ALSO BY ELIZABETH STEVENS

unvamped

Netherfield Prep

No More

Maybes

Elizabeth Stevens

SLEEPING DRAGON BOOKS

ADELAIDE

Sleeping Dragon Books

No More Maybes

by Elizabeth Stevens

Print ISBN: 978-0648012207

Digital ISBN: 978-0648012214

Cover art by: Izzie Duffield

Copyright 2017 Elizabeth Stevens

Printed in the United States of America

Worldwide Electronic & Digital Rights

Worldwide English Language Print Rights

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned or distributed in any form, including digital and electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without the prior written consent of the Publisher, except for brief quotes for use in reviews. This book is a work of fiction. Characters, names, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

For Amy,

who taught me there was more to Romance novels.

Contents

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Gray's Blade

Netherfield Prep

Thanks

Author

One

Y

ear 12 was supposed to be difficult. I knew that. I expected that. What I hadn’t expected was for one person to come along and dash all my carefully laid plans to pieces. But, at this point, I was still in blissful ignorance. I was quite happy just eating my favourite blue liquorice – blue vines – and catching up with my three best friends.

“Ugh, no! Don’t do it!” Rachel laughed.

Cassidy winked. “You say that like I haven’t already.”

Cassidy and Rachel descended into a fit of giggles. I shared a look with Beat and grabbed another blue vine. Rachel and Cassidy kept talking and giggling about all the things they got up to over the holidays, with occasional interjections from Beat and I.

At a particularly vulgar comment from Cassidy, I doubled up, almost choking on my liquorice. As I looked up, I saw a new student walking through the school gates and my blue vine hung from my mouth, all-but forgotten.

I mean, damn, the guy was fine. He wasn’t hugely tall or bulky, like some of the other guys at school with their over six-foot height and Rugby-player bodies. He had dark hair, almost black, that was long enough to tuck behind his ears and the upturned collar of his grey jacket. His hands were shoved deep in his pockets and his gaze swept across the courtyard of Saint August’s like it was the most unimpressive sight he’d ever seen.

He had a very Jess from Gilmore Girls vibe going on.

His gaze swept past me and I had a moment.

You know when you’re watching some television show or movie? And one of the actors has that look? You stare at them and you have a new appreciation for their attractiveness. You sit there, on the couch or in the cinema, and you can’t stop yourself from exclaiming ‘oh my God’.

Yeah, that happened.

“What?” Beat laughed.

I blinked and closed my mouth, trying to smile despite the realisation that I’d just voiced my thoughts. Beat looked around, but the new guy was gone.

“Who was it?” Beat sniggered.

I laughed. “I don’t know what you-”

“Aurora Daniels!” the shrill call interrupted me.

I jumped, trying to stifle my giggles.

“Matron Peters.” I smiled.

Our English teacher scowled. “Miss Daniels, is that really an appropriate place to sit?”

I looked down. I was sitting on the picnic-style table, one foot on the bench, the other crossed over my knee and my foot hooked around my leg; same way I sat every day. I looked back up at Matron Peters, my most charming smile plastered to my face as I slipped off the table, making sure to hold my skirt down.

“I’m sorry, Matron.”

After a momentary pause, Matron Peters smiled. “Just don’t be late to class, girls.”

“Of course, Matron Peters,” we chorused and I held out the blue vines packet.

She smiled back and took one. “I’ll see you girls later.”

“Bye!” We smiled as she left.

“So, trials tomorrow after school and practice Thursday, yes?” Beat asked, moving onto the important things in life.

I pulled my blue vine from my mouth. “Yup. Blerg.”

“Blerg? You love soccer season,” Beat chastised.

“True, but…”

“Kelly’s probably going to try for captain again?”

I shrugged, trying to play it cool.

Beat shook her head. “She won’t get it, she never does. Coach knows you’re best for the team.”

I smiled, grateful for her support. “We’ll see. I won’t deserve it if I’m too cocky, though.”

Beat rolled her eyes in disbelief as the bell rung and we picked up our bags before heading to class. I pulled my blazer closer around me, feeling the nip in the air.

As we walked, I nodded, feigning interest in whatever Rachel and Cassidy were prattling about while Beat made the occasional comment. Really, though, I was looking for the Jess-clone. But, I couldn’t see him anywhere. He’d either been a figment of my imagination or was stuck in the principal’s office.

“What has you so distracted today, Rory?” Cassidy asked.

I jumped at my nickname, realising the (so not) irony of comparing the new guy to that particular Gilmore Girls character with my nickname what it was.

Now, I just felt stupid.

“Are you okay?” Rachel asked.

“Me? Yeah, fine. Too much sugar.” I held up my empty packet of blue vines and grinned.

Beat laughed. “It’s a good thing sports start tomorrow.”

“You saying I’m getting fat?” I tried smiling back, but had this niggling feeling in the pit of my stomach for some reason. It felt like there was something behind me. But, I ignored it and headed straight for first period with Beat and the others.

We took our second row seats as the rest of the class filed in. Surreptitiously, I watched for the new face while Beat rattled off a list of players who could move from the B team up to the A team this year. I nodded every now and then, half filing the information away for later and half chastising myself for this odd obsession I seemed to have about seeing that face again.

God, what was I doing?

I blinked and gave Beat my full attention, thinking the sugar I’d already had today was making me act a little crazy. Not that I wasn’t usually a degree of crazy.

“Right, so the Kezler twins are good enough to move up this year. I think it would be good to give them a shot,” Beat was saying as she twirled her pen.

I nodded, the Kezler twins were two years behind us but already spectacular forwards. “You’re right. What if it comes down to one of them, though? Do we pick one or leave them both?”

Beat rolled her eyes and leant forward conspiratorially. “Kick Kelly.”

I snickered, forcing myself not to look at my oldest rival across the classroom, but was cut off as Mrs Williams clapped her hands.

“Beatrice, Aurora, could we have your attention, please?”

Beat and I shared a smile and turned to the front. I felt my smile twitch strangely as the new guy walked in with the principal. Either I was still having a brain meltdown, or the guy was just as hot as I’d first thought.

“Missus Williams, class. This is Cole Fielding; he’s new with us this term. Go and find a seat, Cole.” Principal Anders smiled and pointed Cole to an empty desk.

Cole nodded at him and Mrs Williams, and walked to the desk at the back of the classroom. He didn’t look at anyone, just slid into his chair and stared at his hands until Mrs Williams clapped hers again and the lesson started.

My mind uncharacteristically wandered to Cole Fielding. I wondered who he was, where he was from, what he liked. Did he like sports? Maybe he was into music? Movies? Maybe he was smart? Funny? I bet his smile was nice.

I blinked as I realised how far my brain had veered off any normal course. What did it matter if he had a nice smile? He did look nice in his uniform though...

I could feel Beat’s gaze on me, but pretended she wasn’t there, even when she nudged me.

“Aurora Daniels?” I heard Mrs Williams call, somewhat exasperatedly, for what was definitely not the first time.

“Sorry, Missus Williams… I…wandered off for a minute…” I stuttered, hoping my cheeks weren’t as red as they felt.

I was glad Cole was sitting behind me so he wouldn’t see if they were. Not that he’d know I’d been thinking about him…

I cleared my throat and looked back to the teacher.

Mrs Williams was smiling. “It’s fine, Rory. Just get your head out of holiday mode.”

I nodded and she turned back to the rest of the class.

Cassidy winked from across the aisle at the end of the lesson as we packed up our books.

“What do you think of the new guy?” she whispered none too quietly, slipping him a quick glance and entering the typical Cassidy boy-obsessed mode.

Honestly, a new guy couldn’t move into the state without Cassidy Campbell noticing and rating him on his date-ability level.

I laughed as we walked out of the classroom. “Do you have nothing else on your mind?”

“You know I don’t.” She looked backwards, making eyes at whoever she happened to look at. She stopped in the hall to turn to Beat and Rachel

“You don’t need to drag us all down with you,” I replied.

“What? You don’t think he’s cute?” she scoffed, leaning towards me.

I mimicked her lean. “Who I think is…cute is-” I stopped as someone practically walked into us.

We had to pull back so as not to be hit as he pushed between us. I watched his retreating back, his collar still up around his neck, and then fixed an exasperated look on Cassidy.

“Hot or not, it seems his manners are somewhat lacking,” I remarked, entirely unimpressed.

“Mm…he’s a bad boy,” Cassidy all-but purred, watching him walk away appreciatively.

I shook my head, laughing, and led the way to homegroup.

Thankfully, this Cole guy wasn’t in our homegroup class, nor did I see him at recess, so I at least had about an hour of decent brain function. Too bad it wasn’t during an actual class.

“Daniels!” I spun around and saw one of the Kezler twins heading our way.

“K1.” I smiled, hoping I had the right twin. They were identical, down to their dark brown hair and the way they wore the uniforms, except for their necklaces – a ‘K1’ and a ‘K2’ – which was how we identified them when they weren’t in their soccer tops. “What can I do you for?”

“Just wanted to check trials were still tomorrow?” She looked unsure, which was weird.

I nodded. “Of course they are, why?”

She smiled and shrugged. “Kelly’s been saying something about them being moved to Wednesday or Thursday?”

I rolled my eyes. “No, they’re tomorrow. I… Oh, shit. No, there is no way in hell they’ll be Wednesday because I’m coaching at the Middle School.” I’d almost forgotten I was coaching again this season, though how I’d managed that I wasn’t sure.

K1 nodded, smiling. “No worries, we’ll see you tomorrow.” And she jogged off.

“Kelly making a bid, hoping if she tells your supporters different, they won’t turn up tomorrow,” Beat commented dryly.

“Yeah, well, she’s not getting it,” I replied, sounding surprisingly grumpy.

I laughed at Beat’s eye-roll and we joined Cassidy and Rachel’s conversation about ideal dates for the Winter Dance. Why we needed a Winter Dance and a Spring Formal, I wouldn’t know.

As the girls talked about who they wanted to ask them, I couldn’t help but wonder if a certain new, apparent bad boy would go.

¢

After school on Tuesday was a mess of time. Somehow, I was running late for trials.

I ran out of the change rooms, calling a hurried goodbye back to Cassidy and Rachel. I was still putting my hair up and ran straight into the new guy, nearly tipping us both over. My hair cascaded around my shoulders and I nearly dropped my hair tie.

Miraculously, we managed to keep our balance, although we were standing very close. I’d never been this close to him before, only seeing him as he walked in or out of classes, or across the courtyard.

Not that I’d been watching him…

He had lovely rich brown eyes that held a hint of humour.

We stared at each other for a moment and I actually thought he was going to kiss me for a second. But, then he spoke and all illusions were thankfully shattered.

“You want to watch where you’re going,” he said, stepping back. I was surprised by the definite English lilt to his accent.

I blinked. “Sure, sorry.”

He looked me up and down in my school tracksuit pants, jumper, and cleats. “Sport,” he commented with a slight smirk on his face, his eyebrow raised.

“Soccer. I’m captain of the A team, and I’m late. So, excuse me.”

“Hey, you’re the one who wasn’t looking where they were going.” He held his hands up in mock surrender, giving me a very pseudo-innocent look. I noticed a sliver ring flash on his left middle finger and a black cuff poked out from his shirt sleeve.

As much as his face, especially that expression, made me slack-jawed and caused every rational thought in my brain to disappear, as soon as he opened his mouth, I thankfully regained full function.

Just keep that in your mind whenever you see him and you’ll be right.

“Right. Sorry. Bye.” I moved around him and headed for the door.

“Bye, Hannibal.” I heard the laugh in his voice and couldn’t help my own smile in response at the reference.

So, he was a bit of an ass, but a witty one at that. I had to stop myself swooning all over again.

I jogged out onto the pitch, pulled my hair up and started stretching with the others. Beat was already there, as were the Kezler twins, Sarah, Amy, Jenna, Mary, Kelly and her annoying retinue, and a few others. We’d be playing a scratch match from which Coach would choose the A and B teams, normally with my help. Though, by the look of the turnout, we might have a few B team benchers in the coming season.

Kelly Preston shot me a few smarmy looks, but Beat helped me keep my cool.

I’d never known what was up Kelly Preston’s butt, but she’d seemed to hate me since we met in Year 7 soccer practice. Until a certain point at the end of Year 10, she’d never been openly horrible; the teachers would have noticed that and caused some kind of intervention, for sure. But, she always sneered at me and kept aiming for my captaincy.

We pulled off jumpers, divided off into teams and Coach blew the whistle. I hung back in my position as Sweeper, which gave me a good chance to scope out the players. Every team member had a home and away jersey with their name and number on them and that was how we identified ourselves in practice.

The Kezler twins were on my team today; they hadn’t been allowed just ‘K1’ and ‘K2’ on their jerseys, and their first names both started with ‘K’, so their tops read ‘Kezler 1’ and ‘Kezler 2’.

I called a few pointers to teammates as we went. Beat was in defence with me and we both watched with pride as K1 set up an excellent goal for K2. They had improved a lot since last season; although they’d always been good, they were prime A team material this season.

We got through practice, with some exceptional showing off from me and Beat which resulted in a win to our team. It might have only been a scratch match, but leading my team to victory over Kelly’s was a damn satisfying thing.

“Daniels!” Coach called me over as we were warming down.

I nodded goodbye to Beat and headed over. “So, what’s the verdict?”

It was the same thing I’d said to him the last three years as I waited to see if I was still captain, first of the B team then of the A’s.

Coach sighed dramatically, making my heart race, and then smiled. “You know you’re this team’s captain, Daniels.” He laughed and clapped me on the shoulder. “Kelly made some less than convincing arguments again, but you know you’re the team’s pick. Can you see me after school tomorrow and we’ll go through the team lists?”

“I have coaching at the Middle School…”

Coach smiled and I knew he was glad I was coaching again. “Lunch?”

“Lunch I can do. I’ll see you then.”

“Night, Daniels.”

It was getting dark as I wandered back to the building. I passed the bleachers, going over the scratch match for pointers to give the team on Thursday, unconsciously making little movements as I replayed them in my head.

I knew that just because the Coach had selected me as captain didn’t mean that Kelly couldn’t – and wouldn’t – stage a coup later. I had to be entirely on the ball for the rest of the season. We didn’t have the schedule yet, but our first game would be Saturday week. I just hoped it was going to be an easy team.

I grabbed my bag and headed out across the courtyard. Normally, I’d change before heading home, favouring non-sweaty clothes. But, that day, I was cold and didn’t feel like wrestling back into my tights – God knew that was a pain on its own.

The walk home was uneventful, we didn’t live far, and I’d warmed up again significantly by the time I walked in the front door.

“Aura, is that you?” I heard Dad call.

When he was learning my name, my little brother, Ben, hadn’t been able to get his mouth around all the syllables in my name. So, he’d called me ‘Aura’, and the name had stuck.

“Yeah. How long ‘til dinner?” I replied, nodding to my little brother in the hallway.

“Plenty of time to shower, honey,” Mum yelled.

“She’ll need it! She stinks!” Ben laughed.

“Shut up, you.” I cuffed him lovingly as I passed.

I dropped my bag on my bed and showered. I intended it to be short, but my brain wandered off again, though thankfully not on Cole long – God, you’d think I’d never seen an attractive guy before – and, by the time I was out, dinner was well on the table.

“So, how was it?” Dad asked, quite clearly barely able to contain his excitement.

“It’s mine,” I replied with a grin, shovelling pasta into my mouth.

“No thanks to Kelly Preston, I bet,” Ben said.

“I don’t remember when Kelly became such a mean person, it seemed so sudden,” Mum mused into her wine.

Mum was talking about that point at the end of Year 10. But, I wasn’t about to tell my family everything that had happened, even if it was all based on a single misunderstanding that had never actually taken place.

Instead, I shrugged. “Who knows? Hormones, am I right?” I smiled.

Mum and Dad laughed, while Ben focussed on his dinner with the ravenous hunger I now associated with all young males – and I thought I had a healthy appetite!

After dinner, I sped through my homework and checked the next day’s uniform was all set before falling into bed.

When my head hit the pillow, I worried I was going to replay running into Cole a hundred times before getting to sleep. Instead, I just remembered he seemed a little bit like a dick.

I fell asleep with a smile, pleased that it didn’t look like I’d moon over some new guy all year.

¢

A week later, I was late again. But, this time it was for coaching.

A back trail would get me from the Senior School to the Middle School quickly, although not many people chose to use it since it had overgrown and no one had done anything about it. I rushed through the gate on the Senior School end, and then realised I’d forgotten my cleats.

“Shit.” I turned and smacked into someone who put a hand on my waist as I put mine on their biceps to steady myself.

I blinked and saw Cole.

“We need to stop meeting like this.” He was smirking again and I noticed he had a dimple in his cheek. He’d probably have two if he smiled less sarcastically.

“We don’t always meet like this. I see you in class.”

“You’ve been watching me?”

“What? I’ve been… No!” I stammered, feeling oddly flustered.

Neither of us had moved. He was about a half a head or so taller than I was so I could look into his eyes relatively easily. In them, I could see he was amused. That deep, rich brown seemed to hold a flare of intelligence, although that might have been wishful thinking.

“Are you sure? You don’t sound very sure.”

He certainly had the look of a bad boy, though what actual experience I’d had with bad boys to tell me that, I didn’t know. I was really just going off what I’d seen in movies and television, and what Cassidy said. He wore a perpetual smirk that said he didn’t give a damn and just gave off a shifty vibe. He was the sort of guy used to being charming and dangerous, but I wasn’t going to fall for that!

I took a deep breath and realised I smelled cigarette smoke. Inadvertently, I wrinkled my nose. But, for some reason I still didn’t move.

He held up his hand, the end of the cigarette glowing in the shade.

“Yeah, that’d be me.” He smiled as though daring me to do or say something. But, whether he wanted approval, chastising, or me to run off and tell someone, I didn’t know.

I opened my mouth to say…something, but was stopped when Cassidy called my name and I stepped backwards hurriedly.

“Rory! I’ve got your… Oh, hello.” She smiled winningly.

I stared at Cole, daring him to say anything smart. He didn’t, he only inhaled his cigarette as he nodded to Cassidy.

“Oh, mind if I have a drag?” Cassidy asked, batting her eyelids.

I mentally rolled my eyes at her and her coquettish ways. Honestly, I could entirely see her in ten years’ time at someone’s wedding and still be hitting on the groom just in case he’d give her a go.

“Not at all.” He passed it to her; she took a drag, and then passed it back. He held it out to me, a question in his eyes. “Hannibal?”

“Hannibal?” Cassidy asked.

“She’s captain of the A team,” Cole stated as though Cassidy should already know this.

“What?”

“Never mind.” I grimaced. “And, no, thank you. I need to get to coaching.”

‘Oh, yeah!” Cassidy said. “That’s why I’m here. Beat said you left your shoe things.”

She held out my cleats and I took them from her, smiling. “Thanks, Cass. Listen, I need to go.”

“Here’s to meeting again, Hannibal.” Cole smiled, giving me a salute with the hand holding the cigarette. I gave him a withering stare and turned to leave.

“I’ll call you tonight!” Cassidy called after me, and I could tell by her tone what she wanted to want to talk about.

“No, you won’t,” I yelled back, but I smiled, and then took off at a run, knowing my kids were going to be pissed if I was any later.

I got to the Middle School pitch and was greeted by a group of hugs, and smiles from those parents who watched the practices.

“Okay guys, let’s get down to business. Pair up, we’ll practise passing first.”

They paired up, collected the balls, dutifully lined up, and began practising passing back and forth. I walked the lines, giving them pointers and showing them how to turn their bodies for better aim. Most of them were only twelve or so and it was, for most of them, their first year of soccer.

“Nice, Chris. Maybe a little harder,” I called and he smiled at me, causing him to miss the ball. “Never mind, try again.”

I walked among them a bit longer, until I came to a kid I hadn’t spoken to much the week earlier. His name was Matt and he seemed small for his age, kind of lost and uncertain.

“Hey, Matt, how are you?” I asked. He looked up at me, his brown hair sticking up at all angles, his blue eyes bright.

“Fine, Aurora, thank you,” he said as he turned to kick the ball back to his partner again.

I put my hand on his back a moment and squatted down beside him.

“Try pushing it with this part of your foot,” I said, tapping the inside of his right foot. “It’ll give you some more control and is quicker after stopping it.”

I stood up and showed him what I meant, but without actually kicking the ball away.

He watched me avidly for a few demonstrations, and then nodded. I passed the ball back to him and stepped back to watch his progress.

We went through a few more drills – dribbling through cones, shooting at goal – then back to passing as a bit of a warm down. Through it all, Matt put my advice into practise and I could tell he was a soccer enthusiast.

“All right, guys and gals, that’ll do us today. I’ll see you on Saturday morning for your first game!” I called and the team whooped, threw their balls in the bag, and rushed off to meet their parents.

“Aurora!” I heard Matt call. I turned and smiled, finding him coming up behind me. “Did I do it okay?”

“Okay? You were great, Matt! You’ll be playing with Beckham in no time.” I smiled.

“Did you hear?” he asked and I realised he was looking behind me.

“I sure did, bud,” I heard a familiar English voice reply and turned as Matt rushed passed me and hugged Cole. “Hannibal, fancy meeting you here.” Cole smiled, seemingly not at all fussed by the small figure of Matt attached to his waist.

“Her name’s not Hannibal, silly,” Matt laughed. “It’s Aurora.”

“Aurora.” He said it slowly and I wanted desperately not to smile at the sound of my name on his kissable lips. “Of course, how silly of me.” He stuck his hand out. “Matt’s older brother.”

Now he’d said it, I could see the similarity between them and recognised a slight accent in Matt.

“Of course you are.” I smiled pleasantly and shook his hand, not wanting to look rude in front of Matt. “You pick him up?”

Cole nodded lazily. “Yeah-”

“Incoming!” a voice interrupted him and I spun in time to catch the ball Ben had lobbed at my head in his usual way of greeting.

There was a wide grin plastered on his annoyingly cute face as he ran up to us with his dark blond hair messy. I threw him his ball and he stopped next to us.

“Nice catch,” Matt said, wonder in his voice.

“Nothing you won’t be able to do after years of practise if you want to,” I replied, still heavily in coaching mode.

Matt beamed.

“Matt, Cole, my brother Ben. He’s a year ahead of you, Matt.”

“Oh, yeah, I saw you around last term.” Ben smiled at Matt.

I was surprised Matt started a term before Cole. I wondered where Cole had been. Maybe in jail? He certainly seemed the type…according to Cassidy.

“Soccer player, like your big sister?” Cole asked.

Ben smiled, shaking his head. “Hardly like her. Aura’s the best at the school, even better than any of the boys. She was my coach last year, but I moved up to the next team this year. She wouldn’t come with me though…”

“Ben, most of your friends are taller than me, I can’t coach a team taller than me,” I laughed, putting my arm around his shoulder.

“But, you’re so much fun!” he whined.

“And, now other kids get to benefit from my…fun…” I said, wrinkling my nose as I wondered about the appropriateness of that statement. “Anyway, we need to go. Got your bag? I need to go pick up mine.”

He groaned dramatically. “You left it over there? Great, now we have to go through the creepy path…” his voice petered off as he started mumbling.

“You’re heading back to the senior school?” Cole asked.

I nodded. “We are.”

“Mind if we walk with you? I left my bag, too.”

Of course he had.

I looked to Matt, who was smiling, and knew I had no choice but to nod. “Sure.”

Matt’s bag was sitting on the grass near us, so he picked it up, and then he and Ben rushed on ahead. Part of me wanted to rush on with them, but the other part knew I’d look like an idiot, so I hung back with Cole, my school shoes slung over my shoulder.

“So, you’re the school’s best player and the Middle School’s best coach?” Cole asked, his hands in his pockets as he watched our brothers up ahead.

“Ben’s a little biased,” I replied with a self-depreciating laugh.

He nodded and looked at me. I smiled at him, but had to look away from the almost charming, rather arrogant smirk on his face. We walked in silence for a few more moments, and then I started feeling ridiculous.

“So, you read the English book?” was apparently the most interesting thing I could come up with.

He laughed. “Peters told me not to bother with it. Like I would have anyway. She’s apparently just going to adjust my marks.”

For some reason, at his words, my mood fell. “Not a reader then?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“So, you are a reader?” I felt something akin to hope blossoming.

“I didn’t say that either.”

“You’re not saying an awful lot then.” I looked at him and found him smiling. I looked down to hide my return smile.

“So, is it Aurora, Aura, or Rory?” he asked after a while as we came towards the Senior School buildings.

“I was starting to believe it was Hannibal.”

He laughed. “That doesn’t answer my question.”

I felt my inner-Cassidy worm its way free for a moment. “It’s whatever you want it to be, Cole.” I winked at him and ushered Ben off to my locker, wondering what on earth had got into me.

Two

“I

haven’t done any work on my Chem prac write up,” Cassidy grumbled, flipping through her diary.

“When’s it due?” I asked, thinking, not for the first time, that I was very glad I didn’t elect to do Chemistry.

“Monday.”

“Ah, you should be fine.”

“Yeah, I know, but there’s still our English essay, History essay…” Cassidy sighed.

“Ugh, and we have that Psych stats assignment,” Rachel reminded me.

“Why does everything have to be due at once?” Beat sat next to me and pulled out her lunch. “I mean, you’d think the teachers get together and plan for all the assignments to be due at the same time just to punish us.”

I shrugged, smiling. “Maybe. I’d like to think they don’t hate us that much though.”

Cassidy sighed and closed her diary. “Twenty-eight weeks until we’re done.”

I munched on my sandwich. “Not that you’re counting or anything?”

She flipped her thick blonde hair over her shoulder and smirked. “No, of course not. I love school, I-” Her sarcastic rant was interrupted by a commotion across the courtyard.

I tried to peer around the gathering crowd and saw two guys getting into a fight.

Beat rolled her eyes. “Boys! Seriously, you’d think they couldn’t get through one day without resorting to violence.”

“Should we do something?” Rachel asked.

I looked around for a teacher, but didn’t see one. It wouldn’t be long until one came along, though.

“What can we do?” I replied. “The boys never listen to us anyway. Besides, who’s to say we know those ones?”

“I say we know those ones. It’s the new guy, Cole, and I think…Murray?” Beat pointed.

“Alex Murray?” Rachel asked, suddenly much more interested.

“You need to get over your obsession with him, girl,” Cassidy reproached.

“I’m not obsessed!” Rachel exclaimed, but sounded like she wasn’t even convincing herself.

There was a great “oo” from the spectators and we turned back to watch. Two guys came tumbling through the gathered crowd, which hastily moved to get out of the way, and landed on the ground. I could see from where I sat that it was indeed Cole and Murray. And, it wasn’t the first fight Cole had been in at school.

Murray looked like he had the upper hand for a moment. I wasn’t the only one who winced when he landed a punch to Cole’s stomach. Cole, though, managed to flip him over and seemed to be saying something to Murray, until Murray kicked him off.

“You don’t seem particularly fazed,” Cassidy commented wryly.

I took another bite of sandwich and smiled. “Why would I be?”

“Your crush is over there getting pummelled.”

I snorted. “Uh huh, because I am so enamoured with him.”

“You are a little,” Beat replied.

I felt a slight flush creep up my cheeks. Okay, so I watched him now and then, and we exchanged a smile sometimes. I’d seen him when he picked up Matt on Wednesday, but we hadn’t spoken. But, the scene in front of us was proof enough that he wasn’t the type of guy I should be crushing on.

I cleared my throat. “Just because he’s hot, does not mean I’m enamoured with him.”

“And, what is your definition of enamoured then, Miss English Nerd?” Beat smiled brightly.

“An actual crush, someone I want to make out with for hours on end! Like Rachel is with Murray!” I laughed.

Rachel blushed redder than Beat’s hair. “That is not going to happen.”

Sadly, I was also fairly sure it wasn’t. But, I wouldn’t crush one of my best friend’s dreams.

“Doesn’t mean you can’t fantasise about it though.” Cassidy winked.

I smiled, and turned around to look at the boys again.

Mr Phillips and Principal Anders were pulling the boys off each other. Neither one looked terribly hurt, despite the way they’d been laying into each other. Maybe they hit as well as I did?

Which, by the way, was not very well at all…

Cole’s smirk made him look a little crazy and Murray sneered right back at him.

“I wonder what got them so riled up?” I asked no one in particular.

“From what I hear, Cole just likes getting into fights,” Cassidy said.

“Heard from who? Yourself?” Beat laughed.

Cassidy smiled. “Actually, no. Paddy mentioned it the other day. He and Dec have music with him and, apparently, Cole’s a feisty guy.” She grinned wickedly. “I bet he’s good in bed. If you don’t want him, Rory, I might give him a go.” She winked.

“God, you’re gross,” I laughed. “He’s all yours!”

“I don’t think so…” I heard Beat mutter, as though no one else was supposed to hear.

I turned around, wondering what she meant, and found Cole staring at me as he walked past. When I caught his eye, he winked. Without thinking, I smiled back.

“I think he has his eye on someone else,” Cassidy said.

“You sound surprisingly not bothered,” I replied.

Cassidy laughed. “There are plenty more boys to choose from, I don’t need to go after your rejects.”

“He’s not my reject if he doesn’t want me, and, trust me, he’s not interested!”

Beat grinned. “Have you tried to have a go already?”

“No!” I said a little too quickly. “No. No, I have not. I don’t need to; he’s not interested and neither am I.”

“You keep telling yourself that, Rory,” Cassidy said as the girls laughed.

What I didn’t tell her was that I would totally keep telling myself that. Not that I needed to, I wasn’t interested in him. I could admire his looks without being interested in him. I could wonder what lay behind that intriguing smirk without being interested in him.

A girl can look, after all.

¢

Week four of term careened into my life like an out of control steam train. And, Tuesday’s double English lesson did nothing to help that.

Cassidy, Rachel, Beat and I sat waiting for Matron Peters to arrive. As had become habit in our mutual lessons, Cole walked in just before the teacher and smiled to me as though we shared some secret. However, this time, he added a nod and an acknowledging “Hannibal” as he passed us and winked.

Cassidy made a noise and leaned over to me. “What was that?”

“Nothing,” I hissed as Matron Peters called for our attention.

“You won’t get out of that,” Beat whispered from the seat next to me. “She’ll pester you until she finds out.”

“There’s nothing to find out. I coach his little brother, we talk sometimes.”

I heard Beat chuckling as she got the reference. “Hannibal, because you lead the A Team… Clever!”

Though, truth be told, we didn’t really talk at all. I had seen him once more at Matt’s practice – their grandmother came to games, and sometimes an aunt – when I rushed away before he could say anything. Then, at school, he just looked at me as though laughing. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he realised that I’d both lost control of myself for a moment the last time we spoke and that I was now embarrassed about how flirty I’d been.

I focussed on the matron, droning on about our latest book. Usually, I loved English; I just loved books, I loved reading. Writing was never going to be for me, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t appreciate someone else’s written words, and I liked to appreciate them on a very regular basis. After the holiday’s book of Frankenstein – which very few people had actually read – we were moving onto Pride and Prejudice.

“However, before we do that, we’re going to finish our Frankenstein assignments.” A general groan from most of the class and a knowing smile from the matron. “In any case, I’m going to split you into study pairs. These pairs will be used for the rest of the year, someone who you can lean on for support and assistance for your assessments and your wellbeing.”

Matron Peters had given us study pairs the year before as well; me and Beat, and Cassidy and Rachel. I barely registered the names she called, expecting it to be the same this year.

“Miss Daniels and Mister Fielding.”

I jerked up as Beat elbowed me. I actually had to stop myself from exclaiming aloud in protest. Matron Peters read out the last few names.

“Now, take a five-minute break and we will split into our study pairs on our return.”

I looked back to Cole, who grinned cheekily and winked. I groaned, putting my head on the table.

“Lucky!” Rachel said as she and Cassidy came to stand in front of our desk.

“Lucky? Then you have him.”

“I would if I could,” Cassidy said very suggestively and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“I’m serious here.”

“If you’re so worried, getting paper lines on your forehead isn’t going to help,” Beat commented with barely an attempt at hiding her smile.

“Who’d you get paired with?” I asked them.

“Becca,” Beat replied.

“Cassidy,” Rachel said.

“Rachel,” Cassidy said.

I sighed. “Why’d I get him, then?”

“Because, Miss Daniels, I had hoped you’d be a good influence on him,” Matron Peters said. I looked up at her apologetically. “Please, Aurora, I think you could help him.”

“And, who’ll help me?” I smiled weakly.

“You don’t need any help,” the matron replied proudly before she left, but it didn’t really make me feel any better.

“So, what is it with you and the new guy anyway?” Cassidy asked.

“Nothing, there is nothing with me and the new guy. He’s just some arrogant smartarse who thinks he’s cool for being the bad boy.”

“Nu-uh, I’ve seen the way he looks at you.”

“I coach his brother. He’s probably laughing at me because I fell over last week in practice.” Which wasn’t a lie, but I wasn’t sure Cole had seen it either. Matt, though, was sure to have told him.

“Those are not the eyes of a man laughing at you,” Rachel cooed.

“They are not the eyes of a man at all,” I countered.

Beat laughed. “Doesn’t mean he doesn’t know how to act like one.” She winked.

“Beatrice!” I turned, mock horrified and she laughed again.

“Right, ladies and gentleman, if we can collect our things quietly and head to the library with our study partner please.” Matron Peters clapped her hands.

I exchanged one last glance with the three girls, shook my head, and picked up my stuff. Cassidy and Rachel paired off, as did Beat and Becca. I wandered behind them, deciding I could just meet up with Cole when we got to the library. It seemed, though, he had other ideas.

“Whoa, Hannibal. In a rush?” he called as he caught up to me, the strap of his bag slung over his shoulder, his collar still annoyingly attractively turned up.

“Not particularly,” I replied.

He nodded as he held the library door open for me. I cocked my eyebrow at him questioningly, but he just bowed his head.

“After you.”

I walked in and headed for a table in the corner of the library where no one would bother us; it was bad enough I had to study with him, but being seen studying with him? No thanks. I led him between some shelves.

“Looking for some privacy?” he asked, the smile evident in his voice.

Rolling my eyes, I turned and, as foresaw too late, ran into him. His hand again went to my waist and mine caught myself on his arms. His eyes and smile were almost warm and I was starting to wonder if there was something more behind the sarcastic bad boy façade. Then, he blinked and it was gone, my memory of it unreliable.

“If you wanted to get me alone, you just had to ask,” he said, leaning closer.

Despite the cockiness in his tone, I still felt myself leaning towards him as well. Our lips were just about to touch when Cassidy’s shrill giggle made me step backwards.

“I do not want to get you alone. I just don’t need you getting distracted.”

I walked over to a table in the corner and threw my bag on the floor, sitting down less ceremoniously than I’d intended.

He chuckled, but said nothing, only sat down in the chair next to me.

“Anyway, I thought Matron Peters told you not to worry about this one?” I said, ignoring his closeness and getting my books out.

I felt rather than saw him shrug and wondered if such an out of the way table was a good idea after all.

“Apparently most of the class is behind so she said I had time to catch up. Apparently, you’ve probably already done it and read the next text so you’d have time to help me.”

“Bully for me,” I muttered. “And I haven’t read the next one… Not this year at least…” Pride and Prejudice was one of my hands down favourite novels and I read it constantly.

“Okay… So you’re a soccer prodigy and a nerd?” he asked, his tone light.

“I am neither, thank you. I just enjoy sports and like to do well in school.”

He nodded. “Okay, Hannibal, whatever you say. So, Frankenstein… Do you think Frankenstein was actually green?”

I turned to give him a withering stare and set him straight, but I found him smiling at me.

“What?” I asked, my impressively withering stare drooping.

“‘Knowledge is knowing Frankenstein isn’t the monster. Wisdom is knowing Frankenstein is the monster’.”

“What?” I repeated, feeling my chest flutter a little.

“I’m well aware Frankenstein is the creator, I just wanted to see your reaction.” His smile was one of genuine pleasure and it lit up his gorgeous face to ridiculous levels. As expected, there were two dimples.

Again, I had one of those moments where you just think ‘wow, that guy is amazing’. I just had the foresight not to say anything aloud this time. I found I was smiling back at him. I don’t know what he saw in it, but he gave me an indecipherable smirk before opening his notebook.

“You know when she started this?” I asked him, trying not to look at him.

He nodded. “Same time Byron wrote Polidori’s influence for The Vampyr.” That was not the response I’d been expecting.

“You know about that?”

“Of course. The weather was shit up at Byron’s Swiss villa so they sat inside and read ghost stories. Finally, Byron suggested they try to write their own.”

I couldn’t not look at him now. I had never heard him answer any question in class with any legible answer, and that was the days he seemed to pay attention. Now, he’d just casually rattled off a quote and a fact I doubted any of my other classmates would know. Maybe he was a lot smarter than he seemed?

We moved onto talking about the essay. Matron Peters had been right; I had finished mine. Just as we were discussing some of the finer points of Frankenstein’s actions, my phone buzzed. I checked the matron wasn’t in sight and pulled it out.

It was from Cassidy.

Cassidy: DECLAN ASKED ME TO THE DANCE!!

I scoffed and sent her back a thumbs-up emoji.

Me:

“Anything exciting?” Cole asked as he finished writing his sentence.

“Well, Cass got asked to the dance.”

“Is that exciting?”

I shrugged, suddenly feeling like our excitement for the dance was stupid. “It is for her, I guess. She’s probably pretty happy she got asked.”

He nodded and reached for the Frankenstein copy that sat between us. Maybe the brush against my hand was accidental? Maybe it was very well timed? Either way, my hand didn’t jerk away, and I was a little sorry the contact had been so brief.

No, pull yourself together, I told myself sternly.

“So, you want to go to the dance, then?” he asked as he flipped through the book.

My mind jumped around, thinking he couldn’t have just asked me…but maybe it was a hint?

“It’s my last year, I’d like to go.” I shrugged.

He laughed. “You don’t have to sound so unsure.”

“Fine, yes. I do plan to go and I’m looking forward to it,” I answered.

“Who are you going with to this grand occasion?” he asked as he made a few notes.

“Uh, don’t know yet.”

“So, no one’s asked you.” It wasn’t a question.

“Not yet. How about you? Have you asked anyone?”

“Dances aren’t really my thing.” He shrugged and closed the book.

“Shocker,” I replied.

He looked up at me and smiled. “Don’t expect me to ask you.”

The actual humour I managed to inject into my face should have earned me top spot in the drama club. “Thank goodness for that, here I was thinking I’d have to grovel,” I replied sarcastically.

“So…you don’t want me to ask you?” he asked with a smirk.

I wasn’t sure what to say now. On one hand, if he actually asked, I’d probably say yes. On the other hand, there was something about him that aggravated me. The fact was, he’d just told me dances weren’t his thing. I decided to try to stick with sarcasm.

“Well, since you won’t, I will obviously have to make do with someone else, though my heart will yearn for you.”

We exchanged a laugh and worked in silence for a few minutes, though my mind wandered.

What was it about this guy? He exuded all the traits and personality of a guy you steer clear from if you know what’s good for you, but I was drawn to him. And, I was very conscious of the fact that our hands rested barely a hair’s length apart on the table. Despite my right hand being my dominant one, I refused to move it, instead flipping through my copy of Frankenstein as though I was rereading it.

I found myself caught up in the story for a moment. So, when I felt a touch to my hand, I didn’t realise for a moment that I’d returned it.

“Imagine if you’d just said ‘yes’,” I heard him say as though talking to himself.

I was about to reply, but I simultaneously realised our hands were touching and the bell was ringing. He gave my finger a squeeze with his, then he and all his stuff was gone.

“Holy shit, what was that?” I asked no one in particular.

“What was what?” Beat asked, looking around.

“Nothing…I don’t know.”

“You sound like you’ve lost it.”

“I think I might have,” I laughed, packing up my things. “Let me know if you find it.”

“Will do. Where’s your study buddy?”

“Huh? Gone. That guy moves quick when he wants to.”

“Yeah. Cassidy texted?”

I laughed. “She did.”

“Declan apparently told her Jaime was going to ask you.”

I smiled. “Really? Any idea when this is going to happen?”

“Now, I think. Let’s go. Cass and Rach said they’d meet us out there.”

We trooped out to our table to find Cassidy in Declan’s arms – that girl has zero shame – while talking animatedly to Jaime and Rachel. Jaime smiled as we approached and I ignored the suggestive smirks on Cassidy’s and Rachel’s faces.

“Rory, can we talk?” Jaime asked.

Beat elbowed me and I nodded while shooting her a look. “Sure.”

I veered off to the left to give us a little privacy and Jaime met me.

“What’s up?” I asked, feigning ignorance, because apparently that was my role here.

He smiled as he towered above me, all big, muscular, and blond hair. He held out a packet of grape liquorice. I tried to hide the automatic disgust that always invaded my face when I had to look at those things – I had no idea why I was in love with blue but despised grape, but there we are.

I smiled at him and shook my head.

“So, I was wondering if you’d like to go to the Winter Dance with me?” He smiled as though he already knew the answer would be yes.

But, I couldn’t get Cole’s last words out of my head. Maybe he was going to ask me? I mentally shook my head, knowing it would do me no good to live in Maybe Land or play mind games with him. If he’d wanted to ask me, he would have.

I smiled brightly. “Sure, Jaime, I’d love to, thanks.”

He put his arm around me and walked me back to the table where we were greeted with knowing smiles from my friends. That, I could have born, but the high five Declan and Jaime shared kind of made me regret my decision. I turned away and happened to see Cole leaning up against the wall. He wore a sarcastic smirk and nodded to me before going back to his book.

“Well, at least it looks like he’s doing the assignment,” I muttered.

“What?” Jaime asked.

“Nothing, never mind.” I smiled at him.

I kept one eye on Cole the rest of lunch, but he did a spectacular job of ignoring me.

Three

A

greeing to go to a dance with someone always seemed to create this weird kind of pseudo-dating situation that catapulted you back four or five years, where dating involved holding hands at school while you talked to your friends.

And, it was no different this time. Cassidy took things a little further, as per usual, and could be found attached to Declan’s face more often than not. Jaime insisted on staying close to me, but I luckily only suffered the occasional unexpected kiss on the cheek.

It’s not that I didn’t like him or anything; we’d been friends for years, he was good-looking, he was nice and he seemed genuinely pleased we were going to the dance together. I’d just always been slightly weird about the whole pseudo-dating thing.

Actually, I’ve just always been slightly weird… About dating too.

With a little over five weeks to go until the dance, Rachel was going with Mike – having given up on Murray – and I was relatively sure something was happening with Beat and Becca, though they were keeping it on the down low.

Cole still smiled and nodded to me whenever we passed each other, but we hadn’t spoken outside English class. He must have known something was up with Jaime since the guy rarely left my side at breaks now. Still, it wasn’t like it should bother me. I didn’t know Cole. He’d had an opportunity to ask and he’d openly said he wasn’t interested.

Whatever, I was going to let it go.

Jaime slid his arm around me and kissed my cheek. “You ready for this afternoon?” he asked.

My mind was blank for a moment as I tried to pull it away from Cole’s smile and remember what was happening this afternoon. Maybe I’d agreed to a date with Jaime that I’d forgotten?

“Our fearless leader is always ready to take on Kelly and those nit-wits.” Beat smiled, her eyes implying she knew my mind had wandered and I owed her for coming to my rescue.

“What? Of course!” I laughed, finally remembering it was stupid Sports Afternoon and the senior teams had re-formed two teams for a match that afternoon. “We’ll crush her.”

“As long as the weather holds out,” Declan said, momentarily not stuck to Cassidy’s face.

I scoffed. “Weather, stop soccer? Oh, that’s right! I forgot you guys don’t know what it’s like to run around in the dirt.” They were all swimmers, so a) they were already wet when they trained and competed, and b) they usually did so inside where it wasn’t freezing, muddy, or possibly hailing.

Declan made a face at me but he laughed.

“Speaking of, we should go get changed,” Beat said.

I looked at the time; we had about twenty minutes until the game started. I looked up, locking amused eyes with Cole across the courtyard, and found I couldn’t look away.

“That you should. We will be there cheering you on, ladies!” Mike said, enthusiastically.

“Yep, yep, we’ll be the ones on the pitch,” I said absent-mindedly as I stared at Cole.

“Come on, Rory, we need to go.” Beat tugged on my arm.

“Yep, on my way.”

I was about to lean down to pick my bag up, my eyes still locked with Cole’s, when Jaime turned my head to look at him. He tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and smiled.

“I’ll see you there.” He seemed to look over my shoulder as he kissed my cheek.

“Um, sure… Bye guys!” I called as Beat pulled me out of there.

“You know, you really shouldn’t be staring at other guys when you’re with Jaime…” Beat said slowly as we hurried to the locker room.

“I’m not…with Jaime. Well, we’re not dating.”

“Does he know that?” she laughed, looking relieved. Beat had a very strong moral code and I loved her for it. Shame it hadn’t rubbed off on Cassidy!

“What are we? Twelve? For God’s sake, he should know by now that if there’s no discussion about it, you’re not dating.”

“True, but that doesn’t mean he’s thinking with the smart head.”

She tapped her temple and we burst into giggles as we started changing.

“If he wanted something serious, you know he would have actually asked me out. That’s how Jaime is.” Was it though?

Beat nodded. “So…”

“So?”

“Tell me what’s happening with Cole?”

I didn’t look at her as I pulled my jersey on.

“Oh, come on, Rory, it’s obvious you like him.”

“I can’t like him, Beat, I don’t even know him. All I know about him is he has a little brother called Matt, who is a true darling by the way, he’s smarter than he’ll ever admit and he smokes on the old path.”

“And, he’s hot.”

“Fine, he’s totally gorg- No, wait!” But, Beat had caught me. I sighed. “Yes, fine. I think he is probably the hottest guy I’ve ever seen. But, I think I’m probably better off admiring him from afar than getting myself into trouble close up.”

“You don’t know you’ll get into trouble,” Beat scoffed.

I sat down to wrestle on my shin guards. “I’m already drooling over him, Beat, I don’t need to fall for him and either get my heart broken or…end up in prison!”

“Wow. Stereotyping much? Dramatic enough? This doesn’t sound like you, Rory.”

I grumbled. “He does something to me, Beat. I get close to him and…and I don’t know, it’s like my brain stops working or something.”

“Have you kissed him?”

“What? And when would I have had a chance for that?”

She shrugged. “You tell me.” She winked.

“You’re bad,” I said, waving my cleat at her before pulling it on.

“Come on, we’d best get out there. The Foxy Diamonds can’t be without their leader.”

“Remind me again why we’re the Foxy Diamonds?” I muttered as I grabbed my mouthguard and followed her out.

By the time we got outside, the heavens had opened and it poured with rain. The spectators were huddled under the building’s verandas and umbrellas. Beat and I shared a wicked grin. Despite the fact I had coaching that afternoon and would look a right mess, playing in heavy rain was my favourite; there was something invigorating about it. And, for some reason, our school’s teams played better in rain; it gave us an advantage over other schools, but wouldn’t help us against each other today.

“Kelly won’t like this.” Of course, Kelly hated playing in the rain.

“She doesn’t have to like it,” Beat replied. “She knows you do, and she can’t lose face.”

We shared another grin, braced ourselves, and jogged out into the deluge. We met with our team, warmed up and Coach started the game. Over the beat of the rain, we could barely hear our friends cheering, let alone pick which umbrella they huddled under.

The rain continued through the first half hour of the second half. Even after it stopped, it left the pitch saturated with muddy puddles. All it meant now was that when we slid or fell, the rain didn’t wash the mud off us.

Beat laughed as she passed me. “You were so a duck in a previous life.”

I grinned back; I loved this weather.

I turned for a moment to check where the team was positioned. As I turned back, my head was whipped backwards as the ball slammed into my left cheek. At least the coolness of the mud soothed it somewhat. Coach waited to see if I needed a minute.

“Play on.” I waved back.

He nodded and we continued.

A little later, I did my position well proud as I went in to kick the ball down the other end. I succeeded; one of the Kezler twins even got a goal off my boot. But, my foot had slipped through a spectacular puddle and, though I slid into it with perfect grace, I now had mud from the bottom of my cleat up into my knickers. Splendid.

What I wouldn’t have given for a shower before coaching. Oh well, at least it would give the middle schoolers a proper vision of where they could be five or six years from now.

Coach called time, with a one-all draw.

We all shook hands, Kelly and I eyeing each other off quite dramatically under the pretence of sportsmanship, and Beat and I headed off to find Cassidy and Rachel. They, though, found us and came rushing over. They were about to hug us before they saw we were covered in mud. Even Beat, who hadn’t been smacked in the face or slid in a puddle, was dirty enough.

“You were amazing.” Jaime smiled as we approached them. “You look awful, but you were amazing!”

I wasn’t quite sure how to take that compliment sandwich.

“What, you’ve never seen her play?” Beat asked, shooting me a look.

“Not like that.”

“That?” I replied, pulling out my mouth guard and stuffing in my pocket. “That was pretty terrible. I don’t usually end up on my arse.”

“You still helped K2 get that goal…or was it K1?” Rachel wondered.

I shrugged. “I couldn’t see well enough from my puddle.”

Cassidy laughed. “Regardless, you guys deserved to win.”

“Not quite how it works, but thanks,” I replied. “Listen, I’ve got to get to coaching. Let the little ones see the glory that is senior soccer!” I indicated at my muddied self.

Jaime laughed a little too hard at the joke, but I smiled at him in thanks before exchanging a look with Beat. She just smiled as though she was in on some big secret that I wasn’t.

Jaime leaned in as though he was going to kiss my cheek again, and then stopped. “Maybe when you’re cleaned up. I’ll see you tomorrow, Rory.”

“Yes, see you tomorrow, Jaime,” I replied.

“Come on, I’ll walk you to get your stuff.” Beat grabbed my arm, not at all concerned in her equally muddied state. Although, if I was honest, Beat would hug me anytime regardless if I deserved it or needed it, was covered in mud or totally clean; she was just that great a friend. “What was that?” she hissed.

“What was what?”

“I don’t know. Jaime just seemed really weird. I think he’s going to ask you out.”

I groaned. “Because, that’s just what I need.”

“Well, you’re going to the dance together, and you said you didn’t care about Cole…”

“I know what I said,” I grumbled.

Beat just laughed as she pulled her bag from her locker. “So, now you’re saying you do care about Cole?”

“I don’t know Cole well enough to care about him or not.” I slammed my locker closed. It was the only way to get it to stay shut, but it did help vent some frustration.

“Uh-huh,” Beat replied, obviously unconvinced.

“I could ask you what’s going on with Becca!” I countered, hoping to shift her off my case.

She smiled. “And if you did, I’d tell you something might be happening. But, that doesn’t change the fact you need to sort yourself out about Cole.”

I groaned. “Let it be known, I’m pleased for you, but there is nothing to sort out about Cole. I don’t know him, nor do I have any inclination to get to know him.”

“Well, you know Jaime. So, by that logic the choice is simple.”

I scoffed. “I know Kelly Preston too; I’m not going to date her.”

“I might.” Beat shrugged.

“You would not. She’s a bitch and my sworn enemy.”

“We’d be like Romeo and Juliet,” Beat said dramatically, the back of her hand to her head.

I laughed. “I don’t think you’re her type.”

“No, I think you’re right.” Beat smiled.

“Ugh, I best go. Hopefully it will rain on the way over and I won’t look such a fright.”

“I think you look lovely.”

“Jaime didn’t seem to think so.”

“Jaime likes his women-”

“Yes, we all know how Jaime likes his women.”

“You know what I mean, Rory! He was just put off by all the mud.”

“You wouldn’t be.”

“No, but we have a special bond.” To prove her point, she hugged me, even in her clean jumper. “Now, get to coaching or those middle schoolers will be lost without you.”

“Aye, aye.” I saluted.

“See you tomorrow.”

“Bye.”

To my annoyance, it wasn’t raining when I left the building and headed for the path to the middle school fields.

For some reason, Jaime’s reaction had really bummed me out. I loved that part of soccer. Okay, not the stinging cheek I was starting to feel now, but the getting into it no matter the weather, coming out of it having shown up prissy girls like Cassidy and Rachel – despite how much I loved them – everywhere.

How dare Jaime treat me like it wasn’t right! Plus, I’d been hit in the face! Although, I was glad that it gave him pause about kissing me. Maybe I’d turn up to school every day with mud on my face? No, that was childish. Was he going to ask me out? Blerg, what was I going to do with that? Make a decision, that’s what. Maybe if he turned up with blue vines and not grape next time?

“Hannibal!” Cole called from behind me. I skidded to a stop, falling in yet another puddle for the day. “Shit, sorry, you okay?”

Cole helped pull me to my feet, which was no mean feat given my school bag and sports bag were slung over my shoulders, and heedless of my muddy hands. He smiled as he looked me up and down. When I was securely standing, he took the bottom of my skort in his fingers, pulling mud off it.

“What happened to you?” he laughed.

“Soccer in heavy rain tends to leave a girl like this,” I snapped, Jaime’s reaction fresh in my mind.

To my surprise though, Cole just nodded. “It’s a good look for you. Fierce. Amazonian. I like it.”

I paused, having not expected an answer like that at all. “Um, thanks.”

“Did you win at least?”

“Drew.”

“Ah.” He nodded, and then seemed to notice the mud on my cheek. He touched it gently and I winced involuntarily. “Sorry,” he said as he pulled his hand away.

“No!” I replied too quickly. “Um, no, I mean, I got hit with the ball so it’s a little sore.”

Without thinking, I pulled the bottom of my jersey up and gently rubbed some of the dirt away. When I looked up at him, I realised I’d just flashed him my naked stomach and God knew what else. He was staring at me with a half-smile on his face as though he wasn’t sure if he should look happy or not. My face got even redder.

“Uh, sorry,” I laughed.

“Nonsense.” He smiled. ‘Besides, I saw nothing through all the dirt anyway.”

I pulled up my top to look, but there were very few streaks of dirt on my stomach, including the ones I’d just put there. I dropped my top and looked at him.

“Okay, I was trying to be gentlemanly, but I see that’s not going to work for you,” he laughed. “How does that feel?” He pointed at my cheek.

I put a hand to it. “Like it hopefully won’t bruise, but it stings like a bitch.”

“I can imagine.” He leant forward and kissed it softly, mud and all.

I tried to ignore the butterflies I felt in my stomach, which was easier when he pulled back and I saw his face.

“What?” I asked.

“Well, while dirt is not my favourite food, that particular vintage is…lovely,” he joked, licking his lips and smiling, his rich brown eyes warm.

I put my hands on my hips, but couldn’t help smiling in return. “Oh, so kissing me is gross, is it?”

He seemed to think about it for a moment. “No, not gross. Just very earthy. Besides, I wouldn’t call that kissing you.”

“And what would you call kissing me?” I laughed.

We stood looking at each other for a few moments and I felt like we were on the brink of something. One move either way, and I don’t think there’d be any coming back from it.

No, that was ridiculously dramatic. But, I did honestly feel like something would change depending on what happened here, I just didn’t know what it was going to be.

We stared into each other’s eyes; his seemed to be laughing, but also waiting. I was about to take a step forward when my phone rang. I smiled at him and pulled it out. It was Ben.

“I know. I’m on my way,” I said in answer.

“You’re not that late, just thought I’d check you didn’t break your leg or anything.”

“Not my leg, although my face feels a little broken.”

“Matches your brain, then,” he hooted, always the comedian.

“Oh, ha ha. I’ll see you soon.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

I put my phone away and saw Cole smiling.

“What? Anyway, I need to go,” I said and started walking towards the middle school.

“Maybe I’ll show you some day,” he called as I walked away, and I knew what he was referring to.

“Maybe I’ll let you,” I replied, though regretted my brazenness almost instantly; even if it was what I wanted – which I wasn’t sure it was – it just so wasn’t me to go about saying it.

“Bye, Hannibal,” he yelled and I heard the smile in his voice.

I waved as I rounded the corner, and then took off at a run to find my middle schoolers waiting. I hadn’t had a chance to see my face yet, but apparently it looked worthy of ‘oos’ and ‘ahs’ and needed much explaining before we could get practice under way, no matter how hard I cajoled.

Once I got them training, progress was swifter. Matt smiled at me as he practised passing with his friend. He was getting a lot better and I was proud of him; though I then realised maybe I was a bit biased.

Why? Because you know his brother? You’re not dating him or anything.

I called for them to start packing up, deciding my Cole obsession, or whatever it was, was getting out of hand. Maybe I should go out with Jaime? If only to get my mind off Cole.

“Hannibal.”

Because that helped…

I turned around, smiling. “Hi.”

“So… I was wondering what you were doing after school on Friday?”

Oh my God, was he asking me out?

“Ah… Well, I usually walk Ben home on Fridays.”

He nodded. “You guys live west, yeah?”

“West Maple.” I nodded.

Oh, God, yes tell him where you live and he can murder you in your sleep!

No, he wouldn’t do that…

He might though.

He wouldn’t, he’s lovely…

He looks lovely.

Oh, shut up!

“You okay?” he asked.

I realised I’d been making faces as my brain ran away with itself. I smiled. “Yes, fine. Thanks.”

“Right… Well, we live that way, about a block before… I thought we could walk together, maybe hang out for a bit?”

I nodded. “I’m meeting the girls at the mall about six-ish, but I have a couple of hours, yeah.”

“Great, sounds great. I’ll uh, see you tomorrow.”

“Cole, did you see my kick?” Matt asked as he came running up.

“Sure did, bud. You’re getting really good.”

“Do you think Dad will come and see my game if I get as good as Rory?”

Cole shot me a look before turning a very fake smile on his little brother. “Maybe, Matty, maybe. But, Aunt Trudy and Grandma will always be there.”

Matt smiled, but he looked sad. I said nothing, not that I had time to.

“Brainless!” I heard Ben yell.

Smiling, I turned around to yell at him and missed the ball, getting smacked in the face for the second time that day. This time though, I didn’t have my mouth guard in; I felt my tooth go through my lip, and I fell backwards.

Today is not my day…

“Oh crap!” Ben skidded to a stop next to me, splattering me with more mud.

“Two things,” I said as I lay on the floor. “One, do not let Mum hear you say things like that, and two, for God’s sake take me home so I can shower.”

“Here.” Cole pulled me up for a second time that day. He looked at my lip, which I could taste was bleeding. “That, I don’t think I should kiss better,” he whispered, his eyes flashing.

I smiled. “Not here, no.”

“Can we walk you home, Rory?” Matt asked, sounding very chivalrous for a twelve-year-old.

“Yeah, come on, Aura, they live real close.” Ben smiled.

“Do they now?”

Matt nodded.

“All right, then. Let’s get bags and go. We might make it home before full dark,” I said, wiping my lip and smearing dirt in my wound judging by the sting. “God, I’m going to need to antiseptic my whole body when I get home.”

Inadvertently, I looked at Cole when I realised I’d discussed my body, which would no doubt be naked when being covered in antiseptic. He smiled at me, but said nothing, as he helped Matt into his bag. When Ben and Matt were saddled up, they wandered off ahead, chatting about God knew what. Ben was super into Halo at the moment, so I expected he was chewing Matt’s ear off about that.

Cole and I walked in silence, hands in our pockets. I wished I’d pulled on my track pants or even my jumper over my uniform, shivering a little as we walked.

“You want my coat?” Cole asked.

“It’ll just get dirty, but thanks.”

“I don’t mind.” He pulled his coat off, juggling his bag as we walked, and threw it over me.

At least my bags were more satchels than backpacks or I probably would have looked like some kind of giant turtle or something.

“Uh, thanks.” I smiled.

“No problem.”

We walked on in silence for a while more, the chatter of our younger brothers floating back to us every now and then. Even though the boys were a year apart, they seemed to get on really well. I wasn’t sure who to be more proud of, Ben or Matt.

“They get on well, huh?” Cole said as though reading my thoughts.

“They do, yeah.”

“I’ve never seen Matt take to anyone so quickly before.” Cole chuckled, “you know, after that first practice, he wouldn’t stop raving about you. It was all, ‘Aurora showed me this’ and ‘Aurora showed me that’, ‘then we did this’, ‘then we did that’.” He chuckled again. “He’s never really been into playing sports, but having you as a coach has really made him enjoy it.”

I flushed with pride, feeling warm inside at the glowing recommendation.

“And, what about his older brother? Is he into sports?”

“No, he’s not. He plays the guitar, though.”

“Really?” I asked.

Cole nodded. “Yeah, picked it up when I was about Matt’s age. Our mum… Well, we were going through a tough time. I used to play for Matt when he was little, try to take his mind off things.” He shrugged as though he was embarrassed or didn’t know what he was saying.

“Do you play at school? Or…”

“I do music. So, I guess you could say yes. But, I don’t play in the orchestra or a band or anything if that’s what you’re asking.”

“So, you’re not good enough…?”

He looked at me, obviously about to defend himself when he saw me smiling. He laughed. “Well played.” He looked up and saw Matt and Ben had stopped on the corner. “We’re down here.”

I saw where we were and frowned. “Far?”

“Want me close?”

“Very cute.” I smirked. “No, just wondering how far down?”

“On this block.”

I smiled. “So are we.”

“I know.”

“You- Matt and Ben have been talking?”

He nodded. “Matt and Ben have been talking.”

“So, you guys back onto the park as well?”

“That we do.” He nodded.

“Come on, Cole!” Matt called.

He looked towards his little brother, a fond smile on his face. “My liege beckons.”

I saw Ben waiting just as impatiently. “Well, mine’s more of a tormentor, but he surely beckons. Maybe I’ll see you in the park sometime?” I smiled, passing him his coat.

“Maybe you will.”

We took our respective little brothers – not that it was difficult to confuse either of them – home.

“So, Cole seems nice,” Ben said in a singsong voice.

“Oh, no. We are not having this conversation.”

“I’m thirteen, not a nun!”

“At this rate, I know exactly what you’ll be...” I muttered as we bounded up the stairs and into the house.

Four

F

riday came and I wasn’t sure exactly what this after school stuff with Cole was going to be. We’d gone back to just smiling oddly when we saw each other and not really speaking.

“Right, I’ve gotta go find Ben,” I said, checking the time on my phone as we stood in the courtyard.

“We’ll see you about six, yeah?” Rachel confirmed.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be there about six. Ben and I have some things to do, so if I’m a bit late, don’t stress.”

“What’s more important than seeing us?” Cassidy chastised me, only partially joking.

“Just stuff.” I smiled.

“Jaime will be pleased to see you.”

I looked around at Declan and Mike. “You boys are coming, too?”

They both gave me a smile and nodded.

“Right, okay then. Well, I shall see you all there, apparently,” I said, trying not to look freaked out. Maybe it was becoming some kind of group date?

God, I hoped not.

I looked around at them all. Everyone was smiling, so I had no choice but to smile as well. Maybe I’d just text them later and say I got sick or something?

“See you then.”

“Hannibal!” Cole called from the building and smiling got a hell of a lot easier.

“What does he want?” Jaime asked from behind me, an arm going around my shoulder. I hadn’t even realised he was there.

I sighed. “Sometimes we walk over to get our brothers and talk English assignments.” I am also apparently ridiculously attracted to him and going to hang out with him, even though the sensible parts of my brain scream at me to run the other way, I did not say.

Beat gave me a look that told me she thought there was more to it, but I shot her a return look that told her to shut her mouth, and she smiled.

“Fair enough,” Cassidy replied. “Right, well off you go then. We’ll see you in a few hours.”

I nodded, slipping out of Jaime’s grasp and hurried off to meet Cole. He gave the others an arrogant smirk over my shoulder, and then nodded to me. We walked through the building, heading across the sports fields to the back path. He didn’t say anything until we found Ben and Matt waiting for us outside the Middle School buildings, passing a soccer ball between them.

“Where did you guys get that?” Cole asked.

“Ben borrowed it from Missus Chamberlin,” Matt answered, smiling. “He offered to help me with my passing.”

“Well, Ben better take it back to Missus Chamberlin so we can head home,” I said with a pointed smile at my little brother.

Ben nodded, jogging inside with the ball to give it back to the Sports teacher. He was back in moments and the two younger boys led us in the direction of home, in a way that seemed to be becoming a habit.

“So, your friends didn’t seem pleased to let you go,” Cole said as he scuffed a shoe along the footpath.

I looked up, hoping it wasn’t going to rain before we got home, and still not sure what we were going to be doing for hanging out after we dropped Ben and Matt home.

“No, but they’re like that. They think they’re entitled to my Friday afternoons.”

“Even Jaime?”

I looked at him. What does he think of Jaime? “I don’t know.” I shrugged. “Wouldn’t matter to me what he thinks he’s entitled to.”

“Then, the two of you aren’t dating?” he asked with a smirk.

“What? No.”

“Hm,” he mused as though he knew some secret I didn’t.

“Hm, what?”

“That’s just not what I’ve heard.”

“And what, pray tell, have you heard?” I asked, pulling my blazer closer round me, not that it did anything against the cold.

“Well, word is you and Jaime are dating.”

“Whose word?”

“His.”

“Well, I’ll have to set him straight when next we meet.”

“You’re going to the dance with him.”

“Doesn’t mean we’re dating without any discussion.”

“Interesting.”

“Ben! Will you two watch where you’re walking, please?” I yelled as they looked about to walk into the street. I turned back to Cole. “What’s interesting?”

“So, a guy has to have a discussion with you before you’re dating?”

“Is that not how they do it where you’re from?” I laughed, wondering what England must be like.

He shrugged and smiled, but didn’t say any more.

We walked on, pausing when we got to the corner of our block. Ben waved back to Cole and headed for our door. Matt stopped.

“Bye Aura.” He waved as I stopped next to him.

“Bye Matt. Have a good weekend.” I smiled.

“You too.” He looked at Cole, who seemed to make a shooing motion with his head. Matt smiled at me and headed off towards their place.

“So… I’m thinking I should change – I’m freezing – and I’ll meet you out back in ten or so minutes?” I asked.

He nodded. “Sounds good. You know the big willow?”

I smiled. “I expect I’ve known the big willow longer than you’ve known the big willow. I’ll see you there in a bit?”

He smiled and we parted ways.

Once in my room, I changed into my jeans, my longest socks, shirt, jumper, jacket, scarf, and warm boots. I debated if I was going so far as to throw on the beanie, and then decided what the hell. If a friend can’t deal with me in a beanie, then they didn’t deserve to be my friend.

“Mum, Dad, I’m heading out back for a bit,” I called.

“Okay, sweetie, make sure you rug up.”

“Already done.”

“Where you going?” Ben popped his head out of the lounge room.

“Just for a walk.”

“You’re going to see-”

“Shush!” I interrupted with a sisterly thump before Mum or Dad could hear. “We’re just friends catching up.”

Ben nodded and smiled as though he didn’t believe a word I said, but kept his mouth shut. When had Ben become so interested in my love life?

I closed the back door behind me, heading out into the communal park that backed onto all the buildings on this block. It was nice out there at any time of year, with sections of trees, open spaces of grass, and winding paths dotted with benches joining it all together. I shoved my hands into my pockets, bent my head against the chill, and headed towards the big willow in the middle of the small forest-like section. At least, it had seemed like a forest when Ben and I were little, now it was just a copse of trees.

When I got there, Cole was waiting, the smoke from his cigarette mingling with his puffs of warm breath on the cold air. I’d never seen him out of uniform before and I let myself admire him before he saw me.

He wore blue jeans that sat on him nicely, black shoes and a thick brown coat with the collar turned up. He put his cigarette out then seemed to notice me. He almost beamed as he saw me.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” I replied, smiling back.

“How are things?”

“About the same as when I last saw you, except Ben thinks we’re meeting for some secret tryst,” I laughed.

He smiled crookedly and his eyes flashed. “Really? We wouldn’t want to disappoint him.”

I smiled and felt my cheeks heat. “Of course not. Shall we walk, or sit, or-”

I stopped as it started pouring with rain. Even under the trees where we were, it was heavy. Without thinking, I grabbed Cole’s hand and pulled him under the willow branches and out of the deluge. There was less space under there than I remembered and I turned, coming up against Cole’s chest hard. The hands that were holding came up, our fingers interlacing. His other hand went to my waist and mine went to his arm. It was almost like he was about to twirl me around a dance floor.

“Sorry,” I laughed. “There’s less room under here than I thought there was.”

He smiled. “You come here often?”

“I used to, when Ben and I were little.”

We were close, the buttons on our coats touching. I smiled at him, seeing something shining in his eyes.

“What?” I asked.

His gaze seemed to search me. “Nothing.” He stepped back, breaking contact and putting his hands in his pockets. “So, you’ve got coaching in the morning, then your own game…?”

I put my hands in my pockets as well. “At twelve. It’s a good break when I need to travel between them but, like tomorrow, it sucks when both games are at home. Not really worth going home, nowhere much else to go.”

“We could grab a coffee?” he said, looking down. “If you like coffee?”

“Are you kidding? I love coffee!”

He looked up, seemingly startled by my exuberance.

I smiled. “Sorry, I’m serious about my coffee.”

He laughed. “Coffee is no laughing matter.”

“All right, we can go to the place next to school?”

He nodded. “As long as Beatrice won’t miss you?”

I laughed, shaking my head. “Beat? No. She’ll be there no earlier than eleven fifty-eight, I guarantee it.”

“Okay.” He smiled. “Uh, so…” he looked around, and then decided on sitting down against the trunk. “So, Frankenstein assignment’s in and some mushy Jane Austen’s next.”

“You want to talk school?” I joined him on the ground.

He shrugged. “Why not? It’s something we have in common.”

“I’m sure we have more stuff in common.”

“Okay, like what? What else are you passionate about besides coffee?”

“Blue vines!” I said immediately. “Well, actually anything blue.”

“Blue?”

“Yep, Blue. It is the best flavour!”

“Blue? What flavour is blue?”

I looked at him as though he were crazy. “Blue, of course.”

“Of course,” he replied, as though it was the strongest argument in the history of fact. “Blue tastes like blue.”

I nodded. “Yes, it does.”

“Okay, and when you’re not eating blue-flavoured things or playing soccer, what do you like to do?”

“I read, I listen to music, watch movies, and TV, I hang out with my friends. Usual teenage stuff, I guess. What about you?”

“Much of the same, minus the friends thing.”

“Because you’re such a cool loner,” I laughed.

He grinned. “It’s all part of my mysterious charm.”

“Well, I won’t deny that.”

I felt him looking at me, but kept watching the willow branches sway against the rain.

“So, what’s your favourite book, then?” he asked.

I looked at him then. “Are you sure you’re ready for this conversation?”

He laughed, but nodded, and we spent ages talking about all our favourite things. Surprisingly, we had a decent amount in common; bands, television shows, movies, even some books. I, of course, didn’t have a musical bone in my body so couldn’t compare to his love of music, just the same as he couldn’t quite grasp my love of sports, or of doing well at school.

At some point, I’d taken his hand…or, he’d taken mine, and we sat leg against leg, our feet just shy of the bottoms of the willow branches.

“There’s nothing wrong with doing well at school,” I said.

He shrugged. “It’s just not my thing.”

“It’s a shame. I know you’d do well if you tried.”

He shrugged again. “If you say so.”

“All right, it’s a secret I shall take to my grave.” I crossed myself.

“Do you promise?”

I laughed, leaning my head against his shoulder. “Yes, I promise.” I picked up his hand, inspecting the ring on it. It looked like a crest of some kind. “This is nice.”

“Grandma’s family crest, she gave it to me years ago. Matt doesn’t wear his.”

“Your grandma has a-”

My phone’s ringtone seemed ridiculously loud in the confined space. I smiled apologetically and answered it.

“Where are you?” I heard Beat say.

“What do you mean?”

“Where are you? It’s like seven.”

“Shit, really? Sorry, I lost track of time.” I smiled at Cole. “Listen, I…won’t be able to make it, I’ll see you at the game tomorrow, okay?”

Beat made a strange noise on the other end. I heard the others talking in the background, asking where I was. “Nah, she’s not coming.” Beat told them. The others sounded unhappy, but Beat just shushed them. “Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Bye.”

Before I had a chance to put my phone back in my pocket, I got a text from Beat.

Beat: Details tomorrow!

I smiled, deciding I’d reply later.

“Sorry.”

“No worries.” Cole had his phone out.

Before he put it away, I grabbed it on impulse, waving away his exclamation, and typed in my number under ‘Hannibal :P’ before I handed it back.

He smiled as he looked at it. “Thanks.” He stood up and pulled me to my feet.

“Well, I assumed you were never going to ask me for it.”

“You’re direct. I like that.”

“You seem to like a lot of things about me,” I said, then looked down in an effort to hide my embarrassing flirtation attempt.

If he noticed, he said nothing. “That I do. Look, I’d love to stay, especially after you blew off your friends, but I should probably get back. I told Matt I’d be home for dinner. He was just wondering where I was.”

“Yeah, no worries.” I smiled, actually not minding at all and glad I had an excuse not to go out and see Jaime.

We stepped out of the willow, finding it only lightly raining. The lamp outside proving to be the reason I hadn’t noticed it was so late.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Cole smiled.

“Tomorrow.”

He nodded and turned to leave.

On another impulse, I caught his hand, pulling him in for a quick hug and kissed his cheek. When he pulled back, he looked a little surprised but was smiling. He nodded again and we both turned for home.

As I walked through the back door, I got another text.

Unknown: Hannibal, good chat :)

Through dinner, the rest of the night, and at least an hour after I got into bed, we exchanged texts, chatting about random things. Finally, I told him I really had to go to bed or Matt would be furious with my coaching skills in the morning.

The last text I got from him that night was;

Cole: Night, Hannibal, see you soon.

I fell asleep with a smile on my face, having no idea how I was going to explain any of that afternoon or night to Beat. I’d told her there were no details to give… But, I knew she wouldn’t buy it.

¢

When my alarm tone sounded, I was sure I’d set it too early. I reached over to turn it off and saw, no, it was the right time. I groaned, deciding to lie in bed and listen to the rain falling for a few minutes.

There was a soft knock on my door and I heard Mum call my name. “Aura, what time do you need to leave?” she said in a stage whisper.

“Ugh, about 8:30,” I replied, sitting up.

She smiled at me. “Just toast?”

I nodded, stretching and trying to hide a yawn. “Thanks, I’ll be down in a minute. I need a wake up shower.”

“I’ll fill the thermos too, then.”

“Thanks, Mum.”

I tried to shower and dress quickly, and not worry about what I would say, or do, when I saw Cole. I didn’t know why I felt so nervous about it and I chastised myself constantly. I finally barrelled down the stairs at twenty-five past eight, dressed to coach and packed to play.

“You look lovely this morning,” Dad said as I started shovelling my toast into my mouth.

“Do I?”

“Your hair looks a lot neater than usual.”

“Does it?”

I checked through my bag that I had everything I needed for both games, swallowed the last of my toast, and shoved the proffered thermos in my bag – that coffee was going to be needed. I stood up, shouldered my bag, and smiled at the family.

“Wait up, I’ll come with you,” Ben said, wandering off with his piece of toast.

“You’re not even dressed! And, I’m going to be late,” I called as he took the stairs two at a time.

“Ben’s got a bye today, love,” Mum said, coming to the door. She was wiping a plate, looking for all the world like it didn’t matter that I should have been out of the house five minutes ago.

“Well, what’s he doing now, then?”

“Going with you for support and encouragement.” Mum smiled blissfully. Sometimes, I wished I could be the mum; it seemed so easy…sometimes.

I checked the time again. “Ben, come on! I’m leaving so you either come now or-”

“I’m here, I’m here.” He jogged back down, rugged up against the cold.

We said goodbye to the parents and hurried out into the cold. I walked briskly; he would keep up or I’d see him there. Finally, he caught up. We walked in silence until it seemed he’d caught his breath.

“So, will Cole be there this morning?” Ben asked with that singsong voice he’d adopted whenever he mentioned Cole.

“I assume so.”

“You seemed quite distracted last night. Lots more texts than usual.”

“So?”

“So…?”

“Ben, drop it, now is not the time.”

“Fine, I’m sure I could just ask Matt.”

I scoffed. “I doubt Matt would know anything even if there was anything to know.”

“We’ll see.”

I rolled my eyes and walked quicker, wishing I had the ability to drink coffee while walking quickly and not spill it all over myself.

We got to school without me having to deal with any more of Ben’s incessant yabbering. Most of my team hadn’t arrived yet, so I started those few that had on warm ups. They were going to need it that morning with such a chill to the air. Maybe it would snow for once?

By nine o’clock, all the team had arrived, were warm, and the game kicked off. I was on my third cup of coffee, as I paced the sidelines, when I realised Matt had turned up alone. I hadn’t seen Cole or their aunt or grandmother. Ben appeared at my side, but said nothing. I drained my cup and was about to get another when one of my team went down.

I shoved the cup at Ben and hurried onto the pitch, the child’s parents hovering at the sidelines with my brother; I had to give it to these parents, they took school sport seriously and let me deal with all in-game issues.

I slid into the kid, a girl called Jess, heedless of the dirt on my track pants – they’d had just so much worse. She looked a little dazed.

“Jess, hun, you okay?” I asked as the referee knelt beside me.

“It wasn’t a dangerous tackle, Daniels, just unfortunate. She’ll get a free, if she’s up to it?”

Unfortunately, I agreed with him. I nodded. “Give us a second.”

The referee stood back up and shooed the other kids away. I helped Jess sit up.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, just winded myself as I went down,” she breathed.

“You want me to sub you?”

She shook her head, already looking over it, and smiled.

“All right.” I helped her to stand. “Play on, ref!” I called before jogging off the field and over to Jess’ parents. “She’s fine, little winded. Keep an eye on her this afternoon just in case, but she should be fine.”

Jess’ dad smiled and shook my hand. “Thanks, Rory, will do.”

They left me to my job. I turned to Ben and found him holding a full cup of coffee out to me. I took it with a smile of thanks and turned back to watch the game.

“You’re really good at this, you know.”

I smiled. “Thanks, Benny.” I sighed as I watched an unmarked winger make a break. “Man up, guys!” I called.

There were only so many times you wanted to yell things out to them since, more often than not, both team’s members would stop and turn to look at you to see if you were talking to them. But, sometimes, you just had to give them advice.

We got through the rest of the game with little incident and a nil-one loss, which, for us, was something to be pretty proud of. I shook hands with the other coach, waited while my team shook their opponents’ hand, and then got them in a huddle.

“All right gang, good work today. You’re all improving heaps.” I got them to all throw hands in the middle before they started dispersing to find their adults. “Matt!” I called.

He turned, smiling. “Great game, Aura! Hey, Ben.”

I really envied this kid his optimism at times.

“It was, Matt. Your passing is getting a lot better,” I said. “You okay to get home? I noticed you’re on your own today.” I made no mention of Cole, but Ben shot me a look.

Matt’s face clouded a little, but he smiled. “I’ll be okay.”

“Ben could walk you?” I gave Ben a pointed look.

Ben, thankfully, nodded and Matt brightened.

“If you want?” Matt asked.

“That’d be great! Aura’s game doesn’t start for ages and I could do with the walk to warm me up.”

“Great!” Matt led Ben off and I could see they were talking animatedly.

I texted Beat.

Me: If you turn up in the next hour, I have details, but my offer’s only good until 11:45. Caffeinated beverages have taken me hostage.

With that last sentence, she’d know where to find me.

I detoured past the locker rooms at the senior school to dump my bag, constantly checking my phone. I told myself I was waiting for a response from Beat, but really, I knew I was hoping for an explanation from Cole. Maybe he’d forgotten? Maybe something had come up? Maybe he didn’t want to hang out? Maybe I should stop worrying about things I a) couldn’t fix and b) didn’t need to be worrying about?

As I finished my coffee, sitting and staring out the window, my phone buzzed and Beat came tearing into the shop.

“It’s a miracle, I know, but I’m here and I want details,” she said, slightly out of breath.

I smiled. “Coffee’s on you first.”

She nodded and went to order and I checked my new message, but it was just Mum saying Ben was home and they’d see me at the game.

Beat sat down, her bag thumping onto the floor, and leant forward, obviously ready to hear all sorts of sordid details. I laughed, despite myself, and started telling her about the day before, then the not-even-cancelled plans.

“So, he didn’t turn up? No text, nothing?”

I shook my head.

“Did you ask his brother?”

I scoffed. “I’m not asking Matt where Cole is! And especially not in front of Ben who’s already too nosey for his own good.”

Beat nodded. “Fair enough. You like him though?”

I could only shrug at that point. “I don’t know. I thought so? But…maybe not now?”

She laughed. “Don’t ask me.”

“He’s frustrating and annoying.”

“But, you had a great time talking to him last night?”

I sighed. “Yes.”

“Well, it’s fate,” she stated simply.

I came dangerously close to snorting my coffee out my nose. “That it is not, he’s just a super-hot guy whose great to talk to, but bad news and unreliable.”

“If I didn’t agree with you, I’d wonder who you were trying to convince.”

“So, you do think he’s bad news!”

Beat sat back. “Let’s say he doesn’t exactly exude the same sort of airs most of the guys at our school do.”

“And, that makes him bad news?”

“It makes me wonder why he’s at our school.”

“I never took you for such a snob, Beat,” I laughed.

“I calls ‘em like I sees ‘em.” She shrugged. “We go to a private school where most kids, even the laziest, are over-achieving knobs. He’s just…”

“Not an over-achieving knob?”

She nodded. “Exactly.”

“And, that’s bad news now?”

“No, I suppose not. I just don’t think he’s really your type, or what you want this year.” Beat looked at her watch, swore, and drained her mug. “We gotta go, Daniels.”

I finished mine and followed her out.

I thought about what she’d said through the game – which we won, hooray! with no help from me – the rest of the afternoon and all of Sunday as I constantly checked my phone for a text from Cole, but not having the guts to send one first. I realised, to a point, Beat was right. I wanted to focus on getting through the year with minimal distractions, whether my friends would consider them a good or bad influence.

Truth be told, Cole was the kind of distraction I hadn’t planned for this year. I didn’t much care if he was a slacker who never applied himself or was gunning for school dux; he distracted me from the million other things I should have been thinking about. And, I realised that it didn’t matter if I was thinking of him in platonic or romantic terms, I was still spending too much time thinking about him than was necessary – for both my sanity and my grades.

On Sunday night, I was finishing my latest read-through of Pride and Prejudice when I got a text from Beat.

Beat: Anything?

I smiled, replying with a negative.

I hadn’t even had the guts to take a walk with Ben in the park in case we ran into Cole; I had no idea what to say or how to act now and I’d spent so much time ruminating on it that I’d built it up into this ridiculously awkward thing.

I got into bed after deciding I would suffer no more distractions. There were about twenty-five weeks left until final exams – not that I was counting. I could keep my focus until then.

No more distractions, I repeated until I fell asleep.

Five

D

istractions, it turned out, did come in the friend-approved variety.

I arrived to school at the last possible minute on Monday morning, kept my head down to avoid even running the risk of looking at Cole, made excuses I had to see Coach at recess but hid in the library, then kept to myself in class, feigning a headache when the girls asked what was wrong. Beat looked at me, puzzled, for a moment before she let it go.

When the bell rang for lunch, though, Rachel had me outside at our table before I could even begin to think of an excuse to go hide again. I ate quickly, hoping desperately that Beat would keep Rachel and Cassidy distracted when Mike and Declan weren’t doing the job.

Distractions, though, came from all sides.

“Rory!” I heard Jaime call, and I literally sighed aloud.

Beat shot me a sympathetic smile before I looked up.

Jaime was motioning for me to join him. I hopped off the table and walked over, wondering why he couldn’t just come to me.

“We missed you on Friday. I missed you on Friday.”

“Um, thanks, yeah sorry… I got caught up with…stuff…” I replied.

He took a step towards me and I mentally prepared for what I suspected was coming next. Why hadn’t I put a stop to it sooner?

“So, I was wondering what you had planned on Saturday?”

“Coaching, soccer, probably a shower… Depends on the mud content of the day,” I said, stressing the word ‘mud’, but he didn’t seem to notice.

“And, after?”

“Why? What were you thinking?”

He smiled. “I thought maybe we could get some food, maybe see a movie?”

“Uh, well, I have a family thing… Gran’s birthday,” I said quickly, lying through my teeth. “Sorry, will be a bummer to miss.”

“Ah well, maybe next weekend then?” he asked. I nodded and, before I could answer, he spoke. “Great, it’s a date.”

I was about to refute that statement when he kissed me full on the mouth. Now, it wasn’t like it was my first kiss or anything, but, in the past, I’d been a little more into the guy…or at least hinted I was, before he tried to stick his tongue down my throat.

After my moment of shock passed, I gently extricated myself, and turned around to walk back to my friends, or possibly home… I hadn’t decided quite at that point.

However, before I could form any kind of appropriate retaliation to Jaime, his hand was in mine. Not that I really noticed, because I was busy looking at Cole paused in the middle of crossing the courtyard. A flicker of shock passed over his face before his expression slammed into the unimpressed sarcasm I’d seen the first day of term. Although, that wasn’t the most impressive thing about his face; what struck me was the spectacular bruise around his left eye.

Before I’d finished pulling my hand from Jaime’s, Cole was gone.

“You okay?” Jaime asked as I managed to keep my hand out of his grasp.

“Yeah, sure,” I replied, sounding somewhat harsher than I’d probably intended.

I picked up my bag and swept into the building before anyone could stop me. Based on their looks, Rachel and Cassidy had known Jaime was going to ask me out. And, equally, they weren’t sure if he’d succeeded or not.

Well, Cole did say Jaime was telling people you were dating…

Maybe I needed to find a new date to the dance? Maybe, I could go stag? Did girls go stag? What was their equivalent? I doubted it was ‘go doe’…

I managed to avoid talking to Jaime about actual dating for almost the next two weeks. Although, we seemed to fall back into the weird pseudo-dating pattern. Again, it wasn’t that I didn’t like Jaime; he was fine. I enjoyed his company, we had similar interests, I found him very pleasing on the eyes, I flirted with him a little, and I liked that he showed interest in me. At least, I had until a few weeks ago, when Cole had invaded my brain.

Mind you, after Jaime’s little display in the courtyard, Cole was once again nothing but an annoying, sarcastic, flirtatious, slacker with nothing but his face to commend him. He bowed his head dramatically as he greeted me with “Hannibal”. Even when we had to split into our study pairs, he’d avoided every effort I’d made to engage with him; finally, I gave up and just did my own work.

So, by the end of Week 7, when Jaime asked me to go out with him on the Saturday night, I’d decided that Cole wasn’t worth my while. Jaime was actually interested, and I’d give him a proper shot. Because, I’d totally stuck to my plan of no distractions until now…

¢

“So, how did it go?” Cassidy giggled as she pulled another dress off the rack.

I sighed. “It wasn’t an unmitigated disaster.”

“What?” Cassidy’s face showed exactly what she thought of that as an answer.

“He was a gentleman, we talked, laughed. There was decent food, he paid for popcorn and…grape vines.”

“Oh!” Beat, Rachel and Cassidy all cringed, knowing perfectly well how much I despised them.

“Yeah,” I nodded, “but, other than that, it went well.”

“So, are you dating?”

“We went on a date…” I replied, running my hands over dresses but not really feeling into it. “I would hardly call that dating. If he impresses again, I’ll think about.” I huffed a laugh, pleasantly surprising myself when I realised I meant it.

With Cole out of my mind – for the most part…sort of…I could pretend… – I found the idea of dating Jaime more appealing than I had two days after being stood up.

“What colour are you going to pick?” Beat asked me.

I sighed. Most years, we would have picked a dress for the dance weeks earlier.

“God, I don’t know… What are you thinking?”

“Red,” she said without hesitation.

“Good. Nice, bold colour.”

“Think of it this way, if you pick something now, you both get Cass and Rach off your back and you don’t have to come shopping again!”

I laughed. “True.”

“How about green, to match your eyes?” she asked. She could obviously tell what I thought of that idea by my face. “All right, maybe not… How about pink?” Again, I made a face. “Blue then, blue like your favourite food! If Jaime knows what’s good for him, he’ll get you a corsage of blue vines.” We both laughed.

“Yeah, and I’ll have eaten it before we get in the car,” I replied.

“Come on, there must be something here.”

We rifled through the racks for what felt like hours, trying on so many different outfits. It was like a montage in a movie, complete with hysterical giggling. Finally, we all found the perfect dresses.

Cassidy’s was pink and a lot shorter than I would have chosen, but at least it covered everything for once. Rachel’s was black, clinging and floor-length with diamante detailing at her waist. Beat chose a red knee-length dress that was strapless. And, me… I found a midnight blue, floor-length, swishy, halter neck design that hid what needed hiding and flaunted what could be flaunted acceptably at a school function.

Next, of course were shoes. Cassidy, Rachel, and even Beat chose high-heeled monstrosities that made them tower above me and I knew would be off before the night had really begun – it was the same every year! I decided on a pair of ivory high-top Converse, knowing no one would see them and I’d be super comfortable all night. Plus, new converse!

I had just started to think we were done when we had to look for handbags, and jewellery, and make up. Then book a hair appointment all together for early on the Saturday afternoon.

Beat and I exchanged many weary glances, wondering why everything had to be new. I had plenty of nice necklaces and earrings that would go nicely with my dress. A bag, I had needed, much to my annoyance, so I got something small my phone would fit in.

God, if it was this bad for the Winter Dance, what were Spring Formal preparations going to be like?

Finally, I was allowed to head home with my purchases, getting out of the great milkshake consumption that occurred after Cassidy and Rachel shopped for hours.

“You sure you don’t want one? Even to go?” Cassidy asked, again.

“Thanks, no, Ben and I have a date with an ice cream van.” I smiled.

I hugged them each goodbye, thankful that my friends didn’t give me grief for spending so much time with my family.

The bus home was quiet and made good time, but, when I got in the door, Ben wasn’t home.

“He’s in the park with Matt, I think,” Dad said from behind his newspaper.

“Okay, I’ll go find them.”

“Oh, did you get a dress?” Mum called.

“I did; I’ll show you later.”

“Go hang it up before you go out.”

I muttered, but did as I was told, then headed out to find Ben and Matt. They were out on the grass, practising their soccer skills. Ben lobbed the ball to me when he saw me and I joined them for a bit until I realised I did actually hear music and wasn’t imagining it. I turned and saw Cole sitting on a bench at the edge of the grass. He was strumming a guitar, though I didn’t know the song, and I saw his lips moving as if he was singing.

“He comes out and practises while we do,” Matt explained.

Ben nodded. “He’s not bad.”

“I see that.” I figured now was as good a time as any to talk to him, so I left the boys to their practise and walked over to him.

Something made Cole stop and look up. Whether it was because he saw me coming over or not, he put the guitar down and assumed one of his annoying smirks. He pulled out a cigarette and had it lit before I sat down next to him.

“How was your date?” he asked.

“I’d ask how you knew, but I don’t really care,” I replied, dryly.

“So, it was the stuff of legend, then? All you’d hoped for and more. Love blossomed? Cherubs sung in the heavens?” he laughed.

“God, do you never get tired of hearing your own voice?”

“You seemed to like it a few weeks ago.”

And, I had. Spending the evening chatting with him had been what I would have considered a much better date than the one Jaime and I went on the night before, even though that one had been perfectly nice and normal.

“I liked you a few weeks ago.” I shrugged, then forced my face to remain neutral when I realised what my words might have implied.

Of course, the implication was not lost on him, evidenced by his chuckle.

“Please, don’t stop on my account,” I said, indicating the guitar.

“You like that, too?”

“I just wouldn’t dream of robbing you of the opportunity to hear your own voice.”

“Hung out with Jaime again today?”

“Dress shopping.”

“Jaime wears dresses?” he whooped.

“With the girls.” I rolled my eyes.

“Did you pick something lovely?”

“If you didn’t sound so sarcastic, I might think you cared.”

“Well, I’ll have to judge for myself on the night then, won’t I?”

I turned sharply. “You’re going?”

He blew out a puff of smoke, shrugging. “Kelly, what’s her name, Preston asked me. She seemed very determined, wouldn’t take no for an answer. Offered me…anything…” he finished suggestively. He leant his elbows on the back of the bench but winced slightly as though something hurt. I would have asked him if he was okay, but I was a little distracted.

Apart from the fact that I could imagine Kelly doing just that if she fancied him… I didn’t really want to picture Kelly and Cole up to…anything. I knew I had no right or reason to be upset they were going together, but I was a little bummed out.

Isn’t it good emotions listen to sense?

I stood up. “Good for you. I hope the two of you have a lovely night.”

He seemed to know exactly how to laugh and how to smile in the way that would both infuriate and attract me. “Oh, I bet we will.”

How could one guy look so damned attractive but so irritating at the same time? How could you honestly simultaneously want to kiss and pummel someone?

I glared at him. “Goodbye, Cole.”

“Goodbye, Hannibal.” His voice seemed to lose some of its sting, but I strode off without looking back and went back up to my room.

Ben didn’t seem to mind, or notice.

I could see them from my window; the two boys passing the ball back and forth, and Cole strumming his guitar on the bench. Seeing him from up here, there was something really lovely about him, his face soft and almost tender. I could almost forget he was a sarcastic jerk going to the Winter Dance with my mortal enemy.

I considered opening the window in case I could hear him sing, but it was too damn cold for that. I considered going back down to play soccer with the boys, but knew I’d feel stupid after I’d stormed off.

Instead, I spent the rest of my afternoon playing Mario Kart by myself. God, I am so cool!

¢

Our Pride and Prejudice assignments were not going well.

Cole was in one of his ridiculously annoying moods, saying anything and everything he knew would get a reaction out of me. I, stupidly, rose to the bait every time. If he didn’t infuriate me so much, I might have thought that our banter was some kind of intellectual flirting.

I huffed, putting down my pen. “If you put as much effort into your essays as you do in arguing with me, you’d get A’s!”

He smirked. “I’m just saying, Lizzy seems like an idiot. I mean, he’s supposed to be handsome, rich, smart. And, what does she do? Just assumes he’s a wanker?”

“There’s the prejudice for you. It’s Darcy who’s an idiot. He should just accept he likes her in the beginning and hang his family.”

“And there’s the pride,” he replied. “I can’t believe she flew off the handle like that when he finally admitted his feelings for her.”

I groaned. It was not the first time we’d had this conversation. I really should have known better, but I couldn’t stop myself arguing every time he opened his damned sexy mouth.

“Maybe if he hadn’t been such an arrogant prick and insulted her, she would have responded better. She even says so herself!”

“Tell me you didn’t spend the whole book just wanting them to get over themselves and be together?” he said, breaking the usual pattern.

“No, I didn’t.” I looked at him. “Why? Did you?”

“So, what if I did?” He shrugged.

At the look on his face, I burst into laughter and it wasn’t long before he was laughing too.

“Just admit you liked it,” I said.

He shook his head. “Never. Frankenstein, fine, not bad. But no, Austen doesn’t get me going. The mother, though, she’s not half bad.”

“Oh, Mister Fielding!” I said in perfect imitation of a BBC Mrs Bennet.

We fell into another fit of laughter.

It was times like these, the rare moments we connected in English, that I thought I saw something more in him. And, maybe there was something more in him? Maybe it was just all in my head? Maybe it just didn’t matter, because, overall, we weren’t compatible. All the other times seemed to back up that theory; the times I saw him in fights, not paying attention, or just being…delinquent.

I mean, the guy didn’t even seem to know if he liked me – I’d be very surprised to find out he liked anyone but himself and Matt. He certainly didn’t appear to try to do anything but annoy me.

Our laughs petered out and we looked at out books.

“But, seriously, Lizzy’s an idiot.”

“You’re an idiot,” I muttered.

He chuckled, “am I, now?”

I sighed, turning to him. “That’s the problem, Cole, you know you’re not. You’re probably smarter than everyone in our class, but you don’t bother doing anything with it. I like to think I’m smart, but-”

“‘I have always seen a great similarity in the turn of our minds’.” Cole smiled.

“Are you-? Seriously? That has to be one of the most obscure quotes in the whole book.” I couldn’t stop myself laughing again at the absurd enigma that was Cole Fielding.

“You remember it.”

“I’ve read that book a hundred times.”

Cole shrugged. “Are you suggesting I haven’t?”

“I’d be very surprised if you’d read it once, to be honest. Have you?”

He didn’t answer me, only smiled in that infuriatingly handsome way he had and started talking about our essay.

I watched him carefully. Maybe he had read the book, but I doubted it. He probably jumped on Google and tried to find obscure quotes to annoy me with. I could entirely imagine him putting that much effort into aggravating me and not his schoolwork.

¢

It was getting colder – if that was even possible – and I made the wonderful choice to go for a jog around the park because I legitimately had nothing better to do and way too much pent up energy. It’s a sad day when you have nothing better to do than jog in near freezing temperatures.

As I ran, I watched the little puffs of breath I exhaled – riveting stuff. I’d never really been a big jogger, sport kept me fit enough, and I was beginning to regret my decision to start now – I’d forgotten my music player and just remembered that I considered running along a path with no particular destination the most boring thing in the world.

I slowed as I came up to the big willow, memories of my talk with Cole fresh in my mind. I smiled as I thought about it; things were going all right with Jaime – although we still weren’t quite dating – so my frustration level with Cole had significantly diminished. I could look at the time as something nice without worrying anymore about what it had meant, why he hadn’t turned up the next day, or why his behaviour had reverted back ever since.

As though conjured from memory, Cole stepped onto the path ahead of me and we both stopped dead. My smile fell and I panicked when I saw another bruise on his face. Cole looked ready to bolt, but I’d crossed the distance between us in seconds and had my hand on his cheek.

He chuckled wryly. “At least your hand’s cold enough to be an ice pack.”

“Cole, what happened?” I asked, searching his face.

He leaned into my hand almost by instinct and sighed.

Somehow, I had the feeling he hadn’t just got into a fight with some other kid. I’d seen it happen at school – knew he got into fights out of school – but he’d walked away from those cocky, whether he’d seemed to win or lose. Now, he was hesitant, wary, tired.

I reached up and kissed his cheek gently as he’d done to me, keeping the contact as long as I thought I could get away with. I thought his arms were going around me, but he just pushed me away gently, his face a more arrogant smirk again.

“If I’d known a bruise would get you in my arms, I might have got one earlier.”

I crossed my arms as much in exasperation as against the cold. Cole was dressed much more suitably for the weather, his collar attractively turned up as usual. Not like me in my thin, long-sleeved t-shirt and shorts.

“It’s not the first bruise I’ve seen on you. What happened this time?”

“Some boys thought I was an easier target than I turned out to be.” He grinned, but it didn’t reach his eyes and even I could tell he only intended to rile me up.

Tired of his stupid games, I sighed. “That did not come from a fist fight. You don’t want to tell me fine. Bye.”

I turned to leave but he spoke again.

“How the hell would you know what I get up to?”

I whirled around. “Because I have a fairly good understanding of you, Cole Fielding. If you get into a fistfight, whether you win or lose, you walk around with an untouchable air as though daring someone else to start something. You don’t mope around as though you’re pursued and have nowhere safe to go.”

Cole blinked at me for a moment before his smirk returned with full force. “Of course, because I have hidden depths.”

I rolled my eyes, walking forward to poke him. “You might if you stopped being a jerk long enough.”

“You’re funny, Hannibal. But, no one expects me to amount to anything and I’m more than happy to fall short of expectations.” The bruise only accentuated the fierceness in his face and I nearly missed the hint of bitterness in his voice. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go and do nothing with my life.”

He pushed passed me and headed back down the path. I sighed, hoping it wasn’t just me who’d pissed him off.

He’d left in the direction of my house and part of me didn’t want to go back that way and run into him. Another part of me wanted to show him exactly how much I didn’t care. I rubbed my hands against the cold and started jogging home.

I passed him, studiously ignoring the puff of cigarette smoke I ran through, and headed for home. When I got there, Ben was waiting outside, ruining my chances of a quick getaway inside. I stopped in front of him.

“What?” I breathed out heavily, wrapping my arms around myself.

“Why are you jogging?”

“I jog.”

“Hey Cole,” he called over my shoulder. “And, no you don’t jog.”

“I do, too. What do you want?”

Ben looked at me quizzically. “What? I don’t want anything from you, I was going to meet up with Matt and get some hot chocolate or something.” He looked behind me and I saw Cole was standing a ways off. “Jeez, what happened to his face?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. The great jerk-off said he got into a fight.”

“Another one?” Ben sighed as though he knew all about Cole’s extracurricular activities. I blinked at him.

“I’m sorry, what do you know about what fights Cole does or does not get into? Should I be worried?”

“Matt and I talk, Aura. It’s no big deal.”

“Fine, fine,” I replied.

“I don’t know why you’re so snippy.”

“Time of the month,” I muttered, knowing that would shut him up. I threw another look at Cole and headed inside for a warm shower.

Before I went into the bathroom, I snuck a peek out the window and saw them talking. Cole smiled and laughed a few times as Ben shot looks towards the house. Cole then ruffled Ben’s hair and left.

It wasn’t until I got into the shower that I realised I’d undressed right where someone could easily look up and see me; just as easily as I could look down. I felt my cheeks burn and banged my head against the wall a couple of times.

Think of Jaime, I told myself.

Jaime, who was not some emotional yo-yo and was completely available. And, who was taking me to the Winter Dance in a week.

I was starting to get excited, and any remote thought of Cole flew from my mind quite successfully.

Six

W

ith two days left of term, we still had practice even if there weren’t games on the weekend. I hurried to coaching, entirely intent on focussing.

“What happened to you?” I called as I saw Matt hobble towards me.

He was grinning from ear to ear, but the cast on his leg looked huge compared to the rest of him.

“You swing on those things like a ninja!” I smiled, pointing to the crutches.

“Thanks Aura, I broke my leg before. This one’s not too bad though.” He’d obviously been spending a lot of time with Ben to be calling me Aura. I smiled at it, though wasn’t sure what he’d done to break his leg.

“I… Oh, okay. Um, how did this one happen?”

“Accident at home.” His grin faltered a little, so I didn’t press.

“Ah, bummer. So, can’t practise then?”

He shook his head. “Nope, but I wanted to say hi. Plus, I thought you might like to sign my cast.”

“I sure would, Matty. You got a pen?”

He pulled a packet from his bag. “Cole bought these for me so everyone could write in all different colours.”

“I bet he did. That’s great.”

“What colour do you want?”

“You choose for me.”

He pulled out the blue and passed it to me. “Here.”

“Great choice!”

“Cole said it was your favourite.” He smiled.

I smiled back, not quite sure what to say to that or why Cole had had reason to tell Matt I liked blue stuff.

I knelt down and looked for an empty spot before writing Get better soon, we need our star winger. Aura :) xo

He beamed when he saw it.

“Hey, listen, is Cole picking you up?”

Matt shook his head. “No, Cole had something to do.”

“Ah. Okay then.”

“My grandma’s here, though, I’d best get going,” he said, waving to the very posh looking older woman who smiled at me politely. I’d seen her a few times, but only from a distance.

I waved and smiled back. “Okay, bud. Well, hope you’re feeling better soon, okay?”

He nodded and swung off.

I got through practice with more things on my mind than just the fast-approaching dance – although that was still pretty exciting – and hurried home. I texted Cole, asking him to meet me at the big willow. It was the first text we’d exchanged since the evening we’d hung out and I wasn’t sure if he’d reply or even bother showing up.

I didn’t bother changing, just shovelled my dinner into my mouth, and then leapt out the back door, much to my family’s astonishment. The wind was cold, especially now the sun was down, and I regretted not putting more on – I wore my normal uniform of tights, knee-length skirt, shirt, and jumper – and leaving my blazer inside.

I paced when I got to the tree, trying to keep warm, wondering if Cole was coming and how long I should bother waiting. Should I wait to freeze to death? Maybe losing a few fingers to frostbite was enough?

I was just about to leave when I heard footsteps along the bark chips. I turned and saw him ducking under a branch. I had no idea where he’d been coming from. He had a cigarette in his mouth and his hands in his coat pockets.

“You summoned, Hannibal?”

A combination of tiredness, coldness, and spending the last hour imagining how Matt had broken his leg in increasingly disastrous situations had made me irritable and short. “What the hell happened to Matt?” I pulled my arms around me as my teeth clattered together.

“He broke his leg, it happens.” Cole shrugged.

“He said it was an accident at home? What happened?”

“Why does it matter to you?”

“I have a duty of care for him. I care what happens to him.”

“So, that’s all this is? Checking up on the status of your soccer player?” he asked, frowning.

“What? No! Matt’s a great kid and I even consider you a friend…sometimes. If something’s going on, I want to be there for you- Both of you. I just… I just…” I couldn’t continue as my teeth were chattering too much. I shook my head and rubbed my hands up my arms trying to warm myself up.

“Aura, how long have you been out here?” He put out his cigarette and walked over to me, taking his coat off.

He threw it over my shoulders and pulled me to him. I leant into him, all thoughts on warming up. He had an unzipped hoody on and I threaded my hands under it and around his waist in search of warmth. He shivered and chuckled but just rubbed his hands up and down my back.

“Seriously, though, how long have you been out here?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. An hour maybe?”

I felt him shaking his head. “Next time, either tell me a time or ask me where I am.” He sounded exasperated. I thought I felt him kiss my hair, but I wasn’t entirely sure.

“There’ll be a next time, will there?” I laughed and looked at him.

The bruise was still noticeable, but it was less stark than Sunday. In the light of the lamp, I saw his brown eyes sparkle and a smile play at his lips… His very nice lips. I looked down and lay my head on his collarbone again before I did something I’d regret.

“All you have to do is designate a time,” he said, softly.

“What about that time you stood me up?” I asked without thinking.

“Stood you up? Was it a date or something?” he scoffed.

“I just mean when we said we’d meet up and you didn’t show, nor did you give me any explanation, then or later. You just…went back to…” This time I didn’t really quite know what I was saying. I pushed away from him. “You had a bruise after that weekend too; does that have anything to do with this one? With Matty’s leg?”

I knew I should have stopped before I started; the way his face shut down confirmed it for me. I sighed before he even had a chance to open his mouth.

“You know what?” I held up a hand. “I’ll save you the trouble. It’s none of my business, I’m sorry I pried. Just…tell Matt if he needs anything…”

“He has me.”

I nodded, resigned. “Sure. Well…if his protector ever needs anything…”

I started to pull his coat off me but he shook his head and made a negative noise.

“Wear it home. Keep warm.”

Before I could thank him, he stalked off and I wanted to scream in frustration.

My phone rang and I saw Jaime’s name on the screen. I slipped my arms into Cole’s coat, his scent enveloping me – not as much of a cigarette smell as I’d have thought, but some deodorant I didn’t know the name of but appealed to me greatly.

I answered the phone.

“How are things?” he asked.

“Fine, thank you.” I found myself smiling. “What’s up?”

“I just wanted to say hi.”

I laughed, “hi.”

“Hi. Also, I was wondering if you had plans on Saturday night?”

I pretended to think about it. “Um, well, I was going to go to a dance with this guy I know. I might be able to blow it off, though… I’m sure he won’t mind.”

I heard him laugh. “Good, he’s no good for you anyway. Come out with me instead.”

“I don’t know. What can you offer me that he can’t?”

‘Grape vines!”

Yay…

Glad he couldn’t see my look of disgust, I said, “well, I’m in!”

“Great, pick you up on Saturday? I’ll be the guy in the limo.”

“I’ll be the girl in the blue dress,” I replied.

“It’s a date.”

“It is.”

“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“Bye, Jaime.”

“Oh, Rory?”

“Yeah?”

“You know you’re really great? I like you a lot.”

“I like you too, Jaime. Thanks. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I shut of the call, feeling both pleased that he liked me and oddly riled about the fact he still didn’t get my dislike of grape vines.

I sighed, snuggling deeper into Cole’s coat. I wondered why Jaime didn’t smell that good. To that thought, why none of the other guys I knew smelled that good. It was a scent that made me feel happy and seemed to make something click in me, like I found some missing piece.

No, that was stupid.

I was just really pleased to be warming up; there was no magical power to Cole’s smell. Although, it was certainly helping to warm me up. I sat down on a nearby bench, enjoying the night, bundled up in Cole’s coat.

My serenity was shattered when I heard a woman call, “excuse me, young lady!”

I turned and saw Matt and Cole’s grandma. I stood and met her along the path.

“Oh, you’re… Aura… Rory-something. Matt’s football coach.” She had a very posh English accent.

I smiled and stuck out my hand. “Aurora Daniels, yes.”

“Aurora, lovely name.” She smiled, losing some of her sternness. “Phyllis Avery Jones.”

That was a mouthful.

“Lovely to meet you…?”

“Please, call me Phyllis.”

“Phyllis.” I nodded.

She frowned. “Is that Cole’s coat?”

I looked down and nodded. “Yes, he leant it to me. I was going to bring it to him after I put on a new one, but I got distracted.”

“You know where he is, then?”

I shook my head. “Sorry, no. I assumed he’d gone home?”

“No, he hasn’t been home. And, now, without his coat.” She made a very unladylike noise. “Sorry, Aurora, it’s no fault of yours. Cole is nothing if not a gentleman. When he’s not gallivanting about with his degeneracy.” She pinched the bridge of her nose for a moment. “Lord knows I love that boy, but he has had his fair share of problems.” She sighed. “Well, if you see him or hear from him, will you let us know? I believe Ben has our number.”

I was entirely unsure about what to say to any of that so I just nodded.

“Thank you, dear.” She patted my shoulder. “Good night.”

“Good night, Phyllis,” I called as she walked off.

When she was gone, I pulled my phone back out and went straight to calling Cole. I can’t say I expected him to answer, so when he didn’t, I turned around, trying to remember which way he’d slunk off. I pushed through the branches, hoping he was still in the park somewhere.

I searched the park from top to bottom, trying Cole’s number every few minutes. I couldn’t have told you why it was so important to find him. Maybe there was something in Phyllis’ voice or face that made me want to put her at ease? Maybe I cared more than I wanted to admit? Maybe I was just a good person?

I laughed at that last thought.

Whatever the reason, I trudged back towards my house about an hour and a half later. I heard the door open and looked up to see Ben hurry down the stairs.

“Missus Jones came passed. Anything?”

I shook my head. “I’ve called him about twenty times and searched the park. He’s not there, or he’s a master Hide and Seek player.”

“Damn, I’ll call Missus Jones back and let her know.”

I nodded. “Thanks, I’m going to bed.”

“Try him one more time?”

I nodded and trudged up to my room, trying Cole’s number once more. Then, deciding there was no harm in it, I sent him a text.

Me: Let me know you get home okay, people are worried.

I woke the next morning to find I’d got a reply at about four.

Cole: I didn’t ask you to.

I sighed, thinking, no, he didn’t have to ask me, and got ready for school.

¢

Saturday gave me the first sleep in I’d had in weeks. Mum, Dad and Ben let me sleep, thankfully, and I didn’t emerge downstairs until after twelve.

“And, here comes sleeping beauty!” Dad smiled. “Morning, sweetie.”

“Well, she needs all the help she can get,” Ben snorted.

“Morning,” I replied, kissing Dad’s cheek and glaring at Ben. “Rude.”

“You’re cutting it a bit fine, aren’t you?” Mum asked.

“Our hair appointment isn’t until one, though why it had to be so early, I don’t know.”

“In my day, we did our own hair for these things.” Mum pushed a plate of eggs and toast, and a cup of coffee towards me.

“Thanks.” I grabbed my fork. “Well, in your day, you didn’t have Cassidy.”

“Or power, or running water…” Dad said mockingly.

Mum and I both stuck our tongues out at him.

“So, what about your day then, Dad? You didn’t even have the wheel.”

“Oh!” Dad laughed. “So funny, girl!”

I smiled. “I know.”

“Aura?” Ben called from the sink.

“Yes, brother mine?” I replied, taking the section of paper Dad passed me, and smiling.

“Someone’s here to see you.”

“The doorbell hasn’t…” I stopped, knowing exactly who he’d seen out our back window. “Maybe he’s here for you?” I replied.

“I…don’t think so…” Ben said slowly.

“Just go see him, Aura. Phyllis was very worried about him the other day. If he’ll talk to you, that might be good?” Mum nudged me.

I sighed, “all right.” I got up and headed for the back door.

“You’re…not getting changed?” Dad asked.

I shrugged. “Why? I’m not trying to impress anyone. Besides, I am a lady of leisure today, no one’s rushing me!”

I shoved my feet into my boots, pulled open the door, and bounded down the steps. I wouldn’t be out long enough to warrant a coat, but I did wonder if short-shorts and a thin jumper had been an appropriate choice when I saw the look on his face.

“What?” I snapped before he had the chance to say anything jerky.

He opened his mouth then looked behind me. I turned and saw Mum, Dad and Ben duck out of the window. They’d make terrible spies.

“Ignore them, they wouldn’t know what we were saying if we had subtitles.”

He smiled slightly, but still seemed at a loss for words.

“Come on, I have things to do today so I look respectable enough to take a thousand photos, of which one might be passable for any kind of display,” I said, hugging myself.

“Um…right… I was going to ask if you wanted to go for a walk, but…” He indicated my lack of appropriate outerwear.

I wanted to yell at him in exasperation, but I remembered what Phyllis and Mum had said. “What’s up Cole?” I smiled, hoping I looked inviting and not just cold.

“I, uh… I’d offer you my coat, but if I keep doing that I’d run out.” He flashed me a very sexy grin.

“Oh, yeah sorry…” I didn’t want to tell him I hadn’t wanted to give it back to him because I liked the smell of it… Because that’s weird stalker behaviour and so not me. “I’ll get it now?”

“No, don’t worry. Look,” he glanced behind me again, but kept talking, “I know it’s none of my business but… You and Jaime…?”

I frowned, not expecting this turn of conversation at all.

“Me and Jaime…what?”

“Things are going well? You’re dating?” he asked as though it didn’t faze him at all, and I wasn’t sure if I was bothered by that or not.

“We’re fine thank you. He’s a great guy who cares about me and who likes me,” I said, only it came out a little harsher than I intended.

“Well, good.” Cole shifted then he broke out in his indifferent smirk. “You two have fun together tonight.”

“We will.”

“Oh, I bet you will. Jaime will certainly be having plenty of fun, I’m sure. Though, whether it will be more fun than I have with Kelly…” He shrugged. “That remains to be seen.” He winked salaciously.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Well, we all know the expectations after the Winter Dance, Hannibal. I may be new, but Kelly was kind enough to…explain them to me. In detail.” His tone suggested exactly what they’d been discussing.

“You two, I’m sure, can get up to whatever you want. It doesn’t mean the rest…of us…are…” I finished, feeling incredibly lame.

Cole chuckled. “Really?”

I frowned, feeling something crumble inside me a little. Jaime wouldn’t expect anything that night, nor did it matter to me what Cole and Kelly did…or were already doing…

Ew…

“Really. We’re going to Declan’s after party and we’re all going to have a lovely night,” I answered.

“That I’m sure of.” He winked. “I’ll see you tonight, then.”

“More’s the pity.”

I turned and stalked back inside, ignoring the family to go and get dressed and pack my dress and everything up – after our hair, we were going to Cassidy’s to get ready and be picked up.

“Take lots of pictures!” Mum called as I hurried out to meet the others, who were all there when I arrived only ten minutes late.

“Ugh, where have you been?” Cassidy asked as though she hadn’t seen me in three years, or something.

“I got held up.”

“Well, come on, come on. We don’t have much time.”

“Much time? Cass, the boys aren’t getting to yours until seven,” Beat answered, smiling at me.

“Hush up, hush up. Beauty takes time!” Cassidy responded, waving her hand at us and turning to the hairdressers. “Laura, we’re all ready now!”

Beat and I exchanged a knowing smile.

Cassidy’s parents were ridiculously rich, like so rich they were forking out whatever it cost for Cassidy to have our hair done for the dance, and they probably wouldn’t even notice. Cassidy could be a brat, but she rarely acted like a rich snot. Rarely. Except for serious occasions like dances.

I laughed as I let myself be led away to a mirror between Beat and Rachel.

The guy doing my hair didn’t even bother with asking me what I wanted and, to be honest, I didn’t really care. He conferred with Cassidy and, after years of going through similar things, I not only trusted her judgement, but also knew it wasn’t worth arguing about. I’d come out looking great, that’s all I needed to know.

He gave me some sexy golden highlights to accentuate my lush caramel hair – his words, not mine. Then we all sat in curlers for what felt like forever, drinking coffee and chatting.

We all left with fantastic up dos that I knew would be a pain to get out after, but at least they should last through the after party. I’d lost count at twenty-three bobby pins; if I didn’t remember to take them out, I knew I’d wake up feeling like I’d slept on twigs – I’d played this game before.

Cassidy’s dad had a car pick us up to take us to her house where we had some afternoon tea and talked some more. Cassidy forced us to add more hair spray to our coifs every now and then, and I would have been surprised to find out the stuff hadn’t coated my lungs. At around six, we started putting on our make-up and getting dressed.

“Rory, I really wish you’d picked a nicer pair of shoes,” Rachel moaned.

“There’s nothing wrong with comfort, and no one will see them under this skirt anyway.”

“She has a point,” Cassidy answered. “I don’t approve, but they are very her and no one will see them unless she hikes up her skirt and starts playing soccer with the disco ball.”

“Don’t tempt her!” Beat laughed along with the others.

I smiled, stepping into my dress and pulling the zipper up the side.

“Cass…?”

“Yes?”

“Did you have anything done to my dress?”

“You’ve had it, when would I possibly have had time?”

“Note, she doesn’t say she wouldn’t have.” Beat smiled.

“What’s wrong with it?” Rachel asked as she changed her earrings.

“It just seems lower at the back than I remember.” I tried to get a better view of the way the material nestled across my lower back.

“Looks great, Rory, stop fussing.” Cassidy smiled. “Jaime won’t know what hit him.”

I smiled back at her. “As long as he doesn’t try to seduce me with more grape vines.” I made a face and they laughed.

“I don’t know how he doesn’t get it by now,” Beat said. “We’ve all mentioned it at least twice.”

“Really?”

I was surprised that a) my friends had said anything and b) that he hadn’t seemed to get the hint. Meanwhile, Cole was off telling Matt my favourite anything was blue after a conversation I’d assumed he’d forgotten.

“Ugh, did you see that picture of Kelly Preston’s dress?” Cassidy asked, holding out her phone.

Rachel laughed, “she looks like a flamingo.”

“What does it say about me that I picked pink as well?”

“Yes, but you don’t look like a flamingo,” I pointed out.

Cassidy smiled. “True, I don’t. I look smoking hot!” She looked back at the picture and frowned. “Who’s her date? I don’t see him in the pictures.”

“Rory’s Cole,” Beat answered.

I exclaimed, “he’s not my Cole! I’m with Jaime.”

“So, you are dating?” Cassidy asked.

While Beat smiled and said, “methinks you doth protest too much.”

And Rachel frowned. “I don’t see him in any of these.”

“Maybe he stood her up?” I muttered. “He’s good at that.”

I saw the others exchange a glance behind me in the mirror.

“All right, all right!” I laughed and told Cassidy and Rachel what I’d told Beat weeks ago.

“He sounds so tortured,” Cassidy breathed as though that made him the sexiest guy alive. “Rough around the edges, but soft in the centre.”

“You make him sound like a Ferrero Rocher,” Beat laughed.

“Oh, I like those!” I said, turning my mind away from an inappropriate image of Cole and Ferrero Rochers.

“It sounds like it.” Cassidy winked, laughing.

I threw a tissue at her that I’d used to clean up my mascara. “Shut up.”

Cassidy sighed. “I suppose it’s all well and good to fantasise about, but he’s totally not right for you, Rory.”

I blinked, not expecting that from Cassidy. “What do you mean? You’re all over these so-called tortured souls!”

She shrugged. “But, I know I’m not going to fall in love with them.”

I could see what she meant, and knew it came from a good place. But, agreeing with her meant I thought I could fall in love with Cole. So, I laughed it off.

“I’m not going to fall in love with Cole!”

Even Beat raised an impeccable eyebrow at me. “You’re not the type of girl to just mess around with a guy unless you see something long-term in him, unless you think you could fall in love with him. Even if it doesn’t work out, every guy you’ve ever been into has always been steady, reliable, maybe a bit of a jerk sometimes – ‘cos I mean, really, teenage boys. But, they’re all good guys, really.”

“And Cole isn’t?” I asked.

Cassidy shrugged. “I don’t know, by the sounds of it – smoking, drinking, getting into fights, standing you up – maybe he’s not?” She didn’t say it condescendingly. To her, it was a legitimate question.

I was saved further commentary when the doorbell rang. The boys were here; we were going to have a good night and I was going to put Cole from my mind – again – because, really, they were right. As much as Cole and I had in common, it seemed he had a lot stacked against him and he seemed happy to wallow in it all.

Seven

W

e walked into the ballroom to garlands of blue, white and silver for the Winter Wonderland theme – way to be original, Kelly Preston!

We got our picture taken as we walked in, taking me entirely off guard and I knew I’d look like some yeti who’d been caught off-guard on Mount Everest stuffing his face with chocolate cake.

The place was packed – which wasn’t surprising given it was a dance for the whole senior school. I stood back as my friends passed Jaime and me. Rachel and Cassidy held tight to Mike and Declan, and I suspected they were already regretting their shoe choices. Beat walked next to Patrick – whatever was going on with Becca must have fizzled out and poor Patrick had been just as dateless half an hour ago. Considering Beat almost never wore heels, she was doing a much better job of it than the others were. I couldn’t have even stood up in anything similar.

Jaime gave my hand a squeeze and we followed them in. Rachel and Cassidy lead us all to the centre of the dance floor where a surprising number of people were already grooving along to the DJ.

Taylor Swift’s Love Story was playing as we all made some kind of strange conglomerate of bodies bouncing around.

I did always wonder about Love Story; I mean…she realises that the scarlet letter thing makes it sound like a twelve-year-old is a promiscuous harlot, right?

“Stop over-thinking!” I heard Beat laugh and I knew she’d read my mind – we’d talked about it before. Only, Beat thought it more meant Juliet was off-limits. I could sort of see the connection… But…I couldn’t say I agreed. “You’re doing it again. Just enjoy it.”

I smiled at her and did as I was told.

The music wasn’t really conducive to wrapping your arms around your partner, and the girls got distracted by each other anyway. So, we just kind of communally danced around for a while until I for one needed a drink to cool down. It might be a Winter Wonderland, but it was bloody hot in there. I could feel the sweat running down the exposed skin of my back.

By some consensus, we all decided to take a break. The girls found a table to sit down and the boys found us some drinks. I like to think of it a chivalry in practice, but honestly, it was totally just us girls using them to our advantage.

We plopped into chairs, laughing. There were bowls of chips and lollies on the tables, so I picked at those; no blue vines though…

“Oh, I need to take my shoes off,” Rachel sighed.

“Do it and you’ll never get them back on,” Beat warned.

I laughed, holding up my feet. “Lazy and comfortable win again!”

“Oh, shut up!” Cassidy laughed, throwing a paper snowflake from the table decorations at me. It wafted between us feebly and we laughed again.

“Hey, Hannibal. Beat.” K1 and K2 walked passed, waving. Beat had told the team about Cole’s nickname for me and it had stuck with a few of them.

“Hey, Kezlers.” I nodded, not keeping them.

I looked around at the room, begrudgingly admiring what Kelly Preston had set up – the girl knew style, there was no denying it. I realised, at that moment, that I hadn’t thought of Cole since Cassidy’s house, though I’d just ruined my track record by realising I hadn’t seen him or Kelly yet. At least I could tell myself that I’d only thought of him as Kelly’s date. And, I’d totally believe myself, see if I didn’t.

The boys returned. We drank our drinks, sat and chatted while we cooled down a little before heading back to the dance floor. There were a couple of songs which leant themselves to more slow-like dancing and it was almost funny how quickly the sea of dancers became distinct couples each time, then went back to a sea when it was over.

We repeated the process a few times over the night, with a few stops via the photographer. We took pictures as a group, in couples, just the girls, with the soccer team, with random fifteen-year-olds we photobombed. Time passed in a blur of laughter, fun, and dancing.

Later, I ran out of steam much earlier than the others did. Jaime walked me to get a drink and we stood talking for a while. I didn’t hate talking to Jaime, he was intelligent enough, but his passion was science, at which I was terrible. This led to a lot of me nodding and smiling while he explained how ridiculous the science was in some of my favourite shows – think Stargate, Dark Matter, The Flash. Woe to the man who tries to tell me the Flash isn’t real – Grant Gustin’s Barry Allen forever! At least, though, Jaime seemed to realise I wasn’t keeping up.

“How did English go this term?” he asked, leaning towards me to be heard over the tempo change.

I smiled. “Good, I think.”

“Did Matron Peters give you guys study buddies, too?”

I laughed. “She did. Though, it’s working terribly. Cass and Rach keep getting distracted by other pairs, and Beat… Well, let’s just say I hope it didn’t work out as badly as it seems.”

“How about you?”

I looked out at the crowd. “Cole is probably the least preferable study buddy I could have been landed with,” I replied.

As though saying his name had conjured him, I saw him across the room, leaning against the wall and looking more bored than he had the first day I saw him, if that was even possible. I didn’t see Kelly, but assumed her and her ladies – her phrase, not mine – were on the dance floor. It did confuse me that Kelly had asked Cole, or that he’d said yes… But, I guess that’s what happened when you couldn’t read other people’s minds.

“I can imagine. He doesn’t seem to apply himself to any class. It’s a wonder he even bothers showing up to school. He’s heading nowhere fast,” Jaime laughed.

I smiled at him, though I didn’t really feel it.

“Shall we head somewhere quieter?” he asked, taking my hand, and motioning for the balcony.

I nodded and let him lead me through the crowd.

As we drew closer, Cole and I exchanged glances. He wore a knowing smirk and his face told me exactly what he was thinking was going to result of this situation either right now or later tonight. I frowned at him. He didn’t know Jaime; he knew himself and assumed all guys his age were dicks.

Well, it’s just you buddy! I thought as I followed Jaime up the stairs.

Looking over the crowd of people was dizzying. From here, I could see Cassidy, Rachel, and Beat; considering he wasn’t at all her type, Beat was being a very good date to poor Patrick. But, then, that was Beat; loyal and caring, honest and forthright.

I got to thinking about what she’d said about Cole. Part of me knew it wasn’t really snobbery – she legitimately didn’t think he was right for me and, to her, it said nothing more about his character than we weren’t compatible – much like her and Kelly. She’d been my best friend for almost fifteen years, she knew me better than anyone, and she cared about me. Maybe she wasn’t wrong?

Did I think he was right for me? Truthfully, I wasn’t sure he was. Did I want to get caught up in an unreliable guy who smokes, drinks, stays out all night, does God knew what else? Problem was…it seemed I was already caught up in him…

“Oh God…”

“What?” Jaime asked, smiling.

I blinked, for a moment forgetting where I was.

Jaime put his hands on my waist, leant in, and kissed me. It wasn’t that he was a bad kisser, it was quite nice, there was just no…zing? Did people zing anymore? There were no great butterflies in my chest, no desire to wrap my arms around him and kiss him until my lips went numb. I enjoyed it, but my thoughts were on other things… People… Okay, person.

I pulled away from him, an apologetic smile already on my face.

“It’s not really working, is it?” Jaime asked.

“I’m sorry. You’re a great friend… Just…”

“Not meant to be more,” he finished for me.

I nodded. “I’m sorry, Jaime…”

He shrugged. “It’s okay. I think I’m realising it myself.”

“You’re not mad?”

“Mad?” he laughed. “Of course I’m not mad, Rory! I was just looking for something that wasn’t here. It’s no one’s fault. We’ll still be friends.”

I hugged him. “Thanks, Jaime. I hope this doesn’t ruin your night?”

“Are you kidding?” He smiled.

He held out his elbow and I took it as he led me back downstairs.

“I’m just going to head to the bathroom quickly,” I said.

“I’ll see you out there.” He cocked his head towards the dance floor.

I nodded and we separated.

When I came back out, I headed towards where I’d last seen the others. There was a great cheer when I found them, but I didn’t see Jaime anywhere. I shrugged; he owed me nothing. I joined them dancing, wondering how on Earth the girls were all still standing in their shoes.

“Oh shit,” Beat yelled, looking behind me.

“What?” I asked.

“What!” Cassidy said more incredulously, obviously seeing whatever Beat had.

“That arsehole!” Rachel added.

I turned, wondering what the hell they were talking about.

“Okay folks, we’ve got about half an hour left, here’s a slow one for all you young lovers out there.”

Just as the DJ made his announcement, I saw Jaime dancing with the damnable Kelly Preston. Well, dancing was a loose term. Perhaps dry humping would have served as a better description.

The more upbeat chords of the last song were fading into the slower ones of the next.

I turned to my friends, not wanting them to miss the last few songs. I caught the looks on their faces – ready to go all kinds of crazy on Jaime’s arse – and shook my head.

“No, it’s all good, dance and laugh. I’ll be fine ‘til later.” I gave them my best smile. I hadn’t been convinced it was enough to get them to stay on the dance floor, but they all nodded and turned to their partners.

I was feeling a bit miffed they didn’t argue, I won’t lie. But, I kept my smile in place and decided to find a quiet corner to stew. Jaime might not have owed me anything, but surely there was something in the ‘Decent Human Handbook’ that suggested against immediately shacking up with your previous not-quite-girlfriend’s arch nemesis?

I turned into Cole, whose hand was already in mine with his other around my waist before I knew what was going on. He smiled at me mischievously, his eyes shining. Damn, he looked hot.

“You only get one dance, mind,” he said, in that aggravatingly handsome way he had. “And only because I feel sorry for you.”

“Why, thank you. You spared me the concern which I might have felt in thanking you, had you behaved in a more gentlemanlike manner.” I smiled.

Cole grinned, picking up the bastardised reference easily. “He’s an arse. Don’t worry about him.”

“And, you’re not?”

“Oh, but you worry about me.” He smirked.

I shook my head and just enjoyed dancing with him. He was nothing like I expected; all awkward and looking to me to know what to do like most guys. Instead, he seemed to know exactly what he was doing and I had the feeling he was about to break out into some sweeping waltz or foxtrot.

It was then I noticed that his tuxedo was more than just your average rental, and it fit him perfectly. How many Year 12’s had need for a fancy tuxedo? I mean, some of the guys at our school came from some money; they had suits, but nothing like this – look at me, tuxedo expert now. Ha!

I said nothing, enjoying the feeling of his cheek against mine and deciding to solve the enigma at another time.

The song ended, melding into something a bit more up-tempo and Cole pulled away slightly, but he still held me.

“I’ll see you later, Hannibal.”

I frowned. “All right, then.”

He laughed, searching me for a moment. Then, he kissed me quickly on the lips.

I looked at my friends as he started to pull away. They were all in shock, and smiled in that way friends did when something exciting happened with a guy. I looked between them and Cole for a moment. Beat made a shooing motion and I held a hand up to them before hurrying after Cole.

I ignored Jaime and Kelly as I pushed past them and grabbed hold of Cole’s hand. He looked back at me in pleasant surprise and pulled me over to the side of the room.

“I did say only one dance.”

“No…that’s… What are you doing after this?”

“Hannibal, are you asking me out?” he teased.

“No.” I smiled. “I just wondered what you and Kelly Preston had planned.”

“Well, Kelly’s going to the after party at Declan’s, I believe. I never really had plans.”

I nodded, the others were all going to the after party as well, even Beat who had apparently been willing to spend the night with three other couples – had it worked out with jerk-face. She did have Patrick but, possibly unbeknownst to him, that wasn’t going anywhere.

“I think we can safely say that Kelly and Jaime are probably going to the after party together, and I should go for Beat… ut…”

“But, you wonder if you might see me there?” He smiled and I was torn between wanting to hit him and kiss him.

“It crossed my mind.”

“I’m not sure how I’ll get there. But, you might see me.” He pulled me closer, his smile widening.

“We might have a free seat in our limo…”

“So, you want to go with me?”

“We’d be going in the same transportation, that doesn’t mean we’d be going together.”

“Do you want to go with me?”

“Are you asking me out now?”

“What would you say if I was?”

“I don’t know. You’d have to ask and find out.” I flashed him a smile.

He leaned in closer, so our noses almost touched. “Maybe I will, but our first date is not going to be a school dance after party.” He smiled.

“I look forward to it. If you want a ride, meet us out front after the last song.” Not sure what had got into me, I kissed him quickly, squeezing his hand, and hurried off to the girls.

I saw Jaime’s look as I walked past but, honestly, didn’t care. If he cared what I did after we didn’t really break up, then perhaps he shouldn’t have been dry humping Kelly Preston at the same time.

Beat gave me a much more pleasant look when I found them, and Cassidy and Rachel smiled. I had more fun in those last four songs than I think I’d had almost all night.

After the last song, the lights came on, the DJ turned off his speakers, and people started filing out.

“That was well not cool, Rory, I’m sorry.” Declan came up to me and I knew he was talking about Jaime. Mike and even poor Patrick were nodding in agreement as we started heading out.

The girls crowded around me and seemed to all start talking at once.

“What a dickhead!”

“Did you see Kelly Preston all over his face?”

“Does he have no shame?”

“What did he think was going to happen?”

“The boys are totally behind you, Rory.”

I laughed and held up my hands. “Okay, whoa. I’m loving this sister-power thing we got going on, but it can be done in the car. Speaking of which… I might have suggested to Cole that we had a spare seat if he wanted to come to the after-party?” I looked at them in question.

“He’ll be much more welcome than that jackarse,” Cassidy said as though that was the end of the conversation, despite my look of surprise.

Beat linked her arm with mine as we followed them. “That was nice of him,” she said quietly.

“What was nice of who?”

“Cole. Nice of him to dance with you.”

I laughed. “I’m sure it was a pity dance.”

“I’m not. He was watching you all night. Plus, I don’t usually kiss the people I pity dance with.”

“You pity dance with many people?”

“Sometimes all night,” she sighed, but she smiled.

I squeezed her arm. “Sorry about Becca.”

“Thanks.” She shrugged. “I guess she just wasn’t ready for a public date.”

I put my arm around her. “Someone will be one day, and you won’t care about any of this.”

She nodded, and then we both shivered as we walked out the front doors and laughed. We found the others waiting for the car. I looked around but didn’t see Cole. I briefly panicked that he’d decided not to come, but let it go; if he came, great, if not, well I knew it wasn’t really his thing – his behaviour all night had displayed how very much not his thing school dances were.

The wind blew around us and I caught a whiff of cigarette smoke among it. Knowing I was being stupid, I looked around again and saw a slightly darker outline leaning against the side of the building. I smiled as he pushed himself from the wall and his face became clearer.

I walked over to him. He looked behind me dubiously.

“So, are you coming?” I asked.

“You want me to?”

“I’d like a chance to hang out with you and I really should go. But, I get it if you don’t want to.”

He looked at me as though he wanted to but didn’t think it was a good idea, like he was warring with something internally. He opened his mouth to answer but Cassidy interrupted.

“Cole, can you hurry up? I’m freezing my arse off and we’re going to leave whether you and Rory are in the car or not!”

I smiled at him in apology but he laughed, “keep your knickers on, we’re coming!”

“That implies I’m wearing them to begin with,” Cassidy called back to him as she got into the limo.

Cole shared a look with me and I just shook my head, not quite knowing what to say to him. Letting him know that was her way of accepting him seemed a little too much when I still didn’t know if whatever this was would amount to anything later. He took my hand, spun me, and caught me with his arm around me.

“Let’s go then.”

We climbed into the car to a surprisingly polite reception. Declan, Mike and Patrick shook Cole’s hand and smiled nicely. The girls all did a terrible job at hiding their grins as they looked between us and Beat nudged me in the side.

Talk was pleasant and the focus not entirely on Cole as we drove to Declan’s. Cole even seemed to relax somewhat and I heard him laugh once or twice as the boys told stories. Declan and Cole had music in common; turned out Declan also played guitar, although he said he had more passion than he did talent so he didn’t talk about it much. I might have heard wrong, but I was pretty sure there was talk about playing together.

And, sure enough, when we reached Declan’s place with a little while before everyone else was expected to arrive, he and Cole headed up to his room to look at his guitar. I ate a few of the nibbles, feeling starved and trying not to get crumbs on my dress. After a while, I exchanged a smile with Cassidy and wandered to Declan’s room. When I got there, Cole was strumming on a guitar.

“Not that I have any real authority, but you can play. Especially for self-taught. That I know a bit about.” Cole put the guitar down and looked up, seeing me leaning in the doorway.

“People here?” Declan asked.

“Not yet, but-” The doorbell sounded and I smiled. “Make that a yes.”

“I’d best go and meet the masses,” Declan said as he left.

Cole walked over to me slowly, looking me up and down. I cocked my head and raised an eyebrow in question.

“You look really lovely,” he said slowly.

“Better with or without mud do you think?”

He laughed, “I’m sure you’d look great either way. Although, Grandma would prefer without the mud.”

“You’re thinking about Phyllis seeing me?” I asked as he stopped in front of me.

“Phyllis?”

“Your grandma told me to call her that…”

Cole frowned slightly, but as though he was amused by something as well. “You’ve met my grandmother?”

“Posh English lady?” I clarified and he nodded. “I’ve met her.”

“And, she told you to call her Phyllis?”

“She did, is that weird?”

“Very.”

“Bad weird?”

He laughed and shook his head. “I don’t think so. It just means she likes you.”

“And, what about her grandson?”

“What about her grandson?”

“Does he like me?” I wondered where this confidant, flirty girl had come from. But, as far as I was concerned, she could stay.

“Oh, yes, Matty’s very keen on you.” He tried to stay serious but my laugh ruined it and he smiled. “I’m also very keen on you, Aura.”

He took my face in his hands and kissed me properly. No little peck, like before, a full on kiss. This time there were butterflies everywhere. This time there was me wrapping my arms around him like I couldn’t help myself. It turns out, people totally still zing. Well, I zing, anyway.

The music started blaring downstairs and we pulled apart. He was smiling, which I deemed a good thing under the circumstances. We stared at each other for a little while, just seeming content to drink each other in. After a while though, he looked like he’d remembered something and cleared his throat.

“Right… So, um, there’s this thing my grandma has on in the last week of the holidays. A party of sorts. Matty and I don’t go to her things very often, but it’s…her birthday actually. Would you like to go with me?” He laughed self-consciously. “I had planned that to be much more suave.”

I smiled. “You can try again?”

“Gee, thanks.”

“You’re welcome, I’ll wait.”

He shook his head. “All right, then. Hey, Hannibal, my grandma’s birthday party is coming up and I was wondering if you’d like to be my date?”

I tried not to laugh. “You say date like it’s a massive affair.”

He nodded sombrely. “It kind of is. Think tonight but just so much worse.”

“Really?”

He nodded again.

“So, totally not your thing?”

He shrugged.

“And, you want a date?”

“I believe Grandma’s words were ‘bring someone. And she’d better be nice’.”

I could think of a decent reason why Cole had thought of me: “And you wanted someone who wouldn’t think of you differently just because your family is having a lavish party.” It wasn’t a question.

“See, you get it. Kids at school see me a certain way and I’m fine with being the slacker with no future. I just don’t need them to decide that’s okay because my family has money. I’m not my grandmother’s money.”

Torn in what I wanted to address first, the first thing that came out of my mouth was not what I expected. “So, asking me has nothing to do with wanting to spend time with me, but rather that I’ll still see the slacker nobody inside the fancy tuxedo?”

He started to nod, but then obviously realised what I was implying. “No, not at all. I do want to spend time with you; why else would I be here? I just knew that you wouldn’t see me differently because of it.”

“Uh-huh, and what would you have done if whatever happened tonight hadn’t happened? What if I’d zinged with Jaime instead and was dating him? Would you have taken someone else?”

He looked at me strangely for a moment, and then shook his head. “Zinged? No, I would have displeased my grandmother greatly and not bothered going at all.”

I thought of that stern but obviously loving woman and frowned. “Way to make me feel obliged to go; I’m not about to let Phyllis down.”

“That’s not what I meant. Look, when she first told me to bring someone, I immediately thought of you, but you were busy with Jaime at the time, so I said nothing and I would have gone on saying nothing if things hadn’t…changed. When I said earlier our first date wouldn’t be this party, I had something nicer in mind. But, if you don’t want to go, that’s fine.” He took my hands. “I’m sorry; I’m not good at this stuff.”

“Would Phyllis approve of your choice of date?” I asked.

He beamed. “Definitely.”

“Would I need a new dress?”

“The one you have on would be fine.” Then he smirked. “Although, I’m not sure about the footwear. I think they’re great, but…I’m not a girl.”

“You saw them, then?”

“Yep, and they’re very practical.”

“Would I need new shoes?”

He seemed to think about it for a moment. “Just don’t go flashing your feet around and I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

I sighed dramatically. “Okay, fine. I’ll go. But, let the record state that I’m not sure about waiting two weeks for our first date.”

He gave me a lop-sided smirk. “Just because it will be our official first date, doesn’t mean we can’t hang out together before then.”

Eight

W

e spent a lot of time together over the next week and a half; walking around chatting, kicking the ball around with Ben and Matt, him playing the guitar, sitting around chatting. Ben even challenged Matt and Cole to a Mario Kart tournament one particularly wet and miserable day. It was all going fine – Ben was holding up the team for the both of us; hey, I love Mario Kart, I’m just no good at it – until all three boys decided to team up against me.

I was sitting, listening to the loser music alone – go, go Blue Team! – without the energy to switch the screens. The boys had made a food run into the kitchen and I’d started singing along with the loser music when Cole came back in.

“You hear that a lot do you?” He smiled.

I couldn’t help but smile back. “Well, yes… But it’s awfully catchy. You could learn it, I’m sure all the hip night clubs with be clamouring to book you.”

He laughed, shaking his head.

“Where are the brothers?” I asked.

He shrugged. “Talking about some soccer stuff.”

“And, you couldn’t keep up?”

“What’s a Barcle-card?”

I laughed. “Barclaycard is the name of the premier English Soccer league.”

He nodded. “Okay then. File that away under things I won’t use again.”

He picked up one end of the coffee table and shifted it to the other side of the room, then pushed the other couch backwards, opening up a sizable space in the middle of the room.

“Why are you rearranging the furniture?” I asked, picking up a handful of chips from the end table to my left.

He walked over to me and held his hand out to me. “Can you dance?”

I scoffed. “Can I dance? You saw my wicked moves at the dance!”

“That’s not the sort of dancing I mean.” He bounced his hand at me.

I wiped my hands on my pants before taking it and letting him pull me up. He put my right hand on his shoulder, his left went to my waist gently, and our other hands clasped in the air. He nodded at me as though asking if I was ready.

“What?” I asked, looking between us. “You mean like actual ballroom dancing or something.”

“As much as I hate it, yes. Have you done it before?”

I shook my head. “No, what purpose would I have had… Well, actually we did like three weeks in sport, maybe two or three years ago…?”

He nodded. “Okay… Here’s how it goes. Follow my feet.”

I tried hard to follow his lead as he called directions, but all we did was bump into each other. Eventually, he sighed and called a stop. I’d always thought ballroom dancing would be romantic and easy, like it looked in the movies; you’d just find your partner and twirl around the room happily, then there’d be a fun dating montage and you’d get married.

“All right, music might help.” He turned around and seemed to talk to himself. “Where’s Matty?” He walked to the kitchen. “Matty, I need a hand. Ben have you got any music to waltz to?”

“I’ll look.” Ben popped out of the kitchen, with Matt close behind him, and headed for the stereo.

“How’s this?” he asked, holding up a record of Dad’s.

Cole nodded just as Matt replied, “perfect.”

I looked at them all, wondering how on earth three teenage boys were better at this sort of thing than I was. I know it’s sexist to think it, but if you’d been looking at the three of them, you wouldn’t have thought them capable either, believe me; Matt’s hair stuck out at all angles and he still wore a moonboot, Ben was all arms and legs, and Cole was rocking particularly heavy on the bad boy vibes.

Ben put the record on and soft music poured through the room. Cole was listening intently, nodding his head slowly as though counting something.

“Okay, right, I think we’ve got this,” Cole said. “Right, Matty, I need you to partner Aura while I see where she’s going wrong.”

“Yep.” Matt grinned and came to stand in front of me.

“Hang on, why am I learning to dance?”

“Apart from the fact that dancing is the language of romance and seduction? Cole has to dance at Grandma’s party.” Matt gave Cole a teasing smile.

I looked between them.

Cole shrugged and I felt he was downplaying it when he answered, “I owe the woman.”

I looked to Matt. “And, you?”

“She doesn’t expect it with my foot.”

“I won’t have to?” Ben squeaked.

Matt shook his head. “Nope, Grandma won’t make you.”

“Just me?” I asked.

Matt nodded. “Yep. Plus, she thinks you have good ankles, whatever that has to do with it.”

“I see…” I said, although I really didn’t see at all. Well, I could play soccer, how hard was dancing anyway?

“Right, we’ve got three days to get this down,” Cole said, indicating we get started.

Maybe we should have started earlier, then? I thought, but kept my mouth shut.

Matt took hold of me much like Cole had, although he only reached my shoulder. He nodded his head and set off. Again, I tried following his lead. I felt like I did slightly better this time. The music certainly helped me keep my timing once I realised that was a thing. We moved in counts of three.

A few songs later, and we were moving a bit more fluidly, though still slowly. Ben was told to partner me and did as he was told. Even my little brother could do this better than I could! Finally, Cole stopped the music.

“Not bad, but we’re not turning yet.”

“There’s turning?”

Cole grinned. “There’s not just turning, there’s turning while avoiding other people. You have to be able to follow my lead wherever I take you.”

I groaned. “Why did I ever agree to go out with you?”

“Trust me, Hannibal, I won’t lead you astray.”

We exchanged a serious look before I laughed, shrugging it off. “No, you’ll just lead me to parties where I have to dance like some princess in a movie.”

“Only one.”

“Promise?”

“For now.” He smiled and motioned to Ben to put the music back on while he walked over to me. He took me in his arms and searched my eyes. “We’re going to try turning now, okay?”

I wanted to shake my head and run away, but I nodded and gulped.

Ben turned the music back on and Cole led on. I tripped over his feet occasionally and we moved a little slower than the music called for, but we got through it without any major injuries except my pride as our brothers laughed at me.

“You’re doing fine.” Cole smiled.

“Are you sure? I don’t feel-”

“Well, hello.” Dad’s humoured voice cut across the music. I sprang away from Cole and turned. Both he and Mum were standing in the doorway, smiling. “Don’t stop on our account. What are you guys doing anyway?”

“Cole asked Aura to Grandma’s fancy birthday party, so she has to learn to dance now,” Matt replied.

“Ah, yes, Phyllis sent us an invitation as well.” Dad smiled, grabbing Mum’s hand and whooshing her around the room.

Cole and I jumped out of the way, and we watched them waltz their way perfectly around the room. I sighed and felt Cole put his arm around my waist.

“Everyone knows how to do this but me.”

“By Friday, you’ll be the best dancer out there,” he whispered in my ear.

“Liar.”

“Okay, you won’t hit anyone, best I can do.”

I laughed. “All right. Deal.”

¢

We’d practiced for the last two days, outside in the cold, in my living room, the hallway, down the street – that received some weird looks – with and without music. Come Friday, I could follow wherever Cole led… As long as he warned me before any major direction changes.

Around midday on Friday, Cole got a phone call from Phyllis. Apparently, all the Danielses were invited to their house for lunch and a surprise. Cole had groaned at whatever his grandmother had said, but nodded and said he’d ask.

None of us had been to Phyllis’ house before. I wasn’t sure if that had been a deliberate choice on Cole’s part, or if it just happened that way. Ben always seemed to invite Cole and Matt over before there’d been any chance for any other plans.

Cole unlocked the back door, and directed us in. I heard Mum and Dad whispering ahead of me, but Ben nudged them to be quiet. I wasn’t surprised though, the place was massive and impressive; even the back door had a foyer. Matt led us through to something that, in a house this big, was probably only the informal dining room. Phyllis waited for us, as well as a woman I recognised at Cole and Matt’s aunt.

“Daniels family, this is my daughter, Trudy. Trudy, this is Maxwell, Caitlin, Aurora, and Benjamin,” Phyllis said as she motioned for us to sit down.

“Lovely to finally meet you in person, Aurora. I’ve seen you coaching Matty’s team, you’re amazing.” Trudy smiled.

Both women wore sweater sets in different colours and pearls around their necks. I smiled, but Ben spoke before I could reply.

“That’s nothing, you should see her play!”

“Ben, shush,” I hissed.

“She really does play well, Trudy.” Cole smiled, sounding a lot more formal than usual.

“When have you ever seen me play?” I asked, confused.

He laughed. “The game on that sports afternoon or whatever it was, for one. That was not your day, but you were still amazing.”

“Oh, did you lose?” Phyllis asked.

I laughed, remembering that day well. “No, we drew in pouring rain and thigh high mud.”

“Plus, Aura got hit in the face…twice!” Matt said.

Phyllis looked almost horrified but I laughed. “It happens, not often but sometimes.”

“And, soccer, you want to pursue it after school?” Trudy asked as a…butler? brought the food in.

“Definitely!” Dad smiled proudly.

I nodded. “If I’m lucky, I’ll get to play a few years semi-pro.”

“And after that?”

“Teaching, or coaching, both if I can. It’ll depend on my marks and if I can get into the course.”

“Which, of course, she will,” Mum said. “She’s very smart.”

I shot her a definitive ‘shut up’ look, but saw Phyllis nodding.

“Yes, both Matt and Cole have told me Aurora seems very gifted. Which, from Cole especially is high praise. At least he pays attention to something at that school.” Her tone suggested she wasn’t pleased with him, but her face said she loved her grandsons immeasurably.

I meanwhile wondered why Cole had been talking about me so much with his grandmother. Maybe it had been a recent thing, just since he’d asked me to the party? Oh well, at least he was perhaps not quite such a degenerate as I first thought. He certainly hadn’t had any new bruises for the last few weeks.

We ate lunch, the adults mainly making conversation between us. I was drawn into a debate with Ben and Matt about a soccer-related issue, but I won’t bore you with the details; let’s suffice to say the two of them seemed to be very into their overseas leagues. I dragged myself out of the debate, laughing and found Cole smiling at me. It wasn’t the sort of smile that was meant for you to see. It was the sort of smile you give someone when they’re not looking and you realise you’re quite keen on them. I smiled back, which seemed to break the spell. He blinked and gave me one of his more usual, yet just as adorable, smirks.

Phyllis clapped, excitedly after the dishes were taken away. “Right, now for the surprise! I felt bad inviting you to the party without offering something for you to wear. Trudy is a designer, you know-”

“Wait?” Mum gasped. “Trudy Jones?”

Trudy smiled and nodded. “Yes. Mum’s wearing one of my dresses and we wanted to offer a dress to you girls and tuxedos to the boys. You don’t have to accept. But, it would mean a lot to us.”

Mum nodded, her mouth gaping like a fish. Dad nudged her. I tried to work out what all the excitement was. I thought maybe the name ‘Trudy Jones’ might have been familiar from something Cassidy said once. I shot her a quick text under the table to ask. I received a reply in record time from Cassidy and, by the response, I wasn’t surprised.

Cassidy: Trudy Jones is only the hottest new designer in town. I only have five dresses and Daddy said she’s too expensive to just buy me another one. Why do you want to know about her?

I replied to say thanks and I’d seen an ad for her and wondered. It seemed to placate Cassidy for now. I, on the other hand, was just realising what her offering us dresses meant and why Mum’s jaw needed to be scooped off the table.

“Are you sure it’s no trouble, Trudy?” Dad asked. I knew he had a dinner suit, but nothing quite as swanky as a tuxedo.

Trudy nodded animatedly. “It would be a pleasure. We have the tailor waiting to make any adjustments. Would you like to see?”

Mum nodded, still stupefied.

“Matty, you take Max and Ben. Cait, Aurora, come with me.” Trudy smiled.

“I’ll just wait, shall I?” Cole asked, crossing his arms.

“Do what you want, dear,” Phyllis responded. “Just stay out of the way of the women.”

“Yes, Grandma.”

“Why don’t you help Maxwell and Benjamin pick a tuxedo?”

“Yes, Grandma,” he replied again and I saw the two share a smile.

“Come, come.” Phyllis clapped her hands again and led us up the stairs to a massive dressing room. In the middle of the room were temporary racks filled with dresses. “Now, have at it, ladies.”

Mum and I shared a look, giggling, and set to work. Trudy and Phyllis helped us search through dresses until we found ones that suited us nicely. I had worried about the hair and makeup, shoes and bags conversation, but Phyllis and Trudy seemed to think simple was better. I tended to agree, and not just because it showed off the magnificent dress better.

Mum’s was a flowing peach number with beading and chiffon – she looked regal and amazing. Then again, Mum tended to look regal and amazing in her pyjamas.

My dress was an emerald green, supposed to bring out my eyes, with a sweetheart neckline, off-the-shoulder straps, and a semi-poufy princess skirt.

We’d both need a few alterations, so Trudy pinned us up and told us someone would bring the dresses around in a few hours.

We thanked Trudy profusely, but she seemed legitimately pleased to be of help.

By the time we were done, the boys were ready and we left.

“See you tonight!” Matt called as we walked back through the park.

“Bye!” Ben called back.

¢

“Aura, you ready? We need to go!” Ben called from downstairs.

“Two seconds!” I yelled, adjusting my eyeliner and hoping, by the time I evened it out, I didn’t look like I was heading to a rock concert.

I brushed on some pink lip-gloss, shoving it and my phone in the dress pocket – yes, the amazing creation had pockets! I took one last look in the mirror, decided I’d do, and slipped on my silver party shoes.

I’d dried my hair, trying to tame my annoying natural wave, pulled half back with a silver clip, and let the rest cascade down my back. At least, that had been the plan; the execution had been slightly more elusive, but I still thought I looked respectable.

“Aura!” Ben yelled again.

“Coming! Coming!” I grabbed the coat I still hadn’t returned to Cole, pulling it on as I rushed down the stairs. I’d offered to give it back to him on multiple occasions, but he said he liked it better on me so I’d kept it for now.

I barrelled into Ben at the bottom of the stairs, but caught us before we fell.

“For God’s sake, you two. Can we not have a proper night out for once?” Dad laughed.

“You boys are looking very dapper in your tuxedos.” I smiled.

“It will all be for naught if we don’t get a move on,” Mum replied, putting on an earring as she came out of the front room. She smiled when she saw me. “You look amazing, Aura.”

I smiled back. “Thanks, so do you.”

“Yes, but this isn’t my first big party. Remind me to get a picture of all of us when we get there.”

I’d always wondered why Mum and Dad stopped going to the fancy parties. I remembered a few instances where Mum and Dad had dressed up for a fancy party when I was smaller, but they hadn’t done it in years despite how much they’d seemed to enjoy it. Ah well, maybe it got tiresome? Just Ben’s excitement was tiresome.

We headed across the park; I seriously doubted whoever was on the door would open the back for guests to arrive, but Mum and Dad seemed to think it was okay.

There was an extra chill in the air now the sun had gone down and I wondered if it might hail before we came back this way. I huddled into Cole’s coat, protesting slightly as Dad hugged me and threatened to crush my not-so-wavy hair.

We arrived at the Fielding-Jones’ laughing, the door open waiting for us while a young lady dressed in black and white beckoned us inside.

“Let me take your coats. You’ll be the Daniels, I assume?”

“We are, thank you.”

She nodded pertly. “Lady Jones said to hold the door open for you.”

The Danielses exchanged a surprised glance; it appeared I wasn’t the only one who didn’t know Phyllis was a Lady… Well, you know what I mean. It was no wonder Cole was had been surprised when I called her Phyllis.

“This way, please, I’ll take you through to the party.”

She led us up the stairs and into a different part of the house than we’d been to earlier. I couldn’t help but marvel at the walls. If I’d thought downstairs was impressive, up here was just lavish, unnecessary flaunting of the money Phyllis must have. What the hell kind of Lady was she? It was all very tasteful though, I supposed, and I knew she was lovely so it didn’t seem quite so ridiculous.

Our guide directed us to a pair of double doors and opened them into a giant ballroom with a massive chandelier hanging from it. I certainly wouldn’t have wanted to be standing under that thing if it fell. The room was packed with bodies, all dressed as impeccably as we were.

As we walked up the stairs, a photographer took our photo. Then, a familiar face peeled away from the crowd and Phyllis hurried over to us.

“Oh, you’re here! Wonderful!” She greeted us with kisses to the cheek. Hers were already quite rosy and she looked stunning in a silver dress. “Come in, come in, get a drink. Oh!” she said as though she’d forgotten something and turned to our guide. “Sally, can you take Aurora and Ben up to Cole and Matt please?” She turned to me and took my hands, smiling at me a little hazily. “If you can’t get him to come down, no one can.”

She made shooing motions before taking my parents’ elbows and leading them inside.

“This way, then.” Sally smiled politely, if somewhat strained. She led us back towards more familiar parts of the house. “Master Cole is on the left and Master Matt on the right,” she said before curtseying and hurrying off.

Both doors were closed. My palms suddenly felt quite sweaty and I felt, if I moved, my legs would give out.

“Right, I’ll get Matt then,” I laughed shakily.

“Oh, no,” Ben laughed. “You came here for one reason only, and I’m not going to get in the way of that!”

“You know, most brothers don’t try to hook their older sisters up with dates.” I glared at him.

“Most older sisters don’t need the help.”

I went to swat him, but he ducked out of reach. “Fine,” I grumbled, picking up my skirt so I didn’t trip on it and walked to Cole’s door, which was further down the passage than Matt’s was.

There was nothing on the door to suggest who lived behind it, which surprised me. I expected to see band stickers or one of those cheesy ‘Cole’s Room’ plaques. I settled my skirt, noticing Ben was already gone; I could hear sounds of sport commentary coming from the open door down the hall. The faint sound of music floated through Cole’s door. I took a deep breath and knocked. The music stopped.

“Oh, God, what?” I heard Cole say, exasperation evident. “I’ll be down later, okay?”

“I’m not waiting.” I replied haughtily.

I heard him laugh. “Hannibal! Oh, wow…” he said as he opened the door and saw me.

I wasn’t quite sure I was worth the look on his face, but it did make me feel pretty good. Him, on the other hand… He deserved every inch of the jaw droppage that occurred. I thought he’d looked good at the dance. That tuxedo, I realised, was nothing compared to this. Or, maybe it was because his jacket was off and I could see the outline of him through his shirt, the muscles in his forearms with the sleeves rolled up. The collar was open and his bowtie undone as though he hadn’t quite finished getting dressed.

And, his pants… Phew. I’d thought Hugh Jackman looked good in jeans… He had nothing on the way Cole wore dress pants – as weird as that sounds… They rode low on his hips, the belt just accentuating his shape. No…not that shape! Oh, God…

I cleared my throat and looked behind him, finding a room that seemed to fit him much better than the rest of this house. There was a double bed with dark grey covers entirely dishevelled. His guitar lay on the bed as though he’d thrown it down. There was a simple desk with computer. And multiple posters adorning what wall didn’t seem to be taken up by dark red curtains.

I didn’t dare look at him again, not sure I’d ever be able to look away.

Dear God, get a grip, I willed myself.

“Want to come in for a bit?” he asked, stepping aside.

“I… Uh… Sure, but no sitting… I don’t want to rumple the dress.”

Score one for quick thinking. I smiled to myself.

“Sure, of course.” He chuckled.

I stepped into the room. “It’s nice,” I said, looking around again. There were doors at either end of the room, though I had no idea where they led.

He pulled open the curtains. “Not as nice as this.”

I walked over to find a huge balcony, longer than the width of the room. He opened the door and we stepped out. I ignored the chill as I peered over into the street. There was a police car across the road, which I thought was weird; maybe Phyllis’ parties had a tendency to get wild? I laughed at the thought. Though, by the way she was going earlier, it didn’t seem entirely unlikely.

My breath condensed in front of my face and I could hear music from the party waft up from below us.

I shivered and felt Cole’s arms go around my waist. He kissed my neck and the next shiver had nothing to do with the cold. I put my hands over his, but he grabbed one hand, pulling me around into a waltz position and whirled me around.

Taken off-guard and with the memory of his kiss on my neck, I followed him aimlessly, smiling.

“You’re good when you stop thinking,” he laughed, drawing me close.

“What?” I stumbled, but he caught me.

He laughed again. “When you stop thinking about the moves, you dance well. Perhaps I need to find a way to distract you.”

His hand left my waist, curling around me, drawing me hard up against him. I could feel the heat of his hand splayed at my lower back even through the layers of the dress. Vaguely I registered that my feet were moving of their own accord, and moving well. The hand holding mine trailed down that arm, then up to brush my hair from my shoulder and cup my cheek. I leant into his hand, feeling myself smiling foolishly and I looked into his warm brown eyes.

He leant forward to kiss me, but froze when we heard Ben yelling.

“Guys, come on. Matt says there’s party pies.”

“Sure thing, Ben,” Cole called, then said quieter, “he’s going to be disappointed when he finds out they’re not the normal kind of party pies…”

“I can see you, you know,” Ben called impatiently.

Cole smiled at him over my shoulder, pressed a kiss to my lips quickly. He tied his bowtie swiftly and unexpectedly adeptly, smoothed his sleeves, and pulled on his jacket before taking my hand and following our little brothers back downstairs.

There seemed to be a bustle of people when we got downstairs and they all seemed to say hello to Cole. I looked at him, surprised so many of them knew him when he said he didn’t go to these things often. The answer came, though, from a rather drunk older lady speaking too loudly as we walked away.

“Looks so much their mother, doesn’t he? God rest her soul.”

“Awful thing that happened to her,” the old lady’s companion said.

“Such a pity.”

I didn’t hear anymore as Cole pulled me through the crowd faster. I looked to him, but his face was set and I could tell he didn’t want to talk about it. I was intrigued though. Was whatever happened to his mum the reason he had a wild side? Was she the reason he didn’t think much of himself?

Couples were twirling around the ballroom when we finally got back into the room. A server passed with glasses on it. Cole took two and passed me one. I found what looked like a glass of champagne in my hands, Cole had something that looked like whiskey. He pulled me around the couples to a quieter corner and we found ourselves on a balcony much like the one outside his room.

“Sorry about that.” He smiled, as though he had something to apologise for when people were talking about his mum…

I gave him a confused look and sipped gingerly at my champagne, wrinkling my nose as the bubbles tickled it; I hadn’t drunk a lot in my life, but the way Cole finished off his drink, I remembered starkly that he had.

“I don’t know what you’d have to apologise for,” I said.

He shook his head, putting the empty glass on another server’s tray and taking a new one. This one, he sipped slower.

“My family isn’t what it seems.” He waved around him. “All this? Matt and I weren’t allowed near this until two years ago – although Grandma tried. And, then, we got the advanced society education.” He laughed somewhat bitterly. “The dancing? Six months of constant lessons with Grandma and Aunt Trude.”

I didn’t want to say anything. I wanted to know more, but, if I pushed him, would he pull away? Instead, I took a larger sip of my drink. I liked the way it tickled my nose, but it was weird. I felt like I was going to sneeze.

“Damn, you’re cute when you do that,” he said, drawing me close. He nudged my nose with his own and kissed me.

“Ah, Cole, good,” I heard Phyllis say.

I wondered what she’d think of her grandson drinking and potentially fornicating on the balcony at her party. But, when I turned, she was smiling at him warmly. His family might not be what they seemed, but this woman loved him.

“Finish your drinks dears and have a dance. I need you seen Cole.” She sighed and took his arm. “Please, dear. It would mean a lot. Just two dances.”

“Two dances?” Cole clarified and she nodded. “All right, Grandma. But, only for you.”

She laughed. “And, what about your date?”

“Oh, I know how much he likes to dance, Phyllis.” I smiled. “I’ll see if I can make it three.”

Phyllis chuckled and clapped Cole on the shoulder. “I like her, dear. Keep her!” she walked away, still chuckling.

“I planned to.” He looked at me, smiling. “All right, shall we?” He threw back his drink and held his hand out for mine.

I looked at my still half-full glass of bubbles. I wrinkled my nose against the tickles I knew were coming, ignoring his exhaled breath, and tipped the contents down my throat.

“All right then. That should be enough to stop me thinking too much,” I said.

He laughed and stepped closer. He wrapped his hands behind my back and trailed kisses down my neck, finishing in the hollow of my collarbone. I breathed out slowly.

“Yeah, that oughta do it,” I said, feeling just a little hazy.

He chuckled and took my hand, kissing the back of it. He led me out onto the dance floor, amidst whispers of people we passed. I felt his hand close tighter on mine and returned the grip, not knowing how else to help.

He spun me to face him, looking at me for all the world like he wished I were the only one in the room. What he didn’t know was that I was more than happy to be, I just couldn’t do anything about it. I gave him my best reassuring smile and let him lead.

I spent so much time worrying about the gritted look on his face; I didn’t even notice I was actually dancing nicely for the rest of that song. The next one started and I could tell Cole wanted to run off the dance floor. I rubbed his shoulder gently, trying to tell him with my eyes that I’d be right behind him if that’s what he wanted. His smile became less forced and he even seemed to be enjoying himself somewhat.

A few more turns around the floor, and ballroom dancing became exactly what I had always envisioned it to be; so very Disney. Cole smiled at me like I was legitimately the only person in the room, not just that he wished I were. We spun almost effortlessly, avoiding the other couples with ease. I felt my chest flutter and there was that foolish smile on my face again.

I didn’t keep track of the number of songs, but it was more than two at least.

“Okay, that’s plenty. Drink time,” I said, though I was fairly sure the sudden dryness in my throat had little to do with the dancing and more to do with the look my partner was giving me.

He swung me out of the cyclone of dancers and we came face to face with a photographer. I’m not sure what face we were pulling, but I felt mine might have actually looked nice for once. I giggled as Cole grabbed a couple of bottles of champagne off a table and told me to pick up the glasses as he pulled me through the house. We skirted past a very surprised Sally as he picked up a thick blanket from the coat rack by the back door and pulled me out of the house.

We walked, chatting and laughing about God knew what, and soon found ourselves at the big willow tree. I smiled and pulled him under. It was slightly warmer in here than out, and it was at least dry.

He pulled me close and kissed me hard, his hands at my waist and mine around his neck. It was one of those kisses that set off the butterflies and makes you not want to stop until your lips were numb. Which is pretty much what happened. I finally pulled away from him a little breathless.

“How about a drink?” he asked.

We sat against the trunk and Cole popped one of the bottles. I held out the glasses for him to pour. When we were settled, he put the blanket around us and his arm around me, and we sipped champagne while talking about nothing and everything.

Nine

M

y phone was ringing and I groggily put an arm out to find it. But, it was ridiculously cold out of the blankets. I snuggled back into the person next to me.

Wait, what?

My eyes flew open and I regretted it instantly. The light in my eyes, as dim as it was, set a fierce headache pounding in the back of my head. I returned to the task at hand.

Person next to me.

Why were there green curtains?

Was I under a tree?

I blinked and realised I was leaning on someone’s chest. Someone’s very fine-suited chest. And, their head was on mine. I edged myself out gently and Cole shifted in his sleep.

My phone started ringing again and I saw Cole scrunch his face in his sleep. Damn, I wanted to kiss him again. I thought better of it – probably having terrible morning breath – and looked at my phone. Cassidy was calling and it was about ten in the morning.

“Hello?” I thought I said. I coughed and tried again. “Hello?”

“What the hell, Rory?” Cassidy yelled like a jackhammer in my brain. Although, at the pitch, I couldn’t tell if it was an angry jackhammer, a happy jackhammer or some other kind of jackhammer.

“Oh, no… Inside voice, Cass,” I whispered, partially not wanting to wake Cole, but also just not being able to deal with loud noises. “Hang on.” I gently extricated myself from Cole’s arms and pushed my way out of the branches, wincing at the cold. “Okay, back.”

Cassidy was laughing. “Hung over, by the sounds of it.”

I groaned. “What do you want so early in the morning, and why are you so…chipper?”

“I was reading the paper this morning-”

“What? Since when do you read the paper?”

“I look at the pictures,” she huffed; that made more sense. Then her tone got even more chipper. “And guess whose photo I saw in the society pages today?”

“I don’t know. Some famous guy you love?” I sighed.

“More liked some famous guy you love,” she said in a singsong voice.

“What? I’m going to need you to be less cryptic, Cass,” I sighed, and then yelped as I felt Cole slide the blanket around us, encircling me in his arms, and kiss my neck.

“Oh my God, he’s there now! You spent the night with him?” she squealed and I pulled the phone away from my ear.

“Good morning,” Cole said into my other ear, sending shivers all through me.

“Good morning,” I replied before putting the phone back to my ear. “Okay, tell me what you saw.”

“You and Cole making googly eyes at each other while dancing at Lady Avery Jones’ party! And, in a Trudy Jones gown no less!” The pitch of her voice was making me lose her again.

“Sorry, Cass. I’m confused. Try that again.”

She huffed. “I’m sending you the digital article.”

“Okay, whatever.”

“Call me when you’ve read it. I won’t wait by the phone.” Did she wink? Why did it sound like she winked? Can you even tell if someone winks on the phone?

“Okay, Cass. Will do.” I shut off the call and found a text from Dad.

Dad: Trust you’re safe, see you in the morning.

I sighed, not sure why it bugged me. Most parents would freak if their daughter didn’t come home. My parents? ‘Sure, whatever, see you when we see you.’ Hell, even Phyllis seemed to lose it when Cole wandered off.

Cole!

I turned around, still in his arms, and smiled at him.

“I never pegged Cassidy for a morning person,” he said, wryly.

I laughed. “Not usually, no.”

“I didn’t mean to keep you out all night.”

“I bet you say that to all the girls.”

He seemed at a loss as to what to say and I realised he probably didn’t say that to all the girls at all. He probably said the complete opposite to all the girls. I felt a funny feeling coiling in the pit of my stomach at the thought, but tried to push it away.

“Do you want to get some breakfast?” he asked.

I looked around, remembering again where we were and what time it was. My head throbbed and food sounded great.

I nodded slowly. “Sounds good. But, first I think I need to change, and probably brush my hair.”

He kissed me. “Sounds like a plan.”

“Where did you want to go?” I asked him, not wanting to emerge from the warmth of the blanket just yet.

“Shall I walk you back to your place?”

I gulped, not sure what Mum and Dad would think of that… But, then, they’d hardly expect that we got up to anything while we were out in the cold all night…would they? Surely not. I nodded. If they realised we’d been out in the cold all night…

“Missus Cottle does a great breakfast after Grandma’s been drinking,” he said as we started walking towards my house.

I laughed at the thought of it being a regular thing for Phyllis.

“All right then, sounds good,” I replied with a nod.

Once we got back to my house, I wasn’t quite sure how to say goodbye. I was saved from having to think about it too much when I heard the door open.

“There you are!” Dad laughed. “We wondered where you’d got to.”

“You didn’t really seem to mind at all.” I narrowed my gaze at him.

He shrugged, and I wondered what the hell kind of parents they were anyway. “We know you’re not an idiot. Besides, how far were you going to get from a party across the park?”

Mum appeared beside him. “Morning, Cole. Lovely to see you. Did you guys have a good night?”

“Stellar parenting, guys,” I mumbled.

Cole chuckled, kissed my cheek, and let me wriggle out from under the blanket. “I’ll see you soon?”

“Yeah, be over in a bit,” I said, giving his hand one last squeeze before trudging up the stairs.

“If you see Ben at your place, tell him to get his own breakfast!” Dad called to as I pushed inside.

“You don’t want to join us, then?” Cole asked.

Dad laughed. “We heard about the famous morning-after breakfast, but we’re good thanks.”

“Okay, see ya later, Max. Caitlin.”

“Bye, Cole,” they chorused and closed the door.

I stared at them, not quite believing they were as calm and collected as they appeared. I was waiting for the torrent to unleash now that Cole was gone.

“What a nice boy,” Mum said as she walked back into the kitchen.

“He seems a very decent sort of fellow,” Dad replied, following Mum.

“Are you shitting me right now?” I asked, following them.

“Aura, language!” Dad chastised over his coffee.

“But, seriously? You know the kind of guy he is right? He drinks, smokes, gets into fights, stays out all night. You remember that time Phyllis came looking for him?” I said, wondering why they were calmly just going about their business when I’d been out all night with a degenerate boy.

“Does he? He seems nice. Doesn’t he seem nice, Max?”

“He does, Cait, seems lovely.”

I groaned. “Come on guys, use some of that parental power I hear so much about.”

Mum rolled her eyes at me. “Aura, you’re almost eighteen, we trust you to make decent choices about boys. You won’t always make the right ones, but those mistakes will be up to you. We can’t tell you who you can and can’t date.”

“Yes, you can,” I spluttered. “I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what you’re supposed to do!”

“And, you want us to tell you that you can’t date Cole?” Dad asked slowly before turning to Mum. “I’m confused, hun.”

I groaned again. “No, I don’t… Just some caring would be nice.”

“Sweetie, we do care.” Dad smiled. “And, for all his faults, Cole seems like a decent guy at heart. Maybe he’s just had a run of bad luck? Going through a phase?”

“Your father went through a phase like that. Very rebellious.” Mum giggled as he pulled her onto his lap.

“Ew, guys, come on… Minor in the room,” I moaned.

“There’s nothing wrong with a bit of rebellion in your life, sweetie,” Mum said. “As long as it doesn’t interfere with your future.”

“Ah ha! And, if it does?”

“Are we talking about Cole still, because I feel like we’re talking about Cole still?” Dad asked.

“What if being with him compromises my future?”

Mum looked at me squarely. “If you love this boy and he loves you, then it won’t compromise your future, no matter what he’s been like in the past. Now, is this really about Cole, or is something else bugging you?”

I huffed, not quite sure. Maybe there was something else; I just didn’t know what it might be.

Then, I remembered what Cassidy had said when she’d called. “Have you guys got the paper?”

Dad nodded. “Why?”

“Have you got the social pages?”

“It’s not like you to be interested in the social pages, Aura,” Mum said coming closer while Dad flipped open the paper. “Oh my God, look at you!”

I sighed. There was a half-page spread dedicated to Phyllis’ party and there I was, a quarter of the spread at least, dancing with Cole. Cassidy’s comment that we were making googly eyes at each other was not far off. It had obviously been taken soon before we’d stopped dancing because he looked relaxed and confidant.

“My goodness, he looks very dapper doesn’t he? So classically attractive. You’re lucky I’m not half my age,” Mum giggled.

I glared at her then turned back to the page. In case no one knew who we were, our names were captioned under the photo with the tag ‘young love’.

“Well, isn’t that great.”

“What’s the matter?”

“Everyone at school is going to see this.”

“So?”

“So… Cole…” how could I explain it to my parents when I didn’t really understand it myself. It was just this feeling of understanding I had without being able to put it into words. “It’s just not good.”

“It’ll be fine. No one will care. Cassidy and her family are in the social pages all the time,” Dad said.

“Yes, a few of the other kids have featured in here once at least.” Mum nodded.

I supposed she was right. But, despite having been to many of Cassidy’s parties, none of those kids had been me. Nor, had they been what everyone considered the degenerate slacker at what was obviously one of the most interesting things to happen that weekend.

“I’m going to get changed,” I said.

“Do you want the page, Aura?” Dad held it out to me.

I hesitated, but took it. Of course I wanted it. It might not be my most favourite way of being in the paper for the first time, but it was good photo of us.

As I walked up the stairs, I read the few words:

Lady Avery Jones’ birthday party at her luxurious townhouse on Friday included a lavish guest list of close family and friends. Included among them were her grandsons, Cole and Matthew Fielding who, until recently, lived with their father. In this short time, the Fielding boys have taken to society life well.

Their father? I wondered what happened to him for them to move in with Phyllis. Was he her son? Or, had their mum been her daughter? Just more questions…

Before I got changed, I folded the paper so only the picture of me and Cole was showing, and stuck it on my pin board.

I pulled the dress off and hung it up. It could do with a dry clean but it wasn’t too dirty after I’d spent the night sleeping on the ground. I brushed my hair and cleaned my teeth before pulling on jeans and a comfortable top. I realised I’d left Cole’s coat at his house the night before. Which, really is where it belonged given it wasn’t actually mine.

I plodded down the stairs and shoved my feet into my boots then grabbed a coat off the rack. I checked I had my phone and keys, and stuck my head through the kitchen door.

“Right, I’m off. I’ll see you guys later.”

“Bye, hun!” Mum called.

“Got your keys and phone?”

“Yes, Dad.”

“Good. See you, sweetie.”

I headed off across the park and saw a familiar figure walking towards me, his collar up and puffing on a cigarette.

“Hi.” Cole smiled when we got closer.

“Good, you saw your coat.” I nodded to it.

He looked down as though he’d forgotten he was wearing it. “Yeah, I did, thanks. I was going to let you keep it, but-” He shut his mouth, a very uncharacteristic flush creeping up his face.

“But, what?” I asked.

“Nothing.” He laughed uneasily.

“No, you’re going to have to tell me now. What is it?”

He wouldn’t meet my eyes and I laughed.

“Okay, okay,” he relented, still not looking at me. “It smells like you now, so wearing it is…nice, okay?”

I looped my arm in his as I tried very hard not to laugh. “That’s very sweet.”

“Yeah, laugh it up, Hannibal.”

“What’s funny about the self-proclaimed degenerate wearing his own coat because it smells like his…?” I stopped, not knowing what to call myself. I wasn’t about to presume we were properly dating – one real date and a couple of holiday weeks of kissing didn’t really equate to boyfriend and girlfriend…did it?

He chuckled, unhooked his arm from mine and put it around me, but he didn’t answer my unasked question. It might have been because we were about to head up the stairs to his grandmother’s place, so it wasn’t really the best time to be discussing our relationship status.

He kissed my cheek as he took my coat from me and hung it up, and then led me into the informal dining room, or so I was going to stick to calling it. Ben and Matt were already there with plates piled high full of pancakes, eggs, hash browns, beans, bacon, toast, sausages, tomatoes…

“I didn’t think you liked cooked tomato?” I asked Ben as we sat down opposite them. Phyllis, it seemed, was still in bed. Personally, I didn’t blame her; the way my head was pounding, I wouldn’t have minded being in bed still either.

Ben shrugged. “If you eat it with stuff, it’s like tomato sauce, only hot and doesn’t make the food cold.”

I nodded. “Very wise, my sage.”

Matt snorted and, under normal circumstances, I knew Ben would have thrown a piece of toast at me, but he refrained in company. He made do with sticking his tongue out at me instead.

“Did you hear Fellaini went blond?” Matt asked, and then smiled at my grimace.

“I did not… That would look…uh, interesting.” I smiled in return.

We ate, trying not to get caught up in soccer talk – which seemed to dominate Matt and Ben’s conversations – so Cole didn’t get too lost. Phyllis emerged, looking impeccable and I found out that Trudy didn’t actually live with them, so she was at her house.

“Actually, Trudy is probably back at work already,” Phyllis said as she poured coffee. “That girl, I love her to death, but she works too hard. I suppose…” She looked at me and stopped, shifting her gaze to smile at Cole then Matt.

Cole shifted beside me and I saw he looked uncomfortable, but he smiled back at his grandmother.

Ben and Matt left to play video games, but Cole didn’t seem to want to get up yet. After the younger boys had left, he turned to Phyllis.

“Are they still lifting the car today?” he said almost as though he didn’t want me to hear, but didn’t want to ask me to leave either.

Phyllis looked to me before she replied. “They are.”

“Is that wise?”

She sighed. “I have spoken to them and they think it will be all right for now. They said to call if we needed anything and they’d send someone right back.”

Cole nodded, and then stood. “I guess that’s all we can ask for. I doubt we’re a priority.” I tried hard to ignore the bitterness in his tone.

Phyllis’s face softened. “You are my priority, Cole. Both of you. Always.”

Cole smiled almost sadly. “I know, Grandma. Thanks.”

He put an arm around her and kissed her cheek. I had no idea where to look so I sort of just let my gaze wander over the room, admiring the art on the wall, until I heard Cole clear his throat. He held his hand out so I hopped up.

“Thanks for breakfast Phyllis, and last night, I had a wonderful time.” I smiled.

She waved me to her and kissed my cheek. “You are most welcome, dear girl, any time. Perhaps you’d like to come to my next soiree?”

I shared a look with Cole before smiling at her. “Maybe. We’ll have to see.”

“Excellent. Now, run off you two, you don’t need to be spending all your Saturday with an old woman!”

Cole started to protest, a smile on his lips, but Phyllis mock-glared at him and we left. I followed Cole up to his room. As we passed Matt’s room, I could hear them playing some game; there was a lot of laughing and shooting noises.

Cole pulled me into his room and closed the door. I looked at him, but whatever I was about to say was forgotten when I saw the look on his face.

“What’s up?”

“Sorry about all that…” he said, looking away.

“About what? I mean, yes, that was a lot of food, even for me, but honestly, it was delicious.”

He grinned at me for a moment. “You and food. But, you’re not honestly curious about that conversation?”

I shrugged. Hell yes, I was curious, but I’d let him tell me in his own time. I didn’t know from experience, but I knew from others that past hurts and family issues weren’t something you pushed. I’d seen it enough with Beat and her family.

“If there’s anything to tell and you want to tell me someday, great. If not, that’s your business. Me being curious isn’t going to change that.”

He looked at me studiously, as though trying to decide what to tell and what not to.

“Suffice to say, our lives were nothing like this two years ago,” he said quickly, then pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and headed to the balcony.

I gave him a few moments, not wanting to intrude, and then casually followed him out. I was surprised when I saw the police car across the road again and suddenly wondered if that was the car they’d talked about earlier. I said nothing, just watched people scurry around below us.

“Is there a reason,” I started, not missing the way he tensed, “you decided on this side of the house, instead of the park side?” By the time I’d finished my question, though, he’d relaxed again.

He shook his head, taking one last long drag of his cigarette before putting it out.

“Nope, not really. I didn’t know what was across the park at the time, though.” He smiled mischievously and I laughed.

“Yes, because what’s across the park is so special,” I mocked.

He put his arms around me. “I don’t know, I think so.”

It was like Cole had some key to the butterfly cage inside me; he could just look at me and set them free. I took a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart.

He leant forward and kissed me. It started softly at first, but heated up quickly. We stumbled backwards, still locked together, until we fell in a heap on his bed. There was a quick break for a breath, but then our hands were on each other, his lips at my neck. My breath was shallow and my heart raced even faster. I felt his hand trail up my leg. It was nice, but I didn’t trust what would happen if I didn’t stop it now.

“Cole…” I breathed.

As though I’d literally shocked him, he jerked away from me. “Sorry… Sorry…” He was breathing as hard as I was. He rolled over as sat on the edge of the bed with his back to me, his hands planted on either side of his legs. I saw him stretching his neck and almost laughed at how tense he was.

I rubbed his arm, bringing my hand to rest over his on the bed. “Cole, it’s fine. I just…” First, we hadn’t quite had the relationship status talk, now we were heading into a sex talk? I breathed out silently. How was I going to handle this? Laugh at myself? Make a joke to ease the tension? That usually worked… “I just didn’t trust myself if we kept that up…” I said slowly, waiting for his reaction.

He laughed shortly. “I get it, Hannibal. You don’t need to make excuses.”

“Hey, I’m not making excuses… Okay, actually I am… Look.” My deep breath this time was less silent and I sat up, putting my arm around him. “I can’t say I haven’t had…intimate moments…? with a guy before, I have. But, I’ve never gone all the way. I’m not saving myself for marriage or anything,” power to those people, but I just don’t think it’s for me, “but, I guess I thought I owed it to myself to make sure my first time was with someone really special…”

He seemed like he was going to stand up but, I held him tighter. He squeezed my hand and, when he spoke, he sounded sadder than I think I’ve ever heard anyone but Beat through all her…stuff. “I get it, Aura. It’s okay.”

“No, I don’t think you do-”

He stood up and walked towards the window. “No, I do. We have fun, but we’re not going anywhere long-term. How could someone like you want a future with a guy like me?”

I frowned, not quite sure where this was all coming from. I didn’t know a lot about boy emotions – I didn’t think brothers or dads really counted – but there seemed to be something big going on his life and I knew neither what to say nor what to do to help.

“Cole?” I said slowly.

He didn’t turn but he made a “mm?” noise.

“Cole, I… I’m not sure what’s going on, and you don’t have to tell me, but I seem to have found myself caring about you, a lot, and you’re becoming someone very special to me…” He hadn’t moved and I didn’t know if he was even listening anymore. “Cole?” I sighed, ready to give up, but finally he turned around.

He seemed to hesitate so I held my tongue, waiting to see what he was going to say. He shoved his hands in his jeans pockets, drawing my attention – I thought he looked good in dress pants…? damn! Hugh Jackman eat your heart out – and leant against the wall. “On our way over…”

I cocked my head in question. His face took on its more recognisable smirk and I began to wonder if it was a defence mechanism he’d picked up.

“On the way over, you almost called yourself my girlfriend.”

I shifted so I was sitting cross-legged and pushed my hair behind my ear so I didn’t have to look at him. “Oh… Ah, well… I don’t want to make assumptions.”

“You don’t want to make assumptions?” he teased.

I stared him down, sure we were at some tipping point. And, whichever way it tipped, I wanted to make sure it went the right way.

“No, I didn’t want to make assumptions. So, we’ve been hanging out, we kiss, we went on one real date – apparently – but I wasn’t sure if you’d consider that enough to say we were together. I’ve been on the other side of an assumption and it’s uncomfortable; I didn’t want to put you in that position.”

His smirk only grew and I couldn’t tell if he was legitimately teasing me, or if he didn’t think any of that constituted us as being together either. It didn’t help I was sure he’d been with other girls and I doubted he’d considered any of them his girlfriend.

“Do you consider yourself my girlfriend?”

I sighed inwardly, wondering why everything with him had to be this tug of war and convoluted discussions. Maybe he was descended from faeries? Maybe he just didn’t know how to have a serious conversation? I looked into my lap for a second then gave him a fierce look. He almost looked like he quailed for a moment, but I couldn’t have been sure I didn’t imagine it.

“Do you consider yourself my boyfriend?” I asked him. I expected more run around questions, evading the topic. Anything but the answer I received.

“I’d like to.” He rubbed his chin as though it was no big deal, but I was pretty sure I was rivalling Mum for her best jaw-on-floor record. He laughed. “If you’ll have me?”

It was an actual question, designed for me to reply ‘yes’ or ‘no’, not some roundabout phrase that only seemed like a question. I was still reeling from the directness of it, so I just nodded. I realised then how ridiculous I must have looked. I shut my mouth, blinked, and nodded more firmly.

“Yes, I’d like that.”

He crossed the distance between us quickly, pushing me back onto the bed. I giggled until he silenced me with kisses. There was something sweet about it, even when it heated up a touch. But, he was a perfect gentleman.

Ten

I

sat with Beat, Rachel, and Cassidy before school at our usual table. I’d gone through my usual packet of blue vines in record time, even for me.

“What has you so worked up?” Beat asked and I actually jumped, I was so wound up.

“Our newest celebrity isn’t used to the fame yet,” Cassidy purred, but there was no malevolence in it.

“Sure, sure,” I replied, my leg jiggling.

In reality, I was freaked out because I didn’t know how to act around Cole at school. We’d had a very short discussion the night before when the panic had first set in and I called him, ranting about how was it all going to work? He’d only laughed at me, but nicely, and asked me how I wanted to act. I told him we should start off acting like we usually did, smiles as we passed each other, and we’d work it out from there. I knew he wouldn’t be into public displays of affection around these kids, especially after the paper the other day. He’d accepted my suggestion and said goodnight.

Now, though, my eyes scanned the courtyard, on the lookout for him more than I ever had been before. I breathed out heavily, watching my breath puff out like I was smoking one of Cole’s cigarettes. No thanks, I thought.

“Declan’s good,” Cassidy was saying, twirling her hair around her finger. “How’s Mike?” She batted her eyes at Rachel and made a kissing face.

Rachel swatted at our friend, laughing. “We decided we’d be better as friends.”

“I bet he didn’t go racing off to Kelly Preston after that decision,” I laughed, seeing Kelly and Jaime across the courtyard.

Kelly did a spectacular job of looking like they were the perfect couple. Jaime, on the other hand, did not. And, I saw the little glances he stole at me.

Rachel looked at me worried for a moment, but obviously realised I was sincerely not bothered by it anymore. She laughed too. “No, but he, Dec and Paddy think it’s awful Jaime did that. They’re barely talking to him, you know.”

I looked at her, momentarily distracted from my Cole-watch. “They don’t have to do that on my account,” I said.

Rachel shrugged. “They know that, but they’re decent blokes, you know, and they’re our friends.”

I looked to Beat and she seemed to understand what I was asking. She shook her head; Becca apparently hadn’t realised what she was missing. I gave her a sympathetic smile as the bell rang. We linked arms and headed for lesson, Rachel and Cassidy prattling on about our next assignments as they walked ahead of us.

We took our usual desks and I tried desperately not to turn around to see if I’d missed Cole. After the initial interrogation, where I told them I wasn’t sure what was happening yet, Cassidy and Rachel had dropped it. I hadn’t had time to tell Beat though, I figured I could tell her now without her squealing with excitement like the others would; I’d already drawn enough attention to myself.

“Hannibal,” I heard his voice and looked up.

He smirked at me as he passed me to get to his desk, just like he would have a few weeks ago. I smiled back, nodding a greeting.

“Cole.”

We might have held each other’s eye longer than we had in the past, but I doubted anyone else would have noticed. Trust Beat to, though.

“And you tell us nothing much is happening?” she hissed, holding back a laugh.

I sighed. “Okay, we’re together…”

She beamed. “Like together, together?”

I nodded. She wrinkled her nose in excitement, stole a look at him behind us, and turned back to face the front, nodding. “Okay then,” was all she said.

I looked back at Cole and saw he was perplexed but smiling. I shook my head as a sign not to worry. As I turned back, I caught Jaime’s eye. He was glaring at me as though I’d drained the pool or ruined science, or whatever it was that would get his undies in a bunch. I tried smiling at him, but he turned away and I did likewise.

Weirdness, I thought as the lesson started.

The day only got worse from there. Turns out a lot of people had seen the pictures in the paper, most just made polite comments on it, but there was a lot of whispering behind my back, and it was worse for Cole, though no one spoke to him directly. It seemed the school didn’t quite know how to look at him now. Last term, he’d just been the loser slacker going nowhere fast. Now, he was the grandson of a socialite, apparently at all the great parties.

I would never understand why money made it okay to slack off. Declan got it constantly; he wasn’t a major slacker, but on the rare occasion he was, it was okay because he came from good stock.

We’d all assumed Cole didn’t come from good stock, so his slackness was just more proof of his degeneracy – although, I’d still argue, in some respects, he could be a degenerate – and it was okay in the other kids’ minds to look down on him and shun him. But, if he came from money? Well, wasn’t that all okay?

I passed Cole in the hallway on my way to lunch. He stepped in front of me, smirking his usual smirk. This one I thought was as much a mask as it was pleasure to see me. He squeezed my hand surreptitiously and handed me a box.

“I thought you might need these,” he said.

I looked down and saw a box of blue vines. I laughed, feeling very much like I needed them. “Thanks, yes.”

“Are you getting Ben after school?”

I’d already ripped open the packet and had one in my mouth, so I just nodded.

“Shall I meet you at the path?”

“All right, sounds good.” Kids bustled around us, so I just smiled again. “I’ll see you later, then.”

He nodded and disappeared into the crowd, and I headed off to find the girls, stuffing my face with blue vines in an effort to block out people’s staring.

“Where did you get that? I thought you were out,” Rachel asked, going for my box.

I clutched it against me, shaking my head furiously as we laughed. “Nu-uh, these are mine.” I faux-growled and she gave up, still laughing.

“Where did you get them? Is that one of the big boxes?”

I nodded and I shoved another one in my mouth, savouring the deliciousness that was blue. “Cole got them for me.”

“Is that why he wasn’t in class?” I saw a question in her eyes that her words weren’t asking. That, and approval.

“I wouldn’t know.” I flashed her a wicked grin.

“You two are totally dating!”

“Why would you think that?” I asked, acting horrified.

Cassidy laughed. “I’ve known you for five years now, Rory; you can’t hide anything from me.”

“Can’t I?” I asked innocently, and then smirked. “Besides, I thought you didn’t approve of him?”

“I don’t need to approve of him, Rory. But, I saw him a little differently after the dance, I’ll be honest.”

I gave her an ‘oh really’ look, but remembered how Cole had actually seemed to fit in with my friends that night. I’d been surprised, I won’t lie, and I hoped there was more than duty to me at play. But, still, I’d not complained. Nor did I expect Cole to become best buddies with them and start hanging out with us at school though. In the few months I’d known him, I hadn’t known him to hang out with anyone at school voluntarily.

“Oh, shut up.” Cassidy smiled.

We got through the rest of lunch and the day with little incident. Jaime and Kelly glared at me some more and people slowly stopped seeming to care about whatever had been in the paper. With very little contact on my or Cole’s part, I guess whatever people thought had been going on…they’d decided wasn’t terribly exciting. They all knew I lived on that block; they were probably starting to think I went to the party and danced with Cole by accident.

¢

A couple of weeks passed and things were going well. I still hadn’t got up the guts to be overly affectionate with Cole at school, but we talked more and he didn’t seem to mind. I was sure people were starting to get the idea we were together, but the whispering had stopped and they treated both of us much like before, if with a bit of extra scowling from Jaime as he clung to Kelly Preston like a lifeline. Obviously, people had decided Cole was in fact not his grandmother’s money, for which I’m sure he was grateful.

Finally, I excused myself from my friends, giving Rachel the last few blue vines in yet another box Cole had bought me – I was seriously going to get fat if he kept this up – and trudged across the soccer fields to meet Cole.

For some reason, my mind was on the formal and wondering if it was a given then that Cole and I were going together? The formal was still, what, two months away at least? It was the last thing we had before we went on study vacation before final exams, sort of a ‘Goodbye Seniors’, I guess. I supposed it was about time Cassidy was going to make us look for new dresses; no doubt, they’d have to be even better than the ones for the dance. I laughed to myself as I wondered if Trudy would let me borrow a dress for it. Maybe even the other girls too? Cassidy would love that.

“You think you’re pretty special don’t you?” a voice asked and I looked up to see Jaime sneering at me.

“I’m sorry, what?” I stumbled, trying to get past him. I could see the gate to the path just ahead and really didn’t want to get stuck talking to Jaime if I didn’t have to.

He nodded as though it was the best thing I’d ever said, while he kept himself in front of me. Finally, I gave up on trying to get past him and stopped.

“Jaime, what do you want?”

“You’re with him, now?” I got the feeling it wasn’t really a question, but an expression of disbelief…or disgust based on the look on his usually handsome features.

“So, what if I am, Jaime? You didn’t want to be with me, and then you got together with Kelly Preston right after anyway.”

“Were you with him while we were together?”

“I… I didn’t know we were together… But no, I wasn’t dating him then.”

“But, you were with him?”

“I don’t even know what that means, Jaime. We hung out once or twice after I coached his brother.” I shrugged, not really knowing what else he wanted from me.

He bared down on me and I stepped back, suddenly frightened. This was not a side to Jaime Sullivan I was used to, nor even knew existed. I got that we’d thought about dating, but I also thought we’d both decided we were better as friends?

Maybe that had been more one-sided than I realised…

“Hey!” I heard a shout and saw Cole jogging over to us from the gate.

Because that was what I needed, two hot-headed guys who didn’t like each other.

“Cole, Cole, it’s fine,” I said, trying to get past Jaime again. He blocked me as he turned to face Cole. I sighed, wishing teenage boys were less hormonal – and they say girls are bad!

“What a man,” Jaime mocked as he pushed Cole, “coming to protect his bitch of a girlfriend.”

“You watch what you say about my girlfriend, jackarse.” Cole shoved him back.

“Hey, guys come on!” I said, trying to get between them as they jostled. “Whoa!” I stepped back when the first fist was flung, not wanting to get hit.

I looked around but didn’t see any teachers. What was Jaime doing out here on a Thursday after practice anyway? He can’t have been waiting for me; I didn’t usually get Ben after practice on Thursdays, but he’d had something on after school.

I hopped from one foot to the other, wondering how to break up the fight that was obviously about to escalate; punches had already been thrown, just nothing that looked too serious…yet. I considered trying to step in again, but my sense of self-perseverance let cowardice win out. However, when Jaime landed a spectacular shot into Cole’s face, I found myself enraged.

“Jaime!” I yelled and stepped forward.

Jaime pushed me backwards and I landed on my butt just as Cole emitted a yell of anger and tackled the larger boy to the ground – and that ground was wet today, I’d know! They tussled for a bit until Cole got the upper hand – I was starkly reminded he got into a lot of fights so probably had a lot more practise than Jaime – and gave Jaime a good whack to the face. Jaime looked dazed, though conscious. Cole seemed to wait for something, and then pushed himself off the other boy.

“You touch her again, and it won’t just be a hit to the face,” Cole said, brushing his hair from his face. He turned to me, I could already see the bruise forming on his cheekbone and blood trickled from his eyebrow and lip. “You okay?” he asked as he helped me to my feet.

I nodded, and then looked back to Jaime, who was resting on his elbow, holding his jaw. He glared at us, but mercifully said nothing.

“Come on,” Cole muttered, pulling me away.

I was only more than glad to go, holding onto him tight as we hurried off to find Ben. When we got there, Matt was with him – apparently some Middle School assembly practice or something – and they both gaped at Cole when they saw us.

“You did not leave the house with that,” Matt said, pointing. He almost looked scared.

Cole ruffled his brother’s hair and hugged him. “Its fine, bud, just a guy at school.”

Matt perked up and I wondered what he’d thought had happened; Cole had got in plenty of fights at school.

“Let’s get you boys home before it gets too late,” I said, putting an arm around each of the younger boys.

“Cole needs ice,” Matt said matter-of-factly.

“Does he usually tend to your first aid?” I asked, smiling. I’d meant it as a joke, but I saw Cole stiffen.

“More often than I’d like,” he replied stonily.

It was a silent trip home. Cole seemed to exude anger in waves and I didn’t want to make him angrier. When it came time to split off to our houses, Cole didn’t let go of my hand so Ben and I followed the Fielding boys home.

Phyllis met us at the front door. As soon as she saw Cole’s face, she panicked, her hands flying to her mouth and a gasp of shock escaping her. “Cole, what-”

“Just a jerk at school, Grandma,” he said, shouldering our way past. “It’s fine, for now.”

I smiled at her apologetically. “He was…defending my honour, I guess you could say.”

“That’s very nice dear,” Phyllis said, though she still looked in shock. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, bruised bottom but nothing worse than what I’ve had in a soccer game,” I answered as Cole pulled me up the stairs.

“Good, good,” she said absent-mindedly, her eyes still fixed on Cole.

“I’ll get the ice,” Matt called as he headed to the kitchen.

“Fine,” Cole replied, still pulling me along.

He didn’t stop until we got to his room, where he dropped my hand, threw his bag on the floor, and started taking off his coat and jumper. I stood in shock, not quite sure what was going on, or if I should even be in the room. He pulled off his tie, then his shirt, thankfully not deigning to remove his pants, and I didn’t know what to look at.

I’d never seen him without his top on and his body was not what I expected – he was as fit as a professional sportsman, all muscular with his waist tapering down to his pants. I saw the hint of a tattoo under his pants on the inside of his left hip and another one wrapped around his right bicep.

All that, though, was not all that kept me staring. His skin, where it wasn’t smooth and bare, was covered in scars, some thin lines, others circles, all where a t-shirt would cover him. Added to that was a bruise on his right ribs where I’d seen Jaime get in a good shot.

Matt hurried in with a pile of ice packs and some tea towels.

“Eh, you’ve had worse,” he said, still completely calm, like he saw this every day.

“Whoa, nice ink,” Ben said as he followed, carrying other medical supplies I highly doubted he could name, let alone use.

I looked between the Fielding boys, wondering exactly what their lives had been like before Phyllis took them in. And, did it have anything to do with the police car that had been parked outside their house? Cole caught my eye over Matt’s head; his eyes were like glass and his expression stony. I smiled what I hoped was a supportive smile then turned to Ben, acting more jovial than I felt.

“No, Ben, you cannot get a tattoo.”

“You’re not my mum, you can’t tell me what to do!”

“You can’t do what you want, either.” I smirked, anticipating his next response.

“Once I’m eighteen, I can do what I want.”

“That’s a long time away, Benny. You might not think tattoos are cool by then.”

“They’ll always be cool,” he breathed, still staring at Cole’s arm.

“Well, just wait ‘til you’re eighteen, and Cole and I are old and saggy and see what you think of Cole’s tattoos then.” I laughed, looking back to Cole, hoping he understood I was joking. I received a small smile before he winced at whatever Matt was doing to him.

“Nothing’s broken this time,” Matt said, holding an ice pack to Cole’s ribs.

“This time?” Ben asked, then seemed to realise it was a sensitive subject so he tried to change it. “I dislocated my toe once. Ran past a cupboard and clipped it, needed crutches for a few days.” He nodded in mock seriousness.

“That would have sucked,” Matt replied, smiling.

I wondered if he was thinking of the moonboot he still wore, or if he was pleased of Ben’s attempted change of topic. He seemed pleased…

I watched Matt work, cleaning Cole’s cuts and looking at them as though he was Doogie Howser. When he finished, the room smelled like antiseptic and Cole looked more than a little in pain.

“You’ve been punched, but the antiseptic hurts more?” I asked, trying not to laugh as Cole stretched his face.

“It stings, thank you. Stinging is very different to pain.”

“Of course it is.” I was almost glad Cole had scars and bruises, as horrible as that sounds; it made looking at his half-naked body a lot easier and a lot less sexual.

“I’d love to stay,” Ben said, hopping off the bed, “but I have a test tomorrow I should probably attempt to pass.”

“Dear Lord,” I turned around, “how old are you? What can be so difficult at your age?”

Ben shrugged, throwing me his best ‘I’m terribly old’ face. Then he grinned. “I’ll totally ace it. But, I told Mum I’d study, so I’ll probably read comics in my room.”

I gave up, shaking my head. “Go forth young padawan and learn nothing!” I pointed.

“I’ll see you at home.”

“You too, loser.”

He stuck his tongue out at me and I returned the favour before Matt said he’d walk Ben out. I didn’t turn around for a while, realising I was alone in Cole’s room while he had his shirt off. For medicinal purposes or not, it seemed rather intimate without our little brothers there.

I heard him chuckle. “Well, the school will know we’re together tomorrow.”

“Huh?” I asked, finally turning. He was looking at his face in the mirror. He caught my eye in the reflection.

“I called you my girlfriend to that jackarse, he’ll tell everybody and tomorrow the whole school will know definitively that we’re dating.”

I smiled. “So, you’re going to hold my hand at school now?”

He laughed and turned to hug me. “I might.”

I was very aware of his state of undress, and the fact my hands were on his bare skin. I was suddenly thankful I hadn’t taken off any of my winter layers – although that did make for being uncomfortably hot. Maybe that was just the guy in front of me?

Oh, phew… Leaving Aurora… Need to be leaving.

“I’d best get going, too. I should check my applications before closing date.”

“That’s not ‘til next week,” he said amidst gentle kisses.

“True.” I found I had my hands on his abs most improperly. I pulled them away, exhaling a laugh.

His eyes seemed to smoulder and his smirk was incredibly sexy. But, no… This was not how this was going to go down… If it even did go down…

Not that down, bad brain.

“Okay, I have to go!” I pulled away, biting my lip.

He only laughed. “All right. I’ll walk you out.”

He didn’t even bother putting a shirt on, just took my hand and walked me down stairs. Phyllis was smiling more sincerely when she saw us, though I’m not sure why the sight of her grandson topless with his girlfriend would make her happier than she had been. Maybe I was the only one concerned with him being topless?

“Goodbye, Aurora. Shall I see you on the weekend?” she asked.

“I should think so, Phyllis.” I smiled.

At the back door, I stopped. Before I could open my mouth to say anything, Cole pressed a deep kiss to my lips and my brain seemed to melt a little – seriously, I was worried it was going to slide out my ears. He pulled away, smiling. I found I was biting my lip again.

“Ah, right. I will see you tomorrow,” I said.

“And, I might hold your hand.”

“You do that.” I nodded, my brain still not feeling entirely in working order.

“I’ll talk to you later,” he said, tracing a hand along my cheek.

“Uh huh.” I smiled. “Bye, then.”

“Bye.”

I turned and walked zombie-like across the park, feeling that very foolish smile on my face and the butterflies in my stomach.

“Lord, what happened to you?” Dad asked as I walked in the door.

“She saw Cole with his shirt off,” Ben replied from where he was leaning on the counter.

“Oh, was it nice?”

“Dad!” Ben laughed.

“What? I’m being supportive aren’t I?”

I waved at them. “Just getting changed, be back in a sec.”

“Looks like you need a cold shower,” Mum said as she passed me on the stairs.

That snapped me out of it. “Mum, gross.”

“What? It’s perfectly natural-”

“No… Nope… Not having this conversation,” I said, taking the remaining stairs two at a time. God, was she a hippie and I’d just managed to miss it?

“It’s all right, sweetie, when two people love each other very much…” I didn’t hear the rest, as she was laughing too hard.

I, on the other hand, was mortified. My cheeks were burning and all wonder or lust or whatever it was I’d felt was well gone. I threw my bag on the floor and took a deep breath. I was not going to be that girl; the one who falls for the sexy bad boy, gives into his charms, and loses her mind. Oh, who was I kidding? I was already two for three.

I washed my face in cold water in the hope of taking some of the heat out of my face. It worked to a degree. Still feeling very self-conscious in my own body, I changed and wandered downstairs to make it through dinner then escape back upstairs to do some homework.

¢

The next day at school could have been worse, to tell the truth. Jaime had indeed spread it around the school that Cole and I were dating. Among other activities.

“I can’t believe he said that to people,” Cassidy said, indignant on my behalf.

“He’s probably just upset that Kelly won’t actually sleep with him,” Rachel laughed.

Beat and I both snorted into the coffees we’d stopped to get on the way into school. It was before classes and I was standing impatiently, trying to warm up.

“Damn, it’s frigidly cold,” I said, shivering as I hoped from one foot to another.

“Like Kelly Preston.” The other three chorused as though we’d planned it.

All four of us collapsed into giggles.

It was true, though. Kelly Preston was the girl who’d say she’d do anything. But, get her behind closed doors and it wasn’t going to happen.

“What’s so funny?” Declan asked, coming up and putting his arm around Cassidy.

We all shook our heads, laughing too hard to answer.

“Oh, hey man,” Declan said.

I was about to wonder who he was talking to but found out soon enough. I squealed as I felt arms go around my waist and a familiar voice was in my ear. “Good morning, girlfriend.”

I laughed, turning my head enough to kiss him. “Good morning, boyfriend.”

“Mister Fielding, are you early to school?” Cassidy laughed.

He nodded over my shoulder, his arms still firmly around me. “Why, yes I am, Miss Campbell.”

She giggled and I saw approval dancing in her eyes.

“Matron Peters will have a heart attack if she sees you.” Beat smiled.

“She may well do,” Cole said, then turned to Declan and legitimately fist bumped him. “Hey, dude.”

I looked between them, wondering when on earth they had become such fast friends. Well, Declan had always been a decent guy, so it was less difficult to understand he’d be polite. I smiled at him, anyway, sending him silent thanks for being cool with Cole. He shrugged back as though it was nothing.

“Have you got coaching in the morning?” Beat asked, her gloved hands wrapped around her cup.

I thought for a moment, but felt Cole shaking his head on my shoulder.

“Nah, they have a bye tomorrow,” he replied. I was almost indignant he’d answer for me, before remembering he’d know just as much through Matt.

Beat’s face lit up. “Awesome, can I get a ride to the game then, please! I can get to your place.”

I nodded. “Of course.”

“You’re playing away?” Cole asked, his breath tickling my neck so I laughed.

“We are, yes.”

Beat smirked at me as though she was going to make some kind of ‘get a room’ comment, but the bell rang.

Declan and Cole walked us to our classroom, since it was on the way to their music lesson. I’d entirely forgotten they took music until now. Cole must have been quite good at the theory to still be in the class at this level…

“Hannibal?”

I blinked, looking at him. “Sorry, brain fade. I’ll see you later.”

“You sure will.” He kissed me in front of everyone, letting out the butterflies and melting my brain, then walked off with Declan talking about some music thing. By the look of it, Declan was hitting a pretend drum kit.

“Wow. That good?” Beat laughed, waving her hand in front of my face and leading me inside.

“I…uh… What class is this?”

She laughed. “I need to find someone who kisses me like that.”

I shook my head; this was getting ridiculous, focus on anything but Cole. “You will.” I smiled at her. “You will, and she’ll be lovely and entirely worth your time!”

Beat smiled her thanks, though she didn’t look convinced.

By recess, Beat’s mood had picked up and Declan seemed very excited. Cole was sitting in my usual spot, while I sat on the bench between his legs, when Declan finally got to tell us his news.

“So, a few of the boys and I have decided to be the band for the formal!” He smiled.

Cassidy looked confused, then as though she were about to argue, then finally smiled. “That’s great, babe. Who else is in your band?”

I winced and shook my head at her slightly, trying to get her to sound a little less patronising. Knowing, Cassidy, she was just trying to sound enthusiastic when she had no interest whatsoever – and good on her for that, I guess – but she always did a terrible job of it.

“Me, Patrick, Chris, and Luke.” He smiled, and then narrowed his eyes at Cole. “Cole refused.”

Cole laughed. “Bands are not my thing, man. But, I’ll happily cheer you on.”

“Look at you making friends,” I said, shaking his leg. He squeezed my shoulder, but said nothing.

“Oh! He likes you!” Declan laughed.

I looked at him, puzzled by his statement. I had assumed since we were dating that he liked me.

“Most guys wouldn’t let you tease them in front of their home boys,” Cassidy said knowledgably, like she knew anything about homeboys!

“She’s got a point,” Rachel said, as though she too were an authority.

I looked to Declan, looking for him to confirm this theory, almost daring him to. Declan shrugged.

“Basically. Although, I wouldn’t quite have put it in those words.” He looked back to Cole. “Sure you won’t reconsider…homeboy?”

“Thanks, but no thanks, man,” he sniggered.

“Kelly agreed to let you be the band, even though you’re not speaking to Jaime anymore?” Beat asked.

Declan shook his head and he finished swallowing his drink. “She didn’t seem to care. Apparently, someone heard us messing around in the music room and told her we were good.” He shrugged.

“Wait a second, does this mean my date isn’t actually going to spend any time with me at the formal?” Cassidy asked, rounding on him.

“We won’t be playing the whole time. I think maybe half? There’s a DJ for the other half,” he said, looking at her as though he dared her to tell him he couldn’t.

I had to give it to him; he was a brave man. Even I wouldn’t look at Cassidy like that, and I had nothing to castrate…

Cassidy, bless her, just nodded as though it was all right and started talking about dresses. I felt like she was staring quite hard at me and nodded my head to tell her I would maybe see about getting dresses from Trudy.

“Oh, Rory!” Cassidy said suddenly, bringing me back to the conversation and away from Cole tracing circles on my hand.

“Cassidy!” I replied, not sure why she looked about to burst out of her skin.

“Your birthday, I’ve decided we should go out.”

“Have you now?” I smiled, looking forward to this.

“Yes, Daddy feels very guilty about not spending any time with me,” of course he did, “and I told him he could make it up to me by letting me take you out.”

“This sounds ominous.” I exchanged a look with Beat.

“There’s nothing ominous about it! I thought we could go to dinner, somewhere nice, then go back to your house and eat junk food, most likely of the blue variety. I’ve already checked with your parents-”

I blinked in shock. “Run that past me again.”

“Yeah…?” Beat said slowly.

Cassidy flipped her hair. “Somewhere nice for dinner, then back to you house for blue junk food,” she said haughtily.

“That has to be the most thoughtful thing I have ever heard come out of your mouth,” I laughed.

“There is no need to be sarcastic, Rory.”

“I’m not Cass, that’s really lovely of you. It sounds great, I’d love to.”

Cassidy looked well past mollified, she positively beamed.

“When’s your birthday?” Declan asked.

“Weekend before the formal,” I replied.

“Twenty-second or twenty-third? My sister’s the twenty-second.” He smiled.

“Same,” I laughed.

“When’s your birthday Cole?” Rachel asked. “Don’t tell us, Rory’s older than you!”

He laughed. “No, I’m old for the year, my birthday was in February.”

“So, you’re already eighteen?” Rachel asked as though he’d just said he was the next king of England.

“I am, yes.”

“Were you an idiot and they kept you back?” Cassidy asked, smiling but still annoying.

I was about to chastise her when Cole laughed. “No… Well, depends on who you ask. I missed some school…when I was younger, family stuff.”

Cassidy nodded as though this was the most normal thing in the world, and then quite happily changed the subject until the bell rang and we had to get back to class.

Eleven

S

aturday Week Three. Eleven weeks until study vacation began, which only meant about thirteen weeks until relative freedom. We had one text left in English before revision started and it was one I looked forward to immensely. We were onto The Picture of Dorian Gray. I hadn’t read it yet, but I knew plenty about it and Oscar Wilde, and had seen the Ben Barnes movie, so I was pretty excited.

I was curled up in the chair in my room, getting a late start on my reading when an entirely different Ben shambled past my room.

“You’re not going out? It’s Saturday,” he said, as though I was incapable of remembering the days of the week, leaning in my doorway.

I shook my head without looking up. “Cole has something on, Cass and Rach are on a date, and Beat and I thought we’d get some study in.”

To be fair, Cassidy and Rachel – though I forgot who Rachel was out with – had invited us to their double date, but we didn’t really feel like being extra wheels while they got groped in the movie theatre. As much as I loved my friends, that was just not my idea of a good night.

Ben snorted. “Geez, you’re hip.”

“Says you, what are you doing tonight?”

“Hanging out with friends online.”

“I’m not sure I’d call them friends, Benny, you’ve never met them,” I said, looking up at him.

“Eh, they’re friends enough for playing games.” He shrugged.

“What about Matt?”

“He’s busy too. Dinner or something.”

I nodded. “Fair enough.”

“We could Mario Kart?” Ben asked, sounding hopeful.

I smiled. “Why don’t you play some Halo, and I’ll head down to play something with you after I’ve made a dent in this.” I waved the book at him.

“All righty.” He smiled and wandered off humming.

On impulse, I checked my phone. I hadn’t heard anything from Cole since I’d seen him at Matt’s game that morning. Not that I expected to hear from him every minute of the day or anything, I just found myself missing him. I sent him a how’s things text and went back to my book.

I totally lost track of time and didn’t realise how late it was until my phone buzzed. The clock said it was almost midnight and there was a text from Cole. I smiled as I opened it, and then frowned as I read it.

Cole: I’ll be home when I’m home.

I assumed it was supposed to go to Phyllis, but I wondered why he wasn’t home when I thought he was supposed to be. I dialled his number.

“Hello?” he answered, sounding angry.

“You okay?”

“Hannibal?”

“Yeah…”

“Hi!” he sounded a tad less angry, but not by much.

“Hi. How are you?”

“Fine, why?”

“Um, just, I think you sent me a text meant for Phyllis.”

“Oh, right… Thanks.”

“What are you up to?”

“Nothing much, just wandering.”

I took a quick look outside. It had been getting marginally warmer, but it was still cold out. “Wandering where?’

“Around.”

“Okay then… Did you want some company?”

He was silent for a moment. “If you want. I’ll meet you at the bench near the willow?”

“Okay then. Bye.”

He hung up. I looked at the phone for a second as though it could give me the answers to Cole’s soul. But, of course, it couldn’t. Shaking my head, I got changed and headed downstairs. Mum was watching television and Dad was reading a book.

“You going out, sweetie?” Dad asked, looking up.

“Uh, is that okay? I won’t be long.”

“Sure. Ben went to bed a bit ago, we told him not to bother you.”

I smiled. “He wouldn’t have bothered me.”

“Honey, you don’t have to entertain your little brother all the time.”

I shrugged. “I don’t mind hanging out with him.”

Mum and Dad smiled. “We appreciate it, girl.”

I nodded. “Listen, I better go.”

“Meeting Cole?”

“Yeah…”

“Just don’t stay out all night, this time. You guys want to spend the night together, do it in a bed,” Dad said.

“Oh, God… Nope… Nope. Bye, guys.”

“Bye, sweetie!”

I hurried out, trying not to think too heavily about what Dad had said. I kept my hands in my pockets and my head down as I walked to the bench Cole had designated. He was there when I got there, slumped on the bench, surrounded by cigarette butts and an empty liquor bottle at his feet.

“Cole?” I asked.

He sat up when he saw me, smiling hugely.

“Hi!” He seemed brighter than when I’d spoken to him and I wondered at the change in his attitude. Maybe the alcohol?

“Hi.” I smiled, unable to help myself at the sight of his happy face.

“I drank all the drink, so I can’t offer you any.”

“Uh, that’s okay.” I stood in front of him.

He grabbed my hand and pulled me down so I was straddling his lap.

“I missed you,” he said, hugging me. Was he smelling my hair?

“I missed you, too.” I laughed as his kiss tickled my neck. “How did the dinner go?”

He pulled away, his gaze dark.

“That well, huh?” I asked. “Want to talk about it?”

He frowned. “Have I ever told you why Matty and I live with Grandma?” he asked.

I shook my head. “No, I don’t think so.”

“We lived with our Mum until Matty was about four or five, right?” he started.

“Cole, you don’t-” He put his finger on my lips.

“She left Dad just after Matt was born and I was…six? you see, and we hadn’t seen him for a long time. But, then Mum…” there was a long pause, “died. Grandma tried to take us then, but Dad wouldn’t have it.” He laughed darkly and I wasn’t sure if I should interrupt or not. “So, we lived with Dad for something like four years. Finally, two years ago, Grandma came to us. She said she was taking us. We lived with her near Dad for a while, while custody was sorted, then, last year she won. We came to live here with her for good.” He took a breath and I thought he was going to continue, but he didn’t.

“That’s awful, Cole. I’m sorry,” I said, wrapping myself around him.

He shrugged under me, his face in my neck. I wasn’t sure if he had tears in his eyes or if he was dribbling… Suddenly, he pulled away and smiled, but his eyes shone like there were tears there.

“Anyway, now we live well, I hear. And, I have you.”

“Of course, you do,” I said, trying not to sound patronising. “I’m not going anywhere.”

He looked at me, searching for something. “Even if I’ve got no future? Even if I come from bad stock and will always be bad stock?”

I tried not to let my confusion show. “Cole, you have a future…we have a future. And, you’re not bad stock.” I took his face in my hands. “Where’s this coming from? This doubt?”

He shrugged it off, smiling happily again. “Nothing, it’s fine. I’m fine, you’re right.”

I looked into his face, but he seemed keen to move on. “Have you started the new book yet?”

“What book?”

“The English book.”

“Dorian Gray?” he asked and I nodded. “I don’t need to.”

I groaned. “Cole, just once, please read the book. It will make doing the essay so much easier. Remember who has to help you!”

He flashed me a grin. “Who has to help me?”

“Your long-suffering girlfriend has to help you,” I said dramatically.

“You don’t have to worry.”

“Why not? I don’t want to have to go through the plot with you again, and then answer all the questions because I apparently forgot bits. You could do really well on just one essay this year- What?” I asked since he was laughing at me.

“I’ve already read it.”

“What?”

He nodded. “I’ve read all the texts, well before this year even.”

“I’m sorry?” I looked at him, completely flabbergasted. “You’d read Frankenstein and Pride and Prejudice? As in, before we had to do our assignment on them?”

He nodded.

“So the conversations we had about how stupid Lizzy and Darcy seemed? And how he totally loved her from the beginning…?”

He nodded. “I just wanted to mess with you.”

I sighed and leaned my forehead on his, hitting his chest playfully. He grunted as though it hurt and I gave him a quizzical look.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” he said. “I’ll show you.”

He pulled me closer to him and kissed me. He tasted like alcohol, but there was a sweetness to it and I soon lost myself in his kiss.

“Cole, settle down,” I giggled.

“What?”

“Someone’s going to come past and think we’re doing things we’re not!”

“Let them,” he said against my neck.

“Cole!”

“No one’s coming…” He coughed and I tried not to laugh. “No one’s going to see us, it’s after midnight, and it’s freezing. Now, shush and keep me warm,” he said before kissing me fiercely.

I laughed again and was very glad when no one came…passed and thought we were getting up to things we weren’t. Although, it was a very nice night.

¢

Cole seemed a bit distant after that night. Not in terms of how he held my hand or kissed me, he was just less chatty, less upbeat. I could guess something had happened, I wasn’t a total idiot, but there never seemed a right time to bring it up.

He seemed tired all the time, and didn’t focus well. Ben had heard from Matt that he was out at night a lot, drank a lot, and got into fights. I didn’t have to ask him, the evidence was on his hands if not elsewhere; his knuckles were bruised.

Except for being less chatty and tired, he didn’t change his behaviour towards me. He always smiled happily when he saw me, he hugged me, and he kissed me like nothing had changed. If anything, he smiled brighter, hugged me tighter, and kissed me harder, as though he thought we’d never see each other again.

About three weeks after the one-side-drunk make-out session in the middle of the night, he turned up to school with a noticeable limp. Of all the fights he’d been in, I’d never seen him limp.

“You okay?” I asked.

“Yeah, fine. Just missed a step and twisted my ankle coming down the stairs this morning.”

I nodded and kissed him. “Okay, then.”

“We need to get looking into dresses, girls,” Cassidy was saying, again.

“Does she ever not worry about dresses?” Cole whispered in my ear.

I shook my head against his shoulder. “Never, dresses are a very important business, Mister Fielding.”

“I’ll have to take your word for it.”

“Do, I’m very reliable,” I laughed.

“Can I walk you to coaching after school?”

I pretended to think about it for a moment. “Yes, I think that is entirely acceptable.”

He laughed. “Good.”

Cassidy droned on about dresses for the rest of the day, when it wasn’t taken up with the teachers inconveniently trying to teach us. Rude, right? There was the discussion about what colours would suit us, what colours we’d worn previously, and therefore what colours were left for us to choose from. There was a discussion about styles, what lengths and cuts would be appropriate for our last school dance. Then, there was the discussion on materials – the boys were not the only ones to tune out during that one!

By the end of the day, I was glad to have an excuse to escape Cassidy and her incessant babble – much as I loved the girl.

“Maybe ask Trudy about dresses?” Cassidy hissed in my ear as I hugged her goodbye.

“You know, Cole isn’t going to tell Trudy Jones you know about fashion,” I hissed back.

“You don’t know that.” She smiled.

I did know that, but there was no use arguing with her.

Cole and I walked over to the Middle School and I decided to broach the subject and get it out of the way. Cassidy was only going to become more incessant as time went on and already thought I should have secured an answer by now – according to Cassidy I needed to “stop with all the kissing business and focus on more important things, like dresses”. I still smiled when I thought of those words coming out of her mouth.

“So…” I started.

“So?” Cole asked, humour evident in his tone.

“I have a favour to ask.”

“Cassidy wants me to ask Aunt Trudy about dresses?”

I shut my mouth and nodded.

Cole laughed. “I’ll call her while we’re at practice; probably get her to bring some stuff around on the weekend?”

“Seriously?”

He nodded. “Why not? The Jones’ have plenty of money and Trudy’s got heaps of things to choose from.”

“And you know this because you dream of wearing all the pretty dresses?”

He let go of my hand and put his arm around me. “No, I listen to Grandma occasionally.”

“Of course. Not the dresses at all.”

“They are very nice. What do you think would be my colour? I’m thinking red. Maybe some bejewelling?”

I snorted. “I don’t know. Red is very bold.”

“I think I could pull it off.”

“I’d pull it off,” I remarked.

He sniggered then pulled me in for a kiss mid-stride, almost toppling us over. “I bet you would, Hannibal, I bet you would. I look forward to it.”

“I look forward to seeing you in a red dress,” I chortled.

We got to the Middle School for practice without falling over and I set them about their drills. I was amazed how much better they all were from their first practice. I was almost sad that we only had three more weeks after that, and that this was my last year… Maybe I could come back next year to coach, if my timetable allowed it? I wasn’t planning to go far for university; it could work?

“Okay, nice work guys and gals, bring it in for a second before you head home, yeah?” I called at quarter to five.

They all huddled around me, waiting expectantly. Other than missing them, I was going to miss the power I had over these small humans. Terrible, isn’t it? Oh well, I can’t lie about it.

“All right, so you guys know, it’s last game of the season in Week Nine, so there’s no practice Week Ten.”

They all groaned and I smiled, wondering where my enthusiasm was when I was their age.

“I know, I know. But, I thought, as a special treat, I’d take you guys out in practice time and we’d have a bit of a celebration. There may even be some pizza and prizes…?” I said, drawing it out for their reaction. They all beamed and most of them started bouncing up and down. “Okay, okay, calm, grasshoppers. Grab yourself a slip and get your parents to sign it, and then bring it back next week. Parents welcome too, you know!” I called so the parents could hear me. Most of them smiled and waved in thanks.

I passed out the slips, answering questions or comments as the kids filed past.

Matt was last, looking slightly worried. He took his slip and looked between it and Cole. Cole knelt down and smiled at him.

“Don’t worry, Matty. Grandma can sign it. Hell, I can probably sign it,” he said.

Matt hugged him, nodding, and then went to get his bags. Ben arrived shortly after with his stuff. Matt perked up somewhat as the two boys got chatting and we all headed home.

I’d noticed Matt had been a little quieter lately as well. I wondered if bringing it up would give me any insight into what was bothering Cole.

“Matt seems a little quiet these days?”

“Sorry?” Cole looked at me as though he hadn’t been listening.

“I just said Matt seems a little preoccupied. Is everything okay?”

“Oh, yeah, yeah. Family stuff, you know?”

I didn’t at all, but I nodded. “His leg still bothering him? It seems a bit stiff.”

“I think he’s okay,” Cole said dismissively.

I nodded again, knowing to drop it.

Cole changed the subject anyway. “You’re great with the kids. I’m thinking you’d be great with your own.”

I almost stopped walking. “You think about me being a good mum?”

He looked down at the pavement. “Not like that… I mean, you would be though.”

I smiled at his discomfort, wondering if he thought of me as more than just a mum.

¢

Cassidy squealed again and I winced.

“Jesus, woman, it’s not that exciting!” I huffed.

We’d just got within eyeshot of Phyllis’ and Trudy was standing at the door waving.

“It’s Trudy Jones, Rory!” she hissed in excitement.

“I am aware of that, Cass. I just didn’t realise it was so exciting.”

“She’s a genius, though.”

“She’s also a person. Don’t give me cause to regret our friendship, okay,” I whispered as the four of us started up the steps to the back door. “Hey Trudy.”

“Rory, great to see you again!” Trudy pulled me into an unexpected hug.

When she released me, I introduced the girls. “Cassidy, here is a big fan of your work. This is Rachel, and Beatrice, but we call her Beat.

“Beat, that’s an interesting one,” Trudy said, inviting us in and smiling around at the girls.

“My parents call me Tibby, if it helps?” Beat smiled.

“Beat’s fine if it’s what you prefer.”

Beat nodded, smiling.

Trudy helped me hang up our coats and then looked around, beaming.

“All right ladies, shall we go up and look at some dresses?”

Cassidy cut herself off mid-squeal as she and Rachel clasped hands, and I rolled my eyes as we followed Trudy through the house. Phyllis was coming down the stairs and I held back from the rest of them as they wandered up.

“Hello, Aurora.” She smiled.

“Hi, Phyllis. How are you?”

“Wonderful, thank you.” She nodded her head in the direction the others had gone. “Trudy was very excited when Cole called. To be honest, I think she was just happy he asked her for something. Matt and Cole have had a hard time adjusting, but Cole the most. You bring out the good in him, Aurora.”

I blushed slightly at the warmth in her tone. “Is he home?”

She nodded and waved towards the bedrooms. “Upstairs I think. Don’t be too long, or Trudy will come looking for you. She has one dress in particular picked out for you, I believe.”

“That’s very kind of her.”

Phyllis shrugged as she started walking away. “She’s very fond of you, dear, we all are,” she called over her shoulder.

I hurried up the stairs, making a beeline for Cole’s room. His door was open and I saw he was out on the balcony, his back to me. I stood in the door a moment, admiring him in his low cut jeans and white shirt, the sleeves rolled up. He stabbed a cigarette into the ashtray at his side and ran a hand through his hair before leaning on the edge of the balcony.

Tearing my eyes from his backside, I walked over to him and put my hand on his back. He spun, his look of shock instantly replaced by a smile. He cupped my cheeks and pulled me in for a kiss.

“Hi,” he said when he’d pulled away.

“Hi.” I smiled. “How’s things?”

He looked into the street quickly. I noticed he looked in the direction of a car. I could just see there was someone sitting in it. He turned back to me.

“Good, things are good. I expected you later.”

I rolled my eyes. “Cass wouldn’t wait to meet the fabulous Trudy Jones. I’m surprised she didn’t make us miss our game to come right over.”

“Well, I hear dresses are an important issue.”

“I’ll try and find you a nice red one.”

He laughed. “Please do, I want to be the belle of the ball.”

I snorted. “I think you’d look much more dashing in your tux.”

“You like a man in a suit?”

I smiled coyly. “There’s nothing wrong with a man in a suit.”

He wrapped his hands around my waist. “Well, maybe I’ll forgo the red dress in favour of my tux, then.”

“Oh, you’d do that for me?” I teased.

“I’d do anything for you,” he murmured, looking at me intently and I blushed.

I half-expected him to make some joke, defuse the seriousness of his statement. But, he didn’t, he just searched my eyes, his seeming darker. I wasn’t sure what a good answer to that was; reiterating his statement seemed a bit cheap and saying thanks might sound like I didn’t care. I smiled at him, hoping to convey all my feelings in one look before lightening the mood.

“Well, I expect more than one dance this time, then.” I said, very matter-of-fact.

He seemed to think about it for a moment. “All right.”

I gave him a quick kiss. “Well, I’d best go and choose a dress then, otherwise your partner may be in the nude.”

“I’d be okay with that.”

I laughed. “You might be, but I think Matron Peters might not approve. I should head up before Cassidy comes and drags me up.”

He chuckled. “They’re up there now?” I nodded. “I’d best not keep you then. Although, I’d much prefer to keep you all to myself.”

“Later,” I promised, giving him another kiss.

“I’ll hold you to that.” He smiled, patting my butt playfully as I left.

I rushed up the stairs, hearing Cassidy and Rachel well before I saw them. I stopped at the door to the dressing room, set up much as it had been for Mum and me a few weeks ago. Cassidy was walking around in a grey dress, the back undone, as she sifted through the racks. Rachel must have been changing and Beat just looked overwhelmed. She turned and smiled when she saw me.

“Oh, Rory, thank God!” Beat laughed. “I have no idea what I’m doing and Trudy had to take a call.”

“You think I have any more idea?” I asked.

“You’re better at this stuff than me.”

I snorted. “Seriously? You’ve seen my wardrobe…”

She looked at me pleadingly.

“Argh, I’ll do my best. What colour?”

We spent a few minutes hunting through the dresses. After a while, I realised that Beat seemed hesitant, like she wasn’t really paying attention. Trudy was back and helping Cassidy. I took Beat’s arm and pulled her into a quiet corner.

“Is there anything we need to talk about?”

She looked panicked for a moment, then relaxed and sighed. “I may as well tell you. I’ve been chatting with Becca…”

“And?” I asked, not sure if I was supposed to be excited or get ready to support Beat’s heartache.

“And, we’re talking about going to the formal together,” she said, a small smile creeping onto her face. “She’s not sure if she’s ready for that yet, but she says she wants to be.”

I remembered a similar conversation before the Winter Dance. Every part of me wanted to council Beat to shield her heart and be ready in case Becca pulled away again. But, the look on her face stopped me saying exactly what I wanted. She looked too cautiously hopeful, and I couldn’t take that away from her.

“Well, I hope she decides she is ready. You know you have us if anything…”

She nodded.

“Are you guys spending much time together outside school?”

“A bit, yeah. We’ve been out a few times. Not out, out, like a proper date, I guess, but we talk and laugh… I really like her Rory…” She sighed. “Am I being an idiot?”

“What do you mean, Beat?”

“Am I waiting for something that’s never going to happen?” she asked. I opened my mouth to answer but she ploughed on. “I mean, you have Cole – I’ve seen the way he looks at you, if he hasn’t told you he loves you, he’s going to, soon – and even Cassidy seems to have found a stable boyfriend. Rachel… Well, I don’t know what’s going on with her, but she dates. Am I just going to be left on my own, watching while the rest of you get happy endings?”

I ignored her comment about Cole for now, more concerned about how despondent she sounded.

“Oh, honey.” I pulled her into a hug. “Of course not. School girls are stupid, we know that.” She laughed a little. “We’ve got ten weeks until we’re out of that place, then you can go anywhere you want, meet anyone you want. If Becca doesn’t pull her finger out and realise how great you are, then there’ll be someone out there who does. And, I’ll always be by your side. Besides, you’ve always got Poor Patrick to fall back on.”

She laughed again and I let her go. She smiled. “Thanks, Rory.”

I shook my head. “You don’t have to thank your best friend for doing her job, Beat; it’d be like thanking your lungs for breathing. I don’t know how to do anything else when it comes to you.”

“I should probably thank my lungs for breathing more often…”

“They have kept you alive.”

“Exactly.”

I put my arm around her shoulder, pleased she seemed happier, and we headed back to the dress racks.

“They might not keep doing it if I’m not appreciative.”

“Well, if they deserve you, they’ll know without you having to say anything,” I replied and Beat smiled.

“Oh, Rory!” Trudy called. “Good, I have a great dress to put you in. I think it will suit you really well! And, Beat, I think I’ve found something for you, too.”

I exchanged a glance with Beat. Dress choosing was much easier with someone who did the job for you. Which, we usually did, but Trudy was a much easier chooser to get along with than Cassidy.

Cassidy usually picked dresses for you that showed too much skin in all the awkward places, dresses she’d wear with her perfectly shapely body but looked terrible on the rest of us. Trudy, on the other hand, found dresses that actually suited our body shapes, in colours that matched our complexions.

However, knowing all that, I still wasn’t ready for the red satin gown she held up for me, a huge grin on her face.

It looks like Cole will get his red dress after all…sort of. I thought as I walked forward to take it.

Twelve

C

assidy and Rachel giggled to each other, while Beat and Becca worked in an awkward near-silence. I looked at Cole, who looked grumpier than I’d ever seen him.

“What’s the matter with you?” I asked him.

He glared at me. “Nothing.”

“There isn’t nothing wrong, tell me.”

It was last lesson and we were working in the library again on our Dorian Gray essays. Mine was coming along nicely and Cole’s… Well, Cole hadn’t written a single thing. Which wasn’t exactly unusual, but he had seemed to be paying more attention lately, actually doing homework and the like.

He sighed. “Nothing, I just… This book annoys me.”

“The book annoys you?” I asked incredulously. “More than Mister Darcy?”

He shrugged. I looked around, the others were totally busy and not paying us any attention. I swivelled in my seat so I was facing him. I took his hand.

“What’s up with you lately? You’ve been acting odd for weeks and it’s only getting worse.”

He wouldn’t meet my eyes. He picked up my copy of Dorian Gray. “Mum used to love this book, you know. They did it at school when she was here. Just before she died, she started talking to me about…things, said I was old enough, that there were things I needed to know in case we lost her. She used to tell me that my dad was like Dorian Gray – all his outward beauty hid a deformed centre, something he rarely showed… Anyway.” He shook his head and cleared his throat, turning to the others before I could reply. “Ladies, did your dresses arrive all right?”

Cassidy and Rachel turned to him, beaming and I went back to my work as Rachel launched into a detailed account of how wonderful her dress was and how great his aunt was, followed by a similar story from Cassidy. Even Beat said she was really happy with hers. Finally, there was quiet. I heard someone clear their throat and looked up. They were all looking at me expectantly.

“Oh, mine’s good too,” I said.

“That’s it? That’s all you have to say?” Cassidy asked.

I shrugged. “It’s really good? Fits me great, looks stunning, can’t wait for Kelly Preston to see it and get all jealous?” I’m not sure why I said it like a question…

Cassidy sighed. “Better, but-”

The bell rang and we packed up our stuff, Cassidy still chastising me. I nodded as I listened to her. She was still going, calling after us, by the time we split at the gate and Cole and I went to find our brothers.

“God, I’m looking forward to the holidays. Two weeks of not having Cass talk incessantly about dresses or how amazing Trudy is, as much as I like her,” I said.

He smiled, taking my hand. “I get it. There’s still three weeks to go though.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me.”

“I thought you loved school?”

“I like school, not quite the same as love,” I replied. “Besides, I don’t like it so much that I need to be here constantly.”

“Fair enough.”

“You’ve got a family thing tonight, don’t you?”

He sighed. “Yeah, Grandma’s enforced ‘let’s all spend time together’ nights.”

“I think it sounds nice.”

He scoffed. “You can come to one sometime, trust me, they’re not great.”

“I think your family’s great.”

“You haven’t met them all,” he replied softly.

I put my arm around him and we walked along in silence.

Ben and Matt were waiting when we arrived. Matt was bouncing on the tips of his toes.

“What has you all excited?” I laughed.

“Grandma said we could get take away tonight and watch movies!” Matt smiled.

“That she did, buddy, but we have to get home to do that, so try to hold onto your pants ‘til then,” Cole said.

“Then, let’s go, let’s go!” Matt said and he and Ben raced off.

Cole sighed, running his hand through his hair, as we followed them home.

“You okay?” I asked.

“Yeah, yeah, fine,” he said, but he sounded distracted.

“Are you sure? I mean, you don’t have to, but you know you can talk to me if you want?” I said hesitantly, watching Ben and Matt up ahead pretending the cracks in the pavement were tightropes.

He put his arm around me and smiled. “I know, Hannibal, thanks.”

We walked along in silence for a moment, and then he surprised me by talking.

“The police had a car watching the house, you might remember it?” he asked and I nodded. “Our dad… He’s been making some trouble. But, he went away for a while and they took the car away. There was… We had another car back for a bit, plain clothes, but they’ve removed that as well and it’s got me a little tense, that’s all.”

I wasn’t quite sure what to say to that. I knew enough about Cole that he wasn’t going to go into any more detail, even that much was rare, and me asking questions wasn’t going to change that. So, I nodded.

“That sucks, sorry. If I can do anything…?”

He shook his head. “Nah, it’ll be okay. They keep telling us it’ll be okay.”

It didn’t sound like it was going to be okay.

We walked on, changing the subject to nothing in particular. But, as we walked, a thought occurred to me. But, I didn’t want to voice it aloud. His scars… The doubt that seemed to plague him sometimes… Maybe it came from home? Did it come from the one person who was supposed to protect him against all that?

I could do nothing but stew in my suspicions and hold him tighter. Maybe his dad wasn’t quite as bad as my imagination was making out. Cole got in a lot of fights and, by all accounts, had got into more and worse before he moved in with Phyllis. Those scars could have come from anywhere, from Cole’s own recklessness.

Surely, maybe, that’s all it was.

¢

I’d mostly forgotten about my worries over Cole and Matt’s dad. Cole seemed to pick up a bit and his brighter mood made me forget there was much to worry about except final exams, final soccer matches and Cassidy’s constant talk about shoes for the formal.

“We should go on Sunday,” Cassidy said again.

“Do we have to? Can’t I find something at home?” I asked.

“No, we need new shoes, and they’re going to be perfect. This is our last school dance, guys; we have to make the most of it.”

“Can’t we just enjoy being together?” Beat groaned.

Cassidy glared at us spectacularly.

“I’ll take that as a no,” Beat chuckled uncertainly.

“You do that.” Cassidy grinned.

“Cole!” Declan came running across the courtyard.

“What’s up, man?”

“I need to ask you a massive favour…”

“I already feel inclined to say ‘no’,” Cole said warily, but he was smiling.

“I know, I know, but… Luke broke his arm at practice last night and we need someone who can play,” Declan said, giving Cole the most pleading look I had ever seen.

“Play what? The formal?” I asked and Declan nodded.

“I hate to ask man, but there’s no one else on such short notice.”

“Oh! You have to, Cole!” Rachel squealed.

“Rory and I can keep each other company while you guys play.” Cassidy smiled.

Everyone was looking at Cole with either massive excitement or, in Declan’s case, pleading that I felt compelled to be the bad guy.

“You totally don’t have to if you don’t want to, Cole,” I said. “I know it’s not really your thing.”

Cole sighed. “No, it’s fine man, I’d be honoured. Have you got a set list?”

Declan nodded, relief flooding his face. “I’ll send it to you along with the rehearsal schedule. Let me know if any times don’t suit.”

Cole nodded, smiling. “Will do, but any time should be fine. Electric or acoustic guitar?”

“You’ve got a choice?”

“I’ve got a choice,” Cole laughed.

“Do you mind bringing both?”

“Totally fine.”

“Great, thanks, man. I owe you one!” Declan shook his hand, then pulled out his phone – presumably to tell the others Cole had agreed.

When the others went back to talking, I turned to Cole.

“You didn’t have to do that, you know,” I said. “I’m sure Declan wouldn’t have minded if you’d said no.”

“I’ve no doubt, but why not?” He shrugged. “He’s your friend, I’m your boyfriend. It seems normal to do things with your friends.”

“You don’t have to do things with my friends,” I said.

“I know, and I’m not just doing it for you. I’m doing it for me, too.”

I smiled. “Oh really?”

He nodded. “Yeah. I figured why not make my own friends, do something that makes me happy, carve out something for myself.”

“That is terribly optimistic and very unlike you.”

He put his arms around me and smiled. “I’m trying new things. Speaking of, I was wondering if you could read over my Dorian Gray essay when it’s done?”

“You’re actually going to do it?”

“I am actually going to do it.”

“It’s due Week 10, you can finish it in two weeks?”

“Babe, I’m slack, not an idiot.” He smiled.

“Prove it.” I smiled back.

He shrugged mock-arrogantly. “Like, I said, trying new things. You don’t mind reading it?”

“Of course not, although, I can’t promise I’ll be much help.”

He sniggered. “Seriously? You’ve been helping me most of the year.”

I nodded. “Well, true.”

“So, it’s decided then,” Cassidy said and I held back the urge to groan at her, not wanting to know what had been decided while I was distracted. Declan was gone, so he’d hopefully been saved from the decision-making process.

“What’s been decided?” Cole saved me from asking, pulling a box of blue vines from his pocket and holding them in front of me. God, he knew me so well. I smiled at him in thanks.

“The boys will meet us at the mall on Sunday at one, by which time we will all have a new pair of shoes. We’ll have some lunch, maybe go to the arcade,” she looked less than thrilled as she said that, but I was quite excited, “and then…whatever.”

“You mean there will be a part of the day not planned out?” I said, mock horrified.

She stuck her tongue out at me. “I am capable of relinquishing some control, you know.”

“Are you though?” Beat asked.

“What God awful time of the morning are we meeting to find said shoes?” I asked.

“Ten,” Rachel answered.

“I can walk you over?” Cole said.

“And risk having to spend three hours following us around shoe shopping?” Beat asked.

Cole shrugged. “It’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

“That right there,” Beat pointed at Cole and looked at me pointedly, “that right there is a keeper. Even I wouldn’t risk getting roped into three hours of shoe shopping with you, and I already have to go!”

I kissed Cole’s cheek. “Yeah, I think I’ll keep him.”

“Do I get a say in that?” Cole teased.

“No,” the four of us answered in unison and he grinned.

¢

Cole had indeed walked me to the mall and survived three hours of shoe shopping quite impressively. Much to the disappointment of Beat and I, who had tried to make it as painful for him as possible. I had paid him back substantially by letting him beat me mercilessly at table soccer, much to Declan, Mike and Patrick’s amusement.

The nerves and excitement had started to set in, tomorrow would be our last soccer practice for the season, and Saturday would be our last game. I constantly had to remind myself that it was my last practice and game at school at all. It freaked me out a little, to be honest.

I sat on our usual table, waiting for Cole to arrive before school, munching my way through my blue vines. By the time the bell rang, I still hadn’t seen him. He didn’t walk into any of our mutual classes.

He didn’t come to find me at recess or lunch and I didn’t see him after school to walk to the Middle School for my final coaching practice. I called and texted, but no answer. Beat told me not to worry; he was probably just sick and sleeping. Her words reassured me and I knew I could ask Matt that afternoon at practice.

I tried not to run too fast to the Middle School, I still wanted some dignity. When I got to the pitch, I scanned my waiting team but didn’t see Matt anywhere.

I caught hold of Ben before practice started.

“Matt’s off sick, says his teacher,” Ben said. “Why?”

“Cole must have the same thing. I haven’t heard from him all day.”

“He’s probably asleep, Aura, don’t stress.” Ben smiled.

“You’re right.”

“We’ll go past on the way home, okay?” Ben said, sounding much more like the older sibling.

I nodded. “Sure, sure.”

“Go to your team, Aura,” he said, pushing me.

“Right, yes, good.”

I headed back to my team and got practice started, managing to keep my mind on the task at hand – I owed these guys that much and more for how well they’d done all season. There were a couple of kids who still had to give me permission slips for the next week’s excursion, so I followed up with that before I let them go.

After I’d made sure all the kids were with their parents, I looked around for Ben.

“I’m here, I’m here, stop panicking,” Ben muttered.

I barely waited for him to catch up before I took off.

“Aura, seriously, you’re in crazy stalker mode right now. You haven’t heard from him all day, so what? It’s not the end of the world.”

I slowed down, realising he was right. It was so not the end of the world, and there could be a million reasons he hadn’t returned my calls or texts all day. Phyllis could have taken his phone off him, he could have run out of batteries and not noticed I’d called if he was sleeping, he could be busy with Matt.

“Better,” Ben said.

I took a deep breath. “So, ready for your last game?”

“Not really. But, it’s a bigger deal for you.”

I laughed. “True, but hopefully it won’t be my last game ever.”

“They have soccer teams at university, don’t they?”

“Yes.”

“So, you’ll play for one of them.”

“If I make the team.”

“How could you not make the team?”

“It’s not like I’m the best player in the world, Benny.”

Ben scoffed, “you totally are.”

I gave him an exasperated look.

“Okay, fine, you’re not the best, you’re not Messi. But, you’re damned good.”

“High praise coming from my own little brother.”

“I’m not the only one who thinks so.”

“Everyone else is also biased,” I pointed out.

“Nu-uh, I heard Kelly Preston once say you were the best player at the school.”

“You did not!” I laughed.

He crossed his heart. “I did too. She legitimately said something nice about you.”

“Well, what do you know?”

“So, you will totally get into a team next year.”

“Maybe I should have found a team outside school?”

“This again?” Ben sighed dramatically.

“What?”

“You’ve been saying that for years. I doubt it would have helped, plus you already spend three nights a week at practices and basically a whole Saturday in matches.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Aura, you’d have had no time for yourself, your friends, your family, or your boyfriend, not to mention all the study you do. You barely have enough time as it is.”

“Okay, okay, fine you’re right.”

“I know I’m right.” He smiled as he knocked on Phyllis’ front door.

After a few minutes, Phyllis answered. She looked a little more flustered than usual, but smiled at us pleasantly.

“Aurora, Benjamin, lovely to see you both. Come in, come in.”

I smiled back. “Hi, Phyllis. I-” Ben nudged me, “we were just wondering if the boys were okay?”

“Ah…” Phyllis looked towards their bedrooms. “Well, Matt has a bit of a cold and Cole…got into a fight last night. He’s fine, but I…suggested he stay home today.”

“Do you think they’ll mind us going up?”

Phyllis looked unsure for a moment. “Go on and see if he’ll talk to you, dear. He hasn’t wanted to talk to me all day.”

“No, me either, apparently,” I answered. Phyllis looked at me sympathetically and motioned for us to go upstairs.

Matt’s door was open and he seemed pleased to see us. I sat with him and Ben for a bit, talking about practice and whatever else came up as I avoided knocking on Cole’s door. Matt was snuffly and coughed a bit, but seemed cheerful enough and quite annoyed he’d missed practice.

“I wanted to go to school,” he said through his blocked nose. “But, Grandma said, if I didn’t rest, I’d probably miss the game on Saturday!”

I nodded. “You might have. It’s not good to push yourself too hard when you’re sick.”

“I guess so.”

“We missed you though,” I said and he perked up. I patted his leg. “Right, I’m going to go see if Cole wants to talk.”

Matt’s face clouded again. “If the door’s not locked, you should just go in. He needs to see someone.”

“What happened, Matt?”

Matt shook his head, obviously not wanting to talk about it.

“All right, then,” I said, feigning cheerfulness. “I’ll see you boys in a bit. Benny, don’t wear him out.”

“Aye, aye, captain.” Ben saluted me and Matt giggled.

I smiled at the boys and left them. I stopped outside Cole’s door, not sure why I felt so nervous. Finally, I got up the nerve to knock.

“Not now, Grandma,” I heard him mutter.

“Cole? It’s Hannibal, can I come in?”

There was no answer for a while and I believed he wasn’t going to speak to me. I half-wondered about trying the doorknob like Matt suggested, but, if he didn’t want to talk to me, I didn’t really feel like pushing it. I waited a moment more, and then started to turn away. As I did, the door opened.

“What’s up, Hannibal?” Cole asked, his voice light and joking.

“I just wanted to… Oh my God.” I turned back to look at him and forgot everything I had been about to say. “What the hell did you get yourself into?”

His smirk was plastered on his face as though life was one big joke. He leant against the doorway, his arms crossed over his bare torso. Only his eyes betrayed his easy appearance; they were dark and glistened with rage. But, that wasn’t the worst of it. His stomach was bruised, as were his arms.

“Oh, you know, a few scrapes here and there.” He waved one hand about for a moment and I saw his knuckles were bruised and cut up as well.

“Cole…” I walked towards him and he stepped away from me.

“It’s probably best you go, Hannibal. I’m afraid I won’t be very good company.”

“I don’t care if you’re all beaten up and sarcastic. No, I do… But, I want to make sure you’re okay,” I said, crossing my own arms.

He sighed. “Fine, come on in. Don’t blame me if I get handsy, I’ve been drinking.”

“Haven’t you always?” I muttered, but I don’t think he heard me.

He uncrossed his arms, moving a little stiffly, and moved back into his room. I walked in and dropped my bag and blazer on the floor inside the door, which he shut behind me.

“I don’t know whether to hug you or add to your injuries,” I said, frowning as I looked him over.

He wore track pants and his feet were bare. At least, in my anger, I didn’t focus too heavily on his body.

“I’m fine, Hannibal. I’m always fine.”

“You’re not fine,” I snapped, stepping towards him. “I won’t ask you to talk about it if you don’t want to, but I am here if you need to talk about anything.”

He scoffed. “Some things are too dark for you, darling.”

Now, I did want to hit him. Instead, I crossed the distance between us, took his face in my hands, and kissed him. I didn’t care if he’d be sarcastic with me after, if he’d shrug me off. I just didn’t know what else to do, how else to show him I cared and I was there for him; he was obviously not listening to me when I said it outright.

He pulled me against him and kissed me back fiercely, running his hands through my hair and down my back. Our kiss grew heated; the kind of heated that could lead to more intimate activities, but, at that point, I stopped thinking. I just responded to him, sick of stressing about things, sick of being the good girl, sick of not knowing what to do to help the people I loved.

People I loved…

I realised, in that moment, that I might very well be in love with him. Cole Fielding. I think I loved him.

Cole pulled away a little to look in my eyes. “Aura…” he breathed hard.

I was shocked by the intensity in his eyes, the combination of fear and pure happiness that I saw there.

“Are you okay?” I asked him.

He nodded slowly, his smile growing. He pushed a lock of hair behind my ear and tilted my chin up towards him. He stared at me intently for a few moments and I was starting to worry he’d had a lot to drink.

“Do you need to lie down?” I asked him, my mouth running away with my thoughts before I realised I’d said anything.

He shook his head.

“Cole, say something. What is it? Why are you looking at me like that?”

He still didn’t say anything, just kept staring at me, one of those foolish grins on his face. I sighed and tried to pull out of his grasp, but he wasn’t having any of it and held me firmly.

“Either you let go of me, or you tell me what you’re thinking,” I said in my best ‘do as I say’ voice that was usually reserved for coaching when the kids got a little unruly.

His eyes flashed and he looked like he was trying not to laugh. Without a word, he swept his arm under my legs and picked me up. He carried me over to the bed and lay me down gently. I watched as his face made an almost wincing movement. He sat beside me, holding the bruise on his side for a moment then leaned over me. He smiled, his face hovering just above mine.

“I love you, Aurora.”

I had no time to register what he’d said before he kissed me. By the time I did register it, and worked my way through the butterflies hammering against my rib cage and the urge to giggle in excitement, I was lost in his kiss again. I felt his hand on my stomach under my shirt, my leg wrapped around his and my hands were all over his back. My hand trailed down his side and over his stomach. He sucked in a breath and pulled back.

“Oh, sorry.”

He smiled down at me. “I’m fine. No, I’m better than fine. I’ve somehow landed myself a great girl who I love.”

“I love you, too.” I smiled, wondering when I let myself get caught up in all this, but oh so glad that I did. Wait ‘til I tell Beat!

“But, I’m not… This is not how this is going to go,” Cole said, sitting up more.

I frowned in confusion. “How what is going to go?”

He smiled at me crookedly, making my chest flutter again. “How the first time we sleep together is going to go.”

I laughed, feeling nervous and excited at the thought. “And, who says I’m going to sleep with you?”

“Your body did, just then. But, not yet, when you know you’re ready. Besides, it’d be nice if I wasn’t bruised and slightly drunk.”

“You’re very sure of yourself.”

“I am,” he replied, nodding. “But, nothing’s happening until you give the word.”

“You’re that good, are you?” I smiled.

“I have been…” he stopped and looked at me, his face falling slightly. “Um…”

“Please don’t tell me you’re only now just considering what I think of the fact you’re not the virgin in this relationship.” I tried not to laugh.

His face coloured slightly. “That is a bold way to put it. You don’t mind?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I hadn’t really thought about it. I mean, I did just assume you’d had sex before. But, I hadn’t stopped to think about how and if it affected me.”

“And?”

“And what?”

“Does it?”

I pulled him back to me. “There seems to be a lot in your past, Cole, and I’m not going to begrudge you any of it as long as I can call you mine.”

He laughed. “Definitely; I am all yours.”

“The feeling is mutual, Mister Fielding.”

My laugh turned into a squeal as he rolled me over on top of him.

“Good.” His voice was deep and his eyes shone as he pulled me down for a kiss.

¢

Our final match.

I bounced with nervous energy as I passed the ball back and forth with Beat and the Kezler twins. Three things had me worked up further than it being my last match for the school. Firstly, if we won this match, we’d win the season and that was quite possibly the best way to go out. Secondly, I had to nominate my choice for the next team captain – the next Hannibal, since the title seemed to have stuck. And, thirdly, Phyllis, Trudy, Matt, and Cole had decided to join my parents and Ben in the crowd.

I checked the time. We still had a bit of time for warm ups. I studiously ignored my rabid fans in the crowd, despite the parents hooting every few seconds. I looked up; it was the kind of day where the threatening storm clouds could open up or drift away on the breeze. I preferred opening up, since it usually gave our team an advantage. We weren’t known as dirty players because we cheated.

The referee called us to take our start positions. We did a quick team huddle and break – I even locked an almost friendly look with Kelly Preston – then lined up. I wriggled with restless energy, my eyes focussed on the ball.

I was well on my A-game that day; directing players, getting into arguments with the referee, clearing the ball. Even Kelly Preston called me out on a good clearance – why the girl thought about being nice now after five years of nothing but snark, I didn’t know, but I guess there was something nice in it.

Half time came around and we were still at a nil all draw.

“Okay girls, huddle up,” Coach called. “We’re doing well, but a lead would be good.”

“They’re terrible at penalties, all we need to do is hold out,” Kelly said.

I shook my head. “We all know we can beat them in a penalty shoot-out, but there’s still extra time before then. If we can pull ahead by full-time, it’ll be better for us.”

Kelly nodded. “You’re right. But, at least we know we’ll win eventually.”

I laughed. “True that.”

“Right,” Coach nodded, “I’m thinking to switch out Kristin with Amy at about seventy-five minutes, and possibly Jenna and Mary. With a burst of energy on the field, we might be able to get the advantage if we don’t already have it.”

“Surely, they’ll be thinking the same?” K2 asked.

“No, they switch out at half-time and leave the rest for injuries,” I replied.

“Question?” Beat put her hand up. Coach and I nodded. “Who’s Kristin?”

The whole team burst into laughter as K1 put her hand up.

“Right, sorry.” Coach smiled. “K1 for Amy?”

K1 nodded. “I’ll get the chance to play next year, Amy won’t be so lucky.”

“Maybe I’ll fail my exams so I have to come back?” Amy teased.

“If only we could,” I said.

“Any last words, Hannibal?” Kelly asked, smiling as though we were old friends.

I felt it was only polite to return it. “Keep to your man, they’ve been pushing heavily; I know we can beat them if we get passed them. But, be on your guard, Number Fourteen is looking for every free she can get and I know from experience she’s not above making her own. Keep your eyes on each other and on the ball. Man up, but, forwards, keep yourselves open to passes. I’m looking at you Kezlers.” They nodded. “All right. I don’t need to wish you luck, guys, we’ve got this.” I put my hand in the middle of the circle and everyone piled theirs on top.

“Oorah!” we yelled and broke.

The second half was much more eventful than the first. Damned Number 14 was giving it all she got, sliding in front of us as we made for the ball in the hopes we’d get caught up and called out.

At one point, she succeeded in almost getting past our defence, but I tackled her, sending the ball over to Beat to clear. Number 14 called for a free, as did most of her teammates, but the referee wasn’t an idiot.

“Clean play, play on!” the referee called, shaking his head.

“You watch yourself, captain,” Number 14 snarled at me as the game headed back down the pitch.

“I don’t need to watch myself,” I replied, “I don’t cheat.”

I knew I shouldn’t have said anything, but I was sick of her recklessness; she was either going to get herself injured, or she was going to get one of my players carded for something that wasn’t their fault.

She shoved me and I pushed her back.

“Hey, whoa!” Sarah, our goalie, called. “Hannibal, now’s not the time!”

Number 14 shoved me again and I heard the referee call a warning. She smiled at me before she trotted back up to her end of the pitch.

“You right?” Beat asked.

“I’m good, I’m good,” I said, shaking it off.

There was a cheer and I turned to see K2 assist Jenna with a goal. We had our lead.

After a short celebration, during which it started raining, we were back into it with renewed vigour as we pushed for a bigger lead. Unfortunately, they were pushing for an equaliser. They almost got it too; one of their players – not Number 14, thank God – got through all our defences and Sarah was the only one left to handle it.

I ran as fast as I could, but there was no way I was going to get there in time. Luckily, I didn’t have to. Sarah launched herself at the feet of the attacking forward, landing squarely on the ball. I thought for sure there was going to be a collision and broken bones, but the forward flipped right over Sarah, even landing on her feet. Sarah got the ball away and down the other end before I had time to turn around.

I high-fived her and ran back to my position.

Five minutes later, K1 scored another goal. We had our changeover at the seventy-five-minute mark, and the team was even more invigorated than after K1’s second goal. By the end of ninety minutes, Jenna had scored a third goal for us, while the other team only managed one.

We’d done it; we’d won our final soccer match for our school career and won the season. I hadn’t thought it would feel so amazing. Although, I hadn’t expected to feel so drained and bittersweet either.

“Hannibal, who have you deemed worthy to take your place next year?” Coach asked dramatically after the hand shaking and trophy awarding had been done.

I laughed. “I’ve narrowed it down to two choices. Well, it is sort of one choice…”

“I think we all know who you’re nominating,” Jenna laughed.

“Kannibal One, Two!” Sarah shouted and the team cheered.

“I can’t decide between you, Kezlers, I’m sorry.” I shrugged. “You guys are going to have to fight it out between you. Fight to the death!” I cried, pumping my fist into the air.

The team followed suit as we all laughed.

“We could just have two captains?” Coach suggested.

“Are you mad?” Beat laughed.

“You know what? We’ll sort it out next year.”

“Unless I fail all my exams, then I’m going to want my spot back.” I pointed at them all, mock seriously.

When I nodded, thinking I had their agreement, a silent signal seemed to pass between them and I found myself buried under bodies. Hugs and cheers came at me from all angles and I had no chance to say anything in return. It was bloody good we had the dinner next week that would give me a chance to thank them all properly.

Finally, I was let up, wetter and dirtier than I’d been after the game. A great cheer of “Hannibal!” went through the team and we started dispersing.

“I am going to need a shower when we get home,” I said to Beat as we trudged over to our fans; Beat was coming back to mine and we were vegging out for the rest of the night.

She laughed but didn’t have a chance to say anything more as we were enveloped in hugs and congratulations.

“Why are you always so dirty after these things?” Ben complained, trying to wipe it off himself.

“That girl was so mean. I bet you could have taken her, Aura!” Matt said.

“It was a very good performance, Aurora, you’re every bit the player I expected.” Phyllis smiled.

Mum and Dad crushed me and Beat in a hug.

“Well done, girls.”

“So proud of you both.”

“The team love you!” Trudy seemed to marvel, but I saw respect and pride in her smile.

“I love you,” Cole whispered in my ear, setting the butterflies off, before he swung me around and gave me a kiss. He put me down. “So, Saturdays are mine now?”

I laughed and swatted him. “After this one, yes.”

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, that. I envy you getting to hang out with Beat.”

“You envy me playing games, eating junk food and lazing around in my pyjamas?” I asked, sarcastically.

“Yes, I do. But, Grandma insisted we go with her to this thing. If we behave, apparently we get to come home early,” he said conspiratorially.

Beat smiled. “Well, you’ll have to stay home, because we’re having girls’ night!”

“Yeah!” I agreed.

Cole held up his hands. “Okay, okay. I promise I will not encroach on girls’ night.”

Beat nodded.

“All right, gang, let’s move out!” Mum called and we all headed for the cars.

I was really looking forward to a good girls’ night in.

Thirteen

B

eat and I were idly playing Mario Kart later that night, and I had my usual blue vine hanging out of my mouth mid-lap.

“Wow, you guys are so cool,” Ben laughed as he walked in.

“Shut up, you know it,” I mumbled around my blue vine as I tried – and failed – to avoid a banana Donkey Kong threw on the track. “Damn you, Donkey Kong!” I grumbled.

“You know he can’t hear you?” Ben asked.

“No one asked you, small fry.” Beat cackled as she got the coveted bullet from her box.

“No!” I wailed, aiming for my own box and skidding off the road. “Argh!” But, I laughed along with Ben.

“You could have at least worn less daggy pyjamas. What if Cole comes over?”

“He’s got that family… Dammit Peach! Family thing, remember?” I said, sitting on the edge of my seat, my blue vine perilously close to falling on the floor.

“And, we told him he wasn’t welcome,” Beat said.

‘True. Girls’ night. Waluigi, I am going to beat you with a stick!” I groaned, trying to correct my oversteer.

“Ah yeah…” Ben said slowly, and then seemed to remember something. “Matt said something about their dad.”

“What?” I looked at him sharply but heard frantic beeping on my controller and just turned back to see myself hit with a star-powered Bowser. I groaned. “What about their dad?”

“I dunno. Just something about him? We were playing Halo at the time, I was distracted. Have they mentioned much to you about their dad?”

“Huh?” I asked as I ran into the side of Mushroom Gorge and tried to correct. “No, not much.”

“And, you’re not curious where they sprang from?”

“Not…right…now….argh!” I got inked and bounced off a bloody mushroom again, then waited for the cloud guy to put me back. “Sorry, Benny. Do you want to-?”

There was a knock on the back door and, after exchanging a surprised glance with me, Ben left to open it.

“Beat, can you… Dammit!” I dropped my controller as the eleventh player – so not me – crossed the finish line and the race was over.

Beat laughed. “I can’t believe I-”

“Aura!” Ben screamed from the back door, I ran out and found a small figure standing, shaking at the door, covered in blood.

“Matty!” I burst outside and caught him before he fell, lowering us gently so I cradled him in my lap in the floor.

“Is it his blood?” Beat asked from behind me. “I’ll get a cloth.”

“Matty, are you hurt? Where are you hurt?” I asked, looking him over.

Most of the blood seemed to have come from his nose, which was trickling still.

“Benny, grab some tissues.”

“When are your parents going to be home?” Beat asked. “Do we need an ambulance?”

I looked at Matt frantically. I didn’t know. I’d done basic first aid to coach, but I was no expert. There was usually an adult there to take over. In my playing and coaching days, I’d seen a fair few blood noses, some had been worse than this, from memory. But, there was still a lot of blood for such a small person.

“Matty… Matt, is it just your nose? Is anything else hurt?” I asked him.

He blinked, tears evident in his eyes. “Cole… Cole’s hurt.”

“What?” My mind was obviously not working, I couldn’t think between seeing the blood on Matt and hearing Cole was hurt. “I don’t get it, Matt. What happened?”

“Cole got cut. I tried to help, but he said to go. Grandma wasn’t home. I pressed the button and ran.”

I tried to piece the information together, but it was like I had a bunch of puzzle pieces and none of the edges fit together.

“Shit,” I heard Beat behind me. “We gotta go. Matt, stay here with Benny, Rory and I will go check on Cole.”

I nodded numbly, still staring at the blood on Matt’s shirt. Did people even have that much blood in them?

I felt a sharp sting across my cheek and my head was whipped sideways. Suddenly, my mind cleared. I turned back to Beat and nodded my thanks for the slap. She nodded back.

“Ben, stay here, clean him up. Try calling Phyllis, her number’s in the hall table I think. Don’t do anything else until you hear from me,” I said. If I was just a blood nose and a cut, we could deal with that. No need for ambulances or anything.

Grabbing coats, Beat and I sprinted over to Phyllis’. The back door was ajar and we pushed our way into the semi-dark house carefully. There were blue and red flashing lights coming from the front of the house and I heard voices. We hurried towards the commotion and found police officers milling about in the hallway. When they saw us, they got a bit agro.

My hands flew up. “Uh, I’m Aurora Daniels, this is Beatrice Redwell. I live across the park. Matt came to us saying Cole was hurt…”

One of the police officers walked forward, a look of relief crossing his stern features. “Matt’s safe?”

I nodded. “I think so, he’s a little shaken and bloody but I think he’s okay.

He called to another officer. “Johnson! Go over to…” He looked at me. “What number, darling?”

“Uh…thirty-two on the park side.”

“Go over to number thirty-two, you’ll find Matt there. Is he alone, Aurora?”

I shook my head. “My little brother Ben’s with him.”

“Maybe keep the boys there for the moment until we get this straightened out. Matt doesn’t need to see this again.” The officer shook his head as Johnson hurried out.

Beat and I exchanged a glance and mouthed “again?” to each other before the officer spoke again.

“Sorry, I’m Sargent Lewis. An old family friend of the Jones’.”

“Is…uh… Is Cole okay?” I asked, looking around and not seeing him.

Sargent Lewis sighed. “This way. Trust me; he looks worse than he is. Always is; he bounces back strong this one.”

“Of… Of course,” I replied uncertainly.

Beat took my hand as I followed Sargent Lewis to the front of the house. Cole was sitting on the stairs while a paramedic looked him over. He didn’t look very pleased about the whole process. When I got a good look at him, I couldn’t stop a gasp escaping and Beat squeezed my hand.

Cole was shirtless, his pants were covered in blood, and he looked like he’d been beaten within in an inch of his life, to use the old cliché. There was a particular cut on his stomach that looked deep and still bled as the paramedic tried to bandage it up.

“I…am…fine,” Cole said through gritted teeth, trying to wave the woman away. “Lewis, can you…” He stopped when he saw me, and his face lost even more colour. “Lewis, get her out of here.”

“Cole, I-”

“She doesn’t need to see this,” Cole said, staring at Sargent Lewis angrily.

“Come on, love,” Sargent Lewis said, putting a hand on my shoulder. But, I pulled away and walked towards Cole like I was on auto-pilot.

“Give them a minute, Hopper,” Sargent Lewis seemed to sigh.

The paramedic looked peeved but stepped away. I knelt in front of Cole, trying to get him to look at me.

“What happened? When Matt turned up-”

“He’s safe?” Cole looked at me then.

I nodded. “He’s a little bloody and looks scared out of his mind, but he’s okay, I think.”

Cole’s head dropped into his hands. “Ugh, he doesn’t deserve this.”

“Doesn’t deserve what, Cole? Talk to me.” I wanted to touch him, to make some kind of contact, but I didn’t know what hurt and what didn’t. I put my hand gently on his knee. When he didn’t move, I assumed it was okay. His jeans were slippery under my hand, but I ignored the knowledge it was blood.

“I don’t want to talk about it, Rory,” he said. He pushed himself up, grunting and holding his side. He swayed a little, and then walked towards the paramedic.

“Matt! Cole!” I heard Phyllis screech, and then saw her rush into the house.

She grabbed Cole in a huge hug, heedless of the mess or his grunt of pain. But, he hugged her back, fiercely by the look of it. Phyllis was crying, repeating the words “where’s Matt.”

“Shush…” Cole patted her back. “Matty’s safe. He’s safe.”

“Grandma!” I heard Matt yell and barely moved out of the way before he barrelled past me.

The three of them stood hugging in the doorway and I knew I wasn’t needed, or maybe even wanted. I felt a hand on my arm and turned to find Beat. We started to leave.

“Aurora?” I heard Sargent Lewis say.

I turned to him; wiping away tears I only just realised burned my eyes.

“Cole’s…” He scrubbed the back of his neck. “Give him some time, love. He’ll be right as rain in a couple of days, if a little stiff. We’ve got the bastard now, although he’ll be out again by the end of next week mark my words, the worthless piece of shit,” Lewis growled and I was surprised by his tone. “Sorry, love, you don’t need to hear those things. Just give him a few days, and he’ll come to you. I’ve known the boy most of his life and I’ve never seen him the way he’s been lately, and Phyllis says that’s down to you.”

I nodded numbly, not really sure how else to react to that.

“I’ll get her home, sir,” Beat said from next to me.

“Good. Get some sugar into her and try to distract her. And, trust me when I say, he’ll be okay, love. This isn’t by far the worst those boys have faced at the hands of that arsehole.”

I wished Beat would slap me again… My brain didn’t seem to be working again. I nodded again and felt Beat steer me away.

“Johnson, make sure these two get home,” Lewis called.

“Yes, sir. Do you want me to talk to the parents?”

“That’s a good idea, son. Thanks.”

I saw Johnson nod and he smiled at us warmly as he ushered us out of the house.

“So, you like being a policeman?” Beat asked as we walked back through the park.

I listened to their conversation, hearing the words, but not really paying attention. My mind felt like static.

“It’s all right,” Johnson replied. “It’s only my first year, but it seems pretty good so far.”

“Do you still have to wait a year after school to apply?”

“You do. Interested in becoming a cop?”

“Maybe. I’ve thought about it, at least.”

“Well, I’ll look out for you in a couple of years then.”

“Thanks.”

After what seemed like an eternity, we walked back up the stairs to my house.

“Aura!” Mum squealed and ran to hug me.

“Missus Daniels, you’re probably wondering what’s happened?”

“Just a little, yes,” Mum said shakily. “Please, come in Officer Johnson. Tea? Coffee?”

“Coffee would be great, thanks.”

“Beat, honey, take Aura into the living room. Maybe put on some of your shows or something?”

“Okay, Cait.”

I let myself be steered to the couch. Beat turned on Red Dwarf – one of Dad’s old favourites that we’d taken to – passed me a box of blue vines and put an arm around me. While I tried to focus on Lister and Rimmer’s argument over Lister’s allocated cigarette allowance, I snuck a peek at Mum and Dad sitting with Johnson at the table.

“Aura? Beat?”

“Come here, Benny.” Beat put out her other arm and Ben snuggled against her other side on the couch.

“Is Cole okay?”

Beat kissed his head, smoothing back his hair. “He will be, sweetie. The Sargent promised.”

“What happened?”

“I don’t know. Officer Johnson might tell us, or maybe your mum and dad will. Have some lollies and try not to worry for now though, okay?”

Ben made an affirmative noise and reached for a box of red vines, which he promptly shared with Beat.

After a while, I felt myself relax a little. I found myself smiling at the jokes and I breathed more easily. I was still worried and had no idea what had happened, but it seemed the shock had passed.

Officer Johnson left and Mum and Dad came into the room, sitting on the opposite couch. Ben had fallen asleep and Beat paused the episode.

Mum and Dad shared a glance as though not sure what to say.

Dad cleared his throat. “Apparently, a man broke into the house and attacked the boys when they got home…” he started.

“But, they got him? The guy who did it?” I asked.

Mum nodded. “Officer Johnson couldn’t tell us a lot, it’s not his place. But, he said it’s not an isolated incident, though it is the worst one in a long while.”

“They’ve been through that before?” Beat asked.

Dad nodded. “Apparently, so. Officer Johnson certainly suggested it.”

“And, I thought my parents’ divorce was bad…” Beat breathed.

I remembered the incident with Matt’s broken leg, all Cole’s random injuries. Maybe the fights he got into were not the kind I had thought they were? But, who had been harassing them? Maybe it was their dad? At least they had him now, although Sargent Lewis didn’t seem to think they would for long. I wondered how he knew.

¢

I didn’t see or speak to Cole all the next week, and I did my best to get on with things and give him space. He hadn’t been to school, not that I was surprised with the way that wound had been bleeding. But, neither would he see me if I visited the house, though Phyllis invited me in and tried to get him to talk to me.

I tried not to harass him; Sargent Lewis had said to give him time, so I did. Once or twice a day, I sent him a text just to say I hoped he was doing okay. I didn’t ask any questions he might feel were prying. I didn’t even ask Phyllis any more about what happened.

Matt had refused to miss the end of season party for his team, and we decided to save Cole a piece of cake that Matt took home for him. Matt seemed a little quiet during the party, but was soon laughing and joking with his teammates as they ate too much sugar and pizza. Ben and I were tempted to ask Matt about the events of the weekend, but he’d seemed traumatised enough.

Friday, the last day of Term 3, Beat and I had our own end of season party for our team. I made my farewell speech to the team, making sure I was plenty soppy. I thanked them for their years of friendship and sportsmanship, for their dedication, their loyalty, yadda yadda yadda. By all accounts, it was great and even Coach cried. The Kezler twins gave me a farewell speech on behalf of the team, at which I cried. Then, there was a lot of soft drink and cake, laughing and reminiscing.

I woke up on the Sunday, entirely intending to force Cole to speak to me. Sargent Lewis had said to give him a few days, and I thought a week must be plenty. Cole didn’t strike me as the moping or wallowing, self-pitying kind, so I wondered what was behind his behaviour.

It was the time of year where you could have a storm one day and a trip to the beach the next. Sunday was the latter, a wonderfully sunny day that would be perfect for my first real dress of the season.

I was feeling fairly upbeat as I trotted down the stairs to have a cup of coffee before I left; I was convinced Cole would talk to me. I didn’t even care anymore what he talked to me about, he could talk to me about the weather for all I cared, I just wanted him to let me back in.

“You look lovely, sweetie.” Dad smiled as I came into the kitchen.

“Why, thank you. I decided it was finally dress season.”

“I see that. Although, I don’t think the hot spell is lasting. Rain’s forecast in the next few days.” He chuckled when I groaned.

“Oh well, the sun will be back.”

I drank my coffee quicker than usual, burning my tongue a little in my rush. Usually, I’d turn around and find I’d been sitting next to a coffee for long enough that it was stone cold. Good thing I was so partial to iced coffee.

“Heard anything from Cole, yet?” Dad ventured slowly.

The family had been great this last week, not pushing or prying, just supportive and caring. They asked occasionally if I’d heard anything, but I knew from extensive experience they were asking as much for their own benefit as mine, and understood when I didn’t answer.

“Nope. But, I feel like today will be better.” I smiled.

Maybe it was the fact that both the end of season parties had gone well? Maybe it was the sunshine? Maybe it was even nervous compensation for the fact exams were six weeks away? But, I felt ridiculously chipper.

“All right, I’m heading over to Phyllis’,” I said, putting my cup in the dishwasher.

“Okay, sweetie. Mum and Ben will be back a little while later. Are you home for dinner?”

“Mum and Ben are out?”

“Mm-hm.”

I nodded. “Okay, good to know. I’ll text about dinner.”

“Okie dokes, darling. Have a good day.”

As I walked out, I had a thought. Maybe, if Cole wouldn’t talk to me, I’d talk to Phyllis about what happened?

Phyllis was in when I knocked on the back door, but there was no sign of Matt or Cole. She smiled at me warmly.

“Aurora, lovely to see you.”

“You too, Phyllis. I was wondering if Cole might talk to me today?”

Her face fell a little. “I’m sorry, dear, Cole’s not home. He’s over at Declan’s, something about band practice?”

Shocked, I nodded. “No, of course. I’ll… Phyllis, can I ask you about what happened?”

The older woman smiled at me. “It’s not really my place, dear. Cole has made it very clear that if you find out, he’ll be the one to tell you. He won’t have anyone else tell you.”

“Do you know why he won’t speak to me, then?”

“Ah, now, that’s a bit more complicated. Without giving too much away, Cole has some issues of his own he needs to work through, dear. His…past…has left him with more than the scars on his body. With you, he started to heal, but that’s been set back a little bit now. Give him some more time to work through his pain.”

I’d fully intended not to let any excuses get in the way of talking to him, I wasn’t going to give him more time; I was going to be there for him now, hold him tight and not care if he spoke or not as long as he saw me. However, after Phyllis’ words, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Obviously, Cole had more to deal with than I realised and I had to respect that; him getting through his pain was more important to me than any pain I might have to deal with.

I nodded to Phyllis. “Thanks, I will. He’s…okay, though? I mean, considering?”

“He’s going to band practice, but otherwise he’s the same Cole we know and love, still drinking and smoking more than I’d like, out until all hours.” She sighed. “He’s legally an adult now, though, so there’s little I can do about it.”

I smiled at her. “Well, if you get a chance, tell him I came by?”

“Always, dear. I’ll see if I can get him to see you.”

“Thanks, Phyllis.”

We hugged swiftly and I headed back home, the day seemingly a lot less sunny than it had been despite the sun beating down on my head.

I crashed through the back door, my sour mood inadvertently causing me to slam it.

“You home already, sweetie?” Dad called, he was still in the kitchen.

“Yeah.”

He popped his head out the kitchen door. “Home for dinner, then?” he said, his voice full of love and sympathy; I knew he was really asking me a different question.

“Yeah, home for dinner,” I replied as I headed up to my room.

I may as well get some study in if I wasn’t doing anything else that day.

¢

Unlike Sunday, Tuesday dawned cloudy and raining heavily, and showed no signs of letting up well into the afternoon.

I stood at the sink, washing up those annoying dishes that couldn’t go in the dishwasher, staring out at the waterlogged park. That was how bored of study I was, that I had offered to wash the dishes. I had considered going out with the girls, getting out of the house, but even Cassidy had said she wanted to study; and, to be honest, I was feeling a bit like, if Cassidy was studying, I couldn’t go out. Again, I loved the girl, but she was not the most studious – not that she needed it, she was crazy intelligent.

As I stared aimlessly out the window, I realised a familiar figure was walking across the park, complete with up-turned collar. I refused to hope he might be coming to see me, and a part of me wasn’t going to leave it to chance, or even just up to him.

Mum and Dad were at work and Ben was up in his room. I could run up and tell Ben I was popping out, but Cole might have gone by then. I dropped the scrubbing brush, pulled off my fashionable green and yellow rubber gloves and raced out the door.

My instincts must have been right because, by the time I got down the stairs, he was heading in the other direction.

It wasn’t terribly cold despite the rain and cloud, so I was in jean shorts and a t-shirt. This was a choice I somewhat regretted as the chilled rain hit me. I gritted my teeth, blinking water out of my eyes and ran off after Cole feeling like a very driven, drowned rat.

“Cole!” I called as I got closer.

I hadn’t been sure if he’d hear me over the rain, but he stopped, seemed to gather himself, and turned around. I skidded to a stop in front of him. Like me, he was soaked. He wore his usual jeans and coat buttoned up, his hair hanging in his face. I suddenly felt very underdressed and ridiculous with my thin t-shirt plastered to my body like it was barely there.

With my mind trying to escape from what I was trying to make it do, I spared a moment to hope I hadn’t put on a black or red bra under my cream t-shirt. Sure, it might not have been see-through when I put it on this morning, but it sure as hell would be now.

Cole and I stared at each other awkwardly for a few moments. Well, I was feeling awkward, I had no idea how he was feeling. He looked bored, unimpressed, and not-so-patiently waiting for me to speak so he could get out of there.

“How are you?” I finally asked, stepping closer as though that was going to protect somehow me from the downpour.

Cole shrugged. “Fine. How are you?”

I laughed. “Soaking.”

He looked me up and down, but I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. “So you are.”

“I… I’ve tried to visit.”

“I know.”

My patience was running thin; this was not how I’d imagined our reunion. I’d imagined it many times over the last week, and pretty much each one had started with a hug and a smile. This look of… Well, sarcastic indifference was not at all what I’d expected. And, frankly, despite all he’d been through, I felt like I was entitled to some amount of explanation, even if it wasn’t anywhere close to the truth.

I took a deep breath, remembering what Phyllis had said, and trying to be empathetic.

“I guess I just… I want you to know you can talk to me, if you want.”

He nodded. “I’d got that impression.”

I sighed, trying not to let him infuriate me. “Okay, well, so long as you know.”

“I do.”

“Good. How’s band practice going?”

He looked past me like he was bored or had somewhere he’d rather be. “Fine.”

“You’ve been often?”

“Two or three times a week.” He shrugged.

“Two or three…? You’ve gone to practice, but you couldn’t even just reply to one of my texts?”

Okay, Rory, you’ve lost it now…try to reign it in…it’s not his fault, the warning voice said.

Shut up! I told myself.

He smirked. “Sorry, been busy. I owed Declan.”

“Too busy to send one text to your girlfriend? The girl you professed to love?” I asked, letting myself get carried away in the anger. It was better and more comfortable than the doubts that were beginning to swirl around the back of my head. “You owed Declan? What about me?”

“You? What do I owe you?” he scoffed and I felt like I’d been lanced through the chest.

“What?”

“I don’t owe you anything. We had some fun, sure, but we both knew it wasn’t going to last. May as well end it before it just drags itself out.”

I felt tears prick at my eyes and a lump formed in my throat. I pushed past it. “You…? Cole, where is this coming from? I love you. I thought you loved me, too?”

“Oh, didn’t you know? I am incapable of loving, Hannibal.” The way he said my nickname no longer held any affection. “A fact I was reminded of quite recently.”

I forced the tears back. “Who reminded you? What is going on?”

“Bye, Hannibal.” He turned to leave but I grabbed his arm and stopped him.

“No, you are not leaving until you give me some kind of explanation, you righteous jackarse! You do owe me that at least!”

Cole sighed, lifting up his jacket and top. He still wore a bandage around his middle.

“My father did this, Aurora,” he said, his voice flat and empty. “My own father. Mum left him when Matt was born so he wouldn’t go through the pain we’d gone through for six years. We were safe for a while, but he found us and he killed her. My father killed my mother. But, there wasn’t enough evidence, and the word of an angry eleven-year-old didn’t count for much. He was acquitted and somehow managed to win custody of us from Grandma. We spent a hellish time with him until Grandma won us back. Like we’re some kind of prize!

“Where did you think most of these scars came from? You think most of the guys I fight like to put their cigarettes out on my skin? Or, maybe that I liked it kinky in the bedroom? My father gave me these. And, I let him so Matty wouldn’t suffer. He used to think it was funny that I’d do anything to protect Matt.

“But, he did so much worse than mark my skin, Aurora. He tormented me, proved to me time and again I was just like him; nothing but a degenerate wanker, incapable of anything but bringing pain to those who loved them.” He tapped his head. “He’s always in here, you know, telling me I’m useless, I’ll never be anything, I’ll just wake up in twenty years and realise I’m the spitting image of him. After a while, I gave up trying to prove him wrong; it was just easier to be the man he knew I was. It’s all I’ll ever be, so let me go and get on with your own life.”

He stared at me, not jerking his arm out of my grasp, but just waiting for me to let him go. But, I couldn’t move. My mind both focussed on and pushed away the images his words had generated. So many things fell into place now and I could see why Phyllis hadn’t told me; she probably couldn’t talk about it any more easily than he could.

“Cole, I’m… I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, I only get what I have coming to me.”

I couldn’t remember him ever sounding so defeated, so expressionless, so conditioned. He reminded me of a movie I’d watched one time where the cast all got brainwashed and had wandered around numb, like robots.

“You are not your father, Cole,” I said quietly, starting to feel like one of those numb robots myself, anything to not acknowledge the barrage of emotions running through me.

His look was pure scorn. “You don’t know my father.”

“No, but I know you. You’re stupid smart, Cole. If you just applied yourself, you’d be able to do whatever you wanted. And, I know you love. Look at Matt; you love him so much you took years of abuse.”

“That’s different.”

“No, you can’t deny the love you have for your brother. So, you don’t love me! One day, maybe, I’ll get over it, but I will always love you.” My voice broke slightly and my heart ached. I looked down for a moment, trying to compose myself. Whether I chose to believe he didn’t love me or not didn’t really seem to matter right now, I hurt for him and Matt and everything they’d been through, and the fact that there was nothing I could do for them.

When I finally looked up, it looked like I’d actually broken through his stupid, expressionless robot-face. His eyes burned with something like a mixture of regret and fear and deep sadness.

“I…” He cleared his throat. “I need to get back.”

“Not before you tell me yourself.”

“You are very demanding today.” His face had shut down again, and all that was left was anger and annoyance.

“I don’t like to be left hanging. You want to break up with me, Cole Fielding; you have to make me believe it.” I set my jaw, willing the tears to keep until I got home at least; it was all very well acting tough until you started blubbering like a baby.

He smirked. “How am I supposed to do that? I’ve already told you I can’t love you.”

“And, you were so convincing, too,” I said, my voice dripping in sarcasm.

“What else do you need to convince you? It’s over, Hannibal. You have nothing I want or need, and I have nothing to offer you. Go and see if Jaime will take you back.” He sneered. “If he still wants you after he’s had enough of Kelly Preston.”

My palm smacked against his cheek before I realised I’d swung. We both looked at each other in shock, and then he began smirking.

“It’s too bad that’s not like you. We could have made a great couple.”

“Right back at you.”

He sighed as though I bored him. “Let me go.”

I didn’t know why he didn’t just pull away, it’s not like I held him particularly tightly and my hand was numb from the cold anyway. Maybe he didn’t actually want this? Maybe all I had to do was fight for him? Maybe if I could prove to him that he was worth it to me?

“No,” I replied before I pulled him closer and kissed him.

I’d always thought that supposedly great, upside-down kiss in Spiderman was awkward with all the rain, and now I knew kissing in the rain was awkward. Especially when it got more passionate and you forgot about avoiding the rain when you breathed. Having said that, it was in hindsight that I thought all this. At the time, my brain worked a little less coherently.

He responded almost instantaneously, his kiss hard and saying more than words ever could. How he thought that was supposed to make me believe him, I didn’t know.

He wrapped me in his arms and pulled me close. I didn’t even notice how wet his coat was considering I was already as wet as I was ever going to be. My hands wound through his hair, the butterflies unleashed. I lost myself in his kiss and his touch as he ran his hand down my body. It wasn’t until his hand kept sliding towards the waist of my shorts that I realised what game he was playing.

The butterflies sank like stones.

I pulled back, letting him see my disappointment. I was rewarded with the most arrogant smirk I had ever seen on his beautiful face. I shook my head and let him go.

“What?” he asked. “I just thought I’d have a go before Jaime got his hands on you.”

My heart clenched in a way that had nothing to do with butterflies even though I desperately wanted to believe that all this was an act, that he was just pushing me away because he thought it would cause me less harm in the long run. But, if it’s what he wanted, who was I to try to force him to do otherwise.

“Congratulations,” I said, my eyes hot. “You’ve convinced me.”

I turned on my heel, not waiting to see the look in his face or giving him a chance to reply. As I walked, I turned my face to the rain, letting the sky cry for me. I was wet, I was cold, and I was walking away from the first boy I’d ever loved. If I ever needed Beat and blue vines, now was the time.

Fourteen

B

eat had arrived in less than half an hour after I texted her. When Ben let her in, I was standing at the back window, dripping wet and still scrubbing the same pot I had been before I’d run after Cole.

“What the hell happened?” Ben asked, the same way he’d been asking since I walked back in.

“Benny, just give the girls some space, yeah?” Beat said kindly. As nosy as my little brother was, he seemed to realise this was something even his terribly funny self couldn’t help with and he left us be. “Rory, put the pot down. The water’s cold anyway. We need to get you warm and dry.”

I nodded, sighing, and let Beat lead me up the stairs to my bathroom. She helped me peel myself out of my wet clothes and bundled me into the shower, all while keeping my dignity. While I stood under the hot water, she sat on the side of the tub and talked to me about her study, about Cassidy and Rachel and their poor attempt at doing some practice exams, and anything and everything else that might take my mind off Cole.

After I was warm and less zombie-like, Beat got me dressed and we sat on my bed, her arm around me protectively. It felt very much like the way we’d been after she found out her parents were getting divorced; only she was me this time.

“Beat…” I started.

“Shh…you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

But, I did. I needed to talk it through. I told her everything he’d said, everything he’d done, the whole time we’d known each other. Finally, I finished with that afternoon’s events. Beat hugged me tighter and I heard her indrawn breath.

“Do you still love him?” she asked slowly.

“Does it make me really lame if I say yes?”

Beat laughed sadly. “No, Rory, it doesn’t. You don’t just stop loving someone.”

“He did.”

Beat’s laugh was much more humoured this time. “So he says.”

“You think he lied?”

She shrugged and kissed my hair. “I don’t know for sure, hun. But, it sounds an awful lot like he thought he was being gallant.”

“So, what do I do?”

“Nothing,” Beat replied. “You get on with your life, be fabulous, pretend he hasn’t hurt you; he’ll either realise the mistake he’s made and come crawling back….”

“Or?”

“Or, he doesn’t deserve you.”

“And, I just pretend I’m okay with that?”

She nodded. “What else can you do? You’re not the kind of girl to throw your life away for want of a man. You have dreams, you have ambitions. Follow them. Show him you might love him until the end of time, but you won’t let him ruin your life.”

I chuckled, but felt sad for her. “Sounds like you’re speaking from experience.”

“I might be. But, you know I’m right.”

I squared my shoulders. She was; maybe, like she said, I’d love Cole until the end of time. But, if he was too stupid to realise I was good for him – that we were good together – then that was his problem. It wouldn’t be mine. I’d get on with my life. I had to.

I turned to Beat, grinning.

“You’re allowed to be sad, you know,” she laughed. “You don’t need to be happy right away.”

“I know. But, if I’m honest, I lost him over a week ago. I’ve spent enough time worrying and being sad. Now, I’m just angry. Besides, that was a week’s worth of the shittest studying, and I’m falling behind.”

Beat laughed, but there was a touch of sadness in her eyes and I wondered if she was thinking about Becca. “You’ll be all right, Rory, won’t you?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I will.”

I wasn’t feeling quite as positive as I let myself sound, but I wanted to be. I just didn’t have time to wallow in my first important break up and lament over the relationship I could have had with Cole. I needed to live for me. I needed to study for my exams.

And, so, I did.

Cassidy, Rachel, and Beat came over to study every few days for the rest of the holidays. Sometimes, we sprawled on the grass in the park, soaking up the sunshine and trying to cram Maths, English, Psychology, and everything else into our brains. We saw Cole a couple of times. He passed us as though nothing had ever happened. It was the second week of Term 2 all over again with the smirks and nods. Cassidy stoically ignored him; informing me she thought I was well shot of him. Rachel agreed wholeheartedly. Beat, though, knew better; she smiled with the others and merely said it was his loss.

On the last Sunday before Term 4 started, we were outside again. Cole walked past with Matt, who rushed over to say hi. Cole followed him with a slow swagger.

“Aura!” Matt smiled. “I haven’t seen you in ages.”

“No, sorry about that, I’ve been busy with study.”

“I get it,” he said, shrugging.

“Matty, come on, stop bothering people,” Cole said as he came up behind his brother.

Up close, I could see what looked like a hicky on his neck. I felt an uncomfortable twinge in my stomach, but smiled at him in what I hoped was condescending politeness.

“Matt doesn’t bother people, Cole. It’s always good to see him,” I replied.

Cole looked at me, heat burning in his eyes. I couldn’t tell if he was sorry for what happened, still cared for me, or whether he’d just moved on with his life. I then realised that, from that angle, he had a clear view down my dress and that was what had his rapt attention. I put my hand on my neckline and glared at him. He winked before pulling Matt away.

I held a hand up to Cassidy. “I know, but I don’t want to talk about it right now,” I said tiredly.

I could feel her fume from beside me. But, “all right” was all she said.

Beat and I exchanged surprised glances as we got back to study.

¢

Back to school was less awkward than I’d thought it would be and I found it quite easy to stick to my resolution.

I’d promised myself that I would act as indifferently as he did. If he thought sarcasm and jokes were all we were now, I was only happy to reciprocate. Part of me found it a cathartic way to deal with my anger, and part of me yearned for any amount of contact with him.

I barely had to see him on Monday, we passed each other a few times, but there were no instances where we were forced to talk. Declan, Mike and Patrick were great about it; they obviously knew and had mixed feelings since Cole was in Declan’s band. But, they said nothing about it and treated me no differently than they had last term, or even last year.

Tuesday, though was an entirely difference kettle of fish.

In English, Matron Peters told us to find our study partner and start a review of our year’s work. Apparently, it was going to make up a lot of the next two week’s lessons.

“You’ll be fine. Remember he’s a jackarse,” Beat whispered as I collected my things.

I stifled my laugh and went to sit with Cole. He smirked at me as I sat, and I was all too aware how my summer uniform clung to my body; it was getting too tight but, with six weeks left, I’d refused to get a new one.

“Shut up, I don’t want to hear it,” I said, flashing him a warning look.

“You know; I don’t know what I like you in best. There’s mud, water-logged t-shirts that make you look like you’re not wearing anything, dresses which show off your fine cleavage…or this,” he indicated me with a wave of his hand, “the uniform that looks like a second skin ready to burst apart at the seams.”

“When you’re done with the sexual harassment, Mister Fielding, we can get to work,” I replied.

“Almost.” He gave me one more approving look. “You have a rockin’ bod.”

As much as a part of me liked he thought that, I smiled politely. “I’m quite sure Hicky Girl’s bod is much nicer.”

His smile faltered slightly and I had the impression that I wasn’t supposed to know about Hicky Girl – Cassidy’s affectionate term for the girl, or girls, he was with now. Which, despite the pang in my chest, made me grin harder.

“You want to be more careful if you don’t want me to know you’re running around with other girls, Cole.”

He shrugged, failing at feigning nonchalance. “Would it bother you if I was?”

“Why should it? You dumped me weeks ago; you can run around with whoever you like,” I replied. Although, it did bother me a little. But, I realised it didn’t bother me as much as it should.

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Spent the night with anyone else?” He winked.

I rolled my eyes at him. “That is none of your business. Some of us don’t parade our new relationships around the place.”

He scoffed. “I wouldn’t call what I’m doing a relationship, Hannibal.”

And, I realised, in that moment, why I wasn’t as bothered as I felt I should be. A ridiculous part of me was still hoping his behaviour the last few weeks had been an act, that he’d wake up and realise he didn’t need to protect me, he’d magically work out he wasn’t his father, and he’d come back to me as long as I gave him the time he needed. I still lived in hope that we were getting back together and this was just temporary, that all my hurt would be nothing when, years from now, we were still together.

Get a grip, Aurora, I told myself, you can’t think that way. Move on.

A new sadness washed over me, a deeper, slower one than I’d felt before. But, I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing it.

Knowing I couldn’t let that part of me wait for him, I put on my best sultry smile. “Neither would I.” And, I winked at him slowly, implication heavy in my tone.

I saw a flash of hurt cross his face, but reminded myself it was nothing worse than what he was doing to me.

But, he has other, deeper hurts, a voice reminded me, and I felt a little bit guilty then.

But, the guilt didn’t last long. Cole wouldn’t want me to make allowances for him. I knew he had expectations about how people saw him; I knew full well he’d given in to those expectations. So, I was going to be no different. He wanted me to think he was a jerk? Fine, I’d treat him like a jerk.

And, try to convince my heart he was, along the way…

We got through the rest of class with little incident, Cole even seemed like he’d paid attention over the year, as though he’d actually been applying himself. I made no comment, just kept my discussion on our topics as I wrote down brief descriptions for each of them. Maybe focussing on work was easier than not? Maybe he’d actually decided to apply himself in life? Maybe it was just another way for him to tease me?

When the bell rang, I packed up my things and swept out without another word to him, I didn’t even wait for the girls. I just needed a moment to collect myself. One moment of weakness where I let the tears fall, then I could get through the rest of the day.

I didn’t make it to the bathroom, though. Jaime ambushed me in the hallway when he stepped in front of me, blocking me against someone’s locker. I looked past him, desperately hoping whoever’s locker it was, would want it right then.

“What do you want, Jaime?” I asked, and blinked as he put a hand on the locker behind me.

“I heard about you and Cole. So sad,” he said, his eyes hooded as though he was trying to be sexy.

“Uh…sure. It is what it is.” I tried to duck out from behind him, but he put his other hand on the locker behind me, locking me between his arms. “Jaime…?”

He smiled and leant towards me. “I was thinking we could go out on the weekend? I hear you’re busy Saturday, but maybe Friday?”

“Um… Jaime, did we not agree that there wasn’t anything between us? I’m sure we did, just before you went off with my arch nemesis.” I nodded adamantly.

He kept leaning towards me slowly. “There’s something between us, even if it’s not long-term material. We can just have a bit of fun,” he said and I was quite sure he was about to kiss me.

“Jaime!” I said, putting my hands up to push him away, but he was stronger than me and too close for me to get any leverage.

“I can please you better than he ever did,” he said, and then he kissed me.

It took me a moment to register what he’d meant; he thought I’d slept with Cole and just wanted to have sex with me too. I felt rage burn through me, sick of the men – not even men, boys – in my life making decisions for me, making assumptions about me, and just generally not being decent human beings.

With a yell, I pushed him backwards and punched him square in the face. Pain burst like a thousand stars in my hand, but the look on his face and my heart beating in my ears dulled it. I pointed at him with my uninjured hand, feeling flushed and more angry than I’d ever been in my life.

“Don’t you ever proposition me again, you jackarse. Aside from the fact I doubt you’d have the first idea how to pleasure anyone, you are repulsive. You want to sleep with someone? You date them, you be a gentleman, you be a nice guy and, if you’re lucky, after a while they’ll realise that and maybe want to sleep with you. You do not ambush them in a school hallway at lunch, tell them you just want some fun, then kiss them like it’s your right! What gives teenage boys the idea that we don’t need to be romanced? That we don’t want someone special? Seriously! What the hell gives you lot the idea all we want is a quickie before you’re done with us? I wouldn’t even wish you on Kelly!” I finished, my voice loud and my breathing hard. There were hands on my shoulders.

I realised I’d drawn a crowd. Most of them clapped and cheered after I finished my tirade – I noticed Kelly Preston was one of them. Jaime looked mortified, a bruise already spreading on his jaw where I’d hit him.

“I’m sorry, Rory,” he said, honestly sounding like he meant it, before he turned and walked away.

With him gone, I had a clear view of the hallway and the upturned collar that was walking in the other direction.

My eyes prickled hot again and my heart raced.

“Okay, slugger, let’s get you to the nurse,” I heard Beat say.

I turned to find they were her hands on my shoulders.

“What?” I asked.

“Your hand, Rory,” she said and looked down.

I followed her gaze and saw my hand was not in great shape for the upcoming exams. My knuckles were very red with a faint blue and green tinge already, especially on my ring finger. As I looked at it, I started to feel the pain and nodded.

“Okay. Nurse,” I agreed.

The nurse, who I’d seen on many occasions from soccer-related injuries, smiled at me as we walked in.

“I don’t usually see you girls at this time of year.” She smiled, until Beat showed her my hand. “What did you do, dear?” She had a look over it.

“She punched a sexist jerk,” Beat replied happily.

“Well, you’ll need x-rays to confirm, but I suspect a fracture at worst, which is a small price to pay to put egotistical men in their place,” she said, making an attempt at humour.

“You don’t have a lot of hand-writing coming up,” I muttered, tiredness taking over all my anger and sadness.

¢

It felt weird not having soccer to fall back on. No practices, no coaching, no games. It was one less thing to help me take my mind off my worries and now a bunged-up finger; it wasn’t broken, but, apparently, there was a hairline fracture or something and it wouldn’t take much force to break it now.

Beat made extra notes in class for me, which we photocopied so I could take a set home – not that I intended to do much studying without her in the next few weeks.

I avoided both boys as much as possible. Jaime wasn’t difficult; every time he saw me, his face fell in regret and shame, he’d spin in the opposite direction and practically run away from me. I had hoped a similar reaction might occur in Cole, since he’d seen fit to just walk away while I was having my confrontation with Jaime.

But, no such luck.

I’d tried in vain to get Matron Peters to give me a new partner, but she wouldn’t have it.

“It’s only one more week, Miss Daniels, and he needs it. You know, he actually handed in his Dorian Gray essay? On time, too.”

I blinked, it was the one I was going to read before his dad had stabbed him and he’d stopped speaking to me.

“Did he?”

“Yes, and he scored highly. I chalk that up to the influence you have over him. He can be so much more, Miss Daniels, please just get him through the next week? Remind him of what he can achieve.”

She looked at me with such hope and belief that I didn’t have the heart to tell her there was no more reminding him – he’d chosen his path, and nothing I could ever say was going to change that.

“I’ll try.”

“That’s all we can ever do, dear.” Matron Peters smiled at me and ushered me to go and find Cole.

We were in the library again – sometimes I thought Matron Peters just didn’t like her classroom very much.

“You’re going to have to pull your weight,” I said as I slammed myself down next to Cole and held up my injured hand. “I can’t write yet.”

“And you criticise me for getting into fights.” He smirked.

“Shut up and focus on the list,” I said, pulling my book awkwardly from my bag.

When I had it on the table, I sighed. I don’t know why I even bothered; it wasn’t like I could write in it anyway. I lay my head on the table.

“Okay,” he said, his pen poised, “possible themes for the exam in Pride and Prejudice?”

“Idiocy,” I mumbled. “Pigheadedness. Dishonesty. Did I mention stupidness?”

“I’m not sure those are what Matron is looking for…” he said slowly, not even a touch of humour to his tone.

“I’m sure I can make a pretty convincing argument.”

“Aura…”

My heart didn’t even bother fluttering at the compassion in his voice, it just flopped about a little like a half-hearted dying fish and gave up. Maybe I was finally over him? Maybe I was resigned to the fact we weren’t going to be together? Maybe I was starting to believe that he was really just his father?

I dared to look at him, turning my head on the table, and regretted it instantly. His hand hovered as though he was going to touch me, then he snatched it away. His eyes betrayed a world of pain, but I had no idea what caused it; God knew he had plenty of reasons in his life. I would just never know if I was one of them.

We were tucked into a corner of the library, behind a row of shelves, and it gave me a confidence I didn’t think I actually owned.

“What is this, Cole?”

He looked at me startled and I turned my head away again to stare at the lines of my notebook. He didn’t say anything for a moment. Finally, he sighed.

“It’s nothing, Hannibal.”

I felt, if I looked at him, his expression would belie the calm confidence in his voice. I didn’t need any reason to keep hoping this was all an act, so I didn’t look.

“Good, I thought perhaps it was just me.”

“What?”

“I was starting to think I was the only one who remembered this was over.”

“Of course, it’s over, Hannibal,” he said roughly. “There’s no point dragging this out and going over it again. One more week of civility and then we never have to see each other again.”

I nodded, my head still planted on my book. He was right and, by the only dull twinge in my chest, I was well and truly starting to believe in what he was selling.

“Stubbornness, misjudging, lack of faith, family love, romantic love.”

“What?”

“Possible themes for the exam,” I replied.

I heard him take a deep, shaky breath, then his pen scratching on the paper. “Righto. Of course.”

The fact I could have been talking about us was not lost on me either.

¢

“We are going out and that’s final,” Cassidy said as we sat around the grass, not doing any study at all and just enjoying the sunshine.

“If Rory’s not up to it, we don’t have to,” Rachel said.

“True, Cass. We can just stay in?” Beat nodded. “It is half the plan anyway.”

“What Rory needs now is some fun, a night out where she doesn’t have to think about him or exams.” Cassidy flicked her thick blonde braid over her shoulder.

“I think Rory’s capable of making her own decisions,” Beat said, pursing her lips.

“She is, and she wants to go out,” I said, smiling at their faces.

“Are you sure?” Beat asked.

“I’m not dying, I’m not sick, I just broke up with my boyfriend. Going out might be good,” I replied. “Besides, it’s my birthday, and I’m the adult now, which means you all have to do as I say.”

They laughed.

“What it means, is you can legally buy us alcohol now.”

I pretended to be outraged, my hand to my chest. “Is that all I am to you? Legal booze? I’m offended!”

“No.” Cassidy smiled. “We have Declan for that, too.”

“You have Declan for quite a few things,” I responded, my eyebrows waggling.

“True, so what do I have you for?” She smiled, taking all the sting out of her joke.

I stuck my tongue out at her and threw a blue vine at her – I’d already received so many packets that I could spare one. We fell about in giggles.

I took deep breaths, trying to stem the flow of giggles.

“No, but seriously, where are we going tonight? I need to know what to wear.” I looked at them.

“Never you fear, birthday girl, it has all been planned for you.” Beat smiled.

“I’m going to regret this aren’t I?” I laughed.

“Not at all.” Cassidy pouted. “We have everything organised. Outfit is upstairs in your room. The four of us are going to dinner while things are set up here and then we’re going to hang out and eat blue junk food.” Cassidy still got a slight nose-wrinkle of disgust when she said it, and it made me all the more appreciative of what she was doing.

“I get the feeling it won’t just be us hanging around?” I prodded slowly.

“You’ll just have to wait and find out,” she huffed, a trace of a smile at her lips.

I smiled, but my gaze wandered in the direction of Phyllis’. I knew Ben and Matt were hanging out today and I wondered what they were doing; if they’d seen Cole, or if Ben had even spoken to Cole since everything went down. I sighed and joined back into whatever conversation the girls were having, my mind still half on Cole.

I’d well and truly given up on him. Or, at least, that’s what I was happy to tell myself. I guessed I would in time, anyway. What was that thing? Positive thoughts? Where you believe what you want to happen and it will. Maybe I was doing that? Or, maybe I was just getting really good at lying to myself? I seemed to have convinced the girls I was okay, so my dishonesty skills were obviously improving.

I figured Cole wouldn’t be the last guy I fell in love with in my life. In fact, he probably wouldn’t be the last guy I’d lose that I’d fallen in love with. So, really, there was something good in getting it out of the way now. It left me much more cynical and ready for the next, presumably deeper, hurt that was coming.

“Rory, are you listening?” Beat nudged me,

“Sorry, I thought I was, but totally wasn’t.” I shook my head.

Beat smiled. “We were just asking-”

“Incoming!” I heard Ben’s call just before I got a soccer ball to the head.

“Dude!” I yelled, getting up and running at him.

As I picked him up around the middle and swung him around, he squealed in a way I knew the thirteen-year-old in him would be deathly embarrassed by. Then again, the thirteen-year-old in him was probably embarrassed by his big sister picking him up in public.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” he gasped amidst laughter.

I put him down and scowled at him. “Dude, it’s my birthday!”

“I know.” He smiled. “That’s why we’re here.”

“What?” I asked, looking around.

That’s when I realised that Matt stood a little way off, a huge bunch of flowers in his hands and a self-conscious smile on his face. I smiled at him.

“Matty, what are these?” I asked, kneeling in front of him.

His grin widened and he held the flowers out for me. “For your birthday, Aura.”

I looked closer at them and couldn’t believe I hadn’t noticed before; it was a lolly bouquet made up, primarily, of blue lollies. And, it was huge.

“Oh Matty, they’re great!” I smiled, taking them – they were bloody heavy. I gave him a huge hug and a kiss on the cheek.

When I pulled away, he was blushing furiously. “They’re from all of us. Grandma thought you’d like them. She wanted to get you something else as well, but Cole told her you’d like this better.”

The way he spoke so easily about Cole made me wonder just how much he did or didn’t know about what happened between us. Ben gave me a slow smile and I found I wasn’t all that upset by it. Maybe Cole didn’t love me, but at least he seemed to think we could be friends of sorts.

“I love them, Matty, thank you,” I said, kissing his cheek again then standing up before my legs gave out from squatting. “I’ll pop by later and thank your grandma.”

He nodded happily. “She’ll be at the party later!”

I looked to Ben, then Cassidy, but they looked away from me. I wondered just how big this party was going to be and who was going to be there. I smirked, thinking that at least I was lucky enough to have friends that cared about me and wanted to give me a good party. I guess a girl wasn’t eighteen every day.

Fifteen

L

ater that night, the girls had got me dressed up and out of the house just as Declan arrived with Mike, Patrick, Chris, and Luke, whose arm was still in a cast. I’d had no time to ask them why they were there.

Instead, I was whisked off to a lovely dinner at my favourite restaurant down the road – nice and convenient that we could walk to and from. I was charged with getting the wine, which I proudly did. Although, I was a bit miffed when they didn’t ask for my ID.

We ate and drank for what felt like hours, all slightly buzzed by the time we were heading back down the road to my place.

The girls had procured a lovely blue cocktail dress for the occasion, with a v-neck and swishy skirt. It wrapped around me snugly; in my semi-drunken state, I likened it to Cole’s arms and giggled, feeling myself flush as I thought of them. They had also got me a white sash with blue writing that proudly announced ‘I’m 18 today’ – maybe that was why the people at the restaurant hadn’t asked for my ID?

Boys we passed on the street whistled at us and called out ‘happy birthday’, but I didn’t think there was anything to fear from them. Most of them were barely older than us and gave us no indication they wanted to stop us or talk to us; they were just having a laugh.

We were almost back to my house, singing along as we walked – thank God, I had been allowed to wear flats! – when a couple of guys stepped in front of us. They looked nice enough in chinos and pale button down shirts.

“Hi.” I smiled, feeling my brain in that nice warm, fuzzy place.

They two guys smiled. “Hi,” one said. He had dark blonde hair, swept back from his face. The other guy was a brunette and they looked very similar and somewhat familiar too.

“Are you the girl from number thirty-two?” Brunette asked and I nodded. “Hi. I’m Mark, this is my brother Dylan, we’re at twenty-seven.”

Now I recognised them; I’d never really spoken to them, but sometimes the residents had get togethers at the park – usually at Christmas – and I’d smiled ‘hi’ at them once or twice. Mum and Dad knew their parents quite well, though, I thought.

“Oh, hi! I’m Rory. Cassidy, Rachel, and Beat.” I smiled, pointing the girls out.

“I take it it’s your birthday?” Mark asked, nodding politely to the girls.

I nodded, still feeling ridiculously proud to have made it to eighteen, like there should be some life achievement for not dying first. “It is.”

“So, that’s your party being set up?”

“Shh!” Rachel giggled. “It’s a surprise!”

Mark looked decently mollified. “I’m very sorry.”

“You two can come if you like?” Cassidy said. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her tilt her hip at them and flash them a very inappropriate smile considering she had a boyfriend, and I tried not to laugh.

“Ah, we’re meeting some friends, I’m afraid.”

“Later, maybe?” Beat smiled.

“They could come, too,” I burst out, staring at Dylan with open abandon; he was hot. I saw him give me a lazy smirk and I bit my lip.

“Maybe we will.” Mark smiled. “Bye, girls.” He nodded and walked past us.

Dylan made to follow him but grabbed my hand and pulled me towards him. “In case we don’t make it,” he said, his voice low, and kissed me nearly senseless – although that could have been the wine, too – tingles spreading through me. He released me, that smirk still on his delicious lips. I licked mine as I looked at him. “Happy birthday, Rory.” He winked then followed his brother.

“Oh. My. God!” We all looked at each other and burst into giggles as we hurried back home.

“Did you see them, though?” Cassidy breathed.

“That’s what real men look like, not this sorry excuse we have to see at school all day,” Rachel said.

“Even I’ll admit, those boys were gorgeous,” Beat tittered.

“Beatrice!” I laughed.

She shrugged. “I can admire them.”

“Are you going straight, girl?”

She shrugged again and pulled me up the front steps. I unlocked the door and we headed inside. The house was relatively dark, but I could see a lot more light coming from the park. I exchanged looks with the girls, who looked very pleased with themselves.

“What have you girls done?” I asked them, my voice awe-struck as I walked out the back door.

The grass that sat outside our back window was covered in people, tables, marquees, decorations, and lights. Blue and white fairy lights covered everything from the trail outside our door to the whole party. There was even a stage on which I saw Declan and the boys playing; Cole was no doubt there, but I didn’t let my gaze linger. I wouldn’t dwell on him and he wouldn’t worry me for the night. It must have taken an army to set it up in the time we’d been gone.

I walked through the path of twinkling fairy lights, followed by my three very proud friends. I arrived on the grass to a cheer.

“Ladies and gentleman!” Declan called over the band’s music. “The birthday girl has arrived. Give her your best, but don’t crowd her all at once, people, she’ll be here all night!” He laughed then he went back to singing their song.

People started greeting me; my parents, a lot of the neighbours – which was only fair with the party in the communal park – my aunts and uncles and cousins, friends from school, and, of course, the three people who had planned this whole thing.

Dad shoved a drink into my hands and I spent about twenty minutes saying hi to people, getting drawn into conversations here and there. Once the welcome crowd had thinned, I was free have a dance with the girls. Declan and his band played on through the night. There was a lot of drinking and dancing and eating blue junk food, just as Cassidy promised.

“Matty!” I called as I saw him through the crowd. Yes, at this point, I was reasonably drunk and being around minors was probably not the best plan I’d ever had, but it was Matty!

“Hi, Aura!” He smiled happily. I picked him up and twirled him around, and he giggled.

“Aurora! There you are, dear,” Phyllis said as she glided effortlessly through the crowd. She hugged me close and looked warmly between Matt and me. She looked about as buzzed as I felt. She sighed happily. “Matt just loves you Aurora.” She beamed.

I laughed. “The feeling is mutual, Phyllis. Matty is the most constant non-family man in my life, and I love him to bits.” I leant down and kissed his cheek, causing a red flush to creep up his cheeks. “Oh, thank you, too for the bouquet, it’s gorgeous, and delicious.”

Phyllis smiled. “You’re most welcome, dear. I had another present in mind. Cole told me I mustn’t, but I did anyway. You’ll find it on the table over with the others.”

I hugged her warmly and kissed her cheek. “Thank you. You’re a remarkable woman, and those boys are so lucky to have you,” I whispered.

She coughed and laughed as she pulled away. “You do know how to flatter an old woman,” she said. “Come on, Matt, we shouldn’t keep Aura too long.”

“That’s okay.” I smiled. “Matt and I can have a dance.”

Phyllis grinned and left us. I danced with Matt for a while, until Ben claimed him, saying the chocolate fountain was finally a go – apparently, it had been clogged but was now gushing freely. I turned, momentarily disoriented and looking for the bar.

“Rory!” Beat called and I turned. She held out a drink to me, gripping her own tightly. Even in my daze, I could tell something was up.

“Everything okay?”

Beat couldn’t seem to decide if she wanted to nod or shake her head. “No,” she said finally.

“What’s up?”

“Oh, it doesn’t matter now,” she said, taking a big sip of her beer.

“It does, tell me.”

“Rory, it’s your party.”

“So? That mean I’m off best friend duty?”

She rolled her eyes at me. “Becca?” she said and I nodded. “It’s a no-go.”

“Ever?”

“Ever.”

“Ah, Beat, that sucks, I’m sorry. What happened?”

She shrugged. “I kissed her and she… Well, I guess everything she told me was a lie.”

“Oh, honey, I’m sorry.” Then I had an idea. “Will you be my date to the formal?” I asked.

“What?” She looked up.

“My date. We can go together. Show…certain people that we don’t need them to have a good time if we have each other.”

Beat smiled. “I’d love that.”

“Me too.”

We moved in for a hug and ended up accidentally kissing each other on the lips. We broke away, laughing.

“Hi,” a voice interrupted us.

I looked up and found Dylan and Mark smiling down at us.

“Hi.” Beat smiled in a very un-Beat like manner.

“I’m wondering if I should feel threatened?” Dylan asked, laughter in his eyes.

“Threatened by what?” I asked, stupidly.

“Well, first by the young man who held your attention, and now by Beat?” He didn’t take his eyes off me and I felt my stomach go all warm.

I sighed dramatically. “Matt is too young for me, alas, despite my ardour for him. And, Beat and I are just friends.”

Thankfully, Dylan laughed at my terrible joke. From the corner of my eye, I saw Mark take a step towards Beat and wondered how she was going to shut him down.

“Care to dance?” Dylan asked me, his blue eyes blazing by the light of the fairy lights.

I nodded. “Sure.”

“Beat?” Mark asked.

“Why not.”

I could think of a few reasons, but I didn’t voice them aloud. I’d seen the way Mark was looking at Beat, and the drunk in me wanted to see when he made a move on her and she shut him down.

We danced to the band for a while, Dylan holding me close. I refused to look at the stage, knowing I’d find Cole even if I wasn’t looking for him.

“The band is good, where did you find them?”

“Me? No. This was all Cass, Rach, and Beat. They're guys from our school. The leader singer’s Cass’ boyfriend.”

“And, what about you?” he asked.

“Me?”

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

“I’d like to think if I did, I wouldn’t be letting strangers kiss me on the street,” I replied.

“Fair call,” he answered, his gaze on the stage behind me for a moment. “What about strangers kissing you at your birthday party?”

“What about it?” I countered.

“How do you feel about that?”

I felt myself smile. “Well, now that entirely depends-”

I didn’t get to tell him what it entirely depended on because he kissed me anyway. Like before, it felt great and I probably could have kissed him for hours. This guy, though, he didn’t have the key to the butterfly cage. I realised I was fairly drunk by this point and I was at a party with my family, so I pulled away from him slowly.

I opened my mouth to say something, but my brain was cut off when I saw Beat’s face plastered to Mark’s behind Dylan. I sniggered and Dylan turned to see what was so funny. He obviously didn’t get it as he turned back to me, a quizzical look on his face.

I tried unsuccessfully to hide my smile. “Sorry, nothing against your brother. He’s just not her type…usually…” I finished, wondering if Beat was more bi than lesbian?

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“Don’t get me wrong, you guys are hot. Beat, just… She’s into girls. Well, I thought she was?” I said and Dylan understood.

“Right… I guess we all do stupid things when we’re drunk.” A thought seemed to hit him. “So, the two of you before…?”

“Oh, no!” I said, shaking my head. “I love Beat to death, but no, that was an accident.”

“So, not a regular thing.” He winked.

I rolled my eyes. “No, sorry to disappoint.”

He shrugged. “Just means I don’t have to share.”

He leant in a kissed me again and I let myself enjoy it, knowing it was unlikely to happen after that night.

I extricated myself from Dylan a little while later and managed to pull Beat off Mark. We passed a very surprised Becca on our way to the bar, where we met Cassidy and Rachel. I was surprised the two of them seemed so sober.

“What on earth were you doing girl?” I asked Beat as we smiled to the barman.

She smiled. “I don’t know. I just felt rotten after the whole Becca thing so, when Mark kissed me, I was like, why not!”

Cassidy shrugged. “So what, I’m straight, but I’ve kissed girls when I’m drunk. It’s no different.”

I conceded her point and took my drink, it was some delicious blue concoction that tasted like Jelly Belly beans.

“Having a good night, hun?” Cassidy asked.

I nodded as I swallowed. “It’s great.”

We stood and looked out over the party for a while. It looked like most of the adults had gone by now, leaving just my friends from school, a few cousins, and our last-minute invitees.

“So, what do you think about Dylan?” I asked.

“No.”

“What?” I looked at Cassidy.

“No. Don’t go there. He’s interested in one thing. He won’t force it, but he’ll take it if he thinks you're offering,” she said seriously.

“What? How do you know?”

“I know guys like him. Hell, I’m the female equivalent of guys like him.”

“Not since Declan,” I sung.

She smiled. “No, not since Declan.”

“So, he’s not good? Another no good guy?” I huffed and motioned for another drink.

Cassidy seemed to weigh her words carefully. “Let me put it this way, Cole is a better man than Dylan will ever be.”

I looked at her, shocked. “I never thought you’d have anything nice to say about him.”

She looked at me squarely. “Neither did I, Rory. And it by no means makes him a good person. Honestly, he’s the only one standing in his own way. If he ever wants to pull his finger out and realise he’s actually a decent guy and you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to him, then I’ll consider him a step closer to being worthy of you. Until then, he’s stupider than even I expected.”

She hugged me fiercely, and then turned on her heel, saying she had to check on something. I shared a look with Beat and Rachel, but both shrugged. We didn’t dwell on it; instead, we went back to the party. Dylan, Mark and their friends were gone so we stuck together. It was getting close to one in the morning and it didn’t look much like people were ready to leave, but the band had had it.

I hopped up from where I sat and ran over to Declan, waiting for the current song to finish. I motioned him towards me and he knelt down.

“Why don’t you guys stop? We’ll put my mp3 player on or something.” I smiled. “Relax and have some fun.”

Declan nodded. “Yeah, all right. Thanks, Rory.”

“Great, I’ll go grab it.”

“We’ll do one more song while you’re gone.”

I nodded and rushed off to my room. On my way back, I noticed Ben and Matt were playing Halo in the living room. I smiled and headed back out.

They finished the next song and Declan plugged my mp3 player into the speakers.

When they’d put their instruments away, I hugged him.

“Thanks heaps guys, you were amazing,” I said, smiling to them all… Except Cole.

Declan laughed. “It’s no bother at all. It was good practice for next week.”

I smiled. “I’m sure it was. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you to grab a drink and something to eat?”

“No, you don’t! Thanks.”

Declan, Chris and Patrick wandered off, talking. Cole and I stood awkwardly, not looking at each other. I felt a mad urge to giggle, but I expected that had more to do with the delicious blue drinks I’d been consuming than anything humorous.

“So…” I said finally. “You guys are pretty good.”

“Thanks,” he said. “Um, listen, happy birthday.” He nodded at me, a strained smile on his face.

“Thanks. Although, technically, it’s not my birthday anymore.”

“Ah, no it’s not.” He fished something out of his pocket. “So, if I gave this to you now, it wouldn’t be considered a birthday present?”

I smiled as I took the gift. “No, I don’t suppose it would. Do you want me to open it now?”

He shook his head. He looked pained. “No, no. It’s nothing special. I got it for you a while ago. Seemed silly to keep it, after everything.”

“Oh, okay. Sure.” I smiled, not knowing what else to do. I stepped forward, hugged him awkwardly, and kissed his cheek. I felt him tense and moved away quickly. “Uh, help yourself to whatever you want.”

“I’m not sure you’re serving what I want,” he said with a slight smirk.

“Well, stay, hang out, and have fun,” I replied, not quite sure what he was referring to.

“Sure, Hannibal.” He nodded.

But, I don’t think he stayed. I got swept up in talking with the girls and Declan, dancing, and laughing at stupid stories. By the time everyone had gone home for the night, I realised I hadn’t seen Cole since I’d spoken to him.

Cassidy, Rachel and Beat dragged me up the stairs to my room at God knew what hour and we all collapsed onto the pile of mattresses we’d spread all over the floor for this express purpose and fell asleep.

¢

The next morning, my hang over was palpable. I wondered how sensible it was to wake up to your first full day of adulthood with screaming proof you weren’t ready for it.

“Ugh.” I rolled over and found myself face to face with Beat. The memory of the night before hit me and I smiled, looking forward to seeing her face when she remembered.

Then, I remembered other things about the night before and panicked about all the things still set up. I rushed to the window, but there was nothing there. I checked the time and saw it was almost three in the afternoon. I stretched, feeling stiff, and realised I was still dressed from the night before. I pulled on a jumper and headed downstairs, leaving the girls to sleep.

“Good morning!” Mum said, mock-quietly. “You girls got in late.”

“Does it count as getting in when we were only outside?” I asked, rubbing my head.

She smiled. “You had a good time, then?”

“I did. It was great.”

“I’m pleased.”

“Where is everything, though?”

“Oh, that? Cass had a team of people to pull it down as soon as the party was over. Presents are on the dining table. They took everything else with them.”

I poked my head through the arch and saw the stack of presents on the table. I suddenly itched with the need to find Cole’s present. It had been small and wrapped in…blue paper with silver filigree stuff on it. I hunted through the piles and finally found it.

With the girls in my room and Mum in the kitchen, I didn’t really have a lot of privacy. I tucked the gift into my jumper’s large front pocket and headed outside. But, I found Dad and Ben talking to Phyllis and Matt.

“Great party last night, dear.” Phyllis smiled.

“Thanks, I had a wonderful time.”

I hurried off before they could say anymore. There weren’t many people out, despite the warmish weather, but I made a beeline for the big willow, just wanting a bit of privacy. I ducked under the branches and sat against the trunk, the memories of this place bittersweet.

I took the gift out of my pocket and held it gingerly, not sure if I wanted to open it or not. It wasn’t very big, but it had a bit of weight to it. I pulled off the wrapping paper carefully. I told myself it was to preserve the paper, but really, I just wasn’t sure if I wanted to see what was inside.

Finally, I got the paper off and found a box inside. Cursing the rush of nerves that coursed through me, I slid out whatever was inside it.

It looked like two photo frames, facing each other, then I realised they had hinges on one side. I opened them and the butterfly cage was opened again.

The frame itself looked expensive, like one of those Vera Wang ones you buy people for their wedding. Each side was silver with hearts etched into it.

In one frame, there was a picture of me, Ben, Matty and Cole in the park, hugging. I remembered that day; Ben, Matt, and I had been playing soccer and Cole had joined us for a moment before declaring himself terrible and tackling us all to the floor. Phyllis had come out to ask if we wanted a drink and taken a picture of us with her phone. In the hearts around the frame, Ben’s and Matt’s names were engraved. That alone was enough to cause a lump to form in my throat and my heart to skip a beat.

But, in the other frame was the picture of us dancing at Phyllis’ party, the one from the paper. I looked at it more closely; no it wasn’t the same as the one from the paper, and it was slightly different. My breathed hitched as I looked at it. Like the one in the paper, Cole and I were looking into each other’s eyes like some poster for this summer’s romantic comedy. Unlike the one from the paper, my face was not the one more obviously showing the affection between us. This picture showed more of his face and the look I saw on it made my eyes burn with tears. I don’t know how I missed it that night, but, if I’d seen it, I might have been less surprised when he said he loved me.

The real kicker? On this frame, our names were etched in the hearts.

The tears spilled over. I bundled myself into a ball and let myself cry.

How did Cole expect me to let him go after this? Sure, it wasn’t a diamond ring kind of announcement of affection – no one was ready for that! – but, I knew exactly what he had been trying to say with it. But, maybe he had really got it for me ages ago? Surely, though, he wouldn't have given it to me if it meant nothing? Maybe he didn’t want me to let him go? Maybe there was still a part of him that wanted me to fight for him?

I sighed. Why did I have to do all the fighting?

Because he doesn’t think he’s worth it, a voice told me. He doesn’t think he’s worth it, but a part of him still wants you to prove him wrong.

And, as egotistical as it was, I knew I was right. Well, a part of me reminded myself I hoped I was right. Same difference, right?

I took a deep breath and forced myself to stop crying, resolving myself to a most difficult plan of attack. I shoved the frame, box, and paper back into my jumper pocket.

“All right, then,” I said to myself, standing up and brushing dirt off my bottom and tears from my eyes – though the other way around might have been a more sensible idea. “Let’s prove him wrong.”

Cole was going to believe he was a good person if it was the last thing I did.

Sixteen

M

y plan of attack was simple, in theory.

I couldn’t really talk to him at school, it was awkward, and, really, who knew who was listening. No, I needed to set up the idea that he was a decent person during our last few English study buddy sessions, then it would be up to the formal for a last ditch effort to convince him.

Sound like a terrible plan? Why, thank you, I thought so, too. Unfortunately, our time was short and options limited.

“Are you sure you want to go through with this?” Cassidy asked again at Recess on Tuesday.

I nodded. “I have to try. If I don’t, I’m going to spend the rest of my life in Maybe Land going through all the scenarios of where I’d be if I hadn’t chickened out. If it doesn’t work, then I know I did everything I could.”

To my surprise, Cassidy nodded. “Then, I’m behind you.”

I’d shown the girls my gift after I’d started formulating my plan. I could tell each one of them saw it for what it was, but they all kept their looks guarded and I knew they were trying to protect me. Well, all expect Beat, who’d had her head in the toilet for the rest of the day, but had given me the thumbs up while she retched her guts out.

“All right. We begin in English.” Beat smiled.

I smiled and the bell went. Nerves flooded me again and I regretted all the water I’d drunk and the three coffees that morning.

“I just need to pee; I’ll meet you at the library,” I said.

They nodded and I took my detour. As I walked into the library, Jaime stopped me. I scowled at him. It was the first time he’d tried to speak to me since I’d punched him the week before. My hand still didn’t flex properly and I was seriously hoping he wouldn’t give me any reason to risk breaking my hand three weeks before exams.

“Just… Hear me out.”

“I’d really rather not,” I replied, trying to move past him. He grabbed my arm and I whirled around. “You touch me again, Jaime Sullivan, and you’ll wish the only thing I hit was your face,” I snarled, surprised by my tone, and remembering Cole telling him something similar once.

I could tell he was as well by the speed with which he pulled his hand back.

“I just wanted to tell you again I’m sorry,” he said.

“I don’t care,” I replied, walking away.

Beat gave me a quizzical look as I passed her, but I shook my head. Cole had undoubtedly seen the whole thing – no ability to walk away this time – but his face looked neutral before he looked down at his work.

“How’s the hand?” he asked.

“Shit useless,” I grumbled, so not feeling the positive ‘go get him’ attitude I’d had before Jaime got in my way.

I looked back to Beat, who gave me a thumbs up and an encouraging smile. I smiled back, but only half-heartedly.

“Damn.” He passed me a stack of papers.

“What’s this?”

He shrugged. “Notes. Thought you could use them if you can’t make your own at the moment.”

Here it was, the perfect way to open with my convincing. But, my mind was a blank. I opened my mouth a few times, trying to find the words I wanted to say. He looked up at me, about to say something else, and then cocked an eyebrow at me as though I was mad. Maybe I was.

“I…uh… Thanks…” I stuttered, finally shutting my mouth.

He smiled as though placating me. “That’s okay.”

Beat had, for some reason, circled us, and was walking past, a question on her face. I scratched the back of my head while I shook it, trying to hide the action. Cole noticed though and looked between us.

“Is there something I need to know about? Something I might be keeping you from?” he asked.

“No, no.” I jumped as my phone vibrated and my laugh was totally fake. “Why would there be? We’ve got study to do. Yay, study!”

“With anyone else that would be suspicious…” he said slowly. “With you, it’s just mildly odd.” He shook his head. “‘I have been used to consider poetry as "the food of love”’.”

“What?”

“Mister Darcy…” he started.

“I know it’s Darcy. But, we’re not doing Austen today, are we?” I asked, feeling completely off kilter.

“No, poetry… I was just…showing off.” He grinned.

What was he so normal one minute, then entirely odd the next? I wondered, giving him a small smile.

“Okay, so, poetry…” he said, flipping pages in his notebook.

I zoned out slightly as I caught Cassidy’s look. I tried to indicate it wasn’t working and hoped she’d send help. No such luck, though. She merely looked at me as though she had no idea what I could be saying.

“We could do this another time?” Cole interrupted my frantic head jerks.

“What?” I turned around, trying desperately to feign nonchalance. “No, sorry, paying attention.”

He smirked. “I never thought I’d see the day when I was studying harder than you.”

“I’m sure it’s a very rare occurrence. Even geniuses are allowed off days.”

“You’re a genius now?”

“God, no!” I laughed and he joined me.

“I think you’re very smart,” he said.

For a second it was like old times, then I caught Rachel’s look of hope and I couldn’t help but feel me dashing my own. Maybe this had been a terrible plan? Maybe it wouldn’t matter what I said? Maybe it would all be for nothing?

You knew that was a serious option going in, I reminded myself.

I remembered how positive I’d been after Recess, how confidant I was going to be with him. I was going to hint at all the reasons why he was a good person, I was finally going to make him see he wasn’t what his father wanted to make him, that he could be anyone, anything he wanted. You can do this. I cleared my throat. He looked at me with that familiar adorable smirk and I lost my nerve again, the butterflies going crazy against the bars of their cage.

“What is up with you today?” he asked. “I know Jaime’s an arsehole, but I wouldn’t have thought he’d make you so…jittery.” His tone belied the hardness in his eyes.

“I… Oh, God. Never mind.” I shook my head and, out of habit, picked up my pen. I tried writing ‘poetry’ at the top of the page, but it looked like a three-year-old had written it and my hand got cramp.

“What’s wrong?” I felt his hand on my arm and looked in him the eye.

“You’re a better man than you know, Cole Fielding,” was all I said before changing the subject abruptly to poetry.

I felt dejected and annoyed, and I’m not sure I was able to keep it from my face or posture. Cole said nothing, so I hoped he didn’t notice anything. Beat, on the other hand, seemed to miss nothing. And, she made sure I knew that after class.

¢

The lesson on Wednesday went terribly again.

At lunch, we devised a new plan of attack.

“As long as we keep bloody Jaime Sullivan out of my face, I won’t lose my shit to begin with,” I grumbled.

“I wouldn’t say you lost your shit,” Rachel said.

“No, but it put her right off her game,” Cassidy replied.

“Hey, have you guys seen Cole today?” Declan asked, coming over to us.

“Briefly, but I can’t say we paid attention,” Beat answered nonchalantly, shooting a glance at me.

“Hm…” Declan looked like he was going to put a pin in that for a moment. “Well, you guys may be interested to know what happened after school yesterday.”

“What happened after school yesterday?” I asked. Something akin to fear surged through me, but it wasn’t that I was afraid… I couldn’t quite place the feeling but adrenalin was involved.

Declan smiled. “Cole and Jaime had…an altercation.”

“What?” the four of us blurted out.

Declan nodded. “Yep, most of the guys say it. No one really knows what started it, but they were yelling at each other and shoving each other. Mister Phillips pulled them apart before anyone started swinging serious punches. But, as they were dragged apart, Cole told Jaime not to go near you, and Jaime replied he wouldn’t have to if Cole had taken care of you properly. It was messed up, man.” Declan shook his head.

I hung mine, sighing.

“You can’t blame yourself, Rory,” Beat said. “If they’re going to fight over you, there’s nothing you can do about it.”

I felt tears prick my eyes. “Oh, don’t worry. I don’t think it has anything to do with me at all.” I stood up. “They use me as an excuse to fight each other. If either of them actually wanted me, they’d put their efforts into that.”

“Oh, Rory, you can’t think like that,” Declan sighed. “Guys are idiots. They could love you more than life itself and they wouldn’t know how to show you.”

“It’s true,” Cassidy said, jerking her thumb at Declan, who nodded vigorously. I appreciated their efforts, but I just couldn’t agree with them.

I smiled at them in a way I thought was reassuring, and nodded. “Thanks guys. I just don’t… Maybe this was a just terrible idea….” I picked up my bag and headed off for the library.

No one tried to stop me, and, for that, I was glad. I scuffed my feet along the carpet as I walked to a table. The library wasn’t packed, but it was more full than usual with a lot of us worried about our exams. I trudged to a table and flung myself down. At least, I wouldn’t see Jaime on my way in to class this time.

I pulled open Pride and Prejudice and started reading it again. I was nothing if not a sucker for punishment. At least, maybe, I could pretend Cole was Mr Darcy and he, too, was going to turn around and admit he loved me. Although, hopefully in a less insulting way. If it did go down similar to Darcy and Lizzy, I was seriously hoping we could be in the adaptation with the zombies to I could kick his arse and throw things at him.

I got sucked in, as I always did and, the next thing I knew, Beat was sitting across from me with Cassidy and Rachel. I groaned as I realised I’d never even asked Beat how things were going with Becca as a study buddy, especially after the snogging Mark debacle.

“What?” I asked them in a huff. “We were about to go to the ball.”

“We?” Beat smiled.

“Shut up,” I snorted.

“Well, we’re going to a real one on Saturday,” Cassidy said, leaning back.

“What do you guys want?” I sighed.

“We want you to reconsider your plan,” Beat said, leaning forward.

I sighed. “It’s okay, it’s done for. No more plan.”

“That’s our point. We want you to reconsider scrapping the plan,” Rachel said.

I leant forward now. “You are the ones who didn’t think he was good enough for me in the first place. Now, what? You’re on his side?” I hissed.

“We’re on your side, always,” Beat said.

“And you’re going to let me make a fool of myself?”

“You’re not going to make a fool of yourself,” Cassidy scoffed.

I rounded on her, unnaturally angry. “How the hell would you know? I could bare my heart for him and he’ll just rip it out again.”

She looked guilty as she shared a look with Rachel.

“What?” I asked. “What is going on?”

“That is a good question, girls,” Matron Peters said coming up behind us.

I leant back in my chair. “Nothing, Matron, just an argument about weekend plans.”

Matron Peters smiled. “Well, as long as you sort it out, and don’t yell in the library.”

I nodded, still glaring at my best friends in the world. I loved them, God knew I did, but I felt like the whole world was against me at the moment. I couldn’t even rely on my own study because I couldn’t write properly yet. Absent-mindedly, I flexed my hand.

“Is it still bothering you?” Cole asked, sitting down next to me. “Uh, hi girls.”

“Hi Cole.” Cassidy sounded downright pleasant and I was starting to get the impression there was something going on behind my back here.

The girls got down to study and Cole looked at me. For all the patient expectation on his face, I was feeling annoyed and ganged up on. It seemed like no one wanted to tell me what was actually going on. Not that I had time to bother about it. We had two days left of school, two weeks of study vacation, then exams.

“What?” I snapped at Cole, pulling out my notebook and starting to make seriously messy notes on the test questions Matron Peters had given us the end of last lesson.

“Nothing, all good here,” he answered, defensively

“So, how’s band practice?” Cassidy asked as she almost surreptitiously passed a folded note across the table.

“Fine. Declan doesn’t talk to you about it much?” Cole answered, surprisingly not seeming to notice the note.

I opened it while they kept talking.

Say something to him. Anything. Use the band! Like it’s great he’s doing something, making friends.

I rolled my eyes at the setup of it all. Like it wasn’t bad enough I couldn’t convince a guy to go out with me on my own, I needed my friends’ help to do it.

“Yeah,” I said, “it’s great you’re out doing something you love.”

Cassidy glared at me.

Cole laughed uncertainly. “Uh, yeah. I didn’t think I’d enjoy it, but I am. They’re a great group of guys.”

“It’s nice you’ve made friends,” I said, smiling at him, but even I could tell it wasn’t sincere.

He looked at me quizzically, shooting a glance at Cassidy, who continued to glare at me.

“Yeah…” he said slowly. “I was surprised too. That’s where you’re going with this, aren’t you? That it’s amazing the degenerate slacker made friends?”

By his tone, I knew I’d hit a nerve, and one I hadn’t intended to hit. However, in my seriously foul mood that was only getting fouler by the minute, I didn’t much care.

“Surprisingly, no, not what I meant. But, now you’ve mentioned it, yes I’m amazed you’ve managed to get along with a human being for more than five minutes!”

“Aurora!” Beat gasped. “Remember that thing we were talking about?”

“What’s got into you?” Cassidy asked, sounding and looking completely horrified.

I stood up. “Nothing. I’m fine. Why don’t you all just keep out of my business?” I picked up my things and stalked away.

I locked eyes with Matron Peters, she gave me a worried nod, and I walked out.

“Rory!” Matron Peters hurried after me.

I whirled around. “Matron, please, I… I need to go. You know I’ll do the work.”

She nodded. “I do, Rory. And I’m happy to let you go home early this once. I just wanted to make sure you were all right?”

“I will be.”

“Good, good, that’s all any of us can hope for. I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

I nodded and hurried home, feeling more and more angry as I went.

My initial plan was just turning more and more to shit each day. Maybe I should just give the whole thing up? It seemed like the easiest solution. Surely, if Cole and I were meant to be together, it wouldn’t be so hard for me to try to get him back? Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be?

I sighed as I walked in the door.

I shot Ben a quick text saying I’d gone home sick so he’d have to get himself home. Knowing him, he’d just walk home with Matt and Cole. I did miss Matt; I barely saw him these days. I wished I’d had more time and been less drunk at my party. At least I hadn’t seen Dylan or Mark since. I did wonder, though, if Mark knew he’d spent the night making out with a lesbian, and what he thought about that.

Maybe I’d give this trying to convince Cole thing one more shot? We had one more English lesson tomorrow. If I wanted to try to be natural about it, that would be my last chance. Maybe I could just go to Phyllis’ and confront him? No, no, that would be even more embarrassing and stupid.

Because your behaviour over the last couple of days hasn’t been! I laughed at myself as I climbed the stairs to my room. Still, maybe putting some of the things I wanted to say down on paper might help?

I pulled out my notebook and ripped out a page. My hand was still stiff, but my thoughts came sluggishly enough that my cramped hand could keep up. I mulled over ideas, scribbling things out and grunting in frustration. I felt like I was getting nowhere fast. At least I had a list of things I knew I didn’t want to say to him now.

“Aura?” I heard Ben call.

“Yeah, up here,” I yelled back.

“You okay?” he asked, pocking his head round the door.

“Just stress, I’m sure. You got home okay, then?”

“I walked with Matt and Cole.”

I nodded. “Matt’s good?”

“Cole, too.”

“I do see Cole you know,” I replied.

“Do you? Because he asks about you as if you never speak. Do I need to ask you what’s going on? I get you broke up, but you both seem so miserable about-”

“Just, mind your own business, Ben, okay?” I snapped. “What Cole and I do or don’t do is nobody’s business but our own. If he doesn’t want to be with me, I don’t want to be with him.”

“Uh huh…” Ben said, starting to walk away. “You keep telling yourself that,” he called back.

I reread through my scribbles.

I could keep telling myself that. I could tell myself, as much as I liked, that I didn’t want to be with Cole. But, I knew it was a lie. Maybe I should just give it one more chance? Tomorrow, in class, I’d try to say something intelligent and meaningful. Maybe I needed to plan what I was going to say? Think of something that needed no prompting, something that could be said without him even having to say anything.

Maybe, an apology? An apology, and, if that didn’t work, I’d give him a clean draft of the letter in front of me.

I’ll work on that draft now, then.

¢

“Want to tell us what that was yesterday?” Cassidy barked at Recess when we met at our table.

Well, our table for one and a half more days.

“Rory?” Beat asked.

“What?” I snapped.

“What the hell was that yesterday? That was not exactly according to plan.”

“None of it is according to plan,” I answered. “How well did you think I’d do with the three of you breathing down my neck? I’m nervous enough as it is, and I’ve wasted most of the week.”

“Well, what are you going to do?” Rachel asked.

“Is this our collective dating life now?” I sighed.

“Just tell us you have a plan?” Cassidy asked.

“I have a plan.”

“Good. What is it?”

“I’m not at liberty to discuss it.”

“Rory!”

“Fine, I’m giving it one more shot, then I’m…giving him a letter…” I finished, feeling ridiculously lame.

The girls, though, nodded.

“Well, at least you’re doing something.” Cassidy nodded. “Can we read the letter?”

I blushed, thinking of all the things I said in it. “No, you can’t.”

“Oh, it’s a good one then.” Beat smiled, taking my arm.

I shrugged. “I don’t know about that, but if I freak out again, it’s my last chance.”

We headed back to class and I paced back and forth next to the corner table I’d secured. I heard Cassidy tell Cole where I was, but didn’t manage to stop pacing in time. He was standing, staring at me when I did stop.

“I didn’t think I was that late.” He smiled, putting his bag down.

“Oh, no, it’s… Hi,” I said, smiling back.

He chuckled. “Hi.”

“How are you?”

“Fine. How are you?”

“Fine,” I said, sitting down. He followed suit.

“If this is about Tuesday, I’m sorry…” he said.

“What?”

“Tuesday… The, uh, fight I had with Jaime. If it bothered you…?”

I’d actually forgotten about it among all my madness. “What? No, why would it bother me?”

“You just seemed…angry yesterday.”

I tried to laugh casually. “Yeah, well. You know women.”

“So, it didn’t bother you?” he asked, sounding confused.

I opened my mouth to say it didn’t, but changed my mind. “Look, I don’t know why you did it-”

“Because I was sick of him getting in your face,” he said softly.

I sighed. “That was it?”

He wriggled uncomfortably in his seat. “No, okay. He got in my face about how I’d treated you badly and…I retaliated.”

“So he started it?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“And?”

“And, what?” he asked.

“Did he have a point?”

“What?” he asked, entirely indignant. And, to be honest, I didn’t blame him.

Not the plan, Rory, focus!

“No, not what I meant,” I sighed. “Just never mind, we have one more lesson to get through. Dorian Gray, right?”

“Yeah, my favourite,” he said sarcastically.

I rounded on him. “You are nothing like him, or your father, you hear me, Cole Fielding? I am so sick of this. Of you not believing your worth. You are the most worthy guy I know. Sure, you’re rough around the edges, but you’re good where it counts and you have so much potential in you. If you just kept applying yourself and doing what you’ve been doing, the band and the guys and school, you’d have such a future ahead of you. You are so smart, and funny, and just so attractive. And, I love you. Despite the drinking and the smoking and the pretending to be a slacker idiot, I love you because I see past your bullshit façade to the man you really are beneath. A good man with a good heart who deserves everything good in this world!” I breathed deeply.

I could see by his face that he finally believed every word of it, he even told me he did and that he loved me too. Then, he kissed me and we lived happily ever after!

Really? You ask.

No, not at all. In the real world, and not Maybe Land, I sat there, all of that running through my head and not one word spoken aloud. Instead, I smiled at him with the most pathetic smile on my face and said; “I’d love to see your portrait, I bet it’s sexy.”

I almost heard his eyes roll, I swear. Not that I could blame him.

And so, instead of telling him all the things that were great about him, instead of my great plan of leading with the hints and ambushing him at the formal, I sat next to him and we worked on potential Dorian Gray questions for our exam. Did I use the opportunity to tell him unlike Dorian he was? That his mother would have no cause to make a connection between the two? That she’d be proud of the man he’d become despite all the shit that had happened to him?

Nope.

I just tried hard to ignore the burning of his arm next to mine. I tried to ignore how amazing he looked with his sleeves rolled up, his thick cuff watch, his tie loosened and his top button undone. I tried to ignore the scent of him, all manly, but a faint hint of sweat.

I also tried to ignore the way the butterflies beat on the door of their cage, demanding to be let out. But, Cole seemed to have relinquished his key.

“Hannibal, are you okay?” Cole’s rich brown eyes searched mine and I blinked, realising I’d been staring at his arm.

“Sorry,” I said. “Where were we?”

“Deals with the devil.”

“Right… Good.”

We got through the rest of the lesson without me spacing out too much.

When the bell for lunch sounded, I chickened out again. Instead of giving him the letter outright, I slipped it between his books before he put them in his bag. Part of me reasoned that if he never spoke about it, it just meant that he never got it and no harm was done.

I didn’t look forward to telling the girls how poorly I’d done. Again.

At lunch, they of course asked me.

“It’s in his hands now.” I shrugged.

“So, he said he’d read it?” Rachel asked, excitement evident in her voice.

I scoffed. “Can you really imagine Cole offering to read anything?”

The girls smiled.

“No, I guess not,” Rachel said. “But, surely he said something when you gave it to him.”

“He just smiled and put it in his bag.”

All of that, by the way, was not at all a lie, so I was totally in the clear! You keep telling yourself that.

“Good, so stage one is finally done,” Cassidy said rather ominously, rubbing her hands together.

“What? Stage one?”

She nodded. “Yep. Onto stage two.”

“There are stages now?” I looked at the girls. “What are the stages? Where was I when all this was being worked out?”

“Not sticking to the plan,” Cassidy huffed.

“Stage one was set the scene; job done, if a little off plan,” Beat said.

“Stage two is getting you two together at the formal and making you both realise this thing can work, ” Cassidy said.

“And, stage three is you living happily ever after,” Rachel breathed dreamily.

I snorted. “Okay, I’m not sure about happily ever after, but that sounds okay in theory.”

“Yeah, so does communism. This plan, however, is going to work in practice too,” Cassidy replied.

I smiled, but couldn’t bring myself to get my hopes up. The part on which this whole thing hinged was the letter, and I wasn’t even sure he was going to get it. Him seeing it would require him to look at his books before the formal. And, to be quite honest, I just didn’t see that happening. I could hope though and, as far as the girls knew, it was a done deal.

I laughed along with them, thinking about the idea of my happily ever after. I knew we weren’t in some fairy tale romance where everything works out in the end. But, with good friends by my side and an unhealthy dose of optimism, maybe I could have my happily ever after with Cole?

Seventeen

T

he day of the Summer Formal was upon us. We were officially no longer required at school unless we had an exam. In four weeks, we would be done, it would all be over. The thought was as exhilarating as it was foreboding.

The Summer Formal was, thankfully, only for our year, so it would be small and there would be actual food served. I just hoped the food was better than the rumoured catastrophe of the year before.

We were at Cassidy’s again. I’d like to suggest it was because we liked her house, which was true, but the reality was it had the most room for us to get ready and… Well, Cassidy had insisted. This time around, she had a hairdresser and makeup artist come to the house.

“Jesus, you’d think one of us was getting married,” Beat laughed as we sipped mimosas.

“Not just yet.” Rachel looked pointedly at Cassidy and me.

“God, at least wait to see if we get back together!” I laughed despite the uncomfortable twinge in my stomach that told me I’d never be with him again.

I kept the girls on a steady regime of ‘drink lots of non-alcohol between your mimosas’ to make sure none of them threw up before we even got to the limo. Since Declan and Patrick had to be there early to get band things warmed up, we girls had decided to go on our own and meet our dates there. Well, Beat and I would be going with our date. Cassidy would meet Declan and Rachel would meet Patrick, of all people – she wouldn’t talk about it much, but we got the distinct impression she asked him and everyone was thrilled.

The hairdresser took turns making us up. Cassidy went first, opting for a fully classical up do with little diamante things strewn not-haphazardly at all through it. Rachel was second, choosing something similar, but with small roses in her hair. Beat went next, professing not to care at all what was done with her hair, but protesting when Cassidy suggested something like hers. Instead, she had her red hair tamed into luscious waves that cascaded down her back.

Finally, it was my turn.

“Okay, what are we doing for you?” the hairdresser smiled.

“Just something simple. Half up, half down.”

“What’s the dress look like?”

I showed her a picture and she seemed to think for a moment.

“Maybe some braids?” she finally asked and I nodded.

Why the hell not?

I came out of the chair both wanting to pull it all out and feeling very cool. I looked a little like that Lagertha chick from Vikings, only like I also had access to a shower and hair gel. The front section of my hair was pulled back into a coif and braids. The rest tumbled down my back in a remarkable caramel coloured waterfall, only slightly less sticky.

“Very rocker chic.” Cassidy smiled, coming up behind me after finishing her makeup.

“You actually approve?” I smiled into the mirror at her. “Of something you didn’t choose?”

She stuck her tongue out at me. “All right, you don’t have terrible taste in some things. Blue, though?” she shivered and I laughed.

Once makeup was finished and it was getting close to leaving time, we had one more mimosa each and got dressed.

I was pretty impressed with what I saw in the mirror, even if I did say so myself. The dress was tea-length with a full satin skirt, a sweetheart neckline, cap sleeves, and a key-hole back. Once she’d seen my hair, Cassidy had leant me a black cuff for my wrist, a black choker necklace, and a silver bracelet to go with my low-heeled black shoes – they were quite similar to my school shoes, only with a higher chunkier heel.

“Well, he won’t know what hit him,” Cassidy purred, standing behind me in the mirror.

“I didn’t do this for him,” I replied, suddenly wondering if I had changed my look to get his attention. “God, did I? That is such a Sandy move.”

Beat laughed, fixing her earrings. “Well, it worked for her.”

“Yes, and look at what all the feminists say about her these days!” I replied.

Beat shrugged. “Feminism is overrated; I think it’s a sweet idea. But, in answer to your question, no, you didn’t do this for him. You did this for you.”

I smiled at her, trying to convey all my thanks. Her return nod made me think she understood.

We had our picture taken by Cassidy’s maid – yeah; she has a maid – before we bundled into the limo. My dress, luxuriously, again had pockets so I’d stuck my phone, a small purse of money, and my lipstick – shock red this time – in them.

We cranked the music in the limo and drank all the cola they had on offer. It wasn’t a long trip to the hotel, but I sorely needed to pee by the time we arrived. Still, I was in the best mood I’d been in for a long while. I felt gorgeous, bold, and ready to tackle anything. Maybe if I’d felt this good on Thursday, I’d have actually given Cole the damn letter, rather than slip it away like a coward?

We walked into the ballroom and struck a pose, totally ready for the photographer this time. He laughed along with us and wished us a good night.

We walked in and surveyed the scene. The place was decked out in blues and silvers to – sort of – match the school colours. There were balloons, streamers, and flowers everywhere.

“Let’s go find our table.”

“Oh, I so need to pee!” I said, “I’ll have to meet you down there.”

“You and your bladder.” Beat rolled her eyes at me and nodded.

I rushed to the bathroom and managed to make it back to them just as they were putting down their bags.

“Right, where am I?” I smiled.

“Antarctica?” Beat laughed.

“Har-di-har. Chair, woman.”

Her face fell a little and she pointed. “Sorry, Rory, we must have forgotten to change the seats.”

I looked where she was pointing and saw I was seated next to Cole. But, I smiled at her; I wasn’t going to have a chance of winning my man back if I just moped about it all day.

“It’s fine. Perfect really. But, I will have to decide whether or not I want to flirtatiously ignore him or actually talk to him.”

Beat laughed. “You’ll have to wait, looks like they’re coming on stage.”

I turned to see. The dance floor was in front of the stage with tables surrounding it on three sides. Our table was the second from the front, so we had quite a good view of the boys. They all wore impeccable tuxedos, and I had a feeling I knew where they’d got them

“Trudy Jones strikes again, I see.” I smiled.

“Hey guy, welcome to your Summer Formal for twenty-sixteen!” Declan called and everyone in the room cheered. “We’re Saint Kitts and we’ll be starting off your entertainment for tonight.” Everyone cheered again as they started playing their first song.

“Come on, come on!” Cassidy grabbed my hand and pulled me onto the dance floor. Not wanting to leave anyone behind, I grabbed Beat and she grabbed Rachel.

The boys played for about half an hour until dinner was served – turns out we’d missed the canapé entrée with all the dancing – and the DJ took over from the band.

I was still standing next to Beat when the boys found us, heralded by Cassidy’s squeal of greeting. I turned slowly, still laughing at something Beat had said, and said hi to them all.

“You look like you should be in the band!” Chris crowed, smiling.

“I’m afraid my lack of musical talent would get you booed out of town,” I replied.

“You do look nice, Rory.” Patrick smiled as he pulled Rachel’s chair out for her. “So…so do you, Rach.”

Rachel smiled at me, supressing a laugh as she patted his hand.

“That is definitely not a you look,” Declan commented and Cassidy smacked him. “What? I didn’t say she didn’t look good, she just opted for something very out of the box. I like it.” He finished, sitting down. Cassidy rolled her eyes at him like he was a complete cretin and sat down next to him.

I slid into my chair next to Chris. “Well, Dec, sometimes you’ve just got to let go a little, see where life takes you,” I said, shifting my gaze to Cole who still hadn’t moved. I smiled at him flirtatiously – right, going with flirtatious ignoring…?

He looked too stunned to smile back. He just nodded.

“Dude, sit down,” Declan said. Cassidy grabbed his arm and shoved him towards his chair between hers and mine.

Cole moved jerkily, never taking his eyes from me. As he sat down, I turned my head to join Beat’s conversation. Even without looking at him, I could feel him like a burning beacon – she said, sounding like a trashy romance book.

Eventually dinner was served. It was nice, but nothing spectacular. At least it was filling. We talked about nothing in particular, laughing and joking across the table at one another. I tried to do my best smiles, make sure my best features were on display, and not look directly at Cole. I failed a couple of times when he said something funny or I was caught out on hearing his voice. We’d exchange awkward smiles, his eyes flashing bright as he looked at me.

Dessert came out pretty quickly, chocolate and lemon cakes – yum! These took a little less time to devour and the boys had to make a hasty retreat back to the stage; they’d be playing for another hour and a half or so, then the DJ would take over until the end.

After we’d all reapplied our lipstick, Cassidy dragged us back to the dance floor, telling us we could wait for photos until the boys were done.

“Plus, the lines will be shorter by then,” she added.

I conceded she was right. Just looking over now, the lines were ridiculously long. I would much rather be dancing than standing in a line.

The boys were about halfway through their set when Declan and Cole seemed to switch places. Until then – not that I’d paid attention – Declan had stuck as lead singer and Cole and the others were back up. Now, it seemed, Cole was taking over.

After one song ended, Declan made an announcement, “this next one’s for you, Rory.”

Stunned, I stopped and turned, not missing the look that passed over Cole’s face. I thought maybe it was annoyance, but then I wondered if it embarrassment. Maybe he was embarrassed by me? Maybe it was just the fact that Declan had announced it was for me, presumably from Cole. Cole wasn’t big into public displays of affection… That could be it. Or, maybe he just didn’t want a song dedicated to me?

I realised then that I recognised the song as one I liked, but couldn’t place it for a moment.

Despite my recent journey to Maybe Land, before the lyrics started, Cole laughed and looked to Declan. “I was kinda hoping she’d just know, man.”

When he started singing – damn he had a great voice – I realised why I hadn’t recognised it right away. It was a Eurovision song, of all things, from the previous year. I could never remember which country it was – I looked it up later, it was Anti Social Media for Denmark– but I knew it was called The Way You Are.

The girls jostled me as he sung, giving me huge grins. The crowd around us kept dancing, sometimes throwing looks my way. Me, I just stupidly stood and watched him as he played and sang. He wore an adorable smile on his face as he sang. His eyes never left mine and, if it weren’t for Cassidy’s elbow in my side now and then, I could have pretended it was just the two of us in the room.

Maybe he had read the letter after all?

As the song finished, he winked at me and turned to Declan during the intro to the next song.

“So, you think she noticed, man?” he asked.

“I dunno, dude. Might need to try again.” Declan shrugged, coming to join him at the microphone.

I laughed as Declan sought me out, pointed to me, and smiled. The crowd around us cheered as the band started on the next song, OneRepublic’s Something I Need.

“The least you could do is dance to it, Rory!” Beat called over the music.

I laughed, giving Cole one last sincere smile before going back to dancing with my friends.

“All right, one for my lady, then enough of this lovey dovey nonsense,” Declan declared between songs.

I saw Cassidy’s face light up and wondered when on earth she’d become a one-man woman. Not that I didn’t approve, I was glad she’d found someone she liked enough to make a real go of it; it was just different.

The boys stuck to their promise of no more lovey dovey nonsense and just played for the rest of their set. They played a mix of covers, mostly upbeat, sort of rock-y stuff, but a few slower ones for the couples to dance to. We all sat those ones out, taking a chance to get a drink or sit down for a bit. I wasn’t used to wearing heels, even if they weren’t all that tall and were plenty stable, and my feet hadn’t reached that pleasantly numb stage yet.

“All right, guys, you’ve been great, but we’ve only got one more song left,” Cole called. There was a huge boo from the crowd and he laughed. “Hey, we only learnt so many songs!”

“Let’s wrap this up,” Declan laughed.

They played their last song and the four of us felt obliged to get off our arses and dance. When they were done, the DJ took over for them seamlessly – I wondered if he only charged for the time he played, or also for the time he had to sit around and do nothing? – and, moments later, Declan was hugging Cassidy around the waist.

She squealed and laughed. “You guys were amazing!”

“Not bad for a few months of practice.” Declan nodded.

Patrick, quiet, awkward Patrick met an equally shy Rachel in a weird but very warm hug and we turned away to leave them to whatever they might need to say to each other…awkwardly.

Speaking of awkward, Cole stood a little way off from us, looking like he wasn’t sure whether he should come and speak to me. I could understand the feeling. Part of me wanted to go running to him and throw my arms around him, part of me didn’t know what he was expecting, and another part of me didn’t really want our reunion – if that’s where this was going – to be in front of everyone.

However, I didn’t have much of a choice, as someone behind me – Beat, it turned out – pushed me towards him and he had to catch me so I didn’t send us both sprawling on the floor.

There was some awkward laughter on both sides.

“Well, I fell for you,” I said, wincing before the sentence was even completely out of my mouth.

He did me the courtesy of not laughing outright. “I see that.”

“Cocky much?”

He nodded. “Oh, yeah, famous rock star now, you know.”

I smiled. “Well, you did appear to have hundreds… Well, a hundred screaming… At least appreciative fans.”

“Way to knock a guy while he’s down.”

I shrugged. “I fight dirty, what can I say.”

He scoffed, and then looked a little awkward as silence resumed between us.

“So, you sang me a song,” I said.

He nodded. “Yup, I did do that.”

“It was a lovely song.”

“I’m glad you liked it.”

“You knew I’d like it. It’s a Eurovision song.”

“You don’t like all the Eurovision songs, just because it’s a Eurovision song, doesn’t mean you like it. What about Poland?”

I nodded. “True.”

“And power ballads.”

I wrinkled my nose. “Also, true. Thank God there was less this year.” We’d had a long discussion about my love of Eurovision.

He laughed, watching me intently.

“What?”

“Nothing,” he said, brushing a piece of hair from my face. “I’ve missed you, Hannibal.”

“You didn’t have to.”

He nodded. “I know. I messed up.”

My heart pounded and emotions crashed through me. But, now wasn’t the time to finish this. Maybe we could fret over the future tomorrow?

I took his hand. “Let’s not do this now. Later tonight? Tomorrow even?”

“Okay, sounds good.”

“Guys! Guys! Photos!” Cassidy bounced up to us.

“Cass! Cass! Okay!” I bounced back, laughing, pleased for the momentary distraction.

“All right, let’s do this!” Declan high-fived me and I exchanged a laugh with Beat.

We waited in the line for what felt like a thousand years between photos – because you only got one set-up per line-up of course. We’d taken a big group shot, smaller group shots, ones where the girls surrounded one of the boys and vice versa, stupid shots, serious shots, and we were waiting in line for yet another one.

Cole had his arms around me as we shuffled along the line.

“You look amazing, you know,” he whispered in my ear.

“Why thank you,” I replied as though it was totally obvious.

He chuckled and kissed my cheek.

I didn’t know what had got into me, but I felt very happy and confident. Maybe it was nervous energy because I wasn’t sure how the talk with Cole was going to go later. Maybe I was expecting it to all work out, and that was to blame for the excitement churning in my stomach. Whatever was going on, all signs pointed to ‘yay’ and I think I just really wanted to make it a good night, no matter what happened between us later.

Our final lot of pictures were couple pictures where we had one with every combination possible between the eight of us. For one of our silly photos, Cole and I took rockstar poses, complete with his guitar.

We were heading back to the dance floor when Declan pulled back to walk with Cole and I. “So, this is a thing now, yes?” he asked, indicating between our joined hands and us.

Cole and I looked at each other before looking back at Declan. I was about to reply I didn’t know, but we were going to talk about it when Cole answered for me.

“If she’ll take me back,” he said as he squeezed my hand.

“About bloody time too!” Declan said, shaking his head. “The lot of us have been dropping hints for weeks.”

“What?” I asked.

Declan nodded. “Do you know how difficult it’s been to get you two to just own up to how you feel? Jesus, if the letter and the songs didn’t work, we didn’t know what we were going to do.”

“What letter?” Cole asked and I felt panic well inside me.

If he hadn’t read the letter, what had prompted the songs? Did he think any better of himself? Could this go anywhere without that? Maybe Declan had convinced him he was a good person after all? It sounded like they were all playing matchmaker behind our backs, so maybe everyone else did my job for me?

I realised Declan was looking between us, a quizzical look on his face. “Cass said you told them you gave it to him?”

“I said he had it, I didn’t say I’d given it to him…” I replied, hoping he’d drop it.

At least I knew now whether Cole had seen it or not!

“What letter? Should I know about the letter?” Cole asked.

Declan ignored him. “How does he have it if you didn’t give it to him?”

I sighed. “I slipped it between his books before he put them in his bag. Unsurprisingly, he hasn’t done any study since Thursday and hasn’t seen it.”

“Ah.” Declan nodded. “Well, this got awkward fast-”

“Seems to be the theme of the night,” I muttered.

Declan started backing away. “Awesome, well, I’m going to drop that bombshell and then leave you to deal with the fallout.” He grinned apologetically and went to find Cassidy.

“We’ll discuss this later, Dec!” I yelled after him.

“Want to tell me about the letter?” Cole asked me very coaxingly.

“No, I don’t,” I replied in the same voice.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. At least, not now. Can we just enjoy the rest of our night and then we can talk tomorrow?”

He smiled at me and the butterflies were again released from their cage.

“Yeah, okay. We can do that, Hannibal.” He leant in and kissed me gently before, much to my surprise, he led me to the dance floor.

Eighteen

T

he next morning was hangovers all around and I vowed never again. God, my head pounded, and my mouth was dry and fuzzy.

I woke up on the couch, snuggled up to Cole, who was looking down at me fondly.

“Good morning.” He smiled, and then checked his watch. “Afternoon.”

I smiled. “Hi.”

I looked around to see where everyone else had crashed. We’d all ended up staying at Declan’s. Thankfully, this time, we’d all brought a change of clothes so hadn’t fallen asleep in our formal clothes.

Beat, Rachel, Chris and Patrick were all strewn about the room, on either couches or mattresses. I didn’t need to wonder where Cassidy and Declan had gone, nor did I really want to think about it.

I sat up, dislodging the blanket, and hunted around for my phone. Nothing but a low battery notification – I really needed to get one of those carry around charger thingies. The clock said it was a little after midday. I was about to be surprised we hadn’t been woken up by Declan’s parents, but they were probably not home again – Mr and Mrs Russo were not known for their stellar parenting skills.

“How did you sleep?” Cole asked sitting up next to me.

“Surprisingly well. Although, I think that had more to do with alcohol consumption than comfortable sleeping place.”

“I’m not comfortable?” he replied, mock aghast.

I laughed. “You’re very comfortable, but I’m surprised we didn’t fall off in the middle of the night.”

We spoke quietly so as not to wake the others. But, when Rachel murmured in her sleep and rolled over, I got up and headed for a different room – there were only about a million to choose from in this house. I decided, though, that coffee was necessary so I went into the kitchen, Cole following close behind.

When we got there, though, Cole seemed to know how to work the coffee machine much better than me. When I mentioned it, he shrugged.

“I’ve been here a bit the last few weeks.”

I sat at the counter and watched him. He wore track pants and a jumper – a woollen one that looked the sort of thing Phyllis would have bought him, with a v-neck and his sleeves pushed up. For a moment while I watched him, I wondered if this is what it would be like to live together.

Rushing things much? a voice asked me, but it sounded very half-hearted.

He pushed a cup of coffee over to me and leant against the bench, facing me.

I sipped it carefully. “You remembered?” I asked, finding it a little milky but without sugar.

“Did you think I could forget anything about you?” he asked casually, looking very comfortable.

I found myself shivering; although I wasn’t convinced it was just from the chill of the seat under me. Without saying anything, Cole put down his cup, pulled off his jumper, and came over to me, giving me not nearly enough time to appreciate his fine form.

“Arms up.”

“I can dress myself,” I laughed, but did as I was told.

He pulled the jumper over my head, over my simple dress – like a nighty, but one you can wear out and has pockets! He gently lifted my hair out from under the collar of the jumper, and kissed me.

“I am well aware of the things you can do, Hannibal. But, you should be looked after every once in a while.”

I looked down, smiling, and noticed the top of the tattoo under his pants. I ran my hand over the top of it, feeling his muscles twitch under my touch. He pushed my hair out of my face, tucking it behind my ear. I was going to ask him about the tattoo, but he took my face in both of his hands and kissed me, drawing me up to him. I ran my hands up his chest, feeling all the muscles and scars beneath my hands.

I heard a cough behind me and Cole pulled away, resting his forehead to mine and giving me an apologetic look.

“There’s a perfectly good room upstairs if you want it,” I heard Declan snigger.

“Hello to you to,” I said, turning around and picking up my coffee.

Cassidy walked in, stretching. “You started on the coffee already?” Then she laughed. “Who am I kidding? With Rory around, coffee never ends.”

“There is nothing wrong with a healthy appreciation of caffeinated beverages,” I replied. “Having said that, there is a definite end to this cup.” I sighed. “I should probably make some kind of effort to get home.”

“Do you have to go already?” Cassidy grumbled.

“I need to try and prise these braids out, plus I could do with a shower and a toothbrush.” I slipped off the barstool.

“I’ll get my guy to take you home,” Declan said.

“I can get the bus.”

“Nah, it’s all good.”

“What about the others?”

Declan waved a hand. “They’ll be out for ages, plus it won’t take him long to get you guys home and get back. I assume you’re going with her, dude?”

I looked to Cole, having honestly not really thought about it. Now I did, I realised heading home for some privacy and a chance to talk would be great. But, maybe he wanted to hang out with Declan?

“Yeah, I think that’s a good idea.” He smiled at me and I worried it was one of those times I’d talked out loud instead of in my head like a normal person.

Even in my apparently reasonably drunk state, I’d still managed to pack my stuff into my bag when I’d changed. It was just a matter of waiting for Cole to pack his stuff up, put on a shirt, and pull our shoes on. Declan’s driver waited patiently until we were ready, and then insisted he carry our things to the car and stow them.

I gave the driver my address and we spent a quiet trip back, both staring out our own window. We held hands and he seemed to be absent-mindedly tracing circles with his thumb. I really hoped that I was the only one feeling so awkward. Maybe none of it fazed him? Maybe he was feeling the tension as much as me, and it was going to make him reconsider whatever was happening? Maybe I was just being paranoid?

The driver finally pulled up at my place and asked Cole for his address.

“Is it okay if I walk through yours?” he asked me and I nodded. “No worries, I’m just across the park from Han…Rory. Thanks for driving us.”

The driver nodded and got our bags out for us before driving off.

I hopped up the front steps, not being able to tell if anyone was home. I rummaged through my bag and found my keys.

“Hello?” I called as I got the door open.

There was no answer and no lights on anywhere. I checked the hall table and found a note in Dad’s near-illegible scrawl.

Couldn’t get you on your phone. Out for the day. Ben’s at Phyllis’. Hope you had a great night, we’ll see you for dinner xoxo

“Right, well that answers that,” I muttered as I pulled my phone out of my pocket. It was totally dead.

“Do you need to call them?” Cole asked.

I shook my head. “Nah, I’ll see them later.”

Feeling a little unsure what to do next, I shrugged my bag further onto my shoulder. I didn’t want to kick him out, but neither did I know if he wanted to stay.

“Well, I guess I should leave you to your shower.” He smiled, finally. “I’ll see you later?”

“I… Cole, you can stay if you want?” I said, not sure what was driving me.

A range of emotions and thoughts flickered over his face for the briefest moment. Mostly all I caught was hesitation.

“You, ah… You don’t have to. You probably want to get home,” I laughed self-consciously.

He looked at me with a fierce glint in his eye that I couldn’t decipher.

“What do you want?” he asked slowly as though afraid to make some kind of decision, I was just a little behind as to what the decision was.

Maybe he didn’t want to get back together? Maybe he’d just wanted one last bit of fun before he moved on? Maybe he had, but had changed his mind? Maybe no one had convinced him he was good enough? Maybe I wasn’t good enough? Maybe…

And, I realised in that moment how many times I started a thought with ‘maybe’, how often I wandered off to Maybe Land where I ran through all possible terrible scenarios and excellent scenarios, then stayed hidden in my mind. I was sick of just meandering through Maybe Land, where I’d never know the answer to anything.

If I wanted to know what was running through Cole’s mind, the only way I could do that was to ask him; Maybe Land didn’t have the answers.

I sighed and dropped my bag. Cole frowned.

“Okay, look,” I said, “I don’t know what I was hoping for, some big romance movie moment maybe? No, no more maybes!” I exhaled sharply.

“Hannibal, you okay?” Cole asked, putting his bag down and stepping towards me.

“No. Yes!” I said, holding my hand up to stop him.

If he came any closer, I’d just want to kiss him and I’d lose my resolve now that I’d – sort of – started.

I took a deep breath, tried looking at him, and failed. “Right, so my front hall was probably not high on my where I thought this would go down list, but that’s life for you.” I took another deep breath and could see he was about to interrupt, so I held my hand up again. “Cole, I… You need to just shut up and listen for a minute okay? This is… Well, let’s just say it would have been easier if you’d damned studied.

“I have and will always believe in you. I know you’ve been through things in your life that have shaken your confidence, have made you believe that you’re nothing, that you’re not worth anyone’s time or effort. I know you think you can walk through this world, falling short of people’s apparently low expectations and you’re not hurting anyone. But, you’re wrong. You’re hurting yourself, you’re hurting Phyllis and Matt, and you’re hurting me, not to mention all your friends.

“You are nothing like your father. You are caring and loyal, kind and just so intelligent, you have people who love you because of who you are, the person you think you hide away and no one can see. But, we see him, Cole. We see the man you really are, and we love you for it.

“You can have anything and do anything in your life, if only you believed in yourself as much as we believe in you. You have the band, friends, and it’s not too late to put in the effort for your exams. You probably don’t even need to, you probably remember everything anyway, you lucky bastard.” I heard him chuckle, but didn’t let it break my focus. “You don’t have to love me Cole, but I love you and I can’t bear to see you throw your life away because of some wanker who doesn’t deserve to win.

“You need to fight, Cole. You need to fight by being your best, showing him you are someone, someone he’ll never be. Because, you have us, Cole. Who does he have? He has no one; he is no one. He saw the light and goodness in you and he was jealous, so he tried to crush it. But, he didn’t succeed, no matter what you think. If he had, you wouldn’t have protected Matt the way you did, you wouldn’t have let Phyllis in, you wouldn’t have found me.

“I’m no great catch, but I’m not going to waste my time on someone who isn’t worth it. And you are worth it, Cole. You are worth fighting for. And, I will fight for you, even when you can’t fight for yourself.” Yes, yes I did read over that letter so many times, I had it memorised.

I took another deep breath; realising my voice had become shaky and tears slipped silently down my cheeks. I still couldn’t look at him, but he didn’t seem inclined to say anything. After a while, I did look up and I was surprised to see him staring at me expectantly.

“What?” I asked.

“I just wasn’t sure if you were finished yet,” he said softly, brushing away my tears.

“Uh, yes… Tirade over.”

“I…uh… I’m not sure I…”

“It’s fine, Cole. I don’t care if it doesn’t change anything. I just wanted – no needed – you to know how great you are. It’s all the things I should have said to you weeks ago in the rain. Things I should have made you listen to when we were together. Things I wanted to say to you this last week. I can’t go through life living in this Maybe Land where I just guess about stuff and never actually know the answers. Well, I’m going to ask for answers now, Cole. I’m sick of wondering what’s going on, sifting through the maybes. No more maybes.”

“Hannibal…” I looked up at him. “Hannibal, I know I don’t have a lot of faith in myself-”

“Well, you should! You-”

He put his finger to my lip. “I’m talking now, you shush.” I nodded and he continued. “I know I don’t have a lot of faith in myself, but I am starting to see that my dad was wrong. And, to be honest, I don’t care if he is right, Hannibal. You make me a better person and I’m not afraid of him anymore. I do love you and I just want to be with you, if you’ll still have me?” He pulled me into a hug and I hugged him back.

“I don’t think I’d be able to not.”

“You know, I considered going all Mister Darcy on you.”

“And insult me while you professed your love for me?” I felt him nod against me. “Why am I not surprised?”

He pulled away from me, grinning his lopsided adorable smirk.

“I just wasn’t sure how to fit it in. I planned a few things out, but, in the end, I didn’t want to risk you throwing things at me.”

I laughed. “You know I would have.”

“That I do.” He looked at me with such openness in his eyes that I wasn’t sure what to say. “‘I feel the greatest remorse for the disappointment of which I have been the occasion, but you will forgive me?’”

“I don’t think Frankenstein considered that a question.” I smiled.

“Maybe not, but I do.”

“Tell me this, first; how are you doing with everything?”

A shadow crossed his face and he sighed. “I know I have a lot to work on. Grandma’s helping, but I hoped you would too?”

“Your dad?”

He nodded. “After… After last time, Sargent Lewis thinks we can bring real charges against him, get him locked up and out of our lives for good.”

I nodded, knowing it wasn’t important for me to know all the minor details right now. “Is that what you want?”

He laughed bitterly. “So much. I want to move on without this shadow hanging over me, Aura. I’m by no means going to be a good boy over night, but I want to look forward to life, have something to call my own.”

“How do you feel about exams?”

“Am I supposed to feel something about the exams?”

“Phyllis could talk to the school? Get a concession? Have your grades weighted so you pass with your exam results?” I smiled.

Cole seemed to think about it. “And, how am I going to get through the exams?”

“We’ll all help you. Between us, at least one of us is in each of your classes.”

“What does it matter? I didn’t get any applications in for next year.”

“Of that I am well aware.” I smiled. “But, you can always apply for mid-year if you wanted? Or, you and Declan can take time off for your band?”

He smiled. “Dec would like that.”

“He would.”

“You’ll help…with the exams?”

“I don’t think you really need it, the way you go about spouting random quotes, but yes.” I brushed his cheek and he smiled.

“All right, then. Let’s give it a go.”

I smiled and pulled him towards me for a kiss. He stopped just shy of my lips.

“So, you can forgive me?”

I mock sighed. “I honestly don’t think there’s anything to forgive. You have things in your past that haunt you. I can’t be angry with you for trying to protect the people you love. I tried, but I can’t.”

“‘The one charm of the past is that it is the past’.” Cole smiled.

I frowned at him. I guessed it was another quote, but I didn’t recognise from where.

“Dorian Gray,” he answered simply.

I smiled, shaking my head. “You’re so not going to need any help getting through English. If you do better than me, I might not forgive you!”

He laughed. “I’ll try not to let my natural genius shine too brightly.”

“Probably a good thing.” I smiled. “Is Phyllis home?”

“Now?” he asked and I nodded. “I don’t know, why?”

“I thought we could get a jump on the whole exam prep thing?”

“You won’t be happy until we do, will you?”

I smiled brightly. “I’d like to say no, but I’d be lying… I do think it’s a good idea though.”

He sighed dramatically. “You shower; I’ll go talk to Grandma. I’ll give you a call when we’re done.”

I kissed him. “Okay, see you later.”

“Later.” He picked up his bag and I let him out the back door.

After he’d left, I picked up my own bag and pretty well skipped up the stairs in an embarrassing Disney moment – good thing no one was there to see me – and got ready for my shower.

The braids were so fiddly, but I eventually got them out, leaving me with half a head of frizz. But, I didn’t really care, nor could I keep the smile from my face.

That conversation had been jumbled, but among it had been everything I’d hoped for. Whatever our friends had done behind my back seemed to have worked; Cole was starting to believe in himself, and in us.

I turned my music on loud before I got into the shower. Coincidences of coincidences, Anti Social Media’s The Way You Are came on.

¢

We were all seated around the huge table in Phyllis’ dining room – the formal one this time as it was huge and let us spread our stuff all over the place – and actually doing study.

“Chris, have you got that cheat sheet from Term One?” Declan called down the table.

“Here,” Luke replied, sliding it down the middle of the table, but it veered off course and landed in Beat’s face.

She looked up at them, half annoyed and half laughing. “Really, guys? That’s what arms are for.” She passed the page to Declan.

“Thanks.” Declan smiled and began explaining something to Cole.

I looked around the table at the nine of my friends. Cassidy had her nose in a science book while whispering something to Patrick and Rachel. Luke and Chris were going through History with Mike. Declan was catching Cole up on what he missed in Music. And, Beat sat next to me, rifling through our Sports notes – the exam for which was a formality really.

We’d spent most of the first few days of Study Vacation around the table at all hours of the day.

Phyllis had succeeded in getting the school to make special arrangements for Cole. He’d not done quite a terribly in some subjects as I’d expected – I know, stellar girlfriending, feel all that support and belief – so his exam results didn’t have to make up his whole grade in his subjects.

“Are you lot ever coming out of here?” Phyllis asked, standing in the doorway.

“Hey Phyllis!” A few of us chorused.

“Hello.” She smiled.

“We can leave if you want?” Beat asked, chewing the end of her pen.

Phyllis waved a hand. “No, don’t be ridiculous. I’m fine with you all being here at all hours for as long as you need. But, don’t your families miss you?”

“To be honest, I doubt it,” Luke said. “I’ve just been stressing them out, I think.”

“Yeah, Dad keeps telling me we shouldn’t have to work this hard.” Mike laughed. “I told him we were mainly helping out Cole, which he thought was good, but I don’t think he believed me.”

Phyllis sighed. “Well, if you’re going to keep at it, you’re going to need more food. Shall I order you some pizza?”

“God, yes!” I sighed and everyone laughed.

“Same as last time?”

We all looked around, nodding.

“Yes, thanks, Grandma.” Cole smiled.

He looked tired, and I honestly wasn’t surprised. As much as I loved him, I doubted he’d done this much study for his entire school life, let alone in the space of a week. And, we still had three weeks until exams were done! He gave no signs of giving up though, which I could only admire.

There had been little talk about the issue with his dad, and I got the impression from Phyllis that they were going to leave any trial until after the exams so Cole had one less thing to think about. I don’t think Matt knew much about what was happening with it, which was probably for the best at the moment. From the little I understood, Cole had never helped with the police charges before because he didn’t think it was worth it; apparently their dad somehow managed to weasel his way out of trouble much too easily for everyone’s liking. And, there had been little Phyllis could do if Cole wasn’t willing to cooperate. Now, though, Cole seemed more than happy to do the hard work and hope for the best.

I blinked, realising how far off Psychology my brain had wandered.

I reread the paragraph for possibly the hundredth time, reaching for my glass. I took a sip, but found it empty. Stretching my neck, I groaned.

“Who’s got the bottle?” I asked, looking for the much-needed caffeine.

Declan threw it at me, with an annoying smirk, but it was empty.

“Bah… I’m going to get more. Anyone need anything?”

“A lobotomy or extra brain storage would be great,” Beat muttered.

“Those are two very different things,” I laughed.

“Well, a lobotomy will get me out of exams, and extra brain storage will get me through them-”

“Win, win, really.” I nodded. “I’ll see what I can do, but I think I can only offer carbonated beverages or chips.”

She sighed. “All right, carbonated beverage then, please.”

I smiled; incredibly pleased I had help through one of the most stressful times of my life.

By the time I got back with carbonated beverages, Cole and Declan had distracted everyone by getting their guitars out.

“I didn’t know there was a practical component to your exam,” I said, passing Beat the bottle of cola.

“Dec got bored,” Cassidy replied, rolling her eyes. “Though, I don’t blame him.”

I nodded. “We could probably do with a break anyway. What time is it?”

Chris looked at his watch. “Shit, it’s after nine already.”

“Ugh, what time did we start?” Rachel asked.

“Which start?” Mike replied. “The one earlier this week, the one this morning, or the one after the last break?”

“Did we even have a break today? I feel like I haven’t done anything but read all week,” I said, flexing my hand.

“How’s it feeling?” Cole looked up from his guitar.

I smiled. “Fine, little stiff, but it could be as much from being overworked as colliding with Jaime’s face.”

“Let’s just work through ‘til the pizza gets here,” Beat said, stretching her back. “Then, maybe call it quits for the night?”

I dropped down next to her, nodding. “Fine. But, let the record state I’m not happy, Jan.”

“The record can state anything you want,” Beat snickered.

I sighed and pulled my book back in front of me, trying to remember where in the stupid little columns I was up to reading.

Nineteen

I

t was times like these I envied Cole his ridiculous memory. I’d spent the better part of seven months assuming he’d Googled obscure quotes from the books to annoy me. But, no. The guy had a memory like… What’s the opposite of a sieve? Is it a sand trap? An elephant? Whatever it is… He had one of those.

The bloody guy had well read every book and poem and song we’d studied and could spout back random quotes to fit any scenario. It was unnatural and weird, but God’s damn did I wish I was him during this exam. I would give my first born for the chance to remember any quotes right now.

I’d faffed my way through an essay on poetry and was trying desperately to finish my essay on Pride and Prejudice – because, was I actually going to choose anything else? It turns out, though, that no matter how well you know a text, when it comes to an exam you can kiss all your knowledge goodbye. Unless you were my boyfriend… In which case, screw you.

The question was ‘Jane Austen’s original title for the novel was First Impressions. What role do first impressions play in Pride and Prejudice?’ I suspected Matron Peters had been on SparkNotes or something for a question as obvious as that, but I couldn’t help thinking of my first impressions of Cole.

I couldn’t help but think of the way I’d seen him across the courtyard and may as well have drooled for how much I stared. I remembered how I’d just liked looking at him, how, without him even opening his mouth, I was interested, I’d wanted to know more about him. If I was Lizzy Bennett, I would have said he was the handsomest man I’d ever seen, even handsome enough to tempt me, though I wouldn’t have admitted it at the time.

I thought about the first time I’d really spoken to him – the time in the corridor when he’d first called me Hannibal, the first time I’d really seen that adorable smirk and the humour in his eyes. I’d seen his intelligence and wit that day; I don’t think I’d recognised it, but I’d seen it and I’d liked it. I’d also, much like Lizzy Bennett, realised that there was something proud and arrogant about my love interest, something that made me dislike said interest.

I could draw no more parallels to my favourite book through the rest of our courtship, however. It was, merely, the first impressions that were similar. Which, no matter which way I looked at it, didn’t really help my essay at all.

Then, the other texts we’d studied distracted me.

Cole had drawn similarities between his life and Dorian Gray in a way I don’t think I ever would. I could entirely believe his mum saw Dorian in his dad, from what Cole had told me. And, if he let himself, there would be a little Dorian in Cole, too. Although, I didn’t think Cole’s portrait would ever be as hideous as Dorian’s; Cole had too much good in him for that.

I suddenly realised that if I spent too much more time thinking about Cole and not getting on with the rest of my exam, my portrait would age significantly from what I might do in my frustration.

I used a little bit of my experience with Cole as an argument for my Pride and Prejudice essay, throwing all my emotion behind it – I was well aware that first impressions, while important, can be entirely wrong. I mean, Lizzy and Darcy liked each other the moment they laid eyes on each other, but they let their assumptions get in the way of that and I could identify with that to a degree.

But, overall, it was my knowledge of the book that got me through it. No matter how distracted I got in that exam by thoughts of Cole and me, I knew the text inside and out. I’d spent enough time arguing this exact point with Cole, even; the crux of Lizzy and Darcy’s relationship was the fact that underlying issues hampered their first impressions of each other.

I wrote furiously, my confidence returning with every word I wrote, until there was less than a minute left on the clock, and I frantically read my essay, trying to make sure I’d remembered everything.

A pitiful little ‘toot’ went off as Matron Peters blew the air horn.

“All right, everyone, pens down,” she said, looking much too happy after putting us through hours of torture. “Silence while we collect up your papers and while you leave please.”

I sat, my leg jiggling until we were told we could go, then I filed out among the pushing and jostling while everyone split off to find their friends. I found mine at our table, realising we’d collected ourselves a pretty neat group of people the last few months. I was sort of sad that we’d lost Jaime, but the guy had turned into a jerk and we were better off without him. I’d say Kelly Preston could keep him, but she seemed smart enough not to want him either.

“Hannibal!” Cole pulled me into a hug as I pushed my way out of the crowd of people – I know I’m not the tallest person in the world, but really!

“Hey.” I smiled to everyone. “So, what are we doing now? I feel like sleep might be the order of the day?”

I was early afternoon, we were all hyped up on sugar, and caffeine, so I doubted sleep was actually on anyone’s minds.

“I have a meeting with Sargent Lewis,” Cole replied. “So, I’m going to have to go, actually.”

“Yeah? Did you want me to come?” I asked.

He shook his head. “Nah, thanks. It’ll be easier with just me.”

“Phyllis isn’t going?” Declan asked.

“No, she doesn’t need to relive it all right now.”

I nodded. “Okay, let me know if you want to hang out later?”

“Will do.” He kissed me. “I’ll catch up with you guys later,” he said to the others.

“Bye, man, good luck with it.” Chris waved.

Cole nodded and headed off.

“I could do with anything that’s not school,” Beat sighed.

“Agreed,” I answered.

After a brief discussion, we all decided to forgo group study that afternoon and see what we were all feeling like the next day. After these three weeks, if I never had to study again, I’d be glad.

¢

Beat and I scuffed our way along the footpaths of the park in that ridiculous crisscross walk – the one where you move the same leg at the same time and cross your legs in front of each other’s.

“How’s Cole doing?” she asked, her arm in mine.

I shrugged. “He doesn’t like talking about it much, but I think he’s okay.”

“He’s seemed a little quieter than usual… Bit more melancholy than usual.”

I smiled. “It fuels his music. Although, I probably shouldn’t tease him about it. God knows they’re nervous enough about it.”

“About the band?” Beat asked. “So, they’re going to do it?”

“Much to Mister Russo’s disgust, yes. I think Dec’s worried he’s on the verge of being disowned.”

Beat scoffed. “The way Phyllis dotes on him, she’ll probably adopt him, too!”

“I don’t doubt that. I suspect, though, Dec’ll work things out. He always does.”

“Mm,” she agreed. “He’s a smooth talker, that’s for sure.”

“How else could he have charmed our Cass so?”

Beat snorted. “You’re right. I never expected her to settle down so early.”

“Jesus, you make us sound like we’re thirty.”

“You know what I mean.”

I nodded. “That I do.”

My phone buzzed and I pulled it out to check it. It was just a brief ‘hi’ from Cole to let me know they were still going. I huffed, sending him a quick text back and stuffing my phone in my pocket.

“He doesn’t want you going to the trial?”

It was the last week of exams – but we’d thankfully finished – and they were on the first day of the trial against Cole and Matt’s dad. As far as I could tell, it was going well. Sargent Lewis had spent the last six months collecting what evidence he could in the hopes someone could convince Cole to help them. I’d seen the Sargent at Phyllis’ the week before and he seemed a lot more confident than last time that Cole’s dad wasn’t getting out anytime soon.

I shook my head. “I offered, although I’ll admit I was glad when he said no. Just the idea of his dad scares me, I don’t know how I’d do if I had to see him.”

“You’d do fine, because you’d be supporting your boyfriend,” Beat replied.

“True. I wish there was more I could do. I can see he’s anxious about it.”

“Of course he is, but at least he’s not out at all hours like he used to be.”

I laughed. “No, now he just paces his balcony drinking and smoking, while I watch helpless.”

He didn’t actually spend all his time drinking, smoking and pacing the balcony. We spent time playing games with our brothers, talking, I listened to him practice his guitar, or we made out.

Matt had been pretty sheltered from the trial, but he knew something was going on. He had moments where he seemed anxious or excited and I knew Cole was worried he’d get his hopes up and they’d all be disappointed. However, the good big brother he was, Cole couldn’t bring himself to take that hope away from him.

Beat shrugged. “There are worse things.”

I nodded. “There are at that.”

“I’m sure he appreciates you just being there.”

I sighed. “I think so.”

Beat nudged me as we crisscrossed. “Speaking of appreciating, have you…appreciated his body, yet?”

“Beatrice!” I said, mock indignantly.

“What?” she asked innocently.

“That is totally inappropriate!”

“It is not! I have to live vicariously through you.”

“Well, your vicarious life isn’t as exciting as you’d like, let me tell you.”

“I don’t believe that for a second!”

I laughed. “Believe what you like, Beat. Nothing’s happened.”

“What? Really? You haven’t…?”

I shrugged, smiling. “Almost, once or twice, I guess. And…we’ve messed around a bit…done other things…” I couldn’t go on, my cheeks were hot, and I felt like I was going to burst into laughter.

Beat did burst into laughter, so my restraint didn’t last.

“I hope you’re not as shy with him as you are with me!” Beat giggled.

“He doesn’t talk about it,” I said, trying not to laugh.

“He’s a silent lover?” she asked merrily and I snorted.

“Beat!”

“A talker then?”

“Beat, seriously!”

She chortled. “I bet he has a really deep voice.” She lowered hers. “Oh, Rory, let’s have sex.” I sniggered and she smiled at me. “Don’t tell me it’s really high pitched?” She put on a falsetto. “Oh, Rory, I love you so much!”

My sides hurt from laughing so hard.

“I am going to hyperventilate if you don’t stop,” I stammered through my laughter.

“Okay, okay. Sorry.”

It took us a moment, but we managed to calm ourselves down.

“But, in all seriousness, Rory. Have you even talked about it?”

“We’ve talked about it.”

“And, do you want to?”

I looked at her as though I had no idea what she was talking about.

“Oh, come on!” She smiled. “Do you want to sleep with him?”

I wrinkled my nose and nodded. “Does that make me a slut?”

“Pfft! Sleeping with a guy you love? I don’t think that’s high on the slut-meter, but it takes all sorts!” Beat replied. She looked at me seriously for a moment. “Have you talked about it? I mean he knows you’re a virgin, right?”

I nodded. “Yes, and I know he’s not.”

Beat barked a laugh. “Well, no offence, but that was expected.”

I shrugged and nodded conceding that one. “If you’re going to keep pestering me. Yes, we’ve talked about. Well, we did a while ago. Apparently, he could tell I wanted to, but that he wasn’t going to be beaten up and a little drunk my first time.” I giggled, remembering that night.

“And, he hasn’t made a move on you?”

“He has been kind of…preoccupied.”

“I guess…”

“What are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking it has less to do with his preoccupations and more to do with-”

“Me?” I interrupted, suddenly worried I was putting him off.

Beat chuckled. “No! I was going to say that he’s actually a gentleman under that sexy bad boy exterior and is probably waiting for you to tell him you’re ready.”

“When did you get so knowledgeable about how boys think about sex?” I asked.

She shrugged. “I can’t imagine they’re actually that much different from us.”

“You make a fair point.”

“If you want to, you’re going to have to make a move. We didn’t spend all that time getting you two back together to see our efforts go to waste.”

“Yes. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that!” I laughed. “I can’t believe the boys were doing the same to him that you were to me.”

“I can’t believe the two of you were such stubborn arsehats. Seriously, you both wanted to be together, but you just kept failing at doing anything about it!”

“Well, it’s not like I knew he felt the same way.”

Beat snickered. “Everyone but you knew it.”

We continued our ridiculous crisscross walk through the park, musing on boys, girls, the birds and the bees, and when we were going to go out next; Beat had turned eighteen the week before and she was looking forward to making full use of her adulthood.

As I hung out with Beat, I was feeling freer and happier than I could remember feeling in a long time. But, I also couldn’t help thinking about what she said. Maybe Cole was waiting for me to say something?

I smiled at myself. No more maybes, remember.

No, no more maybes.

¢

Mario Kart had become a tragically big part of my life through the last week of November and early December with Cole busy with the trial, Mum and Dad at work, Ben at school, and a strange lack of study. It felt weird to be at home with no one else around. But, in good news, I was getting really good at Mario Kart… As long as I didn’t play anyone else or put the difficulty up too high.

I was aiming to unlock all the achievements for my player card. Though, I felt like I was probably just looking for a replacement for study, something I could master. Hopefully this insane need to find something to keep me busy would be solved when I went to university next year.

“No! Bowser, you wanker!” I yelled at the screen as I waited to be dropped back on the racetrack.

The doorbell sounded and I sighed loudly, putting the game on pause. I wasn’t expecting anyone; Ben was heading to Phyllis’ after school, and Mum and Dad always used their key. I checked my phone as I walked to the front door, but I hadn’t missed any notifications.

I snuck a peak out the window and saw Cole leaning against the rail on the porch, puffing away like he did. I realised I missed the way he wore his coat collar turned up; he hadn’t worn a coat for weeks now the weather was hotter. Although, I was very partial to seeing him with his sleeves pushed up. There was something very pleasing about a man with his sleeves pushed up.

I pulled the door open and saw Cole’s face brighten.

“Hi.” He smiled, putting his cigarette out.

“Hi. Was I expecting you so early?”

He shook his head. “No, the judgement was a lot quicker than expected.”

My chest fluttered with excitement; if he was here and smiling, it surely meant what I thought it did?

“And?”

Cole gave me a look quite clearly intended to make me think he hadn’t understood me and it was infuriatingly charming.

“I’m going to assume, with this level of annoyingness, it went well?”

He smiled and nodded. “Very well. Guilty on all charges.”

I cheered and flung myself into his arms. He chuckled and hugged me back. I knew there had been worry about the murder charge, not that I knew all the details – law confused me and Cole hadn’t liked going into masses of detail; I assumed it was painful enough to sit through the trial, let alone having to relive it.

“That’s great news.” I took his hand and led him inside.

“You’re playing that again?” he chuckled as I pulled him to the kitchen to find a drink.

“I am very close to unlocking all the shiny coins on my person.”

“And, you’re doing that because…?” he asked, wrapping his arms around me from behind and kissing my neck.

“Then I get all the people and cars to play with.”

“Uh huh. You know, one of us could have done that for you if that’s all you wanted?”

I huffed and spun in his arms. “I can do things too, you know.”

I started to wish I hadn’t turned to face him. I couldn’t pretend that the conversation with Beat hadn’t been playing in my head since we’d had it. I also couldn’t pretend that being near him and seeing his smile didn’t send a course of feelings and emotions through me; those damned butterflies didn’t seem to know whether to run to him or away from him as soon as he released them.

And, it entirely didn’t help now that he was looking at me in obvious triumph and happiness, his eyes so warm and bright that it made my chest tighten, and my breathing jagged. I considered just dragging him to my room right there and then.

Luckily, he spoke and saved me trying to decide what to do.

“Of that, I am very aware.” He smiled down at me and kissed my nose. “I’ve told you once and I’ll tell you again, you deserve to be looked after now and then.”

“And, I might just let you look after me,” I said, envisioning my eyes were full of meaning in what felt like a very un-me show of boldness.

I couldn’t tell, obviously, if he understood what it had taken me a moment to work out. His smirk grew and I wished my small amount of boldness wasn’t about as much as I could muster. I didn’t know what was wrong with me; I knew what I wanted without a doubt, so why was it so hard to do anything about it?

“Will you now?” he asked, a glint in his eyes that suggested he knew exactly what was running through my mind.

In the face of such intensity, I momentarily lost my nerve. I cleared my throat, smiling as I twisted out of his grasp.

“Besides, I had very little else to do the last few weeks. And, now I might have a shot at holding my own when you three gang up on me!” I said, turning to the cupboard.

He laughed. “I doubt you got that good.”

I frowned at him. “Such little faith. Ugh,” I sighed as I realised all the clean cups were on a shelf I couldn’t reach.

“Here,” he said, confining me against the cabinets as he reached past me for the glasses on the top shelf.

I didn’t bother to stop my gaze from wandering down his body. As he reached up, the bottom of his shirt rose and I saw the top of the tattoo once more. My hand reached out almost of its own accord and touched it. He flinched, but was smiling when I looked up.

“Sorry, ticklish,” he said, putting the glasses down on the bench.

I unbuttoned his shirt, aware he was watching me with an amused and anticipating smile. When I got to the last button, I pushed aside the bottom of the shirt and pushed his pant waist down a little – not that they rode very high. Under the waistband, was a small, blue frangipani surrounded by a few flourishes like leaves and vines. I would have thought it effeminate, but the way it sat on his hip seemed oddly masculine. I gently traced a finger over it.

We might have messed around a few times, but I’d never seen it. I’d never quite been able to bring myself to look down there without feeling the desire to burst into nervous laughter.

“It’s beautiful,” I said.

“It’s for my mother,” he replied. “They were her favourite.”

“You loved her a lot.”

He smiled, though sadly as though at a bittersweet memory. “I did. She had flaws and got herself in a ton of mess, but she was a good woman and the best mother she could be.”

I reached up and kissed him, winding my arms around his neck. He trailed kisses down my cheek and neck, and nuzzled in my hair, hugging me close. He took a deep breath.

“‘It would kill the past, and when that was dead he would be free’,” I heard him whisper.

“What?”

He pulled back and looked at me, a sudden seriousness to him, and the triumph still evident in his eyes.

“Gray’s blade. You’re my blade, Hannibal. Thanks to you, my past is behind me, it may as well be dead, and I’m free from it now.”

As much as I wanted to roll my eyes and declare him showing off again, I didn’t think now was the right moment. I also wanted to ask him if he really thought it was going to be that easy to move on. But, I could appreciate he was trying to have a moment and God knew we’d never been so great at them. So, I smiled.

“I don’t think it was just me.”

He shook his head. “You don’t take a compliment well, do you?”

“Oh, that was a compliment? I assumed you were declaring your love for me,” I teased.

He grinned widely and something in me melted. “You’re assuming I wasn’t?”

I shrugged coyly. “I thought you were just showing off again.”

“Maybe. But, how else am I supposed to romance you? You respond so well to anything book-related, I can’t help myself.”

“You’re trying to romance me?” I tried hard not to laugh.

“And, why shouldn’t I?”

“Well, it doesn’t really suit the rest of you. Besides, I’m sure I didn’t fall for you because you were trying to romance me. I didn’t even know you were trying.”

“‘I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun’.”

I laughed. “All right, enough quotes. Talk to me like a normal teenage boy!”

He smiled. “All right, inelegantly it is. When I saw you that first day of school, sucking on that damned blue vine…” He shook his head. “That was enough to get me interested; I wanted you. But, Jesus, then you had to go and open your mouth and flash your stomach at me, and I was hooked. I didn’t know what I wanted more; to clash with that beautiful mind of yours or run my hands along your amazing body.” Which he entirely did as he spoke, making me flutter as he pulled me close to him.

“So I was just supposed to be some quick lay?” I breathed more than spoke under his touch. I felt like I should be a little insulted, but my mind wasn’t focussing properly.

He chuckled. “I won’t lie to you Hannibal. I only had one thing on my mind when I first saw you.”

“And, what do you think would have happened if you’d got your way?”

“I suspect I would have realised sooner that you, Aurora Daniels, are everything I didn’t know I was missing in my life and I would have stopped playing games earlier,” he whispered in my ear and kissed my jaw.

I tried again to be even slightly annoyed by his first impression of me. But, I couldn’t bring myself to be when I thought about my first impression of him as a slack loner delinquent who had surprised me.

I pulled back enough to look at him, searching his face. I realised there was nothing holding me back now, Cole had somehow become as much a part of my life as my parents or Ben. I’d known I’d loved him, but I hadn’t realised exactly what that meant until now. I wanted to tell him I could and would forgive him anything in his past, but he spoke before I had a chance.

“You blind-sided me, but I wouldn’t change it for anything. The way you exploded into my life with your wit, your intelligence, your beauty and your passion for everything you do… I love you, Aura. I just want to make you happy. I would do anything to make you happy.”

Here was my opening. “I can think of one thing…”

I grinned and grabbed his hand, pulling him up the stairs after me.

“Hannibal…?” he said.

“Yes?”

“Whatcha doing?”

“Oh, nothing,” I replied, pulling him down the corridor to my room.

I pushed him through my door and kissed him, kicking the door closed with my foot behind us.

The End

a No More Maybes novel

Gray’s Blade

You’ve read Hannibal’s side. Now, read mine.

Cole Fielding just wants to take care of his little brother without getting anyone else killed.

Then, he sees Aurora Daniels. His Hannibal.

He wants her but she sees right through him – she’s beautiful, funny, intelligent and damned sexy.

But, she doesn’t fight him as hard as she could.

As Cole fights a growing attraction to more than just the body, his past catches up with him. Can he finally be free of it? Is she his Gray’s Blade?

Coming 2018

Net he rf ie ld

Pr ep

A modern reimagining of

Jane Austen’s Pride & Prejudice

When Lily Brewer’s mum dies, she’s shipped to the other side of the world to her step-sisters’ pompous English boarding school, Netherfield.

There, she meets Austin Cooper. Arrogant as hell but with abs to die for, Austin soon becomes the bane of her existence.

His twin brother, Jax, is the complete opposite. Kind and sweet, Jax soon strikes up a thing with Lily’s roommate, Anne.

Austin, though seems keen to keep them apart.

Will pride and prejudice ruin them all?

Or, will love win the day?

Out now https://t.co/XN9YrDASHB

Thanks

As with any new book, there is more than just the author involved. So, there are just a couple people I need to thank, without whom this book would have sat in my computer gathering e-dust for who knows how long.

Firstly, to my husband, who has to deal with my agitation when I haven’t written enough in a while but who stoically stands by my side as I chase my dreams.

And, secondly, to my gorgeous girls, Charny, Lauren and Josie who read everything I give them with gusto and excitement. And, No More Maybes was no exception. Cole’s version is coming, so keep your pants on!

Thirdly, to the wonderful Sub-Binder ladies, without whom I would have given up this mad business and left my head in a hole.

Without all of you, I’d still be twiddling my thumbs on this one, so thanks for the vote of confidence.

Author

Born in New Zealand to a Brit and an Australian, I am an emerging writer with a passion for all things storytelling. I love reading, writing, TV and movies, gaming, and spending time with family and friends. I am an avid fan of British comedy, superheroes, and SuperWhoLock. I have too many favourite books, but I fell in love with reading after Isobelle Carmody’s Obernewtyn. I am obsessed with all things mythological – my current focus being old-style Irish faeries. I live in Adelaide with my long-suffering husband, delirious dog, mad cat, five guinea pigs, and three chickens.

Where to find me:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elizabethstevens88/

Twitter: www.twitter.com/writer_iz

Website: www.writeriz.wordpress.com