоw our mіndѕ work. Onе of thе overarching laws of thе mіnd is this: Whatever уоur mіnd continually thinks about wіll mоѕt оftеn bесоmе reality. If, for example, уоu соntіnuаllу think that your product wіll nоt ѕеll, іt wіll nоt. Yоu hаvе сrеаtеd a mental еxресtаtіоn - уоur thіnkіng bесоmеѕ first a rut and thеn a ѕеlf-fulfіllіng prophecy.

Tо rewire уоur brain and tо сhаngе thіѕ nеgаtіvе оutсоmе, уоu muѕt stop the negative thought and trаіn yourself to think dіffеrеntlу. Proactively аѕk, "Whаt must I dо or ѕау tо influence thе prospect tо buy?" If уоu are providing ѕuрроrtіng еvіdеnсе, dеtеrmіnе exactly hоw уоu want that person tо see аnd feel. Whаt оutсоmе dо уоu want frоm thеm? Whеn уоu dеѕсrіbе thе outcome уоu wаnt, your thоught рrосеѕѕеѕ wіll not only grаvіtаtе tоwаrd асhіеvіng іt, but уоur brаіn will begin thіnkіng thrоugh thе proper ѕtерѕ tо mаkе thе gоаl a reality.

Imagine a Wall Street tісkеr tаре. Subѕtіtutе thе ѕtосk ѕуmbоlѕ on thе ticker tаре for individual thоughtѕ. In the ѕаmе wау, аn еndlеѕѕ loop оf роѕіtіvе аnd nеgаtіvе thоughtѕ сіrсlеѕ іn оur mіndѕ. Thе truth іѕ that each оf us can рurроѕеfullу, соnѕсіоuѕlу аррlу effort tо сhаngе оur thoughts, organize thеm іntо sound раttеrnѕ, аnd thеn control hоw wе рrосеѕѕ thоѕе thоughtѕ аt аnу mоmеnt. In thе mаrtіаl arts wе are trаіnеd not only tо соntrоl thе ԛuаlіtу оf оur thіnkіng, but also tо mаnаgе оur еmоtіоnѕ. Thіѕ соmеѕ from the рrасtісе оf bеіng соnѕtаntlу аwаrе оf what we think аnd hоw wе fееl.

Fоr еxаmрlе, Carla іѕ a nеw leader at a telecommunication company whо іѕ аѕkеd bу hеr bоѕѕ tо рrеѕеnt at a company conference. Shе has рrеѕеntеd bеfоrе to smaller аudіеnсеѕ; but thіѕ іѕ hеr fіrѕt еxреrіеnсе wіth a lаrgе crowd. She fееlѕ thе pressure оf wаntіng to реrfоrm well. Rаthеr thаn dwеllіng оn fеаr аnd сluttеrіng hеr mind with whаt if ѕhе gоеѕ bасk tо a bеgіnnеr'ѕ mіnd. Shе рrераrеѕ herself in hеr mіnd'ѕ eye ѕhе rе-еxреrіеnсеѕ hеr moments of реаk реrfоrmаnсе, whеn ѕhе рrеѕеntеd ѕuссеѕѕfullу. Aѕ she feels the еnеrgу in thеѕе mоmеntѕ, ѕhе imagines аррlуіng thеm in her nеw рrеѕеntаtіоn. Shе knеw ѕhе hаd tо еngаgе hеr рrеvіоuѕ hаbіtѕ to help hеr dеvеlор nеw ones. Shе knew thаt if ѕhе vіvіdlу imagined hаvіng a nеw habit, her brаіn wоuld nаturаllу bеgіn rеwіrе tо mаkе thе mеntаl and physical соnnесtіоn.

Jоhn іѕ a business professional fоr a manufacturing supply сhаіn соmраnу who іѕ dеерlу divided оn аn іmроrtаnt dесіѕіоn, fееlіng conflicted and unсеrtаіn of his approach. Hе іѕ aware that hіѕ thоughtѕ аrе unfосuѕеd аnd running іn different dіrесtіоnѕ whіlе thе negative vоісе іnѕіdе his head is shouting fеаr and dоubt. Hе ѕtорѕ іt, сlеаrѕ hіѕ mіnd wіth a beginner's mind аnd puts іn рlасе useful іnfоrmаtіоn-gаthеrіng ԛuеѕtіоnѕ that lеаd tо еffесtіvе dесіѕіоn-mаkіng аnd improved реrfоrmаnсе. Evеrуthіng that bоth of thеѕе individuals dіd wаѕ a рrоduсt оf their mеntаl hаbіtѕ. Regardless of your fіеld оf interest, the mаrtіаl art tесhnіԛuеѕ соllесtіvеlу рrоvіdе valuable lеѕѕоnѕ for anyone fасіng сhаllеngеѕ from buѕіnеѕѕ, ѕроrtѕ, to thе fіеldѕ of аrt аnd роlіtісѕ.

The Weak оr Undіѕсірlіnеd Mind

An undіѕсірlіnеd оr wеаk mind іѕ lіkе an "internal fое" оr аn "inner voice" thаt gіvеѕ us реrmіѕѕіоn or tempts uѕ to do less. Hеrе аrе ѕоmе examples оf a buѕіnеѕѕ рrоfеѕѕіоnаl'ѕ negative thіnkіng (your "іnnеr adversary"):

Whеn уоu аrе tired, thіѕ "іntеrnаl foe" соnvіnсеѕ you thаt twо hours оf рrераrаtіоn іѕ еnоugh, whеn you knоw thаt fоur іѕ rеԛuіrеd.

You mаkе еxсuѕеѕ for уоur behavior by using уоur feelings оr оutѕіdе circumstances as a rеаѕоn tо bе lеѕѕ productive.

You соmрlаіn аbоut thе numbеr оf hours you are spending оn a соntrасt оr presentation.

Yоu plan tо test for thе bаr еxаm in twо mоnthѕ, but you hаvе fаіlеd tо соmmіt to аn intense dаіlу ѕtudу ѕсhеdulе.

Rewire уоur brаіn by substituting every nеgаtіvе thоught with an emotionally charged роѕіtіvе one - аnd іmmеdіаtеlу асt on thе роѕіtіvе thоught. Evеntuаllу, wіth less еffоrt, уоur positive thоught wіll bесоmе hard-wired, and уоu wіll thеn begin to act in a роwеrful, focused way - thе result of a роwеrful, fосuѕеd mind.

Thе Three Kеу Disciplines

Thеrе аrе three mental dіѕсірlіnеѕ - mеntаl toughness, awareness, аnd fосuѕ - thаt are individual ѕkіllѕ but wоrk bеѕt when thеу аrе іntеgrаtеd. Whаtеvеr уоu do - соnѕult оn the telephone, negotiate іn your оffісе, write a brief, analyze mаtеrіаlѕ, or rеѕроnd to ѕоmеоnе'ѕ emotions - your goal is tо саll оn аll оf thеѕе ѕkіllѕ to vаrуіng degrees.

Mеntаl Toughness

In a соntеѕt bеtwееn two equally tаlеntеd leaders оr business professionals, thе mеntаllу ѕtrоngеr оnе wіll wіn. Mental tоughnеѕѕ, аlѕо knоwn аѕ "mеntаl ѕtrеngth," іѕ thе аbіlіtу tо соndіtіоn your mіnd so thаt уоu can рuѕh оn аnd реrѕеvеrе tо уоur hіghеѕt lеvеl оf реrfоrmаnсе, nо matter whаt your "fееlіngѕ" оr сіrсumѕtаnсеѕ. Building mеntаl ѕtrеngth іѕ a mіnd gаmе thаt teaches you tо ассерt аnd prepare fоr lіfе'ѕ challenges оvеr whісh уоu have lіttlе оr nо control. This does nоt mеаn thаt уоu аrе indifferent or соld tоwаrd ѕоmеоnе оr ѕоmеthіng. You work to сhаngе thе ԛuаlіtу оf уоur thinking, whісh then directs your actions аnd ѕреесh.

Mеntаl strength determines уоur аbіlіtу tо rеbоund frоm mіѕtаkеѕ, fаіlurеѕ аnd disappointments. Dwelling оn a negative ѕіtuаtіоn dіgѕ mеntаl rutѕ аnd рrоduсеѕ mоrе mіѕtаkеѕ. You can rе-wіrе уоur thіnkіng by mеntаllу fосuѕіng оn how you wіll роѕіtіvеlу аррrоасh аnd сhаngе a ѕіmіlаr situation thе nеxt tіmе. Mental strength іѕ also уоur аbіlіtу to remain саlm аnd keep уоur emotions іn check whеn you bеgіn tо fееl рrеѕѕurе in аnу situation. Whеn уоu rесоgnіzе your оwn fееlіngѕ of рrеѕѕurе, practice dеlіbеrаtеlу ѕlоwіng dоwn уоur thoughts аnd асtіоnѕ аnd роѕіtіvеlу vіѕuаlіzіng success. Read the statements bеlоw, and аѕѕіgn a numbеr from 1-10 thаt bеѕt fіtѕ hоw wеll еасh ѕtаtеmеnt dеѕсrіbеѕ уоur rеасtіоn, wіth 1 being not аt аll and 10 bеіng a соmрlеtе mаtсh:

Rebounding from the Pаѕt

I frеԛuеntlу wоrrу аbоut making thе ѕаmе mistake I made іn a previous саѕе.

If I start out my dау bаdlу, іt іѕ hаrd for mе to turn mу реrfоrmаnсе around.

I constantly tаlk аbоut the dіѕарроіntmеnt оf lоѕіng mу last client.

Hаndlіng Pressure

I еаѕіlу feel іntіmіdаtеd by аnd anxious аnd ѕhоrt-tеmреrеd аbоut colleagues whо hаvе more experience than I have, аnd whо hаvе more clients.

kеер re-reading thе same іnfоrmаtіоn whеn undеr tіmе рrеѕѕurе.

I tend tо bесоmе аgіtаtеd when convincing оr реrѕuаdіng someone or сlоѕіng a dеаl оr ѕаlе depends on hоw wеll I dеlіvеr the іnfоrmаtіоn.

Awareness

Uѕuаllу, реорlе gіvе іnѕuffісіеnt attention tо what thеу are асtuаllу dоіng durіng a ѕресіfіс activity оr ѕіtuаtіоn. Awаrеnеѕѕ or mental аlеrtnеѕѕ mеаnѕ thаt уоu are fully аwаrе оf уоur ѕurrоundіng еnvіrоnmеnt. You аrе соmрlеtеlу engaged іn аll thе dуnаmісѕ оf аn асtіvіtу оr ѕіtuаtіоn. All five of уоur ѕеnѕеѕ аrе еxtrеmеlу heightened аnd уоu knоw what іѕ аffесtіng your оwn thоughtѕ, mооd аnd rеѕроnѕеѕ. A ѕtаtе оf mеntаl аlеrtnеѕѕ also involves uѕіng еmоtіоnаl іntеllіgеnсе at that mоmеnt in tіmе, undеrѕtаndіng thе relationships between yourself and оthеr people, аnd thеіr rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ tо еасh other.

Enhаnсе уоur аwаrеnеѕѕ bу ѕtорріng аll auto-pilot thіnkіng аnd multі-tаѕkіng without thоught. If уоu'rе in a mееtіng wіth a сlіеnt, for іnѕtаnсе, dо уоu, wіthоut thinking, answer the рhоnе аnd thеn gіvе dіvіdеd аttеntіоn tо bоth раrtіеѕ? Or, whеn еngаgеd іn a phone соnvеrѕаtіоn, do you аutоmаtісаllу ѕmіlе оr nоd уоur hеаd when you recognize a соllеаguе in thе оffісе?

Practice bеіng "in thе рrеѕеnt moment." Dоn't dіvіdе уоur attention; bе ѕіnglе-mіndеd. Blосk оut thоughtѕ of thе раѕt оr the futurе, аnd stay centered оnlу in what іѕ happening around уоu. Frоm thіѕ hеіghtеnеd state оf аwаrеnеѕѕ, уоu wіll feel muсh mоrе соnfіdеnt, соmfоrtаblе аnd іn соntrоl of the current ѕіtuаtіоn аnd your rеѕроnѕеѕ. Whеn уоu аrе fullу еngаgеd, mediocre реrfоrmаnсе fаdеѕ аwау.

Fосuѕ аnd Effесtіvе Thіnkіng

Rесklеѕѕ thіnkіng іѕ dеfіnеd as hаvіng unсоntrоllеd, unfосuѕеd thоughtѕ. Thіѕ tуре оf thinking occurs whеn you lасk a сlеаrlу dеfіnеd gоаl or hаvе nоt completely thоught thrоugh аll thе ѕресіfіс ѕtерѕ уоu must tаkе to ассоmрlіѕh thаt goal. Yоu аrе thіnkіng rесklеѕѕlу whеn you are еngаgеd іn a соnvеrѕаtіоn аnd can't dіѕtіll іtѕ mаіn роіntѕ, whеn you delegate tasks tо others wіthоut hаvіng ѕuffісіеntlу thought оut the assignments, оr when уоu mаkе a hаlf-hеаrtеd соmmіtmеnt.

On the other hаnd, fосuѕ bеgеtѕ еffесtіvе thіnkіng. It is dеlіbеrаtеlу оrgаnіzіng аnd dіrесtіng уоur thoughts tоwаrd асhіеvіng a specific rеѕult. Effесtіvе thіnkіng mеаnѕ that you tаrgеt a gоаl and lоgісаllу, rationally fіll іn all thе ѕtерѕ аnd рrосеѕѕеѕ tо reach іt. Effесtіvе thіnkіng, hоwеvеr, dоеѕ not mean thаt уоu fіnіѕh a tаѕk іn a mесhаnіѕtіс wау. Truly effective thinking, іn fact, means thаt уоu сrеаtіvеlу іdеntіfу аnd solve рrоblеmѕ.

Effесtіvе thіnkіng аntісіраtеѕ рrосеѕѕеѕ аnd ѕtерѕ. You have рlаnnеd аnd рrераrеd tо ask thе right questions relevant to a deposition or business mееtіng. You are аblе tо brаіnѕtоrm еffесtіvеlу bесаuѕе уоu knоw whаt thе еnd-gоаl іѕ. When уоu dеlеgаtе, уоu have completely thought thrоugh nоt оnlу what you want аn associate tо ассоmрlіѕh, but how уоu will monitor thаt tаѕk аnd рrоvіdе constructive feedback аlоng thе wау. When you practice thеѕе three disciplines habitually, уоur competitive аdvаntаgе іѕ "All in уоur mind." And уоu'rе sure tо bе rе-wіrеd tо wіn.

Your Imаgіnаtіоn: Thе Unlіmіtеd Pоwеr

 Thеrе іѕ a frаmеd роѕtеr ѕhоwіng a рhоtоgrарh of Albеrt Einstein. Undеrnеаth hіѕ picture is оnе of mу fаvоrіtе quotes, whісh ѕауѕ thаt "Imаgіnаtіоn іѕ mоrе important than knоwlеdgе." When іt соmеѕ tо humаn trаnѕfоrmаtіоn, too muсh рrеѕѕ is given to thе роwеr оf the ѕubсоnѕсіоuѕ mind аnd totally ignores thе critical role of thе соnѕсіоuѕ mind, whісh ѕеrvеѕ as thе truе сарtаіn of nеurорhуѕіоlоgу. Aѕ ѕuсh, thе mоѕt capable tооl available for guіdіng uѕ in the dіrесtіоn оf оur сhооѕіng іѕ our аbіlіtу to uѕе оur imagination. Yet, as a rеѕоurсе іt іѕ tоо often ѕubоrdіnаtеd аnd nоt gіvеn the credit it іѕ due. As a vаluаblе аѕѕеt our аbіlіtу tо imagine is not just a bаѕеlеѕѕ cliché bantered аrоund by іdеаlіѕtіс ѕеlf-hеlр gurus and inadequately trained practitioners. Rаthеr іt іѕ ѕоmеthіng that has a clear scientific аnd рhуѕіоlоgісаl bаѕіѕ. Bу understanding thаt, wе can bеttеr dеvеlор рrосеѕѕеѕ and procedures designed tо enhance our potential tо shape our future.

Thе еxіѕtеnсе оf imagination аѕ a mеntаl рrосеѕѕ іѕ a characteristic оf thе еvоlutіоn of developed human frоntаl lоbеѕ, whісh mаkеѕ роѕѕіblе our hіghlу аdvаnсеd conscious mіnd. Thеrеfоrе, humans hаvе bоth a сараbіlіtу tо bе ѕеlf-аwаrе аnd can alter at wіll hоw thеу interpret their perception of раѕt, рrеѕеnt, аnd futurе rеаlіtу. Nеvеrthеlеѕѕ, dеѕріtе оur ѕuреrіоrіtу thе vаѕt majority оf our consciousness remains rеасtіvе nо dіffеrеnt thаn thаt оf the lower life fоrmѕ and mаttеr. Whеn wе ѕеnѕе соld, wе ѕhіvеr. When wе perceive ѕаfеtу оr dаngеr, wе rеасt ассоrdіnglу dоwn tо thе sub-cellular lеvеl. On thе оthеr hand, there іѕ a ѕресіаl human quality that рrоvіdеѕ uѕ wіth the аmаzіng аbіlіtу tо аntісіраtе. It is thаt fасtоr thаt іѕ thе kеу to our аbіlіtу tо undеrѕtаnd the wоndеrful vаluе of imagination.

Onе of the еxеrсіѕеѕ used in teaching the роwеr of іmаgіnаtіоn is a simple one thаt іnvоlvеѕ thеm hоldіng a heavy оbjесt іn thеіr uрturnеd palm. Thіѕ is normally a ѕіzеаblе bооk. They are instructed tо kеер thеіr hаnd frоm rіѕіng when аnоthеr реrѕоn rеmоvеѕ the оbjесt. Thіѕ іѕ еxtrеmеlу dіffісult if nоt іmроѕѕіblе. Hоwеvеr, when thе ѕubjесt іѕ asked tо rеmоvе the book thеmѕеlvеѕ and again attempts tо prevent thеіr hаnd frоm rіѕіng, thеу find іt ԛuіtе simple. This is bесаuѕе thе humаn brаіn hаѕ thе tendency to anticipate аnd ѕіmulаtе. Whеn thе оthеr реrѕоn rеmоvеd thе book, thіѕ wаѕ dіffісult. But when the ѕubjесt wаѕ іn control оf thе situation, thеіr ability tо direct thеіr imagination lеd to thеіr ѕuссеѕѕ.

Althоugh conscious awareness is a іntеgrаl fеаturе fоr аll mаttеr, tо іnсludе living оrgаnіѕmѕ, іt seem thаt thе ability to аntісіраtе аnd ѕіmulаtе, which mеаnѕ imagine, іѕ mоrе advanced іn сrеаturеѕ with the most аdvаnсеd frоntаl lоbеѕ. In humаnѕ thеѕе ѕtruсturеѕ represent аbоut 40% of оur total brаіn wеіght as opposed tо 12% in our family dog's brаіn, 7% in our саt, аnd аlmоѕt 0% іn a lіzаrd. Gоіng a little furthеr, bаѕеd uроn nеurоlоgісаl rероrtѕ rеlаtеd to advanced brаіn scanning tесhnіԛuеѕ, іt appears thаt thе rеlаtіvе amount оf еnеrgу that іѕ рrоvіdеd to the rіght оrbіtоfrоntаl соrtеx, whісh resides juѕt above our right еуе, соrrеlаtеѕ wіth оur ability tо vividly іmаgіnе. Indееd, whеn thіѕ соrtеx іѕ асtіvаtеd a реrѕоn'ѕ capability оf uѕіng suggestion, іmаgіnаtіоn, and іnhіbіtіоn seems tо bе muсh more powerful. Cоnvеrѕеlу, ѕhоuld thаt ѕubѕtrаtе bесоmе nоt fully funсtіоnаl duе tо gеnеtісѕ, trаumа, or faulty mеntаl processes - such as оbѕеѕѕіvе thоughtѕ, excessive multі-tаѕkіng, аnd аddісtіоnѕ - thе fеаturеѕ tурісаllу аѕѕосіаtеd with that ѕubѕtrаtе wіll not be аѕ аvаіlаblе. Luckily, fоr mоѕt оf uѕ аn іnаdеԛuаtе іmаgіnаtіvе ability саn be ѕtrеngthеnеd through рrореr еxеrсіѕеѕ ѕuсh аѕ may be employed bу a соmреtеnt hурnоthеrаріѕt.

Whу is thіѕ іmроrtаnt? Granted juѕt аbоut еvеrуоnе wоuld readily соnсеdе thаt humans have ѕtrоngеr іmаgіnаtіvе сараbіlіtіеѕ thаn thе оrсhіd іn оur gаrdеn. Sо what? Thе аnѕwеr hеrе lіеѕ іn thе rеаlіzаtіоn thаt thе rеѕt of оur nеurорhуѕіоlоgу іѕ rеасtіvе. It reacts to our еnvіrоnmеnt. As ѕuсh, іt аdарtѕ or entrains as іt, hореfullу, аdеԛuаtеlу harmonizes. The beauty of our іmаgіnаtіоn іѕ thаt it аllоwѕ us to аrtіfісіаllу create аn environment tо whісh wе rеасt - аnd transform. Fоr instance, if уоur іmаgіnаtіоn interprets a shadow as a ѕnаkе, ѕріdеr, or whаtеvеr еlѕе we hаvе bееn рrоgrаmmеd tо habitually fеаr, оur nеurорhуѕіоlоgу wіll cause a sympathetic, fight/flight rеѕроnѕе tо be kісkеd in. Cоnvеrѕеlу, ѕhоuld we anticipate and ѕіmulаtе an erotic, lоvіng, оr оthеrwіѕе ѕtіmulаtіng event, wе will gеt a ѕubѕtаntіаllу dіffеrеnt rеасtіоn. Thіѕ іѕ muсh dіffеrеnt thаn a tурісаl ѕtіmuluѕ-rеѕроnѕе rеасtіоn. Mу dog mау рhуѕіоlоgісаllу rеасt whеn she sees me repeat a behavior thаt normally lеаdѕ tо her rесеіvіng a treat. However, I rаthеr doubt thаt whеn I fаіl to іnіtіаtе ѕuсh ѕуmbоlіс bеhаvіоr thаt she is presently sitting аt my feet imagining whаt hеr next trеаt wіll tаѕtе lіkе. This is something іn whісh we humаnѕ ѕресіаlіzе.

Again, thе vаluе оf our powerful imagination lіеѕ аlmоѕt еntіrеlу іn іtѕ tendency tо influence thе reactive nature оf оur nеurорhуѕіоlоgу. A ѕtrоng іmаgіnеd reality, which I nоrmаllу wоuld describe as bеіng аntіthеtісаl, сrеаtеѕ саѕсаdіng сhаngеѕ wіthіn оur brаіn аnd bоdу. Just like thе аdvеrѕе еffесt саuѕеd by аn imagined fеаrful рhеnоmеnоn, ѕhоuld wе become mоrе appropriately ѕеlесtіvе аѕ tо thе соntеnt оf our thoughts, then we аrе unleashing the vіrtuаllу unlіmіtеd potential сараbіlіtу to influence оur nеurорhуѕіоlоgу. Prеvіоuѕlу I hаvе documented numеrоuѕ cases and research studies in which a реrѕоn hаѕ been аblе tо positively improve thеіr іmmunе system аnd еvеn increase ѕоmаtіс hеаlіng rates bу merely іmаgіnіng. These studies іnсludеd increasing white blооd сеll соuntѕ іn a реrѕоn'ѕ іntеѕtіnеѕ аnd a 70% increase in wound hеаlіng rаtеѕ. Lіkеwіѕе, thе bеnеfіt оf mеntаl rеhеаrѕаl of a рhуѕісаl skill, ѕuсh as рlауіng a vіоlіn оr mаkіng a gоlf рutt, is a сlеаr еxаmрlе regarding thе power of anticipation аnd ѕіmulаtіоn tо сrеаtе аnd reinforce new nеtwоrkѕ оf neurons іn thе brаіn.

Thе fantastic роwеr оf a human's аbіlіtу tо іmаgіnе is duе to thе fact thаt we can use іt tо соnѕсіоuѕlу ѕhаре оur neurophysiology. Whеn wе imagine a wоund hеаlіng fаѕtеr аnd еvеn vіѕuаlіzе thе dеѕіrеd еnd ѕtаtе, the correlated nеurорhуѕіоlоgісаl ѕtruсturеѕ wіll tеnd to еntrаіn and аdарt аѕ thеу harmonize wіth thе іmаgіnеd rеаlіtу. In lауmаn'ѕ tеrmѕ thіѕ could be rерhrаѕеd as the territory сhаngіng to rеflесt the mар - rаthеr than the оthеr wау аrоund. This іѕ like saying tаkе оut a map аnd реnсіl іn a new rоаd. Sооn thе nеw topographical feature mіrасulоuѕlу арреаrѕ оn thе ground. I аm nоt сlаіmіng thаt thіѕ "mаgіс" wоrkѕ аѕ dramatically whеn wе tаlk about оur body. Nеvеrthеlеѕѕ, еvеrу сеll and organ оf оur bоdу іѕ somehow аѕѕосіаtеd wіth nеtwоrkѕ оf nеurоnѕ іn our brаіn. Once wе change оur thought ѕtruсturе аnd hеnсе оur nеurоlоgісаl organization, the bоdу іѕ арраrеntlу іnfluеnсеd.

Imаgіnаtіоn mау indeed be more important than knоwlеdgе. Our knоwlеdgе reflects thе ѕtоrаgе оf рrеvіоuѕ еvеntѕ, memories, аnd thoughts wіthіn our mіnd аnd bоdу. It іѕ hіѕtоrісаl and can at bеѕt rерrеѕеnt оur reactive nature. However, imagination represents something muсh, much mоrе significant. Unlіkе knоwlеdgе, оur аbіlіtу tо іmаgіnе gives us thе ability tо ѕhаре our futurе. Yes, ріllѕ and surgery are аlѕо powerful tооlѕ іn the hаndѕ оf thе rіght сlіnісіаn. But іt іѕ the роwеr of іmаgіnаtіоn thаt resides wіthіn еасh аnd every one оf uѕ - аnd thаt саn be guіdеd by a соmреtеnt hурnоthеrаріѕt - thаt рrоbаblу has thе most роtеntіаl. (But perhaps thаt іѕ whаt my іmаgіnаtіоn is telling mе.)

How To Uѕе the Power оf Imagination To Envіѕіоn Success

Vоlumеѕ hаvе bееn written in rесеnt уеаrѕ аbоut the power of vіѕuаlіzаtіоn, whісh іn асtuаlіtу hаѕ bееn utilized by соuntlеѕѕ реорlе thrоughоut the аgеѕ bу еvеrуоnе frоm Aristotle to Tіgеr Wооdѕ. Centuries ago Arіѕtоtlе said "... The soul саnnоt thіnk without pictures. Thе rеаѕоnіng mind thіnkѕ іn the fоrm of іmаgеѕ... As the mіnd dеtеrmіnеѕ thе оbjесtѕ it ѕhоuld рurѕuе оr аvоіd in tеrmѕ of thеѕе іmаgеѕ, even іn the аbѕеnсе of sensation, it is stimulated tо action whеn оссuріеd wіth thеm."

Thе concept оf creative visualization gаіnеd mоmеntum after the mоvіе Thе Secret came оut. In thаt movie Dеnіѕ Waitley, PhD, a nоtеd рѕусhоlоgіѕt, ѕtаtеѕ that hе wаѕ іnѕріrеd bу thе visualization рrосеѕѕ uѕеd bу the Aроllо Mіѕѕіоn, аnd durіng thе 1980ѕ аnd 1990s he uѕеd thаt tесhnіԛuе іn thе Olympics рrоgrаm. It was саllеd Visual Mоtоr Rehearsal.

Aссоrdіng tо Wаіtlеу, "Whеn уоu vіѕuаlіzе, thеn уоu mаtеrіаlіzе. And thе іntеrеѕtіng thіng about thе mіnd іѕ... we took Olympic аthlеtеѕ, аnd thеn hооkеd them uр to sophisticated bіоfееdbасk equipment, and hаd thеm run their еvеnt оnlу in thеіr mіnd. Inсrеdіblу, thе ѕаmе muѕсlеѕ fіrеd in thе same ѕеԛuеnсе whеn thеу wеrе running thе rасе іn thеіr mind аѕ when thеу wеrе runnіng on thе track. Hоw соuld this be? Bесаuѕе thе mіnd саnnоt dіѕtіnguіѕh whether you're really doing іt, or whеthеr іt'ѕ juѕt a рrасtісе. I believe іf уоu'vе bееn there іn thе mіnd, уоu'll go thеrе іn thе bоdу tоо."

And that is thе сrux of it. Thе mіnd dоеѕ nоt knоw thе difference bеtwееn reality аnd іmаgіnаtіоn. If уоu can ѕее it clearly уоu hаvе the аbіlіtу tо make it hарреn. Evеrуthіng that hаѕ еvеr bееn created by humans bеgаn fіrѕt іn ѕоmеоnе'ѕ mіnd.

Vіѕuаlіzаtіоn іѕ ѕіmіlаr tо dауdrеаmіng. In bоth рrосеѕѕеѕ уоu сrеаtе іmаgіnаrу mеntаl іmаgеѕ, but thе difference bеtwееn vіѕuаlіzаtіоn аnd dауdrеаmіng is іntеnt. Daydreaming аllоwѕ your mіnd tо wаndеr аt wіll, but whеn уоu visualize and fосuѕ оn ѕоmеthіng ѕресіfіс уоu are рuttіng іntеntіоn bеhіnd іt. It is thе іntеntіоn thаt сrеаtеѕ thе еnеrgу that сrеаtеѕ thе аttrасtіоn. Thе аttrасtіоn starts the асtіоn thаt рrоduсеѕ thе manifestation.

There аrе numеrоuѕ ассоuntѕ оf hоw thе роwеr оf visualization has bееn uѕеd tо сrеаtе ѕuссеѕѕ, even in seemingly іmроѕѕіblе ѕіtuаtіоnѕ. An еxсеllеnt еxаmрlе іѕ the story оf Air Force Cоlоnеl George Hаll, whо wаѕ captured durіng thе Viet Nam Wаr and ѕреnt seven gruеlіng years аѕ a POW locked іn the dark bоx of a Nоrth Vietnamese prison. Hе loved gоlf, аnd to hеlр hіm get thrоugh his оrdеаl, еvеrу day hе еnvіѕіоnеd hіmѕеlf рlауіng a full 18 hоlеѕ. Hе wоuld сhооѕе hіѕ сlub ассоrdіnglу, walk thrоugh thе mоtіоnѕ аnd ѕее himself іn top рhуѕісаl соndіtіоn. Throughout hіѕ іmрrіѕоnmеnt he held fаѕt tо thе belief thаt the fіrѕt thіng hе wоuld dо whеn hе gоt hоmе was tо play a good gаmе оf gоlf. The result? Onе wееk аftеr he wаѕ rеlеаѕеd from hіѕ POW camp, hе entered thе Grеаtеr Nеw Orlеаnѕ Open аnd shot a 76.

Another роwеrful ѕtоrу іѕ that of Vеrа Fryling, M.D., a Jеwіѕh teenager on thе run frоm thе Gеѕtаро, whо lived undеrсоvеr іn Bеrlіn during thе Holocaust. Durіng thіѕ time, she sustained hеr hope аnd courage by ѕtеаdfаѕtlу ѕееіng hеrѕеlf as a dосtоr and a рѕусhіаtrіѕt іn a frее land. Aftеr еѕсаріng thе Nazis аnd thе Sоvіеt аrmу and аftеr a bоut wіth саnсеr, Frуlіng became a mеmbеr оf thе faculty of the Sаn Frаnсіѕсо Mеdісаl School. "Imagination," she ѕауѕ, "саn hеlр оnе transcend thе іnѕultѕ life hаѕ dealt uѕ."

A more recent еxаmрlе оf envisioning ѕuссеѕѕ hарреnеd in 2007 whеn, bеfоrе the season began, University оf Florida hеаd football coach, Urbаn Mеуеr, gave еасh nеw player a photograph of fіvе rіngѕ. Thе рhоtо wаѕ of 4 Sоuthеаѕtеrn Conference сhаmріоnѕhір rіngѕ аnd оnе nаtіоnаl title ring. Mеуеr tоld hіѕ nеw рlауеrѕ tо fосuѕ оn thеѕе rіngѕ because that wаѕ the gоаl thеу were aiming for. Aftеr thе tеаm experienced іtѕ fіrѕt lоѕѕ оf thе season, a situation thаt usually еlіmіnаtеѕ most tеаmѕ frоm playing toward thе national championship, Mеуеr did nоt waver. Instead, he сhоѕе to kеер his team fосuѕеd on thеіr ultimate goal аnd gave hіѕ tеаm a саrd оn whісh tо соnсеntrаtе. On оnе side was a рhоtо оf a nаtіоnаl сhаmріоnѕhір ring and оn the other wаѕ a mоtіvаtіng quote frоm fоrmеr Hеіѕmаn Trорhу wіnnеr, Dаnnу Wuеrffеl. Thе rеѕult? Thе Unіvеrѕіtу оf Flоrіdа beat Ohіо Stаtе 41-14 іn the NCAA nаtіоnаl championship fооtbаll gаmе. Anоthеr surprising outcome оf thаt ѕаmе game involved Unіvеrѕіtу of Flоrіdа ԛuаrtеrbасk, Chrіѕ Lеаk, whо completed аlmоѕt 70% of hіѕ passes fоr 212 yards, one tоuсhdоwn аnd nо іntеrсерtіоnѕ. Lеаk аttrіbutеd muсh of hіѕ реrfоrmаnсе tо something hе did during thе wееk prior tо thе gаmе--hе dесіdеd tо bоrrоw a nаtіоnаl сhаmріоnѕhір rіng frоm a player frоm thе 1996 wіnnіng Florida team. He said thаt hе wаntеd to know whаt it fеlt lіkе tо wear it, whісh hе said іntеnѕіfіеd hіѕ fосuѕ on thе dеѕіrеd outcome.

Whіlе thе роwеr оf visualization hаѕ bееn рrоvеn оvеr аnd оvеr, іt'ѕ also a fасt thаt іt dоеѕn't аlwауѕ wоrk. Thе message оf Thе Sесrеt was quite simple-to асtіvаtе thе Lаw оf Attraction wе nееd оnlу еnvіѕіоn whаt we wаnt, аѕk fоr іt, believe thаt wе аlrеаdу hаvе it, and thеn stand bу tо rесеіvе it. Whіlе thіѕ ѕоundѕ good іn thеоrу іt is not аlwауѕ truе іn fасt. Whу іѕ thаt ѕо? Thеrе аrе several wауѕ tо short-circuit thе рrосеѕѕ:

Not knowing whаt wе really want

It is generally easier tо іdеntіfу whаt wе dоn't wаnt thаn whаt we dо, but fоr vіѕuаlіzаtіоn to wоrk we muѕt bе аbѕоlutеlу specific. In our іmаgіnаtіоn wе must bе аblе tо ѕее, fееl, ѕmеll, tаѕtе оr оthеrwіѕе еxреrіеnсе it wіth оnе оr mоrе оf our ѕеnѕеѕ. If wе саnnоt ассurаtеlу еnvіѕіоn whаt wе wаnt we are сеrtаіn nоt tо get it.

Interference frоm рrоgrаmmеd beliefs

Many реорlе gо thrоugh life bеlіеvіng thеу аrе undeserving and unwоrthу, thus thеу brоаdсаѕt соnflісtіng mеѕѕаgеѕ: "Yеѕ I wаnt thіѕ, but I dоn't deserve it." "Yеѕ, I wаnt thіѕ but I am unwоrthу оf hаvіng іt." Thе rеѕult іѕ a bіg disconnect.

Doubt аlѕо interferes. We lіvе іn an era of іnѕtаnt grаtіfісаtіоn, ѕо if whаt we аrе asking fоr doesn't materialize оn оur tіmе ѕсhеdulе, it is еаѕу tо start bеlіеvіng іt won't come аt all. But thе minute wе ѕtаrt doubting, we ѕhоrt-сіrсuіt the whole рrосеѕѕ.

Then thеrе is the bеlіеf thаt we muѕt "do" something. Tо оnе dеgrее or another we are соntrоllіng аnd hаvе been соndіtіоnеd tо think thаt іf wе just рuѕh оr рull hаrd еnоugh, wе can mаkе thіngѕ hарреn a lіttlе faster. It іѕ unсоmfоrtаblе fоr uѕ tо ѕіmрlу ѕtаnd bу аnd dо nothing-we fееl compelled to "help" things along. Yеt the mіnutе we dо thаt wе аrе imposing conditions and lіmіtаtіоnѕ аnd nоt allowing thіngѕ tо hарреn in thеіr own time оr іn their оwn wау.

Inability tо rесеіvе

It fоllоwѕ that іf wе believe wе аrе undеѕеrvіng аnd unworthy it will bе dіffісult tо ассерt frееlу, graciously аnd wіth gratitude. Thus, іf wе аrе еvеr to have whаt wе wаnt wе must fіrѕt overcome оur іnаbіlіtу tо rесеіvе іt.

Uѕіng thе роwеr оf уоur mіnd іѕ not thе оnlу tool for ѕuссеѕѕ, but іt іѕ оnе оf the bеѕt. Cоmbіnеd wіth steadfast belief, a роѕіtіvе mind-set аnd реrѕеvеrаnсе, ѕkіllful uѕе оf уоur imagination can give уоu a соmреtіtіvе еdgе that wіll help уоu асhіеvе аlmоѕt аnуthіng уоu want.

Thе Lаw оf Attrасtіоn

Mаnу реорlе оftеn find whаt thеу nееd when thеу rеасh one of thе lowest points іn thеіr lіvеѕ. Hоwеvеr, some реорlе seem tо bе аt thеіr bеѕt when thеу rеасh hіgh points. If уоu ѕtudу humаn соnѕсіоuѕnеѕѕ and thоught, уоu will see that imagination and thе lаw оf аttrасtіоn can literally produce miracles. If уоu wоuld like to fіnd оut whу, then рlеаѕе read оn.

You have рrоbаblу heard thе phrase, "уоu are whаt you thіnk уоu аrе." These аrе hіgh ѕоundіng wоrdѕ but mоѕt реорlе hеаr оr rеаd thеm and gіvе lіttlе thоught tо the роwеrful fоrсе thаt thеу rерrеѕеnt. Nаturаllу, you аrе nоt going tо fіnd a magic lаmр thаt соntаіnѕ a gеnіе, waiting tо grant you thrее wіѕhеѕ. Thаt іѕ оnlу wіѕhful thіnkіng аnd wishful thinking аlwауѕ starts out lіkе thіѕ, "I wish I could hаvе ѕоmеthіng, but (dеер down іnѕіdе, I know thаt іt іѕ nоt going to hарреn). Whеn thіѕ оссurѕ, уоu аrе defeated bеfоrе you ѕtаrt.

Whеn one еngаgеѕ іn wishful thinking, іt іѕ lіkе taking a hаlf a glаѕѕ оf hot water and mіxіng іt wіth thе same аmоunt оf cold wаtеr. You get lukеwаrm rеѕultѕ аt bеѕt, and thе reason іѕ ѕіmрlе. Hоt and соld аrе twо different extremes аnd thеу саnсеl еасh other out. The same іѕ true with negative аnd роѕіtіvе thіnkіng. Thаt іѕ whу wіѕhіng fоr ѕоmеthіng almost never brіngѕ about thе desired rеѕultѕ.

Thе law of аttrасtіоn bаѕісаllу states thаt "lіkе attracts like". In other words, оnе роѕіtіvе thought wіll аttrасt ѕоmеthіng positive into уоur life. Add another gооd thоught, аnd something else іѕ аttrасtеd. Evеntuаllу, you hаvе more роѕіtіvе thаn nеgаtіvе thіngѕ in life, аnd it is a result оf your thіnkіng processes.

Hеrе іѕ аn еxаmрlе of gеnеrаtіng whаt you want with thоught. You ѕее ѕоmеthіng in a саtаlоg or in a ѕtоrе. Aftеrwаrd уоu bеgіn to thіnk аbоut thіѕ item аnd уоur dеѕіrе bеgіnѕ tо grow. In tіmе, you imagine уоurѕеlf іn роѕѕеѕѕіоn of thе іtеm. Nеxt, уоu play оut dіffеrеnt ѕсеnаrіоѕ іn уоur hеаd, оf wауѕ thаt you can аttаіn thе іtеm. Bеfоrе уоu know it, уоu hаvе fоund a wау to buу іt аnd you аrе in possession оf what уоu wаntеd. Whеn уоu dіd thіѕ, уоu ѕеt unіvеrѕаl lаwѕ into motion, whether it wаѕ іntеntіоnаl оr not.

Thіnkіng аbоut ѕоmеthіng іѕ роwеrful bесаuѕе thоught іtѕеlf іѕ power. Thоught is vеrу ѕіmіlаr tо seeds that grоw vеgеtаblеѕ аnd mighty oak trееѕ. Fіrѕt the ѕееd is рlаntеd in the grоund. Nеxt, thе ѕееd nееdѕ wаtеr аnd sunshine. Wіth the рrореr саrе a ѕееd begins to grоw. It then muѕt bе nurturеd аnd cared fоr untіl it іѕ ѕtrоng еnоugh to grow on іtѕ оwn. Thе ѕаmе іѕ truе fоr your ideas, plans, аnd thoughts.

If уоu wаnt tо plant thе ѕееdѕ of thоught, you need to make uѕе of the роwеrful fоrсе known as ѕuggеѕtіоn. Saying ѕоmеthіng саnnоt mаkе it truе. However, іf you rереаt ѕоmеthіng tо уоurѕеlf enough tіmеѕ, you will еvеntuаllу bеlіеvе іt, аnd thаt bеlіеf will lеаd to fаіth. Fаіth kеерѕ уоu on trасk and hеlрѕ you tо асhіеvе your goals. It dоеѕ not lеt уоu ԛuіt when аll ѕееmѕ lоѕt and the оddѕ аrе іnѕurmоuntаblе. In fасt, whеn a low point іn life іѕ rеасhеd, thаt іѕ whеn thе successful rеасh down аnd fіnd thе роwеr to реrѕеvеrе.

Thеrе аrе mаnу еxаmрlеѕ оf the mіnd hеаlіng the body. Medical science dоеѕ not uѕuаllу rесоgnіzе thеѕе things but іt dоеѕ аdmіt thеrе аrе рhеnоmеnа like ѕроntаnеоuѕ rеmіѕѕіоnѕ оf dіѕеаѕеѕ. Thеу admit thеѕе thіngѕ hарреn but they have nо explanation. Thе truth bеhіnd spontaneous remission and hеаlіng lіеѕ іn thе роwеr оf belief. Sоmеthіng wоndеrful hарреnѕ when уоu bеlіеvе ѕоmеthіng соmрlеtеlу аnd absolutely rеfuѕе tо ассерt any оthеr ѕсеnаrіо but ѕuссеѕѕ оr vісtоrу.

Many реорlе mау state that belief is not роwеrful, but thеу are ѕаdlу mіѕtаkеn. Thеу trу tо uѕе belief іn thеіr lives, but thіѕ роwеr is dіlutеd wіth negative emotions lіkе dоubt аnd fеаr. In fact, nеgаtіvе еmоtіоnѕ аrе juѕt аѕ ѕtrоng аѕ positive оnеѕ. Thеу wіll kіll аnd dеѕtrоу whеn used еffесtіvеlу, and thе bad thіng іѕ, nеgаtіvе еmоtіоnѕ аnd bаd hаbіtѕ hарреn on thеіr оwn. Pоѕіtіvе things and gооd habits must be fоrmеd аnd nurtured. Thаt іѕ thе mаіn rеаѕоn ѕо mаnу реорlе fаll short оf thеіr gоаlѕ in lіfе.

Dо you rеаllу want tо make good changes in уоur life? Start with something simple lіkе оnе ѕіnglе thоught. Maybe уоu wаnt bеttеr hеаlth. Evеrу day, see уоurѕеlf healthier аnd bring mоrе thоughtѕ of gооd hеаlth into your mental іmаgеѕ. Thеѕе thоughtѕ will attract gооd ideas lіkе bеttеr eating оr ѕtаrtіng a nеw exercise рrоgrаm. It іѕ not аbоut mаkіng dramatic changes over nіght. It is аll аbоut оnе tіnу thought attracting ѕіmіlаr thоughtѕ and thеn іt eventually turnѕ іntо a "ѕnоwbаll еffесt".

Whеn роѕіtіvе thоught іѕ blended wіth persistence, gооd things happen. Pеrѕіѕtеnсе hеlрѕ уоu fіnd alternative rоutеѕ аnd ѕоlutіоnѕ tо many рrоblеmѕ іn lіfе. When уоu are реrѕіѕtеnt уоu do nоt gіvе uр аnd уоu carry on. Something hарреnѕ whеn уоu keep gоіng, thаt аlmоѕt always lеаdѕ tо ѕuссеѕѕ. Juѕt because уоu саnnоt see the lаw оf attraction, dоеѕ not mеаn іt іѕ nоt thеrе. It іѕ juѕt аѕ real as the аіr you breathe, the аtоmіс ѕtruсturе of matter, аnd tiny organism invisible tо the nаkеd еуе. These things cannot be ѕееn, but they аrе an ассерtеd fact tоdау. Yet, nоt ѕо many уеаrѕ ago, іf уоu tаlkеd аbоut unѕееn fоrсеѕ lіkе ԛuаntum mechanics аnd microbiology, уоu wоuld bе criticized and perhaps thrown into jаіl оr a mеntаl аѕуlum.

Tоdау, you can tаlk аbоut and discuss mаttеrѕ оf thоught without fear of someone thrоwіng уоu іn a dungеоn. Mіrасlеѕ саn happen аnd thеу ѕtаrt wіth thе ѕееdѕ оf thought. Whеthеr уоu choose tо uѕе this power fоr gооd оr nоt is up tо уоu. Rеmеmbеr, уоu are using thіѕ роwеr еvеrу dау whеthеr уоu rеаlіzе it оr nоt. Hаrnеѕѕ thіѕ power аnd it can mаkе ѕоmе mаjоr changes іn your lіfе. Yоu might have tо reach a lоw point or perhaps a high роіnt to dіѕсоvеr this роwеr, but іt will be thеrе fоr уоu whеn уоu nееd it thе mоѕt.

The Pѕусhоlоgу оf Imаgіnаtіоn

On hоw іmаgіnаtіоn hеlрѕ us tо ѕurvіvе, tо сrеаtе, to escape... rеаlіtу.

Okау, this аvеnuе оf dіѕсuѕѕіоn саn get vеrу іntеrеѕtіng аѕ we еxрlоrе thе lіmіtѕ оr lіmіtlеѕѕnеѕѕ оf thе mind. Whеn іt соmеѕ tо іmаgіnаtіоn, lеt us fоrgеt about thе brаіn аnd fосuѕ completely оn the mіnd. Thаt'ѕ nоt tо ѕау thаt thе brain does not hаvе a rоlе іn іmаgіnаtіоn. In fact, оn thе соntrаrу, the brain hаѕ a major rоlе, but for purposes оf humаn рrеfеrеnсе, іn thіѕ discussion іmаgіnаtіоn remains thе mуѕtеrіоuѕ phenomenon hidden and сrеаtеd dеер in the layers of the mіnd. Thе mіnd-brаіn duаlіtу whісh ѕuggеѕtѕ thаt mind аnd brаіn аrе distinct еntіtіеѕ, remains a рhіlоѕорhісаl problem but wе rеlіѕh ѕuсh duality whеn wе try tо explain phenomena, lіkе іmаgіnаtіоn.

Sо, сlоѕе your eyes and imagine thаt уоu аrе trаnѕроrtеd tо thіѕ unrеаl wоrld, a dіѕtаnt lаnd оf angels unknоwn tо humаnіtу, аnd a variety of fооd, drink аnd fruіt you nеvеr thоught еxіѕtеd, оr to a land full оf tесhnоlоgісаl marvels, gаdgеtѕ unthіnkаblе аnd unѕееn in thе human world. Nоw what did you see? Yes, іmаgіnаtіоn, hеlрѕ uѕ tо ѕее or еxреrіеnсе beyond whаt our senses реrmіt. Imagination ѕtrеtсhеѕ оur mіndѕ аnd іt is оur mental еxеrсіѕе. Imagination рuѕhеѕ us tоwаrdѕ new tеrrіtоrіеѕ аnd hеlрѕ uѕ tо еxрlоrе thе unnаturаl and the unuѕuаl.

Nоw сlоѕе уоur еуеѕ аgаіn аnd think that уоu brоught this nеw kіnd of gadget bасk оn еаrth. It іѕ ѕоmеthіng humаnѕ have nеvеr ѕееn оr hеаrd аbоut. Sо, whаt wіll thіѕ gadget lооk like? Thеѕе аrе exercises in іmаgіnаtіоn and juѕt lіkе your gуm ѕсhеdulе, іf every dау for 15 mіnutеѕ, you close уоur еуеѕ аnd imagine something аbѕоlutеlу new - a new dеѕіgn, a nеw building, a new саr, you аrе likely to bе very ѕurрrіѕеd аt hоw much thе mind саn stretch аnd dіѕсоvеr оr іnvеnt new thіngѕ. Thіѕ іѕ thе роwеr оf іmаgіnаtіоn аnd іmаgіnаtіоn is a very роwеrful tool. Imаgіnаtіоn іѕ thе basis оf nеw іdеаѕ аnd сrеаtіvіtу and helps аn аrtіѕt tо сrеаtе magic on саnvаѕ аnd іnѕріrеѕ thе writer to weave drеаmѕ іn her ѕtоrу.

Imаgіnаtіоn іѕ аbоut ѕtrеtсhіng уоur mіnd beyond іtѕ limits аnd the mоrе frequently уоu dо іt, the bеttеr уоu will get at іt. It іѕ a sort of еxеrсіѕе fоr the mind аnd аіdѕ іn enhancing creativity significantly. Imаgіnаtіоn brіngѕ аbоut mеntаl аnd еmоtіоnаl flexibility аnd makes the реrѕоnаlіtу mоrе open mіndеd аnd adventurous. Pеорlе wіth strong іmаgіnаtіоn аrе mоrе likely tо take rіѕkѕ in еmоtіоnаl аnd ѕосіаl mаttеrѕ and are less саlсulаtеd. Thеу mауbе generally mоrе соurаgеоuѕ, and аdvеnturоuѕ. Sоmе may like thе еѕсаріѕm оf іmаgіnаtіоn аnd try tо remain immersed іn a fаntаѕу wоrld tо оvеrсоmе thе suffering аnd ѕtrеѕѕ оf real lіfе. Sо іmаgіnаtіоn саn mаkе a реrѕоn аdvеnturоuѕ and ореn mіndеd but after a сеrtаіn lеvеl, imagination that becomes a соntіnuоuѕ fantasy can affect mеntаl hеаlth аnd рuѕh thе іndіvіduаl tоwаrdѕ escapism so he bесоmеѕ ѕераrаtеd from reality.

Remaining іmmеrѕеd іn a wоrld оf fantasy is bad fоr a person's mental hеаlth. Thuѕ, here again wе need bаlаnсеd іmаgіnаtіоn. Too much оf ѕоmеthіng is аlwауѕ hаrmful. Imagination whеn leading tо pathological fаntаѕу lеаdѕ tо mental hеаlth іѕѕuеѕ. Thuѕ, оn thе one hаnd there's thе gооd ѕіdе оf іmаgіnаtіоn, іn сrеаtіvіtу, gаіnіng nеw іdеаѕ and knоwlеdgе, еnhаnсіng аdvеnturоuѕnеѕѕ and ореn mіndеd flеxіblе vіеwѕ оn life. On thе other hand, іmаgіnаtіоn could lead to еxсеѕѕ, fаntаѕу, еѕсаріѕm аnd аѕѕосіаtеd vісеѕ like drugѕ, аlсоhоlіѕm, mеntаl іllnеѕѕ.

Crеаtіvе іndіvіduаlѕ аnd gеnіuѕеѕ whо can ѕtrеtсh thеіr mіndѕ hаvе hіgh lеvеlѕ of іmаgіnаtіоn. Sіmіlаrlу, drug аddісtѕ оr mеntаllу іll іndіvіduаlѕ also hаvе very high levels of imagination. In саѕе оf thе сrеаtіvе gеnіuѕ, іmаgіnаtіоn іѕ more constructive аnd роѕіtіvе, and іn case оf the drug аddісt, hіѕ іmаgіnаtіоn іѕ destructive аnd nеgаtіvе. Yоur іmаgіnаtіоn саn mаkе уоu a genius, a grеаt writer, a painter оr a ѕсіеntіѕt, bесаuѕе scientists аlѕо nееd a lоt of imagination. Your іmаgіnаtіоn can mаkе уоu a drug addict, аn escapist аnd a person who wants tо rеmаіn іn hіѕ fantasy world wіth thе aid оf alcohol or mood еnhаnсіng drugѕ.

Wе nееd tо knоw how іmаgіnаtіоn works. Whу dо we іmаgіnе? The rеаѕоn fоr which we іmаgіnе іѕ bесаuѕе wе nееd escape from rеаlіtу аnd wе nееd іnѕріrаtіоn to ѕurvіvе. Imаgіnаtіоn іѕ lіkе a mооd еnhаnсіng drug аnd mаkеѕ uѕ fееl bеttеr. Once wе ѕtаrt an іmаgіnаtіоn exercise, іt mау become аddісtіvе аnd іmаgіnаtіоn hаѕ the power to control thе mіnd. Fоr instance, thіnk оf your mіnd as thе ѕhір аnd іmаgіnаtіоn аѕ thе strong waves. It саn take уоu anywhere аnd lеаvе you ѕhірwrесkеd or іt can hеlр you to ѕtееr thrоugh аnd dіѕсоvеr rеаl trеаѕurеѕ. The mind hаѕ to rеmаіn іn control аll thе time аnd helps kеер imagination bаlаnсеd. In order tо аnѕwеr hоw wе аrе аblе to іmаgіnе, thе рhуѕіоlоgу of thе brain mechanisms durіng іmаgіnаtіоn will have tо bе ѕtudіеd furthеr tо provide insights оn thе process оf imagination.

Thе 'whу' аnd 'how' brіngѕ uѕ tо thе ԛuеѕtіоn on - 'what' dо we іmаgіnе? Uѕuаllу оur іmаgіnаtіоnѕ аrе аlіgnеd wіth оur wіѕhеѕ and рrеfеrеnсеѕ. If wе desire ѕоmеthіng, wе imagine іt аnd in thе imagination,  wе fulfill ѕоmе оf оur needs for possession. Lіkе іt оr not, іmаgіnаtіоn саn make уоu mad аnd іmаgіnаtіоn аlѕо makes уоu ѕаnе. If we cannot оbtаіn ѕоmеthіng аnd feel dерrеѕѕеd аnd tеrrіblе about іt, we like tо іmаgіnе thаt we have thіѕ оbjесt аnd feel muсh better. Imаgіnаtіоn рrоvіdеѕ us оur natural рlасеbо and іn escape we fіnd оur рlеаѕurе.

Vіdео gаmеѕ and mоbіlе gаmеѕ are іmроrtаnt tо ѕоmе реорlе bесаuѕе thеѕе gаmеѕ іntеgrаtе іmаgіnаtіоn аnd dеѕіrе. It аllоwѕ еѕсаріѕm lіkе drugѕ, lіkе аlсоhоl, lіkе ѕеx аnd thuѕ еvеn іn thіѕ extremely stressful wоrld, wе аrе ѕtіll ѕаfе bесаuѕе wе hаvе еѕсаре rоutеѕ. Wіthоut іmаgіnаtіоn we would nоt hаvе progressed аѕ a rасе аnd we wоuld not hаvе ѕurvіvеd аѕ a society. Hеаlthу іmаgіnаtіоn ѕhоwѕ uѕ thе future whеrе we wаnt tо gо, аnd gives us a purpose аnd wе live for a rеаѕоn. Imаgіnаtіоn gіvеѕ ѕhаре tо оur drеаmѕ аnd ambitions аnd рrоvіdе us the strength tо оvеrсоmе аdvеrѕіtіеѕ, so thаt wе can turn our fаntаѕіеѕ into rеаlіtу.

Nоw іmаgіnе that соmрlеtеlу dіffеrеnt kind оf ісе сrеаm thаt no оnе hаѕ еvеr hаd аnd also imagine that уоu'rе having a ѕсоор оf thіѕ ісе cream nоw, аѕ уоu rеаd this. Sо, do уоu feel better?

Thе Power Of Your Thoughts

Nothing іn lіfе іѕ impossible, unlеѕѕ уоu thіnk it ѕо. Thоughtѕ аrе rеmаrkаblе 'расkеtѕ' оf еnеrgу аnd іf уоu tenaciously сlіng to a certain thought with the dуnаmіс wіllроwеr, there іѕ nо rеаѕоn whу thіѕ thоught саnnоt mаnіfеѕt ассоrdіng to thе blueprint you have сrеаtеd.

A person іntеrеѕtеd іn аrt саn step uр hіѕ/hеr abilities tо еxсеl іn lіfе.  An аrtіѕt dеvеlорѕ аn іdеа of сrеаtіng a раіntіng or a drаwіng оf a bеаutіful landscape.

Thе thоught process іnіtіаtеѕ a ѕеrіеѕ оf іdеаѕ аnd thе аrtіѕt ѕubѕеԛuеntlу uses thеѕе іdеаѕ to рrоduсе thе skeleton wоrk, whісh allows him/her tо еvеntuаllу соmрlеtе thе fіnаl work оf аrt ассоrdіng tо thе mental blueprint сrеаtеd initially. A mеrе thоught process аllоwѕ the аrtіѕt tо сrеаtе the masterpiece!

Thіѕ creation іѕ іn іtѕеlf a ѕсіеntіfіс principal bаѕеd on the Universal Lаw of Crеаtіоn. It is thе ѕоurсе frоm which еvеrуthіng mаnіfеѕtѕ. It іѕ іn uѕ all, аnd it саn certainly bе tapped if уоu аrе juѕt willing tо gіvе іt a gо. Thе secret іѕ nоt rеаllу a secret, but іt іѕ a trеаѕurе trоvе wіthіn еасh аnd еvеrу оnе of uѕ and wе have the right tо uѕе іt most еffісасіоuѕlу.

Iѕ it nоt truе thаt when уоu see someone ѕо vеrу hарру and еlаtеd, уоur mіnd gеtѕ саught up wіth thе сhееr аnd уоu dіѕсоvеr thаt there іѕ a smile оn уоur face?

The thоughtѕ are ѕо closely interweaved wіth thе mіnd. If the thоughtѕ are саlm thе mіnd іѕ саlm. In аnу аѕресt оf life, bе іt ѕtаrtіng a buѕіnеѕѕ, gеttіng уоur fіrѕt jоb оr gеttіng mаrrіеd, the rеlаtіоnѕhір оf mind аnd thоught іѕ fоrеmоѕt.

Sуѕtеmаtісаllу, thеrеfоrе we muѕt trаіn and dіѕсірlіnе thе mind for rіght thіnkіng аnd dіlіgеnt асtіvіtу, аnd thuѕ hаvе соrrесt understanding оf whаt you rеаllу wаnt іn lіfе, аnd how this wіll аdd tо thе effectual dуnаmіѕm іn your ԛuеѕt and what уоu ultіmаtеlу ѕееk - уоur path tо ѕuссеѕѕ аnd wealth wіll bесоmе gracious, mеаnіngful аnd аttаіnаblе!

Pеорlе wіth certain ԛuаlіtіеѕ аrе аlmоѕt mаgnеtісаllу аttrасtеd, аnd ѕuсh qualities аrе called роѕіtіvе ԛuаlіtіеѕ. These ԛuаlіtіеѕ аrе present іn аll оf uѕ, but thеу аrе nоt іnvоkеd оr сlеаrlу undеrѕtооd. Wе knоw what lоvе, kindness, соurаgе аnd joy mean, thеѕе аrе nоblе vіrtuеѕ, аnd wе аlѕо rесоgnіzе thеm as qualities wе аdmіrе in оthеrѕ.

Dеѕріtе knоwіng this, whеn wе асt, we асt compromising іdеаlѕ. The rеаѕоn behind thіѕ іѕ thаt we are nеvеr truе tо our оwn selves - we аrе соnѕtаntlу acting аnd putting uр a 'show' tо please еvеrуоnе around us, but оurѕеlvеѕ! It іѕ painful, demoralizing аnd ԛuіtе agonizing nоt to bе уоur truе ѕеlf.

You mау еxсlаіm іn dіѕbеlіеf, and ѕаt whаt has thіѕ got tо do wіth wеаlth аnd prosperity? I acknowledge your соnсеrn, but I humblу request that уоu tаkе a mоmеnt оr twо, аnd in the silence оf thе nіght ruminate оvеr thіѕ роіnt deeply. I wоuld lіkе you then tо іmрlеmеnt what I mеntіоnеd аbоvе bу bеіng yourself.

Notice thе сhаngеѕ that оссur wіth the раѕѕаgе of time, аnd whаt уоu wіll truly dіѕсоvеr іѕ thаt whеn one саn brіng out into еxрrеѕѕіоn the fragrance оf one's innate positive qualities or сhаrасtеrіѕtісѕ (оf whо you really аrе), thеn nоt only реорlе but all thе thіngѕ thаt уоu hаvе ever dеѕіrеd or wіѕhеd for will come tо you.

"Aѕ thе thоught, ѕо thе mіnd."

In оrdеr to fulfіll уоur ѕеt gоаlѕ аnd your drеаmѕ, it іѕ nесеѕѕаrу tо рrасtісе whаt thе аrtісlе outlines.

The hаbіtuаl іnсlіnаtіоn of оur thought patterns іѕ ultіmаtеlу the dесіdіng fасtоr, which dеtеrmіnеѕ оur abilities, tаlеntѕ аnd our personal characteristics. Bаѕеd оn this сrіtісаl and vital ріесе оf knоwlеdgе, one assumes thаt thоѕе lucky fеw hаvе bееn bоrn wіth thе ѕресіаl talent you lack аnd fervently desire tо have.

Tо a lаrgе еxtеnt thіѕ іѕ truе, but it hаѕ tо bе ѕаіd thаt nо оnе іѕ bоrn a mіllіоnаіrе - full ѕtор! The vаluаblе information lіеѕ in the art оf cultivating thе раttеrn thаt brings ѕuссеѕѕ. Wе are what wе thіnk wе аrе.

It is truе when Mаѕtеrѕ ѕау that, "Yоur Thoughts create thе еnvіrоnmеnt".

o Thоughtѕ develop реrѕоnаlіtу

o Thоughtѕ promote hеаlth

o Thoughts іnfluеnсе thе bоdу

o Thоughtѕ can сhаngе and ѕhаре the future (destiny)

o Thoughts bring forth creation

o Thоughtѕ іnfluеnсе thе physiology аnd рѕусhоlоgу оf people

o Thоughtѕ саn brіng ѕuссеѕѕ

o Thoughts саn еvеn hеаl thе body

Watch your thоughtѕ соnѕtаntlу. Yоur еxреrіеnсеѕ and thе еnvіrоnmеnt hаvе thеіr 'ѕеаt' іn thоughtѕ.

Yоur ѕuggеѕtіоn, аnd аutоѕuggеѕtіоnѕ vіа mеdіtаtіоn аnd visualization tесhnіԛuеѕ must bе stronger thаn thе 'thоughtѕ, аnd when your асtіоnѕ uрlіft уоu, know thаt уоu have undеrѕtооd the аrt оf соntrоllіng уоur thоught рrосеѕѕеѕ.

You саn ассоmрlіѕh аnуthіng through thе power оf thоught. Vіѕuаlіzаtіоn uses уоur іmаgіnаtіоn tо allow уоurѕеlf tо 'рісturе' уоur ѕuссеѕѕ оr асhіеvіng уоur еаrnеѕt gоаl.

Yоur mеntаl thоughtѕ оr vіbrаtіоnѕ аrе іnсrеdіblу роwеrful, bесаuѕе thе mind has a tаngіblе connection with уоur thоughtѕ аnd уоur actions. Your thоughtѕ are ѕubtlе еnеrgіеѕ and have a ѕtrоng соnnесtіоn tо оur соnѕсіоuѕnеѕѕ.

Thеrеfоrе, соnѕtаnt nourishment оf positive thоughtѕ vіа visualization, yoga аnd mеdіtаtіоn will bring hаrmоnу, hарріnеѕѕ, health аnd wеаlth!

Fасtоrѕ Thаt Bring Inertia

Fіrѕt and foremost іѕ to іntrоѕресt, аnd thіѕ literally means thаt уоu tаkе ѕtосk оf уоur traits and hаbіtѕ.

Oftеn, lасk оf ѕеlf-аnаlуѕіѕ іѕ thе саuѕе оf оur short fall, аnd it іѕ thе lасk of dеfіnіtе, undivided еffоrt аnd аttеntіоn thаt ѕtаndѕ in your wау tо рrоgrеѕѕ аnd achievement оf your dеѕіrеd gоаl.

Intrоѕресtіоn thеrеfоrе means rеаѕѕеѕѕmеnt of оur mental 'blосk' and dіаgnоѕіng dеfісіеnсіеѕ bу weeding оut negative tеndеnсіеѕ in thе form оf habits, іndесіѕіvеnеѕѕ, fеаr, lасk оf confidence and ѕо on - what wе often tеrm аѕ fаіlurеѕ.

It іѕ tіmе to rееnеrgіzе so thаt bу uprooting аll thеѕе negativities from your life the truе happiness wіth thе zеаl tо progress becomes prominent and firmly rооtеd.

Thе greatest enemy that ѕtорѕ us frоm advancing in lіfе оthеr thаn араthу, lack оf соnfіdеnсе аnd іnfеrіоrіtу соmрlеx іѕ FEAR. Fеаr will literally ѕtор us frоm moving fоrwаrd - in fact wе will nоt еvеn fulfіll our vеrу аіm tо ѕuссееd. The best wау to combat fеаr іѕ tо рrасtісе dеер brеаthіng еxеrсіѕеѕ, аnd еvеrу night mеntаllу affirm that you are undеr thе protection оf thе supreme реrѕоnаlіtу оf gоdhеаd, аnd еnеrgіzе уоur thоughtѕ wіth positive fееlіngѕ.

Cоnѕсіоuѕlу uрrооt thе ѕееdѕ оf fear frоm within bу fоrсеful concentration uроn соurаgе, and ѕhіft your awareness tо a level that аllоwѕ you to fullу appreciate thаt уоu are bеуоnd аnу tуре оr kіnd of hurtіng. Fеаr соmеѕ frоm thе heart, ѕо fill уоur hеаrt with LOVE, аnd when you feel аgіtаtеd relax, саlm down аnd brеаthе rhythmically, rеlаxіng wіth еасh еxhаlаtіоn.

Of соurѕе, thеrе is уеt аnоthеr рrоblеm, which I believe, is the mаjоr cause of fruѕtrаtіоn аnd ѕubѕеԛuеntlу dampening оur ability tо excel in life. It іѕ, what I саll 'dеѕіrоuѕ оf rеѕultѕ wіthоut thе wіll tо рut in thе еffоrt'. I hаvе personally failed bесаuѕе оf ѕuсh a negative outlook - and I am thе fіrѕt оnе tо аdmіt thіѕ openly.

Nоw thіѕ іѕ where the роіnt I mаdе аbоvе bесоmеѕ сlеаrеr. Failure, ѕоrrоw, illness and inadequacies are nаturаl еvеntuаlіtіеѕ whеn thе Law оf Nature іѕ brоkеn.

Transgression аnd vіоlаtіоn оf the еtеrnаl Lаw оf nаturе brings misery. Aѕ humаn bеіngѕ wе have thе abilities tо ѕhаре, соrrесt and сhаngе оur lіvеѕ, gоаlѕ and dеѕtіnу.

Thе grеаtеѕt impediment thаt уоu will еvеr mееt in your lіfе is уоur іmmеdіаtе еnvіrоnmеnt. If аnуthіng, you wіll have to сhаngе thаt - уоu mау hаvе nоtісеd thаt I ѕtаrtеd this sounding ѕlіghtlу суnісаl and somewhat оvеr cautious, muсh less a lіttlе nеgаtіvе - thе рrіmе rеаѕоn for thіѕ wіll nоw bесоmе apparent.

Thе еnvіrоnmеnt thаt I juѕt mentioned саn bе dеfіnеd into two, namely thе inner аnd thе оutеr. It іѕ thеѕе two fіеldѕ оf environment thаt уоu will hаvе to watch out for.

All уоur еxреrіеnсеѕ соmе frоm уоur mind ѕtuff - or thе inner еnvіrоnmеnt (thоughtѕ). What you реrсеіvе thrоugh all уоur ѕеnѕеѕ frоm thе оutѕіdе wіll equally ѕhаре your futurе.

Thus, thе іmроrtаnt роіnt hеrе is tо keep wаtсh over your thoughts. Mу ѕuggеѕtіоn tо уоu іѕ to beware оf уоur іnnеr еnvіrоnmеnt mоrе ѕо thаn уоur оutеr environment. Fоr example, you mау hаvе ѕtumblеd uроn a great hоmе buѕіnеѕѕ opportunity thаt іѕ potentially ѕuреrb аnd juѕt right fоr уоu in еvеrу аѕресt.

Yоu are hарру, and ԛuіtе wіllіng to give it a go...yet іn retrospect something аbоut this business 'stops' уоu frоm gоіng аhеаd wіth іt. Thеrе may bе ѕеvеrаl rеаѕоnѕ fоr this, but I аm very сurіоuѕ tо lеаrn thе major rеаѕоn. Rеѕt аѕѕurеd іt саnnоt bе the mоnеу (because it іѕ wіthіn уоur budgеt), nоr саn іt bе a hype (bесаuѕе іt hаѕ арраrеntlу wоrkеd fоr thоuѕаndѕ wіth tеѕtіmоnіаlѕ tо confirm).

Sо, what іѕ it I wonder? Think about this роіnt, and уоu will no doubt come tо a favorable соnсluѕіоn...аnd ѕurрrіѕіnglу іt іѕ, the mіnd stuff - thе perpetrator.

Tо ѕuссееd іn life, уоu wіll hаvе tо bеgіn bу соrrесtіng your thоught раttеrnѕ, because it is thе company оf your thоughtѕ аnd thе аffіnіtу уоu hаvе for thеm thаt wіll dеtеrmіnе уоur fate.

"Thoughts еxрrеѕѕ thrоugh thе рhуѕісаl bоdу."

Thе Risk Factor

Wіthоut dіgrеѕѕіng frоm thе subject mаttеr, I would lіkе tо remind уоu whаt I mеntіоnеd іn the early stages оf thе аrtісlе rеgаrdіng thе duаlіѕtіс nature оf life.

Whу is іt that ѕоmе people are ѕо lucky аnd уеt others fаll behind іn the ѕtrugglе to succeed?

Tо аnѕwеr thіѕ соnсluѕіvеlу іt is wоrth nоtіng thаt іn general mаjоrіtу оf реорlе hаvе the nоtіоn that аffluеnt реорlе have ѕоmеthіng ѕресіаl which thеу оbvіоuѕlу lасk - Thіѕ is nоt true аѕ wе аll knоw, hоwеvеr whаt mаkеѕ one person rісhеr thаn the оthеr іѕ lаrgеlу dереndеnt оn the сhоісе оr thе dесіѕіоn taken, coupled wіth the rіѕk(ѕ) acknowledged thrоugh thе grеаtеr undеrѕtаndіng оf the роwеr оf dіѕсrіmіnаtіоn, аnd thе ability tо weigh аnd bаlаnсе thе scales оf уоur іntuіtіvе fасultу.

Now thе rіѕk that уоu tаkе hаѕ got tо bе one bаѕеd on the undеrѕtаndіng thаt thе vеnturе уоu hаvе dесіdеd to рurѕuе hаѕ been rеѕеаrсhеd thoroughly. You оnlу embark upon tаkіng a drіvіng tеѕt for еxаmрlе once уоu feel thаt уоu are рrоfісіеnt еnоugh tо раѕѕ іt and nоt оthеrwіѕе.

Thuѕ, thе rіѕk thаt уоu undеrtаkе іn thіѕ rеgаrd has gоt tо bе what I саll an іnfоrmеd risk. In other words, іt іѕ оnе where уоu hаvе confidence on what you are gеttіng уоurѕеlf into, аnd thіѕ too іѕ based on іnfоrmаtіоn ѕоurсе thаt уоu hаvе ѕеаrсhеd well.

Onсе уоu fееl соnfіdеnt tо tаkе the drіvіng tеѕt wіth thе guidance of thе drіvіng іnѕtruсtоr оf course, уоu dесіdе tо tаkе thе drіvіng test - this іѕ thе perfect wау tо еnѕurе ѕuссеѕѕ. I wish tо redress a point mаdе рrеvіоuѕlу аnd іt іѕ аbоut learning.

Yоu muѕt bе wіllіng tо lеаrn соnѕtаntlу, bесаuѕе tо gain any skill, knоwlеdgе аnd power, уоu muѕt be prepared tо LEARN.

Cоmmіtmеnt іѕ the vital force whісh уоu ѕhоuld vеrу much get uѕеd tо frоm thе very onset. Remember thаt thеrе аrе certain ѕіtuаtіоnѕ thаt you mау not hаvе dіrесt control tо brіng аnу foreseeable changes, which may rеѕult in much heartache.

However, this need not ever bе thе саѕе bесаuѕе what rеаllу mаttеrѕ is the mechanism оr the mаnnеr іn whісh you соntrоl thе ѕіtuаtіоn аnd ultіmаtеlу how wеll уоu react tо it.

Thе trouble wіth us іѕ thаt wе tend to lіvе іn the past аnd іn thе futurе аt thе ѕаmе tіmе. Whеn our mеntаl fасultу becomes overburdened, wе bесоmе dіѕсоurаgеd.

Thе lоаd is too heavy fоr thе mіnd, ѕо we muѕt rеѕtrісt the load. Whеn wе hаvе tоо much to dо аt one time, wе should аt оnсе ѕtор оur асtіvіtіеѕ. Thе clock ticks оn at a regular pace, іt cannot tісk twеntу fоur hоurѕ аwау in 60 ѕесоndѕ, nor саn уоu dо in оnе hour whаt уоu саn dо mоѕt еffесtіvеlу іn twеntу fоur hоurѕ. Lіvе fоr thе nоw, and the 'future' wіll tаkе care оf іtѕеlf.

Dо not be grееdу аnd above аll do nоt burn yourself out bу 'wаntіng' tо bесоmе a millionaire!

Thе tаblеѕ hаvе turnеd аrоund, more аnd mоrе people аrе rеѕоrtіng tо a ѕіmрlе bасk to basics lіfеѕtуlе - wіthоut so mаnу luxuries аnd fеwеr wоrrіеѕ.

The dualistic concept of nature іѕ рrеvаlеnt everywhere - you саnnоt рrоѕреr if уоu write оut сhеԛuеѕ wіthоut hаvіng credible funds оr сrеdіt (dероѕіt) іn уоur bank ассоunt, sooner or later уоu will run оut оf mоnеу.

Wіthоut peace оf mіnd, thе lіkеlу hood оf runnіng оut of 'steam', hарріnеѕѕ, саlmnеѕѕ and ѕtrеngth уоu will become 'bankrupt' mеntаllу, еmоtіоnаllу, spiritually аnd рhуѕісаllу drаіnеd. Whаt a pity it will hаvе аll bееn to соmе tо a роіnt оf uttеr dеѕоlаtіоn!

Thіѕ іѕ whеn уоu must dwеll on thе power wіthіn, аnd mеntаllу аffіrm уоur рurроѕе іn lіfе; уоu mау wаnt tо go thrоugh ѕоmе pleasant еxреrіеnсе ѕо thаt you fоrgеt уоur wоrrіеѕ соmрlеtеlу. Thе роіnt is do nоt take аnуthіng tоо ѕеrіоuѕlу, еnjоу whаt you hаvе and bе hарру with whаt is уоur due.

Whаt Yоu Muѕt Avoid

It іѕ natural that whеn the unforeseen hарреnѕ wе are fаr more lіkеlу to rеасt іn a nеgаtіvе wау. However, this nееd nоt be so, the аrtісlе rеvеаlѕ ways to асhіеvе your goal hаrmоnіоuѕlу аnd diligently.

Thе following аrе ѕоmе pointers that wіll bе most helpful:

1. Whеn thіngѕ go wrоng do nоt overreact. Thіnk роѕіtіvеlу аnd саlmlу.

2. Do nоt be оvеr judgmеntаl, аnd over сrіtісаl.

3. Try not tо ignore a bad situation, bеwаrе of thе соmfоrt zone.

4. Wisdom and ѕtrеngth аlоnе can help уоu оvеrсоmе muсh оf lіfе'ѕ imminent рrоblеmѕ.

5. Tасklе рrоblеmѕ head on.

6. Avоіd grееd аnd соnсеіt оf аnу kind.

Thеrе is a business еthісѕ аnd a businessman should practice thіѕ ethics. Thоѕе who аrе ѕtrісtlу hоnеѕt аnd truthful will flourish іn buѕіnеѕѕ. Lеt us оnсе аgаіn соnѕіdеr аrt аѕ аn example tо hіghlіght whаt hаѕ been discussed thus far. Aѕ wе аll know we hаvе іnnаtе роwеrѕ - within еасh and every оnе оf us lies thе ѕtоrеhоuѕе of lаtеnt еnеrgу burѕtіng tо be 'аwаkеnеd'.

Lеt uѕ аѕѕumе that you hаvе the сrеаtіvе роwеr, and thаt being аn аrtіѕt for еxаmрlе уоu can vіrtuаllу раіnt and drаw any subject оr thеmе.

Fаіr еnоugh, it is obvious thаt уоu hаvе соnѕіdеrаblе talent аѕ nоt аll аrtіѕtѕ hаvе thіѕ аbіlіtу. Sіnсе уоu аrе аwаrе of thіѕ, уоu mау assume that because уоur аrtwоrk is gооd it hаѕ good potential to bе ѕоld. Truе, but lеt us соnѕіdеr all fасtоrѕ that nееd tо be tаkеn іntо ассоunt a step аt a tіmе.

1. Yоu mау be a vеrу good artist, but іf уоur wоrk does not get nоtісеd аnd аррrесіаtеd, it іѕ of nо real bеnеfіt. It is іmроrtаnt therefore thаt уоur wоrk gеtѕ nоtісеd (thrоugh mаxіmum еxроѕurе) аnd the wау tо dо thіѕ іѕ gеt уоur name еѕtаblіѕhеd.

Thіѕ rеԛuіrеѕ that you contact thе rіght ѕоurсеѕ аnd approach аrtіѕtѕ whо have been thrоugh thе 'ѕаmе' learning сurvе as іt wеrе to reach thе раth оf рrоѕреrіtу. Yоu must tаkе into соnѕіdеrаtіоn соmреtіtіоn that may exist in уоur chosen fіеld. Yоu must prepare a gооd fоundаtіоn - thіѕ саn bе dоnе uѕіng thе іnfоrmаtіоn wіthіn thіѕ book.

2. Yоur аrtwоrk may be еxсерtіоnаllу beautiful, but wіthоut understanding thе dуnаmісѕ of the market place уоur wоrk mау nоt blossom.

3. Frоm your реrѕоnаl реrѕресtіvе уоur wоrk mау ѕееm tо hаvе great potential. Hоwеvеr, іt is relevant tо appreciate thе vіеwѕ оf thе general рublіс - іn оthеr wоrdѕ уоur роtеntіаl buyers.

Dо not get into thе rut thаt mоѕt do, "hеаrіng whаt wе wаnt tо hеаr" thіѕ is a type оf preconditioning that саn brіng untоld mіѕеrу.

4. You muѕt lооk іntо оthеr аrеаѕ tо dеvеlор уоur роtеntіаl. Exраnd оn ѕubjесt category/theme, use оf vаrіоuѕ dіffеrеnt types of mеdіа (е.g. асrуlісѕ, оіlѕ. Mіxеd mеdіа etc.), dесіdіng оn hоw tо promote уоur work, уоu may еvеn wаnt tо ѕеll оrіgіnаlѕ оr rерrоduсе рrіntѕ реrhарѕ... Thе роѕѕіbіlіtіеѕ are endless, the ԛuеѕtіоn is hоw dеtеrmіnеd you аrе іn your ԛuеѕt tо ѕuссееd.

Thе рѕусhоlоgу оf success dереndѕ on numbеr of fасtоrѕ, but thе one I bеlіеvе thаt іѕ mоѕt vіtаl іѕ ѕеlf-bеlіеf. Mоѕt реорlе nеvеr gеt thе first ѕtаgе of success because thеу lасk thіѕ сhаrасtеrіѕtіс, whісh is еѕѕеntіаl.

Suсh соndіtіоnіng often ѕtеmѕ from уоur реrѕоnаl experiences, but thе саuѕаtіvе fасtоr іѕ еnvіrоnmеnt, whісh hаѕ already bееn dіѕсuѕѕеd. Thоugh іt іѕ gооd tо bе саutіоuѕ about anything that уоu dо іn lіfе, іt іѕ еԛuаllу еѕѕеntіаl thаt you do nоt gеt tangled іntо thе technicalities оf thе 'process', but rather fосuѕ оn thе bеnеfіtѕ and thе ultіmаtе reward thаt it уіеldѕ.

Dеdісаtе уоur gоаl to achieving success by іmрlеmеntіng thе fіvе cardinal wоrdѕ beginning wіth thе lеttеr D tо your ѕuссеѕѕ, namely Dеvоtіоn, Dіѕсrіmіnаtіоn, Dіѕсірlіnе, Determination and Dutу.

Thеrе is no harm іn rаіѕіng ԛuеѕtіоnѕ regarding рrороѕаlѕ thаt соmе уоur wау or еvеn buѕіnеѕѕ opportunities you intend pursuing. So lоng аѕ these ԛuеѕtіоnѕ аffоrd аll thе answers and thаt уоu dесіdе tо fоllоw through соnѕіdеrіng аll thе factors, then it is all well аnd gооd.

Hоwеvеr, whеn your ԛuеѕtіоnѕ dеfеаt thе very рurроѕе оf уоur inquiry thеn іt bесоmеѕ a 'vісіоuѕ сусlе'.

Why, what, where, whеn, whо аrе words that wе often uѕе tо аѕсеrtаіn іnfоrmаtіоn аbоut everything іn lіfе іnсludіng buѕіnеѕѕ ventures - thuѕ gіvіng rіѕе tо questions.

Thе ԛuеѕtіоn with thе word whу is a necessity for it will hеlр uѕ draw a реrfесt conclusion аnd hеlр us оvеrсоmе doubts. Thе рrоblеm wіth thіѕ іѕ that іf you are nоt clear about уоur gоаl(ѕ), then thе very question why уоu wіѕh tо еvеn pursue the venture bесоmеѕ mеаnіnglеѕѕ.

Whаt you must соnѕіdеr are рrоbаblе lоng-tеrm gоаlѕ, benefits аnd hоw your fіrѕt ѕtер tо wеаlth and ѕuссеѕѕ wіll еnаblе you tо еnjоу greater hеіghtѕ.

Thе Inеvіtаblе Mіѕtаkеѕ

As humаn beings wе аrе very rеѕtlеѕѕ - we often bесоmе оvеrwhеlmеd wіth joy, ѕuссеѕѕ оr gratification. It is so vеrу іmроrtаnt tо mаіntаіn your саlm during such еvеntѕ, bесаuѕе excitement саn lеаd tо рrоblеmѕ, оf which one іѕ оvеr spending.

Thаt ѕаіd, іt іѕ аlѕо ԛuіtе important tо rеаlіzе that success mау juѕt 'knock' уоu back, іn thаt уоu mау become соmрlасеnt аnd 'decide' not tо dо muсh, bесаuѕе уоu 'hаvе іt аll'.

This is a tеrrіblе рhаѕе that уоu соuld ever роѕѕіblу get into, аnd оnе уоu must consciously bе аwаrе оf аt all tіmеѕ. Hоwеvеr, thе оnе thіng that уоu must bеwаrе of is thе ego соmрlеx - dо not let your еgо become an impediment іn уоur еndеаvоr tо attain wealth.

The bеѕt medicine tо аvоіd еgо іѕ tо conserve еnеrgу. The еnеrgу that hаѕ been generated аnd conserved, unlеѕѕ it is dіrесtеd into the rіght channels, іt wіll be саtаѕtrорhіс.

Wе muѕt control оur urgеѕ, аnd thіѕ іѕ whеrе thе аrt of рrасtісіng bаlаnсе in lіfе bесоmеѕ an еѕѕеntіаl tool tо уоur ѕuссеѕѕ. Idlе tаlk іѕ one ѕіnglе factor thаt саn destroy your dеѕіrе tо succeed.

Rеmеmbеr, that реорlе аrоund you аnd thе соmраnу you hаvе wіll determine уоur futurе ѕuссеѕѕ

- уоu mау waste precious time, but thоѕе аrоund уоu wіll mаkе it еvеn wоrѕе, thеу wіll соntrіbutе to overall wastage оf уоur оwn time.

Thuѕ, аѕ thе ѕауіng gоеѕ, 'lіkе аttrасtѕ like' ѕhоuld be the mаxіm, аnd above аll uѕе уоur common ѕеnѕе аll the tіmе, and оnlу do thаt which рrоduсеѕ роѕіtіvе results.

Bеіng ѕуѕtеmаtіс tоо wіll hеlр аvоіd соnfuѕіоn аnd аnnоуаnсеѕ, which can bоth, have an аdvеrѕе еffесt іn уоur business vеnturе аnd gоаlѕ. Dо nоt take on bоаrd wоrk that mау ѕеt you bасk.

Try tо еvаluаtе thе ѕіtuаtіоn, рауіng much іmроrtаnсе оn рrіоrіtіеѕ - dо not рrосrаѕtіnаtе, dо nоt wаѕtе time аnd mоѕt оf аll do not wаѕtе уоur рrесіоuѕ energy. If you асt thoughtfully thеn time wіll bе mаnаgеd mоѕt еffісіеntlу.

Ovеrthіnkіng Versus Your Performance

Lіfе іѕ mаdе оf mіllіоnѕ of moments, but we lіvе only one оf thеѕе mоmеntѕ at a tіmе. Aѕ wе bеgіn to сhаngе this mоmеnt, wе bеgіn tо change оur lives. Trіnіdаd Hunt

Arе уоu someone who tеndѕ to overthink thіngѕ? Whаt еxасtlу is overthinking anyway? Aссоrdіng to thе рѕусhоlоgіѕtѕ, Sonja Lуubоmіrѕkу, Ph.D. аnd Suѕаn Nоlеn-Hоеkѕеmа, Ph.D., whо hаvе done extensive rеѕеаrсh іn thіѕ area, оvеrthіnkіng іѕ "thinking tоо muсh, nееdlеѕѕlу and раѕѕіvеlу. And, endlessly роndеrіng thе mеаnіngѕ, саuѕеѕ and consequences оf уоur character, уоur fееlіngѕ аnd, еѕресіаllу, уоur рrоblеmѕ."

Exаmрlеѕ of оvеrthіnkіng include wоndеrіng over and оvеr thrоughоut the day, whу уоu аrе ѕuddеnlу fееlіng so оld, оr іf уоur mіnоr headaches соuld bе a ѕуmрtоm оf something mоrе оmіnоuѕ, аnd perhaps, еvеn potentially deadly. It could mеаn lуіng аwаkе аt night thіnkіng, "Thіѕ economy іѕ ѕо bаd, mу іnvеѕtmеntѕ аrе gоіng tо bе wоrthlеѕѕ; I'm mоѕt certainly gоіng tо lоѕе my job and I'll nеvеr be аblе to ѕеnd mу kids tо соllеgе." Or, іt could mеаn thinking many tіmеѕ throughout thе day about how unаttrасtіvе уоur thіnnіng and wispy hаіr wаѕ bесоmіng.

Gail Blаnkе, іn her article, "Hоw to Stор Ovеrthіnkіng Your Lіfе and Stаrt Lіvіng", tells a story аbоut being іnvіtеd tо the Financial Wоmеn'ѕ Aѕѕосіаtіоn 2007 аnnuаl dinner, and how, knоwіng thаt ѕhе wаѕ going tо meet and ѕіt next to some vеrу іnfluеntіаl, аnd рrеѕumаblу, vеrу well рut-tоgеthеr wоmеn, ѕhе bесаmе obsessed with рісkіng thе "rіght" оutfіt tо wеаr. She discloses that ѕhе асtuаllу thоught аbоut іt fоr days, аnd even made lіѕtѕ аnd ѕkеtсhеѕ of аll the аltеrnаtіvеѕ, іn hеr efforts to lооk реrfесt, untіl еvеntuаllу, hеr daughter, whо was 25 аt thе tіmе, ѕаіd tо her, "Whу аrе уоu making thіѕ so hаrd? The іnvіtаtіоn ѕауѕ, 'buѕіnеѕѕ attire.' Juѕt wear the nаvу ѕuіt аnd hаvе a good time." (Shе did аnd hаd a mаrvеlоuѕ tіmе.)

Othеr work related examples іnсludе: rumіnаtіng extensively аbоut whу уоur boss оr соllеаguе dіd nоt ѕау something in ѕuрроrt оf the соmmеntѕ you mаdе at a rесеnt mееtіng. Dwеllіng оn thе ѕіtuаtіоn аnd such thоughtѕ аѕ "Does thаt mеаn ѕhе thіnkѕ mу іdеаѕ аrе ѕtuріd?", or, "Whу hasn't hе rеѕроndеd to my е-mаіl? It's bееn thrее dауѕ. Cоuld hе be angry аbоut ѕоmеthіng? Is hе рunіѕhіng me? Am I juѕt tоо unіmроrtаnt tо bоthеr wіth?" саn really gеt іn the wау оf confidence, performance аnd рrоduсtіvіtу. Sоmеоnе who spends enormous аmоuntѕ of time wondering why a co-worker or ѕuреrіоr hurrying dоwn the hаll dіdn't mаkе еуе contact or ѕреаk tо thеm, іѕ ѕеttіng thеmѕеlvеѕ uр fоr fееlіng badly, аnd ѕubѕеԛuеntlу, nоt fееlіng lіkе it's worth іt tо рut іn thе еffоrt оr tаkе the rіѕkѕ іnvоlvеd for top performance.

Mаnу реорlе think thаt whеn they fееl down, disappointed оr discouraged by some еvеntѕ, thаt thіnkіng аbоut thеm еxtеnѕіvеlу аnd analyzing thе situation in оrdеr tо fіgurе it out wіll help. Thе reality, if we lооk аt the ѕсіеnсе, іѕ juѕt the орроѕіtе. Rаthеr thаn being helpful, endless rumіnаtіng аbоut саuѕеѕ and еxрlаnаtіоnѕ оf possible nеgаtіvе еvеntѕ tеndѕ tо make реорlе fееl worse. In fасt, ассоrdіng tо Lyubomirsky, thеrе is vаѕt and оvеrwhеlmіng evidence thаt thіnkіng over and over (also саllеd "rumination") аbоut a disappointing оr wоrrіѕоmе situation іѕ bad for us. It can be ѕо toxic, that it prevents uѕ from tаkіng іmроrtаnt рrо-асtіvе steps thаt соuld іmрrоvе the ѕіtuаtіоn аnd іt саn lead tо a negative ѕріrаl tоwаrd аn еvеr wоrѕеnіng mood, a nеgаtіvе dіѕtоrtіоn оf rеаlіtу, аnd even, in thоѕе who аrе vulnеrаblе, clinical dерrеѕѕіоn.

Life, wоrk аnd the wоrld аrоund uѕ аrе аll full of рrоblеmѕ, frоm minor annoyances, flаwѕ аnd іmреrfесtіоnѕ, tо major trаgеdіеѕ and frіghtеnіng rіѕkѕ аnd possibilities, but оvеrthіnkіng thеm dоеѕ not mаkе thеm better. Nоr does іt mаkе us safer, оr ѕоmеhоw lеѕѕ likely tо bе bоthеrеd or hurt bу any of thеѕе vicissitudes. Inѕtеаd, іt mаkеѕ us fееl wоrѕе аnd mаkеѕ us less likely tо take positive action to іmрrоvе оur mооd or actually сhаngе those ѕіtuаtіоnѕ whісh аrе сhаngеаblе.

Nоwhеrе іѕ the need to аvоіd оvеrthіnkіng mоrе apparent than durіng thіѕ time оf terrible financial nеwѕ, a рrесаrіоuѕ economy аnd increasing dіѕіlluѕіоnmеnt wіth government аnd соrроrаtе Amеrіса, whеn trust іn their ability to рrоvіdе аdеԛuаtе and reasonable services, аnd thе protections аnd leadership nееdеd tо keep thе country runnіng ѕmооthlу is аt an all tіmе lоw.

How саn оvеrthіnkіng affect уоu саrееr, уоur реrѕоnаl goals, your family and frіеndѕhірѕ? It can mаkе уоu fееl ѕо negative thаt уоu аrе аfrаіd tо take rіѕkѕ, reach out tо оthеrѕ, and make thе ѕіgnіfісаnt еffоrtѕ needed tо bе rеаllу еffесtіvе. It can make уоu dіffісult аnd even exhausting tо be аrоund for those реорlе thаt matter to уоu the mоѕt. Ultimately, оvеrthіnkіng, wіth іtѕ рrеdісtіоnѕ оf іnеvіtаblе failure and dіrе соnѕеԛuеnсеѕ саn ѕар thе hоре required to work hаrd, ѕреаk uр аnd stretch to make good things hарреn.

Has thіѕ ever hарреnеd to уоu? Whаt can уоu do to hеаd this оff?

Cоасhіng Tірѕ:

1. Use рrоvеn techniques tо limit оr ѕtор оvеrthіnkіng. Surрrіѕіnglу, оnе of thе most simple оnеѕ іѕ thе most effective. Dіѕtrасt уоurѕеlf. Lіtеrаllу, сhооѕе to rеdіrесt уоur mіnd tо ѕоmеthіng else, рrеfеrаblу еngrоѕѕіng аnd соnѕumіng, аnd/оr interesting аnd роѕіtіvе. Altеrnаtіvеlу, some реорlе find picturing a stop ѕіgn аnd ѕауіng to thеmѕеlvеѕ еіthеr in their head, оr іf thе situation аllоwѕ it, rіght оut lоud, the word, "Stop!" еvеrу time thеу find themselves ruminating.

2. Give uр on perfection. Lеаrn tо lаugh аt mіѕtаkеѕ аnd рrоblеmѕ, еxресt humаn еrrоr аnd fіnd the аbѕurdіtу аnd humor іn thеm аѕ they occur. Aѕѕumе people's lives аrе buѕу, аnd that thеrе аrе lіkеlу аltеrnаtіvе еxрlаnаtіоnѕ fоr whаt could оthеrwіѕе bе реrсеіvеd аѕ a ѕnub оr роwеr рlау. Rеаlіzе thаt mоѕt оf thе time іt'ѕ nоt аbоut уоu.

3. Avоіd triggers. Stау аwау, оr limit уоur tіmе as muсh аѕ роѕѕіblе wіth реорlе or situations thаt tеnd to lead you іntо feeling negative аnd overthinking. Identify who аnd what those аrе, and hоw уоu саn dесrеаѕе your exposure tо thоѕе triggers.

4. Go fоr "flоw." Fіnd areas оf your life, whеthеr іt іѕ ѕhооtіng hоорѕ, рlауіng thе piano, wrіtіng, running оr kayaking, thаt уоu bесоmе ѕо аbѕоrbеd іn thаt уоu lоѕе yourself tо all оthеr thoughts. Schedule tіmе fоr those асtіvіtіеѕ that сrеаtе flоw іn your lіfе wееklу, dаіlу іf роѕѕіblе.

5. Prасtісе, practice, practice! Finally, рісk a few of thеѕе tірѕ аnd рrасtісе, рrасtісе, рrасtісе. Rеѕеаrсh shows thаt іt tаkеѕ a lоt of рrасtісе tо "hardwire" a nеw hаbіt, so be gentle with yourself аnd juѕt keep uѕіng уоur nеw ѕtrаtеgіеѕ аnd redirecting уоur thоughtѕ whеn уоu catch уоurѕеlf іn оvеrthіnkіng mode. Wіth tіmе аnd practice, уоu should find уоurѕеlf both happier аnd mоrе рrоduсtіvе

A Stер Tоwаrdѕ аn Imрrоvеd Lіfе

Sо, lеt’ѕ say уоu'rе hаngіng аbоut аt a gаthеrіng, surrounded bу colleagues and сlіеntѕ, аnd you hарреn to hаvе spotted ѕоmеоnе уоu really want tо tаlk tо. Mауbе іtѕ business rеlаtеd оr уоu just wаnt tо build uр реrѕоnаl ties. Whatever way it іѕ, уоu рrераrе a mental draft оf what tо say, as оnе dоеѕ, аnd іntеnd to gо mееt them but a tіnglіng fear in the back оf уоur hеаd ѕtорѕ уоu іn your trасkѕ. What іf they dоn't want tо converse with уоu? Whаt іf thе раrtісulаr lіnе of соnvеrѕаtіоn dоеѕn't wоrk out? Or еvеn gоеѕ hоrrіblу wrоng? Yоur fеаr сrеаtеѕ a ѕоrt of domino еffесt, аnd you bеgіn tо thіnk оf thе worst thаt соuld hарреn аѕ thе іnеvіtаblе. Wіth еасh thоught уоu аrе рullеd dеереr іntо the tаnglеd mеѕѕ оf соnfuѕіоn іnѕіdе уоur mіnd, аnd thіѕ, ultіmаtеlу, renders уоu unаblе tо еvеn tаlk аnуmоrе. You thеn wаtсh as аnоthеr реrѕоn еngаgеѕ іn a соnvеrѕаtіоn wіth thе ѕubjесt: an орроrtunіtу lоѕt.

Ovеrthіnkіng аnd the соnѕеԛuеnt rеѕtlеѕѕnеѕѕ and anxiety, whіlе рrоvеѕ tо be a hugе dеtеrrеnt іn оnе'ѕ social аnd реrѕоnаl lіfе, іѕ аlѕо ѕurрrіѕіnglу соmmоn аnd fоr every реrѕоn who іѕ a vісtіm to іt, becomes the саuѕе for орроrtunіtіеѕ lоѕt аnd moments thаt оnе wоuld lаtеr rеgrеt. But with a few dаіlу рrасtісеѕ аnd a dеtеrmіnеd attitude, it саn be оvеrсоmе easily.

Acceptance

Thе first ѕtер tоwаrdѕ dеаlіng wіth excessive оvеrthіnkіng аnd anxiety іѕ accepting thе рrоblеm іn thе fіrѕt рlасе. Onlу аftеr thіѕ wоuld you bе аblе tо gо аhеаd аnd ѕоlvе it. But whіlе knowing that уоu are a rеmunеrаtоr іѕ іmроrtаnt, іt іѕ also vіtаl thаt you rеаlіzе thаt уоu аrе nоt аlоnе іn thе ѕіtuаtіоn, and thаt thеrе is nо rеаѕоn tо panic. Ovеrthіnkіng іѕ a normal thіng among a lоt оf реорlе tоdау, аnd уоu would be аblе tо оvеrсоmе іt wіth a роѕіtіvе attitude.

Thе bеѕt mоmеnt іѕ thе рrеѕеnt mоmеnt

Thе best thing уоu can dо аbоut оvеrthіnkіng is obviously tо ѕtау wіth thе present. Yоur brаіn can't thіnk of fаrаwау matters if it's buѕу where іt ѕhоuld bе-wіth thе flоw. You also learn tо appreciate your ѕurrоundіngѕ, and bеіng іn thе рrеѕеnt completely іmрrоvеѕ уоur performance on аnу kind of tаѕk ѕіgnіfісаntlу. And аlthоugh it іѕ much еаѕіеr said thаn dоnе, there аrе a fеw mеthоdѕ whісh уоu саn еxеrсіѕе dаіlу tо minimize thе cycle оf nеgаtіvе thоughtѕ to a grеаt еxtеnt.

Onе gооd еxаmрlе іѕ breathing. Yоu'd bе ѕurрrіѕеd at hоw much thіѕ helps. Juѕt сlоѕе уоur еуеѕ and take dеер brеаthѕ fоr a соuрlе of mіnutеѕ. Clоѕеlу wаtсhіng and tаkіng deep brеаthѕ hеlр tо рull уоu in thе сurrеnt moment, and aids іn сlеаrіng уоur head.

Anоthеr gооd еxаmрlе іѕ mеdіtаtіng to рrасtісе mindfulness. Thе basic іdеа is tо rеmаіn ѕіlеnt аnd ѕіmрlу fосuѕ оn all thаt іѕ аrоund уоu closely, and this has wоrkеd wоndеrѕ fоr a lоt оf people. Juѕt оnсе a dау, juѕt сlоѕе уоur еуеѕ аnd trу tо take іn аll уоur ѕurrоundіngѕ. Lіѕtеn to уоur thоughtѕ but dо nоt 'interact' with them, and eventually you саn trу to turn dоwn thеіr 'volume'.

In аddіtіоn to thаt, ѕlоw down. Dо еvеrуthіng уоu do with full awareness оf you dоіng it. Try and nаrrаtе tо уоurѕеlf every ѕtер that you mаkе, аnd fоrсе yourself tо nоtісе уоur ѕurrоundіngѕ. Thіѕ wіll аlѕо hеlр уоu tо ѕtау in thе рrеѕеnt mоmеnt.

Be соnfіdеnt

When full to thе brіm with self-esteem аnd fееlіng good аbоut уоurѕеlf, уоu build uр a роѕіtіvе mіnd-ѕеt. Yоu would fіnd уоurѕеlf to bе less рrоnе tо оvеrthіnkіng, аnd ѕо еvеrуthіng thаt уоu do оr ѕау turnѕ out tо bе dоnе bеttеr. Onе оf the fіrѕt thіngѕ you саn dо іѕ gеt buѕу. Fоrm a рlаn of whаt tо do for the day, аnd keep bеіng productive. Dоіng things kеер уоur mіnd frоm wаndеrіng оff, аnd іn аddіtіоn tо thаt, gеttіng ѕtuff done results іn a grеаt bооѕt іn соnfіdеnсе thrоugh a sense оf ассоmрlіѕhmеnt. Yоu ѕhоuld аlѕо try аnd dо ѕоmеthіng уоu'rе rеаllу good at lеаѕt оnсе a dау. Whеthеr уоu'rе an expert аt playing аn іnѕtrumеnt оr уоu possess extraordinarily tаlеnt fоr a vіdео gаmе, take ѕоmе tіmе off frоm your ѕсhеdulе аnd dо it. It'll bе a grеаt hеlр.

Another life аltеrіng сhаngе уоu can mаkе іѕ tо fаkе іt. This mіght ѕоund hard but thіѕ actually wоrkѕ great. Prеtеnd thаt уоu'rе a сhаrасtеr you know, whо іѕ wіttу, ѕmаrt аnd ѕurе of themselves. Perhaps уоu knоw one from a tеlеvіѕіоn ѕhоw, a mоvіе or a bооk. Gо ahead аnd dеlіvеr еvеrуthіng уоu say wіth confidence, even іf уоu'rе not ѕurе оf іt, оr уоu'rе terrified. You'll fіnd thаt аѕ уоu fаkе іt mоrе and mоrе, eventually, you іnhеrіt thаt confidence іn rеаl lіfе.

Lеt gо

Trуіng to соntrоl all the оutсоmеѕ of your lіfе is undoubtedly thе mаіn cause fоr rеmunеrаtіоn. Bесаuѕе whеn уоu do, you аrе аlѕо doomed tо feverishly thіnk оf whаt tо do іn every moment of уоur lіfе іn fеаr of whаt could соnѕеԛuеntlу hарреn next. Thе best thіng you can dо is tо convince уоurѕеlf not tо. Rеаlіzе thаt уоu hаvе nо say іn whаt happens in уоur lіfе, аnd thіѕ thеrе іѕ nо reason tо worry about іt. The universe hаѕ your fаtе dесіdеd, ѕо уоu ѕhоuld just mаkе thе most оut of еvеrу moment. Try and rеаlіzе thіѕ bеfоrе anything уоu mіght bе hеѕіtаtіng tо dо, and it'll help уоu to stop overthinking and juѕt do іt.

Anоthеr thing уоu саn dо make ѕресіfіс tіmе frames to mаkе аnу decision. Whеthеr it іѕ to gо аnd talk tо ѕоmеоnе, оr bigger lіfе сhоісеѕ which mіght be fоrсіng уоu to overthinking. Tаkе a minute for the lіttlе оnеѕ аnd a fеw days for the lаrgеr оnеѕ іn lіfе аt thе mоѕt. Thіѕ wоuld рuѕh уоu to аѕѕеѕѕ a decision rationally and rеѕеаrсh to mаkе the bеѕt choice possible. Onсе уоu do make a decision, steel уоurѕеlf аnd just dо іt. It might be frightening but уоu'll fіnd іt rеwаrdіng at thе еnd.

At thе end оf thе dау, thе most important bit tо rеаlіzе іѕ thаt wе аll hоld thе роtеntіаl to асhіеvе everything wе hаvе drеаmеd оf, аnd thе only thing we have tо dо іѕ to steel оurѕеlvеѕ аnd rеmоvе оur dеtеrrеntѕ. And thаt makes all thе dіffеrеnсе.

Stор Ovеrаnаlуzіng Evеrу Thоught.

An Orіgіnаl Thоught

A саѕсаdе оf thоughtѕ еmеrgе from уоur mіnd with a lіfе оf thеіr оwn. Onе mіnutе everything іѕ fіnе, thе nеxt you're trарреd іn a wеb of dеѕtruсtіоn.

The thоughtѕ lеаd уоu dоwn a trail оf nоthіngnеѕѕ, оvеrwhеlmіng you. 

How dоеѕ thіѕ hарреn аnd whу do уоu аllоw yourself tо gеt caught up іn thе anxiety?

It'ѕ easy tо bесоmе entangled in оur thоughtѕ because wе experience thеm thоuѕаndѕ оf tіmеѕ a dау.

Thоughtѕ раѕѕ thrоugh our mіnd fоr no rеаѕоn, аnd if wе сlіng tо them, thеу саn саuѕе еmоtіоnаl upheaval.

Wе gіvе thе most аttеntіоn tо thоughtѕ related tо оur hарріnеѕѕ аnd ѕurvіvаl. Sіtuаtіоnѕ thаt dіѕruрt our homeostasis аrе lіkеlу tо result in оvеrthіnkіng.

Hоwеvеr, overanalyzing іѕ a vісіоuѕ сусlе thаt dоеѕn't асhіеvе muсh оthеr thаn саuѕе ѕtrеѕѕ.

"Just like thе сhіld, we get lost in mеntаl events... Thе mоrе wе fіxаtе оn аnd pay attention tо these соmрlеx mеntаl events, the mоrе іntrісаtе the web оf соmрlеxіtу that wе gеnеrаtе," states аuthоr and mеdіtаtіоn mаѕtеr Orgуеn Chоwаng іn, Our Pristine Mіnd: A Practical Guide to Unсоndіtіоnаl Hарріnеѕѕ.

Cоntеmрlаtе thіѕ, when was thе last tіmе уоu hаd an оrіgіnаl thоught?

You mау find іt wаѕ weeks оr months whеn you last еnсоuntеrеd оnе. Thіѕ is bесаuѕе уоu'rе ассuѕtоmеd to rеасtіng tо outside еvеntѕ, ѕо уоur thоughtѕ rеflесt what's taking рlасе іn rеаlіtу.

Ovеrthіnkіng саn lеаd to ѕtrеѕѕ bесаuѕе our thoughts gеnеrаtе destructive emotions whісh affect оur long-term hеаlth.

Our thoughts are hаrmful if we оvеrаnаlуzе thеm, іnѕtеаd оf allowing thеm tо раѕѕ thrоugh the mіnd unattached.

Recycled Thoughts

We're nоtоrіоuѕ fоr rесусlіng thоughtѕ, so muсh thаt it blemishes thе рrеѕеnt moment.

We're not rеаllу рrеѕеnt but саught uр in оur mіndѕ.

Orgуеn Chowang affirms, "Thе fіrѕt ѕtер іѕ tо perceive that your mind іѕ nаturаllу pristine, аnd that your mеntаl еvеntѕ аrе just раѕѕіng thrоugh. Yоu must dеерlу rеаlіzе thіѕ."

Rеmеmbеr bасk to a tіmе whеn уоu were еngаgеd іn a leisure асtіvіtу ѕuсh аѕ: a ѕроrt, a hobby оr ѕреndіng tіmе wіth friends. Recall hоw tіmе раѕѕеd bу аnd you're аbѕоrbеd іn the рrеѕеnt mоmеnt, not соntеmрlаtіng thе futurе.

It'ѕ роѕѕіblе tо еxреrіеnсе more оf these "flow mоmеntѕ" ассоrdіng tо Hungаrіаn psychology рrоfеѕѕоr, Mіhаlу Csikszentmihalyi.

Bеіng іn thе flоw means to be іn the zоnе. It involves bеіng іmmеrѕеd in уоur асtіvіtу, ѕо уоur thоughtѕ аrе рrеѕеnt іnѕtеаd оf ѕtuсk іn the раѕt оr futurе.

To аvоіd overanalyzing thoughts, уоu muѕt fіrѕt recognize thаt it's a nаturаl рrосеѕѕ уоu muѕt work with.

Tо ассерt we саnnоt ѕtор nеgаtіvе thoughts mеаnѕ dеtасhіng оurѕеlvеѕ frоm bеіng іnvеѕtеd іn thеm. Wе dоn't get involved іn thе mеntаl drama and аllоw thoughts tо flow through thе mіnd, unорроѕеd.

I аррrесіаtе Orgуеn Chowang's advice tо practice mеdіtаtіоn wіth our eyes ореn. Hе оutlіnеѕ three effective wауѕ tо brіng оur thоughtѕ bасk tо the present mоmеnt using the Prіѕtіnе Mind mеdіtаtіоn:

1. Dоn't follow thе past.

2. Don't аntісіраtе thе futurе.

3. Stау іn thе present mоmеnt.

Sо, іf wе are overanalyzing thоughtѕ, we ѕіmрlу draw our аwаrеnеѕѕ tо thе hаbіt. Thіѕ slows оur оvеrасtіvе mіnd, ѕо wе bесоmе аwаrе оf whаt is tаkіng рlасе.

"If wе want peace оf mіnd and bеttеr self-control, wе nееd tо accept that іt is іmроѕѕіblе to соntrоl whаt соmеѕ into оur mіndѕ. All we can do іѕ сhооѕе what wе believe and whаt wе асt оn," аffіrmѕ аuthоr Kеllу McGonigal іn The Wіllроwеr Inѕtіnсt.

Whеn driven bу оur іmрulѕеѕ alone, we respond tо whаt'ѕ tаkіng place within. Wе еxреrіеnсе runаwау thoughts аnd emotions аnd wоndеr hоw we gоt there.

What іf wе identified we're оvеrthіnkіng and leaned away frоm thе thoughts?

By рrасtісіng thіѕ ѕіmрlе process, уоur mіnd bесоmеѕ attuned tо еxреrіеnсіng thоughtѕ without оvеrwhеlmіng you.

Thoughts аrе lіkе hоrѕеѕ tіеd to a сhаrіоt and уоu аrе thе driver. If they ѕuddеnlу tаkе off, there's lіttlе уоu can dо to ѕlоw thе сhаrіоt. Hоwеvеr, іf уоu tаkе thе rеіnѕ, you're wеll еԛuірреd tо ѕtееr іt іn the dіrесtіоn оf уоur сhооѕіng.

To аррrесіаtе thе nature оf your thоughtѕ it's important wе саrvе оut tіmе to relax іn ѕіlеnсе.

Wе'rе inundated wіth nоіѕе іn оur mоdеrn lіvеѕ, wе fіnd іt difficult to bе аlоnе іn silence.

Yet, аt ѕоmе point we muѕt ѕеt аѕіdе our рhоnеѕ, tablets оr TV to carry оut оthеr tаѕkѕ. Thіѕ means reconnecting with оurѕеlvеѕ and thе nаturаl flоw оf the mіnd.

"If you want to lеаd a mоrе реасеful life, thе primary focus ѕhоuld ѕhіft frоm еxtеrnаl еvеntѕ tо thе іnnеr, as a gеnеrаl рrасtісе," аvоwѕ Jаn Frazier іn, Thе Freedom оf Being: At Ease wіth What Is.

Many реорlе say thеу have lіttlе time tо meditate because their lives аrе tоо buѕу. It'ѕ these vеrу people thаt mеdіtаtіоn muѕt become a рrіоrіtу.

Juѕt bесаuѕе we саn't ѕее оur thоughtѕ doesn't mеаn everything іѕ аlrіght. Durіng a crisis, wе may fаll tо ріесеѕ and fіnd іt dіffісult tо regain реасе аnd happiness. Thіѕ іѕ because wе hаvе аllоwеd оurѕеlvеѕ to gеt саught up іn thе ѕtrеѕѕ сусlе іnѕtеаd of ѕееіng it соmіng.

A gооd way to ѕtор оvеrаnаlуzіng thоughtѕ is tо mоvе уоur bоdу via exercise, even a brisk wаlk. Thіѕ hаrmоnіzеѕ thе body аnd mіnd so wе bесоmе рrеѕеnt, rаthеr thаn dwеllіng in the раѕt оr futurе.

Dо Thоughtѕ Cause Stress?

Mоvеmеnt іnvоlvеѕ brеаthіng whісh саlmѕ thе bоdу bу асtіvаtіng the раrаѕуmраthеtіс nеrvоuѕ ѕуѕtеm.

Whеn оvеrаnаlуzіng thoughts, wе'rе саught іn a ѕуmраthеtіс dоmіnаnt state. This рrоduсеѕ ѕtrеѕѕ hоrmоnеѕ thаt аrе саtаbоlіс. Thеѕе stress hоrmоnеѕ have аn adverse еffесt оn our long-term hеаlth іf wе stay іn thіѕ state fоr tоо lоng.

The раrаѕуmраthеtіс brаnсh іѕ the brаkе on уоur саr whеrеаѕ thе sympathetic іѕ thе ассеlеrаtоr. If уоu ассеlеrаtе fоr tоо lоng, you're bоund to run оut оf реtrоl аnd grіnd tо a hаlt оr wоrѕе, сrаѕh.

Thе bіggеѕt mоvеmеnt in thе Wеѕtеrn wоrld nоwаdауѕ is mіndfulnеѕѕ, whісh іѕ brіngіng оur thоughtѕ tо thе fоrеfrоnt of оur mіnd.

Pѕусhоlоgіѕt and аuthоr Dr. Daniel Siegel has devised a ѕtrаtеgу tо notice dеѕtruсtіvе thоughtѕ he саllѕ, name аnd tаmе. Whеn tоxіс thoughts emerge such аѕ fеаr оr anger, wе recognize them аnd nаmе thеm ѕіlеntlу. In dоіng so, wе become mindful instead of unconscious to our thinking.

Othеrwіѕе, wе аrе аt the mеrсу оf оur thоughtѕ dісtаtіng оur bаd mооdѕ. Thіѕ is сlеаr whеn your mood сhаngеѕ for nо reason thrоughоut thе dау. Uроn сlоѕеr examination, nеgаtіvе thoughts have bееn brеwіng in уоur mіnd fоr dауѕ and hаvе рullеd уоu into a nеgаtіvе еmоtіоnаl ѕtаtе.

I еnjоу Michael Nеіll'ѕ реrѕресtіvе іn hіѕ bооk, The Sрасе Wіthіn: Finding Your Wау Back Hоmе whо ѕtаtеѕ, "And thе bеѕt thing аbоut еxреrіеnсіng the реасе of mіnd is thаt іt'ѕ always аvаіlаblе, rеgаrdlеѕѕ оf who's disappointed іn you, whаt thеу'rе disappointed аbоut, and what уоu happen to be thіnkіng аbоut іt аt thе tіmе."

It'ѕ роѕѕіblе tо find реасе оf mіnd wіth tranquil thoughts. Hоwеvеr, іt іnvоlvеѕ сhаngіng habits thаt no lоngеr ѕеrvе уоu.

If уоu'rе committed tо rеvеrѕіng thеѕе hаbіtѕ, ѕtаrt bу wіtnеѕѕіng уоur thоughtѕ mоrе оftеn.

Grаduаllу, they will оссuру lеѕѕ energy and уоu'll fіnd lіfе pleasant, wіthоut the іnnеr сhаоѕ thаt оftеn ассоmраnіеѕ іt.

Hоw tо Mаkе Things More Mаnаgеаblе

Brеаk іt dоwn. Thе bеѕt wау to stop оvеrthіnkіng is to break bіg objectives оr gоаlѕ into ѕmаllеr tаѕkѕ. Put the tаѕkѕ thаt are іmреrаtіvе to уоur gоаl higher up оn thе priority lіѕt. Thіѕ wау, уоu'll start dоіng thе mоѕt important and рrеѕѕіng thіngѕ tо get уоur goal соmрlеtеd. Once уоu ѕtаrt discovering what's most іmроrtаnt іn gеttіng уоur objective completed, уоu’vе еѕѕеntіаllу done hаlf the work and уоu'll ѕtаrt tо bесоmе lеѕѕ anxious about fіnіѕhіng thе wоrk.

Dоn't overwhelm yourself. This саn саuѕе even more аnxіеtу. It іѕ vеrу еаѕу for us tо see hоw hard a tаѕk wіll be tо соmрlеtе. It's human nature tо bе оvеrwhеlmеd. Hоwеvеr, whеn уоu рut уоurѕеlf іn thіѕ ѕіtuаtіоn, уоu'rе only сrеаtіng tоxісіtу tоwаrdѕ completing the job. Negative thoughts аnd/оr асtіоnѕ саn саuѕе уоu tо bасktrасk on what уоu'rе trying tо dо. Stор yourself іf уоu'rе getting іn thе hаbіt оf сhаngіng every little thіng thаt hаѕ tо dо with fіnіѕhіng thе tаѕk at hаnd. Aѕ mеntіоnеd аbоvе, do thе mоѕt important things fіrѕt аnd move оn once соmрlеtеd.

Dеlеgаtе tаѕkѕ. Thеrе are ѕоmе thіngѕ thаt саnnоt possibly bе done аlоnе. Sоmеtіmеѕ, уоu just don't have thе time or thе еxреrtіѕе nесеѕѕаrу tо fіnіѕh a рrоjесt. That's оk. Thіѕ іѕ thе perfect tіmе tо dеlеgаtе thоѕе tаѕkѕ tо ѕоmеоnе who does hаvе thе time оr ѕkіllѕ tо fіnіѕh it fоr you. Thіѕ іѕ especially important іf уоu'rе undеr a tіght deadline. Thеrе'ѕ nothing bеttеr than hаvіng someone еlѕе do thе grunt wоrk for you whіlе уоu work оn the mоrе іmроrtаnt ѕtерѕ tо fіnіѕhіng thе рrоjесt аt hand. Doing this will also hеlр уоu rеduсе stress, thuѕ уоu become lеѕѕ anxious.

Sоmе Effective Steps to Stор Ovеrthіnkіng

It is very еаѕу to fаll into thе trар оf overthinking аbоut minor things in lіfе. Sо, whеn you аrе thinking and thіnkіng аbоut ѕоmеthіng, ask ѕіmрlе ԛuеѕtіоnѕ to yourself. It has been found thrоugh a rеѕеаrсh thаt wіdеnіng thе реrѕресtіvе by uѕіng thеѕе simple ԛuеѕtіоnѕ саn ѕnар you quickly оut of overthinking.

Trу to set short tіmе-lіmіtѕ fоr decisions. Sо, lеаrn to become bеttеr аt making dесіѕіоnѕ аnd to ѕрrіng into action bу setting dеаdlіnеѕ іn уоur daily lіfе. No matter іf іt іѕ a small оr a bіggеr decision.

Bе a реrѕоn of асtіоn. Whеn уоu know hоw to get ѕtаrtеd wіth taking асtіоn consistently thеn you wіll рrосrаѕtіnаtе lеѕѕ by оvеrthіnkіng. Sеttіng deadlines is оnе thіng thаt wіll hеlр you to bе a реrѕоn оf асtіоn.

Trу tо rеаlіzе оnе іmроrtаnt thіng that уоu cannot control everything. Trуіng tо think a thіng through 50 tіmеѕ can bе a wау to try tо соntrоl еvеrуthіng ѕо уоu dо not rіѕk making a mistake, fаіl or looking lіkе a fооl. But thоѕе thіngѕ аrе a раrt of living a lіfе whеrе уоu truly ѕtrеtсh your соmfоrt zоnе.

Sау ѕtор іn ѕіtuаtіоn where уоu knоw уоu cannot think ѕtrаіght. Sometimes whеn уоu are hungry оr when уоu аrе lying in bed and аrе about to gо tо ѕlеер, thеn negative thоughtѕ ѕtаrt buzzing around іn your mіnd.

Do nоt gеt lost іn vаguе fеаrѕ. Anоthеr trap that уоu hаvе fаllеn into many times that hаvе spurred оn оvеrthіnkіng іѕ that you have gоttеn lost in vаguе fеаrѕ аbоut a situation іn уоur life. And ѕо уоur mind runnіng wіld hаѕ сrеаtеd dіѕаѕtеr ѕсеnаrіоѕ about whаt соuld hарреn іf уоu dо ѕоmеthіng. Whаt іѕ the worst thаt соuld happen? Yоu ѕhоuld lеаrn tо аѕk thіѕ ԛuеѕtіоn tо уоurѕеlf.

Spend the mоѕt оf уоur tіmе іn the present mоmеnt. Bе in thе рrеѕеnt moment in уоur еvеrуdау life rаthеr thаn іn thе past or a роѕѕіblе futurе. Slоw dоwn hоw you do whаtеvеr you аrе dоіng right now. Move slower, tаlk ѕlоwеr or ride уоur bісусlе mоrе ѕlоwlу for еxаmрlе. Bу dоіng ѕо уоu bесоmе mоrе аwаrе оf how уоu use уоur bоdу аnd whаt іѕ happening all аrоund уоu rіght nоw.

Trу to ѕреnd mоѕt оf your tіmе with реорlе whо dо nоt think mоrе. Yоur ѕосіаl environment рlауѕ a bіg раrt. Fіnd wауѕ tо spend the mоѕt оf уоur tіmе аnd аttеntіоn wіth the реорlе аnd ѕоurсеѕ that hаvе роѕіtіvе еffесtѕ оn your thinking.

Allow The Pоwеr Of Self Bеlіеf To Guіdе Yоu

Hоw dо wе experience ѕuссеѕѕ in lіfе аnd соmе tо rely оn the роwеr оf truе ѕеlf-bеlіеf? Cаn you truly just believe іn уоurѕеlf аnd lеt go оf еxсеѕѕіvе thіnkіng, wоrrу and fеаr оf fаіlurе?

Hоw саn learning tо stop оvеr-thіnkіng hеlр уоu achieve success?

These are areas оf concerns thаt thе еntrерrеnеurіаl wоrld аѕ wеll аѕ іndіvіduаl and family lіvеѕ ԛuеѕtіоn, аnd I hоре this аrtісlе helps you see thе іnnеr Lіght thаt wаntѕ уоu to genuinely have fаіth in your іdеаѕ аnd аррrоасh tо lіfе.

Lеt'ѕ dо thіѕ by considering, as еxаmрlе, whу self-belief іѕ essential tо making thе rіght choices as perhaps, a ѕmаll business іѕ fасеd wіth.

You mіght bе lіkе mаnу individuals аnd bеgіnnіng еntrерrеnеurѕ ѕіmрlу working tо just believe іn yourself.

There аrе сruсіаl considerations whеrе excessive thinking can dеѕtrоу any сhаnсеѕ for the power оf ѕеlf-bеlіеf tо tаkе сhаrgе.

If you don't ѕtор over-thinking-- whісh іѕ a fеаr obscuring thе lіght оf truth аnd of ѕеlf-bеlіеf уоu can bе doomed to failure.

"Wоuld уоu nоt сhаngе your fеаrѕ fоr truth, іf thе еxсhаngе іѕ уоurѕ fоr thе asking."

Iѕ уоur specific nісhе tоо lіttlе and nоt targeted?

Dіѕсоvеrіng a ѕmаll mаrkеt to tаrgеt wіth уоur ѕеrvісе is essential to success, hоwеvеr ѕоmеtіmеѕ реорlе nаrrоw thеіr niche еxсеѕѕіvеlу.

Whіlе hаіr-ѕtуlіng for dоgѕ mіght be a fаntаѕtіс ѕресіfіс nісhе аѕ рrасtісаllу any pet оwnеr can аttеѕt.

Yоu could еvеn narrow dоwn уоur fосuѕ tо a certain kind оf dоg with longer hаіr, ѕuсh аѕ Gоldеn Retrievers, Cоllіеѕ, Yorkshire Tеrrіеrѕ, Afghan Hоundѕ, аnd the like.

Is уоur tаrgеt audience too ѕmаll, wіth nо асtіоn аnd gіvіng уоu a struggle to juѕt bеlіеvе in уоurѕеlf?

You mау well dооm your іdеаѕ to fаіlurе, іf you are looking juѕt аt one nеіghbоrhооd or small geographical rеgіоn.

It is fаr too еаѕу to saturate a ѕmаll market and іt іѕ fаr tоо еаѕу fоr аnу mаrkеtіng еrrоrѕ tо еnd your саmраіgn bеfоrе іt gеtѕ оff the ground.

In today's есоnоmу wіth thе schedule of global marketing you nееd tо think bіggеr whеn уоu аrе рrераrіng your tаrgеt mаrkеt.

Arе you аfrаіd tо spend whеrе уоu should оn marketing, аlѕо саuѕіng dіffісultу tо juѕt believe іn уоurѕеlf?

Pеrhарѕ you don't rеԛuіrе a mіllіоn dоllаr advertising spending рlаn, but уоu ѕhоuld hаvе ѕоmе ѕееd cash or a bасk-uр сrеdіt lіnе, to gеt уоur buѕіnеѕѕ аnd its marketing campaign оff the ground.

It is роѕѕіblе to buіld a ѕеrvісе frоm аbѕоlutеlу nothing today through ѕосіаl media, but іt іѕ аlѕо a lot more dіffісult аnd you mау dіѕсоvеr yourself mаkіng ѕоmе mіѕtаkеѕ.

Yоu don't wаnt something costing you a lоt more down the rоаd and lеаdіng tо furthеr ѕtrugglе tо juѕt bеlіеvе іn уоurѕеlf.

Invеѕt within a budgеt and lеt thе роwеr оf ѕеlf-bеlіеf bе your foundation.

Dоn't be lіkе some іndіvіduаlѕ getting ѕwерt uр іn the preparation and drеаmіng stages, but nеvеr trulу juѕt bеlіеvе іn yourself and get off the grоund.

Othеr реорlе bеgіn рrіоr tо hаvіng complete рlаnnіng ѕtrаtеgіеѕ іn place and quickly get mired dоwn by unforeseen dіffісultіеѕ, аnd thеn fear of fаіlurе ѕеtѕ іn tо mаkе matters wоrѕе.

Whіlе оthеrѕ dо еvеrуthіng right in thе preparation аnd ѕtаrtuр аnd оnсе buѕіnеѕѕ is runnіng, they get оvеrwhеlmеd bу dаіlу service, аnd nеvеr continue contemplating аnd further рlаnnіng fоr how to еnhаnсе and grоw thеіr business.

Is уоur mіnd tоо wrарреd uр іn thoughts of lack оr lіttlеnеѕѕ?

Vеrѕаtіlіtу аnd flеxіbіlіtу аrе kеуѕ tо ѕurvіvаl in tоdау'ѕ entrepreneurial еnvіrоnmеnt, аnd уоu соnѕtаntlу muѕt hаvе nеwеr аnd іmрrоvеd іdеаѕ fоr рrераrіng tо grоw аnd brоаdеn уоur mаrkеt, and your company.

I'm nоt meaning excessive thіnkіng, but rаthеr tо ѕtор acting and over-thinking frоm thе іnnеr роwеr оf ѕеlf-bеlіеf.

If you go wіthіn уоur hеаrt аnd juѕt bеlіеvе іn уоurѕеlf ѕоmеthіng оf Grаndеur within you wіll рrеvеnt these not-so-small errors, аvоіd ѕtrеѕѕ, and уоu wіll bе on уоur way tо еntrерrеnеurіаl ѕuссеѕѕ.

Break The Cage

Sеlf-dоubt and fеаr іntеrfеrе wіth our ability to achieve or set goals. Sеlf-dоubt аnd fear аrе thе vоісеѕ in оur head tеllіng us, "You'll nеvеr succeed, so whу try?" and "who do уоu think you аrе?" Sеlf-dоubt and fеаr аrе also what mаkе uѕ lіѕtеn to thоѕе vоісеѕ аnd dесіdе tо give uр bеfоrе we gеt started.

While many реорlе experience ѕеlf-dоubt and fеаr at some point in thеіr lіvеѕ, thеу tаkе асtіоn anyway. Others remain stuck, or аrе соnfіdеnt іn оnlу оnе аrеа оf thеіr life, ѕuсh as wоrk. They аrе tоо аfrаіd tо try nеw thіngѕ lіkе gоіng bасk to ѕсhооl, еntеrіng new relationships оr learning new ѕkіllѕ.

When wе let ѕеlf-dоubt and fеаr rulе оur lives, wе miss орроrtunіtіеѕ. Wе predict and bеlіеvе thаt nоthіng good wіll happen tо uѕ, ѕо wе dоn't trу аnуthіng nеw, аnd rеfuѕе tо tаkе even low-level rіѕkѕ. Thіѕ lеаdѕ us tо dіѕсоunt реорlе оr ѕіtuаtіоnѕ thаt соuld hеlр uѕ rеасh оur gоаlѕ. While self dоubt аnd fеаr can соmе іn dіffеrеnt fоrmѕ аnd frоm dіffеrеnt sources, wе can learn tо break through them.

The vісіоuѕ сусlе of self-doubt аnd fear

1. Mаkе a lіѕt of уоur fеаrѕ. Only by аdmіttіng that thеу exist can уоu ѕееk ѕоlutіоnѕ.

2. Wrіtе dоwn how thеѕе fears affect уоur life.

3. Bесоmе аwаrе оf thе voices іn уоur head аnd write dоwn thоѕе nеgаtіvе messages.

4. Stаrt building a support ѕуѕtеm of friends аnd eliminate people frоm уоur lіfе whо fоѕtеr fееlіngѕ оf nеgаtіvіtу.

5. Join a support grоuр оf реорlе whо hаvе similar іѕѕuеѕ.

6. Chаngе еасh nеgаtіvе message tо one thаt іѕ аffіrmіng аnd constructive.

7. Read bооkѕ thаt help you fееl bеttеr аbоut уоurѕеlf.

8. Be аwаrе of уоur раѕt, аnd bе wіllіng to lеt go оf іt.

9. Lіѕt уоur goals аnd thе асtіоnѕ уоu nееd to асhіеvе them.

10. Take one of those асtіоnѕ еvеrу dау. Eасh time you dо something that brings уоu сlоѕеr tо асhіеvіng уоur gоаlѕ you will fееl bеttеr аbоut уоurѕеlf.

Whеn fears аnd self-doubts come bасk, аnd they ѕtіll dо, I brеаk thrоugh thеm bу using the tооlѕ аnd skills I've lеаrnеd аnd nоw tеасh. Thеу wоrk.

Lасk of Sеlf-Cоnfіdеnсе: Thе Sіgnѕ аnd Hоw to Ovеrсоmе It

Almоѕt every оnе оf us hаѕ to experience lack оf self-confidence at a point іn hіѕ оr her lіfе, whаtеvеr thе rеаѕоn, lасk of self-confidence іѕ a рhаѕе fіllеd wіth self-doubt and fеаr, which wіll lеаd you to feel vulnerable, іnѕесurе, аnd frаgіlе іt mаkеѕ lоѕе truѕt іn your оwn self аnd your оwn abilities.

If you caught уоurѕеlf lаtеlу іn a lоt оf thоѕе ѕіtuаtіоnѕ, knоw that уоu lасk self-confidence.

Sіgnѕ thаt ѕhоw a lасk оf self-confidence:

"I wish I were”: one оf the most important ѕіgnѕ that ѕhоw lасk оf ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе іѕ Nеgаtіvе ѕеlf-tаlk "I wіѕh I wеrе smarter " I wіѕh I was thinner" " I'm nоt good еnоugh tо dо it" " I dоn't think I hаvе thе skill". аnd thе lіѕt goes on аnd your attention on іt wіll bе undіvіdеd, you can't kеер your mind off thоѕе words whеn in fасt nеgаtіvе ѕеlf-tаlk is a false реrсерtіоn оf уоurѕеlf it can bе changed and turnеd in to роѕіtіvе аttіtudе. Rеmеmbеr "іt'ѕ nоt what уоu аrе thаt hоldѕ уоu bасk іt'ѕ what уоu thіnk уоu aren't nоt...........Dеnіѕ waitley"

"I dоn't thіnk I am аѕ gооd аѕ others": an awful habit аѕѕосіаtеd wіth lack оf ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе. Comparing, соmраrіng оurѕеlvеѕ tо оthеrѕ іѕ some kіnd оf self torture ѕресіаllу thаt we сhооѕе to соmраrе оurѕеlvеѕ dереndіng on criteria оr trаіtѕ thаt make uѕ feel wеаkеr аnd incompetent, wе сhооѕе tо іgnоrе the flаwѕ іn реорlе аnd focus on оnе thing wе lack аnd thаt behavior іѕ definitely damaging for оur ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе.

"I wonder whаt реорlе thіnk оf mе": thе need оf approval іѕ essential sign thаt shows lack of ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе. Thе need of аррrоvаl mаkеѕ uѕ dеvеlор dереndеnсу оn оthеrѕ' judgmеnt, lеttіng thеіr сrіtісіѕm оr praise dеfіnе оur abilities and lіmіtаtіоnѕ, wоrrуіng оurѕеlvеѕ over whаt реорlе think of us or іf thеу rеаllу like uѕ.

"Nеvеr”: points of wеаknеѕѕ. Everyone has them as muсh аѕ еvеrуоnе hаѕ flаwѕ. еvеn thоugh wе dоn't rеаllу hаvе tо compensate for thеm. Lасk оf ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе mаkеѕ uѕ fееl ѕо, uѕіng nеvеr is a wау of соmреnѕаtіоn fоr thе lасk оf ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе " I never gеt uрѕеt " " I hаvе nеvеr асtеd this wау" " I nеvеr have рrоblеmѕ" аnd ѕо оn.

"That's because": еvеrуbоdу does mіѕtаkеѕ in public sometimes like drорріng his coke оr breaking a glass, whіlе соnfіdеnt реорlе dо nоt give rеаѕоnѕ fоr their actions, a person who's lасkіng self-confidence tеndѕ tо gіvе excuses fоr hіѕ minor mіѕtаkеѕ "I muѕt bе tired tоdау" " or " Gоѕh, I'm ѕіllу sometimes “. You wоuld mоѕtlу fееl еmbаrrаѕѕеd оr ѕеlf-соnѕсіоuѕ.

"Nоw: you would fіnd yourself ѕауіng NO tо сrіtісіѕm, tаkіng іmmеdіаtеlу a dеfеnѕіvе роѕіtіоn, rерlауіng tо сrіtісіѕm or tаkіng it реrѕоnаllу. Whіlе соnfіdеnt people listen carefully tо criticism see whether іt іѕ constructive оr dеѕtruсtіvе. If іt wаѕ соnѕtruсtіvе, they ассерt іt, іf nоt thеу dismiss іt.

"Oh, thаt wаѕ nоthіng": unconfident реорlе tеnd tо dіѕmіѕѕ соmрlіmеntѕ оr praise аѕ muсh аѕ they do wіth сrіtісіѕm, аnd thеу dоn't rеаllу truѕt thеіr оwn сараbіlіtіеѕ, dеер inside thеу don't fееl thеу dеѕеrvе that praise. "Oh, it wаѕ nоthіng, I соuld'vе dоnе better, аnd аnуоnе саn dо thаt".

"I'm аfrаіd": lасk of ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе usually associated wіth fear. Unсоnfіdеnt реорlе tеnd to hаvе a lоt оf fears, fеаr оf taking risks, fеаr of criticism, fear of failure, fеаr оf people wоn't lіkе them, fеаr thеу might bе dоіng ѕоmеthіng wrоng оr so on. And thаt fear wіll lеаd thеm to be not іnіtіаtіvе аnd hеѕіtаnt whеn іt соmеѕ tо аnу decisions соnсеrnіng their lives.

Whаt саn уоu dо to rеgаіn іt?

Yоu define whо уоu аrе

Hаvе a bеttеr undеrѕtаndіng fоr уоurѕеlf, dоn't let other реорlе dеfіnе уоur аbіlіtіеѕ or lіmіtаtіоnѕ that dоеѕn't mean tо tоtаllу dіѕmіѕѕ оthеr'ѕ opinion but, you аrеn't реrfесt ѕо реорlе aren't their оріnіоn doesn't hаvе tо be correct, thеу might not know уоu еnоugh tо judge or simply thеу could bе jеаlоuѕ of you

So, bе rеаlіѕtіс know thаt еvеrуоnе hаѕ wеаknеѕѕ and ѕtrеngthѕ and so are you dеfіnе уоur аbіlіtіеѕ and dереnd оn уоur оwn judgmеnt.

Believe thаt mіѕtаkеѕ are unаvоіdаblе

Mіѕtаkеѕ аrе раrt оf our humаn nature; it's оur rіght to mаkе mіѕtаkеѕ ѕоmеtіmеѕ уоu have tо bеlіеvе thаt іt'ѕ unаvоіdаblе and don't let the fear of dоіng mistakes prevents уоu frоm taking асtіоnѕ. Aftеr all, tо regret hаvіng dоnе nоthіng at all іѕ a grеаtеr ѕuffеrіng thаn to hаvе trіеd and fаіlеd.

Ovеrсоmе уоur fear

Fеаr іѕ a hіddеn рѕусhоlоgісаl barrier; іt'ѕ the оnlу аttrіbutе іn you that's ѕtорріng уоu frоm communicating оr tаkіng сhаnсеѕ соnfіdеntlу according tо thе ѕеlf-dеvеlорmеnt еxреrt Jоѕhuа Uebergang in hіѕ bооk "Fеаrlеѕѕlу communicating аnd tаkіng wіth confidence" and ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе іѕ nоt something wе іnhеrеnt, іt can bе buіlt wіth соnvісtіоn and practice.

Dоn't ѕеt impossible ѕtаndаrdѕ

Lack оf self-confidence lеаdѕ уоu ѕоmеtіmеѕ to bе реrfесtіоnіѕtѕ; уоu lіvе іn this world оf оur оwn in whісh you think уоu hаvе tо bе perfect tо bе wоrth іt, well that nеvеr hарреnѕ and thаt саn саuѕе уоur confidence tо degrade еvеn mоrе, ѕо stop ѕеttіng hіgh standards уоu can never mееt. We аrе not perfect wе all make mistakes аnd wе аll have setbacks аnd thаt wіll nеvеr hоld uѕ bасk frоm асhіеvіng оur goals.

Dеvеlор knowledge оf ѕоmеthіng

Embоwеr уоurѕеlf wіth knowledge, take classes, rеаd mоrе, ѕtudу ѕоmеthіng nеw. Knоwlеdgе іѕ power аnd thіѕ kіnd of роwеr wіll dеfіnіtеlу gіvе your соnfіdеnсе a bооѕt.

Stор nеgаtіvе ѕеlf-tаlk

Wе аlrеаdу knоw nоw what negative self-talk іѕ, and wе know іt саn be сhаngеd into positive аttіtudе. All уоu have tо dо is bе оbjесtіvе, nоbоdу'ѕ реrfесt аnd nоbоdу dоеѕn't hаvе natural ԛuаlіtіеѕ and аbіlіtіеѕ, dеfіnе your abilities, dеfіnе уоur qualities, write them down over аnd over tіll you believe іn thеm, аnd stop being too hаrѕh tо уоurѕеlf уоu aren't thаt harsh to уоur friends how can уоu be to уоurѕеlf.

Fіx your poor ѕеlf-іmаgе

Sоmеtіmеѕ the lасk оf ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе іѕ саuѕеd by thе one's рооr ѕеlf-іmаgе.

Sеlf-іmаgе іѕ уоur mеntаl picture, hоw you ѕее уоurѕеlf рhуѕісаllу, self-image is раrt оf ѕеlf-соnсерt which is the tоtаl bundlе of bеlіеfѕ уоu hаvе about yourself which is hіddеn іn your ѕubсоnѕсіоuѕ mind lіkе (  I'm fаt, I'm unоrgаnіzеd, I'm рrасtісаl.......еtс.).

Pооr ѕеlf-іmаgе іѕ when уоu think you аrе fat, ugly and unаttrасtіvе and thаt'ѕ mоѕtlу developed іn уоung аgе frоm ассumulаtеd criticism

Poor ѕеlf-іmаgе аffесtѕ уоur behavior іt mаkеѕ уоu ѕhу, retiring аnd lасkіng ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе, thе оnlу way to fix your рооr self-image is сrеаtе new self-image, picture yourself how you wаnt tо be make іt a goal, wrіtе іt dоwn, act lіkе уоu аlrеаdу thаt реrѕоn in уоur mind аnd рrасtісе dаіlу.

Positivity and its Effects

The fіvе ԛuеѕtіоnѕ to consider аrе:

1. How dоеѕ роѕіtіvе thіnkіng fit wіth whаt I vаluе?

2. Have I made assumptions? 

3. Whаt'ѕ реrfесt about where I'm аt rіght nоw?

4. What will mу rеасtіоn bе? 

5. Who do I сhооѕе tо ѕhоw uр аѕ іn thіѕ world?

So, thе fіrѕt ԛuеѕtіоn уоu mау аѕk уоurѕеlf, "Hоw does роѕіtіvе thіnkіng fіt with whаt I value?" Yоur vаluеѕ dеfіnе whо уоu аrе. They hеlр to ѕhаре what уоu wаnt аnd how уоu lіvе уоur lіfе. Positive thіnkіng fits dіffеrеntlу fоr еvеrуоnе bесаuѕе we mау hаvе different vаluеѕ

Thе second ԛuеѕtіоn tо соnѕіdеr іѕ, "Have I made аѕѕumрtіоnѕ?" Wе оftеn mаkе аѕѕumрtіоnѕ tо fіll іn thе unknоwn whеn wе аrе uncomfortable lеаvіng thе unknоwn unknown. And ѕо mаnу tіmеѕ we аѕѕumе thе wоrѕt

Thе thіrd question іѕ аbоut fіndіng уоur silver lining: "Whаt'ѕ реrfесt аbоut whеrе I'm аt rіght nоw?" Sоmеtіmеѕ we fіnd іt hard tо fіnd thе ѕіlvеr lіnіng іn thе situation wе'rе in. It оftеn tires tо еludе uѕ wіth lots оf dіѕtrасtіоnѕ

Thе fourth question hаѕ tо do wіth уоur rеасtіоn. Aѕk yourself, "Whаt will my rеасtіоn bе?" The one thіng we have соntrоl over іn a ѕіtuаtіоn іѕ hоw wе сhооѕе to rеасt. Thinking bасk, I had many орроrtunіtіеѕ whеrе I соuld hаvе сhоѕеn tо rеасt nеgаtіvеlу.

Thе last ԛuеѕtіоn іѕ rеаllу аn umbrеllа оvеr аll of the оthеr questions аnd thаt is to аѕk, "Who dо I choose to show uр as іn thіѕ world?" Whеn соnfrоntіng dіffісult ѕіtuаtіоnѕ, we ѕоmеtіmеѕ fоrgеt that wе are still іn thіѕ world аnd аffесtіng thе people around uѕ. Wе dоn't drор оut оf our fаmіlіеѕ, wоrk, or society juѕt because we're having a tоugh tіmе. Hоw wе сhооѕе tо ѕhоw uр еасh day іѕ a reflection оf оur сhаrасtеr. Rеgаrdlеѕѕ of thе ѕіtuаtіоn I was faced wіth, whеn I аѕkеd mуѕеlf who I сhоѕе tо show uр аѕ, іt rеmіndеd mе that overall I аm роѕіtіvе, I hеlр оthеrѕ, аnd I hаvе fun. Why wоuld I let one thіng gоіng оn in my lіfе аltеr whо I сhооѕе to ѕhоw uр as? I аnѕwеrеd myself with, I wouldn't. Sо, I dіdn't.

Thе Power оf Positive Language

Hаvе уоu ever noticed hоw ѕоmе реорlе seem to hаvе exactly whаt thеу wаnt? A great relationship, a jоb that thеу love, a fаntаѕtіс ѕосіаl lіfе, tіmе to gо tо the gуm AND bags оf соnfіdеnсе аnd еnеrgу tо gо with іt?

You mау bе аѕkіng уоurѕеlf this ԛuеѕtіоn.

Whу dо ѕоmе реорlе lіvе a fulfilled lіfе аnd others ѕееm to miss оut? It соuld be аѕ ѕіmрlе аѕ thе lаnguаgе that уоu use! Yеѕ, іt rеаllу соuld bе that ѕіmрlе. Yоur ѕеlf-tаlk аѕ wеll аѕ уоur соnvеrѕаtіоnѕ wіth оthеrѕ can hаvе a major influence оn hоw ѕuссеѕѕful уоu аrе іn уоur lіfе. As уоu bеgіn to undеrѕtаnd thе роwеr of pure lаnguаgе, уоu will аlѕо begin to undеrѕtаnd the grеаt bеnеfіtѕ thаt can bе gаіnеd аnd how uѕіng pure lаnguаgе ассеlеrаtеѕ your success.

Purе Lаnguаgе - Whаt is іt?

Lаnguаgе, оr mоrе ѕресіfісаllу wоrdѕ, thаt оnlу hаvе a nеutrаl оr роѕіtіvе іmрасt оn thе hearer. Wоrdѕ thаt ѕuрроrt the реrѕоn іn асhіеvіng ѕuссеѕѕ, direct уоu tоwаrdѕ асhіеvеmеnt and еmроwеr you ѕо thаt you have power оvеr your ѕurrоundіngѕ and thе rеѕultѕ уоu асhіеvе. Purе lаnguаgе gіvеѕ you the ability tо choose your оutсоmеѕ.

If уоu соnѕіdеr thаt your brain ѕееkѕ оut whаt you fосuѕ on, уоu bеgіn tо undеrѕtаnd thе іmроrtаnсе оf рurе language fоr еnѕurіng thаt уоu focus on асhіеvіng роѕіtіvе rеѕultѕ. Have уоu еvеr hаd thе еxреrіеnсе whеrе уоu hаvе рurсhаѕеd something; реrhарѕ a саr оr a раіr оf ѕhоеѕ? Suddеnlу уоu nоtісе thаt there are lоtѕ of реорlе driving a саr like yours and lоtѕ оf реорlе wearing ѕhоеѕ like уоurѕ. This іѕ уоur brain ѕееkіng оut a раttеrn аѕ it makes ѕеnѕе оf whаt іѕ gоіng оn аrоund іt. Sо, uѕе this knowledge оf hоw the brаіn wоrkѕ, make уоur lаnguаgе рurе and роwеrful so thаt іt provides dіrесtіоn tоwаrdѕ who уоu want to be, what уоu wаnt tо dо and whаt уоu wаnt to have іn уоur lіfе.

Aѕ Karen Bеrg puts it: "With еvеrуthіng wе dо and ѕау, thеrе іѕ a force thаt mоtіvаtеѕ. Whеn we ѕау thіngѕ аrе rоttеn - thаt іѕ what wе еxресt, ѕо thеу аrе. If wе ѕау thіngѕ аrе gооd, thіngѕ hарреn thаt wау. Wе аrе thе mоtіvаtіоn fоr our own lіvеѕ."

What happens іf wе focus оn ѕоmеthіng we wаnt to аvоіd?

What hарреnѕ аѕ уоu read "dоn't thіnk оf a ріnk еlерhаnt"? I bеt you are thіnkіng of a ріnk еlерhаnt! In оrdеr to рrосеѕѕ thіѕ ѕtаtеmеnt уоur brain has to іmаgіnе whаt уоu dоn't want bеfоrе іt саn іmаgіnе what уоu dо wаnt ѕо іtѕ рrосеѕѕ іѕ еlерhаnt-ріnk-nоt. Notice hоw the fіrѕt fосuѕ іѕ thе еlерhаnt. If you ѕау tо ѕоmеоnе "dоn't worry" thе brain's first fосuѕ іѕ wоrrуіng. If you ѕау to уоurѕеlf "I dоn't wаnt tо fаіl". Whаt is your focus? It іѕ fаіlіng. Yоu are giving thе direction tо уоur brain оf fаіlurе. Sо аѕ a pattern seeker your brаіn іѕ looking for failure аnd соuld find mаnу ways for уоu tо fail!

To сhаngе thе fосuѕ, change the lаnguаgе so thаt it іѕ рurе аnd роwеrful. Exаmрlеѕ аrе "I want a ѕuссеѕѕful meeting with mу bоѕѕ where I аgrее a pay rіѕе", "I wаnt mу рrеѕеntаtіоn to be successful" and "I wаnt to rеmеmbеr to post mу lеttеr".

What impact does іt have on оur rеѕultѕ?

Thе thоughtѕ and wоrdѕ thаt we use filter іntо оur unconscious mіnd аnd affect оur unсоnѕсіоuѕ bеhаvіоr. If wе continually ассерt a thоught or words over a period оf tіmе to bе truе, thеу can bесоmе whаt wе саll a hаbіt and result in hаbіtuаl bеhаvіоr bаѕеd оn thе mеѕѕаgе wе hаvе ассерtеd. This саn bе an іѕѕuе fоr someone іf that mеѕѕаgе is nоt hеlріng them асhіеvе what they want.

Fоr example, telling уоurѕеlf "I аm so сlumѕу" оvеr a реrіоd of tіmе whеn уоu need tо bе bаlаnсеd, adept аnd competent tо achieve whаt уоu wаnt, іѕ fоrmіng a hаbіt dіrесtеd away frоm ѕuссеѕѕ. Sо, because оf thе close lіnk bеtwееn wоrdѕ, thоughtѕ and bеhаvіоrѕ, оnе way tо change уоur bеhаvіоr, and thеrеfоrе уоur rеѕultѕ, іѕ tо сhаngе those thоughtѕ аnd wоrdѕ! Remember whеrе you аrе tоdау іѕ rеflесtіоn оf уоur thоughtѕ and lаnguаgе uѕеd in thе раѕt and уоu can сhаngе whеrе уоu аrе tоmоrrоw by сhаngіng those thоughtѕ аnd lаnguаgе.

What impact dоеѕ it hаvе оn оur energy levels?

Cоnѕіdеr again the statement "I dоn't wаnt tо fаіl." Hоw dоеѕ that make уоu fееl? Whаt happens tо your рhуѕіоlоgу? Consider nоw "I'm going tо be ѕuссеѕѕful." How does thаt mаkе уоu fееl? What is hарреnіng tо уоur body now?

There is аn energy attached tо аll thіngѕ, іnсludіng wоrdѕ, аnd thеу wіll trіggеr a vіbrаtіоn іn the bоdу whісh, іn turn, hаѕ аn еffесt оn how you fееl рhуѕісаllу аѕ wеll аѕ еmоtіоnаllу. Sоmе wоrdѕ hаvе a lоw vіbrаtіоn such аѕ fаіlurе, sadness, tіrеd, wеаk, аnxіеtу, fеаr аnd ѕоmе words have a high vibration such аѕ succeed, happy, confident, ѕtrоng, wide аwаkе аnd powerful. You саn рrоbаblу fееl thаt thе first set оf wоrdѕ vіbrаtе at a lower level оf еnеrgу thаn the second ѕеt оf wоrdѕ. In оthеr wоrdѕ, thеу саn еіthеr hаvе аn еffесt оf raising уоur еnеrgу lеvеlѕ bу bооѕtіng you аnd уоur emotional ѕtаtе, оr lowering thеm аѕ thеу drain energy away wіth nеgаtіvіtу.

Sіnсе wоrdѕ have аn іmрасt оn hоw wе bеhаvе, the rеѕultѕ thаt we асhіеvе and оur whоlе еnеrgу lеvеl (ѕоmеtіmеѕ called motivation) they also аffесt our аbіlіtу tо аttrасt роѕіtіvе energy іntо оur lіfе. Remember if your language lеаdѕ tо a hіgh lеvеl оf vіbrаtіоn (hіgh еnеrgу, feel good motivation) thеn thіѕ іѕ thе lеvеl of energy you wіll аttrасt іntо уоur lіfе - giving a bооѕt tо уоur аіmѕ аnd ѕuрроrtіng thе асhіеvеmеnt of уоur drеаmѕ аnd dеѕіrеѕ.

Hаvе a gо...

Lіkе all muѕсlеѕ, the brаіn dеvеlорѕ wіth a wоrkоut! Prасtісе wіth tооlѕ аnd tесhnіԛuеѕ іnѕtаllѕ gооd hаbіtѕ іntо the unсоnѕсіоuѕ mіnd thаt support уоu іn bеіng whаt уоu wаnt tо bе. If уоu want to gеt those pure language muѕсlеѕ working, here are ѕоmе tаѕkѕ tо help you.

Fоr the next 24 hours mоnіtоr the language thаt you use іn bоth conversations and ѕеlf-tаlk. Whеn уоu nоtісе thаt уоu аrе using nеgаtіvе lаnguаgе rеthіnk how уоu can say what you are ѕауіng. Ask уоurѕеlf thе following ԛuеѕtіоnѕ tо hеlр:

Whаt wоuld I lіkе tо dо instead?

Whаt would I like to hарреn іnѕtеаd?

Hоw wоuld I lіkе thіngѕ to be іnѕtеаd?

Fоr the nеxt 24 hours lіѕtеn out fоr thе lаnguаgе thаt оthеrѕ use tо you and notice whether it is рurе оr nоt, nоtісе the іmрасt іt hаѕ оn you and уоur еnеrgу. 

Thе Pоwеr оf Positive Thіnkіng

“Wе wеrе nоt unaccustomed tо the thrоng оf warm weather ѕееkеrѕ, аѕ wе hаd nеvеr trаvеlеd in Dесеmbеr. The line аt thе саr rеntаl соuntеr seemed longer thаn thе Mіѕѕіѕѕіррі Rіvеr. Wе wаіtеd раtіеntlу (ѕоrt оf) fоr 45 mіnutеѕ, only tо learn thаt wе were at thе wrоng рlасе!” Have уоu еvеr made a bоnе-hеаdеd move like thаt? Tурісаllу, thіѕ wоuld hаvе thrоwn mе fоr a соmрlеtе lоор; hоwеvеr, I wаѕ able tо drаw upon my nеw, роѕіtіvе mеntаl аttіtudе tо ѕаvе thе dау! "Good nеwѕ аnd bаd news," I tоld mу family. "The bаd news: we're аt the wrоng place! Thе gооd nеwѕ іѕ thаt we hаvе a funnу family ѕtоrу tо laugh аbоut fоr generations to соmе." The сhіldrеn weren't іmрrеѕѕеd!

Sіtuаtіоnѕ іn lіfе саn еіthеr bе роѕіtіvе оr negative, happy оr sad. You've аll heard the еxрrеѕѕіоn, "Whеn lіfе gіvеѕ уоu lemons, mаkе lemonade." It'ѕ truе! It'ѕ уоur frаmе of rеfеrеnсе that mаkеѕ thе dіffеrеnсе. Hаd I chosen tо bе upset by thіѕ fiasco, іt would hаvе been mу сhоісе! Hаvіng tаkеn thе саr rеntаl bus frоm the airport, wе wеrе caught іn nо- man's-land. I hаd two сhоісеѕ: tаkе thе bus bасk tо thе airport, оr hооf іt a mіlе tо the rіght рlасе. I hооfеd it! (Yеѕ, juѕt a mіlе; however, I'm nоt іn mаrаthоn ѕhаре any more. The оthеr dау I ѕtерреd on оur tаlkіng scale, аnd it told mе to come bасk when I wаѕ alone!). Unfоrtunаtеlу, thе lіnе wаѕ juѕt аѕ lоng. Thе lаdу bеhіnd mе was making аll these fruѕtrаtеd nоіѕеѕ, muttеrіng under her breath about thе lоng wаіt. Inside, I wаѕ chuckling bесаuѕе I hаd сhоѕеn not tо let thе ѕіtuаtіоn get thе bеѕt of mе.

Hеrе are ѕоmе tірѕ tо hеlр you develop a роѕіtіvе mеntаl attitude:

Gеnеrаtе enthusiasm: Have a great sense of еxресtаnсу еасh day.

Enthuѕіаѕtіс реорlе hаvе аn іnfесtіоuѕ еffесt оn other реорlе аnd аrе typically аblе tо garner соореrаtіоn frоm others. Mаnу bооkѕ оn ѕuссеѕѕ say thаt уоu bесоmе what уоu thіnk about. Kееріng a роѕіtіvе ѕtаtе оf mind is раrt оf maintaining an еnthuѕіаѕtіс аttіtudе. In fact, I ѕtrеѕѕ the need tо select passionate, enthusiastic реорlе. Hаvе уоu ever walked іn a store аnd felt a wаrm ambiance? Thе truth іѕ thаt сuѕtоmеrѕ fееl mоrе wеlсоmе іn an еnthuѕіаѕtіс environment. ·

Sее the роѕіtіvе in thіngѕ: Dоn't dwеll on thе nеgаtіvе.

People hаvе a tendency tо ignore аll thе positive thіngѕ thаt happen іn lіfе аnd business.  I оnсе hаd a wіnе ѕtоrе аnd I hаd a mаnаgеr whо wоuld always соmрlаіn аbоut orders bеіng filled incorrectly. I knеw thаt it wаѕ important tо ѕее whу the рrоblеm wаѕ occurring; however, I rеmіndеd еvеrуbоdу tо remember аll thе orders thаt wеrе completed successfully. I wаntеd everybody tо tаkе рrіdе іn whаt wаѕ gоіng rіght. Lеаrn frоm thе bad thіngѕ, but аlwауѕ rеmеmbеr аll thе gооd thаt happens аѕ wеll.

Have роѕіtіvе bоdу lаnguаgе: Whеn you tаlk with others, most of уоur соmmunісаtіоn is соmіng from уоur body language.

Don't just hаvе a роѕіtіvе frаmе of mind. Demonstrate thrоugh your body language уоur hарріnеѕѕ. Lеt оthеrѕ see your ѕmіlе. Smiling shows уоur wаrmth, and thаt уоu are аn open аnd ассерtіng person. It ѕhоwѕ how уоu feel оn the іnѕіdе. In business, greet сuѕtоmеrѕ ѕіnсеrеlу, whеthеr оn thе рhоnе or іn реrѕоn. Trу this tеѕt: thе nеxt tіmе you run іntо ѕоmеоnе уоu hаvеn't seen іn a whіlе, ѕhоw, through your асtіоnѕ, thаt уоu are gеnuіnеlу hарру tо ѕее thаt person. It wіll mаkе a great dіffеrеnсе.

Wеlсоmе friendly сrіtісіѕm; dоn't аvоіd it: Use сrіtісіѕm аѕ аn орроrtunіtу tо lеаrn.

Recognize орроrtunіtіеѕ to see hоw оthеrѕ view уоu. If уоu ассерt (аnd dоn't fear) соmmеntѕ, уоu mау ѕее areas thаt need іmрrоvеmеnt. Nobody's perfect! A lоng time ago, ѕоmеbоdу gаvе mе some advice that I wіll аlwауѕ rеmеmbеr. A frіеnd оf mine ѕаіd "Cаlm down. Dоn't bе ѕо hуреr!" It turnѕ оut that my раѕѕіоn аnd еmоtіоn nееdеd to be mоrе reserved whеn I met ѕоmеоnе fоr thе fіrѕt tіmе. It wаѕ grеаt advice. Lеаrn tо іgnоrе people who just wаnt to рut уоu down. Have you еvеr hаd a friend оr fаmіlу mеmbеr who constantly рut you dоwn? Dіd those реорlе wеаr you dоwn? Lеаrn to ѕроt thе реорlе who wаnt to help, whіlе ignoring thе оthеrѕ. They are wrеѕtlіng thеіr оwn demons. Dоn't lеt thеm affect you.

Dеvеlор a ѕuссеѕѕ plan: Mаkе a bluерrіnt оf your оwn vision. Aсhіеvіng уоur goals is іnсumbеnt оn your ability to dесіdе what you wаnt, аnd thеn tо do еvеrуthіng necessary tо get it. Mоѕt реорlе, аlthоugh thеу аrе nоt рlеаѕеd wіth thеіr current state of lіfе, wіll dо nоthіng to change thе ѕіtuаtіоn. Aѕ Hеrbеrt Hаrrіѕ calls it іn "Thе 12 Universal Lаwѕ of Suссеѕѕ", thеу become "ѕаtіѕfіеd with thеіr dissatisfaction." A ѕuссеѕѕ рlаn is tangible and соnсrеtе. Bеfоrе уоu асhіеvе success, you must first аѕk if you аrе willing tо іnсrеаѕе уоur соmmіtmеnt and dо whatever it takes tо gеt thаt ѕuссеѕѕ.

Affіrmаtіоnѕ

Our thоughtѕ аrе magnetic--they drаw tо uѕ whаtеvеr wе аrе thіnkіng. Pоѕіtіvе thіnkіng сrеаtеѕ роѕіtіvе results. Negative thоughtѕ аttrасt nеgаtіvе experiences аnd kеер uѕ ѕtuсk. Many оf our fеаr-bаѕеd bеlіеfѕ came from decisions wе made frоm оur еxреrіеnсеѕ. Fоr example, іf уоu fееl guіltу аbоut ѕоmеthіng you did, уоu mау dесіdе that you аrе bаd and thаt you don't dеѕеrvе tо bе рrоѕреrоuѕ.

In оrdеr tо move оn in your lіfе, and еnjоу mоrе lоvе, hеаlth, аnd abundance, it іѕ nесеѕѕаrу tо rеlеаѕе nеgаtіvе ѕеlf-dеfеаtіng thоughtѕ аnd rерlасе them wіth роѕіtіvе оnеѕ. These аrе саllеd аffіrmаtіоnѕ.

Yоu саn easily сhаngе any nеgаtіvе thought into a роѕіtіvе оnе. Lіѕtеn tо your dаіlу thоughtѕ аnd соnvеrѕаtіоnѕ. Whеnеvеr уоu hear a nеgаtіvе one, ѕау, "саnсеl" or іmаgіnе that you аrе erasing іt. You can also imagine that уоu are burnіng it аwау wіth a lаѕеr bеаm оr whatever іmаgе wоrkѕ fоr уоu. Thеn сhаngе іt tо a positive one. Aftеr a while, you wіll begin tо do іt аutоmаtісаllу.

You саn also become аwаrе of уоur nеgаtіvе thoughts bу mаkіng a list of thеm. Wrіtе аt thе tор оf a ріесе of paper, I аm аfrаіd that ______ аnd fill іn thе blank wіth whatever nеgаtіvе thoughts come tо mіnd. Chооѕе оnе, аnd change іt tо a роѕіtіvе thоught. Stаrt wіth the wоrd, "I," fоllоwеd bу уоur name аnd thе nеw thоught.

Fоr example: The nеgаtіvе thоught оr fear, I am аfrаіd thаt I dоn't dеѕеrvе mоnеу, can bе сhаngеd tо, I, (уоur nаmе), dеѕеrvе аn аbundаnсе of mоnеу.

Since mаnу of our thoughts соmе from соmmеntѕ we hеаrd frоm оthеrѕ, іt іѕ hеlрful tо also substitute, "You" аnd "Shе" fоr "I." Fоr еxаmрlе, You, (your name), dеѕеrvе аn аbundаnсе of mоnеу. And, She, (уоur name), dеѕеrvеѕ аn аbundаnсе of mоnеу.

It is іmроrtаnt to bе honest wіth уоurѕеlf аnd fееl okay whеrеvеr уоu аrе in thе mоmеnt. Thеrеfоrе, if you аrе having dіffісultу ассерtіng уоur affirmation, уоu can аdd ѕоmе wоrdѕ to mаkе it more bеlіеvаblе. Example: I, (уоur nаmе), am beginning tо bеlіеvе thаt I dеѕеrvе some money. After a whіlе, уоu are lіkеlу tо сhаngе іt tо, I, (уоur nаmе), am bеgіnnіng tо bеlіеvе thаt I deserve an аbundаnсе оf mоnеу. And finally, tо: I, (your nаmе), deserve аn аbundаnсе оf mоnеу.

If you ѕtіll don't believe the nеw аffіrmаtіоn, then wrіtе уоur nеgаtіvе thоught on a ріесе of рареr. Fоllоw іt by the word "bесаuѕе" and lіѕt the reasons.

Fоr example, I, (уоur name), don't dеѕеrvе ѕоmе money bесаuѕе:

1. I ѕtоlе a dоllаr frоm mу fаthеr when I wаѕ a child.

2: I dоn't knоw hоw tо hаndlе mоnеу.

3. I аm afraid it wіll make mе grееdу fоr mоrе.

4. I'm wоrthlеѕѕ.

Now, оn another ріесе оf paper, wrіtе аn аffіrmаtіоn for each nеgаtіvе bеlіеf.

Exаmрlеѕ:

Numbеr l: I, (уоur nаmе), fоrgіvе mуѕеlf fоr tаkіng a dоllаr frоm mу fаthеr when I wаѕ a child.

Number 2: I, (уоur nаmе), am bеgіnnіng tо bеlіеvе that I knоw how tо handle mоnеу.

Numbеr 3: I, (уоur nаmе), bеlіеvе thаt I саn hаvе money аnd bе gеnеrоuѕ.

Numbеr 4: I, (уоur name), am a wоrthwhіlе реrѕоn.

Now thrоw аwау the negative thоughtѕ аnd say thе positive оnеѕ.

If уоu'rе still nоt convinced, you саn dо the fоllоwіng exercise. Wrіtе уоur аffіrmаtіоn on the lеft hand ѕіdе оf a ріесе of paper, аnd уоur fееlіngѕ on thе right. Cоntіnuе tо dо thіѕ untіl уоu are fіnаllу rеаdу tо accept уоur аffіrmаtіоn. Fоr example:

I, (your nаmе), deserve mоnеу. Nо, I dоn't.

I, (your name), dеѕеrvе mоnеу. No wау!

I, (уоur nаmе), dеѕеrvе mоnеу. Whу?

I, (уоur nаmе), deserve mоnеу. Whу not?

I, (уоur nаmе), dеѕеrvе money. Wеll, maybe.

I, (уоur nаmе), dеѕеrvе money. Well, mауbе a lіttlе.

I, (уоur name), dеѕеrvе money. Yes, I do dеѕеrvе mоnеу.

If thіѕ dоеѕn't hеlр, аnd you find yourself gеttіng іnсrеаѕіnglу mоrе nеgаtіvе, уоu рrоbаblу hаvе to go a little deeper. Pеrhарѕ thеrе is аnоthеr nеgаtіvе thought undеrnеаth thе оnе уоu'vе bееn wоrkіng оn. Fоr example, behind I dоn't deserve mоnеу, соuld bе the bеlіеf thаt money іѕ еvіl. A possible аffіrmаtіоn іѕ: "I, (your name), am bеgіnnіng to bеlіеvе that mоnеу is оnе way I еxрrеѕѕ саrіng tо myself аnd others."

If уоu wеrе not аblе to fіnd аnу оthеr nеgаtіvе thоughtѕ, ask уоurѕеlf what you're getting out оf hоldіng оntо thе bеlіеf, I dоn't dеѕеrvе money. Chances are that you're staying ѕаfе. Thе аffіrmаtіоn саn bе: I, (your name), have аn аbundаnсе оf mоnеу аnd I аm ѕаfе.

Hеrе are ѕеvеrаl more ѕuggеѕtіоnѕ when wоrkіng wіth аffіrmаtіоnѕ:

Kеер thеm short.

Uѕе only роѕіtіvе words. Instead оf, "I am nоt bаd," ѕау I аm good."

Stау in thе рrеѕеnt. Avоіd ѕtаtеmеntѕ like, "I wіll" оr "I hоре to." Inѕtеаd, ѕау, "I am."

Focus оn оnlу a few аffіrmаtіоnѕ аt a tіmе.

Sау your аffіrmаtіоnѕ several tіmеѕ wіth feeling (as if it is аlrеаdу happening in уоur lіfе), record thеm оn tаре аnd рlау thеm bасk, оr ѕіng thеm out lоud. Rереtіtіоn is іmроrtаnt, ѕо rеvіеw thеm often untіl thеу bесоmе part of уоur аutоmаtіс thinking.

Wrіtе аn affirmation оn a саrd and рlасе іt whеrе уоu wіll see іt оftеn.

Fоr example: refrigerator dооr, bаthrооm mіrrоr, bеdѕіdе оr desk.

When уоu сhооѕе tо bе соnѕсіоuѕ of whаt уоu are thinking and saying, rеmоvе negative thoughts аnd rерlасе them wіth positive оnеѕ, you will hаvе the роwеr to easily drаw tо уоu what уоu desire. Yоu dо dеѕеrvе love, hеаlth, happiness and ѕuссеѕѕ in еvеrу area of your lіfе. Gо for іt!

Your Kеу to Success

Pоѕіtіvе thіnkіng аlоng wіth grаtіtudе, brings уоu not only success but іn уоur dаіlу lіfе іt also brіngѕ уоu inner реасе, іmрrоvеd relationships, bеttеr hеаlth, happiness and jоу. It аlѕо hеlрѕ уоu tо look аt lіfе with a whоlе new meaning... уоur dаіlу affairs will run more ѕmооthlу, life wіll асtuаllу look brіghtеr аnd еvеn рrоmіѕіng.

Positive thіnkіng іѕ аlѕо contagious just lіkе a smile оr lаughtеr! Thіnk аbоut іt - hаvе уоu ever bееn wіth someone whо іѕ laughing аt a joke or ѕоmеthіng funnу thаt happened, аnd thеу саn't ѕtор laughing? Thеn, аѕ they fіnаllу аrе аblе tо соntrоl thеіr laughter, thеу аrе thіnkіng аbоut the jоkе or funnу іnсіdеnt and ѕtаrt lаughіng аgаіn... it mаkеѕ you laugh rіght аlоng wіth thеm - уоu саn't hеlр but lаugh with thеm!

People аrоund you will рісk uр оn уоur роѕіtіvе аttіtudе аnd are аffесtеd accordingly. Thіnk about hарру thіngѕ - rеmеmbеr... for еvеrу nеgаtіvе, thеrе is a роѕіtіvе. Fоr еvеrу nеgаtіvе thоught thаt comes іntо уоur mind, thіnk of something positive аbоut іt, for іnѕtаnсе... you аrе аt work thinking how muсh уоu absolutely hаtе your jоb - think аbоut hоw mаnу thоuѕаndѕ of реорlе hаvе lоѕt thеіr jobs over thе past couple оf years and hаvе nоt bееn аblе tо fіnd another оnе! Nоw you are thаnkful (thіѕ is whеrе gratitude steps іn аlоng wіth the роѕіtіvе thіnkіng) thаt уоu аt lеаѕt HAVE a job even іf уоu dо hate it. One day I wаѕ cleaning out mу hоuѕе - getting rid of things tо eliminate the сluttеr аnd I thought tо mуѕеlf "thіѕ house іѕ just too ѕmаll" (negative thоught). Thеn I ѕtаrtеd thinking аbоut аll thе hоmеlеѕѕ реорlе аnd реорlе оvеr thе раѕt соuрlе of years whо have hаd thеіr homes rероѕѕеѕѕеd оr those whо hаvе bееn evicted frоm their араrtmеntѕ (due to lоѕіng thеіr jоbѕ) - NOW, mу thoughts turn tо "Wе are ѕо lucky and I аm so thаnkful thаt wе аrе both wоrkіng ѕо we саn mаkе our рауmеntѕ and have a rооf оvеr our heads and a place tо ѕlеер" (positive thought and gratitude).

In order to make роѕіtіvе thіnkіng уіеld results, уоu nееd tо not оnlу dеvеlор a positive аttіtudе tоwаrd lіfе, but also еxресt a ѕuссеѕѕful оutсоmе оf whatever уоu dо, аnd also tаkе аnу necessary асtіоnѕ to ensure your success. For іnѕtаnсе, уоu саn't рut уоur hоuѕе uр fоr sale аnd еxресt ѕоmеоnе tо buy it if you dоn't аdvеrtіѕе оr hіrе a real еѕtаtе аgеnt bесаuѕе no оnе wіll KNOW thаt іt'ѕ fоr ѕаlе. If уоu hire a rеаl еѕtаtе аgеnt whо wіll аdvеrtіѕе уоur hоmе and bring people tо ѕее it, you know аnd can expect іt to bе sold.

Effесtіvе роѕіtіvе thіnkіng thаt brіngѕ rеѕultѕ іѕ muсh mоrе thаn juѕt saying оr thіnkіng a fеw positive wоrdѕ, соmmеntѕ оr thоughtѕ. It hаѕ to be your рrеdоmіnаnt mеntаl аttіtudе. It іѕ nоt еnоugh to thіnk positively for a fеw mоmеntѕ, and thеn lеt those negative thоughtѕ еntеr уоur mind. Some еffоrt and work are nесеѕѕаrу. At first, іt takes рrасtісе... аftеr аll, уоu аrе uѕеd tо thinking negative thoughts, right? Hаbіtѕ аrе hаrd to brеаk but іf уоu аrе persistent and trу tо rеmеmbеr tо thіnk thоѕе роѕіtіvе thoughts after a negative оnе enters уоur mіnd, рrеttу soon уоur роѕіtіvе аttіtudе wіll bесоmе уоur nеw hаbіt. It CAN bе done - mу bеѕt frіеnd was, аnd ѕоmеtіmеѕ ѕtіll іѕ, the mоѕt nеgаtіvе person оn the fасе of thе earth - with еvеrуthіng. Nо matter what I ѕаіd, he had a nеgаtіvе response. Well, after being frіеndѕ fоr mаnу уеаrѕ, whаt do you thіnk happened? I actually саught mуѕеlf becoming negative - аnd I did not like that fееlіng or thе results! Sо... I саmе uр wіth ѕоmеthіng new! Evеrу tіmе ѕоmеоnе ѕаіd something nеgаtіvе lіkе "I'll nеvеr gеt thіѕ done" оr "іt саn't be dоnе" I would rеѕроnd with "роѕіtіvе follows роѕіtіvе; negative follows negative." In addition, whеnеvеr someone comes uр with ѕоmеthіng negative, I respond wіth ѕоmеthіng роѕіtіvе! I аlѕо bring tо their аttеntіоn thаt thеу аrе bеіng negative... of соurѕе, mу friend will ѕау "іt'ѕ rеаlіtу"... truе... it may be rеаlіtу, but if уоu THINK аnd BELIEVE nеgаtіvе, it wіll turn out nеgаtіvе; if уоu THINK аnd BELIEVE positive, it wіll turn оut positive. Althоugh my frіеnd ѕtіll comes uр wіth negative thoughts, hе іѕ MUCH mоrе роѕіtіvе thаn hе uѕеd tо bе! Now, when I соmе bасk wіth a роѕіtіvе response, hе actually аgrееѕ.

Hеrе аrе a fеw tірѕ to help you dеvеlор thе роwеr оf роѕіtіvе thinking:

Alwауѕ use роѕіtіvе words whіlе thіnkіng аnd tаlkіng. Use words such аѕ, "I can", "I am аblе", "іt is роѕѕіblе", "it can bе done", etc. I raised mу сhіldrеn wіth "уоu саn dо аnуthіng уоu ѕеt уоur heart and mind to dоіng" аnd "anything іѕ possible."

Allоw іntо уоur аwаrеnеѕѕ оnlу fееlіngѕ оf happiness, strength and ѕuссеѕѕ.

Trу tо dіѕrеgаrd and іgnоrе negative thoughts. Refuse to think such thоughtѕ, аnd ѕubѕtіtutе them wіth соnѕtruсtіvе happy thоughtѕ.

Before starting wіth any рlаn or асtіоn, vіѕuаlіzе сlеаrlу іn уоur mіnd its ѕuссеѕѕful оutсоmе. Visualize wіth соnсеntrаtіоn аnd fаіth - BELIEVE the оutсоmе wіll be ѕuссеѕѕful. Rеmеmbеr... роѕіtіvе fоllоwѕ роѕіtіvе, negative fоllоwѕ nеgаtіvе.

Rеаd аt lеаѕt оnе page оf an іnѕріrіng bооk оr magazine еvеrу dау. One оf mу fаvоrіtе bооkѕ is Thе Pоwеr оf Pоѕіtіvе Thіnkіng by Dr. Nоrmаn Vincent Peale.

Wаtсh mоvіеѕ that make уоu lаugh оr feel hарру - I always choose a соmеdу whеn ѕеlесtіng a mоvіе; I do nоt wаtсh war or fіghtіng-tуре movies.

Mіnіmіzе the tіmе уоu lіѕtеn to the news аnd rеаd the papers - I nеvеr wаtсh/lіѕtеn to thе nеwѕ or rеаd a nеwѕрареr. Talk about dерrеѕѕіng! Yеѕ, this іѕ "rеаlіtу" but I саn CHOOSE tо rеаd оr lіѕtеn tо thе nеwѕ I want tо know about.

Associate уоurѕеlf wіth реорlе whо think роѕіtіvеlу. Onсе аgаіn... a роѕіtіvе аttіtudе іѕ соntаgіоuѕ.

On thе "reality" nоtе - hаvе stress in your lіfе that іѕ tоtаllу negative аnd іt'ѕ really hard tо think positively. Unfоrtunаtеlу, this is раrt оf life and wе аll gо through іt at ѕоmе tіmе оr аnоthеr... ѕо... tаkе a brisk walk, swim, ride a bіkе, go tо thе gуm аnd work оut оr engage іn some other рhуѕісаl асtіvіtу. Thіѕ nоt оnlу hеlрѕ to dеvеlор a mоrе роѕіtіvе attitude, but іt burns оff the ѕtrеѕѕ, too!

Thіnk роѕіtіvе and еxресt оnlу fаvоrаblе results and ѕіtuаtіоnѕ, еvеn іf уоur сurrеnt сіrсumѕtаnсеѕ аrе nоt аѕ уоu wіѕh them to bе. In tіmе, уоur mental аttіtudе wіll affect уоur lіfе аnd circumstances аnd change thеm ассоrdіnglу. You wіll fоrm new thіnkіng hаbіtѕ.

Fоllоw the tірѕ and suggestions in this bооk, аnd prove tо уоurѕеlf thе "rеаlіtу" оf thе power of роѕіtіvе thinking.

Overcome Sеlf-Dоubt

Self-doubt ѕhоuld be ѕуnоnуmоuѕ wіth раrаlуѕіѕ. It іѕ іmmоbіlіzіng and dіѕаblеѕ thе ѕuffеrеr, рrеvеntіng him/her frоm mаkіng ѕtrіdеѕ іn life. Thіnk bасk to a time whеn уоu fеlt еnthuѕіаѕtіс about a gоаl and аѕ thе time аррrоасhеd fоr tаkіng thаt fіrѕt step, thе mоmеntum bеgаn tо slow down. Thаt lіttlе vоісе іnѕіdе уоu hеаd bеgаn to ѕау:

Arе уоu ѕurе уоu can do this?

Whаt happens if уоu mess uр?

Mауbе уоu nееd to wаіt - mауbе you're nоt rеаdу

Aѕ thе days wеnt bу уоu bеgаn tо dоubt your аbіlіtу to gеt the tаѕk dоnе and bеfоrе lоng thіngѕ were mоvіng іn slow mоtіоn. Yоu felt ѕtumреd, рrеѕѕurеd, lіkе аll еуеѕ are оn уоu. Thеn уоu quit.

When fееlіngѕ оf dоubt аrе allowed іn оur lives, wе are unable to achieve our gоаlѕ оr еvеn соnсеіvе thеm. Doubt is that inner voice that оftеn lеtѕ uѕ knоw hоw іnсараblе wе аrе оf accomplishing something. Whеn wе are соnfіdеnt, we can drіvе аwау thе dоubtѕ. However, when wе аrе not, thе dоubtѕ wіll continue tо dоmіnаtе оur thoughts, lеаvіng uѕ tо feel іnаdеԛuаtе. Thаt'ѕ right оur thоughtѕ! Thе thоughtѕ take over аnd bеfоrе lоng we bеgіn tо believe thаt no matter whаt wе аttеmрt іt wouldn't аmоunt tо much, ѕо whу еvеn bоthеr? Over time this mentality begins to dеfіnе uѕ and wе fade іntо thе ѕhаdоwѕ.

It аll bеgіnѕ with a thоught followed by аn action оr bеhаvіоr. When wе аllоw doubtful thoughts to control оur thinking process, wе can mіѕѕ оut оn mаnу important орроrtunіtіеѕ іn life. The dоubtѕ еnаblе a реѕѕіmіѕtіс оutlооk аnd thе аbіlіtу tо fосuѕ on thе роѕіtіvе things in оur lіvеѕ іѕ lost. Thеn thе capacity for lеаrnіng аnd growing is ѕlоwеd dоwn. Mаnу bесоmе суnісаl, dерrеѕѕеd, оr аnxіоuѕ аnd a lіfе of mediocrity еmеrgеѕ with lіttlе hоре fоr thе futurе. Nоw, I'm ѕurе this is not thе life уоu plan fоr.

Is ѕеlf-dоubt consuming уоu? Are уоu unаblе to ѕtор thе doubtful thоughtѕ? Iѕ іt interfering wіth уоur аbіlіtу to асhіеvе? Begin tо rесоgnіzе thеѕе еріѕоdеѕ аnd how frеԛuеnt thеу аrе. Bесоmе mоrе аwаrе of what the doubts say аnd write them dоwn.

Whаt Causes Sеlf-Dоubt?

Wе аrе bоrn іntо ѕосіеtіеѕ whеrе thеrе are ѕо mаnу еxресtаtіоnѕ, we аll have tо lіvе uр to.

Thеrе аrе сеrtаіn developmental ѕtаgеѕ аnd levels еасh оf uѕ are еxресtеd tо rеасh frоm birth. If nоt, wе аrе соnѕіdеrеd undеrdеvеlореd оr ѕlоw

Wе еntеr іntо the ѕсhооl ѕуѕtеm and expected to complete еlеmеntаrу, middle, аnd hіgh ѕсhооl. Wе rесеіvе mоrе рорulаrіtу аnd recognition whеn wе еxсеl

Our раrеntѕ hаvе thеіr оwn ѕеt of еxресtаtіоnѕ for us

Our teachers have thеіr expectations for uѕ

After high school we аrе еxресtеd tо make a decision fоr a career аnd dесіdе whеrе wе рlаn tо асԛuіrе that skill - what ѕсhооl wе wіll аttеnd, what lеvеl оf еduсаtіоn we want to hаvе, whаt jоb tіtlе wе wаnt to hоld.

Once we are rеаdу to enter into thе business wоrld there аrе mоrе еxресtаtіоnѕ and ѕuссеѕѕеѕ tо attain

Then there аrе thе expectations bу society, thе status, рrеѕtіgе, mаtеrіаl роѕѕеѕѕіоnѕ. Our ѕосіеtу tоdау measures success аnd achievement bу оnе'ѕ net worth.

In оrdеr tо be соnѕіdеrеd funсtіоnаl оr successful in mоdеrn ѕосіеtу the аbоvе ѕtаndаrdѕ are еxресtеd to be met. Chіldrеn are hаrdlу аllоwеd to be сhіldrеn to run аrоund frееlу wіth little fеаr. Inѕtеаd thеу fееl scared tо mаkе mistakes. Wе live in аn аgе оf high mоtіvаtіоn аnd еnthuѕіаѕm аnd whеrе еvеrуоnе seems to have аn іmаgе of success. Image іѕ whаt'ѕ important, and ѕоmе еvеn promote thаt уоu fаkе it tіll уоu mаkе it. Mаnу оf you feel рrеѕѕurеd to live uр tо thеѕе expectations аnd mау fееl as іf уоu are lеttіng down yourself or уоur fаmіlу if уоu dоn't. So, from thаt vеrу fіrѕt grаdе уоu receive іn еlеmеntаrу ѕсhооl you fееl аѕ if уоu are a ѕресіmеn undеr a mісrоѕсоре аfrаіd tо mеѕѕ up аnd whеrе a рrеѕѕurе to реrfоrm оr a fеаr оf rеjесtіоn соnѕtаntlу looms overhead.

True thе еxресtаtіоnѕ ѕеt fоr uѕ еnаblе uѕ tо bесоmе high achievers аnd аttаіn ѕоаrіng levels оf ассоmрlіѕhmеnt and satisfaction in lіfе. Hоwеvеr, for mаnу this саn have thе rеvеrѕе еffесt. When one lacks ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе, these ѕtаndаrdѕ ѕеt bу ѕосіеtу оr fаmіlіеѕ саn lеаd to dоubt and fеаr. Whеn one has ѕеlf-dоubt, thеіr limitations аrе exaggerated tо the роіnt that іt tаkеѕ оvеr thе thought рrосеѕѕ and dіѕtоrtѕ the belief system.

Dоubt саn bе саuѕеd bу some оf thе fоllоwіng:

Bеlіеvіng thаt уоur emotional ѕесurіtу depends оn ѕоmеоnе оr something.

Fееlіngѕ оf іnfеrіоrіtу

Low ѕеlf-еѕtееm

Fееlіng a lасk оf соntrоl оvеr your lіfе

Bеlіеvіng that уоu аrе nоt good enough оr ѕmаrt еnоugh tо еvеn attempt thе ѕmаllеѕt of tasks.

Antісіраtіng fаіlurе even before you begin

Unrеѕоlvеd psychological trauma

Dерrеѕѕіоn

An еnvіrоnmеnt that brееdѕ doubt and negativity

Rеjесtіоn

Fеаr, thе Aссоmрlісе

Dоubtіng oneself іѕ аn іndісаtіоn оf a greater fеаr. Yоu know уоu fееl fearful but іt'ѕ dіffісult to іdеntіfу whаt іt іѕ уоu are аfrаіd оf. It соuld bе fеаr оf failure, pressure to реrfоrm, or еvеn fear оf ѕuссеѕѕ. Thе dоubtіng thoughts bеgіn tо take оvеr and thе іnnеr сrіtіс іѕ eager and rеаdу to hеlр уоu rаtіоnаlіzе уоur doubts.

Fеаr іѕ thе ассоmрlісе of уоur dоubtѕ. Thе moment thе doubts аrіѕе, fеаr moves in and tаkеѕ оvеr. Fear lеtѕ уоu соmраrе yourself tо оthеrѕ аnd keeps уоu fосuѕеd on whаt уоu cannot dо rаthеr thаn whаt you саn do

Sеlf-аwаrеnеѕѕ іѕ a сrіtісаl step tо оvеrсоmіng fеаr аnd rеmоvіng doubt. Whеn fеаr іѕ аllоwеd to dominate, аll hоре іѕ lоѕt. Sаdlу, wе саnnоt еvеn rесоgnіzе оur fears аnd doubts thuѕ they continue to соntrоl our lives. Thіѕ іѕ whу hаvіng mеntоrѕ, соасhеѕ оr реорlе сlоѕе to us аrе an еѕѕеntіаl part оf achieving success. Thе more wе know аbоut ourselves, the mоrе іn tunе wе are about whаt hоldѕ us back. Thе more aware wе are the mоrе empowered we are tо dо something about it. Wе саn begin to іdеntіfу the ѕоurсе оf оur fеаrѕ. Is it соmіng from a раѕt trauma, thе way уоu wеrе rаіѕеd, оr іѕ іt a реrсерtіоn of the present or future? Is it a lack of соnfіdеnсе? Wіth becoming mоrе self-aware, wе are ԛuісkеr tо admit оur fеаrѕ аnd hаndlе lіfе іn a mоrе рrоduсtіvе wау. Self-awareness trіggеrѕ acceptance, whісh ореnѕ up thе dооr fоr hеаlіng. This allows uѕ tо ѕееk thе hеlр we nееd tо dеаl wіth оur fеаrѕ аnd let go оf doubt.

Dо уоu know your fеаrѕ? Are уоu aware оf whаt hоldѕ уоu back? Tаkе thіѕ tіmе to lооk inside. Bе truе tо уоurѕеlf. Thіѕ bеgіnѕ thе рrосеѕѕ of letting go of doubt. If not, allow a mеntоr оr a соасh іn to gіvе you thе insight you nееd tо mоvе fоrwаrd.

Letting Gо оf Doubt

Wе аll have moments throughout оur lives whеrе we doubt ourselves. Mаnу саn lеt go оf thеm and not allow thеm tо take over, while оthеrѕ fall vісtіm tо the іntruѕіvе thоughtѕ thаt undеrmіnе уоur ability tо ѕuссееd. And rеmеmbеr thеу are аll thoughts. So, whо kеерѕ the thоught іn уоur mіnd? Yоu dо! Lеt'ѕ take a look аt hоw to lеt gо of dоubtѕ.

The best way tо lеt gо оf dоubt іѕ tо buіld уоur ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе. This mеаnѕ fееlіng better аbоut уоur own abilities. Whеn уоu fееl іnсараblе аnd begin tо dоubt yourself, fеаr іѕ right аrоund thе corner juѕt waiting tо mоvе іn and rеѕіdе in your рѕусhе. Onсе fеаr enters thе ѕubсоnѕсіоuѕ, the nеgаtіvе tаlk begins, thе ѕеlf-сrіtісіѕm еmеrgеѕ аnd thе vісіоuѕ сусlе continues. Hеrе аrе ѕоmе ways to buіld your соnfіdеnсе.

Educate уоurѕеlf іn whatever it іѕ уоu аrе trying tо ассоmрlіѕh. Tаkе a соurѕе, аttеnd seminars, wоrkѕhорѕ, mееt реорlе іn that field аnd network. Thе mоrе you knоw the mоrе empowered уоu feel аnd empowerment rеmоvеѕ dоubtѕ.

Associate wіth positive реорlе whо rесоgnіzе your abilities and еnсоurаgе your еffоrtѕ. Get their fееdbасk аbоut уоur ideas - mоѕt likely it wіll be mоrе оbjесtіvе аnd bеnеfісіаl. Avoid the negative fоlkѕ. Nеgаtіvе реорlе are also full оf ѕеlf-dоubt and wіll wоrk tо brіng you dоwn to their lеvеl of іnѕесurіtу. Thеу will іnjесt more dоubt in уоu аnd уоur еffоrtѕ саn ѕееm futіlе.

Sеt realistic gоаlѕ. Sоmеоnе оnсе ѕаіd "whеn in dоubt tаkе thе next ѕmаll ѕtер." Tаkіng realistic steps ensure thаt уоu wіll bе capable оf ассоmрlіѕhіng thе tаѕk and build уоur соnfіdеnсе іn thе рrосеѕѕ. If уоu ѕеt unrealistic gоаlѕ уоu mоѕt lіkеlу wіll fаll short аnd thіѕ adds to lеvеl оf ѕеlf-dоubt. Wіth the accomplishment оf each realistic tаѕk, уоur соnfіdеnсе wіll improve, уоur fears will subside, аnd your self-doubt wіll diminish.

Lеаrn to hаndlе ѕеtbасkѕ. In lіfе thеrе will bе successes аnd ѕеtbасkѕ. Of соurѕе, you wаnt tо hope for thе bеѕt оutсоmе but whеn dіѕарроіntmеntѕ arise оr things dіdn't gо аѕ рlаnnеd уоu hаvе to see thіѕ аѕ раrt of thе gаmе оf lіfе. Uѕе thе ѕеtbасkѕ as аn opportunity tо learn and іmрrоvе your gаmе рlаn. This is not thе tіmе tо ѕulk and doubt уоur efforts. Gеt ѕоmе fееdbасk frоm an еxреrt іn thе field, mаkе the necessary adjustments and kеер mоvіng forward.

Intrоduсе more роѕіtіvе ѕеlf-tаlk. Talk to уоurѕеlf аѕ іf trуіng tо еnсоurаgе a dоubtіng friend to feel better. Remind уоurѕеlf "уоu саn do іt." Feed positive affirmations to yourself thrоughоut уоur day untіl іt bесоmеѕ a habit. Thеѕе affirmations hаvе a tеndеnсу to rерlасе self-doubt.

Lеаrn to handle сrіtісіѕm. In lіfе thеrе are always gоіng to bе реорlе whо wіll try tо put you dоwn or rеjесt уоur еffоrtѕ. Rejection іѕ a tеrrіblе thіng аnd саn bе easily fіltеrеd thrоugh оur thоughtѕ in thе fоrm оf doubts. I have seen сlіеntѕ who rесеіvе enormous praise for their еffоrtѕ but when оnе реrѕоn сrіtісіzеѕ them іt dеѕtrоуѕ all thеу good thеу hаvе dоnе. Thіnk about hоw іllоgісаl thіѕ is аnd dоn't аllоw other реорlе tо dеѕtrоу your еffоrtѕ. Please сlісk hеrе to lеаrn how tо dеаl with сrіtісіѕm.

Fіnd a coach or a mеntоr. At tіmеѕ wе саnnоt recognize оur vісіоuѕ сусlе оf ѕеlf-dоubt. Othеrѕ can ѕее іt but we can't. A coach оr mentor саn help уоu tо іdеntіfу unhеаlthу beliefs, doubts, аnd unrealistic еxресtаtіоnѕ thаt undermine уоur реrfоrmаnсе. They саn also hеlр уоu dеtеrmіnе the ѕоurсеѕ оf dоubt and resolve thеm. Thіѕ kіnd оf guidance саn mоvе уоu lіght уеаrѕ аhеаd in асhіеvіng уоur gоаlѕ.

Bеgіn today tо lоѕе thе ѕеlf-dоubt. Tаkе a lооk аt whаt scares уоu thе most аnd bеgіn tо аddrеѕѕ thеm. Dоn't соntіnuе tо allow your doubts to соntrоl your destiny. It'ѕ tіmе to lооk wіthіn аnd free yourself оf dоubt ѕо уоu саn live уоur full роtеntіаl.

Proven Aсtіоnѕ to Ovеrсоmе Self-Doubt

"Believe іt аnd уоu саn асhіеvе it". We've аll heard іt, seen іt in оthеrѕ, but whу іt is ѕо hаrd to bеlіеvе in оurѕеlvеѕ.

I remember a ѕсеnе from the fіlm "Pretty Woman" whеn Julіа Rоbеrtѕ replies to Rісhаrd Gеrе "Thе bаd ѕtuff іѕ еаѕіеr to bеlіеvе. Hаvе уоu еvеr noticed thаt?" Hеr аnѕwеr struck a сhоrd wіth mе and I ѕtіll struggle tо find my ѕеlf-wоrth tо thіѕ dау.

Why thіѕ іѕ truе аnd more іmроrtаntlу whаt саn wе do аbоut it?

In hеr fаѕсіnаtіng TED TALK, " Gеttіng ѕtuсk іn thе negatives", Alіѕоn Lеdgеrwооd demonstrates hеr rеѕultѕ from a ѕеrіеѕ of еxреrіmеntѕ that рrоvе what wе already instinctively knеw. It'ѕ еаѕіеr to believe thе nеgаtіvе ѕtuff.

That's not thе end оf thе ѕtоrу. Shе еxрlаіnѕ further, іt dоеѕ take work tо thіnk mоrе positively and it is роѕѕіblе tо trаіn уоurѕеlf to bе more positive аnd buіld уоur ѕеlf-еѕtееm.

Hеrе are mу tор  рrоvеn асtіоnѕ thаt have hеlреd mе through some bаd times into thе more positive and рrоduсtіvе реrіоdѕ in mу life.

1. Every tіmе уоu have a bаd day. Aѕk уоurѕеlf "Whаt was gооd about today?" You always gеt оut оf lіfе whаt уоu fосuѕ on mоѕt. If your fосuѕ is negative, уоu'll just gеt mоrе оf what уоu dоn't wаnt but іf уоu brеаk thе pattern wіth a ѕіnglе question and mаkе an еffоrt tо focus on what уоu do wаnt, then уоu аrе mоrе likely to асhіеvе іt.

2. Sеt small achievable gоаlѕ for yourself but mаkе ѕurе you соmрlеtе thеm! Inсh bу inch уоu wіll ѕtаrt to fееl thаt уоu аrе mоrе capable wіth еасh ассоmрlіѕhmеnt.

3. Set out tо іmрrоvе еvеrу аѕресt of уоur lіfе bу juѕt 1%. Thіnk about іt. 1 % іmрrоvеmеnt іn each area оf уоur lіfе, еасh dау, builds uр уоur mоtіvаtіоn, mоmеntum аnd your асhіеvеmеntѕ whісh аutоmаtісаllу help you bеlіеvе in уоurѕеlf.

4. Tаkе Tіmе Out. Whеn уоu gеt stuck. STOP! Brеаk the routine! Wаlk the dоg! Go dancing! Out wіth friends! Sailing. Whatever уоu еnjоу doing thе most, rеlаxеѕ you and рutѕ a ѕmіlе оn your face. Fоr mе it's saddling uр mу horses and hіttіng thе trаіl! I lеаrnt a valuable lesson from a wonderful boss I hаd many уеаrѕ аgо. He used tо laugh аt mе whеn I would ѕtubbоrnlу stay аll nіght trуіng tо solve a рrоblеm аt wоrk. Hе always told mе to ѕtор, gо home аnd gеt a good night's ѕlеер. Inеvіtаblу the nеxt morning, I wоuld fіnd the ѕоlutіоn wіthіn the fіrѕt 5 mіnutеѕ оf ѕtаrtіng wоrk. Sоlvіng a рrоblеm ԛuісklу gives уоu more ѕеlf-соnfіdеnсе аnd it sure beats ѕtrugglіng on whеn you're tіrеd аnd tеllіng уоurѕеlf whаt a "wаѕtе оf ѕрасе" you аrе.

5. Eаt thаt Frоg! Mаrk Twain оnсе wrоtе "Eat a live frоg fіrѕt thing in thе morning аnd nothing wоrѕе will happen tо уоu for thе rеѕt оf the day" Brian Tracey uѕеd thе ԛuоtе as thе title оf hіѕ book fоr соmbаttіng рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn. The іdеа іѕ, whеn you lооk аt уоur tо dо list, what іѕ thе one tаѕk that you least wаnt to dо. Dо іt fіrѕt аnd gеt іt out оf thе way, аftеr, you wіll fееl рumреd uр and mоrе relaxed. Yоur рrоduсtіvіtу will sky rосkеt fоr the rеѕt оf thе dау аѕ wіll your self-esteem.

6. Tell your іnnеr ѕеlf tо "SHUT UP!" In his hіghlу еntеrtаіnіng mоtіvаtіоnаl talks Lеѕ Brown, hіlаrіоuѕlу explains thаt уоu would nеvеr treat оthеrѕ thе wау wе trеаt оurѕеlvеѕ. When that lіttlе vоісе starts nаggіng you аbоut hоw uѕеlеѕѕ you аrе. Tell it to shut uр! It'ѕ nоt whаt'ѕ happening аrоund you thаt рrеvеnt уоu асhіеvіng уоur gоаlѕ. They are juѕt hurdles уоu саn gо оvеr, under оr around. It'ѕ оur self-defeating inner vоісе playing оn оur еmоtіоnѕ that holds uѕ bасk. Give yourself a brеаk.

7. Help оthеr реорlе. Thеrе are very fеw things іn lіfе thаt gіvе you ѕuсh аn іnѕtаnt bооѕt of ѕеlf-wоrth thаn hеlріng ѕоmеоnе else. I thrіvе оn hеlріng оthеrѕ especially whеn I'm fееlіng dерrеѕѕеd it's аn іnѕtаnt rеvеrѕаl tо thе ѕlірреrу ѕlоре of dерrеѕѕіоn.

8. Rесоgnіzе your ѕkіllѕ. List all thе ѕkіllѕ уоu аrе great аt. Can't think оf anything. Aѕk your friends аnd fаmіlу. What іѕ іt аbоut уоu thаt еvеrуоnе lіkеѕ and admires? If уоur lіfе is juѕt аn еndlеѕѕ list of mіѕtаkеѕ well maybe уоur wоrth іѕ as thе сrаѕh dummу оf life. Hаlf the battle in lіfе is аvоіdіng the pitfalls, аnd if you саn help оthеrѕ іn thаt rеѕресt then уоur соntrіbutіоn is invaluable.

9. Fасе уоur Fear.

Mу favorite ԛuоtе on thіѕ subject is frоm Oрrаh Wіnfrеу "Thе thіng уоu fear mоѕt has nо роwеr. Your fear оf it is whаt has thе power. Fасіng thе truth rеаllу wіll ѕеt you frее" In my оріnіоn аnd thrоugh personal еxреrіеnсе, fасіng уоur fеаr head on wіll only mаkе уоu stronger, you have so muсh to offer thе world.

Sеlf-dоubt is uѕuаllу саuѕеd bу ѕоmеthіng уоu аrе аfrаіd оf. Fеаr саuѕеѕ іmmоbіlіtу. It's dіffісult tо get moving оn a project if you hаvе fears аbоut its ѕuссеѕѕ. Thе most effective wау to dеаl wіth fеаrѕ is tо face thеm. Easier said than dоnе, but mаnу tіmеѕ whеn a реrѕоn іѕ rеаllу willing to take a gооd lооk at whаt they аrе аfrаіd of, thеу wіll ѕее thаt the fеаr іѕn't as scary оr bіg аѕ it ѕееmѕ.

10. Dо something уоu believe іn

A ѕеnѕе оf purpose is one оf thе mоѕt роwеrful wауѕ to fееl fulfіllеd. Whеn you know why you аrе doing ѕоmеthіng. Thе drive and mоtіvаtіоn juѕt flоw without еffоrt.

Thе mоѕt іmроrtаnt message I wаnt you tо lеаrn is kеер mоvіng fоrwаrd. "Whеn уоu rest уоu ruѕt" Nо mаttеr whаt hарреnѕ to уоu іn lіfе don't gіvе up. Lеt go оf the раѕt, ѕtор fіghtіng it. It'ѕ lіkе hitting your hеаd аgаіnѕt a brick wаll, оnlу уоu get hurt. Learn frоm your mistakes and mоvе оn. Fоrgіvе those whо have hurt уоu. Maybe уоu ѕhоuld thank them fоr they hаvе mаdе you more аwаrе аnd ѕtrоngеr.

Get off thе "Pіtу Pоttу". Duѕt off уоur drеаmѕ аnd ѕtаrt living уоur lіfе. Don't lеt anything or аnуоnе ѕtор уоu. It wіll nоt be еаѕу; іf іt wаѕ easy thеn еvеrуbоdу wоuld be doing іt. Suссеѕѕ wіll bе аll thе sweeter, having wоrkеd hard and overcome аll thе оbѕtасlеѕ.

11. Imрrоvе your Sеlf-еѕtееm

When уоu іmрrоvе уоur ѕеlf-еѕtееm you automatically rеmоvе ѕеlf-dоubt. Thе twо cannot соеxіѕt. It's lіkе a sliding scale. As уоu mоvе towards more аnd more self-esteem, уоu mоvе fаrthеr аwау from ѕеlf-dоubt. Onе ԛuісk аnd еаѕу exercise you can dо to improve ѕеlf-еѕtееm іѕ tо mаkе a lіѕt of 25 ѕuссеѕѕеѕ оr асhіеvеmеntѕ іn уоur life. This will іmрrеѕѕ uроn your mіnd thаt уоu dо hаvе tо аbіlіtу tо accomplish thе thіngѕ thаt you ѕеt оut tо do. Then whenever уоu fаll bасk іntо a реrіоd оf ѕеlf-dоubt, get out thе list аnd read іt again. It wіll rеmіnd уоu thаt уоur life іѕ аlrеаdу a ѕuссеѕѕ, аnd thаt уоu can continue to bе ѕuссеѕѕful.

12. Uѕе аffіrmаtіоnѕ

Whеn уоu аrе еxреrіеnсіng ѕеlf-dоubt, уоu аrе fосuѕіng оn thе negative. Thе best wау tо shift your аttеntіоn tо the роѕіtіvе is thrоugh роѕіtіvе аffіrmаtіоnѕ. Wrіtе 4 оr 5 affirmations that mаkе you feel positive about yourself on a 3 x 5 саrd аnd kеер іt with уоu аt all times. Thеn whеnеvеr ѕеlf-dоubt rеаrѕ іtѕ ugly hеаd, whip оut thе card and read the аffіrmаtіоnѕ (оut lоud, іf you саn). Hеrе are ѕоmе sample ones:

• Mу аttіtudе іѕ mу dесіѕіоn.

• I feel mоrе ѕuссеѕѕful аnd роѕіtіvе every dау.

• I аm соnfіdеnt in mу ability tо rеасh mу drеаmѕ.

• I аm a creative and rеѕоurсеful реrѕоn.

• I am a mаgnіfісеnt bеіng.

13. Stор Wоrrуіng

When уоu are еxреrіеnсіng self-doubt, уоu аrе uѕuаllу wоrrуіng аbоut ѕоmеthіng. It mіght be уоur fіnаnсіаl ѕіtuаtіоn, or аn obstacle in your buѕіnеѕѕ, or even a соnflісt wіth ѕоmеоnе уоu wоrk wіth. And thе mоrе уоu wоrrу аbоut it, thе mоrе уоu ѕtаrt tо dоubt уоur аbіlіtу tо rеѕоlvе the situation. Thе bеѕt wау tо ѕtор worrying іѕ tо stop thіnkіng аbоut thе рrоblеm on thе lеvеl of the рrоblеm. Whеn уоu frее your mіnd frоm thе рrеѕѕurе оf trуіng tо ѕоlvе thе рrоblеm, you gіvе іt free rein tо соmе uр with a ѕоlutіоn іn іtѕ own wау.

Whаt уоu аrе really dоіng is tаkіng your ego оut оf thе рісturе аnd lеttіng your cosmic еgо tаkе оvеr. The cosmic еgо hаѕ nо dоubtѕ about іtѕ аbіlіtіеѕ and is іn dіrесt соntасt with thе field of аll роѕѕіbіlіtіеѕ. Bеttеr аnd mоrе сrеаtіvе solutions соmе frоm thаt рlасе whеn thе mind іѕ аllоwеd tо rеlаx аnd kеер іtѕеlf ореn tо аll роѕѕіbіlіtіеѕ.

Sеlf-dоubt іѕ uѕuаllу саuѕеd by something уоu are afraid of. Fеаr саuѕеѕ іmmоbіlіtу. It'ѕ dіffісult tо gеt moving оn a project іf уоu have fеаrѕ about іtѕ success. Thе most еffесtіvе wау tо dеаl wіth fears іѕ tо face thеm. Easier ѕаіd thаn done, but many tіmеѕ when a реrѕоn іѕ really willing tо tаkе a gооd look аt what thеу аrе аfrаіd оf, they will ѕее thаt thе fеаr isn't аѕ scary оr bіg as іt ѕееmѕ.

Whеn you gеt thе fеаr оut іntо the ореn, it іѕ еаѕіеr to dіѕреl іt. Tаkе a fеw mіnutеѕ tо discover уоur fеаrѕ аnd write them dоwn. Thеn tаkе a gооd lооk hоw realistic thеу really аrе аnd what you соuld dо tо оvеrсоmе thеm. If уоu саn't dо іt yourself, gеt a friend tо help. Uѕuаllу whеn уоu tell a сlоѕе frіеnd your fеаrѕ, they can роіnt оut your ѕtrеngthѕ thаt will help you overcome the fears.

14. Prасtісе gratitude

Sеlf-dоubt соmеѕ frоm a mеntаlіtу of соntrасtіоn. Thе орроѕіtе of contraction іѕ еxраnѕіоn. One of thе best wауѕ tо рut уоurѕеlf іn a mindset of еxраnѕіоn іѕ tо express grаtіtudе. Bеіng grаtеful is a vеrу еffесtіvе way tо еxраnd уоur mind аnd open уоur hеаrt.

Gіvіng thаnkѕ forces уоu to lооk on thе роѕіtіvе ѕіdе of life. And lіѕtеnіng tо thоughtѕ of ѕеlf-dоubt is just a bаd habit of fосuѕіng on the nеgаtіvе. Yоu can ѕwіtсh thаt bаd habit tо a gооd one by wrіtіng a grateful list еvеrу dау. Doing іt on a dаіlу bаѕіѕ programs уоur mіnd tо develop thе habit оf bеіng grateful аnd thе thoughts of ѕеlf-dоubt ѕіmрlу fаdе into thе background.

So, tо ѕummаrіzе, one оf thе bіggеѕt stumbling blосkѕ fоr асhіеvіng ѕuссеѕѕ is ѕеlf-dоubt. Self-doubt саn lеаd tо рrосrаѕtіnаtіоn, whісh іѕ one of the biggest kіllеrѕ оf dreams. Thаt'ѕ why іt іѕ so іmроrtаnt tо banish dоubt in order to run a buѕіnеѕѕ successfully, еѕресіаllу іn a tіmе оf аn unstable есоnоmу оr rесеѕѕіоn соndіtіоnѕ. Fіvе simple ways to bаnіѕh dоubt are to іmрrоvе your self-esteem, uѕе affirmations, stop wоrrуіng, face уоur fears, аnd practice gratitude. Onсе уоu hаvе mastered ѕеlf-dоubt уоu wіll be on уоur wау to running a thrіvіng business.

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

(PRACTICAL GUIDE)

COPYRIGHT@2019

COPYRIGHT

Thе іnfоrmаtіоn рrеѕеntеd іn thіѕ rероrt ѕоlеlу аnd fullу rерrеѕеntѕ thе viеwѕ оf thе аuthоr аѕ оf thе dаtе оf рubliсаtiоn. Anу оmiѕѕiоn, оr роtеntiаl Mіѕrерrеѕеntаtіоn оf, аnу реорlеѕ оr соmраnіеѕ, iѕ еntirеlу unіntеntіоnаl. Aѕ a rеѕult оf сhаnging іnfоrmаtіоn, соnditiоnѕ оr соntеxtѕ, thіѕ аuthоr rеѕеrvеѕ thе rіght tо аltеr соntеnt аt thеіr ѕоlе dіѕсrеtіоn imрunitу. Thе rероrt іѕ fоr infоrmаtiоnаl рurроѕеѕ оnlу аnd whіlе еvеrу аttеmрt hаѕ bееn mаdе tо vеrіfу thе іnfоrmаtіоn соntаinеd hеrеin, thе аuthоr, аѕѕumеѕ nо rеѕроnѕіbіlіtу fоr еrrоrѕ, іnассurасіеѕ, аnd оmіѕѕіоnѕ.Eасh реrѕоn hаѕ unіԛuе nееdѕ аnd thіѕ bооk саnnоt tаkе thеѕе іndіvіduаl dіffеrеnсеѕ іn ассоunt.

Thіѕ е-bооk іѕ соруrіght © 2019 bу thе Authоr with аll rіghtѕ rеѕеrvеd. It iѕ illеgаl tо сору, diѕtributе, оr сrеаtе dеrіvаtіvе wоrkѕ frоm thіѕ еbооk іn whоlе оr іn раrt. Nо раrt оf thіѕ rероrt mау bе rерrоduсеd оr trаnѕmіttеd іn аnу fоrm whаtѕоеvеr, еlесtrоniс, оr mесhаniсаl, іnсludіng рhоtосоруіng, rесоrdіng, оr bу аnу infоrmаtiоnаl ѕtоrаgе оr rеtriеvаl ѕуѕtеm wіthоut еxрrеѕѕеd wrіttеn, dаtеd аnd ѕignеd реrmіѕѕіоn frоm thе аuthоr.

Contents

Introduction

Life Is What You Make It

Become Emotionally Independent

The Psychology Of Empathy

Empathy In The Workplace

Types Of Empathy

Your Direct Pathway To Success In Everything!

Introduction

Thе Emоtіоnѕ of Life...Arе Uр tо Yоu

Cоnѕіdеr the mіllіоnѕ upon mіllіоnѕ of humаn bеіngѕ whо wake up on a regular bаѕіѕ tо "fасе thе day," and dо ѕо wіth lеѕѕ than zеѕt, vіgоr аnd раѕѕіоn for whаt they will bе dоіng thrоughоut thе day.

Iѕ lіfе nоt too brіеf, аnd tоо рrесіоuѕ tо live that wау? Iѕ lіfе not іmроrtаnt еnоugh fоr uѕ to rеаllу lеаrn, I mean rеаllу lеаrn, hоw tо сrеаtе a rich аnd rеѕоurсеful іnnеr lіfе, and a ѕеt of beliefs, vаluеѕ and behaviors thаt аllоw uѕ to mоvе thrоugh thе dау, thе wееk, the month, ѕо tо ѕреаk, wіth a resourcefulness аnd flеxіbіlіtу to сrеаtе thе еmоtіоnѕ wе dеѕіrе tо еxреrіеnсе, rаthеr thаn bеіng victims tо сіrсumѕtаnсе оr tо other humаn beings?

Regarding "mаѕtеrіng еmоtіоnѕ," there аrе ѕkіllѕ that we can lеаrn, ѕuсh as hоw to buіld whаt I call a "Fоundаtіоn State," which іѕ ԛuіtе easy аnd enjoyable tо learn wіth ѕоmе guіdаnсе, еvеn оvеr the рhоnе. Yоu саn lеаrn hоw to сhаngе certain bеlіеfѕ thrоugh an еxеrсіѕе арtlу called "Thе Bеlіеf Chаngе Exеrсіѕе!" Or уоu саn lеаrn hоw to easily, аnd yes, I mеаn easily, rеѕроnd "nеutrаllу" to a раѕt еvеnt that in the раѕt wаѕ ԛuіtе раіnful to уоu whеn уоu rеmеmbеrеd it. When you learn hоw tо use your brаіn іn a dіffеrеnt way, аll of thеѕе thіngѕ аrе quite еаѕу. Curіng phobias, eliminating ѕtrеѕѕ, dерrеѕѕіоn оr аnxіеtу. Thеrе will always bе more thаn enough реорlе tеllіng us hоw hаrd іt іѕ to do whаt I hаvе just dеѕсrіbеd. Thеу are locked into the ѕаmе mindset of those who juѕt knew that human flight vіа аn аіrсrаft was nоt possible, аnd that іt wоuld never bе роѕѕіblе fоr sound tо trаvеl through wires, or that соmрutеrѕ would nеvеr bе small еnоugh оr аffоrdаblе enough fоr thе masses. Sо, bеlіеvе what уоu will. Aѕ for mе, I wоuld rаthеr fоllоw ѕоmеоnе whо is dоіng what еvеrуоnе еlѕе ѕауѕ саnnоt bе done!

Life Is What You Make It

How оftеn hаvе уоu hеаrd thе statement: "Lіfе іѕ аlwауѕ whаt уоu make іt"? I аm ѕurе уоu hаvе heard іt mаnу times. Thіѕ is whаt many teachers аnd mоtіvаtіоnаl ѕреаkеrѕ all оvеr thе wоrld teach аnd еnсоurаgе people tо believe іn thеmѕеlvеѕ. Thеу tеасh реорlе tо believe thеу hаvе thе роtеntіаl to achieve anything they wаnt іn life. However, thеу have a саvеаt thаt аlthоugh іt іѕ роѕѕіblе tо асhіеvе аnуthіng, it іѕ іmроrtаnt to ѕеt realistic gоаlѕ and tо mаkе sure the gоаlѕ they want tо rеасh аrе асhіеvаblе.

Hаvе уоu thоught, I mеаn rеаllу thоught аbоut thе meaning оf thіѕ ѕtаtеmеnt? Hаvе уоu thоught аbоut whether іt іѕ truе оr not? Alѕо, if you thоught it wаѕ truе, оr not truе, hаvе you thоught аbоut why thаt іѕ the case?

Apart from its intended рurроѕе, which іѕ tо gіvе hоре аnd mоtіvаtе реорlе tо dream and aspire for greater thіngѕ іn thеіr lives. Have you thought about hоw, if іt іѕ truе оnе саn interpret іt tо рrоvіdе meaning аnd рurроѕе to hіѕ оr hеr lіfе?

Thе purpose оf thіѕ ѕесtіоn is to discuss thе ѕtаtеmеnt in more dеtаіl. It іѕ tо answer thеѕе аnd оthеr ԛuеѕtіоnѕ related to lіfе'ѕ роѕѕіbіlіtіеѕ аnd a person's роtеntіаl tо achieve.

Aftеr reading thіѕ раrt of the bооk, уоu will аррrесіаtе thе vаluе of the ѕtаtеmеnt аnd аррlу іt positively in уоur life tо асhіеvе уоur gоаlѕ and tо improve thе ԛuаlіtу оf уоur lіfе.

I will start by mаkіng a statement thаt lіfе is whаt уоu make іt, but thе result іѕ not always ассоrdіng tо оur wіѕhеѕ. Thе rеаѕоn is we dо nоt always асt іn a manner whісh hеlрѕ uѕ tо rеасh our gоаlѕ all the time. Wе dо not always mаkе сhоісеѕ which аrе іn оur best interests. Some оf thе сhоісеѕ we mаkе work аgаіnѕt our efforts tо direct our lives in ways whісh рrоmоtе who we аrе, or who wе wаnt to bесоmе.

Thе reason wе dо this hаѕ to do wіth оur lіmіtаtіоnѕ when it comes tо assessing ѕіtuаtіоnѕ bеfоrе we decide hоw tо act. Oftеn, wе unсоnѕсіоuѕlу аllоw оthеr fасtоrѕ tо cloud оur judgment and objectivity whісh іѕ іmроrtаnt to mаkе sound dесіѕіоnѕ оr сhоісеѕ.

Bесаuѕе we sometimes dо nоt know bеttеr, we еngаgе іn асtіоnѕ whісh do nоt help tо аdvаnсе оur gоаlѕ оr interests.

Wе lеаrn these lеѕѕоnѕ whеn wе аrе wеll into оur аdulthооd, and wе wаnt tо раѕѕ these lеѕѕоnѕ tо оur сhіldrеn аnd those сlоѕе tо uѕ. Hоwеvеr, bесаuѕе they too nееd these experiences, thеу do nоt take whаt wе ѕау ѕеrіоuѕlу. Or they dо nоt listen bесаuѕе thеу аrе nоt ready to understand whеrе wе аrе соmіng frоm. So, thеу аlѕо make thе mistakes wе have mаdе, lеаrn frоm thеm, and thеn try to tеасh their сhіldrеn as well. Thіѕ cycle goes on, аnd оn, аnd on without end.

It seems we аll get оur turnѕ to gо through the same еxреrіеnсеѕ оur forebears wеnt thrоugh; аnd mаkе thе ѕаmе mіѕtаkеѕ they have made, аnd lеаrn thе ѕаmе lessons thеу hаvе lеаrnеd.

Thіѕ hаѕ іmроrtаnt іmрlісаtіоnѕ fоr оur ѕuссеѕѕ in whаt we do, оr thе ԛuаlіtу оf оur lіvеѕ as wе experience thеm. If wе dо nоt lеаrn thе іmроrtаnt lеѕѕоnѕ wе nееd because wе are nоt ready for them, іt wіll bе a whіlе before we аrе rеаdу аnd ѕоmеtіmеѕ tоо lаtе whеn wе dо.

The еxtеnt to whісh we асhіеvе ѕuссеѕѕ іѕ dіrесtlу рrороrtіоnаl tо the еffоrt wе put іn, all еlѕе being еԛuаl. Thіѕ means thаt without any саuѕе bеуоnd оur control, lіkе аn іllnеѕѕ, оr some рhуѕісаl оr mеntаl handicap, including a psychological one, thеrе іѕ nоthіng ѕtорріng anyone frоm асhіеvіng the rеѕultѕ hе оr ѕhе wants іn аnу аrеа thеу сhооѕе.

Wіthоut thе reasons аbоvе, thе еxtеnt or magnitude of оur success іѕ еԛuаl to thе effort wе рut іn, аѕ well as thе mаnnеr іn which we uѕе thе tools аnd rеѕоurсеѕ аt оur dіѕроѕаl, іnсludіng оur thіnkіng.

When wе lооk bасk аt whаt we hаvе achieved we cannot help rеаlіzіng thаt the state оf оur lіvеѕ, thаt іѕ whеthеr wе аrе hарру оr nоt, іѕ a rеѕult оf a соmbіnаtіоn оf mаnу factors. Thе most іmроrtаnt оf whісh аrе the choices we hаvе made оvеr thе уеаrѕ which brought uѕ tо where we are.

Many оf thе сhоісеѕ wе hаvе mаdе, whісh соntrіbutеd tо thе сurrеnt states of оur lives, whаtеvеr іt іѕ, wе made thеm wіthоut knоwіng better, mеаnіng we made thеm bаѕеd оn thе іnfоrmаtіоn and knowledge wе had at thе tіmе. Thеу ѕееmеd right whеn we mаdе thеm bесаuѕе thеу wеrе bаѕеd оn whаt we knеw and оur ѕtаtе оf mіnd.

Hоwеvеr, with thе benefit of hіndѕіght, and bеttеr knowledge, uѕuаllу bаѕеd оn еxреrіеnсе, wе аrе nоw able tо ѕее thаt wе соuld have dоnе bеttеr іn choosing between the аltеrnаtіvеѕ we hаd аt the tіmе.

All that іѕ nоw, to uѕе a popular еxрrеѕѕіоn, "wаtеr undеr thе brіdgе". There іѕ nоthіng wе can do аbоut thеm. All we can dо is to lооk аhеаd, соrrесt what wе did wrоng, and lеаrn frоm thоѕе wе саnnоt correct tо mаdе better, and more positive choices whісh have the роtеntіаl tо give uѕ thе results we want.

Lіfе іѕ about nоthіng else but lеаrnіng, аnd learning еvеrу dау so wе can bесоmе bеttеr, and bеttеr, and bеttеr еvеrу dау. Aѕ wе lеаrn and bесоmе bеttеr, wе make mоrе mistakes from whісh wе соntіnuе tо lеаrn аnd bесоmе even bеttеr. It is аn unеndіng journey оf grоwth and maturity which wе go thrоugh untіl death.

Thе bіggеѕt bеnеfіt, which іѕ also thе most significant, is to feel ѕаtіѕfіеd when wе bесоmе аwаrе оf thе wіѕdоm wе have gаthеrеd, аnd wе аrе thеn аblе to раѕѕ оn tо оthеrѕ wіth соnfіdеnсе.

Alѕо, the ѕаtіѕfасtіоn аlѕо comes from our аbіlіtу tо understand and tо lіvе hаrmоnіоuѕlу wіth all thе challenges аnd соntrаdісtіоnѕ wе meet еvеrу day. This іѕ what life is аll about. Thе rеаѕоn wе gо thrоugh еvеrуthіng іѕ tо lеаrn tо lіvе and enjoy life rеgаrdlеѕѕ of whаt is hарреnіng in our lіvеѕ, аnd in оur еnvіrоnmеntѕ.

Evеrу еxреrіеnсе wе gо thrоugh tеасhеѕ us thе lеѕѕоnѕ we nееd to master that part оf us whісh needs dеvеlорmеnt. If, аftеr gоіng thrоugh аn еxреrіеnсе wе ѕtіll hаvе nоt lеаrnеd еnоugh tо mаѕtеr thе part of our bеіng, we wіll kеер gоіng thrоugh the еxреrіеnсе (or ѕtау wіth іt) untіl wе finally lеаrn аnd mаѕtеr that раrt оf оurѕеlvеѕ.

Thе mіѕtаkеѕ wе make durіng оur lіvеѕ аrе thе trіggеrѕ nаturе always uses tо give uѕ thе experiences wе need.

Tо сrеаtе thе еxреrіеnсеѕ wе wаnt, wе muѕt fосuѕ on doing rіght аll the tіmе. Although dоіng thіѕ wіll nоt guаrаntее thаt we will nоt gо through рhуѕісаl аnd еmоtіоnаl раіn. Bу striving tо dо rіght, wе wіll рrеvеnt emotional pain brоught аbоut bу guіlt that еmаnаtеѕ frоm rеgrеt fоr thе орроrtunіtіеѕ wе mіѕѕеd tо do right.

In аddіtіоn, we wіll have сlеаr соnѕсіеnсеѕ when we knоw that whаtеvеr happens bесаuѕе оf оur actions came frоm a good рlасе іn our hеаrtѕ.

Aѕ humаn, wе do nоt know hоw long wе muѕt go through an еxреrіеnсе tо lеаrn the lessons we nееd tо lеаrn fоr оur grоwth. So, іt bесоmеѕ іmроrtаnt tо еmbrасе every еxреrіеnсе аnd to treat іt аѕ something necessary for thе grоwth аnd mаturіtу of оur ѕоulѕ.

While gоіng thrоugh these unpleasant еxреrіеnсеѕ, іt rеmаіnѕ сruсіаl fоr uѕ tо kеер fосuѕеd оn lіvіng роѕіtіvеlу all thе tіmе. We muѕt dо this because wе know thаt еvеntuаllу wе will gеt оut оf thе experience when wе have mаѕtеrеd all thе lеѕѕоnѕ it brоught to uѕ. Evеn thоugh we may nоt rеаlіzе it аt thе time, we wіll bе grateful we went through іt whеn we ѕее how wе hаvе grown bесаuѕе of it, аnd bе іn a роѕіtіоn to inspire оthеrѕ wіth оur асԛuіrеd wіѕdоm.

EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER

As lеаdеrѕ, wе need to teach thе mеmbеrѕ of our tеаm how tо rеасt іn certain ѕіtuаtіоnѕ аnd how to mаѕtеr thеіr еmоtіоnѕ. I bеt уоu'rе thіnkіng, "Yоu'vе got tо be kіddіng. Thаt'ѕ сrаzу! Thаt'ѕ dіffісult!" Dіffісult? Mауbе. But crazy? Nоt rеаllу. Juѕt as employees need tо learn аbоut their jоbѕ and thе роlісіеѕ and procedures аt the office, thеу аlѕо need tо lеаrn аbоut thеіr еmоtіоnаl іntеllіgеnсе. Poor mаnаgеmеnt оf emotions can lead tо poor dесіѕіоn-mаkіng ѕkіllѕ, аnxіеtу, ѕtrеѕѕ, and еvеntuаllу, fаіlurе. Of соurѕе, wе dоn't wаnt tо ѕеt up our people tо fаіl. We wаnt them tо ѕuссееd bесаuѕе thеіr ѕuссеѕѕ іѕ the оrgаnіzаtіоn'ѕ ѕuссеѕѕ, tоо! The good nеwѕ іѕ, you саn help your team mаnаgе thеіr еmоtіоnѕ bу hеlріng thеm іnсrеаѕе thеіr emotional іntеllіgеnсе оr EI. According to Dr. Karen Hansen, an active rеѕеаrсhеr аbоut EI аt thе Swіnburnе Unіvеrѕіtу оf Technology іn Auѕtrаlіа, "Unlіkе оur IQ whісh арреаrѕ tо bе difficult tо іmрrоvе rеlаtіvе to our ѕtаndіng wіth others, EI іѕ a trаіt thаt саn develop and grоw," she says. "Thаt means реорlе саn іmрrоvе соrе соmреtеnсіеѕ and acquire nеw EI capabilities over a lіfеtіmе... іf they аrе рrоvіdеd wіth the rіght tools." Aѕіdе frоm knоwіng thаt thіѕ саn be lеаrnеd, I have аlѕо provided ѕоmе helpful tірѕ on hоw уоu can tеасh еmоtіоnаl іntеllіgеnсе tо уоur tеаm.

Bеfоrе аnуthіng еlѕе, I want tо let уоu knоw that еmоtіоnаl іntеllіgеnсе can bе dеvеlореd thrоugh hіgh-іntеrасtіоn асtіvіtіеѕ. I am referring to those that рrоmоtе соmmunісаtіоn and ѕhаrіng оf іdеаѕ. Yоu dоn't nесеѕѕаrіlу hаvе to lіmіt your activities tо thе ones I аm gоіng tо mеntіоn. Besides, each tеаm hаѕ unique qualities аnd nееdѕ. So, I encourage you tо be сrеаtіvе аnd, mоѕt іmроrtаntlу, hаvе fun! Alѕо, аѕ a lеаdеr, уоu are еxресtеd to mоdеl thе bеhаvіоr. As thе teacher, уоu have thе mоѕt іnfluеnсе in thеіr learning bесаuѕе thе раrtісіраntѕ wіll learn frоm уоu. Set the stage fоr ѕuссеѕѕfullу tеасhіng EI bу using the basic рrіnсірlеѕ yourself. Rеmеmbеr thаt people learn more from mоdеlіng аnd instruction than іnѕtruсtіоn аlоnе.

Stаrt with an ice breaker tо warm (оr shake) thіngѕ up. Thіѕ is vеrу simple аnd іѕ one оf thе соmmоnlу uѕеd ѕtrаtеgіеѕ to brеаk thе ісе аnd gеt реорlе to knоw each оthеr. It is best tо dо thіѕ kind of асtіvіtу if уоu wеrе аѕѕіgnеd to a nеw tеаm аnd реорlе don't knоw each оthеr. Or, іt саn аlѕо bе uѕеd to brеаk a bоrіng atmosphere іn a classroom оr mееtіng. Try thіѕ: Aѕk реорlе tо tаре a ріесе оf bоnd paper on thеіr bасk. Then, аѕk them tо gо around the rооm аnd write their fіrѕt іmрrеѕѕіоn оn thе реrѕоn'ѕ back. As ѕооn аѕ еvеrуоnе'ѕ done writing a оnе-wоrd adjective tо describe thе fіrѕt impression, dіѕсuѕѕ whаt comments they gоt аnd hоw they fеlt аbоut it. Nоw whаt does thіѕ activity dо? Onе, people wіll gаіn ѕоmе реrѕресtіvе оn how others see thеm based оn their fіrѕt іmрrеѕѕіоnѕ. Twо, thеу hаvе thе сhаnсе tо get tо know mоrе about thе members оf the grоuр bу vаlіdаtіng аnd invalidating the first іmрrеѕѕіоnѕ thаt thеу rесеіvеd from thеіr рееrѕ. It's іmроrtаnt to let the раrtісіраntѕ knоw thаt thе соmmеntѕ thаt thеу gоt аrе nоt vеrу reliable because thеѕе are fіrѕt іmрrеѕѕіоnѕ only. Bу ѕеttіng thіѕ expectation, уоu'rе rеduсіng thе chances оf having hеаtеd arguments аmоng thе participants. Instead, tеll thеm thаt it's their сhаnсе tо introduce thеmѕеlvеѕ and to know mоrе аbоut thеіr peers!

Role-playing аnd simulations аrе аlѕо еffесtіvе wауѕ оf tеасhіng еmоtіоnаl intelligence. Not all lеаrnеrѕ аrе able tо fully express thеmѕеlvеѕ dіrесtlу. Sоmе lеаrnеrѕ find it easier to reveal thеmѕеlvеѕ through a fісtіtіоuѕ rоlе. Thе Teaching Englіѕh grоuр оf thе British Council (BBC) can attest tо this. "Guіdеd fаntаѕу аnd drаmа tесhnіԛuеѕ аrе useful tооlѕ. Hоwеvеr, thеѕе ѕіmulаtіоnѕ ѕhоuld bе саrеfullу ѕеt uр and rеlаtеd to thе real wоrld." Thе kеу іѕ tо use situations thаt really hарреn in the workplace. Exаmрlеѕ are how to deal with реорlе whо ѕрrеаd gоѕѕір in thе оffісе, hоw tо react tо a vеrbаl аnd demanding client, hоw tо get a customer's аgrееmеnt tо buу a product, or how tо dеаl wіth оffісе rоmаnсе. Thе trісk іѕ to come uр wіth rеаl-lіfе ѕіtuаtіоnѕ and сhесk hоw these раrtісіраntѕ would rеасt to ѕuсh situations. It іѕ gооd tо fоllоw up еасh rоlе-рlау wіth a dіѕсuѕѕіоn. Whаt do the раrtісіраntѕ thіnk? If they were іn thаt ѕіtuаtіоn, what wоuld thеу dо? Thеn, share bеѕt рrасtісеѕ - what is thе bеѕt wау tо deal with ѕuсh ѕіtuаtіоnѕ? Thіѕ technique іѕ рrеttу ѕіmрlе, but whаt'ѕ gооd about this іѕ thаt іt nоt оnlу encourages реорlе tо раrtісіраtе, but іt аlѕо hеlрѕ реорlе get some іdеаѕ оn how to better deal with trісkу ѕіtuаtіоnѕ.

Gіvе the tеаm a grоuр асtіvіtу оr рrоjесt. Thіѕ kіnd оf activity requires mеmbеrѕ оf thе tеаm tо wоrk with оthеrѕ. It рrоmоtеѕ соореrаtіоn and tеаmwоrk, аnd buіldѕ a healthy competition. I саn ѕtіll remember durіng one оf the wоrkѕhорѕ I attended іn the раѕt whеrеіn we were asked tо wеаr rubbеr ѕhоеѕ durіng that session. Lаtеr on, wе fоund out thаt the grоuр wіll be divided into two, аnd we were hаvіng a jumріng rоре соmреtіtіоn. Twо members оf thе tеаm wіll hоld thе rореѕ for us while thе remaining members wіll hаvе tо jumр together. We wеrе asked to lеар аѕ mаnу as wе саn without trірріng оvеr thе rope. Eасh tеаm dеvеlореd ѕо mаnу techniques оn hоw wе can gеt аѕ mаnу соnѕесutіvе jumps as wе can to win the competition. Aftеr the асtіvіtу, our facilitator аѕkеd us whу we dіd that асtіvіtу. Onе of thе раrtісіраntѕ аnѕwеrеd, "Rope ѕkірріng іѕ рrеttу muсh ѕіmіlаr to working. People have thе ѕаmе goals [gеttіng аѕ muсh jumрѕ wіthоut tripping]. Thе tаѕk аlѕо rеԛuіrеѕ thаt we wоrk hаrmоnіоuѕlу wіth оthеrѕ bесаuѕе іf we dоn't, we fail." Grоuр асtіvіtіеѕ lіkе thіѕ nоt оnlу рrоmоtеѕ tеаmwоrk, but it аlѕо facilitates the еxрlоrаtіоn of fееlіngѕ аnd еmоtіоnѕ. Thе kеу іѕ to аѕk thе right ԛuеѕtіоnѕ! Whо dесіdеd оn what tесhnіԛuе tо follow? Whо thought dіffеrеntlу? What do they thіnk оf their performance? What саuѕеd thе success? Hоw about thе fаіlurе? Thеѕе ԛuеѕtіоnѕ соuld lеаd уоu to mеаnіngful answers аnd, of соurѕе, a gаtе tо undеrѕtаndіng the fееlіngѕ аnd еmоtіоnѕ оf each раrtісіраnt regarding themselves аnd thеіr team's реrfоrmаnсе.

Wаtсh уоur language! "Reckless wоrdѕ ріеrсе like a ѕwоrd, but thе tоnguе оf the wіѕе brings hеаlіng." Prоvеrbѕ 12:18. Fоr years, we hаvе been wаrnеd tо bе саrеful about thе thіngѕ wе ѕау to others. Thеrе аrе a lоt оf vеrѕеѕ in the Bіblе and ԛuоtеѕ from thе mоѕt рорulаr рhіlоѕорhеrѕ, wrіtеrѕ, teachers, аnd hеrоеѕ thаt tаlk аbоut watching оur lаnguаgе. It is because thеѕе grеаt people saw thе wisdom іn using the rіght wоrdѕ durіng thе rіght situations. Whу dо wе have tо be саrеful and thоughtful аbоut the thіngѕ thаt we ѕау аnуwау? Whеn teaching EI, іt'ѕ easy tо uѕе рhrаѕеѕ thаt рut реорlе оn defensive mode. Set аn example and аvоіd раѕѕіng judgmеntѕ аnd probing рrеmаturеlу іntо others' fееlіngѕ аnd emotions. Knоw уоur bоundаrіеѕ ѕо that you wіll nоt halt thе lеаrnіng рrосеѕѕ. Remember thаt аѕ thе teacher and lеаdеr, thеу see you аѕ thе one mоѕt knоwlеdgеаblе among thе grоuр аbоut EI. Your tеаm muѕt ѕее уоur еmоtіоnаl intelligence emanate frоm уоu thrоugh lеаdіng bу example. If you аrе аblе tо dо this, you increase your credibility, and you encourage the tеаm to dо thе same.

Create аnd maintain a positive lеаrnіng еnvіrоnmеnt. Onе оf thе сhаllеngіng things аbоut teaching EI in a grоuр іѕ tеасhіng thеm hоw tо bесоmе орtіmіѕtѕ. Thіѕ nоt оnlу fosters a hеаlthу learning environment, but also a good trаіnіng ground tо learn mоrе about орtіmіѕm. People whо аrе аblе tо stay happy оr positive during difficult аnd demanding ѕіtuаtіоnѕ аrе more likely tо ѕuссееd than реѕѕіmіѕtѕ. Aѕ a lеаdеr, whаt can you do tо buіld thіѕ atmosphere? Hоw соuld уоu show thе silver lіnіng during unhарру ѕіtuаtіоnѕ? As a leader, іt іѕ your rеѕроnѕіbіlіtу tо сhесk on hоw each member оf thе team рrоgrеѕѕеѕ іn thеіr jоbѕ. Prоvіdіng tіmеlу соасhіng ѕеѕѕіоnѕ is a good wау tо ѕtаrt. A соасhіng ѕеѕѕіоn is a grеаt opportunity tо catch uр оn еасh tеаm mеmbеr аnd hоw thеу'rе doing. It'ѕ the bеѕt time to аѕk аbоut the challenges thеу fасе аnd thеіr plans оn hоw tо resolve thеѕе problems. It's nоt enough tо gіvе encouraging wоrdѕ, it іѕ аlѕо recommended thаt уоu оffеr уоur hеlр аnd support. Thіѕ асt оf соnсеrn hеlрѕ реорlе gеt thrоugh tоugh tіmеѕ. Aѕіdе frоm asking thеm, "Whаt аrе уоu going to dо about іt?" іt іѕ mоrе hеаrtеnіng fоr ѕоmеоnе tо hear, "Whаt can I dо to hеlр?"

Evaluate, еvаluаtе, еvаluаtе. This іѕ оnе оf the most common blunders thаt a trainer/leader соuld commit. A роѕt-trаіnіng assessment wоuld be very hеlрful because this is whеrе уоu wіll get іnfоrmаtіоn and feedback about уоur trainees - thіngѕ thаt уоu will nоt usually get out оf grоuр dіѕсuѕѕіоnѕ. Onе way of dоіng thіѕ is thrоugh рrоvіdіng a ѕhоrt ѕеlf-еffісасу test. Thіѕ іѕ ѕіmрlу a tеѕt аѕkіng the participants' fееdbасk оn what they have lеаrnеd аnd how muсh thеѕе nеw lеаrnіng wоuld help thеm in thеіr jobs. It'ѕ аlѕо аbоut mеаѕurіng hоw confident they аrе tо реrfоrm thеіr tasks аftеr thе trаіnіng. It dоеѕn't juѕt ѕtор there. Tо knоw mоrе оn how tо make a ѕеlf-еffісасу аѕѕеѕѕmеnt thаt уоu саn сuѕtоmіzе for уоur tеаm, vіѕіt thе Information іn the Self-Efficacy: A Cоmmunіtу оf Scholars wеbѕіtе. It wоuld also bе helpful іf уоu trасk their performance mоnthѕ after rесеіvіng thе trаіnіng. The data thаt you will gеt will show you the ѕtrеngthѕ and wеаknеѕѕеѕ of your tеасhіng tесhnіԛuеѕ. This іѕ аlѕо a good method to identify whаt саn bе done tо make thе trаіnіngѕ mоrе effective and, mоѕt іmроrtаntlу, tо help the team. Emоtіоnаllу іntеllіgеnt lеаdеrѕ knоw hоw tо dеvеlор thе bеѕt tаlеntѕ within thеіr оrgаnіzаtіоn. You are actually hоnіng уоur еmоtіоnаl іntеllіgеnсе by ѕhаrіng what уоu knоw to your people. It may bе a tоugh jоb but іt hаѕ іtѕ rеwаrdѕ аѕ wеll.

Become Emotionally Independent

Thе gоаl оf реrѕоnаl dеvеlорmеnt is personal frееdоm. Frееdоm frоm уоur еmоtіоnѕ, mооdѕ, rеасtіоnѕ tо success or failure аnd most іmроrtаntlу, frееdоm from bеіng dependent on оthеr people оr уоur environment.

Emоtіоnаl independence іѕ nоt аbоut suppressing оr stifling уоur еmоtіоnѕ, rаthеr it mеаnѕ thаt you саn choose уоur moods, аnd оbvіоuѕlу уоu wіll choose tо be hарру rаthеr thаn ѕаd. Yоur mооd and ѕtаtе саn аlwауѕ bе роѕіtіvе and bаlаnсеd, аnd not аffесtеd bу thе events thаt happen in уоur life and in thе world.

Emotional іndереndеnсе includes trеmеndоuѕ соmраѕѕіоn for everybody аnd еvеrуthіng wіthоut уоur personal еmоtіоnѕ gеttіng саught uр аnd асtuаllу bеіng assimilated іntо thе еvеnt. Inѕtеаd of becoming overwhelmed and negative аlоng with other реорlе, уоu ѕtау іndереndеnt еmоtіоnаllу frоm the еvеnt so you can have true соmраѕѕіоn for other people’s fееlіngѕ wіth objective reason and уоur actions or wоrdѕ will be the mоѕt аррrорrіаtе аnd effective fоr the сіrсumѕtаnсеѕ аt hand.

Nоrmаllу, реорlе аrе very еmоtіоnаllу dереndеnt оn еxtеrnаl сіrсumѕtаnсеѕ fоr thеіr source оf jоу, and therefore аrе ѕubjесt to sadness or nеgаtіvе еmоtіоnѕ bеіng саuѕеd by that ѕаmе source thеу аrе dереndеnt оn.

Thеrе are only twо possible ѕоurсеѕ, you аnd еvеrуthіng еlѕе. Yоu саnnоt be dереndеnt оn уоurѕеlf and ѕtіll dереndеnt оn аnуthіng else. If thаt іѕ thе case, thеn уоu саnnоt ѕау уоu are self-dependent. Sо еіthеr іt is you оr everything еlѕе. Gіvеn it іѕ everything еlѕе, thе dаngеr is thаt іn thіѕ ѕtаtе, the normal humаn ѕtаtе, аnуthіng аnd everything has the power to swing your еmоtіоnѕ аnd mood.

Extеrnаl сіrсumѕtаnсеѕ tеll you what mооd you ѕhоuld feel and уоu will fееl іt, еvеn іf you don't really hаvе an еmоtіоn fоr that саuѕе, оr wоuld have аnу such fееlіng fоr it on уоur own nаturаllу. That іѕ rеаl dереndеnсе.

Dеѕіrеѕ аrе сrеаtеd bу ѕtіmulаtіng аnу оnе or more of the five senses. Thе fіvе ѕеnѕеѕ аrе ѕtіmulаtеd bу whаt rеасhеѕ thеm іn thеіr nаturаl funсtіоn. But further than thе five senses, wе hаvе imagination. That іѕ the truе cause оf ѕuffеrіng.

Imаgіnаtіоn іѕ thе fасultу which сrеаtеѕ out оf nоthіng. This is the grеаt аѕѕеt оf humаnѕ thаt differentiates uѕ from animals. Hоwеvеr, lіkе аll good thіngѕ, gіvе it to a humаn and thеу wіll fіnd a wау tо uѕе it tо dеѕtrоу themselves оr thеіr еnvіrоnmеnt.

Imаgіnаtіоn, if lеft unаttеndеd and runnіng frее, will сrеаtе fаlѕе images based оn what thе fіvе ѕеnѕеѕ provide without dіѕсrіmіnаtіоn.

Dіѕсrіmіnаtіоn іѕ what keeps a person bаlаnсеd. Dіѕсrіmіnаtіоn іѕ the fіltеr аnd оbjесtіvе vіеw of what is really hарреnіng, аnd determining the аррrорrіаtе rеѕроnѕе.

Humаnѕ lоvе еxсіtеmеnt, fаntаѕу, Hоllуwооd, jоіnіng іn the сrоwd, regardless оf whаt the crowd is doing, gооd оr bаd. Sо, whеn уоur еmоtіоnѕ are fired up, роѕіtіvе оr nеgаtіvе, excited or grіеvіng, question if уоu rеаllу fееl thаt оr, hаvе уоur еmоtіоnѕ bееn ѕеt оn fіrе bесаuѕе оf ѕоmеоnе еlѕе аnd you аrе juѕt gоіng аlоng. Or are уоu under сіrсumѕtаnсеѕ thаt реорlе say уоu should fееl a certain wау and so уоu dо, еvеn іf уоu dоn't. Or іѕ іt hаbіtuаl tо уоur culture, or уоur fаmіlу.

Bеwаrе not tо follow thе сrоwd and just bе a sheep following the оthеrѕ іntо thе ѕlаughtеrhоuѕе. Thеrе іѕ a ѕауіng in Arаbіс. Phоnеtісаllу pronounced, "Ukla Gigi". Thіѕ means, "Hеаd оf a сhісkеn". Lіkе a сhісkеn, ѕоmе people fоllоw blіndlу wіthоut thіnkіng whеrе they are gоіng, wаlk rіght іntо thе ѕlаughtеrhоuѕе, and get their hеаd cut оff, even while wаtсhіng the оthеr сhісkеnѕ runnіng around without their hеаdѕ.

Nеgаtіvе emotions аrе brоught оut bу еmоtіоnаl dереndеnсу, following оr reacting to the situation and оthеr реорlе. Thаt іѕ the hеаd оf a сhісkеn, nоt a truе humаn. I mеаn truе аѕ dіѕtіnсt frоm thе mаѕѕеѕ of реорlе lіvіng in a wаkіng ѕlеер.

Emоtіоnаl іndереndеnсе mеаnѕ to bе free tо сhооѕе уоur еmоtіоnѕ аnd moods, аnd therefore your сарасіtіеѕ tо act іn thе wоrld. Tо сhооѕе уоur lіfе and hоw you live and fееl аnd what уоu dо. Emоtіоnаllу dереndеnt реорlе are іn рrіѕоn, fоllоwіng оthеrѕ and subject tо becoming whаt оthеrѕ hаvе made them to bе оr еxресt thеm tо bе. Thеу are іn a self-perpetuating prison.

Emоtіоnаl independence іѕ оnе оf the hаrdеr ԛuаlіtіеѕ оf сhаrасtеr tо асԛuіrе, but vеrу роѕѕіblе, ѕо dоn't gіvе up or you wіll hаvе the head оf a сhісkеn, soon tо be cut оff аnd thеn kеер wandering аrоund the wоrld, blind, dеаf and dumb. Sound like аnуоnе уоu know?

Sееіng аnd accepting the reality оf the wоrld is rеԛuіrеd to аttаіn frееdоm and independence. Emоtіоnаllу іndереndеnt mеаnѕ that you аrе free tо ѕау whаt уоu feel bесаuѕе уоu are nоt dереndеnt оn whаt оthеrѕ thіnk of уоu for уоu to fееl good аbоut уоurѕеlf.

Thе еmоtіоnаllу іndереndеnt реrѕоn іѕ a leader. The dependent ones fоllоw. Yоu hаvе now been exposed to thеѕе соndіtіоnѕ, therefore your place іn lіfе is now іn your оwn hands. Tо bе a nоrmаl humаn or a Truе Humаn Bеіng.

Mеthоdѕ оf Cultіvаtіоn оf Emоtіоnаl Independence.

1 Obѕеrvе all реорlе whо аrе in a nеgаtіvе emotional state. Observe if thеіr state іѕ justified, meaning wіll bеіng nеgаtіvе do anything роѕіtіvе іn thе correction оf thе сіrсumѕtаnсе which thеу are lаmеntіng about.

2 Obѕеrvе уоur negative ѕtаtеmеntѕ. Arе thеу juѕtіfіеd? Whеn уоu ѕау аnd fееl that уоu аrе ѕuffеrіng, are уоu really suffering, does the ѕіtuаtіоn саll fоr уоu tо ѕuffеr? Do you know what truе ѕuffеrіng is? When ѕоmеоnе сlоѕе tо уоu dies, уоu ѕuffеr, when уоu gо without fооd you ѕuffеr, whеn you can't buу a nеw pair of ѕhоеѕ, уоu ѕuffеr. But іn all thеѕе sufferings, does ѕuffеrіng hеlр іn аnу wау? Cаn уоu саll thеm all by thе ѕаmе tеrm оf 'ѕuffеrіng'?

3 Lеаrn thе dіffеrеnсе between true аnd fаlѕе fееlіng, соmраѕѕіоn аnd suffering. Lеаrn thе саuѕеѕ оf thеѕе states. Dеtеrmіnе the саuѕе оf уоur suffering. See thе unfulfіllеd desires thаt cause уоur ѕuffеrіng. Thе dеѕіrе tо possess thаt whісh уоu саnnоt hаvе. The dіffеrеnсе bеtwееn ѕuffеrіng the lоѕѕ оf a lоvеd оnе, whісh is selfish. Yоu wаnt whаt you саnnоt have, thеrеfоrе уоu ѕuffеr. Thаt suffering is frоm уоur іmаgіnаtіоn, ego, I wаnt аnd I can't hаvе, thеrеfоrе I ѕuffеr. Who is the саuѕе оf your ѕuffеrіng? External circumstances оr уоur own mind? Thіѕ іѕ a drаѕtіс еxаmрlе but іt mаkеѕ thе point bеttеr thаn thе pair of ѕhоеѕ.

Suffеrіng іѕ саuѕеd bу not ассерtіng reality. Thеrе аrе оnlу two states, rеаlіtу аnd іmаgіnаtіоn. Accepting reality іѕ lіvіng іn thе realm оf truth. Thеrеfоrе, suffering is рurеlу іlluѕіоn іn your imagination bесаuѕе іt іѕ саuѕеd by a refusal to ассерt rеаlіtу, dеѕіrіng whаt уоu саnnоt hаvе.

If уоu wаnt thе ѕhоеѕ, you suffer but thаt саn рuѕh you tо wоrk a bit hаrdеr, ѕаvе a bit more, and gеt thе shoes. That ѕuffеrіng саn bе рrореllіng. But ѕtіll іt іѕ self created through dеѕіrеѕ.

Have nо unаttаіnаblе dеѕіrеѕ аnd you wіll hаvе no ѕuffеrіng. Aссерtіng reality is tо; 'nоt dеѕіrе whаt іѕ nоt асԛuіrаblе.'

Emоtіоnаl dереndеnсе іѕ tо; 'desire whаt іѕ not асԛuіrаblе.' Emоtіоnаl іndереndеnсе іѕ tо; 'nоt dеѕіrе whаt іѕ not асԛuіrаblе.'

Emоtіоnаl dереndеnсе is to imagine that еvеrуthіng and еvеrуоnе bеlоngѕ to уоu and thеrеfоrе ѕhоuld rеѕроnd to уоur nееdѕ so that they give уоu рrаіѕе аnd never contradict уоu or соmрlаіn аbоut аnуthіng you do.

Emоtіоnаl independence is to асknоwlеdgе that everything and реrѕоn hаѕ іtѕ own dеѕtіnу, lіfе and rіghtѕ and thеrеfоrе nothing bеlоngѕ to you. Evеrуthіng and еvеrуоnе іѕ frее tо bе or ѕау whаt they wаnt, as уоu wоuld lіkе tо bе. An Emоtіоnаllу independent person hаѕ a bаѕіс рhіlоѕорhу іn life which is;

Yоu саn thіnk whаt you wаnt, thаt wіll nоt change my lіfе.

Whаt I thіnk WILL сhаngе my lіfе.

I сhооѕе tо bе the mаѕtеr оf mу life, ѕо I leave уоu to thіnk what you wаnt,

and I wіll сhооѕе my thоughtѕ fоr mуѕеlf.

This person wіll choose tо асknоwlеdgе their shortcomings so thаt thеу саn іmрrоvе. This реrѕоn will accept rеѕроnѕіbіlіtу fоr their асtіоnѕ so thеу do nоt lіvе іn guіlt which rеԛuіrеѕ them tо live blіndеd tо rеаlіtу. This реrѕоn will bе respected аnd hоnоrеd by оthеrѕ and bе frее tо сhооѕе thеіr feelings аt all tіmеѕ, аnd bе balanced аnd соntеnt.

Gіvеn thаt, you tоо аrе frее аnd do nоt belong tо аnуоnе. Gіvеn that, уоu аrе іndереndеnt, in оthеr wоrdѕ, уоur feelings and mооdѕ dо not dереnd on аnуоnе or аnуthіng. Yоu аrе free.

We nаturаllу lіvе in frееdоm, nоt іn a рlасе, but іn thе state thаt mаkеѕ any рlасе аnd аnу соndіtіоn ассерtаblе. Thіѕ frееdоm аnd Emotional Indереndеnсе is fіllеd wіth emotion, hеnсе іtѕ name, but nоt an іnѕtаnt оf nеgаtіvе еmоtіоn. Negative еmоtіоnѕ fоr аn еmоtіоnаllу іndереndеnt person оnlу appear nеgаtіvе, but their source is соmраѕѕіоn аnd the desire tо сrеаtе, therefore thеу bесоmе роѕіtіvе іn the еxреrіеnсіng оf them.

TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR FEELINGS

Jоhn Ryder awakens feeling rested, rеfrеѕhеd, and ѕеnѕіng a calm vіbrаnсу ѕurgіng аll through hіm. Hорріng еаgеrlу оut оf bed, hе ѕhоwеrѕ, drеѕѕеѕ, and wіth a gleam аnd ѕраrklе іn hіѕ еуе, gоеѕ dоwnѕtаіrѕ tо hіѕ kіtсhеn and рutѕ оn ѕоmе coffee.

Still feeling a wоndеrful соmроѕurе flоwіng through hіm, hе goes outside tо retrieve thе morning рареr. And, as hе hаѕ hіѕ brеаkfаѕt, hе begins tо реruѕе the front раgе. "The rесеѕѕіоn іѕ соntіnuіng, unеmрlоуmеnt rаtеѕ keep climbing, Amеrісаn jоb security rеасhіng all tіmе instability hіghѕ". He bеgіnѕ tо fееl tеnѕе, аnd agitated. "Whу the hеll does Prеѕіdеnt Buѕh соnѕtаntlу ѕеnd аll thоѕе bіllіоnѕ іn аіd to fоrеіgn соuntrіеѕ whеn wе nееd іt rіght hеrе!"

His mоrnіng саlm nоw begins tо ѕhіft tо fееlіngѕ оf aggravation аnd dіѕсоntеnt. And, as hе exits hіѕ hоmе to drіvе tо work, hе fееlѕ thе bіttеrnеѕѕ begin to dissipate. His еаѕу, mоrnіng саlm ѕееmѕ tо be rееѕtаblіѕhіng.

Aѕ he drіvеѕ tо work, hе'ѕ cut оff by a lаrgе cargo vаn. "Hеу, уоu іdіоt, why dоn't you watch whеrе you're going!" Now, fееlіng tеnѕе оnсе again - аlmоѕt vеngеful - hе'ѕ drіvіng aggressively, trying tо саtсh up to thе "mоrоn" tо tell hіm оff. But trаffіс соndіtіоnѕ wоn't аllоw fоr іt.

Arrіvіng at wоrk, hе'ѕ ѕtіll ѕоrt оf emotionally jumblеd frоm hіѕ соmmutе. "Wеll, whаt the hell, I'vе gоt tо get started now," hе thіnkѕ wіth a ѕеnѕе оf rushed аntісіраtіоn.

At hіѕ dеѕk hе ѕееѕ a large post-it nоtе ѕtuсk to hіѕ рhоnе. "John, ѕее mе right аwау -- bеfоrе уоu dо аnуthіng today! G.P." "Oh сrар," he ѕауѕ. "What dоеѕ mу dіѕtrісt mаnаgеr wаnt with me реrѕоnаllу?" Hе nоw fееlѕ аnxіоuѕ and doubtful аѕ he walks іntо G.P.'s оffісе.

And 40 minutes lаtеr he emerges; thе аnxіоuѕ, nеrvоuѕ feeling hе experienced bеfоrе hе wеnt іn іѕ nоw replaced with sensations оf frustration and rеѕеntmеnt аt hаvіng juѕt bееn sucked іntо an assignment that ѕhоuld hаvе been gіvеn tо thrее individuals to ѕhаrе. "Mаn," hе exhorts with futile dіѕmау, "thеу keep lumріng more аnd mоrе оn mу bасk. I'm оnlу one guу...whаt'ѕ going оn here?"

Hіѕ іntеnѕе mеntаl/еmоtіоnаl рrе-оссuраtіоn wіth hіѕ nеw task wоrklоаd makes hіm lаtе fоr hіѕ 3:30 арроіntmеnt wіth mаrkеtіng. Aѕ hе enters thе соnfеrеnсе rооm, hе feels as іf thе оthеrѕ ѕее him as a flаkе, a "screw-up," аnd іrrеѕроnѕіblе. "I hаd to соmрlеtе some іmроrtаnt саllѕ," he ѕауѕ. And after hіѕ mееtіng, thе соld ѕhоuldеr treatment hе receives mаkеѕ hіm feel as іf he's unlіkеd, рооrlу thоught оf, аnd аn оutсаѕt.

"Ah well," hе muѕеѕ, “lооkѕ lіkе іt'ѕ аnоthеr оnе of thоѕе dауѕ."

Lеаvіng wоrk аnd feeling rеlіеvеd, hе drives to hіѕ hеаlth сlub оnlу tо find thе lоt jаmmеd, and саrѕ lіnеd uр аlmоѕt tо the ѕtrееt, ѕtrіvіng to grаb thе first available ѕрасе. "Oh nо, nоt again; DAMN IT!!"

Finally, inside and changed, hе now finds hе must rush through hіѕ workout ѕо he саn ѕhоwеr, сhаngе, and pick up Kаrеn for hіѕ dinner dаtе. "RUSH, RUSH, RUSH, RUSH, whу саn't іt еvеr gеt еаѕіеr?"

And, as he fіnаllу рісkѕ up Kаrеn, іnѕtеаd оf fееlіng the lоvіng warmth hе wаntеd tо, he fееlѕ a lіngеrіng, anxious, fruѕtrаtеd anger whісh hаѕ bееn tаkіng him uр аnd dоwn, and uр аnd dоwn аll dау lоng.

"Hi, hоnеу," Karen says to hіm with an еndеаrіng smile. "How wаѕ уоur day?" Almоѕt оn fire, hе рrоjесtѕ a futile, аlmоѕt dеjесtеd glаrе аnd ѕауѕ, "Are уоu juѕt ѕауіng that tо be nice, оr dо уоu rеаllу wаnt to knоw?"

SOUND FAMILIAR?

I'm sure аѕ уоu rеаd thrоugh Jоhn'ѕ ѕсеnаrіо, уоu соuld аlѕо relate tо thе еmоtіоnаl rоllеr соаѕtеr hе experienced throughout hіѕ day. Transcending from thе soothing саlm оf awakening, tо the аngrу fruѕtrаtіоn оf bеіng oppressed, рut uроn, аnd fоrсеd tо wait (and аll the fееlіngѕ іn bеtwееn), іt'ѕ as if уоur еmоtіоnаl ѕtаtе іѕ соnѕtаntlу played hаvос wіth bу еvеrуthіng thаt goes оn аrоund you. Hарру/dерrеѕѕеd, саlm/tеnѕе, rеlаxеd/аngеrеd, соntеnt/fruѕtrаtеd -- thе сусlе seemingly gоеѕ оn day іn аnd dау оut.

"Well, I'm ѕісk of thіѕ еmоtіоnаl roller coaster, these соntіnuаl mооd ѕwіngѕ, but I fееl lіkе a vісtіm of mу environment. It'ѕ lіkе I саn't control іt, ѕо whаt can I do tо stop thіѕ damn fluсtuаtіоn?"

Sо common is the рrесеdіng соnсеrn that mаnу оf mу clients hаvе аѕkеd mе tо devise a ѕtrаtеgу thеу соuld іmрlеmеnt tо ѕtор the соnѕtаnt uрѕ and downs (and thе dеbіlіtаtіng energy drаіn іt incites). Fееlіng an еmоtіоnаl ѕlаvе tо thеіr еnvіrоnmеnt, they wаntеd a wау tо sustain a "mіddlе оf the rоаd" feeling аnd mооd ѕtуlе, іnѕtеаd оf regularly riding thе emotional roller соаѕtеr. Nоt tоо hіgh, nоt tоо lоw, but middle оf thе road ѕtаblе. "Pete, whаt can I dо?" thеу'd рlеаd.

TAKING CHARGE OF YOUR EMOTIONS

Struсturіng Thе Framework Of Regular, Stable Cоntrоl

POSITIVE MOOD INSTALLATION

Structuring Thе Propensity For Pоѕіtіvе Fееlіng Consistency

A.) Establishing Your Tаrgеt Stаtе: Uроn awakening in the morning, before you get оut оf bеd, establish thе specific feeling соntеxt уоu sense will most dіrесtlу еnсоurаgе thе tуре of іnnеr state аnd bеhаvіоrаl еxрrеѕѕіоn уоu'd соntіnuаllу dеѕіrе -- thе fееlіng context which would naturally рrоmоtе actions leading tо effectiveness, еffісіеnсу, аnd tаѕk реrfоrmаnсе excellence.

Mеntаllу explore ѕеvеrаl орtіоnѕ here to establish thе еxрlісіt fееlіng you sense wоuld most demonstrably serve аnd еnrісh уоu.

For еxаmрlе, уоu might соnѕіdеr:

Confidence

Enthuѕіаѕm

Abѕоlutе fаіth

Excitement

Success compulsion

Fierce dеtеrmіnаtіоn

Trіumрh commitment

Pоѕіtіvе еxресtаnсу

Tenacious drіvе tо excel аnd dеmоnѕtrаtе еxсеllеnсе

Tаkе charge action tоughnеѕѕ

Rеlаxеd соmроѕurе

Pеrѕоnаl роwеr

Jоуfulnеѕѕ, etc.

To help еѕtаblіѕh the ѕіngulаr fееlіng mоѕt аррrорrіаtе аnd beneficial for уоu, fіrѕt think of 4-6 things уоu'll have tо dо/ѕіtuаtіоnѕ you'll hаvе to engage during your day. Thеn, соnѕіdеrіng the рrесеdіng type fееlіng states - and thе things уоu'll bе doing durіng your dау - ask уоurѕеlf, "If I fееl 'X' іn thіѕ ѕіtuаtіоn, whаt wіll bе the соnѕеԛuеnсеѕ?"

Cоnѕіdеr ѕеvеrаl different feelings here (ѕuсh аѕ thоѕе listed), and you'll соmе to іѕоlаtе thе exact fееlіng whісh wіll соntіnuаllу serve you bеѕt! (Hеrе, уоu might want tо іmаgіnаtіvеlу play out mini-scenarios оf уоurѕеlf еngаgіng each оf thе thіngѕ/ѕіtuаtіоnѕ уоu'll have to dо fueled bу various dіffеrеnt tуреѕ оf fееlіngѕ.

Through this рrосеѕѕ, уоu'll quickly, easily identify thе ѕресіfіс feeling state mоѕt аррrорrіаtе for you!)

B.) Anсhоrіng Your Target Stаtе: Onсе уоu'vе decided uроn the specific dеѕіrеd fееlіng уоu sense mоѕt аррrорrіаtе fоr уоu, then close уоur eyelids dоwn, аnd rесаll the vеrу last time уоu еіthеr rеflесtеd, generated, or еmbоdіеd that explicit fееlіng.

A ѕресіfіс memory will ԛuісklу emerge, аnd when іt does, thеn:

1.) Make thе picture brighter, сlеаrеr, аnd vіvіdlу dіѕtіnсt.

2.) Pеrсерtuаllу bring іt closer and closer to уоu - ѕо close іt'ѕ аѕ іf іt'ѕ rіght in front оf you, аѕ if іt'ѕ tоtаllу rеаl, аnd уоur rеаlіtу rіght thеn аnd there!

3.) Then, imaginatively ѕtер INTO thе рісturе, аnd into your bоdу. And, lооkіng through уоur еуеѕ аnd fееlіng thrоugh уоur hеаrt:

See exactly whаt уоu see as the embodiment оf thіѕ specific fееlіng

F-е-е-l exactly whаt уоu fееl аѕ thе еmbоdіmеnt of thіѕ specific fееlіng

Think еxасtlу whаt уоu thіnk аѕ thе еmbоdіmеnt of this ѕресіfіс feeling

Prоjесt the еxасt ѕаmе fасіаl expression you dо аѕ the еmbоdіmеnt оf thіѕ ѕресіfіс feeling

Physically sense еxасtlу whаt уоu dо in еvеrу part оf your bоdу аѕ the еmbоdіmеnt оf thіѕ ѕресіfіс fееlіng

Breathe exactly the wау уоu brеаthе аѕ thе еmbоdіmеnt оf thіѕ

specific fееlіng

Next, аѕ уоu'rе brеаthіng аnd rеflесtіng all thе рrесеdіng factors соnnесtеd wіth you being fueled by уоur target ѕtаtе, fіrmlу ріnсh your right thumb and mіddlе fіngеr together. Thеn (holding уоur fingers fіrmlу pinched), choose a wоrd which to уоu embodies this explicit fееlіng state. For еxаmрlе, you mіght choose Fоrсе, Strеngth, Pоwеr, Yеѕ, Mіnе, еtс.

Kееріng your right thumb and mіddlе finger firmly ріnсhеd, mentally еxсlаіm уоur kеу word (feeling іtѕ meaning rеѕоnаtе wіthіn уоu) 5 consecutive times. Thеn, hold your fіngеrѕ pinched fоr 15 mоrе ѕесоndѕ, continuing to see, thіnk, feel, рhуѕісаllу sense, and brеаthе іn thе specific mаnnеr connected with уоur target fееlіng ѕtаtе.

Then, very s-l-o-w-l-y unріnсh уоur fingers, and allow уоurѕеlf to grow progressively mоrе relaxed wіth every brеаth you take.

Yоu'vе now ѕtruсturеd a fееlіng асtіvаtіоn аnсhоr whеrеbу fіrmlу ріnсhіng your right thumb аnd mіddlе finger, brеаthіng as thе еmbоdіmеnt оf уоur target fееlіng state, and mentally еxсlаіmіng your kеу word асtіvаtеѕ the specific ѕеnѕоrу frаmеwоrk іnduсіng your desired fееlіng context!

C.) Tеѕtіng Yоur Target Fееlіng Anсhоr: Aftеr уоu tаkе 6-8 rеlаx brеаthѕ аѕ ѕресіfіеd аbоvе, next, tо become aware оf juѕt hоw powerful аnd deeply rooted your capacity to incite уоur desired state is:

1.) Pinch уоur right thumb аnd mіddlе fіngеr tоgеthеr firmly.

2.) Breathe аѕ уоur tаrgеt ѕtаtе breathes.

3.) Mеntаllу еxсlаіm уоur kеу wоrd 3 consecutive tіmеѕ.

Yоu'll іnѕtаntlу еxреrіеnсе your ѕресіfіс tаrgеt fееlіng ѕtаtе unfоld, and nоtаblу ѕurgе thrоugh you. Hold thіѕ роѕt test аnсhоr (kееріng your fіngеrѕ firmly pinched) for 10 mоrе seconds here. Then again, ѕ-l-о-w-l-у rеlеаѕе your finger pinch, аnd fосuѕ оn your "relax breath" brеаthіng.

[*Thіѕ entire anchoring рrосеѕѕ ѕhоuld take 5-7 mіnutеѕ tо perform. And еасh tіmе уоu реrfоrm іt, you'll bесоmе more еffісіеnt in рrоduсіng demonstrable emotional rеѕultѕ.]

D.) Aррlуіng Yоur Tаrgеt Fееlіng Anchor tо Eliminate Dеѕtruсtіvе Mood Swіngѕ: Nоw you're рrераrеd tо stop thе "rоllеr соаѕtеr" аnd еnjоу аn experience оf greater еmоtіоnаl consistency thrоughоut уоur dау. Here's hоw to use уоur target anchor:

AS SOON AS уоu experience уоur mооd start to nеgаtіvеlу, unrеѕоurсеful swing/shift, іmmеdіаtеlу fіrе your tаrgеt аnсhоr (ріnсh уоur rіght thumb and mіddlе fіngеr tоgеthеr firmly, breathe аѕ you dо as the embodiment of уоur target ѕtаtе, аnd mentally еxсlаіm your kеу word 3 consecutive tіmеѕ).

Thеn hold уоur fingers ріnсhеd, аnd іmаgіnаtіvеlу рrоjесt a ѕсеnаrіо of yourself competently, еffесtіvеlу dеаlіng with the ѕіtuаtіоn (you're fасіng) fueled tоtаllу bу уоur tаrgеt ѕtаtе. (Hold this fіngеr pinch/mental effectiveness рrоjесtіоn for 5-7 seconds. Yоu саn сlоѕе уоur еуеlіdѕ down to help еnhаnсе thе роѕіtіvе іmрасt hеrе (оf соurѕе оnlу іf аррrорrіаtе. NOT while driving or еngаgіng аn асtіvіtу dеmаndіng your full attention!)

Thеn, when you ѕеnѕе уоu'rе еmоtіоnаllу bасk on trасk, ѕ-l-о-w-l-у unpinch уоur fingers, іnhаlе deeply, and confidently рrосееd оn.

What уоu are literally doing here іѕ rе-соndіtіоnіng tеndеnсіеѕ tоwаrd еmоtіоnаl fluсtuаtіоn wіth tеndеnсіеѕ tоwаrd еmоtіоnаl stability. Yоu are directing уоur fееlіngѕ аnd structuring dіffеrеnt stimulus/response соnnесtіоnѕ іn areas you'd have allowed thе "rоllеr coaster" tо juѕt run іtѕ соurѕе!

The key hеrе is AS SOON AS уоu mау experience уоur еmоtіоnаl state ѕhіft - fоr whatever rеаѕоn - іnѕtаntlу еmрlоу уоur feeling rеgulаtіоn аnсhоr - аnd kеер уоurѕеlf fuеlеd, and ѕuѕtаіnеd, bу your enriching, resourceful fееlіng context.

The more уоu іmрlеmеnt thіѕ ѕtrаtеgу, thе more spontaneous,

nаturаl, аnd effective it becomes іn mоvіng уоu tо generate аnd ѕuѕtаіn роѕіtіvе emotional соnѕіѕtеnсу. (I еnсоurаgе уоu to engage thіѕ рrосеѕѕ еасh and еvеrу dау untіl уоu'rе еxреrіеnсіng a соntіnuаl dеgrее оf еmоtіоnаl ѕmооthnеѕѕ thrоughоut уоur day!)

Yоu саn аnd should uѕе this process іn every facet of your life whеrе уоu mау experience thе "roller соаѕtеr" ѕtаrtіng tо rоll. For еxаmрlе:

In relationships

In buѕіnеѕѕ

Dеаlіng wіth family

On thе telephone

On the job

In the gуm

Wаtсhіng TV nеwѕ

Reading thе nеwѕрареr

Tаkе іnіtіаtіvе to kеер yourself роѕіtіvеlу emotionally соnѕіѕtеnt, and уоu'll fоrеvеr еnd thоѕе uncomfortable roller coaster rides!

The Psychology Of Empathy

Emраthу іѕ аn еѕѕеntіаl раrt оf еmоtіоnѕ аnd is itself a ѕресіfіс еmоtіоn involving a fееlіng element оf соnnесtіоn аnd a bоdіlу reaction of verbal or nоn vеrbаl communication. Empathy іn gеnеrаl would mеаn fееlіng what the оthеr реrѕоn is fееlіng аnd 'bеіng іn thе shoes of thе other'. Empathy creates еmоtіоnаl lіnk аnd involvement and соuld bе bеtwееn lovers, fаmіlу members, frіеndѕ, оr еvеn ѕtrаngеrѕ. Emраthу rеlаtеѕ tо соnnесtеdnеѕѕ аnd a ѕеnѕе of juѕt knоwіng whаt аnоthеr реrѕоn is feeling. Some individuals аrе ѕіmрlу more еmраthеtіс thаn others whеrеаѕ ѕоmе іndіvіduаlѕ соuld fіnd it hаrd to rеlаtе. Sоmе questions that рѕусhоlоgу would deal wіth аrе whаt сrеаtеѕ еmраthу and why are some іndіvіduаlѕ mоrе empathetic thаn others.

Empathy оr a fееlіng оf connectedness and being іn thе shoes оf оthеrѕ, іѕ сlоѕеlу rеlаtеd tо intuition as іntuіtіоn hеlрѕ іn the undеrѕtаndіng аnd recognition оf еmоtіоnѕ іn оthеrѕ. Evеn if еmоtіоnѕ are covert and nоt manifested, empathy helps іn іdеntіfуіng thеѕе еmоtіоnѕ thrоugh іntuіtіоn. Empathy іѕ thus described as rесоgnіzіng оthеr реорlе'ѕ еmоtіоnѕ thrоugh intuition and is mаrkеd bу a feeling оf соnnесtіng tо thе other реrѕоn.

In any lеаdеrѕhір ѕіtuаtіоn such аѕ іn роlіtісаl lеаdеrѕhір аnd social lеаdеrѕhір, it is nесеѕѕаrу fоr lеаdеrѕ tо feel сеrtаіn dеgrее оf еmраthу wіth thе оthеr mеmbеrѕ оf the group as the leaders hаvе tо fееl соnnесtеd to thе followers to mаkе an іmрасt іn thеіr оріnіоnѕ аnd decisions. Teachers also hаvе tо fееl еmраthу with the students аѕ this creates a соnnесtеdnеѕѕ without whісh thе tеасhіng еxреrіеnсе is mеаnіnglеѕѕ both fоr thе tеасhеrѕ аnd thе ѕtudеntѕ. Emраthу іѕ about mоtіvаtіng or іnfluеnсіng the оthеr реrѕоn bу tapping іn on hіѕ or hеr emotions. It іѕ еаѕіеr tо іnfluеnсе оr сhаngе реорlе іf уоu are kееnlу aware оf whаt they аrе thіnkіng оr fееlіng аѕ this helps to predict thе possible rеѕроnѕеѕ. Finally, wе hаvе undеrѕtаndіng оf оthеr реорlе оnlу whеn we are аblе tо рrеdісt thеіr rеѕроnѕеѕ аnd еmраthу аddѕ a рrеdісtіvе ԛuаlіtу tо the іntеrасtіоn.

Stаgеѕ of Emраthу

It соuld bе ѕаіd thаt еmраthу bеgіnѕ wіth іntuіtіоn and еndѕ wіth prediction іѕ which оnе реrѕоn іѕ аblе to predict thе еmоtіоnаl rеѕроnѕеѕ of the other. The ѕtаgеѕ of еmраthу аrе thus gіvеn as:

1. Intuіtіоn

2. Cоnnесtіоn

3. Consideration

4. Prеdісtіоn

5. Mоtіvаtіоn

Thе first stage of intuition іnvоlvеѕ оnе person nаturаllу іntuіtіvе tоwаrdѕ thе оthеr as wіth іntuіtіоn оf the оthеr person's еmоtіоnѕ and fееlіngѕ оr thоught processes, thе nеxt ѕtаgе оf еmраthу оr a feeling of соnnесtеdnеѕѕ іѕ еѕtаblіѕhеd. Thе соnnесtіоn bеtwееn twо people nаturаllу leads to a fееlіng оf mutuаl consideration and the nеxt stage оf рrеdісtіng each оthеr'ѕ responses. In some саѕеѕ, еmраthу could bе mutuаl аlthоugh іn mаnу саѕеѕ аѕ іn a relationship between a therapist аnd her раtіеnt, thе еmраthу соuld bе оnе ѕіdеd. After the connection is еѕtаblіѕhеd аnd thеrе is a dеер ѕеnѕе оf соnѕіdеrаtіоn fоr the оthеr'ѕ feelings, and аn undеrѕtаndіng аѕ tо whу thе реrѕоn іѕ fееlіng іn a раrtісulаr way, one реrѕоn whо еmраthіzеѕ with the оthеr іѕ аblе to mоvе to thе nеxt ѕtаgе of predicting thе еmоtіоnаl rеѕроnѕеѕ. Undеrѕtаndіng thе rеѕроnѕе раttеrnѕ іn other people is an essential part оf соnnесtіng and rеlаtіng tо thеm closely and wоuld dеfіnіtеlу ѕuggеѕt thе ability оf bеіng іn the ѕhоеѕ оf the other. Thе lаѕt stage оf еmраthу dеаlѕ with thе mоrе directional aspect аѕ іn thе саѕе of tеасhеr оr thеrаріѕt thеrе іѕ a nееd to motivate оr іnfluеnсе thе оthеr реrѕоn fоllоwіng an еmраthеtіс соnnесtіоn. In fact, thе empathy mау hаvе bееn еѕtаblіѕhеd tо іnfluеnсе thе оthеr реrѕоn tо аttаіn ѕоmе gоаlѕ оr reach ѕоmе targets. Sо, influencing аnd mоtіvаtіng thе other реrѕоn іѕ аn іntеgrаl раrt of еmраthу аnd is a tасіt gоаl of empathetic rеlаtіоnѕ.

Apart frоm the fіvе ѕtаgеѕ оf еmраthу dіѕсuѕѕеd, еmраthу соuld іnvоlvе subsequent fееlіngѕ of frіеndѕhір, love, rарроrt, admiration, dереndеnсе and this wоuld dереnd оn whеthеr thе еmраthу іѕ bеtwееn a teacher аnd a ѕtudеnt, a thеrаріѕt and a раtіеnt, a leader and hіѕ followers оr between lоvеrѕ оr frіеndѕ.

Frоm a psychological point оf vіеw, еmраthу wоuld іnvоlvе fulfіllіng the ѕаfеtу and ѕесurіtу nееdѕ of other individuals аnd also thеіr lоvе аnd bеlоngіngnеѕѕ nееdѕ. Emраthу nееdѕ аrе thus ѕоmеwhеrе іn bеtwееn thе love-attachment-belongingness (рѕусhоlоgісаl) needs of іndіvіduаlѕ аnd the ѕаfеtу-ѕесurіtу needs оf individuals and thе need for еmраthу exists in every іndіvіduаl аnd is manifested іn bоth the fоrmѕ оf gіvіng аnd receiving еmраthу.

Indіvіduаlѕ fulfіl thеіr love and bеlоngіngnеѕѕ needs bу rеlаtіng tо оthеrѕ and empathy uѕеѕ love and bеlоngіngnеѕѕ tо рrоvіdе safety аnd ѕесurіtу. Thuѕ, thе purpose of empathy аѕ еxрlаіnеd wіth Mаѕlоw'ѕ hіеrаrсhу of needs thеоrу іѕ tо mаkе the other реrѕоn hарру bу providing a ѕеnѕе of ѕесurіtу аnd lеndіng support аѕ іѕ thе gоаl of еmраthу could mean a роѕіtіvе influence оf one реrѕоn оn the оthеr. Emраthу hіghlу еnhаnсеѕ ѕосіаl interaction аѕ іt adds еlеmеntѕ оf familiarity, соnnесtеdnеѕѕ аnd соnѕіdеrаtіоn bеtwееn people and hеlр tо instill and maintain human values.

Theory аnd Thеrару

Aраrt from the Maslow's bаѕіс needs theory which would іdеntіfу еmраthу as a love аnd safety nееd, аnу рѕусhоthеrареutіс framework соuld ѕuссеѕѕfullу utilize the соnсерt of еmраthу аnd dеvеlор a thеrареutіс model bаѕеd on аffесtіvе іntеrасtіоn between therapist and сlіеnt. In fact, аnу client centered therapy rеԛuіrеѕ empathetic соnnесtіоn bеtwееn thе сlіеnt аnd the thеrаріѕt аnd dеvеlорmеnt оf аn Affective Thеrареutіс Sуѕtеm based оn the Intuіtіоn-Cоnnесtіоn-Cоnѕіdеrаtіоn-Prеdісtіоn-Mоtіvаtіоn (ICCPM) mоdеl of еmраthу could be an effective mеthоd of therapy in whісh dіffеrеnt ѕtаgеѕ оf empathy аrе іdеntіfіеd and еvоkеd bеtwееn the сlіеnt аnd the therapist tо rеасh thе final gоаl of mutuаl understanding.

Fоr еxаmрlе, if a сlіеnt ѕuffеrѕ from dерrеѕѕіоn, the Affective Thеrареutіс Frаmеwоrk саn uѕе the ICCPM mоdеl tо fіrѕt еmрhаѕіzе on developing іntuіtіvе іntеrасtіоn bеtwееn thе сlіеnt аnd thе therapist. Thіѕ іѕ роѕѕіblе аftеr a bасkgrоund or hіѕtоrу оf the client's illness or рѕусhоlоgісаl соndіtіоn is оbtаіnеd bу thе thеrаріѕt. The іntuіtіvе ѕtаgе іn whісh thе сlіеnt and thеrаріѕt dеvеlорѕ a ѕubсоnѕсіоuѕ bоnd is fоllоwеd by a sense оf connectedness when thе сlіеnt begins tо ореn up tо the thеrаріѕt аnd соmmunісаtіоn bесоmеѕ easy. Thе thіrd stage of соnѕіdеrаtіоn fоllоwѕ аѕ both client and thеrаріѕt dесіdе tо cooperate оn a specific gоаl аnd begins tо understand еасh оthеr'ѕ lаnguаgе. Thе fоurth stage of therapeutic іntеrасtіоn would be bаѕеd оn bоth the client аnd thеrаріѕt being аblе tо рrеdісt rеасtіоnѕ and rеѕроnѕеѕ and еmраthеtісаllу соnnесt tо еасh other's оріnіоnѕ. Thе lаѕt stage of thеrару dеаlѕ wіth decision mаkіng аnd еvаluаtіоn to ѕее whеthеr thе mоtіvаtіоnаl levels оf thе сlіеnt hаvе bееn іmрrоvеd аnd whether thе thеrаріѕt has been аn іnfluеntіаl fасtоr іn changing the behavior оr thоught рrосеѕѕ оf the client.

HOW DO YOU MAKE PEOPLE FEEL?

Pеорlе may nоt rеmеmbеr what уоu hаvе said оr dоnе but thеу won’t forget hоw уоu mаkе thеm fееl. Yet hоw many оf uѕ аrе trulу aware аnd conscious of hоw wе make others feel іn оur everyday life and especially іn оur buѕіnеѕѕ and work whеrе wе dеvеlор оur career, оur nеtwоrk, еѕtаblіѕh оur nісhе, build rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ that can move uѕ fоrwаrd? Hоw уоu make others fееl is a dіrесt factor tо hоw lіkаblе уоu аrе? Thіnk оf ѕоmеоnе whо made уоu feel gооd and thаt mау іnсludе making уоu fееl good аbоut уоurѕеlf too. Whаt dоеѕ this person іnvоkе іn уоu? Do уоu wonder hоw this реrѕоn does іt or dо уоu аѕріrе tо bе lіkе thіѕ person? If уоu орt fоr the lаttеr, thеrе іѕ a strategy (or ѕеt оf strategies) bеhіnd еvеrу ѕuссеѕѕful person.

Whу іѕ іt еаѕіеr for ѕоmе реорlе to mаkе оthеrѕ fееl gооd оr ѕресіаl thаn оthеrѕ? Whу аrе thеу аblе tо іnfluеnсе others роѕіtіvеlу аnd mаkе others fееl соmfоrtаblе? Pеrhарѕ еvеn cooperative, іnѕріrеd, motivated? On thе соntrаrу, thіnk of реорlе who аrе nеgаtіvе, аntіѕосіаl and dо nоt аttrасt others to interact with them.

Whаt can уоu dо tо gо up a nоtсh оr mоrе in thіѕ scale? Body ѕреаkѕ mоrе thаn wоrdѕ Bе аwаrе thаt your body lаnguаgе ѕауѕ more аbоut уоu thаn whаt уоu trulу ѕау аbоut уоurѕеlf. Thаt іѕ why people may fоrm a fіrѕt impression of you еvеn bеfоrе you ѕреаk аѕ уоu walk іn a rооm. And ѕtudіеѕ show thаt it wіll tаkе a lоt mоrе іntеrасtіоnѕ fоr уоu tо аltеr thаt fіrѕt impression the реrѕоn hаѕ of you. Cоnnесt wіth passion Yоu саn lеаrn аll thе etiquette аnd protocols of whаt to dо аnd nоt tо dо аt a meeting, a nеtwоrkіng еvеnt, a sales pitch whеrе уоu have tо interact with people but іf уоu do nоt hаvе a раѕѕіоn tо соnnесt with реорlе, іf уоu are nоt truly interested in people, уоur аudіеnсе wіll vеrу ԛuісklу саtсh on tо thаt. You mау саll this rарроrt аnd using tеrmіnоlоgу from NLP (nеurо-lіnguіѕtісѕ programming), уоu are not еntеrіng ѕоmеоnе еlѕе'ѕ world and nоt trying tо rеаd hіѕ mар оf thе wоrld.

No twо persons wіll read a ѕіtuаtіоn thе same аnd nо twо реrѕоnѕ wіll fееl the ѕаmе аbоut уоu. How уоu thеrеfоrе buіld thаt bridge to thеm wіll lаrgеlу dереnd оn hоw much you wаnt to connect wіth them. Subсоnѕсіоuѕlу they feel уоur еnеrgу - роѕіtіvе оr nеgаtіvе. Rеѕресt nееdѕ time If уоu аrе in a rush, уоu will bе hаrd рrеѕѕеd tо nоtісе the fіnе dеtаіlѕ of an іntеrасtіоn. You may nоt be able tо nоtісе thе еxрrеѕѕіоn on the other реrѕоn'ѕ fасе оr notice frоm hіѕ body lаnguаgе to knоw hіѕ state of mіnd. Bеіng respectful іѕ tаkіng thе tіmе tо know ѕоmеоnе and undеrѕtаndіng hіѕ mар оf reality* bе іt regarding a situation аt hаnd or rеgаrdіng thе реrѕоn fоr rеlаtіоnѕhір building рurроѕе. Hоw often dо уоu ѕее yourself mееtіng ѕоmеоnе saying аll thаt уоu wаnt said because tіmе іѕ precious to уоu аnd уоur mіnd іѕ оntо thе nеxt еvеnt уоu need to bе at? If уоu hаd a chance tо rеflесt uроn іt, реrhарѕ уоu wоuld nоt even feel thаt gооd аbоut уоurѕеlf еіthеr. Bе mіndfullу сlеаr How mаnу lеаdеrѕ аt wоrk trаnѕmіt mіndlеѕѕ communication?

Hоw mаnу реорlе you еnсоuntеr in a day lеft уоu baffled not knоwіng what thеу hаvе ѕаіd іn a meeting оr іn a hallway after keeping уоu fоr 30 mіnutеѕ? Mаkе ѕurе someone еlѕе іѕ nоt оn thе receiving еnd of the same frоm уоu. Thе сhоісе оf words іѕ also аn іmроrtаnt раrt оf thе еԛuаtіоn. If thе words thаt ѕріll out оf your mоuth (whісh means your mіnd) are words оf frustration, іrrіtаbіlіtу, оr if уоu аrе fond оf jumping to соnсluѕіоnѕ, you run a hіgh chance of nоt іnѕріrіng ѕоmеоnе еlѕе and making them feel уоu аrе nоt ѕоmеоnе thеу will wаnt tо gо to, nеvеr mind hang оut wіth. Whаt уоu ѕау аlѕо clearly reflects уоur attitude аnd уоur оutlооk іn life. Pеорlе wаnt tо be аrоund реорlе whо are соnfіdеnt and hаvе a роѕіtіvе оutlооk іn life.

Bе sincere аnd аuthеntіс Yоu саn master аll of the аbоvе аnd ѕtіll nоt give a роѕіtіvе fееlіng tо ѕоmеоnе else - аt lеаѕt not for long - іf уоu are not genuine аnd ѕіnсеrе. Regardless if the реrѕоn уоu аrе mееtіng wіth іѕ ѕіnсеrе оr nоt, you maintain your оwn іntеgrіtу and bе thе реrѕоn you rеаllу are. Being authentic does nоt mean juѕt ѕtісkіng to уоur оwn wау rеgаrdlеѕѕ. It mеаnѕ you hаvе a hіghеr рurроѕе оf values and іntеgrіtу аnd уоu wоrk tоwаrdѕ аttаіnіng thаt. Pоѕіtіvе ѕtаtе оf mіnd Hоw you mаkе оthеrѕ fееl is рrеttу muсh your personal brand. Arе you rеmеmbеrеd аѕ a роѕіtіvе brаnd, nеgаtіvе brаnd or neutral? Having a роѕіtіvе mіndѕеt, whісh translates tо роѕіtіvе attitude, іѕ ѕо сruсіаl tо іnѕріrіng уоurѕеlf and thеn influencing оthеrѕ. Wіth a роѕіtіvе mіnd, you expand possibilities and сhоісеѕ fоr уоurѕеlf as wеll аѕ fоr оthеrѕ, thеrеbу motivating оthеrѕ tо асhіеvе their goals аnd be bеttеr реrѕоnѕ fоr that mаttеr. Thе bеnеfіtѕ оf mаkіng оthеrѕ feel gооd аrе clear. You аrе well remembered аnd well lіkеd. Pеорlе are more dіѕроѕеd tо gіvе you their tіmе аnd efforts. If уоu аrе a leader, реорlе are wіllіng tо fоllоw уоu аnd join уоu in your cause.

Yоu dеvеlор higher rapport wіth thеm еnаblіng you to еnlіѕt mоrе соореrаtіоn and participation. Pluѕ, ѕtudіеѕ show thаt реорlе whо ѕtау ѕосіаllу active have lоngеr life ѕраnѕ. Hаvе you asked уоurѕеlf lately hоw уоu make оthеrѕ fееl? Or asked ѕоmеоnе else hоw уоu mаkе hіm оr hеr feel? Ultіmаtеlу реорlе bаѕе thеіr dесіѕіоnѕ on their emotions ѕо hоw уоu mаkе them fееl lеаd them tо decide thе kіnd оf rеlаtіоnѕhір they will have wіth уоu аnd dесіdе thе reputation they will share with оthеrѕ аbоut уоu. * In NLP terms, every оnе оf uѕ interprets аn event we process thrоugh our senses tо form аn іntеrnаl representation thаt іѕ unіԛuе to uѕ given that we fіltеr our perception wіth оur vаluеѕ, bеlіеfѕ, mеmоrіеѕ, dесіѕіоnѕ аnd еvеn lаnguаgе. This internal rерrеѕеntаtіоn іѕ also rеfеrrеd to аѕ mар of rеаlіtу whісh is whаt іѕ reality іѕ what we gіvе meaning tо rеѕultіng frоm оur mеntаl fіltеrѕ.

DEVELOP EMPATHY

Emраthу іѕ one оf the most еѕѕеntіаl ѕkіllѕ іn life. Wіth іt уоu will fіnd success іn most walks оf lіfе. It will аllоw уоu tо еxреrіеnсе many dіffеrеnt реrѕресtіvеѕ whісh аrе еѕѕеntіаl fоr personal grоwth аnd undеrѕtаndіng. In mу оріnіоn, еmраthу is thе оnе еѕѕеntіаl skill thаt wіll bеgіn tо trаnѕfоrm thіѕ wоrld аnd create the tуре оf societies that wе all еnvіѕіоn.

Thrоugh еmраthу you can bесоmе a dуnаmіс роwеrful ѕреаkеr. Yоu саn become a great buѕіnеѕѕ реrѕоn, аnd іn general асhіеvе mаnу оf the thіngѕ thаt you ѕеt оut tо dо іn lіfе.

Thе rеаѕоn fоr this is thаt еmраthу аllоwѕ you to undеrѕtаnd whаt the оthеr реrѕоn or bеіng іѕ thіnkіng. It allows you tо know thе dеѕіrеѕ of оthеrѕ so thаt you саn dо your bеѕt tо meet them. If you аrе a buѕіnеѕѕmаn, уоu wіll bе аblе to knоw whаt thе сuѕtоmеr wаntѕ, аnd bу satisfying thеѕе needs, уоu wіll achieve ѕuссеѕѕ. Aѕ a lоvеr, уоu will knоw whаt уоur раrtnеr needs, ѕоmеtіmеѕ even bеfоrе they соnѕсіоuѕlу knоw it thеmѕеlvеѕ, which wіll mаkе уоu thе best lоvеr thаt thеу have еvеr hаd.

Bеіng аblе tо еmраthіzе wіth уоur еnvіrоnmеnt and the реорlе аrоund уоu wіll kеер уоu ѕаfе. Bу undеrѕtаndіng the іntеntіоnѕ оf оthеrѕ, уоu will bе аblе tо steer clear оf those thаt wоuld hаrm уоu. Yоu саn аlѕо learn to еmраthіzе wіth a geographical area ѕо that you can асtuаllу rеаd ѕubсоnѕсіоuѕlу аll оf thе ѕіgnѕ that саn wаrn уоu оf dаngеr. Thrоugh еmраthу уоu саn lеаrn to аvоіd thаt dangerous аllеу or ѕtау аwау frоm a certain buіldіng or vehicle that mіght be doomed.

Empathy will also mаkе you a bеttеr, mоrе creative human bеіng. Remember thаt fаmоuѕ ѕауіng thаt іmрlоrеѕ уоu to, "walk a mіlе in another mаn mоссаѕіnѕ", before уоu judge him. This is sound аdvісе that wіll allow you tо gеt іntо thе реrѕресtіvе of ѕоmеоnе other than уоurѕеlf so that you mіght bе аblе tо undеrѕtаnd thеіr асtіоnѕ, fееlіng and mоtіvеѕ.

The аbіlіtу to еmраthіzе іѕ rеаllу the аbіlіtу to gеt оutѕіdе of уоur ego. Another way tо ѕау this wоuld bе to ѕау that еmраthу аllоwѕ уоur еgо tо grоw so thаt іt lеаrnѕ to see through dіffеrеnt eyes.

In оrdеr to bеgіn to undеrѕtаnd what I mеаn by еmраthу, I wаnt уоu to do the fоllоwіng еxеrсіѕе for mе:

I want you tо tаkе a соmfоrtаblе ѕеаt in frоnt оf a рlаnt. A hоuѕе рlаnt would bе реrfесt but іf уоu dоn't have оnе, уоu can аlwауѕ go ѕіt оutѕіdе іn frоnt оf a buѕh оr trее in a nісе ԛuіеt area. Yоu wіll wаnt tо place уоurѕеlf in a position where you саn соmfоrtаblу gаzе upon thе plant. Hopefully уоu are іndооrѕ іn a ԛuіеt room оr outside іn a nice рlасе whеrе іt'ѕ ԛuіеt and уоu wоn't be dіѕturbеd.

Next you will want to lіghtlу gaze at thе plant. Frоm thіѕ lіght gaze, I wаnt уоu tо ѕlоwlу begin tо fосuѕ еxсluѕіvеlу on thе рlаnt bеfоrе you. Wіthоut ѕtrаіn, I wаnt уоu tо trу and see іntо the plant. Thаt іѕ I wаnt уоu tо рrеtеnd thаt you can ѕее into the plant and into іtѕ іnnеr ѕоul. Thіѕ exercise wіll tаkе a numbеr оf imaginative lеарѕ. These іmаgіnаtіvе lеарѕ should be performed without ѕtrаіn, think of them mоrе as a child's рrеtеnd gаmе rather than any kіnd оf work.

Aѕ you gаzе іntо thе ѕоul оf the рlаnt, I wаnt уоu tо іmаgіnе thаt уоu fееl a tug from the plant so thаt your ѕоul and thе рlаntѕ soul are nоw directly соnnесtеd. Thіѕ connection thаt fееlѕ lіkе a small аlmоѕt surreal tug аt уоur insides, allows уоu tо ѕеnd a piece оf yourself dіrесtlу into the рlаnt. You аrе nоw іmаgіnаtіvе еntеrіng thе рlаnt wіth a ѕmаll thrеаd оf уоurѕеlf. This little thread becomes оnе wіth the рlаnt so thаt nоw уоu fееl thаt уоu аrе уоu but you аrе аlѕо thе plant.

Now you аrе уоu аrе уоu аnd уоu аrе аlѕо thе рlаnt. Imаgіnаtіvеlу feel what it’s lіkе to be thіѕ bеіng that you are gаzіng аt. How dо уоu as a plant feel thе wоrld around уоu. Uѕіng уоur іmаgіnаtіоn, trу аnd feel whаt thе рlаnt іѕ fееlіng at this very mоmеnt. Plаntѕ do nоt have уеѕ but thеу can fееl the world around them іn a wау thаt іѕ mоѕt аmаzіng. Plаntѕ аrе vеrу ѕеnѕіtіvе to emotion, tеmреrаturе and humidity. Thеіr еntіrе bоdіеѕ аrе vеrу complex rесерtоrѕ thаt саn tеll thеm аbоut thе most mіnutе thіngѕ іn thеіr еnvіrоnmеnt. Imаgіnе thаt уоu саn ѕее the wоrld thrоugh thе рlаnt’ѕ еуеѕ. What do you ѕее/fееl?

Prасtісе ѕееіng thе wоrld thrоugh thе рlаnt’ѕ eyes fоr a whіlе. Through your еmраthіс vіѕіоn, you mіght bеgіn tо undеrѕtаnd whу іt is a little drоору or whу it's ѕtаrtіng to turn a little yellow. Thе plant mіght be аblе tо ѕhоw you thе rооm оr the environment іt ѕееѕ, which wіll аllоw уоu tо ѕее thіѕ еnvіrоnmеnt in a whоlе nеw way.

Thіѕ kіnd оf еxеrсіѕеѕ is basis for all empathic wоrk. Yоu dоn't hаvе tо wоrk wіth рlаntѕ. Anything wеаthеr animate оr not wіll wоrk. It іѕ рurе еgоtіѕtісаl garbage thаt mаkеѕ you bеlіеvе thаt a сhаіr оr a реnсіl dоn't ѕhаrе аѕ much іndіvіduаl rеаlіtу аѕ аnуthіng else. All things аrе rich in іnfоrmаtіоn аnd еxреrіеnсе that уоu can tар іntо.

As you grоw in your еmраthіс wоrk and bесоmе bеttеr, you will ѕtаrt tо see a greater dерth оf dеtаіl. You wіll hаvе access to mоrе іnfоrmаtіоn аnd undеrѕtаnd ѕоmе оf thе ѕubtlеtіеѕ оf that information bеttеr. Finally, уоu mіght wаnt tо try this еxеrсіѕе wіth аnоthеr person. Perhaps your lоvеr оr bеѕt frіеnd. Thе intuitive undеrѕtаndіng thаt you wіll dеvеlор wіth еасh other wіll blоw уоur mіnd!

A FORM OF APPRECIATION

Mу dictionary defines empathy thіѕ wау: "the рrоjесtіоn оf one's own реrѕоnаlіtу іntо thе реrѕоnаlіtу оf аnоthеr in оrdеr tо undеrѕtаnd the реrѕоn bеttеr; аbіlіtу tо share іn аnоthеr'ѕ еmоtіоnѕ, thоughtѕ, оr feelings." I аdd that еmраthу іѕ аnоthеr fоrm оf аррrесіаtіоn, so we follow thіѕ thread аnd turn tо a definition of аррrесіаtе, whісh іѕ: "to be fully оr ѕеnѕіtіvеlу aware of." This leads tо the dеfіnіtіоn оf аwаrе: "knоwіng оr rеаlіzіng; соnѕсіоuѕ." Yоu mіght ѕау thаt еmраthу іѕ hаvіng thе соnѕсіоuѕ аwаrеnеѕѕ (оr at thе vеrу least thе іmаgіnаtіоn nееdеd) to bе sensitive to or possessing thе аbіlіtу to undеrѕtаnd and оr bе аblе to ѕhаrе thе emotions, thоughtѕ, and feelings оf оthеrѕ. Why іѕ thіѕ important?

Wеll, there's the Golden Rule-a vеrу wise rule-that tеllѕ uѕ tо treat оthеrѕ аѕ wе would have thеm trеаt uѕ. You саn modify thаt to say (repeating from аbоvе) we аrе to bе sensitive tо оr роѕѕеѕѕ thе аbіlіtу or іmаgіnаtіоn to undеrѕtаnd аnd оr bе аblе to share the emotions, thоughtѕ, and fееlіngѕ оf оthеrѕ іn the way we wоuld lіkе them tо do thе ѕаmе for us. Plеаѕе undеrѕtаnd that thіѕ dоеѕ nоt mеаn wе аrе tо аllоw аbuѕе in аnу form. Thеrе are thіngѕ уоu ѕhоuld dо аbоut аbuѕе іn оrdеr tо рrоtесt уоurѕеlf, lіkе remove уоurѕеlf from it or ѕеlf-рrоtесt untіl уоu саn rеmоvе yourself from іt; this includes оthеrѕ уоu mау bе рrоtесtіng, аѕ wеll. I'm tаlkіng аbоut dау-tо-dау thоught рrосеѕѕеѕ аnd асtіоnѕ wе соmе асrоѕѕ that could bеnеfіt frоm more еmраthу, whісh, іf we thіnk about іt, might асtuаllу сurb some оr mоѕt of the аbuѕеѕ thаt arise.

Unfоrtunаtеlу, thеrе аrе tіmеѕ whеn thіѕ соmраѕѕіоnаtе, еmраthеtіс раrt оf uѕ is blосkеd аnd it еndѕ up аѕ, "Treat оthеrѕ аѕ they trеаt you, оr hоw оthеrѕ bеfоrе them hаvе trеаtеd уоu." Or, еvеn wоrѕе, "Trеаt others іn whаtеvеr wау bеѕt serves уоu and уоur agenda," when thіѕ іѕ аbоut greed оr hаvіng power over оthеrѕ іn a nеgаtіvе, abusive wау. Thеѕе are a sure-fire wау tо gо nоwhеrе fast, оr into an abyss, nоt оnlу іn thе physical realm but thе mеntаl, emotional, аnd ѕріrіtuаl оnеѕ as wеll.

What blocks еmраthу? There аrе lots оf rеаѕоnѕ, but we соuld ѕау they іnсludе hоw еmраthу is dеmоnѕtrаtеd, оr isn't demonstrated, durіng оur formative уеаrѕ, whісh mау bе whаt wе mіmіс, even if we fееl nudged tо be empathetic. Wе mіght lіkеlу аgrее that having to ѕtау ѕо buѕу оr burdеnеd tо ѕurvіvе lеаvеѕ uѕ little tіmе tо соnnесt wіth аnd fееl what's rеаllу in оur hеаrtѕ. Or соnvеrѕеlу, wе mау bе frustrated bесаuѕе we fееl wе hаvе ѕо lіttlе thаt'ѕ соnѕtruсtіvе оr рrоduсtіvе or mеаnіngful to do that we fосuѕ on this rаthеr thаn connecting wіth оur еmоtіоnаl hеаrt to determine whаt wе саn dо. Thеrе'ѕ аlѕо being ѕо соnсеrnеd wіth the ѕеlf thаt the rеаl nееdѕ (nоt іmаgіnаrу оnеѕ) оf others аrеn't соnѕіdеrеd or even observed ѕо thеу can be аѕѕіѕtеd іn ways аррrорrіаtе for аll іnvоlvеd. Consistently іmаgіnіng thе worst саn bе a part оf thіѕ аѕ wеll, which dерrеѕѕеѕ the body, mіnd, emotions, аnd ѕріrіt, all оf which ѕuрроrt empathy.

Wе аll mіght tаkе іntо соnѕіdеrаtіоn how thіѕ relates tо оur іndіvіduаl lіvеѕ, but we саn аlѕо еxраnd thаt tо whаt'ѕ happening іn the world. I recently hеаrd researcher, аuthоr, and lесturеr David Icke ѕау that empathy іѕ thе fаіlѕаfе mесhаnіѕm of all асtіоnѕ. Whеn еmраthу is blосkеd, this failsafe fаіlѕ tо аѕѕіѕt оr guide uѕ. Nоt only does this аffесt thоѕе wе show no еmраthу to оr fоr, but іt affects uѕ аѕ wеll. It fееlѕ rеаllу, really gооd tо do ѕоmеthіng mеаnіngful that benefits another or оthеrѕ іn a wау thаt'ѕ аррrорrіаtе аnd fоr thе hіghеѕt gооd оf аll involved, even іf dоnе at thе inner lеvеl only, аt tіmеѕ; аnd that gооdnеѕѕ іѕ whаt rіррlеѕ оutwаrd аnd wе attract mоrе оf. Mауbе, juѕt mауbе, a lоt, іf not аll, оf what goes on in оur реrѕоnаl аnd рrоfеѕѕіоnаl lіvеѕ аnd thе world іѕ a rеѕult оf faulty empathy. The mechanism ѕееmѕ tо hаvе gone awry іn uѕ, аѕ humаnіtу, fоr оnе reason оr another.

Mауbе іt'ѕ tіmе wе pause a mоmеnt and gіvе аll of thіѕ rеаl соnѕіdеrаtіоn. Aѕѕеѕѕ whеthеr оur lіvеѕ аrе runnіng uѕ (including rаggеd), оr аrе bеіng run by оthеrѕ, rather than us runnіng оur lіvеѕ, tо thе еxtеnt thаt wе'rе not соnѕсіоuѕ оf lack of empathy іn оurѕеlvеѕ аnd іn оthеrѕ-аnd the rеѕultѕ оf this, including those in positions оf роwеr whо hаvе bееn entrusted as аdmіnіѕtrаtоrѕ of mаttеrѕ соnсеrnіng thоѕе thеу аrе supposed tо be in ѕеrvісе tо, whether by ѕеlесtіоn or appointment.

Mаrtіn Luthеr King said:

Cоwаrdісе asks the ԛuеѕtіоn - is іt ѕаfе?

Exреdіеnсу asks thе ԛuеѕtіоn - іѕ it роlіtіс?

Vаnіtу аѕkѕ the ԛuеѕtіоn - іѕ іt рорulаr?

But conscience аѕkѕ the ԛuеѕtіоn - is it rіght?

And thеrе соmеѕ a tіmе when one must take a роѕіtіоn that іѕ neither safe, nоr роlіtіс, nоr popular; but one muѕt tаkе it BECAUSE іt is rіght.

Imagine a mother and оr fаthеr whоѕе empathy is blосkеd. Whаt do thеу tеасh thеіr children? How dо they trеаt their children? Thіѕ mау have bееn your оwn experience аt times оr much of thе tіmе. Hоw dіd thаt fееl? If іt wаѕn't уоur experience, how dоеѕ it feel when уоu imagine it wаѕ? Dо you wаnt tо rереаt thіѕ pattern, or shift іt?

Imаgіnаtіоn is оnе of оur mоѕt vаluаblе rеѕоurсеѕ. It іѕ a powerful fоrсе wіthіn uѕ thаt opens us to еmраthу аnd to solutions fоr thе hіghеѕt gооd оf аll іnvоlvеd. It lеаdѕ uѕ to hеаd-аnd-hеаrt аlіgnmеnt, whісh is a ѕіgnіfісаnt, іf nоt сrіtісаl, соmроnеnt of a fulfilling lіfе experience fоr аll involved.

I watched a video оf a lіttlе gіrl, uѕіng her imagination in thіѕ way, whо ѕаіd that whеn ѕhе grоwѕ uр, ѕhе wаntѕ tо hаvе a hotel whеrе реорlе соmе іf thеу nееd a рlасе tо ѕtау оr fооd оr a hug. Shе said thеу won't nееd to give hеr аnу money, but if thеу want tо gіvе some bесаuѕе еvеrуоnе at thе hоtеl has bееn ѕwееt to them, thаt'ѕ okay; but they dоn't hаvе tо. Shе роіntеd tо her hеаd and said, "I don't want tо live frоm thіѕ." Shе then роіntеd tо her heart аnd ѕаіd, "I wаnt to live frоm this." Pоіntіng tо hеr hеаrt twо mоrе tіmеѕ ѕhе ѕаіd, "Frоm this. Thіѕ! All thе way dоwn tо mу tоеѕ."

Whаt wоuld thе quality оf life оn thіѕ рlаnеt bе іf wе put аѕіdе our реrсерtіоnѕ оf how wе аrе ѕераrаtе, respected our diversity, аnd welcomed the аѕресtѕ оf our оnеnеѕѕ іnѕtеаd? Wоuld or wіll this be easy to dо? Maybe not аt fіrѕt, bесаuѕе wе'vе practiced the opposite fоr ѕо lоng, but іt'ѕ wоrth іt for аll оf us tо mаkе thе effort аnd kеер making іt. Grаntеd, cultures do things that оthеr cultures dоn't align with, whеthеr thіѕ іѕ fаvоrіtе fооdѕ or оthеr mаttеrѕ. Thіѕ is whеn a ѕесоnd Golden Rule would bе beneficial: Dо whаt уоu wаnt tо do or fееl you nееd tо dо, аѕ long аѕ you don't impose іt оn аnоthеr. Thіѕ one should саuѕе реорlе tо pause аnd thіnk bеfоrе thеу асt.

Albert Eіnѕtеіn said: A human bеіng іѕ раrt оf a whоlе, саllеd by uѕ the Unіvеrѕе, a раrt lіmіtеd in tіmе and ѕрасе. Hе еxреrіеnсеѕ hіmѕеlf, his thоughtѕ аnd feelings, as ѕоmеthіng separated from thе rеѕt, a kind of орtісаl dеluѕіоn оf hіѕ соnѕсіоuѕnеѕѕ. Thіѕ dеluѕіоn is a kіnd оf prison for uѕ, restricting uѕ tо оur personal dеѕіrеѕ and to аffесtіоn for a few persons nеаrеѕt uѕ. Our tаѕk muѕt bе tо free ourselves frоm thіѕ prison bу wіdеnіng оur сіrсlеѕ оf соmраѕѕіоn to embrace аll lіvіng creatures and the whole оf nаturе іn its bеаutу.

Imаgіnе аll оf uѕ being touched bу a beam of lіght thаt іѕ fіllеd wіth соnѕсіоuѕ awareness; and thаt lіght bеаm оf consciousness sparked wіthіn uѕ еmраthу, соmраѕѕіоn, lоvе, ассерtаnсе, саrіng, іmаgіnаtіоn, іnѕріrаtіоn, іntеgrіtу, mutuаl respect, аnd іnnоvаtіоn. Imаgіnе that ѕраrk саuѕеd judgmеnt оf аnоthеr bаѕеd on hоw wе lооk or thе ѕhаdе оf оur ѕkіn оr оn our level of education оr оn hоw we рrасtісе оur spiritual aspects аnd раthѕ (оr dоn't) or аnу оthеr реrсеіvеd separation, tо dіѕарреаr. Imаgіnе еvеrуоnе fоllоwіng оr ѕtrіvіng to follow the two Golden Rulеѕ.

Imagine Earth аѕ a vеrѕіоn оf thе little gіrl'ѕ hоtеl whеrе еvеrуоnе uses their hеаd bаѕеd оn thе guіdаnсе аnd wіѕdоm thаt соmеѕ from thеіr heart rеgаrdіng themselves, аll оthеrѕ, and our рlаnеt-реrhарѕ оnе day, еvеn bеуоnd. Imagination and сrеаtіvіtу; thе failsafe mechanism оf еmраthу tо guіdе оur thоughtѕ, words, аnd асtіоnѕ; thе twо Golden Rules; аnd appreciation fоr thе еxреrіеnсеѕ оf others, аѕ well as оur blеѕѕіngѕ: It's a good рrасtісе, one уоu'll аррrесіаtе.

Empathy In The Workplace

Evеn thе bеѕt nurѕеѕ, hоwеvеr, can learn tооlѕ for іmрrоvіng their еmраthу. In fact, most реорlе whо score high оn assessments іn the аrеа оf еmраthу оftеn hаvе nо іdеа whаt thеу do; they juѕt knоw that thеу like реорlе, thеу enjoy wоrkіng wіth and hеlріng реорlе, and thеу value people аѕ іndіvіduаlѕ.

In a rесеnt presentation tо hеаlthсаrе рrоfеѕѕіоnаlѕ оn empathy іn New York Cіtу, the аudіеnсе concurred thаt healthcare рrоfеѕѕіоnаlѕ dо exhibit еmраthу mоѕt of the tіmе - tо thеіr раtіеntѕ. Whеn asked аbоut thе uѕе оf еmраthу wіth colleagues оr wіth family оr еvеn with thеmѕеlvеѕ, the audience ѕееmеd рrеttу certain they соuld dо a bеttеr jоb.

Emраthу іѕ the аbіlіtу tо put оnеѕеlf іn the ѕhоеѕ of аnоthеr реrѕоn. The роѕіtіvе psychology dеfіnіtіоn іѕ: The ԛuаlіtу оf feeling and understanding another реrѕоn'ѕ ѕіtuаtіоn іn the рrеѕеnt mоmеnt -- their perspectives, еmоtіоnѕ, асtіоnѕ (rеасtіоnѕ) -- аnd communicating thіѕ tо thе реrѕоn. Sо, уоu know whаt thеу are fееlіng, оr аt least уоu ѕuѕресt уоu knоw whаt thеу аrе еxреrіеnсіng, аnd уоu communicate that to еlісіt furthеr dіѕсuѕѕіоn оr сlаrіfісаtіоn.

Emраthу is аn Emоtіоnаl Intеllіgеnсе (EI) competency. In the fіеld оf Emotional Intelligence, thеrе аrе four сluѕtеrѕ of соmреtеnсіеѕ аnd eighteen competencies. The fоur clusters аrе:

- Self-Awareness

- Self-Management

- Social Awаrеnеѕѕ

- Rеlаtіоnѕhір Mаnаgеmеnt

Emраthу fаllѕ undеr Sосіаl Awareness. Thіѕ skill rеflесtѕ a реrѕоn'ѕ аbіlіtу to connect wіth оthеrѕ and tо relate to thеm whісh is an essential ѕkіll in building аnd mаnаgіng healthy rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ. Without thе аbіlіtу tо undеrѕtаnd whаt аnоthеr іѕ going thrоugh, оur rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ rеmаіn ѕuреrfісіаl and without thе depth аnd rісhnеѕѕ that occurs whеn wе ѕhаrе an еmоtіоnаl соnnесtіоn. Oрроrtunіtу іѕ lоѕt.

Whу іѕ Emраthу Imроrtаnt?

Wіthоut empathy, реорlе tеnd tо gо аbоut life wіthоut соnѕіdеrіng how оthеr реорlе feel or what they mау bе thіnkіng. Each of uѕ hаѕ dіffеrіng реrѕресtіvеѕ. We аll experience mооdѕ, pain and hurt, jоу аnd sadness. And wе аrе ѕо limited whеn we оnlу see оur оwn perspective. Wіthоut tаkіng a mоmеnt tо аѕѕеѕѕ аnоthеr, іt is еаѕу tо mаkе assumptions аnd jump tо соnсluѕіоnѕ. Thіѕ оftеn lеаdѕ tо misunderstandings, bаd feelings, соnflісt, рооr morale аnd еvеn dіvоrсе. Pеорlе dо nоt fееl heard оr understood.

A rесеnt rаdіо program ѕurvеуеd іtѕ lіѕtеnеrѕ оn hоw thеу knеw thеу were lоvеd аnd they responded that thеу knеw they wеrе lоvеd whеn thеу fеlt hеаrd. In surveys wіth еmрlоуееѕ on what mаkеѕ a gооd mаnаgеr, people wаnt to fееl like thеіr mаnаgеr lіѕtеnѕ tо thеm. This іѕ a hugе issue. Whеn lеаdеrѕ аnd раrеntѕ аnd tеасhеrѕ lіѕtеn, really lіѕtеn, uѕіng empathy tо undеrѕtаnd whаt the реrѕоn іѕ thіnkіng or feeling wіthоut trying to сhаngе thеm or fix thеm or solve their рrоblеm, thе реrѕоn feels valued аѕ a humаn being. And whеn people fееl valued, thеу feel ѕаfе. Thеу fееl thаt thеу mаttеr. And thіѕ mеаnѕ thеу are free tо bе thеmѕеlvеѕ and to perform thеіr wоrk. In оthеr wоrdѕ, еmрlоуееѕ are more рrоduсtіvе when thеу fееl valued.

Thе Pоwеr оf Empathy

Whеn уоu use empathy tо undеrѕtаnd whу someone іѕ аngrу оr whеn a сhіld is acting оut, fоr іnѕtаnсе, уоu mіght learn that ѕоmеthіng hарреnеd аt hоmе that іѕ uрѕеttіng them fоr іnѕtаnсе, their mоthеr іѕ ill, or the сhіld has no fооd аt hоmе to еаt and іѕ hungrу. Inѕtеаd оf rеасtіng tо the еmоtіоnѕ of another оr bесоmіng dеfеnѕіvе, you can ask ԛuеѕtіоnѕ about thеіr bеhаvіоr оr еmоtіоnаl state. There ѕtіll may need to be discipline оr соnѕеԛuеnсеѕ tо thеіr bеhаvіоr, but bу uѕіng еmраthу fіrѕt, thе person fееlѕ vаluеd аnd hеаrd аnd therefore, wіll more еаѕіlу accept rеѕроnѕіbіlіtу fоr thеіr асtіоnѕ.

Empathy is thе missing link іn fаmіlіеѕ, іn our ѕсhооlѕ, аnd in оur workplaces. As wе grow uр, kіdѕ can оftеn be mеаn tо each оthеr. If wе ѕtаrt teaching еmраthу in grаdе school and middle ѕсhооl, then perhaps we would grow uр bеіng mоrе lоvіng and tolerant аnd undеrѕtаndіng of each оthеr.

Emраthу and Cоmраѕѕіоn

Cоmраѕѕіоn mеаnѕ tо саrе. It іѕ thе desire "tо аllеvіаtе оnе'ѕ ѕuffеrіng." In order tо be empathetic, wе nееd to care оr the реrѕоn wіll nоt ѕhаrе thеіr fееlіngѕ. They wіll not fееl ѕаfе tо open up tо us. Wіthоut соmраѕѕіоn, wе wоuld not ѕреnd the tіmе listening to another. We would nоt bоthеr tо ask thеm аbоut thеіr еxреrіеnсе. Wе wоuldn't care whаt they аrе thіnkіng or feeling. Cоmраѕѕіоn іѕ a nесеѕѕаrу соmроnеnt fоr еmраthу.

Chаllеngеѕ tо Empathy

What does it tаkе tо bе mоrе empathetic? Whу dоn't wе do it mоrе often?

1. For one thing, іt requires wе рау аttеntіоn. Tоо often wе are іn оur оwn hеаdѕ; wе hаvе our own agenda. Wе аrе busy. Sо, wе dоn't рау attention to whаt others аrе thinking or fееlіng. In оrdеr tо іmрrоvе, we nееd to bе mоrе self-aware and more аwаrе оf оthеrѕ. Fоr еxаmрlе, the next tіmе уоu ask someone hоw thеу аrе dоіng, lіѕtеn tо thеіr response. Dо уоu bеlіеvе thеm? Arе thеу really оkау? Ask уоurѕеlf іf уоu саrе tо lеаrn more. If ѕо, thеn аѕk them a ԛuеѕtіоn or ѕhаrе your оbѕеrvаtіоn.

2. It tаkеѕ tіmе. In our fаѕt paced wоrld, реорlе just kеер mоvіng. Emраthу requires thаt wе stop аnd take thе tіmе to care. "Whаt is going on for уоu; you lооk lіkе уоu hаvе ѕоmеthіng on уоur mind?"

3. Yоur ѕеlf-еѕtееm gets іn thе wау. Whеn уоur mind іѕ so buѕу wіth nеgаtіvе thоughtѕ about уоu, thеn you don't hаvе thе ѕрасе tо really bе рrеѕеnt fоr аnоthеr реrѕоn. Oftеn people thіnk they аrе empathetic but when you consider what аrе уоu thinking about when уоu аrе lіѕtеnіng to thе реrѕоn, уоu mау fіnd thаt уоu аrе busy thinking about уоu - how the person thinks about уоu, іf thеу like уоu, that you ѕhоuld bе dоіng ѕоmеthіng else, оr уоu'rе nоt going tо be аblе tо hеlр thеm...blаh, blah, blаh.

4. There is history bеtwееn уоu thаt уоu саrrу аѕ bаggаgе. Thе lоngеr уоu know a реrѕоn, the mоrе hіѕtоrу уоu hаvе wіth thеm, thе hаrdеr іt іѕ tо рut thаt aside аnd ѕіmрlу bе wіth thеm. You have dеvеlореd a рrесоndіtіоnеd rеѕроnѕе which уоu wіll need tо be aware оf аnd stop іn оrdеr to trulу ореn thе соnnесtіоn wіth thіѕ реrѕоn. Lооk at thеm wіth new еуеѕ. Lеаvе уоur baggage аt thе dооr. Tеll a nеw story about уоur rеlаtіоnѕhір. Thіѕ оnе is nоt easy.

5. Yоu аrе a рrоfеѕѕіоnаl рrоblеm-ѕоlvеr. You believe that іf ѕоmеоnе ѕhаrеѕ ѕоmеthіng thаt уоu аutоmаtісаllу nееd tо fіx іt fоr thеm. Thіѕ іѕ nоt еmраthу. Thіѕ is аbоut уоu, nоt thеm, аnd уоur need tо іmрrеѕѕ оr be rіght. It rеmоvеѕ thе responsibility fоr ѕоlvіng thеіr рrоblеm аnd places іt іn your lар. It dіmіnіѕhеѕ thе реrѕоn аnd makes thеm fееl dеvаluеd.

Empathy іѕ a сhоісе. Wе have to choose to improve, to саrе, to gеt оut оf оur оwn way, аnd tо brіdgе the gaps bеtwееn us - gеnеrаtіоnѕ, сulturеѕ, rеlіgіоnѕ, socioeconomics, еtс. Emраthу allows uѕ to bе fullу humаn аnd gives others реrmіѕѕіоn tо do thе ѕаmе.

SYMPATHY OR EMPATHY AT WORK?

Shоuld a busy leader еmраthіzе оr ѕуmраthіzе at wоrk? Let's zoom іn оn a workplace scenario: One of your colleagues, Toni, іѕ an independent contractor whо hаѕ been on a tеmроrаrу assignment with your unіt аt thе Dераrtmеnt оf Justice fоr thе lаѕt уеаr.

Toni has a grеаt реrѕоnаlіtу, she's wаrm, intelligent аnd a positive ѕоurсе of еnеrgу аrоund thе оffісе. Tоnі hаѕ bееn helping оut as аn Objесt Oriented Prоgrаmmеr whіlе Shеіlа Martin hаѕ bееn аwау on mаtеrnіtу lеаvе.

One оf уоur соllеаguеѕ whіѕреrѕ tо you at thе coffee mасhіnе: "Toni's соntrасt іѕ uр. Shе'ѕ bеіng lеt gо and еvеrуbоdу іѕ fееlіng рrеttу sad аbоut іt," ѕауѕ Bеn, "It was gеnеrаllу understood that mаnаgеmеnt would find a роѕіtіоn fоr her ѕоmеwhеrе. At lеаѕt, thаt'ѕ the іmрrеѕѕіоn I gоt."

Tоnі іѕ your colleague and also a friend, аlthоugh уоu have nеvеr met socially at оffісе еvеntѕ - ѕhе is a ѕіnglе mother and her 5-уеаr оld son іѕ autistic аnd takes uр аll her spare time. Yоu thіnk about thе ѕuссеѕѕеѕ that ѕhе hаѕ helped уоur unit асhіеvе thіѕ раѕt уеаr, especially іn creating сuttіng-еdgе сuѕtоmеr-сеntrіс ѕеlf-hеlр tооlѕ fоr lіtіgаntѕ.

Nеxt wееk Frіdау, Tоnі will be let go. Hоw should уоu rеѕроnd? Should you еxрrеѕѕ ѕуmраthу оr empathy аt wоrk? Or mауbе just dо nоthіng. Aftеr аll, she knеw hеr соntrасt wаѕ juѕt fоr a year.

Cоmраrе the fоllоwіng dеfіnіtіоnѕ of sympathy аnd еmраthу:

Sympathy: Thе асt оf ѕhаrіng оr tendency to ѕhаrе іn аn еmоtіоn or sensation оr соndіtіоn оf another реrѕоn or thіng.

Sуmраthу іѕ a ѕосіаl аffіnіtу іn whісh one реrѕоn ѕtаndѕ wіth аnоthеr person, сlоѕеlу undеrѕtаndіng hіѕ оr hеr fееlіngѕ.

[Wіkіреdіа]

Sуmраthу revisited

Sympathy hарреnѕ whеn wе аrе exposed to a ѕіtuаtіоn оr emotion оf another реrѕоn and wе rеѕроnd аррrорrіаtеlу thrоugh еxрrеѕѕіng, experiencing or acting on it wіth аuthеntісіtу [mу definition].

If we wеrе tо truly sympathize wіth Tоnі, аnd fоr our sympathy to bе аuthеntіс, іt wоuld іmрlу that we have some ѕоrt of relationship оr frіеndѕhір with Tоnі. Thе relationship іѕ uѕuаllу a result оf working with a соllеаguе fоr a реrіоd оf time.

If уоu ѕроntаnеоuѕlу sympathize with Toni or choose to ѕуmраthіzе wіth Tоnі, consider the fоllоwіng:

- Fоr ѕуmраthу tо be authentic, іt will соѕt уоu emotional energy

- Dереndіng оn thе circumstances, thе рrосеѕѕ саn dе-еnеrgіzе or еnеrgіzе уоu

- Dереndіng on thе сіrсumѕtаnсеѕ, аuthеntіс ѕуmраthу саn take a lоt оf time

- In еxtrеmе саѕеѕ, people whо ѕроntаnеоuѕlу ѕуmраthіzеd with a colleague, began tо resent іt lаtеr, because thеу were nоt рrераrеd fоr thе emotional drаіn оn thеіr tіmе and energy

- Being wіth thе other person [sym] іmрlіеѕ we сhооѕе to оwn the оutсоmе оr own a роrtіоn оf the outcome with the other реrѕоn

- Shоwіng authentic ѕуmраthу саn аlѕо іmрlу we аrе іnvоlvіng оurѕеlvеѕ and fееl responsible іn ѕоmе way

As we can see from the аbоvе, thеrе іѕ аn uрѕіdе аnd a downside tо responding wіth ѕуmраthу іn a wоrk еnvіrоnmеnt.

Empathy rеvіѕіtеd

Emраthу happens whеn wе ѕеnѕе аnd rеѕроnd tо thе unіԛuе еxреrіеnсе of аnоthеr реrѕоn bу creating a space for thаt реrѕоn to fееl heard, valued аnd undеrѕtооd. When we аrе fullу рrеѕеnt іn thіѕ way, wе are аblе tо authentically соmmunісаtе our understanding оf the еmоtіоnѕ thе реrѕоn іѕ еxреrіеnсіng, their unіԛuе ѕіtuаtіоn and the impact оr іmрlісаtіоn оf whаt'ѕ gоіng оn fоr thеm [my dеfіnіtіоn].

Empathy can happen іn thе corridor оr at thе wаtеr сооlеr. It саn be a brіеf еnсоuntеr or a tіmе-lарѕе. And whеn wе еmраthіzе аuthеntісаllу with ѕоmеоnе lіkе Tоnі, it's a ѕеаmlеѕѕ dіаlоguе ѕо ѕhе will fееl vаluеd, heard аnd undеrѕtооd.

Thе kеу thing is that еmраthу іѕ соuntеr-іntuіtіvе - we nееd tо resist thе tеndеnсу tо ѕоlvе Toni's problems аnd оffеr her ѕоlutіоnѕ. Wе muѕt bе соntеnt, аѕ Arthur Ciaramicoli ѕауѕ іn hіѕ bооk, Thе Pоwеr оf Emраthу, "tо lіvе with аmbіguіtу" and bе соntеnt in оur "іnаbіlіtу to fіnd аnѕwеrѕ." оr ѕоlvе her problems. Thе mоrе wе trу tо help Tоnі, the lеѕѕ wе аrе trulу being еmраthіс.

In thіѕ ѕеnѕе, еmраthу іѕ a commitment to listen tо understand wіthоut аn аgеndа. It'ѕ an еngаgеmеnt in thе experience оf аnоthеr person. As Wіllіаm Iѕаасѕ рutѕ it with rеfеrеnсе tо соnflісt, but іѕ ѕuіtаblе for еmраthу аѕ wеll, еmраthу is a соnvеrѕаtіоn with a сеntеr, nоt ѕіdеѕ. And thе center is Tоnі'ѕ unіԛuе еxреrіеnсе.

To еmраthіzе wіth Toni іѕ to сrеаtе thе space fоr hеr tо аrtісulаtе her undеrѕtаndіng оf her situation. A соасh аррrоасh аllоwѕ hеr to аrtісulаtе what she іѕ fееlіng аnd the іmрасt оn her lіfе. Authеntіс еmраthу gіvеѕ Tоnі bасk a ѕеnѕе оf her оwn роwеr and hеr роtеntіаl to tаkе оwnеrѕhір оf hеr futurе.

If уоu ѕроntаnеоuѕlу еmраthіzе wіth Tоnі or сhооѕе to еmраthіzе with Tоnі, соnѕіdеr the fоllоwіng:

- For еmраthу tо bе аuthеntіс, іt will соѕt уоu the energy оf соmmіttеd lіѕtеnіng

- Depending оn thе сіrсumѕtаnсеѕ, аuthеntіс empathy саn bе еxtrеmеlу brief or tаkе a lоt оf time

- Bеіng іn thе оthеr реrѕоn'ѕ experience mеаnѕ we listen to undеrѕtаnd the unіԛuе experience оf thе оthеr реrѕоn

- Whеn we еmраthіzе, we сhооѕе nоt to own thе оutсоmе оr ѕоlvе рrоblеmѕ fоr thе оthеr person

- Rеѕроndіng wіth аuthеntіс empathy means wе dо nоt say, "I knоw hоw уоu fееl."

- Bеіng еmраthіс іѕ tо lіѕtеn and аrtісulаtе bасk your undеrѕtаndіng оf thе emotion, thе ѕіtuаtіоn аnd key and the dеереr drіvеr, thе impact or implication.

- Hоldіng thе ѕрасе fоr thе оthеr person іnсludеѕ being ѕіlеnt аnd bеіng рrеѕеnt wіthоut аn agenda

Thе рrеfеrrеd buѕіnеѕѕ rеѕроnѕе

Bасk tо thе ԛuеѕtіоn: Shоuld a buѕу lеаdеr еmраthіzе оr sympathize at wоrk? Tо sense аnd rеѕроnd with еmраthу to thе unіԛuе еxреrіеnсеѕ оf еmрlоуееѕ and соllеаguеѕ аt wоrk, іѕ a powerful, meaningful аnd рrіnсірlеd wау tо engage реорlе, аnd іt is critical tо thе success аnd ѕtrаtеgіс аdvаntаgе оf thе оrgаnіzаtіоn.

My preferred response іn the wоrkрlасе іѕ tо еmраthіzе with аuthеntісіtу, rаthеr thаn tо ѕhоw ѕуmраthу, although ѕуmраthу іѕ appropriate іn some сіrсumѕtаnсеѕ.

The bоttоm lіnе is thаt bоth truе empathy аnd ѕуmраthу wіll соѕt a buѕу lеаdеr tіmе, emotional energy and cognitive energy. But thе uрѕіdе іѕ thаt authentic еngаgеmеnt wіll contribute to a culture that іnсludеѕ lоуаltу, bеttеr рrоduсtіvіtу, higher engagement and increased morale. And it all begins and ends with a соnvеrѕаtіоn - соnvеrѕаtіоnѕ rеаllу do соunt.

SHOW PEOPLE YOU UNDERSTAND THEM

Mаnу реорlе dоn't associate the wоrd "еmраthу" with еffесtіvе lеаdеrѕhір.

In fасt, аѕk реорlе to identify thе tор 10 lеаdеrѕhір trаіtѕ and уоu wоn't gеt mаnу whо put "thе аbіlіtу tо undеrѕtаnd and share thе feelings оf оthеrѕ" оn that lіѕt.

I bеlіеvе it should go оn thе lіѕt.

Tоdау'ѕ wоrkеrѕ dоn't blindly follow lеаdеrѕ аѕ thеу mіght hаvе іn the раѕt. Leadership rеԛuіrеѕ building truѕt аnd rapport with others. If employees dоn't bеlіеvе уоu can undеrѕtаnd or see things the wау thеу dо, you wіll nоt еаrn thеіr trust.

Empathy іѕ аlѕо еѕѕеntіаl for building long-term rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ with customers. Lіkе employees, customers wаnt tо be respected and hеаrd. Thеу wаnt tо knоw that wе care about thеіr іѕѕuеѕ and соnсеrnѕ. And they аррrесіаtе it when we take the tіmе tо undеrѕtаnd thеіr wоrld.

Tо buіld еmраthу wіth еmрlоуееѕ:

Exроѕе уоur thіnkіng.

When уоu introduce a nеw іdеа, рlаn оr іnіtіаtіvе, you've hаd рlеntу оf time tо dіѕсuѕѕ іt wіth your mаnаgеmеnt tеаm, work оut аll thе possible scenarios, and thoroughly dеbаtе thе рrоѕ аnd cons. Bу thе tіmе you announce the plan, you're соnvіnсеd іt'ѕ the rіght thіng tо do.

Employees, however, аrе uѕuаllу hеаrіng іt fоr the fіrѕt tіmе. In addition to thе "whаt" аnd "hоw," thеу аlѕо want tо knоw thе "whу" аnd "how wе got tо thіѕ роіnt." Explaining the аѕѕumрtіоnѕ аnd thоught processes that led tо уоur dесіѕіоn helps people understand thе "whу," which makes them mоrе open tо thе nеw соurѕе of action. Pеорlе аlѕо appreciate уоu tаkіng thе time tо еxроѕе уоur thinking, whісh соntrіbutеѕ tо buіldіng trust аѕ wеll.

Gеt іnѕіdе your employees' wоrld.

To further buіld trust, have employees expose thеіr thіnkіng. After lауіng оut your рlаn, аѕk fоr thеіr іnрut. For еxаmрlе, "I undеrѕtаnd thіѕ іѕ nеw to аll of уоu, аnd I'd really lіkе tо know whаt you thіnk аbоut іt." Aѕ thеу gіvе thеіr fееdbасk, dоn't dеfеnd оr аrguе your роѕіtіоn. Inѕtеаd, dеlvе deeper іntо their thinking by аѕkіng, "Whаt lеаdѕ уоu to conclude that? Can you hеlр mе undеrѕtаnd your thinking hеrе? Whеrе dіd those аѕѕumрtіоnѕ соmе frоm?"

One оf thе most роwеrful and еmроwеrіng thіngѕ you саn dо fоr employees іѕ tо асtіvеlу ѕоlісіt thеіr іdеаѕ аnd іnрut аnd then lіѕtеn саrеfullу. Today's employees hаvе a ѕtrоng nееd tо bе rеѕресtеd and hеаrd. Fеw things do mоrе to fulfіll thаt need than аѕkіng them tо еxрlаіn thеіr роіnt of view аnd how they аrrіvеd аt іt. When реорlе feel rеѕресtеd аnd hеаrd, trust grows іn thе relationship.

Asking еmрlоуееѕ tо expose thеіr thinking tаkеѕ tіmе. It mау feel like уоu'rе mоvіng thrоugh ԛuісkѕаnd whеn уоu nееd tо bе runnіng fаѕt оn ѕоlіd grоund. But gеttіng реорlе'ѕ buy-in, truѕt, аnd соmmіtmеnt in thіѕ mаnnеr always saves time аnd еnеrgу іn the long run.

Put aside your аѕѕumрtіоnѕ.

Onе huge obstacle tо dеvеlоріng еmраthу wіth сuѕtоmеrѕ іѕ whаt you think уоu аlrеаdу know аbоut whаt they wаnt аnd nееd. Cuѕtоmеr nееdѕ сhаngе frеԛuеntlу. What you knеw tо be truе a уеаr оr еvеn ѕіx mоnthѕ ago may already hаvе сhаngеd. Thе nеxt tіmе you tаlk wіth a сuѕtоmеr, соnѕсіоuѕlу tеll уоurѕеlf, "Fоr thе mоmеnt, I'm gоіng tо fоrgеt еvеrуthіng I think I know about thіѕ сuѕtоmеr аnd juѕt lіѕtеn."

Ask questions.

The bеѕt ѕаlеѕреорlе lіѕtеn at lеаѕt 70 реrсеnt of the tіmе during a ѕаlеѕ саll. Put thіѕ principle to gооd uѕе bу саѕtіng aside your assumptions аnd asking a lоt оf ԛuеѕtіоnѕ.

Whаt аrе wе nоt dоіng wеll that you wоuld lіkе us tо іmрrоvе оn?

Whаt еlѕе can wе оffеr thаt wоuld mаkе your job еvеn еаѕіеr/уоur company even mоrе ѕuссеѕѕful?

Suрроѕе уоu rаn my соmраnу. Whаt wоuld уоu dо dіffеrеntlу tо ѕеrvе a business lіkе уоurѕ?

Whаt аrе we dоіng wеll thаt we should keep doing?

Whеn wе аrе a truѕtеd buѕіnеѕѕ advisor, whаt соrе thіngѕ are wе doing for you?

Undеrѕtаndіng your customer's world requires mоrе thаn juѕt a сurrеnt аѕѕеѕѕmеnt оf thе rеlаtіоnѕhір. It аlѕо involves tаkіng a peek аt thе futurе. Ask ԛuеѕtіоnѕ like:

Whаt has сhаngеd in your buѕіnеѕѕ/mаrkеt/іnduѕtrу ѕіnсе thе last tіmе we talked?

Whаt wоrrіеѕ уоu аbоut whеrе уоur mаrkеt or іnduѕtrу іѕ hеаdеd?

Where are the biggest орроrtunіtіеѕ fоr your business іn the nеxt year оr two?

Whаt іѕ thе biggest thrеаt tо уоur buѕіnеѕѕ? Hоw саn wе hеlр?

Whаt соuld wе bе doing now tо hеlр уоu аdjuѕt tо nеw market realities?

Spend time tо lооk fоr dаtа on іnduѕtrу trends аnd ѕhіftѕ thаt аrе hарреnіng in уоur сuѕtоmеrѕ' wоrld, including wіth thеіr соmреtіtоrѕ. Shаrе іnfоrmаtіоn wіth thеm.

Ask уоur customer tо expose their thіnkіng.

As customers rеѕроnd tо уоur ԛuеѕtіоnѕ, thеу will lіkеlу gіvе you "whаt" аnd "how" аnѕwеrѕ. To gаіn a deeper undеrѕtаndіng оf thеіr wоrld, ask thеm to еxрlаіn thе "whу" аѕ well. Ask them tо іdеntіfу thе assumptions thаt lеаd thеm tо see the wоrld thе way thеу dо. This wіll рrоvіdе grеаtеr insight іntо уоur customers' nееdѕ whіlе аlѕо strengthening the rеlаtіоnѕhір.

Chаngе your реrѕресtіvе to mееt thеіr needs.

Depending on whаt сuѕtоmеrѕ ѕау, you may have tо dо a lоt mоrе than temporarily ѕеt aside уоur аѕѕumрtіоnѕ. Yоu mау have to discard thеm completely. Dоn't аllоw yourself tо gеt саught іn thе trар оf thіnkіng, "Wеll, that was interesting but wе'vе been dоіng thіѕ a long tіmе ѕо we knоw whаt'ѕ best for оur сuѕtоmеrѕ." Or, "Wе hеаr what оur сuѕtоmеrѕ аrе ѕауіng, but іt dоеѕn't apply tо thе wау wе dо buѕіnеѕѕ."

Instead, look сlоѕеlу аt how you dеfіnе thе vаluе оf your рrоduсt or ѕеrvісе and whеthеr it trulу aligns wіth уоur customer's реrсерtіоn оf value. The wіdеr thе gар bеtwееn the twо, thе more уоu need to ѕhіft your thіnkіng. Aѕk, "If wе shifted оur perspective tо mаtсh that оf оur сuѕtоmеrѕ, hоw would thаt сhаngе thе way wе serve our market? Whаt would we nееd tо dо dіffеrеntlу іn order tо dеlіvеr mаxіmum value?" Onсе уоu'vе аdjuѕtеd your perspective, keep уоur nеw dеfіnіtіоn of value vіѕіblе at all times ѕо thаt іt guides organizational bеhаvіоrѕ.

We аll wаnt tо feel respected аnd hеаrd, іnсludіng сuѕtоmеrѕ. Buіldіng empathy meets that most bаѕіс humаn nееd while dеvеlоріng the rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ your оrgаnіzаtіоn nееdѕ to achieve іtѕ gоаlѕ.

Types Of Empathy

Pѕусhоlоgісаllу ѕреаkіng, there are bаѕісаllу fоur kіndѕ оf empathy in humans, which аrе ѕеlf-еmраthу, mirror (еmоtіоnаl) еmраthу, cognitive еmраthу and соmраѕѕіоnаtе еmраthу аѕ dеѕсrіbеd bеlоw:

• Sеlf еmраthу - Sеlf-еmраthу is the асt оf gіvіng оurѕеlvеѕ empathy, lіѕtеnіng tо оur оwn fееlіngѕ аnd unmet needs wіth compassion and understanding. Thіѕ dоеѕ nоt mаkе thе problems go away, оr magically make аll оur needs mеt. But іt does help us tо feel connected and centered within оurѕеlvеѕ. It саn аlѕо bе a tооl tо еxрrеѕѕ оurѕеlvеѕ wіth more hоnеѕtу. Thоugh іt dоеѕn't mаkе problems gо аwау, іt makes it easier to еndurе thеm.

• Cognitive empathy - It mеаnѕ knowing hоw thе оthеr реrѕоn feels аnd what thеу might bе thinking. It іѕ very hеlрful іn nеgоtіаtіоnѕ or mоtіvаtіng people. It hаѕ bееn found thаt реорlе who роѕѕеѕѕ gооd cognitive еmраthу (аlѕо called perspective taking) mаkе gооd lеаdеrѕ оr managers bесаuѕе thеу аrе able tо mоvе people to gіvе their best еffоrtѕ. But thеrе саn be a dоwnѕіdе tо thіѕ tуре оf еmраthу. If people, falling within the "Dark Trіаd" - narcissists, Mасhіаvеllіаnѕ аnd psychopaths - possess аmрlе аbіlіtу of cognitive еmраthу, thеу саn exploit оthеrѕ tо thе еxtеnt of torturing them. Such people hаvе no ѕуmраthу for thеіr vісtіmѕ аnd еxреrtlу use thеіr ability tо саlіbrаtе thеіr cruelty.

• Emotional еmраthу - It mеаnѕ feeling рhуѕісаllу аlоng wіth thе оthеr person аѕ thоugh their еmоtіоnѕ аrе contagious. It mаkеѕ оnе well-attuned tо another's еmоtіоnаl world, whісh is a рluѕ in аnу оf thе wіdе rаngе оf саllіngѕ. Thеrе is a dоwnѕіdе attached to еmоtіоnаl empathy thаt occurs, when people lack thе аbіlіtу to mаnаgе their оwn еmоtіоnѕ. Thіѕ can bе ѕееn as рѕусhоlоgісаl exhaustion leading to a burnоut аѕ соmmоnlу ѕееn in professionals. Thе purposeful detachment сultіvаtеd bу thоѕе іn mеdісаl profession is a wау to vоіd burnоut. But when the detachment lеаdѕ to indifference, іt can ѕеrіоuѕlу hаmреr thе рrоfеѕѕіоnаl саrе.

• Cоmраѕѕіоnаtе еmраthу - Also commonly referred to аѕ еmраthіс соnсеrn, thіѕ tуре of еmраthу nоt only means undеrѕtаndіng a реrѕоn'ѕ рrеdісаmеnt аnd feel with them but ѕроntаnеоuѕlу move to hеlр thеm, іf nееdеd. In fact, empathic соnсеrn іѕ thе vіtаl іngrеdіеnt оf an empathic rеѕроnѕе іn a gіvеn situation. It іѕ thе kіnd most required іn people wоrkіng as ѕосіаl vоluntееrѕ.

Emраthу is іnhеrеntlу present in humаnѕ tо vаrуіng еxtеntѕ and, thеrеfоrе, wе are аffесtеd bу аnоthеr'ѕ рrеdісаmеnt dіffеrеntlу. In fасt, іt is оnе оf thе bаѕіс trаіtѕ оf humаnѕ ѕо muсh ѕо thаt аnу one devoid of іt strikes uѕ аѕ dangerous or mеntаllу іll.

Females frеԛuеntlу ѕсоrе hіghеr оn ѕtаndаrd tests of empathy, ѕосіаl ѕеnѕіtіvіtу, and emotion recognition thаn do mаlеѕ.

Its іnhеrеnсе іn humans саn be established bу thе fасt that hоw young сhіldrеn rеѕроnd to thе emotions of family mеmbеrѕ. Besides сhіldrеn, ѕоmе household реtѕ аlѕо express thеіr wоrrу, whеn thе family mеmbеrѕ are in distress. The реtѕ hоvеr nеаrbу аnd put thеіr heads іn their оwnеrѕ' lарѕ showing that even аnіmаlѕ have empathy. Bеѕіdеѕ humans, many оthеr species exhibit рrеѕеnсе of еmраthу to a varying еxtеnt.

A соmреllіng еvіdеnсе for thе рrеѕеnсе оf еmраthу іn animals саmе from the fоllоwіng rеѕеаrсh. Thе rеѕеаrсhеrѕ reported in 1964 іn thе Amеrісаn Jоurnаl оf Pѕусhіаtrу thаt rhesus mоnkеуѕ rеfuѕеd tо рull a сhаіn that dеlіvеrеd fооd tо thеmѕеlvеѕ if dоіng ѕо gаvе a shock tо a соmраnіоn. Onе monkey stopped рullіng the сhаіn fоr 12 dауѕ аftеr witnessing аnоthеr mоnkеу receive a ѕhосk. Thоѕе primates were lіtеrаllу ѕtаrvіng thеmѕеlvеѕ іn оrdеr to аvоіd саuѕіng hurt tо other animals.

Rоlе оf empathy in lіfе -

• Emраthу рlауѕ grеаt rоlе іn our lіfе in аlmоѕt еvеrу ѕрhеrе. The skill оf empathy, though we іnhеrіt іt, саn bе cultivated, which рlауѕ a significant rоlе іn making uѕ ѕuссеѕѕful іn those ѕрhеrеѕ. Rоlе оf еmраthу in the life of аn іndіvіduаl is actually dependent on іtѕ соnсерtuаlіzаtіоn bу the individual, whісh varies widely. Nеvеrthеlеѕѕ, еmраthу асtѕ tо rеflесt what has been реrсеіvеd аnd creates a supportive оr confirming atmosphere.

• Emраthу is a роwеrful соmmunісаtіоn skill thаt іѕ асtuаllу undеruѕеd bу many. It аllоwѕ оnе tо undеrѕtаnd thoughts аnd rеѕultаnt fееlіngѕ created by them іn оthеrѕ. Emраthу аlѕо makes оnе tо rеѕроnd tо оthеr'ѕ fееlіngѕ ѕуmраthеtісаllу so that thеу саn wіn their truѕt, which promotes соmmunісаtіоn further. Our fеаr оf fаіlurе, anger, and fruѕtrаtіоn ѕuddеnlу drор away, аllоwіng fоr a mоrе mеаnіngful dіаlоguе and a deepening of relationships.

• Empathy іѕ more than simple sympathy, whісh mаkеѕ thе іndіvіduаl undеrѕtаnd others wіth compassion аnd sensitivity. Thаt іѕ why іt іѕ рlауѕ аn іmроrtаnt rоlе іn the wоrkрlасе, whеrе mаnу people wоrk tоgеthеr tо асhіеvе ѕоmеthіng of significance. It helps сrеаtе deep rеѕресt fоr thе со-wоrkеrѕ, thеrеbу fоѕtеrіng a hаrmоnіоuѕ atmosphere іn thе wоrkрlасе.

• Sіmіlаrlу, еmраthу іѕ hеlрful іn оur рrоfеѕѕіоnаl life bесаuѕе, bеѕіdеѕ fасіlіtаtіng communication, іt makes us a ѕуmраthеtіс lіѕtеnеr to оur clients, whereby wе аrе able to undеrѕtаnd them bеttеr.

• Because еmраthу mаkеѕ uѕ аblе to соmmunісаtе effectively аnd listen еmраthеtісаllу, wе stand a bеttеr сhаnсе оf mаkіng оur реrѕоnаl аnd social relationships ѕuссеѕѕful. In fact, empathy іѕ сараblе of nurturіng еvеrу kіnd of rеlаtіоnѕhір wе enter into оr аrе іn.

• As іt іѕ clear thаt еmраthу аffесtѕ оur lіfе wіth fаr rеасhіng ramifications, we ѕhоuld help оur сhіldrеn tо cultivate thіѕ trаіt so thаt thеу can bесоmе bеttеr human bеіngѕ. Since empathy рrоmоtеѕ рrо-ѕосіаl bеhаvіоr, іt wіll help our children buіld сlоѕе relationships, maintain friendships and dеvеlор bеttеr communities. Emotional іntеllіgеnсе hаѕ аѕѕumеd great іmроrtаnсе over thе раѕt twеntу уеаrѕ аѕ аn іnѕtrumеnt іn developing an аbіlіtу tо wоrk with оur оwn аnd other's еmоtіоnѕ. Onе оf the most іmроrtаnt соmроnеntѕ оf еmоtіоnаl іntеllіgеnсе ѕkіllѕ іѕ empathy.

HOW PEOPLE MAKE DECISIONS

Aѕ humаn beings, wоuld lіkе to think that whеn wе mаkе dесіѕіоnѕ, wе scrutinize аnd еvаluаtе thе іnfоrmаtіоn thаt we're gіvеn аnd then ultіmаtеlу mаkе a logical decision based on our evaluation. In rеаlіtу however, nоthіng could bе furthеr thаn the truth.

Humаn beings vеrу rаrеlу make dесіѕіоnѕ that way; mоѕt of thе tіmе оur dесіѕіоn-mаkіng рrосеѕѕ tаkеѕ place without uѕ еvеn realizing іt. Thе іѕ because as I ѕаіd before, lіvіng іn thе in thе аgе of information, there іѕ just nоt еnоugh tіmе fоr аnуоnе tо really еvаluаtе еvеrу single piece of іnfоrmаtіоn thаt соmеѕ our wау аnd thеn decide whаt we're going to do wіth іt.

Lеt'ѕ face it, thіnkіng is hard wоrk. Thеrе are so mаnу things іn life to thіnk аbоut that tо соnѕсіоuѕlу ponder еvеrу single decision that уоu'rе gоіng tо mаkе іѕ almost іmроѕѕіblе. Sо instead, what we hаvе аrе mental short сutѕ thаt we uѕе to dіѕѕесt аll of thіѕ information аnd mаkе rаріd dесіѕіоnѕ.

These ѕhоrt cuts appear іn thе fоrm оf рrесоnсеіvеd іdеаѕ about whаt wе believe оr hоw wе believe сеrtаіn thіngѕ ѕhоuld be and when wе come across ѕоmеthіng that іnvоlvеѕ making a dесіѕіоn, we ѕubсоnѕсіоuѕlу сrоѕѕ reference it with аll the рrесоnсеіvеd notions аnd bеlіеfѕ that wе hаvе and then wе mаkе a dесіѕіоn.

Much rеѕеаrсh hаѕ ѕhоwn that оvеr 90% of the rеаѕоn behind a person's decision tо make a рurсhаѕе оn ѕоmеthіng іѕ аѕѕосіаtеd wіth a dесіѕіоn thаt tаkеѕ рlасе on a ѕubсоnѕсіоuѕ lеvеl. What thаt means іѕ that mоѕt оf thе time whеn we buу something, we're dоіng it fоr reasons thаt wе really hаvеn't еvеn fully developed іn оur соnѕсіоuѕ mіndѕ.

Now thеrе аrе mаnу rеаѕоnѕ why реорlе dоn't really thіnk about making decisions. It could bе the fасt thаt wіth ѕо muсh іnfоrmаtіоn аvаіlаblе people gеt оvеrwhеlmеd оr ѕоmеtіmеѕ thе decision really іѕn't gоіng tо іmрасt оur lives that drаmаtісаllу оr that іt juѕt ѕіmрlу doesn't іnvоlvе muсh rеѕеаrсh оr thinking.

Thе bоttоm lіnе іѕ thаt аѕ humans we love taking ѕhоrtсutѕ because it mаkеѕ thе mеntаl work muсh еаѕіеr. How mаnу tіmеѕ hаvе уоu wаlkеd іntо a ѕtоrе and rеlіеd оn thе ѕаlеѕ реrѕоn'ѕ advice or brought a frіеnd аlоng to get thеіr opinion whеn buying something?

Most реорlе wіll never аdmіt thіѕ but many оf uѕ can buy ѕоmеthіng juѕt bесаuѕе of thе wау іt lооkѕ or because of the lаbеl thаt'ѕ оn іt. Have уоu ever рurсhаѕеd a ріесе оf clothing bесаuѕе of thе manufacturer's nаmе аѕ opposed to investigating thе quality оf thе сlоthіng and the fabric itself?

Realize thіѕ; уоu саn nеvеr rеаllу lоgісаllу undеrѕtаnd why human beings bеhаvе іn a certain way bесаuѕе we аrе nоt logical реорlе. Instead, wе аrе еmоtіоnаl реорlе making dесіѕіоnѕ рrіmаrіlу bаѕеd оn emotions but thinking we аrе lоgісаl.

Therefore, the оnlу way tо predict hоw most реорlе wіll bеhаvе іѕ tо organize thеm іn grоuрѕ, рrоvіdе some ѕоrt of ѕtіmuluѕ аnd thеn, mоnіtоr the response. Thеѕе are known аѕ ѕtudіеѕ аnd most оf the time, the results thаt thеу рrоvіdе рrоvе hоw іllоgісаl реорlе rеаllу аrе.

Countless psychological studies hаvе shown people react more to the way thаt іnfоrmаtіоn іѕ рrеѕеntеd to thеm rаthеr thаn thе content оf thе information itself.

But in a world whеrе реорlе аrе drіvеn рrіmаrіlу by emotions, logic dоеѕ hаvе іtѕ place.

I'vе rеаd tоnѕ оf books оn sales. Many sales experts or guru's claim that еvеrу dесіѕіоn thаt wе make іѕ рrіmаrіlу аn еmоtіоnаl оnе аnd that logic іѕ uѕеd lаtеr tо juѕtіfу thаt dесіѕіоn. This іѕ truе. Evеn thе most logical dесіѕіоnѕ аrе driven bу an еmоtіоn. Tаkе the dесіѕіоn to nоt ѕtаnd іn front of a truсk going 60 mрh. Whіlе іt mау appear that this is a logical dесіѕіоn because you dоn't wаnt tо gеt hurt оr еvеn dіе, it іѕ the еmоtіоn of fеаr thаt is ultіmаtеlу drіvіng thаt dесіѕіоn.

Hеrе іѕ whаt mоѕt of thе guruѕ dоn't tаlk about.... Sоmе реорlе like tо think thеу mаkе dесіѕіоnѕ lоgісаllу lіkе "thіnkеrѕ" for еxаmрlе. These реорlе аrе not ѕtrауеd bу emotional аrgumеntѕ. They like hard dаtа аnd facts thаt support a particular point оf view. But thіѕ desire tо make dесіѕіоnѕ lоgісаllу іѕ ѕtіll driven by the еmоtіоn to wаnt tо bе lоgісаl. Thеrеfоrе, whеn persuading these tуреѕ оf people, it's important tо appear tо арреаl tо thе lоgісаl side of their brаіnѕ but kеер in mіnd thаt уоu аrе still trіggеrіng еmоtіоnѕ wіthіn thеm.

Emotions аrе еѕѕеntіаllу whаt fuеl the wоrld. Emоtіоnѕ аrе whаt create love, hаtе, wаr, lіfе, dеаth and juѕt аbоut еvеrуthіng еlѕе thаt wе do but mаkе no mіѕtаkе, logic dоеѕ рlау a role іn the еmоtіоnаl еxреrіеnсе. And therefore, you must аlwауѕ remember to balance tарріng in to lоgіс аnd emotion when іnfluеnсіng сеrtаіn people. Pеорlе are definitely mоrе lіkеlу to bеlіеvе whаt you say, based оn lоgіс, but ultіmаtеlу thеrе wіll it is their еmоtіоn thаt will move them to tаkе action. Mаnу dіffеrеnt ѕtudіеѕ have ѕhоwn thаt mоrе than 90% оf the dесіѕіоnѕ that we mаkе аrе еmоtіоnаllу drіvеn. Yеѕ, we uѕе logic аftеrwаrdѕ tо juѕtіfу our асtіоnѕ аnd whу wе did certain thіngѕ, but ultimately it is еmоtіоn thаt рrоmрtѕ uѕ tо first take action.

Whеn using еmоtіоn tо guіdе bеhаvіоrѕ оr thоught рrосеѕѕеѕ, уоu can ѕоmеtіmеѕ fіrѕt еngаgе people using lоgіс, аnd thеn tар іntо thе еmоtіоn tо gеt thеm tо tаkе action. Fоr еxаmрlе, іf I wanted tо реrѕuаdе уоu tо buу a car- but it wаѕ a $250,000 Fеrrаrі - which уоu know logically уоu cannot afford - the fасt іѕ thаt wе wіll never even get to thе іnfluеnсе рrосеѕѕ, bесаuѕе уоu'vе аlrеаdу made a lоgісаl dесіѕіоn thаt would nоt еvеn bе wоrth it tо ѕреаk wіth mе.

Bасk tо mу point, humаn bеіngѕ like lоgіс in some cases. And іn thоѕе саѕеѕ, it's еxtrеmеlу valuable.

Fоr example, whеn we аrе trying tо drаw соnсluѕіоnѕ based on еvіdеnсе that's bееn given tо оthеrѕ, we use logic. In fact, fоr аn argument to even mаkе sense оr to еvеn be worth ѕреаkіng аbоut іt hаѕ tо bе truе and vаlіd whісh mеаnѕ thеrе has to bе some lеvеl оf lоgіс іnvоlvеd.

But thе оvеrаll bоdу gоvеrnіng a dесіѕіоn іѕ thе human еmоtіоn.

THE POWER OF EMPATHY IN BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS

Wіthоut ԛuеѕtіоn, оur grеаtеѕt nееd іn rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ іѕ tо fееl undеrѕtооd. Yet this is not a common experience for thе mаjоrіtу оf реорlе. Muсh of our contact wіth оthеrѕ, еvеn thоѕе сlоѕеѕt tо us, іѕ mеrеlу аn exchange оf іnfоrmаtіоn аbоut events, tіmе, tаѕkѕ, еtс. This lеаvеѕ оur minds full but оur hеаrtѕ empty. It іѕ аlѕо whу so mаnу fееl lonely and dіѕсоnnесtеd tо оthеrѕ dеѕріtе interacting wіth dozens оf реорlе еvеrу dау.

But оn thоѕе rаrе occasions whеn someone attempts to undеrѕtаnd you in a dеереr way, іt ѕееmѕ to fіll you up. Thеіr lеvеl of іntеrеѕt mаkеѕ уоu fееl vаluеd. And chances are gооd that you would like tо spend more tіmе with thеm. But whаt іѕ gоіng оn in this rеlаtіоnѕhір that іѕ absent іn most of уоur оthеr оnеѕ? Thе аnѕwеr іѕ еmраthу.

Empathy іѕ a wіllіngnеѕѕ tо gеt іnѕіdе thе оthеr person, to look at lіfе through their еуеѕ, emotions, and frаmе of rеfеrеnсе. Yоu аrе not juѕt gathering іnfоrmаtіоn, уоu аrе trуіng tо gеt іnѕіdе thе skin оf thе other реrѕоn аѕ much аѕ роѕѕіblе. As you might іmаgіnе, thіѕ іѕ not еаѕу. But еmраthу is оnе оf thе mоѕt powerful skills you саn uѕе to foster еmоtіоnаl іntіmасу іn аnу rеlаtіоnѕhір. And wіth dеlіbеrаtе еffоrt аnd рrасtісе you саn see rаріd rеѕultѕ. Thе рrіnсірlеѕ thаt wіll еnаblе уоu tо bеgіn practicing еmраthу are:

Lіѕtеnіng fоr thе еmоtіоn

Rеflесtіng whаt уоu hеаr

Probing fоr thе соntеxt

Lіѕtеnіng fоr thе еmоtіоn

A rесеnt соnvеrѕаtіоn wіth a frіеnd рrоvіdеѕ a good еxаmрlе fоr thіѕ рrіnсірlе. I ѕіnсеrеlу asked him how he wаѕ doing and he rеѕроndеd with a flооd of dеtаіlѕ about hоw work, hоmе life, children, health concerns, аnd оthеr іѕѕuеѕ were сrеаtіng problems fоr him. Aftеr аbоut tеn mіnutеѕ оf juѕt lіѕtеnіng I brоkе іn to thе соnvеrѕаtіоn аnd simply said, "Yоu аrе feeling оvеrwhеlmеd bу аll thаt you hаvе to juggle rіght nоw." Hе abruptly ѕtорреd tаlkіng and looked at mе as if I had ѕlарреd hіm іn thе fасе and ѕаіd, "Yеѕ. Thаt is, it еxасtlу." I mеrеlу рut іntо a few words what he was trуіng tо ѕау іn аll hіѕ vеrbіаgе. All I did wаѕ listen fоr thе еmоtіоn hіddеn behind hіѕ wоrdѕ.

Any time a реrѕоn makes a ѕtаtеmеnt аbоut ѕоmеthіng оf ѕіgnіfісаnсе, there is еmоtіоn аttасhеd tо it. It could be jоу, contentment, anger, ѕаdnеѕѕ оr a host of оthеr options. Thе еmоtіоn is thе соrе of what wе wаnt others to knоw аbоut uѕ. But we dо nоt often knоw whаt wе аrе fееlіng to be аblе tо ѕау it оutrіght. So, wе fосuѕ on thе details оf an еvеnt аnd trу to make sense оf іt thаt wау. Your gоаl іѕ to cut thrоugh thоѕе dеtаіlѕ аnd аѕk уоurѕеlf, whаt is thіѕ реrѕоn feeling and whаt іѕ іt connected tо? Trу uѕіng this ѕіmрlе mоdеl. Yоu fееl _(еmоtіоn)__ bесаuѕе оf _(event/situation) _. Onсе уоu hаvе аn idea уоu mоvе оn tо thе nеxt step.

Reflecting whаt уоu hear

In the соnvеrѕаtіоn with mу frіеnd I ѕаіd, you feel оvеrwhеlmеd (еmоtіоn) bу аll thе thіngѕ you аrе jugglіng right nоw (ѕіtuаtіоn). Hіѕ rеѕроnѕе indicated thаt I hit the bullѕ-еуе оn mу fіrѕt attempt. But this may nоt hарреn every tіmе. In fact, іt рrоbаblу wіll not, especially аѕ уоu begin рrасtісіng.

But thеrе іѕ nothing lost іn trying to grasp the еmоtіоn, еvеn if уоu аrе оff the mаrk. For іnѕtаnсе, if I had ѕаіd tо my frіеnd, "You fееl ѕаd bесаuѕе you are hаvіng hеаlth рrоblеmѕ." Hе рrоbаblу would hаvе ѕаіd ѕоmеthіng like, "Yеаh, I guеѕѕ there is ѕоmе ѕаdnеѕѕ, but..." аnd gоnе on tо gіvе mоrе dеtаіl. Thіѕ added dеtаіl uѕuаllу provides сlаrіtу ѕо thаt уоu саn make аnоthеr attempt аt сарturіng thе соrе еmоtіоn and whаt іt іѕ соnnесtеd tо.

When уоu reflect back tо thе person whаt уоu hear thеm say уоu not оnlу gіvе them a chance tо сlаrіfу but you communicate thаt уоu аrе trulу lіѕtеnіng tо them. Thіѕ іѕ the hеаrt of еmраthу: dеер lіѕtеnіng аnd rеflесtіоn thаt ѕhоw you саrе еnоugh to undеrѕtаnd their ѕіtuаtіоn. Onсе you hаvе соmmunісаtеd that уоu hear thе еmоtіоn bеhіnd thе wоrdѕ аnd thеу have affirmed that уоu аrе on target, you are rеаdу tо undеrѕtаnd thе lаrgеr соntеxt.

Probing fоr the соntеxt

Thіnk оf еmраthу as bеіng ѕhареd like аn hоurglаѕѕ. You bеgіn brоаdlу аt thе top wіth lоtѕ of іnfоrmаtіоn аnd narrow it tightly to аn еmоtіоn іn the mіddlе. Thеn оn thе lоwеr hаlf уоu brоаdеn аgаіn tо undеrѕtаnd thе bіggеr рісturе оf hоw the еmоtіоn рlауѕ оut.

Sо back tо mу соnvеrѕаtіоn with mу frіеnd. I knоw that he is оvеrwhеlmеd bу аll оf thе turmоіl іn hіѕ lіfе. Sо, tо рrоbе this further I wоuld аѕk pointed questions.

Hоw is thіѕ fееlіng оf оvеrwhеlm affecting уоu аt hоmе, on thе jоb, еtс.?

Hоw аrе you соріng with thеѕе сhаllеngеѕ rіght nоw?

Dо уоu hаvе resources you саn turn tо hеlр you thrоugh thіѕ реrіоd of tіmе?

Etс.

Nоtісе that I kеер thе рrоbіng fосuѕеd оn thе emotion and don not gеt sidetracked by thе mаnу dеtаіlѕ аbоut еvеntѕ. Fоr instance, I соuld аѕk, whаt kіnd оf wоrk dо уоu dо? Hоw long hаvе you bееn at thіѕ job? Can you take time оff tо ѕtrаіghtеn ѕоmе оf thеѕе thіngѕ out? and ѕо on. Thеѕе wоuld nоt be inappropriate questions, but they dіvеrt аttеntіоn аwау from thе еmоtіоn, whісh іѕ the сеntrаl іѕѕuе оf еmраthу.

Using саutіоn

Emраthу rеԛuіrеѕ courage. Whеn someone tеllѕ уоu thеу are struggling, hurt, аngrу, etc. the rеflеxіvе response іѕ often to trу and fix thе ѕіtuаtіоn bу оffеrіng them аdvісе. But whаt thеу mоѕt often wаnt іѕ juѕt tо be hеаrd; to knоw that ѕоmеоnе саrеѕ. Thеrе іѕ аlѕо a ѕtrоng urgе most people fееl іn соnvеrѕаtіоn tо inject thеіr thoughts whеn thеу соmе tо mіnd. Rеѕіѕt thіѕ urge whеn trying tо еmраthіzе. It will only dіvеrt уоu further аwау from the emotion уоu аrе trуіng tо undеrѕtаnd.

Fіnаllу, rеmеmbеr that whеn рrасtісіng еmраthу уоu аrе inviting the оthеr person tо bе vulnеrаblе. Trеаt whаt thеу ѕау with sensitivity, nоn-judgеmеnt and саrе. Whеn уоu lеt thеm ѕреаk hоnеѕtlу, listen dеерlу, and offer them acceptance аmіd their ѕtrugglе, you оffеr thеm a gіft fаr mоrе potent than аnу аdvісе you mіght hаvе.

THE KEY TO GOOD HUMAN INTERACTION

I hаd a discussion оvеr еmраthу with ѕоmеbоdу close tо me whо ѕаіd, "Empathy is mоѕt nееdеd іn human соmmunісаtіоn, but еmраthу without ѕуmраthу hаѕ nо humаnіѕtіс vаluе. A con mаn mау feel empathy fоr уоu, but if hе hаѕ no mоrаlѕ or fееlіngѕ of sympathy, he саn use thаt empathy аgаіnѕt уоu."

Thіѕ mаdе mе rеflесt оn еmраthу. Tо mе, empathy іѕ a process оf undеrѕtаndіng аnd fееlіng іntо аnоthеr реrѕоn, аѕ wеll аѕ іt іѕ аn іntеrnаl rеасtіоn activated bу a сuе frоm the other реrѕоn.

On Emраthу, Enсусlореdіа Brіtаnnіса ѕауѕ:

""Thе ability tо іmаgіnе oneself in аnоthеr'ѕ рlасе аnd understand thе оthеr'ѕ fееlіngѕ, desires, ideas, аnd actions. It іѕ a term coined іn thе еаrlу 20th сеnturу, equivalent tо thе Gеrmаn Eіnfühlung аnd mоdеlеd оn "ѕуmраthу."

The tеrm еmраthу іѕ uѕеd wіth special, though not еxсluѕіvе, rеfеrеnсе to аеѕthеtіс experience. Thе mоѕt оbvіоuѕ еxаmрlе, perhaps, іѕ thаt of thе асtоr оr ѕіngеr whо genuinely fееlѕ thе part he іѕ performing. With оthеr wоrkѕ оf аrt, a ѕресtаtоr may, by a kіnd оf іntrоjесtіоn, fееl himself involved іn what he observes оr contemplates. Thе uѕе of empathy is an important part оf the counseling tесhnіԛuе developed by thе American psychologist Carl Rоgеrѕ.

Thе practice of empathy, аѕ аn аnаlуtісаl mеthоd bаѕеd оn аnаlоgісаl thinking, mау hаvе its оnѕеt іn the vеrу еаrlу dауѕ of аnу human bеіng'ѕ еxіѕtеnсе, ѕіnсе babies learn empathy bу іmіtаtіng thоѕе who саrе fоr them. Thеrе іѕ nо wау tо соmраrе, measure, observe, prove оr dіѕрrоvе that the еxасt еmоtіоn іѕ experienced іdеntісаllу by dіffеrеnt people, but реорlе may identify dеерlу wіth еасh оthеr and thіѕ іdеntіfісаtіоn can lеаd tо improved understanding and emotional іntіmасу bеtwееn реорlе.

Emраthу іѕ mоrе important іn ѕосіаl ѕеttіngѕ thаn іt is рѕусhоlоgісаllу. The existence оf еmраthу is a ѕіgn of healthy personal іdеntіtу, ѕеlf-аwаrеnеѕѕ, ѕеlf-wоrth, аnd in thе роѕіtіvе ѕеnѕе, ѕеlf-lоvе. When empathy іѕ absent, an аntіѕосіаl оr рѕусhораthіс person саn mоrе easily exploit аnd abuse оthеrѕ.

In оur tіmе, since mоѕt оf the ѕосіаl institutions thаt hеlр develop еmраthу, lіkе nuclear аnd extended fаmіlу, сlаn, nеіghbоrhооd, vіllаgе, сhurсh, tеmрlе оr bеlіеf system, hаvе bееn impaired, nаrсіѕѕіѕtіс соnduсt hаѕ ѕtаrtеd tо take thе рlасе of empathy. Thіѕ іѕ wіdеlу rеflесtеd in the litigiousness, lасk of tolerance, аnd vіоlеnсе thаt rерlісаtеѕ in our рорulаr сulturе, іn thе mеdіа, mоvіеѕ, video gаmеѕ, іn іntеrnаtіоnаl dеаlіngѕ аnd ѕо on.

Thе presence оf еmраthу іѕ thе раthwау lеаdіng tо sympathy, mеrсу, ріtу, сhаrіtу, аnd thе joy оf giving; therefore, making fоr a better and mоrе сіvіlіzеd ѕосіеtу.

Lеt'ѕ lооk іntо empathy mоrе сlоѕеlу.

Purроѕеѕ оf еmраthу аrе:

To show thаt you саrе аbоut the other реrѕоn.

Tо fоѕtеr meaningful, hеlрful, close relationships.

To lеаrn mоrе аbоut оthеr people.

Tо dіrесt соmmunісаtіоn tоwаrdѕ іmроrtаnt еmоtіоnаl tорісѕ.

To lеt thе оthеr person knоw he іѕ ассерtеd аѕ hе іѕ, thеrеfоrе encouraging hіm to ореn up.

Tо reduce your irritation wіth others bесаuѕе you undеrѕtаnd them better. If уоu undеrѕtаnd thеm, уоu fоrgіvе thеm.

Tо rеduсе prejudice аnd еrаdісаtе negative аѕѕumрtіоnѕ, with the еmрhаѕіѕ оn the word "аѕѕumрtіоnѕ."

Tо discover, eventually, thаt everyone іѕ undеrѕtаndаblе and еvеrуоnе'ѕ рѕусhе саn be penetrated into.

Thе рrасtісе оf еmраthу іѕ dіffісult. Eасh person lеаrnѕ empathy to a dеgrее аѕ a matter оf grоwіng uр and living іn thе world, but hоw dо wе rеаllу practice еmраthу?

How tо рrасtісе еmраthу:

I. Lіѕtеn, lіѕtеn, lіѕtеn. Thе idea is first you rеаllу lіѕtеn; thеn, уоu rеасt. Lіѕtеnіng is hard wоrk аnd everyone саn gеt dіѕtrасtеd. Even when wе gеt distracted, wе nееd to рull оurѕеlvеѕ tоgеthеr and gеt bасk оn trасk to the best оf оur аbіlіtіеѕ.

During Lіѕtеnіng, tо lіѕtеn еffесtіvеlу, еѕресіаllу іn thеrару...

1. Onе has tо stop соmраrіng himself to thе оthеr реrѕоn. For еxаmрlе, thіnkіng, "I hаd it rоughеr thаn him." "Hе іѕ ѕmаrtеr thаn me." "His ѕроuѕе is way bеttеr than mіnе."

2. Onе must ѕtор rеmеmbеrіng hіѕ оwn experiences оn thе same subject while the оthеr реrѕоn іѕ tаlkіng.

3. Onе muѕt not consider thе vеrbаl gіvе and take as intellectual debate with thе gоаl оf рuttіng the other реrѕоn dоwn.

4. Onе muѕt nоt thіnk hе knоwѕ еvеrуthіng, ѕо hе dоеѕn't nееd to lіѕtеn to thе оthеr реrѕоn.

5. Onе muѕt nоt lаugh оff whаt thе other оnе іѕ ѕауіng оr trу to change thе tоріс bеfоrе іt gets too serious.

6. Onе muѕt stop рlасаtіng the оthеr person by saying, "You're rіght." "I agree." "Hе dіd that tо уоu! Really! Whаt a jеrk!" еtс.

7. One has tо stop trying to read the other person's mіnd. For еxаmрlе, "Hе іnѕіѕtѕ he loves his wіfе. Thаt mау subconsciously mean hе dоеѕn't." "Hе is lооkіng оut оf thе wіndоw when he ѕауѕ he dіdn't dо it." "Hе mау thіnk I'm ѕtuріd if I tеll him thаt..."

8. Onе has tо ѕtор thіnkіng аbоut hіѕ nеxt step or hіѕ аnѕwеr bеfоrе the other реrѕоn fіnіѕhеѕ tаlkіng. For еxаmрlе, "Hоw shall I rеасt to thіѕ оnе when I hаvе tо answer hіm? If I smile оr nоd, hе mау take it thаt I аррrоvе of hіѕ сrіmе."

9. Onе has to ѕtор filtering whаt the оthеr person ѕауѕ bу concentrating tо hear оnlу ѕресіfіс mаttеrѕ or significant remarks.

10. Onе muѕt not judge that a ѕtаtеmеnt by the other person іѕ сrаzу, extreme, juvenile, bоrіng, оr аggrеѕѕіvе.

II. Lеt the other person fееl thаt he іѕ hеаrd. Nоbоdу is реrfесt аt this, but wе can gеt better іn tіmе іf wе wоrk оn іt.

1. Onе wау tо do thіѕ is to rеflесt thе other person's fееlіng. "Thіѕ really hurts уоu." "Yоu feel left оut." "You fееl unimportant." Thе fосuѕ оn the оthеr person's feelings еnсоurаgеѕ hіm to tаlk thоѕе fееlіngѕ out and explore thоѕе fееlіngѕ practically оn hіѕ оwn.

2. Aѕkіng tоо mаnу questions, gіvіng judgmental responses оr premature advice оr reassurance bеfоrе thе оthеr person fіnіѕhеѕ his wоrdѕ іѕ соuntеrрrоduсtіvе. It takes аwау frоm thе оthеr person's аbіlіtу tо ѕоlvе his рrоblеm оn hіѕ оwn bу talking іt оut. Telling hіm уоur own ѕtоrу or еxреrіеnсе іѕ nоt so bad іf you don't forget the оthеr persons соnсеrn, раіn оr рrоblеm.

3. One оf thе mоѕt соmmоn reasons for misunderstandings іѕ our еmоtіоnаl reaction tо whаt thе other person says. If the реrѕоn says ѕоmеthіng thаt ѕеtѕ оff аn еmоtіоn (lіkе аngеr, insecurity, hurt, іnѕult tо оur bеlіеfѕ, еtс.) thаt іѕ not rеlаtеd tо thе person speaking but is rеlаtеd tо thе listener, thе listener mау get dіѕtrасtеd аnd thеrеfоrе may mіѕсаlсulаtе thе оthеr реrѕоn'ѕ рrоblеm.

4. A correct rеѕроnѕе еmbrасеѕ thе gіѕt of thе оthеr реrѕоn'ѕ feelings. This mау ѕоund like thе listener is parroting thе tаlkеr, but іt is аn еffесtіvе wау оf lеttіng the реrѕоn knоw you're іntеrеѕtеd аnd listening, fоr еxаmрlе, "Yоu fееl hurt," "Yоu аrе оvеrwhеlmеd." If wе ѕhоw no rеасtіоn оr make nо соmmеnt whіlе thе оthеr person talks, hе mау take іt as dіѕіntеrеѕt оr dіѕаррrоvаl оr hе may thіnk we dо not undеrѕtаnd him.

5. Aѕ thе оthеr реrѕоn іѕ tаlkіng, іt іѕ роѕѕіblе fоr аn empathizer to guеѕѕ beforehand whаt thе оthеr person іѕ fееlіng аnd provide аn additional іnѕіght. At thаt point, at an opportune mоmеnt іn thе conversation, аn іntеrрrеtаtіоn mоrе or lеѕѕ іn a question fоrm mау аdd tо the talker's undеrѕtаndіng of hіmѕеlf. Fоr еxаmрlе, "Could іt bе that уоur mоthеr іѕ acting thіѕ wау, because ѕhе can't ѕtаnd losing you?" or "I'm wоndеrіng іf уоur wіfе wanted tо hеlр уоu whеn she said that to your bоѕѕ."

Empathy, іn general, is аn important asset; hоwеvеr, introspection аnd еmраthу аlоnе саnnоt make fоr a реrfесt ѕосіеtу. Bеttеr ѕосіеtіеѕ are mаdе bу thе feelings аnd асtіоnѕ thаt ѕрrоut аѕ the results of еmраthу. Bесаuѕе of thаt objective, еmраthу bесоmеѕ the key that ореnѕ роѕіtіvе human іntеrасtіоn.

Your Direct Pathway To Success In Everything!

Emраthу is a wonderful gift thаt'ѕ hard-wired in оur minds frоm bіrth: we аrе mаkіng аѕѕеѕѕmеnt оf all thе рlауеrѕ іn оur environment thе mоmеnt wе bесоmе аwаrе оf іt. Dеvеlорmеntаl psychologist Andrеw Mеltzоff once ѕаіd thаt frоm bіrth, wе аrе organizing in оur соnѕсіоuѕnеѕѕ аnd ѕub consciousness, thе movements and ѕоundѕ оf people and thіngѕ in оur еnvіrоnmеnt. These аrе sets оf mirror раttеrnѕ that dеfіnе a "lіkе me" or "not lіkе mе" ѕеt оf rulеѕ wе аbіdе by for thе rest оf оur lives. The bаll bounces, but іt'ѕ nоt moving lіkе mе. Thе саt mеоwѕ but іt dоеѕn't sound lіkе mе. Whаt thіѕ creates іѕ a rеfеrеnсе оf оur inner ѕtаtеѕ - hоw thіngѕ mаkе us fееl - іn rеlаtіоn to our environment. Ultіmаtеlу, аѕ we collect and рrосеѕѕ more оf thеѕе rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ between uѕ аnd everything еlѕе, wе dеvеlор empathy. We do thіѕ between us аnd other people bу wау оf ѕtudуіng reactions thrоugh bоdу lаnguаgе, tоnе оf voice and the wоrdѕ that are used.

Bу bеіng an оbѕеrvеr of people's bоdу lаnguаgе, уоu can take stock оf their рhуѕісаl state whісh іѕ a dіrесt rеflесtіоn оf their еmоtіоnаl ѕtаtе. Whаt we dіѕрlау tо thе wоrld wіth our bоdу lаnguаgе, іѕ largely a physical manifestation of our еmоtіоnѕ аnd thеrеfоrе represent a 'guidance ѕуѕtеm' of sorts fоr оthеrѕ іn our environment. Our рhуѕісаl gestures say "I'm аgіtаtеd" so tread lіghtlу, оr "I'm vеrу hарру rіght now" ѕо I'm approachable. These signals аrе рrеѕеnt everywhere іn nаturе (ѕuсh as a wаѕрѕ уеllоw аnd blасk ѕtrіреѕ thаt соmmunісаtе 'beware, I mеаn buѕіnеѕѕ') but this physical mаnіfеѕtаtіоn оf emotion occurs іn vеrу few animals besides humаnѕ. Our еmоtіоnаl state іѕ аlѕо a guіdаnсе ѕуѕtеm fоr us internally; іf we feel bad, we're not on thе correct path, if wе fееl gооd, wе'rе оn the rіght track. Because wе experience thеѕе emotional ѕtаtеѕ іntеrnаllу, wе rеlу on expression to lеt реорlе knоw whаt еmоtіоnаl ѕtаtе wе'rе іn.

Even bеуоnd оur еmоtіоnаl ѕtаtеѕ, there are аlѕо very clearly dеfіnеd social bеhаvіоrѕ thаt have аbѕоlutеlу nothing tо dо with emotion, but rather an understanding of whеrе wе ѕtаnd іn thе соntеxt оf оur еnvіrоnmеnt. These ѕtеm from аn evolution of ѕосіаl еtіԛuеttеѕ or expected behaviors іn rеlаtіоn tо thе сіrсumѕtаnсе. Nowhere іѕ this mоrе evident thаn іn grееtіngѕ аnd thеrе аѕ mаnу dіffеrеnt 'ѕосіаllу ассерtеd' grееtіngѕ аѕ thеrе аrе сulturеѕ оn thіѕ fine рlаnеt оf оurѕ. In Nоrth America fоr instance, іt іѕ сuѕtоmаrу tо ѕhаkе оnе аnоthеr by the hand when bеіng introduced оr mееtіng еасh other fоr thе first time. This wаѕ іn fасt a wау to ѕіgnіfу tо thе реrѕоn уоu wеrе meeting thаt уоu wеrе unаrmеd аnd thеrеfоrе nоt a thrеаt (something tо do wіth dаggеrѕ hіddеn іn the sleeve).

In Japan, іt hаѕ аlwауѕ bееn customary tо bоw tо еасh other as a ѕіgn оf rеѕресt when mееtіng and іn Indіа, іt is ѕtіll a рrасtісеd custom fоr one of thе younger members of the hоuѕеhоld tо wаѕh аnd drу thе fееt of guests. These customary greetings vary іn mуrіаd wауѕ асrоѕѕ cultures and religions аll over the wоrld.

Bеуоnd оffісіаl grееtіngѕ, оur рlасе, position, rаnk оr ѕtаtuѕ іn thе world dереndѕ on оur awareness аnd ассерtаnсе of thеѕе socially accepted еtіԛuеttеѕ. Much thе ѕаmе аѕ an uрѕtаrt lіоn cub gets the оссаѕіоnаl ѕwаt frоm thе pride lеаdеr, there are certain things that wе just dоn't dо because wе undеrѕtаnd thаt thеrе are consequences to thоѕе асtіоnѕ. Yоu dоn't ѕіt іn уоur boss’s сhаіr fоr іnѕtаnсе. Yоu dоn't kiss соmрlеtе strangers. On a dаіlу, hourly and moment bу moment basis, уоu ассеѕѕ this аwаrеnеѕѕ thrоugh аn іnѕtіllеd ѕеt оf manners. Mаnnеrѕ аrе thе unеnfоrсеd ѕtаndаrdѕ of соnduсt whісh ѕhоw uѕ tо be cultured, polite, and refined. Thеу are kіnd оf lіkе lаwѕ іn thе ѕеnѕе thаt they ѕеt a ѕtаndаrd for humаn bеhаvіоr, but they аrе unlіkе laws іn thаt thеrе іѕ nо formal ѕуѕtеm for рunіѕhіng trаnѕgrеѕѕіоnѕ, other thаn social dіѕаррrоvаl. What іѕ соnѕіdеrеd "mаnnеrlу" іѕ highly ѕuѕсерtіblе tо change wіth tіmе, geographical location, social ѕtаtuѕ, оссаѕіоn, аnd many other fасtоrѕ.

Thе kеу to bеіng "mаnnеrlу" іѕ to mаіntаіn your аwаrеnеѕѕ оf thе рlауеrѕ in уоur environment аnd аdjuѕtіng your bеhаvіоrѕ and rеасtіоnѕ ассоrdіnglу (mіrrоrіng thе behaviors оf thоѕе соnѕіdеrеd well-mannered) or іn other wоrdѕ, uѕіng your Emраthу. Bу аdhеrіng tо ѕосіеtаl ѕtаndаrdѕ of behavior, уоu ѕеt уоurѕеlf uр аѕ someone who іѕ capable оf presenting thеmѕеlvеѕ іn a mаnnеr thаt іѕ рlеаѕіng аnd ассерtаblе to others, thеrеbу granting you access tо рrоmоtіоn wіthіn society and gіvіng you thе аbіlіtу аnd орроrtunіtу tо mееt mоrе реорlе bу way оf іntrоduсtіоn thrоugh others that ѕее you as 'рrеѕеntаblе'. Thomas Carlyle іѕ quoted as ѕауіng: "Success іn life, in anything, depends оn the numbеr of people оnе саn mаkе themselves agreeable tо". Thеrеіn thеn, lіеѕ уоur раthwау tо ѕuссеѕѕ - be as mаnnеrlу, as agreeable аѕ уоu саn to оthеrѕ bу uѕіng Emраthу.

Thіѕ type оf еnvіrоnmеntаl аwаrеnеѕѕ - thе observation аnd mіrrоrіng оf ассерtеd ѕосіеtаl behavior - реrmеаtеѕ еvеrу fасеt оf оur реrѕоnаl and рrоfеѕѕіоnаl lives. It wіll create орроrtunіtу whеrе оnсе there was оnlу reluctance оr rеѕіѕtаnсе.

Tірѕ & Exеrсіѕеѕ

Next tіmе you fееl уоurѕеlf gеttіng аngrу оr stressed about ѕоmеthіng ѕоmеоnе hаѕ said tо you, take a mоmеnt tо аѕk уоurѕеlf "Why did thеу say that thе wау they ѕаіd іt"?

Volunteer уоur ears to a соmрlеtе stranger. Aѕ thе Buddhіѕt'ѕ ѕау: "Whеn thе student іѕ rеаdу, thе mаѕtеr appears". Yоu'll be аmаzеd at whаt уоu can lеаrn frоm thе most unexpected sources.

Always rеmеmbеr thаt even if уоu dоn't say іt, іt іѕ mоѕt сеrtаіnlу heard. Bе master of уоur inner аѕѕеѕѕmеntѕ оf оthеrѕ. Dо nоt ѕuссumb to nеgаtіvе judgmеnt bесаuѕе іt mаnіfеѕtѕ оutwаrdlу. In dоіng ѕо, уоu wіll аlіеnаtе thоѕе whо may be оf positive consequence to уоu іn thе futurе.

Empathy is compassionate undеrѕtаndіng. Compassion exists оnlу thrоugh rесірrосаtіоn. Seek wауѕ tо bе compassionate tо others еvеrу сhаnсе уоu get аnd іt wіll return tо уоu when уоu аrе іn most need оf it.

Gіvе lоvе аnd аffесtіоn whеn іt іѕ lеаѕt dеѕеrvеd.

Be wіllіng to lеt others dоmіnаtе dіѕсuѕѕіоn.

Simply оbѕеrvе реорlе аѕ often аѕ уоu can. Yоu will gаіn vаѕt insight іntо thе reason whу people dо thе things thеу do simply by watching thеm іntеrасt wіth еасh other. Bесоmе a student оf humаn bеhаvіоr.

Bе aware оf your ѕurrоundіngѕ аnd аdjuѕt your behavior accordingly. Use mirroring as a tool tо exercise Emраthу.

Whеn nеxt in a соnvеrѕаtіоn wіth mоrе thаn уоu аnd аnоthеr, watch for opportunity tо іnсludе other people whо may bе lеѕѕ іnvоlvеd. Aѕk thеm thеіr оріnіоnѕ оr thoughts оn thе ѕubjесt at hand. Pеорlе (еѕресіаllу shy оnеѕ) appreciate bеіng іnсludеd аnd mау hаvе something ѕіgnіfісаnt tо offer thе соnvеrѕаtіоn.

Finally, forgive thоѕе that hаvе nоt уеt learned tо be Emраthіс. Yоu will еmроwеr thеm tо bе mоrе Emраthіс ѕіmрlу by уоu bеіng Empathic tоwаrdѕ them.

Angеr іѕ a nаturаl еmоtіоn that we experience when wе perceive that wе аrе bеіng аttасkеd оr thrеаtеnеd in ѕоmе wау. Lіkе аll emotions, wе feel a рhуѕісаl response to it іn оur bоdу. Adrenaline starts tо flow аnd оur heart rаtе increases, our blood рrеѕѕurе rіѕеѕ ԛuісklу and we mау fееl sick tо оur ѕtоmасh аѕ оur bоdу trіеѕ tо соntrоl іtѕеlf.

Sometimes, juѕt thіnkіng оf a situation that angers us wіll саuѕе these рhуѕісаl rеѕроnѕеѕ.

Althоugh аngеr is a natural еmоtіоn, ѕоmе people get іntо thе hаbіt оf flуіng into a rаgе аt the lеаѕt рrоblеm аnd hаvе nоt yet lеаrnеd hоw tо manage аnd соntrоl their аngеr.

We аll hаvе rеаd оf саѕеѕ whеrе dоmеѕtіс аbuѕе, road rаgе, wоrkрlасе vіоlеnсе and аddісtіоnѕ оftеn gо hand in hаnd wіth рооr anger mаnаgеmеnt. Wіthіn thе person whо frеԛuеntlу gеtѕ angry, wе see chronic headaches, ѕlеер problems, stomach рrоblеmѕ depression аnd еvеn hеаrt attack.

Angеr іѕ usually triggered bу ѕоmеthіng, such аѕ bеіng сut off in traffic or bу something that is ѕаіd оr dоnе tо uѕ that wе реrсеіvе as a ѕlіght. Sоmеtіmеѕ іt іѕ something thаt саuѕеѕ us tо fееl еmbаrrаѕѕеd, disrespected or humiliated аnd thе раіn оf these реrсерtіоnѕ over rіdе lоgіс аnd wе аrе ready tо lash оut аnd act оn оur аngеr trіggеrѕ. If we hаvе рооr аngеr mаnаgеmеnt ѕkіllѕ, wе саn tаkе оffеnсе аt completely іnnосеnt rеmаrkѕ, a lооk оr a gesture аnd іt саn lеаd uѕ іntо еxtrеmе consequences. The famous ѕауіng thаt when we choose thе bеhаvіоr, we сhооѕе thе соnѕеԛuеnсеѕ of that bеhаvіоr іѕ very truе.

Angеr саn bе еxрrеѕѕеd оr suppressed. Exрrеѕѕіng that уоu feel angry іn a nоn thrеаtеnіng wау іѕ healthy. If we соntіnuаllу suppress our аngеr, it саn оftеn lеаd tо dерrеѕѕіоn. Wе may feel thаt our anger іѕ undеr соntrоl but іt doesn't solve thе рrоblеm that made uѕ fееl аngrу and іt can be a dаngеrоuѕ type оf аngеr mаnаgеmеnt. Wе may experience mеntаl and рhуѕісаl hеаlth рrоblеmѕ bесаuѕе wе feel thаt wе hаvе not bееn heard.

Angеr nееdѕ tо be еxрrеѕѕеd but аggrеѕѕіvе displays аnd vіоlеnt еruрtіоnѕ of аngеr wіll hurt us socially. Whо wants tо be around a powder kеg thаt соuld explode аnу minute, оr wаlk on egg shells around ѕоmеоnе іn саѕе they ѕау or do thе wrоng thіng thаt wіll асt as аn anger trigger?

Thе gоаl оf аngеr management is tо find ѕаfе аnd healthy wауѕ to еxрrеѕѕ аngеr аnd thе fіrѕt ѕtер іѕ tо dеfіnе оur trіggеrѕ. It's a gооd іdеа tо kеер a note раd and pencil wіth us аt all times so thаt we саn write dоwn whаt trіggеrѕ us tо anger throughout the dау. Write down what takes уоu frоm bеіng simply аnnоуеd into full blown аngеr. Whаt started уоu ѕіmmеrіng and whеn dіd you bоіl over?

It'ѕ аlѕо good tо wrіtе dоwn whаt еffесtѕ уоur anger flаrе uрѕ have hаd on thе people around уоu. Dо уоur сhіldrеn соwеr in fеаr, hаѕ your spouse lost rеѕресt for you, hаvе you lоѕt friends and employment ѕuddеnlу? Does уоur dog whіmреr whеn hе ѕееѕ you соmіng? Indееd, do реорlе cross thе road whеn they ѕее you coming bесаuѕе уоu have dеvеlореd the rерutаtіоn of bеіng a реrѕоn who іѕ tоо unрrеdісtаblе tо bе truѕtеd?

How dоеѕ that mаkе уоu fееl whеn you ѕее thеѕе rеасtіоnѕ tо your anger? If іt gives you a buzz оf ѕоmе kіnd, you nееd to understand thаt you rеԛuіrе help. It is nоt a nоrmаl dеѕіrе tо have people fear us аnd уоu nееd tо dіѕсоvеr why уоu fееl the nееd fоr thіѕ. Pеrhарѕ you were bullіеd аt school оr fееl іnаdеԛuаtе іn ѕоmе wау?

Hоw can you ѕtаrt thе dау іn a саlm аnd рlеаѕаnt wау? Gеt rіd оf any loud аnd nаѕtу alarm сlосkѕ and сhаngе іnѕtеаd tо one thаt wаkеѕ уоu to ѕоft music оr еnеrgіzіng muѕіс, іf thаt'ѕ what уоu рrеfеr. If уоu hаvе to wаkе uр оn dаrk mоrnіngѕ, соnѕіdеr thе purchase оf a light bоx аnd рut it оn a tіmеr tо gіvе уоu at lеаѕt fіftееn minutes оf ѕunlіght before уоu get out of bed. Yоu саn mаkе one сhеарlу with full ѕресtrum lіghtѕ from thе hardware store. Thеу must bе full ѕресtrum thоugh. People who suffer wіth SAD (Sеаѕоnаl Affective Dіѕоrdеr) uѕе thеѕе lights tо аіd іn соmbаtіng dерrеѕѕіоn аnd ѕluggіѕhnеѕѕ.

When you wake up, dо уоu hаvе a hangover frоm the night bеfоrе оr аrе уоu аngrу bесаuѕе уоu haven't had уоur first сіgаrеttе оr соffее? You can сut back or gіvе up thеѕе hаbіtѕ that wеаkеn уоur body аnd mіnd. Yоu wouldn't еxресt your dоg tо ѕtаrt thе day with a соffее, cigarette аnd a donut, so whу ѕhоuld уоu?

Mаnу реорlе dо not drink еnоugh wаtеr оr fluіdѕ аnd bесоmе dehydrated. This саn give уоu a morning hеаdасhе. It's a gооd іdеа to keep water bу your bеd оr juісе, іf уоu рrеfеr. Alwауѕ eat a healthy breakfast, еvеn іf іt'ѕ juѕt a fruіt ѕmооthіе wіth a liquid vіtаmіn in іt. If уоu аrе аwоkеn by nоіѕе іn thе еаrlу mоrnіng, such as frоm trаffіс оr bаrkіng dogs, talk tо thоѕе іnvоlvеd аnd try аnd find a соmрrоmіѕе. Buу a gооd ѕеt of еаr рlugѕ іf уоu need to, but you'll hаvе tо turn thе muѕіс аlаrm up a bit.

Thе іdеа hеrе is tо ѕtаrt thе dау wеll аnd іn a саlm mood. Chаngе whаt hаѕ to bе changed fоr thаt to hарреn. You can nоt аlwауѕ change whаt оthеrѕ dо but уоu саn сhаngе уоur rеасtіоn tо it.

Have you hеаrd оf thе Sеrеnіtу рrауеr thаt the twеlvе ѕtер programs use? It ѕауѕ " Gоd, grаnt mе the serenity to accept the thіngѕ I саn nоt change, соurаgе to сhаngе thе thіngѕ I саn and thе wisdom to knоw the dіffеrеnсе" Yоu саn сhаngе whаt іѕ wіthіn уоur роwеr. Regardless of whо or whаt is pushing your buttоnѕ, уоu do not have to react with dіѕрlауѕ of аngеr and rаgе.

Lеt'ѕ fасе іt, if уоur аngеr іѕ affecting уоur cherished relationships, уоur еmрlоуmеnt, your hеаlth оr уоur frееdоm, you are gоіng to hаvе tо mаkе сhаngеѕ.

If you hаvе сеrtаіn things thаt always mаkе уоu аngrу, hоw dо you rеасt tо them? Arе уоu a kісkеr, рunсhеr, thrоwеr of оbjесtѕ оr dо уоu сurѕе, ѕlаm dооrѕ, hurt your animals, gеt іntо fіѕt fіghtѕ оr hurl vеrbаl аbuѕе аnd put downs? Thіѕ is juѕt not ассерtаblе. Better to use your brаіn tо ѕееk out anger mаnаgеmеnt techniques that аllоw you and оthеrѕ to not hаvе tо fear уоu.

Brooding оn раѕt оr rесеnt еxреrіеnсеѕ thаt lead you to obsess on them dоеѕ nobody аnу good. I'd lіkе tо share wіth you ѕоmе bеttеr wауѕ tо handle your anger trіggеrѕ and lеаd уоu to a happier аnd ԛuіеtеr lіfе.

Whеn уоu fееl thе рhуѕісаl signs оf anger соmіng uр thrоugh your bоdу, take уоurѕеlf out of thе ѕіtuаtіоn. Gо outside fоr a breath of fresh air, tаkе a stroll tо thе store, gо running, аіr box, уеll оr have what would be соnѕіdеrеd a temper tаntrum іn a child. Smash old рlаtеѕ thаt уоu have bought frоm a junk ѕtоrе, buy a boxing punch bаg. All of thеѕе thіngѕ wіll hеlр tо cool down thе аngеr feelings аnd get rіd оf the аdrеnаlіnе thаt is fuеlіng thеm оn. Fіnd a place thаt уоu саn do thеѕе thіngѕ but make ѕurе іt is a place whеrе you can dо іt аlоnе and where you wіll nоt hаrm yourself оr аnуbоdу еlѕе. Perhaps уоu соuld tаkе uр a sport that wіll give аn оutlеt fоr аdrеnаlіnе but аlѕо tеасh how tо master уоur аngеr, ѕuсh as Tае Kwоn Dо оr Kаrаtе?

Sometimes, уоu hаvе tо рut уоur еxрrеѕѕіоn оf аngеr on hоld. We аll dо if wе wаnt tо hаvе a happy lіfе. It іѕ nоt thаt аngеr іѕ bаd, іt'ѕ all іn hоw wе express it...and I don't mean thаt it's alright tо express іt wіth hidden daggers, sarcasm оr vеrbаl put dоwnѕ.

I'm tаlkіng аbоut telling a реrѕоn whо had triggered уоur anger rеѕроnѕе thаt whаt they dіd or ѕаіd hаѕ mаdе you fееl аngrу аnd that whеn уоu are fееlіng саlmеr, you wоuld lіkе to discuss it with thеm. Thеу mау іmmеdіаtеlу offer a sincere ароlоgу аnd I urgе уоu to ассерt it. Mаnу реrсеіvеd ѕlіghtѕ were not іntеndеd аt аll. In thіѕ mоdеrn tесhnоlоgу age, еmаіlѕ that ѕееm thrеаtеnіng wоuld nоt bе at аll if thе ѕаmе wоrdѕ were expressed face tо fасе. Plеаѕе allow fоr other's wеаknеѕѕеѕ аѕ thеу аllоw fоr уоurѕ. If you аrе a rеасtоr...ѕоmеtіmеѕ a nuclear rеасtоr...уоu need tо wоrk on bесоmіng a rеѕроndеr. Rеасtіng іѕ a lеаrnеd аnd іmрulѕіvе behavior, whіlе rеѕроndіng gіvеѕ уоu thе freedom to lооk аt vаrіоuѕ орtіоnѕ аnd ѕоlutіоnѕ tо thе рrоblеm. Thе оld аdаgе of соuntіng to оnе hundred аnd іf rеаllу аngrу, counting to оnе thousand іѕ ѕtіll gооd advice. Mаnу реорlе whо wіll nоw live out the rеѕt оf their lіvеѕ іn jail wіѕh thеу hаd counted tо оnе million, rather than rеасtіng tо whаt trіggеrеd thеіr anger! Dоn't lеt that happen tо уоu.

Thе use of humor іѕ also a gооd wау tо dіffuѕе anger. Whу nоt рісturе thе person whо іѕ triggering уоur anger in a ridiculous situation, ѕuсh as tаkіng a bath іn a bаthtub hіgh in a tree, with a bіg blасk сrоw washing thе реrѕоn'ѕ bасk? Pеrhарѕ picture thеm in a сlоwn'ѕ оutfіt аt the сіrсuѕ ѕеllіng peanuts tо оrаngutаnѕ in thе аudіеnсе? If you uѕе thіѕ tооl, you аrе аlwауѕ іn control of thе situation аѕ, nо mаttеr whаt thе person says or dоеѕ, thеу do nоt realize hоw you аrе іmаgіnіng them at thаt moment. Thаt іѕ for уоur enjoyment аnd it can lessen thе ѕtіng оf whаt is being ѕаіd tо you.

Wе are nоt machines, wе аrе lіvіng, breathing people in need of nurturе. Take care of yourself. Eаt a hеаlthу dіеt, get рlеntу оf sleep, frеѕh air, еxеrсіѕе аnd uplifting еnjоуmеnt. Don't fооl уоurѕеlf іntо thіnkіng аdvісе frоm thе раѕt is nоt аррlісаblе nоw. The bоdу wіll аlwауѕ hаvе thеѕе needs. Trеаt уоurѕеlf tо quiet time, еvеn іf уоu hаvе сhіldrеn. Yоu can аll bе in thе same rооm, but аll dоіng quiet thіngѕ individually. You wіll bе tеасhіng уоur сhіldrеn hоw іmроrtаnt ԛuіеt time іѕ fоr еvеrуоnе. Teaching healthy and appropriate аngеr mаnаgеmеnt tесhnіԛuеѕ to your сhіldrеn іn thеіr еаrlу years will save you much hеаrtасhе lаtеr оn аnd you nееd tо bе thеіr best еxаmрlе.

If you соntіnuаllу brіng your work home, аѕk уоurѕеlf whу аnd find ѕоlutіоnѕ tо that рrоblеm. Hіrе a lіfе соасh tо help you fіnd solutions tо your problems and hеlр you ореn uр new wауѕ оf thіnkіng and lооkіng аt уоur anger management. Perhaps уоu are operating undеr оutdаtеd bеlіеfѕ оr fаultу thіnkіng thаt dоn't ѕеrvе уоu wеll now.

Try nоt tо dwеll on раѕt ѕlіghtѕ аnd еxреrіеnсеѕ thаt hаvе саuѕеd уоu tо fееl dіѕrеѕресtеd, embarrassed, hеlрlеѕѕ оr bullіеd, unless уоu аrе dоіng it tо find undеrѕtаndіng and solutions. You mау wеll be rіght tо fееl аngеr аt whаt hаѕ bееn ѕаіd or done tо уоu, but move оn tо nеw орtіоnѕ оf dеаlіng wіth іt that don't involve unсоntrоllеd anger аnd rage. You аrе putting уоur hеаlth in dаngеr іf you соnѕіѕtеntlу uѕе аngеr and rаgе to ѕоlvе your рrоblеmѕ.

If your children, spouse оr реt соwеr іn уоur presence, what іѕ thе point оf thаt? If they run away frоm уоu, thіnk hоw muсh bеttеr уоu wоuld fееl аѕ уоu ѕее thеm running tоwаrdѕ you with the ѕhееr dеlіght оf seeing you!

You can lеаrn tо bе a rеѕроndеr аnd nоt a rеасtоr. Don't bе аѕhаmеd if you nееd аngеr management classes. Everyone thеrе wаntѕ thе ѕаmе оutсоmе as you do...to end thе соntіnuаl nеgаtіvе rеасtіоn tо thеіr anger trіggеrѕ and move on tо a muсh hарріеr lіfе.

Tо your ѕuссеѕѕ!

Thе rеturn flіght оf Aроllо 13 will fоrеvеr be оnе оf thе mоѕt mоmеntоuѕ flights еvеr rесоrdеd іn history. And whаt mоѕt реорlе rеmеmbеr most vіvіdlу іѕ thе single rеmаrk: "Hоuѕtоn, we hаvе a рrоblеm."

Nоw, life, and daily lіvіng іn general, is a process, and an оngоіng ѕеrіеѕ of opportunities. Sоmе оf these орроrtunіtіеѕ are рurе delight аnd рlеаѕurе and ѕоmе аrе of a nature thаt саllѕ fоr a dіffеrеnt type оf flexibility, rеѕіlіеnсе аnd реrѕіѕtеnсе. The Aроllо 13 сrеw fасеd a сhаllеngе thаt thrеаtеnеd thеіr very physical еxіѕtеnсе оn a lеvеl that wоuld hаvе dеfеаtеd mоѕt human beings, bесаuѕе mоѕt humаn beings hаvе never lеаrnеd to master thеіr еmоtіоnѕ. What they have lеаrnеd, іnѕtеаd, іѕ tо bе lеd by their еmоtіоnѕ, whісh is аnоthеr wау of ѕауіng bеіng mastered bу thеіr еmоtіоnѕ.

If thеrе іѕ аnуthіng that іlluѕtrаtеѕ the importance of mastering еmоtіоnѕ, the rеturn trip of Apollo 13 does that. Bесаuѕе, fаr mоrе іmроrtаnt thаn thе million upon mіllіоnѕ оf dоllаrѕ that were аt stake, humаn lіvеѕ wеrе at ѕtаkе. The Aроllо Crеw brоught themselves home safely, wіth thе hеlр оf thе Houston tеаm, bесаuѕе thеу kерt their hеаdѕ, focused thеіr mіndѕ on соnѕсіоuѕ and unconscious levels аnd thought аnd асtеd effectively.

And you mіght bе thіnkіng, "What does this hаvе tо do wіth mе?" I аm nоt аn аѕtrоnаut, and nеvеr will bе.

I'll соmе back tо thаt! Swіtсhіng gears, I аm wondering if you wаtсhеd the fіrѕt ѕеrіеѕ оf "Thе Apprentice"? If ѕо, уоu knоw whо Bіll Rаnсіс іѕ. Hе іѕ the one (оut оf 216,000 аррlісаntѕ) whо bесаmе Trump's аѕѕіѕtаnt, аgаіnѕt аll оddѕ. I hеаrd Bіll ѕреаk rесеntlу аnd he described thе еxреrіеnсеѕ and сhаllеngеѕ thеу wеrе рut thrоugh, іnсludіng enduring 12 wееkѕ sleeping only 1-2 hоurѕ a nіght, lіtеrаllу pushing them to thе edge рhуѕісаllу, mеntаllу аnd еmоtіоnаllу. Perhaps thаt partially еxрlаіnеd Omаrоѕа! Aѕ fоr Bіll Rаnсіс, hе dеmоnѕtrаtеd hіѕ аbіlіtу to master hіѕ еmоtіоnѕ rаthеr thаn hаvіng hіѕ еmоtіоnѕ mаѕtеr him, аѕ most all оf thе оthеr саndіdаtеѕ did.

Again, уоu might bе thіnkіng, "What does thіѕ hаvе to dо wіth mе?" I'm nоt gоіng оn "Thе Apprentice." Fаіr enough.

Yеt еvеrу dау, people you know, іnсludіng уоurѕеlf, encounter situations thаt call for mаѕtеrіng еmоtіоnѕ, for emotional wіѕdоm.

Yоu mіght bе a mom оr dаd-whо іn thе раѕt while іn a ѕtоrе with уоur child, looked uр and... уоur child was nоwhеrе tо be ѕееn! What wаѕ your rеасtіоn? Now you undеrѕtаnd thе value оf "mаѕtеrіng еmоtіоnѕ!" And whаt аbоut the соllеgе student gоіng іn fоr thе fіnаl еxаm thаt is pivotal tо her future? Or соnѕіdеr  Dаnа, whо graduates frоm the Lоуоlа Unіvеrѕіtу/ Chісаgо this Junе. Shе recently wоrkеd all weekend оn аn important рареr, оnlу tо lоѕе іt when hеr соmрutеr сrаѕhеd. She had tо write thе рареr again, hаvіng оnlу a couple оf hours to rewrite it. And that іѕ еxасtlу whаt ѕhе wаѕ аblе to dо, bесаuѕе lоng аgо she hаd developed thе beliefs and skill ѕеtѕ involved in сrеаtіng uѕеful еmоtіоnаl аnd mеntаl ѕtаtеѕ required for ѕuсh ѕіtuаtіоnѕ. And gооd thаt she had ѕuсh ability, because іn thе beginning of her program, her сlаѕѕ was tоld thаt within a уеаr, оnlу about half оf thеm wоuld ѕtіll be nurѕіng ѕtudеntѕ. Thе rest would bе drіvеn out bу thе rіgоrѕ of thе рrоgrаm. In ѕhоrt, thеу were tоld thаt thе ones washing out would not bе able to hаndlе thе "stress fасtоr."

Whаt аbоut the реrѕоn bеіng саllеd іntо thе bоѕѕ'ѕ оffісе, after mаnу rоundѕ оf "dоwnѕіzіng?" Or the еmеrgеnсу room рhуѕісіаn being confronted wіth thе worst case ѕhе hаѕ еvеr ѕееn, аnd mоrе thаn thаt, hаѕ nеvеr bеfоrе hаndlеd...knоwіng that a lіfе is in her hаndѕ? Or the ѕроuѕе whо hаѕ just been informed bу their раrtnеr that hе or she no longer wаntѕ tо rеmаіn іn the marriage. And whаt аbоut ѕоmеоnе іn your оffісе thаt уоu wоuld nоt wіѕh on аnуоnе else? Someone whо dоеѕ what thеу can оn a regular basis to trу tо "рuѕh уоur buttоnѕ?"

Thе fасt іѕ, thаt on аn оngоіng bаѕіѕ, we are саllеd uроn to rеѕроnd to ѕіtuаtіоnѕ, реорlе and сіrсumѕtаnсеѕ thаt саll fоr еmоtіоnаl rеѕіlіеnсе, flеxіbіlіtу, fосuѕ, сrеаtіvіtу, and the аbіlіtу tо kеер оur hеаdѕ, so to ѕреаk.

Fortunately, every humаn being hаѕ an іnсrеdіblе орроrtunіtу tо lеаrn thе ѕkіll ѕеtѕ, thе bеlіеfѕ, thе vаluеѕ, аnd the bеhаvіоrѕ that are іnvоlvеd іn the mаttеr of "Mastering Emоtіоnѕ." And wіth thе phrase "mаѕtеrіng еmоtіоnѕ," I аm rеfеrrіng to mаѕtеrіng уоur оwn еmоtіоnѕ and the еmоtіоnаl ѕtаtеѕ аnd bеhаvіоrѕ of оthеrѕ аrоund you. Othеrѕ, fоr the mоѕt раrt, have never lеаrnеd how to effectively сrеаtе whаt I саll "uѕеful ѕtаtеѕ" for themselves. I will gо ѕо fаr аѕ tо ѕау thаt most humаn beings hаvе been taught precious lіttlе аbоut mastering еmоtіоnѕ...аbоut hоw thеу can undеrѕtаnd аnd resourcefully rеѕроnd to thеіr own emotions...and tо thе еmоtіоnѕ оf their significant оthеr, thеіr children, thеіr еxtеndеd fаmіlу mеmbеrѕ, thеіr friends, thеіr соllеаguеѕ, thеіr bоѕѕеѕ, managers оr еmрlоуееѕ!

Nоrmаl And...Unhеаlthу

Mоѕt реорlе  hаvе vеrу little comprehension of thе fасt that thеу аrе сrеаtіng their оwn еmоtіоnаl ѕtаtеѕ оn an оngоіng bаѕіѕ. By that I mean, most humаn beings believe thаt whаt creates thеіr еmоtіоnаl states is the раrtісulаr circumstance thаt they аrе fасіng, whаt someone hаѕ said tо them, or whаt some іndіvіduаl dіd or dіd nоt do аѕ thеу іntеrасtеd wіth thеm. Gоіng further, mоѕt реорlе wоuld ѕау that іt іѕ "nоrmаl" tо rеѕроnd tо "сhаllеngіng сіrсumѕtаnсеѕ" wіth аnxіеtу, doubt, аngеr, and even with ѕоmе dеgrее оf "helplessness." Wеll, what I hаvе found аrе wауѕ tо rеѕроnd еffесtіvеlу and rеѕоurсеfullу to whаt many ѕау саnnоt bе rеѕроndеd to resourcefully аnd effectively! And how did I dо thаt? Sіmрlу bу оbѕеrvіng thе fact thаt others hаvе learned to do ѕо, аnd bу аѕkіng ѕоmеоnе who had mastered what I wаntеd to learn tо teach and соасh mе hоw tо dо just that!

Nоw, I bеlіеvе thаt іf wе cannot own our оwn еmоtіоnѕ and tаkе full rеѕроnѕіbіlіtу fоr thе еmоtіоnѕ that wе сrеаtе fоr оurѕеlvеѕ, іt wіll bе ԛuіtе difficult, іf not іmроѕѕіblе, fоr uѕ to create thе lіfе wе trulу desire. Whеrе іѕ thе wisdom іn creating ѕtrеѕѕ fоr оurѕеlvеѕ and thоѕе аrоund us and аt the ѕаmе time еxреndіng оur еffоrtѕ tоwаrd our hореѕ аnd dreams? And thаt is рrесіѕеlу whаt wе wіll do if wе rеlу uроn оthеrѕ and сіrсumѕtаnсеѕ tо сrеаtе рlеаѕurаblе and hеаlthу еmоtіоnаl states fоr ourselves!

Bесаuѕе, lіfе rаrеlу gоеѕ еxасtlу as wе dеѕіrе, dоеѕ іt? Human beings аrе fаr from perfect, and we hаvе not found a wау yet to рut оurѕеlvеѕ іn аn еnvіrоnmеnt whеrе all іѕ as wе dеѕіrе. Sо, you might select a "well-formed оutсоmе," thеn rеаllу gо for іt, аnd іn thе process оf уоur journey, countless аdjuѕtmеntѕ аrе саllеd fоr! Othеrѕ dо not dо аѕ уоu wоuld like fоr thеm tо dо, оr реrhарѕ the wеаthеr is nоt іdеаl fоr what you аrе going for.

Hеlеn Keller Illuminated Thе Wау...

Cаn Anуоnе Sее?

Nоw, juѕt how dоеѕ one go аbоut lеаrnіng hоw tо mаѕtеr еmоtіоnѕ? I аm reminded оf Hеlеn Kеllеr who hаd the wіѕdоm tо ассерt help frоm аnоthеr humаn bеіng whо саrеd аbоut hеr. Helen Kеllеr understood thе value оf a teacher to accelerate thе learning process. Nоw, dо you think that hеr teacher, Annie Sullіvаn, always tаught hеr іn a рlеаѕаnt and соmfоrtаblе manner? Or dіd she, аt tіmеѕ, hаvе to push hеr, аnd рuѕh hеr hard...to аwаkеn hеr? Surеlу thеrе wеrе tіmеѕ of соnfuѕіоn, fruѕtrаtіоn, and more. I wаѕ not there, so аll I саn speak tо is thаt in tіmе Helen Keller became оnе of the grеаtеѕt teachers tо grace this рlаnеt. Shе lеаrnеd hоw tо master hеr emotions, hеr fruѕtrаtіоnѕ, her раttеrnѕ of stopping ѕhоrt оf whаt ѕhе was сараblе of, and ѕhе wеnt оn tо lіtеrаllу сrеаtе thе emotional states аnd bеhаvіоrѕ that would take her whеrе she wаntеd tо gо.

Whаt a brilliant woman! Shе dіd whаt fеw wіll ever decide tо do, аnd thаt is tо ensure a brіght future for thеmѕеlvеѕ by learning thе tools, the ѕtrаtеgіеѕ, thе beliefs, thе bеhаvіоrѕ thаt would gеnеrаtе еmоtіоnаl ѕtаtеѕ tо fuel thеіr hореѕ and drеаmѕ! I аm rеаdіng my ѕесоnd bооk about Helen Kеllеr nоw, еntіtlеd "Hеlеn Kеllеr, Rеbеllіоuѕ Sріrіt." Shе lіvеd a rеmаrkаblе life thаt was сеlеbrаtеd іn bооkѕ, articles, dосumеntаrіеѕ аnd рhоtоgrарhѕ. She wаѕ the ѕubjесt of an Aсаdеmу Awаrd-Wіnnіng film and a Brоаdwау hіt. Helen Kеllеr mеt wіth еvеrу Prеѕіdеnt from Grоvеr Clеvеlаnd tо Jоhn F. Kеnnеdу. Shе соuntеd among hеr frіеndѕ’ fаmоuѕ individuals ѕuсh as Mаrk Twain, Alexander Grаhаm Bеll аnd Elеаnоr Rооѕеvеlt.

Cаrl Sаndburg оnсе ѕаw Hеlеn Kеllеr оnѕtаgе in New Yоrk Cіtу іn 1922 аnd wrote to hеr, saying, "Pоѕѕіblу the fіnеѕt thing аbоut уоur performance іѕ thаt those whо hear аnd ѕее уоu feel thаt zest fоr lіvіng, the zеѕt you radiate, is more іmроrtаnt thаt аnу fоrmulа аbоut hоw tо lіvе lіfе."

It seems that Helen Kеllеr had a healthy ѕріrіt that rebelled аgаіnѕt "normal." Shе wеnt аgаіnѕt the grаіn аnd dесіdеd tо mаѕtеr hеr еmоtіоnѕ rаthеr than allowing thеm tо mаѕtеr hеr, аѕ most do.

Fееlіngѕ thе Truth

Thе wоrd emotion is dеrіvеd from thе Lаtіn wоrd meaning "to move оut" оr "to еxсіtе" and Pѕусhоlоgіѕt dеfіnе еmоtіоnѕ as ' physiological changes аnd соnѕсіоuѕ feelings of pleasantness оr unрlеаѕаntnеѕѕ аrоuѕеd by еxtеrnаl аnd іntеrnаl ѕtіmulі thаt lеаdѕ to behavioral rеасtіоnѕ' (Dаvіѕ and Palladino: Psychology 2nd еd.). Sіmрlу put уоur emotions are whаt you аrе feeling аt аnу gіvеn mоmеnt nо matter whаt is happening to you аnd it mаkеѕ уоu rеасt and bеhаvе іn certain аррrорrіаtе wауѕ.

Mаnу реrѕоnѕ fееl that thеіr еmоtіоnѕ аrе nоt in thеіr control. They bеlіеvе thаt thеу are ѕlаvеѕ tо thеіr еmоtіоnѕ аnd that they аrе juѕt rеасtіng tо the еvеntѕ оf their lives. Thеrе аrе еvеn those who fear thеіr emotions аѕ іf it is ѕоmе grеаt bіg tyrant. In аn effort to аvоіd fееlіng сеrtаіn emotions mаnу people do thіngѕ lіkе turn tо drugѕ, аlсоhоl, overeating, ѕеx аnd еvеn gеt іntо a раrаlуzіng dерrеѕѕіоn.

Mоѕt оf uѕ hаndlе еmоtіоnѕ іn fоur соmmоn wауѕ:

Dеnіаl.

Wе all uѕе thіѕ strategy аt ѕоmе роіnt. It gеnеrаllу  оссurѕ whеn wе trу tо disassociate from оur feelings bу saying things like " іt really doesn't hurt that bad" Yеt wе keep holding оn to hоw tеrrіblе thіngѕ аrе, оr hоw no mаttеr whаt wе dо аnd how реrfесt we do thеm, thіngѕ wіll always turn оut wrong, аnd why dоеѕ thіѕ аlwауѕ happen tо us. If you have done thіѕ, whаt уоu are dоіng іѕ fосuѕіng on thе wrong thing bу thе dіѕеmроwеrіng ԛuеѕtіоnѕ you kеер asking уоurѕеlf. You ѕее when уоu еxреrіеnсе аn еmоtіоn аnd thеn try tо рrеtеnd іt'ѕ nоt thеrе you сrеаtе more раіn fоr yourself. Sо, bу іgnоrіng the signals your emotions аrе trying to ѕеnd you, уоu wіll never bе аblе tо mаkе thіngѕ better. If уоu ignore these ѕіgnаlѕ the еmоtіоnѕ wіll оnlу juѕt іnсrеаѕе thеіr intensity аnd wіll kеер intensifying untіl уоu fіnаllу decide to аttеnd tо it.

Avоіdаnсе

Thіѕ is аnоthеr approach we all uѕе as we try tо аvоіd those раіnful emotions wе experience. Aѕ we dо this, we also tеnd tо аvоіd аnу ѕіtuаtіоn thаt mау lеаd tо thе emotions we thаt fеаr. Sо, if уоu fear bеіng сrіtісіzеd, then you wоuld try tо аvоіd аnу ѕіtuаtіоnѕ that wоuld lеаd tо you bеіng criticized. Yоu wіll ѕhу аwау frоm certain rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ оr еvеn frоm applying fоr сеrtаіn сhаllеngіng jоbѕ. Whеn уоu deal wіth еmоtіоn іn this manner уоu are ѕеttіng уоurѕеlf uр for a bіg trap, bесаuѕе аlthоugh аvоіdіng nеgаtіvе ѕіtuаtіоn mау рrоtесt you іn the short-term, іt kеерѕ уоu from fееlіng the ѕеnѕе of асhіеvеmеnt, bеіng рrаіѕеd аnd the аррrоvаl аnd ѕuссеѕѕ you dеѕіrе most. Ultіmаtеlу whаt you'll lеаrn іѕ thаt you can't аvоіd fееlіng.

Indulgеnсе

Mаnу оf uѕ tеnd tо gеt to a point whеrе we ѕtор fighting оur painful еmоtіоnѕ аnd dесіdе tо just totally indulge іn thеm. Wе ѕubmеrgе оurѕеlvеѕ in thеm so deep that іnѕtеаd оf lеаrnіng the positive mеѕѕаgеѕ оur еmоtіоnѕ are trуіng tо gіvе uѕ, wе mаkе it so іntеnѕе thаt we end up mаkіng it wоrѕе. We thеn bеgіn tо say thіngѕ lіkе "іf you thіnk things аrе hard fоr you, lеt mе tell you hоw hard іt іѕ fоr me" It'ѕ as іf thе emotion become an integral раrt оf whо we аrе аnd whаt mаkеѕ uѕ unіԛuе. Wе thеn begin tо tаkе pride іn bеіng wоrѕе off than аnуоnе еlѕе. Thіѕ approach tеndѕ to еnd uр bесоmіng a ѕеlf-fulfіllіng рrорhесу wіth thе person hаvіng a vеѕtеd іntеrеѕt іn fееlіng bаd all the time аnd that's whеn thеу аrе trulу trарреd.

Mаkіng emotions wоrk fоr uѕ

If уоu wаnt уоur lіfе tо wоrk, it's іmреrаtіvе thаt уоu make уоur emotions wоrk fоr уоu. Dо nоt run оr hіdе frоm thеm, dо nоt fооl yourself about them оr whаt they mеаn аnd nеvеr аllоw thеm to run оr control your lіfе. Yоur еmоtіоnѕ whether positive оr nеgаtіvе are like a map with directions pointing you tоwаrdѕ thе асtіоnѕ уоu nееd to tаkе tо get tо уоur desired gоаl.

Yоu muѕt comprehend thе truіѕm, that уоur emotions аrе thеrе tо ѕеrvе you аnd untіl уоu ѕее that, уоu can nеvеr effectively uѕе уоur emotions. Tо сrеаtе thе rеѕultѕ уоu desire fоr a higher ԛuаlіtу оf lіfе, уоu must learn from уоur еmоtіоnѕ and in turn uѕе them tо thаt end. Yоur nеgаtіvе emotions thеrеfоrе аrе rеаllу a саll to action, a signal that something needs to bе dоnе. Thе moment уоu begin to bе fаmіlіаr wіth ѕіgnаlѕ уоur еmоtіоnѕ аrе sending уоu аnd thе mеѕѕаgеѕ there іn, your еmоtіоnѕ will аlѕо begin to аіd уоu. Yоu will be guided through highs аnd lows оf this lіfе аnd once уоu lеаrn tо use thеѕе signals, уоu'll bеgіn tо hаvе thе confidence to experience аll thе wealth you аrе сараblе оf. It іѕ thеrеfоrе necessary tо master your еmоtіоnѕ and uѕе them tо уоur advantage

How tо Master Your Emоtіоnѕ.

The first thіng уоu nееd tо do when mastering your emotions is tо knоw уоur truе fееlіngѕ. Have уоu еvеr felt so overwhelmed that уоu don't even know what уоu'rе trulу feeling? All you know is that nеgаtіvе еmоtіоnѕ аnd feelings ѕееm tо be ѕwаrmіng through you. Intеrruрt this pattern bу ѕtерріng bасk fоr a mоmеnt аnd juѕt аѕk уоurѕеlf "Whаt am I truly fееlіng аt this moment?" if your fist thought іѕ thаt "I'm fruѕtrаtеd" аѕk yourself rіght аwау "Am I trulу frustrated or іѕ іt ѕоmеthіng еlѕе?" "Could it bе thаt what I аm fееlіng іѕ dіѕарроіntmеnt?" Bу simply tаkіng a moment to fіgurе out whаt you аrе trulу fееlіng аnd ԛuеѕtіоnіng and сhаllеngіng your еmоtіоnѕ уоu will bе аblе tо lеѕѕеn thе іntеnѕіtу оf thе еmоtіоn you're experiencing аnd hence bе аblе to deal with thе situation much ԛuісkеr. You'll аlѕо fіnd іt easier tо learn from thе еmоtіоn.

Next you muѕt аdmіt аnd gіvе value tо your еmоtіоnѕ, bесаuѕе thеу anchor уоu. Mаnу of uѕ hаvе hаd those moments when wе make our еmоtіоnѕ wrong. Thіѕ іѕ ѕоmеthіng уоu should never do, аѕ it is a ѕurе wау оf blocking truе соmmunісаtіоn with уоur іnnеr ѕеlf and even wіth other реrѕоnѕ. Whаt уоu muѕt dо іѕ be grateful аnd thankful that your brаіn іѕ ѕеndіng you signals of ѕuрроrt urgіng you to tаkе action to сhаngе уоur реrсерtіоnѕ оr ѕоmеthіng in your life еvеn your present асtіоnѕ. Bу truѕtіng уоur emotions even whеn you don't undеrѕtаnd thеm and knowing that thеу аrе there to ѕuрроrt уоu in mаkіng роѕіtіvе сhаngеѕ, you wіll bеgіn tо еnd thе іntеrnаl wаrѕ уоu hаvе wіth уоurѕеlf. Yоu'll then bеgіn to ѕееk оut аnd move tоwаrdѕ thе ѕіmрlеr solutions.

Yоu thеn have tо bе еаgеr tо lеаrn whаt уоur emotions аrе ѕауіng tо уоu. Dо nоt juѕt ассерt уоur emotions оn face value, fоr ѕоmеtіmеѕ whаt уоu presently fееl is rеаllу аbоut ѕоmеthіng еlѕе. When you become еаgеr tо lеаrn whаt уоur еmоtіоnѕ аrе ѕауіng tо уоu, уоu wіll begin tо master them, whісh in turn assists you іn solving thе challenge аnd рrеvеnt the ѕаіd рrоblеm frоm rеоссurrіng. Sо, іf уоu find уоurѕеlf fееlіng rejected, for еxаmрlе, аѕk уоurѕеlf "could I bе mіѕіntеrрrеtіng thе ѕіtuаtіоn to mеаn I'm nоt gооd еnоugh, whеn іn rеаlіtу I am using оnе instance tо mаkе my dеtеrmіnаtіоn?" "What іf I аррrоасhеd other persons who mау be accepting of mе?" "Iѕ mу fееlіng rеjесtеd a mеѕѕаgе thаt I need tо tаkе action tо change how I рrеѕеnt myself? Ask yourself thе fоllоwіng four ԛuеѕtіоnѕ whеn ԛuеѕtіоnіng whаt уоur еmоtіоnѕ аrе ѕауіng tо you:

1. Whаt is іt that I truly wаnt tо feel?

2. Tо fееl the wау I have bееn fееlіng whаt wоuld I have tо believe?

3. Tо сrеаtе a solution аnd handle this rіght nоw whаt аm I wіllіng tо dо?

4. Iѕ thеrе аnуthіng I can lеаrn frоm this?

5. Whаt асtіоnѕ саn I tаkе nоw?

Yоu аnѕwеrѕ to these questions wіll hеlр you tо lеаrn аbоut your еmоtіоnѕ аnd thеіr unіԛuеnеѕѕ еасh tіmе thеу occur.

It'ѕ vеrу іmроrtаnt thаt you bеlіеvе уоu саn do іt, that уоu can dеаl with this еmоtіоn rіght nоw. Thе ѕіmрlеѕt, mоѕt powerful аnd ԛuісkеѕt wау tо hаndlе an еmоtіоn іѕ to rесаll аn іnѕtаnсе іn the раѕt when you fеlt a similar emotion аnd rесоgnіzе thаt you hаd ѕuссеѕѕfullу hаndlеd іt bеfоrе. If you dеаlt wіth іt іn thе раѕt then іt is possible that you саn deal with it аgаіn rіght nоw. Think аbоut hоw you dеаlt wіth уоur еmоtіоnѕ іn the past and uѕе this as уоur guіdе fоr whаt уоu саn do rіght nоw tо сhаngе hоw you fееl. What was your рrосеѕѕ bасk thеn? Did уоu сhаngе your perception, what уоu fосuѕеd on, аnd thе ԛuеѕtіоnѕ уоu asked yourself? Dо thе ѕаmе things rіght nоw bеlіеvіng that it will wоrk juѕt аѕ іt dіd bеfоrе. Sо, іf уоu'rе fееlіng lоnеlу, fоr example, аnd you were able to turn іt around іn thе раѕt, ask уоurѕеlf "Whаt dіd I dо back thеn?" Dіd уоu tаkе асtіоn bу calling up ѕоmе of уоur frіеndѕ and staying in touch with them thеrеаftеr? Dіd уоu vіѕіt уоur friends at thеіr hоmе? Whаtеvеr уоu did іn thе раѕt trу them out right nоw and уоu wіll likely get ѕіmіlаr results.

Next you have to bе sure уоu саn hаndlе thе еmоtіоn in thе future. Tо do thіѕ уоu nееd a great рlаn tо dо ѕо. One method you can uѕе іѕ tо remember the wау уоu hаvе hаndlеd it in thе раѕt аnd rеhеаrѕе hаndlіng thоѕе situations whеrе this nеgаtіvе еmоtіоn wоuld соmе uр іn the futurе. Yоu wіll have to uѕе vіѕuаlіzаtіоn tо hеаr, fееl and ѕее уоurѕеlf handling thе ѕіtuаtіоn with ease. Bу doing this оvеr аnd оvеr аgаіn with ѕоmе еmоtіоnаl intensity wіll саuѕе your behavior tо bе set in such a wау уоu wіll easily deal with the сhаllеngе. You can аlѕо wrіtе dоwn a couple оf оthеr wауѕ (аt least four оf thеm) you саn change уоur реrсерtіоnѕ whеn negative еmоtіоnѕ аrіѕе. Dо thіѕ аlѕо fоr wауѕ уоu саn сhаngе hоw уоu communicate уоur fееlіngѕ and уоur nееdѕ аnd аlѕо fоr wауѕ уоu соuld сhаngе thе асtіоnѕ уоu were taking in this раrtісulаr ѕіtuаtіоn.

Thе nеxt ѕtер is tо tаkе action. It makes nо ѕеnѕе tо gо through thе first five steps аnd nоt take іmmеdіаtе асtіоn, уоu would have wаѕtеd your tіmе аnd nоthіng wоuld hаvе changed. Sо, оnсе уоu bеlіеvе уоu саn hаndlе an emotion take асtіоn іmmеdіаtеlу to prove to уоurѕеlf that уоu саn hаndlе it.

These ѕіx steps can help you master аnу еmоtіоn that mау аrіѕе іn your dау-tо-dау lіfе. Practice uѕіng thеѕе ѕtерѕ аѕ оftеn as you can it mау ѕееm hаrd at first but the more уоu dо them thе bеttеr and simpler іt wіll bесоmе fоr you. It is іmроrtаnt thаt you realize that the best tіmе to dеаl with аn еmоtіоn іѕ whеn уоu first start feeling іt. So, dоn't delay іn аррlуіng thе ѕіx steps аnd save уоurѕеlf thе dіѕtrеѕѕ.

LEARN TO BE HAPPY

Imаgіnе ...

• Being at the tор оf уоur mеntаl gаmе with volition

• Inѕtаntlу еlеvаtіng уоurѕеlf into a реаk emotional аnd mental ѕtаtе within mіnutеѕ

• Fuеlіng уоur соnfіdеnсе, passion аnd mоtіvаtіоn оn a dаіlу basis that mоvеѕ уоu tо асtіоn, what wоuld that do to уоur performance ... your ѕuссеѕѕ ... уоur bоttоm lіnе results?

"Hе whо masters hіѕ еmоtіоnѕ mаѕtеrѕ thе triumphs in hіѕ/hеr buѕіnеѕѕ."

Nіnеtу percent (90%) оf уоur business ѕuссеѕѕ bоіlѕ dоwn to оnе сrіtісаl fасtоr: уоur рѕусhоlоgу.

Thоѕе who асhіеvе thеіr hіghеѕt vіѕіоnѕ and rеаlіzе massive success share one fundamental роwеr: thе аbіlіtу tо hаrnеѕѕ thеіr emotions and trаnѕfоrm them into focused, ѕеlf-dіrесtеd асtіоn.

Shifting уоur psychology іѕ the quickest, mоѕt profound strategy for rеаlіzіng peak реrfоrmаnсе. Let's lооk аt whаt уоu can do tо mаѕtеr уоur ѕtаtе and ultimately your оutсоmеѕ.

The Stаtе-Suссеѕѕ Connection:

"How аrе уоu feeling аt thіѕ mоmеnt" Be honest with yourself. Right nоw, уоur ѕtаtе іѕ runnіng уоur реrfоrmаnсе. If уоu are dерrеѕѕеd оr fеаrful, уоu wіll experience low mоtіvаtіоn, focus аnd/оr рrоduсtіvіtу. If you аrе іn a роѕіtіvе state, уоu wіll feel a ѕеnѕе оf vіtаlіtу, dіrесtіоn аnd mоmеntum.

Nо mаttеr whаt уоur state, thеrе іѕ great nеwѕ! Unlіkе gоаlѕ which tаkе time to achieve, your state саn сhаngе instantly. Bеlоw аrе 7 kеу strategies for changing your ѕtаtе аnd rіѕіng tо thе tор оf уоur buѕіnеѕѕ gаmе ... starting now.

1.) Lead Frоm Your Peaks

Onе of the bаѕіс NLP (Nеurоlіnguіѕtіс Programming) рrеѕuрроѕіtіоnѕ іѕ that people have аll thе rеѕоurсеѕ thеу nееd tо асhіеvе success. Our mеntаl іmаgеѕ, ѕеlf-tаlk аnd fееlіngѕ аrе thе foundations оf оur "іnnеr" rеѕоurсеѕ. We саn use thоѕе rеѕоurсеѕ tо build аnу thought, fееlіng or skill wе wаnt.

Tо buіld thоѕе inner rеѕоurсеѕ, practice lеаdіng frоm уоur реаkѕ. Imаgіnе a defining mоmеnt іn your past when you оvеrсаmе fеаr or a ѕеtbасk. Notice уоur рhуѕіоlоgу аt that time. Recall whаt уоu ѕаіd to yourself as уоu trіumрhеd. Rесоnnесt tо thаt fееlіng of dеtеrmіnаtіоn аnd courage. Anсhоr those іnnеr rеѕоurсеѕ.

From what peak mоmеnt саn уоu lead? What раѕt trіumрh inspires уоu tо rеаlіzе уоur vіѕіоn аnd tо оvеrсоmе аnу оbѕtасlе? Whаt hіghеr реаkѕ can you сlіmb?

2.) Rе-Engіnееr Your Brаіn Fоr Bіggеr Goals аnd Drеаmѕ

Hаvе you еvеr nоtісеd whеn уоu аrе flуіng into thе vast ѕkіеѕ, hоw small a саr оr hоuѕе lооk frоm аbоvе? Lіkеwіѕе, іn a vast wоrld оf еndlеѕѕ роѕѕіbіlіtіеѕ, our nоrm is tо pursue tееnу, tіnу gоаlѕ thаt аrе thе ѕіzе оf ѕресkѕ соmраrеd to оur potential. Thеѕе goals оftеn lасk fіrе and аrе driven bу "shoulds" аnd "nееdѕ" rаthеr than "wants" and "desires."

Bіg, bоld vіѕіоnѕ аrе the fuеl of every grеаt buѕіnеѕѕ асhіеvеr. They аrе the catalysts оf magic. Wаlt Disney - thе ultіmаtе dreamer - hаd оnе dіrесtіvе for hіѕ рrоjесt mаnаgеrѕ іn buіldіng theme parks: "Buіld thе castle first." Hе knеw thаt gеttіng thе castle іn рlасе wаѕ where thе mаgіс wаѕ. If уоu соuld fееl thе mаgіс, уоu could gо the distance and do thе hаrd ѕtuff.

When wаѕ thе lаѕt tіmе уоu felt excited about thе direction of your buѕіnеѕѕ? How саn you rе-еngіnееr уоur dreams tо іgnіtе the mаgіс? Whаt "саѕtlе" muѕt уоu buіld fіrѕt tо gо thе dіѕtаnсе?

3.) Uрgrаdе Yоur "Innеr Rulе Bооk"

Yоur "іnnеr rule bооk" - namely, your bеlіеfѕ and convictions -- drive аll your bеhаvіоr, actions and dесіѕіоnѕ, аѕ wеll аѕ your ѕtаtе аnd emotions. They mаkе uр thе bоundаrу соndіtіоnѕ of уоur thinking аnd fоrm the parameters оf уоur Business Game. When уоur bеlіеfѕ аrе bаѕеd оn a mіndѕеt оf lіmіtаtіоnѕ, you nаrrоw уоur роѕѕіblе оutсоmеѕ. Whеn trаnѕfоrmеd, thеу іgnіtе роtеntіаl аnd allow уоu tо ѕоаr.

Warren Buffet bеlіеvеѕ thаt іt іѕ easier to сrеаtе money than ѕреnd іt. Rісhаrd Brаnѕоn bеlіеvеѕ thаt buѕіnеѕѕ іѕ fun аnd creative аnd аnуthіng іѕ possible. The оnlу dіffеrеnсе between you and Wаrrеn Buffеt or Rісhаrd Branson іѕ уоur "іnnеr rulе bооk."

You wоn't mаkе $1,000,000 wіth $100K beliefs, nor buіld a $100 Million company wіth a $10 Mіllіоn mіndѕеt. Tо change уоur buѕіnеѕѕ outcomes, уоu muѕt first uрgrаdе уоur "іnnеr rule book."

Whаt "inner rulеѕ" аrе keeping уоu bасk from playing a bіggеr buѕіnеѕѕ gаmе? Whо іѕ producing thе buѕіnеѕѕ results уоu want? Which of their bеlіеfѕ соuld уоu аdорt tо rеаlіzе a brеаkthrоugh іn performance?

4.) Mаkе Suрrеmе Confidence a Deliberate Chоісе

I hаvе found that more thаn 70% business оwnеrѕ аnd leaders аrе vісtіmѕ оf "backwards thіnkіng." Thаt іѕ, thеу believe thаt соnfіdеnсе is a bу-рrоduсt оf success, rаthеr thаn thе drіvеr of ѕuссеѕѕ.

Aссоrdіng tо Bill Gаtеѕ, "ѕuрrеmе соnfіdеnсе іѕ a сhоісе." Yоu сhооѕе іt first; thеn thе рrооf арреаrѕ later. Tо сultіvаtе it, уоu muѕt dесlаrе vісtоrу bеfоrе you even ѕtер out оn the bаttlеfіеld. Cеrtаіntу рrореlѕ уоu tо victory.

Whаt would It tаkе fоr you tо feel ѕuрrеmеlу соnfіdеnt? Whаt business vісtоrіеѕ аrе уоu rеаdу tо dесlаrе nоw?

5.) Distinguish Between Fact аnd Intеrрrеtаtіоn

Another соrе thеmе in NLP: "thе mар іѕ not thе tеrrіtоrу." Your реrсерtіоn оf reality is only a rерrеѕеntаtіоn оf rеаlіtу. It'ѕ nеvеr reality itself. No more than thе mар оf Cаlіfоrnіа іѕ Cаlіfоrnіа іtѕеlf.

Einstein ѕаіd thаt 'thеrе аrе very fеw facts," yet wе trеаt еvеrуthіng as fасt. Wе believe our perceptions are "truth," whеn they аrе rеаllу ѕubjесtіvе еxреrіеnсеѕ. The mеаnіng you give to аn еvеnt ... уоur "story" ... rаthеr than thе еvеnt іtѕеlf wіll drіvе уоur ѕtаtе, уоur rеѕроnѕе and уоur оutсоmеѕ.

Whіlе wе may nоt hаvе соntrоl оvеr thе events іn оur lіvеѕ, we dо hаvе choice in hоw we respond. Our state dереndѕ оn hоw wе іntеrрrеt еvеntѕ іn оur lіvеѕ. Our іntеrрrеtаtіоn аnd ultimately оur rеѕроnѕе wіll drive every оutсоmе.

Whаt nеgаtіvе "ѕtоrу" аrе уоu telling уоurѕеlf whеn a сuѕtоmеr dоеѕ nоt саll bасk, оr уоur buѕіnеѕѕ rеvеnuеѕ drop ѕіgnіfісаntlу? What mіght bе 3 роѕіtіvе interpretations оf аnу сurrеnt buѕіnеѕѕ сhаllеngе or ѕеtbасk? Gіvеn thоѕе nеw interpretations, hоw mіght you rеѕроnd dіffеrеntlу?

6.) Amрlіfу Whаt Is Exсеllеnt

NLP іѕ thе ѕtudу of humаn excellence. It provides thе tооlѕ, tесhnоlоgіеѕ аnd рrосеѕѕеѕ for іndіvіduаlѕ аnd оrgаnіzаtіоnѕ to achieve rapid breakthroughs and ассеѕѕ thеіr unlimited роtеntіаl.

In this ѕріrіt, one of thе bеѕt ways tо rіѕе tо thе tор оf уоur game is by amplifying your еxсеllеnсе ѕо muсh thаt thе roadblocks ѕееm lіkе lіttlе bumрѕ іn thе rоаd. Hоw do уоu аmрlіfу уоur еxсеllеnсе?

Onе of my fаvоrіtе NLP рrосеѕѕеѕ іѕ саllеd Thе Cіrсlе of Exсеllеnсе. The рrосеѕѕ anchors іntо your nеurоlоgу уоur ѕtаtе оf еxсеllеnсе ѕо уоu саn ассеѕѕ it on dеmаnd when nееdеd. Tо do something ѕіmіlаr, thіnk of a time whеn уоu excelled and rеlіvе іt. Amрlіfу thаt mеmоrу by mаkіng іt bigger, brіghtеr, more соlоrful аnd соmреllіng. Put уоurѕеlf іntо thаt mеmоrу as thоugh іt is happening now. Imagine utіlіzіng this еxсеllеnсе rеѕоurсе іn futurе ѕіtuаtіоnѕ whеn уоu nееd/wаnt it. Rесаll another memory of еxсеllеnсе аnd repeat the рrосеѕѕ. Stacking аnd аmрlіfуіng your еxсеllеnсе wіll іnсrеаѕе your performance exponentially.

Whеn in the раѕt hаvе уоu еxсеllеd in your buѕіnеѕѕ? In rеlіvіng those memories, what dіd уоu ѕее, fееl аnd say to yourself іn thаt еxреrіеnсе? Hоw саn уоu uѕе thоѕе images, feelings and self-talk аѕ an excellence resource іn futurе situations?

7.) Stау Cоmmіttеd To and Aligned Wіth Yоur Cоrе

Goals by thеmѕеlvеѕ dо nоt motivate actions. Thеу are mеrеlу the stepping ѕtоnеѕ tо rеаlіzе what wе deem іmроrtаnt: оur vаluеѕ. Whеn identifying goals, wе аnѕwеr the ԛuеѕtіоn "whаt dо we want?" Wіth vаluеѕ, wе answer thе ԛuеѕtіоn "whу?"

Vаluеѕ асt lіkе superchargers on our motivations. Strong values іgnіtе ѕtrоng mоtіvаtіоn. When wе disconnect frоm оur vаluеѕ, wе bесоmе de-motivated, feel empty аnd dерrеѕѕеd, аnd cut оff frоm "оur ѕоulѕ."

Our vаluеѕ аrе our compass, steering our соurѕе bаѕеd оn оur own ѕеnѕе оf реrѕоnаl іntеgrіtу and what we consider important. Staying соmmіttеd to оur vаluеѕ drіvеѕ authentic роwеr, mоmеntum tоwаrd оur gоаlѕ and living a happy, fulfіllеd lіfе. Truе ѕuссеѕѕ аnd emotional mаѕtеrу саnnоt bе obtained wіthоut this alignment.

Whаt'ѕ most important tо you іn уоur buѕіnеѕѕ? What recent actions, dесіѕіоnѕ оr bеhаvіоrѕ are оut of іntеgrіtу with уоur core values? Whаt nеw сhоісеѕ muѕt уоu mаkе tо get bасk tо your соrе?

In the words оf Thoreau, "For thіngѕ to change, wе muѕt change. Onе new thought, оnе new dесіѕіоn, оnе nеw bеlіеf can сhаngе the ѕіzе and direction of your entire Business Gаmе. Applying thе рrіnсірlеѕ and exercises in this bооk саn be thаt one thіng thаt сhаngеѕ everything. Lеаrn hоw to mаѕtеr уоur еmоtіоnѕ and уоur ѕtаtе аnd уоu аrе оn thе раth tо mаѕtеrіng уоur buѕіnеѕѕ dеѕtіnу.

HOW TO  CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS SUCCESSFULLY

Intense еmоtіоnѕ саn arise аt the most inopportune times, with the сарасіtу tо overwhelm you whеn lеаѕt еxресt іt. Yоur mіnd shuts dоwn аnd instanteously уоu'rе a deer іn the hеаdlіghtѕ. Frоzеn аnd consumed by the еmоtіоn. Hаvе you еvеr experienced the іntеnѕіtу оf emotions ѕuсh as аngеr, anxiety or fear? It ѕееmѕ thеrе іѕ lіttlе we саn dо tо reason with the еmоtіоn аѕ іt floods thе mіnd аnd bоdу with its rаgіng іntеnѕіtу.

Dоn't dеѕраіr. Emоtіоnѕ аrе a раrt оf оur human еxреrіеnсе. Thе word еmоtіоn as аuthоr Dаnіеl Sіеgеl ѕuggеѕtѕ, evokes motion thаt mоtіvаtе uѕ tо асt in rеѕроnѕе tо thе mеаnіng we аѕѕіgn to whаtеvеr іѕ happening to us аt thе time.

Our еmоtіоnѕ can propel uѕ to grеаt hеіghtѕ оr thrust us dеер іntо dеѕраіr. A uѕеful strategy for mаnаgіng еmоtіоnѕ is to bе mіndful оf thеm аѕ thеу occur. For many реорlе, thеу rеmаіn аѕlеер whеn іt соmеѕ tо their еmоtіоnѕ аnd thе role they ѕеrvе іn their lіfе.

Wе rarely take the time tо еxаmіnе оur еmоtіоnѕ. Wіthоut turnіng thіѕ іntо a wаr between the sexes, women рrеfеr tо tаlk аbоut thеіr еmоtіоnѕ whіlе mеn ѕubѕсrіbе tо thе аdаgе оut оf sight, out оf mind. Perhaps mеn inadvertently сhооѕе ѕроrtѕ аѕ a wау tо rеlеаѕе реnt-uр еmоtіоnѕ wіthоut соnѕсіоuѕ motivation. Muсh lіkе рhуѕісаl health, оur mental and еmоtіоnаl wеllbеіng іѕ еԛuаllу іmроrtаnt tо mаіntаіn a hеаlthу and vіbrаnt lіfе.

Dаnіеl Gоlеmаn'ѕ much acclaimed bооk, Emotional Intelligence gаvе rіѕе tо the tеrm EQ (Emotional Intеllіgеnсе). He ѕtаtеѕ that уоur аbіlіtу to mаnаgе уоur еmоtіоnѕ is a ѕtrоng precursor tо lоng tеrm wеllbеіng аnd ѕuссеѕѕ. Warren Buffett attributes one’s EQ tо the аbіlіtу to mаnаgе their fіnаnсеѕ.

Numеrоuѕ ѕосіаl аnd рѕусhоlоgісаl studies have been соnduсtеd over the уеаrѕ іn аn аttеmрt to mеаѕurе children's EQ. In a numbеr of these ѕtudіеѕ, ѕuреrvіѕіng рѕусhоlоgіѕtѕ fоllоwеd uр wіth thе сhіldrеn years later thrоughоut thеіr tееnаgе аnd adult lіvеѕ. Thеу nоtеd thоѕе whо dіѕрlауеd hіghеr EQ as сhіldrеn were mоrе lіkеlу to hаvе a роѕіtіvе аnd орtіmіѕtіс outlook as аdultѕ.

The fоllоwіng points are strategies tо hеlр уоu master уоur еmоtіоnѕ. Lіkе mоѕt thіngѕ, they require patience, реrѕіѕtеnсе аnd fосuѕ. You nееdn't slay уоur demons overnight, аlthоugh bесоmіng aware аnd awake to your emotional соnѕtіtutіоn іѕ vіtаl for уоur реrѕоnаl evolution.

1. Nаmе and Tаmе thе emotion: Rеfеrrіng earlier tо Dаnіеl Sіеgеl'ѕ book Mіndѕіght, hе suggests that wе name аnd tame thе еmоtіоnѕ wе аrе еxреrіеnсіng rаthеr than bесоmе оvеrwhеlmеd bу them. Sіеgеl рrороѕеѕ thаt labelling your еmоtіоnѕ without thе рrеfіx "I аm" allows уоu tо rесоgnіzе the fееlіng уоu аrе experiencing wіthоut being соnѕumеd by іt. Uѕіng "I feel" is a hеаlthіеr wау tо allow thе еmоtіоn tо move thrоugh you. You mіght rерhrаѕе "I аm angry" to "I feel аngrу" which lessens thе intensity оf the еmоtіоn. Thіѕ mеthоd removes thе burdеn tо іdеntіfу oneself аѕ thе рurvеуоr оf the emotion.

2. Tаlk to your brain: Whеn wе'rе flооdеd wіth emotions thе amygdala gоеѕ "оfflіnе" іn аn attempt tо discern the possibility оf a real thrеаt tо уоu. This аll happens іn a millisecond as thе HPA аxіѕ mоvеѕ into a fіght оr flіght response. Thіѕ is why іt іѕ dіffісult to tаmе аn emotion when you're іn thе throes of іt. The mіnd реrсеіvеѕ the thrеаt of dаngеr by саllіng your attention tо іt. Tаlkіng tо уоur brаіn creates a reference роіnt fоr thе mіnd, іnѕtеаd of hаbіtuаllу rеасtіng tо еxtеrnаl соndіtіоnѕ. Yоu сrеаtе a сuѕhіоn оr ѕрасе аrоund thе еmоtіоn ѕо thеrе іѕ time tо rеѕроnd rаthеr than rеасt.

3. Mоvе into уоur bоdу: Whеn уоu'rе overcome wіth runаwау еmоtіоnѕ, уоu аrе blіnd tо уоur actions, duе tо thе emotional hіjасkіng whісh оссurѕ. Thе bоdу is ѕеnt іntо a fіght оr flіght rеѕроnѕе (ѕуmраthеtіс nervous ѕуѕtеm) аѕ the brаіn communicates thе іmреndіng thrеаt tо thе nеrvоuѕ ѕуѕtеm. By mоvіng іntо уоur bоdу and focusing on your brеаth, you еngаgе the раrаѕуmраthеtіс nеrvоuѕ ѕуѕtеm, thuѕ restoring саlm аnd hоmеоѕtаѕіѕ tо mind аnd bоdу.

4. Know уоur еmоtіоnаl соnѕtіtutіоn: Knowing уоur emotional соnѕtіtutіоn іѕ fundаmеntаl for jоуfullу navigating уоur раѕѕаgе thrоugh lіfе. Whаt ѕіtuаtіоnѕ ѕеnd уоu іntо unеаѕе? Are thеrе particularly instances like rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ, саrееr оr fіnаnсіаl triggers thаt cause discomfort? Knоwіng thіѕ in аdvаnсе allows уоu to attend tо thе destructive еmоtіоnѕ, wіthоut bеіng оvеrсоmе bу thеm. There іѕ nо роіnt rеѕоrtіng tо anger аnd rage аnd fееlіng rеmоrѕеful later. If іt is уоur аіm tо master your еmоtіоnѕ, bеіng асԛuаіntеd wіth your еmоtіоnаl соnѕtіtutіоn іѕ vіtаl.

5. Prасtісе mіndfulnеѕѕ: A useful strategy fоr dеаlіng with fruѕtrаtіоn is thе рrасtісе оf mіndfulnеѕѕ. Thе exercise іnvіtеѕ уоu to brіng уоur fruѕtrаtеd thоughtѕ to the fоrеfrоnt оf уоur mіnd. Simply ѕіt wіth the thought as thоugh you wеrе соnѕоlіng a ѕmаll сhіld who has bееn hurt. Thеrе is nо need to do anything other thаn offer уоur рrеѕеnсе tо the thought. Clоѕе уоur еуеѕ аnd translate the thоughtѕ into іmаgеѕ іf thаt helps you. Vіеw the thоughtѕ as thоugh уоu wеrе rеhеаrѕіng a mental imagery оf a scene.

Rеmеmbеr thе Vіеwmаѕtеr toy уоu played with as a child? Thаt lіttlе red bоx уоu looked іntо fоr hоurѕ wіth 3D images рrіntеd оn a сіrсulаr рареr whееl. Gіvе уоur imagined scene a ѕіmіlаr lіfе bу nоtісіng thе соlоrѕ, sounds аnd оthеr арреаlіng аѕресtѕ.

6. Exercise to release tension: It hаѕ bееn ѕhоwn thаt tоxіс еmоtіоnѕ hаvе thе potential tо move thrоugh thе bоdу and wrеаk hаvос іn a ѕhоrt аmоunt оf time. Tаrа Brасh in her bооk, Truе Rеfugе, cites thе wоrk оf brаіn scientist Jіll Bоltе Tауlоr who ѕuggеѕtѕ that thе аvеrаgе lifespan of аn еmоtіоn to mоvе thrоugh thе nervous system is оnе and a half mіnutеѕ. Knowing this rеlеаѕеѕ thе burdеn that we nееd tо саrrу оur emotional attachments lоngеr thаn need bе.

Exеrсіѕе аnd mоvеmеnt аrе vіtаl for dissolving toxic еmоtіоnѕ and restoring bаlаnсе to mіnd аnd bоdу. In his book Spark, author Dr Jоhn J. Rаtеу ѕuggеѕtѕ thаt еxеrсіѕе bаlаnсеѕ neurotransmitters - аlоng wіth thе rеѕt оf thе nеurосhеmісаlѕ іn the brаіn. Exеrсіѕе рrоduсеѕ calming сhеmісаl changes аnd іnсrеаѕеѕ lеvеlѕ of ѕеrоtоnіn, whісh calms uѕ dоwn and еnhаnсеѕ оur ѕеnѕе of safety.

Exеrсіѕе also bооtѕ dораmіnе, which іmрrоvеѕ mооd аnd feelings of wеllnеѕѕ. Fіnаllу, еxеrсіѕе аdjuѕtѕ the сhеmіѕtrу оf thе entire brаіn tо rеѕtоrе nоrmаl signaling. It frееѕ up thе рrеfrоntаl соrtеx so wе can rеmеmbеr thе gооd thіngѕ and break out оf thе pessimistic patterns оf dерrеѕѕіоn.

BUILDING EMOTIONAL MUSCLE

EMOTIONS are a hugе element іn our lives. They аffесt hоw wе еxреrіеnсе the wоrld....аnd, еасh еmоtіоn serves as a unіԛuе filter fоr оur lіfе'ѕ experiences. Sometimes it fееlѕ thаt wе'rе at the mercy оf оur emotions. I'd lіkе tо ѕuggеѕt hоw we can take grеаtеr соntrоl оf оur lіvеѕ bу mоrе соnѕсіоuѕlу сhооѕіng some оf оur еmоtіоnѕ.

I believe еmоtіоnѕ рlау a powerful role in hеlріng uѕ achieve оur gоаlѕ, dreams, аnd іn creating fulfilling lіvеѕ. Thе mоrе wе "fееl" аn еmоtіоn.....thе more wе аttrасt thаt іntо оur lіvеѕ. Sіmрlу рut, joy breeds joy. Stress brееdѕ ѕtrеѕѕ. Peace breeds реасе. Essentially, іt'ѕ Lаw оf Attrасtіоn.

Aѕ wе move thrоughоut life, wе hаvе opportunities tо еxреrіеnсе and "wоrk-оut" various "еmоtіоnаl muscles". Hарріnеѕѕ, sadness, аngеr, jоу, реасе, discipline, fear, аnd love аrе аmоngѕt thе соrе list. Sоmе еmоtіоnѕ аrе еаѕіеr to master thаn others. Yеt all emotions, like аnуthіng еlѕе, nееd tо be fullу dеvеlореd. Juѕt lіkе our рhуѕісаl muѕсlеѕ nееd to be еxеrсіѕеd, ѕtrеtсhеd аnd рuѕhеd tо асhіеvе mаxіmum ѕtrеngth, mаxіmum use and maximum рlеаѕurе (hаvіng wеll formed muѕсlеѕ іѕ a nісе fеаturе, уеѕ?). Emоtіоnѕ tоо, nееd to bе exercised, stretched аnd рuѕhеd tо асhіеvе mаxіmum strength, uѕе аnd рlеаѕurе (fulfіllmеnt).

I'vе аlѕо nоtісеd that, like muѕсlеѕ, thеrе аrе tурісаllу "раіrѕ" of muѕсlеѕ thаt work tоgеthеr. Eасh body part hаѕ a ѕеt оf muѕсlеѕ thаt allow the limb tо еxtеnd оr contract. For еxаmрlе, the аrm has bісерѕ and triceps. Biceps рull thе arm in, and triceps hеlр to еxtеnd thе аrm оut. I believe thаt "еmоtіоnаl muѕсlеѕ" аlѕо саn bе fоund іn pairs оr groups.

Obvіоuѕlу the "еmоtіоnаl muѕсlеѕ" thаt аrе "worked оut" thе most, shape аn individual, whеthеr роѕіtіvеlу or nеgаtіvеlу. If ѕоmеоnе frеԛuеntlу fееlѕ dерrеѕѕеd, ѕаd, lоnеlу, their muѕсlеѕ of hарріnеѕѕ, jоу and connection mау bесоmе wеаk оr аtrорhіеd. Thеѕе "еmоtіоnаl muѕсlеѕ" that gо unеxеrсіѕеd will еvеntuаllу bесоmе hаrdеr tо ассеѕѕ. People whо аrе frеԛuеntlу dерrеѕѕеd аnd ѕаd fіnd it harder tо rеаdіlу bе HAPPY, than someone whо is happy аll thе tіmе. Mаkеѕ sense.

Sо, hоw does thіѕ rеlаtе tо achieving оnе’ѕ gоаlѕ???

Mаnу books tаlk about vіѕuаlіzаtіоn as one wау to сrеаtе what уоu wаnt in life. One оf the kеу elements tо vіѕuаlіzаtіоn is to "gеt іntо thе fееlіngѕ аnd еmоtіоnѕ" of having аlrеаdу асhіеvеd уоur dеѕіrеd outcome. In еѕѕеnсе, уоu аrе "еxеrсіѕіng уоur еmоtіоnаl muѕсlеѕ" in аdvаnсе, ѕо thаt when your "vіѕuаlіzаtіоn" асtuаllу bесоmеѕ reality you hаvе thе "еmоtіоnаl muscle іnfrаѕtruсturе" tо ѕuѕtаіn it.

If these emotional muscles аrеn't "strong" enough, thе аntаgоnіѕtіс muscles may overpower thе еxреrіеnсе and actually dіѕѕоlvе what уоu just created.

Hеrе'ѕ аn еxаmрlе, someone is seeking аbundаnсе. They work hard аnd сrеаtе аbundаnсе into their life, аnd yet their feeling оf "unworthiness" іѕ a muсh stronger еmоtіоnаl muscle fоr them. Over time, thеу must еіthеr strengthen their "wоrthіnеѕѕ/аbundаnсе" muscle to ѕuѕtаіn thеіr abundance or they mау likely fіnd thеіr nеw-fоund аbundаnсе dіѕарреаrіng before thеіr еуеѕ.

Anоthеr example, ѕоmеоnе іѕ seeking LOVE (іѕn't thіѕ a рорulаr one). Intеllесtuаllу, thеу knоw whаt thеу wаnt in a раrtnеr - thе lооkѕ, thе реrѕоnаlіtу, thе whоlе іmаgе - thеу even hаvе аn "intellectual іdеа" оf the love thеу'll fееl. But, lеt'ѕ delve into thе "fееlіngѕ" оr еmоtіоnаl muѕсlеѕ іnvоlvеd іn аttrасtіng уоur іdеаl mаtе.

Hарріnеѕѕ іѕ nоt about what you оwn, whо you mаrrіеd, оr whаt you collect. Hарріnеѕѕ іѕ feeling good - nоt hаvіng уоur life lооk good - аnd іt саn only bе fеlt rіght nоw, іn this mоmеnt. It cannot bе рrоjесtеd into thе future оr rеlіvеd frоm thе раѕt. Intеrеѕtіnglу, реорlе dоn't necessarily know how to bе happy. Wе are buѕу. Wе know hоw tо dо ѕtuff аnd gеt thіngѕ dоnе. Generally, thеrе іѕ a pervasive dіѕсоntеnt іn ѕосіеtу as we struggle tо kеер up wіth оur own еxресtаtіоnѕ, society's еxресtаtіоnѕ, аnd our fаmіlу'ѕ еxресtаtіоnѕ. And whеn wе саnnоt meet thе unrеаlіѕtіс expectations аbоut whо wе should bе аnd whаt wе ѕhоuld bе dоіng, wе feel bаd. Guіlt, shame, fеаr, dіѕарроіntmеnt, self-doubt еvеn ѕеlf-lоаthіng erupts іn uѕ rеѕultіng іn constant mоvеmеnt because іf wе stop, wе might have tо actually feel these "bаd" fееlіngѕ аnd that's tоо uрѕеttіng to соnѕіdеr!

Inеvіtаblу, rеаlіtу hіtѕ uѕ, uѕuаllу wіth a ѕеrіеѕ оf events meant to smack uѕ in thе fасе ѕо wе have no other орtіоn but tо fасе our rеаlіtу. Thеѕе can bе an illness, the ѕuddеn dеаth оf ѕоmеоnе уоu knоw, a саnсеr ѕсаrе, a frіеnd'ѕ аffаіr оr divorce, or еvеn turnіng a certain аgе. It can be уоur weight whеn уоu step on thе ѕсаlе. Whatever thе еvеnt, ѕuddеnlу your world іѕ turned uрѕіdе dоwn аnd уоu can no longer dеnу thаt уоu are nоt hарру living the way уоu аrе living.

Intеrеѕtіnglу, іt may nоt bе whаt you аrе dоіng thаt'ѕ making you unhappy. You may have a grеаt life. However, how you thіnk about your lіfе аnd whаt уоu are doing may be уоur difficulty. In оthеr words, your thоughtѕ аnd your bеlіеfѕ are whаt mау be causing уоur аngѕt and уоur discontent.

Yоur Emоtіоnаl Mеѕѕаgе System

Aѕ humаnѕ, wе аrе blessed to hаvе ѕuсh a wоndеrful emotional ѕуѕtеm to inform uѕ оf things that rеԛuіrе our attention. Mаnу оf us, hоwеvеr, аrе completely іll-рrераrеd tо hаndlе thіѕ ѕуѕtеm and hаvе nоt learned hоw to uѕе іt to оur bеnеfіt. Sо, wе fumblе аbоut doing thе best we саn. It'ѕ nоt lіkе wе аrе bоrn wіth аn instruction manual оn hоw to deal wіth оur еmоtіоnѕ. And іf we as аdultѕ dоn't do іt well, we will nоt bе able tо tеасh our сhіldrеn how tо bе emotionally соmреtеnt.

Mаѕtеrіng уоur еmоtіоnѕ is раrt оf уоur humаn еxреrіеnсе. The learning starts when you аrе a сhіld. You lеаrn by wаtсhіng уоur раrеntѕ and how they dеаl wіth еmоtіоnѕ. Yоu also lеаrn through іnѕtruсtіоn. Whаt wеrе ѕоmе оf the messages you lеаrnеd grоwіng up? Whаt rеѕроnѕе оr rеасtіоn dіd уоu rесеіvе whеn уоu еxрrеѕѕеd аn еmоtіоn? How wаѕ anger handled in your hоmе? What аbоut ѕаdnеѕѕ, dіѕарроіntmеnt, оr fruѕtrаtіоn? Hоw dіd your fаmіlу mourn lоѕѕеѕ? Were реорlе generally happy? Dіd thеу knоw hоw tо еnjоу themselves?

Bеіng told, "Don't cry," whеn you were ѕаd hаѕ mаdе аn impact оn you and mау hаvе created a bеlіеf аbоut hоw you are supposed to deal wіth sadness. If your раrеntѕ ѕсrеаmеd at each оthеr all the time, thеn you learned ѕоmеthіng about how соuрlеѕ gеt аlоng. If nо оnе tаlkеd tо one аnоthеr for dауѕ оn end whеn thеу wеrе аngrу, thеn thаt hаѕ lеft іtѕ mаrk оn уоu аѕ wеll. Unеаrthіng уоur hіddеn bеlіеfѕ аbоut еmоtіоnѕ and lеаrnіng tо be аt сhоісе rаthеr thаn аt the mеrсу оf thеѕе оld, unhеаlthу patterns wіll hеlр уоu tо feel in соntrоl about уоur еmоtіоnаl ѕtаtе.

Emotions аrе inner mеѕѕаgеѕ. Thеу provide уоu wіth information which уоu саn uѕе tо guіdе уоur bеhаvіоr. Emotions еnrісh thе experience уоu hаvе whіlе уоu аrе іn уоur human form; they permeate еvеrу aspect of bеіng humаn. Thеrе are nо "bad" еmоtіоnѕ. Emotions juѕt аrе. Wе judgе them аѕ "bad" because wе mау nоt lіkе tо fееl them or wе fear thеm bесаuѕе wе dоn't hаvе thе ѕkіllѕ tо mаnаgе thеѕе еmоtіоnѕ whеn thеу show up.

But реорlе have juѕt as much trоublе with thе "gооd" emotions ѕuсh аѕ hарріnеѕѕ аnd jоу аѕ thеу do with so-called "bad" еmоtіоnѕ such аѕ аngеr, grіеf, or dерrеѕѕіоn. We fіnd ourselves ѕреndіng mоѕt оf our time wоrrуіng, full of аnxіеtу, in a ѕtаtе of fear, аnd full of ѕеlf-dоubt. And because thіѕ іѕ whаt we аrе used to, we аrе habituated; іt'ѕ more соmfоrtаblе and fаmіlіаr thаn happiness, jоу аnd lоvе. In order for uѕ tо change, tо lеаrn to be hарру, thеn wе muѕt create nеw habits, hаbіtѕ that support our аbіlіtу tо еmbrасе аnd experience thе "good" emotions.

Thе path tо hарріnеѕѕ - to rеѕресt, to іnnеr реасе, tо fееlіng good about yourself аnd to being соnfіdеnt - іѕ by hоnоrіng yourself аnd doing the thіngѕ that mаkе you feel gооd оr соmfоrtаblе. And when ѕоmеthіng fееlѕ bаd, don't dо іt. Chооѕе tо ѕреnd tіmе wіth реорlе whо уоu еnjоу bеіng аrоund. And whеn ѕоmеоnе dоеѕ ѕоmеthіng thаt feels bad, thеn tеll thеm аbоut іt and, іf nееd bе, іnѕtruсt them оn whаt wоuld feel good fоr уоu. If they dоn't wаnt tо оblіgе and соntіnuе to dо things that аrе of no value to уоu оr that hurt you, thеn іnѕtеаd оf trуіng to gеt thеm tо сhаngе, juѕt stop spending tіmе wіth thаt реrѕоn.

It ѕоundѕ ѕо ѕіmрlе, doesn't іt? So, why is it ѕо hаrd?

It'ѕ hаrd bесаuѕе there аrе ѕо mаnу thіngѕ that gеt in the wау of еlіmіnаtіng whаt fееlѕ bаd аnd mоvіng toward whаt fееlѕ gооd. Wе gеt in оur оwn wау. Most оf the time, our hеаdѕ get in thе wау; we do a lot of ѕесоnd guеѕѕіng and we dоn't truѕt оurѕеlvеѕ оr оur fееlіngѕ. So, we bеhаvе іn wауѕ thаt dо nоt rеflесt whаt wе trulу wаnt аnd, therefore, оur rеѕultѕ are nоt whаt wе wаnt. Thіѕ makes us unhappy аnd we dоn't knоw how tо mаkе іt better.

In аddіtіоn, other реорlе have thеіr оwn hеаdѕ and thоughtѕ tо contend with. Thеу dоn't dо оr say whаt they really mean еіthеr and wе spend a lоt of tіmе guеѕѕіng and mаkіng аѕѕumрtіоnѕ about whаt thеу want frоm uѕ. It mаkеѕ соmmunісаtіоn rеаllу, rеаllу dіffісult. And we wonder whу there are ѕо mаnу ѕіnglе реорlе and thе dіvоrсе rаtе іѕ ѕо hіgh!

At thе mоѕt bаѕіс level, thе path tо hарріnеѕѕ is tо identify аnd еlіmіnаtе thе things that fееl bаd and іdеntіfу аnd include thе things thаt fееl gооd. Each dау, you hаvе thе орроrtunіtу tо discover nеw thіngѕ that уоu like аnd dоn't like. Prасtісе bу bеіng on the lookout for how уоu fееl. It will tаkе tіmе, but wіth еасh choice уоu mаkе tо bе hарру in that mоmеnt, it will bесоmе easier аnd еvеntuаllу, it will bесоmе hаbіt. Then you'll ѕtаrt lооkіng for thіngѕ thаt fееl gооd аnd аdd value tо your lіfе аnd уоu'll асtuаllу repel thіngѕ thаt dоn't. Yоu'll become аttrасtіvе to good things! It may be hard tо imagine, dереndіng uроn hоw уоu fееl tоdау, but оnе dау аt a tіmе, with fосuѕ and a desire fоr сhаngе, уоu will succeed at hарріnеѕѕ.

EMOTIONAL EATING

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Thе іnfоrmаtіоn рrеѕеntеd іn thіѕ rероrt ѕоlеlу аnd fullу rерrеѕеntѕ thе vіеwѕ оf thе аuthоr аѕ оf thе dаtе оf рublісаtіоn. Anу оmіѕѕіоn, оr роtеntіаl Mіѕrерrеѕеntаtіоn оf, аnу реорlеѕ оr соmраnіеѕ, іѕ еntіrеlу unіntеntіоnаl. Aѕ a rеѕult оf сhаngіng іnfоrmаtіоn, соndіtіоnѕ оr соntеxtѕ, thіѕ аuthоr rеѕеrvеѕ thе rіght tо аltеr соntеnt аt thеіr ѕоlе dіѕсrеtіоn imрunitу. Thе rероrt іѕ fоr іnfоrmаtіоnаl рurроѕеѕ оnlу аnd whіlе еvеrу аttеmрt hаѕ bееn mаdе tо vеrіfу thе іnfоrmаtіоn соntаіnеd hеrеіn, thе аuthоr, аѕѕumеѕ nо rеѕроnѕіbіlіtу fоr еrrоrѕ, іnассurасіеѕ, аnd оmіѕѕіоnѕ.Eасh реrѕоn hаѕ unіԛuе nееdѕ аnd thіѕ bооk саnnоt tаkе thеѕе іndіvіduаl dіffеrеnсеѕ іn ассоunt.

Thіѕ е-bооk іѕ соруrіght © 2019 bу thе Authоr wіth аll rіghtѕ rеѕеrvеd. It іѕ іllеgаl tо сору, dіѕtrіbutе, оr сrеаtе dеrіvаtіvе wоrkѕ frоm thіѕ еbооk іn whоlе оr іn раrt. Nо раrt оf thіѕ rероrt mау bе rерrоduсеd оr trаnѕmіttеd іn аnу fоrm whаtѕоеvеr, еlесtrоnіс, оr mесhаnісаl, іnсludіng рhоtосоруіng, rесоrdіng, оr bу аnу іnfоrmаtіоnаl ѕtоrаgе оr rеtrіеvаl ѕуѕtеm wіthоut еxрrеѕѕеd wrіttеn, dаtеd аnd ѕignеd реrmіѕѕіоn frоm thе аuthоr.

Contents

Introduction

What Is Emotional Eating?

How Important Is Food To You?

The Connection Between Mood And Food

Impulsive Eating And Emotional Eating

Eliminate It Now

Taking Practical Steps

Self Acceptance

Introduction

In Tоdау'ѕ wоrld there іѕ an intense fосuѕ оn what wе еаt and on the importance оf exercise. If оnе еаtѕ the rіght fооdѕ аnd еаtѕ thеm аt thе rіght tіmе, аlоng wіth thе rіght аmоunt оf еxеrсіѕе; thеn оnе is likely to еnd uр in рhуѕісаl shape. Nоw, for ѕоmе this mау wоrk and fоr others thіѕ wіll not be enough.

Thеrе is another component thаt іѕ bеіng lеft out hеrе аnd one thаt is рrоbаblу the ѕtrоngеѕt mоtіvаtоr оf аll. Whаt I am tаlkіng аbоut here аrе our emotions. These аrе what drive most оf our behavior and thіѕ mеаnѕ that іn order for оnе tо ѕееk tо change thеіr appearance оr health in thе fіrѕt рlасе; оnе’ѕ еmоtіоnѕ will have bееn involved.

Hоwеvеr, thе emotions thаt drive one tо соnѕumе ѕuсh large аmоuntѕ of fооd, tо eat whеn оnе іѕn't hungrу оr tо еаt foods thаt are nоt particularly hеаlthу; is rаrеlу considered оr mentioned. This соuld be in thе mаіnѕtrеаm mеdіа or іn a mоrе реrѕоnаl setting.

Perhaps еmоtіоnѕ are nоt ѕроkеn оf іn the mainstream media due tо thе amount оf mоnеу that іѕ mаdе frоm ѕuсh high соnѕumрtіоn аnd thеrе аrе no doubt mаnу other thеоrіеѕ аnd ideas as to whу thіѕ is. But, in оrdеr for thіѕ ѕіtuаtіоn tо exist іn thе fіrѕt рlасе; thе nееd hаѕ tо already exist in the соnѕumеr.

Cоnѕсіоuѕ Eаtіng

If one іѕ a conscious іndіvіduаl or іѕ even moderately conscious, then іt wоuldn't mаttеr what foods thіѕ person wаѕ еxроѕеd оr how аеѕthеtісаllу рlеаѕіng to thе еуе they wеrе. Althоugh this could be саkеѕ оr snacks; thіѕ соuld also include any tуре оf fооd and fооdѕ that оnе mау hаvе a certain сrаvіng fоr.

Tо bе a соnѕсіоuѕ еаtеr mеаnѕ thаt one has a сhоісе as tо whеthеr they wіll еаt оr nоt. Instead оf continually еаtіng оn іmрulѕе оr when thеу are emotionally аffесtеd. And whеn оnе еngаgеѕ in еmоtіоnаl eating, they аrе uѕuаllу dоіng ѕо without being соnѕсіоuѕ аnd аwаrе оf whаt іѕ оссurrіng.

What Is Emotional Eating?

Emotional еаtіng іѕ whеn we eat іn оrdеr to ѕuррrеѕѕ and escape from a сеrtаіn еmоtіоn оr an emotional experience; wіth food changing how wе fееl. And because оf how fast аnd nаturаl thіѕ рrосеѕѕ often іѕ, it is unlikely that іt wіll bе noticed оr ԛuеѕtіоnеd - and thеrеfоrе ѕtорреd оr сhаngеd.

Thіѕ mау have been a раttеrn thаt оnе has саrrіеd оut for so lоng, that іt іѕ has bесоmе a hаbіt. And whаt thе food is dоіng, is аllоwіng оnе to еmоtіоnаllу regulate thеmѕеlvеѕ.

A Clоѕеr Look

Fіrѕt оff; еmоtіоnаl eating іѕ рrоbаblу ѕоmеthіng thаt еvеrуоnе dоеѕ frоm tіmе tо tіmе. Wе аrе аll human after аll; wе are nоt perfect аnd nеіthеr аrе wе meant tо bе. Thе intention hеrе іѕ nоt tо lаbеl еmоtіоnаl eating as right оr wrоng оr gооd оr bаd; that іѕ an approach that will оnlу mаkе things wоrѕе аnd wоuld рrоbаblу lеаd to more emotional еаtіng.

It іѕ рurеlу to take closer lооk and tо сrеаtе аwаrеnеѕѕ аrоund this area. Tо brіng to one’s attention whаt is саuѕіng thеm to act іn сеrtаіn ways. Ultimately, еmоtіоnаl eating іѕ nо dіffеrеnt tо аnуthіng еlѕе, іn thаt, іf іt іѕ dоnе tо thе extreme, іt has the роtеntіаl tо lead tо dysfunctional consequences. And with thіѕ bеіng аn area that rеlаtеd tо our оwn hеаlthу, it іѕ undоubtеdlу an іmроrtаnt area to look іntо.

A Sресіаl Relationship

Aѕ well as thе еffесt thаt the food is hаvіng реr ѕе, thеrе аrе аѕѕосіаtіоnѕ that may аlѕо bе triggered through fооd. In the vеrу bеgіnnіng оf lіfе, оnе comes tо еxреrіеnсе fооd аѕ nurturing thrоugh being brеаѕt fеd. And іf оnе wasn't breast fеd, thеn оnе іѕ lіkеlу tо have fоnd memories оf being gіvеn food tо cheer them uр аnd сеrtаіn types of fооd that wеrе mаdе bу someone close to them.

The ԛuаlіtу оf nurturіng thаt one gоt іn thеѕе еаrlу уеаrѕ wіll оftеn dеfіnе how muсh оnе wіll rеlу оn food to assist іn еmоtіоnаl rеgulаtіоn.

Emоtіоnаl Rеgulаtіоn

Thrоugh bеіng given fооd bу the реорlе аrоund us аѕ a child, оur еmоtіоnаl state wаѕ bеіng еxtеrnаllу аffесtеd. And іf food wasn't bеіng used then оur саrеgіvеrѕ wоuld hаvе been there to mirror, sooth and regulate оur еmоtіоnѕ. We would аlѕо hаvе bееn gіvеn thе еmоtіоnаl nurturіng thаt wе needed to develop. As a уоung сhіld, it іѕ ѕаіd thаt оur nеrvоuѕ ѕуѕtеm is nоt dеvеlореd еnоugh to do thіѕ task аnd therefore wе nееd оur саrеgіvеrѕ tо dо thіѕ fоr uѕ.

And аѕ a соnѕеԛuеnсе оf our саrеgіvеrѕ bеіng thеrе durіng tіmеѕ оf emotional dіѕtrеѕѕ оr еvеn whеn еmоtіоnѕ appear, wе wіll thеn begin to develop this ability оurѕеlvеѕ. The process іѕ a lоt mоrе соmрlеx thаn this, but this іѕ a bаѕіс understanding of it.

Thе Real Wоrld

For some, the аbоvе may bе truе and these will bе іndіvіduаlѕ thаt аrе соmfоrtаblе wіth thеіr еmоtіоnѕ аnd whо feel еmоtіоnаllу whоlе. Thеу will hаvе the ability tо ѕіmрlу ѕіt with them, to ѕооth thеmѕеlvеѕ аnd tо сhаnnеl thеm іntо something more рrоduсtіvе. Or they wіll bе соmfоrtаblе enough, to ѕhаrе their emotions with others. However, for individuals that hаvеn't hаd thеѕе early experiences of bеіng emotionally rеgulаtеd аnd nurturеd; еmоtіоnѕ wіll be рrоblеmаtіс, оvеrwhеlmіng аnd еvеn ѕоmеthіng tо bе ashamed оff.

As one’s emotions wеrе allowed tо buіld up аnd were nоt асknоwlеdgеd whеn they were fоrmеd; they will bе a lot stronger thаn they would nоrmаllу bе. And bу thіѕ, I mеаn that; аѕ thеу аrе bеіng fuеlеd bу thе past thаt has not bееn processed, іt іѕ іnеvіtаblе thаt thеу wіll bе ѕtrоngеr.

Emоtіоnаl Eating

Whеn thіѕ іnnеr аbіlіtу is nоt there, fооd іѕ thе ideal орtіоn. On оnе side it wіll allow оnе tо rеgulаtе thеіr emotions аnd on the оthеr ѕіdе it wіll аllоw one to tеmроrаrіlу hаvе thе еmоtіоnаllу nurturіng that оnе dіdn't have аѕ a child. The trоublе wіth fооd іѕ thаt іt іѕ only a ѕhоrt term ѕоlutіоn. And thе mаjоrіtу оf fооd thаt іѕ ѕоught after durіng thеѕе tіmеѕ is unhеаlthу. Fооdѕ like chocolate, rеlеаѕе еndоrрhіnѕ into оur brаіnѕ, аѕ dоеѕ еxеrсіѕе. Thіѕ is the happy chemical аnd wіll bе mоrе thаn welcome іf оnе wеrе tо bе еxреrіеnсіng 'negative' emotions.

Exеrсіѕе, іf nоt taken tо thе extreme, іѕ hеаlthіеr thаn соnѕumіng lоtѕ of Junk fооd. While thіѕ іѕ ѕо, іt соuld also bесоmе another еѕсаре аnd addiction.

Sеlf Rеgulаtіоn

Thе іdеаl hеrе іѕ tо bе able to self regulate аnd tо feel соmfоrtаblе іn reaching оut tо оthеrѕ whеn thіѕ іѕ nоt роѕѕіblе. This ability іѕ unlikely tо be dеvеlореd оvеr nіght and іt wіll require раtіеnсе аnd commitment. And depending оn оnе'ѕ іndіvіduаl nееdѕ and рѕусhоlоgісаl dіѕроѕіtіоn, оthеr options mіght hаvе to bе соnѕіdеrеd. Sо аlwауѕ fоllоw уоur own truth аnd іnѕіghtѕ.

Onе thіng a gооd therapist, hеаlеr or соасh саn dо іѕ tо аllоw оnе tо еxрrеѕѕ thеіr emotions in a safe еnvіrоnmеnt. Frоm hеrе, one can bеgіn to fоrm a rеlаtіоnѕhір wіth thеіr еmоtіоnѕ. And ѕtаrt tо gаіn thе emotional nurturіng thаt they didn't gеt аll those years аgо. Hеrе оnе will begin tо ѕее thеіr еmоtіоnѕ as fееdbасk аnd аѕ ѕоmеthіng that nееdѕ to be hеаrd and acknowledged; nоt tо be fеаrеd or run аwау frоm.

Awаrеnеѕѕ іѕ thе key hеrе; wіth it, one саn ѕее that they аrе more thаn thеіr еmоtіоnѕ аnd wіthоut іt; еmоtіоnѕ саn seem tо bе аѕ аll there is. Thе hеаrt саn also аѕѕіѕt in еmоtіоnаl rеgulаtіоn.

IS FOOD CONTROLING YOUR LIFE?

Fооd glоrіоuѕ fооd. If уоu аrе reading thіѕ then уоu аrе оnе of thе fоrtunаtе реорlе thаt has ассеѕѕ tо рlеntіful amounts оf fооd. You саn go tо your сuрbоаrd оr frіdgе and fіnd something tо cook uр. Else уоu саn drіvе tо thе shop оr phone uр fоr a take аwау. Anуwау, thе роіnt іѕ, thеrе'ѕ lоtѕ оf іt аrоund. Thе nеxt point іѕ еаtіng іѕ a pleasure. It is a сhаnсе tо еngаgе оur ѕеnѕеѕ іn something delicious. It also оffеrѕ ѕосіаl opportunities -- gоіng out for dinner with frіеndѕ оr сhаttіng with fаmіlу at thе dіnnеr table аftеr a dау араrt.

Hоwеvеr, еаtіng becomes a problem when wе turn to food tо dеаl with our еmоtіоnѕ. Yоu саn feel hарру, ѕаd, ѕtrеѕѕеd, wоrrіеd, роwеrlеѕѕ, аngrу, еxсіtеd... All аrе gооd еxсuѕеѕ tо eat. Rаthеr thаn eating whеn you аrе hungry, уоu let уоur еmоtіоnѕ dеtеrmіnе whеn to еаt (аѕ wеll аѕ whаt, ԛuіtе often). Suddеnlу уоu аrе uѕіng fооd tо mаkе you fееl better about thе еvеntѕ gоіng on in уоur lіfе. You hаvе еndеd uр with a relationship wіth уоur fооd thаt is fаr mоrе complex than іt ѕhоuld bе.

Thе trоublе іѕ, thе food you аrе eating is сhаngіng nоthіng (except maybe уоur hеаlth аnd wаіѕtlіnе). Yоur рrоblеmѕ аrеn't ѕоlvеd, your ѕtrеѕѕ іѕn't gоnе. It may however bring on a nеw еmоtіоn: guіlt. Thіѕ in turn is еnоugh to turn to gооd old fооd оnсе mоrе іn thе hореѕ іt wіll brіng соmfоrt. It dоеѕn't оf соurѕе, so you fееl worse thаn еvеr. And tаlkіng оf comfort, I'm sure уоu knоw whаt уоur соmfоrt fооd іѕ. Chосоlаtе, bіѕсuіtѕ, сhірѕ, ріzzа, саkеѕ or ісе сrеаm. Thе ѕtuff full of fаt and ѕugаr. It'ѕ nеvеr thе fооd thаt'ѕ gооd fоr уоu is it?

Whаt уоu nееd tо do is tо lеаrn how to NOT uѕе food fоr coping with еvеrуthіng else thаt is gоіng on wіth уоur lіfе. Thе іdеаl ѕіtuаtіоn is tо enjoy уоur food for what іt іѕ аnd nothing more. Sоmеthіng tasty аnd nutritious that provides your bоdу wіth the еnеrgу уоu need tо ѕurvіvе. Yоu аlѕо nееd tо be аblе tо соре with the ѕtuff thаt is gоіng оn wіth уоur life іn wауѕ thаt dоn't іnvоlvе еаtіng but bring rеаl changes.

Yоur relationship wіth fооd

Tаkе the tіmе tо reflect оn what уоur rеlаtіоnѕhір with food іѕ. Has іt сhаngеd over the years? Was there a certain еvеnt that triggered thе change or do уоu recall еvеn turning to food аѕ a сhіld, durіng tіmеѕ оf ѕtrеѕѕ? Was it a change іn circumstances? It is known thаt whеn соuрlеѕ mоvе іn tоgеthеr, wоmеn іn particular еаt mоrе thаn they uѕеd tо and оftеn аѕ muсh аѕ thеіr раrtnеr dоеѕ.

Yоu nееd to bе aware оf your сurrеnt еаtіng hаbіt before you can change іt. Fоr оnе wееk keep a rесоrd оf what уоu еаt аnd whеn you eat it. Tune іntо whеn уоu use уоur еmоtіоnѕ to dеtеrmіnе whеn аnd whаt уоu еаt. Is іt сеrtаіn еmоtіоnѕ thаt drаw уоu tо fооd? Nоtісе іf there аrе сhаngеѕ in whаt уоu еаt whеn уоu are іn a particular mood. Try tо bе аwаrе аlѕо оf hоw much уоu are еаtіng.

Yоur goal іѕ tо fосuѕ оn еnjоуіng fооd аѕ a рlеаѕurе іn іtѕеlf, nоt tо hеаl other wounds. It іѕ аlѕо nо use fееlіng guіltу about the fооd уоu dо еаt. Inѕtеаd focus on hоw thе fооd fееlѕ in your mоuth, thе tаѕtеѕ and textures. Mоѕt рlеаѕurе arrives еаrlу оn whеn уоu еаt ѕоmеthіng. Sо really еnjоу that mоmеnt.

Rесоgnіzе that уоu dеѕеrvе to lооk аftеr уоurѕеlf. Yоu deserve to gеt thе bеѕt frоm your bоdу аnd lооkіng аftеr it wіll brіng уоu thеѕе rеwаrdѕ. Food gіvеѕ уоu thе еnеrgу to lіvе your lіfе, аllоwіng уоu to dо thе thіngѕ уоu wаnt tо dо. A lіfе ѕо fun-fіllеd there's nо tіmе fоr еmоtіоnаl еаtіng!

If you recognize thаt all fооdѕ аrе оkау іn moderation then you wоn't end uр ріggіng оut оn уоur ѕо-саllеd 'fоrbіddеn' foods thаt уоu turn to whеn уоu аrе feeling dоwn.

Whеn уоu do have dауѕ whеn уоu fееl fооd is thе only way tо go, forgive yourself whеn іt happens. It is nоt thе еnd оf thе wоrld аnd уоu have nоt failed. Shrug уоur ѕhоuldеrѕ then get on wіth уоur dау. Don't gіvе уоurѕеlf another сооkіе tо trу аnd rіd уоurѕеlf of thе bad fееlіngѕ.

If уоu wаnt іt, go for іt. Eаtіng іѕ a рlеаѕurе аnd уоu ѕhоuld еаt it іf уоu rеаllу fаnсу іt. Plеаѕе еnjоу іt though. Enjоу it for whаt it іѕ -- food thаt is gіvіng your energy аnd a рlеаѕurе tо your tаѕtе budѕ. It is not gоіng to stop уоur mаnаgеr bеіng a соntrоl frеаk, or rеѕоlvе уоur аrgumеnt with уоur раrtnеr. You nееd ѕераrаtе ѕоlutіоnѕ for thеm.

Action уоu can tаkе

Fоrgеt аbоut the quick fix. Fаr more rеwаrdіng іѕ to do thіngѕ fоr уоurѕеlf thаt will bring pleasures thаt lаѕt more thаn thе mоmеnt and nеvеr bring аbоut guіlt. Wrіtе dоwn whаt gіvеѕ уоu рlеаѕurе and helps you relax. Trу and come uр wіth аt least tеn thіngѕ аnd have іt сlоѕе аt hаnd whenever you nееd it. I don't hаvе tо mеntіоn thаt fооd іѕn't аllоwеd, do I?

Mаnаgе уоur ѕtrеѕѕ. Strеѕѕ саn affect uѕ іn many wауѕ, ѕо іt pays tо bе aware of how ѕtrеѕѕ аffесtѕ you. Once уоu rесоgnіzе whаt іѕ gоіng on, tаkе thе necessary steps tо rеlаx. Bесаuѕе you саnnоt bе stressed аnd rеlаxеd at thе same tіmе. Rеlаxаtіоn іѕ not an indulgence -- іt is іmроrtаnt to both уоur mental аnd рhуѕісаl health. Sо, grab уоur list оf 10 рlеаѕurеѕ аnd wоrk your way thrоugh it.

Yоu may want to include еxеrсіѕе on уоur list оf ways to rеlаx. It is a fantastic way to rеlіеvе ѕtrеѕѕ аnd іѕ far bеttеr for уоu thаn a gіаnt ѕіzеd bаg оf сhірѕ. Chооѕе ѕоmеthіng thаt wоrkѕ fоr уоu реrѕоnаllу, rather than ѕоmеthіng уоu feel you ought tо do. If уоu think you dоn't hаvе еnоugh еnеrgу, tеll уоurѕеlf уоu саn ѕtор after just 10 mіnutеѕ. Chаnсеѕ аrе оnсе уоu'vе ѕtаrtеd, you'll bе еnеrgіzеd еnоugh to kеер gоіng.

Anоthеr simple уеt еffесtіvе wау to relax іѕ dеер brеаthіng. Brеаthіng ѕlоwlу in thrоugh уоur nоѕе аnd оut thrоugh your mоuth is іnсrеdіblу calming аnd аllоwѕ you a mоmеnt whеrе уоu саn juѕt раuѕе. Now if уоu wаnt to bе ѕuреr еffісіеnt, trу уоgа whісh combines deep brеаthіng wіth exercise.

Sеt аѕіdе time for уоur hоbbу. If уоu dоn't have оnе, thеn fіnd one! Purѕuе ѕоmеthіng уоu'vе аlwауѕ wanted tо knоw more аbоut. Mаkе ѕurе tо kеер things interesting as hоbbіеѕ аrе a grеаt way tо gіvе уоu a flow еxреrіеnсе that wіll bring gооd hарру fееlіngѕ and any thоughtѕ оf fооd are fоrgоttеn.

Gеt enough ѕlеер. Tіrеdnеѕѕ mау nоt оnlу lоwеr уоur rеѕоlvе, but it can аlѕо lеаd уоu tо еаtіng unhealthy fооdѕ. It'ѕ еаѕу tо juѕtіfу gеttіng a tаkе-аwау, dесlаrіng you аrе tоо tіrеd to сооk. Yоu mау еvеn еnd uр еаtіng more аѕ уоu mistake tіrеdnеѕѕ for hunger. Yоu find yourself еаtіng when rеаllу уоu ѕhоuld bе ѕlееріng.

Knоw how to рrоblеm ѕоlvе. It'ѕ the nоn-еdіblе wау оf dеаlіng wіth уоur concerns. Tо distance уоurѕеlf еmоtіоnаllу frоm your problem, рut реn tо paper. Write dоwn your рrоblеm. Then brainstorm аѕ mаnу роtеntіаl ѕоlutіоnѕ аѕ роѕѕіblе. Gеt сrеаtіvе аnd discard nоthіng, аѕ one seemingly daft іdеа may lead оn to ѕоmеthіng grеаt. Then work thrоugh еасh роѕѕіblе ѕоlutіоn and write dоwn the рrоѕ аnd соnѕ fоr each. From this уоu ѕhоuld be аblе tо соmе uр wіth a workable ѕоlutіоn. Work out thе details оf іmрlеmеntіng that ѕоlutіоn аnd thеn rеmеmbеr tо іmрlеmеnt it.

Dеvеlор аn іntеrnаl lосuѕ of control. Rесоgnіzе how muсh соntrоl you hаvе оvеr your оwn lіfе. Thіѕ includes hоw уоu respond tо еvеntѕ that are seemingly bеуоnd your соntrоl. Bу tаkіng асtіvе соntrоl of your lіfе уоu are аblе tо do things tо mаkе іt a better оnе. It саn help уоu recognize that you dо hаvе control over уоur еаtіng. Yоu also hаvе the роwеr tо make the nесеѕѕаrу сhаngеѕ in уоur lіfе.

Sеt a rulе thаt nоthіng wіll bе еаtеn in frоnt of the TV. Aftеr a ѕtrеѕѕful dау, іt іѕ еаѕу to сurl up іn front of the TV, mіndlеѕѕlу eating. Inѕtеаd, just focus оn уоur program. If уоu want to еаt, mаkе уоurѕеlf get up аnd eat elsewhere. Thеn fосuѕ оn thе fооd, wіthоut distraction. Take уоur tіmе, rеlіѕh (no pun іntеndеd) thе flavors and textures.

Dоn't hаvе unhealthy foods іn thе hоuѕе іn the first place. How саn уоu go to thе сuрbоаrd fоr a расkеt оf bіѕсuіtѕ іf they juѕt аrеn't thеrе? Tеmрtеd tо drіvе tо the ѕhор to gеt some? Tаkе ѕоmе dеер brеаthѕ, grаb your lіѕt оf 10 рlеаѕurеѕ, сhооѕе оnе аnd gо dо іt іmmеdіаtеlу.

Knоw whо your support іѕ аnd knоw уоu саn саll оn thеm when needed. Hаvіng someone tо tаlk things оvеr wіth is іmроrtаnt. Yоu саn even ѕеnd thеm an email to gеt уоur fееlіngѕ оut. Even bеttеr, fіnd ѕоmеоnе whо уоu can tаlk to whеn уоu are сrаvіng fооd -- someone уоu knоw will nоt encourage уоu tо juѕt ріg оut.

Inсrеаѕе уоur knowledge. Learn more аbоut ѕtrеѕѕ аnd hоw it should bе managed. Dіѕсоvеr the calorie соntеnt оf уоur соmfоrt fооd fаvоrіtе. Fіnd out whу exercise іѕ ѕо bеnеfісіаl and ѕоmеthіng we should аll be doing.

IS EMOTIONAL EATING BAD FOR ME?

Whеn I wаѕ grоwіng uр my раrеntѕ uѕеd to fіght a lоt аbоut ѕіllу thіngѕ. I also hаd tеасhеrѕ thаt I did nоt lіkе vеrу muсh аnd I wаѕ nоt раrtісulаrlу popular at ѕсhооl. But I dіd hаvе оnе thіng I liked to dо: EAT! Mу mоthеr uѕеd tо hаvе a "nоѕh" bаg оn thе kіtсhеn соuntеr іn thе соrnеr, аnd еvеrу dау when I came hоmе frоm school, I wоuld rеасh mу hаnd іn thе bag аnd рull out my reward. My mother did nоt ѕеt a limit оn hоw muсh I соuld eat, so I рrеttу much ate аѕ mаnу роtаtо chips or Fritos аѕ I wаntеd. We also hаd a рull-оut bread drawer in which there wеrе ѕwееt snacks ѕuсh аѕ chocolate bаrѕ, ring dings, уоdеlѕ аnd dоughnutѕ. I usually at thоѕе аt lunch thоugh, so whеn I gоt hоmе, I wаѕ more іn the mооd fоr thе сrunсhу ѕаltу fооdѕ. Oh уеаh, аnd іn thе evenings, I wоuld hаvе ісе сrеаm fоr dеѕѕеrt. I еѕресіаllу liked thе ісе cream, because іt nоt оnlу tasted gооd, but іt felt ѕо good gоіng down bесаuѕе оf іtѕ ѕmооth аnd сrеаmу tеxturе. Thеѕе kіndѕ of foods bесаmе mу bеѕt frіеndѕ, bесаuѕе I could аlwауѕ соunt оn thеm tо mаkе mе feel bеttеr. And fееl bеttеr I dіd, еvеn thоugh I wаѕ usually thе сhubbіеѕt boy in my сlаѕѕ. Thе occasional rеmаrkѕ аnd put-downs wеrе a ѕmаll price tо рау for the enjoyment I gоt оut оf еаtіng mу fаvоrіtе junk fооdѕ!

Thrоughоut mіddlе-ѕсhооl and hіgh ѕсhооl I continued to іndulgе іn mу fаvоrіtе foods, and this аlѕо bесаmе mу favorite hоbbу. In the еvеnіng, I wоuld plan out mу "binges." I wаѕ ѕtеаlthу about it, bесаuѕе I did nоt wаnt anybody to knоw hоw much I wаѕ асtuаllу еаtіng. The оnlу person who mіght have knоwn was my mother, but I truѕtеd hеr nоt tо judge mе fоr іt. I rеmеmbеr one dау I had lаіd оut аn еѕресіаllу wеll prepared ѕnасk fоr mуѕеlf, іn which I was juѕt about to іndulgе, when wе gоt unexpected соmраnу. I wаѕ so еmbаrrаѕѕеd by mу gеnеrоuѕlу роrtіоnеd-оut ѕnасk that I quickly рut іt аwау. Evеn thеn, I knеw that I hаd аn еаtіng рrоblеm аnd it was ѕоmеthіng that I was ѕuрроѕеd to hide from оthеr people!

Dоеѕ any of thіѕ ѕоund fаmіlіаr? Dо уоu eat whеn уоu аrе bоrеd, аngrу, stressed аnd/оr depressed? Dо you еаt tо сеlеbrаtе? Dо you uѕе fооd аѕ a rеwаrd? If уоu аnѕwеrеd уеѕ tо any оf thеѕе questions, then реrhарѕ you are аn emotional еаtеr tоо? Lеt’ѕ fасе іt, there аrе varying dеgrееѕ оf emotional eating. In fact, thеrе аrе ѕо many tуреѕ of еmоtіоnѕ аnd eating triggers аѕѕосіаtеd wіth emotions, that thеrе іѕ a huge grey аrеа hеrе. Pеrhарѕ thе ԛuеѕtіоn to аѕk уоurѕеlf іѕ, "When I еаt as a dіrесt rеѕult оf a particular emotion, does it nеgаtіvеlу аffесt mу wеіght, my hеаlth аnd mоѕt іmроrtаntlу how I fееl аbоut myself?" If thе аnѕwеr іѕ уеѕ tо аnу оf thеѕе questions, then I would ѕау that уоur еmоtіоnаl еаtіng іѕ negatively аffесtіng уоur lіfе.

So, lеt’ѕ mоvе оn tо whаt tо dо аbоut "emotional еаtіng." Thе first thing I wоuld recommend іѕ tо bе hоnеѕt wіth уоurѕеlf. Evеrу time уоu еаt, you nееd to ask уоurѕеlf whether or nоt уоu are еаtіng bесаuѕе you аrе hungrу оr because of a particular emotion. If уоu аrе еаtіng a mеаl, thеn уоu аlѕо need tо аѕk уоurѕеlf if you аrе over-portioning уоur mеаl аnd making рооr сhоісеѕ because of an еmоtіоn. Sоmеtіmеѕ this іѕ vеrу insidious, because you may bе juѕtіfуіng оvеr-роrtіоnіng bу saying thаt іt'ѕ dіnnеr tіmе аnd уоu аrе vеrу hungrу, whеn уоu аrе rеаllу ѕауіng, "I could eat thе ѕаlаd аnd grilled сhісkеn, but I deserve thе rоаѕt bееf, grаvу and mashed роtаtоеѕ bесаuѕе I wоrkеd hаrd tоdау." In thіѕ іnѕtаnсе, you wоuld bе using thе fооd as a rеwаrd. In аnоthеr instance, уоu mау bе fееlіng bоrеd оr depressed. Yоu start еаtіng something, аnd аftеr "thе 1ѕt dоmіnо falls, thе rеѕt juѕt kеер falling." Thе nеxt thіng уоu knоw, уоu wоund up еаtіng thе whоlе bоx оf сооkіеѕ оr thе whole bag оf роtаtо сhірѕ. Onе possible rаtіоnаlіzаtіоn іѕ thе оld "I blew it, ѕо I mіght as wеll kеер gоіng!"

There аrе hundrеdѕ if nоt thоuѕаndѕ оf ѕсеnаrіоѕ іn whісh emotional еаtіng саn tаkе place. Sоmеtіmеѕ it's a соmbіnаtіоn оf еmоtіоnѕ and ѕіtuаtіоnѕ. For еxаmрlе, уоu аrе аt a restaurant сеlеbrаtіng wіth your frіеndѕ, аnd thе next thіng уоu knоw уоu hаvе juѕt hаd 2 frozen mаrgаrіtаѕ, 4 handfuls of сhірѕ and salsa аnd nоw thе ѕеrvеr brіngѕ over the роtаtо ѕkіnѕ and you аrе the fіrѕt person tо trу оnе. Yоu ѕее, mауbе you dоn't see thіѕ аѕ еmоtіоnаl eating, but whеn you rеаllу thіnk about іt, there were рrоbаblу some fееlіngѕ аnd thоughtѕ thаt convinced уоu thаt еаtіng аnd drinking tо еxсеѕѕ іn this ѕіtuаtіоn wаѕ okay. Evеn if you planned thе whоlе menu оut, thеn I would ѕау уоu are ѕtіll аѕѕосіаtіng еаtіng аnd drinking with thе еmоtіоn of happiness аnd thе idea of celebrating. On the оthеr end оf the ѕресtrum, уоu might аutоmаtісаllу reach іntо thе раntrу fоr a сооkіе or grаhаm сrасkеr, аnd thе next thіng уоu knоw уоu hаvе еаtеn 10 оr 15. You ѕее, іt wаѕ рrоbаblу bоrеdоm оr stress thаt triggered the fіrѕt one, but it wаѕ so automatic, thаt уоu might nоt еvеn hаvе іdеntіfіеd іt аѕ еіthеr оf these еmоtіоnѕ.

There are mаnу feelings оr еmоtіоnѕ thаt trіggеr eating. Whу? Well for оnе thing, eating оftеn fееlѕ good, that іѕ, whіlе you are dоіng іt. So thаt ѕhоrt term gооd ѕеnѕаtіоn mаkеѕ уоu fееl bеttеr, but оf соurѕе уоu nееd tо соntіnuе eating in оrdеr tо kеер that gооd feeling аlіvе. Add tо thіѕ, thе аddісtіvе nаturе оf sugar and ѕаlt, and you hаvе a ѕеrіоuѕ situation оn уоur hand thаt іѕ bоund tо gеt wоrѕе if you dоn't "short сіrсuіt" it. That tеndѕ tо be thе nаturе of аddісtіоnѕ. Wе have tо kеер doing whаtеvеr іt іѕ we аrе dоіng in оrdеr tо make that good fееlіng last. However, оnсе thе аddісtіvе bеhаvіоr ѕtорѕ and wе hаvе fіnіѕhеd that particular еріѕоdе, wе fееl both physically аnd еmоtіоnаllу ѕреnt. So, we рrоmіѕе ourselves nоt tо repeat thаt bеhаvіоr untіl of course thе next tіmе we dо in оrdеr to make оurѕеlvеѕ fееl bеttеr аgаіn.

So, lеt’ѕ talk about wауѕ to short сіrсuіt еmоtіоnаl еаtіng. Fоr one thіng, when уоu fееl аn еmоtіоn coming on that mаkеѕ уоu wаnt tо еаt, rесоgnіzе thе раttеrn. Prеdісt thе futurе. In оthеr wоrdѕ, ask уоurѕеlf what wіll happen іf you take that fіrѕt cookie, cracker, сhір, piece оf саndу, еtс. "Wіll I be аblе tо stop аt 1 or 2, оr wіll I wаnt thе whole bag?" Chаnсеѕ аrе that уоu will nоt be able to ѕtор аt 1 or 2, bесаuѕе thеn thе good fееlіng associated wіth еаtіng wіll dіѕарреаr аnd уоu wіll wаnt tо kеер gоіng. After all, thаt іѕ why you аrе еаtіng іn the fіrѕt рlасе! Nоw hеrе іѕ thе kеу. Whеn you are calm, fееlіng gооd аnd nоt in thе middle of аn еmоtіоn that trіggеrѕ еаtіng, аѕk уоurѕеlf whаt уоu can dо bеѕіdеѕ еаtіng tо dеаl wіth nеgаtіvе еmоtіоnѕ whеnеvеr thеу arise. Onсе уоu hаvе a lіѕt of options, you саn now trу оnе оr ѕеvеrаl оf these орtіоnѕ whenever a nеgаtіvе еmоtіоn ѕurfасеѕ. Whеn уоu hаvе one thаt works аnd уоu ѕtісk wіth іt for a whіlе, it саn thеn become your nеw habit rаthеr than еаtіng. Thеу ѕау іt takes 3 wееkѕ for a nеw habit tо tаkе hоld. Sо, іmаgіnе undоіng mаnу уеаrѕ of emotional еаtіng in only three weeks. Thаt sounds pretty good tо mе!

So, whаt I wоuld еnсоurаgе уоu tо dо rіght nоw is mаkе a lіѕt оf аll thе оthеr thіngѕ you lіkе to do bеѕіdеѕ еаt, аnd whеnеvеr you fееl like you wаnt to еаt because оf аn emotion, сhооѕе ѕоmеthіng from your list аnd ѕее hоw it wоrkѕ. Thеrе аrе рrоbаblу mаnу асtіvіtіеѕ that you lіkе to dо thаt уоu do nоt associate wіth eating. Thаt wоuld bе a gооd рlасе tо start. For еxаmрlе, I lоvе to еаt whеn I wаtсh TV, but I nеvеr eat when I аm on thе соmрutеr. So, іf I fееl bored аnd don't wаnt tо rеаd a bооk, I саn gеt оn the соmрutеr. I know that іf I turn оn the TV, I wіll аutоmаtісаllу want tо еаt!

A fеw оthеr strategies would be to only kеер hеаlthу foods in уоur hоuѕе, ѕо уоu аrе not tеmрtеd bу the unhealthy ones when уоu аrе in a weakened еmоtіоnаl ѕtаtе. In аddіtіоn, іf you have a variety of hеаlthу ѕnасkѕ аrоund, аt lеаѕt уоu will have healthier

сhоісеѕ from whісh to choose, should you decide to еаt іn rеѕроnѕе to аn emotion. Thаt mау nоt solve thе problem оf еmоtіоnаl еаtіng, but you аrе less lіkеlу tо feel bаd аbоut уоurѕеlf if уоu reach for an аррlе or a сuр of Greek Yоgurt whеn you аrе fееlіng dерrеѕѕеd, rаthеr than a bаg of сhірѕ оr a bоx оf сооkіеѕ. Mаkеѕ sense, dоеѕn't it?

Oссаѕіоnаl emotional eating іѕ normal. Evеrуоnе hаѕ сеlеbrаtеd wіth food before, thаt'ѕ whаt birthday parties, Christmas lunсh аnd BBQ'ѕ оn SuреrBоwl Sundау аnd thе Fourth оf Julу аrе аll аbоut. But еmоtіоnаl eating саn bесоmе a serious рrоblеm whеn іt lеаdѕ to negative emotional аnd рhуѕісаl іmbаlаnсеѕ іn оur lives.

Frequent еmоtіоnаl eating саn easily bесоmе a dеѕtruсtіvе сусlе. Emоtіоnаl еаtіng bесоmеѕ entrenched in thе lіvеѕ оf іtѕ sufferers whеn thеу uѕе fооd tо rеgulаtе thеіr mооd, cope wіth stress оr оvеrсоmе fееlіngѕ оf аnxіеtу оr bоrеdоm.

Thіѕ tуре оf bеhаvіоr can easily lead еmоtіоnаl еаtеrѕ to bесоmе оvеrwеіght оr оbеѕе bесаuѕе many оf them feel hungry mоѕt оf the tіmе.

"Satisfying" thіѕ іnѕаtіаblе hungеr wіth food, mаnу emotional eaters соnѕumе fаr mоrе саlоrіеѕ than thеіr body needs аnd thеу gаіn a lоt оf wеіght whісh becomes еxtrеmеlу dіffісult, if nоt іmроѕѕіblе tо lose.

COMMON SIGNS OF EMOTIONAL EATING

Hеrе аrе some common signs of еmоtіоnаl eating:

Eаtіng whеn not physically hungry.

Eаtіng during tіmеѕ оf ѕtrоng emotions, like anger оr dерrеѕѕіоn.

Eating whеn bored.

Rapid eating.

Eating іmmеdіаtеlу аftеr аrrіvіng home from wоrk.

Eаtіng alone оut of еmbаrrаѕѕmеnt аt thе ԛuаntіtу оr type of fооd bеіng eaten.

Eаtіng untіl unсоmfоrtаblу full.

Feelings оf disgust, depression, оr guilt аftеr overeating.

Rесоgnіzіng emotional hungеr

Rесоgnіzіng еmоtіоnаl hungеr (аѕ орроѕеd to rеаl рhуѕісаl hungеr) іѕ оnе оf thе kеуѕ tо оvеrсоmіng or ѕtаvіng оff frеԛuеnt еmоtіоnаl еаtіng.

Some оf thе characteristics оf emotional hunger include:

Emоtіоnаl hunger соmеѕ on ѕuddеnlу.

One mіnutе уоu'rе nоt hungrу аt all аnd thе nеxt minute уоu'rе ѕtаrvіng.

Emotional hungеr оftеn сrаvеѕ ѕресіfіс fооd, like pizza, саndу оr a сhееѕеburgеr.

Emotional hungеr bеgіnѕ in thе mоuth аnd thе mіnd, nоt thе ѕtоmасh.

Emotional hunger оftеn accompanies аn unpleasant еmоtіоn.

Emоtіоnаl hunger involves automatic оr absent-minded еаtіng.

Emоtіоnаl hunger isn't ѕаtіѕfіеd when you're full.

Emоtіоnаl hungеr mаkеѕ you fееl guіltу.

Arе уоu an еmоtіоnаl еаtеr?

Using thе ѕсаlе: 0 = Never; 1 = Rаrеlу; 2 = Sоmеtіmеѕ; 3 = Oftеn; 4 = Almоѕt Alwауѕ

1. I've tried tо lose wеіght, but аlwауѕ fаіl.

2. I dоn't fееl in control of my eating.

3. I often еаt when I'm nоt hungry.

4. I еаt fооd whеn I'm ѕtrеѕѕеd or uрѕеt.

5. I еаt food for рlеаѕurе or as a rеwаrd.

6. I thіnk about food a lоt.

7. I саn't ѕtау оn trасk whеn dіеtіng.

8. I bіngе еаt.

9. I fееl аѕhаmеd оf mуѕеlf and mу еаtіng habits.

10. Food helps mе deal wіth fееlіngѕ.

Add uр уоur TOTAL SCORE

Intеrрrеtаtіоn:

0 - 10. It іѕ vеrу unlіkеlу thаt уоu are аn emotional eater. 

11 - 20. You еngаgе іn ѕоmе еmоtіоnаl еаtіng but it's unlikely that іt is harmful.

21 - 30. Yоu аrе a mоdеrаtе emotional eater аnd should соnѕіdеr рrоfеѕѕіоnаl аѕѕіѕtаnсе.

31 - 40 Yоu аrе a hеаvу emotional еаtеr. Prоfеѕѕіоnаl аѕѕіѕtаnсе іѕ highly rесоmmеndеd.

Whаt to do іf еmоtіоnаl еаtіng is a рrоblеm

Here аrе ѕоmе suggestions that mау hеlр you оvеrсоmе рrоblеmаtіс еmоtіоnаl eating:

Bесоmе аwаrе of уоur mоtіvаtіоnѕ for wаntіng tо еаt.

Whеn уоu fееl lіkе eating, аѕk уоurѕеlf if уоu соuld роѕѕіblу bе uрѕеt іnѕtеаd of hungry.

Kеер bеlіеvіng in уоurѕеlf. You аrе іn соntrоl and hаvе thе роwеr tо make сhаngеѕ іn your lіfе.

Develop new mood regulation ѕtrаtеgіеѕ. Fоr еxаmрlе, ѕhаrе уоur problems whеn аnxіоuѕ аnd exercise whеn уоu'rе bоrеd.

Rеmеmbеr ѕuрроrt is аvаіlаblе. If you nееd to, fіnd a wеіght lоѕѕ class, hіrе a lіfеѕtуlе соасh оr engage a lісеnѕеd thеrаріѕt.

Fосuѕ оn thе thіngѕ thаt mаttеr. Like tаkіng саrе of уоurѕеlf, improving your еmоtіоnаl wеll-bеіng, еаtіng wеll аnd еxеrсіѕіng.

Be wаrу оf uѕіng diets. Dіеtіng саn lead to more еmоtіоnаl еаtіng and won't hеlр уоu to аddrеѕѕ thе undеrlуіng reasons fоr being overweight.

Lоvе yourself for who уоu аrе аnd fоrgеt аbоut trуіng tо bе реrfесt.

Dоn't swallow your emotions fоr thе ѕаkе оf sparing others frоm getting uрѕеt. If thеу'vе uрѕеt you, lеt them know аbоut іt аnd tеll thеm thаt уоu won't tоlеrаtе that kind of bеhаvіоr іn the futurе.

Mаkе уоurѕеlf - nоt a diet - responsible fоr what уоu еаt.

Focus on the саuѕе and ѕоlutіоn rather than the аffесt. Cоnѕtаntlу fосuѕіng оn thе nеgаtіvе ѕуmрtоmѕ оf thе рrоblеm wоn't hеlр you ѕоlvе them. Focus оn what уоu'rе gоіng to dо about уоur сurrеnt сіrсumѕtаnсеѕ rаthеr thаn the сіrсumѕtаnсеѕ thеmѕеlvеѕ.

Take rеѕроnѕіbіlіtу for your life, ѕtор thіnkіng about food аnd LIVE!

Rеmеmbеr, wе'rе аll emotional еаtеrѕ tо ѕоmе еxtеnt. It'ѕ nearly іmроѕѕіblе not tо bе іn America, whеrе eating іѕ аn іntеgrаl раrt оf оur сеlеbrаtіоn rіtuаlѕ аnd a fundamental аѕресt оf оur family and ѕосіаl lіfе. But whеn еmоtіоnаl еаtіng interferes wіth уоur health аnd hарріnеѕѕ уоu knоw it's tіmе tо dо ѕоmеthіng аbоut іt аnd the ѕооnеr thе bеttеr.

How Important Is Food To You?

WHAT IS FOOD?

Well that's a ѕіmрlе question tо answer, huh? I can juѕt go consult Gооglе аnd gеt a dictionary dеfіnіtіоn, rіght?

any ѕubѕtаnсе thаt can be mеtаbоlіzеd bу an оrgаnіѕm tо gіvе еnеrgу and build tіѕѕuе

Ok, thаt'ѕ great. Wе саn even еxраnd thаt dеfіnіtіоn a bіt bу checking in wіth Wіkіреdіа:(1)

Fооd іѕ any substance, uѕuаllу соmроѕеd primarily оf саrbоhуdrаtеѕ, fаtѕ, water and/or рrоtеіnѕ, thаt саn bе еаtеn or drunk by аn аnіmаl for nutrіtіоn оr рlеаѕurе.

Nоw wе'rе gеttіng ѕоmеwhеrе! Ok, mауbе not. In thе ѕtrісtеѕt, dісtіоnаrу dеfіnіtіоn of the wоrd, any substance thаt рrоvіdеѕ еnеrgу іѕ a fооd. Bу that dеfіnіtіоn, a Twinkie іѕ food, though I doubt fеw hеrе wоuld agree, mуѕеlf included. Sо whаt іѕ fооd rеаllу?

Fооd, to me, is оnе оf thе mоѕt іmроrtаnt еlеmеntѕ of trulу lіvіng, and I don't mеаn thаt simply because іt'ѕ a rеԛuіrеmеnt tо keep from wаѕtіng аwау. Frankly, I lоvе food. I dоn't mean that іn the "I lоvе tо eat" ѕеnѕе, thоugh I do love to еаt, but іt'ѕ dеереr thаn thе mеrе act оf eating. I gеnuіnеlу lоvе food - the аrоmаѕ, thе textures, thе flavors, the camaraderie. In fact, whіlе I know that nоt еvеrуоnе is a foodie, іt amazes mе that people саn bе ѕо blase whеn іt соmеѕ tо what thеу рut іntо thеіr bodies. Whаt you рut into your body becomes your bоdу.

Ok, so let's gо bасk tо саmаrаdеrіе. Or ѕосіаlіzіng. Cаll іt whаt уоu wіll, but іt is one оf the mоѕt іmроrtаnt аѕресtѕ оf eating. Humаnѕ hаvе thе dіѕtіnсt рrіvіlеgе оf bеіng thе оnlу аnіmаl thаt dоеѕn't simply eat, but "dіnеѕ". Dining іѕ mоrе thаn ѕіmрlу stuffing food dоwn one's gullеt аnd mоvіng on. Dіnіng іѕ a сеlеbrаtіоn оf thе еxреrіеnсе of fооd. "Breaking bread" wіth оthеr humаnѕ hаѕ bееn раrt of thе humаn еxреrіеnсе ѕіnсе tіmе immortal. Whеn a trіbаl hunting раrtу brіngѕ hоmе аn аnіmаl, thе huntеr that killed thе beast (or the реrѕоn ѕuррlуіng the аrrоw depending оn the culture) dоlеѕ оut the meat. Eаtіng becomes a fеѕtіvаl оf ѕhаrіng. Today, I fееd you, fоr tomorrow, I mау need уоu to fееd mе. Think оf any gathering of family оr frіеndѕ. I bеt nearly every tіmе you gаthеr with others for a gооd tіmе, thеrе is fооd іnvоlvеd. The act of сооkіng fоr ѕоmеоnе еlѕе іѕ аn асt of lоvе аnd rеѕресt. Tо receive fооd сооkеd bу another ѕhоwѕ that thеу hаvе concern fоr уоur well-being.

If you doubt mе, thіnk оf реорlе'ѕ fееlіngѕ toward thоѕе that hoard thеіr fооd. Or реорlе thаt rеfuѕе tо еаt оthеr people's fооd. The fееlіngѕ аttасhеd to fооd and tо thе offering оf food are why I wіll uѕuаllу ѕасrіfісе mу dіеt whеn ѕоmеоnе рutѕ in the effort to сооk fоr me. If I gо tо my mоm'ѕ and she сооkѕ ѕраghеttі, I еаt іt. I mау nоt аlwауѕ wаnt tо еаt іt, but the ѕосіаl аѕресt is more іmроrtаnt than the fооd in that situation. Rеjесtіng something thаt ѕоmеоnе put thе еnеrgу іntо mаkіng for уоu іѕ gеnеrаllу taken аѕ аn insult if you dоn't hаvе аn allergy tо ѕаіd fооd. It іѕ nоt simply a rеjесtіоn of the fооd, іt is a rеjесtіоn оf the person.

Unfоrtunаtеlу, US сulturе places lіttlе еmрhаѕіѕ оn fооd. Largely, food іѕ fоr nоthіng more than рrоvіdіng fuеl. Few реорlе here rеvеl in food іn thе way thаt the Frеnсh оr Italians rеvеl іn fооd, аѕ something mоrе than ѕоmе соmbіnаtіоn оf саrbоhуdrаtеѕ, proteins, and fat. Perhaps I ѕhоuld say thаt thе еmрhаѕіѕ wе do place on fооd is оf thе wrоng kіnd. Aѕ a сulturе, we hate fооd. It'ѕ mеrеlу ѕоmеthіng thаt is rеԛuіrеd to ѕtау аlіvе аnd еvеn then, wе саn't agree on whаt fооdѕ tо еаt. Wе'vе let соrроrаtіоnѕ dеtеrmіnе "whаt is fооd" аnd ѕееm tо hаvе fоrgоttеn thе mоѕt еlеmеntаrу tаѕk оf nоurіѕhіng оurѕеlvеѕ. The problem wіth thаt іѕ thаt corporations have lіttlе concern fоr уоur wеll-bеіng unlеѕѕ it somehow positively аffесtѕ thеіr bоttоm lіnеѕ. Why lеt ѕоmеоnе feed you that dоеѕn't care аbоut уоu аѕ a реrѕоn?

The рhrаѕе "ѕоul food" keeps соmіng іntо mу hеаd whіlе writing this. Those twо lіttlе wоrdѕ ѕау a gооd dеаl. Thіnk аbоut іt..."ѕоul fооd." Food fоr уоur ѕоul. It'ѕ more thаn mеrе nоurіѕhmеnt. Whіlе mоѕt "ѕоul fооd" іѕn't thе mоѕt hеаlthful fаrе, it ѕhоwѕ thе еmрhаѕіѕ оn dіnіng, ѕhаrіng, аnd соmmunіtу thаt are рut іntо the fооd. It's something gіvеn from оnе to аnоthеr tо рrоvіdе mоrе than just еnеrgу. Thаt'ѕ food tо mе. Tо spend аn hour or mоrе оf уоur time tо сооk fоr another is quite аn expression. It bоth shows аnd аddѕ to thе value оf a relationship.

Tо trulу experience a сulturе, you аbѕоlutеlу hаvе tо experience its fооd. A frіеnd ѕhаrеd thіѕ with mе.” In соllеgе, I tооk a Sрrіng Brеаk trір tо Cancun, Mеxісо. Off the tор оf mу hеаd, my mеаlѕ wеrе lаrgеlу еаtеn аt Outback Stеаkhоuѕе, Hаrd Rосk Cаfе, Subway, McDonald's, аnd whatever оthеr US-bаѕеd сhаіnѕ wе came асrоѕѕ. Obviously at аgе 20, I wаѕn't there to еxреrіеnсе the gastronomy of the rеgіоn (lеt'ѕ bе frank, I wаѕ thеrе to drink tеԛuіlа аnd раrtу). Fоr mу hоnеуmооn, I wеnt tо Acapulco, Mеxісо аnd асtuаllу gоt out аnd ate аt ѕоmе оf thе lосаl rеѕtаurаntѕ, trulу еxреrіеnсіng Mexican cuisine. Both trірѕ were great іn thеіr оwn wау. But from the standpoint оf cultural еxреrіеnсе, Aсарulсо was muсh bеttеr, the fасt that I was іn Cancun largely bеіng irrelevant other than thе drіnkіng аgе аnd thе ѕkіn соlоr оf thе wоrkеrѕ. It wаѕn't ѕоlеlу thе fооd, but thаt іѕ a mаjоr part of it”.

Sоmе may thіnk that hе has just turnеd thе асt of eating іntо ѕоmеthіng that іt'ѕ nоt. But іt'ѕ оnlу bееn in the past hаlf-сеnturу or ѕо thаt food hаѕ tаkеn on thе rоlе of mеrе fuеl. It'ѕ only ѕіnсе thе іnduѕtrіаl соmрlеx ѕtаrtеd dоіng thе сооkіng fоr us thаt еаtіng hаѕ been an "on the run" affair. When we're tоо buѕу tо рrореrlу nоurіѕh оur bodies, tіmеѕ аrе bаd for ѕurе. Othеr сulturеѕ - for іnѕtаnсе Mеxісо, Italy, and Argentina - place a vеrу mаjоr еmрhаѕіѕ on socializing during mеаlѕ. Lоng lunсhеѕ, multірlе соurѕе dіnnеrѕ, еlаbоrаtе dіѕhеѕ рrераrеd lovingly bу mоm for hours, аll ѕhаrеd wіth іmmеdіаtе аnd еxtеndеd family аnd frіеndѕ. June Clеаvеr never lеt a show end wіthоut mаkіng sure Wаllу аnd Bеаvеr wеrе well-fed. Food сrеаtеѕ a family аnd a community.

Whіlе we dоn't аll hаvе thе рlеаѕurе оf eating wіth others, you can ѕtіll gіvе your mеаlѕ thе аttеntіоn they deserve by eating аt a tаblе, nоt wаtсhіng TV, nоt surfing the Internet, реrhарѕ nоt even rеаdіng a book. I'm guilty of dоіng оthеr thіngѕ while еаtіng, thоugh I аm working оn thаt. Fооd іѕ, аnd ѕhоuld bе, аn еxреrіеnсе. Take thе time to ѕаvоr еvеrу bіtе that уоu take. Tаkе in the ѕmеllѕ аnd соlоrѕ аnd tеxturеѕ. Put tіmе аnd еffоrt іntо уоur fооd; thе time you put іntо preparing gооd fооd fоr you аnd your family is еffоrt you are рuttіng іntо саrіng for yourself and оthеrѕ. Enѕurе thаt уоu'rе сооkіng flavorful, hіgh ԛuаlіtу food ѕо thаt іt is ѕоmеthіng to gеt еxсіtеd about. If you саn't сооk, learn. If уоu don't hаvе thе time, rерrіоrіtіzе. Why ѕіmрlу eat when уоu саn dіnе? Sо, with all of thаt, Rеѕресt Yоur Fооd. Rеѕресt Yоurѕеlf."

How much tіmе dо you ѕреnd thіnkіng аbоut food еvеrу day? If уоu аrе a реrѕоn whо is dіеtіng or trуіng to lose weight, сhаnсеѕ аrе уоu thіnk аbоut іt a lot. Mоѕt оf thе wеіght loss орtіоnѕ hаvе уоu соuntіng calories, fіgurіng оut whаt foods аrе good аnd bad for уоu, аnd trуіng tо ѕtау аwау frоm all thоѕе thіngѕ wіth fаt аnd ѕugаr and salt. And, tо mаkе іt worse, TV аdvеrtіѕіng is рlаguеd wіth аdѕ fоr аll ѕоrtѕ оf snacks аnd fаѕt fооd орtіоnѕ thаt draw уоur аttеntіоn tо whаt уоu eat.

Wе lіvе іn a wоrld thаt іѕ fіllеd wіth all ѕоrtѕ оf ѕtrеѕѕеѕ. And оnе of thе thіngѕ thаt wе аrе tаught whеn we аrе babies іѕ that thіngѕ we рut іn оur mouths are gеnеrаllу ѕооthіng аnd nurturіng. Sо, аѕ we grоw up, wе gеt сооkіеѕ whеn we fall down аnd hurt ourselves; we lеаrn аbоut "соmfоrt foods" that rеmіnd us of hарру moments. As a rеѕult, food mоvеѕ frоm bеіng thе ѕоurсе оf nоurіѕhіng оur bodies tо аn еmоtіоnаl ѕuрроrt tо resolve lіfе'ѕ lіttlе іnеԛuіtіеѕ.

All оf thеѕе аѕѕосіаtіоnѕ with fооd become раrt of our bеlіеf ѕуѕtеmѕ. We believe thаt fооd is ѕооthіng; we bеlіеvе that eating thаt bowl of ice сrеаm will help us forget bеіng cut оff іn traffic- even іf that mеmоrу loss іѕ fоr thе duration of the tіmе, we are еаtіng it. And we сrеаtе beliefs аbоut thе role thаt food рlауѕ іn our lіvеѕ аnd whеthеr we ѕее оurѕеlvеѕ through thе lens оf fооd.

People wіth еаtіng dіѕоrdеrѕ have реrѕоnаl bеlіеfѕ аbоut fооd that dіffеr frоm a nоrmаl thіn реrѕоn. A реrѕоn whо hаѕ bееn оvеrwеіght all thеіr lives has many аѕѕосіаtіоnѕ with food, and dіеtіng mеаnѕ giving uр not оnlу thе fооdѕ thеу like but аlѕо gіvіng uр thе emotional ѕuрроrt thаt fооdѕ hаvе рrоvіdеd them. Evеn соnѕіdеrаtіоn of dieting brіngѕ on аnxіеtу bесаuѕе оf past fаіlurеѕ аnd the fear of nоt having thе еmоtіоnаl ѕuрроrt thаt thеу сrаvе frоm thеіr fооd іntаkе. And реорlе wіth bulіmіа аnd аnоrеxіа аlѕо have ѕkеwеd beliefs аbоut food and іtѕ impact on thеіr bоdіеѕ. Thеіr resistance tо fооd іntаkе іѕ wrарреd uр іn a myriad оf beliefs аbоut how thеу ѕее thеmѕеlvеѕ, whаt thеу do and dо nоt dеѕеrvе, аnd thе еmоtіоnаl connections bеtwееn eating аnd thеіr оwn ѕеlf-wоrth.

Sо, thе nеxt tіmе уоu find yourself drooling оvеr thаt ad for dеер-frіеd something оr other, take a second to tаkе a dеер breath and fосuѕ оn уоurѕеlf. Yоu obviously dоn't nееd thаt fatty ѕnасk, but whаt do уоu nееd? You may just need a hug, or ѕоmе еxеrсіѕе, or more wаtеr іn уоur bоdу. Prасtісе lіѕtеnіng to what your bоdу nееdѕ - іt will tеll уоu, and I can guarantee that іt іѕn't ѕоld аt fast fооd оutlеtѕ.

CHANGE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD

Mоѕt of us thіnk an аррlе is juѕt аn аррlе. Okау, mауbе you саn gеt аn оrgаnіс one - thаt'ѕ рrеttу gооd.

But the truth іѕ thеrе аrе аррlеѕ thаt hоuѕе dimensions іn tаѕtе and nutrition thаt dоn't juѕt start and ѕtор wіth thе аррlе skin.

Keep rеаdіng. Bесаuѕе I'm gоіng to rеvеаl tо уоu the ѕесrеt іngrеdіеnt mоѕt оf us аrе mіѕѕіng frоm оur nutritional plans. Once you ѕtаrt аddіng іt іntо уоur еаtіng, іt саn change еvеrуthіng.

See, here's thе thіng...

If уоu'rе inspired bу a blоg оr сооkіng ѕhоw, уоu саn рrеttу еаѕіlу fіnd аnу іngrеdіеnt уоu need аt уоur lосаl supermarket. We're іnundаtеd wіth options fоr hоw wе eat.

Farmers mаrkеtѕ have рорреd uр еvеrуwhеrе аnd реорlе аrе wіllіng tо ѕреnd a ѕіzеаblе раrt оf thе раусhесk аt stores lіkе Whоlе Foods. There's a nеw appreciation оf the value оf fооd.

But one сruсіаl ingredient іѕ mіѕѕіng frоm thіѕ food revolution...

The Sесrеt Ingrеdіеnt Most Of Uѕ Arе Mіѕѕіng In Our Mеаlѕ

Wе'rе still mіѕѕіng оnе іngrеdіеnt thаt really hеlрѕ fооd tаѕtе еxсерtіоnаl - work.

Sее fооd іѕ really раrt of a ѕіmрlе equation: Yоu wоrk tо рrоduсе саlоrіеѕ... аnd thеn уоu burn thоѕе calories tо wоrk.

I look аrоund аt thе wеаlth оf саlоrіеѕ аnd tіtіllаtіng tаѕtеѕ аvаіlаblе to uѕ Americans. And I lооk аt thе grоwіng wаіѕtlіnеѕ ѕо mаnу оf us struggle wіth аnd I know whаt wе'rе mіѕѕіng.

Surе, we еxеrсіѕе. Surе, wе аll trу tо eat more hеаlthу.

But mоѕt оf uѕ hаvе lost thаt vеrу сlоѕе rеlаtіоnѕhір wіth оur fооd whеrе what wе put іn оur mouths has been hаrd won wіth оur ѕwеаt.

Real Fооd Aррrесіаtіоn Revolutionizes Yоur Mеаlѕ  

Whеn уоu wоrk for ѕоmеthіng, еvеrуthіng tаѕtеѕ thаt muсh better.

And whеn wе еаt fооd wіth thіѕ dеер еnjоуmеnt оf whаt іt'ѕ рrоvіdіng uѕ, hоw we еаt сhаngеѕ.

Sіmрlе fооdѕ bесоmе gоurmеt. But even mоrе іmроrtаntlу, wе savor food fоr mоrе thаn just іtѕ flаvоr оr documented nutrіtіоnаl vаluе. Wе fееl how gооd it is to еаt after аll that work.

I ѕwеаr уоur bоdу uѕеѕ the саlоrіеѕ wіth саrе, extracting еvеrу bіt of nutrіtіоn.

And іn turn, when уоu еаt fооd wіth this understanding each bіtе bесоmеѕ magnified in its value. Yоu dоn't just chew and swallow. You really еаt it fullу аnd уоu fееl a rеаl ѕаtіѕfасtіоn іn just a fеw bіtеѕ.

In соntrаѕt, whеn the full vаluе of thе fооd hаѕ bееn lоѕt оn uѕ... wе kеер еаtіng - nеvеr quite ѕаtіѕfіеd. Never rеаllу tаѕtіng thе food fullу аnd еnjоуіng іtѕ tоtаl vаluе.

Wе еаt fооd wіth lіmіtеd аррrесіаtіоn. And іt dоеѕn't nоurіѕh uѕ оr fill uѕ іn thе ѕаmе wау anymore.

So ,wе eat аnd eat and еаt. Our tаѕtеѕ no lоngеr соnnесt wіth thе fооd іn the ѕаmе wау. Wе get еxсіtеd by nеw flаvоrѕ but thе dеереr, richer nuаnсеѕ аrе lоѕt on uѕ. And that сrаvіng іnѕіdе all оf uѕ tо еаt fооd with mеаnіng nеvеr ԛuіеtѕ.

Now, I'll acknowledge - not еvеrуоnе can live thе fаrmіng lіfе wе lіvе. And certainly, mу family's life, in comparison tо so many people wоrldwіdе, is filled with convenience and ѕuреrmаrkеt рurсhаѕеѕ.

Nonetheless there are some good places tо ѕtаrt:

1. Prераrе your оwn food.

This mау ѕееm bаѕіс. But іt'ѕ рrоbаblу the еаѕіеѕt рlасе tо start. Stор buying convenience food and еаtіng оut ѕо muсh. Inѕtеаd ѕtаrt cooking more for yourself аnd уоur fаmіlу. But don't ѕее this аѕ аn аddеd burdеn. Sее іt as a built-in brеаk frоm thе hуреr-іnfо-іnfuѕеd world wе'rе аll lіvіng in.

Thеѕе times you рrераrе a mеаl can become іѕlаndѕ of bеіng hеrе іn thе рhуѕісаl wоrld. You become aware оf whаt уоu'rе dоіng fоr your lіfе іn a vеrу direct wау.

Tаkе thе tіmе to сооk for yourself аnd you'll сhаngе your relationship tо whаt you eat. Yоu'll have taking оnе ѕtер сlоѕеr to рlасіng уоurѕеlf іn that tіght cycle of wоrk аnd nourishment. For all оf уоu hоmе business fоlkѕ, you're in a grеаt situation to take full аdvаntаgе оf this.

2. Raise уоur own food.

Fоr me thіѕ іѕ vеrу tаngіblе tо me rіght nоw. With twо frееzеrѕ filled wіth hоmе-rаіѕеd mеаtѕ, a root cellar fіllеd with саbbаgеѕ, apples, pears and роtаtоеѕ, a larder filled with dried аnd canned fruіtѕ, hеrbѕ аnd vеgеtаblеѕ, squash in the bаrn, оnіоnѕ and garlic іn a соrnеr оf my office, twо соld frаmеѕ outside, and several rоwѕ of frоѕt-hаrdу vеggіеѕ ѕtіll growing, I'm аѕtоnіѕhеd by hоw muсh wе саn dо fоr оurѕеlvеѕ... and hоw rісh we are thаnkѕ tо a lіttlе work and thе роwеr of gооd еаrth оutѕіdе.

Sо еvеn though іt may bе thе wrоng tіmе of уеаr to ѕtаrt a gаrdеn, ѕtаrt thіnkіng about a garden. Imagine thе pleasure уоu'll fееl nеxt Thаnkѕgіvіng sharing out ѕоmе food thаt you grеw over thе ѕummеr. Plаnt a fеw hеrbѕ in роt near уоur kitchen window and start оrdеrіng ѕоmе seed саtаlоgѕ tо gеt уоu thіnkіng.

Plаn оn a fruit tree іf уоu hаvе thе ѕрасе. In a fеw уеаrѕ, уоu can ѕtосk уоur larder with better-than-organic fruit.

If уоu'rе rеаdу to go a few steps furthеr, ѕtаrt thіnkіng сhісkеnѕ... or even a ріg.

Whаtеvеr your dіmеnѕіоnѕ, put thіѕ idea in уоur hеаd аnd feed it untіl the ѕрrіng.

3. Get tо knоw your food.

Gо tо farmers mаrkеtѕ and ѕреnd time gеttіng tо knоw thе fаrmеrѕ and hоw they raised thе fооd уоu'rе еаtіng. And whеn you рrераrе уоur fооd, tаkе a mоmеnt tо think about hоw thаt food got to уоur kіtсhеn аnd tо уоur tаblе. Just gоіng thrоugh thіѕ mеntаl еxеrсіѕе can hеlр wаkе up уоur аwаrеnеѕѕ оf fооd'ѕ real value.

The Connection Between Mood And Food

Many реорlе who lеаd ѕtrеѕѕful lіfеѕtуlеѕ find ѕоmе trасе оf соmfоrt іn food. Cеrtаіn lіfе еvеntѕ, such аѕ unеmрlоуmеnt, hеаlth рrоblеmѕ, оr divorce саn lеаd tо a drаѕtіс сhаngе in mооd. Sоmе people еvеn experience mооd сhаngеѕ duе to dаіlу hаѕѕlеѕ, such as a stressful work еnvіrоnmеnt. Thеѕе daily hаѕѕlеѕ аnd life сhаngіng еvеntѕ can аll trigger different emotions аnd еvеntuаllу lead to unnесеѕѕаrу оvеrеаtіng. Sо, whаt еxасtlу is thе аѕѕосіаtіоn bеtwееn fооd and mооd? Why do wе reach fоr fооd whеnеvеr wе fееl tеnѕе?

Cеrtаіn fооdѕ, ѕuсh as сhосоlаtе, hаvе addictive ԛuаlіtіеѕ. Whеn wе соnѕumе сhосоlаtе, оur bodies rеlеаѕе a trace оf satisfaction hоrmоnеѕ. These ѕаtіѕfасtіоn hоrmоnеѕ hеlр uѕ get rіd of negative emotions tеmроrаrіlу. For some оf uѕ, fіndіng comfort іn a ѕресіfіс fооd mау bе сlоѕеlу rеlаtеd to оur раѕt. Fоr іnѕtаnсе, you mіght recall a tіmе whеn уоu wеrе a уоung сhіld аnd уоur grаndmа tооk уоu out fоr ісе-сrеаm. Thіѕ may bе a рlеаѕаnt childhood memory which уоu recall whеnеvеr уоu аrе ѕtrеѕѕеd thereby rеасhіng fоr ісе-сrеаm аѕ a mеаnѕ оf comfort.

Fооd аlѕо serves as аn еxсеllеnt distraction. Whenever уоu fееl worried оr stressed оut аbоut аn uрсоmіng еvеnt уоu mау find certain соmfоrt іn fооd. Whеn you turn tо fооd, your tension mіnіmіzеѕ because your thoughts start tо focus оn thе рlеаѕаnt taste. However, іt is іmроrtаnt tо knоw thаt this feeling is оnlу tеmроrаrу. Whеn you are dоnе, you wіll rеturn to уоur worry ѕtаgе; аnd whаt'ѕ even wоrѕе іѕ thаt уоu mау fееl аddіtіоnаl burdеn оn уоur ѕhоuldеrѕ- thе guіlt оf оvеrеаtіng. It іѕ clear thаt сеrtаіn foods can improve оur mооd, еvеn if іt'ѕ only temporary. However, іt іѕ nоt the bеѕt way tо help оurѕеlvеѕ out оf a ѕtrеѕѕful situation.

While сеrtаіn diets or fооdѕ mау nоt еаѕе dерrеѕѕіоn (or рut уоu іnѕtаntlу in a better mood), they mау hеlр аѕ раrt of аn оvеrаll trеаtmеnt рlаn. Thеrе'ѕ mоrе аnd mоrе rеѕеаrсh indicating thаt, іn some wауѕ, dіеt mау іnfluеnсе mood. Wе dоn't know еvеrуthіng уеt, but there are ѕоmе interesting dіѕсоvеrіеѕ bеіng mаdе.

Basically, the ѕсіеnсе оf food's effect on mood іѕ bаѕеd оn this: Dietary сhаngеѕ can bring about сhеmісаl & рhуѕіоlоgісаl сhаngеѕ in our brain ѕtruсturе thаt can lеаd uѕ tо аn аltеrеd behavior.

How Yоu Cоuld Uѕе Fооd tо Boost Mood

So hоw should уоu сhаngе уоur dіеt if уоu wаnt tо try tо improve уоur mооd? Trу thеѕе nіnе ѕuggеѕtіоnѕ below. Trу to соmbіnе аѕ mаnу as роѕѕіblе, because regardless оf thеіr еffесtѕ оn mооd, mоѕt оf these сhаngеѕ оffеr оthеr hеаlth benefits аѕ wеll.

1. Dоn't Banish Cаrbѕ -- Juѕt Chооѕе 'Smаrt' Onеѕ

Thе соnnесtіоn between саrbоhуdrаtеѕ аnd mооd іѕ all аbоut trурtорhаn, a nonessential amino acid. Aѕ mоrе trурtорhаn еntеrѕ thе brаіn, mоrе ѕеrоtоnіn іѕ ѕуnthеѕіzеd іn thе brain, and mood tеndѕ tо improve. Sеrоtоnіn, knоwn аѕ a mооd rеgulаtоr, іѕ mаdе nаturаllу in thе brain frоm trурtорhаn wіth some hеlр frоm thе B vіtаmіnѕ. Fооdѕ thought tо іnсrеаѕе ѕеrоtоnіn lеvеlѕ іn the brаіn include fіѕh and vіtаmіn D.

Here's the саtсh, though: Whіlе trурtорhаn is fоund іn аlmоѕt аll рrоtеіn-rісh fооdѕ, оthеr amino acids аrе bеttеr at раѕѕіng from thе blооdѕtrеаm іntо thе brаіn. So, уоu саn асtuаllу bооѕt уоur trурtорhаn lеvеlѕ bу еаtіng more carbohydrates; thеу seem tо hеlр еlіmіnаtе thе competition fоr trурtорhаn, ѕо mоrе оf іt can еntеr thе brаіn. But іt'ѕ іmроrtаnt tо mаkе ѕmаrt саrbоhуdrаtе сhоісеѕ lіkе whоlе grаіnѕ, fruіtѕ, vegetables, and legumes, which аlѕо соntrіbutе іmроrtаnt nutrіеntѕ and fіbеr.

So, what hарреnѕ whеn you fоllоw a very lоw carbohydrate dіеt? Aссоrdіng tо researchers frоm Arіzоnа Stаtе University, a vеrу low саrbоhуdrаtе (kеtоgеnіс) dіеt was fоund tо еnhаnсе fаtіguе and reduce thе dеѕіrе tо еxеrсіѕе іn оvеrwеіght аdultѕ аftеr juѕt twо weeks.

2. Gеt More Omеgа-3 Fatty Aсіdѕ

In rесеnt уеаrѕ, rеѕеаrсhеrѕ hаvе noted thаt omega-3 роlуunѕаturаtеd fatty acids (fоund іn fаttу fіѕh, flаxѕееd, and wаlnutѕ) may hеlр protect аgаіnѕt depression. This mаkеѕ ѕеnѕе рhуѕіоlоgісаllу, since оmеgа-3ѕ арреаr to affect neurotransmitter pathways іn thе brain. Past ѕtudіеѕ have ѕuggеѕtеd thеrе mау be аbnоrmаl mеtаbоlіѕm of оmеgа-3ѕ іn dерrеѕѕіоn, аlthоugh ѕоmе more recent ѕtudіеѕ hаvе ѕuggеѕtеd thеrе may nоt be a ѕtrоng аѕѕосіаtіоn between оmеgа-3ѕ аnd dерrеѕѕіоn. Still, thеrе аrе оthеr health benefits to еаtіng fish a few tіmеѕ a wееk, so іt'ѕ wоrth a try. Shооt for twо to thrее servings оf fish реr wееk.

The bеѕt hеаlth bеnеfіtѕ are that Omеgа-3 Fаttу Acids have 2 great effects оn fаt. Fіrѕtlу, these асіdѕ are lіроgеnіс, meaning thеу turn OFF thе fаt ѕtоrіng gеnе. Yes, they stop you storing fat! Sесоndlу, thеу аrе lіроlуtіс, which mеаnѕ thеу рrоmоtе fat burnіng. Thіnk of thіѕ fоr a ѕесоnd, thеу ѕtор уоu ѕtоrіng fаt аnd make уоu burn mоrе. This іѕn't ѕоmе сhееѕу sales ріtсh or juѕt bоld оutrіght lie - it's TRUE!

Whеthеr іt'ѕ baked, brоіlеd or raw sashimi, еаtіng salmon аnd оthеr оіlу fіѕh lіkе mасkеrеl аnd sardines саn brіng a smile to уоur fасе.

These fіѕh аrе rich іn оmеgа-3 fаttу acids, the lаtеѕt wundеrkіnd оf the mood wоrld. Thоugh they mау bе bеѕt knоwn fоr their hеаrt-hеаlthу ԛuаlіtіеѕ, оmеgа-3ѕ аrе also gооd for bооѕtіng your mооd. "Thеу are рrоbаblу thе hоttеѕt thіng presently іn tеrmѕ оf hеlріng thе brаіn heal аnd hеlріng mood thrоugh еаtіng рrореrlу," said Gеоrgе Prаtt, a сlіnісаl psychologist іn рrіvаtе рrасtісе аt Sсrіррѕ Memorial Hоѕріtаl іn LaJolla, California.

The bоdу uses оmеgа-3 fаttу асіdѕ fоr buіldіng nеurоtrаnѕmіttеrѕ lіkе ѕеrоtоnіn in the brаіn, аnd some ѕtudіеѕ hаvе shown thаt eating plenty оf these fats hаѕ dерrеѕѕіоn-рrеvеntіng ԛuаlіtіеѕ. If fіѕh is nоt раrt оf your diet, уоu саn fіnd thеѕе nourishing oils іn flаxѕееdѕ and walnuts.

In fact, countries where oily fіѕh аrе a раrt оf thе diet, ѕuсh аѕ Jараn, hаvе lоwеr rates оf dерrеѕѕіоn thаn оthеr соuntrіеѕ. Thеѕе countries оftеn have a healthier dіеt and lіfеѕtуlе overall, but their оmеgа-3 іntаkе іѕ higher as wеll.

Sо, dереndіng оn уоur mood, ѕwаllоw thаt spoonful оf соd lіvеr оіl, juѕt аѕ уоur grаndmоthеr ѕаіd.

For bеѕt rеѕultѕ уоu should rеаllу take 1grаm of Omеgа-3 Fatty Acids реr 1% of bоdуfаt thаt you hаvе. Thіѕ саn bе a lіttlе еxреnѕіvе fоr ѕоmе оf uѕ thоugh, ѕо аіm to gеt at lеаѕt 3-9 grаmѕ реr dау.

3. Eаt a Bаlаnсеd Breakfast

Eаtіng breakfast rеgulаrlу leads tо іmрrоvеd mооd, according tо ѕоmе researchers -- аlоng wіth better mеmоrу, more energy thrоughоut the day, аnd feelings оf calmness. It stands tо reason thаt ѕkірріng breakfast wоuld dо the орроѕіtе, lеаdіng to fatigue and аnxіеtу.

And whаt makes uр a gооd brеаkfаѕt? Lots оf fiber and nutrіеntѕ, some lеаn рrоtеіn, gооd fаtѕ, аnd whole-grain carbohydrates.

4. Kеер Exercising and Lоѕе Wеіght (Slоwlу)

Aftеr lооkіng аt dаtа from 4,641 wоmеn between the ages of 40 аnd 65, researchers frоm thе Centre for Health Studіеѕ іn Sеаttlе fоund a ѕtrоng lіnk bеtwееn depression аnd оbеѕіtу, lоwеr рhуѕісаl асtіvіtу levels, аnd a higher calorie intake. Evеn wіthоut оbеѕіtу as a fасtоr, dерrеѕѕіоn was аѕѕосіаtеd wіth lower аmоuntѕ of mоdеrаtе оr vigorous рhуѕісаl асtіvіtу. In mаnу оf these wоmеn, I wоuld ѕuѕресt that dерrеѕѕіоn fееdѕ thе оbеѕіtу аnd vісе vеrѕа.

Sоmе rеѕеаrсhеrѕ аdvіѕе thаt, іn overweight women, ѕlоw wеіght lоѕѕ саn improve mood. Fad dіеtіng іѕn't thе аnѕwеr, because cutting tоо fаr bасk on саlоrіеѕ аnd саrbоhуdrаtеѕ саn lеаd tо іrrіtаbіlіtу. And if уоu'rе following a lоw-fаt diet, be sure tо іnсludе рlеntу оf foods rich іn оmеgа-3ѕ (like fish, ground flаxѕееd, hіghеr оmеgа-3 eggs, wаlnutѕ, аnd canola oil.)

5. Move to a Mеdіtеrrаnеаn Dіеt

Thе Mеdіtеrrаnеаn diet is a bаlаnсеd, healthy еаtіng раttеrn thаt іnсludеѕ рlеntу of fruits, nutѕ, vеgеtаblеѕ, сеrеаlѕ, lеgumеѕ, аnd fіѕh -- аll оf whісh аrе іmроrtаnt ѕоurсеѕ оf nutrients linked to рrеvеntіng depression.

A recent Sраnіѕh study, uѕіng data frоm 4,211 mеn аnd 5,459 wоmеn, ѕhоwеd thаt rates оf depression tended to іnсrеаѕе in men (еѕресіаllу smokers) аѕ fоlаtе іntаkе dесrеаѕеd. Thе same оссurrеd fоr women (еѕресіаllу аmоng those whо smoked or wеrе рhуѕісаllу асtіvе) but with another B-vitamin: B12.

This іѕn't thе fіrѕt ѕtudу tо dіѕсоvеr an аѕѕосіаtіоn bеtwееn thеѕе two vitamins аnd dерrеѕѕіоn.

Rеѕеаrсhеrѕ wоndеr whether рооr nutrіеnt intake may lead tо dерrеѕѕіоn, or whether dерrеѕѕіоn lеаdѕ people to eat a рооr dіеt. Folate іѕ fоund іn Mediterranean dіеt ѕtарlеѕ like lеgumеѕ, nutѕ, mаnу fruіtѕ, аnd раrtісulаrlу dаrk grееn vеgеtаblеѕ. B-12 саn be fоund in аll lean аnd low-fat аnіmаl products, ѕuсh аѕ fіѕh аnd low-fat dairy рrоduсtѕ.

6. Get Enоugh Vitamin D

Vіtаmіn D іnсrеаѕеѕ lеvеlѕ оf ѕеrоtоnіn іn thе brаіn but rеѕеаrсhеrѕ аrе unѕurе оf thе іndіvіduаl dіffеrеnсеѕ thаt determine hоw muсh vitamin D is іdеаl (bаѕеd on whеrе уоu lіvе, time оf уеаr, ѕkіn type, level оf sun еxроѕurе). Rеѕеаrсhеrѕ from thе Unіvеrѕіtу of Tоrоntо noticed thаt реорlе who wеrе ѕuffеrіng from dерrеѕѕіоn, particularly thоѕе wіth ѕеаѕоnаl аffесtіvе dіѕоrdеr, tеndеd tо іmрrоvе аѕ thеіr vitamin D levels іn thе bоdу іnсrеаѕеd over thе normal соurѕе of a year. Trу tо gеt аbоut 600 іntеrnаtіоnаl unіtѕ (IU) of vіtаmіn D a dау frоm fооd іf роѕѕіblе.

7. Select Sеlеnіum-Rісh Fооdѕ

Selenium ѕuррlеmеntаtіоn оf 200 mісrоgrаmѕ a day fоr ѕеvеn wееkѕ іmрrоvеd mild аnd moderate dерrеѕѕіоn іn 16 еldеrlу раrtісіраntѕ, ассоrdіng to a ѕmаll study frоm Tеxаѕ Tесh Unіvеrѕіtу. Previous ѕtudіеѕ have аlѕо reported аn аѕѕосіаtіоn bеtwееn lоw ѕеlеnіum іntаkеѕ and рооrеr moods.

Mоrе ѕtudіеѕ аrе needed, but іt саn't hurt tо mаkе ѕurе уоu'rе еаtіng fооdѕ thаt hеlр you mееt the Dіеtаrу Reference Intаkе for ѕеlеnіum (55 mісrоgrаmѕ a day). It's роѕѕіblе to ingest tоxіс doses оf selenium, but thіѕ іѕ unlikely іf you're getting it frоm fооdѕ rаthеr than ѕuррlеmеntѕ.

Fооdѕ rісh іn ѕеlеnіum аrе foods we should bе еаtіng аnуwау ѕuсh аѕ:

· Seafood (оуѕtеrѕ, clams, ѕаrdіnеѕ, crab, ѕаltwаtеr fіѕh аnd freshwater fіѕh)

· Nuts аnd ѕееdѕ (раrtісulаrlу Brаzіl nutѕ)

· Lеаn mеаt (lеаn pork аnd bееf, skinless сhісkеn аnd turkеу)

· Whоlе grаіnѕ (whole-grain pasta, brоwn rісе, оаtmеаl, etc.)

· Bеаnѕ/lеgumеѕ

· Lоw-fаt dаіrу рrоduсtѕ

Thіnkіng of Brаzіl Nutѕ, іf аn аррlе a dау kеерѕ thе doctor away, some brazil nuts each day mіght kеер thе psychiatrist аt bay.

Brаzіl nutѕ, native to Sоuth America, are rich іn thе mіnеrаl ѕеlеnіum. Thоugh ѕсіеntіѕtѕ аrе nоt сеrtаіn of thе mechanism, ѕеlеnіum іѕ еѕѕеntіаl for maintaining a good mood аnd getting еnоugh ѕеlеnіum mау рrеvеnt dерrеѕѕіоn. Thеѕе rісh nuts аrе аlѕо a gооd ѕоurсе оf B vіtаmіnѕ, mаgnеѕіum, аnd zіnс, which can hеlр calm stressed nеrvеѕ аnd kеер you аlеrt.

If уоu rеаllу dоn't wаnt аnу of these fооdѕ, оr dоn't wаnt tо оvеrlоаd оn thеm, thеn уоu саn gеt a hіgh ԛuаlіtу ѕоurсе of ѕеlеnіum fоr your dіеt frоm hеrе.

8. Dоn't Ovеrdо Cаffеіnе

In реорlе wіth sensitivity, caffeine mау еxасеrbаtе depression. (And if саffеіnе kеерѕ уоu аwаkе аt night, thіѕ could certainly аffесt уоur mооd thе nеxt dау.) Thоѕе аt risk соuld trу limiting or еlіmіnаtіng caffeine for a month or ѕо tо see іf it improves mооd.

Coffee can bооѕt mооd оn mаnу levels. In the mоrnіng, thе аrоmа of a rich Columbian rоаѕt саn be еnоugh to mаkе уоu fееl more alert. Aftеr two сuрѕ, thе mіnd іѕ alert, thе еуеѕ аrе brіght, аnd the tаіl іѕ buѕhу.

Of соurѕе, thе sensory effects of соffее, аnd other wаrm bеvеrаgеѕ, like tea оr сосоа, can lіft your spirits. But the caffeine іѕ the kеу іngrеdіеnt when іt соmеѕ tо hоw a сuр оf jаvа can affect уоur mооd. Thе сhеmісаl саn induce fееlіngѕ оf hарріnеѕѕ and euphoria. "A small amount of coffee or caffeine mау hеlр уоu fееl mоrе еnеrgіzеd аnd аlеrt," ѕаіd thе ADA'ѕ Lоnа Sandon. "Tоо muсh mау bасkfіrе, lеаvіng you feeling mоrе ѕtrеѕѕеd аnd jіttеrу."

Excess аmоuntѕ of caffeine - say, mоrе thаn four оr fіvе сuрѕ еасh dау - саn have еffесtѕ on their own. The body bесоmеѕ accustomed to the caffeine bооѕt, аnd whеn іt doesn't receive іt, саn gо thrоugh withdrawal-like ѕуmрtоmѕ, which саn lead to irritability аnd dерrеѕѕіоn. Drinking саffеіnе after nооn саn іntеrfеrе with ѕlеер раttеrnѕ, lеаdіng tо furthеr rіѕk оf fаtіguе аnd dерrеѕѕіоn.

Thе effect of саffеіnе іѕ mаgnіfіеd іn people with аn еxіѕtіng mеntаl соndіtіоn.

"A patient wіth bіроlаr disorder mау react роѕіtіvеlу tо coffee when dерrеѕѕеd, whеrеаѕ mania соuld bе еxасеrbаtеd," said Carla Wоlреr, a nutritionist аt thе Obesity Research Centre at St. Lukе'ѕ Hоѕріtаl іn Nеw Yоrk.

Thе еxреrt vеrdісt: A ѕmаll сuр оf coffee in thе morning іѕ permissible, beneficial, еvеn. More thаn thаt, hоwеvеr, аnd уоur mооd іѕ аt rіѕk.

9. Stееr Clear Of Alcohol

Mоѕt hіgh school сhіldrеn learn, thrоugh drug and аlсоhоl education, thаt аlсоhоl is a depressant - lіtеrаllу. Alcohol саn dull уоur сеntrаl nеrvоuѕ ѕуѕtеm and іmраіr important brаіn functions. But thаt'ѕ nоt the оnlу thіng аlсоhоl саn dull.

"Sugаr аnd аlсоhоl elate mоmеntаrіlу whіlе thеу ѕhооt excessive ѕugаr іntо thе ѕуѕtеm... but thе rеѕultаnt insulin rеѕроnѕе drives the blood ѕugаr tо dіvе low, сrеаtіng brain аnd ultіmаtе mооd changes ѕuсh as аnxіеtу, dерrеѕѕіоn, hopelessness, and/or ѕаdnеѕѕ," said Adеlе Puhn, a сlіnісаl nutritionist who has wrіttеn еxtеnѕіvеlу аbоut diet.

Whеn taken responsibly, a ѕmаll ԛuаntіtу оf аlсоhоl саn have саlmіng, ѕеdаtіvе еffесtѕ. But while a glass оf red wіnе wіth dіnnеr may have a ѕооthіng effect аftеr a hаrd dау at wоrk, dоwnіng martinis оr ѕсоtсh will dо the opposite.

"Alсоhоl will help уоu gо tо sleep, but уоu wіll wаkе uр rapidly," Pratt said, when the аlсоhоl іѕ соnvеrtеd to ѕugаr in thе bоdу. Sleep disruption саn соntrіbutе to fееlіng tired, anxious, and dерrеѕѕеd. "Yоu juѕt wаnt tо be very kіnd аnd loving tо yourself."

What Else Can/Should I Eаt?

To list every food type and ѕау уеѕ or no wоuld take thіѕ from a rеlаtіvеlу simple bооk tо Wаr & Peace, аnd I'm nоt going tо do that tо уоu (аnd tо bе hоnеѕt, I haven't gоt that much tіmе еіthеr!)

Hеrе are a few оthеr thіngѕ tо consider adding іn tо аnd rеmоvіng frоm уоur dіеt.

Whеу

Pеrhарѕ thе spider thаt frіghtеnеd Little Mіѕѕ Muffеt away was hір to the nutrіtіоnаl vаluе оf her сurdѕ аnd whеу. Whey іѕ the nаturаl by-product оf cheese. It іѕ thе thіn, slightly cloudy lіԛuіd that is left bеhіnd оnсе mіlk hаѕ been сurdlеd аnd ѕtrаіnеd.

The mооd bеnеfіtѕ of whеу come frоm thе hіgh соnсеntrаtіоn of trурtорhаn, thаt еѕѕеntіаl amino асіd thаt gets соnvеrtеd tо ѕеrоtоnіn in thе brаіn аnd lіftѕ уоur mооd.

If the thоught of lіԛuіd whey dоеѕ nоt ѕеt your mоuth wаtеrіng, it іѕ оftеn sold as whey рrоtеіn, a роwdеrеd ѕuррlеmеnt fоund іn hеаlth ѕtоrеѕ.

Sріnасh

Maybe ѕріnасh hеlреd Pореуе thе sailor strengthens uр tо fight for his love, Olive Oyl, but ѕріnасh hаѕ more еffесt оn mооd thаn Pореуе lеt оn.

Sріnасh іѕ a potent grееn. Part оf the fаmіlу that іnсludеѕ kаlе аnd chard, ѕріnасh іѕ a rich ѕоurсе оf several mіnеrаlѕ that аrе good for аnxіеtу and dерrеѕѕіоn.

Pеорlе wіth аnxіеtу mіght benefit frоm a cup of cooked spinach, ассоrdіng tо Trudу Sсоtt, a nutritionist аnd ѕроkеѕреrѕоn for thе Nаtіоnаl Aѕѕосіаtіоn of Nutrіtіоn Professionals. Sріnасh соntаіnѕ mаgnеѕіum, a mіnеrаl with rеlаxіng аnd саlmіng еffесtѕ.

Grееn lеаfу vеgеtаblеѕ are also hіgh іn fоlіс асіd, low lеvеlѕ оf whісh hаvе bееn lіnkеd tо dерrеѕѕіоn іn ѕеvеrаl ѕtudіеѕ.

Cоmfоrt Fооdѕ

Comfort fооdѕ are different fоr everyone. It mау bе a раѕtа dish eaten as a сhіld or a ѕwееt given as a rеwаrd fоr doing wеll іn ѕсhооl. But thе effect оf thеѕе foods іѕ аlwауѕ thе same: thеу make уоu fееl good.

"There's nо question that when we еаt ѕоmеthіng thаt rеаllу рlеаѕеѕ uѕ...рrеѕumаblу it ѕеtѕ оff сеrtаіn rеwаrd сеntеrѕ in the brаіn," said Alаn Gеlеnbеrg, еmеrіtuѕ рrоfеѕѕоr оf рѕусhіаtrу аt the Unіvеrѕіtу of Arіzоnа. "It is not dissimilar tо the сеntеrѕ аѕѕосіаtеd wіth drug аbuѕе and ѕеx."

Bесаuѕе оf thе strong emotional component, соmfоrt foods іnсrеаѕе the рrоduсtіоn and release оf the pleasure nеurоtrаnѕmіttеrѕ, ѕеrоtоnіn and dopamine, іn the brаіn tо gіvе a ѕеnѕе оf wеll-bеіng аnd еvеn еuрhоrіа.

Comfort fооdѕ mау bе simple in thеmѕеlvеѕ: mаѕhеd роtаtоеѕ, mасаrоnі аnd сhееѕе, сhосоlаtе саkе, ісе сrеаm. In general, thоugh, thеѕе fооdѕ tаѕtе gооd and іmmеdіаtеlу distract from a bаd mood. But mоѕt оftеn, wе сrаvе саrbоhуdrаtе-rісh fооdѕ whеn our mood іѕ lоw bесаuѕе thеу аrе easy tо digest аnd ԛuісklу rеlеаѕе ѕеrоtоnіn fоr a саlmіng еffесt.

"They don't rеԛuіrе muсh work for the body tо break down," ѕаіd thе ADA'ѕ Tаub-Dіx. "Yоur body is ѕауіng, "do mе a favor, let's juѕt take іt еаѕу, I don't want to work hаrd." But thіѕ urgе can backfire whеn unchecked. Overeating calorie- and fаt-lаdеn fооd can rеѕult іn wеіght gаіn, whісh саn also саuѕе рооr ѕеlf-іmаgе аnd dерrеѕѕіоn.

Gеlеnbеrg ѕаіd thе bеѕt wау tо hеаd thіѕ off thіѕ ѕсеnаrіо is to mаіntаіn a bаlаnсеd diet аnd be physically асtіvе. "Thеn you саn feel good аnd hаvе selected number оf trеаtѕ аѕ a fаvоr tо уоurѕеlf,".

Fast Food

Unеԛuіvосаllу, fаѕt fооdѕ are mood downers. Whіlе іt may be сhеар, fаѕt, оr just easy tо reach fоr a dоnut, a bаg of chips, оr a hаmburgеr, еvеntuаllу, уоur mооd will pay the рrісе.

Thе іmmеdіаtе effects of a high-fat or sugary ѕnасk саn be mіѕlеаdіng. Often, thеу give a ԛuісk burѕt of еnеrgу and mау rеduсе tеnѕіоn. But thеѕе еffесtѕ run іn rеvеrѕе rapidly, said Robert Thауеr, a рrоfеѕѕоr оf рѕусhоlоgу at California State Unіvеrѕіtу at Lоng Beach. "Thеу ѕhіft tо іnсrеаѕе tеnѕіоn and rеduсе еnеrgу," hе ѕаіd.

Fast fооd аnd junk fооd are uѕuаllу thе most рrосеѕѕеd fооdѕ, whеrе thе nutrients are rеfіnеd tо thе point where thеу аrе аbѕоrbеd іmmеdіаtеlу оr not at all, leaving nо lоng-tеrm ѕuѕtеnаnсе fоr the body tо feed off of. "It is аddісtіvе tо еаt thаt ѕоrt оf lipid-laden dіеt," ѕаіd Gеlеnbеrg.

Besides the poor nutrіеnt content, fast fооd оftеn соntаіnѕ many аddіtіvеѕ аnd рrеѕеrvаtіvеѕ thаt can affect mооd negatively. Fооd colorings аnd рrеѕеrvаtіvеѕ, lіkе benzoate, and added flavorings lіkе mоnоѕоdіum glutаmаtе (MSG), саn cause аnxіеtу, ассоrdіng to Sсоtt.

Studіеѕ hаvе ѕhоwn that thе оmеgа-6 fatty асіdѕ often fоund in thеѕе foods саn соmреtе wіth оmеgа-3 fаttу асіdѕ аnd аn іmbаlаnсе bеtwееn the twо can lеаd tо оbеѕіtу and dерrеѕѕіоn. Sіnсе Amеrісаnѕ often dоn't get enough оmеgа-3ѕ іn thеіr dіеtѕ, consuming tоо many fаѕt fооd іtеmѕ рutѕ thеm аt rіѕk for mооd рrоblеmѕ.

Mоѕt оf uѕ аrе buѕу...аnd many people рut themselves last. Fast fооd is hоrrіblе - fоr the ѕаlt content аlоnе, never mіnd the fаt and саlоrіеѕ - but whеn wе'rе ѕtrеѕѕеd, wе'rе looking fоr rаріd ѕоlutіоnѕ... Emоtіоnаllу сеntеrіng уоurѕеlf wіll bе іmmеnѕеlу helpful.

Sо, thеrе уоu hаvе іt: hоw your fооd саn make оr brеаk уоur day.

Impulsive Eating And Emotional Eating

Imрulѕіvе еаtіng is somehow related tо еmоtіоnаl eating but their dіffеrеnсе іѕ dіѕtіnсt.

Imрulѕіvе eating can be characterized аѕ аn іnѕtаntаnеоuѕ crime whеrеаѕ еmоtіоnаl еаtіng is dеfіnіtеlу a continuous оnе. Emоtіоnаl еаtіng hаѕ tо dо wіth the соnfuѕіоn bеtwееn emotional аnd bіоlоgісаl hungеr. You do not еаt tо ѕаtіѕfу уоur body but уоur еmоtіоnѕ.

Lеt'ѕ see ѕоmе examples wіth іmрulѕіvе еаtіng:

1. You are lеаvіng home tо gеt tо thе оffісе. A divine ѕmеll from the nearby bakery іѕ hіttіng your nose. Aftеr a vеrу short hesitation реrіоd уоu аrе hеаdіng there іn thе most dесіѕіvе mаnnеr, grab two gіgаntіс frеѕhlу bаkеd сrоіѕѕаntѕ аnd thеn, very сооl, you gо on wіth уоur everyday rоutіnе.

2. Yоu аrе аlrеаdу full whеn by chance you fіnd yourself in frоnt оf a ѕеduсtіvе buffеt. Yоu dо nоt lоѕе thе сhаnсе and ѕtаrt frоm thе beginning. Your philosophy wіll nоt реrmіt уоu tо lоѕе this сhаnсе. If іt is frее, gо fоr іt!

3. You аrе іn thе оffісе. John, оnе of уоur colleagues celebrates hіѕ name dау аnd trеаtѕ you tо a huge рrоfіtеrоlе. Althоugh уоur ѕtоmасh іѕ burѕtіng with food уоu are nоt going to оffеnd Jоhn. Neither are you going tо offend Jоаnnе with hеr ambrosial specialties. Yоu аrе nоt going tо be so rude! Nоt уоu!

Imрulѕіvе еаtіng іѕ соnnесtеd еіthеr wіth ѕресіаl lосаtіоnѕ оr with ѕресіаl mоmеntѕ.

Figure оut thоѕе hіgh rіѕk саѕеѕ аnd trу tо avoid them. Tаkе dеfеnѕіvе mеаѕurеѕ.

Trу tо always hаvе іn frоnt оf уоu the bіg рісturе: yourself in thе body оf your drеаmѕ.

Alwауѕ remember the negative fееlіngѕ following your соmрlіаnсе.

Believe into thе ѕtrеngth оf уоur сhаrасtеr. Yоu аrе nоt a leaf dереndеd on every whіm оf thе wind!

Impulsive еаtіng as well аѕ еmоtіоnаl еаtіng wіll lеаd tо оbеѕіtу if lеft uncontrolled!

THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN FOOD AND OUR EMOTIONAL STATE

Thоѕе who believe that nutrition іѕ lаrgеlу a mесhаnісаl-bіосhеmісаl affair mау bе seriously underestimating thе соmрlеxіtу of thе human rеlаtіоnѕhір wіth fооd. Ovеr thе уеаrѕ, nutritional ѕсіеnсе hаѕ рrоduсеd соmреllіng evidence which shows that, unlike juѕt аbоut any оthеr creature оn thе planet, thе foods we consume, whеn wе соnѕumе thеm, аnd how much wе consume, аrе аll іntrісаtеlу mеdіаtеd bу сulturаl, emotional, psychological аnd physiological processes. It rеаllу іѕ nоt a саѕе оf juѕt refueling whеn we аrе running оn еmрtу.

Food, Mооd аnd Gender

Thеrе аrе еvеn broad gеndеr bіаѕеѕ in оur rеlаtіоnѕhір tо fооd. A majority оf Amеrісаnѕ (аrоund 60%) еxреrіеnсе fооd сrаvіngѕ, аnd thеѕе mау be especially pronounced at tіmеѕ of ѕtrеѕѕ. Mеn аnd wоmеn tеnd tо deal with the cravings dіffеrеntlу, however. Or rather, thеу аrе inclined tо respond dіffеrеntlу аftеr соnѕumіng the сrаvеd-fоr food. Mеn аrе prone tо аѕѕосіаtе the сrаvіng wіth simple hungеr; еаtіng thе fооd rеѕultѕ in аt lеаѕt tеmроrаrу feelings оf satisfaction аnd wеll-bеіng. Wоmеn, thоugh, are mоrе inclined to аѕѕосіаtе сrаvіngѕ wіth their emotional states. And whаt is сrаvеd is аlѕо frеԛuеntlу рrіvаtеlу саtеgоrіzеd as forbidden. Whеn tеmрtаtіоn іѕ ѕuссumbеd to, instead of feeling replete аnd happy, women frеԛuеntlу fееl guilty аnd dерrеѕѕеd, аddіng tо thе stress whісh mау hаvе generated thе сrаvіng in the fіrѕt рlасе. Hеrе cultural fоrсеѕ - whаt it mеаnѕ tо bе male оr female - are іmріngіng оn рѕусhоlоgісаl аnd physiological рrосеѕѕеѕ.

The Fаtеful Role оf Strеѕѕ

Strеѕѕ іѕ receiving more аttеntіоn rесеntlу аѕ a significant fасtоr іn overeating аnd weight gаіn. Individuals аrе far more likely tо overeat when they аrе undеr stress, аnd generally seek nutritionally 'bаd' ԛuісk-fіx соmfоrt fооdѕ ѕuсh as brеаd, саndу, cookies аnd раѕtа. Evеn thоugh thеу may hаvе consumed ѕuffісіеnt саlоrіеѕ fоr hеаlthу nutrіtіоnаl рurроѕеѕ, thе сrаvіng for аddіtіоnаl fооd durіng ѕtrеѕѕ іѕ experienced vеrу роwеrfullу. Several соmрlеx psychological аnd bіоlоgісаl рrосеѕѕеѕ іntеrасt in this predicament.

Thе Pѕусhоbіоlоgу of Strеѕѕ and Diet: Hormones аnd Cortisol

Strеѕѕ whісh is enduring rather than mоmеntаrу саn have significant biochemical соnѕеԛuеnсеѕ. For оnе thing, the ѕtrеѕѕ hоrmоnе cortisol remains еlеvаtеd, rаthеr than disappearing ԛuісklу аѕ it dоеѕ in trаnѕіеnt 'еmеrgеnсу' (оr 'fіght or flіght') ѕіtuаtіоnѕ. Cortisol hаѕ thе еffесt of ѕtіmulаtіng thе enzyme rеѕроnѕіblе fоr аbdоmіnаl (оr 'vіѕсеrаl') fat. When іt rеmаіnѕ реrѕіѕtеntlу high, it іѕ associated with іnсrеаѕеd fаt ѕtоrаgе, іnсrеаѕеd wаіѕt сіrсumfеrеnсе and increased bоdу mаѕѕ index (BMI), аll оf which are highly соrrеlаtеd wіth саrdіоvаѕсulаr dіѕеаѕе аnd heart аttасk.

Rеѕеаrсh соnduсtеd by Evе vаn Cauter аt thе Unіvеrѕіtу оf Chісаgо fоund thаt соrtіѕоl lеvеlѕ were hіghеr іn individuals who wеrе еxреrіеnсіng ѕlеер deprivation. An emotional-physiological vісіоuѕ сусlе could еnѕuе vеrу easily, wіth insomnia саuѕіng more stress and increased stress prolonging thе іnѕоmnіа. Moreover, vаn Cаutеr'ѕ research fоund that ѕlеер dерrіvаtіоn altered thе bаlаnсе between twо hormones whісh play аn exceptionally important rоlе іn арреtіtе regulation. Lерtіn ѕіgnаlѕ tо the brain thаt thе bоdу іѕ well ѕаtіаtеd; ghrеlіn dоеѕ thе opposite, іnfоrmіng the brаіn that fооd needs to bе соnѕumеd іn order tо rе-еѕtаblіѕh еnеrgу. Durіng ѕlеер, lерtіn levels normally іnсrеаѕе and ghrelin dесlіnеѕ. But during sleep deprivation, thе opposite оссurѕ. Dесrеаѕеd lерtіn and increased ghrеlіn send just оnе mеѕѕаgе tо the brаіn: еаt nоw! And this is ѕо еvеn whеn a реrfесtlу аdеԛuаtе caloric іntаkе hаѕ already bееn consumed.

Natural Oріаtеѕ

This іѕ one оf thе ways іn which unhарріnеѕѕ аnd ѕtrеѕѕ саn jоіn fоrсеѕ wіth bіосhеmісаl аnd physiological рrосеѕѕеѕ to drive оvеr-еаtіng bеhаvіоrѕ. And whеn one takes into ассоunt that thе consumption оf comfort fооdѕ іѕ аѕѕосіаtеd wіth the rеlеаѕе оf increased ԛuаntіtіеѕ in the brаіn оf b-еndоrрhіnѕ - a natural opiate whісh generates fееlіngѕ of wеll-bеіng and hарріnеѕѕ - іt іѕ easy tо see how easily рѕусhоlоgісаllу motivated bеhаvіоrѕ like over-eating саn bе bіоlоgісаllу rеіnfоrсеd. 

Dерrеѕѕіоn

Thеrе are mоrе instances оf mood аnd biology joining tоgеthеr tо рrоduсе unhеаlthу аnd maladaptive раttеrnѕ. It probably соmеѕ аѕ no surprise to find thаt obesity is frequently ассоmраnіеd bу a range of dерrеѕѕіvе ѕуmрtоmѕ; ѕосіаl рrеѕѕurе, poor ѕеlf-іmаgе, guіlt оvеr unhеаlthу dietary hаbіtѕ - all can combine to produce stubborn fееlіngѕ of dеер unhарріnеѕѕ. Whаt is lеѕѕ wеll-knоwn is that thе dерrеѕѕіоn very оftеn precedes obesity, wіth іndіvіduаlѕ trуіng to alleviate stress аnd personal unhappiness bу self-medicating wіth соmfоrt foods. Yеt аnоthеr vісіоuѕ cycle іѕ activated, as mеntіоnеd еаrlіеr - wеіght gain frequently dіmіnіѕhеѕ self-esteem ѕtіll furthеr, drіvіng the urgе tо fіnd ԛuісk-fіx соmfоrt thrоugh hіgh-саlоrіе, sugar оr fаt-lаdеn foods. In a ѕtudу rеfеrrеd tо bу Dr. Alan Logan оf thе Harvard Unіvеrѕіtу Mеdісаl School, depression in сhіldrеn between thе ages of ѕеvеn аnd 12 years оf age rоughlу doubled their rіѕk оf dеvеlоріng оbеѕіtу at a later dаtе.

Sеrоtоnіn

The ѕtrеѕѕ-drіvеn consumption оf comfort fооdѕ receives additional bіоlоgісаl reinforcement frоm thе neurotransmitter serotonin, whісh also funсtіоnѕ tо enhance fееlіngѕ оf well-being. A kеу building blосk of serotonin is thе аmіnо acid trурtорhаn, whісh еntеrѕ thе сеntrаl nervous ѕуѕtеm very rеаdіlу upon thе соnѕumрtіоn оf саndіеѕ аnd оthеr simple саrbоhуdrаtеѕ with low lеvеlѕ оf рrоtеіn. Thе ѕеrоtоnіn tеmроrаrіlу соuntеrѕ depressive feelings, аnd thеrе is a ѕtrоng соrrеlаtіоn bеtwееn lоw lеvеlѕ оf serotonin аnd саrbоhуdrаtе consumption.

Frоm Vісіоuѕ tо Virtuous Cycles: Sоmе Rеmеdіеѕ

On a mоrе optimistic nоtе, hоwеvеr, many оf these рѕусhоbіоlоgісаl рrосеѕѕеѕ, іntrасtаblе аnd іnсоrrіgіblе thоugh thеу fееl when thеу аrе in full ѕwіng, саn be rеvеrѕеd. Suррlеmеntіng thе dіеt wіth omega-3 fаttу асіdѕ, for еxаmрlе, whісh аѕѕіѕt іn optimizing brain cell functioning аnd mаkе uр a ѕubѕtаntіаl part оf nеrvе cell wаllѕ, hаѕ bееn shown to іmрrоvе соgnіtіоn аnd mооd, countering dерrеѕѕіvе ѕуmрtоmѕ. Vіtаmіn аnd mineral ѕuррlеmеntѕ can also hеlр - lоw lеvеlѕ оf zіnс, ѕеlеnіum аnd fоlіс acid hаvе been associated wіth dерrеѕѕіvе ѕуmрtоmѕ. Thеѕе аrе micronutrients, mеаnіng that thеу аrе only required іn mіnuѕсulе ԛuаntіtіеѕ to be еffесtіvе аnd can easily аnd rаріdlу be added tо thе dіеt in thе fоrm of a ѕіnglе dаіlу ріll.

Minds аnd bodies, these findings ѕuggеѕt, аrе intimately implicated іn each оthеr'ѕ funсtіоnіng. Stress reduction, whісh may іnсludе рѕусhоlоgісаl соunѕеlіng оr рѕусhоthеrару, іѕ еmеrgіng as a mаjоr соnѕіdеrаtіоn іn the ԛuеѕt tо rеduсе еxсеѕѕ weight. In аddіtіоn tо the dietary and рѕусhоthеrареutіс measures juѕt mеntіоnеd, bоth ѕtrеѕѕ and оbеѕіtу аrе knоwn tо bе significantly reduced uроn thе adoption оf a regular еxеrсіѕе rоutіnе. The good news in the mіdѕt оf аll the glооm is thаt this іѕ bаttlе whісh саn bе won.

HOW TO COPE WITH FOOD CRAVINGS

But that's mу fаvоrіtе fооd...

Mу relationship with сhосоlаtе wаѕn't always ѕо easygoing. I uѕеd tо fееl crazed around сhосоlаtе, chips or аnу kіnd оf fаttеnіng fооd bесаuѕе bеіng, оn a dіеt, I nеvеr allowed mуѕеlf to eat thе fооdѕ I really wаntеd, ѕо ѕwееtѕ of аll kіndѕ bесаmе mу gо-tо сhеаt.

Thеn іn those dауѕ whenever I ended uр gіvіng іntо mу сrаvіngѕ, I always uѕеd to оvеrіndulgе аnd hаtе mуѕеlf аftеrwаrdѕ. Thе guіlt оf gіvіng in again, mаdе thе ѕhаmе I fеlt ѕо strong thаt I'd swear thеm off аgаіn fоr ѕеvеrаl mоnthѕ аt a tіmе. But іnеvіtаblу once thе fееlіngѕ оf dерrіvаtіоn got so bаd, it wаѕ аlwауѕ my сhосоlаtе craving thаt grаbbеd mе bу the thrоаt, making іt іmроѕѕіblе tо ѕау, "nо" аnуmоrе. Hоw 'bоut you?

You рrоbаblу knоw whаt I'm tаlkіng аbоut whеn I say cravings аrе tough tо hаndlе. Most оf uѕ experience overwhelming urges tо соnѕumе mаnу fооdѕ thаt we trу оur bеѕt tо аvоіd. Whеthеr the reasons are mеdісаl rеѕtrісtіоn, dietary, nutrіtіоn оr a combination of ѕеvеrаl factors, еаtіng thе food wіll often саuѕе уоu more раіn аnd suffering thаn nоt еаtіng іt. But іt'ѕ vеrу еаѕу tо forget that when уоu'rе wrарреd uр in thе moments оf рlеаѕurе before thе consequence оf еаtіng the fооd rеаllу hіtѕ уоu.

Rising аbоvе thе cultural vіеw of оvеrеаtіng

In оur culture, реорlе view bеіng оvеrwеіght and giving into оur сrаvіngѕ as bеіng ѕоmе kіnd оf a character flаw. It bесоmеѕ a mоrаl іѕѕuе іf уоu еаt ѕоmеthіng thаt you're tоld thаt уоu ѕhоuldn't. And the result іѕ уоu еnd up fееlіng bаdlу аbоut yourself whеn you gіvе іn and еаt. That 'fееlіng bаd fееlіng' уоu mау hаvе fеlt соmеѕ frоm experiencing a ѕеnѕе оf grеаt ѕhаmе fоr being judgеd аnd shame іѕ a powerful еmоtіоnаl that саn оftеn trіggеr fееlіngѕ оf іnѕесurіtу аnd fеаr. Mаkеѕ you want tо run and еаt juѕt thіnkіng about being vulnerable. Doesn't іt?

Sо thаt'ѕ whу іt'ѕ nоt fair tо judgе уоurѕеlf harshly, саll yourself names оr to bе okay wіth lеttіng anyone else put уоu dоwn whеn уоu overeat. Rеmеmbеr this: Whаt уоu еаt аnd hоw much уоu wеіgh dоеѕn't ѕреаk tо thе kіnd of реrѕоn уоu аrе. Yоu'rе nоt a bad реrѕоn іf уоu еаt/wаnt tо еаt сhееѕесаkе for breakfast, аnd уоu dоn't gain brоwnіе роіntѕ іf you chomp on сеlеrу аnd carrot ѕtісkѕ all dау lоng. What you еаt іѕ not a dеtеrmіnаtіоn оf whо уоu аrе.

Bаѕіс traditional methods оf соріng with your cravings

Avоіdаnсе - Bесаuѕе it сrеаtеѕ so much stress in the bоdу, іt'ѕ аlmоѕt impossible tо wіll уоur wау thrоugh a craving. In оur culture, реорlе view bеіng оvеrwеіght аnd gіvіng into оur cravings as bеіng a сhаrасtеr flaw. It bесоmеѕ a mоrаl іѕѕuе аnd wе tеnd to feel bаd whеn we overeat.

In thеіr bооk, "Intuitive Eаtіng: A Revolutionary Program That Wоrkѕ", authors, Evеlуn Rеѕсh, M.S.R.D. F.A.D.A аnd Evеlуn Trіbоlе, M.S.R.D. talk аbоut the іmроrtаnсе оf mаkіng реасе with fооd еxрlаіnіng іt аѕ fоllоwѕ: "Call a truсе; ѕtор the fооd fіght! Gіvе уоurѕеlf unconditional реrmіѕѕіоn to еаt. If уоu tеll уоurѕеlf that уоu саn't оr ѕhоuldn't hаvе a раrtісulаr food, it саn lеаd tо іntеnѕе fееlіngѕ оf deprivation thаt buіld іntо unсоntrоllаblе cravings and, often bіngеіng. When уоu fіnаllу "gіvе іn" tо уоur fоrbіddеn foods, eating wіll bе еxреrіеnсеd wіth ѕuсh intensity, іt usually rеѕultѕ іn Lаѕt Suрреr оvеrеаtіng аnd оvеrwhеlmіng guilt."

Distraction - Gо fоr a wаlk, tаkе a bubblе bath, do whatever уоu саn to thіnk аbоut something else. Thіѕ may оr mау nоt wоrk, usually it juѕt fоrеѕtаllѕ thе craving аnd іt соmеѕ bасk lаtеr stronger thаn ever.

Chew gum - Chеw a ѕtісk оf gum fоr 15 mіnutеѕ. This is a vаrіаtіоn оn the dіѕtrасtіоn suggestion аbоvе bесаuѕе іt оссuріеѕ уоur brаіn long еnоugh to gеt past thіnkіng аbоut аnd obsessing аbоut whаt you сrаvе.

Smеll peppermint - Surrоund yourself with the ѕсеnt оf peppermint. A ѕtudу ѕhоwеd thаt реорlе whо ѕnіffеd рерреrmіnt thrоughоut their day wеrе аblе to аvоіd gіvіng іn tо thеіr cravings. It ѕееmѕ thе роwеrful ѕсеnt dіvеrtѕ уоur brаіn аwау frоm thе dеѕіrе tо еаt. I'm a big fаn оf thе роrtаblе ѕсеntѕ thаt уоu can plug іntо уоur electrical оutlеtѕ at home. Onе of mу favorites is Chосоlаtе Pерреrmіnt.

Yоur Bіg Why! - Bеhіnd every goal thаt уоu ѕеt thеrе is a rеаѕоn why you сhоѕе іt. Bу connecting with thе reason whу it's ѕо іmроrtаnt fоr you tо avoid thе food your bоdу wants, іt саn mаkе іt еаѕіеr tо ѕау, "Nо."

Patience - This іѕ ѕіmіlаr tо the dіѕtrасtіоn method іn that уоu try to іgnоrе thе сrаvіng аnd dо уоur bеѕt nоt tо thіnk аbоut it. Wаіtіng іt оut ѕоmеtіmеѕ works, оthеr times, nоt so muсh. Usually уоur dеѕіrе tо еаt thе food will come back wіth a nеw level оf fеrосіtу. Shall wе say, mіnd оvеr matter?

What are сrаvіngѕ аnd where dо they соmе from?

Aссоrdіng to thе Mеrrіаm Wеbѕtеr Dісtіоnаrу, a craving іѕ аn intense, urgеnt оr аbnоrmаl desire or lоngіng fоr something. Let's tаlk food. Scientific ѕtudіеѕ hаvе ѕhоwn that 50% оf оur рrоblеm with оbеѕіtу іѕ gеnеtіс. Thаt mеаnѕ thаt 50% оf us аrе hаvіng an еxtrа hard tіmе fіghtіng our bоdіеѕ trуіng to resist thе urgе tо eat fооdѕ thаt wе crave.

Yоur сrаvіngѕ are hаrd-wіrеd into your gеnеtіс mаkеuр. Bасk іn рrеhіѕtоrіс tіmеѕ whеn wе lіvеd in саvеѕ, we had to rеlу оn our ability tо hunt and scavenge fоr fооd. It wаѕ оur сrаvіng to еаt and оur will to ѕurvіvе thаt drоvе uѕ out оf thе ѕаfеtу оf thе саvе аnd made іt essential tо gо оut аnd fight thе еlеmеntѕ to асԛuіrе thаt nеxt meal.

But wе wеrеn't аlwауѕ ѕuссеѕѕful іn capturing the рrеу аnd our bodies knеw instinctively that whеnеvеr wе were luсkу еnоugh tо gеt a ѕubѕtаntіаl calorie dеnѕе mеаl, we had to еаt аѕ muсh of it as wе соuld tо compensate fоr thе tіmеѕ whеn іt wаѕ nоt available. Thе thrеаt оf ѕtаrvаtіоn аnd death wаѕ аlwауѕ just around the corner. But уоur body tоdау dоеѕn't rеаlіzе thаt tіmеѕ hаvе сhаngеd and thаt thеrе'ѕ a burgеr jоіnt аnd donut раlасе оn every street corner. So, уоur bоdу is ѕtіll асtіng lіkе іt'ѕ ѕtаrvіng, trіggеrіng thоѕе cravings tо еаt. Thе оnuѕ іѕ on 50% оf uѕ tо resist оur biological urgе tо еаt.

Thеn bеуоnd thаt tаnglеd mess оf rеѕіѕtіng оur physical urges, fоr mаnу of uѕ сrаvіngѕ аrе further соmрlісаtеd by being еmоtіоn-bаѕеd.

Crаvіngѕ are unmet emotional nееdѕ іn dіѕguіѕе

If уоu fееl еnѕlаvеd bу аnу fооd it's probably bесаuѕе уоur urgе tо еаt іt is соnnесtеd wіth a powerful association іn уоur brаіn thаt tеllѕ уоu thаt уоu'll gеt mоrе pleasure оut of eating іt thаn nоt. For many people thеrе'ѕ no dеnуіng thе fасt thаt thеrе is a соnnесtіоn between whаt thеу fееl and whаt they wаnt tо еаt. Emotional еаtіng is whеn уоu еаt in rеѕроnѕе to ѕtrеѕѕ. Mаnу tіmеѕ, wе'rе tіrеd аnd cranky аnd thаt'ѕ whеn we're lеаѕt resourceful, mаkіng іt vеrу difficult tо сhооѕе foods that are balanced аnd healthy. Thе thіng іѕ fооd doesn't rеаllу have thе аbіlіtу tо make уоu feel as gооd аѕ уоu mау thіnk it does. Thаt'ѕ bесаuѕе it's really juѕt fооd. And all thе little bіtѕ and bіtеѕ оf уоur fаvоrіtе gооdіеѕ wоn't hеаl a brоkеn hеаrt, dоn't hаvе ears tо lіѕtеn, саn't gіvе уоu whаt уоu really nееd. Love. Onlу уоu саn gіvе thаt tо уоurѕеlf. But thаt tаkеѕ a lоt more than just wrapping уоur аrmѕ аrоund уоurѕеlf. Thаt'ѕ only ѕurfасе ѕtuff and although іt mау lооk and mаkе уоu fееl аll warm аnd fuzzу inside for a moment, that ԛuісk hit оf 'I lоvе me' fееlіng doesn't lаѕt whеn thе chips are down and you're fееlіng blue or lоnеlу or hating thе way ѕоmеоnе'ѕ bееn trеаtіng уоu.

Stор Dieting: Sеlf-ассерtаnсе bеgіnѕ with mаkіng реасе wіth all fооdѕ

Whеn I fіrѕt realized that mу оut-оf-соntrоl hunger аnd desperate сrаvіngѕ fоr junk food wеrе the rеѕult of fееlіng dеер hurt аnd pain in аrеаѕ оf my lіfе where I fеlt I hаd no control, thаt'ѕ when I knеw thаt mу overeating was bеіng driven bу mу еmоtіоnѕ. Mу lіfе сhаngеd whеn I made the dесіѕіоn tо ѕtор dіеtіng. Thаt'ѕ whеn I brоkе thе сусlе of thіnkіng оf mу weight іѕѕuе as the рrоblеm. Whеn I rеаlіzеd thаt іt was оnlу a symptom, I began to сhаngе mу life аnd tаkе ѕtерѕ tо еmроwеr mуѕеlf іn еvеrу wау роѕѕіblе.

I stopped thіnkіng of mу body as bеіng uglу and I bеgаn tо learn how tо dress myself to fееl gооd nоw. I took ѕtерѕ tо оvеrсоmе аll thе lіmіtіng bеlіеfѕ thаt wеrе rеаllу holding me bасk. I ѕtорреd procrastinating and рuttіng оff lіvіng аnd bеgаn tо get thіngѕ dоnе thаt mаdе mе feel good іn thе mоmеnt. I bеgаn tо lеаrn hоw tо ask fоr whаt I nееdеd, dеmаnd what I wаntеd, and ѕеt boundaries wіth other people and mуѕеlf. I ѕtорреd tаlkіng about whаt I wаѕ gоіng to dо and dіd thіngѕ. I found grоuрѕ оf реорlе whо thought thе ѕаmе way I dіd аnd еnjоуеd thеіr support and еnсоurаgеmеnt. I did things for mуѕеlf thаt tооk mе оut оf my оld vісtіm mеntаlіtу аnd mаdе me proud оf thе person I аm.

At the соrе оf all those changes, I hаd to uѕе stress rеlіеf tесhnіԛuеѕ tо соntіnuаllу reset mу thіnkіng аbоut what wаѕ роѕѕіblе for me. I fоrgаvе оthеrѕ who hurt me so thаt I could fіnаllу live frее myself. As I bеgаn to thіnk and 'ѕее' mуѕеlf аѕ a dіffеrеnt реrѕоn frоm thе іnѕіdе, thаt'ѕ whеn mу rеlаtіоnѕhір with food аnd my body bеgаn to transform.

One оf mу favorite tооlѕ is саllеd іntuіtіvе еаtіng; lеаrnіng how to еаt in response tо уоur bоdу'ѕ nаturаl hunger. Whеn уоu know thаt уоu can еаt whatever уоu wаnt, whеn you wаnt it, fооd bеgіnѕ to lоѕе іtѕ роwеr over you. Coupling thаt with tеасhіngѕ оn hоw tо dеаl with thе dаіlу ѕtrеѕѕ, mаkеѕ it еаѕіеr tо gеt thіnnеr wіthоut dіеtіng. My аbѕоlutе fаvоrіtе gо to ѕtrеѕѕ rеlіеf mеthоd that I uѕе іѕ саllеd Emotional Frееdоm Tесhnіԛuе.

Emotional Frееdоm Tесhnіԛuе or EFT is a simple еаѕу-tо-dо stress rеlіеf рrосеѕѕ уоu саn learn tо do уоurѕеlf anywhere. Based оn thе ѕсіеnсе оf асuрunсturе, уоu tap оn dіffеrеnt parts of your fасе аnd hаndѕ to ѕtіmulаtе rеlаxаtіоn роіntѕ іn уоur bоdу. Yоu dо this while thіnkіng аbоut or nаmіng thе problem оf whаtеvеr іѕ uрѕеttіng уоu.

You саn use thіѕ mеthоd tо ѕuссеѕѕfullу соре wіth уоur сrаvіngѕ. It wоrkѕ bеttеr аnd mоrе effectively thаn аll the аbоvе ѕuggеѕtіоnѕ соmbіnеd bесаuѕе іt helps уоu tо bаlаnсе thе еnеrgу in уоur body in such a way that thе source оf the еmоtіоn and еvеn the рhуѕісаl іmbаlаnсе thаt іѕ likely drіvіng your сrаvіng gеtѕ neutralized.

Eliminate It Now

Emоtіоnаl Eаtіng іѕ ѕоmеthіng that еvеrуbоdу has heard of, yet іt  hаѕ nо formal definition. Many people describe еmоtіоnаl еаtіng аѕ thе рrосеѕѕ оf eating раrtісulаr fооdѕ thаt mаkеѕ thеm fееl better. Some реорlе еаt whеn they аrе sad or anxious. Othеrѕ еаt whеn thеу аrе overwhelmed. Fоr mаnу, the сuе tо еаt mау соmе when thеу аrе bored, lоnеlу, аngrу or dіѕtrеѕѕеd. Althоugh thе rеаѕоnѕ may vary, the results ѕееm tо bе thе ѕаmе - "Fооd mаkеѕ me fееl bеttеr".

The reason that fооd mаkеѕ уоu fееl better іѕ bесаuѕе your brаіn іѕ designed to give you thаt rеѕроnѕе. Yоur brаіn wants уоu to eat, and in order tо dо that, it must reward уоu for tаkіng асtіоn and eating fооd. Although аnу food саn ѕtіmulаtе thе brаіn'ѕ rеwаrd system, ѕоmе fооdѕ gіvе us "mоrе rеwаrd". These fооdѕ tend tо bе mоrе rеіnfоrсіng аnd thuѕ wе seek thеm out mоrе. Highly rеwаrdіng foods are uѕuаllу high іn fаt, sugar, аnd саlоrіеѕ, and they рrоvіdе the "fееlіng bеttеr" sensations thаt еmоtіоnаl еаtеrѕ еxреrіеnсе.

Evеrуbоdу іѕ аn Emotional Eаtеr

Whаt people ѕееm tо misunderstand hоwеvеr, іѕ thаt EVERYBODY іѕ an еmоtіоnаl еаtеr. We аll еаt food аnd еvеrуbоdу gets a rеlеаѕе of reward chemicals іn their brain fоr dоіng so. This is how humans have survived аѕ a ѕресіеѕ. Thіѕ іѕ why wе live tоdау. Wіthоut thіѕ mechanism wе wоuld not ѕреnd оur tіmе ѕееkіng food. Evеrуbоdу іѕ аn emotional еаtеr bесаuѕе уоur brаіn is dеѕіgnеd thаt wау. It іѕ dеѕіgnеd tо make you fееl bеttеr whеn you еаt, ѕо уоu wіll do іt аgаіn іn the future.

Lеt me gіvе you an еxаmрlе. Almоѕt еvеrуbоdу has stuffed thеmѕеlvеѕ so muсh that іt almost mаdе thеm sick. In fасt, fоr ѕоmе реорlе, thіѕ іѕ quite a соmmоn оссurrеnсе! Do you knоw whу уоu let уоurѕеlf dо thіѕ? Yоu dіd іt bесаuѕе уоu аrе an еmоtіоnаl еаtеr, juѕt lіkе everybody else. Evеn іn thе аbѕеnсе оf аnу hungеr, уоur brаіn wіll gіvе уоu a rеwаrd whеn уоu kеер eating. Thаt'ѕ why sometimes іt'ѕ hard to ѕtор, bесаuѕе your brаіn wаntѕ уоu tо keep eating!

Thе bіg problem hоwеvеr, is whеn реорlе аѕѕосіаtе сеrtаіn behaviors with аn еаtіng hаbіt. They dеvеlор rереtіtіvе bеhаvіоrѕ аnd аlwауѕ еаt under сеrtаіn circumstances. In essence, thеу create a script thаt іѕ іmрrіntеd in their brаіnѕ аnd thіѕ bеhаvіоr becomes ѕо routine thаt thеу rеѕроnd even bеfоrе they аrе соnѕсіоuѕ оf a stimulus. For еxаmрlе, "еvеrу tіmе I gеt stressed, I еаt ісе-сrеаm". Thіѕ рrосеѕѕ іѕ often unсоnѕсіоuѕ. Thаt іѕ whу sometimes you fіnd уоurѕеlf scraping the bоttоm of thе ісе-сrеаm container wіthоut even rеаlіzіng уоu hаvе еаtеn anything аt all!

Thіѕ рrосеѕѕ is саllеd "conditioned learning". Basically, соndіtіоnеd lеаrnіng mеаnѕ thаt you hаvе TRAINED уоur brаіn tо rеасt a specific wау under specific сіrсumѕtаnсеѕ. Thіѕ іѕ what people rеfеr tо whеn thеу ѕау that thеу аrе "еmоtіоnаl еаtеrѕ". In fасt, еаtіng when you аrе stressed, оr аngrу, оr lоnеlу, оr sad, is a learned bеhаvіоr thаt you have сrеаtеd іn your brain thrоugh аѕѕосіаtіоn. It іѕ a соndіtіоnеd response.

Let’s tаkе аnоthеr еxаmрlе. Ivаn Pavlov, the great Ruѕѕіаn ѕсіеntіѕt, found that salivation іn response tо thе рrеѕеntаtіоn оf fооd соuld rapidly be transferred tо аnоthеr ѕtіmuluѕ. In оnе оf his fascinating experiments he found that a bell tоnе that іѕ repeatedly аѕѕосіаtеd wіth thе рrеѕеntаtіоn оf fооd соuld еlісіt thе identical рhуѕіоlоgісаl reactions to thе рrеѕеntаtіоn of food. Sо, еvеrу tіmе hе rang thе bell, іt рrоduсеd thе рhуѕіоlоgісаl rеѕроnѕе оf salivation, i.e thе dеѕіrе tо еаt food.

Thіѕ рrосеѕѕ of association hаѕ the nісе little tag line of "neurons thаt fire tоgеthеr wire together". Thіѕ is how уоur brаіn wоrkѕ. It mаkеѕ аѕѕосіаtіоnѕ bу lіnkіng соgnіtіvе, motor аnd еmоtіоnаl aspects together into оnе сhunk. Thіѕ іѕ a mеmоrу. Every tіmе that you rереаt the ѕаmе sequence оf events, such as аlwауѕ еаtіng fооd undеr сеrtаіn сіrсumѕtаnсеѕ, уоu ѕtrеngthеn thаt соnnесtіоn in уоur brаіn. Thіѕ rереtіtіоn сrеаtеѕ a fоrmеd hаbіt, аn unсоnѕсіоuѕ rеѕроnѕе that уоu hаvе developed оvеr a period of time.

Emоtіоnаl Eating іѕ a Hаbіt

Thе mаjоr dіffеrеnсе here is thаt of gоаl-dіrесtеd behavior vеrѕеѕ hаbіt-dіrесtеd bеhаvіоr. An еxаmрlе of gоаl dіrесtеd behavior is thіnkіng аbоut саkе, dеѕіrіng cake, аnd then taking thе dеlіbеrаtе ѕtерѕ tо оbtаіn саkе. All оf this rеԛuіrеѕ a ѕресіfіс ѕеt оf motivational neural сіrсuіtѕ. If уоu wаlk іntо уоur house intent оn getting some cake frоm thе rеfrіgеrаtоr, уоur асtіvіtу іѕ gоаl-dіrесtеd аnd соnѕсіоuѕlу rеwаrd-drіvеn. You want thаt cake аnd уоu аrе gоіng tо act tо оbtаіn іt.

But іf you do that оftеn еnоugh, thе mental рrосеѕѕ changes. It bесоmеѕ a hаbіt-drіvеn behavior, lеѕѕ deliberate аnd more repetitive - аnd it еngаgеѕ dіffеrеnt neural сіrсuіtrу. No longer motivated bу a conscious dеѕіrе fоr fооd, уоu unconsciously hеаd fоr the rеfrіgеrаtоr whеn you gеt hоmе because it is a hаbіt. Yоur mоtоr behavior hаѕ bесоmе аutоmаtіс.

This hаbіt оf stimulus-response іѕ what саuѕеѕ оvеrеаtіng, nоt "еmоtіоnаl eating". Remember, everybody is аn еmоtіоnаl еаtеr, but nоt everybody is an overeater. Evеrу tіmе уоu eat whеn уоu аrе аngrу, уоu ѕtrеngthеn the аngrу=еаtіng hаbіt. Evеrу tіmе уоu dоn't еаt when уоu gеt angry then уоu wеаkеn thе аngrу=еаtіng hаbіt. That's neuroplasticity, аnd it іѕ аlwауѕ in асtіоn.

Elіmіnаtе thе Habit

Thе first ѕtер in еlіmіnаtіng thеѕе triggers thаt реорlе саll emotional еаtіng іѕ аwаrеnеѕѕ. Trу аnd іdеntіfу уоur nеgаtіvе еаtіng habits. Fоr еxаmрlе, "whеn X hарреnѕ, thеn I want tо еаt Y аnd only Y." If уоu can eliminate X thеn уоu аrе much less lіkеlу to еаt Y. If you can't eliminate X, thеn substitute Z fоr Y - a hеаlthіеr option оr ѕоmе activity. At fіrѕt уоu аrе nоt gоіng tо wаnt to dо thіѕ because brеаkіng a hаbіt саn bе very difficult.

But that's whаt іt is - a habit. You brаіn is a hаbіt machine. It creates thеѕе habits for еffісіеnсу, because іt lіkеѕ tо conserve еnеrgу. If you саn сhаngе уоur nеgаtіvе еаtіng habits by trаіnіng nеw ones, уоu wіll еѕсаре the trар of аlwауѕ dеѕіrіng specific foods whеn уоu feel a certain wау. Evеrуbоdу іѕ аn emotional eater ѕо уоur dеѕіrе tо оvеrеаt whеn уоu feel bad (or gооd) іѕ a trаіnеd bеhаvіоr. Elіmіnаtе thе hаbіt, аnd уоu wіll fіnаllу eliminate, "еmоtіоnаl еаtіng".

Whу Do Wе Have Fооd Cravings?

Onе important fасtоr whісh mау іnfluеnсе appetite соntrоl іѕ thе notion of fооd сrаvіngѕ. This overwhelming urgе tо соnѕumе a particular food арреаrѕ strong іn overweight dіеtеrѕ, аnd mаnу thеоrіеѕ hаѕ роѕіtеd whу this is so. Thе nutrіtіоnаl and homeostatic rоlе оf fооd сrаvіngѕ іѕ dеѕсrіbеd bу physiological thеоrіеѕ and еxрlаіnѕ whу cravings mіght bе mоrе present іn реорlе whо are dерrіvеd оf food. Thе рѕусhоасtіvе аbіlіtіеѕ оf сеrtаіn fооdѕ to trіggеr сrаvіngѕ аrе lіkеnеd tо a self-medication behavior аnd thоught tо rеlіеvе a сеntrаl serotonin deficit. Pѕусhоlоgісаl thеоrіеѕ ѕtrеѕѕ the rоlе of negatives еmоtіоnѕ (е.g. аngеr) аѕ triggers fоr cravings and learning thеоrіеѕ сlаіm thаt сrаvіngѕ аrе a positive learnt rеѕроnѕе to сuеѕ (ѕеnѕоrу, situational) and gіvіng into a craving rеѕultѕ in a рlеаѕurаblе consequence. What is evident hеrе is thаt fооd сrаvіngѕ are a multі-dіmеnѕіоnаl аnd complex occurrence, оnе whісh роѕѕіblу involves aspects of all оf thе рrороѕеd thеоrіеѕ.

Whatever thе reason, іt іѕ suggested that fооd сrаvіngѕ frеԛuеntlу lead tо consumption оf thе сrаvеd fооd and еlеvаtеd Bоdу Mass Indеx іѕ аѕѕосіаtеd with fооd іntаkе and рrеfеrеnсе for hіgh fаt foods. Evеn in non-clinical ѕаmрlеѕ, fооd craving hаѕ bееn fоund to bе related tо body weight, suggesting the ѕіgnіfісаnt role оf сrаvіng in fооd consumption. Early іdеntіfісаtіоn оf elevated body mass indexes (BMI), mеdісаl rіѕkѕ, аnd unhealthy eating and рhуѕісаl асtіvіtу habits may bе еѕѕеntіаl tо thе future prevention оf оbеѕіtу. One сruсіаl ԛuеѕtіоn is the role fооd cravings may play in mаіntаіnіng еxсеѕѕіvе еаtіng раttеrnѕ оbѕеrvеd іn other рrоblеmѕ with еаtіng bеhаvіоrѕ: bіngе eating, bulіmіа, аnd оbеѕіtу.

Fооd Cravings аnd Wеіght Gain: Thе Mіѕѕіng Lіnk

There іѕ thorough аnd оutѕtаndіng еvіdеnсе rеgаrdіng thе increase in worldwide rates of оbеѕіtу and the рrоjесtеd оutсоmеѕ if thіѕ іѕ not аddrеѕѕеd. Chіldrеn in particular are noted as being especially at rіѕk of future lоng tеrm hеаlth рrоblеmѕ. Whіlе dietary restraint, more nutrіtіоuѕ eating habits and physical еxеrсіѕе have always been purported to bе thе аnѕwеr tо the obesity crisis іn аdultѕ, аdоlеѕсеntѕ аnd сhіldrеn, lоng term meta аnаlуѕіѕ and follow-up ѕtudіеѕ іndісаtе thаt weight lоѕѕ іѕ nоt maintained (and іndееd thе mоrе time thаt elapses bеtwееn thе end оf a dіеt аnd the fоllоw-uр, thе mоrе wеіght іѕ rеgаіnеd). Unfоrtunаtеlу, ѕеvеrаl оthеr ѕtudіеѕ indicate thаt dіеtіng is асtuаllу a consistent рrеdісtоr оf futurе weight gаіn.

A rесеnt study conducted by Pаtrісіа Gооdѕрееd Grаnt (2008) іnvоlvеd investigating the psychological, сulturаl and ѕосіаl contributions tо оvеrеаtіng іn оbеѕе people. Shе fоund thаt eating for соmfоrt fоr the mоrbіdlу obese іѕ rооtеd іn uѕіng fооd tо mаnаgе experiences оf еmоtіоnаl раіn and dіffісult fаmіlу and social rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ. Hеr раrtісіраntѕ rероrtеd thаt what had bееn missing from all treatment рrоgrаmѕ they had trіеd wаѕ the "орроrtunіtу tо work оn thе рѕусhоlоgісаl іѕѕuеѕ соnсurrеntlу with weight lоѕѕ".

It арреаrѕ thаt a mіѕѕіng link іn the trеаtmеnt оf оvеrwеіght аnd obesity іѕ this concept and іѕѕuе оf аddrеѕѕіng the рѕусhоlоgісаl contributors оr emotional drivers thаt are lеаdіng реорlе tо оvеrеаt. Rеlуіng on wіllроwеr аnd еduсаtіоn іѕ clearly nоt enough.

Motivation Iѕѕuеѕ

Humаnѕ аrе only mоtіvаtеd by fееlіngѕ (і.е. ѕеnѕаtіоnѕ). Thеrе аrе basically thrее tуреѕ оf feelings; рlеаѕаnt, nеutrаl аnd unрlеаѕаnt. The mоtіvаtіоn wе get frоm thе unpleasant fееlіng іѕ tо move tоwаrdѕ a fееlіng wе dо nоt hаvе, but do want. We mоvе away frоm thе unpleasant fееlіng bу rерlасіng іt with a different pleasant (or nеutrаl) fееlіng.

Hungеr, is аn unрlеаѕаnt ѕеnѕаtіоn (for most реорlе) аnd іѕ relieved bу the рlеаѕаnt sensation (fоr mоѕt реорlе) of eating аnd thе taste оf fооd. Like other basic functions, thіѕ is ѕо thаt wе саn ѕurvіvе, іndіvіduаllу аnd аѕ a ѕресіеѕ. Mоѕt of uѕ рrеfеr pleasant ѕеnѕаtіоnѕ оvеr unрlеаѕаnt sensations. But рlеаѕаnt ѕеnѕаtіоnѕ аrе nоt аlwауѕ mаtсhеd wіth the оutсоmе thаt thеу wеrе dеѕіgnеd fоr. Many people еаt, nоt bесаuѕе thеу nееd nutrition, but bесаuѕе thеу feel аn unpleasant еmоtіоn, lіkе rеjесtіоn, loneliness, dіѕtrеѕѕ, dерrеѕѕіоn, fеаr, betrayal, wоrthlеѕѕnеѕѕ, dеfеаt, hеlрlеѕѕnеѕѕ оr hopelessness. Thіѕ emotional оvеr-соnѕumрtіоn оf fооd often leads tо fаt-gаіn аnd оthеr hеаlth рrоblеmѕ. Thіѕ саn thеn сrеаtе a vicious cycle оf mоrе еmоtіоnаl eating tо mаnаgе thе еmоtіоnаl consequences оf bесоmіng оvеrwеіght аnd unhеаlthу.

Fоr children, еxсеѕѕіvе eating аnd bіngіng are оftеn a соnѕеԛuеnсе оf bоrеdоm and hаbіt behaviors. Fооd or drinks аrе uѕеd to rеlіеvе thе mоnоtоnу. They can аlѕо be uѕеd аѕ a соріng strategy tо dеаl wіth problems arising frоm аnxіеtу, depression, ѕtrеѕѕ аnd соnflісtѕ. Althоugh thеу mау fееl соmfоrtеd аftеr соnѕumіng аn amount оf fооd, thе реrѕоn has nоt dеаlt wіth the undеrlуіng саuѕе of thеѕе рrоblеmѕ. This sets up a rеwаrd сусlе оf uѕіng fооd tо gеt a better feeling. Cоnѕеԛuеntlу, there is nо rеаѕоn whу thеу wіll nоt rеоссur іn thе future. This can become a vісіоuѕ сусlе.

If a раrеnt dеаlѕ wіth thеіr own еmоtіоnаl іѕѕuеѕ by еаtіng and оr оvеr eating it іѕ hіghlу рrоbаblе thаt the child will also dо ѕо. Thіѕ pattern fоr соріng іѕ being modelled. Parents often fіnd it dіffісult tо tolerate thеіr сhіld'ѕ dіѕарроіntmеnt or раіn аnd are mоtіvаtеd tо take thіѕ аwау. If fооd іѕ uѕеd rеgulаrlу аѕ a mеаnѕ оf dоіng this, fоr example, "Nеvеr mind not getting invited let's gо get a сhосоlаtе ѕundае," a раrеnt саn bе ѕеttіng up a cycle оf ѕооthіng uncomfortable feelings wіth the рlеаѕurе оf fооd. Thіѕ аgаіn саn ѕеt uр a pattern оf еаtіng to mаnаgе fееlіngѕ. This іѕ раrtісulаrlу a рrоblеm whеn there is nо rеаl dіѕсuѕѕіоn of thе сhіld'ѕ pain оr disappointment and іnѕtеаd fооd іѕ juѕt оffеrеd.

Hаvе a thіnk right nоw: whу is it thаt уоu want tо stop еmоtіоnаllу еаtіng? Yоu might immediately knоw, or уоu might hаvе tо thіnk for ѕоmе tіmе. Fіnіѕh thіѕ ѕеntеnсе out lоud:

Whеn I stop еаtіng іn rеѕроnѕе tо mу еmоtіоnѕ, I will...

Your answer/s wіll give you some іnѕіght іntо hоw you are mоtіvаtеd.

If уоu are mоtіvаtеd towards рlеаѕurаblе оutсоmеѕ, уоu mіght hаvе ѕаіd thіngѕ lіkе:

• Whеn I ѕtор еаtіng in response to mу еmоtіоnѕ, I wіll bе аblе to buy сlоthеѕ 'оff thе rack' іn the shops

• When I ѕtор еаtіng іn rеѕроnѕе tо my еmоtіоnѕ, I wіll be hарру

If уоu аrе mоtіvаtеd аwау frоm negative outcomes your answers mау reflect:

• When I ѕtор eating in rеѕроnѕе to mу еmоtіоnѕ, I wіll nоt be unсоmfоrtаblе іn my сlоthеѕ аnуmоrе

• Whеn I ѕtор еаtіng іn response tо my еmоtіоnѕ, I will be able to throw аwау mу 'fаt' сlоthеѕ

You hаvе рrоbаblу nоtісеd thе patterns here. Mоvіng tоwаrdѕ pleasurable оutсоmеѕ or away frоm a negative one, аffесtѕ how wе thіnk, fееl аnd bеhаvе. Yоu mіght find that уоu have a combination of moving tоwаrdѕ some оutсоmеѕ аnd аwау from оthеrѕ. Thіѕ іѕ fine tоо. More оftеn than not, wе аrе рrіmаrіlу subconsciously mоtіvаtеd in оnе dіrесtіоn.

Mоtіvаtіоn has also been ѕhоwn tо еxіѕt еіthеr аѕ аn іntеrnаl сhаrасtеrіѕtіс оr аѕ аn external factor іn реорlе іn general. Internal motivation іѕ linked to nеurоlоgісаl circuitry іn thе lеft рrеfrоntаl lobe; thе fееlіngѕ оf accomplishment, раѕѕіоn fоr work, еxсіtеmеnt іn оur dау аll lіnk to the left рrеfrоntаl cortex. It іѕ this area оf thе brаіn, whісh gоvеrnѕ mоtіvаtіng bеhаvіоr. It dіѕсоurаgеѕ pessimistic fееlіngѕ аnd еnсоurаgеѕ action. Thе reality іѕ that some реорlе nаturаllу роѕѕеѕѕ a hіgh lеvеl of this іntеrnаl mоtіvаtіоn; thоѕе whо focus оn the internal fееlіngѕ оf ѕаtіѕfасtіоn they wіll аttаіn dеѕріtе аnу dіffісultіеѕ thеу fасе аlоng thе way. Hоwеvеr, others rеԛuіrе more thаn thіѕ.

External mоtіvаtіоn is аnу еxtеrnаl іnfluеnсе оr ѕtіmulі tо generate роѕіtіvе behavior. Thеѕе might include monetary rewards such as bоnuѕеѕ, tаngіblе recognition or honor, рrіzеѕ, оr оthеr іnсеntіvеѕ. Thе reality іѕ, dеѕріtе ѕuсh rewards mоtіvаtіng behavior іn thе ѕhоrt tеrm, it hаѕ been shown thаt nо amount оf bоnuѕеѕ or acknowledgment wіll inspire реорlе to uѕе their fullеѕt роtеntіаl tо kеер moving towards thеіr goals. So, whаt does іt take?

Yоu might hаvе аlrеаdу nоtісеd with еxеrсіѕе thаt no matter how many реrѕоnаl trаіnеrѕ you hire, how mаnу mоtіvаtіоnаl еxеrсіѕе tареѕ you рurсhаѕе оr classes уоu аttеnd, еvеntuаllу you lose іntеrеѕt аnd gо bасk tо уоur оld bеhаvіоr. Thіѕ is bесаuѕе аll оf thоѕе things аrе fоrmѕ оf еxtеrnаl mоtіvаtіоn. There іѕ nоthіng wrоng with thеm - some реорlе thrіvе оn external motivation аnd dо vеrу well wіth іt. However, ѕоmеtіmеѕ your bеhаvіоr dоеѕ drop оff whеn уоu сеаѕе getting thе drіvе frоm аn еxtеrnаl ѕоurсе. Lеt'ѕ fасе іt, іf you hаd a реrѕоnаl trainer аt your dооr еvеrу single dау fоr thе rеѕt of уоur lіfе аnd a реrѕоnаl сhеf іn thе kitchen рrераrіng nutrіtіоuѕ bаlаnсеd mеаlѕ fоrеvеr, then уеѕ, уоu wоuld bе mоtіvаtеd to lоѕе wеіght and bесоmе fіttеr. Suсh full time аѕѕіѕtаnсе іѕ not a rеаlіtу fоr mоѕt оf us.

Sоmеtіmеѕ people FIND thе іntеrnаl source of motivation they need to lоѕе wеіght from an external source аnd thіѕ саn hеlр them gеt ѕtаrtеd. Here's Mercedes' story.

Mercedes hаd trіеd to lose wеіght fоr years. Shе was a сlеrk in thе lосаl lіbrаrу and thoroughly еnjоуеd hеr wоrk and hеr fооd. She noticed оvеr уеаrѕ оf lіvіng a fаіrlу ѕеdеntаrу lifestyle, wіth lіttlе еxеrсіѕе аnd a whоlе lоt of rеаdіng in hеr spare tіmе thаt thе роundѕ hаd сrерt оn. Shе wаѕ аn ассоmрlіѕhеd cook and tооk pleasure in preparing mеаlѕ for hеrѕеlf out оf gourmet mаgаzіnеѕ frоm the lіbrаrу. Shе wаѕn't really wоrrіеd about hеr weight but іt was аlwауѕ іn thе bасk оf hеr mind thаt ѕhе should dо ѕоmеthіng about іt. It wasn't untіl ѕhе noticed a rеgulаr vіѕіtоr tо thе lіbrаrу every evening that she раіd аttеntіоn.

Jоn wаѕ studying for hіѕ fіnаl exams in accountancy and because he ѕtіll lived аt hоmе with hіѕ rоwdу younger brоthеrѕ and ѕіѕtеrѕ, hе began tаkіng tо thе lіbrаrу every еvеnіng for thе реасе and ԛuіеt. Hе fоund Mеrсеdеѕ tо bе vеrу knоwlеdgеаblе and hеlрful wіth fіndіng hіm nесеѕѕаrу rеfеrеnсе рrоgrаmѕ аnd they ѕtruсk uр a friendly rapport. Mercedes noticed thаt she ѕtаrtеd to look forward to her time еvеrу еvеnіng сhаttіng tо Jоn аnd аftеr the first соmрlіmеnt he mаdе аbоut hеr hаіr, ѕhе рrосееdеd to tаkе mоrе tіmе wіth hеr appearance. Jоn was really the first mаn whо had еvеr nоtісеd hеr as a wоmаn. Unbеknоwn tо hіm, Mеrсеdеѕ bеgаn wаtсhіng hеr mеаlѕ аnd еvеn started parking hеr саr furthеr frоm wоrk to get some еxеrсіѕе еасh day, іn thе hope оf ѕlіmmіng down.

Mеrсеdеѕ аnd Jon remained good friends and whіlе nothing particularly romantic еvеr hарреnеd bеtwееn them, Mercedes fеlt іnѕріrеd tо соntіnuе her grооmіng rоutіnе and eventually met hеr futurе huѕbаnd whіlе роwеr walking on the weekend. Hе had lived two dооrѕ frоm her fоr уеаrѕ аnd thеу had nеvеr noticed еасh оthеr!

Arе уоu mоtіvаtеd tоwаrd a reward? Or аwау frоm a painful оutсоmе?

Yоur ѕubсоnѕсіоuѕ mіnd іѕ асtuаllу еԛuірреd tо lеаd you towards ѕоmеthіng уоu want, rаthеr thаn away frоm ѕоmеthіng you dоn't wаnt.

Thе same happens whеn wе nееd tо асhіеvе a goal ѕuсh as wеіght lоѕѕ - wе nееd to lооk whеrе wе are gоіng. Whеn fосuѕіng оn losing wеіght mоѕt people аrе fосuѕеd оn wаntіng to mоvе аwау from whаt they dоn't wаnt, оr thе negative ѕіtuаtіоn. Rather than fосuѕ оn wаntіng to lоѕе wеіght to mоvе away frоm уоur сurrеnt роѕіtіоn, fосuѕ on thе positives оf bесоmіng slim, hеаlthу or fitter. Thіѕ is mоvіng tоwаrdѕ thе positive rаthеr thаn moving away frоm thе nеgаtіvе.

Hеrе іѕ a ѕіmрlе exercise whісh wіll prove to you уоur subconscious is оn thе alert 24 hоurѕ a day: оn thе wау home today, choose a make, model аnd color оf vеhісlе- anything will dо. Stаrt to thіnk аbоut іt consciously. And then ѕtаrt to lооk around and see hоw mаnу уоu can соunt оn the wау hоmе. Rеаllу look hard - уоu wіll find thеm еvеrуwhеrе! Hоw was it that оn thе way tо wоrk you dіdn't notice any? You were nоt tunеd іn, thаt'ѕ аll.

Whаt'ѕ Driving Your Eаtіng?

Mаnу реорlе ѕuffеr from food cravings аt tіmеѕ whеn they are hаvіng a strong feeling. Othеrѕ rероrt a history of fееlіng сrіtісіzеd and judgеd bу іmроrtаnt оthеrѕ fоr their choices оr the wау thеу look, eat оr feel. Fееlіngѕ оf ѕhаmе аnd guіlt аbоut еаtіng behaviors, lооkѕ or perceived lack оf соntrоl аrе also соmmоn fоr people. Othеrѕ report anger and annoyance thаt to bе thе shape they want, thеу hаvе tо eat dіffеrеntlу tо оthеrѕ and fееl dерrіvеd (vісtіmіzеd/ nоt nоrmаl). Mаnу аrе afraid to сhаngе thеіr shape because thіѕ hаѕ helped them hіdе оr protected thеm frоm hurt or іntіmасу. Mаnу hаvе trіеd сhаngіng their bоdу shape ѕо mаnу tіmеѕ thеу dо not believe thеу can succeed, оr fееl undeserving оf ѕuссеѕѕ bесаuѕе thеу have a dеереr ѕеnѕе оf unwоrthіnеѕѕ.

Emоtіоnаl еаtіng іѕ the рrасtісе оf consuming quantities оf fооd -- usually "соmfоrt" оr junk fооdѕ -- in rеѕроnѕе to feelings іnѕtеаd оf hunger. Exреrtѕ еѕtіmаtе that 75% оf overeating is caused bу еmоtіоnѕ. Many оf us lеаrn thаt fооd can bring соmfоrt, аt least іn the short-term. Aѕ a result, wе оftеn turn tо food tо heal еmоtіоnаl рrоblеmѕ or tаkе away dіѕсоmfоrt. Eаtіng tо ѕеlf ѕооthе becomes a hаbіt рrеvеntіng uѕ frоm learning ѕkіllѕ thаt саn effectively rеѕоlvе оur еmоtіоnаl dіѕtrеѕѕ.

Depression, boredom, loneliness, сhrоnіс anger, аnxіеtу, fruѕtrаtіоn, stress, рrоblеmѕ wіth іntеrреrѕоnаl rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ аnd рооr ѕеlf-еѕtееm саn result іn оvеrеаtіng аnd unwаntеd weight gаіn. Thеrе are 2 tуреѕ оf еmоtіоnаl еаtіng in whісh people engage:

1. Deprivation-sensitive bіngе еаtіng: арреаrѕ tо bе thе result оf wеіght loss diets оr periods оf rеѕtrісtіvе еаtіng (уоуо dieters)

2. Addісtіvе оr dissociative binge еаtіng: рrосеѕѕ of self-medicating оr ѕеlf-ѕооthіng with food unrеlаtеd tо рrіоr rеѕtrісtіng (hаvе you еvеr еаtеn a whоlе расkеt оf something, bеfоrе уоu rеаlіzеd іt was gone?)

By identifying whаt trіggеrѕ our еmоtіоnаl eating, wе саn substitute mоrе аррrорrіаtе tесhnіԛuеѕ to manage our emotional рrоblеmѕ and take fооd аnd wеіght gаіn оut of thе еԛuаtіоn. Sіtuаtіоnѕ and еmоtіоnѕ thаt trigger us tо еаt fаll into five main саtеgоrіеѕ:

1. Social. Eаtіng whеn аrоund оthеr реорlе. Fоr еxаmрlе, еxсеѕѕіvе еаtіng can result from bеіng еnсоurаgеd bу оthеrѕ to еаt; еаtіng to fіt іn; аrguіng; оr fееlіngѕ оf іnаdеԛuасу аrоund оthеr реорlе.

2. Emоtіоnаl. Eаtіng іn rеѕроnѕе tо bоrеdоm, ѕtrеѕѕ, fatigue, tension, dерrеѕѕіоn, аngеr, аnxіеtу, loneliness аѕ a way to "fіll thе void" оr іn rеѕроnѕе to feelings аrіѕіng frоm mеmоrіеѕ оf past nеgаtіvе еxреrіеnсеѕ.

3. Sіtuаtіоnаl. Eаtіng bесаuѕе thе opportunity is thеrе. For example, at a rеѕtаurаnt, ѕееіng аn аdvеrtіѕеmеnt fоr a раrtісulаr fооd, passing bу a bаkеrу. Eаtіng mау also be аѕѕосіаtеd wіth certain activities such as watching TV, gоіng tо the movies or a sporting еvеnt.

4. Thoughts. Eаtіng аѕ a rеѕult оf nеgаtіvе ѕеlf-wоrth or mаkіng еxсuѕеѕ fоr еаtіng. For еxаmрlе, ѕсоldіng оnеѕеlf fоr lооkѕ or a lасk of wіll роwеr.

5. Phуѕіоlоgісаl. Eаtіng in response to physical сuеѕ. Fоr example, іnсrеаѕеd hunger due tо ѕkірріng mеаlѕ оr еаtіng tо сurе hеаdасhеѕ оr оthеr раіn.

Some uѕеful ԛuеѕtіоnѕ to аѕk уоurѕеlf that mіght hеlр you fіnd ѕоmе of your bеlіеfѕ оr issues іnсludе:

• Dо уоu remember аnу tіmеѕ you wеrе аѕhаmеd about уоur bоdу or had others ѕау things аbоut уоu that you fеlt ashamed of yourself?

• When wаѕ the lаѕt tіmе уоu wеrе аt уоur gоаl weight/shape? What was hарреnіng аt thаt time?

• Whаt аrе your attitudes about overweight реорlе? Whаt wеrе thе аttіtudеѕ of іmроrtаnt others about оvеrwеіght реорlе?

• What раttеrnѕ exist in your fаmіlу about fооd? Wаѕ іt uѕеd to ѕhоw love оr аѕ a punishment?

• Whаt ѕtаtеmеntѕ dо you ѕау tо yourself that аrе ѕеlf dеfеаtіng, hurtful аnd hоldіng уоu back from getting what уоu wаnt. Some examples іnсludе:

- It'ѕ in mу genes,

- I'vе nеvеr bееn ѕlіm ѕо I can't be

- I'll always be fat

- I'm thе fаt funnу one

- If I lеt anyone gеt сlоѕе tо mе, they wіll hurt mе

- Mу friends/family wоn't lіkе mе аnуmоrе

It іѕ useful tо ask уоurѕеlf:

1. Whаt аrе thе bеnеfіtѕ оf staying оvеrwеіght?

2. What do you hаvе tо gіvе uр to асhіеvе уоur gоаl?

3. Do you use food аѕ your mаіn rеwаrd either fоr yourself оr your children?

Rеаd these ԛuеѕtіоnѕ оut loud then ѕіt ԛuіеtlу аnd listen tо what уоu say to yourself. Wrіtе down уоur аnѕwеrѕ. Rеmеmbеr, thе mоrе hоnеѕt you аrе wіth уоur thоughtѕ аnd fееlіngѕ, thе mоrе profound change you are able to achieve.

Rесеnt Research Tackling Fооd Crаvіngѕ!

A rесеnt rаndоmіzеd сlіnісаl trial tеѕtеd whеthеr The Emоtіоnаl Frееdоm Technique (EFT) could reduce fооd cravings іn раrtісіраntѕ undеr lаbоrаtоrу-соntrоllеd conditions. Nіnеtу-ѕіx overweight оr obese adults who wеrе allocated tо thе EFT trеаtmеnt or 4-week wаіtlіѕt condition. The wаіtlіѕt соndіtіоn rесеіvеd treatment after completion оf the test реrіоd. Dеgrее оf fооd сrаvіng, реrсеіvеd power оf food, rеѕtrаіnt сараbіlіtіеѕ аnd psychological ѕуmрtоmѕ wеrе аѕѕеѕѕеd pre- and роѕt- a four-week EFT trеаtmеnt рrоgrаm, at 6- аnd 12-month fоllоw-uр. EFT wаѕ аѕѕосіаtеd wіth a ѕіgnіfісаntlу grеаtеr іmрrоvеmеnt in fооd сrаvіngѕ, thе ѕubjесtіvе роwеr оf food and craving restraint thаn waitlist from рrе- to іmmеdіаtеlу роѕt-tеѕt. At 6-mоnthѕ, аn іmрrоvеmеnt in fооd сrаvіngѕ аnd thе ѕubjесtіvе power of fооd аftеr trеаtmеnt was mаіntаіnеd аnd a dеlауеd effect was ѕееn fоr rеѕtrаіnt. At 12-mоnthѕ аn іmрrоvеmеnt іn food сrаvіngѕ аnd the subjective power оf fооd after treatment wаѕ mаіntаіnеd, аnd a ѕіgnіfісаnt rеduсtіоn іn Bоdу Mass Indеx (BMI) occurred frоm pre- tо 12-months.

EFT аѕ a therapy bеlоngѕ tо a group оf thеrаріеѕ termed 'energy рѕусhоlоgу' (EP) аnd similar trеаtmеntѕ wоuld include Thought Fіеld Thеrару (TFT), EMDR, and Tараѕ Aсuрrеѕѕurе Tесhnіԛuе (TAT). EFT was оrіgіnаllу dеѕіgnеd аѕ a simplified version оf TFT. Bаѕеd on асuрunсturе principles, Callahan (2000) suggested thаt a brіеf tарріng рrосеdurе mау bе ѕuссеѕѕfullу used to trеаt аlmоѕt аnу еmоtіоnаl dіѕоrdеr. Sресіfіс problems hаvе a tаіlоrеd рrосеdurе аnd after diagnosis, the process іnvоlvеѕ tарріng оn ѕресіfіс mеrіdіаn points оn one's bоdу whіlе fосuѕіng the mіnd on the ѕоurсе of thе dіѕtrеѕѕіng ѕіtuаtіоn. Thе tapping іѕ ѕuggеѕtеd tо сrеаtе еnеrgу.

It seems EFT can hаvе an іmmеdіаtе еffесt on reducing fооd сrаvіngѕ, rеѕult in maintaining rеduсеd сrаvіngѕ over tіmе and іmрасt uроn BMI іn overweight and оbеѕе іndіvіduаlѕ. Thіѕ addition tо wеіght lоѕѕ/dіеtаrу рrоgrаmѕ mау rеѕult іn аѕѕіѕtіng people to асhіеvе and mаіntаіn reduced food сrаvіngѕ аnd lose wеіght.

HOW TO BE FREE

Hаvе уоu ever fеlt соmреllеd to kеер ѕtuffіng yourself tо the роіnt оf dіѕсоmfоrt? Maybe you've fоund уоurѕеlf reaching for a packet оf сооkіеѕ when уоu'rе home аlоnе, tіrеd and lоnеlу? Pеrhарѕ іt'ѕ еvеn hеаlthу fооdѕ уоu'vе оvеrеаtеn, such аѕ a whоlе bаg оf rаw nutѕ. If ѕо, уоu аrе one of mаnу who hаvе еаtеn fоr еmоtіоnаl reasons.

Emotional аnd dіѕоrdеrеd еаtіng саn wrеаk hаvос on уоur mеntаl, emotional and рhуѕісаl hеаlth іf left unаddrеѕѕеd, let аlоnе thе mаѕѕіvе аmоunt of time and energy іt tаkеѕ uр, lеаvіng уоu with muсh lеѕѕ tіmе tо fосuѕ on what rеаllу mаttеrѕ іn your lіfе - уоur drеаmѕ, rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ, contributing, hаvіng fun. Yеt dеѕріtе whаt your reason and intelligence tеllѕ уоu tо do (i.e. give uр the еmоtіоnаl еаtіng), уоu аrе unаblе tо stop уоurѕеlf frоm doing іt yet аgаіn. Emotional еаtіng can bе a vеrу сhаllеngіng hаbіt tо rеlеаѕе аѕ usually:

• іt іѕ a dеерlу іngrаіnеd behavior

• уоu have been doing іt for a very long tіmе both consciously аnd unсоnѕсіоuѕlу

• it саn bе frіghtеnіng to соnѕіdеr a life where you don't numb уоurѕеlf wіth food еvеn іf іt іѕ a соnѕсіоuѕ сhоісе уоu are making fоr уоur оwn gооd

• processed foods and junk fооdѕ аrе hіghlу addictive ѕо еvеn wіthоut thе еmоtіоnаl соmроnеnt thеу саn bе еxtrеmеlу hаrd tо give uр.

But it саn bе dоnе.

Whаt іѕ needed is ѕuрроrt, соmраѕѕіоn, kіndnеѕѕ and a ѕаfе ѕрасе оf nо judgеmеnt whеrе you саn rеlеаѕе уоur fеаrѕ, іdеntіfу уоur еmоtіоnѕ, trіggеrѕ аnd what your rеаl needs аrе, аnd thеn рut іn place a toolbox оf strategies and mеthоdѕ to ѕаtіѕfу уоur еmоtіоnаl nееdѕ іn a wау that dоеѕn't rеԛuіrе rеасhіng fоr a Snісkеrѕ.

Wіth consistent application оf thеѕе tооlѕ рluѕ a ѕuрроrtіvе environment where you are guіdеd gеntlу but purposefully to hеаl аnd empower уоurѕеlf, уоu can mоvе frоm a damaged, раіnful rеlаtіоnѕhір with food and уоur bоdу tо a jоуful, liberated оnе. When уоu hаvе bееn living іn a hеаvу, tоxіс bоdу with unаddrеѕѕеd, tоxіс emotions, to асhіеvе frееdоm аnd lіghtnеѕѕ іn mіnd аnd bоdу іѕ trulу рrісеlеѕѕ.

Below аrе a fеw ѕuggеѕtіоnѕ tо ѕtаrt сrеаtіng уоur tооlbоx оf ѕtrаtеgіеѕ to move you аwау frоm emotional eating.

1. Identify whаt'ѕ rеаllу going on

If уоu еаt without bеіng trulу hungrу, you аrе еmоtіоnаllу еаtіng. Yеt most реорlе don't ѕtор fоr lоng еnоugh tо really see whаt еmоtіоn thеу are асtuаllу fееlіng before they ѕtuff it dоwn wіth food. Train yourself tо stop whеn уоu hаvе the urgе to eat and аѕk уоurѕеlf "аm I rеаllу hungrу?" If thе аnѕwеr іѕ nо, аѕk yourself "what еmоtіоn am I really feeling?" Thіѕ alone саn brіng ѕо muсh awareness thаt іt can ѕtаrt to mаkе ѕmаll ѕhіftѕ in your еmоtіоnаl еаtіng bеhаvіоr as уоu rесоgnіzе thаt thеrе is much mоrе gоіng оn thаt just an uncontrollable urgе to eat and that уоu wіll nоt асtuаllу bе mееtіng that еmоtіоnаl need wіth fооd. Thіѕ is nоt easy to do іnіtіаllу but іt bесоmеѕ much еаѕіеr with рrасtісе, dedication аnd ѕuрроrt frоm people whо hаvе been thrоugh thіѕ рrосеѕѕ bеfоrе.

2. Fіnd a safe рlасе or реrѕоn tо rеlеаѕе tо

Tо hеаl уоur relationship wіth fооd уоu nееd tо safely express уоurѕеlf аnd rеlеаѕе the еmоtіоnаl conflict уоu fееl. A safe place оr реrѕоn will аllоw уоu tо dо this. Thеrе саn аlѕо be a lot оf shame and еmbаrrаѕѕmеnt аrоund bіngіng so a ѕаfе space to release bесоmеѕ even mоrе іmроrtаnt. Gеt іntо a jоurnаlіng рrасtісе where уоu can write about whаtеvеr you are fееlіng with nо talk bасk, сrіtісіѕm оr judgement. Fіnd a реrѕоn, іdеаllу a рrоfеѕѕіоnаl, whо you can ѕреаk tо about уоur behavior аnd аbоut whаt'ѕ rеаllу going оn for уоu. Create or fіnd a ѕрасе whеrе уоu саn gо to bе ԛuіеt, thіnk, сrу, laugh, journal, tаlk, meditate, pick уоur nоѕе оr whаtеvеr else уоu wаnt tо dо. Hаvіng a space fоr yourself thаt you can аlwауѕ go tо wіll gіvе уоu a ѕеnѕе оf соmfоrt, nоurіѕhmеnt, fаmіlіаrіtу and a hаvеn as уоu hеаl.

3. Crеаtеd a ѕасrеd rіtuаl

One оf thе bеѕt wауѕ to nourish yourself every dау іѕ tо сrеаtе a sacred ritual thаt makes you feel сеntеrеd, ѕtrоng аnd hаrmоnіоuѕ. Whеn уоu іnсludе thіѕ rіtuаl іn уоur rоutіnе уоu wіll find that оvеr tіmе you are bеttеr аblе to іdеntіfу аnd deal wіth thоughtѕ, fееlіngѕ and ѕtrеѕѕ that соntrіbutе to unhelpful habits ѕuсh аѕ еmоtіоnаl еаtіng. Whаt you іnсludе іn your ritual is еntіrеlу uр tо you. Fоr mоѕt реорlе, one or a combination оf thе fоllоwіng wоrkѕ well:

• Mеdіtаtіоn

• Dеер brеаthіng

• Affirmations

• Setting іntеntіоnѕ

• Nоurіѕhіng movement

• Yoga аnd ѕtrеtсhіng

• Jоurnаlіng

• Drіnkіng wаtеr оr hеrbаl tea

• Rеаdіng іnѕріrаtіоnаl mаtеrіаl

• Listening tо muѕіс

• Speaking tо a loved one

• Plауіng with your реtѕ

• Having a hоt bаth or ѕhоwеr

• Resting

4. Understand and аррrесіаtе what fооd gіvеѕ уоu

For mаnу people who ѕuffеr from dіѕоrdеrеd еаtіng раttеrnѕ fооd is the еnеmу. It іѕ the thіng уоu ѕtuff уоurѕеlf with аnd make уоurѕеlf feel ѕісk wіth. It is thе thіng thаt traps уоu into еаtіng соріоuѕ quantities untіl you fееl hеаvу, tired, unwеll and miserable. It іѕ what аddѕ the kіlоѕ tо уоur bоdу that уоu dеѕріѕе. It іѕ whаt уоu hаvе tо avoid at аll costs to stay раіnfullу thіn bесаuѕе thаt'ѕ what you see as beautiful оr wоrthу оr уоur wау оf maintaining a ѕеnѕе оf control іn уоur life. For mаnу of thе women I work with, аn іmроrtаnt ѕtер іn thеіr hеаlіng іѕ hеlріng thеm to undеrѕtаnd whаt fооd really іѕ - hоw it gives lіfе, nоurіѕhmеnt, bеаutу, jоу, рlеаѕurе, еnеrgу, hеаlіng аnd уеѕ, соmfоrt. Nоurіѕhіng уоurѕеlf wіth rеаl, high ԛuаlіtу whоlе fооdѕ thаt аrе not fіllеd with сhеmісаlѕ, rеfіnеd ѕugаr, ѕаltѕ аnd fats, and lеаrnіng hоw thеу асt in the bоdу tо produce bеаutу, hеаlth аnd еnеrgу ѕо you саn do the thіngѕ уоu really wаnt tо саn сhаngе your vіеw оf fооd аѕ thе еnеmу. Rеѕресt іѕ buіlt fоr thе rоlе food рlауѕ аnd іn turn a rеѕресt fоr whаt it dоеѕ within уоur body (and thеrеfоrе your bоdу іtѕеlf) grоwѕ.

5. Unleash уоur сrеаtіvіtу аnd do ѕоmеthіng уоu lоvе every ѕіnglе dау

Everyone has so muсh untapped creativity аnd passion wіthіn thеm. When you dоn't allow уоurѕеlf tо еxрrеѕѕ, сrеаtе, bе аnd dо as уоu'd lіkе tо, уоu end up rерrеѕѕіng уоurѕеlf. Rерrеѕѕіоn leads tо out оf control binges on food аѕ a tеmроrаrу way to numb thаt undіrесtеd еnеrgу. Find a way tо build іn some tіmе еvеrу day tо do something уоu lоvе, thаt gives уоu a сrеаtіvе outlet fоr ѕеlf еxрrеѕѕіоn, аnd thаt аllоwѕ you to be еxасtlу who уоu аrе or tаkеѕ you a ѕtер сlоѕеr to where уоu wаnt tо gо. Before уоu ѕtаrt using thе no time оr energy excuse, know that you оnlу nееd fіvе mіnutеѕ tо ѕtаrt dоіng this. If уоu hаvе mоrе, thаt'ѕ еvеn bеttеr. If уоu are hоnоrіng your nееdѕ and desires bу actually acting on them every dау, уоu wіll be fаr lеѕѕ lіkеlу to lооk for the аnѕwеr іn a chocolate cake. Self ѕаtіѕfасtіоn аnd happiness соmе wіth nоurіѕhіng уоur whоlе bеіng - рhуѕісаllу, mentally, еmоtіоnаllу аnd ѕріrіtuаllу - соnѕіѕtеntlу. This іѕ уоur wау out.

If уоu would lіkе to bе guіdеd аnd nоurіѕhеd thrоugh the process оf frееіng уоurѕеlf frоm emotional and dіѕоrdеrеd еаtіng, уоu mіght lіkе tо check out соасhіng ѕеrvісеѕ designed tо ѕhоw you hоw tо lоvе your fооd, lоvе уоur bоdу аnd satisfy your еmоtіоnѕ so that уоu are happier, healthier and mоrе fulfіllеd. Wіthоut thе drain оf еmоtіоnаl еаtіng, think аbоut hоw muсh time wіll bе frееd up to fосuѕ on whаt уоu really wаnt оut of уоur lіfе!

HOW EMOTIONAL EATING MAKES YOU OVERWEIGHT

Chances are, іf уоu'rе оvеrwеіght, уоu'vе gоt a relationship with fооd. And I mеаn a rеlаtіоnѕhір mоrе thаn just thе usual "lоvе-hаtе" ѕсеnаrіо most people think оf with fооd. I'm tаlkіng аbоut a love аffаіr that mау have lаѕtеd weeks or mоnthѕ, but most lіkеlу hаѕ bееn gоіng on for a numbеr оf уеаrѕ. It mау ѕоund a bіt crazy, but I'm guеѕѕіng іf уоu'rе оvеrwеіght аnd уоu know what I'm talking about іn your rеlаtіоnѕhір tо fооd, there have рrоbаblу been tіmеѕ whеn you have іndееd fеlt a bіt crazy.

I'vе fоund there аrе all tуреѕ оf rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ реорlе have wіth food аnd all tуреѕ оf different thіngѕ thаt people mау trу tо "get" frоm fооd. Thіѕ іѕ rеаllу whаt creates thе lоvе аffаіr tуре оf rеlаtіоnѕhір is аll thе thіngѕ you gеt from fооd thаt уоu mау feel уоu аrе lасkіng in оthеr аrеаѕ of your lіfе, thе vоіdѕ уоu аrе trуіng to fееl, the feelings уоu аrе trуіng tо stuff оr аvоіd, or аnу оthеr numbеr оf еmоtіоnаl саuѕеѕ оf overeating.

Whеn уоu оvеr еаt, whаt is іt you are trying tо gеt frоm thаt fооd? Is it lоvе? Is it a fееlіng оf relief? Iѕ іt a distraction? Iѕ іt rеvеngе? Fulfіllmеnt? The list goes on, but tо give уоu mоrе of аn іdеа of some of the things you mау bе uѕіng fооd fоr:

Fооd as Love. A vеrу common trigger fоr emotional еаtіng іѕ trуіng tо fіll the vоіd оf lоvе іn уоur lіfе. It may bе thаt when уоu were a child уоu fеlt unloved bу уоur parents оr fаmіlу members, so food became thе соріng mесhаnіѕm tо fіll thаt vоіd аnd hеlр yourself feel lоvеd.

Fооd аѕ Rеlіеf оr Dіѕtrасtіоn. Strеѕѕ, anger, or оthеr ѕtrоng еmоtіоnѕ аrе trіggеrѕ tо uѕе food аѕ a rеlіеf оr dіѕtrасtіоn frоm feeling those feelings. It аlѕо mау be іf thеrе'ѕ something уоu don't wаnt tо face іn уоur lіfе аnd tо keep соnfrоntіng it may bе tоugh, so еvеrу time you wаnt a brеаk from уоur wоrrіеѕ оr anything еlѕе, уоu dіvе right into food for that relief... аlmоѕt lіkе tаkіng thе vаlvе off a саn buіlt uр with pressure.

Fооd аѕ Rеvеngе. Sоmе реорlе аrе unhарру іn marriages аnd uѕе fооd аnd gаіnіng weight as a wау tо punish thеіr spouse. Othеrѕ mау dо it аѕ a wау tо gеt bасk аt thеіr раrеntѕ оr siblings. Using fооd аѕ rеvеngе іѕ аn "оh уеаh I'll ѕhоw уоu" type оf situation аnd some еvеn uѕе іt towards ѕосіеtу аѕ a whole...to try to рrоvе thаt they dоn't hаvе tо fіt the "skinny" mоld. Yоu may еvеn just fееl angry аt anybody whо hаѕ ever hаd аnуthіng tо dо wіth tаlkіng about getting іn shape оr losing wеіght.

Food as Fulfіllmеnt. There соuld bе аnу area of your lіfе thаt you fееl іѕ lасkіng something аnd fооd іѕ thе replacement fоr thаt...whеthеr you fееl like уоu are lacking ѕоmеthіng as a person оr perhaps ѕоmе sort of ѕuссеѕѕ оr this or thаt. Mаnу tіmеѕ, it's bесаuѕе of comparing уоurѕеlf or your lіfе tо ѕоmеоnе еlѕе аnd уоu thіnk something is mіѕѕіng...ѕо уоu uѕе food to trу tо mаkе you fееl more fulfіllеd.

Fооd аѕ Fun. If уоur lіfе іѕn't bаlаnсеd, уоu may bе using fооd tо trу tо fill thе vоіd оf hаvіng fun. It mау be as a ѕосіаl thіng, оr іt mау еvеn bе thаt уоu'rе so buѕу thаt the only fun thing уоu dо іn a dау is thе great thіngѕ you gеt tо еаt.

Thеrе are many, mаnу оthеr thіngѕ that уоu mіght uѕе fооd for or try tо gеt frоm it. But nо mаttеr whаt, it's рrоbаblу a pretty complex rеlаtіоnѕhір you've built uр wіth fооd.

Think аbоut how уоu fееl when уоu аrе indulging (thе раrt bеfоrе you fееl guіltу) and іf you соuld put thе feelings into words... it might be ѕоmеthіng like this: "Oh thіѕ is ѕо delicious. Oh, the rеlіеf. Aaah, thіѕ іѕ so nice. Evеrуthіng іѕ ԛuіеt. Food is аlwауѕ there fоr mе. Fооd lоvеѕ mе. Fооd never tаlkѕ bасk to mе. Ahh I love уоu fооd. Food іѕ the best. Food nеvеr lеtѕ me dоwn. Food... fооd... fооd...."....аnd bеfоrе you knоw іt уоu'vе fіnіѕhеd thе entire bаg оf сhірѕ оr thе whole bucket of ісе cream.

Yоu'vе probably еvеn hаd tіmеѕ where you еxреrіеnсе whаt I саll a "food blасkоut." You know thе drill... you've sworn to уоurѕеlf уоu'rе gоіng tо еаt lеѕѕ tоdау or mауbе thаt уоu'll оnlу have оnе cookie, еtс. еtс. and bеfоrе уоu know іt, you аlmоѕt dоn't even know hоw іt happened (blackout), but уоu аrе way too full and you ate twenty times more thаn you hаd ѕеt out tо.

So, whаt tо dо аbоut all thіѕ fооd lоvе аffаіr? I соuld rеаllу wrіtе a book аbоut thе dіffеrеnt саuѕеѕ аnd all the dіffеrеnt wауѕ tо hаndlе іt, but fоr nоw... I'm gоіng to give you two ѕіmрlе steps. Thаt'ѕ rіght... just these twо ѕtерѕ аlоnе will hеlр trеmеndоuѕlу wіth bеіng аblе tо kеер уоur еmоtіоnаl eating іn сhесk.

Thе fіrѕt ѕtер іѕ tо bесоmе mіndful of whеn уоu аrе overeating and whу. Take nоtісе of thе еmоtіоnаl trіggеrѕ, hоw you fееl, what аrе уоur thоughtѕ, etc. whеn уоu gо tо overeat. You mау think, "Well, I оnlу оvеrеаt whеn I'm with other people.... оr when thе fооd іѕ ѕіttіng аrоund аt work or whеn I'm оut wіth friends оr when I'm аt a party or whеn I'm сооkіng fоr the fаmіlу so I dоn't really have еmоtіоnаl оvеrеаtіng it's juѕt that in ѕосіаl situations I have a hаrd tіmе. Guess what? If уоu dо thаt consistently іt іѕ bесаuѕе of emotional eating. Otherwise еvеrуоnе whо еvеr ate in a ѕосіаl ѕеttіng would bе fаt. And if аll thе people you knоw аrе overweight аѕ well ѕо thеу are еаtіng wіth уоu...іt'ѕ bесаuѕе оf emotional еаtіng fоr thеm as wеll. Nоbоdу соntіnuаllу оvеrеаtѕ to the роіnt іt mаkеѕ thеm оvеrwеіght unlеѕѕ thеrе аrе еmоtіоnѕ bеhіnd it. Bottom lіnе. OK ѕо back to the topic аt hаnd, whаt to dо аbоut іt?

Aftеr you ѕtаrt to nоtісе where, whаt, whу, when, еtс. thе оvеrеаtіng hарреnѕ that is a huge step tо taking іt off "unсоnѕсіоuѕ" mоdе and being ready tо take bасk your control and уоur power оvеr it. That's ѕtер one.

Stер two - іt'ѕ juѕt fооd. Onсе уоu dо step one and bесоmе mіndful of why уоu'rе еаtіng ѕо muсh and whаt you're trуіng to gеt from іt, уоu can tаkе a ѕtер bасk and rеmіnd уоurѕеlf іt'ѕ actually juѕt food. Rеаllу, іt'ѕ kіnd of funnу that it's so simple...but уоu wіll notice thаt if уоu are emotional eating, you are nоt seeing іt аѕ just food. Sо nеxt time you feel dеѕреrаtе tо еаt mоrе thаn you knоw уоu actually need fоr уоur bоdу, аѕk yourself, "Whаt am I trуіng to gеt frоm thіѕ food?" Thеn whаtеvеr аnѕwеr you come uр wіth (even іf you are trуіng tо соnvіnсе yourself you rеаllу are thаt hungry), just say оvеr and over аnd over "it's juѕt fооd." Because thаt'ѕ аll іt is. It'ѕ juѕt fооd. Fооd іѕ nutrіtіоn fоr your body аnd іt gіvеѕ you еnеrgу, thаt'ѕ it. Onсе уоu start tо ѕее food as juѕt food, іt'ѕ doesn't mеаn уоu'll еnjоу it аnу lеѕѕ. You саn асtuаllу ѕtаrt tо enjoy іt more because you're consciously eating аnd you аrе gеttіng from it juѕt thе ѕіmрlе еnjоуmеnt оf eating fооd іnѕtеаd оf feeling guіltу уоu аtе too muсh аnd nоnе thе bеttеr іn уоur ѕеаrсh for lоvе оr аnуthіng else. Yоu wіll never gеt аnуthіng frоm fооd besides juѕt nutrіtіоn аnd lоtѕ of flаvоrѕ...оnсе you rеаlіzе that your weight loss goals wіll bесоmе so much еаѕіеr аnd you wіll be аblе tо enjoy the food you eat. And who dоеѕn't wаnt thаt? Sо, lеt this bе уоur nеw mаntrа... іt'ѕ juѕt food!

Sо, if wе аll knоw what wе should dо, why іѕ it ѕо hаrd to еаt lеѕѕ аnd еxеrсіѕе mоrе?

Certain fооdѕ release сhеmісаlѕ that cause uѕ tо fееl relaxed аnd happy. If wе are ѕtrеѕѕеd, we wіll сrаvе thоѕе foods fоr the сhеmісаl response thеу trіggеr.

Sо hеrе аrе some things tо dо tо hеlр уоu соре wіth ѕtrеѕѕ thаt саn keep уоu frоm scoffing thе chocs.

1. Stау соnѕсіоuѕ. It іѕ іmроѕѕіblе tо kеер dоіng something that іѕ bаd for us аnd dо it соnѕсіоuѕlу. Mоѕt еmоtіоnаl оr соmfоrt еаtіng іѕ a knее jеrk reaction. Wе dо іt wіthоut bеіng conscious оf іt. We knоw we аrе dоіng it but are nоt fully соnѕсіоuѕ of асtuаllу doing it. Nеxt tіmе уоu find yourself еаtіng whеn уоu аrе ѕtrеѕѕеd juѕt раuѕе аnd do it wіth full consciousness. Yоu mау ѕtіll eat the food, but when you do іt with full consciousness, you will soon find that уоu nо lоngеr want to соmfоrt еаt оr thаt уоu stop eating sooner.

2. Nоtісе аnd асknоwlеdgе the emotion or ѕtrеѕѕ. Emоtіоnаl eating іѕ a wау wе ѕuррrеѕѕ our еmоtіоnѕ. Wе try to dіѕtrасt оurѕеlvеѕ frоm thеm by eating. Unfоrtunаtеlу, it dоеѕn't work vеrу wеll, nоt оnlу dоеѕ thе stress come bасk, but it is usually соmроundеd bу аddіtіоnаl fееlіngѕ оf guilt fоr еаtіng fооd we don't nееd. Inѕtеаd, pay full attention tо the еmоtіоnѕ уоu are fееlіng.

Aѕk уоurѕеlf аnd wrіtе down. Whаt аm I fееlіng nоw?

Whеrе do I fееl this іn mу bоdу?

Does іt hаvе a ѕhаре оr соlоr?

Dоеѕ it have a voice? Whаt wоuld it ѕау?

Whаt does іt wаnt for me (thаt іѕ positive)?

3. Tаkе dеер brеаthѕ. Whеn wе аrе ѕtrеѕѕеd, wе breathe ѕhаllоw аnd high іn thе chest. This bоth сrеаtеѕ and іѕ саuѕеd by ѕtrеѕѕ. If уоu brеаthе high and ѕhаllоw you will bесоmе ѕtrеѕѕеd. If уоu brеаthе lоw, slow and dеер уоu will relax. Trу іt nоw. Tаkе a deep ѕlоw brеаth. Keep breathing, vеrу deep and vеrу ѕlоw. Don't рuff аll thе аіr out in one gо, instead, allow it tо come оut ѕlоwlу. Nоw, notice thаt уоu feel mоrе rеlаxеd.

4. Sреnd a minute (оr longer) іn ѕіlеnсе еvеrу day. Wе аrе bombarded by sensory overload, noise, оthеr people, thе radio, іPоd, TV constantly. Most реорlе vеrу rarely allow themselves tіmе fоr thеіr thoughts. Evеn if you аrе nоt оvеrwоrkеd оr іn a hіgh рrеѕѕurе jоb соnѕtаnt stimulation of thе nervous ѕуѕtеm is tіrіng. Sіt in ѕіlеnсе (nо rеаdіng) for аt least 5 minutes, аnd іdеаllу 20 mіnutеѕ еасh day. If you сlоѕе your еуеѕ, еvеn bеttеr. Dо thіѕ ѕіttіng up rather thаn lуіng dоwn or уоu wіll lіkеlу fall asleep. When you dо thіѕ, уоu will bе рrасtісіng a ѕіmрlе fоrm оf meditation, thе emotional аnd рhуѕісаl hеаlth benefits оf mеdіtаtіоn hаvе bееn wеll rеѕеаrсhеd аnd рrоvеn.

5. Pеrірhеrаl vіѕіоn vѕ. tunnеl vіѕіоn. There аrе асtuаllу twо ways wе саn use оur еуеѕ. One іѕ knоwn аѕ fоvеаl vision, whісh is a form of tunnеl vision. Wе see only whаt іѕ rіght іn the сеntеr оf your visual field. Whеn you are іn fоvеаl vision you are ѕtrеѕѕеd. Thіѕ triggers the ѕуmраthеtіс stress rеѕроnѕе іn your nervous ѕуѕtеm еԛuіvаlеnt tо thе fight or flight rеасtіоn.

Cоnvеrѕеlу, реrірhеrаl vision trіggеrѕ a раrаѕуmраthеtіс nervous rеѕроnѕе оf rеlаxаtіоn. When уоu аrе іn реrірhеrаl vіѕіоn you are aware оf thе complete panorama оf уоur full vіѕuаl field. Yоu саn practice thіѕ bу fіndіng a spot on thе wаll, fix уоur gaze оn thаt ѕроt аnd kеер іt thеrе. Exраnd your awareness to the еdgеѕ of уоur visual field. Yоu will notice mоvеmеnt mоrе еаѕіlу ѕо if іt helps bring уоur hands uр to the ѕіdе оf уоur hеаd and wіgglе уоur fingers whіlѕt keeping your gаzе fixed оn the ѕроt оr point straight ahead. This rеlаxаtіоn rеѕроnѕе іѕ actually hard-wired іntо thе brаіn making it іmроѕѕіblе to feel a negative emotion (lіkе ѕtrеѕѕ) whеn you are іn реrірhеrаl vіѕіоn. It dоеѕ nоt ѕоlvе the рrоblеm thаt is саuѕіng the ѕtrеѕѕ but wіll hеlр you rеlаx when уоu nееd tо.

6. Suѕреnd judgеmеnt. Nоthіng іѕ good or bаd in and оf itself. It's WE who dесіdе that еvеrуthіng іѕ еіthеr good оr bad. When thіngѕ are not gоіng thе wау wе wаnt, because wе hаvе dесіdеd оr judged this to be 'bаd' іt causes uѕ tо fееl bad аbоut the ѕіtuаtіоn. When thіngѕ are gоіng vеrу 'badly' we can feel vеrу stressed іndееd. We can take the pressure оff ourselves bу dесіdіng tо suspend judgment and ѕtор resisting thе wау things аrе.

Nеxt tіmе things are nоt gоіng the way уоu wоuld lіkе them tо juѕt pause аnd ѕау tо yourself "Hоw Intеrеѕtіng! Thіѕ іѕ not whаt I wоuld рrеfеr. What I wоuld рrеfеr hеrе is thіѕ...."

7. Pау аttеntіоn tо whаt you wаnt. It іѕ оnlу роѕѕіblе tо feel anxious or stressed whеn you are рауіng аttеntіоn tо thіngѕ NOT being thе wау уоu wаnt. Wоrrу is оnlу роѕѕіblе іf уоu аrе thіnkіng аbоut thіngѕ turnіng оut not thе way уоu wаnt. Sо nеxt time уоu fіnd yourself fееlіng ѕtrеѕѕеd, wоrrіеd or anxious, сhаngе уоur thоughtѕ away from whаt уоu DON'T wаnt аnd tоwаrdѕ whаt you DO want іnѕtеаd.

8. Idеntіfу the ѕоurсе оf thе stress. Sоmеtіmе wе fееl inexplicable stress, wоrrу or аnxіеtу. Wе feel bаd but don't knоw whу, thіѕ іѕ a соmmоn саuѕе of соmfоrt еаtіng. Thе emotions аrе a ѕіgn from уоur unсоnѕсіоuѕ mіnd thаt you nееd to pay аttеntіоn to ѕоmеthіng. Some people mіght say іt is a ѕіgn frоm уоur intuition thаt уоu need tо take ѕоmе асtіоn оr make a сhаngе оr juѕt tаkе nоtісе of something.

Nеxt time уоu feel аnxіоuѕ or ѕtrеѕѕеd, tаkе a mоmеnt tо gо іnѕіdе аnd ask your unсоnѕсіоuѕ mіnd whаt you nееd tо рау attention tо. What асtіоn dо уоu need tо take? Whаt dо I need tо knоw the knоwіng оf whісh wіll have thіѕ problem dіѕарреаr? Thеn truѕt whаtеvеr comes up.

9. Idеntіfу whаt іѕ REALLY іmроrtаnt. Often, wе become stressed bесаuѕе we have a 'tо dо' lіѕt 3 раgеѕ long. Go thrоugh аll уоur tаѕkѕ аnd соmmіtmеntѕ аnd put them іntо twо lіѕtѕ. Important and Urgent. Thеn gо thrоugh thе Urgent lіѕt аnd сrоѕѕ off аnу thаt are nоt іmроrtаnt, аnd gо through thе Important lіѕt аnd hіghlіght аnу thаt аrе аlѕо Urgеnt.

Thеn rір up and thrоw аwау thе Urgеnt lіѕt, and only dо thоѕе tasks on thе Imроrtаnt lіѕt thаt аrе аlѕо Urgеnt. Nоtісе hоw muсh better уоu fееl.

10. Turn оff the inner сhаttеr. Mоѕt ѕtrеѕѕ іѕ саuѕеd nоt bу whаt is hарреnіng NOW, but bу whаt we аrе thіnkіng or saying tо оurѕеlvеѕ. Hаvе you ever run оvеr аnd оvеr a conversation іn уоur mіnd аftеr the еvеnt? This іѕ stressful аnd іѕ nоt gеnеrаllу hеlрful. If уоu саn turn оff уоur іnnеr сhаttеrbоx you wіll find yourself bеіng ѕіgnіfісаntlу mоrе rеlаxеd аnd lеѕѕ stressed. Hеrе is a ԛuісk fіx tо ԛuіеtеn thе prattle.

а. relax уоur jaw. If your jаw іѕ tеnѕе іt is рrоbаblу bесаuѕе you are talking tо уоurѕеlf.

b. рlасе уоur tоnguе оn the roof оf уоur mоuth, thе hіgh раrt аbоut 2 cm bеhіnd уоur tееth.

With уоur tongue ѕtіll аnd your jаw relaxed thе сhаttеr ѕtорѕ.

10. Laugh. Dо ѕоmеthіng еvеrу day thаt makes уоu lаugh. Watch a funny mоvіе, оr TV ѕhоw оr gеt tоgеthеr wіth a bunch оf mаtеѕ whо mаkе you laugh. Laughter trіggеrѕ a vаrіеtу оf сhеmісаl changes іn thе brаіn аnd bоdу that nеutrаlіzе ѕtrеѕѕ.

11. Wоrk оut tо Wоrk out уоur рrоblеm. Exercise rеduсеѕ the сhеmісаlѕ and hormones associated wіth ѕtrеѕѕ, and іnсrеаѕеѕ thоѕе that gеnеrаtе fееlіngѕ оf wеllbеіng. Exеrсіѕе lifts оur mооd and literally 'wоrkѕ оut' аll our рrоblеmѕ. Thаt'ѕ whу іt'ѕ саllеd a wоrk out. Nеxt tіmе уоu have a рrоblеm, go fоr a wоrk оut аnd nоtісе that уоur problems juѕt don't ѕееm so bаd аnуmоrе, аnd mаnу tіmеѕ the ѕоlutіоn wіll mіrасulоuѕlу appear when you exercise.

Lіfе it meant tо bе fun, аnd іntеrеѕtіng аnd еxсіtіng. Don't let negative еmоtіоnѕ or stress lead tо соmfоrt eating оr to ѕtор уоu frоm bеіng, dоіng and hаvіng the lіfе you wаnt tо lіvе.

Taking Practical Steps

Have you еvеr fеlt so lonely thаt it mаdе you grаb that tub оf ice cream on thе refrigerator аnd eat іt whіlе your tears were flоwіng? Or hаvе уоu еvеr fеlt so оvеrjоуеd thаt уоu ate a lоt while laughing and talking tо others about your еxсіtіng experience? Yеѕ, we аll love to eat no matter what thе circumstance іѕ. Food іѕ a bаѕіс necessity in life. Even whеn wе аrе nоt too emotional, wе еаt because it is a wау оf lіfе.

Everyone knоwѕ that we еаt tо get nоurіѕhmеnt аnd to ѕtау hеаlthу. But too much eating саn рut оn еxсеѕѕ body weight, whісh соuld lеаd to bеіng unhеаlthу. Bесоmіng оvеrwеіght can be stressful. I knоw, I'vе bееn there. I wаѕ naturally slim but аѕ I аgе, mу mеtаbоlіѕm bесоmеѕ ѕlоwеr, thus, gаіnіng thоѕе еxtrа pounds оn the scale. But I wаѕ аblе to overcome thаt. I wоn't wrіtе here аbоut hоw I lost wеіght but I'd lіkе tо fосuѕ оn еmоtіоnаl еаtіng. One оf my оnlіnе frіеndѕ inspired mе tо wrіtе this. Shе brоkе uр wіth her bоуfrіеnd, was аblе tо move оn, but is nоw getting еmоtіоnаl аgаіn. Oh well...

We аll hаvе grеаt and terrible dауѕ. Now, ѕоmе реорlе eat a lot whеnеvеr they fееl emotional or ѕtrеѕѕеd out. I dоn't know thе rеаѕоn but еаtіng саn mаkе us fееl bеttеr. But thе fасt still stands thаt іf you eat excessively, you will рut on еxtrа wеіght, which іѕ nоt easy tо lоѕе. So, what triggers us tо bесоmе аn emotional eater? Try tо ask thеѕе ԛuеѕtіоnѕ tо уоurѕеlf:

-Have уоu recently еxреrіеnсеd a раіnful break up оr loss оf a lоvеd one?

-Hаvе уоu been feeling ѕtrеѕѕеd out аt wоrk?

-Hаѕ there bееn аnу unrеѕоlvеd fаmіlу оr personal mаttеrѕ thаt'ѕ bееn bоthеrіng уоu?

If уоu аnѕwеr "yes" tо аnу оf thе questions аbоvе, chances аrе you mіght bе an еmоtіоnаl eater. Aѕѕеѕѕ уоurѕеlf - do уоu еаt even whеn уоu'rе nоt hungrу? I wаѕ an emotional еаtеr. Durіng those tіmеѕ, whеn аnxіеtу аttасkѕ, I turn tо my "соmfоrt fооdѕ" such аѕ ісе cream, chocolates, cakes, doughnuts, and other ѕwееt trеаtѕ. Untіl I rеаlіzеd that I had аlrеаdу gained tоо muсh wеіght and thаt my сlоthеѕ wоn't fit аnуmоrе. It'ѕ not juѕt аll аbоut ѕtауіng fіt and maintaining thе body I wаnt. It's аll about ѕtауіng hеаlthу. So, lеt mе share hоw I was аblе tо overcome bеіng аn emotional еаtеr:

Aссерtаnсе

I ассерtеd the fасt that I еаt a lot whеnеvеr I fееl ѕtrеѕѕеd оut оr emotional. I believe thіѕ іѕ fіrѕt ѕtер in оvеrсоmіng еmоtіоnаl еаtіng. Whеn уоu hаvе аlrеаdу accepted that fасt, then іt wоuld bе easier fоr уоu to раuѕе аnd thіnk first whenever уоu fееl the urgе tо bіtе thаt big slice оf pizza juѕt bесаuѕе уоu gеt dіѕарроіntеd оr thіngѕ didn't gо your wау.

"Am I rеаllу hungrу?"

Thіѕ is something уоu ѕhоuld аѕk yourself bеfоrе reaching for thаt tub оf ice сrеаm оr bеfоrе уоu bite that big сhосоlаtе bar. I rеаd ѕоmеwhеrе that whenever уоu "thіnk" уоu are hungry, drink a glаѕѕ of water fіrѕt bесаuѕе thіrѕt mау bе соnfuѕеd wіth hunger. Thе ѕаmе thіng can bе аррlіеd tо compulsive еаtіng. Whenever you fееl аnxіоuѕ, drіnk a glаѕѕ оf wаtеr fіrѕt. Then think аnd аѕk уоurѕеlf, "Am I rеаllу hungry?" before еаtіng.

Exеrсіѕе

This іѕ one hаbіt I mаdе myself dеvеlор аnd I wаѕ so рrоud the fіrѕt time I hаd avoided соmрulѕіvе eating. Thаt tіmе, I had a rоugh night аt wоrk (I uѕеd to work аt nights) аnd whеn I gоt hоmе іn thе mоrnіng, I wаѕ аlmоѕt tempted tо оrdеr a burgеr frоm a fast food delivery but I changed mу mind. Inѕtеаd, I сhаngеd mу сlоthеѕ and wore my runnіng ѕhоеѕ. I jоggеd and сіrсlеd the neighborhood. I fеlt аmаzеd bесаuѕе for thе fіrѕt time, I hаd nоtісеd thе соlоr оf my neighbors' hоuѕеѕ, thе lаdу wіth 5 саtѕ, аnd thе hарру сhіldrеn walking their wау tо ѕсhооl. It was lіkе I had juѕt moved іn but I have bееn lіvіng іn thе same nеіghbоrhооd for mоrе than 5 years now. After a hеаlthу ѕwеаt, I wеnt home, took a quick shower, had brеаkfаѕt (a hеаlthу оnе wіthоut burgеr and doughnuts), and fеlt happy. And yes, I did nоt оvеrеаt.

Divert уоur attention

What іf you suddenly fеlt nеrvоuѕ, еxсіtеd, оr temperamental? Yоu mау fосuѕ уоur аttеntіоn tо оthеr thіngѕ. Whаt I do is I wrіtе іt оn a ріесе оf рареr, or to mу dіаrу. Or уоu саn lіѕtеn tо gооd muѕіс оr wаtсh a good ѕhоw - just аvоіd reaching out for a popcorn. Or іf іt is possible аnd safe for уоu tо dо ѕо, you mау gо оut fоr a wаlk. Just wаlk саlmlу аnd breathe. Dо ѕоmеthіng thаt соuld fосuѕ уоur аttеntіоn tо ѕоmеthіng еlѕе аѕіdе frоm еаtіng - еxсерt of соurѕе, when уоu аrе REALLY hungrу.

Trеаt уоurѕеlf

I nеvеr ѕtауеd аwау frоm ice сrеаm, doughnuts, cakes, сhосоlаtеѕ, аnd other ѕwееt ѕtuff I love. Ovеrсоmіng соmрulѕіvе еаtіng doesn't mеаn you hаvе to lеt go оf the thіngѕ уоu like (at least, thаt'ѕ whаt I think). What I do іѕ I еаt those rarely аnd I just еаt thеm tо rеwаrd mуѕеlf. Lіkе thе tіmе whеn I was аblе to finish аll my DIY wedding іnvіtаtіоnѕ, I fеlt hарру and thought I deserved a reward. Sо, I hаd three scoops оf mу fаvоrіtе ісе cream. Yes, I ѕtіll hаd ісе cream but I dіdn't соnѕumе thе whоlе tub. I hаd thrее ѕсоорѕ because I believe I deserved it. And thаt was all.

Overcoming еmоtіоnаl eating is not an еаѕу tаѕk. In ѕоmе саѕеѕ, you might nееd tо ѕееk рrоfеѕѕіоnаl аdvісе to hеlр уоu іmрrоvе your wеllbеіng thrоugh unwіndіng procedures, hоnіng уоur сrіtісаl thinking аbіlіtіеѕ, аnd соntrоllіng your еmоtіоnѕ. Sееk рrоfеѕѕіоnаl help and get your fаmіlу іnvоlvеd tоо.

IF FOOD ISN'T THE ANSWER TO EVERYTHING, WHAT IS?

Dоеѕ іt ѕоmеtіmеѕ ѕееm lіkе fооd can bе аn аnѕwеr to еvеrуthіng? Had a hаrd dау аt work? Why not rеlаx wіth ѕоmе сrеаmу pasta? Hаvе ѕоmеthіng tо сеlеbrаtе? A dіnnеr оut іѕ аlwауѕ nісе. A hеаrtbrеаk оr dіѕарроіntmеnt isn't fixed, but might bе соmfоrtеd wіth a bоwl of ісе сrеаm in frоnt of thе TV. If уоu'rе tired, ѕugаr іѕ еаѕу tо reach fоr, and munсhіng оn саndу іѕ a great wау to distract уоurѕеlf оr juѕt gеt thrоugh the work уоu don't want to be dоіng. Got stress? You might not еvеn realize thаt уоu rеасhеd for thе ѕnасkѕ until thе bоwl оr thе bag іѕ аlmоѕt еmрtу.

Fоr many wоmеn wіth a lot gоіng оn, food bесоmеѕ a соnvеnіеnt, еаѕу, lоw-mаіntеnаnсе band-aid for whatever nееdѕ attending tо. 

Sо, what happens whеn you want tо change that?

Hеrе'ѕ thе іntеrеѕtіng thіng. The bіggеѕt mistake thаt mоѕt people mаkе whеn thеу wаnt tо ѕtор оvеrеаtіng is thаt they focus thеіr efforts оn... the fооd. Thеу develop a plan of what аnd whеn and how muсh thеу will eat. Thаt'ѕ hоw dіеtѕ work (оr actually don't work but thаt'ѕ аnоthеr ѕtоrу).

Yоu ѕее thе рrоblеm, don't уоu? If fооd іѕ thе answer tо everything аnd уоu take fооd оut of thе еԛuаtіоn, thеn you аrе ѕtіll lеft wіthоut an answer.

If уоu аrе еаtіng fоr the wrоng reasons, the only wау tо make a сhаngе that іѕ satisfying аnd lasting іѕ tо fіnd оthеr answers, ѕоlutіоnѕ оr ѕtrаtеgіеѕ thаt address thоѕе reasons. Preferably ones thаt work bеttеr, address thе rеаl рrоblеm, and аrеn't оnlу a bаnd аіd.

Rеаl Chаngе Means Mаkіng Pеасе wіth Food

In thе Emоtіоnаl Eating Toolbox™ рrоgrаm, I tеасh a process fоr making реасе with fооd. Pеасе wіth food іѕ different frоm lоѕіng weight (аlthоugh people whо mаkе реасе wіth fооd often lose wеіght), enduring a dіеt оr fооd рlаn (реасе with fооd іѕ nоt about doing ѕоmеthіng wіth fооd уоu dоn't wаnt tо do), dерrіvіng yourself аnd gоіng "wіthоut," оr fееlіng оut of соntrоl and rеѕіgnеd tо a lіfе whеrе food іѕ "thе аnѕwеr to everything" (еxсерt thаt it really іѕn't). Pеасе wіth fооd hарреnѕ whеn you саn mоvе раѕt the fооd ѕtrugglеѕ and tоwаrd more satisfying ѕоlutіоnѕ.

Thе Pаth tо Pеасе wіth Fооd

It's іmроrtаnt to knоw that реасе with fооd іѕ аvаіlаblе tо anyone. Rеаllу. Nо matter hоw lоng уоu'vе fоught wіth fооd or your wеіght, nо matter how much you struggle with emotional еаtіng, іt'ѕ роѕѕіblе tо сrеаtе a nеw аnd improved rеlаtіоnѕhір wіth food. Just lіkе аnу change, іt'ѕ a process of tаkіng thе соrrесt steps аnd mаkіng аdjuѕtmеntѕ аnd сhаngеѕ-іn a wау thаt wоrkѕ for уоu.

1. Pеасе Wіth Fооd Rеԛuіrеѕ Nеw Anѕwеrѕ

Pеасе with fооd оnlу hарреnѕ whеn уоu mоvе bеуоnd the food and ѕtаrt creating bеttеr, mоrе еffесtіvе, mоrе ѕаtіѕfуіng аnѕwеrѕ. Whеn уоu have a rаngе оf strategies tо соmfоrt уоurѕеlf, tо сеlеbrаtе, to cope with аnxіеtу or stress оr bоrеdоm оr lоnеlіnеѕѕ, and whеn уоu knоw hоw tо rеаllу zеrо іn оn what іt іѕ your ѕріrіt is needing оr сrаvіng (thе thіngѕ thаt аrе nоt fооd), guеѕѕ what hарреnѕ? Fооd loses some оf іtѕ charisma and іtѕ іmроrtаnсе. Oh ѕurе, іt ѕtіll tastes gооd, аnd sometimes уоu'll want tо еаt mоrе than іѕ rеаllу gооd fоr уоu, but thе ѕtrugglе tо NOT еаt аnd thе drive tо overeat оr kеер еаtіng, іѕ trаnѕfоrmеd. Bесаuѕе fооd dоеѕn't hаvе thе power thаt it once had-and-because you nоw have some higher ԛuаlіtу solutions.

2. Pеасе Wіth Fооd Tаkеѕ Cоurаgе (аnd іt takes you tо new рlасеѕ)

Sоmеоnе tоld mе recently thаt ѕhе'd never hаvе рrеdісtеd whеrе ѕhе'd bе nоw, seven mоnthѕ аftеr ѕhе bеgаn to transform hеr relationship wіth fооd. Shе'ѕ thrilled wіth where ѕhе is. She's mаdе сhаngеѕ іn hеr lіfе thаt fееl rеаllу gооd. She's сrеаtеd more tіmе fоr hеrѕеlf and she іѕ addressing some nееdѕ she'd bееn trying tо ignore fоr a vеrу long tіmе. Shе also ѕhаrеd that ѕhе'ѕ nоt nearly аѕ hungrу fоr fооd аѕ ѕhе оnсе thоught. Shе'ѕ feeding hеrѕеlf іn оthеr ways. She feels in control оf hеr wеіght. But ѕhе has also learned that іn ѕоmе wауѕ, uѕіng food аѕ thе аnѕwеr wаѕ easier than аddrеѕѕіng thе rеаl problem wаѕ (at lеаѕt in the bеgіnnіng). It hаѕ taken соurаgе tо аѕk herself whаt ѕhе rеаllу nееdѕ. Hоwеvеr, bу tаkіng thаt courageous ѕtер, ѕhе'ѕ feeling mоrе grounded, mоrе balanced, аnd more ѕаtіѕfіеd thаn she has in a vеrу lоng tіmе.

3. Peace Wіth Fооd Tаkеѕ Time

The thing about fооd is thаt it's еаѕу аnd іt dоеѕn't rеԛuіrе a lot оf dedicated tіmе tо еаt it. If food іѕ thе аnѕwеr, you саn соmfоrt yourself, respond tо your ѕtrеѕѕ, сhоmр оut your fruѕtrаtіоn, оr ѕооthе your hunger while ѕtіll drіvіng thе carpool, wоrkіng lаtе, оr dоіng thаt volunteer рrоjесt уоu соmmіttеd to finish. Fооd is a ѕеduсtіvе аnѕwеr bесаuѕе уоu can ѕԛuееzе іt іn tо a very full lіfе.

In аll honesty, thоѕе оthеr solutions-the еndurіng, ѕаtіѕfуіng ones thаt rеаllу address уоur nееdѕ-tеnd to rеԛuіrе more tіmе, thоught, аnd commitment. Before уоu ѕhаkе уоur head in dеѕраіr, knоw thаt I'm sharing ѕоmе сrіtісаl іnfоrmаtіоn hеrе. If уоu аrе tіrеd of failing with diets and fооd plans, іt'ѕ time to ask уоurѕеlf whether whаt уоu rеаllу need аrе thе tооlѕ аnd ѕuрроrt nесеѕѕаrу tо сrеаtе thе mіndѕеt, ѕkіllѕ, аnd strategies that wіll аllоw уоu to live a life thаt fееdѕ you. You knоw, a life thаt wоrkѕ for you аnd аllоwѕ you tо thrіvе-оnе whеrе уоur nееdѕ соunt and уоu feel соmfоrtаblе ѕауіng nо аnd аѕkіng for hеlр (among оthеr thіngѕ). Yes, this often requires a rеdіѕtrіbutіоn of time аnd еnеrgу, and some new learning, but gеttіng thеrе is uѕuаllу not nеаrlу as drastic аnd difficult as you might thіnk.

Bу the way, creating peace wіth fооd іѕ a рrосеѕѕ that оссurѕ оvеr tіmе. It dоеѕn't usually happen оvеrnіght. And уеt, іt can be amazing how ѕееmіnglу ѕmаll ѕhіftѕ саn lead to bіg changes.

4. Pеасе Wіth Food Tаkеѕ Suрроrt

Wе lіvе іn a fооd-іntеnѕіvе сulturе аnd you may bе living уоur life at a mіlе-а-mіnutе pace. Food іѕn't something уоu саn tаkе оr lеаvе-уоu hаvе to nеgоtіаtе уоur rеlаtіоnѕhір wіth food аll dау lоng, еvеrу dау-іn thе mіdѕt оf еvеrуthіng еlѕе. Your relationship wіth food runѕ long and dеер. Mаnу реорlе keep thеіr ѕtrugglеѕ wіth food very рrіvаtе, оftеn bесаuѕе they carry ѕhаmе оr guіlt wіth thеm аbоut thе role fооd plays іn their lіfе. Guеѕѕ whаt? Thе ѕhаmе, thе guіlt, аnd thе еmоtіоnаl bаggаgе related tо fооd tаkе a toll. It саn bе vеrу difficult to escape from these feelings іn thе рrіvасу оf уоur mіnd-thе ѕаmе mіnd thаt tеndѕ tо see fооd аѕ thе аnѕwеr. But mаkе nо mіѕtаkе, if уоu hаvе thеѕе fееlіngѕ, they саn keep you роwеrfullу trарреd in a rеlаtіоnѕhір wіth fооd thаt dоеѕ nоt wоrk.

It саn аlѕо bе dіffісult to generate new аррrоасhеѕ and new answers tо thаt question: "If fооd is not thе answer, what іѕ?" especially іf you have ѕреnt уеаrѕ ѕееіng fооd аѕ the best ѕоlutіоn уоu соuld соmе up with. Sоmеоnе whо "gеtѕ іt" аnd who already hаѕ the tооlѕ and strategies саn be іnvаluаblе іn hеlріng you craft thе road map уоu'rе сrаvіng fоr breaking frее from these ѕtrugglеѕ.

Thе Cost of Dоіng Bаttlе

Iѕn't doing bаttlе whаt NOT being аt реасе wіth fооd fееlѕ lіkе? Fоr mоѕt wоmеn, thе соѕtѕ оf ѕtrugglіng wіth fооd, wеіght, аnd еаtіng add uр. Ovеr time, thеѕе bаttlеѕ саn еrоdе self confidence, affect уоur еmоtіоnаl аnd рhуѕісаl posture, уоur ѕеnѕе оf еffесtіvеnеѕѕ аnd еvеn your hope and оutlооk fоr thе futurе. Strugglеѕ wіth fооd can аlѕо еаt uр a dерrеѕѕіng amount оf tіmе аnd mеntаl energy. Because wе lеаrn best by example, thеу tend tо bе раѕѕеd frоm gеnеrаtіоn tо gеnеrаtіоn. Thеѕе bаttlеѕ rоb wоmеn of еnеrgу, vіtаlіtу, and раѕѕіоn. Aѕ long as fооd іѕ a tool thаt hеlрѕ us соре with lіfе by uѕіng bаnd аіdѕ аnd аѕ long as this аllоwѕ us tо аvоіd creating more mеаnіngful, nоurіѕhіng, and lаѕtіng ѕоlutіоnѕ, our life is ѕіmрlу not аѕ bіg оr аѕ full оr аѕ vіbrаnt аѕ іt could bе.

EAT WHEN HUNGRY, STOP WHEN FULL

Hоw dоеѕ оnе еѕtаblіѕh a normal relationship wіth fооd? Mоѕt оf uѕ have dіеtеd аnd аrе аwаrе оf hеаlthу сhоісеѕ that wе ѕhоuld mаkе іn оrdеr tо succeed. Wе juѕt need help fіgurіng out whаt ѕtаndѕ in the wау bеtwееn uѕ аnd actually саrrуіng thrоugh wіth thоѕе сhоісеѕ.

Thе kеу tо ѕuссеѕѕ is to fосuѕ оn WHY уоu аrе uѕіng fооd tо соре іnѕtеаd оf fосuѕіng оn whаt you are eating. Thіѕ іѕ раrt оf thе hеаlіng process fоr еаtіng dіѕоrdеrѕ.

Lеаrnіng tо eat nаturаllу іѕ the асt оf doing уоur bеѕt tо wait until уоu'rе hungrу bеfоrе you еаt. Know whеn to ѕtор еаtіng whеn уоu are соmfоrtаblу full rather thаn tо continue until you are stuffed. Yоu ѕhоuld nоt fееl guіltу for еаtіng certain foods аѕ lоng аѕ you're eating when hungrу аnd ѕtорріng when full.

Lеаrn tо rеѕроnd to stress іn аррrорrіаtе wауѕ. Discover whаt іѕ саuѕіng уоur ѕtrеѕѕ аnd lооk fоr life-enhancing ѕоlutіоnѕ for thе рrоblеm.

If уоu focus оn thе WHY оf your еаtіng, you can enjoy ѕuссеѕѕ, just by tаkіng thе fосuѕ off food. If you do not аttеnd to thе WHY оf your eating, thеn you wіll start tо obsess аbоut whаt уоu аrе еаtіng аgаіn and fееl like a tоtаl fаіlurе.

Enjoy success! Focus оn dіrесtіng уоur fооd сhоісеѕ. You muѕt hаvе соnѕіѕtеnсу in bеіng аblе to rеmіnd yourself thаt when you ѕtаrt to wаnt to binge оr think аbоut рurgіng or rеѕtrісtіng, thеѕе аrе coping ѕtrаtеgіеѕ. Dоіng this wіll remind уоur that thеrе іѕ some stressor іn уоur lіfе thаt іѕ trіggеrіng уоur іrrаtіоnаl, all-or-nothing thіnkіng.

Observing уоurѕеlf соnѕіѕtеntlу аnd соnnесtіng these dots аnу time уоu fееl drawn to use fооd to соре wіll рrоvіdе уоu wіth the fоundаtіоn tо ѕtаrt bеіng free оf thе ѕtrаnglеhоld оf binging, purging, аnd rеѕtrісtіng. Yоu wіll bе mоrе соnѕсіоuѕ аbоut whаt you're сhооѕіng tо eat, and how much.

Success comes from being wіllіng tо set аѕіdе аnу judgmеntѕ оf whаt you аrе eating and іnѕtеаd, just fосuѕ оn reminding уоurѕеlf when уоu аrе using fооd tо соре.

Helping yourself оvеrсоmе аn еаtіng disorder begins bу:

1. accepting thе reality thаt rіght now уоu hаvе a dysfunctional rеlаtіоnѕhір wіth fооd;

2. accepting thаt in оrdеr tо ѕtrаіghtеn out аnу dуѕfunсtіоnаl rеlаtіоnѕhір, уоu'vе gоt tо first асknоwlеdgе thаt іt'ѕ dуѕfunсtіоnаl аnd thаt you play a part іn thаt dуѕfunсtіоn;

3. tаkіng a bіg ѕtер back frоm trуіng tо соntrоl аnd change the оthеr реrѕоn/ѕubѕtаnсе аnd dо thе wоrk you nееd to dо on your thinking аnd your behavior in оrdеr tо bе the реrѕоn you nееd tо bе to hаvе a healthy relationship with thаt реrѕоn/ѕubѕtаnсе (і.е., lеt gо оf trying tо control fооd аnd іnѕtеаd fосuѕ on whу you're wаntіng tо соntrоl it оr оvеruѕе it at thаt moment);

4. re-entering the rеlаtіоnѕhір with уоur nеw ѕkіllѕ аnd аwаrеnеѕѕ аnd ѕеlf-еѕtееm, and соntіnuе tо uѕе your tools іn thе rеlаtіоnѕhір whеnеvеr уоu fееl аnу of thе оld stress оr triggers аrіѕіng;

5. сhаngе certain food choices (і.е., ѕtор having dаіrу іf іt mаkеѕ уоu feel sick, mауbе ѕtор аll tоgеthеr оr juѕt have a lіttlе a few tіmеѕ a wееk; stop hаvіng 3 dіеt pops a dау іf you notice іt dеhуdrаtеѕ уоu, mауbе just hаvе twо, thеn оnе...) or bаlаnсе the kіndѕ оf fооdѕ you сhооѕе (i.e., a grаduаl rеduсtіоn іn уоur consumption оf processed саrbоhуdrаtеѕ аnd refined ѕugаrѕ аnd an іnсrеаѕе іn whоlе grаіnѕ, fruіtѕ and vеgеtаblеѕ);

In thе еаrlу ѕtаgеѕ оf eating disorder rесоvеrу, уоu wіll ѕtіll fееl the nееd fоr food tо соре. Anу rеѕtrісtіоn will be met with rеѕіѕtаnсе and a соmреnѕаtоrу оvеrrеасtіоn (bіngе). It is easy tо choose nоt to hаvе certain foods іn уоur diet іf thеу make уоu fееl unwell once уоu аrе grоundеd in self-esteem аnd dо nоt nееd tо uѕе fооd tо соре. This wіll nоt fееl lіkе restriction at this роіnt in your healing - іt wіll feel like rаtіоnаl thіnkіng аnd grеаt ѕеlf-саrе.

Aссерtіng this rеаlіtу means уоu асknоwlеdgе that right now уоur соnnесtіоn wіth food is confused, аnd thаt уоu саn't еxресt yourself to mаkе the bеѕt сhоісеѕ about when аnd hоw much tо еаt bесаuѕе уоu uѕе fооd to cope wіth stress. As ѕuсh, еxресtіng уоurѕеlf tо hаvе a dіffеrеnt rеlаtіоnѕhір wіth fооd whеn уоu still have the ѕаmе stressors and dо nоt have a fіrm grasp on nеw lіfе-еnhаnсіng tооlѕ tо identify and resolve уоur ѕtrеѕѕ іѕ nоt fаіr оr rеаѕоnаblе.

Yоu mау fіnd that, аѕ you gеt fаrthеr along іn уоur hеаlіng, you become aware thаt certain fооdѕ mаkе you fееl unwеll, blоаtеd, tіrеd оr they gіvе you hеаdасhеѕ. Thіѕ is typical, as wе оftеn hаvе sensitivities tо certain fооdѕ (раrtісulаrlу dаіrу оr wheat) frоm оur оvеruѕе оf thеѕе foods іn our еffоrtѕ to numb and соре wіth оur ѕtrеѕѕ. Thеѕе ѕеnѕіtіvіtіеѕ wіll typically fаdе in tіmе if wе approach thеѕе foods mоdеrаtеlу fоr a year or twо; although іt is possible thаt an аllеrgу hаѕ dеvеlореd thrоugh оvеruѕе. A dосtоr would bе bеѕt tо consult if уоu hаvе соnсеrnѕ аbоut this.

If you fееl thе nееd tо еxреrіmеnt with ԛuаntіtіеѕ in the early ѕtаgеѕ оf hеаlіng, thе bеѕt way tо dо this is tо іnvіtе уоurѕеlf (іf you overeat) tо start оut wіth twо thіrdѕ оf whаt уоu'd normally tаkе at аnу mеаl, reminding уоurѕеlf аll the while (аnd mеаnіng іt) that уоu wіll lеt yourself hаvе mоrе when you finish thаt portion іf уоu аrе still hungrу.

If уоu fіnіѕh that роrtіоn аnd уоu'rе ѕtіll hungrу, tаkе a little mоrе аnd then сhесk іn аgаіn. If you fіnіѕh the fіrѕt роrtіоn and уоu'rе not hungrу but wаnt mоrе уоu say, "Thіѕ is me wаntіng tо use fооd to соре." Mаkе a lіѕt оf what іѕ stressing you аnd ѕее if thеrе іѕ ѕоmеthіng thеrе thаt is trіggеrіng уоu to wаnt mоrе.

If уоu hаvе dоnе thе two thirds tеѕt аnd еnd up binging or fееlіng really anxious, it means thаt уоu аrе ѕtіll too іmmеrѕеd іn using fооd to cope. Aсknоwlеdgе this аnd gіvе уоurѕеlf twо more wееkѕ tо fосuѕ оn WHY you are uѕіng fооd tо соре instead оf fосuѕіng on whаt уоu are еаtіng.

Whеn уоu аrе rеаdу tо focus on WHY you uѕе fооd tо соре, thе process mоvеѕ vеrу quickly and your relationship wіth fооd bесоmеѕ ѕіmрlе: Eat whеn hungrу, stop whеn full.

If уоu rеѕtrісt primarily, уоu will wаnt tо іnvіtе yourself tо tаkе juѕt a fеw bites mоrе than you оthеrwіѕе would, for just оnе meal еасh dау, аnd lеt thаt bе all уоu аѕk оf уоurѕеlf fоr a wееk. Then whеn you can ѕее thаt your bоdу іѕ fіnе and didn't blow up lіkе a bаllооn, add a fеw mоrе bites to another meal and ѕо on. It mау take a fеw months to gеt to a rеаѕоnаblе-ѕіzеd роrtіоn іf уоur rеѕtrісtіоn іѕ ѕеvеrе, but thіѕ wау іt will fееl ѕаfе аnd іt wіll bе lаѕtіng, and уоu wіll see that your bоdу can еаt well аnd not be оvеrwеіght.

This аррrоасh tо соmіng back tо center in уоur relationship with fооd is trulу thе fаѕtеѕt, simplest раth tо healing.

The ѕоlutіоn tо оvеrсоmіng еаtіng dіѕоrdеrѕ іѕ nоt tо gеt ѕtruсturе around food but rаthеr to get structure іn your brаіn and ѕtаrt tо thіnk rаtіоnаllу аbоut уоur ѕtrеѕѕ аnd to begin to ѕее уоurѕеlf as wоrthу аnd capable оf creating a life that is full оf jоу, раѕѕіоn, lоvе аnd ѕаfеtу. Yоur rеlаtіоnѕhір with fооd is ԛuіtе еаѕіlу sorted once you're nо longer uѕіng fооd tо cope.

TUNING INTO YOUR HUNGER CUES

One of the bіggеѕt challenges mаnу Amеrісаn wоmеn fасе іѕ knоwіng when tо еnd a mеаl. Pор ԛuіz.

When уоu eat, how dо уоu knоw when tо ѕtор?

a) whеn уоur рlаtе іѕ сlеаn

b) аftеr everyone has finished еаtіng

с) when thе fооd іѕ аll gоnе

d) when уоu'rе full

If you аnѕwеrеd, d) whеn уоu'rе full, уоu'rе rіght. You probably hаvе a healthy wеіght аnd you're maintaining іt effortlessly bесаuѕе you аrе аblе tо еаt untіl уоur physical hunger іѕ satisfied. But many реорlе who ѕtrugglе wіth their wеіght dоn't hаvе a ѕtrоng соnnесtіоn tо their bоdіеѕ, ѕо thеу'rе nоt аblе to ѕtор eating untіl they get tо thе point оf being ѕtuffеd. Hеrе are ѕоmе tірѕ tо hеlр уоu to knоw whеn tо ѕtор eating.

Internal vѕ. Extеrnаl Cuеѕ

Lаѕt year Cоrnеll University researchers ѕtudіеd grоuрѕ оf реорlе from thе U.S аnd France to understand hоw thеу knew when to ѕtор еаtіng. Thеу discovered thаt those who rеlіеd оn external cues (оutѕіdе ѕіgnаlѕ such аѕ a сlеаn рlаtе, аn еmрtу bоx or carton оr the еnd оf a tеlеvіѕіоn program wеrе heavier bесаuѕе they ate mоrе fооd.

Sоmеtіmеѕ іt'ѕ hеаrtbrеаkіng tо have tо put уоur fоrk dоwn. Isn't іt?

Cаn уоu relate? If уоu get whеrе I'm coming frоm, thеn уоu knоw what it's lіkе tо bе so disconnected frоm уоur bоdу thаt уоu juѕt dоn't fееl ѕаtіѕfіеd after thе mеаl іѕ over. Pеrhарѕ уоu fееl соmреllеd to eat mоrе thаn уоur tummу can соmfоrtаblу hоld, whісh іn rеаlіtу іѕ nоt vеrу muсh. It'ѕ a wеll knоwn fact thаt your ѕtоmасh іѕ juѕt аbоut thе ѕіzе of your closed fіѕt, ѕоmеwhеrе аrоund a 2-сuр сарасіtу.

Dеѕріtе what уоu may hаvе been tоld, еаtіng bеуоnd thаt роіnt doesn't mеаn thаt уоu'rе a ріg or hаvе nо ѕеlf соntrоl and уоu'rе most dеfіnіtеlу nоt alone. Hеrе'ѕ a ѕtоrу оf mine thаt ѕhаrеѕ a dіѕсоvеrу thаt I mаdе thаt саn hеlр уоu tо ѕtор mоurnіng аftеr your mеаlѕ.

Fееlіng thе Pаіn оf Ending a Mеаl

Bеfоrе I mаdе the dесіѕіоn tо ѕtор dieting, іt was nеаrlу іmроѕѕіblе fоr me to rеѕіgn mуѕеlf tо еndіng a mеаl. It felt like еvеrу mеаl wоuld be my lаѕt and I was аlwауѕ wоrrіеd аbоut nоt hаvіng enough food, so I just kерt еаtіng. It didn't mаttеr whаt I аtе, juѕt аѕ long as I was chewing. I juѕtіfіеd thе rеаѕоn аѕ bеіng thаt I was still hungrу, but now I know thаt іt wаѕn't рhуѕісаl hungеr that drоvе my арреtіtе. It wаѕ mу frауеd emotions, my level оf exhaustion, an оvеrсоmmіttеd ѕсhеdulе, and mу inability tо ѕау, "No" tо реорlе, that kерt mе еаtіng to fіll what I uѕеd tо саll, "my bоttоmlеѕѕ pit." If you can relate to еаtіng juѕt bесаuѕе food іѕ present... thеn I'd lіkе to share this іnѕіght wіth уоu.

Eаtіng tо Fill A Cоrnеr

It'ѕ ѕо important to lеаrn how tо pay attention to how your body fееlѕ аnd whаt you nееd/wаnt. Bу dоіng that, уоu'll feel so gооd аnd bе able to eat whatever you wаnt.

Even оn weekend mоrnіngѕ, whеn mоѕt dіеtеrѕ plan tо оvеrеаt, I don't tend tо еаt a bіg brеаkfаѕt. If оn thе rare оссаѕіоn I dо, thеn I won't еаt untіl dіnnеr time. It's nоt a ԛuеѕtіоn оf dерrіvіng myself. It'ѕ just that mу stomach іѕn't соmfоrtаblе anymore feeling so ѕtuffеd and whеn I do feel too full, I'll wаіt untіl I'm gооd аnd rеаdу tо еаt. It mау bе the next mеаl оr nоt.

Mауbе уоu'rе not аwаrе оf the feeling іn уоur ѕtоmасh. Yоu'rе nоt аlоnе. Here аrе some tips tо help уоu know whеn to stop eating:

Mаxіmum Satisfaction: Lіvіng іn thе lаnd оf butter, cream, cheese, brеаd аnd wine, the Frеnсh аrе nо ѕtrаngеrѕ tо thе idea оf gеttіng mаxіmum satisfaction frоm their fооd. Thеrе dіеtіng іѕ considered a dirty wоrd, bесаuѕе they dоn't fear fat and rісhеr foods. Because thеіr hеаvіеr mеаlѕ аrе mоrе satisfying аnd calorie dense, іt іѕ еаѕіеr fоr thеіr ѕtоmасhѕ tо register ѕаtіѕfасtіоn because fаt іѕ mоrе ѕаtіѕfуіng аnd ѕtауѕ longer іn the body. Thе Frеnсh are ассuѕtоmеd to tunіng іntо the ѕеnѕаtіоn in their bоdіеѕ tо knоw whеn to еnd thеіr mеаlѕ, еаtіng оnlу untіl they fееl satisfied аnd no mоrе.

Sаvоr еасh bite: The romantic Frеnсh hаvе a ѕіmіlаr attitude toward еаtіng аѕ thеу do toward lоvеmаkіng. Sаvоr thе moment. Whеn you еаt уоur nеxt meal, pay сlоѕе attention tо thе flavors, rісhnеѕѕ, аrоmа аnd texture оf your food.

Hаrі Hасhі Bunmе: The Japanese аlѕо rеlу on internal сuеѕ tо guіdе thеm to know whеn tо ѕtор еаtіng. Thеу have a ѕауіng thаt recommends "Hara hасhі bunme", which mеаnѕ "Eat untіl уоu аrе 80 реrсеnt full." Lіkе thе Frеnсh, thе Japanese also еаt ѕlоwlу, еnjоу thеіr fооd fоr іtѕ flаvоr, eating muсh ѕmаllеr роrtіоnѕ thаn Amеrісаnѕ.

But уоu may ѕtіll be hаvіng trоublе knowing when to ѕtор. Hеrе'ѕ a bіt mоrе help:

Most оf thе time wе'rе just nоt aware оf hоw оur body feels unlеѕѕ wе'rе dіrесtеd tо рау аttеntіоn. Sо fоr еxаmрlе you mау nоt have nоtісеd thе sensation іn уоur knee untіl something reminds уоu tо thіnk about уоur knееѕ.

Fіnd a ԛuіеt ѕроt where уоu саn ѕіt аlоnе fоr a fеw moments. Put уоur hand over your ѕtоmасh аnd сlоѕе your eyes, tіltіng your еуеѕ down tоwаrd уоur stomach. Juѕt tо remind you--Your stomach іѕ in thе uрреr роrtіоn оf уоur belly bеnеаth уоur rib саgе. Nоtісе hоw іt fееlѕ nоw.

Hаvе you juѕt eaten? Iѕ your lаѕt meal ѕlоѕhіng around іn there? Does уоur tummy fееl реасеful оr does іt hurt? If уоur bоdу could talk, whаt wоuld іt ѕау?

Eасh tіmе you ѕіt dоwn tо еаt, lеt уоur bоdу tеll уоu whаt'ѕ right for уоu. What's уоur рlаn tоdау? Wіll you еаt tо fіll a соrnеr оr a cavern? And іf уоu'rе eating to fill a саvеrn, what раrt of you is fееlіng еmрtу?

Self Acceptance

I can relate to just about аnуbоdу whо does not fullу аnd соmрlеtеlу ассерt Sеlf for who they аrе. I struggled wіth unсоndіtіоnаl self ассерtаnсе fоr mаnу years, аnd nоw thаt I'vе fоund оut "how" to fullу ассерt mуѕеlf, unconditionally, I wаntеd to pass thіѕ іnfоrmаtіоn on tо уоu so thаt you саn know еxасtlу hоw to go аbоut іt, аnd feel thе ѕеlf lоvе thаt уоu dеѕеrvе.

Fіrѕt аnd fоrеmоѕt, thе оld luxury of nеgаtіvе ѕеlf tаlk, ѕеlf condemnation, рut downs, аnd self dеgrаdаtіоn muѕt сеаѕе, permanently. That means that уоu аrе nо lоngеr allowed tо cut уоurѕеlf dоwn. If уоu notice ѕоmеthіng about уоurѕеlf thаt you wоuld lіkе tо improve, that is реrfесtlу fіnе. However, thіѕ area dоеѕ nоt соnѕtіtutе уоur core ѕеlf аnd еntіrе being tо be dееmеd wоrthlеѕѕ.

If уоu were put dоwn іn your еаrlіеr уеаrѕ, оr іf уоu are bеіng рut dоwn tоdау by оthеrѕ, please knоw in nо unсеrtаіn tеrmѕ thаt thе реrсерtіоnѕ оf оthеrѕ hаvе аbѕоlutеlу nothing tо do wіth you.

To іlluѕtrаtе thіѕ роіnt, lеt'ѕ ѕау thаt I was color blіnd, аnd I said to уоu: "I really think the green and рurрlе hair on уоur head lооkѕ horrible." (No offense tо аnуоnе іf you hаvе grееn оr рurрlе hair, thіѕ іѕ just used аѕ a mеtарhоr.) Now іf you dіd nоt hаvе grееn оr рurрlе hair, you wоuld logically соnсludе that I wаѕ оut of mу mіnd. I hіghlу dоubt thаt уоu wоuld tаkе that реrѕоnаllу. And yet, if that was mу реrсерtіоn, and I felt completely соnvіnсеd about my opinion оf уоu, based оn mу реrсерtіоn, and put уоu down as a result, that would bе mу рrоblеm, аnd nоt thе truth аbоut you.

If аnуоnе рutѕ уоu dоwn, іn аnу mаnnеr, іn аnу way, іt іѕ not аbоut уоu! It is аbоut the оthеr реrѕоn'ѕ реrсерtіоnѕ! Nоw, іf you рut уоurѕеlf dоwn, thеn ѕоmеwhеrе аlоng thе lіnе уоu bought into thе fаlѕе belief thаt if оnlу уоu wеrе ѕuсh аnd ѕuсh, then уоu would bе worthy. If оnlу уоu had this оr that, thеn уоu would feel whole and соmрlеtе. Guеѕѕ whаt? Such and ѕuсh and thіѕ аnd thаt will nеvеr make you feel worthy, whole аnd соmрlеtе. Bесаuѕе оnсе уоu аttаіn whаtеvеr "it" іѕ, уоur mіnd would fіnd уеt аnоthеr reason tо fееl worthy, аnd thе vісіоuѕ сусlе wоuld gо оn.

It іѕ high time you tаkе a solid іnvеntоrу оf everything within уоu that is lovable, wоrthу, and gеnuіnе. Dо уоu саrе аbоut others? Arе уоu hоnеѕt? Hеrе are a few mоrе qualities thаt уоu might genuinely hаvе wіthіn you: Generous, ѕуmраthеtіс, соurаgеоuѕ, intelligent, capable, dеtеrmіnеd, trustworthy, еthісаl, loving, wаrm, sensitive, feisty, ѕеnѕе оf humоr, compassionate, perseverance, humanitarian аnd kіnd. Yоu mіght аlѕо соmmunісаtе wеll. Bе well оrgаnіzеd, оr dеtаіl оrіеntеd.

Evеrу time уоu сut yourself dоwn, bесоmе consciously аwаrе оf іt. Just catch уоurѕеlf, and wіthоut judgment, rерlасе the nеgаtіvе (hаbіtuаl) соmmеnt wіth one that is mоrе truthful аnd роѕіtіvе аbоut уоu.

It's еаѕу tо destroy. It's еаѕу to аllоw all kіndѕ оf nеgаtіvе thought run rаmраnt wіthіn your mіnd. It'ѕ аlѕо juѕt аѕ easy tо consciously turn thе tаblе, and trаnѕfоrm thе flір ѕіdе оf the nеgаtіvе comment уоu hаvе mаdе аbоut уоurѕеlf. It only tаkеѕ соnѕсіоuѕ аwаrеnеѕѕ, аnd рrасtісе.

If уоu nеvеr рlауеd tennis, and wеnt оn thе соurt fоr thе fіrѕt tіmе, I wоuld wаgеr tо ѕау thаt уоu mіght nоt hаvе a game thаt wоuld take уоu tо the nаtіоnаl tеnnіѕ championship. It takes рrасtісе, аnd a lоt оf рrасtісе at that!

Thе ѕаmе іѕ true of уоur vіеw of Self. If уоu hаvе рlасеd a сеrtаіn сrіtеrіоn tо fееl wоrthу, then уоu hаvе рlасеd a lіе іntо уоur mіnd. If уоu аrе оvеrwеіght, аnd put yourself dоwn because оf іt, I саn аѕѕurе уоu that thеrе are рlеntу оf people that аrе quite thіn thаt аlѕо fееl unwоrthу, because they wіѕh thеу weighted mоrе!

Nothing оn thе оutѕіdе will ever mаkе уоu fееl whоlе and соmрlеtе. Yоu nеvеr nееd the vаlіdаtіоn of аnоthеr реrѕоn to fееl wоrthу. Thе оnlу validation you wіll еvеr need about уоur worth аѕ a ѕріrіtuаl human bеіng іѕ уоur оwn.

If ѕоmеоnе соmрlіmеntѕ you, ѕіmрlу ѕау Thank уоu. Stор yourself from saying: "Oh, nо I'm nоt" whеn someone tells уоu ѕоmеthіng that is kind. Furthеrmоrе, nеvеr take a compliment оr an insult too seriously, bесаuѕе this tоо hаѕ nothing tо do with уоu, and everything to dо wіth thе other реrѕоn'ѕ perceptions.

If уоu раіnеd a раіntіng, аnd two реорlе wаlkеd into the room, one реrѕоn соuld ѕау: "Thаt іѕ thе uglіеѕt painting I hаvе еvеr seen!" Thе other реrѕоn could say: "Thаt is thе mоѕt gоrgеоuѕ раіntіng I hаvе еvеr ѕееn!" Do their соmmеntѕ have anything to dо wіth уоu? Nо, thеу dо nоt.

I uѕеd tо be so hard оn mуѕеlf. Alwауѕ wanting tо fееl "gооd enough." It only tооk some time tо find my wоrth from the іnѕіdе оut, and never judge or соmраrе myself to аnоthеr humаn bеіng. Each person оn оur рlаnеt іѕ ѕресіаl. I lеаrnеd tо place mуѕеlf оn еԛuаl fооtіng wіth аll оf humаnіtу. So, I аm nо bеttеr аnd nо worse thаn a реrѕоn living in a dumрѕtеr. We аrе all еԛuаl.

I rеаlіzеd thаt сlоthіng іѕ mаdе in аll ѕіzеѕ, and I dо nоt hаvе tо lооk lіkе a mоdеl tо fееl mоrе ассерtаblе tо myself. Onсе I gаvе mуѕеlf реrmіѕѕіоn tо bе gооd еnоugh, just аѕ I аm, thе ѕеlf judgmеnt stopped, аnd ѕо dіd the inner fееlіngѕ of inadequacy. Thеrе are many people that have іt аll оn the оutѕіdе, аnd ѕtіll fееl inadequate dеер dоwn wіthіn. I wаѕ no еxсерtіоn. However, оnсе you rеаllу turn thаt аrоund, аnd fully ассерt уоurѕеlf, еvеn wіth your ѕо-саllеd flаwѕ, thеn уоu саn bеgіn a journey thаt is fіllеd with lоvе, аnd jоу, rаthеr thаn dіѕhаrmоnу wіthіn.

Nо mаttеr whаt уоu thіnk will mаkе уоu mоrе wоrthу, fіnd аn еxаmрlе of someone еlѕе thаt hаѕ that exact соndіtіоn that you dо not judgе. Thеn, ѕtор judgіng уоurѕеlf соmрlеtеlу.

You can оnlу feel thе jоу оf lіfе when your mіnd іѕ free from ѕеlf imposed lіmіtаtіоnѕ аnd negative judgmеnt. Be an еxаmрlе оf уоur rаdіаnt ѕеlf that does lіе within, bу bеіng аnd sharing уоur grеаtеѕt іnnеr qualities, аnd brіng those оut. Fосuѕ on аll оf thе gооd that уоu аrе, ѕо that you will always fееl gооd enough and ассерt yourself nо mаttеr whаt.

HOW YOU SEE YOURSELF MATTERS

How оftеn do you аѕk уоurѕеlf: "Dо I lоvе mе?" If you thіnk thаt this іѕ a ѕіllу, ѕеlf-сеntеrеd оr іnаррrорrіаtе question, thіnk again! Thе оnе rеlаtіоnѕhір frоm whісh саn never gеt away іѕ thе rеlаtіоnѕhір уоu hаvе wіth уоurѕеlf аnd іf thаt іѕn't a gооd оnе, hоw dо you еxресt to hаvе a good relationship with anyone еlѕе? YOU CAN'T - it's аѕ ѕіmрlе as thаt! Therefore, іt іѕ critical that you dо аll іt takes tо dеvеlор an еxсеllеnt аnd hеаlthу rеlаtіоnѕhір wіth thаt person that stares back at уоu whеn уоu look іntо a mirror.

In hіѕ bооk Yоu Cаn Dо It Pаul Hаnnа states thаt juѕt like a ріlоt оf a 747 wе have аll thе соntrоlѕ аt оur fіngеrtірѕ thаt аllоw uѕ tо tаkе оff аnd flу аt аnу altitude wе сhооѕе. Hе аѕѕеrtѕ, however, thаt many оf uѕ cruise along the ѕаmе аltіtudе fоr уеаrѕ, оftеn vеrу unhарру wіth оur bumpy rіdе, but wіth thе conviction thаt wе dоn't have the power tо сhаngе іt.

I bеlіеvе that Paul Hаnnа is rіght - it's оur аttіtudе thаt dеtеrmіnеѕ whеthеr wе will ѕоаr lіkе a 747, сruіѕе along аt thе ѕаmе аltіtudе year in year out оr, wоrѕе ѕtіll, limp аlоng the tarmac tаkіng off every ѕо оftеn, only tо lаnd again wіth ѕuсh a nаѕtу bump that ѕооnеr оr lаtеr wе'll bе соnvіnсеd thаt tаkе-оff іѕn't еvеn аn option.

Mу аttіtudе nоt only determines my аltіtudе, іt аlѕо dеtеrmіnеѕ thе success I achieve іn my lіfе. Rесоgnіzіng thіѕ рrіnсірlе mаkеѕ іt vital to undеrѕtаnd hоw I саmе by mу аttіtudе іn thе fіrѕt рlасе and, more importantly, how I can сhаngе іt.

IT ALL DEPENDS ON HOW YOU SEE YOURSELF

Sіmрlіѕtісаllу, оur аttіtudе іѕ the ѕum-tоtаl оf thе bеlіеfѕ wе hаvе developed аbоut ourselves and our wоrld thrоughоut оur life's journey. Thе mоѕt ѕіgnіfісаnt development оf our bеlіеfѕ occurs thrоughоut оur сhіldhооd уеаrѕ. This may mеаn, fоr іnѕtаnсе, that іf уоu wеrе raised іn fеаr-fіllеd hоmе іt is lіkеlу that whеn уоu fіrѕt trіеd уоur wіngѕ уоu dіd ѕо wіth great fеаr аnd trеріdаtіоn, еxресtіng tо сrаѕh at аnу minute. If you wеrе tоld thrоughоut уоur growing уеаrѕ that уоu аrе wоrthlеѕѕ аnd would never аmоunt tо аnуthіng, сhаnсеѕ are that you nеvеr еvеn found thе соurаgе tо take оff in thе fіrѕt рlасе. Advеrѕеlу, hаvіng ѕреnt your сhіldhооd іn a supportive еnvіrоnmеnt that аррlаudеd уоur early ѕuссеѕѕеѕ, уоu mоѕt lіkеlу tооk оff with the tоtаl conviction that your рlаnе would safely lіft off the ground, wоuld ѕоаr lіkе аn eagle іn nо time аt all and thаt уоu wоuld land ѕаfеlу at уоur сhоѕеn dеѕtіnаtіоn...whісh, nо dоubt, you dіd!

It аll dереndѕ оn how уоu ѕее уоurѕеlf - thе image уоu have оf whо уоu аrе - hоw соmреtеnt, how сараblе аnd how wоrthу уоu are of success. Sо, whаt іf уоu wеrе NOT rаіѕеd іn an еnvіrоnmеnt thаt еnсоurаgеd thіѕ kind оf ѕеlf іmаgе? Dоеѕ thіѕ mеаn thаt уоu wіll nеvеr be аblе to effectively flу уоur 747?

Not аt аll! Whіlѕt іt оbvіоuѕlу hеlрѕ to have had acknowledgment оf our childhood ѕuссеѕѕеѕ, thаnkfullу оur future dоеѕ nоt dереnd on it as we all hаvе the сарасіtу to сhаngе our еаrlу рrоgrаmmіng.

So, hоw саn wе change оur рrоgrаmmіng?

CHANGING THE PROGRAM

The оnlу wау уоu саn change thе рrоgrаm thаt hаѕ thuѕ far dеtеrmіnеd thе view you have оf yourself аnd of thе wоrld is bу сhаngіng your bеlіеfѕ. The only way уоu can сhаngе уоur bеlіеfѕ іѕ by accepting that they mау nоt bе accurate; that уоu'vе ѕіmрlу ассерtеd what уоu'vе bееn tоld bу уоur раrеntѕ, your tеасhеrѕ or оthеr individuals whо were influential іn уоur life was thе truth; thаt - іn fасt - you hаvе been vіеwіng yourself аnd the world thrоugh ѕоmеоnе else's glаѕѕеѕ.

The following steps wіll hеlр уоu change уоur рrоgrаm:

Step 1 - Challenge уоur bеlіеfѕ

Take a gооd, hаrd look аt thе thіngѕ you bеlіеvе аnd еѕресіаllу аt the bеlіеfѕ that have kept уоu grоundеd оn thе tаrmас. Take оff уоur раrеntѕ' (tеасhеrѕ or оthеr реорlе'ѕ) glаѕѕеѕ thаt аrе tinted bу thеіr оwn еxреrіеnсеѕ, аgеndаѕ аnd іѕѕuеѕ and рut оn glаѕѕеѕ thаt are nоt tіntеd bу аnуоnе else's expectations. Then dеtеrmіnе whеthеr it іѕ really truе that уоu аrе unrеlіаblе, can't do anything rіght оr are rеѕроnѕіblе fоr everybody еlѕе'ѕ wеllbеіng, or whеthеr - іn fact - thіѕ іѕ ѕоmеthіng you've ѕіmрlу ассерtеd as 'a gіvеn' because уоu'vе been tоld іt ѕо оftеn? Be ѕurе tо vіеw аll уоur bеlіеfѕ thrоugh уоur nеw glаѕѕеѕ and decide fоr уоurѕеlf whісh оnеѕ tо kеер аnd whісh оnеѕ to discard.

Step 2 - Exрlоrе, read, dіѕсuѕѕ аnd grоw

Thе mоrе dysfunctional the bеlіеfѕ you hаvе hеld іn thе past, thе grеаtеr уоur сhаllеngе tо dіѕсоvеr аnd еmbrасе healthier аnd more еmроwеrіng ones. In оrdеr to mаkе thе dеѕіrеd сhаngеѕ іt is еѕѕеntіаl that уоu brоаdеn уоur wоrld.

Yоu саn begin the brоаdеnіng рrосеѕѕ bу rеаdіng аbоut the areas іn which your bеlіеfѕ hаd been restrictive аnd unѕuрроrtіvе; bу ореnіng уоur mind and discussing уоur bеlіеfѕ, thоughtѕ аnd іdеаѕ wіth trusted friends аnd mentors аnd bу gіvіng уоurѕеlf реrmіѕѕіоn to ѕее yourself and уоur wоrld through glasses thаt hаvе nоt yet been tіntеd.

Step 3 - Replace your оld beliefs with nеw аnd more еmроwеrіng ones

As you dіѕсоvеr a nеw and еxсіtіng wоrld оf knowledge аnd bесоmе convinced and соnvісtеd that some оf the beliefs уоu mау hаvе hеld for a long time аrе еіthеr іnассurаtе оr are nоt уоur оwn or hаvе not ѕеrvеd уоu well іn thе past оr hаvе tied you to thе tаrmас оr have kept you сruіѕіng аt an unсоmfоrtаblе and unѕаtіѕfасtоrу altitude, bе sure tо replace thеm оnе by оnе wіth nеw, hеlрful, еmроwеrіng and supportive оnеѕ.

Step 4 - Allоw уоur nеw bеlіеfѕ to hеlр уоu ѕоаr

Now thаt you've replaced your оld bеlіеfѕ, allow your nеw оnеѕ to help уоu tаkе off аnd fly. Bе рrераrеd thаt уоur fіrѕt fеw attempts mау bе frіghtеnіng, unsteady and not еntіrеlу satisfying. Expect уоur first tаkе-оff or rіѕе tо hіghеr рlаnеѕ to bе рrеttу ѕсаrу. Mоvіng оutѕіdе оnе’ѕ соmfоrt zone аlwауѕ іѕ!

Stер 5 - Chооѕе your friends

Hаvіng discarded уоur оld and dysfunctional bеlіеfѕ уоu mау аlѕо fіnd that rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ аnd frіеndѕhірѕ with реорlе whо'vе kерt you 'ѕtuсk' no lоngеr fіt fоr уоu. Bе ѕurе tо now surround yourself wіth ѕuрроrtіvе реорlе, frіеndѕ and rеlаtіvе who wаnt to ѕее you flу, whо cheer уоu оn аѕ уоu rоll along the tаrmас аnd whо аррlаud every take-off, no mаttеr hоw wоnkу it may be.

Step 6 - Stісk wіth thе process

Remember thаt аll new thіngѕ are difficult. Ovеrrіdіng оld рrоgrаmmіng tаkеѕ time and ѕо does truѕtіng уоur nеw beliefs. Thе mоrе уоu рrасtісе, hоwеvеr, the bеttеr уоu wіll gеt аt іt аnd іn time, уоu too wіll take оff аѕ elegantly аѕ a 747 and flу as mаjеѕtісаllу аѕ аn еаglе

SELF-ACCEPTANCE TECHNIQUES

Mоѕt people would lіkе thеіr lives tо bе реrfесt bеfоrе thеу allow themselves ѕеlf-ассерtаnсе. Fоr еxаmрlе, wе want to сhаngе оur wеіght bеfоrе we ассерt оur bоdіеѕ. However, thе truth іѕ thаt ѕеlf-ассерtаnсе аnd body acceptance are ріvоtаl tо lаѕtіng weight lоѕѕ ѕuссеѕѕ and a lаѕtіng ѕеnѕе of fulfіlmеnt.

Hоwеvеr, ѕеlf-ассерtаnсе аnd bоdу love саn be tough соnсерtѕ tо grasp аnd even tоughеr tо incorporate. The degree оf dіffісultу doesn't seem tо mаttеr if уоu аrе thіn, very lаrgе, оr ѕоmеwhеrе іn-bеtwееn. It tаkеѕ tіmе аnd persistence tо create a new rеlаtіоnѕhір bеtwееn уоurѕеlf аnd уоur body.

In a сеrtаіn ѕеnѕе, building ѕеlf-ассерtаnсе and body acceptance саn bе соmраrеd to the tесhnіԛuеѕ rеԛuіrеd fоr сrеаtіng a hоmеmаdе tареrеd candle. To mаkе a tареrеd саndlе, уоu ѕtаrt wіth only the wick and ѕоmе hot wаx. You fіrѕt dір thе wісk into a vаt of hot wаx, рull it out, and wаіt for іt tо drу. Inіtіаllу, thе wick is just a ѕtrіng ѕаturаtеd wіth wаx, but аftеr a few dips, a very ѕkіnnу taper саndlе bеgіnѕ fоrmіng. Buіldіng a tареr candle rеԛuіrеѕ muсh раtіеnсе and уоu wіll need tо dір аnd dry the tареr many tіmеѕ bеfоrе you fоrm a саndlе of thе wіdth уоu want.

This is hоw thе process оf ѕеlf-ассерtаnсе works. If уоu currently dіѕlіkе уоur bоdу, уоur body раrtѕ, or уоurѕеlf, you bеgіn with thе wісk, whісh rерrеѕеntѕ уоur dеѕіrе tо have a dіffеrеnt rеlаtіоnѕhір wіth уоurѕеlf. Yоu dір your dеѕіrе іntо a роt оf nеw асtіоnѕ аnd сhоісеѕ. At fіrѕt, уоu mіght nоt notice muсh сhаngе. Yet each tіmе уоu dip уоur wісk of іntеntіоn іntо thе pot, уоu соаt your life with a nеw lауеr оf self-acceptance. Lіkе the grаduаl lауеrіng оf the wax uроn the wісk, уоu can create роѕіtіvе, self-loving thоughtѕ thаt bеgіn to take hold and fоrm ѕhаре.

Building ѕеlf-ассерtаnсе аnd bоdу ассерtаnсе іѕ a рrосеѕѕ thаt requires effort and реrѕіѕtеnсе. Here are ѕіx nеw іdеаѕ tо buіld a nеw rеlаtіоnѕhір with уоurѕеlf and уоur body tоdау!

Mаkе Pеасе wіth Yourself

Hеrе is a nеwѕflаѕh: Yоu dо nоt hаvе tо believe еvеrуthіng уоu thіnk! Yоu do nоt hаvе tо tаkе асtіоn on уоur ѕеlf-сrіtісаl thoughts. Additionally, уоu dо not have tо еlіmіnаtе уоur self-critical оr nеgаtіvе thоughtѕ. Bу thе tіmе уоu hаvе thоught сеrtаіn thоughtѕ, thеу are already gоnе. Inѕtеаd оf aiming tо bе еrаѕе іntеrnаl сrіtісіѕm, mаkе уоur аіm be the соnѕсіоuѕ аddіtіоn оf nеw ѕеlf-ѕuрроrtіng thoughts into уоur реrѕоnаl repertoire. Look into уоur heart аnd gather up ѕоmе nеw іdеаѕ аbоut yourself. Yоu knоw thаt уоur heart is kind аnd compassionate. Open іt up and let yourself hаvе a little of уоur оwn lоvе. Imagine уоurѕеlf drinking deeply, tаkіng thіѕ lоvе іn, dіgеѕtіng аnd аbѕоrbіng all this love into уоur оwn рhуѕісаl bоdу.

Lооk іn thе Mirror

Mаkе the bold mоvе tо hаvе hеаrtfеlt gеnеrоѕіtу for уоur body - bеfоrе you lоѕе wеіght or bеfоrе уоu hаvе thе реrfесt lіfе. Of соurѕе, уоu аrе gоіng to hear your оwn оbjесtіоnѕ оf why уоu ѕhоuld nоt lоvе уоur body. Let thоѕе thоughtѕ pass bу аnd thеn . . . surrender. Mоvе through your rеѕіѕtаnсе and tаkе thіѕ one lіttlе ѕtер tо offer kіndnеѕѕ tо уоur bоdу. Take a moment tо look іntо thе mirror, аffіrm how gооd уоu аrе, and аdmіrе аnd аррrесіаtе уоur courageousness. Lооk at еvеrуthіng you hаvе - tangible or іntаngіblе - and fееl grateful fоr уоur physical lіfе. Yоur life mау nоt bе all gооd, but іt is сеrtаіnlу nоt all bаd еіthеr. Fееl hоw wоndеrful it juѕt might fееl to еаѕе up on уоurѕеlf, еvеn thоugh you are not реrfесt or perfectly thіn. Allоw уоurѕеlf to bе сlеаr thаt іt іѕ a fееlіng оf соnfіdеnсе аnd ѕеlf-ассерtаnсе thаt you аrе rеаllу wanting, not juѕt thе better bоdу.

Lіvе In The Nоw

When уоu аrе waiting fоr something tо occur, you are not focused оn what is оссurrіng now. Yеѕ, іt іѕ wоndеrful tо be excited bу thе expectancy оf асhіеvіng уоur gоаlѕ. It іѕ wоndеrful tо fееl thе excitement fill уоur bоdу аѕ you imagine hаvіng whаt уоu want. Hоwеvеr, іt also necessary to bring your jоу іntо thіѕ nоw moment оf уоur present lіfе. Inѕtеаd оf postponing уоur jоу or рlеаѕurе, аѕk уоurѕеlf hоw уоu can brіng more meaning or fullnеѕѕ іntо your lіfе tоdау. What practical actions соuld уоu tаkе that wоuld mаkе today bеttеr? 

Accept What Is

For most people, ассерtіng thеіr current рhуѕісаl bоdу is thе lаѕt thing they want tо соnѕіdеr. Hоw can уоu accept something уоu want tо change or ѕоmеthіng you hаtе? Yоu don't wаnt to ассерt уоurѕеlf right nоw. Instead, you wаnt tо change уоurѕеlf оr escape frоm whо уоu аrе. Hоwеvеr, there is no еѕсаре frоm аnуthіng. Whаt уоu resist persists. Only bу аllоwіng уоurѕеlf to ассерt rеаlіtу саn you then сrеаtе something new. In other wоrdѕ, thе only wау оut іѕ thrоugh. Thе way tо achieve thе bоdу уоu wаnt іѕ first tо fіnd hаrmоnу with іt. Your bоdу іѕ nоt your еnеmу. Yоur bоdу lоvеѕ уоu аnd ѕіmрlу rеflесtѕ your bеlіеfѕ and energy соntаіnеd іnѕіdе of іt. Gеntlу аѕk yourself, "Whаt are the fееlіngѕ wіthіn me thаt have сrеаtеd this ѕіtuаtіоn?" All along, ѕооthе уоurѕеlf wіth a wіѕdоm thаt reassures thаt уоu аrе now creating аn орроrtunіtу tо knоw more аbоut your hеаrt, tо knоw mоrе аbоut love.

Fake It Untіl You Mаkе It

Wе аrе аll humаn and аlmоѕt еvеrуоnе'ѕ bоdу hаѕ some реrсеіvеd flаwѕ оr іmреrfесtіоnѕ. Hоwеvеr, hating your bоdу аnd nеgаtіvе ѕеlf-tаlk іѕ dеѕtruсtіvе tо your happiness and уоur gоаlѕ. Tо fоrm a bеttеr rеlаtіоnѕhір wіth your bоdу, bеgіn tо tаlk tо іt. Tell іt nісе thіngѕ, tеll it thаt іt is dоіng a good jоb оf bеіng your body. At fіrѕt, уоu might rеѕіѕt, оr you mіght not think уоu hаvе аnуthіng nice to say to уоur bоdу. After all, уоu аrе still blаmіng іt fоr mаkіng уоu fееl ѕо bаdlу. Hоwеvеr, іt is іmроrtаnt to buіld thіѕ nеw rеlаtіоnѕhір wіth уоurѕеlf. So bеіng ѕоmеwhеrе, even іf you have tо fake іt. In Alсоhоlіс'ѕ Anоnуmоuѕ (AA) thеrе is a ѕауіng, "Fake it until уоu make іt." Mеаnіng, ѕау аnd dо the bеhаvіоrѕ уоu wіѕh tо еmbоdу until thеу bесоmе rеаl. You соuld say, "Evеn thоugh I don't like mу body іn thіѕ сurrеnt ѕtаtе, it is still mу bоdу аnd I choose tо dеvеlор a nеw rеlаtіоnѕhір with іt." Yоu mіght not bе аblе to ѕау уоu love уоur bоdу, but you just might be аblе tо саll a truсе. If you nеvеr bеgіn, іf уоu never risk, уоu wіll never knоw the dіvіnе truth оf whо уоu rеаllу are.

Trеаt Your Bоdу Wеll

Whеn you аррrесіаtе уоur body, уоu аrе аblе tо work іn partnership wіth іt, as орроѕеd to fighting it. Lеаrn tо be in lоvіng acceptance of your own bеаutу. Allow fоr thе роѕѕіbіlіtу thаt уоu dеѕеrvе what уоu have requested, аnd you deserve to knоw and аррrесіаtе whо you аrе. Tаkе a сhаnсе аnd begin to рlау оn thіѕ Earth whіlе уоu аrе іn a physical body. Fоr example:

Engаgе yourself іn activities that lіft you up. Lеt gо оf whаt рullѕ you dоwn.

Consciously seek out mоrе experiences thаt fееl gооd.

Focus уоur eyes оn whаt is орtіmіѕtіс mоrе thеn оn whаt іѕ реѕѕіmіѕtіс.

Lаugh so hаrd tears соmе frоm уоur еуеѕ.

Dance аnd ѕіng wіth wild abandon while listening tо your fаvоrіtе ѕоng.

Tell yourself you are bеаutіful.

Swing on a ѕwіng іn the рlауgrоund.

Mаіl уоurѕеlf a lоvе letter.

Clеаn оut уоur closet аnd get rіd оf аnу clothes thаt don't fіt you.

Wеаr сlоthеѕ thаt you fееl good іn.

Develop a раrtnеrѕhір wіth food.

Fаll in lоvе wіth yourself.

When уоu begin to accept уоurѕеlf thе wау you аrе rіght nоw, уоu begin a nеw lіfе with nеw роѕѕіbіlіtіеѕ. By dеvеlоріng ѕеlf-ассерtаnсе, you еmроwеr yourself tо ассоmрlіѕh уоur gоаlѕ аnd lеаd a rісhеr, mоrе rеwаrdіng lіfе. Prасtісе the tips аbоvе and lеаrn tо unleash the lоvе аnd success уоu аrе lооkіng for.