by Love Belvin

MKT Publishing

Copyright © 2017 by Love Belvin

All rights reserved. This book may not be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without written permission from the author. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidences are fictitious and a product of the author’s imagination.

Cover design by Visual Luxe

Table of Contents

~One

~Two

~Three

~Four

~Five

~Six

~Seven

~Eight

~Nine

~Ten

~Eleven

~Twelve

~Thirteen

~Fourteen

~Fifteen

~Sixteen

~Seventeen

~Eighteen

~Nineteen

~Twenty

~Twenty-One

~Twenty-Two

~Love Acknowledges

~Other Books by Love Belvin

~Extra

~One

My eyes circled around the place as my fingers pulled at my beard. High ceilings, long windows, showing off the New York City skyline. I could see the Hudson from here. Earlier, when we were in the dining room, it felt like we were eating outside; the windows were that broad. Every area of the room gave you a street view of the traffic below us.

This place is dope…

“You like Global Tower, huhn?” Larry laughed as he handed Jade a glass of wine then took his seat back in the sitting room. He must have caught me drifting. His wife, Sylvia, chuckled along with him as I turned to watch my girl closely. They’d been offering her wine all night, all for her to say no politely. My “bourgeois” chick preferred hard liquor. Funny… If they offered Patron, Jade would’ve been all over it. “This is probably the best property investment I’ve made in years.” Larry brought my attention back into the conversation. “You know we have the small beach cottage just north of Wildwood in Avalon, and the barn house in Salem County.” He shrugged. “This was the ‘next’ thing we’d been waiting on to complete the property investment portfolio.”

I nodded, swallowing most of my Malbec. “This one in the city—basically the top of the state—the other two at the bottom. Whaddup with the middle?”

Larry laughed, looking at his wife, who giggled herself.

“Nah,” Larry sighed as he spoke, cheeks pink under his brown frames. “I like it at the bottom. We can easily get out of the state if needed.”

“I can see you in something like this, Trent,” Sylvia shared with a shrug of one narrow shoulder while holding her glass. You’re familiar with the trappings of a city. New York isn’t too fast-paced of a place for you. This property reminds me of you: urban-sexy, sophisticated, and indefatigable,” she damn near growled, turning herself pink.

My eyes shot over to Jade, ready to act. But she stayed in her seat, short legs crossed at the ankles, and her hands stretched over the arm rests, wine colored nails splayed. A soft smile playing at the sides of her lips. She was good.

Good girl…

She’d been getting better. The marriage enrichment classes at Redeeming Souls had been paying off. Jade sat poised and confident next to me. Sylvia’s hand flew to cover her face as though she let something slip. Larry howled his ass off, his hand going up in the air, eyes closed.

“My wife has had the biggest crush on you, TB. I’ve never shared it because she threatened a back alley orchidectomy if I spilled the beans to you.” He kept with his laughter.

“Are you a surgeon?” Jade asked, eyes sharp with curiosity.

Sylvia shook her head, her lips pursed to keep a threatening laugh from busting through.

I reached for Jade’s hand. “Nah, baby.” I chuckled to be polite. “Syl’s a freelance writer.”

“Oh.” Jade’s brows met.

I could understand her confusion. She didn’t know these people. Larry had to be in his mid-seventies. His wife was just a step behind, possibly in her late fifties.

“Well, that’s enough of that.” Larry’s voice went up an octave as he straightened his clothes in his seat, trying to refocus the conversation. He brushed the front flap of his silky chestnut hair from his face. “I didn’t invite you over to have my wife charm your cleats off. I wanted to welcome myself back to the TB brand. I’m honored to lead it, man.” He took a humble neck bow. “I’m looking forward to making you a positive and influential household name again. It would be my honor.”

Larry Tinsel was my product project manager at Love is Action, a small but powerful subset of Dynamic Branding’s public relations firm. Jackson Hunter and his crew decided to assign a handful of his team to athletes specifically. Larry had just come over from a large firm that I used to be signed to before my arrest, trial, and conviction. The one that cut ties with me overnight. Larry kept in touch, making it clear he didn’t agree with the firm’s decision. So, when I signed with L.I.A. and was given Larry, a Jewish dude with crazy experience in the field, I was good on it.

“I’m witchu, my dude.” I gave a neck bow and placed my right palm over my chest. “Salute.” Sylvia clapped in response, unleashing a cheery smile. “Thank you for the hospitality tonight, Tinsels.” I sat up in my chair, putting the empty glass on the small coffee table in the middle of our huddled chairs. “We got a sick seven year old at home. I gotta get momma bear back to her cub.” I stood and reached for Jade’s hand.

“Seven,” Larry repeated while standing himself. “Wow. He’s throwing the ball?”

I nodded. “Batting it, too, and now wants to kick it.”

“No basketball?” Sylvia asked, joining her husband at his side.

“Maybe next year,” Jade added. “We have enough to keep up with between sports, his school work, and Trent’s travel.”

“Oh!” Sylvia perked up. “I can only imagine. Life’s busy for you. It comes with the role of standing next to such a tall man—no pun intended.” She nodded without a smile.

Jade’s hazels swung up to me and she smiled softly. “Yup. Pretty busy, pretty fast, and pretty tall.”

Larry started out of the open room to lead us to the door.

“We gotta have you guys over once the weather breaks. Jade’s redesigning the back patio,” I offered while in step. “With what we’re spending, we’ll be putting that joint to use er’ weekend.”

Sylvia gasped, her silk salt and pepper strands swung back as she looked at Jade. “You’re redesigning a home while planning a wedding? My god, I remember that stamina. I could take on the U.S. Army with the energetic optimism I had from the vim of being a bride. Trust me, once you’re Misses, you’ll be over it all. It’s like you’re preparing for this new identity or event in life, just to find out you’re still the same you. And after you say ‘I do,’ life is…eventless.” She shrugged with her mouth, now at the door.

Jade’s brows met again and her head swung over to me, long lashes batting together as a conspiratorial smile played at the corners of her mouth. I studied her nicely made up face. She chose soft tones for her eyes and lips, her hair back into a big poufy ponytail. She wore a fitted tan dress that came just beneath her knees and a simple pair of nude pumps. I helped her into a pink duster coat as both Larry and Sylvia smiled. She swept her puffy ponytail out and I helped with a bit of it proudly.

My little one always made me look good. Put together. Here I was in a grey sweat suit and Timbs, and she wore heels and a sexy ass dress. We were mismatched, but came off as polished. That’s what my wife brought to my life. It was too bad the Tinsels had no idea we were official. Jade was my wife, giving off the same stamina she did when we were just sexing and engaged, if not more. Not many knew that, but we did.

I winked at that silent message she was sending about our secret nuptials.

“Good kicking it with you tonight, Larry.” I offered him my hand for a shake.

“Always, TB. You’ll be hearing from me in the morning about the baseball cap line.”

They offered Jade their goodbyes and promises to keep in touch. Jade kept with a humble demeanor, not giving off much really, just being graceful. In no time, we were off to the elevators.

As we waited, neither of us spoke. I eyed her, wondering what was going through her head. It was never Jade’s style to be so quiet after a business meeting. Even though this was at Larry’s crib and we did a lot of small talk and laughed along the way, this was business. Jackson wanted to be sure I was comfortable with Larry before getting started. Yeah, I knew him and had worked with him, but I was a new man after prison, and Jackson knew I wanted to move smarter this time around.

Since losing the Super Bowl to the Patriots almost two weeks ago, opportunities had been coming in spades. It was weird being the loser that everybody now wanted a piece of. It was my redemption period. The time when everyone was watching to see what my next move would be. It was proven I still dominated the field from bringing my team from a 1-3 start of the season to taking them to the Super Bowl. That act was highly improbable, but God made it possible for me.

Jade sighing while stretching her neck, rolling it around as we waited for the elevator caught my attention. She was tired. I’d just flown in from L.A. this afternoon, finishing up a round of inspirational talks to incarcerated juveniles. Elle had started lining them up since last fall to improve my image. I was with it, happy to share words of encouragement and wisdom to young soldiers, fallen to the system.

In between those visits, Jackson had me meeting with web designers for my new site, ghost writers for a potential book, and a group of producers to talk about a television series on my life. I hadn’t decided on rolling with all of those opportunities, but told him I’d keep an open mind about everything.

It was a crazy few weeks, but now I was back home with my warrior. Jade. She almost flew out to be with me a few days ago, but Kyree started running a fever and that nixed the idea.

After leaving the elevator and walking through the fancy lobby of Global Tower, we stepped outside in the brisk New York City winter air. February could be a monster with brutal low temperatures. Tonight wasn’t the worst I’d seen, but a big difference from Southern Cali weather.

The valet pulled up with the white Range, which reminded me I had to look into replacing it. It was a five-year-old model that I’d had for the same amount of time. Jade had been driving it since she moved in and never complained, but I had the sense to know a woman of her style and grace should be in something more upgraded. She’d just had a birthday in December, but for her next one I thought about dropping a few on a new whip. My cheap ass would just have to bite the bullet and hook her up.

That and pay for a big ass wedding that’s going down this year…

I walked Jade over to the passenger door and noticed when she stopped and lifted her coat from her shoulders. It had to be about thirty degrees out, which made it weird. Without thinking, I helped her out of it, tossing the duster into the back seat after closing the passenger door behind her. I acknowledged the valet before hopping in the truck.

The ride home was chill, filled with the smooth sounds of Sade. It was one of Jade’s stations on Spotify. It worked for me, helped me relax into being back home. I’d planned to play it easy over the next few days before hitting the road again. It had been a crazy run since Super Bowl. This down time felt good. We cruised the Palisade Parkway in quiet.

My phone went off. I looked down to the middle console quickly and saw Jordan Johnson’s name lighting up and I smiled.

He must be calling about camp…

I’d be starting a football camp for at risk kids next week. I asked Jordan to help me try out the finalists chosen by a few coaches who signed on at the last minute to help me with this project. He said he’d make it happen. He was likely calling about that. I sat back, sighing. Funny how I could feel my body decompressing just at the reality of being back.

I don’t know how I survived six months of being out of the pen before Jade and Kyree moved in, and damn sure had no clue what the house was like before my bid. But now, home was where I refueled. I looked forward to being there.

Jade’s hand brushing onto my thigh had me twitch at first. She rubbed across it, easing me into her surprise touch. The song switched and Sade belted about being a soldier of love. Her fingernails scraped up the cotton covering my thigh. She moved up and clawed my waistband, pulling it out enough to push her hand down. My stomach crunched at her touch and to rebound, I pulled my right arm back, hanging it over her headrest.

The tips of Jade’s nails scuffed against my skin, into my pubes. I curbed a moan and dropped back on my headrest. She did it twice more, never failing to make my abs jump. I felt myself thickening and she hadn’t even touched my cock yet. Then her index finger and thumb folded to make a ring around the base of me, tightening and relaxing as she twisted her wrist. My ass squeezed on the leather seat. Her little soft hand pulled me out, swollen and throbbing, and she fisted me.

Damn, baby. We’re almost home… 

I looked over at her and found her eyes on my wood, teeth scraping against her bottom lip as she watched her handiwork. Before long, she shifted at my waist band that was already low, signaling me to lift. I took a minute to consider my weight before adjusting my foot on the accelerator. She tugged my pants and boxers down just enough to move the strain of the elastic band. From the corner of my eye, I could see her legs working, possibly kicking off her heels. Next she unclipped her seatbelt, all while stroking my dick that was so hard, it hurt. Jade twisted in her seat until she was on her knees, her body so small in the big truck she could easily go unnoticed by lurking cops and passing cars.

The smell of her hair winded past my face as she dipped low and swirled her tongue around the head of my cock. I pulled in a hefty breath through my nose. She used one hand to pull down the poof of her ponytail over her right shoulder while the other fisted me. My heavy eyes trailed over her petite body stretched out over me, her spine arched the perfect angle for her fat peach to scream for my attention.

As Sade’s tracks switched into “Never As Good As the First Time,” I reached over and grabbed her at the ass, squeezing it as her tongue and lips worked over my dick. The inside of her mouth was soft. So goddamn soft and wet… The skin of her tightened fist was soft, too, reminding me of the magic of the feminine touch. God worked a wonder when creating woman. There’s no other pleasure derived from another source for a man. Women reign supreme, and mine was created with specifications of my needs and pleasure. It was something I was taught by my pastor. Something I didn’t find easy to believe at first.

…but when she did shit like this…

I moved to leave the highway at Exit 2, measuring my pressure on the brake as I did. Her tongue swirled, lips tightened, and hand gripped perfectly. Once off the exit, I smacked her peach and landed with a tight grip. Jade’s back curled even more and I felt her moan over me. She kept going and going. And I knew the rule. She established it a while ago.

“Don’t come until we arrive at our destination.”

And I fought each second to obey. But…

Damn!

Now onto a neighborhood road, I pulled her dress until I could see the caramel of her dimpled skin. I ran my middle finger down the seam of her cheeks. Jade wiggled for me, loving it. I reached over enough to slide my finger through her gelled pussy, landing me on her clit. Jade arched even more, giving me access to rub it. Her little hand went down to cup my heavy sacs. She knew exactly where to concentrate her two fingertips to rub, pushing with the right pressure to make my damn spine jerk.

I turned onto the road that would count down the rest leading to our home and slowed down.

I wiggled her naked flesh then pulled her over toward me. “Climb on top.” I didn’t recognize my heavy rumble.

Jade’s head came up and she looked outside to see where we were before lifting to climb over the console. I slid my seat back just a little to give myself more room. Jade needed none, she was so small. Built perfectly for me.

As one hand grabbed my beard, her other shaky palm held my swollen cock in place to help land, and she gyrated onto me, letting a moan escape. Her head came to my neck, under my beard, and she angled it to give me full view of the road. I felt a stroke of her tongue against my skin then the scraping of her teeth under my ear. Her thighs tightened around me, squeezing and lifting. Her pussy pulsated around my cock, and I could now hear her little cries. It still took Jade a minute to adjust to my dick, but she stayed at it until most of me was inside her. My little lady rode me all the way home.

When we made it to the gate of the house, I rolled down the window to punch in the code, and she yanked my face to her mouth by the beard and kissed me with tongue, lips, and soul. That’s when I knew why she asked me to grow it back not too long after I cut it when she moved in. The gates opened and before I accelerated in, I tugged down the front of her dress, exposing her black lace bra. I pulled down both cups as I veered to the right toward the garages. Her little arm reached up to push the remote on the sun visor that opened one of them while pushing her one tit in my face.

“Mmmmmmmm…” she moaned when I sucked it deep in my mouth before letting go.

That must have started her avalanche because she dove into my neck, wrapping her arms around me as she danced on the drive, quaking all around me.

“Trentiiiiiin…”

She was coming and hard. And so damn soon! Her shoulder jolted back and she pushed against the window of the door, screaming as she bounced on me. I ducked my head around her, trying to see my way into the garage, knowing I was seconds away from blasting off my damn self.

I felt my damn balls tingle as soon as we were midway through. Nervous, I slammed on the brake before easing up, but it was too late; the damn truck jolted, rocking us. It moved again, my palms tight on the wheel and my thighs tensing hard to stay in control. It didn’t work. Jade’s pussy was jerking my dick with a tight grip, titties bouncing too close to my face. That spongy sound from her tight, creamy pussy could be heard underneath Sade’s “Babyfather.” I tried staying focused to see my way into the garage without driving into the damn house. But when the bottom of my feet warmed and spine straightened, I had no choice but to shoot off in her. 

“Uh!” I grunted as my ass lifted with her on my lap.

“Trentiiiiiin…” she cried, probably because she felt more of me as I held her at her tiny waist.

When I finished, my head rolled against the rest, eyes closed, and heart pounding in my chest. I could still feel her nails pushing into my shoulders. Her pussy still throbbing as she rocked over me, dragging out the last of my lift off. After a few of them, I took her at the hips to stop her.

“Sto—I can’t,” was all I could make out.

I heard her snicker then felt her sit back. I cracked my lids open and saw her laying back on the steering wheel wearing a slick smirk.

“You want to put me in park; how ‘bout you start with the truck.” She tossed her lips down toward the transmission stick that was still in drive. That’s when it hit me how dangerous a position we were in. I reached over to switch the gear and turn off the stereo. Her smell hit me hard in my movement, snatching my attention. I reached down with my thumb and rubbed her clit. Jade slushed with her mouth and her eyes rolled to the back of her head.

“I’mma eat the shit outta ya pussy soon as we get upstairs,” I warned her.

Jade’s walls squeezed again. She was with it. I didn’t want her to think I was done with her little ass. As soon as we dealt with Kyree, she was all mine. 

As I reached to pluck her hard nipple, the door of the house opened from inside the garage. My first thought was to grab Jade and back out, but I remembered I was home. Then when I saw a petite figure inside the frame that was almost identical to hers on top of me, I froze. My eyes dropped then lids collapsed.

Jade giggled, bouncing on my dick again. “What’s that face for?” She rolled her hips over me again. “You can’t wait?” 

“Ya moms,” I tried.

“What?” her tone turned serious and I felt her shifting up straight.

“Ms. McDowell,” I tried a little louder, tossing my hand toward the door where she stood, holding a tied up plastic bag.

“Who…” Jade asked as her head flew around.

When I thought she would hop off my cock, Jade turned back to me and tucked her chin into her chest. She froze. Ms. McDowell seemed to have been frozen, too. I moved slowly to pull Jade’s dress back over her swollen breasts, my actions subtle so it wouldn’t be so obvious. Jade was so mortified, she didn’t move to help.

The door was slammed and we were in the three car garage alone again. Jade’s head still low. I didn’t know what to do. These two pint sized firecrackers had a weird relationship; one I wanted no parts of and definitely didn’t want to be caught in the crossfire of. But I hated to see my lady curled in shame on my lap like she was.

“C’mere, man.”

I reached up and pulled her into my chest. She didn’t fight me, but she didn’t hug me back either. I rubbed her back, feeling how she was tense all over. Not knowing what else to do, I just held her. Jade had shared how her mother disapproved ninety-nine point nine percent of the things she did as a kid…and adult. I was sure this was one to add to the list.

Jade’s little frame jerked and she tried to move.

“I have to get up. I’m leaking,” she whispered, shifting away from me.

She moaned tortured-like when lifting off of my cock, my come dripping from her as she crossed over the console to the passenger seat. I tried catching what I could with my hands, used to this by now. Jade was the first chick I went raw with since high school. When I was dumb as hell. She was the only one I’d never used a condom with at all. The shit was still blowing my mind, but my dumb ass couldn’t shake myself into doing something about it.

Jade passed me napkins from the center console to help with the spill and cleaned herself off as much as she could in a truck. She only offered me worried eyes when she opened the door and left out. She went to the back seat to grab her coat and I watched her make her way into the house, carrying her shoes in one hand.

I was no coward. Jade walking in there by herself may make her seem alone. But I was no fool either. I’d give them a few minutes of gunfire before assessing the bloodbath. I pulled up my pants and collected the wet napkins from the car. After rolling up the windows, I shut down the truck, grabbed my phone and stepped out. On my way to the door, I dumped the napkins in the trash bin.

My phone rang as I was stepping into the house. I didn’t recognize the number, which wasn’t a big deal; I’d changed my number just before Super Bowl. I only sent the new one to a few in my contacts. The 856 area code caught my attention. As I decided to answer, I could hear Chéri, Jade’s mom, speaking low. They were down the long hall, in the kitchen, but I could make out her voice—all proper, soprano, and dignified.

“Yeah?” I answered.

“Hey. Trent?”

My face balled. “Yeah?” I barked, stopping in the middle of the hall.

“It’s Snot-Snot.” He sounded sad—scared. It was too similar to the call for help I got years ago. The one that sent me up. “Yo, they told me to call you.”

“The hell, Snot?” He needed to get to the point.

“It’s ya moms. She here at Cooper.” My eyes fell and heart shot from my chest. “They ain’t tellin’ us the deal, but I thought you’d prolly wanna know.”

“I’m on my way.” I killed the call and took a deep breath, looking down the hall toward the kitchen.

“All I’m saying, Ms. Jade Renee, is it may give a negative impression,” she tried whispering, but the flaring of her nostrils belied her casual presentation. “I understand you’re an adult and are allowed to express yourself how you like, but you must keep all things in mind.”

I dropped my face into my palms, begging for patience to remain. “What things?”

“Kyree,” she answered, astounded, those greens sparkling at my audacity. “He’s crazy about Trent. It would devastate him if you two went your separate ways because Trent had a change of mind about what he wants in a wife.”

I am his wife! screamed in my head, but I wouldn’t dare share that with her.

Only a handful of people knew, mainly those in attendance. Kyree didn’t even know. And I certainly didn’t trust my mother with our secret. I didn’t want our nuptials to detract from Trent’s comeback to the league. But at times like this, I wanted to scream to the high heavens that he was mine: legally, spiritually, and physically.

His delicious and warm fragrance wafted through my fingers, holding my face. Then the heat of his touch was at my lower back. I glanced up from my palms to see him curled over me, his face inches from mine. There was concern dancing in his eyes.

“Emergency in CMD. I’m about to shoot down there,” he spoke low, droned into my person, blocking my mother off with his broadness. “I’ll hit you in a minute.”

So lost in the safety of his vastness, all I could do at first was blink. Trent was my balm against all adversities. He instantly soothed me.

“O-okay,” I breathed incoherently.

He dipped his bushy chin. “You good here?”

I nodded, unable to say or do much else. My mother had really riled me up and his simple presence put me into a tailspin, searching for my bearings to end this night. With intent eyes pinned to me, Trent backed up, opening me to my mother. Eventually, he turned to her. Her eyes were wild with pleasant wonder. A complete contrast to their incensed virescence moments ago.

“Ms. McDowell,” he uttered in acknowledgement. My belly fluttered at how he never said Misses, something I was sure he wasn’t aware of. My mother melted at his half greeting. “Thanks for keeping Ky so we could take that meeting.”

My mother sucked in air, her eyes bouncing between Trent and me. “It was my absolute pleasure! I told Jade: anytime you two need me, I’m here!”

I wondered which two she was referring to: Trent and me or Ky and Trent. Either way, it wasn’t exclusive to me, her only child.

Trent gave a respectful nod, and as he retreated, his eyes returned to me. “Wait up till I call you.”

I nodded again, swallowing my desire for him to stay. Before I knew it, Trent was gone. Left was my second biggest opponent in life.

“Mom… Ummmmm…” I scratched my forehead as I browsed my burgundy toenails. I needed to shower my sins with my husband from my soiled thighs. “It’s late, and I want to check in on Ky before I turn down—”

“KyKy’s been down for an hour.” She called him a nickname I’d given him again. It infuriated and warmed me at the same time. I truly believed my mother loved my son. What I couldn’t reconcile was how could that adoration exceed what she had for me. “I gave him a dose of the nighttime cough syrup like you told me after giving him a warm bath with a vapor rub bath bomb. He seemed calm after that and dosed off while watching those play highlights of Trent’s career.” Her face opened pleadingly. “See, Jade. This”—she gestured the grand kitchen I’d redesigned for Trent recently—“is about him, too.”

“He’s none of your business,” I stated calmly.

My mother’s head swung back and for a while, it appeared she couldn’t speak.

“Not my business?” She covered her neck with her French manicured fingers. “I’ve been spending loads of time with him, taking him places, teaching him things—”

“As a grandmother should. But he’s my child. My job to make calls on. But don’t worry; I won’t dare make a mess of his life or stunt his growth the way you have mine.”

“Me? I’m just trying to expose him to a stable and loving environment, something he needs to know. God knows he hasn’t seen it.”

She wasn’t listening. She kept looking past me. My pain. My cries.

“What he won’t be seeing anymore is you.”

My mother backed into the counter, eyes wild with horror.

“What did you just say, young lady?” she gasped.

This had been brewing for some time now. I’d been dodging the low blows, ignoring the silent admonishments. But no more. Lately, I’d had little tolerance for it. I couldn’t continue to ignore them for the sake of Kyree having a relationship with her. I had to fight for my dignity. She didn’t discriminate who she’d fling her tongue of condemnation to. She’d disparaged my parenting practices in front of my son several times already. I needed to protect him from that. From her.

“I said he won’t be seeing you. My son is no charity case. He’s your descendent. Someone you should have a familial connection to; not an obligation to continue to fix what you’ve never been able to with me. My son is a person. He’s an extension of me.” I slapped my chest with my hand. “Remember her?” My hand whipped in the air and ended up pointing between her legs. “The one who came from you? Do you remember her? Me?”

“Of course, I do. You’re my child!”

“Then start acting like it!” I screamed so hard, my chords protested in pain.

My mother’s arms flew into the air as she turned away, in search for her things. She shook her head furiously.

“That’s it. I’ve tried. I’ve only wanted the best for you, Jade, and time and time again, you just sling dung back into my face!” She located her purse and coat on the bench under the bay window. “I don’t know what more to do!” She kept at her rambling as she searched her purse for her keys. “You’ve always been titanium in the head, never listening for your own good—” her voice cracked with tears.

I choked back mine. There was nothing I could say that would get through to her. She would never see the good in me. She would never accept me for who I was.

When she was done, my mother headed out of the kitchen for the door. I followed on her heels, fighting familiar rage when we shared the same air. I cut her off at the path, unlocking and opening the door for her.

“Please tell my KyKy I’m sorry it has to be this way.” She sniffled, lifting her head in the air and walking out of my life.

Again.

I closed Ky’s room door with my left hand while swiping my running nose with my right. Tonight was supposed to be fun. I’d been looking forward to it. Trent was away on Valentine’s Day, working juvenile systems in California for close to two weeks. I didn’t make a big deal out of it; knew it was coming, so I prepared myself. But seeing everybody post their celebrations had me in my feelings big time. I’d had lots of “big” Valentine’s Day expressions: balloons, candy, bags, and gold jewelry, mainly from Ryshon. But I was finally married and wanted the real deal from my husband. Yeah, Trent had flowers, chocolate, lingerie, and a platinum ankle bracelet with a soft, scripted dog tag with J, my EndZone Love. But he wasn’t here for me to celebrate it with him.

He was away. And Kyree and I went out to dinner and caught a movie after school. While waiting on our food to be served, I was on social media spying posts by Cole and Jordan Johnson. They were in some romantic restaurant boo’d up with dozens of white roses all around. My first lady at Redeeming Souls for Abundant Living in Christ church, Lex, posted a pic of her and Ezra on an island. I was surprised to see my pastor shirtless as he held little Lisa-Mare in his buff arms. He was… Thick and cut. Dangerously appealing holding a small baby in his arms. But he smiled, teeth could be seen between his thick mustache and beard. Lex held him with one arm on his beefy shoulder and the other at his abdomen, below his belly button with possession.

Heck… I would, too, if Pastor was working with all that beneath those tailor-made suits!

The Carmichaels weren’t the only ones away on a lover’s day. Zoey posted pictures of her family in Santorini, eating outdoors in the morning at a table with a bountiful breakfast spread, and at night, she and Stenton were toasting alone at a winery, at a table in a vineyard. She’d told me it was her favorite place on earth months back. Stenton had been enjoying retirement.

But me? Alone. With my KyKy, something I was used to but didn’t expect to still have while married—secretly married. And tonight, Trent’s first night home in almost two weeks, I was alone again. I toed to the room, looking forward to showering. Once at the opposite end of the hall, at the master suite, I went straight to my phone to check for something from Trent. Nothing. But it was close to a two hour drive from Alpine to Camden. It dawned on me I never asked Trent about the emergency, fighting to keep my shit together with my mother.

After pulling my dress over my head, I unsnapped my bra strap and sighed. I was tired, wishing I could curl up in the massive bed in front of me—with a big body that owed me. I gaited over to the walk-in closet to dump my clothes in the hamper and caught Trent’s luggage on the floor. He didn’t have time to unpack earlier. Almost as soon as he got in, he had to shower to get ready for our business dinner with the Tinsels. He sat with a fevering Kyree for a while then was off to get ready.

I walked out of the closet, making a mental note to sort his things in the morning. En route to the bathroom, I tiptoed past Kyree’s iPod on the dresser flashing from an incoming FaceTime. I suddenly recalled Trent sauntering into the master suite with it, saying Ky complained of Wi-Fi issues. By the time I picked it up, it had stopped. But I could see several missed calls. I didn’t recognize the numbers and figured it was one of his friends from school, because the number wasn’t a contact. Placing the iPod back on the dresser, I decided to add it to the list of things that would have to wait. I still had dried semen on my thighs.

My shower was perfect: hot, pounding water, pelting my skin and steaming the bathroom. I dried off and tossed on a Connecticut Kings t-shirt. While sitting on the bench in the bathroom lotioning my feet, I heard my phone go off in the room. I took off, wanting to hear from Trent about the emergency hauling him from me at such a late hour. But it wasn’t him. It was Renee, Kyree’s grandmother. Ryshon’s mother.

“Hey,” I answered.

“There the fuck you is,” a deeper tenor than I was expecting returned.

My mouth fell open. It couldn’t be.

No…

“I been tryna FaceTime that lil nigga from lil Renee’s phone, but he ain’t answer. Tell ‘em his old man’s home.”

My stomach toiled and shoulder bowed at his announcement.

~Two

“Yo, my nigga. It’s good seeing you ‘round these parts, man!” An excited voice caught my attention from behind.

I turned from the window and saw Snot-Snot approaching me with his hand out. He eyeballed Tyheem, my security, who was ready to intercept. But when I smiled and raised my arm, ready to return the dap, Tyheem took a step back.

Snot made it to me and we embraced.

“You staring out a dark ass window,” he joked with a smile, sporting his skully cap to the side.

“That’s what you see?” I joked, knowing it would go over his head.

At one in the morning, it was dark out with only the parking lot lamps on outside. But I didn’t need much more for a view as I questioned how long I would be here.

“You look good, man. I see the Feds was easy on ‘em.”

“Not on my time. Worse days of my life, but I’mma G, my dude.”

Snot nodded while smiling. “I see that. I see that. I see you back on ya field, too. Proud of you.” A single neck bow was my response. “Trick told me you bounced back on ya feet. That’s what’s up.”

“God is good.”

Especially when I wasn’t. The last time I’d spoken to Snot-Snot—before taking his call tonight about my moms being here in the hospital—was when he called asking if Tommy Boy could camp out at my boarded property here in Camden. I had no idea why. I only knew Snot and Tommy were my uncle, Trick’s, day ones and I would look them out without question. Me not questioning them cost me eighteen months of my life and almost my livelihood.

“Okay!” He flipped his chin, never losing his grin. Behind him, I could peep Trick coming into the waiting room, looking tired as hell. “Glad to see you still eatin’.”

“Always.” My eyes diverted behind him again and I gave him one last look before stepping off. “The grind don’t stop.”

I made my way over to my uncle, who was more like a brother coming up. We were only weeks apart in age.

Trick stood in place when he saw me headed his way.

“She up for company yet?”

He pulled his hands into the waistband of his sagging sweats, taking a deep breath. “Nah, man. She been cranky all night, buggin’ the fuck out. I just don’t want her to get worser. She was good these past two days.”

My damn eyes almost popped out of my head. It was one thing that I’d been waiting around to see my mother for over an hour, but now I find out she didn’t just get admitted tonight.

“Yo, you mean to tell me she been in here for a couple of days and nobody called me?”

“Easy, TB.” I felt a tug on my arm, annoying the fuck out of me.

It was my cousin, Lonnie, thinking I was going to spazz, I’d guess. Either way, him intervening pissed me off because it made the situation look more like a beef. Trick and I didn’t need more beef between us.

I pulled my arm away. “That ain’t necessary, fam,” I tried calming my tone. Tried. I was mad as hell. “I’m just asking questions here.”

“She good, though, TB. You here now. Let’s keep this positive. We don’t want her having another stroke.”

“A stroke.” My head shot back to Trick in front of me. “My moms had a stroke?”

“A few of them,” Trick hissed. “Doc said she mad lucky. It coulda been worser.” I swung my neck to the side, needing to look away. Moms had a stroke! “Look. You know how Brenda is, man. I prolly shouldn’ta said shit. She funny acting. So, don’t be flexing at me, dawg.”

I stretched my eyelids as my neck swayed left to right, surprised by that accusation. “Look, my dude, ain’t nobody flexin’. All I’m saying is I been down here for over an hour and I know you told her I was here. You the only one allowed to go in there?”

Trick’s nose spread wide on his dark face and his eyes narrowed. “I told her from the jump, but it’s on her who she want up in there. The fuck I look like? A damn social worker?”

And with that, he walked off to the chairs on the other side of the room where his girlfriend I met last year at Easter was sitting, into her phone. I watched as Snot-Snot strolled over to take a seat near them.

Letting go a deep breath, I went back to my wall by the window and sent Jade a text.

Me: Still at the hospital with my family. Go head to sleep. I’ll be in late.

Less than ten seconds later, my phone vibrated in my hands.

Jelly: You shouldn’t be out there AND this late by yourself Trent!!!

I sighed, remembering I didn’t tell her I snatched up Tyheem on the way down. He lived in Newark, grew up in the same neighborhood as StentRo. Before going to prison, I had two security guards that basically lived at the crib, claiming a room and staying out of my hair. Now that I needed—and could afford—security again, I needed to think of more convenient access to Tyheem. He’d just come from Cali with me earlier and was supposed to be off, like me, for the next few days. That was deaded when I called him to make this run with me.

Me: Tyheem down here with me. I’m good. I’ll be there as soon as I can.

I prayed she didn’t ask me for details. Jade stayed in my ass. It was her personality. She thought she knew my family as much as I did. Last thing I needed was her worried. Jade played it cool earlier with Sylvia Tinsel. Telling her I was down here for my moms—who seemed like she didn’t want to see me—would send her over the edge. My wife was the poster child for violent jealousy and overprotectiveness when it came to me and her son, Kyree. A beast.

Jelly: Okay. Be safe.

I let go of another breath before kicking my right leg behind me, against the wall and leaning back. God was definitely looking me out today as far as she was concerned. I didn’t need “Jade problems” right now. Instead of sweating what I couldn’t change, I decided to hit up social media. I spent the next unaccounted amount of time doing that.

When I hit the Facebook Pages Manager app, I came across an inbox from someone I wasn’t friends with, but knew. After reading the name, my face folded.

Trenton Jackson.

My father. I hadn’t heard from dude in years. Like… Crazy years. This was a time I could use Shank around. I’d toss it to him to play middle man. Right now, I didn’t want to deal with it, so I decided to put him on freeze and moved on.

From the side of my eyes, I saw a thick woman with a short haircut and glasses walking in the hallway, going toward my mother’s door, just outside of the waiting room. She wore a white blouse, tight ass black slacks, and flat shoes. She worked here. I stood straight, waiting to see what this was all about.

She came into the waiting room and looked around, trying to make eye contact with as many as she could. Her name tag said Tammy, and I swore she looked familiar. Like a broad Shank used to hook up with. Hell… Shank had a lot of them—too many to recall. Then I wondered if I associated her with him because there wasn’t a day he didn’t cross my mind. Being real: there hadn’t been a day since we released him on Macen Beach that I didn’t feel him with me. It was strange. Jade said I never allowed myself time to mourn him. I told her, it still felt like he was with me.

Crazy…

“Hey, y’all. I just told Brenda I have to ask you to leave. I okayed my staff to let so many up and after visiting hours out of respect.” She nodded toward me. “But it’s almost two in the morning and all visitors must go.”

I heard people moving behind me. But I was stuck. Tammy must have noticed it. I saw the muscles in her face tighten.

“Could you tell her, her son is out here? I ain’t see her yet.” I asked.

I could hear a sigh from behind me and seconds later, Trick brushed past me with a leather bag in his hand, rocking a black army jacket.

“Tell her I’ll be up tomorrow wit’ mommy,” he mumbled to Tammy while storming out with his shortie right behind him.

“Peace, TB,” Snot-Snot bade, following.

A slap on my shoulder had me snapping my neck. “Good seeing you, Trent. God bless,” Lonnie croaked, sounding tired.

I nodded, seeing them all off.

When I turned back to Tammy she held a finger in the air, asking me for a moment. She left the waiting room, going back to my mother’s. I watched her through the glass. Not even ten seconds later she walked out, her face to the floor. When she stepped into the visitor’s lounge, I sensed it coming. I was familiar with the look of an adult trying to prepare to explain the bullshit of a parent to her child.

“She’s really tired. Didn’t do well today,” Tammy tried. “Maybe tomorrow—”

I cut off her attempt to sweeten the sourness of pure bullshit my moms kicked in my face once again.

I tried for a charming smile to mask the pain. “’S’all goodie. You have a good night.” I turned to catch Tyheem’s attention. He was right behind me.

With a swinging of my head, I told him what time it was, and together, we stepped off.

On the ride back to North Jersey, Jeezy blasted from the speakers. I sat back, slumped in the passenger seat with my hood covering most of my face. Exhausted, and physically beat up at close to four in the morning, I still couldn’t sleep. My chest was tight and damn stomach doing flips. I wouldn’t say it out loud, but after experiencing the shit all my life, I knew what it was.

She hurt my fucking feelings. Again.

One thing was for sure, I couldn’t carry a bruised heart home to my woman. I was no bitch. I’d just eat it like I always did. When I got ready to, I’d tell her about it, just leave out the details of the pain.

Jade was curled up in a little ball underneath the comforter. She’d be hard to notice if she hadn’t been doing this for close to a year and a half. But this wasn’t her hiding. It was her comfort in my bed. As tired as I was, I showered and brushed my teeth before turning in with the same ache in my chest I brought back from the hospital. The sun was about to come up when I pulled back the comforter and shifted next to her. I collected a few pillows behind my back and head before lying down. Then I grabbed her little frame and pulled her over to me. In her subconscious, Jade crawled on top of me. I pulled her legs to straddle me, her arms pushed up, under the wings of my back as her cheek lay against my chest.

I swear, the moment she stopped moving, the pain went away. Her small frame over me felt like a muscle relaxant. Right away, those feelings of rejection were only a memory. They weren’t manifested in my body.

My arms snaked around her small back and hips. So tiny, Jade felt as small as a toddler in my arms. I squeezed, inhaling her berry scent, feeling sedated right away.

God, thank you…

I woke up on my stomach, alone. Right away, I could tell I’d slept in. That was the plan, but I was supposed to do it with a five foot, one inch firecracker with swollen cherries and fat peach. I grabbed my phone and saw it was after ten in the morning, and that Jade left a note for me via text.

Jelly: Taking Ky to the doctor and then to buy him more jeans. Call me when you wake up.

My face folded. I hoped Kyree wasn’t getting worse. I called her right away. The phone rang twice before she answered.

“Hey, baby.” The sound of her voice made my wood jolt in my boxers. “We’re just about to leave the doctor’s office.” She was politely rushing me.

“Everything good with lil man?”

“Yeah,” she assured with a high pitch. “She just wanted to see him for a follow up. He was a lot better this morning. I think it was the last of that nasty bug.”

“Oh. A’ight.” I rubbed my eyes. “Just checking in.”

“Okay. Gotta go. Your breakfast’s in the microwave. Okay?”

I exhaled while stretching over the bed. “A’ight. Thanks.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

I stretched one last time before taking off for the bathroom. After taking a leak and washing my face and brushing my teeth, I shot downstairs for some grub. Just as she said, in the microwave was a plate stacked with protein pancakes, turkey bacon, and an egg white vegetable omelet. I opened the fridge and saw the saucer with fresh blueberries and sliced strawberries. My stomach growled then it smiled. I nuked the plate in the microwave, tossed my fresh fruit on my pancakes, and sat at the island to eat.

My phone pinged of an email as I was chowing down and browsing Jade’s IG page. It was from Jeremiah Brown, a reporter for the Hartford Gazette. The Kings didn’t have an official reporter, but he was given access to fill that gap: covering the games, players, and the team as a whole. He’d been around for a while. A few years before my arrest, he was at Sports Illustrated then moved on to Connecticut. I’d signed off on him covering my comeback, and okayed for him to interview Jade after hard thinking.

“Come on, TB. It would be a nice touch, and give your fans insight into your new infrastructure,” he practically begged.

My life was now private. If I’d learned anything after my public disgrace, it was the less they knew about my life, the less betrayed I’d feel when it’s scrutinized. It was a battle for days. Jade said she was cool with it, and honestly, what swayed the pendulum was my guilt for hiding our marriage. Jade was totally fine with keeping it on the low, but as a man, it seemed wrong not laying claim to my woman publicly. I felt letting her be interviewed was the least I could do to legitimize her spot in my world.

The email he sent had the finished product as an attachment. As I chowed down on breakfast, I read it. It was lengthy, detailing my career since high school and of course, coverage on my arrest, trial, conviction, and imprisonment. Brown even visited my old prison to get insight into the type of inmate I was. That was weird as hell. It was intrusive. Jade came in the third quarter of it. He called her my “providential conservator.” I had no idea what the hell that meant and looked up the two words on my phone to get a better understanding.

Brown followed me for a few days after the Super Bowl. He came out to California with me and flew back to the East Coast last week where he spent a day with Jade. From what I was reading, Jade gave him the tour of the house to show off her designs. She shared before pictures with him and gave reasons as to how and why she chose the personality of the rooms. She said they all represented me in some way. She didn’t allow pictures to be published and only toured the first floor and gym. Brown wrote about being impressed by her knowledge of styles and periods of interior design. I didn’t know exactly what that meant. There was mention of mid-century modern design. I had no idea what that was, but apparently the den was that style.

There was mention of Edwardian décor: my living room. One of the guest bedrooms was a Georgian style. I snickered, realizing I was learning about pieces of my life from reading this article. Leave it to Jade to school the world and me, too.

Those home economics classes her moms put her through paid off…

I was done eating when I made it to the question he asked her about Trenton Bailey, the fortuitous favored man.

Another visit to Google to look up the definition…

Her answer had me tensing in my seat over the island.

“Trenton is generous beyond measure. There’s a door to his heart that remains open indiscriminately. He’s a giver—even when it isn’t reciprocated, rarely recovering what he needs to sustain. He’s a man’s man. Fiercely protective and unimaginably strong. I haven’t encountered a man whose arms have been strong enough to encase all of me. Never had a heart and head aligned, and together, determined to protect and serve me. That is who Trenton Bailey is,” she shared wistfully with her eyes squeezed and cheeks crimsoned, stained with passion.

“What the hell?” I found myself asking out loud, tapping to go back to Google. I knew she was smart; way more intelligent than she liked hood people to know. She hid beneath her capabilities to fit in. Her written words reminded me of that.

Jeremiah Brown was a good dude and all, but he’d better not been trying to get at my lady with fancy ass romantic words. He could keep that poetic shit.

And Jade…

Was that a quote? My little one said that? About me?   

“Fiercely protective and unimaginably strong…”?

Is that how she felt about me? The man who was turned away from his mother’s hospital bed last night? The one going back today like the damn sad dog I’d always felt like as a kid, wanting her to be happy with me?

My head dropped into my open palms over the countertop, and I felt my chest tighten again. I couldn’t let this girl down. I had to live up to what she believed me to be. Had to. Jade wasn’t the only person I had to look out for. She had a seven-year-old son, who was watching me, too.

God, what am I doing? I prayed silently.

As I put my plate away, getting ready to head back down to Camden to see my moms, I decided I’d keep this to myself a little longer. At least until I had a better handle on it myself. Maybe today she’d at least let me come into the room.

“You better wear those jeans, too, Ky.” I glanced back at him from the rearview mirror. His little head came up from his iPod, his eyes brighter than I’d seen in days. “You can’t wear cargos every day.”

We’d just come from shopping for pants for him. I bought him clothes in September for school, and already he’d outgrown his size sevens. The kid was sprouting like a weed. So far, he had no temperature today, and I was hoping it was the end of his bug.

“Mom, I’m gonna wear all of them,” he gruffed.

I twisted my mouth. “You better. These clothes are expensive.”

When I was ready to issue more warnings my phone rang.

Lex...

I tapped to answer.

“Hey, Lex.”

“He got me again. I’m pregnant,” boomed through the Bluetooth of the truck.

My eyes leaped to the rearview mirror at Kyree. He seemed unfazed, eyes glued to his device.

“Child alert. I’m in the truck.”

“Shit.” she swore under her breath.

My eyes ballooned. “First Lady!” I reminded her.

“Damn!” she cried, picking up on my shunning.

I knew she meant no harm. She was just as in transition into her husband as I was mine. Only Lex, being married to a reputable pastor of a mega church, had to walk a finer line—even in private.

One of the many benefits of being in Trent’s life included my budding friendship with his pastor and his wife—mostly his wife. His pastor, Ezra Carmichael, I still found too intimidating and imposing in physical and spiritual stature to be comfortable with. However, after having been around them for a few months, his wife, Lex, began to warm to me.

Admittedly, I pushed for a relationship with the couple when I realized how much Trent valued his relationship with his pastor—a friendship that really wasn’t your typical pastor/parishioner association.

“I’m trying, but did you hear what I just said?”

And she had been trying to fight the demons that attracted me to her, genuinely this time. For all intents and purposes, Lex was a hood chick, whose refinement was uncovered by her wholesome husband. Her upbringing was in direct contrast to mine. I was raised in affluence, but wanted to facade it with artificial coarseness to fit in with people no different than where Lex was from.

“I know,” I sighed, feeling the tension in my shoulders. “I’m sorry.” I should have responded to her apparent emergency first. “Wait…” My brows met in confusion. “You’re upset about it?”

“I just had a damn baby last year!” she shrieked. “I wanted to go back to school for my MBA. How can I do that with two babies draining my tits and a crazy caveman on my as—” She grunted, catching herself.

“Wow,” I tried. “I’m sorry to hear about your dilemma. But I think you’re going to be okay, Lex. If you and Pastor Carmichael don’t want more after this one, you can seek out permanent birth control.”

“Ezra,” Lex demanded, still high strung. “His name is Ezra, Jade. He’s just a man with a title. A man that has a damn knack for knocking me up, I see,” she whined.

I let off a quiet snicker. Lex was funny as hell when she wanted to be, and especially when it came to her husband. She didn’t feed into the majesty of his title, but she was certainly crazy about him. It was fascinating to see how she melted in his presence. Lex would try to play tough girl when Pastor Carmichael was around, but avoided eye contact with him when doing it. I caught him smirking a time or two at her tough girl act. Their chemistry was inspiring. 

“How far along are you?”

“Don’t know yet. I just pissed on the stick this morn—”

“Child alert, Lex!”

“Dam—dang! My bad! I’m just flustered today.”

I sighed, feeling her anxiety levitating through the Bluetooth. “We need to get together.”

“We keep saying that and haven’t done it in weeks, thanks to my crazy schedule here at work.”

“Congrats on the safe house! I saw the announcement in the church bulletin last week.”

“Thanks,” she offered ruefully.

The other line beeped.

“Someone’s calling. Listen, I’ll text you some dates. Trent’s back home now, I need a few days to get him settled in. Plus, there’s some other drama brewing. We’ll talk soon.”

“Alright, girl. Bye.”

I clicked to receive the next call just before making a left at an intersection.

“Hello.”

“So, you is picking up after last night?”

I shrunk in my seat, sighing all the way down. It was the brewing drama: Ryshon.

“You want Kyree?”

“Dad,” Ky called out. “That’s you?”

“Yeah, man. I’m home from camp, playa,” he proudly proclaimed. Kyree squawked a cry he only did when beyond excited. “I see ya mom’s ain’t tell you.”

Of course, I didn’t. I hadn’t even told Trent. Wasn’t ready to. Hell, I wasn’t ready for Ryshon to be back on the streets. I was just getting adjusted to being a mommy, who was the wife of a traveling celebrity football player. Hearing from him last night popped a comfortable and protective bubble Trent created around me and Ky’s world.

My conversation with him last night proved it.

“It’s pretty late for you to call him.”

“Jade, don’t be gettin’ new, man. Don’t break fly on a nigga. I just got home and gotta call my only son between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m.? C’mon!” He pushed out an exasperated breath. “You trippin’.”

“No. I’m just being a mom. He’s sick now anyways. He’s been in the bed all day. I can have him call you at this number in the morning.”

“This ain’t my number. I ain’t gotta phone yet. That lil nigga’ll wake up for me,” he tried smoothing over.

I cringed at that reference. I never liked it, but grew to tolerate it. Now that we’d been in Alpine and Kyree had been under Trent’s wing, I saw how deplorable that name really was.

“Please don’t call him that anymore.”

“What?” There was a pause. “Nigga?”

“Yes. It may embarrass him and I don’t want him saying it at this new school—”

“New school? You transferred him outta E.O. schools?”

My neck whipped back slightly and eyes closed. “Yes. We moved, and the commute back and forth was inconvenient. It’s been over a year now.”

“So, you and that TB dude still fuckin’, I see.”

“Ryshon, that’s none of your business.”

“Oh, we going back to that South Orange valley girl shit, huhn?” he taunted. “What happened to my lil rough rider? Football money better for valley girls than thots.”

I sucked in a heap of air. “Thots?”

“I’m just reminding you of who you are, sweetheart.”

“Fuck you, Ryshon!”

“Oh, you did, sweetheart. Me and others. Trent Bailey ain’t the only one that banged them walls.”

“Don’t fucking call me again unless it’s for Kyree. You’ve just disrespected me for the last time!”

I hung up the phone, tossing it before collapsing on my stomach, shaking from anger. Immediately, I was grateful Trent wasn’t home to witness that.

“Mommy, you ain’t tell me!” Ky called from the back seat as I pulled up to the gate of the house to punch in the code.

I glanced at him through the mirror and saw his eyes wide and full of wonderment.

“Well, I am. I wanna see you, man,” Ryshon sounded sincere.

“Mommy,” Ky perked up as we pulled into the designated garage, which reminded me to clear out the bins and bags of our things that were still stored from our old apartment in East Orange. “Can we go right now?” Even his excited cry poured faintly.

Ky was still recovering.

“KyKy, you can’t go around people with your bug. You’ve been out of school for two days now. You had one good day, a day I kept you out longer than I probably should have. It would be too much on you to go back out.”

“But, Mommy!” he whined.

“Tomorrow—” I tried.

“Nah, kid. It’s all good. I’m ‘bout to head out with Little X. I’ll check you soon, though.”

Through the rearview mirror I could see Ky’s little face fold. “Who’s Little X.”

“Who’s Little X?” Ryshon scoffed incredulously. “You ‘on’t remember your own damn godfather?” Though his tone was pleasant, I cringed—first at the mild bite of profanity—then at the sound of that name from his mouth.

“No,” Kyree answered honestly.

Ryshon had been locked up for close to four years, and I hadn’t been around any of his friends with the exception of the one who’d dropped off money on his behalf. And my son would have no reason to be around Little X.

Bitch…

“I guess that’s good to know,” Ryshon jibed—at me. “You’ll be seeing a lot of ya people from now on ‘cause daddy’s home, man. We ‘bout to be lit on these streets, stunt gangin’. Ya heard?”

“Yeah!” Kyree agreed cheerfully.

“A’ight, man.”

“Bye, Daddy,” Kyree bade, sounding like a vulnerable boy.

“Aye, Jade…”

I blinked, shaking off my thoughts. “Yeah?” I swallowed.

“It’s ‘bout to be a lituation witchu and me, too, shawtie.” He thought he was flirting, but instead was grossing me out. It was taunting.

I really didn’t want to go there in front of Kyree—wasn’t prepared to even tell him yet. I hadn’t discussed it with Trent, something I preferred doing first, but hadn’t because I was thrown completely with Ryshon’s aggression and threats last night on the phone. But I had to nip this in the bud now. I couldn’t have him thinking I was available for him to speak to haphazardly anymore. All of a sudden, and since Trent had come into my world, I had a new moral awareness. Our dynamic wasn’t right. It was off and disgusting. Life after encountering Trent illuminated so much for me as a woman…and mother.

“Yeah, about that. Let’s get one thing straight here. There will be no—”

My words were cut short by the music that streamed before Lex called, resuming.

I didn’t do it…

I hadn’t done it. I hadn’t set parameters for me and Ryshon’s new relationship before breaking the news to Trent. And now Kyree knew.

I turned off the truck and headed out and into the house.

So must my husband…

~Three

“So, when’s the wedding? Every time I wanna talk to Shank and can’t hear from him, I think about that question,” April spoke that part low enough for just me to hear. “I figure it would get him to talkin’, but…”

My attention shot down to my lap where my phone vibrated. It was Jade.

Jelly: We still on for your massage tonight after Ky goes down?

Excitement jolted through me at that reminder. About a month before I caught a calf strain at the Super Bowl, Jade set up one of the guest bedrooms as a spa room for me. I’d been done with my rehab on it, but Jade had been wanting to extend my treatments and play masseuse. She said she went to massage therapy school and dropped out a month before finishing.  

“Let me answer this,” I mumbled, typing into the phone. “This her right here.”

“Talkin’ ‘bout the wedding?” April asked next to me, in a chair of the hospital waiting room.

I chuckled. “Nah. I’mma kick it with her about that soon, now that I’m back home and the season is over.” I hit send.

Me: Fo sho

“And especially before I hit the road again for my camp up in Connecticut.”

It was something I’d planned on talking to Jade about. I promised her a wedding day and wanted to put that into motion.

“I hope y’all do it soon.” April rolled her eyes. “That way I can settle this bet with that man once and for all, if you’ll have a lot of babies.” She went back down to her word search puzzle in the back of some magazine. April was here at Cooper with my grandmother. She brought her to see my mother.

Jelly: What time?

April leaned into me, her chubby arm against mine, shoulder at the middle of my arm. “You ain’t gotta be here, you know,” she whispered angrily.

Only Trick’s old lady was in the waiting room with us and a man who’d been here since I had, going in and out of my moms’ room. April mentioned him being her boyfriend, but wasn’t quite sure because of how private and closed off my mother was. Dude kept looking at me with smiley eyes, but I figured it was because of football. Trick and my grandmother had been sitting with my moms for close to an hour now.

“The only reason I’m here is because your grandmother wanted me to bring her. And I reckon the reason why she coming is because your momma stepped up when Cora Mae had that last big stroke. Figure she’d show the support back. But you…” She sucked her teeth and straightened in her seat. “She can’t be having you sit out here like this. You’s a busy man, Trent.” She gave a determined nod, her lips balled up. “I see you back on the TV and hear your name on the radio again—now for positive stuff. You got a beautiful family.” Her eyes skirted around the room, then she tossed her chin toward the glass window that showed my mother’s door across the hall. “You don’t deserve this.”

My head went down to my phone. I didn’t want to deal with that. Today, I was able to peek my head in. She was sleeping and I didn’t feel right staying in there if I wasn’t invited. But I sent a nurse in after April came through with my grams to remind her I was here. Then Trick and his girl showed up and he’d been in there since.

Me: I should be there by nine. Choppin it up with April.

“All goodie.” I tried to keep her from worrying. April had been through this with me since I was a kid. She’d always known about the neglect. But now I was a grown man, and could handle myself better.

April tossed her forehead to my phone as I hit send. “That still Jade?”

“Yeah,” I croaked, stretching my arms in the air.

My body was cramping in this damn chair. I’d been sitting for a couple of hours now. Tyheem went out for a walk around the building earlier. Feels like I need another one. 

“I bet she ‘on’t know you’re here, dealing with this.” Her chin swung back over to my mother’s door.

My phone vibrated again.

Jelly: Oh! That’s why you’ve been down there. Is she okay? Does she need anything? Tell her not to be a stranger!

I rolled my eyes. Jade was hyper-inviting. That was the only way she knew. But I couldn’t deny the bullet I’d just dodged with avoiding the real reason I was down here in Camden.

“Cora Mae told me how Jade called Brenda and gave her a piece of her mind for not saying thank you for the Christmas gifts y’all sent down.” April giggled, eyes to the puzzle on her lap. “That Jade is a mess!”

Jade didn’t go off on moms. From what she said, she didn’t even “give her a piece of her mind.” She asked my moms if she received the gifts—knowing she’d signed for it—and asked why hadn’t she reached out to me to let me know. The call was aggressive, and that was interpreted as confrontational.

Either way, April was right: if Jade knew I was here waiting to see my mother two days in a row, she’d flip.

I shook my head as I sighed and scratched my eyebrow.

“Go home, Trent. You got a life waiting for you up there. That there,” she nodded toward the room again, “ain’t giving you nothing but grief. Lord knows if ya uncle was here, he’d say the same.”

Shank…

I knew something was off. The skin around her eyes was darker and her posture was off. She looked…hopeless. She may have spoken like the April I knew, but a light was off in her.

“Aye, April,” I turned to her as much as it was possible in my chair, “you good?”

April rolled her eyes. “Boy, I’m getting by with half a heart.” Her eyes blinked a few times. “If he would just talk to me, you know?” Her voice cracked and her hand stopped tracing within the word search box. “I’m so lonely. He said he’d be here.” I grabbed her in my arms when the tear fell. “That slickster swore that to me over and over again. I feel like he lied!” she cried into my chest.

Tyheem had just stepped into the waiting room and I saw the two heads behind us go up. I rubbed her soft shoulder as I hushed her. When she quieted, I lowered my head to hers.

“Why don’t you come stay at the crib for a lil while? I’m sure Jade won’t mind.”

She shook her head. “You got your life now, Trent. I can’t be a bother.”

“You won’t be. Just don’t try to cook without her permission,” I joked and April sniffled a laugh. “Just think about it. For me. Please.”

She tried wiping her face. “Why would it be for you, boy? You got a family now.”

“‘Cause…I—” My eyes shot around the room to be sure we weren’t putting on much of a show. “Because he’s with me every day.”

April’s head shot up and her red eyes narrowed. “That slick man been with you? He told me—”

“I know what he told you. He told me the plan for years, too. And I can’t for sure prove it, but I’ve been feeling him around me since about a month after he left us. I just can’t see him, but can feel him.”

April’s face fell and she cried again.

“I ain’t say that to make you mad. You know he’d kick my light ass if he saw this. I’m not even sure about it all. I’m just saying, you ain’t right and I gotta take care of you or I’m in trouble. And April…” Her head shifted up slowly to face me, “I think dude can still kick my ass.”

She blubbered, “He can!” Her head shook in my arms. “That’s why I’m scared. He meant every word he said, all them times!”

Now, we had a show. Everyone was looking our way, including doctors and nurses passing in the hall.

I hushed her, rubbing her meaty arm. It took her a few seconds, but April’s wailing turned into stifled moans.

“I told you to hit me up if you need anything. Why you ain’t tell me you been stressed like this?”

After a few seconds, her head popped up again, the tears stopped and so had her whimpers. She looked at me with a sharp emotion I’d never seen of her. “Because you got your own life,” she whispered. Her eyes circled the room and voice lowered. “A family you need to get outta here and be with. What… You just got back in town yesterday, and you here again?” The muscles on one side of her face went up, exposing her canines and her lips pressed into her teeth. “Go home to your family, Trent. You don’t need to be here, being treated like this. And you definitely don’t need to be weighed down with my grief. Go!” she demanded with a hushed but nonnegotiable tone.

I sighed, not knowing what else to do. I’d never seen April so apart like this. She’d been in the E.R. with my uncle in the middle of the night more times than I could count, wearing urine and vomit-stained clothes with a G’ed up posture. But here, she was a teary wreck. I didn’t want to leave her like this, but my gut told me if I didn’t, she’d come apart even more. So I nodded and stood. Then I turned to her and lifted her hand while observing her a last time. This was hard.

What would Shank say to do?

My grandmother was still in the room with my moms. Somebody needed to watch over her.

With her eyes wild and pinned to me, April nodded. “Go, Trent. Go where you’re loved. That’s all that matters at the end of the day.”

For some reason, that was the context I needed to recognize the April I knew. It gave me a little more peace about obeying. I looked over to Tyheem, who had been waiting on me to give him the word. I swung my chin toward the hall and he started out.

“This ain’t over, April. Call me,” I tried.

April turned her head and wiped a fresh tear from her wet face.

Me: 20 mins out. You need anything?

I dropped the phone back in my lap and rubbed the side of my index over my top lip as I exhaled. I snickered to myself under the blasting music.

As soon as you think all your problems are solved because you get your job back, you find yourself stressed the hell out again…

I needed to think of what to do about this April thing. After Shank died, my focus went to the field—and Jade. Life had started moving so fast around that time. Things just…took off. I didn’t have time to make sure everybody was good before going with it. I couldn’t leave April out there like that, and not just because Shank would haunt my ass. April had been too good to me growing up. She was right there next to Shank at every game. She was by his side when he enrolled me in every camp he could. She never once complained or looked annoyed when he was spending time with me. She showed love and support the whole time.

My phone vibrated.

Jelly: No. Just you. I’m putting Ky down. Strip and meet me in the room when you get in.

I tossed the phone in my lap again.

“A yo,” Tyheem spoke up. I turned the knob of the volume to hear him. “The Kings hit me up with two guys they think would be a good look.”

My forehead stretched, catching on. The Connecticut Kings’ owner, Eli Richardson, wanted extra muscle on me now that the spotlight was back on the team. He’d been hinting at it since December, and had been more aggressive since the Super Bowl. I’d been holding off on agreeing to it because I couldn’t tell if it was a strategic move, telling me he didn’t trust me.  Over the past few weeks, I decided to swallow my pride, especially seeing how much attention from fans and media coverage I got with the Cali trip. Tyheem couldn’t handle the crowds alone if something broke out. Elle had the forethought to hire a couple of bodies from a private company out there, but that was temporary. I had more appearances to do this winter alone.

“You meet them yet?”

“Nah. I was ‘posed to today, but you called about riding down to CMD.” His eyes stayed on the road.

He just reminded me how so quickly, I needed to get another fulltime security guard. My last guy that worked with Tyheem, Slim, was now with a guard on the 76’ers. StentRo passed him on to his old teammate when I got sentenced. I managed to find a gig for both of them. I lucked up having Tyheem available when I needed security again.

Eli was ready to move just when I realized I needed someone on the property. Before getting locked up, I had rooms for both my muscle at the crib, which made it convenient when I needed them.

Now…

The game had changed. I was married with a wife to consult and a kid to keep in mind. My life was nothing like it was pre-prison. No wild parties, unplanned overnight guests, or people coming in and out of my crib all day and night. It was another thing I had to kick it with Jade about.

We were at my place in no time after getting lost in my head. I saluted Tyheem as he pulled off. The house was quiet when I came in through the garage. Jade said she’d be putting Kyree down, so that was the first place I went when I made it upstairs. I snaked my head through the cracked door and saw Kyree lying on his side, looking sleep. Jade sat on the side of his bed, reading from her phone.

“My son, do not forget My teaching, but keep My commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you peace and prosperity. Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man,” she spoke low, confident, and soothingly.

Proverbs 3…

I finished the passage with her in my head. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil.”

Jade always managed to amaze me when it came to her mom game. She had a mean wife game, too.

Her eyes came up to meet mine and she smiled then nodded to acknowledge me. She gave a reverse nod, telling me to go get ready. I did, even though I was mad I missed Ky before he went down. I only kicked it with him once since being back home. On my way down the hall to the master suite, I told myself I would tomorrow.

I showered, wrapped a towel around my waist then took back down the hall to the converted spa room. The lights were low and music already softly flowing. It smelled fresh…clean. Stevie Wonder—my favorite artist—sang “Knocks Me Off My Feet.” I sat on the massage bed, covered with sheets that were warm. She added new plants to the room, even had fresh flower petals in the bowl with rocks in the corners. There was a silver tray table close to the massage bed with flower petals and three oil bottles. 

Definitely an energy in here…

I didn’t hear her come in, but I felt little arms push around my waist and soft hands move up my chest, cupping it. Her chin lay on my shoulder, in the crook of my neck and she squeezed. I could feel the deep breath she blew out from her nose against my damp skin. Then she lay the side of her face against my back and we stayed like that for a few seconds.

She pulled her arms from around me then patted my shoulder. “On your stomach.”

I swung my legs onto the table and turned over, adjusting myself so my face fit into the doughnut pillow at the top.

“How’s the temperature?” she asked close to my ear, voice just as gentle as it was with Kyree. 

I gave her a thumbs-up and she patted my lower back, acknowledging it. I heard a few clicks and realized Jade was lighting candles. Taking in a deep breath, I made myself relax into the table. I was home…with my feisty short stack and little homie—who was sick and not totally back to himself. Honestly, I loved being back on the field, but this home thing was turning into something new to me.

Jade started at my shoulders, those little fingers and palms moving firmly over my back. She took her time kneading where knots had formed over the past two weeks, or so, since my last massage. Some of those joints probably happened since hearing my moms was in the hospital. She moved lower, down to the wings of my back, making her tits push against the back of my head and neck. Her berry scent floated into my nose, under the table. The music was light, but powerful. Silk crooned “Girl U for Me” as she moved to my arms then lower back. She used her arms and really stretched me out. By the time she made it to my legs and calves, I was able to shut out everything outside of these four walls from my head. Jade took her time everywhere, but slowed at my left calf muscle, I knew, because of my injury from the Super Bowl. It wasn’t as tender as it was even a few days ago, but still sensitive.

When she asked me to roll over, I wasn’t embarrassed at how my dick swelled under the towel. She covered my eyes with a mask and went back to my feet, pressing her thumbs into my heels and stretching out my toes. Jade stretched out my arms again, this time focusing on my biceps and forearms.

She made her way to my head and rubbed deep with the tips of her fingers and thumbs, moving to my forehead and temples. Her soft hands gripped my jaw then slid down to my shoulders. But Jade didn’t shift in position, so she covered me. Her firm tits pushed against my face inside her soft silk house robe. Her nipple brushed my nose. Now smelling and feeling her, I couldn’t relax. My body stirred all over, and my mind was stimulated.

By the time she made it to my pecs, her oily hands sliding up and down, making her breasts push into my face, I used my nose and mouth to open her robe. After a few seconds, one plopped out. My tongue swiped over it until I found her nipple and pulled it in my mouth. I felt her stretch out over me, her hands pushing down toward my abs. I could hear her moan vibrate through her chest.

I reached over my head to grab her by her waist. My girl was so tiny, I could toss her little nasty ass and position her any way I wanted. I lay her over me on the table, then pulled her legs on my sides, putting her on all fours. Jade’s freaky ass was already pulling the towel from my waist. My cock was in her little oily palm before I could bring her ass to my face and find her clit with my tongue. When I did, I flicked it over the bell of her swollenness.

Her hot, soft mouth was on me, blowing me. My hands went to her hips, pulling her closer while I ate her. The sounds of sloppy sucking competed with Chante Moore and Keith Washington’s “Candlelight and You.” I swear I could do this for hours and be a happy man. It was a fantasy I had often when away from her. By the time the song came to an end, her hips were vibrating over my forehead. The skin of her plump cheeks smacked against my face. The meat of them plopped and her mouth worked faster, jaws tightened around me. But I wasn’t ready. I sucked her nub between my top lip and tongue until her mouth went slack around my cock.

“Trentiiiiin…” she whispered, trying to keep it down as she came in my mouth.

Jade scooted up, her legs crossing over my arms until they were underneath them and her belly lay over mine. She needed a minute to calm herself, I knew. I played with her wide ass while she did, kissing it, wiggling it. She moved again to mount me. In one hand, she held my throbbing dick, and the other she used to balance herself as she lined us up and sank down on me. She didn’t take long to adjust her walls before she started a steady pace. Jade rode me reverse cowgirl. I watched her jiggly, dimpled cheeks as she did. Her arms moved up, one folded over her head and the other crossed her back to her shoulder. My eyes rolled to the back of my head when I took in all of her: a narrow waist with a curved spine, pointy shoulders, and jet black weave pulled into a sloppy ponytail over her head. She tossed the robe at some point and was ass naked along with me on the massage table.

Not our first time…definitely won’t be our last…

My eyes shot wide open when Jade grabbed my thighs, her head and upper body bolted forward as she pushed her ass back onto my dick fast and hard. She was coming. Again. I grabbed her hips, her head swung back, and she moaned with just her throat. Her little body shook over me, and even though I couldn’t see her face or bouncy tits, she was the sexiest thing I’d ever seen, coming over me like this.

So amped up, the minute I knew she was done, my back shot from the table. I lifted her from me, pulling out, I swung her around to the top. I turned Jade on her back and ran up in her. She was so damn wet. Tight. I bucked into her until I felt the bottom of my balls heat up. My eyes stayed on her. I didn’t want to miss her in this moment.

Fear.

A flash of it brushed against the wet skin of my back.

What was that?

Her eyes were wide and mouth was open as she watched me. My hands cupped her waist, keeping her in place. Her thighs were folded at the wings of my back. Jade wanted me close. With her in the moment. It was inviting, but damn scary. I’d never cared, loved, or craved like I had with her—for her—in my life. It was scary as hell to be so crazy about anybody like this…much less, your old lady. It couldn’t be safe.

Right?

So wrapped up in her, I couldn’t think to decide. Then I decided to let it go. My weight shifted to my toes as I let it all go inside of her. I felt the arching in my spine and the grip of my hands tightened around her.

When I was done, my body froze over her. Jade’s arms pushed in the air and she grabbed my face, pulling me down to her mouth, kissing me until I could feel my damn feet again. She moaned as her hands ran over my shoulders and down my back. She purred, comforting me. I could tell she’d tired herself out when her head pulled back and she breathed hard and loud, but her arms were still wrapped around me. I lay over her with just my upper body, my legs still on the floor.

When I heard her snort, my head pulled from the crook of her neck. Jade’s eyes opened alarmed then she relaxed them. Yeah. She was done. Tired myself, I found the towel I wore hanging from the side of the narrow bed and used it when I pulled out of her. I sat Jade’s dead weight up and pulled her soft robe over her shoulders. After blowing out the candles, I lifted her into my arms and carried her out of the room. Halfway to the master suite, I lowered her to the floor at Kyree’s door, dropping her off, and kept going.

While she checked in on him, I went straight to the bathroom and started filling the tub. Jade had all types of bath soaps, bubbles, salts, and oils. I didn’t know which to choose, so I poured a little bit of all of them. As I was taking a leak, I felt her come in. I washed my hands and could see her behind me in the mirror, taking off her robe. As soon as it was off, Jade’s hands flew to her belly and her eyes ran across the room to me nervously. She moved fast, but I caught her little pouch. It wasn’t really that. It was more like a full belly after eating a big plate of food.

I shook my hands over the sink before grabbing the towel to dry them, dragging my eyes from her. Jade had been complaining about her weight for over a month now. It was stupid.

“You’re happy,” I gave my theory, walking over to the tub where she was slowly lowering herself. Her head lifted, eyes lit up, too. “If I wasn’t back on the field, I woulda put on a few, too. Ain’t that what happiness do to people?” I stepped into the warm water.

“Yeah, but you are on the field. And I’m with a popular football player, who could have any woman he wants.”

“But he chose—chooses—you.”

“Yeah, when I was a few pounds lighter. Before I moved in, took over, and cooked a whole bunch of food that’s only evident on me.” Jade pouted.

Cute…

I pulled her by the hips, in between my legs.

“Cut it out, J,” I warned over her head.

Her body was banging; no puffed out belly could change that. Plus, she’d been working out and skating to help with it.

I could feel her body relax into my chest and Jade hummed.

“How’s Kyree?”

“His appetite is back. That’s for sure.” Her little burgundy toes came up, breaking the blanket of bubbles over the water. “I wore him out by having him out so long earlier.” She snickered. “Wore myself out. I had to take a nap earlier.”

“That’s what’s up. You probably needed it.”

“I guess.”

I kissed the side of her neck then scraped her skin between my teeth. Jade always smelled so good.

“Have you been on your prayer schedule while out there?”

My forehead stretched behind her head at that crazy question. “Yeah. Why?”

“Because you came in so late last night, and I don’t know what time you left out today. You said you were going to get on a new schedule, now that the season is over, and that would begin with prayer.”

I did say that.

“I shot out of here so fast today, trying to follow up on last night.” That reminded me of Brown. “That was a nice touch you put on the article with J. Brown.”

Jade’s chin went into the air and lips pushed into a pout. “Oh! That. Has it been published?”

“Supposed to be tomorrow.”

“Cool!” she cheered. “He was really nice, that guy.”

“Nice?” I felt my face split. “What’s nice?”

She shrugged against my chest. “I don’t know… He seemed really interested in my design, here at the house. He even knew about Greek Revival versus Egyptian for the Victorian designs. He pulled out a picture of his grandmother’s living room in Charleston with the most breathtaking Gothic design I’d ever seen. He was even taken by the curtains in the living room I made by hand.”

I made an annoyed face over her head. “He was ‘taken’ by you.”

“He was not. The guy was just excited to have a connection with me. He probably thought his grandmother’s style was outdated and rare until he visited our home. He could’ve felt a sense of his childhood here—even though I didn’t go heavy on that style.”

“I ain’t invite him to my house with my wife to have fuzzy feelings.”

Her head shot up and she looked back at me.

“That’s not what happened, Trent! Now, you need to cut it out.” She turned to crawl up my body and kissed me on the lips before going back to her position between my legs.

And that was her way of deading the conversation. I knew it.

“We may have houseguests soon—at least one.”

“Who?”

“Probably Tyheem.” I yawned.

“Probably?”

“Yeah. My security basically lived with me before. Now that my schedule is amping up, they have to be on call. Last night, I had to stop in Newark to pick him up on the way. I was lucky he was available. Technically, dude was off like I’m supposed to be.”

Jade didn’t move much. “Yeah. Because you can’t be riding around by yourself anymore. Especially in Eagles territory. Those fans are terrorists,” she mumbled.

I chuckled quietly.

She was right. South Jersey was a divided section when it came to sports. It may have been a neighboring state, but everything was Philadelphia down there. It didn’t matter that Camden was my hometown.  I was a stranger to them on the field.

“You said guests.”

“Huhn?”

“Earlier. You said we may have houseguests, as in plural.”

I let out a breath. “April.”

“Oh! Right! You’ve been going down there for her.” My throat tightened because I would not correct her. Couldn’t. Jade lifted her arms from around my thighs, watery bubbles fell back into the water as she rubbed the bath brush against them. “How is she? Does she need to come up for a few days to get away?”

My eyes bugged out of my head. “You speak to her?”

“No.” She turned to face me, eyes rolling and a smirk playing at her lips. Jade was calling me crazy. “I would assume she’s having grieving issues. Sometimes getting away can help with that. What else is she doing with herself? Is she working?”

I shook my head. April used to be a secretary at a strip club for years. It’d been closed down for over ten years. For all I knew, she lived on Shank’s savings all these years. He had a few dollars saved from his dancing days. I wasn’t sure if it lasted long.

“Let’s have her up. It’ll be good for the both of you.” Jade smiled sweetly.

I yanked her ear with my hand before yawning again and sinking into the tub.

“Yeah, but she won’t come.”

“Why not?”

“She thinks she’ll be in our way.”

“Nonsense!” Jade blew out air. “It’ll be fun.”

“You sure?” I asked, seeing how down she was for this. We didn’t know how long April would stay. “You got your hands full around here with Kyree and me. I may not say it a lot, but you the plug, J. You hold me down to the max, and I ain’t tryna take advantage of that.”

“How would your aunt coming here to relax for a little while be taking advantage, Trent?”

My neck swung back. “Maaaaan, listen,” I breathed. “You are the biggest alpha female in that lil petite frame. You ain’t letting no woman come in here, cooking in your kitchen, J.”

Her forehead creased as she shook her head. “No, I won’t. But if she’s here, under the guise of R&R, she wouldn’t have to lift a finger. She could actually help me finalize my plans for the patio.” She flashed a fake smile.

“J.”

“It’s settled,” she quickly decided and turned back around to lay on me again. Jade hummed. “I’m glad you’re home.”

“Me, too.”

You gots no idea…

I enjoyed kicking it with the young kids, but hated being away from Jade and Ky. That had been bothering me.

“Thanks for letting me come to the meeting with you last night. Larry seems really excited to be working with you again.”

“Yeah.” I let out a breath, cupping water in my hand to pour over her shoulder. “Larry’s cool peoples. I’m just glad you held yourself together with Sylvia.”

Her neck swung over her shoulder as she looked up at me. “I’m not that bad.” When my eyes blew the hell up, she spoke louder. “Not anymore! I’m working on myself, Trent. I have too much to lose.” Her eyes fell and she bit her bottom lip.

“What’s that about?” I asked about her quick mood change.

She shook her head, the back of it to me now. “I know this is going to be hard—it’s been hard. You’re a high-profile celebrity. An athlete with a publicized, decorated scorecard, and personal life.”

Jade with her “decorated” words…

“Here we go,” I hummed lowly.

“Yeah. Here we go. You weren’t here when those flowers, undergarments, and fruit baskets were delivered from your old bedroom squad.”

“Jade, it wasn’t that serious; just a…coincidence.”

She swiveled back to me so fast, the water shifted. “A coincidence that six of your former lovers, who also happen to be celebrities—two of which, I’m a fan—sent you congratulatory gestures within days of each other? For a Super Bowl you lost? You admitted to sleeping with all of them.”

My eyes rolled to the ceiling.

Why did I cop to that?

“Let it go, J.”

“I did—am,” she corrected. “I knew it would be hard marrying a famous man.” I groaned. “Especially after that Brielle fiasco—”

“Jade!”

“I got into a fight with my mother last night.” I automatically pouted at that quick change in subject.

“I was able to make that out, shawtie,” I teased.

Jade shook her head and pulled her knees to her chin. “No. It was pretty bad.”

“How bad?”

“Shades of my teenage years, bad.” I didn’t respond. “I told her she wouldn’t be spending time with Ky anymore.”

“All because she caught us in the truck?”

“It’s more than that with her. It’s about control.” She shook her head again then turned to face me. “I can’t give her that anymore. I don’t need her leash on me. I need her to contribute to my son’s life—only as a grandparent, not a co-parent.” Tears welled in her eyes and her chin shuddered. “And you know the worse part?”

“What?” I stroked her cheek, upset that she was upset. Heated that there was nothing I could do to better the situation. To fix it for her.

“I’m mad at myself for allowing her to hurt me again.” Her voice cracked similar to April’s earlier at the hospital.

My damn stomach jumped. More than anything, it was because I’d been feeling the same about my moms. I thought she couldn’t get to me anymore. I realized this was one of the strongest connections Jade and I had: mommy issues. But it was common for women to have with their moms. They were women, dealing with female issues. It was not cool for a grown ass man like me to be hurt by his mother. Plus, Jade was strong. A fighter.

She never take flack from nobody. 

But here my little one was, sloping like a kid herself because her moms wanted to keep her that way.

Nah… Not my Jade.

“C’mere, baby.” I pulled her into me and wrapped her in my arms. Jade didn’t hesitate straddling me and wrapping her arms around my shoulders. “You’re perfect to me and for me. Okay?” She nodded against my shoulders, sniffling back a cry.

The cry I wouldn’t dare let out in front of my wife and stepson. I couldn’t. I’d have to find a way to shake the hold Brenda Bailey still had on me. The one she didn’t want and never earned.

~Four

Have Sambi take a look at the gutter leak off the back of the kitchen…

Call April to invite her up…

File our marriage license…

Remind Shawnie to bring my A Good Man-darin is Hard to Find O.P.I. polish back today…

Pick up Trent’s shirt from the cleaners for tomorrow…

He turned onto his stomach and now faced me. His thick arm pushed under the pillow where his head lay, and his lips parted. Trent took up most of the California King-sized bed, barring a corner, but I didn’t care. He was here, home with me.

And he’s entirely beautiful…

Sometimes when I prayed, I asked God what did I do to deserve this. Him. He was larger than life—in person and in reputation. Since he’d been reinstated, I read countless articles about Trent Bailey, the quarterback for the Connecticut Kings. I learned about his groundbreaking scores and business deals, wild and festive parties, well-profiled relationships—except for the one with Brielle that was sold as a friendship to the public—with gorgeous women who were famous in their own right, and his arrest, conviction, and sentencing. Trent was barely twenty-eight and had lived more of a life than many men twice his age. And somehow the silly man still had the desire to choose an embattled woman with loads of baggage like me to be his wife.

As though he heard my self-loathing, his lashes fluttered open. My eyes and mouth spread as wide as my heart in experiencing the purity in his first sight of the day. Me.

“What time is it?” he muttered.

“Just before six.”

“You gone try to wipe me out before my work out?”

My face expanded even further and I scooted down the mattress to kiss his puffy lips. The idea of sex this morning was tempting.

“No. I wanted to get to you before KyKy did.”

Trent stirred, moving to sit up, and rubbed his deliciously tight face with those big hands.

“Oh, yeah. It’s Saturday. What y’all got on tap?”

“Lashawn and Devin are coming over today.” I bit the inside of my mouth, knowing I didn’t have much time to say what I needed to say.

Trent was like a machine in the morning when it came to his workout regimen.

“Word. Ky feeling up to that?”

My eyes circled the dim suite. “He should.”

Stretching on a yawn, he mumbled, “That’s what’s up.”

“I have to transfer money from the stash account today.”

The stash account was the biggest of Trent’s I had access to. It was the one we shouldn’t touch but for an emergency. But he would grant me permission to transfer money if I ran out for the house. And running out would be me going over the budget we agreed to. Trent was somewhat of a miser when it came to his money. He was wealthy by my parents’ standards even before he returned to the National Football League. But in his mind, he was two days from destitution. I could now see how he preserved; he hardly spent a dime.

“For what?” he asked, unalarmed.

“I’ve had Sambi replacing all the exterior lights on the property. I bought all new eco-friendly fixtures and bulbs. They weren’t the most expensive, but cost a shiny penny.” My voice turned defensive. “And considering the old models you had out there, and how half were malfunctioning anyway, I figure it’d save money in the future. Plus, I had to take Ky to get new clothes this week. If not, I would’ve paid for it with my money.”

“No biggie, little one.” He stretched again, this time extended his torso over his legs to touch his toes. Damn… Trent was more flexible than me. “Take what you need. I don’t know why you trippin’ anyway. Tim from Ches’ office ain’t call you?”

The accountant?

“No. For what?”

Trent turned to me and waggled his brows. “You got a raise, shawtie.”

“A raise?”

Like Trent had been doing since we’d been together, I was a line item in his financial portfolio. I had a set salary as he did, only mine was more than his; something I never understood. We were paid out monthly and were expected to stay within the parameters of that allotment for his budget to perform as planned. The majority of Trent’s multi-million-dollar earnings went to investments and retirement savings.

“Yup.” He exhaled. “I think you went from eighty to a hun‘ed.”

I gasped. “One hundred thousand a year?” He nodded, laying against the headboard. I knew he’d signed a couple of endorsement deals and even bigger ones were on the way, but I didn’t realize it happened so quickly. “And you?”

His lips turned up, unimpressed. “I told him to add ten to my fifty. I ‘on’t need much.”

“Only sixty a year, but give me one hundred? Trent, that doesn’t make an ounce of sense.”

“Keep it real: I don’t even need that. You buy food, pay the utilities—even cop my drawers, socks, and undershirts. Other than when I eat out or get parts for my Chevy, I don’t need much. Shoot. Even the Kings pick up my grocery tab at the condo up in Connecticut.” He shrugged. “You being good is me being good. Ky good, too, right?” His head angled slightly toward me with a curious brow.

I took a deep breath.

“Ryshon’s home.”

Trent turned completely to face me. “Word? When?”

Another hearty breath. “I don’t know.” My face fell to my lap. “I’m assuming two days ago.”

“That’s what’s up. Why you ain’t tell me?”

“He called the night you ran down to Camden. And I missed you yesterday, leaving out so early.”

“We kicked it last night,” he chastised gently.

I licked my lips. “I brought up my mom and crashed emotionally. Plus, it was too much to dump on you.”

“You look stressed about it. It’s good he’s home. He got a lil solider to raise.”

My eyes shot up loaded and locked. “I can do it.”

Trent’s brows met as he studied me. He shook his head. “Not by yourself, you can’t. You need that dude for Ky.”

“I need you.” My eyes didn’t falter, but my voice did.

“I’m here to be whatever you two need—everything you guys need. But my place is behind Ryshon…unless he ain’t steppin’ up, J.”

I swallowed hard, my brain snapping into place. That was out of line. I shouldn’t have put that on Trent.

“I’m sorry. I—I didn’t mean to imply…”

He reached for my face, his big palm almost matching it in size. “Hey, my vows are to you and Ky. Ain’t no half stepping over here. I’m just not tryna step on dude’s toes. That ain’t code. Why you stressed? Did he say something to you?”

I shook my head in his hand, face wrinkled. “It’s just our dynamic. It’s who Ryshon and Jade are. We don’t know how to co-parent while apart. He’s been locked up so many times.” I swallowed again, my eyes slowly ascending. “And now I belong to another man: heart, soul, and body.”

I wanted him to get it, but knew I wasn’t articulating myself fully. It was because I didn’t know what to say. I just knew what I felt and that was I’d wished Ryshon would disappear. I’d been transitioning into someone eons away from the woman Ryshon knew. I was filling in those empty spaces deep inside at Trent’s side. Something internal was awakening. Every day my self-confidence increased and so had my identity. Ryshon wouldn’t get or appreciate that.

And Trent doesn’t understand…

“He just got out the pen, J. It’s gonna take him a minute to adjust. He may be trippin’ a little, may be a lil brolic with a chip on his shoulder, but that’s normal. Give him grace. We all go through that when fresh out.”

“You?”

He nodded. “I tripped a little. Flexed unnecessarily on my people. But I got over it once I realized I didn’t have to be tough on the outside.”

“Who were you flexing at?”

His hand withdrew. “A few heads.” His eyes circled as he thought. “I almost choked the hell outta Alton.”

I sputtered a laugh, not able to believe what he’d just said. “Alton Alston?”

He nodded, one side of his mouth curved into a grin. “You know dude play way too much. He had jokes about me being fresh out and kept shootin’ them all night. After a while, I had him pinned against a wall. StentRo, JJ, and Tynisha had to pull me off him.”

A giggle slipped and I covered my mouth. “Sorry. It’s just that you’re so patient with him.”

“Because he got a good heart, just a confused head.”

“Which head? The one he rams into models like that Jessica Black while she’s with Young Lord? Or the one he never uses when talking so reckless, so much?”

Trent rolled his eyes adorably. “If you think Young had that broad in the ‘exclusive lane,’ you’re just as delusional as Alton.” He waved the topic off with his hand in the air. “For real, J. Don’t sweat the small stuff with dude Ryshon. If my peoples would’ve held me to my ego when I first landed, I wouldn’t have them around now. He’s got a lot of obstacles ahead of him. Just excuse the B.S.”

“Even if it’s a threat to us?”

Trent’s face darkened, first defensively then in confusion. “Like… You two hooking up again?”

My expression dropped. “I haven’t been attracted to him in years. And you’re the delusional one if you think I could ever want a guy like Ryshon after having a man like you.”

He didn’t move to respond, seemingly measuring every word I ever spoke to him in the past seventeen months since we met in the span of seconds.

“Then ain’t shit that dude can do to come between us, Jade,” he gritted out.

There was a dark promise in his eyes. A warning.

My eyes fell to my lap again. I had him cursing before his morning prayer run. There was another pregnant pause before Trent turned to leave the bed.

“I uploaded Pastor Carmichael’s Men’s Empowerment Conference sermons on your phone earlier. You know…” My eyes faltered again. “To catch up for tonight and tomorrow’s conclusion.”

Trent peered back at me, thick and bushy brows hiked. “Good lookin’.”

Then he took off for the bathroom. The deep grooves in his wide back in motion as he advanced.

As the phone rang in my ear, I scrolled down the page of a website I found with rustic style refurbished furniture. A small vendor in South Jersey, who handmade beautiful pieces I could use to create an ambiance conducive to a mental and emotional escape. Being with Trent taught me how to bargain shop. But of course, I never went cheap, just…economical.

Just when I thought she wouldn’t answer, I heard, “Hello.”

“Hey, Mrs. Bailey!”

“With who am I speaking with?”

I rolled my eyes as I stifled a giggle.

It’s with whom am I speaking screamed in my head, but instead I went with, “It’s Mrs. Bai—” I caught myself. “The soon to be Mrs. Bailey.”

“Which one?” she demanded.

I couldn’t hold my amusement in that time, and cracked up, laughing in her ear.

“There better be just one for the one in Alpine. That’s for sure!”

Over my hoots, she asked, “Alpine? Jade?”

“Yes!”

“Girl, you got me going back to my slashing tires days when them tricks used to call my phone, saying they was the new Mrs. Bailey!”

I couldn’t stop laughing. Trent told me Shank had a long journey on the infidelity track. It’s a wonder his marriage to April lasted until the end. His end.

That thought sobered me enough to get to my reason for calling.

“How’s it been down there?”

“Ehhhh…” she sang. “Good days and…”

“Rainy ones?”

“Yeah. Too many of those, child.”

I sighed. “Well, I can’t say I can relate, but I can certainly sympathize.”

“Trent seems to be holding up good. Shank would like that.”

“Yeah. On the surface. He’s still a man. A human, who’s expected to perform like a machine. He has to hold up or so many will crumble underneath him.”

Our payroll had been growing.

April didn’t come back with a remark.

“Are you crumbling, April?”

“I’m fighting,” she murmured, sadness lined with her answer.

“I’d like to help you.”

“Help me? You got your hands full with Trent. That was the son Shank never had.”

“I can help you by inviting you to stay with him, because by extension, he’s like a son to you, too.”

“He put you up to this!” she alleged. “Look, Jade, I told Trent I ain’t tryna be no burden on you two. Trent deserves the family you give him, and I want him to have that in peace. He don’t need me latching onto that.”

I’d been aggressive. My assertiveness regarding Trent and his wellbeing had become my reputation among his friends and family, and so soon. And while I didn’t care what people thought, other than him, I didn’t want to scare off those I knew had his best interest at heart. I had to do damage control.

“But he latched on to you through your husband for years. I don’t think Trent sees you as a burden. I certainly don’t. As a woman who services her family, I see the need for a retreat every now and then. Especially for warriors like you, women I aspire to be. You deserve a break. Let us be that for you.”

“How you gone be that for me?”

“You come up here, I’ll pamper you, give you a nice room to meditate in. There’s a nice park you can go to—even in these winter temps—to feed the ducks and walk the path. I can do your nails and feet, take you to get your hair done, if you like. We can team up on Trent about him being so cheap and needing to understand he’ll only live once…” My lips curved into a smile.

“That boy still cheap?” she cried. “You know he get that from his uncle. That was until his uncle took real ill. Then he got that life can move faster than money if the good Lord say so.”

I didn’t really have an issue with Trent’s parsimoniousness. I’d been adjusting while fighting him on very few issues.

“So, you see what I deal with?” I joked.

“Mmmhmmm…” she droned. “Do I know! Where’s that sneaky Trent of mine anyways?”

I laughed under my breath as I traversed the kitchen to peek out the window.

“He’s out back, working out while Kyree’s coaching him.” I chuckled out loud this time.

Ky was sitting out there with his thick goose down coat and scarf wrapped around his face, holding a stop watch as he sat on a crate, watching Trent. The big guy turned over a tractor tire two times before taking off on a rope ladder where he demonstrated his agility, toeing down each square, showing off his footwork. When I looked out earlier, Trent was taking off his resistance gear to practice his three- and five-step drops without it. He’d been at it since six this morning. Just after eight, Kyree joined him in the basement, and eventually the pair worked their way outside.

The things that man can do with his body…

My spine shivered.

“Coaching? That lil thing playing boss?” she shrieked. “Well, I guess it serves Trent right. He used to do the same thing to Shank when he used to work out.” She giggled. And I steeled at the visual of Trent being so small, vulnerable, and attached to the only relative who made time for him. Fast forward nearly twenty years later, he’s our world, mine and Ky’s. I couldn’t imagine life without this man. “Only thing is, Trent’s workouts are fancier; not the simple push-ups his uncle did in his day.” 

Snapping out of my head, I forced a laugh. “I can only imagine.”

“Yeah. Those days…” her voice turned forlorn.

“So, will you agree to visiting?”

“I don’t know—”

“Just throw a few things in a suitcase. Try us out for a few nights. You shouldn’t turn down what you haven’t tried, you know.”

My phone, across the room on the island, vibrated over the marble. I crossed the kitchen for it.

“Okay. I’ll think about it,” April returned.

“Do more than think because I just ordered a bed for you,” I exaggerated.

“What? A bed?”

“Yup!” I giggled, reading Lashawn’s text saying they were on their way over. “Trust me. You wouldn’t have wanted to sleep on the bed Trent’s had since living with Brenda.”

“Since what!” she shrieked, playing parrot again. “That thing lasted that long?”

“You can imagine the activities of it. It’s the bed Ky and I slept on when we first moved in.”

I probably shouldn’t have said that. I wasn’t sure if Trent had told his family about our meeting. Also, I wasn’t prepared to tell her I spent very few nights on it, opting to seduce my way into her nephew’s bed instead.

“Lawd!” April cried as I snickered.

“So, I’ll give you about a week to clear your calendar, pack, and have your legs here where I can keep an eye on you, woman!”

“Okay… Okay… Okay! Let me get myself together.”

A smile blossomed on my face and I, excitedly, turned toward Trent in the yard. He was still at it, briskly moving those feet.

“Perfect. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Okay, Jade.”

I ended the call feeling a mote of victory. Then my cell phone vibrating with a text in my hand rained over it.

+1(973)555-5666: Yo this Ryder tell kyree to call me I wanna see him

My shoulders caved in despair. 

At my secure push, the pan of apple cobbler slid onto the glass shelf of the refrigerator.

“I’m mad you ain’t putting that in the oven,” Lashawn rustled. “I could use some of your cobbler. You the only one that can make a good one like Nanny.”

I turned to find her applying another coat of clear polish on her toes, with one leg hiked on the pad of the stool bar.

“Shawnie, I told you to put on another one when you get home. Now they won’t dry for hours. How’re you going to put on your socks and boots to leave?”

Without looking at me she brushed her baby toe with the clear polish. “Girl, I’m wearing these flip flops home. I only got one stop to make before getting there.”

My eyes stretched wide in disbelief. “A stop? Girl, it’s like twenty-five degrees out there. It’s going to start snowing any minute.”

“Yup. To the grocery store to pick up two cans of carnation milk my mother forgot while shopping this week. She needs it for her mac-n-cheese tomorrow.” Lashawn hiked her brows and angled her head, exhaling, “My boring life.” 

I rolled my eyes, trekking over to the counter to finish a concoction in the Bullet. She hadn’t come straight out with it, but something was biting at my cousin.

“Your life isn’t boring, Shawnie.” I pressed the lever to start the motor and watched the vegetables, yogurt, nuts, and powder chop up and blend at rapid speed. When it was done, I turned off the machine, unlocked the cup and covered it with a twisted lid. “No one has something popping every second. There are highs and lows, but lord knows we keep busy.”

“I don’t. It’s just working at the stupid job, coming home to my parents’ house, and maybe—just maybe—a date with a guy who ain’t a total fuckboy, only wanting to fuck after the club and not at least hit up a B-Way Burger.”

I scoffed, shaking my head and rolling my eyes at her.

“Yup. That be the highlight of my damn week if I get one of those. So, until then, the least you can let your little cousin do is put another coat of clear on to make sure I preserve this dope design you put on my toes. I’m glad you got that gel machine here. I like this color.” She admired her nails with her hands in the air. “Yup. This is my happy. Getting my nails done for free by the best damn tech in the state. I’ll wait for this last coat to dry a little while enjoying your beautiful home. You can always plop that pan in the oven and we can have the cobbler with vanilla bean ice cream.”

On an exhale, I combed my nails through my hair while leaning on my elbows over the countertop. “Can’t.” Then I massaged my temples, trying to wake up. I was tired as all get out. “It’s for tomorrow.”

“So? One serving from it ain’t gonna ruin nothing.”

“I’m taking it across the road to The Rogers’. We’re having dinner over there after church, before heading to a party.”

“Who are the Rogers’ and what party?”

Devin flew into the kitchen with some bright yellow gadget in his hands. “Mommy, look at what Ky gave me!”

It looked like a car part, just shiny and bright.

Ky was behind him, rubbing his tight eyes, looking as tired as I was this late afternoon hour. He grinned and snorted, “I ain’t give it to you; Trent did. He bought some for both of us.”

“What’s that?” Lashawn asked.

“A fidget spinner! Duh!” My head jerked back. “Everybody in school want one of these. Only two people got one, and now me!”

Lashawn studied it from Devin’s little hands as I did, but I was across the island from them.

“You okay?” I asked Ky. I knew his little bug had drained him, although he was in his recovery stage of it. He nodded, walking over to me to lay his head on my ribcage. “I hope you weren’t in Trent’s tool box for his truck, KyKy.” I couldn’t help my fussing.

He shook his head against me. “No. I told him to get me some when he came home, and he did.”

“All right,” I sang as a warning. “You look like you’re about to crash. Go get your last few minutes of playtime in with your cousin before he has to go. I’ll run you a mint bath before bed.”

“C’mon, Kyree. I bet I can spin faster than you,” Devin challenged, crossing the kitchen for the back staircase.

I watched Lashawn look after them, her expression desolate.

“What’s up with you? I’m the tired one with a sick child.”

She shook her head, turning away. “You got a partner to help with Ky, and here I am tryna find a nigga to take me to the B-Way Burger with the drive thru in Paterson.”

“Shawnie,” I cried. I hated the self-loathing. It wasn’t her style. Lashawn was always upbeat.

“For real!” She leaped around in her seat to face me. “That new one right off Route 20 is nice and not in the hood. It’s the first of its kind, the owner wanted to try one out in his hometown.”

“I know that, but what’s really going on? Are you sweating the money thing?”

“Yes. I’m sweating the money thing. You got a man with money, and that wasn’t even a requirement for you no more.”

I shook my head, studying her. “It wasn’t. But wanna hear something funny?” I neared her side of the island.

“What?”

“I wasn’t looking for a man when I found one.”

“Bullshit!” she shouted.

Unoffended, I assured, “I’m serious, Shawnie.” She rolled her neck and eyes, challenging me. “No lie. I’m going to tell you a story I’ve never shared. Two months after Ryder got locked up, KyKy got an invitation to a friends and family day at his classmate’s church. And you know I lost the desire to sit amongst pretentious ass church people since my parents’ last church. But I was feeling so…” I lifted my hands, unable to articulate myself. “Guilty, angry, hurt, and lifeless at that time and Ky really liked this kid. So I took him. The church was a little dry. The preacher was funny looking with a lisp, but I really wanted a take-away from that whole day. I didn’t care if it was from the choir, usher, or pulpit: I was so damn desperate and church was supposed to help with that, right?”

“I guess,” she breathed, unconvinced.

“Well, the one thing I got from fugly was to stop asking God for something you don’t have and instead, ask Him to work on something inside of you: something you do have. I used to want a family for Ky. I wanted that ratchet as—” I caught myself. I was trying to rein in foul language and control what energy I gave life to by way of my words, something Pastor Carmichael spoke about last month.

“C’mon, Jade!” Shawnie’s arms swung in the air. “This me! You can keep it trill with me!”

“I know! That’s not what that was about. That was about where I’m going with this story: internal change. I didn’t realize back then that I’d started my cleansing process. I used what that man said to examine the junk”—I felt my face fold in disgust—“in me. I started seeing a lot of mess I needed to work on, so I could get out of the funk I’d been in for years. So, I started praying here and there, a simple prayer about cleaning me from the inside. And you know what?”

“What?” Her neck was snapped back again.

“That was the time I realized I didn’t want him anymore.” I turned up my lips, remembering that period. Ryshon used to rule my universe, even he knew. But during his last trip to prison, he lost the reins. And now I understood how.”

“Say word!”

“Word.” I nodded. “That’s when I applied for Section 8. He didn’t know. It even took a while for my name to get picked, but that was my way of becoming independent. It’s when I started Kean University, too.”

“Oh!” Her face expanded, giving the first sign of her understanding.

“Yup. It’s when I stopped asking for things—external things I wanted like a Ryshon or a man, in general, and started asking for things to improve within me.”

“So, you saying I need to stop looking for a man?”

I didn’t want to come right out and say, “hell yeah,” so I settled for, “I think you should just change your focus. It’ll distract you, trust me. I couldn’t believe the amount of stuff I found to work on once I started looking at me only.”

Lashawn’s regard was blindly on the floor. I silently breathed a sigh of relief, believing I’d gotten to her.

Heavy steps coming down the stairs caught my attention. Then his voice sounded.

“Yeah, I’m ready. I’m downstairs, ‘bout to head out now, nigga. You ready? You move slower than my lady,” he jeered.

It had to be Stenton he was joking with. Even Zoey complained about how slow he was, getting ready to go out. He had a reputation among his circle of being a divo. Also, he was driving into the City with Stenton to the last night of the men’s conference. The closing of it was tomorrow, during morning worship. I couldn’t wait to hear a summary of what Pastor Carmichael had been imparting. Funny how church had become my “thing” since Trent.

Trent handed me a tie to help him out with. I thought it was cute. He wore jeans, a dress shirt with a tie, and red Jimmy Choo’s Argyle sneakers. It was his balance of formal and casual wear I found adorable.

“Whatever.” Trent smiled over at me as I applied his tie. “You just be ready. A’ight. Peace.” He ended the call. “Hey, Lashawn,” he sang teasingly—rather flirtatiously for an easy target like my lustful cousin.

“He—” I could swear to hearing her swallow anxiously. “Hey, TB—Trent…”

It typically took Shawnie a few minutes to warm up in Trent’s presence. She had to get past the public figure—and lusting over the public figure—before casually engaging with her cousin’s fiancé. She had only been around him a handful of times at this point. I wondered how much faster the process would be if she knew he was actually my husband. None of my family knew.

“What y’all down here choppin’ it up about?” Trent posed the question to her.

His back was to Lashawn, who I found ogling my husband’s person, her eyes focusing on his glutes. I wondered what she saw. I snickered to myself as I shook my head.

“Oh, uh…” she hesitated. “I was just telling Jade how I need to get away to relieve some stress.”

My face folded. “No, we weren’t. You think that’s going to help?”

“Anything’ll help at this point.”

“When you thinking about pulling out?” Trent asked, being sociable, I was sure.

Once I was done with his tie, I patted his chest then rounded him for an answer from Lashawn.

She shrugged. “I ‘on’t know. Maybe in a couple of weeks. I just need a sitter.”

“A couple of weeks? Devin’ll be over for Ky’s birthday, right?”

“Yeah,” she sighed, going back to brooding.

“Devin can kick it with Ky,” Trent offered while checking his pockets for something. He pulled out his keys.

“Of course, he can.” My regard went to Lashawn. “This is just news to me. I haven’t even decided what to do for Ky’s birthday.” Now, with his father home, it would be a daunting task.

“You should do a party at a bouncy house,” Lashawn suggested. “Tire them kids out.”

I nodded with upturned lips. “That’s an idea.”

“Why waste the money?” Trent added. “You can do something here.”

“Nothing I could do at a bouncy house. It’s cold in March,” I scoffed.

“You have no idea the things we can do to create a turned up atmosphere here, lil one.”

“Rent a whole bunch of equipment? I don’t have the money for that!” I asserted.

I heard Lashawn suck her teeth behind me, and knew she was referencing Trent’s money.

Trent moved over to me and planted a kiss on my forehead. He murmured, “I’ll see you later.”

“You walking across the road or driving?”

“Walking.” I knew it wasn’t a big deal and Stenton and Trent did it all the time, but lately, my concern for his safety had been heightened. “You look tired. Maybe you need another nap,” his voice muted for just me to hear as he hovered over me with his back to Lashawn.

“I am,” I breathed. “I’ll be fine once I get Ky fed and in the bed.”

Trent reached down and kissed me sweetly. Gosh, he smelled so divine. With his lips, he pulled my bottom one as he withdrew.

“Relax for the rest of the day,” he suggested.

I nodded, enticed by the idea. I was tired.

Trent turned. “See you, Lashawn. Hope you find somewhere dope to visit.”

“Me, too,” she replied.

“My protein shake.” He peered into me as though saying I forgot.

I had. Without addressing it, I stepped backwards to the counter across the room to grab the plastic to go cup next to the Bullet.

When he started for the entry of the kitchen, Lashawn called out to him. “TB, you knew how long Jade was celibate before you ran up in there?” she asked out of the blue.

It took a few seconds, but I eventually realized she was referring back to our heart-to-heart about desiring a man.

Right away, Trent’s face squeezed into a stumped expression. He was confused by her random question.

He snorted. “Nah.” Then his eyes swung over to me.

“Years,” she answered. I pinched the bridge of my nose. Lashawn’s elbow drew over the island and she lay her chin on the palm of her hand, narrowed her eyes inquisitively. “Was the pussy worth it?”

I dipped my chin, embarrassed, but my eyes stayed on the players. This was my cousin’s demeanor, but I couldn’t decide if she was being humorous or was downright curious. With Shawnie, you never knew. Trent’s eyes roved over to me and slowly, a sexy boyish smile spread across his face. A smile that quickly transformed into a wolfish grin, hiding most of his teeth.

“Every inch of it.” His eyes remained on me. “Every strand of hair.” Then he turned unceremoniously and stalked down the hall.

After spending a few seconds checking out his tantalizing gait, I turned to my cousin with narrowed eyes.

“What in the world was that?”

“Man, listen…” She straightened on the stool. “If celibacy can get me anything near that fine ass slab of meat, I just needed confirmation. And you said his dick’s monster-sized?”

My face dropped into my open hands. “Your last coat should be dry now, Shawnie,” I whined. I was officially drained.

Her tickled laughter rang around the kitchen.

~Five

The bronze mango AMG G63 came to a stop and StentRo put the gear in park. He lowered the volume on some instrumental rock station he played all the way back to Jersey. He sat back, lay his elbow on the door and rubbed his index finger over his mustache.

“Dawg, dude went in tonight!” His voice was low, but convincing.

I nodded. “Fo show. Ezra stay taking it there, politics left behind.”

“The way he broke down the attributes of a man…” His head shook a little. “Your passion, purpose, occupation, talent, ministry, and purpose being separate entities, but often overlapping. That’s some real ish, yo. Me hanging the jersey was retiring from my occupation, passion, and talent. Some days leading up—and sometimes since—I wonder what’s next for me. Is that it?”

“Nah. Now your passion has…” My hand waved in the air as my mind worked for the right word. “…transferred. You’ve taken on coaching some of Jordan’s teams. You’re working on the mental health consortium due to ya moms. There’s ministry in that, too.”

I’d known Stenton Rogers for years, but some of my best conversations with him were after a sermon Ezra taught that made us examine ourselves. It’s where the male bravado fell to the side and we could build each other up or be real with each other about sensitive stuff.

Stent’s mind was going; I could tell. He was dazed, eyes in the night air as his head shook again.

“I can see that. I just wanna make sure I’m making the most of what God’s given me. That’s the crazy thing about professional athletes: you retire so young, you gotta reinvent yourself.”

“Man, I’m still working and feeling like a damn fish outta water.”

Stent turned to me and his eyes turned chink as he smiled—more like laughed—at me.

“What you talking ‘bout, man? You gotta close the door when you take a dump now? Living with a woman ain’t easy. Is it?” He cracked up.

I chuckled, not as hard as him. “Nah,” my tone was low. “Jade stays on my back about keeping the place clean, but my biggest issue ain’t about the house.” I tossed a look over at him and caught Stent’s smile fading.

“Then what?”

My eyes went to my house we were parked in front of then I took a deep breath.

“Pardon my French, but I don’t know shit about romance, dawg!” A laugh I didn’t know was growing in my belly busted from my lips.

“Get the hell outta here!” Stent cracked up with me. “Romance? Like…” He dipped his chin.

“Man, hell no! I’m good with putting that lil thing to sleep. Don’t trip!”

He laughed again. “Then what? Like flowers and candy?”

I thought about it a minute. “Yeah. That. Like… I don’t know nothing about surprising her or making her feel what I feel about her outside of orgasms. Yo, that girl holds me down! Every day, she’s doing something new I never thought of to make life easier for me. It’s crazy. She’s even wiggling herself into my business, taking over my scheduling from Elle at Dynamic Branding for this transition to Love is Action.”

StentRo chuckled, looking ahead, but I could tell he wasn’t amused by what I’d just copped to.

“Man, at least she funneling all that energy into you and your career.”

My face balled.

What the hell…

“You want Zo’s hand in your career?”

“I used to, but now it ain’t even about that. Now,”—his hands shot in the air to communicate his point—“I feel like, I’m done with balling and I got my Niña, so we can ride off into the sunset. But nah, because she got her own shit going on. My career allowed me to retire before forty. My wife’s taking the traditional route: she’s a business owner in her late twenties, making major moves. She ain’t tryna slow down to enjoy this down time for me. She wanna…”

“What? Zo’s got a little independent streak. That ain’t so bad,” I tried.

“Ain’t so bad if we needed it. We don’t need her money. I got us straight for life. Our kids straight for life. I’m still making money off my money. We good, TB.” He took a deep breath, shaking his head.

Out of nowhere, I busted out laughing. “That’s why Ezra’s joints be on point. Look at you: talking about your new identity since retiring. You’re not fitting into the same shoes you did when you was still on the courts.”

Then I sat back to consider what that would mean for me in a few short years when I hung up my cleats. I only had a few more prime years on the field.

“I trip every once in a while,” StentRo’s voice, sounding more calm and now assured, took me out of my thoughts. “I respect what Zo does, but sometimes realizing just because my career ended and hers is kinda just starting ain’t wrong. It just means I married a damn feminist, who refuses to let me take care of her.”

We busted out laughing. Stenton was still struggling with it even while trying to convince himself he was tripping.

“You shot out, yo.”

“Nah. But I trip a little. As far as Jade, man. I can’t say I have an answer for romancing or wooing—as A.D. Jacobs would say. Zo ain’t never been high maintenance. She never asked for anything, to be real. Even when we were trying to figure things out after Jordan was born. She accepted everything I gave, but never asked for anything. Zoey kinda got more stylish after getting cool with Tynisha, but she’s not over-the-top with it like—”

Stent’s eyes shot over to me.

“Like what? My high maintenance ass lady? You can say it!”

We laughed again.

“Nah. Jade ain’t snobbish or diva-ish like Ty.”

“Nah. She ain’t. But it’s still crazy how the chick I fell in love with had to be born with a damn silver spoon in her mouth.” I started counting off on my hand. “Went to all private schools, joined social clubs since a kid, took all types of etiquette classes, stepfather who raised her is a big time corporate lawyer, her mom pushes a damn Alpine white M760i xDrive.”

“Daaaaaaaamn!” Stent’s eyes shrunk as he laughed, understanding my point.

“Yup. And I got her pushing a 2013 Range that somebody copped for me.”

Divine Jacobs gave it to me as a sign of support when I was on trial at the end of 2012. Had the thing factory ordered.

“At least it’s white, my G!” He laughed.

I guessed it was good to joke about my dilemma. It took the sting out of it.

I shrugged with my head. “That’s the closest I could get her to her momma’s status. I’m such a cheap bastard, man,” I breathed, turning to look out my window.

“The truck still runs good, man. You had it parked for years. It’s good she’s driving it.”

“But is it special?”

“She got a dope whip. That ain’t special enough? See what I mean? I ain’t gotta deal with stuff like this. Zo’s whips have always been in rotation. She don’t get attached to nothing.” He shrugged. “Pretty much is good with what I get her. I don’t think Jade’s trippin’ either.”

“Like… I’m looking at this ride.” I swiped the sleek leather topstitched of the dashboard.  StentRo stayed with a G63. “This new, right?”

“Yessir!”

“I’m dancing on if I should upgrade her truck or not. You know me, I’m married to my ’87 Chevy. New whips ain’t never been my thing.”

“Cars hers?”

Staring at nothing in particular in the night air, I let out a breath. “With my girl, her only ‘things’ seem to be her son, me, her weave, and her nails. Anything coming for those four things is when she gets wicked. Jade don’t stress nothing else. But as her man, I peep her level of class. She’s a diamond. Ordinary won’t do.” My face was stretched and I felt dazed by that revelation.

“A’ight,” StentRo perked up. “Sounds to me like you already know ways you can woo her. You just gotta step out of your ways to do it. Keep in mind you’re not single anymore, bruh. That adjustment dudes have to go through to include a woman in their lives is serious.”

I rubbed my face, frustrated. “That’s what I’m saying! I never had to worry about spoiling chicks. I mostly dealt with broads in the industry, who had their own money and reputation to maintain. They weren’t looking for me to do it for them. They only wanted the D and maybe some flicks for followers.”

“Sounds to me, your fiancée only wants you, fam.” Stent’s expression turned serious again.

On that note, I lifted my hand for dap. StentRo returned the love and his smile appeared again.

“A’ight. Get across that road safely. I ‘on’t want Zo banging on my door, saying something happened to you because you retired and don’t need security around you twenty-four-seven.”

“Yeah, but your cheap ass still working and was too cheap to pay Tyheem to roll with us to Harlem tonight!” He fell out laughing again.

I had to join him. I noticed lately, Stenton laughed more. We’d always had a good relationship and could kick it, but he’d been more carefree.

“Peace and blessings, my dude.” I saluted him outside of the truck.

“Peace and blessings,” he shouted back before pulling off.

I turned for the house and let myself in. Out of nowhere, sleepiness fell over me. I tossed my coat in the room right off the garage and trudged upstairs. I had one thing to do before falling out for the night. The minute I hit the master suite, I stripped down to my boxers, threw my clothes on the sofa in the sitting room, not even needing the light to do it. Jade would just have to ream me out about my mess in the morning.

After taking a leak and washing my hands, I climbed in the bed to find my little one. She was curled in the middle, as usual. I shifted beneath the comforter and found her legs. Spreading them while she lay on her side, my face made its way between her thighs and I ate my wife’s pussy until she woke up, grabbed the back of my head, came in my mouth, and shivered underneath me before falling back on the mattress, out of breath.

Then I rolled over, thanked God for another day, and was out. 

Ezra had just walked onto the pulpit as the choir was ending an up-tempo song, “Magnify Him.” His wife, Lex, was a few steps behind him, her head bowed as she carried his device and notepad. It made my heart smile that Lex had been transforming into a First Lady. Jade and I got the opportunity to chill with them over the past few months, and learned how down to earth she was. Strange, but real: Ezra and his wife were like night and day. She was good for him though. Humanized him, if that was even possible.

The music slowed and the drummer tapped on the cymbal. The congregation quieted and sat in their seats around me. I was seated on the floor, a few pews from the pulpit where Ezra asked male members to sit, including those of us who were in the industry. From the corner of my eye, I watched someone take the mic on the floor, under the pulpit. The music turned theatrical, like. Rage—or Ragee, which is his full name—lifted his head, opened his mouth, and breathed life into the speakers sprinkling over us. 

“Walking in the wilderness with burdens of the world flanked on each side…

I find You in a quiet place…

A garden of peace where You dwell.

I tell my burdens to wait outside; my Savior is there, awaiting me.

I come in alone…

Only carrying my perilypos heart…

No need for my rod and staff when my Comforter is before me.”

I knew nothing about music, other than my head and energy took to what appealed to them. I couldn’t even tell if this was an old hymn or something he and Dwayne, the dope praise and worship leader, put together, because they did that. But I read my Word enough to know he was painting a picture of meeting God in a garden, similar to Jesus. Rage’s talent… Man! There was melody within the notes he sang. His range was that ridiculous. Dude could hum his way into panties or heaven.

“Your presence is so majestic.

I cry, “Father, Father, my spirit is too heavy!”

The burdens of this cold world outweigh my hope!

Please take this cup.

I’m not worthy of thine will.”

My whole section seemed to have left their seats at the same time. His words, notes brought imagery. Ezra not only stood from his seat on the pulpit where he usually sat for this ushering in of the Spirit part of the ceremony, he walked to the edge of it to see Ragee. His face was tight, meditatively, and his one hand held the ends of his beard. We’d all been in this desperate place, needing to get out all of our problems to God, in the human form. I remember seeking this many times from a cell in Wisconsin. 

“Your voice is so sweet and crisp as You reveal.

Your countenance so restful.

Our encounter so ethereal.”

Rage’s head flew back as he belted, “I feel no earthly woes…

My heart is so light it could fly from its tomb.

My feet are weightless…

And my lungs are filled with hope and praise as You remind me of Your promises.”

He yanked the mic from his face, stretched his arms wide, and cried out a baritone praise that forced me into a place of worship myself. My hands shot into the air and I began to bless God. Could you imagine that? Kicking it with God alone? Rage had just convinced me he had, and I could, too. The whole building lit up with praise.

As I was washed over in worship, so many events of my life flashed through my mind and I swear, I could feel His presence when He saved me from despair each time He did. There was no way anyone could convince me God wasn’t real. I may not have been able to impart or speak in tongues like Ezra. Couldn’t sing my way into Zion or command the people into a place of worship like my man, Ragee, but I could feel His presence undoubtedly.

In the recesses of my conscious, I could hear Rage begin to sing again. I was so caught up in a place of praise, I could hardly make out every word. He sang old, slow paced hymns to keep the congregation in a place of worship. The choir had backed him with their vocals at this point.

“Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!

Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine!

Heir of salvation, purchase of God,

Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.”

I got it. It hit me in that moment why Ezra had us all sitting together this morning. He didn’t want even us well-known people up in the balcony. He had us sprinkled amongst laymen. It was because we were all the same when it came to the Kingdom. There was power in the midst of praise and worship with a group of men. I was in the third row and not one body was seated or hands below their shoulders. This is what God’s presence did. Rage and the praise and worship team led us into this place as they continued a peaceful pace of songs.

“Rock of ages, cleft for me,

Let me hide myself in thee;

Let the water and the blood,

From the wounded side that flowed,

Be of sin the double cure—

Save me, Lord and make me pure.”

I didn’t know a lot about gospel music either, but he brought life into the old fashion words.

“I am desperate for you, Jesus!” he sang.

“Take the money…

Take the fame.

Take this old body…

Change my name.

And deep down inside, what you’ll find…

Is a worshipper until the end of my time.”

Those words were freestyled. I just knew it. I could tell by his emotional delivery. It was clear in each high note and low cry. I stood affected and blown away at this dude’s vocals. It’s funny how they say every athlete believes he’s a rapper and every rapper wants to be an athlete. In my case, in this moment, I wanted to be a smooth R&B singer. My mom would say my emotions matched it. She used to call me a sissy. I snapped out of those thoughts, needing to be where the anointing was, which was here in the sanctuary. My brother was ushering in the Spirit.

It was good to see his magical turnaround when I was locked down. That was like seeing family being blessed. But Rage had a little money before then. And now with the movie dough coming in, he was able to feed a new generation of his decedents—if he ever had kids. He had a new mansion built in the woods a few years ago, but never shared it with the public. I knew because Ezra invited me to a brotherhood retreat Ragee offered his crib up for last year, but I couldn’t make it.

The bigger Rage got, the more private and…weird he became. My guess was it had to do with the increased attention of his personal life. No matter how big, buff, and masculine he was, those gay rumors followed him, even now in Hollywood. Him singing here this morning was a big deal because a couple of years ago, he sang one night at a revival, brought the house down, and everybody on their feet in worship. Before Ezra could give the benediction that night, a video of him was on every major gossip blog—of course, Spilling That Hot Tea released it first. By the next morning, local news stations were showing the clip of Rage going in. But they questioned his authenticity, accusing him of acting in church the same way he does in his films.

That burned dude so bad, he swore he wouldn’t sing in church again; he’d just come. I felt bad for him. Things like that would make you go into yourself. Rage had been a member of Redeeming Souls for Abundant Living in Christ longer than me. He always gave his all in worship—more than he did at his wild concerts. For people to question that was straight violation. We all tried to kick it with him, encourage him about being a leader. But it didn’t seem to work. Rage closed up socially, period. StentRo told me, when I got out of prison, that Rage’s career had blown way into the stratosphere, but he was on the verge of turning into a Michael Jackson with his reclusiveness. I peeped it after the first month of being home.

Rage was still cool with me, but never around like he used to be. Ezra would always say to keep him lifted in prayer, and that’s all I’d been doing. Thankfully, since his collabo with Young Lord, he’d been seen out more. Maybe some people balanced you. They won a Grammy together and hung out a little, according to the blogs. Most would think they had nothing in common, but I got what they did. It was what me, Ragee, StentRo, and Young Lord had in common. We were all street niggas, who rose from them and became public figures. God, for some reason, favored us against the odds and we were all successful beyond what most would imagine.

And that’s why I was here in the closing of this men’s conference, heavy in worship. I was a blessed man. Too bad for Rage. I was willing to bet, by the time we left the sanctuary, there would be a video or two posted of this service where the bloggers would make a subject out of his worship. Without a doubt, there would be dozens and dozens of women commenting how fine he looked singing, sexualizing a personal and spiritual experience. That’s what they did. Men and women, both hypersexualized everything. And to top it off, there would be half that number questioning if he’s gay, and because the video would be of him singing in church, a flame would have been lit.

As Ezra told the congregation to take our seats, I took a deep breath, hoping I’d be wrong. That curiosity would have to wait, though. It was time for the Word, and I was hungry for it. Ezra went right into it, touching on the outline of his messages from the start of the conference. He reminded us of our creation and abilities. Went over purpose and passion, but this morning, he focused on the need of fulfillment. Once again, he opened my eyes with his lessons of why men must keep mentally engaged in positive things or else they’ll succumb to trouble.

“Proverbs 16 tells us ‘idle hands are the devil’s workshop; idle lips are his mouthpiece’ because a man without a settled and purposeful mind cannot produce anything of godly value. If you’re not generating godly processes in the mind, you are barren ground, vulnerable for the enemy to grow bad crop,” he rasped over men and women shouting their confirmation. Ezra was always on point, opening my mind to things I didn’t think of alone. Simple, but life changing.

“Philippians 4:8 says, ‘Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.’ And why do you think we should? Because the mind—and heart—are living organs similar to flowers and plants. They need to be fed and nurtured. Leave your lawn without planter’s hands and you’ll grow weeds. This is why so many are suffering from undiagnosed, but apparent-symptomatic depression. This is why an exorbitant number of our men are walking outside of their purpose and are merely surviving instead of thriving.”

He walked the pulpit, beads running over his index finger at an exact pace. “It is why the term ‘hustling’ so resonates with this generation. I understand and appreciate it in the dignified, moralistic manner. However, the struggle to survive on earth was never what God intended. God said of the blessings of Zion, “Enlarge the place of thy home, and let them stretch forth the curtains of thine habitations—meaning, add on, make additions—spare no expense, and strengthen thy stakes—meaning, expand your home—…and your descendants will occupy other nations and resettle the ruined cities.” When your Father, who has willed you into this life, created the earth and the fullness thereof, you don’t have to ‘hustle’ the fat off the calf. The cattle are yours, tabernacle. Men, you have to walk in the grace of His will!” his rasped chords went up a notch. 

The church went up on that one.

Ezra walked the stage calmly, running beads through his hand. “Some of you are incomplete because your journeys were meant to be traveled with a partner.” He paced the stage, observing the congregation. “Some of you men are supposed to have a helpmate to usher you into your role, but because you can’t find the value in a woman, you’re still alone.” He chuckled. “You just got quiet on me, temple. I know that which I speaketh.” I laughed to myself. Ezra was spitting his swag. “I’m not the one to encourage marriage as a blanket solution for all adults. Many people need to sort out themselves before joining with another being. However, the Lord God said in Genesis 2, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’”

He stopped center stage and looked out over the church. “For so many generations, we’ve misconstrued and undervalued the purpose—and benefit—of marriage. If we are seeking and/or working toward our purpose as men, God will custom design ‘help’ for us.” The church went up, at least a gang of dudes in my immediate area.

Ezra motioned for them to quiet. “Note, I did not say He will custom design a servant or someone subservient to you. He said He’d make a helper, who is suitable. It is my belief that help is fulfillment for what is lacking.” A sleek smile spread on his face around his beard. Unusually, I could see his teeth. “Help is aid, assistance, support, and/or relief. God knew we’d bear a heavy load on our journeys, so He, being omniscient, knew during creation the man could not survive alone. He knew in advance that what He put into this human form was inefficient to exist solely.”

Once again, my whole section stood. Some shouting in agreement. Others like me stood quietly, expressing we wanted to hear more. I also knew Ezra was wrapping up this sermon. I hoped he’d take his time. This was good stuff. It was obvious I wasn’t the only one believing this. The women were jumping out of their shoes, crying out a strange sound.

Ezra must have caught it because he straightened and his face went tight. That had the place going up even more. He eventually dropped his head low and his arms. It looked as though he was praying. As the church went crazy in praise, Ezra prayed. I could tell by how fast his mouth moved and how his eyes were closed. I prayed silently, too. I could feel something shifting around.

This. This was what kept me coming back to church, week after week. Some people go to church because it’s the right thing to do. Some because it’s a great place to socialize. I came to experience God. He was here. Ezra was talking to Him. I peeped people in the preachers’ section speaking in tongues.

Out of nowhere, Lex walked out on the pulpit toward him. She rubbed her crossed arms as she cried in approach with long, thick bouncy hair. The quality chicks nowadays paid money for wigs to front like theirs was natural like hers. This was strange. The church just started seeing more of her since she was pregnant with their daughter, Lisa-Mare, when Lex took over bringing out his Bible and collecting it when he was done. Lex wasn’t your traditional church-goer. She was quick to tell you that. But this morning, she looked ‘led’ to join her husband on the pulpit as he was closing his sermon, and whispered something in his ear as she cried. Ezra kept his head low as she spoke to him. His head dipped even more before he shook it. Lex then backed up, holding herself as she did when she came up.

Finally, Ezra stood straight and looked ready to speak again. “When I was a child,” his voice was whispery, but powerful, “I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man...” The music cued and the place cried louder. Ezra didn’t need to finish the verse. We caught his direction. He nodded, seeming to understand just that. “My wife just confirmed some of you men are off track in life because of your skewed view on the role of a woman. The purpose of a wife.” His hands flew in the air. “I get it; I’m a newlywed myself. Some of my greatest developments occurred when I took on my helpmate. A mirror was presented and I shunned the image inside of it.” His tone was raspy.

“We, as men, are so off kilter and don’t realize it because our minds aren’t evolved to the heart of God. We don’t know our place in the Kingdom. We don’t know our purpose here on earth. Too many of us don’t value women because we can’t trust ourselves, much less a…woman?” he posed as a crazy concept. I chuckled, so caught up with him. He was right. I had friends who couldn’t get with the idea of settling down with just one woman.

“You lack trust in yourselves, so why would you put your everything into a woman? Proverbs 31:11 shares, ‘the heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.’ Hear me, male segment of this tabernacle: when God ordains your helpmate, your heart is safely nestled in her. They’re a different type of creation. Remember: they aid, assist, co-pilot, and relieve. You can trust that. She may fumble with it, and may even prick it immaturely when she perceives you’re out of line, but your God-ordained helpmate will guard your heart with every fiber of strength God has created her with.”

Another explosion popped in the air.

“As you know, this week begins our women’s conference. Our sister in Christ, Pastor Twanece Edmonson of Holy Deliverance Tabernacle Church, out in Los Angeles, California is leading the conference. She’s sharing principles from her New York Times best-selling book, Tending to the Man Who Governs the Masses: How to Protect What He Values Most. You may not be a man of massive leadership like me: a pastor. You may not be over a large conglomerate and employ hundreds of people. You are, however, a citizen of this Kingdom and must walk in your birthright. Every woman who is searching her purpose, as it pertains to marriage, should be in attendance.”

The church responded their agreement.

Ezra waited for them to quiet. The soft flow of music could be heard again. “I know it’s customary for me to close this conference in prayer. But I laid hands on dozens of men last week. I’ve spoken into countless lives each session. This morning, I hear the Lord saying there are some women here in whom God wants to complete the anointing of a helpmate. Now don’t confuse this altar call with me asking for women who want to be married. We’d be here until the setting of the sun if that were the case.

“There are a few of you in here with a special anointing of being a covering for a man—a man of God. It’s in your belly and needs to be birthed. He’s speaking to your spirit right now about it. Please find your way to the altar.”

Stenton, next to me, had the nerve to turn and look around. I wanted to pop him in the back of the head. You don’t look at people! Dude was new to this, I understood. His attention went up to the balcony where Zoey and Jade were with the boys: the section we normally sat in. But I doubted they’d come down. That would be a hike. I was just grateful Jade’s parents didn’t come to the second service. It would’ve been crazy awkward to run into them while Jade was beefing with her moms.

Dwayne took to the mic as the music played. “Find your place in His presence,” he sang, keeping the mood mellow.

“He’s here for healing…

Deliverance…

Peace…”

He knew what tone to take while Ezra had emotions running high. Dwayne had worked with Ezra for years and had a mean voice himself. Dude was super talented. I kneed StentRo, telling him to turn around. He flashed me wide eyes, but faced ahead again. A couple of women were already up there and Ezra was praying with one. My phone buzzed in my pants pocket. I pulled it out to turn it off.

JJ: What time y’all shootin down?

I powered off my phone. I’d answer him after service. I felt a tap at my leg. My head shot over to StentRo, and he nodded toward the front of the church. Jade stood there in line, waiting for prayer. My face was schooled, but in my head, I wondered what made her feel she was the type of woman Ezra was referring to. Jade was my shooter and my shield, but I didn’t want her out of her comfort zone to try and appeal to me. I was good with her. My head fell down into my hands and I listened to Dwayne harmonize.

A blow to my leg again had me looking over to StentRo. He tossed his chin in the air again. I looked up and saw Zoey holding her face while she cried. I’d never seen Zo cry before. She was even different from Lex; a wise-cracker more than anything. My eyes went back over to StentRo, who turned up his open palms in response. I dropped my head again. It was no biggie to me. I respected the need of prayer. And because of what he’d just copped to last night about his wife, I was happy she was getting prayer, no matter the reason.

Then an uptake in shouts and cries caught my attention. I lifted my head and saw Jade up at the altar hand in hand with Lex. Lex? She wasn’t a pulpit prayer. But Ezra stood behind, holding his wife, who held hands with Jade, and with bowed heads, Lex prayed with her while Ezra prayed over them both.

That sight had something shooting through me. Without thought, I stood to my feet. I didn’t know what to do. My eyes locked on my wife, pastor, and first lady. Ezra’s hands were on his wife’s shoulders, waist, then hands as he reached over her. He never touched Jade, but it seemed he had his wife do it for him. This was unusual. Jade’s little frame stood with outstretched hands in front of the two giants in front of her. She looked strong with them, not as tiny as her natural form was.

What’s this about?

I had no idea. But my gut told me to not sweat it. It was cool. Jade may not have been a church goer before meeting me, but she had been growing into her spirituality since. She even came to church when I was out of town working. She and Lex had been in touch.

Ezra and his wife finished their prayer with Jade and she walked away and headed to the side door for the elevator to go back upstairs. My eyes followed her little body, strutting in five-inch pumps until the doors closed.

When my knee was struck again, I didn’t look at StentRo this time. My attention went straight to the altar where Ezra was praying for Zoey while Lex stood at his shoulder with her head bent in prayer, too.

~Six

“Such a shame.” Zoey rustled sympathetically over Stenton’s shoulder as they watched the video from his phone.

I lay on Trent’s big body, holding his phone. My phone was by his side as our eyes were glued to his.

“Like…” I stretched my lids as I scrolled down Spilling That Hot Tea’s Instagram thread, reading the most ridiculous comments, dazed. “This is unreal. Who records a man worshipping in church and sends it to a gossip blog?”

“People in the church,” Stenton answered from across the coffee table of their living room where he and Zoey occupied the single chair sofa. He scratched a spot beneath his nose and over his lip as he watched. “Ez has been trying to get a handle on this for a minute. Way before we officially joined, I remember him telling me about stuff like this.”

“And right after a powerful morning service!” I couldn’t believe it.

Service was so uplifting and moving this morning as they closed the men’s conference. Hundreds of people were emotionally raw before Pastor Carmichael addressed the church, thanks to R&B singer, Ragee’s, undeniable talent. It still stunned me how connected this pastor was to so many famous people. He mentored them. Pastor Carmichael was a powerful man that he could influence so many of his peers. It never failed to amaze me, his authority. 

“There’s Trent,” Zoey murmured in the large room we’d gathered in after dinner and dessert. “with his hands up.”

“Yup. They talking about it in the comments,” Stenton confirmed. He chuckled. “One chick said if you let her rock the mic, your hands’ll be in the air just like that, and she’ll have you in tears!”

He thought this was funny?

My eyes flew down to Trent, beneath me. He smiled and flipped Stenton the bird.

“Jokes on you, too, Mr. Rogers,” Zoey informed as she monitored the phone. “Here you are, clapping your hands festively. Your tats are spilling out over the collar of your dress shirt and from the cuffs,” she teased without eye contact. She finally peered over to him. “Funny. I don’t remember that being obvious this morning. I guess seeing things through lenses other than your own allows you to capture so much.”

They were speaking as though Trent, Stenton, and especially Ragee’s privacy wasn’t violated. 

“I mean… Instead of being grateful to see a Grammy award winning singer at your men’s conference, you capitalize off the private moment by recording it and sending it to a blog? Who had time to record? I was so caught up in the service.” I couldn’t get past it. “I don’t have lots of experience with churches. Did you guys get celebrities like this at your old church, Zoey?”

“No. Not really. My parents’ church is affiliated with Redeeming Souls. The only time we saw members of this status was at organizational conferences and revivals—and when Ezra planned them. Outside of that, we had to come up to Harlem for the celebrities.” She shrugged.

“Bet y’all got the bootleg version when the Queen of Golden Arches got the mic, huhn?” Stenton spoke with narrowed eyes as though he were testing her.

“Bernard thinks he’s a Ragee.” Zoey rolled her eyes. “We only encouraged his talent, Stent; not his ego.”

I had no idea who Bernard was. I didn’t care either, still concerned about this leaked video. I followed Spilling That Hot Tea’s page on IG and enjoyed their coverage on black celebrities. But now that the subjects were people connected to me, it made what they did seem wrong suddenly. This was invasion.

“Hey,” I murmured to Trent and stroked the top of his head. It calmed me. And when he grew his hair out as he had been, strumming my fingers through his thick mane aroused me, even around others—especially around others. Trent gave me wild thoughts without provocation. “You don’t seem affected by any of this.”

“That’s because I’m used to it. I’ve been a member of that church for mad years, and done seen this too many times to count. They always tagging Rage. I do feel bad for him, though. He stopped singing there because of this. Looks like this ‘bout to back him right back into the corner.”

“Better the corner than the closet.” Stenton’s tongue shot from his mouth, reaching to his chin as he jeered.

My eyes bulged, and Zoey popped him in the back of his head.

Trent’s head tossed back as he howled, “This dude!”

“Wait…” I sat up straight on his lap. “You guys believe those rumors about him?”

This was crazy…and interesting. Trent and Stenton were celebrities like Ragee. Did they know something the public didn’t: the real answer to Ragee’s sexuality? Zoey tossing her hand in the air, dismissing that idea, relieved me.

“I don’t think he is either. He’s a chunk of a man, hella good looking, and very virile,” I tried.

“Hey!” Trent warned from beneath me.

I rolled my eyes. We were so beyond me wanting another man. My belonging to Trent was cemented. I should be able to speak freely about the good looks of another guy without him being offended.

“You got that right!” Zoey shouted with a raised champagne glass in the air. Stenton flashed her a glacial stare, too. “Baby, he is! And while I know that doesn’t mean anything nowadays, even you said you know of women he’s been with,” she angled her neck, challenging him.

Zoey was a beautiful woman, natural with soft and chaste features. As I observed this, I realized I needed to tell her that.

“I said I know of one chick he’s banged. Prolly still smackin’ it,” Stenton qualified.

My mouth dropped.

“Close ya mouth, J,” Trent instructed from beneath me.

“Do you know of women he’s slept with?” I asked Trent.

“I don’t care about who people sleeping with. I’ve never been the type to trip over stuff like that.”

“This is going to sound crazy,” Zoey warned. “But I thought Ezra was gay for a minute, years ago.”

Stenton’s face balled into a crying expression and his head rolled on its neck before he hit her with another glower. Zoey shrugged.

Trent chuckled. “I always thought E was weird, not having a lady, being so young and smart—social stuff. But gay? Like I said, I don’t trip on stuff like that.”

“E is weird as fuck,” Stenton declared. “I peeped that the first time I met him. But gay? Nah. I could vouch for dude before Lex came along. Ain’t nothing queer about Ezra Carmichael’s dick.”

“Stent!” Zoey cried.

“What? You can say a R&B dude fine as hell, but I can’t say my pastor—my boy—is straight as fuck?”

Zoey stood from his lap, shaking her head. “Okay. That’s enough talk of speculated sexuality. We just left an anointed service this morning with both those guys.”

“My goddamn pastor ain’t never been gay, Zo,” Stenton wanted to make clear.

“I never said he was. I was just talking about my private, late adolescent thoughts. Thoughts I’d arrived to after I came into my sexuality,” she sassed.

Instantly, Stenton’s eyes softened and…darkened. I’d seen Zoey’s effect on Stenton. She had him wrapped around her finger. It was similar to how Pastor Carmichael softened Lex’s rough persona.

“The car should be here soon. Anyone want a refresher?” She raised her flute. The guys declined and so did I. “Fine. Holy mother of Joseph, that crab mac-n-cheese was off the chain, Jade! I could have more right now,” she recoiled, embarrassed.

“After you had dessert, babe?” Stenton teased.

“I know,” she faux cried.

I almost slipped in a crack about her possibly being pregnant again like Lex, but quickly thought against it. I wasn’t sure if Lex had told anyone else. Lex and Zoey weren’t close as I was to them individually.

“That apple cobbler was outta this world though, Jade,” Stenton complimented with an emphasized nod.

I felt a whack then grip on my hips. I was thrusted roughly onto Trent’s hard torso. My chin was clasped roughly in his other big hand. “You’re outta this world,” he growled then kissed me hard.

My heart rumbled in my chest at his abruptness, rough handling, and dangerously heady scent. Trent was my weakness. Our relationship was soul-binding above all things, but we legitimized it with rabid intercourse. Gosh, we screwed like animals. It was our natural inclination.

“I hope you didn’t plan on taking leftovers across the road…” Zoey snapped me out of my lustful haze with Trent.

It was a good thing Zoey and Stenton were okay with our intimacy. They had their own displays, too, at times. I withdrew from his mouth and wiped my own.

“Na-no.” I waved off the thought. “Girl, you know my hips can’t afford to drag leftovers home. “Trent doesn’t need it either. It’s yours.”

“Good! I’ll get the fancy bowls back to you this week.” She smiled before disappearing into the hall.

My phone went off. I pulled it from under Trent’s thigh. Ryshon’s number flashed on the screen. That instantly, my feelings of need turned into jittery anxiety.

“Don’t do that, J,” Trent chided softly. “He’s calling for Ky.”

I cringed as I shook my head. “Mind if I take this out there?”

“Shoot,” he granted.

I tapped to answer while in movement. “Hello.”

“Whaddup.” I could hear clangor in the background. “Here’s the famous girl.”

“Huhn?” I pushed the phone to my ear.

“I heard about the article they did on you.”

Revelation hit and I rolled my eyes, letting out a breath. “Oh. The one they did on Trent.”

“You was in it, though.” I could hear the amusement beneath his words. “That’s deep. Dude still in it with you, I see.”

Dude married me!

Of course, I wouldn’t say that. No one knew. Not even the Rogers. Trent hadn’t been enjoying this big secret, but it didn’t bother me. I had his commitment, and he had my heart and soul. My fortune couldn’t be quantified.

“It’s pretty late…”  I tried getting to the point. It was close to ten at night.

“Where’s Kyree? I ain’t heard from him today. I tried calling him.”

My head swung up the elaborate staircase as I clutched the phone in my hand. “Upstairs, playing with his friend. I guess he left his iPod at home.”

With his iPod, Kyree could have telephone and FaceTime communications with anyone with an Apple product. Apparently Ryshon had one because he’d been contacting him on his own.

He scoffed. “I can’t speak to him now?”

My face opened in realization. “Oh! Okay. Hang on. I’ll get him.”

I pulled the phone from my ear and trekked it upstairs. Kyree was staying over because by the time we got back from Alton Alston’s birthday party, it would be too late to wake and get him in his own bed for school the next day. I was fortunate to have trusted friends across the road, who had a son close to Kyree’s age. We made arrangements like this all the time.

I made it to the second floor and found my way to Jordan’s playroom where the boys were in their pajamas. The phone was down, so I didn’t hear if Ryshon had more to say. I had nothing more to say, still angry about his tone during our first telephone conversation since he’d been released.

I knocked on the door of the massive room filled with bouncy trampolines, elaborate train sets, a life size rocking horse, a playhouse, big screen television, and other gadgets I couldn’t name.

“KyKy, your dad wants you,” I tried calling over their voices.

Kyree’s little head popped up from behind a stuffed gorilla. His sleepy eyes didn’t match the broad excitement of his smile as he raced toward me. He frowned when he recognized the phone I was handing him. Did he think his father was actually here?

In Stenton Rogers’ mansion?

“Hey, Dad!”

“Whaddup, lil man.” Somehow the phone was on speaker.

“I thought you was here, and mommy was calling me to see you.”

“Nah. I ain’t at your crib, man.”

“I’m not home. I’m across the street, at Jordan’s house.”

I told you he left his iPod at home! I turned away.

“Jordan?” Ryshon parroted. “It’s kinda late on a school night, man. Who Jordan?”

“Jordan.” Ky’s hand swung into the playroom. “Jordan Rogers. You know his dad.”

“Nah. I ‘on’t know her peoples.” Poor Ky didn’t catch the shade in that statement.

“Yes. You do!” My son was determined to make the connection. I was ready for the conversation to end. “StentRo, the basketball player you like!”

Ryshon was a sports head. When he’d call from prison, his conversations with Ky would often have sports references. He wanted our son to be an athlete, no matter the type. That’s why he was so insistent on me putting him in football.

“StentRo? You at his house?” Ryshon sounded utterly stunned. He wasn’t the type to admit to that emotion, but I heard it and it made me even more anxious.

Suddenly, I felt like an outsider among Trent’s friends, exploiting their privacy by having this conversation in their home. Kyree leaned against the wall casually as he spoke contently with his father. Jordan appeared near the door, playing with some wrestling figure.

Outside of their son’s playroom no less.

“Yeah. Mommy and Trent going to a birthday party—”

“It’s my god-dad, Alton’s birthday party,” Jordan made clear.

No…

“Yeah!” Ky slapped his forehead, as though he should have remembered that detail. “It’s Alton Alston’s party, Daddy. They all going, so I’m hanging with Jordan tonight.”

I bit my lip and squeezed my eyes closed.

The line went silent at that. Ryshon didn’t respond right away.

“You there, Daddy?”

“Yeah, I’m here, lil man. I just wanted to say it’s time for me to see you. Put ya moms on the phone so we can make it happen.”

“All right,” he hummed with child-like indifference. “Night, Dad.”

“Yeah,” was all Ryshon returned.

Kyree handed me the phone and I took a deep breath.

“Night, baby. We’ll be leaving soon. Ms. Eligia’ll be putting you two down for the night in a few minutes. Okay?”

“Okay.” He gaited back into the room slowly.

It was after both Kyree and Jordan’s bedtime. Having company over spared them an extra hour. Ky didn’t look like he was handling the privilege well. His bug was gone, so I couldn’t believe his sluggishness was related to that.

I rolled my eyes, tapping to take the call off speaker while heading for the stairs. “Hello.”

“Yeah. When you bringing him over?”

“I can do it this week.”

“When?” he spat back.

“You tell me when you’re available,” I tried for polite.

“You the busy one. You tell me. Oh, and I’m having a welcome home party. I want him here for that.”

“Okay,” my voice was faux amenable. “I’ll take a look at my schedule and make it happen.”

It was an honest statement. Trent was due back in Connecticut this week for his junior league football camp. I had a meeting with Elle over at Dynamic Branding, and amongst a dozen other things, I had to get April’s room together. Kyree had a show at school I had to help him prepare for. And there was a photo shoot for Trent happening soon, a date I couldn’t remember. He had a birthday coming in April, I’d been trying to plan with his team. Then I had to meet with planners for Trent’s new AIDS awareness charity, created in memory of Shank. He was raising money for education and awareness and having its first event in August. Life had been pretty busy for me.

“Oh, word? Your schedule, huhn?” Ryshon questioned with suspicion lined in his tone. “You back on that white girl shit, I see.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose. “White girl.” I sighed once at the base of the steps.  “I see.”

“You see what? You frontin’? That nigga done moved you in, introduced you to his peoples, got you in a little article, and now you frontin’ like you too busy to bring my seed to see me. We doing it like that, Jade? You ‘on’t wanna do that.”

My stomach flipped. I hated when he threatened me, even as mildly as this. It was how he’d controlled me for years. I always wanted to please and be accepted by him. Now, in retrospect, I could see Ryshon never loved me; he was taken by his ability to make me love him. He knew he was able to control me with mere words because I wanted that badly to be accepted by him.

“I have to go,” I gritted.

“I know. With the crew you wanna be down with. With the dude that’s gonna toss you as soon as he get tired of ya pussy.” Zoey breezed past me in the foyer, smiling politely as she headed for the living room. “Your story ain’t special, Jade. It’s gone end the same fuckin’ way they all do. You’s a groupie. A cute one with a fat ass and tits, but just a groupie. So, when he get tired of ya head game, the clothes, pocketbooks, and shoes gone stop. Then you gone be out on ya ass with my son. When that happens, I’m coming to scoop what’s mine and you can move on to ya next trick.”

I swallowed back a cry. To keep them in, I looked up toward the high ceilings. The intricate crown moldings caught my attention. This place was regal, just like Trent’s across the road. Ryshon was right: I was out of my league with these people. They had earned their way here. Even Zoey had a thriving business, probably not needing Stenton’s money for a decent life. I was the only odd ball out here. Married to one of them or not, I was the only person not earning their way with work.

“Go the fuck to hell with your fake know-it-all, wanna be a baller ass!” I grated with a hushed tone and wide nostrils then disconnected the call.

I took a deep breath, trying to distract myself by looking at my blue suede shoes. They were a new pair of Aldo’s purchased for tonight. Aldo. It was between these and Jessica Simpson’s that were twelve dollars more. Those are the decisions I made at Trent’s side. I wasn’t showered with or expected extravagant designer gifts. Yes, my husband had just signed a six million dollar endorsement deal with Sony Electronics. Sure, he was up for a contract renewal with the Kings that was rumored to be valued upwards of tens of millions. Trent wasn’t a man of lavishness. And I didn’t need it. So Ryshon was completely wrong about my life.

But damn… His words wounded me.

The sound of Trent’s booming laughter caught my attention. Something in my chest opened and I could breathe better. I held on to the banister, resting my head lightly on the back of my hands, being sure not to disrupt my makeup. Just one minute—sixty seconds—to collect myself before resuming the realm I didn’t really fit into.

“Woop!” Heat and a familiar weight on my back had me leaping in my heels.

“What? You ain’t know I was coming for you?” Trent’s amused baritone rang out over me.

Startled and out of breath, I clutched my exposed cleavage, feeling to be sure my midriff blouse still covered my breasts. He moved to stand in front of me, holding out my clutch and coat as he chuckled teasingly. At that mention, my wild breathing grew deeper, my spine straightened, and nipples stung. Instantly, at the sight of his smile, broad shoulders, and tantalizing scent, I was aroused. Trent’s smile faded, and in recognition of my mood swing, his eyes narrowed. I wanted him, something fierce. And judging by his expression and frozen movements, he knew it.

Eligia appeared with a sleeping Amora Ardell, and Stenton and Zoey took turns kissing her goodnight. Stenton seemed spellbound-in-love with his little girl. Zoey watched with glittering eyes, I was sure, used to his heavy display of affection toward his first daughter. It was such a picturesque scene.

“You are working those pumps, too, girlie!” Zoey complimented, snatching my attention from Trent’s big frame.

She winked as Stenton helped her into an ankle-length shearling coat.

My eyes fell to my Aldo’s, and out of nowhere, a giggle bubbled in my chest. That turned into a full-on gut splitting guffaw. I didn’t feel Trent put my coat on my shoulders until he was suddenly at the side of my face.

“One minute, you throwing me I want the D eyes then you crackin’ up,” he spoke in my ear. “What’s up with that?”

I tried slowing my laughter.

“It’s that Patròn, TB,” Stenton offered as he pushed into his goose.

“That Patròn gone get you put to sleep tonight,” Trent warned, and so badly I wished he could make good on that. Alton’s party be damned.

I slid into my coat and watched Trent slip on his bubble vest. We called up final words of bedtime to Kyree and Jordan before leaving for the waiting limo. Walking down the front stone stairs of the Rogers’ home, Stenton bent to lift Zoey into the air and carry her to the car. She screeched and giggled contently the whole way while he growled things to her only she could hear. It was sweet. I knew the gesture: Trent was a playful lover, too.

As we followed behind, I gazed at them and wished Trent’s and my love was as uncomplicated as theirs. I wished it wasn’t polluted with baby-fathers and drama like ours. I wished I’d met him sooner in life. I may not have been able to appreciate his heart as I did now, but mine would have been safe and nurtured. My blunders would have belonged only to the love of my life. Trent Bailey.

“Philleeeeeeeee!” the deejay shouted into the microphone. “Stenton muthafuckin’ Rogers in the fucking building!” He muted the music enough to give room to the blasting praises of the two-level facility. “Let’s give it the fuck up for our own! He can’t retire from this Philly love!”

Once again, the place went up with riotous cheers.

“You good?” Trent asked with soft lips to my ear.

I glanced up and saw his soft scowl. Trent didn’t like the club scene, I knew. But now, being at Alton’s birthday party at a lounge in South Philly, he was more concerned about my sudden mood change since speaking to Ryshon. I nodded and tried for a smile. It was his second time asking. It was enough that something kept him texting from his phone most of the ride down here. And I was sure the tight walk in here, surrounded by security and raging party-goers didn’t help. Zoey and Stenton didn’t walk in together. Their security, traveling with them when needed, purposely separated the pair. When Tyheem asked Trent if he minded following suit, Trent declined saying he ‘had’ me. So while we scurried in, following a brisk moving line of security providing a barricade, Trent walked on my heels.

It was some journey with the party in full throttle. Women screamed at the top of their lungs, trying to grab the giant, who was practically carrying me in. Men attempted enthusiastic handshakes to no avail: Trent’s hands were occupied.

Now, in V.I.P., I could breathe. And shake my ankles out.

The record stopped again and scratched. “Ladies and gentlemen, I was just told Trent muthafukin’ Bailey is in the damn building!” The crowd went up and the record played again before being scratched. “That’s right! The Delaware Valley’s own! CMD royalty is gracing the people tonight!”

A spray of applause rippled around the room.

Trent was still at my face when I smiled, proud of his announced presence. That small act improved my mood just enough to attempt to quell his concern.

I tapped his cheek, narrowing my eyes. “How about a drink?”

I didn’t particularly want one, but figured he could use one to loosen up. Trent nodded and took off to a guy holding a tray flat underneath his arm while speaking to others in the sectioned off balcony. I glanced around and saw the area less concentrated than on the main dance floor. Some faces I recognized, others I didn’t. And the ones I did… Oh, my goodness! Celebrities. Big time.

It was one thing to attend church with well-known people, but to be this close to them in a more relaxed setting…

Pinch me. Please.

Actors, athletes, singers, television hosts... The gamut of black power in one small section of a club in Philadelphia. I had to get used to this, I knew. My husband—as down to earth and everyday as he may have been—was not your ordinary man. Yes, he was from Camden, New Jersey, arguably one of the poorest cities in the country, but he’d been a NFL’er all of his adult life. He may have spoken the tongue of the downtrodden metropolitan, but he earned the king’s ransom in his short life. These were his peers.

“You’s a groupie. A cute one with a fat ass and tits, but just a groupie. So when he get tired of ya head game, the clothes, pocketbooks, and shoes gone stop.”

My stomach toiled with anxiety and head spun with doubt. Quickly, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, feeling the floor bumping beneath me.

“Jade?” I glanced up to an oncoming beauty in a gray cat-suit and high-heeled booties. Her face was impeccably made up with smoky eyes and cherry red glossy lips. “Hey, girl.” She greeted me with a warm embrace.

Cole…

She stepped back, smiling down on me familiarly. I noted the cosmo in her hand. I couldn’t help but gawk at her compellingly fit shape. A shape I couldn’t recall seeing before tonight. Cole’s body was envious: curvy and bountiful, but not overly ample and scandalous in the one-piece.

“He-heey!” I stammered, unable to peel my eyes from her. I don’t know why I was so surprised by her presence. I’d been accustomed to seeing Cole dressed professionally—and even femininely—but this… Cole had always been about business. She was the woman I was not, but admired because of her ambition, accomplishments, and confidence in a male-dominated industry.

She turned, sashaying during her journey as she giggled sexily. “Does it meet with your approval?”

“My approval?” I asked, stunned. As if she needed that. “You’re effortlessly flawless!” I breathed. “Who knew you were packing all that?”

Her shoulders lifted with innocent bashfulness. “That means a lot coming from you.”

Though she meant that in all sincerity and good nature, it stung. Cole had the total package. We were in different leagues. And while I could only aspire to reach her status, the only thing she could compliment me on was my bootyliciousness, which had me feeling inferior. But that was nothing new. I was still working on me.

“Jade, stop!” she shrieked with a broad smile, grabbing my shoulder. “You’re going to have me wear this to my Monday staff meeting,” she joked. “You really like?” She waved her hand beneath her chin, referencing her makeup.

Cole was proud of her sultry look. And I was… Damn impressed.

“If you wear this for the rest of the night, you’re going to be knocked up before the meeting!” My dazed expression wouldn’t fade as I ogled her.

Cole giggled more—genuinely. She’d been nothing but warm and welcoming to me since our first encounter when I thought she was a bourgeois groupie at Trent’s condo in Connecticut last fall. Imagine my embarrassment when I learned not only was she in management, but she was the love interest of Jordan Johnson, one of Trent’s closest friends—and his absolute best bud on the CK roster.

Cole’s eyes suddenly grew big as saucers when she glanced over my shoulder. Then I felt a clutch at my waist. “Hey, TB,” she playfully greeted him.

“The soon to be Mrs. Johnson,” he returned while bending over me to greet her with a cheek embrace. “What’s good?”

“I’m sooo glad to see you here!” she announced over the music with a closed fist, squeezed lids, and all teeth. “I bet you haven’t heard I’ve been reassigned.”

Over my head, Trent’s face tightened. My eyes followed his line of sight.

Cole giggled again, unable to contain herself, it seemed.

“I’m your new Assistant Director of Player Success!” she cheered.

That’s when I noticed the slant in her eyes. Cole was tipsy. I fell into a giggle myself. No. She was niceeeee. I had no idea what an Assistant Director of Player Success was, but could clearly see it meant these two would be working together. The idea thrilled me. I trusted Cole. And with few did I trust Trent.

“That’s what’s up, Cole.” Trent smiled. “Guess that means you gotta say goodbye to the dimpled freak, huhn?”

“Yup.” Cole nodded with pursed lips and high cheeks. “But it’s all good. I see enough of that gorgeous mug as it is. Cutting conflict wouldn’t hurt at all.” She smiled. “But it’s good to stay on a winning team.” She affectionately punched him in the arm. Then her eyes passed between Trent and me. “Anything you need—anything—let me know. Speaking of which: salary negotiations are happening in a couple of weeks. I’ll be reaching out to Chesney and his team to get a seat at the table for what they’re expecting.”

And here she was…

Cole and Elle were two of the baddest bitches when it came to business. No amount of alcohol could change that; neither could a sexy jumpsuit detract from it. Elle proved that every day. Cole, here, was confirming it. 

“Could you cut that shit for a night?” another Mediterranean deep tenor in approach requested. “My file ain’t halfway out your office and you’ve moved on already.” Jordan flashed that dangerously killer dimpled smile. He simply couldn’t help it—even wearing a sling, reminding me of his collarbone injury. “Always about that work.” She was under his arm in the next moment.  

Cole tried rolling her eyes and hiding a cheesy smile. “Don’t be jealous. I was just telling TB I’ll be sending over that Harry&David goodie basket soon.” She threw a tight faux smile to him.  Jordan’s head tossed back and he laughed. Cole was working her magic.

The next thing I knew, the big teddy bear was nearing me. JJ pulled me from my big ogre’s heavy arm and lifted me to my toes with his healthy arm to bestow an affectionate bear hug, and kiss my cheek. 

“The world’s light weight champion of the world! Who you lay out recently, Jade?” Jordan teased.

With all of a child’s innocence I could muster, I argued, “I’m not about that life anymore. I swear!”

“Yeah. A’ight!” Jordan returned.

The tips of my shoes scraped the floor in his hold as he released a hearty laugh. I’d grown used to this greeting from Jordan. Usually, I’d be in the air with my feet dangling from the floor. It was now our thing. But tonight, he was healing. I could hear Trent behind me laughing, too.

“Hey! Did you forget about your collarbone, fool?” Cole cried from not too far away. “I know she’s tiny, but take it easy!”

Jordan didn’t respond, but I knew as well as he, this ride would be over soon or else Cole would cut off his balls and minced them.

When my heels felt the floor again, I turned to issue Trent an indignant scowl.

“Hey to you, too, JJ. You smell like everything!”

“Well…” He pretended to pop a collar. “It’s what I do, Ms. J.”

He and Trent burst into laughter again. I rolled my eyes, unable to hide my smile. Cole’s expression wasn’t too off from mine.

“Oh, looka here!” Another tenor rang out over the music, this one milder. “These niggas finally came through?” Alton Alston made his way into our cypher, wearing a slick grin. Stenton’s lanky frame appeared on the other side, widening our circle. “Yo, man,” Alton peered directly at JJ. “…peep this. You come all the way down from Connecticut and could get here on time. These two Jesus fucks right here, up the damn road and had to make a fuckin’ fashionably late entrance, bro!”

Stenton shook his head, a smirk playing at his lips.

“Nah. For real. Both these niggas right in Alpine, and getting here after midnight. That’s some diva shit. Straight up, yo.” His eyes rolled over to Trent. “I know StentRo slow as a bitch. What’s your excuse? You had to clean the church after ya pastor sent the people home and bounced with the collection plate?”

The group laughed, even if annoyed or thunderstruck by his crudeness. I was still getting used to Alton. Cole didn’t seem as offended as me, and Zoey was immune to his devices.

“Huhn, pussy boy,” Alston continued, now turning toward Trent, ready for the kill. “Let me find out Jada here, with her cute ass, holding ya dick and got ya big crying ass—”

Something exploded in my throat.

“Hold!” My hand shot up in Alton’s face. “The only person crying from his cock is me. Unless yours is his size or larger—and seeing how your whole body’s only inches taller than his resting size, you can’t be—take that down, please!”

“Jade!” I heard over my head in its usual thwarted timbre, letting me know he didn’t approve. “It’s just Alton. Alton!” he barked just as I was lifted inches off the ground, once again tonight, and this time, pivoted to leave the cypher. I caught the explosive gasps and gut-bursting laughter from the group as we grew a distance.

Alton stood dumbfounded, wearing a half a grin. “Damn. I was just fuckin’ with ‘em.” He appeared wounded. But it was too late. I was fired up.

“It’s Jade for the millionth time!” I shouted back at him while in motion. “Not Jada!”

Trent traveled us over to orange leather sofas. “Sit ya lil ass right here.” He tossed himself on the couch next to me. It was clear to me he was annoyed. I’d gone too far. Again. “You need to chill. It’s only clown ass Alton,” the angry ogre spewed down to me.

I closed my eyes, trying to catch my breath. I thought I could handle Alton at this point. He’d been by the house a handful of times, and had always maintained that brashness. I guess seeing it out in public against Trent was problematic for me.

“You been on one since you spoke to ole boy. Either you kick it with me about it or let it go. But don’t do that shit again, J,” he growled in my ear.

My face remained toward my cropped tuxedo pants. I was angry myself, and disappointed. Someone passed in front of me, but I didn’t peer up to see who it was. I had to get my breathing under control first.

Trent shoved a tumbler my way. “This should help.”

I accepted it, knowing it was a shot of Patron. I didn’t want it; I’d had enough at the Rogers’, and even there, I didn’t overdo it.

Within minutes, people approached Trent to greet him. Some people he introduced me to, others he kept their talks short. He never left my side. Trent enjoyed the party from his seat, and I’d loosened up enough to scoot closer. I hated fighting with him.

After a while, Alton took to the stage and began thanking people for coming out.

“I ‘on’t know where Nisha’s ass at.” His eyes scoured the place. “I ain’t seen her since Brielle left.”

My eyes shot over to Trent, who either refused to look at me, or had no reaction at all to his former—super-duper-star—lover’s name.

“Anyway,” Alton shook his head. “She gone be looking for a nigga when we gotta shoot in the morning.”

The crowd went up.

I hadn’t been keeping up with Tynisha Lang’s reality show, Taking Tips from Tynisha, in a while, but knew it was still in production. What I didn’t know was she and Brielle were so tight until after I learned about Brielle and Trent’s secret affair. Since then I’d been hyper-aware of her presence. Being in the dark about Trent’s relationship with that woman still burned me. 

“But the show must go on, right?” Alton asked. “With that being said: it’s time to bring out my special guest for the night. We got lots of stars in the building, but this one is more lit because sometimes the public wanna stir up shit between two successful black men. So to give ‘em a big fat”—he tossed his middle finger in the air—“fuck you, bring out the lyrical god and my Jersey brethren!”

The music track began. An anticipatory, heavy bass beat, a familiar tune, but just like almost everyone in the place, I was frozen with impatient curiosity.

Who’s coming out?

A hype man entered the stage. “Philly! Y’all fuckin’ with Silk City tonight?” He lifted his microphone in the air for their response. And boy, was it boisterous. “Fuck with us!”

The drums and horns grew impatient with a compelling rhythm. Where do I know this song from? Not even seconds later, a tall golden frame entered the stage, ramping up the clamorous shouts. Within the first few bars of lyrics, it was clear who he was.

“Is he doing her…

Is she doing him?

Do his life reflect what he puttin’ in?

Is he rich?

Is he poor?

Is he frontin’ for some more?

Did he really live that life of crime and sin?”

The words to that intro were elementary, at best, but add in the energy, heavy bass, and all the talk and speculation of exploding rap star, Young Lord, from Paterson, New Jersey, and you couldn’t help but lend your passion when singing along. Even Trent, to my left, stood and rapped along with Young, using his hands while he bounced rhythmically.  

Lord’s career had taken off, making him a regular “hot topic” on television shows, blogs, in barbershops, and salons alike. Either they discussed his popular lyrics, his blooming producing role as a musician, or his personal life that he revealed in measure. We knew few things about Young Lord: he was from the slums of Paterson, he’s a father of three, he survived a life of crime without incarceration, and his bed had been graced by some of the most recognizable names of modern day society.

In fact, one of those women was runway model, Jessica Black. She had been photographed and noted to be one of Young’s lovers for close to a year, a while ago. From that short-lived romp, she seemed to be on every talk show. The common thread of questions always involved Young Lord, the mysterious yet influential rapper and powerful music producer. Oddly, enough, by the time she graced the television to promote a new fragrance she’d recently launched, Jessica and Young were no longer together. Allegedly, they’d broken up because he’d caught wind of her affair with Alton Alston.

For weeks, the blogs sounded off about that fiasco. Jessica spent countless interviews proclaiming her regret and sharing how the affair had cost her, her friendship with the famed rapper. Alton made a comment about it during a post-game interview.

“I did not have sexual relations with that woman.”

But the pictures expressed otherwise. He and Jessica were captured embracing at a resort in British Columbia, Canada. The images were suggestive with groping, licking, and assumed fondling. I didn’t know how they could attempt to talk their way out of that. Even Tynisha’s PR team released a statement of their marriage being tested, but they were determined to get through the scandal. 

The only person not commenting on it was Young Lord. I’d never read a response to the situation from him. But I had learned of him moving on to a string musician, Ameerah. A cute hippy girl from L.A. Those two made a sex tape Ameerah had to run around the country to do clean up on. Again, Young Lord never spoke on it. I followed him because he shared the same public relations firm as Trent. Elle represented him, too.

The latest rumor on the rapper was that he was in yet another relationship. But this time, he was married. To his college sweetheart. There was no way I’d believe that. Young Lord appeared to be smart and exceptional in his field, but considering his testimonial lyrics, why would I ever believe a guy like him ever applied for college, much less got in? No. Young had the type of education unteachable on a college campus. Either way, he apparently moved on from Jessica. Tonight was evidence of that.

He’s performing at Alton’s birthday party!

Suddenly, I felt eyes on me. When I glanced up, Trent was next to me swaying rhythmically while tossing me an “I told you so” expression. That’s when I remembered his comment about Young not being exclusive to Jessica. That thought led me to realize the PR push in Young’s performance tonight. It was to show there was no beef between the two. Only Jessica appeared as the scandalous member of this trio now.

Old boys club, I tell ya…

I stood next to the big guy, enjoying the show. Excitement bristled all over me when Young performed one of my favorite songs of his, Sun Showers. That brought a sensual shiver coursing my spine. It was also the only song I could listen to with Brielle’s vocals that didn’t turn me flaming red with anger. I still hated her. Young Lord’s slick lyrics made me forget she was there. People thought Young was simply rapping about good sex. I knew—thanks to Lashawn—he was talking about sex with a damn squirter.

“Your mouth open, tongue pushing between your teeth…

My lips moving to your cave, the button underneath.

Tight, growin’, and swollen…

Flick-flick-flick BOOM!

Showers of your pleasure sproutin’ from my hairline, drippin’ down my chin.

Your thighs don’t stop shakin’ anytime soon.

Showers for days…

Tongue swiping through the liquid haze.

My lips stained from your nectar…

Baby, from here it only gets better…”        

By this time, I was in front of Trent, grinding on his inflating crotch. God, I loved that song! It brought out the freak in me.

I wasn’t the only one strung into a lascivious web hearing this track. I so happened to glance to my left and caught heels in the air. My neck popped to send my head completely that way. Outside of the lower level view, against the wall, Cole was on all fours over Jordan, whose lanky body was sprawled out on a long chaise. She twerked over his pelvis, body jiggling indecently as Jordan, with a scowl-like expression, swept his intoxicated eyes over her inviting frame. Cole’s spine was arched perfectly and chin was near his legs as her rear cheeks entertained him above her head.

“Stop staring,” I heard graveled in my ear thickly.

My shoulders dropped as I realized my whole body had steeled at some point, being nosy. If I could respect Cole any more, I did in that moment. In that instance, I recognized our parallel. Cole was going to lengths, pleasing her man. It was something I lived by. I’d go the distance just for the approval and contentment of one Trenton Bailey. He and Kyree were the only two beings inspiring me to breathe each day.

That visual stuck with me. It was what caused me to finally toss back that shot Trent had served me more than a half an hour ago. Just as I gulped the bottom of the glass, he took the tumbler while biting then sucking into my neck. Heat rushed down to my toes and my spine arched against him. Trent did this to me with little effort.

To my right, Stenton sat between Zoey’s legs as she absorbed him in a hug from behind. It still amazed me how she managed his big frame with intimate expertise. She whispered the lyrics in his ear as Stenton bobbed to the beat, eyes half-mast.

Young Lord transitioned us back to his up tempo tracks before ending his performance. After all, his show solidified the night for me. He was amazing. Alton, not so much. I was sure I’d hear it again about my reaction to his inane behavior. But that would have to be after I gave Mr. Bailey some “medicine” before we turned down for the night.

God, I needed it.

~Seven

+1(310)555-8427: I did what you told me to do and left the club. And now you still ignore my calls? What the fuck?

I deleted the text and my eyes traveled across the table to Kyree, digging into his bowl of chocolate ice cream. Then I dropped them to my bowl of hot bread pudding with a scoop of vanilla bean ice cream.

“Dude, you got no idea what you’re missing. Mommy makes this”—I pointed to my bowl—“and you want that?” I shook my head as I chuckled.

Ky grinned with a mouthful as he leaned over his bowl. I was happy to see him back to himself. Jade said his appetite had come back just a few days ago. Dude was putting in work with his dinner.

We were in the dining room, having dessert after another lit dinner Jade put together for us. My girl was determined to keep me on the healthy side during off season, which is why I could slaughter this bread pudding after her herb and lemon roasted chicken dinner. She demanded we eat in here sometimes instead of in the kitchen. I didn’t fight her on it, seeing she’d upgraded this room nicely, too. 

While we dug in, Jade was upstairs, packing a suitcase for my stay in Connecticut. I was pulling out tonight for the youth football camp. I’d been checking my messages while eating. Elle assigned senior interns at the Dynamic Branding firm to manage my website, Facebook, and Twitter accounts. I had access to all of my social media, but those two, I mostly allowed them to handle. Instagram was another story. Only I had access to that.

I found myself checking my DM on Twitter then inbox on Facebook. Those were areas the interns were instructed to ignore. I had to deal with them. When I opened the Pages Manager app, there were lots of new messages—mostly from thirsty chicks and weird guys. Some were even from curious kids, who wanted that personal reach.

And I’ll be damned if…

Another one. They’d been coming more frequently since last month.

Trenton Jackson. Two hours ago.

I clicked on it, my body tensing all over.

I don’t know if you the one checking these but it’s the only way I can contact you. I really need a solid. I know it’s been a while. Can we talk. Its kinda a emergency.

An emergency? How many years later?

Nah, B…

My life was on a tight balance right now. There was no way I could add an absentee father to the equation. Dude hadn’t been seen since Shank hooked up our meeting back when I got in the league. The meeting I thought was the first time he’d seen me until last Easter when my little cousin, Kendal, showed the family a presentation of pictures and videos. One of the pictures was of Shank collecting money from my father. Child support. Dude was that close to me and didn’t make clear who he was.

“Oh, Trent!” My head shot up to Kyree. “Jordan’s going to ask his dad for the fidget spinners. He thought mine were cool! You’s a real G for that one.” He winked with a smile, using a term I’d taught him and mimicking my swag with it.

Pure appreciation. Straight gratitude. That’s what a six-dollar “emergency” cost me. Kyree FaceTime’d me my last day out in Cali, saying he needed this gadget all the kids in his school were raving about. He’d wanted in. His face was pained, probably from being sick, he was so desperate. It was nothing compared to what I’d gotten in return from his friendship every day. Nothing.

So, nah. There was no emergency for me in Trenton Jackson’s life. Emergencies in my eyes were for people who were a part of my life. I wouldn’t drop everything to see what this “stranger” needed.

The elevator pinged down the hall, taking me out of my head and I dug right back into the warm bread and creamy ice cream. God… It was off the chain. Seconds later, Jade breezed through the dining room, her little legs clad in gray tights. Her hands were on my shoulders, face pressed against mine, and boobs were on my back as she hugged me from behind. I wanted to kiss her, let her enjoy the last of my dessert in my mouth, but couldn’t. We agreed to rated G action in front of Kyree, at least until he was a little older and used to me, and definitely not until after the wedding when he’d know she was my wife and not just a girlfriend.

It was hard at times, especially now when I’d been on the road a lot and had seen so little of her. Even now, I had to fight not to look at her ass when the full view of it passed me. Kyree sat at the head of the table. I was to his right, and Jade took the chair to his left.

“You’re fully packed, big guy.” She batted her lashes.

Jade couldn’t have wanted the banana. I’d just dived in her last night after we’d gotten in from Philly. She was pulling at my clothes the minute we hit our garage where the limo dropped us off. Little mama acted like she couldn’t wait until we got into the house. I knew I had to get her then because she had to get up mad early to go across the road for Kyree, who stayed at Stenton and Zoey’s with Jordan. Or could she? Jade wanted the D all the time. I couldn’t think. Didn’t have a lot of time.

“Okay,” I sighed over a full belly, honestly preferring the bed I shared with my wife to the one I’d only sexed her in, in Connecticut. “Tyheem’ll be here soon. There’re a couple of things we need to discuss as a household before I leave again.”

Ky’s elbows were on the table and his fingers woven as he leaned against his arms. Jade squatted on her legs, her hands clasped, too, as she sat with a straight spine and fat peach that poked, distracting me. She had no idea, because her focus was on my next words just like Ky’s.

It reminded me of a point Ezra made on Saturday night at the men’s conference:

“You’d be surprised how many women are desperate for leadership because your eyes are not in tune to it. They don’t even know how agreeable their psyches are to be led by a man taking his God-ordained place in the household. These women have no idea because they’ve never been shown examples of godly-structured marriages, and nor have you.”

“First thing: Ky’s birthday party. It’s coming in a couple of weeks.”

“Aye!” Ky dabbed at the table.

After laughing, my eyes went to Jade. “Have we decided what we’re going to do?”

She shrugged. “I know you said here, but I don’t know.” Her chin dipped and eyes zoomed in. “Kyree not only has his school friends, he’s got family he’d have to invite, too.”

Ryshon.

“I ain’t trippin’ off that, J. They can come through. We can do it in the basement and get a sports theme going, just do a bowling party in the bowling room down there—”

“Ooooh! Yeah!” Ky’s eyes lit up.

“Or—I”—I continued—“could do a bouncy house in the back.”

Jade’s face fell. “Again, it’s too cold to have those kids out there, jumping around.”

“You know that big shed I have out there?”

Her brows met. “Yeah. I’ve never been in there, though.”

“I know. Because only I have a key. That’s where my party stuff is.”

“What party stuff?” Ky asked.

I shook off the meaning to the answer of that. “Lots of stuff you can’t see for years to come, lil homey.”

“Stuff like what?” Jade asked with a bite in her tone, inching across the table as though she’d hear my answer faster or clearer that way. “Were you a party planner at some point?”

I cocked my head. Jade knew damn well the only occupation I’d ever had was throwing the ball.

“JJ and me…” I ducked my head. “We used to have to throw private parties at our cribs if we wanted true privacy. I gotta lot of goodies back there. But I’d have to take you back there myself. It’s all organized by themes.”

“What sort of…” she wiggled her head, “…themes?”

The wild stuff we did at those joints started flashing through my head. Things we needed costumes and props for. No way I could share that in front of Ky. It was going to be enough to have to explain it to my wife. 

“Mature ones,” was how I deaded the conversation. “You just need to give me the word, and I’ll make something kid friendly and unforgettable.”

I hit her with hard eyes. Jade’s lashes clapped. Kyree sat quiet, watching the war for control between his moms and me.

She cleared her throat, eyes to the table now. “I’ll have Ky draw up a guest list and based upon that, I’ll make a decision and get back to you.”

“Oooooh!” Ky chirped. “I can do that tonight, Mommy!”

“Tonight, you take the last of your antibiotic, shower, read, pray and carry your butt to bed.” Her words were firm. Final.

Ky sulked.

“The next thing…” I tapped my phone for the time. “You reach out to one of the coordinators Elle hooked you up with last year?”

Jade’s eyes blew up as she straightened on her knees, over the table. “I actually have a meeting with her this week. It’s on my agenda.”

She seemed…nervous about the topic.

I lowered my chin this time. “We all good on doing it?”

Was I missing something?

Jade rolled her neck, wrinkling her face. “What are you talking about? Of course, we are. I’ve just been so busy lately, I haven’t had a moment to squeeze meeting with a coordinator in my scheduling book. I’ll get on it.”

My phone chirped. I ignored it, eyes locked on my wife—in secret.

“You sure?

Jade nodded, licking her lips then biting them together.

“A’ight. Training camp’ll be here before you know it, and once the season starts, we have to wait another year.”

“I know.” Jade kept nodding over and over. Her eyes kept blinking, over and over.

“Jade,” I rumbled, but with a low pitch. Ky was at the table. “I ain’t waiting another year.”

“Oh…I-I know!” she stuttered. Her head still shaking like she was crazy.

My eyes stayed locked into her until my phone chirped and vibrated again over the table. It was a reminder of the text that had come through seconds ago. That’s when I pulled my eyes away from her to check it. It was Tyheem, saying he was outside.

“That’s Tyheem. I gotta go.” I stood from the table and grabbed my and Ky’s bowls to carry into the kitchen.

He followed me right away, but Jade seemed stuck in her seat. She was in the kitchen right after us, but at a distance, rolling my suitcase with her. Ky followed me over to the sink.

He leaned into me. “She’s gonna marry you, TB. She just wanna make sure everybody’s okay. She likes you like you like her now.” His chin was low and eyes expressive. Ky was speaking guy code—or at least, trying to. “I’mma talk to her for you.”

I tried so hard not to laugh my damn guts out. Kyree didn’t forget a thing. He was talking about when I copped to him about liking his moms, but being too afraid to express it. There was no way I could tell him I had that on lock before I knew what to do with it.

“Time to get ready for bed, Ky!” Jade called over, seeing us close and whispering. “Your things for shower time are ready.”

“Good lookin’, homie.” I winked and smiled.

Ky didn’t smile back. He was dead serious.

“KyKy!” she added a little more bite to her call.

Ky backed away, his eyes of “understanding and support” were still on me, then turned toward his mother.

“Hang on.” I turned stretching out my arm, offering him my fist. “I’ll see you in a couple of days. Okay?” Ky came back towards me. “Hit me if you need me.” We bumped fists and he turned to leave the kitchen. 

Jade and I watched him leave the room for the back steps. My eyes swung over to her. Seconds later, hers met mine. A blush broke out over her face and she rushed over to me, wrapping her arms around my waist and pressing the side of her face in my chest. My arms went around her back, hands gripping her ass into me.

“I don’t like feeling left out,” she mumbled into my shirt. “Not even for my KyKy.”

“You’re never left out, shawtie. You’re the glue to this thing.” I kissed the top of her head. “That bread pudding was the plug! What was the name of it again?”

She used her nails to scrape down my back, knowing it drove me crazy when shirtless. 

“We’re doing it. We’re going to have a wedding.” I could hardly hear her speaking into my chest.

“I know we are. I just want you to know.” I turned her around in my arms, putting her back to my abs and bending down to kiss beneath her ear. I grabbed her firm boobs, feeling the lace under her tight t-shirt. Jade moaned, rolling her head from one side to the next. “I may not be able to do this in front of him…” I pinched and rolled her nipples between my fingers. “But I can’t be this close and touch you like this.” My hands moved down to her belly—the belly that had a hard bump—and I froze for just a second before catching myself.

Jade had a flat stomach, but it was never this hard. I’d felt enough bellies of women to know fat from firm. This was bigger and tight. Not big in the beer belly sense, but definitely not what I was used to feeling on her little body. Could it be—?

Nah. Can’t be…

She had no idea of my mental wrestling, and pushed her arms up to my neck, curving her spine as her cheeks rubbed against me to let me know she was with it. And without my permission, my wood sprang up, being with it, too.

“Baby, I gotta go. Tyheem’s out,” I basically begged.

Jade turned in my arms, a slick grin on her lips. “If I can get a sitter, I’m coming up to stay one night this week.”

“You’re more than welcome, lil one.” Needing to clear my head from what I just felt, I reached down and swiped my tongue in her mouth then kissed her lips softly. No way I was going to trip and bring it up. “You got a key.”

“Uhn-uhn,” she disagreed and pulled me toward the door. “I have your heart.”

“All I’m saying is, the average woman of today, whose passion isn’t fitness, but is fitness conscious doesn’t connect to a ‘fitness’ guru, who is constantly posting techniques from a gym with a full range of equipment.” I could hear the snarl in her voice. “If you want to try a new marketing area—a more practical and relatable one, my advice would be to show workout techniques that can be done outside of the gym, preferably at home.”

“But that limits the exercises I can do!” the woman argued, I could detect a bit of a whine in her voice.

“And it would bridge the gap between you and millions of women who want your body, would possibly follow the meal plan you provide, and would actually subscribe to your services marketed on social media,” Elle argued.

I was eavesdropping. It was horrible, I knew. But I couldn’t help it. Her voice was that commanding. She was a true beast.

“How would I get them into a gym where they would be more successful?”

“By meeting them where they are,” Elle quipped rapidly. “And that’s not in the gym.”

Things got quiet. My eyes circled the contemporary waiting room at Dynamic Branding. I was in Manhattan, waiting to see the woman of the hour. Outside of her office door, which stood ajar, was an elegant door tag with her signature inscribed, appearing blatant, powerful, and sexy in blue. It was over her title: Vice President of Account Managers.

Elle A. Jarreau.

“Ms. Jarreau,” A male’s voice attempted to break up the tension seeping out of the room. “We appreciate your input, but we’d like you to remember, Ms. Gordon here has over twenty-six-thousand followers on Instagram, alone.”

“I understand that, Mr. Lewis, but what does that equate to in sales for Jackie’s program? From what I see in your prospectus, it doesn’t mean very much.” She paused for a moment, taking a breath. Man, I wished I could see her in action. I could be assertive myself, but it had to concern just two people for me to go there. Elle made it seem easy—and professional. She hadn’t raised her voice. “I have a two-fifteen, probably waiting on me. We’ll keep your proposal in the front of our file. In six months, come back and we’ll revisit it. Implement new promotional materials, switch up your marketing—hell, use the freebies I just offered you today. If you come with better numbers, I’d be willing to offer you representation.”

“Isn’t that the point of coming to you in the first place?” the woman, Jackie, argued.

“Ms. Gordon, do you know how many entrepreneurs knock on our door every day, asking for our team to polish their product and make it shine for the world to see and consume?” There was a short pause. “Over thirteen hundred. You don’t receive thirteen hundred likes on a post. Twenty-six thousand followers don’t seem all that impressive now, does it?” More silence.

My phone rang, startling me into a leap off my chair. I scrambled in my purse for it. Quickly, I silenced it, realizing how jumpy I was. This was Elle. We were cool. But this was still her place of business. My husband’s, too, by extension. It was also the guilt of listening in on her conversation that had me so restless.

I was surprised to see the caller’s name across my phone. At first, I thought it was Ryshon, calling from a new line. I didn’t have time for him right now. If he was calling with drama, I’d hang up right in his ear.

“Hello?” my tone brisk.

“Jade?” My face opened in surprise. “This you?”

His mother. “Renee?”

“Yeah, girl. How you been?”

“Ummmm…” My eyes circled around the posh waiting room. I tried keeping my voice low. “I’m good. Actually, I’m in New York, about to go into a meeting. Everything okay?”

“Oh. That’s what’s up. How’s my KyKy?” she reminded me of the nickname we created for my son.

It was back when I tried desperately to gain her approval. I knew I was competing against several babies’ mothers and wanted to be the most notable one, so I fought for her attention. That thought had me mentally sighing, remembering to check on the delivery status for plants I bought for April’s room at the house. Had I been vying for her approval as I once did Ryshon’s mother? No. April made me feel like family, reaching out to me for things. Renee was always nice, but never trustworthy or reliable. When Ryshon was locked up, she never sent for Kyree. She didn’t see him if I didn’t bring him to her. 

“He’s…ummmmm…” I squeezed my eyes, thinking hard for my next words. I kept my voice low. “Uhhhh…maturing faster than my heart can take. You know?”

There!

That was honesty, but surface.

“Okay! Ryder told me he talk real good now. Like a white boy!” I heard the genuine pleasantness in her tone. Renee wasn’t making fun of my child.

I would expect for her not to understand how ignorant and classless that statement was. For chrissakes, she referred to her son by his street moniker and not his given name.

“He’s a smart boy.” I nodded. “Well spoken,” I whispered then my expression dropped. “Listen, Renee, like I said, I’m about to walk into a meeting—”

“Oh, yeah!” she bellowed into the phone, causing me to shrink in the waiting room. “I just wanted to ask you to bring one of your desserts to the party.”

“Okay.” Sounded fair. “Which one?”

“Well, you know I be fuckin’ up your pineapple pudding!” She giggled. “But Ryder want your strawberry shortcake. Then the kids gone need something. Them two for the adults. They too fancy for the kids. So a lil something for them, too. That ain’t a lot, right?” she purred, trying to mollify the rudeness in her request. 

Jarred, I sat unmoving, eyes unfocused as my head shook.

I am not taking requests from Ryshon…

Then my eyes blinked successively. “I—I’ll see what I can do. I need to go, Renee.”

“Oh. Okay, girl,” her tone remained upbeat. “I’ll holla atchu!”

I disconnected the call, feeling the anxious sensation lancing through my belly as it had been lately at the thought of Ryshon being back in my life. His mother calling confirmed he had returned.

Multiple footsteps filing out of the office door caught my attention. I stole a cursory glance of this Jackie Gordon, dressed in workout gear with her name printed on her leggings and across the breast of her shirt. Defeat danced in her eyes and weighed on her shoulders.

Elle, clearing her throat snapped my focus back to the door she leaned against, appearing her usual effortlessly beautiful self, but very…tired. She pinched the bridge between her eyes.

“Hey, girl,” she breathed. “The first round of invitations for April went out. The deposit has been made on the club, and the sponsors are all on deck.” I nodded, understanding the follow up information. “Come on in.”

I followed inside after she waved me on, strutting back into her office in five-inch black Louboutin booties under a silver knit, sleeveless sweater, and cranberry harem pants. Even her bracelets were strategically placed: a silver plated on one arm and on the other were stacked beaded bracelets. I couldn’t name drop on her entire ensemble, but I knew it was expensive.

She offered me a seat in front of her desk.

My eyes brushed over her on my way down. “Your sweater is gorgeous,” I tried nervously.

I had no idea why I was nervous, but whenever meeting with Elle in the work capacity, it brought about unexplained anxiety for me.

Elle’s eyes widened and she absent-mindedly touched the collar of the sweater and frowned. From this angle, it looked sequin, delicate.

“JAGMisha.com… I believe it’s a vintage Hermes.” She shook her head, overwhelmed, it seemed and pinched the bridge between her eyes again. “I feel a headache coming.”

“I’m sorry.” My weight pushed to my feet, but I was still seated. “I can come back.”

Elle waved me off again. Her eggplant manicure was simple yet elegant.

“Don’t be foolish. I called the meeting.” She took a deep breath. “I just got back from a much needed Belizean vacation late last night.” Her eyes rolled and closed then a wistful grin broke across her face. “It was just me, an island, water, and my guy. Blissful.” Her eyes opened and found me again. “I contemplated not coming in today. In fact, I canceled all of my appointments, except for yours. Then I learned Gordon was stopping by when I got in this morning. She was scheduled with one of my senior accountants, but I needed to speak with them myself.” She groaned, “I’ll be leaving soon. I promised Jax. I just need another day to get myself together.”

“I’m sorry to hear about your exhaustion. I heard Belize is gorgeous.”

“The people are, too! Physically and spirit-wise.” She groaned again, tossing her head back. “Jackson and I overdosed on Murder She Wrote and In Living Color episodes while tossing back cashew wine and inhaling Johnny cakes. Ugh! I just wanna go back!”

Her chin dropped and eyes pinned me to my seat. I swallowed, not knowing what it meant or what should I say.

Elle’s shoulders dropped dramatically. “You know… I’m going to share this with you, considering how family oriented and aggressively supportive you are of Trent.”

My eyes bulged. That really was the public perception of me.

Damn…

“When I took on my role here at Dynamic Branding, it was because I had this driven passion to link people to brands that could shape their reputations. I knew what it took to reinvent and change perceptions. I was good at it, and worked hard to prove it. I showed my boss I could excel and was given a decent role on his team. I ate, breathed, and shitted out relationship building and branding. But you know what happened?”

My eyes grew and I answered no with pouted lips.

“I fell in love with my boss. And while that’s great and all, it shifted things in my core,” she explained.

My eyes wandered across the room as I considered that. “I think love has the tricky power to do that.”

“Yeah, but in my case, when I thought the work was my life, love showed me how empty it was. And the moment I gave in to it, falling in love flooded every bit of my soul.” Her brows met. “My identity changed. The work fulfills nothing now.”

Whoa…

“I can see the conflict considering who your boss is versus your lover.”

Elle nodded. “The upshot to it is, my drive now is to build him up.” She upturned her palms to gesture the room. “This is Jackson’s dream. I am the tool to make it happen.” Elle’s gorgeous eyes locked on me again, questioning my understanding.

And I understood just fine. She championed for her fiancé. I swallowed hard. What a revelation.

“My exhaustion has set in because I can do the work and leave the office at a set hour to hopefully go home to him—to resume my real passion. Unfortunately, in my world, the clock isn’t set to end the business of the day. I travel with work. I go home to work. Pardon my French, but I’ve even fucked to work—and even at work countless times.” I tried catching my weighted jaw. “I’ll be forty soon. My therapist said my priorities have shifted. And I’m inclined to believe him.”

Elle. Sees. A. Therapist?

But she seemed so well put together! She was beautiful, talented, and in charge all the time. She had a wealthy and powerful fiancé. She made good money herself. What problems could she have? I knew she was friends with Lex, but I could never ask her about it. That would be inappropriate.

“I know I’ve been told I need more girlfriends to connect to other women, but I swear that’s not what today is about. I called a meeting with you because I need your help.”

My eyes ballooned. “Uh…of course. Anything.” I swallowed hard again.

Elle stepped around to behind her desk.

“We—Love is Action just signed a deal with Gucci. They want four of L.I.A.’s high-ranking clients in their apparel for the next eighteen months. Stenton Rogers and Trent are definitely of that group, and the boss just selected Aaron Croix, an MLB’er. We’ve just acquired female boxing sensation, Tori McNabb. So all the players have been chosen.” I nodded. “Then there’s Ase Garb. Are you familiar with them?”

“Sort of.”

“Well, it’s African—Yoruba philosophy based. Something about envisaging the power to bring things to fruition and generating change. They’re a black-owned, high-end designer, specializing in accessories and footwear. That’s socks and shoes. They’ve been on the block for just under ten years and have made the most out of each day of them. Ase Garb has replaced its CEO, who has a new vision. One that has redesigned their marketing plan, using public figures to legitimize their identity. Dynamic Branding just inked a three-year, multi-million-dollar deal with them two weeks ago, before I left for vacation.”

My eyes expanded wider, if that were possible. Dynamic Branding was making things happen for Love is Action.   

“Now that I’m back, I have to start implementing the deal. But I have enough on my desk between DB clients and trying to schedule a blow job for a man I’m trying to marry. Not to mention, planning my wedding—and yours!” Her brilliant eyes flashed upon me. “Trent called this morning.”

My eyes diverted and I licked my lips. “Yeah. I was going to ask you about that at some point. I just need the list of coordinators. Again.”

Elle sat down in her chair and began typing into her Mac while speaking.

“Back to what I need from you: Gucci is requiring seventy-five percent of their reps to be draped with their brand. I don’t have time to follow up with egotistical stylists and jelly-backed PAs with no balls to remind their boss of his or her obligation to wear designer clothes.”

My phone pinged of an email from Elle A. Jarreau. It was a list of four wedding coordinators. Three were in the Tristate area, and, oddly, one was in L.A.

“I think you’ll be perfect for taking on the role of managing this contract for Love Is Action.”

My neck snapped back. “Me?”

“Of course, you! You’re fashionable, and assertive with one of the clients they’re requesting specifically.” She shrugged. “Also, I know you’ve been wanting more involvement with Trent’s career. It’s a no brainer.”

My eyes blinked successively again. I couldn’t believe Elle was asking me to work with their sports agency firm.

“Look… I plan to compensate you. Unless you screw this up to the point of legal getting involved, you’ll have a job for the term of the longer contract, which is Ase Garb.”

“Pay?” That was emitted weakly. I had to remember whose presence I was in and straighten my spine. I cleared my throat. “What exactly are we talking?”

She shrugged with one shoulder and her mouth. “Not quite a six-figure role, but I can get you well beyond half of that.” She went back to typing. “Jackson and I are in the process of closing on an apartment in Global Towers. A luxury apartment I’m not even sure I want anymore. At one time, the idea of metropolitan living appealed to me. Now, I fantasize about having a back yard to plant in and entertain.” Elle’s blonde head lifted and she peered over to me. “My life is shifting. Remember?”

I nodded, taking another deep breath. Another notification of an email. This one was an Excel spreadsheet with the four chosen Love Is Action clients, their sizes from neck to shoes, and stylists’ contact information, as well as personal assistants.

My eyes zoomed in on Trent’s row where I was listed as his assistant. The stylist field was empty. His sizes were foreign to me, though I’d touched and tasted every morsel of his frame.

“Any questions?”

My head shot up from my phone. “Uhhhhh…” I stammered, my mind running in a gazillion directions. “This Tessie Bell person is listed in L.A.”

“She travels, Jade.” Elle cracked a smile. “She’s at the top of her game. Not coupon-accessible, but Trent’s cheap ass can more than afford her for your special day.”

“Is that who you’re using?” My eyes roved up to her.

Elle took a deep breath, her brick-red lips parting. “If I could ever stop this machine just long enough to exchange nuptials.” Her shoulders shrank, then all of a sudden her eyes brightened with revelation. “I can always opt for the team Bailey way: elope in secret.” She smiled radiantly.

But unexpected air flew from my lungs.

~Eight

My spine curled, hands clawed his glistening tatted pecs, and mouth swung open as a tsunami of sensations rushed to my quivering core with impatience.

“Trentiiiin!” I cried, tightening my thighs around his waist as I rocked over him.

I was coming. Again.

My nipples tingled, feet heated, and teeth clenched as warmth and pleasure rolled over me. Again.

“Damn, J,” he breathed. “Again?” Trent pushed from his feet and shoulders, pelting into me, intensifying my release.

He wouldn’t stop his dedicated thrusts, pounding me over and over and over, filling me to the hilt. When I tapped his chest, telling him I was done, Trent flipped me onto my back with urgency and plummeted into me with frantic need. He’d been trying to hold out until he had me just where he wanted to release himself.

This man’s waist… It rolled fluidly with rhythm to bring absolute pleasure. I’d never had a lover so agile, athletic, and effortlessly artful with his thrust. Trent didn’t just perform in bed; he opened himself in it. He revealed his treasure.

His head shot back, tip of his beard pointed toward the ceiling almost. His lips pressed into his gums, his teeth all exposed as his face tightened as though in pain. Trent growled over me, one flexed arm above my head and the other at my shoulder, keeping me in place as he exploded inside me.

I was sure my husband was so caught up in passion, he forgot our new agreement of him not coming inside of me without a condom anymore. Deep inside, I knew Trent was only half committed to that pact anyways.

I enjoyed the sight of him coming apart on top of me, giving slow pelvic jerks, excreting the last of him into me. His eyes squeezed closed, his lungs under siege, and his heart totally open. To me. I loved seeing Trent vulnerable. It was the only time I felt completely trusted by him.

Slowly, he dragged his heavy, throbbing swollenness from me. I swallowed back a moan at his retraction. Trent rolled onto his back, trying to catch his breath.

“You’re not supposed to come inside me and you’ve done it every time since you’ve been back from California.”

My eyes rolled over to him. For a while, Trent didn’t speak.

Then I heard, “I forgot.”

That was it. No emotion in that admittance. No commitment to doing better.

I licked my lips while mentally rolling my eyes. Trent could be so immature when it came to sex. The most low-risk, high-conscience man I knew under fifty, but when it came to sex and protection, his mind was no more developed than a fourteen year old’s. I didn’t have the energy to fight him on it tonight. I’d driven up to Connecticut, needing to be with him. He’d been here for two days and I missed him.

“I’m pretty sure my vagina is broken,” I croaked.

“As long as it was me who did it, we good.” Trent’s voice was throaty, masculine.

He sat up from his abs and scooted to the side of the bed to leave.

“Is that all you care about: you banging out my poor kitty?”

With his back to me as he headed to the bathroom, he replied without emotion, “Nah. I worry about the kitty being hungry, too.”

This time I did roll my eyes. I didn’t know how we’d gotten around to this birth control thing.

A few seconds later, Trent came back to the bed with a warm wet cloth for me. This time, he took it upon himself to clean me up while kissing my left kneecap. His dark eyes were lazy as they penetrated me. Trent touched me with ownership. God, he could be so affectionate.

I hated when he stood from the bed. It was over. He gaited sexily back to the bathroom.

“Where’s Ky?” he asked from in there.

“Um…” I licked my lips then swallowed the residue of lust. “Uh… With Jordan. I bartered a deal with Zo to keep him and drop him off to school in the morning.”

Trent stopped at the bed, his steps interrupted by that information. One eyebrow hiked in the air. “You sure you don’t wanna reach out to your moms for Ky’s sake? I hate you having to do all that to creep up here just to see me.”

“Am I not welcome?”

“C’mon, Jade. Here you go with that bull.”

Wanting to quickly switch gears, I blurted, “I got a job.”

Trent had one knee in the air, on his way back into the bed. His movements halted once again. After a few seconds of staring at me dazed, he joined me on the mattress.

“A job? Doing what?”

“Bossing you around.”

“Quit with the games, J.”

I sucked in air. “I’m not playing games. Remember that meeting with Elle this week?”

“Yeah.”

“That was yesterday. She offered me a job—more or less asked me to take a responsibility off her desk.”

“And what’s that?”

“Apparently, L.I.A. just got an endorsement deal by Gucci and—get this—Ase Garb!” I peered into his chocolate orbs for excitement. Nothing. “Anyway. It requires specifications she doesn’t have the capacity to take on.”

“Like what?”

“Being sure the L.I.A. clients selected are wearing the designers’ apparel properly, the correct amounts, to the appropriate events, and in their correct sizes.” I shrugged.

“You gotta dress people up, Jade? How many?”

“There are four of you. And kinda. I think she’s asking me to go that extra mile. It sounds like a lot of work, though.”

“But it’s right up your alley.”

My head shifted over to him. “She said something like that. You think so, too?”

He scratched his nose. “Yeah. You’re smart, know fashion, a beast who don’t mind staying on top of people.”

My eyes were on him, but face was straight ahead. “I’d be working with your peers…”

“Who?” He turned to face me.

“Stenton, Aaron Croix from the MLB, and Tori McNabb, the boxer.”

“Word? Jax got her?”

“Love is Action has her. They need their own identity. Anyway, I meet with her tomorrow, and I’m nervous.”

“Nervous? Why?”

“Because she’s like a tough girl fighter.”

“Ain’t that what you wanna be?” He sputtered a laugh.

I shoved him at the arm. “Don’t play, Trent!”

“I’m just messing with you, lil one.” He leaned over and kissed me. “Just don’t get on her bad side. I ain’t tryna do another bid for jackin’ up no broad for puttin’ her hands on my wife.”

“I have no reason to lose my temper with Tori McNabb! Plus, Zoey will be there. That was the deal we made for Ky tonight.”

“Zoey wanna meet Tori?”

“I guess so. I’m scheduled to meet her for her yoga class. I had to cancel my skating date with Zoey to do it.” I shrugged. “She wants to tag along. Even offered to bring Niña’s Sweet Cakes.”

Trent snickered. “Y’all going to work out with Tori McNabb. Wow.”

“I don’t know about working out. It’s yoga, but I could use it. This weight!” I groaned, cringing. Then I flipped onto my side to face him. “Hey! You know Zoey has gained forty-five pounds since getting pregnant with Jordan? Not Amora Ardell, but Jordan.”

Trent had no reaction.

“I think I heard StentRo snatched her up outta high school. Your point?”

“College. She went from a hundred and twenty pounds to one sixty-five in less than ten years. I’ve gained a huge portion of that in months.” Trent froze next to me.

My eyes squeezed closed.

Damn. I shouldn’t have shared that. He’s going to be turned off by my fat ass now…

“How much weight are we talking, J? You been skating with Zo for what…?  Two months now?”

“What do you mean?” I cracked a lid.

“How much do you weigh?”

My back flew up from the mattress. “You don’t ask me questions like that, Trent!”

His face contorted. “What the hell did I say? You’re over here tripping about a few pounds that—honestly—I don’t see!” He lifted from the mattress and yanked his beard, frustrated.

Trent moved to sit on the edge of the bed, placing his elbows on his knees. His posture was a brooding one with his tatted back expanding and dropping as he breathed heavily.

I touched his shoulder. “Hey. Did I say something wrong?” I knew I’d been harping on this weight thing for a while, but this wasn’t like Trent. He’d always been patient and cautious with the topic. “I’m going to lose the weight. I swear.”

Trent issued a glare over his colored shoulder. “Now, you know I ain’t trippin’ over no weight, Jade. Gain a fuckin’ hundred pounds and we’ll lose them together, but I ain’t going nowhere and neither are you.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“I don’t want you stressin’ over superficial shit, Jade. We married now. We’re past the surface shit. You’ve been acting real weird since Ryshon came home. I don’t want you stressed about what you can’t control. When you do, I feel it.”

“I haven’t thought about him once since I got here!” My tone was defensive. I recoiled on the bed, the sheet wrapped loosely around me, realizing what I’d just implied.

“I hope like hell you didn’t. You’re with me!”

I cringed. “That’s not what I meant!”

Trent buried his head in his palms and groaned. Then his head popped up as though he was shaking off a mood. He peered over his shoulder again.

“Let’s drop it. I don’t wanna be in that place. That’s not what I had in mind for you.” My brows met. “I actually wanted to take you out for dinner to a nice place up here then strip you naked in my bed.” Then my jaw dropped. But my nipples tingled. He cracked a grin beneath his beard. I could see it in his eyes. “I got you some things.”

I sucked in air. “Me? Like what?”

His neck jerked and face folded. “Like gifts.”

Was he offended?

Trent lifted from the bed once again. This time, he headed to the closet where he pulled out several shopping bags. Louis Vuitton, Gucci, Sephora, and Nike. He lay them on the bed. The Louis Vuitton bag was rather large, Gucci and Sephora were small, and Nike was modest and plastic.

Trent sat back down on the bed, closer to the headboard and waved his hand unceremoniously toward them.

“Open!” he urged.

“Oh!” My eyes burst wide. “Okay.” I went for the smallest bag.

After opening a small box, I found a gift card for Sephora valued at five hundred dollars. My heart pounded at the gold in my hands, though it didn’t seem real. I tried to play it cool and moved on to the next bag.

“I wish I’d known already about the Gucci plug. I coulda saved my dough,” he muttered behind me petulantly.

I peered over my shoulder at him. Trent was biting his nails with his eyes fixed to the mattress. Too anxious to address it, I went back to the gifts. Inside the Gucci bag was a long box. A beautiful polished sterling silver boule bracelet waited inside. My chest rose and lungs vacuumed in air. Next, I went to the plastic bag that held a pair of cute running shoes.

I peeked over my shoulder—more like scowled.

With his chin toward his lap, Trent was still able to see me. “You been crying about getting active.” He shrugged with his head. “Figured we could work out together before the season starts back up.”

My face and shoulders dropped defenselessly and my heart melted at his tough boy act I was able to see through.

The last bag contained a signature Louis Vuitton monogram canvas case with a handle and zipper stitched around three/fourths of it. After opening it, I saw it had two flat pockets in the interior, and a pen holder. It was a business piece. I turned back to Trent for help.

“It’s a iPad case.” This time he shrugged with his eyebrows. “You been picking up work in my career, staying on top of Ky, and with ya lil nail party business on the side. Plus,” he licked his lips and his eyes rolled to the corner of the room pensively. “Elle told me about hookin’ you up with something. She ain’t go into detail, but said it was something you’d be feeling.”

She told him?

My mind started to go. What was this? His mood swing. The gifts. This wasn’t the Trent I knew. It wasn’t us. Something was wrong. My eyes shot around the room as I desperately searched my head for logic.

“Is that what the candles are about?”

I noticed he had them lit when I came out of the shower, but was so consumed by the burning in my core, I never acknowledged them.

Trent shrugged, hardly about to speak. My shoulders collapsed and I let out a painful breath. I crawled over to him on my knees and lifted his chin through his wooly beard with my index finger. Trent’s troubled pupils met mine and I saw the doubt in them.

“You married me. There isn’t a nobler act as far as I’m concerned.”

A crease formed between his brows. “You’re used to that. You deserve it.”

My eyes ballooned at that revelation, but the emotion of anger receded. “I’m not used to love, commitment, and reciprocity from the heart.” I tossed my head back toward the foot of the bed. “Those things don’t matter if I don’t have what you’ve given me since my son and I moved into your place.” I paused, biting my lip as I considered my next words. “I can’t be around here, flaunting your wealth. It’s not what this is about.”

“I know you like nice things. Luxury things. I peeped your side of the closet. You got Louis…Gucci…even a Fendi bag. It’s who you are, Jade,” he growled, determined.

“Who I was!” I spoke an octave over him to quell his argument. I dropped my chin and narrowed my eyes for good measure. “Those things in the closet are older than Ky. It’s who I was. As your wife, I have a new identity. It’s one money can’t buy. Trent, I’m becoming whole. I may have been stressed lately about Ryshon and what him being around again means for my new family, but you best believe all of my hollow places are being filled in this wholesome space you’ve put me in by making me your wife.”

“Oh. So, now that you’re married you don’t like designer brands?” his tone was suspicious.

“Of course, I do.” I groaned, tossing my head back, trying to find the words. Then I decided to just come with the truth. “Trent, I can’t expect your luxury gifts!”

“Why?”

“Because it’s what they’re expecting. It’s what they believe of me. I’m no whore. I don’t need to be tricked off your wealth. I’m here to push you to greatness, at your side.”

“So, you wanna care about what they think now? Were they down there in Macen Beach when you pledged your love to me on cold sand in November? Are they in my kitchen every night when you cook my meals? By my side in church when I’m worshipping? With us at night when you’re rubbing my sore body, telling me I’m—not just the best quarterback—but a beautiful human being? They there when you’re ready to throw down the minute somebody comes at me wrong?”

I shuddered. “Thank god no paparazzi has caught any of those.”

“This ain’t a game, Jade,” he scolded my joke. “It’s what you need!”

“No.” I shook my head faintly, realizing how grave this topic was. For the both of us. “It’s not. It’s my life. I appreciate the gesture and will accept these gifts because it feels good to be thought of when I’m not around. But please don’t start down this road. I live in a ten thousand square foot home that’s paid for, and drive my son around in a ninety thousand dollar truck without a note. I can do without designer shoes, bags, and accessories.”

I snatched myself from the bed and trekked into the bathroom, slamming the door behind me.   

I don’t need shit but your big, immature, bearded, stubborn ass!

Not a single one…

As I scrolled down Jade’s IG page, I heard someone calling me from behind. Knowing they were approaching, I didn’t look up until the voice was closer and recognizable.

“Yo, man. What you into that got your ears plugged?”

I turned around to JJ and offered him some dap, ignoring his jab. He returned it. “What’s good, man. You done with Ramsey Bishop and his crew?”

“Just wrapped it up. They’re leaving now.” 

Ramsey Bishop was one of two hosts of From the Sidelines, a popular sports show on WAWG, also known as We All We Got, network. The producers asked to come and do a special feature on the youth football camp. I didn’t care for the PR, but Elle and Larry Tinsel thought it would be good for sponsorship. People would see the special and want to contribute, especially corporate sharks, which is what they were hoping for. There were just two things I wanted: for this camp to last and grow, and for Ramsey’s partner, Wil, not to be the one covering the story today. So far, I had the host of my preference. I was good on it all.

“Thanks for coming through on this, duke,” I offered as our arms met. I was sure to take it easy, although it wasn’t his injured side. “I know therapy been kicking your back in.”

“Yeah, buddy,” he exhaled, scratching his brow. “But I’mma be ready for July.”

“Oh, we know this, man! Ain’t no doubt.” I chuckled, sliding my phone into the pocket of my sweats. “I could tell you wanted to demo out on the green.”

I’d had lead NFL players from all positions and different teams come up to volunteer their time and offer the kids instruction and words of encouragement. Elle was even able to get pop star, Pixie, to fly out and do a short concert for them last night of no charge to me. We even had the Kings’ very own chef, Naima, creating healthy meals that could be done at home. They were given the VIP treatment and deserved it.

Thanks to Elle and Cole, we had a small team of people, who had been screening the state for high risk kids with a passion for football. Some were recommended by school coaches and some by guidance counselors. Currently, that team was screening in Jersey for my next camp there in April. These kids were privileged to get first hand instruction from seasoned NFL players. I was honored to have their attention and enthusiasm. 

Jordan snickered. “Yeah, I did. But I would’ve gotten my ass chewed out the minute I fell into a two-point stance. It was a struggle not to, man. That one kid acted like he couldn’t follow seventy percent of his weight on the front foot and thirty on his back.”

I nodded. “But you got him straight. That’s why I wanna do this. These kids, back in their communities, are coached by inexperienced block-huggers that’s trying their best to keep them busy, but don’t have field know-how. Them coming this week gives these kids a taste of principles and engagements on the green. ‘Preciate you for helping to make this happen.”

“You already know, man. This was lit, actually.” He nodded with raised eyebrows. “You hitting up little Altyna’s birthday party this weekend?” JJ grinned, keeping his eyes out on the field.

Altyna was one of Alton and Tynisha’s daughters. They were giving her a big to do birthday bash in a rented mansion in Franklin Lakes. They kicked out mad dough and had their reality show cameras shoot it for ratings. Alton told me a while back that the network didn’t pick up the tab for these parties. It was on him and Tynisha. One year, they had horses and carriages and served champagne with shrimp and grits. It was always more for adults than kids, if you asked me. But it was something they did every year for all their girls. I couldn’t imagine the stress of trying to always top the one before it.

I sighed, running my fingers through my beard. “Nah. Ain’t happening.”

JJ busted out laughing. “Jade gone hem dude up!”

“Not just that. Alton’s gonna have me slap the dog shit outta him,” I shared with more anger than I intended to, breaking one of my key biblical principles: “be angry and sin not.”

“What the hell that nigga do now?” Jordan wore a curious smile. I understood it was because we all knew Alton stayed in shit.

“The dumb fuck gone give my new number to Brielle.”

After Jade found out about my old fling with Brielle, I changed my number to kill all contact between us. It was nothing to try and ease her fears of me possibly harboring feelings for Brielle. So, I volunteered changing my number.

The amused smile disappeared and dimples filled. “Get the fuck outta here…” JJ whispered, shocked.

Yeah…

Even he knew how much of a violation that was!

“He know…?” Jordan’s brows and forehead communicated the rest.

“Nah.” I shook my head. “He don’t know we’re married, but that ain’t the point. It wouldn’t matter anyway! Dude ain’t got no concept of monogamy!”

JJ’s brows flew in the air and he blew out a breath.

“Don’t get me wrong: before Jade, I had no respect for the game myself. But this is different. He know she lives with me! When has anyone lived with me, JJ?” I swung my arms in the air, posing the question, then quickly looked around to make sure no one caught my angry slip.

He took another deep breath, switching positions, and scratched his injured shoulder with just one finger. I knew he wished he could do more.

“Straight violation,” he muttered. My eyes went into the open air over the field as I shook my head again. “Don’t sweat that shit. You and Jade winning. That’s all that matters.”

Winning? When she ain’t post a single pic of my face on her IG? But she damn sure got shots of her, Zoey, and Toni McNabb at Toni’s crib today…

“Oh, shit!” Jordan breathed out, eyes rolled dramatically. “I know that look, yo. Don’t fuck this up, TB!” he warned.

“I ain’t! It’s just…chicks can be so damn complicated and so goddamn unnecessarily. I can give this girl the world and she feels it’s nothing because she only wants me.” I was still confused about her spazzing out last night over the gifts. She came out of the bathroom showered, and snuggled in the bed with me before falling asleep. Then I woke up with her mouth on my dick and her saying her period had come on overnight and she wanted to take care of me before she left. When she hit the road this morning, she took all the gifts, but never mentioned another word about them. I knew Jade liked them, but was convinced she didn’t want them. “What part of the game is that, dawg?”

Jordan waved his healthy arm in the air. “I on’t even know what you’re talking about right now, and if I know you, it’s because you don’t want me to. But I do know ya ass well enough to know you like to live in your own head a lot. And I ain’t never been a wife—” I laughed to keep myself from knocking him the hell out. “—but I’ve been your ace for enough years to know you got shit with you, too. You can be stubborn as hell. Ease up on the girl, TB. One day at a time. Right?”

I didn’t want him to see it, but my jaw dropped. Talking about relationships was a new thing for Jordan and me. We’d kicked it a lot over the years, and about heavy topics, but issues with women wasn’t one; at least nothing about real connections with them. For him to come at me like this was an eye-opener. Jordan was the only real one I trusted over the years as far as friends went. My pastor, Ezra, had been a mentor and sometimes therapist. Even Stenton was my boy, but he had his career in Philly and we didn’t see each other as much as we do now that he’s retired and living in his crib across the road full time.

Jordan had been with me through triumphs and depression bouts—even when he didn’t know exactly what it was. Dude would give me my space and dare someone else to violate it. He was a real one. So for him to take this tone was a big deal. I didn’t exactly get what he meant, but wouldn’t fight him on it either.

My eyes circled around the field. It was practically empty. The kids were having lunch in the front office cafeteria.

“You really taking it easy or you faking compliance?” I teased.

“Oh, I’m complying alright. Just enough to get clearance to travel. Taking Nicki somewhere in a few weeks. Somewhere nobody can pronounce Jordan or Johnson without fuckin’ it up.”

“That’s what’s up.” I tossed my chin to his shoulder in a sling. “How’s it coming along?”

He looked down at his folded arm, but Wally, a Hotep Black Financial Bank Stadium groundskeeper, approached us, pushing a big trash can. Jordan and I stopped speaking and backed away from each other to give him room.

Wally was…different. It was hard to explain what his deal was. He was short with a small head, big ears, eyes, mouth, and nose. Dude also had a crazy lisp. He wasn’t nice to the players, but crazy accommodating to the cheerleaders. They treated him like the damn mascot. He was the eyes and ears of Hotep Black Financial Bank, knowing everything going on in the stadium.

Wally dragged his feet, coming our way, and walked with his head to the side as always.

“Oh,” JJ started, a grin at play on his face, “if it ain’t the innkeeper.”

I tried to fight the laugh shooting from my throat. It didn’t come all the way out, but I couldn’t keep from snorting like a pig.

Wally didn’t stop, kept with his slow stroll. “No. More like the zookeeper.” He didn’t look at either one of us. “But I ain’t doing a good job at keeping your soft, rabbit ass from getting hurt out here. A fuckin’ boo-boo here. A fuckin’ injury there.”

A big one shot from my throat at that. I hurled over, laughing my ass off.

He made it in between us with his crooked face ahead. “And, Trent, I ‘on’t know what the hell you laughing at. Your parole officer discharge your dancing, convict ass yet? Charity ass jailbird.”

JJ and I both fell out laughing. My head went backwards and his went forward as he held his shoulder. Wally had breezed past us at this point, still moving toward the sideline at a snail’s pace.

“You had to start with him!” I couldn’t stop, holding my damn stomach.

“You know Wally stay fuckin’ with us. It was either me or him.”

We stayed that way for a few seconds, trying to stop hollering.

“A’ight, man.” I wiped the tears from my eyes. “I gotta go check on these kids. I’mma let you go before Cole has my ass.”

Jordan managed to straighten and tossed his chin to me for my attention.

“As far as my shoulder: I’m dealing.” He looked down at his sling. “This thing here is supposed to help facilitate my healing after the surgery to realign the broken collar bone.”

I nodded. “You know I got you in prayer.” I extended my arm, offering my closed fist.

Jordan met it with his own.

“I know ya stubborn ass think you curbed me on that situation with Jade, but I’m used to your shit. You heard what the hell I said.”

I took a deep breath, all amusement from Wally forgotten about.

He got me. My eyes danced around my most favorite playground in life. The one I worshipped as a kid and an adult. The place that felt like a refuge at this point in my crazy world. My eyes swept up into the stands, brushed over the end line then goal post before landing on my feet.

“You see where we are right now?”

Jordan’s eyes circling around in the air. “At the office?” There was a joke in there.

“Yeah, but more specifically where we’re standing? The end zone. This is where my relationship—marriage is with my lady. Ezra told me back in 2015, just before I met her how God was about to deliver me from that chokehold I was in right after my release. ‘Member that?”

Jordan snorted. “Yeah. I thought I lost you, G. I ain’t even gone front. You was good the first couple of months out, then you went to Alpine and didn’t wanna come out for shit.” His words were low as he reflected back to that time. They were also pretty accurate.

“E told me I was in the red zone. I was that close to my breakthrough. That close to the period of my life where I could breathe.” I jerked my neck. “My nigga, I’m breathing again. Not only did I get my job—my passion back, I got the one thing I never had before it and damn sure can’t live without now that I’ve gotten a taste. I got a chick that loves even the invisible parts of me.”

“The hell is invisible on you?”

“The shi—stuff I can’t see, but she can.” I pounded my chest. “She touches places I can’t even name.” I shook my head, frustrated by my lack of words. “It’s just something you gotta have been through or felt before to understand. You feel me?”

Jordan gripped his flared nose and yanked it while looking away. “Yeah. I feel you.” His words were fast, but hard.

“Well, now that I got her, I need to keep her. I gotta keep her happy. Her happiness takes me where I wanna be: scoring. And it seems like we’re close. So.” I pointed to my feet. “We’re in the end zone and I’m dragging everything I got to score. You feel me?” I demonstrated with my thumb and index finger inches apart. “This close.”

My presentation and stance was more dramatic than I was used to. But if I could get loose with anybody, JJ was that dude.

He took a deep breath, eyes out into the stands. Then they rolled back to me as his voice was low when he advised, “Then don’t fuck it up. Let her in, TB.”

There was a long pause as I considered his words. JJ’s stare was burning a hole in the side of my face as he challenged me, and like a sucker, I looked away.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, ace. I got you.” I scratched the back of my head and started towards the tunnel for the locker room. “You just make sure you have ya ass at the charity ball in August.”

“Oh, for sure. Rest in peace, Shank!” he yelled across the field, walking off himself.

“Oh, my god! I can’t believe how much you did with this place,” April complimented on the elevator. “Me and Shank was here… What? A year ago? And even then, we loved what you did, but now…” She shook her head and her face fell, but I caught her crestfallen expression before it did. The elevator was almost at the second floor. “I wish he was here to see it, is all.”

I moved to grab her hand moments before the elevator tolled our arrival.

“I have full faith you’ll connect with him here. Your head will clear and your heart will unclog while you’re relaxing and retreating. I’m going to do whatever it takes to make you comfortable.”

The door opened as our eyes were locked. April’s looked ghostly. Her desperation for a connection to her late husband that palpable. I, myself, was at a sensitive place emotionally and could empathize with feeling raw.

I moved to leave, tugging her hand to join me.

“Jade…” she hesitated. “I…don’t mean to be a both—”

My body retracted as I heard Trent and Kyree nearing the top of the stairs. I inched close to April’s rotund frame, our foreheads centimeters apart. “This is for Trent, too. He may seem perfectly adjusted without his only father figure, but he isn’t. He’s never grieved. His recent turnaround success never allowed him the time. He’s been distracted. Shank was a huge chunk of his steely resolve,” I whispered. “He’s passed now. I need Trent whole.” My eyes narrowed pleadingly, and my chin ducked. “Do you understand?”

With her eyes still stretched hauntingly, April nodded. “But I won’t overstay my welcome. I promise—”

“I will do anything necessary to preserve the good of his heart, April.” Yet another unforeseen change could be happening in his world right now. Trent had a history of battling depression. The only person who allowed him space to explore and address it was his pastor. It wasn’t a pretty state, but as his wife, I would guard whatever parameters he needed to regroup and heal. “If it means inviting his loving aunt into his home to grieve and heal together, it would be nothing more than an extended sleepover for me.” My brows rose for emphasis as I heard the guys approaching from behind.

“Mommy, we beat y’all, taking the steps with bags!” I heard Kyree inform excitedly from behind me, out of breath.

April’s eyes skirted over my shoulders to the two guys, I knew when I felt the energy of a six foot five, two hundred forty-five pounder in close proximity.

Suddenly her eyes lit up like the fourth of July. “You give me just a few days and I’mma be beating you up those steps,” she challenged Kyree. April stepped around me to leave the elevator. “Mommy wanted to show off that elevator. But no more! From now on, I’m beating you up those fancy steps, buddy!” Kyree laughed heartily. “Now, show me around. This place is big enough for me to duff you in this great big ole hallway!”

She reached for Ky’s hand and he led her around the curved walkway, towards the bedrooms. Trent was just outside of the elevator, waiting for me to join them. He grabbed my butt the moment I was at his side, squeezing it possessively.

“You gotta see the man cave,” Kyree declared. “But wait…” He tossed a cursory glance back at Trent, who was still gripping me, but appeared to be no more than hugging me. “You’re a woman. No girls are allowed in there. Man rules.”

“Well, if ain’t no girls allowed, that means I can come. I ain’t been a girl since O.J. Simpson was white,” April outwitted my kid.

“Who?” Ky asked.

“Your buddy, Trent, shoulda schooled you on him. Now tell me: is this where I’ll be staying?”

“No.” Ky shook his head. “That room’s empty.”

I’d still been trying to figure out what to do with that last guest room. Now with April occupying a room, there was just this last empty guest bed left on this floor. The remaining two were downstairs, and would soon be taken by security.

I exhaled as we neared the spa room. Trent ironically pulled me into him for a kiss on my forehead. I stopped as April did with Kyree in front of us. Trent continued down the hall.

“Is this my room?” April asked.

“No. That’s mommy’s spa room.”

April opened the door and gasped almost immediately. “Oh, my word!” Her eyes went wild at the brilliant yellow-green walls. The hue was strong enough to awaken your senses during the day and muted enough to relax you for treatment. “Jade, this is beautiful! How’d you do this?”

Staying outside of the room, I smiled proudly. “I don’t know. Just went with my gut.”

“You give massages in here?” she asked excitedly, I guess noticing the table.

Kyree picked up a Quartz stone, studied and shook it before dropping it back into the bowl.

“Yeah,” I answered, watching him.

“You gotta give me one! Oh, this ole back of mine been acting up!” Her hand reared to reach her back where she rubbed.

A big boom ignited over my head. “Not in here, April. Maybe in your room, she can hook you up.”

“Wha—” April tried, confused by Trent’s cold tone. “But Kyree said this was Jade’s spa room. I thought she—”

“Nah.” Trent shook his head. “Ky had it wrong. It’s my spa room that she uses to help me out when I get banged out on the field.”

April’s head swung back. “You pay her for those services? I know the league got people on their payroll to help you with stuff like that.”

Trent nodded. “After every session. Even tip her during. Trust me, she’s well compensated for her spa services in here.”

April’s face fell at the realization. Then her eyes circled the room, this time not with amazement and wonder, but with betrayal and scandal. I hung my head in shame.

“C’mon, Kyree.” She crossed the room for his hand. “Let’s get outta here.”

As they joined us in the hall, I shot Trent the most derisory scowl I could manage. He returned it with a deadpan expression that didn’t fit the occasion.

And he talks about me being alpha and territorial…

She stood in one place, staring all around. I can’t front: I was a little nervous showing my wife my outhouse where I stored party equipment. We had bouncy house castles that wreaked of liquor, sweat and other bodily fluids that had to be sprayed down by my old maid before I had them deflated and put back in here. We had trampolines and blowup dolls, laser guns and waterslides, paintball gear and inflated obstacle courses. I say we because JJ and I planned, plotted, and executed the best adult parties around. There were fireworks and twister boards and an inflatable limbo stand.

I snickered when I caught the electric bull in the corner. I remembered having Sharon on there at our spring party. She was an editor for Vogue and swore she could ride me and the bull. JJ dared her to take it up a notch while handing me a rubber. She looked out at the small group we invited over and called Tomeka, a makeup artist from the Good Day show.  Drunk off her ass, Tomeka stepped up on the bull with us. I had no idea where this was going. I just knew I was down for it. Sharon whispered something in Tomeka’s ear then giggled. Next thing I knew, they were tasting tongues as Sharon motioned for me to strap up. Then she was on me, riding me while her face was buried in Tomeka’s ass. Jordan set the bull to a low stride while Sharon worked Tomeka and me until we both blew. No one fell off; JJ made sure of it. After we were done Larry Winn got head on there, skeeting all over.

No way I’m letting Ky and his friends use that. It’s got semen and puss—

“So, this is the funhouse, huhn?”

Hearing Jade’s snippy voice definitely cut the fun of the memories. Her face was without expression, but the lean in her head told me she wasn’t in the mood to go down memory lane. I didn’t slip. My eyes were on her, waiting for instruction. While April was in the house getting settled and Ky was doing homework, I brought her out here for party theme ideas. Jade had been acting cold since I got in last night. I’d been too tired to ask her why. I figured it was her period. Yeah… Had to be. She still hadn’t apologized for spazzing like she did up in Connecticut the other day.

“Let’s just grab a few things. I sent out the invitations a few days ago without a theme, figuring between the bowling room and gym, I’d make something happen.”

I cleared my throat. “Anything catch your eye?”

Jade turned. “Yeah. These glow in the dark columns.” She reached up to a high shelf and strained to speak. “I’m assuming these lanterns go with them—” Jade’s arms shot back down and she curled over a little and grabbed her belly.

“Cramps?” I asked, trying to do better at understanding women.

Jade was a damn puzzle if I’d ever known one.

“Can’t have cramps if I ain’t bleeding.” Her tone was slick.

I was confused.

“You just told me up in Connecticut your period was on.”

“Apparently I wasn’t flowing; I was just spotting again.”

My face tightened, still stumped. “What does all that even mean?”

“It means I had a revelation later that day when trying yoga. We moved to a cobra pose, and I almost choked on my spit when I felt an unforgiving pull. My body automatically recoiled—almost snapped into a fetal position in pain.”

I knew what a cobra pose was. Coach Lou encouraged some of us to try yoga to improve performance, and even hired an instructor. 

“Why?”

“The pull is what…” she licked her lips, eyes falling to the floor. “It’s like what a woman feels when she hyper-extends her abdomen when she’s pregnant.”

My heart fell into my Timbs.

Things went quiet, and painfully so. My mind literally couldn’t move to think for a few seconds.

“Sa—so, you’re pregnant?”

Jade blinked as she took a deep breath. It was like she was trying to keep from crying. I caught it. I saw a glimpse of scared Jade. The one I’d seen a day or two in my life. The one many didn’t know because they were more familiar with the feisty fighter. This Jade was the one I saw the day she was being evicted from her apartment with everything she owned on the curb for pickings. This one was the one I saw that night I invited her to stay just a few days at my house with her young child after helping her get those things off the street in East Orange.

She tried raising her chin in the air, fighting for pride.

“I don’t know,” she damn near whispered. “I can take a test, but instead, I made an appointment to see the GYN on Thursday. I won’t know for sure until then.”

My eyes went to the party strobe lights on the lowest shelf, mind racing back to that night in January when she warned me about this in Lowes.

“What’re you saying?”

“Nothing, but we should be more careful.”

“Ain’t you on the pill?”

“No. I told you I switched to different ones over the years, because I have an allergy to them. Some made me nauseous, gain weight, moody, gave me headaches, dizziness, made my boobs sore…all kinds of stuff over five or so different brands.”

“C’mon, J. There has to be one that works for you.”

“The one that didn’t give me any of those symptoms wiped my libido completely out. That issue suit you? I’m not trying to be funny here. It’s just been on my mind a lot because…it’s what we do…a lot. And when we do…we’re so wild with it, the last thing on our minds is prevention.”

“What other options are there?”

“C-o-n-d-o-m-s,”

“Oh, hell no!”

“Trent!” 

“I’m just saying… It’s officially mine now. If I wasn’t suiting up before I put a ring on it, I ain’t doing it now.”

“Trent!”

“My bad. Let’s table this for now.”

“Until when? After Ky goes down and you swell up?”

I let go of a heavy breath as I took two steps to the side, scratching my forehead. Then I yanked my beard. I didn’t know what to say. I felt…guilty all of a sudden. I couldn’t make this all about me. I’d deal with that later. If this was our reality, it was my fault.

I turned back to Jade, finding her in the same position. Her eyes were low as though she was dealing with her own thoughts.

“How’re—” I cleared my throat. “you feeling?”

Her hazels shot back up to me. “Worried. Angry. And disappointed.”

I stretched my eyes, blocking that jab. “I get why you’re worried. But who are you angry with?”

“With you.”

I nodded. “You disappointed in me, too?”

“No,” she spoke softly, honestly. “That disappointment is all for me. You don’t know any better. You’ve never been in a situation where you’ve gotten a woman pregnant.” My eyes diverted to the corner. “But I’ve been pregnant. I know—knew better. I know I should have pushed the issue. I knew even if I didn’t protect myself, I should’ve protected you against this.”

My face went hard. “Wait—what do you mean, protect me?”

“Trent,” Her eyes rolled closed like she was in pain, “right now, you’re dealing with a lot. We’re meeting with a wedding coordinator on Tuesday. A ‘boutique event planner,’ who plans the weddings of millionaires and billionaires! I’m marrying a man who’s wealthy enough to fly in this woman from across the country!” She laughed for a few seconds. “The last thing you need on your plate is dealing with an unwanted or unplanned pregnancy. That’s not what I want for you.” She took a deep breath, eyes still closed as her voice rose. “I only had one job. One job to make this right! And that was to not get pregnant.” Her eyes opened and locked on mine. Then her head shook softly. “I couldn’t even do that.”

I stepped toward her. “J, you’re trippin’.”

Her hand went in the air, stopping me in my tracks. “Don’t. I don’t want to talk about it. There’s really nothing to talk about until Thursday at the appointment. And until then, I just want to forget about everything concerning a baby and just plan my son’s birthday party.” She shrugged with her head. “That’s what I do. I forge ahead in the midst of my bestie, adversity. And that’s what I’m going to do.” She turned back to the shelf. “Let’s do the glow in the dark columns and lanterns. I can line the gym with them. We can open up the bowling alley and if the weather is as mild as the forecast is reading, we can inflate a simple bouncy house, out in the backyard.” Jade turned away from the shelf, head hung low, and walked toward the door. “I have to check on April and get Ky ready for his father’s party.”

She walked out without that extra spice in her strut. Her spine wasn’t curved seductively like usual when she knew I was watching. Jade was that scared and defeated mother I met back in 2015.

Hell yeah, I felt like shit…

~Nine

“She can’t get enough of you,” was whispered from next to me.

My eyes were still ahead on Kyree, talking to his great aunt. We’d been here for over an hour, and he seemed to have talked with more adults than children. He even walked his one year old baby cousin, Jaquan, around the party by holding his hands in the air.

I turned toward Lakisa, Ryshon’s first baby’s mother, and followed her line of sight across the hall. Shontel, baby’s mother number four, had just diverted her eyes away from me. It was of no surprise. She’d been doing it since Ky and I walked through the door with pans of dessert in hand.

“She has nothing to worry about. I don’t want no trouble.” I turned to Lakisa.

Shontel and I had come to physical blows in the past, needing to be pulled apart behind Ryshon’s immature antics. Our kids were close in age, making it obvious how Ryshon bounced between our beds frequently. All night, I refused to give her a reason to believe I had any animosity toward her. I didn’t even want to be here. This was a true “mommy duties” assignment.

I’d never been exclusively around Lakisa this long. She was pleasant. Always pleasant. She had even pulled me aside at one “Welcome Home” party of Ryshon’s, aka Ryder, and told me I needed to stop playing myself over him with his other women.

“You fighting these chicken head-ass girls ain’t gonna keep them from coming. It’s him; not them. You need to do better,” she warned.

The “normal Jade” back then would’ve popped off on her for even suggesting Ryshon would keep cheating. But Lakisa was older, pretty, now educated, and most importantly, had moved on from Ryshon years ago. Their daughter, Adeline, was a couple of years older than Kyree. Lakisa was older than Ryshon when they met in high school, and he had been young when he conceived his first child, their daughter. The reason I didn’t snap on her or perceive her as a threat back then was because I could never see how she fell for him in the first place. She seemed way out of his league.

Lakisa’s brows met and her eyes dropped down to the plate she was eating from over her lap. She appeared to have been choosing her words.

“I think that’s what she’s trying to figure out. You haven’t been near Ryder, unless he’s over here offering you a shot. And you’ve been away from Renee, the queen bee. People ain’t used to that.”

I took a deep breath, sinking further into my chair, trying to get comfortable on the metal seat. After checking my phone for the time, I placed my uneaten plate on my lap.

“Well, they can get with it. I’m only here for my son, and it’s all about to end in about fifteen minutes.”

Lakisa snickered, then went back to eating.

I was surprised to see baby’s mother three, Tanya, wasn’t here tonight. Last I heard, she was vying for the number one slot of Ryshon’s attention.

“Where’s Tanya? Did I miss her?” I asked Lakisa.

Maybe she had come earlier, before Ky and I arrived.

“Girl, Tanya got a new man now! An old Trinidadian one. He got her ass on lock, too. I don’t think Ryshon’s seen her since he’s been home. Big Renee said Tanya dropped their lil girl off to her house for her father, and ran back to the big ass Caddy her old man brought them in before Big Renee could say hi.” Lakisa cracked up.

I scoffed. “Well, at least that leaves one less person Shontel has to compete with.”

“I know that’s right.” She laughed again. “So, you heard about the new house he bought her?”

“Who bought who a house?” I was genuinely confused.

“Ryder,” Lakisa spoke low. “He bought Shontel a flip house two years ago in Irvington. Well, it’s in her uncle’s name because you know she ain’t got no job. Her uncle flip houses around the way and he and Ryshon worked out a fixer upper.”

With my lips poked dumbfounded, I swung my neck. This was news to me. I hadn’t been in touch with Renee. She didn’t seem to be much interested in Ky after Ryshon had gone to prison this last time, so I backed off. It was during that period when things began to click for me. I’d started to grow up.

“Yup,” Lakisa continued, her eye perusing the room as she shared. “I think like seventy-thousand, that house was. Her uncle paid about fifty for it and fixed it up for twenty. They moved into a practically new house.”

“How do you know this?” I asked casually as I added up the time in the back of my mind.

“Girl, you know Renee run her mouth. I don’t even get down with her like that, but any time I bring Adeline around, Renee fills me in on everything.”

“When did you say he bought the house?”

“It’s been almost two years now. Remember that summer big Renee’s brother died?”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. She told me that week ‘cause I called her to give my condolences.”

Ryshon’s uncle had been in hospice for years. I recalled his death. It was the year I began getting those eviction notices. I was so swamped in stress, I forgot to take Ky to see Renee when her brother passed. It was the year I lost my apartment.

That motherfuck—

“You must be ready to go. You ain’t even eat.” Lakisa’s eyes were amused.

I glanced down at Renee’s barbeque Swedish meatballs, an old favorite of mine. I had no appetite. I was tired, had been at it since early this morning, taking a conference call with Ase Garb for the L.I.A. endorsement. Then I had to hurry and put the final touches on April’s room: a lamp and aromatherapy candles I settled on earlier this week, and fresh flowers in the perfect clear vase. Not to mention the unpacking, sorting, and washing Trent’s laundry from the week I did before April arrived today. Then I had to finish and pack up the desserts for this party, at a local community room. I was tuckered out. The last thing I needed was a confrontation with Shontel…or even Renee’s food. Even better, the last thing I needed to discover was how Ryshon paid tens of thousands of dollars to purchase a home for his daughters when his son was evicted. Suddenly, the thought of eating it made me turn up my nose in disgust.

“I’m just tired. Had a long day.” My eyes scanned the room for Kyree and they brushed against Shontel’s, whose were directly on me.

Oh, when will this stop!

“You’ve been busy.” Lakisa smirked. “I see you with Zoey Rogers and them. I follow everybody on IG. StentRo posted that group picture with you, him, his wife, and TB at Alton Alston’s party.” I hardly recalled taking a picture with them. We were in our own zone in V.I.P. that night. But I did loosen up after a couple of shots there…

Ugh… I got tipsy at that party. What if I’m pregnant and was drinking all this time?

“My sister crushes on Jordan Johnson so bad! She’s such a damn stalker: she follows whatever girls she think he’s dating.” My eyes widened and I laughed, momentarily forgetting what could have been Ryshon’s biggest betrayal. “Seriously! Strippers and all! She sent me a picture of him at Alton Alston’s party with you in the background. She was psyched, thinking she ‘knew’ somebody!” We were both tickled by that one.

“Too funny.”

I wouldn’t divulge my time with Trent and his friends to Lakisa, but I trusted her to not even ask. I could understand the curiosity, but expected people to respect my privacy. Trent was private.

“That’s how I found out you were with TB. She texted me that video of you dancing on him in the club in Connecticut last year because she was stalking Jordan. Then she sent me the shots of you and him on that yacht.”

My amusement waned. The memories of invasions from that event were sharp.

“Mommy!” Ky ran up to me. “Daddy said I could stay the night with my sisters if I want.”

He was as excited as a kid on a Ferris wheel.

I sat up in my seat and caught Ryshon across the room, sitting with Shontel now. Someone grabbed his shoulder to get his attention. It was Little X, his old friend. I swallowed hard. The two greeted each other familiarly, and Little X took off. Ryshon began whispering something to Shontel while watching Kyree and me. There was mischief in his eyes. I knew it, but didn’t have time to figure out what it meant.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. You and little Renee or Karma don’t get along.”

Kyree and his sisters fought constantly. Lakisa’s daughter, Adeline, was at that funky stage where she needed distinction from her brother’s “young” age. She always wanted to be the “big” girl. Lakisa stayed on her regularly about how she practically ignored her brother and was rude to him. Hopefully, she’d grow out of it. Shontel’s oldest daughter—Renee also, named after Ryshon’s mother—taunted Kyree. She and her sister, Karma, were younger than Kyree—too young to have such strong feelings against a kid. I had an inkling their mother was feeding them poison about my son as soon as they were old enough to understand. Tanya’s daughter, Nevaeh—heaven spelled backward—was just a few months younger than little Renee. There was major drama behind those births. Nevaeh often fought with Ky, too. It was something I never understood.

Suddenly, little Renee walked up on us.

“He said y’all new house better than ours! I told him it ain’t. We got a new house. It’s our house. Not that little place where we was with my great-grumma. My mommy got a house. My daddy bought it for us!”

My face opened up in shock and bemusement. I hadn’t seen little Renee in close to three years. She’d grown so much and had always been very pretty. Back then, she’d only roll her eyes at me. Yeah… A little girl—practically a baby—rolling her eyes at an adult. I believed Kyree was targeted because he was Ryshon’s only son. Ryshon put a lot of emphasis on wanting only one child, and a son at that. I don’t think Shontel liked that; so much so, she got pregnant by him again a month after little Renee, but produced another girl.

Now her oldest was here telling me she had a house. A house her Daddy bought her. The house Lakisa had just told me about.

My eyes skirted over to Lakisa, who dropped hers to her plate as she fought a snicker.

Needing to break this confrontation, I addressed the kids.

“KyKy, maybe their house is bigger than where we live.”

I hated formulating my words that way, because Trent had gone out of his way to convince Kyree and me his home was ours. My words felt like betrayal.

“Nu-uhn!” Kyree argued. “She ain’t got no gate. She ain’t got three garages. No gym, no pool, a bowling alley—”

“You see how he lie?” Little Renee charged animatedly.

“Girl, I ain’t lying!”

From her perspective, I could see how unbelievable that was.

“Hey!” I tried intervening. “Hey! Ky, you haven’t been to ther house. Maybe it is bigger. You don’t have to argue about it.”

“Maybe he can come over and stay the night to see for hisself.” I glanced up and saw Shontel standing over us, one hand on her hip and her head cocked to the side. She was still small; possibly a size four. But Shontel had a bit of height on her. She still wore cheap, store-bought weaves and had an acne problem. But she wasn’t a bad looking girl. Tonight, she appeared heavily preoccupied in the mind. “NeNe and Karma got they own rooms now. It’s enough space for him.”

My neck jerked back and eyes ballooned. She’s acknowledging Kyree? Shontel may not have referred to him by name, but she gave him an invitation. Unfortunately, I knew the motivation for it. She had a new place and wanted to show it off. Rub it in our faces.

The old Jade…

Instead, I dropped my shoulders and took a deep breath. After a beat, I peered up to her again.

“Thanks so much for the invite, Shontel. Hopefully, we can schedule a playdate with Kyree and the girls.”

“He can’t sleep in my bed. I ‘on’t want him peeing in there, and junk!” Little Renee popped back on her hip.

Kyree dropped into the seat next to me with slumped shoulders, defeated. I wanted so bad to put that little girl in her place, but a bigger part of me just wanted to leave this place unruffled.

I swung my eyes from a pouting Kyree, up to Shontel, wondering if she’d correct her daughter this time.

“Oh, shut the hell up, Ne! Ya Daddy’ll just buy a new one like he did when he bought us the house.” She turned to me and threw a glance over to Lakisa, who followed this exchange. “We been in there since two summers ago.”

“Oh.” My eyes brushed over to Lakisa, fighting a grin. “Congratulations. That’s an incredible accomplishment.”

Shontel’s eyes glossed over. Not only was she not expecting courtesy, she couldn’t follow basic vocabulary.

She switched hips. Lakisa snorted a laugh. I was so not in the mood.

My phone vibrated on my lap.

Trent: Yall good?

I quickly replied.

Me: I guess.

“I’m just saying: he could come over,” Shontel couldn’t help the crossness in her tone.

She was trying me. This was when I was supposed to retort with a fuck you or some equivalent to it.

Oh, my god!

It had suddenly hit me. Was I that programmed and prone to confrontation?

Trent: I’m home. Time for you to come home too

My face tightened in thought. He was unusually demanding. And that was what I needed. Out of nowhere, I was reminded of a scripture: “when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”

What passage is that?

I couldn’t think, but it didn’t matter. A coat of peace washed over me, and before I knew it, my body began to move.

“Okay. Thanks, Shontel!” I forced a smile while turning for Ky. “Come on, baby. It’s late and we have to get up for church tomorrow.” Still with a pout, Kyree obeyed, standing and taking my hand. “Lakisa, it’s been good talking to you.”

“You, too, Jade!” Lakisa smiled with amused eyes. “You take care.”

My regard went between the two women. “Maybe we’ll see you next weekend at Ky’s party.” I had Kyree hand them invitations when we arrived.

Shontel didn’t respond. She walked away rudely. I didn’t care. I’d finally had my fill of this circle, and my husband had summoned me home.

Home.

In motion, I murmured down to KyKy, “Go look for your Dad and grandma, and tell them goodnight. I’ll wait for you by the door.”

Ky took off and I watched him all the way until I made it to the door while I put on my coat. By that time, he’d found his grandmother. I stepped outside needing air and decided to wait for him there. He couldn’t miss me. It was cold out, but the wind wasn’t brutal. I took a deep breath. My phone buzzed again. This time, it was Lashawn.

Shawnie: Wutz the name of that mac brush u use for your liquid foundation

I scoffed. Shawnie was too cheap to buy MAC brushes. She preferred drugstore brands. I’d just convinced her to not use all of their products and to visit Sephora more often.

Me: It’s 107. When you going to buy it? I’m coming with.

I laughed at myself, teasing her. I knew once she saw the price she’d change her mind. But all talks of makeup, nails, and hair secretly excited me like nothing else.

Well… Except for watching Trent over my shoulder when he’s hitting it from the back. …with his hat on. Oh, my gawd!

I felt my cheeks heating at the visual. My hand went to my lower face as I giggled quietly to myself. It was sick for me to be aroused in the parking lot with mere thoughts of my husband.

“That nigga got you cheesin’ like that?”

My head swung up and I caught Ryshon putting out a blunt and making his way over to me. I was stunned into a stupor.

“He—hey,” I tried over a deep breath, my thumb pointing behind me. “I’m just waiting on Ky to say goodnight. He’s probably in there looking for you now.”

Ryshon’s lazy eyes brushed from my shoes up to my mouth. “Yeah?”

With ballooned eyes, I answered, “Yeah.”

“Yo, peep this,” he started then licked his lips, “I know we been bumping heads since I been home, but I want you to know I got mad respect for you. It’s just…” He tried bowing his head and swiping his nose as though his words were difficult to speak. “I thought me and you was gone be together forever. I expected to come home and be right back with you and Ky. I ain’t expect you to give it to another nigga.”

My face opened up. “Give it?” My mouth formed a “wow” gesture. The word I couldn’t speak.

“Yeah. The more I think about it, I guess I could understand you getting lonely out here without me. But I think you shoulda got with a nigga more appropriate. You know: a regular Joe you could shake real quick.”

“According to you, this one is going to shake me soon.” I was being cheeky, I knew it. My face was placid and voice low. But I couldn’t help myself.

“Yeah. But you better than that anyway.” Ryshon attempted a soothing tone. He was trying to coax me. “You know you was always special, Jadee. That’s how I fell in love witchu. You was smart and sexy as fucky. Ya body stayed lit.” His curled index brushed against my thigh.

Reflexively, I backed out of his reach, hitting the brick building behind me.

“Don’t—”

The door burst open.

“Mommy—” Ky’s words were halted when he recognized his father and me right next to him. “Oh.”

“Come on, baby. It’s late.” I grabbed his hand and moved past Ryshon.

“But wait…” Ky tried.

“He can’t say bye to his old man?” Ryshon spoke concurrently.

I stopped and dropped Ky’s hand, my face falling and an exasperated breath leaving me. I didn’t turn around to watch the pair exchange pleasantries. I was ready to go. In no time, Ky was back at my side, grabbing my hand. I began my stride to the truck.

“Aye!” Ryshon called out. I tossed my chin over my shoulder. “You know I was just talking shit the other day. If you ever need anything, just call, yo. The block lit right now. I got you.”

“Like you had me back in 2015 when you bought Shontel and her girls a house?”

His neck snapped back as though offended.

“Yo, that was between me and her. What goes on between me and you is our business.”

My head rolled. “What was between us was an eviction.”

A slick smile formed under his chinky eyes, high from weed. “Yeah. I fucked up. But what’s between us now?”

I lifted my clasped hand over Kyree’s. “Just him. Only him.”

Then I turned and continued to the truck. I had to be on high alert to make sure we got there safely. Of course, this wasn’t something Ryshon thought to do. After getting in and making sure Ky was strapped in and with his device, I pulled off for Alpine. The drive home was quiet. I didn’t want to discuss the party with my son, something I normally would to see how he was feeling. I was too preoccupied settling with my own feelings of the night.

I didn’t hate Ryshon. I really didn’t. I just struggled to understand his love for his son and respect for me. But I tried being objective. Ryshon hadn’t changed. I had. Just as I was struggling to understand him, I bet he was trying to figure out the new me. Before this last bid in prison, I would’ve melted at the prospect of his attention. I craved approval, believing it was love.

In all honesty, I didn’t really understand my transformation over the years. Didn’t get how I’d evolved from the old Jade, but I had. I didn’t crave approval like I used to. I now worked to create a life for two incredible human beings to thrive and be all they were born to be. Kyree and Trent were amazing individuals and all I wanted to do was push and polish them for the world to be blessed by.

My hand dropped to my belly absentmindedly.

How can I make room for another?

How was I going to acclimate Ryshon to a life where I was no longer physically or emotionally available to him for manipulation? Kyree’s party was quickly approaching and I gave in to Trent’s adamance of having it at his mansion where Ryshon would be welcome to come and bring his other children. I was meeting with a wedding coordinator on Tuesday and seeing a GYN on Thursday for a possible pregnancy…all before my son’s birthday party. Oh, and I couldn’t forget hosting Trent’s grieving aunt. How was I going to hold it all together if I was indeed pregnant?

We pulled up to the house and I rolled down the window to punch in the code. The gates opened and I drove around, crossing the front of the house for the garages. I reached up and tapped the remote to open the one I used then waited for it to open. As the door retracted, I saw ankles then hairy muscular legs. Eventually, I made out purple basketball shorts as he leaned casually in the doorjamb with his inked arms crossed, waiting.

I pulled the truck in and parked. Before I killed the engine, Trent was at the back, opening the door to lift a sleeping Kyree out of the truck. I tapped the remote to close the garage door and made my way into the house. En route, Trent grabbed my bag and motioned for me to go ahead of him. I dropped my coat off by the laundry room and took the back stairs up. We quietly passed April’s closed door before making it to Ky’s room. Trent was on my heels and lay Kyree’s dead weight onto his bed. I began removing his coat and clothes, replacing them with his pajamas. Then I managed to get him underneath his comforter. Crouched over the side of his bed, I observed my son as I often did while he slept. I whispered a few lines of prayer over him then kissed his soft cheek.

When I moved to leave the room, I found Trent’s imposing frame at the door, waiting with crossed arms and ankles. He didn’t have my bag and Kyree’s coat was no longer on the floor where I’d dropped it. Trent asked for my hand with his own and led me down the hall to the master suit. He closed the door behind us and moved me to the middle of the floor and dutifully undressed me in silence. His eyes were busy at task, but there was no seduction to this act, I could tell. As he was pulling down my underwear, the last garment, he motioned for the bathroom.

The moment I was at the threshold, I could hear the water spraying from the shower. He’d started it for me. After relieving myself, I pinned my weave up and stepped under the steaming shooting water. With closed eyes, I tossed my head back and let the rush of the spring pound against my neck and cascade all around.

Wedding planning…

My mother’s out…

Trent’s youth football camp endeavors…

Doctor’s on Thursday…

Trent’s photoshoot next week…

Shontel and Ryshon in Trent’s home…

Being pregnant…

April’s comfort…

Kyree’s upcoming science project…

Seeing Little X…

Ryshon’s manipulative lengths…

The Gucci and Ase Garb contracts…

A baby…

Feeling weak at the knees I backed up to the bench off the shower wall and I sat down to catch my breath. A well of tears shot from my eyes and I cried into my palms, fighting desperately to keep the wails low. Failure. A familiar foe. It was encroaching again. In my new world. The one I wanted so badly. The life I couldn’t even dream of because my mind had been so polluted with fast living and engaging with people who didn’t know how to dream.

God had given me more than I had even imagined and I screwed it up with poor decisions that were catching up to me and a possible pregnancy I could have easily prevented. My shoulders vibrated and diaphragm danced furiously. I cried until I told myself to stop. It was counterproductive. I had to perform, not pity myself. Solutions wouldn’t come through tears. I had to move until they arrived.

I stood from the bench and washed. When I was done, I left the shower and brushed my teeth before drying off and throwing on one of Trent’s t-shirts. I opened the door to find him in the bed, on his iPad. He glanced over at me then yanked the comforter on my side of the bed open, inviting me in. I toed across the room and crawled into bed. Trent placed his device on the nightstand and snuggled with me, pulling me into his hard frame.

“How did it go?”

My face hardened and I swallowed hard. I was exhausted, body throbbing with fatigue. There was no way I could give him an honest answer. I didn’t have it in me to open that can of worms.

“That scripture that speaks about God providing an escape when you’re tempted; which one is that?” I murmured, my eyes bouncing around one side of the room curiously.

Trent didn’t answer right away, but I knew he was considering it.

His thick chords vibrated, “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.”

Yes! That’s the one!

It never failed to impress me how Trent was able to retain so many Bible verses and apply them to life.

“First Corinthians, Chapter ten Verse thirteen. Why?”

I relaxed into his arms finding comfort. “That was how it went tonight,” I whispered. “God provided an escape.”

“How?”

“You.” That was it. It was a multifaceted answer, but true. “You.” I reached over and kissed his soft lips to end the conversation.

I shared what he needed to know.

“So we need to stick to May?” Tessie Bell asked, her eyes shot up from her writing pad and landed on Jade.

So did mine.

Jade hesitated. She looked over to me as I stood by the window peeping at people passing in the city. I pulled at my beard, waiting on her.

Again…

Jade licked her lips. “Sure—yeah. Yeah. May.” Her long lashes fluttered and swung away from me.

Tessie’s confused eyes rolled over to me. Jade had been doing this since we got here at DiFillippo’s over an hour ago for this meeting with the wedding planner. Each time we needed to make a decision, she froze. I had to push her to make a selection—we had loads of them. I ain’t know jack about planning a wedding. Couldn’t pick out a flower to save my life. Didn’t know materials to place on the chairs and tables or if white doves were necessary or ice sculptures versus a waterfall with our name cascading. These were things Jade did know about and could decide on for us. But her head wasn’t in the game.

The one thing Jade and I were able to agree on was no engagement party. I wasn’t with spending money for that, especially since we were already married.

Tessie smiled big. “Any particular time of the month? Memorial Day weddings are growing popular.” Her eyes went between the two of us in the private room.

“The twentieth.” I snapped.

Jade and Tessie both jumped in their seats.

“Oh!” Tessie chirped, jotting it down on her pad.

Jade, next to her, threw me wild eyes. Why? Somebody had to make the call. Why were we dancing around doing what we were paying this woman to fly out from West Hollywood to do?

I could rip her little ass a new one right now!

“Alright.” Tessie sat up in her chair, clearing her throat. “We have an afternoon wedding and evening reception. Approximately two hundred guests—no more than two hundred fifty. The ceremony will be in Harlem at Redeeming Souls for Abundant Living in Christ Family Worship Center. Pastor Ezra T. Carmichael will be the officiant. The wedding party will consist of no more than six members, including flower girl and ring bearer.” She looked up from her pad to make sure we were still with her.

I nodded. Jade chewed her lip.

My phone rang. Chesney’s number showed.

Damn…

“I gotta take this.” I held the phone in the air. Then I walked over to Jade, sitting next to Tessie at the table looking smaller than I’d ever seen her. I bent down to her ear. “You changed ya mind?” She shook her head. “Then play nice. You’re hurting my feelings.”

I heard her suck in air as I stood to walk off. She was stressed. Hell, so was I. Not knowing if she was pregnant was killing me. Some days, I wanted to push for a home test that every other woman took. But Jade had been so damn sensitive lately, I didn’t think it was a good idea for me to stress her out. I kept telling myself a few days of waiting wouldn’t kill me.

“Yo,” I answered the phone before I made it out the doorway.

“TB, it’s Pete. Chesney and I are on a conference call and we’ve included you.”

I knew this call would come sometime today. Pete, my agent, told me to expect it. He was here in New York City and Chesney was in his L.A. office this week.

“Whaddup, Ches.”

“All’s well on this end, Trent. I should be in New York in a couple of weeks. Let’s do lunch.”

“That’s what’s up.” I scratched my chin through my beard, watching a waiter breeze past me. “How’d it go?” I wanted to get right to it.

“Jackson Hunter just left my office happy about the settlement,” Pete started. “But you know I had to remind him of why he hired me.” He laughed. I chuckled more to myself. When Jackson started Love Is Action, the sports agency under Dynamic Branding, he recruited the top agents and product managers in the game. Pete was one of the O.G.s Jax snatched from bigger and more established firms. Funny how I read an article written about his genius right before Super Bowl. Jackson did the same thing when he formed L.I.T. Music, a record label lighting up the music industry in no time. Jackson was for no games. He was definitely going to leave a legacy, and even bigger than his pops’.

“Well, Trent, you know Eli and his team started off with fifty over five,” Chesney kicked it off.

“Yeah.” I scratched the back of my head and was reminded I needed a haircut.

“We came back with ninety-two over three,” Pete chimed in. “We knew they’d balk at that, but between our formidable argument and Cole Richardson being your new A.D.P.S., we had lots of ammunition.”

“Not to mention,” Chesney spoke up, “your current contingent contract.” He grunted. “The disgusting thing! You’ve proven you’re still the real deal.” His tone was firm, confident.

“So we settled on four years, seventy-seven million, with a twenty mill signing bonus, and thirty-eight million guaranteed.”

“What’s the base for year one?” I asked.

“Nine million,” Chesney quickly came back. His voice was easy to identify; he used like ten different tones and they all had their own personalities. “They’re tacking the big numbers at the end of the four-year period. Wise asses.”

“Protection against early release?”

“The first two years are guaranteed at nine million each. Also, TB, don’t forget the twenty you’ll get at signing.”

My team seemed to have once again secured the bag.

To God be the glory…

“Cool.” My eyes squeezed in relief I didn’t know I needed.

The Kings were the only family I knew, but my trust game was weak. I needed to know what would happen if they tried to release me before the full payout. The devil on my shoulder wanted to remind me of how much more this contract would have been had I not gotten locked up. I refused to go there. Overall, I was seeing real NFL money again.

“I’m sure warm pussy and endless Mauve is on your agenda tonight!” Pete cheered.

I chuckled, rubbing the back of my head. “Maybe after I hit my knees in prayer.”

Pete shouted, “Yes, my brother!”

“Speaking of Mauve,” Chesney spoke up. “I have a few investment ideas for you to consider, TB. Now with your portfolio swelling again, it is a great time to secure returns on your wealth.”

“True that. Ches, what’s up with that Athan’s yogurt endorsement?”

“I have the paperwork on my desk now. I want to return it, recommending small but key changes. The contract as is, isn’t fluid enough for my liking. Greeks can be impulsively aggressive, but their impatience will work in my favor. That should be settled by the end of the week.”

“That’s what’s up.” I eyed the door where Jade and the wedding planner were.

I was low key stressed about how Jade was getting on in there.

I took a deep breath, my eyes closing again. On the one hand, my heart overflowed with gratitude and joy for God providing. On the other, it was heavy with fear of losing my treasure. Jade. She was off, and there was no way I could celebrate without her.

“Yo, y’all did good. Again,” I made sure to emphasize. “I know I put us all at risk with my bullshit, but every time I’m on that field, I work hard to make sure we all eat. Y’all been good to me.” I placed my hand on my chest. “I can only hope to make you feel like you’re making good on your investments.”

Hell, Pete technically followed me to L.I.A. He knew it was a move I wanted to make and he took the opportunity on the strength of me. The nice sign-on bonus Hunter paid him didn’t hurt either.  

“My gratitude is with you, Trent,” Chesney came back with.

“You’re my brother, bro,” Pete spoke at the same time.

“A’ight. I’m in the middle of a meeting. I’ll hit y’all later.”

“Okay, TB.”

“All right,” Chesney agreed and I killed the call. 

My back hit the wall, out of the walkway of passing DiFillippo’s staff members, and I prayed words of gratitude. My worship was more than an act of religion, it was a working relationship with the Father. One that had intensified in my loneliest hours: in my empty home, in a jail cell. It was about that night before I turned myself in to the FEDs, when I cried so hard on the floor in my foyer. My greatest fear then was that it would be my last night in the crib in Alpine because I’d lose the house. I kept apologizing and begging Him to take the pain away. Instead, He did me one better: He walked me through the fire and restored me, for my testimony. Can’t tell people the goodness of Jesus and His power if you haven’t experienced it yourself.

I walked back into the private room with more swag in my step. Slowly, I opened one of the double doors blocked by a curtain and crept in quietly. Jade’s back was to me in her seat.

“Are you open to LaChateau in midtown Manhattan? They have several glorious ballrooms.” Tessie wasn’t looking at Jade while she tapped into her laptop.

There was an uncomfortable pause. Jade was hesitating.

“Would that force us to increase the budget?” she asked.

Tessie stopped typing and looked over to my wife, who seemed so small in that chair. She took off her glasses and shifted closer toward Jade with a friendly smile.

“As your planner, it’s my job to protect your best interest for your big day. The day you’ll express your love to Mr. Bailey in your own special way.” She paused, deepening her smile.

“I understand, and thank you. It’s just that my hus—fiancé conducts his financial affairs prudentially. His admin team calls him cheap, but I don’t mind adhering to it.”

Cheap?

I wanted to laugh my ass off.

“Two hundred thousand dollars is very generous, if I may say so myself.” Tessie’s smile didn’t fade. “There’s so much we can do with that.”

“Like LaChateau?”

“Of course, and without cutting corners. Your guest list spares us that. Also, the two of you are forgoing an engagement party.” Her hand pushed over and covered Jade’s. “You and Mr. Bailey are going to have the most splendid wedding day, I assure you.”

“Wow!” Jade blew out almost in a whisper. “My mother worships LaChateau. She wanted to marry my stepfather there, but learned it was way beyond their price range. He’s a corporate attorney! I heard her tell a friend she could only wish I’d have my wedding at a place half as elegant.” I saw her head bounce back in the chair and she giggled. “You’re telling me I can possibly have my reception there?”

Tessie nodded with big eyes. After trying to convince her with a kind touch and warm smile, Tessie went back to her laptop. “Now, your wedding gown. Do you have one or would you like for me to assist with that?”

Another pause.

This time, I could see Jade’s shoulder and arm move. I could easily guess her hand moved to her belly.

She’s thinking about being pregnant… 

“I had something in mind. Something my mother sent me just before Christmas. Circumstances being what they are, I don’t know if it’s still appropriate.” Shit. “If it’s not, I’ll need assistance in finding a reasonably priced one. I’ll have a definitive answer for that soon.”

I felt my face getting hard.

Chéri…

She kept mentioning Chéri.

Fuck…

I need to talk to Chéri to help get my wife’s head back in the game. The pregnancy—if it’s true—I can’t control. These two beefing, I can damn sure try to get that right.

I stepped further into the room. Tessie saw me approaching, on my way to the chair next to Jade.

“Oh! You’re back.” Her tone was cool and pleasant as it had been since we started. She went to close her laptop and pack up her things. “I’m sure you’ll be happy to know we’re done. I have everything I need to get started.” I took Jade by the hand. “I’ll arrange the conference call in two weeks. Jade and I have set the date already, and I’ll have all the preliminaries of today settled by then. After that, we can move on to the smaller details of the ceremony and reception. And then we’ll take it from there.”

Jade looked at me as I gripped her hand. I didn’t speak. Had lots of stuff to say, but wasn’t sure about what should come first. Tessie was all packed up and standing to go in no time. We stood to thank her and say goodbye, then she left out of the private room.

I took my seat again and pulled at her arm for her to sit, too.

“Little one, you know we’re partners. Right?”

“Yeah.” I could see her throat as she swallowed.

“You know what you go through, I go through. Right?” She nodded. “That’s what marriage is all about. God ordained two people to share the burden. There’re some things as a man, I gotta carry alone. But as your man, when it comes down to anything you’re going through—even if it’s about Ky—I’m here for you. You can come to me. I’m here to protect you and help you figure it out.”

She nodded while staring me straight in the eyes. I could see the tears rimming, but she didn’t let them fall. They disappeared even quicker.

Out of nowhere, she sniffled. “Okay. We have to go.” Jade turned to grab her coat and bag.

And I knew she was shutting the conversation down. I waited for her to get her things together then followed her out of the room. I waited for her little feet in heels as we passed through the restaurant’s main dining room. My head was spinning. I didn’t know how we’d get through the next two days.

She slowed for me to come to her side. “When was the last time you spoke to Trick?” Her amber eyes stayed on me for an answer.

Where’d that come from?

My mind went back to the hospital, a couple of weeks back. There was no way I was going to cop to that. I wasn’t ready.

“It’s been a minute.”

We made it up to the hostess desk. “I think you should reach out to him.” My eyes blew up as I tried keeping pace with her little legs. “With all this talk of the wedding, I think now is a good time.”

“Why?”

“The wedding makes me think about Shank and how we can honor him. I think one way is by you personally inviting Trick now that we have a date. Maybe that can initiate some kind of communication between you two to bring about reconciliation.”

We made our way out of the restaurant. A blonde haired girl recognized me and asked for a picture. After Jade said yes with her eyes, I took a few shots real quick. By that time, Tyheem had pulled up with the truck. That one yes had others realizing who I was. Eyes popped and minds were going. Soon, someone else would ask and that would hold us up. We were able to hop in the truck without trouble.

I helped Jade in and climbed in on the other side. Never agreeing or responding to her suggestion, I pulled her by the shoulder over to me and kissed her head. I may not have been down with reaching out to Trick, but I was happy to have a sign of my petite, bossy pit bull back.

~Ten

“That catfish was good, Jade,” April complimented me as I wiped down the stove.

I turned and offered a humble grin. “Thanks. The only time I can get Ky to eat grits is with fish. He says catfish is his favorite, but when Mommy didn’t have it, he’d eat whiting; didn’t know it and didn’t complain.”

I caught Trent snickering, forking the last of his food, before I turned back for the sink.

“I can’t wait to get to this flower house. Sounds so nice from how you explained it.”

“Jade stay in that place,” Trent grumbled. “I made the mistake of running her over there and waiting in the truck one day.” April laughed. “Man, I was hot when she came out with a box of flowers.”

I realized over the past few days I enjoyed the sound of April’s cackle. It was spirited and filled the room.

“Yeah. I gots to see this place. These flowers Jade got around here are gorgeous. I can’t believe how long they last before dying!” April exclaimed.

I tossed my chin over my shoulder at the kitchen sink and winked at her. April had been taken by the fresh snowballs, zinnias, and other blooms I kept in her room and around the house. I told her about the young woman in Englewood, who owned her own flower shop that was more like a house, it was so massive in space. She even imported exotics and out-of-seasons. I tried making my way over there weekly for fresh cuts for the house. It relaxed me, walking the shop and viewing her selections. And her outdoor garden in the back was gorgeous. I suggested April take a trip there for a retreat.

“You’ll enjoy it. I already placed my order online for this week. She’ll have it ready when you leave. Take a cup of coffee. Take pix on your phone,” I suggested. “I’m kind of jealous. I wish I was headed over there this morning instead of what’s on my agenda.” I smiled and somehow locked eyes with a perceptive Trenton at the table.

His expression dropped as I turned back for the sink to wring out the dishrag.

“I’m ready!” Kyree flew into the kitchen with his coat and book bag on.

“Come here, pumpkin pie.” I dried my hands on a towel and turned for him. “Let me fix your collar and zip your coat.”

I knelt to right him.

“You ready, big guy?” Kyree playfully asked Trent.

I froze, my face still to Ky’s chest. Within a few seconds, I turned toward Trent, whose glass was inches away from his mouth as he sat steeled, too.

“Lil boy, who you calling big?” April screeched, finding that reference humorous.

Ky smiled and shrugged. “He hates that name. That’s what Mommy calls him.”

“Ah—oh.” April’s guffawing halted when revelation hit. Her eyes ballooned. “Ohh!” She turned to Trent, whose regard was stapled onto Ky and me. “I see why he hates when you say it.” She stood from the table. “Later on, we’ll find a better name for him that’ll tease him even more. Let Mommy keep that one all to herself. Deal?”

Ky giggled. “It’s a deal.”

My child had no idea of the significance of the name, but could sense it was something he wasn’t welcome to.

“C’mon, Ky.” Trent stood, too, bringing his plate to the sink. “Jordan’s probably ready. Let’s get crackin’.”

While at his level, I embraced Ky tightly, bestowed a lingering kiss on his soft cheek. A dramatic moan followed.

“You know I love you with my first because you are, my love. Right?” I was sure Ky could see the betraying twinkle in my eyes. He was the cause of it. This little guy melted my heart.

This morning felt different. I felt raw. So much could change between now and when he returned home from school.

“Mmhmm.” He nodded. “You love me because I’m your only, too.”

I smiled with a heavy heart. That would’ve been my second line to him.

As a child of a mother who dangled the carrot of satisfaction over my head, I never wanted Kyree to forget I loved him. I showered him with emotional and physical affirmation. Lately, I’d been second-guessing my stamina in doing that. Since moving in with Trent and completely falling for him, I had to share my affection with someone else. In fact, my object of reciprocated affection had changed. Instead of pulling on Kyree for adoration, I’d been getting it from Trent.

A passing chat with Pastor Carmichael one afternoon when I dropped by the business wing of the church to pick up Lex for lunch cleared it up for me. He mentioned how single mothers of boys inappropriately place their sons in the role of a lover or man of the house. How these mothers, emotionally, expect kings when they should be raising their sons for the role of it. He said what they’re doing instead is raising inept and confused men. 

“It’s important to raise a child with both mother and father—and preferably in the same home—for mental and emotional development. It’s key for balance, as well. Note how many mothers effeminize their sons unintentionally by dressing them in skinny jeans and disciplining them with too many words rather than actions. An attending father balances that. Parenting is one of the most daunting jobs. All mothers and fathers need regular reprieve by having the other parent tend to them emotionally and physically and to take over the task of discipline.”

As I gazed into Ky’s beautiful brown eyes while he bounced impatiently on his toes, I wondered if balance was this delicate with just him, how could I possibly absorb another child?

I stood. “Okay, baby. You go and make today a success. Okay?”

“Yup!” He agreed before taking off toward Trent, waiting by the entryway to the hall.

Ky bolted down the hall to the garage and Trent slowly turned to follow, his ruminative eyes on me. I snatched mine away at the sense of April’s movements near me.

“I’m out, too.” She placed her plate on the counter, near the sink. “I’m gonna take your advice and pick up a cup of coffee from Dunkin’ Donuts on the way. See ya later.”

I waved her off, happy to see her excited. Moving quickly, I knew I had to finish with the chicken soup I was up early preparing for dinner, and settle the kitchen before my conference call with Ase Garb. One of the guest bedrooms here on the main floor where Trent’s security would be staying needed to be cleared out when that was done. All of this before my GYN appointment this morning.

As I was cutting up herbs, my cell rang on the island countertop behind me. Wiping my hands, I stepped backwards, curious about the call. My lungs filled at the sight of my mother’s name on the face.

Should I ignore it?

My first instinct was to. I’d had enough on my plate this morning and couldn’t afford to lose my cool before a business call. But then something deep inside—something needy—wanted to cry out to her. To lay out at her feet my dilemma and receive comfort. Without coordination, my hand went for my phone.

“He—” the phone fumbled in my hand, I was so desperate not to miss the call, waiting too long to answer. “Hello!”

“Hi, Jade!”

My shoulders dropped in disappointment, and suddenly I felt foolish for allowing myself that fantasy.

“Ginger?”

“Yeah. Cutie pie Ky left his Kindle Fire here back in February. At first, I was counting down the hours before he had you call and come for it.” Ginger, my parents’ housekeeper, was not much older than my mother. She was made a widower young and most of her family was either in Minneapolis or back home in Romania. She was kind and endearing, so much that I never understood how she got along with my mother for fifteen plus years. “So, your Mom asked me to call and follow up with you. I’m hoping it’ll be soon. He’s the best cookie inspector before they reach Mr. McDowell.”

The muscles in my face struggled to form a smile. I could only imagine how well Ginger and Kyree got along. She often acted as a buffer during my teenaged years when I fought with my mother more than I did catty schoolmates.

“He asked about it over the weekend. I’ll see if Trent can swing by and pick it up this week.”

“Doesn’t he have a birthday nearing?” She scoffed. “Certainly Mrs. McDowell can hand it off with his gift.”

She remembered. Ginger was always good at that. I bent over the island and rested my elbows on it.

“Ummmm…” I licked my lips, eyes scanning the ceiling for the right words. “He’s having a party here at the house on Saturday, Ginger.”

“Should I prepare a cake or goodie bags? I came across this fun Lemon Vanilla Cookie Krispie Treats recipe that could prove to be successful…” she pushed.

First, a snort slipped my nose, a smile followed until tears raised, and I swallowed them back.

“I don’t think she’s going to make the party. Don’t worry: I have enough of your recipes to give those kids a sugar rush.”

I tried laughing to brush over that first ugly fact.

“Not again, Ms. Jade!” She gasped. I could envision her eyes growing. “I had a hunch something was going on. Each time I mention Kyree her eyes immediately light up then go dark, and it’s like her shoulders drop.”

Similar to how it was explained she reacted after my pregnancy. 

“Yeah. Well, you can write a tell-all about our never-ending bouts.”

“I was hoping a new day was in order, dear.” The sadness in her voice was palpable.

“So did I.” I sighed, leaning my forehead on the back of my hand. “But, hey, at least Ky got to know a loving side of his grandma. Right?” A wry smile spread on my face.

“I’m hoping this isn’t the end. You two just came back to each other, something I’d lost hope for after the second year.”

My eyes squeezed from the pain of the picture she just painted. How does one go so long without speaking to their healthy, able-bodied mother or daughter?

My phone vibrated from a text in my ear. I put Ginger on speaker while I peeked.

+1(973)555-5666: Yo pull up tonite wit ky. I got something for him tell him to bring clothes to stay the nite

I shuddered.

Stay the night where?

My reaction to that command was so fixed, it hardly registered that another text had come through from LaShawn.

“Did you hear me, Ms. Jade?”

My lashes fluttered. “Oh. Uhhh…” I pinched the bridge of my nose between my eyes. “A text popped up on my phone. What was that?”

“I said, I’m hopeful things will be different this time. Mrs. McDowell is absolutely smitten with Kyree. She brags about him like nothing I’ve ever seen!” I could hear the wonder in her words.

Yeah. Definitely not like her own daughter…

“We’ll see, Ginger. We’ll see.” I stood from the counter, shifting all my weight to my feet. “Listen, I’ll talk to Trent about picking up the Kindle Fire and arrange it with you. Okay?”

“Okay, dear. Give my best hug to Kyree.”

“Will do.” I smiled genuinely before disconnecting the call.

My phone buzzed again.

Shawnie: Mufukas always talk shit they don’t know!

That incendiary remark reminded me to go to her original text. I tapped away to find a link to Instagram. There was a post from Spilling That Hot Tea blog of Trent with Pastor Carmichael in front of DiFillippo’s here in Jersey. He was hugging a woman and smiling during the embrace. It was Lex. They met for lunch this week, but I didn’t know Lex was there. She looked like a Nubian goddess with dark chocolate fingers with nails dipped in a soft white polish. The attention grabber was that robust radiant cut engagement solitaire that had to be over three carats as she cupped Trent’s shoulder. The brown rust hued long coat she wore reached her heeled boots and looked great against her voluminous black afro falling freely over her shoulders and near Trent’s face as they enfolded.

Lex once told me how Pastor Carmichael craved DiFillippo’s when she was pregnant with Lisa-Mare. That memory led me to wonder if they’d told Trent about the pregnancy. I’d been so preoccupied lately, I’d forgotten to mention it to him. It was probably best for them to deliver the news. It wasn’t mine to tell, seeing Lex wasn’t thrilled about it.

The comments of the post had already been in the thousands. Like the glutton I am, I clicked to read them.

“Two fine ass bearded men. I’ll fuck em both!”

“Are they brothers?”

“TB part of that beard gang. My fuckin’ gawd!”

“I hope that chick he hugging is the replacement for that gold digger.”

“That’s his new chick? Damn! Wasn’t he just engaged to the hazel-eyed hoe?”

“TB stay with dime pieces!”

“Can I get one?”

“I knew he was gonna get tired of old girl. #DumbAssTrick”

“#byejade go trick the next baller! leave trent alone!”

“Did old girl give the ring back?”

“TB came to his senses and dropped the thirsty cocksucker.”

“That can’t be her real hair!”

“Jordan hooked him up with one of his stripper broads. Ha!”

I tossed the phone on the island. Taking a deep breath, I rubbed my face, remembering I didn’t put on makeup yet.

“It’s his first lady, dumb twads!” I groaned in my palms.

It was now clear why Lashawn was upset. People commented freely on information they had no privy to. Trent told me to unfollow all the gossip blogs last year after the pictures of us on the yacht got out. I didn’t think that would allow me an escape. Even AJ Calloway reported about it on Extra! I did unfollow the blogs, but couldn’t help peeking in every now and then. And on occasion, Lashawn would send me things like this. The general consensus of Trent Bailey fans was that I was a gold-digging whore, who didn’t deserve their redeemed champion. I knew it shouldn’t, but it hurt. When I met him and learned about his fall from grace, I used to say it was Trent and me against the world. Lately, I’d been feeling it was me against his world.

Traveling back across to the counter, I decided I had to push that out of my head. I wouldn’t even respond to Lashawn yet.

Elle: The intern is telling me about a Trenton Jackson commenting on FB posts asking you to check your inbox. She said she can see you’ve been seeing his messages and she doesn’t know what to do. Should we block him? She’s not allowed to check inboxes or block without approval. I didn’t want to give the green light considering his name.

I took a deep breath and backed out of that text thread, going into another. The sound of a cough had my head lifting from my phone. Across the exam room, the doctor was typing at the computer all the information Jade had to fill out once we got here. We were waiting on her to finish up in the bathroom.

+1(310)555-8427: What the absolute fuck? How long are we going to do this? You can’t do a 5 min convo?

  I felt my nose go wide as I deleted it. Then I moved on to text April. I hadn’t heard much about my moms since she was discharged from the hospital last week. My little cousin, Kendal, posted a picture in front of an emergency room about checking in on his sick auntie. I had a feeling it was my moms he was referring to.

Me: Yo April. Whats good with mom dukes?

The door cracked open, snatching my attention. Jade tried managing with her clothes in one hand and a small plastic cup covered with a napkin in the other. She wore a gown and socks as she walked out wobbling, trying to cover her backside. I jumped to my feet, grabbing her clothes, and she took the cup over to the doctor.

“Okay.” He acknowledged her, taking the urine. I watched his every move with it, knowing what it would be used for. “My nurse here will take your blood work and I just plugged in your vitals and other pertinent information.” He tossed a strip into the clear cup and rolled on the stool like a pro over to the table where Jade climbed onto, handing the nurse a printout. “Let’s get your legs up here. Scoot down so you’re not nice and comfy.” His humor was whack as he nodded to a nurse, who had her tray set up to take blood.

My attention was on Jade’s spread thighs.

Why her legs gotta be in there?

I tossed Jade that question with my eyes, but she didn’t catch it. Her attention was on the nurse, who told her in the lowest tone she was about to take her blood then smiled. Jade nodded with blinking eyes that shifted to focus below at something invisible, it seemed.

The doctor rolled back to the counter where the computer was. I don’t know what I was expecting next. Maybe to see what he was going to do with her legs in the metal holders with her goodness spread eagle to him? But no.

He went back to the counter, peeped the cup, and hummed, “Mmmhmmm.”

‘Mmmmhmmm’ what?

I wanted to ask as he pushed his feet against the floor to wheel back to my wife’s open legs. “Positive,” he spoke low without a smile.

“Oh!” The nurse piped out. “It’s positive, Ms. Matthews! Did you hear?”

Jade’s eyes blew up. “Huhn—no. What was that?”

I don’t know what I hated more: the fact that she missed she was having a baby or hearing her referred to as Ms. Matthews. She was not Ms. Matthews. She was Mrs. Bailey and I wanted the doctor and his nurse to know that. But of course, that wasn’t possible yet because our marriage was still on the low. The low that was about to blow because she was, true indeed, having a baby. My baby.

The doc brought a metal clamp between her legs. “I’m going to move forward with the pap smear and cervical cultures,” the doctor shared as he pushed his hand—or something—inside her.

My eyes flew to Jade and caught hers closing as she took a deep breath. I couldn’t see what he was doing from my angle, but could tell by her facial expression, they were “in touch.” 

“Okay,” she answered without breathing. “How far along?” Her eyes opened to the ceiling.

“Based on the first day of your last full cycle…” he stalled, looking like he was reaching inside of her. Dawg, how deep are you? I knew them walls—every inch—and never got lost inside! “…I would say about sixteen weeks.” His eyes were to the wall as he kept reaching. Feeling. Then he pulled out. Pulled out. “Yup. About the size of an avocado. You’re just into the second trimester, sweetheart.”

“Second trimester…” Jade breathed, eyes to the ceiling, blinking hard.

What is a trimester exactly?

I didn’t ask. Couldn’t find my voice.

The nurse had taken her blood and was wrapping her up with a band aid. She tapped Jade’s arm and smiled. 

“We’re going to do an ultrasound to see what’s going on with the little tyke in there.” He waved on a cart the nurse was wheeling over. “Do Mommy and Daddy want to know if they’re having a quarterback or a cheerleader?” he asked with dry humor.

By the time my eyes shot over to Jade, hers were already on me. Her closed mouth twitching and eyes blinking, but on me this time.

She swallowed. “That’s entirely up to you.”

Her tone was so…formal. Professional. And her eyes didn’t stay on me long. They moved back to the ceiling.

I nodded to the doc, who locked eyes with me. He had some type of stick attached to a wire in his hand. After nodding to me, he rolled it over the gel on Jade’s flat stomach.

“So, no morning sickness, change in eating, fatigue, or moodiness this time around?” he asked Jade as he watched the screen that was full of brown cloudy shadows.

“No.” Jade’s answer was short and fast. “Nothing.”

“You were lucky to go so long without any symptoms,” his voice was low. It was like he was making small talk while concentrating on navigating the stick over her. “Just a spike in weight. Was it like this your first pregnancy?”

“No,” her voice cracked and my head flew to her face.

She wasn’t crying, but she swallowed hard. Jade’s expression was empty. She just stared up to the ceiling. My line of sight followed her to a small vent over the exam table. But nothing attention-worthy. Then I found my way back to the monitor and—

My God…

Tiny feet. Two… With five toes a piece.

What the fuc—

Then there were legs, a butt, hands, arms, and a head. I felt my body shake as I looked back to Jade. She wasn’t with me. Her eyes were on their favorite spot in the room. The ceiling vent.

There was a whole damn baby inside my lady. A whole goddamn baby!

My baby…

“Ut!” the doctor spit out.

“Oh!” the nurse followed him.

“You ready to know who will continue your legacy, Mr. Bailey?”

No doubt, people reduce you to your occupation when you’re a public figure.

I couldn’t speak, just nodded.

He moved the stick again over Jade’s belly and I caught her torso jumping a little. She was uncomfortable. My eyes shot all over, trying to keep up with all that was going down.

“Hereeee we go,” he sang, concentrating. “A little lady. You see?” His head flipped back to face me. I had no idea what I was looking at. “Here are the little thighs and at the apex are the genitals.” He waited for my response.

“I don’t see anything.”

“Because that’s your girl.” He winked and smiled for the first time.

I squinted, trying to see what a baby girl looked like. My baby girl.

Shit. I can make babies?

“Congratulations, Mr. Bailey!” the nurse cheered. “Ms. Matthew!” she added, holding Jade’s hand.

My lady may have managed a fake smile, but her eyes never left the ceiling. And that’s when a familiar feeling washed over me. A mother not excited about something important to me.

That’s not how she looks at Kyree…

Hell, it wasn’t even how she looked at me since I admitted to having feelings for her. And I understood. I got it. I fucked up. Jade didn’t want kids at this point in the game. She felt she had something to prove to the world. I didn’t agree, but got how I made this happen.

God, what have I done?

Was I overreacting about Jade’s temporary disappointment? Should I just eat her attitude and wait for her to bounce back in a couple of hours? Jade was tough, had faced harsher circumstances than this. She was good. I would take care of her and the baby. She knew that.

I wasn’t expecting to be a father, but I’m good on it.

As the doctor talked to Jade about prescriptions and upcoming appointments, I faded to the back and tried to shrink myself so she could breathe easy. I was used to doing that when necessary. I even ignored when we were about to leave and Jade was back in her clothes, holding paperwork they gave her while waiting on the nurse to come back with her prescriptions, and she studied the pamphlet with the words Unplanned Pregnancy? You Have Options.

Time. Jade just needed a little more time.

Any minute now. She’ll snap out of it…

As I heard the garage close behind me and walked into the side of the house, by the coat room, I asked, “You want me to go pick up the prescriptions later?”

Jade kept moving, taking off and hanging up her coat on the rack. “No thanks. I need to go back out later anyway. Your order is ready for pick up at Neiman’s, I need to pick up something for Ky’s presentation tomorrow, and his father wants him to stop by. Then I need to hit up Target to get the linens for the guestroom down here.”

She didn’t look at me while she moved, starting down the hall to the kitchen. After hanging up my bubble vest, I followed her. Watched her. She looked the same. Not pregnant. Her booty jiggled the same pace and her hips swinging was the same. She brushed the back of her neck, and I noticed the white nail polish nicely done. Physically, nothing was different. She was good. Still had time to adjust.

I yanked my beard, thinking.

“Hey, April.” Jade tossed her a smile while going in the opposite direction to the counter, checking the crockpot.

“Wait till ya get a load of this!” April spoke to the laptop at the island. “I just got off the phone with my sister, Lucy. She asking if Trent broke up with his girlfriend. I said, ‘Lucy, that man engaged to her. Ain’t no breaking up!’ She told me to go to this website where they got pictures of Trent posing with some cute girl with a big afro.” She turned the laptop toward us, although we were across the room. “Who that girl with the fake hair?”

Jade looked quickly, walking over to the sink to wash her hands. I squinted at the screen.

“Oh.” I chuckled, moving to the fridge for a snack. “That’s my pastor’s wife. And I think that’s all her up top. You ain’t recognize him in that pic?”

I couldn’t believe they got a shot of that. People make stupid shit out of nothing.

“Oh. I ain’t recognize him.” April’s forehead wrinkled as she studied the pictures again. “I ‘on’t know how I missed that beard. It’s almost like yours. I still can’t believe you grew it back out.” I laughed, now eating out of the big bowl of fresh fruit Jade cut up for me. “Anyway, did you read the headline?” she yelled. “Gold-digger’s Day’s Done! What the hell?”

I laughed, forgetting how dramatic April could be. She was such a soilder at Shank’s side, I was used to her calm and toughness. Now, she acted like she wanted to fight somebody. That CMD was coming out.  

“Don’t pay that no mind,” I spoke with a mouthful. “They post anything for clicks. I bet a lot of people don’t even comment on that website.” I shook my head, going back to the bowl for more.

At least the blog, Spilling That Hot Tea, tried digging for the truth and most times got close to it instead of posting bull. 

“Yeah.” April huffed. “Like this fool gonna say right here, ‘Good thing he made his exit before the “accidental” pregnancy came’! Can you believe that?”

A clash rang around the kitchen from across the room.

“You good, yo?” I didn’t see anything out of place.

Jade’s back was to us and her hands were gripping onto the countertop, shoulders shaking.

What the…

“Jade, what’s wrong, baby?” April asked.

She swung around, towing a big closed mouth smile. One I could tell right away wasn’t real. Jade’s arms shot into the air and dropped back down, slapping her thighs.

“The accidental baby’s here!” The fake smile dropped.

In a millisecond, I saw the red in her eyes. Then her face spasmed. Next came a rush of tears and she howled a cry. Her hands slapped her mouth, not wanting it to spill. Her shoulders shook and eyes closed tightly. She was losing the battle of keeping the cry in. I’d never heard her wail like this. Something jerked in my damn belly.

Jade had broken down.

Automatically, I jumped to get to her. Her eyes went wild, hands shot in the air and palms opened up.

“No!” I froze. “I’m fa-ine!”

The tears wouldn’t slow. The wails wouldn’t stop if she wanted them to. And I could tell she wanted them to.

“Jade, baby,” April’s tone was a world away different from a few seconds ago, but she kept her distance.

We both did.

Jade shook her head, turned for the entryway, and jetted out the kitchen. I stood frozen, not knowing what to do. Then my legs moved to do what was natural. I tried going after her. I needed her to do this with me.

“Ut-uhn!” April shouted behind me. “Not right now. Give her a minute, baby.”

I stopped in my tracks, inches away from the door my wife just shot through. My gut told me to listen to April. She was a woman. Plus, I had seen her boss up enough to believe she knew what she was talking about. Out of nowhere, I realized I was out of breath. My jaw grinding and nose stretched. My hands went to my waist, but I didn’t move away from the doorway.

“Come back, Trent. Not right now.”

My phone vibrated in pocket. Not thinking, I went to snatch it out.

+1(310)555-8427: Trent please!

My head swung back. “FUCK!”

“Come on, honey. Just sit for a second. Just a few seconds.” I swung around and faced my aunt, flexing. Slowly, I walked over to the island and sat on a stool. April dropped her head into her hands, taking a deep breath. Then she looked up, across the room. “She know for sure?”

I nodded, a million and twenty things running across my mind. “Just came from the doctor’s.”

“How far along?”

I deleted the text then tossed the phone back into my pocket. “Sixteen weeks,” I mumbled. “Not that I know what the hell that means.”

“Well, damn! She in her second trimester?” It was more of a statement.

I turned to look at her. “What exactly does that mean?”

“It means she approaching the middle of her pregnancy.” My face wrinkled, confused. “A normal pregnancy is forty weeks. They break up the weeks into three trimesters. She at the beginning of the second one.”

“We had this thing going on for sixteen weeks?”

“She ain’t have no symptoms?”

I shook my head. “The doc asked the same thing. She been complaining about gaining weight, but I thought…” I shrugged. “I ‘on’t know.”

“Not everybody have signs. Poor Jade seem like one in that small number. Probably thought the weight came from fixing all this good food.” She tossed her chin to the crockpot Jade was looking inside of when the shit blew up. “She probably thought it was happy weight.” April slapped her hip. “I had years with it.”

I had no idea what that meant. “A little girl,” I could barely get out.

April sucked in a breath. Her eyes turned dreamy. “A baby girl! Get outta town. Jade’ll do well by a girl. Don’t worry. In no time, all her attention’s gonna be on getting ready for her.”

“Public opinion,” I groaned, rubbing my face with my palms. “She’s fixed on that. I mean… I get it, but I been in the game for a minute: I’m used to people spewing bullshit. She gotta shake that.” I scratched the back of my head.

“Well,” her voice was low. “That ain’t easy when your man is larger than life.” She smiled at the countertop. “Your uncle may not’ve been a big athlete, known around the world, but he was the man in Camden. You know.” She pointed with her forehead, giggling. “Everybody wanted that Shank. And I was a tiny ole thing; just a few pounds more than Jade is now. People thought I only wanted Shank’s money. I was young, pretty, and had that body, honey. Whew!”

“Yeah, but you ain’t let them fade you, April.”

“You think they didn’t? Shiiiiit. People’ll say I stayed with him through all that cheating for the money. Ain’t no amount of money can replace loyalty. I stayed because I loved him. He loved me. Then when it came out that he was sick! Oooooh-weeeee!” she sang. “The rumors turned into me getting his disability.”

“Shank ain’t get disability. He ain’t never pay into it.”

She snapped her neck, being sassy. “We know that.” Her two fingers flying between the two of us. “They didn’t. Shank saved a lot in his youth. That’s where you get it from. He had life insurance, too. He was smart and we was comfortable. I’m still good. But it wasn’t easy living in our bubble with all them bitter people flinging them rumors.”

I never thought about that. Shank kept a fan club, even after he stopped working. He was a legend. Still is.

“You was good to him, April. The best for him. Ain’t no disputing that. You was a rider.” My forehead stretched, as I felt every word I spoke.

“And Jade is one, too.” Her eyes skirted around the kitchen. “I see her around here. The sacrifices she make every day.”

“Word up.” She didn’t lie.

“Jade don’t want to keep you from shining. She only wanna polish you. She put you and her son on the same level: only two people she go to bat for. Told me so herself. And I been watching. Everything is about you around here. She turned your castle into a kingdom. That was what I tried to do for Shank. I ain’t care it was temporary. He was a good man and needed to live out the rest of his days like a king. Ain’t nothing more matter. But…” She sat up straight in her seat. “I only had Camden and a few surrounding towns to fight against. Jade got the whole world: everybody who rooting for you, and the ones that ain’t. Those little shoulders and hips want to be around to shield you, not bounce a baby on.”

“You think she shouldn’t keep it?” I felt betrayed.

“You kidding? Trent, I ain’t got no kids! I’m depending on you to make me a grandma. I’m just glad it’s gone be with a woman that look and cook like me.” She winked. 

A baby. Sixteen weeks. There’s a baby in there…

I couldn’t shake that.

“Oh!” April had my head snapping toward her. “Brenda!” I’d forgotten about the text I sent her, asking about my mother. “She got admitted again this week. Trick told me.”

I stood from the table, grabbing my phone to call Tyheem.

“Where you going?”

“You said to give Jade some time. I’m going to check on my moms.”

“Trent.” She called me midway to the doorway. “I ain’t a mother, so I’ll never speak against one. But Brenda got some shit with her that ain’t never been good to you.” Her eyes circled around the room. “You gotta family going on here. They love you like crazy. Don’t forget that when she be on her shit.” She took a deep breath, pulling the laptop to her. “I’m too old to be slappin’ the shit outta her. But that Jade…” Her forehead stretched and she nodded.

“I’m sorry, man. She been off today. Hate that you had to come all this way for nothing.” I turned in the hallway, hands in my pockets, trying to calm myself. “I really am, man.”

I faced him again. “Aye, yo—what’s your name again?”

“Watts,” he nodded while speaking. “Watts Brown.”

“Watts, I take it you’re her man. I gots no problem with you. It would be nice if family could at least call with the heads up. I’m always the last to know.”

“Brenda’s a good friend of mine. I don’t mind being here for her. I’m sorry this our first time officially meeting.” I saw the admiration in my mother’s boyfriend’s eyes.

He was happy to speak to Trent Bailey of the NFL. The last time we saw each other, he was probably too intimidated to come up and say anything. He was smart. Now, after sitting in the waiting room at Cooper Hospital for over thirty minutes again, he was the one to come and apologize after I sent a nurse in there to tell her I was here.

“S’all good, homie.” I turned again, trying to decide what to do. April tried to warn me about this.

“I guess ‘cause all this with her health going crazy came outta nowhere. Know what I’m saying?”

“Nah. I don’t. Nobody tells me nothing. Nothing—”

“Go ‘head with the bullshit,” someone grumbled behind me.

I turned then bounced my head, begging his pardon. His boys walked inside the waiting room a few feet away.

“Pardon me?” Trick walked closer to get to my moms’ room.

“I said stop fuckin’ whining.” He stopped and threw me hard eyes, face tight. “Ain’t none of us got no control over Brenda. She do what the fuck she wanna do. You know that.”

I shook my head. “Nah. Like I told Watts here: I ‘on’t know nothing because nobody tells me nothing. I gotta find out my earth’s in the damn hospital room on social media!”

“And that’s our fault out here?” he referred to him and Watts.

I took a deep breath, even chuckled to try to shake off the heat vibrating off of me.

“Look, man.” My shoulders rolled and head cocked to the side. “If I ain’t addressing you, you ain’t gotta speak at all.”

Trick posted up by putting one foot in front of the other, stepping closer. “Somebody gotta speak to shut ya bitching up.”

“Word? You flexin’ because I feel somebody should let me know about my moms? How would you like if grams was in the hospital and people came through except you because nobody told you?”

In my peripheral, I could see Snot-Snot coming out into the hall. Tyheem was on his ass.

“But you found out, though! I made sure.”

“Nah. Fuck, we lyin’ now?” My face balled. Trick ain’t tell me nothing. “April told me!”

“Nigga, why you think I told her?” Trick’s chin was in the air, his nostrils wide, eyes wide.

I knew this stance. Trick and I grew up as brothers instead of the uncle/nephew relationship we were born to. We fought together and each other. Heated debates ending with hands was easy to fall into.

At this point, knowing where this was leading, I was with it. I’d already had a bullshit day, eating Trick’s shit wasn’t going down. I was past logic. It was all bravado and emotion now.

“Fuck outta here.” My face balled again. “You musta forgot to tell her the first time, because she ain’t the one who told me.”

Trick stepped closer, chin even higher, lips hiked to show his missing tooth. “Who the fuck you think had Snot-Snot call, bitch? Snot-Snot, dumb ass?”

I wasn’t listening. Past the point of thinking.

I straightened, pulling my pants up. “You got one more time to call me a bitch and I’mma split ya shit. Fuck with me!”

“What?” Trick came charging and I knuckled up, ready to catch him.

Before we could meet, Trick was snatched up and Snot-Snot jumped in front of me.

“Yo, chill, Trent! We in the hospital, homie. Ya moms in there mad sick, yo!” he tried.

I saw past him, shooting daggers at Trick, wiggling in Tyheem’s hold.

“Nah,” I shouted. “Let his tough ass go. I’mma body him in front of his boys!”

“Yo, Trent, man!” Snot-Snot begged.

I saw his ass wasn’t slick with it tonight. Snot-Snot was the one that testified against me in my trial, cutting a deal with the FEDs. I had one for his bitch ass, too.

“Excuse me! This is a hospital!” Some stiffy voice called, trying over our hyped voices. “Either you all leave or security will remove you. And by removal, I mean calling the cops!” The pudgy woman stood with her fists on her hips.

Something in my spirit was nipped. Not stopping to analyze it, I took to anger instead.

“Yeah. That’s right! Take ya bitch, crying ass on to ya million-dollar life! We don’t do suckas down in the CMD,” Trick kept yelling behind my back, as I took off for the elevator. “Hah-haha!” he laughed, mockingly. “Look at you. Ya moms don’t want you around. Like how that feels, bitch? Shank ain’t here no more. My sister got me, and you ain’t got shit but that million-dollar life, nigga. Fuck outta here!”

I wanted to turn around and beat the living shit out of him. That was nothing for me. Not only did I hear every taunting word, I felt each syllable. But here was the line I couldn’t cross. A minute or two earlier, I was ready to split his skull, but between that lady speaking up and the Holy Spirit beginning to rebuke me, I settled on walking away.

We left Camden before the cops were called. The ride home was quiet as I went over everything that went down there.

It’s been Trick keeping me posted?

Why hadn’t I put it together about Snot-Snot? I guess I thought one of my aunts or cousins gave him my number. They all had the new one. And the biggest question was why didn’t my mother want me to see her. We had no beef. She couldn’t have been holding Jade questioning her about the Christmas gifts against me. Her curving me brought pain I was familiar with, but maybe had the stamina to deal with recently, because it had been so long since I tried connecting with her. What had I ever done to her?

Why she ‘on’t love me?

That’s when my flesh leaned to pity. I moped inside the house after chucking the deuces to Tyheem. The kitchen was empty and clean, my food, I was sure, was in the platewarming part of the oven. I wasn’t with it. Had no appetite. I needed to get upstairs to my bed.

I heard the television going when I passed April’s closed bedroom door. Ky’s was cracked with the light out. I was sure he was nodded. Down the long hall both doors were closed. Inside, the lights were off. Not even the recess lights were on. I lay my gold chain on top of the chest of drawers and stripped down to my boxers.

In the shower, echoes of my reality bounced off the walls.

“Look at you. Ya moms don’t want you around.”

“Shank ain’t here no more.”

“My sister got me, and you ain’t got shit but that million-dollar life, nigga.”

Truth hurt like a motherfucker.

I moved in the shower as fast as I could then dried myself, avoiding looking in the mirror. Naked, I walked into the suite to grab boxers. My chest hurt with each step I took. When I made it to the bed, I couldn’t find her at first. Not because she was hiding. Because she was in an unusual spot: her side of the bed.

Jade was still in her feelings. I didn’t care about that setback. I needed her now.

I disappeared underneath the comforter and crawled my way over to her. Jade liked sleeping on her back, making it easy to reach her pussy. Her one leg lay flat and the other on its side. I kissed my way up her smooth thighs until I felt her stir. She turned her weight on the opposite hip, still sleep. I made my way to the top of her thighs, my dick growing at the scent of her. The little silk shorts she wore were loose. My mouth was on her in no time.

I started with the tip of my tongue on her clit. She stirred again. My mouth salivated as I beat the pearl, feeling it swell. She moaned and tried switching her weight again. That’s when I widened my tongue and brushed it through her labia, the tip pushing into her clit before I did it again. I started at the bottom, between her ass cheeks and rolled my neck up to swipe every inch between her soft lips.

“Mmmmm…” she breathed.

Jade’s hips rolled around my ears. I could tell her spine was curling. My mouth went to work, focusing back on her nub now that I woke her up. I made sure to give the slurping sound that I did every now and then. Jade loved that shit. I lifted her by her cheeks into my face.

“Oooooh…”

She grabbed the back of head, pulling me closer. My moms may have had a beef with me all my life. Jade may feel some kind of way because of the news earlier. But in a moment where I felt I had no control and no love, I knew I could come here—here—drive her crazy and have her need me. And not just sexually. Jade made me feel invincible. She made me feel whole.

So, yeah. I was mad as hell and hurt like a motherfucker, taking it out on her pussy. But I did it because I knew I could. I knew, even in my weakness, she’d want me. So, I flung my tongue until evidence of her need smeared on my face, her pussy vibrated against my mouth, her throat pushed out helpless moans, and her entire body shook over the mattress. My satisfaction was on its way.

“Trentiiiin…”

And there it was.

When she was done, I moved up the bed, roughly pulled her into my chest, wrapped my arm around her belly. I didn’t even want to clean my face. I’d sleep with it stained. I knew the scent would follow me to my sleep and chase the nightmares away.

~Eleven

“To go fuck himself?” I asked with wide eyes and a lowered chin.

She nodded, stuffing her face with a bacon cheeseburger, loaded with lettuce, tomatoes, red onions—not yellow—mayonnaise, ketchup, and five pickles. When the Carmichael’s arrived for the party today, they came with their own food for the expecting Mrs. Carmichael because she craved one thing today. A few minutes ago, before she began to devour her food, she noticed the restaurant forgot the red onions. Lex snapped, frantic about the meal being ruined.

“Please tell me by some form of a miracle you cook with red onions,” Ezra’s lips barely moved beneath his full beard.

Snapping out of the stupor from Lex’s meltdown that included a few foul-mouth words underneath her breath, I shook my head.

“No?” Ezra’s voice raised.

My eyes ballooned as my brain kicked into action. “Ye-yeah! I’m sure I do.” My face fell as I turned for the kitchen.

“Christ…” I heard the pastor mumble behind me with relief.

“I did. This pregnancy has snatched my patience and I’m only at the beginning. My temper is on fleek all day, it seems.”

“Well, what was this guy’s response?”

“Eddie asked how would HR feel about my advice,” she answered, licking the dollop of mayo-ketchup mixture dripping down the side of her hand.

“Oh, my god, Lex!”

She shrugged. “I told him to go find out. To go ahead, make the trip.”

“And?” I asked, ignoring the shouts of the kids coming from all over. I knew it was time to cut Kyree’s birthday cake.

Lex swallowed. “Girl, Eddie turned to me with a straight face and said, ‘I’d rather take a walk down to Duane Reade’s for a test to find out if there’s something up your ass or in your belly that’s got you being a queen bitch around here.” She snickered.

I gasped. “Are you serious?”

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah. My staff knows me by now. We’re very comfortable with each other. So comfortable, I’m glad for his honesty. That’s how I found out I was pregnant. Again,” she emphasized.

I plucked an invisible lint ball from my distressed jeans.

“I take it you haven’t adjusted yet.”

She shrugged with her face this time. “I went from believing I couldn’t have kids to becoming a fertile Myrtle when the man just breathes on me.” Her head shook softly and she took her last bite. I finished putting the candles on the cake and tossed a cursory glanced outside of the dining room where Trent was talking to Ezra, bouncing Lisa-Mare in his arms. “I’m more concerned about him. He offered the house with a picket fence, even threw in a dope Jaguar. The last thing he had in mind when pursuing me was the kids.”

Lisa-Mare was still small. Felt like Lex was just pregnant, walking across the stage at Redeeming Souls with her husband’s Bible.

“How long did it take for you to adjust to Lisa-Mare?”

“No time.” She wiped her mouth as she chewed.

“You think it’s because she’s a girl? It took me a couple of weeks to bond with Ky.”

“I don’t know. She was my first. Could’ve been because of the breastfeeding. Did you breastfeed Kyree?”

I shook my head, eyes all around, watching guests float around the house. I wasn’t used to so many people being here. Kyree invited twenty kids. Their parents almost doubled that number. April had been a huge help monitoring them down in the bowling alley. Shawnie had the gym covered. Trent posted outside before closing it down for everyone to eat. I’d been all over, trying to make sure the food was served hot and everyone was accounted for.

“Couldn’t for some reason. I tried though. It was painful. I don’t think I’ll be trying this time.” I called outside of the room. “Trent, we’re ready!”

“Jade?”

I pushed the cake to the middle of the table.

“You’re pregnant?” My body froze, stretched over it.

Then my regard rolled back to her. “Where did you get that from? Your husband?” Panic ran through me.

I’d seen Ezra tell people things in church he couldn’t have known. He had a reputation of doing that. Trent told me several stories of Ezra advising him with information Trent never gave him. It was also something in that man’s eyes that made you feel he was seeing through you.

Lex’s brows narrowed. “Did Trent tell him?”

“No—I mean… I don’t think so.” I was tripping over my words.

“So, you are pregnant?” she whispered.

I stood straight only to recoil. I rolled my eyes shut and squeezed them. This was not a topic I planned on discussing today. I was celebrating Ky. I hadn’t told anyone yet. Not even Shawnie. I went into panic mode at the thought of having to tell my son. Yesterday was a blur. Trent and I went to his class presentation at school, smiled, clapped, and expressed our pride to him on one accord. But we barely talked the entire day. We didn’t talk the night before last either after he woke me out of my sleep, mumbling his name as he ate me. I had no idea what that was about, but welcomed his touch when I thought I couldn’t stand the sight of him.

Even today, as Ryshon showed with Little X and a chip on his shoulder, but without any of his daughters, Trent welcomed him in and had played gracious host despite the cold shoulder he gave. This chat with Lex was a break from the anxiety from Ryshon’s mismatched presence here today. I fought for smiles since Ryshon arrived, even ignored his overt ogling. It was another reminder of why I didn’t belong in Trent’s world. Here, his first lady was stressing about having a second child—both pregnancies by her husband. And I was giving my child, not by my husband, a birthday party in a mansion I didn’t pay for, and was owned by a multi-millionaire NFL star. It didn’t add up.

So, no. I did not want to discuss my dilemma that didn’t seem to add up to hers, which was wholesome.

Suddenly, I felt a soft hand cover mine. I traced the arm up to Lex’s chocolate pools.

“You forget, I only wear the title in church. I wasn’t groomed for this life either,” her tone was comfortingly pliant. “A man brought me in—more like snatched my ass. If we’re going to be friends, you gotta remove the halo only you see over my head.”

My face jumped in a flash before straightening and I took a deep breath. I felt weighted from carrying so much alone, but now wasn’t the place to unload. Today was for Kyree.

“We found out two days ago.” A tear slipped and I quickly swiped it away then threw my eyes to where I last saw Trent.

“And you’re stressed over it? Why?”

“I wanted to earn my place here before expanding it. I’ve so much to prove,” I breathed, sniffling back the impending tears.

“To who?” she whispered back. Her nostrils grew. “Not to Trent; he married you.”

I shook my head, eyes closing at the pain I felt when I thought of this ordeal. “After getting over me seducing my way into his bed, I think he knows my feelings for him are pure. But it’s a maintenance act with him. Trent’s not as…settled on the inside as he is the outside. He’s just regained his career, got new roommates, and lost his father-figure. A baby could possibly push him over the edge.”

“Or he can man the hell up and accept responsibility in all of this. You may have seduced him, but it takes two to procreate.”

“It’s not that simple. We’re fighting for privacy now. I can’t even post pictures of my new family on social media, afraid people will screenshot and share it freely for people to pick apart. All of my accounts are private, but I don’t trust everyone on my lists. I feel stuck in a glass house.”

In my peripheral, someone was nearing us.

Lex winked. “Welcome to my world, Jade,” she sang clandestinely.

“Hey,” I breathed, piping up as Trent approached. “Time to gather the troops to sing happy birthday to the kiddo.”

“How old are you now?” the crowd sang.

“Eight!” Ky shouted, pushing his fist in the air.

“How old are you now?”

“Eight!” He stuck his tongue out and did a two-step.

“Happy birthday to you!”

The room went up with hand claps and whistles from me and my boy, Juan, a tight-end from the Jets. Beneath me, Jade clapped. I knew she wanted today to be special for him.

“Make a wish now, Ky!” Lashawn told him.

Kyree bowed his head and closed his eyes, pausing for a few seconds before blowing out the candles. He had help from his friends when he struggled.

We all clapped again. Ky pushed both arms in the air, bouncing his head to his own beat.

“What you wish for?” April asked.

“You can’t tell!” his classmate, Kipper, yelled, panicking.

“Yes he can,” Lex followed up. “So we can all know how to pray!” She was being comical, mocking Ezra, probably.

Kyree shrugged. “My first wish was for my big homie to win the Super Bowl next year!” I laughed. Seemed like the whole room did. “My next one was for”—he bent over and frowned his face, growling—“Trent to let me show my friends our man-cave! The girls don’t have to go!”

We all laughed again.

I shrugged with my palms then gripped Jade’s shoulders in front of me. “That’s little mama’s call, young soldier.” She vetoed that.

“No one beyond the main floor,” she reminded. “Your friends have already taken over this floor and the basement. That is all.” She flipped her head up to look at me. Her smile was beautiful and sneaky at the same time. I missed that from her. My slick ass little one. She was up to something. “Maybe next year you can have a sleepover in there!”

And there was the gag.

The kids lit up the room, liking that idea. And I liked having them here. Was glad I pushed for this.

Jade turned her face up to me again, this time sticking out her tongue.

Yeah. She was being slick. I reached down and bit her nose for it.

Everybody laughed again. At least that’s what I thought until my eyes somehow went to the corner right behind Kyree. His pops stood there, mean mugging. His boy next to him didn’t seem to have an expression either way.

“All right!” Jade clapped her hands as she spoke to get everybody’s attention. “In the kitchen, Ky’s going to hand out goodie bags. You guys can hang out just a little longer before we bring this thing to an end and I clean the place up. But thanks for coming to celebrate Kyree’s eighth birthday!”

“Go, shawtie!” Lashawn sang while dancing. I caught on right away and cut a step with her from across the room. “It’s ya birthday!”

Jade turned to look at me, sporting an annoyed face, but I saw the humor in her eyes. I pulled her into me during the bootleg acapella performance, but kept it clean.

“Oh!” April yelled from the other side of the room. “That’s where Kyree gets that tongue hanging out his mouth from! You turning that boy into a Bailey!” She laughed.

That snapped me out of my playful mode. I knew she was speaking of the way we like to dance at every occasion, but that may have been taken the wrong way. It was enough Ryshon was on one today, our first time meeting. It stopped my dancing and I straightened.

“Could you help Ky stay organized with the gift bags in the kitchen?” Jade asked, taking off.

She didn’t wait for an answer.

“Trent, where can I change a diaper?” Ezra asked me, holding Lisa-Mare, who was sucking on a pacifier.

The smile left my eyes when I realized what he was going to do. I looked around.

“Where’s L?”

“I don’t know. Helping Jade, I presume.”

“Oh.” My lids stretched. “Okay. Anywhere you want. My office door is closed, but unlocked if you want privacy.”

He nodded once, but hesitated when he stepped off. “A word please.”

Ezra tossed his head toward the open doorway. We went off to the side, kids zooming past us.

He whispered, “Be careful. I sense an adversarial spirit. Not minatory, but provocative.”

I may not have been able to define all the words, but I caught the message. Ezra was picking up vibes from ol’ boy, too. I nodded my understanding and Ezra took off.

Ryshon and his boy were still standing in the corner as the kids were filing out.

“Yo, Ryder, you wanna help Ky give out the bags? I can stay in here and clean up while you handle that.” I pointed toward the line of kids, on their way to kitchen.

I addressed him by his street name to give respect. I was trying to include him in on today. I knew too well what it felt like to be looked over with family. He was Ky’s dad and I respected that. Even when they were down in the gym, shooting hoops; it was weird seeing Ky play with another man, but I ate that spirit of jealousy. This was his dad. Ryshon had been up and missed this time. He was more than welcome to it in my crib.

He swiped his nose, hardly giving eye contact. “Nah, man. Y’all got this.” Then he went back to his phone.

I stood there for a moment, trying to process the shade in that. After showing my ass two nights ago in the hospital, I decided to walk off.

“But whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also.” The scripture popped in my head because it wasn’t filled with emotion and rage like it was at the hospital.

I just brushed it off.

“Oh.” My mouth pouted in surprise. “Y’all in here?” I asked from the entryway of the living room.

Both Ryshon and Little X glanced up from their phones.

“Oh,” Ryshon smiled. “Don’t worry. We ain’t taking pictures to post and shit.”

Little X laughed and I looked away, uncomfortable. They both made me feel uneasy. Trent has been telling me to relax and give Ryshon a chance to be a father. That was hard considering he showed with none of his daughters, but brought Little X. Did he feel he needed security? Trent wasn’t a threat.

“Well, I came to tell you Ky’s looking for you. He’s about to leave.”

“Where he going? To StentRo’s house?” his tone was cynical, and I knew it was because Ryshon wasn’t adjusting to the new life Kyree and I had taken on. “I thought his son was his new bestie.” He laughed.

I swallowed. “No. They’re out of town for the week.” Jordan and Zoey were bummed about missing it, but Stenton had an obligation to some tour in China and it had been planned for months. “He’s staying over Lashawn’s tonight. He’s upstairs, getting his bag, if you want to see his room.”

Ryshon glanced around the high walls. “So this ya style, huhn. It’s ya speed.” I didn’t know how to answer that. “I coulda given you something more than the apartment in E.O.”

“Like you did Shontel?”

His smile dropped and eyes landed on me. “Maybe, yeah. If you woulda been patient. I got big things happening. Truth be told, I ‘on’t think you ever believed in me. You ain’t never hold me down when I was away.” He shrugged with one shoulder. “It’s all good, though. I know where I snatched you from.” He whistled, eyeing the art on the walls. I’d finally finished with this room. “This one dope. Who this?”

I turned in his line of vision. “It’s a conceptual piece. A girl out of Baltimore. Maya…” I tried to remember. “Maya something Asante.”

We met her at an art exhibit Trent’s friend, A.D. Jacobs, had last fall in the City. Trent knows nothing about art, except what appeals to him. I liked to think it was what spoke to him. I tried showing him as much as I could so this room could reflect the abstracts of his beautiful mind. It was strange having Ryshon here, absorbing Trent’s energy.

“This one sick, too.” He pointed to the opposite wall near the fireplace. “What’s that?”

My eyes squeezed closed before I turned. Jesus bleeding from the cross. His head pricked with a spiked crown to mock Him. His arms stretched wide, helplessly, and His face dripping with blood, tears, and sweat.

“That’s a wax piece. An artist by the name of Monet.” I turned back to him.

“This the shit he in or you?” He stepped closer.

And that’s when I noticed the gold caps in his mouth. All day, I hadn’t given Ryshon a full inspection. I had no reason to. I couldn’t tell you the color blazer Pastor Carmichael wore or the type of shoe, Leonard Maze, Connecticut Kings’ full-back, had on today. I had no level of curiosity, so long as Kyree had on clean and matching clothes and Trent wore the Gucci t-shirt and sweat pants I laid out for him, along with the Ase Garb socks and sneakers. Those two were my only concerns.

I tried for a smile. “Mr. Bailey’s house. Mr. Bailey’s style.” I stretched my hand toward the doorway. “Do you want to see Ky off before you go?”

“What I wanna do is find out why you ain’t wait for me. I may not be able to give you Monet art in a big ass mansion or a Range, but I coulda hit you off with ya own crib and nice whip.”

There was a pregnant pause before I could respond.

“Like you bought Shontel the Benz and a house the same month Ky got evicted?”

Once again, Ryshon’s face fell. “Ky ain’t get evicted. His unemployed moms did.”

I scoffed, shaking my head while my eyes went to my feet. “That’s how disconnected we were.” I peered into him again. “I was employed, Ryshon. I worked two jobs. I wasn’t trying to lay up and have you do everything. I just needed your help making ends meet until something better came along for me.”

“Something better like what? A star quarterback for the Kings?” He snorted. “Nah, baby. Better things come to chicks who go to school and hustle for a better life.”

“I was doing that, too,” shot quickly from the pits of my stomach. “Still am in school, for your information. Look, I don’t know why you keep going down memory lane. I’m fine with how things turned out. I just want to move forward. Just want to co-parent successfully for Ky’s sake.”

“That’s the problem. I still gotta be concerned about ya future. This ain’t gone last. True story. I see ya rock. He gone want that back. Them Gucci slippers you been switching ‘round here all day in may come with you. I just wanna give you a out right now before I move on to the next.”

I turned to walk away. I had enough on my mind. The last thing I needed was Ryshon’s bullshit. I didn’t even want him in my home.

“You can leave now.” …with your friend.

The two of them in the same room gave me the creeps.

“Oh, so you wanna nigga to leave the mansion, huhn. Lemme show you how you gone be leaving when that rabbit pussy get boring to him.”

As I whipped around to face him, I heard Little X’s juvenile laughter.

“What the hell did you sa—” I started.

“Which one’s ya baby daddy, J?” I jerked my neck back to find it was Lex who yelled that over me to get our attention.

Her face was in a small plastic plate that held the cake she was devouring.

Ryshon scoffed. “The realest nigga you ever seen that’s about to blow this bitch now that we being kicked out by the bootleg ass lady of the house.”

My eyes fell shut and shoulders dropped. I could take on Ryshon all by myself. I’d been doing it for years. But I couldn’t do it in front of Trent’s first lady.

Shit…

As Ryshon and Little X moved to leave, Lex continued picking at the cake when she casually asked, “Oh, so you the one that couldn’t make her come with your mouth?.”

My face opened and lungs filled. I’d told Lex that one night, last year, when they had us over and she and I drank too much on her back porch while the guys were in the house talking. She’d just been cleared to drink again—from her husband—a couple of months after Lisa-Mare was born.

Ryshon froze in place. His hard eyes assessed Lex from head to toe. She was tall—amazon tall. Taller than him, and apparently not the least bit afraid of ruffling his feathers.

“Who the fuck is you that you concerned about what I can do to her. You should wanna know what I could do wit’ a real woman. You’s a big one. I can make you do some shit.”

“Ha!” Lex’s alarming tone had me leaping in place. “Dawg, if you ain’t using ya mouth; I doubt ya dick fuckin’ with much. I’ll pass.”

“Yo, who the fuck—”

“Alexis…” Ezra rounded the corner with a full on scowl.

His eyes went to every player in the room. It was probably her blaring—and perfectly antagonizing—cackle that caught his attention.

“Oh, hey, babe. I was just in here looking for Jade so she can show me the wedding bands she and Trent finally decided on. You know with him being so rich, legally employed and all, it took them some time to settle on something.”

Ezra’s eyes narrowed with amused admonishment, but that’s all I could pick up under the thick beard.

“Lisa-Mare is sleeping in her car seat. Let’s go,” he rasped with lifted brows.

“Yeah. I think that’s a good idea,” Ryshon followed up with.

Ezra turned with his brows still hiked. “I’m sorry. I don’t think we’ve met. I’m a friend of Mr. Bailey’s. My wife here is, too. Is there something you feel you need to discuss with me?” Then his forehead wrinkled. “Because I am quite confident you weren’t going to express it to her directly.”

Ryshon snorted again. “Yo, pardon me?”

Broad rounded shoulders and a beard rounded the corner.

No…

My face fell again. I could cry. If they’d just held off a few seconds longer, I could have handled this alone.

“Hell is this?” Trent asked with an impassive expression, but his shot to me first then to Ryshon.

“Oh, you missed it, Trent.” Lex giggled under her glaring husband. “Dude over here just admitted to defeat about his head game and was about to leave.”

“Alexis!” Ezra growled.

“Fuck you say, bitch?” Ryshon shrieked at the same time.

Ezra did a one hundred-eighty degree athletic turn toward Ryshon, so fast that even he flinched before recovering.

But the pastor caught himself, yanking the lapels of his blazer and taking a deep breath while rolling his neck.

Holy shit…

Ezra had a temper.

“My dearest Jade, I think it’s best your associate here leave right away. I don’t do too well after the first strike.”

“No! Wait!” Lex piped up. “He’s supposed to ask Trent how not to be a fuckboy and how to up his head and stroke game, baby.”

“Alexis!” Ezra shouted, creating a rumble beneath my feet.

“Yo, man—” Ryshon started, but Little X grabbed him at the arm, telling him it was time to go.

“Yeah, you should,” Trent gritted. “Because you got one more time to call anybody a bitch in my house and I’mma make you meet the one in you, bruh! Fuck wit’ me.” Trent stepped toward Ryshon, and I charged in front of him to futilely hold him back.

“Tyheem!” I screamed to the top of my lungs, unable to get the words out of my befuddled brain. “John!” I called for the new security, who moved in yesterday. I couldn’t hold him back and Ezra seemed past the point of control himself. “Trent, please!”

It all happened so fast. Ryshon barked back at Trent and Little X held him back, throwing eyes to Trent and Ezra. All humor drained from Lex’s face as she braced her husband. And Tyheem appeared in the hall. John was on his heels and quickly assessed the situation, grabbing Trent.

Tyheem moved in the middle. “Yo, y’all gotta go. The fuck you think you gone do with his big ass, yo?” He laughed, pointing a thumb over his shoulder. “Do ya self a favor.”

Trent pushed against John. “Nah, B. Let his little ass try it.”

Ryshon rolled his eyes, scoffing while he shook his head. “I’m trippin’. You got these people thinking you some snow white, I see.” Ryshon crossed the threshold.

“You would never understand. Just go, please!” I tried.

That stopped him in his tracks. “Word?” His eyes widened with shock humor. “Don’t make me peep ya card in front of ya ritzy friends. You ain’t no angel. Little X proved it.” He turned to Trent, tossing his forehead to gesture to me. “Don’t trust her around your friends, bruh. I did and she fucked him.”

“Ryshon!” flew from my lungs on deaf ears.

“Ask him,” Ryshon challenged, tossing his chin next to him. “He right here. I tell you no lies, my G.”

“Time’s up,” Ezra informed, charging toward Ryshon.

But it was too late. Tyheem had already grabbed him up, putting him into a hold, and moved him along. Little X tried to go for Tyheem when John snatched him up much more roughly than his friend was and followed them out.

A riotous exit was happening. Lex was all over Ezra, trying to cover him. She was pregnant and used her full weight to do it. I felt sick. Couldn’t believe all that was going down around me. On their own accord, my heavy eyes rolled over to find Trent’s on me. No longer were they filled with rage. They were etched with pain.

The door slammed on his way in. Trent brisked past the dining room where I’d been waiting on him to see off the last of the guests.

“Trent,” I called out, but he was out of my peripheral.

He backed up and peered into the room where I sat at the table. He didn’t speak, only scratched the flesh hidden behind his beard. My stomach was in knots.

“I’m sorry. If I’d known Ryshon was that impetuous and hot to the touch at this point, I would’ve never invited him. Hell, if I’d known he’d come with a friend instead of his children, I’d have revoked the invitation.”

“I ‘on’t think I’ve ever seen my man that hot.” Trent wouldn’t look at me. “He wouldn’t say shit to his wife when they packed the baby in the car.”

“I’m so, so sorry. I’ll send them a basket of sorts as a means of apology.”

“A basket?” His hard eyes were finally upon me. “You think a basket is gonna erase how close to violence he was? You know dude’s a fuckin’ black belt martial artist? He could’ve fuckin’ killed Ryshon and his mans in less than ninety seconds. I fuckin’ got hands, Jade: coulda bodied them niggas myself. Dude gots hands, feets, and head. He’s a human weapon!”

I jumped in the chair.

“And he’s your mentor and friend. I understand you didn’t like seeing him roused like that.” I swallowed hard, unable to look at him. “I’m also aware that you were humiliated in front of him and his wife, too.”

“Yeah, and about that: you ‘on’t think that’s some shit I shoulda known?”

“What do you mean?”

“That lurking ass nigga up in my house with history with you like that and you couldn’t at least tell me when they came through the door?”

My face opened in shock. “I don’t think opening that can of worms during Ky’s party would’ve been appropri—”

“What ain’t fuckin’ appropriate is two bum ass niggas in my crib, talking about smashin’ my wife! Something I ain’t know about!”

I jumped to my feet. “I swear on everything I love, I was going to tell you. Early on when we were getting to know each other, I was going to tell you, but… It…”

“It what?”

“It would’ve worked against my motive at the time?”

“What moti—” That must have been when it clicked. “Oh, when you was tryna fuck?”

My eyes slammed shut and shoulders lifted at that blow. The mere mention of my seduction under these circumstances made me feel repulsive.

A sob shot from the back of my mouth. “I’m so sorry, Trent! I’m so sorry!”

“Sorry for what?” he screamed into my face.

I couldn’t see him behind my squeezed eyes, but could feel his angry cotton candy-fragranced breath across my face. I felt the burn from hot tears run down my face, hot mucous racing to my quivering lips.

“I’m sorry for all of this. Keeping that from you, the pregnancy, the drama—everything.” I forced my eyes open. “I get it’s not what you want. I swear, I’ll do whatever you want to make this right.”

“Really? Like there’s anything that can undo this shit, Jade!” His mouth tightened and he yanked the hairs of his head by the roots, turning away from me. A growl flung from what seemed like the bottom of his belly. “Ooooh!” I cried harder. “You know I got issues with trust! You know I don’t fuck with people, Jade! For this reason, man. I stay low, off of people because of this very shit!”

My heart shred in two.

“I understand,” my voice was firm. “We can leave.” Trent turned to face me, eyes wide as saucers. I shook my head, prepared for the rebuttal. “It wouldn’t be the biggest let down for your world. I’m not accepted by them anyway. You haven’t spent anything on the wedding. We can just walk away.” I desperately wanted to help him.

Trent’s chin ducked and brows furrowed. “Are you fuckin’ kidding me? You forget we married, Jade?”

“We’re not.”

The whole room seemed to vacuum in sound. I could only hear my pulse race. My eyes held his impossible horrorstruck expression.  

I licked my lips, my hands going into the air as I begged him to let me explain. “I never filed our license last fall. I’ve been forgetting to. According to the state of New Jersey, we aren’t married.”

“The fuck?”

“I know. I’m sorry. It’s been a huge oversight with all I’ve been doing. Each week it’s on my to-do list and something happens to knock it to the next. First it was finishing up school last semester then Super Bowl, then spearheading the foundation for Shank… The list goes on and on. But I swear—”

“You fuckin’ kidding me right now? The hits keep coming. You ‘on’t think that’s something I should have known, too? You like keeping secrets! That’s what this’s been about to you?”

A tear ripped at my chest. In that moment, I could feel eighteen hard months of trust built up being broken.

As my head rocked side to side, my eyes closed again in pain. I did not see that coming. My admittance to what I thought was a blunder gave him a false revelation that could mark the end of us.

Trent turned to leave. I couldn’t let him do that.

“Tren—”

“WHAT?” he roared.

“So, now I’m untrustworthy?”

“I don’t know what the hell you are! You just copped to not even being mine!”

I stepped closer. “Legally. Not yet anyway—”

“Now… Now… Now!” April walked up from behind me. “Everybody just calm down. We gotta lot going on here!” She moved between us, her chubby arm flailing in the air. “Between the charity foundation, y’all tryna help me up here, the news about the pregnancy, planning this party, Brenda being in the hospital, and Trent going back and forth—”

“What?” I shifted. “Going back and forth?” My questioning regard shot to Trent. He rolled his eyes away, exasperated. “Wait. You’ve been going back and forth to the hospital to be with your mother?” I could barely get out, my diaphragm danced so hard.

“Now, wait!” April interjected, trying to gain eye contact with me. “He ain’t been keeping much from you. She won’t even see him. You know Brenda shut folks out.”

Pain turned into venom. My eyes narrowed even more.

“How many times have you been down there and she hasn’t been receptive, Trent?” I demanded.

I swear I could choke the life out of Brenda Bailey. She didn’t deserve to be a mother. Not to this amazing human being.

“It don’t even matter, man,” he muttered, turning away.

My neck jerked back at his audacity. “It doesn’t matter now that all of my secrets have been blown out of proportion or it didn’t matter when you were going back and forth underneath my nose? Who’s keeping secrets now, Trent? At least my alleged blunder was before I met you!”

My body swung around and I left the room.

He’s never going to trust me completely…

~Twelve

“Two hundred fifty people,” April breathed, amazed as she scanned the invitation list. “All for my Shank, huhn?”

“I think we’re on track in terms of planning. Love Is Action and the Connecticut Kings are throwing lots of resources into this.” I sat back from the table, scratching my scalp and yawning.

It was time for me to take this weave out and wash my hair. I wasn’t looking forward to it. I’d been thinking about leaving it out for a while. Or at least I was before all of the shit with Trent blew up a few days ago before he left for the road again. I’d been in a slump all week.

“Trent said so. He said it ain’t been hard to start this foundation.”

“And watch how it grows. I bet if he stays at it, the name will be recognizable for every HIV/AIDS community-based organization across the U.S. I wish I could do more to bring it to fruition.”

“Oh, baby!” she cried. “You’ve done a lot. You wrote up that fancy mission and goals for it to make people respect it.”

She was talking about the mission statement for the Shank Bailey Foundation she and Trent conceptualized last year, just after his death. When Trent started inquiring about how to start a foundation, he was told to write down its purpose. I’d just taken a grant writing course last semester as a filler and was familiar with the basics of asking for money. I sat with April and Trent to pull goals and objectives from them and took it from there.

“I just hope the recipients take to it. Continuum care and clean needle access are ground-level. Those in need of this service should take advantage of it.”

“Well, those are the people we ran into the most in the clinic and hospital. For some reason, Shank saw more drug users than people who got it like he did, through sex. He said if he could do things differently, he’d help them. Those people, he really took to them.”

I nodded, my eyes to the dining room table where we were meeting for me to share the update the coordinator had provided me. Trent had hired her to spearhead the ball. August would be here before we knew it. We wanted April informed, Trent and I both.

“How’s the big party plans coming along?”

I exhaled, rubbing my eyes. “They’re coming. Thank God for Elle. She’s been a miracle worker. Honestly, there isn’t much for me to do”—I relaxed in the wing-back chair and went for my belly—“but find something to hide this.”

April laughed, but I caught the adoration in her eyes. “Girl, you ain’t gone be able to keep that secret for long. I been noticing it. Could be because I know, but it’s making itself known. By Trent’s birthday, it’s gone be screaming ‘hi’ to everybody!” April cracked herself up. “Damn, I miss Shank. I know he smiling down on Trent.” Her forehead nodded toward my small bulge through a thin t-shirt. “She’s proof of it. Trent’s blessed for having you, honey.”

God, I miss him…

My arms dropped and belly leaped as my elbows went to the table.

“You okay, baby girl?” April’s voice was soft, her regard just as careful.

I sighed, trying to pass it off as a laugh. “I’ve seen better days.”

“Jade, take it one day at a time. All marriages are assigned cars on the rollercoaster. Just hold his hand while going down. It’ll feel that much better when you peak again.”

My brows furrowed. “What does that mean?”

She started gathering her things at the table, neatly packing the handouts I printed for her into the portfolio I purchased for her storage.

“It means you gotta know you’ll come back up. Together. Nobody likes a fair weather friend. If you’re with them in the good, you gotta do that bid in the bad, too. The same as in marriage. Yeah. You recognize the fights, the pain, the problem. But right there is when you should determine in ya heart that you’re going to get through this one together. And brave the next one together. ‘Cause, baby,” she sang. “Them lows gonna keep coming.”

My folded face went to the paperwork scattered in front of me, my eyes all over, making sense of what she was saying.”

“But technically, we’re not married.” It had become so real to me once Trent made it a big deal.

“You done told me about the wedding on the beach where Shank’s remains are. You took vows before God and Shank. You two are married. Next step is to legalize it. Find out how to get it done.” 

My phone vibrated over the table, alerting me of a text.

Lex Carmichael: Hey girl! Just got a moment to text and say THANKS for the gift basket! The Carmichaels will be Gucci and Ase Garb’ed OUT this spring. My divo of a man loved the horsebit slippers! Now I know why you asked for our sizes. LMAO

I rolled my eyes and snickered, happy to feel her positive energy through a text. Lex couldn’t shake the profanity. It was one of the perks of Trent having an endorsement deal in place with them. I couldn’t go crazy, ordering things for other people, but there was an allowance for gifts to friends and family. This seemed like an appropriate occasion to utilize it.

“I’m off. I need to get a nap in before Kyree gets home. He and I are going out to get snow sleds today. They said we’re getting a lot this weekend.” She stood, collecting her things. “Can you believe we gettin' more snow?” She moved to leave out.

I smiled, shrugging with my forehead.

Me: I just wanted to apologize to him and say thank you to you. I feel horrible. I still can’t believe how you handled my ignorant baby’s daddy.

I snorted a laugh, though it was inappropriate to feel humor under the circumstances.

Lex Carmichael: He was light work. You gotta remember I got that #HarlemPride in me. I’ve been dealing with much worse in my line of work. Even grew up around it.

I wasn’t familiar with the hashtag.

Me: Can I ask a personal question?

Lex Carmichael: Yes

Me: How ugly was it between you and Pastor Carmichael when you got home? Are you past it?

Lex Carmichael: Pretty bad. I’m not used to seeing him lose it in front others. Only me. He spanked my ass and slept well that night. LMAO

I cupped my mouth, eyes bulging.

Don’t go there… Don’t go there!

Me: I’m not going there. Sounds like you’re still married though. Thanks again Lex. You were a needed friend.

Lex Carmichael: Cool beans sis. I keep telling you I’m not a first lady. I’m a work in progress married to the preacher man. Maybe I’ll run into you at bible study.

That was a load off. A comical one—but needed. I hoped her husband was just as forgiving.

For that matter, I hoped mine was, too. In fact, I needed to get a husband. The day Trent left, I called down to the clerk’s office with questions. We had six months to file the marriage license. We were five months out at this point, with not much time to spare.

I just didn’t know if I had a willing husband anymore.

My shoulder shook. I sniffled, rolling my eyes.

Damn!

All I did was cry. I was tired of crying. Never cried so much in my life. It was crazy. I’d seen a bad day or two in my day, but I’d never battled fear to this degree. My eyes blurred from tears, as I observed the tag of the fourth dress I tried on this morning for church. Fourth! It was also the fourth I couldn’t fit. I’d just worn this one last month.

As I sat inside the closet, on an ottoman with only a towel wrapped around my naked body, I was wrecked with unfair emotions. It wasn’t just about the dresses—but very much about the dresses. It was because everything around me felt blue. I was heavier, breasts impossibly bigger, tracks loose in my head likely from pregnancy hormones…nail chipped before getting in the shower. All of it. I was over it all, and even in a moment of hormonal insanity, I contemplated cutting my hair all off.

I heard him clear his throat at first. “I owe you an apology.”

And that was my biggest source of anxiety this morning. Trent was back from his motivational mentoring tour in Louisiana. Today would be our first time going to church together in a while. I’d been too much of a coward to go last week, so I viewed the service online. I did make it to Bible study, though. I actually looked forward to church and attended without Trent all the time. But this morning was different. He’d just gotten in from his flight at five this morning. By six he was out for his morning run, followed by his workout. We’d spoken sparsely while he was away.

My back was to him. I couldn’t face him. But the tears halted. I had to get it together. My eyes widened and whipped around in their sockets.

“Why? Because it’s the right thing to do or you think I deserve an apology after embarrassing you in front of your pastor, his wife, and your staff?” My eyes raced.

“I owe you an apology because you’re my wife—no matter the state knowing. I married you for better or worse. I was at my worst that day and…apparently, your worst was brought up. We were there together, and I didn’t respond to it the right way. This ain’t how I wanna kick this thing off, Jade. It’s not why I got into this thing,” his voice was so raw, so revealing. “Neither of us were perfect people—are perfect people. I was less perfect than both of us. There’s no way I can judge you or cast shame upon you for something you did before you met me.” I could hardly hear him, his tone was so soft.

“You were right: a lot of my mistakes were made since we’ve been married. What went down with you and Ryshon was before we met. If I learned anything from that Brielle shi—situation, it’s that I can put mistakes that were made before me behind us.

I snorted, sitting up, and sniffling back my tears. My back was still to him. “You want to know the worst thing about it?” His silence spoke. “The fact that I never even did it.”

“What?” was released curtly.

I closed my eyes, fortifying myself then turned to peer over my shoulder to finally face him. I widened my eyes, confirming my statement.  “I never slept with Little X,” my tone was just as soft as his earlier.

“Why didn’t you say that when he said you did?” Trent tossed his thumb over his shoulder. Below his neck was virile beauty, above it was confusion and anger. “He lied on you.”

I swiveled around to fully face him. “Because in the world Ryshon and his friends come from it doesn’t matter.”

“I don’t understand. Dude accused you of doing something grimy and you don’t at least set the record straight? Wasn’t nobody gonna challenge you while I was there.” His face was hard as stone. “Why didn’t you say that?”

“Because I wanted to!” I blurted over him with closed eyes. I took a deep breath before peering over to him again. “I wanted to. I was the one who backed out in the end, but it was me who put it into play.” A wry smile formed on my face. “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he.”

Another stunned emotion struck Trent’s face.

“I wanted to hurt Ryshon. He’d done it to me over and over. You notice I don’t have any girlfriends, other than my cousin, who are confidants? I did at one point. Kyree even had a godmother. He’d slept with her while I was in my last weeks of pregnancy and for weeks after I gave birth. He slept with another friend I went to high school with a year later. He humiliated me time and time again. Then he embarrassed me in front of my cousin, Lashawn, by trying to talk to her girlfriend at a club. That was the last straw. He got locked up not too long after that, thinking everything was going to be cool. We were going to do another bid together. I had other plans. Little X distributed his money to his kids’ mothers when he was away. One day, he came over and I seduced him. It was the best acting job I’d ever done. I wanted revenge.”

Things got quiet. I didn’t know if he cared to hear more. The reemergence of the pain was keen.

“I had my reasons for doing it. It was for the pain he’d caused me over the years. At some point, for him, the romance was over. Interest in the charming, naïve rich girl from South Orange wore off. I wasn’t anything special to him.” I shrugged. “So, Little X was with it. He came over at the agreed upon time and I was ready. We were almost naked and I couldn’t do it. Something hit me so hard as he was pulling down his jeans. I stood with my bra exposed and felt rocked, dizzied, all of a sudden. I was spinning out of control.”

I choked on a cry. “I couldn’t go through with it. There was no intrigue, attraction, love, or lust. I wasn’t that girl. I’d only been with three guys.” I wiped my face. “Little X got angry…started pulling back on his clothes. He was yelling, ‘You know what this means, right? You know what this means? I’m telling everybody we did it. They not gone believe you. What bitch line up a fuck with her old man’s right hand while he locked up? You know he knows, right. You know I told him’.” I’d never forget his words.

“He was being honest. Ryshon told him to go through with it.” Hot tears fled down my cheeks. “He did it. Little X went around telling people he’d slept with me. And in their world, it only takes your boy to say he slept with a woman. Because I’m a whore. Right?” I shook my head. “I mean… Just look at me. The weave, slayed face, boobs, and ass. Just like the world thinks I’m your whore now.”

“Jade, you should’ve said something down there! We would’ve believed you. We know the woman you are!”

I shook my head again, wiping my tears, and sniffling. “You know what? It’s… It’s… It’s over with.” I picked up dress number four from the floor and stood. “I deserved it. I should’ve never dealt with Ryshon or people like him in the first place. I just can’t shake this. I can’t shake it.” I shook my head, decided. “I’m going to always be the cunning whore. The one prone to blunders.” A cynical giggle shot from the back of my throat as I stared at the size six tag in my hands. “As soon as I was gaining my ground, becoming a new person—turning over a new leaf—it all blew up in my face.”

My eyes fell to my protruding belly. April was right: it seemed since we learned about the pregnancy, the pregnancy told on itself.

“Jade!” his commanding tone snatched my attention. My eyes flew to him immediately and caught his on my belly, too. Trent had caught on. “For some reason, it’s always about what other people think, never about just me and you. When we exchanged those vows, who was there? It was me and you. The only other people had a role in making it official. Nobody else matters. You gotta get over that, Jade.”

“Remember you said after the party how you had your trust flaw? Well, you’re aware of my insecurities. It’s always been about how people perceive me. I can’t shake that either, it seems.” Trent shook his head, frustrated. “You know why I love this place? You know why I took to it so easily during one of the lowest points of my life?” His doubtful eyes met mine. “Because it was big enough to hide myself inside of. I can become a different person. A new person. I could reinvent myself. I could give something to it. I felt you may not have needed me, but this house did. I proved something to these four walls!” I pointed to no place in particular.

“I was something useful to something that knew nothing of the old me. It knew nothing about my past. The house even protected me by keeping my baggage from my old world in an adjacent place: the furthest garage from the main house! Trent, I am so tired of being what these people say I am. I just want to move on. I thought I was.” I grabbed my belly. “But…” I stopped to breathe.

I caught Trent’s face opening as his eyes were stapled to my midsection. “So, what me and my daughter represent to you is another mistake?” He took a step back, tearing me in two. “If that’s the case, I ‘on’t know what I’m doing here. I don’t know who the fuck I married.”

He walked out. Just as quiet as Trent came in, interrupting me from my self-loathing tears, he left me to them with fresh agony.  

“Trent!” Chéri called my name like she missed me. By the time I turned from the painting hanging in the hall close to the front door, I caught her approaching me, looking over my shoulder, with her arm wrapped around her husband, George. “It’s so wonderful to see you.”

She made her way over, wasting no time to hug me.

“How are you?” I greeted as she squeezed tight.

When Ms. McDowell backed away, I caught a glimmer in her clear green eyes with gold specks in them.

Damn, she fine like Jade…

It was hard not to acknowledge. I couldn’t speak about her body because Chéri dressed her age: not much fitted on her—thank God. But her face and exotic eyes were my lady’s: through and through.

She backed away and her dreamy eyes and excited smile went up to her husband, making room for him to greet me.

George stuck out his hand. “TB! Good to have you over.”

We hugged, too.

“Good to be here, man.”

“Come, Trent.” Chéri waved me into a room not too far from the door.

I followed her into what ended up being their formal living room. I knew about those since becoming a home owner. All big houses had one, from my understanding. George pointed to a seat in the corner, a fancy sofa chair, white with a dark wood trim. I took a seat.

“I understand you just arrived back into town,” Chéri shared, sitting down to where only half her bottom was on the sofa, she crossed a leg over the other, and straightened her spine. “May I offer you a refreshing drink? Something to eat?”

“Yeah,” I sat back in the chair. “I just flew into Teterboro from Milwaukee. Nah, I’m good. I don’t wanna take up too much of your time. I just wanted to touch down with you then I gotta get home to check in with Jade and Ky to make sure everybody’s good and in one piece.” We laughed together. “Take care of what needs to be handled after being away for a few days. Then I know Jade’s gonna give me a good hour before she makes me go lay down and relax. I’m sure she got something cooked and waiting for me.”

“Oh. Okay,” Chéri sang in soprano, her eyes bounced around a little, making me believe she was analyzing something I’d just said.

George lowered his chin as he stared at me. “So, I take it all is well with those two?” He really wanted to know.

“Yeah. Yeah!” I piped up, not wanting them to think I was about to drop a bomb on them—well, nothing out of control, at least. “We’re definitely good, a tight unit. Got a lot going on. We’re finally settled in the house from her working her magic, making it feel like a home.”

All the time I’m talking, Chéri’s sitting stiff and looking to not being able to breathe, waiting for my next word. She was literally sitting on the edge of her seat. It was almost comical. She wanted to know why I was here.

“I just wanted to come and kick it about Jade—”

“What did she do now?” Chéri asked with her face frowned and nose in the air, almost like she was angry.

I paused.

What the he—

I chuckled, brushing off the chill in her tone. “She’s getting married.” I tried to take on a friendly tone. I wanted no trouble with queen pit bull, but her tone was reckless already. 

“Oh,” George nodded slowly then looked over to his wife with the perfect posture. “Okay.”

“We settled on a date.”

“Well, I wasn’t told that!” Chéri made known with her chin in the air, this time looking stubborn.

God, help me…

I’d already prayed the night before and on the way over here. I asked God to guide my lips and tongue and let only peace and humility come from them. I hated family drama.

I combed my beard with my fingers. “Yeah. I know. That’s basically why I’m here. I know you two haven’t been speaking, and it’s never been my thing to get in the middle of two women, especially strong minded ones like you and your daughter.  But I’ll do anything to make my wi—” I licked my lips, catching myself. “My lady happy. One of the things I know she needs is her moms.”

Unbelievably, Chéri’s eyes lit up. “How so?”

So, Jade’s need to be needed got a source, huhn?

“Well…” I licked my lips again, thinking. “Just being there and giving positive energy is one way. But she even mentioned the spot we chose to have the reception at being something you two spoke about in the past.” With stretched eyes, I shook my head. “But thank God we got over that hurdle—”

“And where’s that?” Chéri couldn’t contain herself.

Wow…

I scratched below my bottom lip.

“LaChateau—”

“I—in Midtown Manhattan?” Those green eyes sparkled with familiarity.

Good…

“Yeah.” I chuckled again, my eyes going to the brass statue in the corner. “Jade told me you dig the place. She thought it would make you happy the reception’s going to be there.”

Her chin went into the air again. But nothing more.

My eyes shot over to George, who was looking at her. He was always looking at her, allowing her to overshadow his presence.

“Well, like I was saying: we got over that hurdle. But another one is the wedding dress. Jade said you had one in mind.”

“Yes, I do. I’ve been between two, though this was years ago before…” She angled her neck and her eyes fell. “Before Kyree. I was going to let her be the tie-breaker.”

“I know it’s not my place to say this. Again, it’s not my nature to get in the middle of women no matter who it is. But things have changed. I’m taking on a lifetime with Jade. I wanna spend the rest of my days with her and I’ll do anything to give her the best. And right now I think the best for my lady is for her and her moms to be cool again.” I sat up in my seat, taking a deep breath to get ready for this. “The dilemma is, she’s pregnant.” Chéri sucked up all the air in the room.

“Well, how is she going to find a gown in that condition?” I wasn’t sure who she was asking because her eyes raced every which way, probably at the speed of her brain at this point. Then her eyes were on me. “Oh! I’m so sorry. So sorry about this, Trent! You know, I had an idea something like this would happen. I tried talking to Jade over and over again!”

“It’s okay!” My hand pushed out in the air, palm asking her to pump the brakes. The woman looked like she was hyperventilating. I was fighting to keep my cool at this point. What did she really think of her daughter? “You can calm down. I take full responsibility. I love my unborn child. I love Jade. I’m glad she’s going to be the mother of my first child—all of them. I’m good on it.” I tried for a smile to calm her. I almost laughed at her, I was kind of disgusted by her reaction.

“It’s okay. We’re good. I just understand how this poses a problem for her, looking for a gown. Because if she wasn’t, I’m a hundred percent sure she would go with one of the ones you liked. But now she’s got a change of plans. Now, we all know Jade is resourceful. She can figure it all out on her own—one of the smartest people I know. I’m just thinking the dress dilemma would be a good place to end this beef. Now would be a good time for you to reach out to her to help her out with that. Help her find a dress that’ll match her beauty.” I made my smile even bigger to disarm her.

The room went quiet for a minute.

“Well, that’s a lot of work. And lots of explanation. People are going to wonder how this came about. And they may even question if she took advantage of you!” She spoke with her eyes to her feet and her palms turned toward the ceiling. “And I just—it’s going to be—I…” She tripped over her words, so worked up. Then those gorgeous green eyes were on me again. The little chin pushed high again, too. “Well, if Jade needs me again, she must be the one to make it right.”

Chéri jumped up to stand on her little legs and marched out of the room, being led by that damn chin.

I sat frozen in my seat.

What in the world just happened?

My eyes were glued to the door my mother-in-law just made a dramatic exit from. She stayed on zero to sixty. I was now convinced. Was this a waste of time? A mistake?

She at least coming to the wedding? 

“I know what you’re thinking,” George’s voice reminded me he was still in the room. I turned to him, still crazy confused by what had just gone down. “I’ve been here with these two going at it since Jade was an itty-bitty thing.” He chuckled, but in a way that told me he understood this wasn’t a laughing matter. “And it’s not easy. You probably thought you were going to come here and announce this blessed pregnancy. And like any normal mother, she was going to get excited, forget about their fight back in February, and run to be at her daughter’s side.” George shook his head, losing all humor in his face. “But not Chéri.”

“That’s what I don’t get. I thought this would be an easier route than with Jade, because she’s dealing with so much: the pregnancy and trying to plan a…” My hands shot in the air as I searched for words to best describe what I felt in front of this big time lawyer, who I finally had something in common with. “…celebrity wedding. Thought this was the best way.”

“No.” George’s face was unsmiling for once. Now, he looked…tired.

I sat up in my seat, burying my face in my palms, feeling exhausted my damn self. I was confused, tired, and hungry. Nothing sounded better than being home. But this had been on my heart basically since we found out about the pregnancy. I’d finally gotten the time to speak to Ms. McDowell and it didn’t work. I felt powerless, now, too.

What am I gonna do now?

“It’s getting hot in here, Trent.” My head shot up to George. He pushed himself from the couch to stand. A scowl now on his face. “Follow me.”

My face folded, wondering what he meant. But I followed him out of the living room where he grabbed a coat from the closet in the foyer. We stepped out of the front door, and George led me from the circular driveway, over to the side of the house on a narrow walkway.

After a short time in the stroll, he finally spoke.

“Chéri’s problem with Jade is Chéri. It’s taken me years to articulate this to someone, but she damaged that little girl. She put her through all those mouse obstacle courses, promising her unconditional love and perfection through Chéri’s eyes upon perfect completion. When Jade stopped performing, Chéri washed her hands of her.”

I turned to look at him for the first time. My chest tightened at that visual. George kept his eyes on the clear pathway before us, one without the snow that was on the grass. He continued, in his own little world.

“From the day I met her, Jade was a sweet child—very bright—always outshining her peers. There was never a class, team, or group she was a part of where she didn’t stick out. It’s just who she is. So, it was no surprise when she attracted you and fit so comfortably in your arms.” George finally looked over to me. “It’s because she was born a star in her own right. So, if anything, Chéri pushed that girl so hard, she almost broke her. So much so, she sent her into the wrong hands with that Ryder kid.”

He stopped out of nowhere and faced me. I soon stopped, too.

“Now, I’m going to tell you this, but if you repeat it, I’ll swear under oath it never came from me.” He chuckled to soften the blow. George was definitely a lawyer. Who said things like that? “Jade’s father is the reason why Chéri pushed that girl so hard.” I felt my forehead wrinkle. “Chéri grew up dirt poor down in South Jersey: Bridgeton. Dirt poor. Don’t let all this grandeur fool ya.” His hand swept to reference his massive property. “Pardon my French, but Chéri ain’t have shit when I met her. She ain’t have shit.”

I switched weight on my hips, not expecting that.

“She was an effortlessly beautiful girl. Exotic features. She could play the part of class and elegance, and I fell in love. It didn’t take much for me. She had this little girl, who was gorgeous, too. But I used my resources…did some digging around and discovered Jade’s father never picked up after her was because Chéri was never meant to be a permanent fixture in his life. He came from a line of doctors, wealthy family for about three-four generations. He was on his way to Princeton. One summer, they hooked up in Philly…had an affair that lasted a while. There was no commitment, just a setup of fun. Well, at least for him.”

George laughed, eyes cast out into the snowy lawn. “My Chéri wanted more. She somehow got pregnant with Jade and thought that was going to keep the man. It didn’t.” George’s big shoulders shrugged. “The guy basically said, ‘fuck you and the baby’. She later told me he said she wasn’t on his level, how she came from the slums of Bridgeton while he was from Bernardsville. He told her she would never look good on his arm. He could never have this kid, because the kid had to come from another bloodline of wealth.” Reading my shocked expression, George nodded, telling me he agreed.

This sounded like old world politics.

“That did something to Chéri. She’d always had self-esteem issues. Always wanted to be something bigger and better than her Bridgeton upbringing, even found a way to travel abroad to investigate her new identity.”

That confused me. And just like the sharp lawyer he was, George picked it up.

“You don’t think a woman, birthing her child in urban South Jersey would name her Chéri, do you? God bless the dead, but Ms. Patty wouldn’t know to accent the ‘e’. My dear wife was born Sherileen Brown. Her family knows her as Sherry. She changed the name on her birth certificate to match her new persona after giving birth to her daughter.”

Shit…

“So, these issues of needing to fit in and not having the strongest sense of self came from Jade’s mother. They were passed on, but not through DNA; through a broken mother, pushing her to be things she wished she was to be accepted by men like her father…and me.” His face turned hard. “And you.”

That hit me hard.

“All those flaws are what Chéri battled with, coming of age. She even tried to step up her game with Jade’s father, who rejected her for being common. And that’s what my wife thought she was doing to her only child—a female like herself. She was grooming her to not be average or subpar. She wanted her extraordinary, only Jade was that naturally. She didn’t need the fillers of grooming schools and social clubs.”

George laughed, more to himself. “You know, it was like the Kris Kardashian/Nicole Brown/Faye Resnick affect.”

He paused waiting for it to click for me.

I shook my head. “I ‘on’t get it.”

“You know, the single women who know the right circle of wealth to infiltrate to become the next Mrs. Millionaire. Some women know where to go to snag a man with money. The ones who breed their daughters to strategically marry the ‘right’ pedigree. That was my Chéri. It’s what she thought she could do with Jade until Jade charted her own course and hooked up with Ryder.” That name dripped from his mouth with disgust.

I shared the same feelings.

“Chéri looked the part: nice body, gorgeous face, elegant manner of speaking, perfect posture—even manufactured her resume. She knew how to play the role. She was sure to be in social circles where business men like myself retreated to. That’s how I met her.”

He stepped closer. “But I saw a broken—but determined—young woman, who needed help with her little girl. Eventually, I fell in love with her. It didn’t take much time. I can take the pretentiousness. I can deal with the self-consciousness and heavy concern about appearances. The one thing I couldn’t stomach was how she treated that little girl. She put her in every class she could to enhance her etiquette and breed, overworked Jade with her own expectations. But Jade is a fighter. It’s already in her. She’d already arrived. Her mother tried putting layers on top of what was already there.”

George swung his hands in the air, taking a deep breath. “And I kept silent for years because, at the end of the day, I believe it’s a woman’s role to raise children. And Jade was not mine. But I loved her. I paid for every request made by Chéri without flinching. When they reconnected a couple of years ago through Kyree, I thought I’d come to a place of believing my silence was worth it. But now that there’s been another break between them, I don’t know what to do. So,” George offered me his hand for a shake. “I bid you good luck. But this is what I’ve known of them since Jade came into my world.”

I joined him in a handshake and now felt the burden he claimed to have been drowning in for years. My mind racing, trying to fight the image of a young hazel-eyed girl being told she wasn’t smart enough, pretty enough, or just enough. That shit hurt. Jade worked hard every day to tell Ky and me how special we are—good looking, talented, and capable. At first it was weird and I thought it was her way of securing me—although I’d already fallen for her. Then I got used to it and learned to depend on it. Now, I see it was because she didn’t want us to feel like she had under her mother’s strong hand.

“Well,” George’s sigh broke me from my thoughts. “I know you got to get out of here. I know Jade and how demanding she is.” He laughed. “In some respects, she’s like her mother. She likes to make sure Poppa Bear is taken care of. So, I’m going to let you go on your way.”

He turned first, headed back up to the front of the house. I followed with haunted thoughts. I swear, the only reason why his story had any effect on me at all was because I could relate to not being accepted by your mother.

George and I shook hands again before we parted ways: he went left for the front door, I kept straight ahead for the waiting truck where my security sat. Then I stopped.

“Yo, McDowell!” I called out. He turned to me, first over his shoulder, then full body. “You know whatever happened to her pops?”

George frowned, the bright sun in his eyes as he thought. “You know… I haven’t heard much about him over the years. Haven’t heard his name around the circles. But I remember he’s from Bernardsville. Kincaid. David Kincaid. They ain’t hard to locate.” He smiled, that expression I was used to seeing on him.

I couldn’t do the same if I tried, but managed a nod.

 ~Thirteen

“You’re not listening, Renee. That wasn’t his first time belittling me since he’s been home,” my vocals dragged like I was bored…because I was.

“Yeah. I heard that part, but I’m saying don’t involve KyKy in y’all’s bullshit, Jade. He say stupid shit to me all the damn time and I ignore his lil ass ‘cause I know that’s just how he is. He got a good heart, though.” I rolled my eyes, holding my cell between my head and shoulder.

I used one hand to massage my itchy, stinky scalp, and the other to scroll down my Facebook timeline, something I rarely did lately. And I saw why I’d stopped. There wasn’t much going on in people’s lives other than memes and celebrating Brielle’s birthday. I mean, people who had never met the girl were posting pictures of her with birthday greetings. Dang! You would think her birthday was a national holiday.

“Yeah,” I exhaled. “But he’s your son. You have to love and deal with him unconditionally. I don’t. I’m over it. Until he apologizes to me and promises never to disrespect me again, he will remain blocked from calling me.”

“For how long, Jade? He’s Ky’s father. You can’t block him, baby.”

“And she blocked me from my son’s phone, too!” Ryshon shouted in the background.

I wanted to remind him Kyree didn’t have a phone. He was too young for one. He had an iPod. But that would’ve been useless. He’d been that disconnected from his son.

I sat back at the kitchen table, one hand going to my growing belly without thought. It was a recently developed habit. It was also hard to avoid considering I was wearing one of my old small t-shirts.

“I’m not going to continue going back and forth over this. He’s hot-headed and unpredictable. He almost got into a fight with my fiancé’s pastor over disrespecting his wife, Renee!”

Me saying her name reminded me that we shared it. My mother’s influence of the name Renee was purely French, though.

“Oh, shit! You’s about to fight a preacher, Ryder?” she asked him.

“He wasn’t no preacher. That nigga too young to be a preacher. He was just a stick that was flexin’ ‘cause his wife kept fuckin’ with me! They all kept fuckin’ with me. One lady said Ky gone be a Bailey ‘cause TB taught him how da dance! Ask her ass about that!” I heard him yell.

I pinched the bridge of my nose. April did say that. I’d forgotten all about it, and had no idea it offended Ryshon. Trent and Ky danced around here all the time. They always battled—or at least Ky thought he could compete with Trent. When those two did the JuJu dance down in the basement, I had to check myself. I was getting aroused as though no one else was in the bowling alley but Trent and me. He was lost in his playful state, bouncing his shoulder, thrusting his pelvis, and sticking out that tongue as he smiled beautifully. Ugh! That was one of the few occasions where Trent behaved as a big kid and I wanted to take advantage of him. Sexually. I didn’t allow myself too much time in arousal land that day. The last thing I needed to be thinking about was sex. It’s what got me into the predicament I was currently in.

“Jade, now that ain’t right,” Renee argued. “That man ain’t KyKy’s daddy.”

I sat up. “Errrrrr!” I felt like a kid doing this. I didn’t want to speak to Ryshon or his mother. “Renee, Kyree only has one father. He only calls one man daddy.” I was painfully aware of that after Trent made it clear he would not shut Ryshon out—before he got a taste of his childishness. “One father that will lose contact with him for a while until he learns how to respect his mother. I’ve got no problem doing it.”

“Jade, you can’t keep KyKy away from his father!”

“She can’t! She can’t!” Ryshon screamed. “Fuck that! I’m getting a lawyer on her dumb ass!”

Lawyer? Really, Ryshon? Where?

“Shut the fuck up, Ryder! You sound all types of stupid as hell. You on parole. Who ya dumb ass gone get to help you? You gots to stay outta the damn pen first!”

“Yo! Facts, yo! Facts. I take care all my kids. They got clothes, shoes, and food! Facts, yo! I dare anybody to say I don’t!” Ryshon screamed to the top of his lungs with a passion I’d never heard from him.

“Renee, Ryshon hasn’t sent a red dime my way since early 2015. Did he tell you we got evicted? Did he tell you the same time we got put out, Shontel and little Renee got a house and a Benz?”

“Wait a minute now!” Renee demanded. “I know everything. And that house ain’t what it seems, Jade.”

I rolled my eyes, had moved on to a gossip blog now, seeing Brielle celebrated again. At this point, I had no idea what annoyed me most: seeing a stranger well-wish a super celebrity, who was probably on an exotic island unbothered, or this fruitless conversation I was engaged in.

“Why? Because it’s in someone else’s name? Ask him how much he contributed to it? Kyree requires food, clothes, shelter, school supplies, medicine, and those are just the necessities. I was busting my ass in school and between two jobs to make ends meet for him, by myself!”

“Hold up, honey!” Renee gave more bite than she had this entire twenty minute call. “You know if my grandson needs anything, all you gots to do is pick up the phone and call his grandmother! Don’t flex ‘cause you tryna’ play super girl!”

My neck snapped back and eyes shot wide. “Renee, I didn’t know you wanted to be a grandmother anymore! You haven’t asked for Kyree since Ryshon went in this last time. I shouldn’t have to beg for anything. If you choose to help and you know your son has been incarcerated and cannot provide, why would you not even call and check on him.”

“Oh, I gotta call? I’m the grandmother. I got five grands and I gotta be the one to reach out all the time?”

“No.” I shook my head. “You don’t have to and clearly you didn’t want to, which is why I never called. I don’t beg for help anymore.”

“See, Ma! She got all this attitude now!” Ryshon declared. “I told you that life done gone to her head.”

“Jade, you is acting different,” Renee observed.

This was getting ridiculous and we weren’t getting anywhere. It all reminded me of how I used to drag Ryshon’s mother into our fights, thinking she could talk some sense into him. Also, to win her favor. The tables had now turned. He ran to his mother, and they reached out to me. The problem was, I was over it. Over Ryshon and everything attached to him other than our son. I didn’t want to fight. I just wanted respect and privacy. I wanted out of their circus.

“You’re right, Renee. I have changed. I don’t want the drama anymore. I have no interest in Ryshon anymore. I won’t beg anymore. I won’t ask you guys to do right by Ky or Ryshon to respect me anymore. I’m done. I don’t have to bring Kyree with me, but I will if I feel I can’t trust Ryshon not to do anything repulsive or vindictive. I can’t risk sending him to Ryshon and have his head filled with poison about me. I’ve never spoken ill about his father to him. But after hearing what he said to my friends, I see he’s capable of anything, and I won’t have it.” I took a deep breath, closed my laptop and pushed away from the table. “Unless he’s prepared to apologize to me and swears to change his attitude toward me, I’m done with this conversation.”

I didn’t wait for an answer. I disconnected the call and slid my phone near the laptop. My arms went up for a stretch above my head, the cool air hitting my exposed belly. That had my arms flying back down and my eyes rolling again. I still couldn’t believe I was pregnant. My belly had still been growing, not waiting on my preparedness.

I stalked from the table towards the stairs, remembering I never brought down my wide tooth comb for when I applied the deep conditioner. It was a Friday, nearly two weeks since Ky’s party, and I’d finally taken out my weave. I’d been thinking about going without it for a while. At least until Trent’s birthday then I’d decide my next move. But for now, I needed to clean and deep condition it.

As I made it to the stairs, I massaged my scalp with both hands. My foot hit the first step and the doorbell rang. I froze. The doorbell never rang. The gate would ring from time to time with deliveries or service people, but not the house door. I suddenly recalled having left the gate open for the patio furniture delivery. But that earlier.

Shoot!

I’d forgotten to close it after. As I padded through the house to the front door, I grew more and more curious. I was inappropriately dressed with tight cropped sweat pants, ankle socks, and the small tee that didn’t cover my full belly, and exposed my braless breasts that were now huge! 

This is why I should’ve never taken Renee’s call…

Not that it mattered. I would’ve been indecent anyways. Normally no one rang the doorbell. Even though the Rogers’ had the code to the gate, they would still be expected to ring the gate bell. It couldn’t be Stenton. He was out of town. I’d taken the boys to school today and would be picking them up in a few hours. April had a set of keys. Even so, she was down in Macen Beach with her girlfriend, needing to be near Shank. She wouldn’t be back until Sunday.

As I approached the door, I could see two figures through the glass. The bell rang again, startling me.

“Who is it?” I asked.  

“Terrell…” a male’s voice, masked with femininity eventually answered. “…and B.” Then I heard a snicker.

My brows furrowed. Trent once told me about kids in the neighborhood finding out it was him living on this property and popped up once or twice, but in the year and a half I’d been here, there had been no such strange occurrences.

That’s why I went ahead and unlocked then opened the door. Slowly, two small figures appeared. One was a male, rather short with a brown fur coat and matching fur Cossack cap. My mom had about a half a dozen of them. His mustache and five o’clock shadow were cut with precision just as the high arch in his brows. He wore foundation and light eyeliner.

And he snickered. Again.

His eyes slid to the figure next to him, and that’s when I almost went weak at the knees. My hand ached to touch my wild, dirty, and foul-smelling hair standing on top of my scalp. My other jumped in place, was en route to my swollen and unrestrained breasts. And my—

My eyes flew down to my exposed belly. It wasn’t that big, but definitely too round and oblong to be dismissed as fat. Slowly, my eyes rolled up to her light brown orbs underneath long curled lashes and recognized the betrayal, shock, and pain in her aghast expression.

Again, the guy snickered, but this time, it appeared difficult to keep to a minimum and he sputtered a laugh…it seemed at her.

Brielle.

With her mouth agape, she turned to who I assumed was Terrell, with a blazing glare.

He was definitely laughing at her.

“I’m sorry, B!” He tried against roaring laughter that had him cupping his mouth. “But…” he sputtered. “This nigga done got her knocked the entire…” He tried. “…fuck up!”

Brielle’s eyes swung back over to me. I was too stunned to speak at first, unable to decide if this was a dream or a damn nightmare. Who opens their front door and sees pop-star, multi-Grammy winning, Global Globe winner Brielle? There was a running limo waiting behind her on the cobblestone, circular driveway.

“Who are you?” she asked, snatching me out of my own head.

The entitlement in that question rang loud.

“Ja—” I cleared my throat. “Jade, and you?”

Terrell fell into laughter again. My eyes closed, immediately understanding why. Who didn’t know who Brielle was? After issuing him a warning glower, she turned back to me.

“Trent’s friend. Please let him know I’m here.”

I hated her tone. She had a beef with me and I didn’t understand why. She didn’t even know me.

“You never answered my question,” the confidence in my voice returned with each word I spoke. Her whole aura told me to get on guard. “But it doesn’t matter. Trent’s not home.”

“But you are,” Terrell sputtered, laughing again.

His eyes were on Brielle as he referred to me, but she wasn’t with him in humor.

Who was he?

Terrell straightened, or at least tried. “Look, he’s not even available here. Just drop it. It’s clear he’s…into something here.” His French manicured hands gestured to me. “Let’s try to make this flight, darling.”

—and me with my peeking belly…and untamed breasts…and weaveless head…and makeup-less face.

Brielle didn’t like that suggestion at all. Her eyes warred with deciding what to do. They landed on me intermittently.

“But I can’t get him anywhere. How else am I supposed to reach him? It’s been two years now!” she argued to Terrell. “What else am I going to do?”

“Why are you here?” I asked before that conversation could continue.

Why did she need Trent? Hearing how long it had been boosted my confidence. I guessed she wasn’t counting that emotional performance at her concert. The doorway was cooling fast with a winter blast shooting through. They were in furs, I was in thin cotton.

“Oooh,” Terrell commented with his regard to me, amusement lining it.

Brielle cocked her head to the side, narrowing her eyes. “I need to talk to him about something personal between the two of us.

I adjusted my stance. “I’m his fiancée. I don’t think there’s anything I can’t hear.”

Before I was done speaking, Terrell sputtered a hard laugh at that.

“Terrell!” Brielle shouted.

“I’m sorry, B! I’m sorry. It’s just that…”

I would’ve believed this was an April Fool’s joke, only April wasn’t until tomorrow. How could she not have anything better to do on her birthday?

She shook her head, her butterscotch face turning red. This was a far cry from the Brielle the world knew—I once knew.

“Look. I don’t know what you two got going on, but I can assure you, if you tell him I stopped by, he’ll tell you I’m not the one for you to be territorial with.” Her eyes rolled gesturing inside the house. “I decorated this place.”

“False. The old design was yours. He’s upgraded since.”

Without failure, Terrell barreled over to his knees and laughed harder than was appropriate. I now didn’t know if it was at me or Brielle.

“This bitch, done moved…yo shit out and hers in!” he tried over hoots.

I was over it. “Again, you can tell me anything you want conveyed.”

Brielle’s eyes rolled from Terrell back over to me, brows furrowing again.

“You can tell him some stupid employee at my doctor’s office leaked my old pregnancy test and abortion records to the press. They’re running with the story any day now,” she hissed through gritted teeth.

That jarred me. It was the last thing I was expecting. How much of a past did these two have? Brielle, on camera, was sexy, sultry, seductive and mesmerizing. The Brielle off stage was America’s sweetheart: demure, reserved, and warm to everyone she encountered. A reigning musical princess, earning her crown as queen. She had a spotless record from drugs, alcohol, partying, and scandalous affairs. Her entourage kept her sheltered and protected. The quick buzz of if she and Trent were lovers that spawned from her show last fall had quelled. Now this.

“What is it with you and drama?” I asked. “Y’all cousins or something? In December, it was a threat of a threesome, now it’s your abortion. What does that have to do with Trent?”

Her pretty face formed an expression of disdain.

“What do you think?”

Oh… Realization hit me.

That was a gut blow. But again, I couldn’t let her see me swaying from it.

“Again. What does that have to do with Trent? The public doesn’t even know you two were once lovers. That’s a load you can carry yourself, sweetheart!” I backed to show I was prepared to close the door.

“Oooooh!” Terrell sang. “You done made her big mad, B.” His eyes were on me while he addressed her.

“I don’t care!” She spat, face contorting. Oh, my god! Brielle was losing her cool. She wasn’t the super power everyone perceived her to be. She was…no different than the girls Ryshon pitted me against. Holy shit! My husband was fucking Brielle! It may have been long ago, but I was familiar with a woman burning with jealousy over a man who supposedly belonged to you. This was surreal. “Who are you anyway? A stripper he caught feelings for? A dancer—”

“We know that ain’t entirely true, B,” Terrell interrupted. “TB is like titanium with them emotions. He ain’t falling for bullshit.” He chuckled.

My palm flew to the center of my chest and eyes brightened. “So, I’m bullshit?”

“I don’t know what the hell you are! That’s why I’m so confused!” Brielle shouted so loud, her heeled feet leaped from the cement each sentence.

“Don’t be,” I offered with a deceptively calm tone, extending my left hand as a reminder. “I’m his fiancée, remember? What we’ve not established is your reason for being here.”

“My entire reason is none of your business. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you’re nobody. What do you even know about him other than what’s in the media?”

“Welp. She knows that schlong,” Terrell answered, tossing his chin to my exposed belly.

Brielle was pissed as she kept shifting in her high heels on the platform of the steps. “Knowing that doesn’t make her special.” She looked about to explode. “Doesn’t make her suitable.”

My chin dropped. “And you think you’re the one for him?”

“For some insane reason you do. I wonder why.”

“Girl!” Terrell perked up, stepping toward Brielle and taking her at the arm to pull her away from the door. “I’m over this. Too damn old for this ‘he fucked me harder’ shit. Let’s go catch this flight, B.” His tone was warning. Terrell wasn’t in joke mode anymore.

“Wait!” she yelled, tripping backwards over her feet, Terrell’s tug was unrelenting. Everything seemed to happen fast. “I want to see him!” Brielle stopped. “Who is this bitch? What makes her think she has anything remotely real with a man like him?” She then shot bullets into me through those brown orbs.

Bitch?

The word didn’t sound right rolling from her tongue. This was Brielle. The Brielle, who sang at Michael Jackson’s tribute before he passed. The one performing alongside Tina Turner at Oprah’s birthday party at the age of eighteen. The one who won the Golden Globe, starring next to Will Smith.

“It’s in the way he looks at me after the world has taxed him for fumbling the ball. The way he holds me when soaked in my sweat. How he wears the confidence I saturate him in and tells me so. You can’t have what’s been ordained for me.”

“Fuck you!” Brielle shouted from just at the limo’s door. Her index finger swung my way.

“Bitch, you sounding stupid, now!” Terrell attempted while trying to push her inside. The driver stepped out, but didn’t intrude. He just held the door. “Did you really bring me out here to catch a Bergen County case? Girl, I’m too femme for anybody’s county!”

He managed his friend inside the limo, but not before I could catch the string of tears falling down her beautiful face. Brielle was hurt. That thought angered me.

I slammed the door and threw my back against it, sliding to the floor. My head rolled back and rested on it. My limbs were shaking, mouth turned dry and sour the moment I recognized her at the door.

God, what in the world just happened?

Brielle?

I couldn’t even think who would believe me.

The tip of the ball spun, landing in my hands. I tossed it up again, twisting it on the way up. It went even higher, taking longer to reach me this time.

She walked into the room, reaching behind her back, unclipping her bra. Jade went to the walk in and from the mirror on the inside of the door, I could see her pull the long baggy dress she’d been wearing lately around the house over her head. My dick got hard at the sight of her panties wedged between her ass cheeks and her bra hanging from shoulders. She took another dress from a drawer in there and pulled it over her head, pushing her arms through, and tugged it down until the elastic stopped just above her tits.

When I saw she turned, I tossed the football in the air again. She came out of the closet and headed to the bathroom. She’d just put Ky down for the night and I wanted to talk to her before she got started on her school work.

“You doing homework tonight?”

She stopped. “I knocked it out this morning. How’re your classes coming?”

“I’m maintaining.” She nodded, looking awkward standing in front of the bed. I shot the ball in the air again. “Need to talk to you.”

“Okay,” she agreed softly and walked closer to the bed.

“My pops been tryna contact me.” I tossed the ball again.

“Really?” I heard the desperation in her tone, and she moved closer. “Since when?”

“A few months now.” Before throwing the ball in the air again, I caught Jade biting her lip.

“That’s been a while.” Her voice was a different low now. A thinking low. “You respond?”

I shook my head. “Nah. Wasn’t going to.” I went back to the ball.

“You are now?”

I didn’t speak. Honestly, my heart wasn’t settled either way. Ezra hit me up the other day, and it somehow came up in the conversation. He told me to stop ducking him, and at least hear him out.

“You don’t have to feel obligated.” She switched weight on her hips. “It doesn’t appear that Mr. Jackson has felt one to you.”

I tossed the ball again, knowing I had to find the words to say. It was hard with all of Jade’s aggression. Things had been off with us since finding out about the baby three weeks ago. She had been in her own zone, adjusting. I’d been trying to give her the time she needed while on the road working. This was the first sign of the feisty Jade I’d seen in weeks.

“Trent!” she called my name, impatient with my delay.

The ball dropped into my palms. “We can meet with him. Okay?”

I heard her whisper “we,” trying to process it.

“Do you want me to set it up?”

I tossed the ball again. In my peripheral, I could see Jade move. She lay out on the foot of the bed on her side. She used her palm to hold her head as she faced me. I tossed the ball higher in the air, doing it over and over again, trying to think. Until Jade yanked the top of her tube dress down and tits fell out.

The ball dropped into my hands and luckily not in my face, because my eyes were on those hard chocolate nipples that I hadn’t tasted in…weeks. I put the ball down on the bed and slowly sat back against the headboard. My eyes couldn’t go anywhere else.

“So, this is what I have to do to get you to drop the ball and give me your undivided attention?”

“To drop the ball, yeah. You always got my undivided attention.”

“Good—”

“But I don’t wanna talk, Jade.”

Her eyes rolled then closed before she let out a long breath. “We have to talk, Trent. You’ve been in and out, and we have a lot going on. It feels like we were just celebrating Ky’s birthday and already, yours will be here next!” She paused for my reaction. I didn’t have one in my face. My dick maybe, but all my face wanted was to be all in her mouth, tits, and valley below. “Okay. You need to focus this semester in school. You’re almost done. If there’s anything I can do to help, let me know. The next is your father.”

That broke my eye game. I looked over to the wall. This topic made me uneasy.

“Okay. I can tell you know you have to deal with it. Otherwise, you would’ve never brought it to my attention. I can set up a meeting with him—if you want me to.” Her eyes were wide with that one. She didn’t want to overstep. My eyes dropped from hers and I nodded. I knew she’d take care of it. Jade always did. “Okay.” I could hear the relief in her voice.

Jade sat up on the bed, pulling her top over her breasts. That made me feel some kind of way.

“The next thing we need to discuss is Ky.”

I felt my face tighten. “What’s wrong with Ky?”

If that cock-sucker, Ryder, did something stupid…

“Nothing.” She shook her head. “He’s fine. But we have to tell him about the baby. My stomach is spreading. There’s really no time left.”

“You want me to do that?” Panic hit my chest.

“No. I think we should do it together. It may be better since it happened before the wedding. You know?”

Dag…

I nodded, my eyes going to the wall again. This thing was complicated each way.

“Cool…” she whispered, catching my attention.

Jade bit her lip, her eyes running across the comforter below.

“What’s that all about? What you gotta say, J?”

Her eyes closed again. “Brielle came by.” Her words were rushed.

It was obvious she didn’t want to tell me.

“When?”

“Yesterday.”

“Yesterday? Why you ain’t tell me?”

“You just got in this afternoon. I was waiting until we had time alone tonight.”

“You could’ve hit me up.”

“It wasn’t an emergency,” she whispered, eyes squinting at the comforter.

That’s when anger turned into anxiety.

I sat up from the bed. “What she say?”

“She said she’s been trying to contact you to no avail.” That’s when her eyes met mine. “How did she get your new number?”

Oh, no! Not this!

I felt agitated all over, almost to the point of violence. I couldn’t look at her when I answered, “Alton.”

My jaw tightened. I hadn’t had the time to confront him about it.

“He gave her your number knowing I live here. My son and I live here. I’m no fling!”

“I know!” My hands shot in the air defensively. “I’ll handle him. I’ve been busy, but I’ll handle him. He knows I’m on his ass.”

“He’s insane!” she spat out.

“Nah. Not totally.”

“And what makes you think that?” Jade was ready for war.

“Because I had to tell his dumb ass she couldn’t perform at his party with Lord if he wanted me to come.”

“She was supposed to be there?”

Shit!

The thing with trying to be open with your lady is when you start, you open up other doors that ain’t necessary.

“She was there—”

“What?” Jade flew to her feet. “So she was there? I didn’t know if I could take him seriously when he mentioned it that night.”

“Chill,” my voice was purposely calm as I reached for her arms to get her to sit back down. “She left before we got there.”

“This is just too much, Trent!” Her angry eyes turned against me. “First that concert in December when I learned my husband had a damn affair with Brielle, of all people! Then she shows up on my doorstep when I’m indecent: hair standing on top of my head, no makeup on, and looking barefoot and knocked up. And now you’re telling me you had her leave an event so I wouldn’t see her? You have that kind of power? This is Brielle, Trent!”

“And?” My face screwed.

“She’s considered the eighth wonder of the world!”

“She’s a person like you and me. Let’s not do this, Jade!”

“You know what I mean, Trent! I’ve been in rivalries with women over a guy. It’s hard to think my current one is with Brielle. I gots no wins!”

“What did she say to make you think that?”

“Everything and nothing.”

“Speak English! Please!”

Jade cupped her face with her hands. “She said lots. But I gather her reason is that you’ve been ignoring her. She mentioned the press getting a hold of her doctor’s records that included her abortion.”

What abort—

Then it hit me.  

“That was mad years ago.” I tossed my hand at that old bullshit. “That was before I did my bid, and all.”

“I asked her why she thought you needed to know.” Jade’s tone was soft again.

She was scared.

I swallowed hard, my eyes rolling back to the wall.

“You said I was the only woman you had sex with without a condom since you’ve been an adult.”

“You were!” I never lied.

“Then why does she feel you should know?”

I took a deep breath. “Because the condom broke.” My dumb ass kept going. It was too late. I was already there. “That one time—the only time.”

“So, it was your baby?”

“We didn’t know.” My laugh was dry. “B was with Shiraz around that time.”

“She cheated?”

“Nah.” My eyes went wild. “We were never together like that. I told you.”

“Right.” She nodded with tight lips. “You only had an arrangement.”

“I never lied to you, J.”

“No. You just dole out your secrets slowly.”

My neck jerked back. “And what the hell that supposed to mean?”

Jade jumped to her feet and started to the bathroom, speaking with her back to me. “Nothing. Just be ready to tell your step-son he’s expecting a baby sister soon. Don’t wanna keep him in the dark longer than necessary. I’ll set up something with your father after your birthday.”

That was a jab if I’d ever had one thrown my way. 

~Fourteen

“Dave Kincaid?”

“That or David Kincaid, is all I got,” I answered.

Things got quiet. I figured he was taking down the information. My eyes swept the inside of the garage where I waited for my ride. Jade had the Range and my pickup looked lonely in the second parking spot. I hadn’t had time to take her out and crank her up on the road.

Maybe I’ll take Jade down for a long ride to Cowtown this spring in her…

“And what town did you say?”

“Bernardsville,” I answered scratching between my brows. “Here in Jersey. That’s all I know. They supposed to have some long paper, too.”

“Well, let’s see how long. Real long will make him easier to find.”

“Yo, Divine, you sure I can’t offer something for this?” I asked, listening out and watching for StentRo. “I know he’s your employee and all…”

“Nah. You’re good. I’m texting him as we speak. This is lightweight for Washington. He’s been the head of my intel team for years. Top of his game.”

I had no doubts. D was a powerful man. A strong movement.

“A’ight. I appreciate this solid.”

“Indeed.” I saw headlights coming up the driveway path as he responded. It was late at night and chilly out. I looked crazy hanging out in my garage, but was waiting to go out with my guy, who was scooping me. “I gotta go, TB. The wife’s calling me.”

“Got you.” I remembered something. “You got the invitation?”

“I moved some things around and made sure Mrs. Jacobs avails herself. I’m in there, man. Proud of you.”

I nodded, even though he couldn’t see me. “Cool. Later.”

“I’ll hit you when Washington hits me.”

I nodded again then ended the call. A limo pulled up and I moved outside the garage after hitting a button to close the door behind me. The car rolled up closer and I pushed my phone into my pocket. I could hear a Young Lord track banging against the pads inside, making me grateful my house was empty tonight. April was in South Jersey, checking on her crib. Jade and Kyree were by Lashawn’s house, having her weave installed.

Whatever that means…

The driver hopped out and jogged to the back door near me.

He nodded. “Mr. Bailey, sir.”

I nodded in return before stepping toward him. The moment he opened the door I heard raw lyrics blasting from the speakers.

“Bitches be the set up…get wet up…

Let you nut up…then burn you the fuck up.

They seduce you with that shit…

Stroke ya dick…then have they hands all up in ya pocket.

Shit, I know we all got our hustle and I ain’t tryna knock it.

But to the crack bitch, groupie bitch—and corny bitches, y’all be the same…

Stay the fuck out my hustle because, man, all y’all be fuckin’ lame.”

As a saved man, I now struggled with lyrics like these. I hadn’t felt that way about women in years. But I didn’t judge, because I understood the mentality. Young also went hard with them. He poured his soul in those lines. I had to respect him, even if I was no longer there emotionally. Dude was that dope.

The track had me crunked in no time as I hopped in the limo. I ducked and crawled inside until I saw an empty bench. Something inside of me loosened as I realized I was “off” of work and would be chilling with my woardie tonight.

“Oh, shit!” was yelled over the music. “Prayer boy’s out this bitch to play tonight!”

It was like slow motion as my eyes rolled from the two sets of legs on the other side of the car. At first they hit StentRo, who was smiling so wide, his eyes disappeared as he looked to his left, but down. My eyes followed his.

“You can’t avoid a nigga that’s in your face, homie! Ha!” He laughed with his tongue hanging from his mouth and eyes wide.

Alton Alston…

I had no idea what expression I made, but it got him amped.

“The fuck is wrong with you, bro? I gotta a wife; I get it. When ya period come on, it fucks with your mood. But I gave you two months and ya pussy should be dry by now.”

“The hell’s this dude talkin’ ‘bout, TB?” StentRo laughed as he spoke, believing Al was just being Al.

“Lemme get this nigga a drink,” Alton yelled before turning to the bar and grabbing a glass.

StentRo had one in his hand already. He looked tipsy already, too. I guess he would be. It was close to midnight. No way he’d just come from across the road. They had to have been in the streets already.

“Yo,” I spoke to StentRo. “You ain’t tell me this clown was coming, or else I woulda taken a raincheck.”

As soon as StentRo’s head went back in laughter, Alton was handing me a glass of Mauve he’d just poured while shouting angrily. “Hold the hell up, yo! You really beefin’ with me, bro? You really that petty?”

My face screwed. “Fuck you mean, am I that petty? Bitch, you petty…getting in the middle of something that died mad years ago. What man partners with a female to try to seduce another man to get with her again? That’s some maxi-pad-wearing bullshit!”

StentRo shook his head before taking another sip.

“Hold up!” Alton had to laugh at himself. “Why it gotta be seduction? Sounds to me like she just want to be cool again. What’s wrong with being friends. Church dudes can’t have sexy friends nowadays?” His eyes skirted to StentRo next to him.

I spit out air, blowing him off. My eyes went to the window and I took a long gulp. I needed to. Alton was about to have me spazz on his little ass, the last thing I needed before going into the fast I’d committed to next week.

“Oh, you ain’t got no words for me now?” Alton asked, rocking a slick smirk on his face. He took a sip of his drink before I cut my eyes again. “I tell StentRo to clear the night so we can celebrate your born day we missed last week ‘cause of our last game in Indiana, and this how you treat me?” He backhanded StentRo’s chest to reference him. “This nigga nice and retired and it’s me making sure tonight happened. Not him. He gets to travel, smile, and lotion them ashy ass tats to flex for the cameras. I’m still grinding, but found the time to plan a guy’s night out for your birthday, bro!”

“You keep with them lies, don’t you?” StentRo sputtered as he busted out laughing.

I took a deep breath before tossing back more. I wasn’t expecting Al. A couple of weeks ago, StentRo asked me to chill tonight to celebrate my birthday. I thought it was weird. We didn’t hang out for birthdays, exactly. Unless somebody had a party, we wouldn’t take each other out. That was left to Zoey now that he was married. I was actually up in Connecticut on my actual birthday last week. I had a meeting with the coaches and knocked out a few community outreach obligations up there.

“I’m just saying, man,” Alton huffed. “You act like I was tryna hook you up with a stranger. It’s Brielle, man!” His hand went into the air. “What’s the big deal?”

For the first time tonight, I saw Stenton’s eyes. “Oh, this is serious?”

Yes!

I leaned toward him in the moving car. “The big fuckin’ deal is ain’t nobody beat for Brielle.”

“Oh!” Alton covered his mouth while his eyes went wild with humor. “Don’t act like you ain’t that same dude I walked in on riding her damn face with your cock down her throat, beating next to her heart!” My eyes rolled over to the window again. StentRo cracked up, shaking his head. Alton turned to him. “You know what I mean? This nigga acting like he ain’t know reaching all the way down there, tapping against her heart wasn’t gone have her ass crazy in the head for life.” Alton reached for a handshake.

StentRo waved him off, not rocking with him on this.

“Oh, you trippin’ on this petty shit, too, I see,” he told Stenton.

“I ain’t trippin’, man. You are!” StentRo screamed on him. “Dude got a for real lady at the crib. A fiancée, dumbass.” He laughed less, understanding the gravity of this situation.

“Nah, man!” Alton got louder again. “It’s a fiancée, but it ain’t a damn wife yet! I got the invitation and all. Trust me, homie. Have as much fun as you can before them cuffs click locked. Take it from us.” He blew out air as he sat back, shaking his head. Alton took a pull from his glass and before he could swallow it, he was sitting up again, face screwed as he tried to speak. “Why’re you trippin’ on B anyway. If you ain’t down, just say so. The girl said you won’t even open her DMs from her low key profile.”

I took the last swallow of my Mauve as I watched him with cold eyes. Alton watched, unmoving. StentRo scrolled down his phone.

“Because my wife would have my ass.”

“Nigga, engagement don’t make you married. You rushing into this shit too fast, man. Trust me!”

“You think I’m stupid?” I spat. “You heard what I said. She’s my wife, not my fiancée.”

Stenton’s head shot up from his phone like a cannonball. Alton’s head dropped, but eyes never left me.

All that could be heard around the car was Wale’s “Clappers,” definitely not setting the mood.

“You serious?”

“Very.” I kept my eyes locked onto his. In my peripheral, StentRo’s head hit the back of the chair and he slapped his face. That’s when I realized I’d let it slip. “It’s on the low.”

Alton’s eyes never left mine. “Shit, bro. When the hell did this happen?”

“Yeah!” Stenton pushed out. “Like…under my nose, dawg?”

I moved to pour more brandy. The music was lowered.  

“November,” my voice was low.

“Where?”

“How?”

They asked back to back. I didn’t want to get into it. The last thing I expected tonight was to talk about my marriage, especially because I didn’t exactly know if I was—legally. It wasn’t too much I’d share. Jade and I agreed to keep it on the low. I’d just blown up our spot.

After taking a big gulp, I muttered, “Macen Beach. Private.”

My eyes went back to the window where I saw we’d just hit the Lincoln Tunnel.

“Wait. Ez know about this?” Stenton’s forehead was wrinkled.

“He made it happen. Him and Lex.” That was it. I didn’t want to say more.

“Wow!” Alton looked dazed as he whistled. “Niggas getting drive thru weddings and shit.” He turned to StentRo. “Ya pastor about that express wedding life, huhn? First you and Zo; now TB and Jada.”

Stenton laughed, going back to cheeks and eyelashes. “Yo, Jade’s gone serve you up a fade if you ‘on’t get her name right, kid.”

Alton’s face fell and he turned toward me. “I did. I never get her name wrong. Right, TB?”

I just shook my head. “Well, now that you know how much damage you’re doing to my life by giving out my number and asking her to come to ya birthday party, maybe you can grow a brain and stop.”

“Yo!” he piped up. “Let’s not even talk about how much that fucked up my birthday. Brielle ain’t never nowhere randomly. I ‘on’t care how cool her and Nisha is. I was supposed to have her and Young Lord perform. They were gonna do that cut, “Sun Showers,” together until you text me with threats and shit.” He had the nerve to look mad.

I was more than mad when I had to diffuse a situation before Jade got wind of it in Philly. Now that I knew she was pregnant that night, it made me that much more upset with dude that he would play around like that.

“Just don’t do that shit again,” I warned. “Yo, Al, man, we go way back. You like to joke around and even go too far at times, and I take it on the chin. All them church and crying jokes, I’ll eat. But when it comes to Jade, we can cross over into a new territory that ain’t no coming back from.”

“Word,” StentRo added.

Like he was sucker punched from behind, Alton’s neck whipped to face him. Just when I thought a wisecrack was coming, he looked at me again, then StentRo.

“I’m feeling judged right now. Y’all think because me and Nisha go through our bullshit, I’m the bad guy now? I’m the fucking bad seed because of how I choose to handle my stress? The Bible says don’t judge or you’ll be judged!” His finger was in the air.

“It also says, ‘What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder’.” StentRo hit with the scripture.

“Word.”

Alton’s eyes bounced between the two of us and we waited for it.

“Man, fuck y’all bitches. Sensitive ass pussies. Me and Nisha gone be alright. I just gotta get my shit together first,” he whined defensively.

My eyes rolled back to the outside view. Then they scanned all the windows so I could get a good view of the City.

“Yo, where’re we going? I thought we were going to the Boogie Down.” My eyes roamed the streets of Harlem.

“Nah. There’s this spot right off Lennox I wanna check out,” StentRo answered. “Supposed to be litty.”

I cocked my head to the side at Al. He snapped out of his funk and caught on quickly.

“Man, listen!” he yelled. “I’m trying to get my soul right from lies I’ve told over the years and you wanna bring up a tiny one I told a few seconds ago?”

I shook my head before swallowing back the rest of the Mauve. The guys did the same and we eventually pulled up to a club, ready to hop out. I’d never been to this spot before and it didn’t seem that popping, judging by the emptiness on the street. That’s when it hit me.

“Got three professional athletes in here and not one piece of armor?” I referred to the lack of security.

Alton waved me off and moved to the door being opened. “Man, ya CMD ass don’t need no security. You ain’t got hands no more? I know prison ain’t soften your blows, my nigga.”

He was out the door before I could respond—if I wanted to. I stopped reacting to Al and his tomfoolery a long time ago, learning how to pay him no mind.

StentRo went after him, snickering. He was definitely tipsy. In fact, so was I. I hadn’t had a drink in weeks. That Mauve hit me hard and fast on the ride over. I was…nice as the cool spring air hit me. It was a little crisp, but nothing I couldn’t handle in the Gucci leather bomber jacket Jade laid out for me to wear tonight. It was loud with too bright colors, but I decided to roll with it. It was weird being dressed by my old lady. I also understood it was a part of her job.

“Yo, this a private party or something?” I asked, following them into a side door, down a short and narrow alley.

“Something like that,” StentRo answered with a blank face before pulling open a big metal door.

I wanted to ask for an explanation, but got too curious when we were hit with a black curtain. StentRo walked through first, Al followed, and I was last in line. It was dark and…quiet as hell. This was getting weird.

StentRo led us to another door. This one was glass inside an aluminum frame with black paint covering it from top to bottom, so you couldn’t see through it. He banged twice with his fist. My eyes flew open.

Are we in a private sex club?

I heard how Stenton got down in his single days with sex clubs and ropes and cuffs. He’d even confirmed it since I’d been home and we’d gotten tighter. But not Alton. He wasn’t into kink. Why would he bring Al and me to something like this?

It ain’t my bachelor party…

Or was it? 

The door opened and StentRo moved through without hesitation or words. Al followed him. I couldn’t leave my boys in case something went down, but if we survived this—

A record scratched from the speakers. The lights went up: red, purple, and blue.

“SURPRISE!” a crowd yelled together, at once, scaring the shit out of me.

The record scratched again. “Y’all make some noise for the birthday boy, Trent ‘TB’ Bailey!” That loud, hyped voice had me jumping again, my heartbeat on speed.

The lights flashed, giving me chopped views of the inside and the two levels of bodies swarming around. Two Tons O’ Fun’s “Just Us” flowed hard from all over the building, the bass beating against my chest.

I felt someone grab me, pulling my shoulders down. I dropped my eyes and saw Alton’s arms.

“Happy birthday, bro!” he tried over the music. “Love you, man.”

Before I could think of a response to his moodiness, my shoulder was clutched. I looked over and saw StentRo smiling with chinky eyes. He was nice off that Mauve. He handed me a glass of bubbly and clanked his against mine, telling me to drink up. I peeped Zoey approaching him from the back, but smiling happily at me when she wrapped her arms around his waist. My other shoulder was smacked. I turned to find Jordan there, mocking my reaction to this…apparent surprise party.

“You looked about to shit ya pants, man!” he mimicked my response to the surprise again before embracing me.

I had to laugh at myself. I was still shocked. Stunned really. Between the crazy lights, pumped up crowd, ear-splitting music, and my little buzz, I was dazed.

Before I could respond, I felt a tap on my back and turned around. April rushed into my arms. I guessed at some point, Alton left.

“You looked to be in a state of damn shock!” she screamed.

I was. Couldn’t even speak. I saw a few of my cousins behind her, waiting to greet me.

“Kev and Marcey!” I shouted, reaching down for a hug.

I was happy to see them and even joked about them being old enough to be in the club with me now. This was crazy.

The deejay cut the record again. “Let’s give my man some love for his born day!”

My shoulder was grabbed again. Guys from my team gathered around me and started the CK chant.

“What is a King?

Sit down, let me tell you while you polish this crown.

Dedication, leadership, skills, and no fear!

We prowl the field, slay a panther, and devour bears…”

Chests were pounded, shoulders were knocked together, and their voices matched the music pouring from the speakers. It felt like Greek fraternity behavior. Before they were done, I was handed a shot of something. I swallowed it back because it was brown, even though I still had champagne in my right hand.

Coach Lou walked up, wearing a goofy smile. “Your paranoid ass almost peed your pants.” He laughed before hugging me. “Happy birthday, TB. One of the best to ever do it.”

Wow…

That meant a lot. Lou never got sentimental; it struck something in my chest to hear that. A slew of my coaches underneath him were next to show love. Still in a state of shock, I spoke to all of them. Finally, Eli walked up with his wife, Mel.  

“Trent!” he sang proudly, extending his arms for a hug. When we did, he made sure I heard, “Happy birthday, son, and many returns. Couldn’t be more proud of you.”

He pulled back, patted the side of my beard, then stepped aside to let Mel give the same greeting. After them were some of my legal people: Chesney’s staff, and accountants. I fought through my stupor to receive their love and return it. I hugged more people than I could count. It was like I was moving down the line. The weird thing about it was me growing tipsier by the second, but still feeling this line of love wouldn’t end until I made it to the right person.

I found myself downstairs, at some point, still greeting people when I saw someone who made my neck snap back.

“Ah, man!” I shouted, laughing at the same time. “You gotta be kidding me!”

Divine walked over to me with his hand in the air, offering me love. With one shoulder, we dapped it up.

“Yeah,” he spoke close to my ear for privacy. “That was a close one.” He found it funny, too.

“But you said ya wife was calling you. I thought you meant in the next room, or something.” I was still shocked.

Divine traveled all over for work, but lived on the West Coast with his family. I had no idea he was here in the City. I never asked or wondered, knowing how he moved.

“She stay calling me, man.” He smiled that suave way he does from time to time.

“There you go, on that smooth shit.” I laughed before giving him dap again.

He laughed with me. “Indeed, man! You go enjoy ya party.”

No sooner than Divine saluted me, I was being pulled again. It was Elle, tugging on me.

I turned fully to see her and caught Jax, kicking it with some dude I didn’t recognize.

“Oh! I’m so glad this is done,” she shouted. “Now, I can focus on the charity ball.”

“You did this?” I asked about the surprise party.

“Jade did. Well, she started it and so happened to mention it to me. Can you believe she was going to pay out of pocket for a small shindig?” Elle’s expression was priceless. “I know she’s new to this is and all, but Trent Bailey doesn’t have to pay for hardly anything. Vendors are dying to have their businesses attached to your name. So, she figured we could go bigger in terms of guests. She’s funny, that one, about not spending too much. God, you got her trained.” We both busted out laughing.

I didn’t want Jade afraid of spending money. I wasn’t broke, but was trying to keep from being just that. I’d never been the type to blow money. This was extravagant. The building itself was lit.

Jackson walked up behind Elle, pulling her into him, then kissed her forehead. She smiled, acknowledging him there. Then he stepped around to give me dap.

“Happy birthday, sir. I hope you find everything to your satisfaction.” His smile was wide as he joked.

“I ‘on’t think Elle would have it any other way, man.” I went to hug him.

“Happy born day, TB.” He patted my back as he spoke. “Grateful to be a part of your legacy.”

“Thanks, Hunt, man.”

Elle piped in. “I see she’s got you right with our partners. I’m feeling those shoes!”

I looked down at the Ase Garb sneakers I wore. They were pretty dope. I usually stuck with Nike and Timbs, but knew my obligation to stack that paper. I twisted my foot, squinting to see the shoe in the blinking lights.

“Yeah,” I agreed with her. “These go hard.”

Jackson moved up to show me his soft leather loafers. They were different for him, but those looked good, too!

“Thank goodness there wasn’t a strict non-compete clause in either deal. Gucci makes a similar loafer,” Elle explained.

Before I could tell him the loafers didn’t look as flimsy as I’d seen, the back of my jacket was yanked. I looked back and saw April with one of her sisters.

“Come in here. Jade got your grandmother in a soundproof room.”

“I’ll be back,” I offered to Jackson and Elle. I followed April and made sure she heard when I asked, “Where is Jade?” I’d been here for close to twenty minutes and hadn’t seen her. 

April gestured she didn’t know. “She was just in here a few minutes ago. Maybe she’s still here.”

She led me to a door on the first level, a few feet off the dance floor. I watched her and the sea of bodies all around, still not believing this was all for me. I tried to remember if I’d ever had a birthday party.

April opening a door got my attention. I followed behind her, hoping to see a five foot one-er. It was a small room, dim with dark neon lights. The area was better lit than the club, but still a social feel. There were two big televisions mounted on the walls opposite each other. And when the door closed, I realized the room was soundproof. My ears began to ring from the sharp adjustment.

“Hey, baby!” a familiar voice called out.

“Grandma?” I was really dumbfounded as I walked over to her. Tipsy, too.

As I hugged and kissed her cheek, she wrapped one arm around my back. “Happy birthday, sugar.”

“Thanks, Grandma.” I looked around the room and saw her girl, Earlene, and my aunt, Rose.

No Jade…

I smiled. “They got you up here with ya girls, huhn, Grandma?”

Earlene laughed as I moved to hug her. Then my aunt.

“You know me and Earlene tight like that. Rose been coming over ‘cause Trick been staying at Brenda’s. The kids run in and out, but ain’t nobody around to take care of me like Sha—” She caught herself.

My eyes automatically went over to April, who tried for a smile herself.

“Yeah. But you good? Need anything?” I wanted to be sure I wasn’t slipping.

Shank would have my ass.

“Nah. I got everything. April make sure Earlene got what she need. And I’m good, baby.”

“All right.” I rubbed her thick thigh as she sat in a wheelchair. “You know how to hit me if you need anything. Right?”

“Yeah,” her voice held no excitement. “I got my invitation to the wedding. I told Jade I’mma do better at making it to therapy so I ain’t got to roll up in there in this thing. I can, at least, use my walker.”

“Grandma, I don’t care how you make your grand entrance; just make sure you’re there with that killer wig.” I winked at her.

She tried fighting it, but a giggle burst from her belly. “Trenton Bailey, you just know what to say to your Grandmomma, don’t you!” Earlene snickered with her.

“You, too, Ms. Earlene! I see the new pattern of grays in that one you rockin’,” I dipped my chin, flirting with her. “You betta not be at the rec center, playing bingo with Mr. Thomas with that good one.”

“Oh, Trent!” she cried, covering her mouth to fight the giggles.

The blasting music announced the door opening. It was my cousin, Kev.

“They said you need to be out here for the cake.”

“Cake already?” April asked.

“Well,” my Grandmother sighed. “It is late.”

She was right it was late. Too late for a woman her age to be out at a club over two hours from her house. She came with her crew. That sacrifice swelled my chest. I reached into my pocket.

“Here, Grandma.” I peeled off all but a one hundred dollar bill of what I brought out, not knowing where StentRo and I would end up tonight. “This for you. Give a few to Ms. Earlene and Aunt Rose.” It was at least six Benjamins. I was hoping not to spend it all. But just in case, I had to be covered.

“Awwww…” My aunt cried. “Trent, baby. You so generous, honey. We ain’t come for this. We just wanted to say happy birthday.”

I was already making my rounds for final kisses.

“Well, you said that and more.” I moved on to Earlene. “Thank you, beauties.”

“Bye, Trent.”

“Bye, baby.” They all spoke about the same time as I left out.

I heard April saying she’d be right back.

Back out in the club, Korrupt Hearts’ “Supreme Being” track blasted. Some Asian dude snatched my attention, telling me to follow him. He wore all black and seemed to be on a mission, so I followed. As long as he wasn’t leading me out this main room, I was good. We made it to the stage where there was a small crowd and cake. People I knew: Eli, Jackson, Jordan, Elle, StentRo, Alton, Thompson, a linebacker from the CK, some of my cousins, and few more bodies moving about.

On my way there, someone tapped my arm.

“Oh, hey, man!” I turned to give him some dap.

“Happy birthday, man!” Ramsey Bishop shouted me out.

“I appreciate you coming through.” I was surprised to see him—I was surprised to see everybody.

Ramsey was a journalist, though he’d played in the NFL a few years back. I liked Cunningham. Had hung out with him over the years. He and Jordan were boys and our vibe was cool.    

“Anytime, TB!” He extended his arm as he spoke.

We dapped again before I took off. April had caught up to me and pulled me along. I didn’t realize until then the deejay started leading the crowd in the happy birthday song. All eyes were on me as I walked up the steps. Eli and Jax were in the front and they began to move back to open my view of the cake. Those behind them followed suit until I could see a small metal table with a big ass cake on it.

But as they continued to move back, a little body came into view. She was lighting the last candle that was more like a sparkle flame, it shot up so high and crackled like the rest of them.
“Khalid’s Location” was bouncing off the walls. The grove of the song hit my tipsy mind and I kept my hike toward the cake in a two-step. My eyes were on the shorty with long wavy curls. Her chin was down, but eyes up, glued onto me.

Instantly, the room went quiet around me. My mind shut out every sound and visual except for her. I couldn’t see what she wore, and the excitement of seeing even more of her had me spinning in place, delaying my arrival. I didn’t care. I missed my wife. I hadn’t seen her in a couple of days and spoke to her for just a few minutes this afternoon. After I landed, I found out she wasn’t home waiting on me.

Suddenly, my need for her swelled all over. These past five weeks since finding out about the baby had sent us flying in different areas of the ring. My traveling made it impossible to have the time to connect with her. Jade needed to adjust to this extension of us. All month, I struggled with what her anger about being pregnant meant. We hadn’t told Kyree yet, because I didn’t want to see her crying in front of him. It would break my heart and I didn’t want her to see that or know it was possible. I didn’t want my daughter to have parents who didn’t want her because she was conceived by accident. I wanted her to be loved like Kyree was adored.

But the closer I got to her, those fears disappeared. I passed by the cake, rounding it to get to her. I grabbed Jade by the waist and pulled her into my crotch. My palms rubbed against her back that was bare, soft to the touch. I sang the chorus to her, rocking her in my arms as I stared into her eyes. Her makeup was softer than she used to wear it, but she looked damn good. She was soft and small in my arms, smelled like heaven.

Damn, I miss this…

Before I knew it, my mouth dropped down to find hers. My lips brushed against her, not giving a damn about staining her color. I pulled her bottom one into my mouth and sucked on it before pushing my tongue in and found hers. My silly ass moaned helplessly when I tasted her. Right then I wanted to feel the softness of her mouth around my dick. It had been…weeks. Damn near a month since I’d made love to my wife. I couldn’t believe it myself as I kissed her deeply in the middle of the ruckus of my party.

Her little hands clutched my upper arms, making me feel like the big ogre she teased me about being. I ain’t mind. It turned me the hell on. This big beast was going to go gorilla on her pussy tonight. To hell with that; I was having my wife and however I wanted her. Soon.

She was pulling away from me. Her tongue left my mouth and lips stopped moving with mine. Slowly, I opened my eyes to ask why.

“Daaaaaaaaamn, homey!” I heard shouted right next to us. “Jada got yo ass in the clink.”

My tight eyes shot over to Alton. But seeing so many people around with cameras and cheering and laughing is what had me snapping out of my haze.

“They were clapping to celebrate you, now they’re hyped from your seductive hip moves.” She was so close, I could hear directly in my ear.

I let her go so she could stand straight. As Jade laughed at me—with everybody else in the room—she smoothed down my jacket, patting my chest.

“See what you do to my man?” Alton asked Jade, smiling ear to ear, in our faces. “Ain’t no church boy now, bih!” He cracked up, not caring he was alone.

The only one so close to us. I shot him a look, telling him to back off.

Jade laughed, reaching up to tug my beard so I could come down and tap her lips.

“My church boy,” she claimed, looking into my eyes.

“I ain’t been much of a church boy lately.” My eyes tossed to Al. “Especially around this guy. I been cussing all damn night.”

Jade’s head went back as she laughed. A flashback of her doing that so casually in my bed in Connecticut came rushing in. I missed her laugh. I missed her touch. She pulled away and I didn’t like the pain that struck my chest as she did. I didn’t pull her back, but let my hands rub against the softness of her skin as she backed up. My eyes roved down her body and I saw the front of her sweater was long, reaching to her pelvis. When my hands brushed against the sides of her belly, excitement hit at the next destination. My princess, baking inside.

But Jade scooted back, smile fading into a phony one as she shook her head softly. She made it clear I couldn’t touch her belly and she didn’t want those around knowing about our little secret. Her eyes danced in mine, begging me to not be upset. The stretched smile with little emotion confirmed it.

“Happy birthday to ya. Happy birthday to ya…” the crowd sang against Stevie Wonder’s record.

I stood staring, mesmerized by her like the fucking love-struck pussy I was when it came to Jade. Only Jade. I wanted to be mad at her rejection, but I missed her so much—needed her so much—I couldn’t waste time on that emotion.

She pointed to the people around us then the crowd, reminding me where we were. I snapped out of it and lifted my hand to thank them for the song. Then the deejay cut the record to 2 Chains’ “Birthday Song.”

“Shoot ‘Em Up! in the damn building tonight!” the deejay shouted, cutting the music when he did. “We see you, man!” The track played again.

That had me falling into another dance. I hit that Juju on that Beat first. The crowd turned up. I was tipsy and wanted to have fun.

“Oh, shit!” Alton screamed, waving his arms in the air.

It was the first time his voice hyped me and not have me wanting to choke the hell out of him. I rocked out to that for a minute, switching my arm swings.

“I see you, TB!” the deejay shouted.

Just when I was about to stop, “Milly Rock” hit. The room went crazy. And right on beat, I swung my arms and twisted my waist. JJ jumped in my face, screaming something to gas me even more. I hadn’t played around in public like this in years, but hadn’t lost my skills. Jordan and my boys were used to this from me. We were known for our mini-performances when we went out. This reminded me of that until my eyes were drawn to something not too far from me.

Jade.

I didn’t realize she had on little shorts under that long sleeved sweater that fell midway in the back, but long in the front. She wore sexy tall, high heeled boots that came up to her meaty thighs. She stood with parted lips and lazy eyes. I forgot she liked this. I danced at home with Kyree, but kept it clean. I didn’t have to tonight. It was my birthday party. I locked my eyes on her, twisting my hips. When she realized my seduction game she squeezed her eyes closed and busted out laughing. Jade called me over with her index finger and I Nae-Nae’d to her.

She hugged me while laughing when I made it. After pulling into her, Jade pointed to the crowd again, telling me to acknowledge the birthday songs that I’d somehow gotten away from. JJ handed me a glass of champagne over my shoulder that I took and raised in the air, saying thank you to my guests. I swallowed back the glass, knowing that had to be my last drink of the night. I now wondered how I was going to make it to morning worship tomorrow.

I handed the empty glass to a waiter, standing nearby and pulled Jade more into me. I wanted to kiss her again, and could tell she knew it. She put a hot pink nail colored finger to my nose—damn, I love the colors she wear on her nails—then reached into the waist of her tiny shorts.

“This is my birthday gift to you.” She rocked a closed mouth smile.

I unfolded the paper and saw formatted boxes with old school font. Dates…the state of New Jersey…names: Jade Renee Matthews, Trenton Bailey, and even Ezra Carmichael and Alexis Carmichael—all hit me at once.

A marriage certificate…

Jade snatched the paper from me and looked around real quick and suspiciously.

“You’re stuck with me now, big guy.” She moved into me again, pushing her little arms around my waist, and tilted her head back to stare at me.

Her smile was first cocky then excited. Jade waited for my response. I saw when she started to panic. Her face fell and worried eyes danced in mine. Those light brown lips separated, but nothing came out.

I leaned down to lay my forehead on hers. “I’m ‘bout to fuck the shit outta you. Get us outta here.”

Jade busted out laughing. Her shoulders shook and vibrated against my waist. 

~Fifteen

My head swung back, and I reached to be sure I didn’t fall off the table. “Ooooh,” I cried with closed eyes as I held the back of this head. His hat was to the back, preventing my usual grip.

I was ready to come again. His mouth was on my sex, tongue moving fast against my clit as my thighs vibrated around his ears. My shorts were to one calf and the other side to my ankle. Trent couldn’t be patient to unbutton them as he fingered me in the back of the limo the Rogers’ let us use to leave my husband’s surprise party early.

His big hands gripped my hips, pushing my dripping sex into his mouth as his tongue lapped against it. He was inebriated, but not quite drunk. Trent hadn’t been drunk much for some time now, so his tolerance was low. But damn…

“Baby!” I cried with urgency.

I loved him out of control like this. An intoxicated Trent was a reckless lover. His long legs were stretched wide as he leaned over the table shooting pleasure to my core. Secretly, I wanted him rough and all over me. So far, he was hungry for me, wanting me to come in his mouth again.

And I did.

“Trentiiiiiiin…” I cried with the top of my head meeting the inside of the rolling laundry basket.

The explosion was intense. My entire body bristled with pleasure, spine jerked dangerously. It had been so long since we touched like this. Felt like a lifetime ago since I had him. He’d almost worked me off the table. Maybe reckless Trent was here. I wasn’t as flexible as I once had been, before getting pregnant, but my body still curved with femininity at his hands.

He moaned with me, reignited need as though he hadn’t just satisfied it three times. Trent didn’t stop until my body calmed. He raised to stand straight, his beard saturated with my desire and satisfaction. I wanted to taste his mouth. When I attempted to shoot up to do it, my body recoiled, reminding me to take it slow. He helped me up and I immediately pulled him into me by his thick neck and kissed him feverishly.

So lost in his touch, I didn’t help much when Trent pulled up my shorts enough for me to straddle him. He walked around the table and the next thing I felt was a towel placed over my half exposed butt. We were in the laundry room, across from the garage door. April hadn’t made it back home yet and Kyree was across the road with Jordan tonight. But his security was now with us practically fulltime and overnight. They may have not escorted him to Harlem so he could be thrown off, but they certainly followed us home in a car, coming in before we fell out of the limo, kissing in an impassioned fury. The towel was for them.

Trent chose the elevator over the steps. As soon as he hit the button for the second floor, he let me down to peel off my shorts finally. Dropping to his knees, he pulled them from beneath my boots until they were off then tossed into the corner. His warm hands swept up my legs to my hips. He kissed the inside of my thighs. I yanked his hat off and caressed his head. Then his hands pushed up to my waist. Before I knew it, they were en route to my belly. Without hesitation, I grabbed his hands, jerking them up to motion him to rise.

“We’re here,” I murmured, wrapping my hands around his neck so he could lift me.

On cue, he did. We ravished each other’s mouths down the hall, all the way to the master suite where he lowered me on to the bed. I shuffled to my knees and watched him undress. His jacket flew to the floor, hitting the side of the dresser. His shirt landed somewhere out of sight. Trent’s thick appendage was the pleasure of my vista as he kicked out of his Ase Garb’s.

Art. Art! That was the best way to describe his body. The ripples, curves, and slabs of muscles stacked on top of one another creating lust-worthy virility. I wanted him again. Needed him now.

“Trentiiiiiiin!” she cried with the top of her forehead skin-on-skin to my neck as I aped her ass, pounding into her from the back.

Her walls were quaking, my sweat was pouring, her shoulders shaking, and my cock swelling. Jade was about to come again. This time, I wouldn’t be able to hold back. The liquor had been wearing off since we left the City and now, I had no barrier to spilling into my wife, shooting my first nut in weeks. I wanted to make it last as long as I could, but Jade smelled good and felt even better. Her pussy gripped me, tightening and loosening. Her voice was scratchy now from screaming and moaning since we walked in the house.

And now I had her where I wanted her. She was on all fours, underneath me as I covered her like a spider, my legs wider and arms outside of hers. I umbrella’d her, slamming into her gooey pussy. Caging her like the beast I turned into for her.

“Uuuuh…” she breathed out as her walls flexed around me.

I pelted hard, bunching the comforter in my hands as I did. I loved feeling her shaking like mad because of me. Her little shoulders knocking against me as she went crazy in pleasure. It pushed me over the edge, and the next thing I knew, I was blasting off.

“Fuuuu—”

With a shaky arm, Jade reached back and pulled my face into hers, kissing me, swallowing my groans. Damn… She felt like magic, curving underneath me. My abs strained as I curled over her. I never copped to it, but Jade knew her kissing me while I’m coming drove me crazy. She was boss with it. Taking my load and my cries.

She pulled from my mouth, and I was out of breath.

“You my wife…Jade?” I could hardly speak.

Jade pushed further onto my dick, wiggled her hips, and moaned, “Forever my big guy.”

I stepped out of the bathroom and saw Jade sitting up in bed, fingering her hair while looking into the mirror over the dresser, across from the bed. I pulled the comforter back and crawled in, kissing her shoulder before laying back on the pillows.

“You good?”

“Mmmhmmm,” she hummed, still flicking her hair curls although she was about to knock out. It was late.

“I mean the baby.”

In the shower, I started feeling guilty about being rough. I shouldn’t have had sex with her after drinking so much.

“The baby’s perfectly fine, Trent,” she sang, being sarcastic. “I am, too, in case you care. It’s been me going without. Not the baby,” she spoke while looking at herself in the mirror.

Jade loved playing in her hair.

I stumbled, not knowing where to go from there. I did ask about her.

But had the baby in mind…

“Ky left his iPod and his father’s been blowing him up. Maybe letting him go over there to stay the night was a good idea after all.”

I hoped she wasn’t asking me for an answer. After the way Ryder showed out at Ky’s party, I had nothing for him. Now, I understood Jade’s concerns about him. He had no more grace with me. The kid would never get that off again. Ky’s father or not, Ryder would get handled.

“Your weave’s dope. I like that natural look you got going.”

“It’s not a weave. It’s pregnancy hair, and I love it.”

“Say the word! I can give you some more. Have it coming all down your back, if you want.”

“Trent…”

I chuckled, liking to tease Jade.

“A’ight. I just wanted to loosen you up for what I’m about to tell you.”

Her arms went down to her folded lap and she turned to face me.

“You’ve been in and out and we’ve been off. And you were tempted to sleep with someone else. Now you want to separate, but you can’t.” She dipped her chin. “Because I filed the marriage license and you saw it for yourself. We’z married now.”

I cocked my head to the side, not finding that cute.

“Don’t start that, J.”

“What? Don’t start what?”

“Don’t start that foolishness about me being tempted with other chicks. The only temptation I suffered from was not ripping your lil coochie shorts off, back in Harlem, in front of everybody.”

“Trent!”

“Oh, now it’s, ‘Trent’.” I shook my head. “Don’t say stuff like that, J. You gotta speak life into us, not fear of me cheating and pass it off as a joke. This thing is serious to me, man!” My voice may not have been raised, but I was getting upset.

After the way I’d just gone crazy on her, she brought up cheating, of all things.

She leaned over and kissed me. Her little fingers combed my beard, making my sacs tingle.

“If it’s about the baby, I’ve already told your PR people,” her soft tone was soothing.

“Who?”

“Elle?”

“When?”

“Last night. It wasn’t planned. We’ve been in touch about the party for months, and last night I called her with last minute details and it came up.”

“How did something like you being pregnant come up?”

She shrugged. “The last thing she asked was if there was anything else she should know. I knew she was referring to the party, but if felt like the right thing to do.” She paused for a second or two. “I hope I didn’t step on your toes.”

My head went back and eyes stretched. “Nah. I just didn’t expect you to do that.”

Jade sighed. “I’m trying. I really am. I just…it just caught me off guard, is all. No, I didn’t want a baby this soon. My plan was to get you to a more trusting place emotionally. And maybe we could have thought about a baby in a couple of years. But I’m ready to tell Ky. I asked Elle to wait until Monday to send out the press release.”

“So soon?”

Jade shrugged again. “I’ll have a gown selected soon. It will be maternity. I don’t want your wedding day to be overshadowed by false scandal of a trap baby. I’m hoping the news of the wedding will eclipse the pregnancy talk.”

I nodded. We agreed not to make the wedding date public and even sent that request to our guests in the invitation.

“Listen, J.” I sat up. “About the wedding: I don’t know how to say this…”

“Just say it,” her tone was clipped, eyes chased mine.

I nodded again and licked my lips.

“I’m looking for your father.”

Her forehead wrinkled. “My father? How do you know my father? I’ve never met my father.” Her eyes went out into the room.

“I don’t know him. But I thought I could find him in case you wanted to.” I pulled her chin to face me. “Do you want to?”

Her eyes danced around my face as she thought about that. Jade’s facial muscles loosened before tightening again.

“I never thought about it—at least since I’ve been a kid. George…” she didn’t say anymore.

“I know. He’s held you down, but I know you always say you wish you had somebody to stand up to ya moms and balance her point of views. And now with you getting married and having another baby and all, I thought it’d be nice to have all the pieces to your puzzle in front of you.”

A single tear slipped from her hazel eye. “You think about me like that?”

My face wrinkled. “Like what? Wanting you to have it all? Doing anything I can to make you whole like you do for me?” She was bugging. “I wish I could do more.”

Jade’s eyes closed and more tears came. She swiped them with a hand before looking at me again.

“I don’t know how you’ll find him.”

“I got somebody good looking into it. Could hear back something as soon as tomorrow. What you do with the info is up to you.”

Jade took a deep breath, eyes going out into the room again.

“I reached out to George.”

“Word?”

She nodded. “I knew they’d be receiving the invitation soon and I wanted him to hear the news from me first.” My eyes fell to my lap. “He said he’s spoken to you and you told him about the wedding and the baby. Thanks, Trent.” My eyes rolled up to hers. “I know you tried bridging the gap between my stubborn mom and me.” She bit her lip. “I’ve been praying about it. Especially because I asked George to walk me down the aisle.”

“What he say?”

Her cheeks went up and mouth pushed out as though she was about to cry. “I think he cried when he said yes.”

Whoa…

“Glad he’s stepping up again.”

Jade nodded as she scooted down the bed to lay on my chest.

“Me, too,” she whispered.

“Oh! It’s hot in here,” April spoke up as we traveled through the small Pennsauken home. I sniffled with my chin in the air, smelling barbeque. It wasn’t stale in odor as Cora Mae’s, but it was…dead. No pictures on the walls, minimal furniture, and at least two cats striding stealthily around. “You back here, Brenda?”

No one answered, but the sound of music lured April to the back of the house and I followed, curiously. Stephanie Mills sang, “What Cha Gonna Do with My Lovin’?” louder and louder as we approached the kitchen. The screen door was closed while the main one was open. April headed out there.

Soon, I could hear the crackle from the grill. Brenda was out there dancing over it with her back to us. She was stiff, but healthy as her shoulders swayed and left fingers snapped. It was a warm April afternoon. Nice enough to cook out. 

“Brenda, girl, you ain’t hear us comin’ in?” April called out to her again, this time getting her attention.

Brenda turned with a bottle of Corona to her mouth. Her eyes drew wild, but everything else froze as she registered her guests—well, April. That’s when Brenda recognized her. I didn’t wait. I moved in front of April with my forehead stretched and eyes just as big as hers.

“You couldn’t make it to your son’s birthday party, Brenda?”

For a flash, I caught a feature of my husband’s in her face. Faint, but stark recognition.

Brenda’s betrayed eyes tossed to April.

Then she addressed me. “Who you think you talkin’ to? I’ve been busy!”

“Busy?” She wanted to go there.

“Yeah.” She turned to face us. “You talkin’ about a party; I been sick back here lately. But I ain’t gotta explain myself to you, little girl.”

“You didn’t look sick a couple of weeks ago at Trick’s birthday party at that strip club in Delaware.” I moved to rest on one hip. “Wasn’t too damn sick to cook all the food for it!”

Brenda’s eyes shot over to April again.

“I ain’t know you cooked the food,” April tried clearing her name.

I stepped closer. “You were caught on this phenomenon called social media, Brenda. Trick and his girlfriend have all the pictures of you putting out the food you cooked for over fifty people—at a party my husband wasn’t invited to, by the way. Ones showing you helping the strippers get ready for their little dance for Trick, and you getting a lap dance yourself. You been admitted since all that action? Ain’t nobody post about it, so I really don’t know.”

Again, Brenda glanced confused eyes over to April. Yes, I had ambushed her, but April wasn’t the culprit. I’d been visiting Trent’s family’s pages since I met them, thinking it would bring more understanding to the man I’d fallen helplessly for. This morning, when I’d searched their pages to see what was more important than them at least calling to say they couldn’t make it; I saw Trick posting about his sister putting food on the grill in this nice spring weather.

Oh, they do barbeques, but can’t acknowledge my husband?

No. This had to be confronted.  

“What I do ain’t none of your damn business! I ain’t gotta explain myself to you. I ‘on’t even know you.” She peered over to April again. “What’s this mess you bringing my way, April?”

“I just thought if we could talk—” April tried until I stepped in between them.

“You’re right: you don’t owe me anything, but you do owe my husband just an ounce of respect when he’s being celebrated—hell, just acknowledge the man’s alive. He’s your only living son, Brenda!”

“I ain’t none of your business, girl!” she yelled.

“And thank god for that!” I adopted her tone. “But let me tell you how this is going to go. You will be at that wedding, and with bells on. You will congratulate him. And you will dance with my husband at his reception!”

“Husband? Wedding?” I heard from behind me. Trick walked up on us, carrying plastic grocery bags. “Shit you saying don’t even make sense. Don’t bring that shit here.”

His face was twisted, and lips snarled, exposing his missing tooth. Trick was…ugly. Plain and simple. Beautiful ebony skin wasted on played out cornrows, baggy clothes, and thug persona. When he smiled, I saw traces of the Baileys in his face. Trick resembled Brenda, and not Shank so much.

Thank goodness for Trenton Jackson’s strong DNA…

“Oh!” I breathed. “You can speak when you see me. Nice to know. It would’ve been better to get a regret about you not coming last night instead of you being a no show.”

“Here you go with this. First he sent you down to bitch about Christmas gifts. Christmas gifts! Now, he crying ‘cause ain’t nobody come to his ritzy ass party. Sick of this nigga’s bitchin’!”

“First of all,” I stepped closer to Trick, who stood guard near his big sister, “Cora Mae showed in a damn wheelchair with her bestie and daughter. Second of all, Trent doesn’t bitch! What’s a bitch is how you don’t even speak to him. How you two grew up together like brothers, but for some reason you can’t stand to sit in the same room as him. How his mother”—I regarded Brenda—“the one who’s supposed to be his first love and protector doesn’t even speak to him! And I heard about that hospital incident.”

My eyes went back to Trick. “If he was such a bitch, why didn’t he tell me that? Huhn? Could you imagine Cora Mae never calling to check up on you? Never wishing you a happy birthday? Merry Christmas? I don’t have a great relationship with my own mother, but she instinctively connects to me through our DNA! This woman is about as heartless as a cuckoo bird!”

I gazed straight into the eyes of Brenda Bailey. “You know what a cuckoo bird is, Brenda? You should be well versed with your kin! They are some of the worst mothers in creation. They leave their eggs with other species of birds to nest for them, then go back to their commitment-free lives as though they were never one with their offspring. You, my dear Brenda, are a cuckoo bird!”

“Hold up, man!” Trick stepped to me, his battered face screwed with rage. “You ain’t gone be running up in here—”

I practically jumped in his face. In just seconds, April shrieked and took me at the arm. But I was not afraid of Trick.

“YOU WILL BE AT HIS WEDDING ON MAY TWENTIETH AND GRACIOUSLY OR ELSE THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY!” 

“Or else what?” he challenged me.

“Now, hold up, Trick!” April tried. “Jade, don’t forget about the baby!”

Trick backed up slightly, his eyes dropped inadvertently to my waist. I turned to Brenda, catching her doing the same thing in her stupor.

“Yup. I’m pregnant.”

“No surprise here,” Trick spat. “Just a matter of time before you got what you wanted anyway. Dude’s a fuckin’ sucker,” he hissed, rolling his eyes.

That incensed me even more.

“Maybe he should’ve gone with a busted one like yours,” I returned.

“Jade!” April shouted.

“A busted one that’ll beat ya lil ass!” Trick shot back. “I’ll call her over here now!”

I snorted. “She could try. And after I’m done mopping the ground with her wrinkled face, I’ll tighten her weave!” My chin was in the air, daring Trick.

And when I expected him to reach for his phone and call, he didn’t. Trick just stood there. I wouldn’t back down. I may not have come from a tough neighborhood, but I’d been top of my class when learning from Ryshon and his hood ass people. Yes, I was afraid of losing my baby. Even more afraid of losing Trent when he learned how it happened, but Trick liked accusing people of being soft. I wanted him to know I was not.

“Man, get the fuck outta here. My sister don’t need this stress. She sick.”

I took a deep breath. “Oh, I’m about to leave this hell hole. I can feel misery crawling up the walls and I don’t want to carry it out with me. But let’s be clear on May twentieth. You both will be there to support Trent!”

Trick’s face twisted again. “And if we don’t? The fuck you gone do?”

I switched hips. “I got the baby and soon will have the name and authority. This house is in his name. He pays the taxes on the property. I will have your cuckoo ass out of here so fast after saying I do, you’ll be looking for a new nest to rest your damn self.” I was sure to keep my voice eerily low as I shot bullets at both of them through my eyes.

I lied, and on so many levels. Earlier, I’d once again, revealed Trent’s and my true marital status. And there was no way my hopelessly loyal husband would evict his mother. I had no say in the matter. Unfortunately for these two, they didn’t know the truth, because they weren’t in touch with him.

“Jade, I think you just took it too far,” April chimed in. “Brenda can’t afford to be on the streets in her condition. Where she gone go? To Cora Mae’s? There’s no room there. Plus, they’re both sick.”

April was playing along. She knew full well Trent didn’t possess a hard bone in his body for his mother. He’d been secretly awaiting reciprocity from her.

“That will no longer be my problem,” I growled and walked towards the door to leave back out through the house.

I made it the front door before I heard, “Yo, hold up, man.”

His tone was gentler, but my skin still crawled. The only person I allowed to call me man was Trent. It was never demeaning from his lips. It was just a lack of etiquette, I understood from the start.

I paused with my hand on the doorknob.

“A’ight. You ain’t gotta look at me, but you could listen. I know the shit between my sister and Trent seem fucked up. And it is. I swear, I been kicking it with her about it since I been home. I ‘on’t know why it ain’t never bother me before…nah.” He caught himself. “I do know.” Yeah. He did. Shank’s attention… “But that ain’t neither here nor there. What you need to know is my sister got some shit with her, but it’s legit.”

That’s when I turned my head to look at him.

“I ‘on’t know if he told you, but some years back, Brenda stopped rocking with all us: Mommy, Shank, me—everybody. My brother died and Trevor did, too.” Trevor… He was Trent’s older brother. “And I thought that messed her head up. But I found out from her when I got outta the pen that Brenda ain’t all right up here.” He pointed to his head.

My face folded, confused.

Trick glanced around the narrow hall for listeners, I supposed.

“It’s getting worse,” his voice was lower. “The doctors put her on meds.”

Trent never mentioned a mental institution he was trying to see her at back in February.

He technically never mentioned much of anything…

“That’s why she was hospitalized a few months back?”

“Nah. She kept having strokes. The doctors didn’t know why.” He scoffed. “None of us know why she ain’t got no signs of the two she had. The doctors’ even shocked.”

“So, what does that have to do with her mind? Her neglect didn’t begin at the top of the year.”

“She got a lot of stuff wrong with her head. She go in and out. I got word she was out in the streets at night, talking to herself when I was down. My homies told me how she would…” Trick’s eyes fell and he switched stances, appearing pained. “She was going through the trash. Then a day or two later, they seen her driving to work like nothing ever happened. She did it once since I been home, and I got word of it. Two o’clock in the morning, she out there, talking to herself, over trash bins. She ain’t know who I was, but I was able to get her back here to get cleaned up. Her fridge and freezer was stacked with food.” Trick shook his head, ghosted.

“You mean to tell me Brenda has some form of mental illness?”

He nodded. “I took her to the doctor after she came to and told me she been fighting it for years and it’s getting worse. The doc said she had to get on and stay on meds or she gone be walking around without a brain, basically. Sometimes, it look like she already do. She hate the medicines, but they keep her sane—zoned out most times, but sane.”

“That’s why you’re here,” I breathed, finally adding it all up. “How long you say she’s been struggling with this?” This could answer why she’d been neglectful of Trent for so long.

Trick shrugged while shaking his head, his eyes cast down to the floor. “I ‘on’t know, man. The doctor said he met her like ten years ago. But Brenda been wildin’ for longer than that.”

“It’s progressing.” I spoke toward the floor, mind going. Then a thought occurred. My eyes swung up to him. “You have to tell Trent!” I was animated, but not loud. “He needs to know about his mother.”

“You ‘on’t think I need help with this? My moms ain’t gone help. She sick. I ‘on’t know how long I can do this by myself. This shit is crazy as hell. I done lost my second brother. Ain’t no way I’mma leave my sister hanging like this. But Trent like staying all up in his feelings. I been wanting to reach out. I’m the one making sure people call him when she go in the hospital. But he always gotta bring his sour feelings into the shit. Brenda ain’t gone change. She been fucked up in the head since me and him was kids. I don’t get why he think that’s gone change.”

“So, you get mad at him?” My voice shook with high emotions. “He has no idea. Trent thinks he’s a bad seed. Do you know what that does to a kid…when they carry it into adulthood?” I whispered.

Trick waved his hand in the air. “He fuckin’ piss me off with his attitude. Everything ain’t about him—at least not right now. She don’t get outta bed sometimes. Fuck I’m supposed to do with that?” I wanted to verbally cut him, but something in my gut understood his struggle. Trick was angry, but not at Trent. He was angry at the universe for the unexpected burden of his sister. “She make me swear all the time not to tell nobody. I gotta have my girl sit here with her when I’m at work. Her bad days are fuckin’ bad, man! The doctor talking about her checking into a spot for a few weeks here and there.”

My chest heaved as I tried to guard my emotions. The pregnancy made me cry all the time, but I couldn’t blame the baby on this one. This was messed up. I was angry for not being able to blame Brenda for her neglect of Trent all these years. She’d probably been struggling with this before having children. It sounded like it was progressing.

“Look,” Trick’s beckoning tone broke me from my reverie. “I ain’t got no beef with Trent. I don’t. I swear. I know we had our beef a long time ago, but I told Shank while I was in the pen, I was droppin’ it. That’s what I wanna do but—I…I just don’t know…”

His eyes were to the floor again.

Trick didn’t know how to make up with his nephew. He’d been on the outs with him so long, and their lives were on stark opposite paths. Trent probably intimidated Trick. And so unnecessarily.

The first tear fell.

“He’s really…really sweet,” burst from my lips. “And not in a ‘bitch’ kind of way. Trent is generous and funny…and a good listener and compassionate…” My eyes bounced around as I tried running down all of his amazing qualities. “And he’s oh, so patient. He really is,” I whispered. “He’s just got a little baggage from not being connected to you guys. People think his life is perfect because of the money and fame, but I swear to you, he would be better off if he never got that, but had you and Brenda…Shank and the rest of your family in his life. He doesn’t even have his father.” The tears wouldn’t stop.

I felt helpless. Why was I begging Trick to extend the olive branch? He was probably less emotionally developed than Trent. He’d had a rough life in the streets of Camden, leading to a long bid in prison. Trent was sure incarceration had hardened Trick even more.

“What y’all in here talking ‘bout?” April’s round frame bustled into the narrow hall. “We gotta go, Jade. Gotta pick up those rolls for dinner. I don’t wanna hear Kyree’s mouth or Trent’s.”

She didn’t look up as she breezed past, opened the door, and left out. After paying Trick a final glance, I was on her heels. We were nearly three houses down the block before the truck was in sight.

“A damn cuckoo bird, Jade?” she cried in her soprano octave. “A damn cuckoo bird?”

“Am I in trouble?” Ky asked with a grin, but I knew he was a little shook.

His moms and I never called him to “talk.” So, I got why he stopped in the doorway of the living room first.

What was crazy was how we’d hung out today while Jade and April were running errands. When I realized I would miss morning worship because I overslept, I made a last minute call to get fitted for my tux. Tessie Bell had been on me about it for a couple of weeks, so I took Ky with me to get measured for his. We had a good time. So, being called into the “formal” room to speak to his moms in front of me had to have him nervous.

“No, baby,” Jade’s voice was soft as she shook her head. “Come sit down next to Mommy.” She patted the seat next to her on the love seat.

I was stretched out across from her on the long couch. The room still felt new to me. Jade had turned it into something unrecognizable. She did her thing decorating the place.

“Hey,” she started cheerfully, but I could feel her anxiety. “Trent and I want to talk to you about a change that’s about to take place around here.”

“Auntie April’s leaving?” he asked. Jade shook her head. “We moving?” There was panic in his voice, concerning me.

“Nah, man,” I spoke up, not liking that image, especially if it didn’t include me moving with them. “Nothing like that.”

My eyes went to Jade for help. I didn’t know how to do this type of break-the-news-to-a-kid thing.

Jade’s neck swung until her chin raised in the air sideways. “Ummmmm…” Her brows met and I saw her swallow hard. “KyKy…” Her eyes skirted over to me. “We—no. Me. Ummmm…” She licked her lips and I saw the tears collect in her eyes.

“Ky, we’re having a baby,” I blurted. Kyree’s head swung over to me. “It—she’ll be here before you start third grade this year.”

The room went quiet. Kyree turned back to his mother, who had tear tracks by now.

“A baby?” he asked.

Jade’s head nodded hard and she wiped her cheeks, trying to force a smile. She couldn’t speak.

Pain struck my chest. Just as I’d been at the start of this pregnancy thing, I struggled with not taking Jade’s regret personal.

“It won’t…just be us anymore?” Ky still wouldn’t look at me.

My eyes went wild. I thought he wanted a brother or sister—not necessarily by me, but still.

What did I do?

All of a sudden, I felt like the odd party out. This was between the kid and his moms. But I couldn’t leave. This was my life, too. Why did I feel like I’d betrayed him?

Jade looked away, choking on a cry. 

Kyree turned to me with heavy eyes. “You said it would just be us for a while.”

My chest puffed as I sucked in crazy air. Kyree was including me.

“Dude—”

“What happened to the wedding? You’re not getting married no more?” he asked, voice still sad.

Ky, I bagged ya moms already…

I wanted to shout it to the world. Jade was a chosen woman, not a baddie that plotted to catch my seed. She was my wife. I wish I could share that with him. Maybe when he got older I could.

“Yeah. We’re still doing the wedding. It’s for all of us. It’s how we’re gonna announce to the world we’re an official family.” I tried for a smile.

Kyree sat back in his seat. His eyes went straight ahead.

“You don’t want the wedding anymore?” I asked.

Jade kept her head turned. Her shoulders trembled, telling of her crying. I fought to ignore it.

“Yeah. But my Daddy said it ain’t really gonna happen.”

“What? The wedding?” He nodded. “Ah, man.” I tried to laugh that off. “That’s in the bag. Remember, we shopped for our tuxes today.”

Ky never looked at me, but he nodded again. 

Sniffling, Jade rejoined the conversation. “Listen, Ky. No matter what you hear, Trent and I love each other and will be together for a very long time. Unless you hear it from us, you can’t believe it. Got it?” Kyree nodded, but with his eyes on his moms. She wiped her running nose. “Trent’s very popular, and you know this. So, when that many people know you, some make up mean things about you and the people you love. Trent’s a part of our family now. And,” She looked down at her belly, but didn’t touch it. She still hadn’t let me touch it. “now we’re adding one more to our tight circle.”

“Then why’re you crying, Mommy?” he sounded about to cry, too.

“The baby makes me cry,” she lied. Even if she was hormonal, Jade didn’t want my baby. “She makes Mommy crazy.” She tried to laugh. “Okay?”

He nodded. “Okay.”

“Can I get a hug?” With a wet face, she opened her arms.

Kyree stood and hugged his mother. I watched her squeeze him tight with closed eyes and a fresh round of tears, not knowing how to feel about it.

Ky walked over to me and held his hand out for a high-five. “At least it’s a girl and she can’t come in the cave. Right?”

A slow grin opened on my face, showing my silly grill. Dude never failed to make me smile.

“You know it, man.” After smacking his little hand, I grabbed him up in a hug.

Kyree walked out of the room with heavy shoulders. I could tell he was just as confused as I was. If Jade was good with having the baby, why did she act so sad? Almost as soon as he turned the corner for the foyer, Jade stood from her sofa and walked over to me. Her knee hit the cushion right next to my thigh and she curled underneath me.

“You would’ve thought I just told him he missed when Brielle stopped by his house.” She tried to laugh.

“Nah. He’s sad because you’re sad.” My arms were stretched out on the back of the sofa and armrest.

“I’m not sad, Trent,” she tried to argue.

“Oh, right. You’re just angry with me and disappointed in yourself,” I repeated her line to me last month when she told me she made an appointment to find out if she was really expecting. “Big difference.”

I was being reckless, I knew it. But I couldn’t help it. I was sick of these ups and downs. My baby was here. She would be loved, too.

~Sixteen

“Mr. Bailey,” the woman with blonde hair pulled to the back, and black rectangular frames stood to her feet, bowed as she spoke, “they’re all in there waiting on you.” She pointed to the conference room I’d been in more times than I could count over the years.

Chesney had a dope office on the Upper East Side. I couldn’t decide which was better: this one in New York City or his headquarters in Los Angeles. John, the Kings’ appointed security now fulltime with Tyheem and me, opened one of the double doors and I strolled through. My eyes quickly scanned the left area and saw a few bodies at the far end of the table.

Chesney stood and walked over to me, smoothing down his tie.

“Trent,” He shook my hand, giving a neck bow. “Glad you could make it.”

His associate, whose name I couldn’t remember, but recognized from the office over the years, nodded to me. Jade was in the last seat on the side of the long table closest to me. I went to her, and in my approach, I recognized that hard profile expression. She wasn’t happy.

Maybe a little too roughly, I grabbed her chin, tilting her head for a kiss. I sloppily pecked where I sucked her lips into mine. I didn’t plan on it, but I was nervous. When my face was this close to her and I could smell her natural body oils under the perfume, I realized how hungry I was for her. I hadn’t had her since the night of my birthday party. That was more than two weeks ago. My crazy schedule mixed with bad nerves about this meeting had me tip the scales of appropriateness with her.

I turned my back to block out the room then pulled away before she could and stared into her hazels. So many bodies in the room to have a simple conversation caught me off guard. Jade told me Chesney would be here and all, but now…seeing it made everything real. And serious.

“I like the pictures of the deck,” I whispered to her.

A soft smile spread on her mildly made up face. Jade had cut back a lot: hair and makeup.

“I wish it hadn’t rained so much,” she whispered back. “I could’ve taken better ones.”

Jade was finishing up on the back deck of the house. She’d designed it months ago, and finally was ordering furniture to get ready for warmer weather. She sent me pictures while I’d been away to keep me updated. The month of May was days away, and she was almost there.

“Ky like it?” I asked.

“He hasn’t said.” Her eyes danced between mine. “Trent, you don’t have much time.” She motioned to the table. “And I don’t have a good feeling about this. I’ve prayed about it all week. I’m going to keep quiet and let you speak.” I had to read her lips to follow, her voice was so low.

And my lady was sincere. She’d been taking her prayer life seriously, and that made me happy. Hearing that had me man up and get my head in the game. That’s what she was asking me to do. My back had been to the room, crowding her in. I took a deep breath and stood. Grabbing the chair next to me close to hers, I sat down and pulled her closer to me.

“Okay,” Chesney started with the clap of his hands. “We’re all aware Mr. Bailey has just a few minutes to spare before he has to take off to catch a flight. Let’s be judicious with his time.” He turned to the two men across from Jade and me. “Mr. Jackson, you wanted a word with Mr. Bailey.”

Finally, I looked across the table. Trenton Jackson, my biological father was tapping his fingers together nervously, forcing a smile. His eyes couldn’t stay on me. They bounced to everybody at the table, it seemed. There was a dude next to him I didn’t recognize. He kept eyeballing me. It was the “Oh, shit. It’s TB” look.

“Yeah. Yeah,” Jackson agreed, nervously. His eyes focused in on me. “I heard you did the youth football camp here in Jersey.”

At first, I didn’t speak. This was weird.

“Yeah. Good times with the kids.” That was my PR response. I didn’t know how else to follow up.

He sat up at the table. “O-okay. I don’t want to take up too much of your time. I know you’re a busy man—congrats on your new contract, by the way. Glad you’re finally being welcomed back with open arms.”

The guy next to him nodded with a slight smile, in agreement. I gave a bow, as a way of saying thanks as I listened.

“Ummmm…” he tried again, using his fingers to communicate. “As you know I—I’m your fa—father…” Jackson couldn’t look at me when saying that. “…and I get we haven’t been in touch and all since you first got the Kings deal, years ago. I’ve tried to give you your space. You seemed to be turning out well.” He kept using those fingers. “Shank did right by you…as you can see. I’m happy for that…”

“Mr. Jackson, Mr. Bailey’s time is limited,” Chesney reminded him. “It was quite a feat for his fiancée to arrange this meeting today.” He was warning Jackson to get to the point.

I agreed. He’d been hitting me up for months and I was finally giving him the opportunity to tell me what he wanted.

Jackson nodded with closed eyes, head going up and down repeatedly. “Okay. I got it.” He looked over at the guy next to him. “I…uhhhh. I’ve got two boys. One is with me now. Jones.” He pointed to the guy. Oh… “He’s my baby boy…almost done with high school—big fan of yours, by the way. Well, my oldest one—Lamont—is twenty-three. He is—was in college—”

“I’m sorry, Trenton,” Jade jumped in. “Don’t you mean you have three boys and Lamont is your second oldest?” She tossed her head toward me and cleared her throat. “Your oldest son is who you’re addressing.”

Shit. He’s getting Jade, the beast…

My hand reached under the table for her thigh, squeezing it.

“I’m sorry,” Jackson bowed. “It’s just… It sounds strange, I’m sure to the room. And I don’t want to overstep.”

“Of course, not,” Chesney breathed, rolling his eyes.

I didn’t speak at all, studied the man’s features, wondering if he’s what I looked like. I never resembled my moms and her peoples. Everybody said I was my pops’ twin. Now, looking at him for the second time in my life, I wanted to see it myself.

“Ummm… Well, Lamont’s sick,” Jackson continued, eyes jumping across the table. “Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. He was diagnosed last year, and because he was in his last year of college, it ended his football career—he was not going as far as you, but was good at it. Committed. Skilled.”

“Okay, Mr. Jackson,” Chesney’s associate spoke up. Patel! I remembered. Paul Patel. I commented once how he had a middle eastern last name, but looked Asian. “Is it money you need?” He was just as cut throat as his boss, Chesney.

“No!” Jackson answered real quick. “Yeah. Medical expenses have grown out of control, and my wife and me are struggling to keep up, but I’m not asking for no handout.”

“Then what is it, Mr. Jackson, that you’re asking of Mr. Bailey?” Chesney asked.

Jackson took another deep breath, his eyes hit mine. “We got a Go Fund Me account, had fish fries, garage sales, the church been raising money, his school team raised money—we got a lot going on to help with the crazy bills flying in, left and right. My wife had to quit her job to help take him to these doctors and specialists—”

The kid next to him, my brother, held up a phone with a dude in the hospital bed. Tubes were running from his face and arms. I’d guessed that was Lamont.

“Yeah,” Jackson nodded toward the phone. “That’s my Lamont. He’s now at Hackensack with some doctors doing experimental treatments. Right now, things are stable, but at any moment…” His hands seesawed.

“How much you asking for?” I finally asked, wanting this to be over.

“It’s not how much,” Jackson made clear, and for the first time, I saw the desperation in his eyes. “I’m not asking for a handout. I just wanted to know—it would—” He shook his head. Then his eyes rolled up to me again. “If you can do a fundraiser in his name. I know your popularity would help a lot—”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Jackso—” Patel was interrupted by Chesney.

“Whoa. Whoa. Whoa!” Chesney pumped his palms in the air. “Mr. Jackson, you’re stepping into public relation waters. Mr. Bailey is a brand. He’s affiliated with long-standing, corporate giants that have vetted his associations. There’s no way he could casually start a Go Fund Me for a cause on a whim.”

“This is for his brother,” little Jones spoke up. “My brother. Ain’t no whim. Ain’t nothing random.”

“Random?” Chesney’s neck jerked back. “Whim?” He did it again. “Let us not use those nouns when your father here has never practiced a verb when it comes to one Trenton Bailey, son.” And there he was. The arrogant S.O.B. with those dramatic inflections.

I wasn’t in the mood to watch Chesney slaughter my pops and his son like a Javan tiger. Based on how Jade’s little leg was bouncing on her toes underneath the table, I knew she’d be the one who would enjoy the feed of their deaths the most.

“How much you need?” I asked again.

Jade’s neck snapped to face me. No need to look at her. I knew she wasn’t with it.

“Again, Trent. I’m not asking for a hand—”

“Of course, not,” Chesney cut in. Again.

“How much are the bills?” I asked over them all with a raised voice.

The room got quiet. My eyes were on Jackson, and for the first time, I saw a similarity. He was desperate and scared. This dude loved his son so much he was willing to come to New York, sit in a swanky office, in front of killer lawyers to ask for help from a son he never took on. He had to be desperate. No need to keep watching him beg.

“Just give me a figure. I don’t need the extra details.” I stared him dead in the eyes.

Jade squeezed my arm over her thigh.

Jones tapped his father, telling him to spit it. After squeezing his eyes closed and shaking his head, Jackson finally spoke.

“Eighty-two thousand, six hundred, seventy-four dollars,” he answered through gritted teeth.

I stood from the table and looked over to Chesney. “Cut it for a hundred K.”

The room was quiet as I turned to leave. From the corner of my eye, I could see John following me. Jade’s voice stopped me at the door.

“Congratulations on getting a new contract.” I heard when she pulled in a breath from her nostrils. “My husband came all the way here and got one sign of support from you, and it was about his lucrative job?” My eyes closed at that. And not because she’d started flipping, but because she’d let it slip again that we were married. She claimed me as her husband. There was no better feeling than that. Fuck not having my parents’ love and support. I had Jade. I was good. I couldn’t move to face the table again, though. “You knew about his community outreach with football camps. Did you know the only father he knew passed away?”

“Uhhh… Yeah…” Jackson stalled. “I’m sorry about Shank. I didn’t know how to bring that up.”

“Too late,” Jade spat. “I’m sure your son here knows he’s getting married—expecting his first baby.” There was a gap of silence, but Jackson came with nothing. “You could have asked for an invitation to the wedding…made a plea to be in your grandchild’s life—apologized for not being a father. But no. Your agenda today was to be a father. Just not to him.”

“Jade,” I warned with my chin to the ceiling, wanting this to end before she blew a gasket.

The money would be put to good use. There’s no way I could have my biological brother wasting away with my knowledge and not do anything. It wouldn’t be good PR if this got out. More than that, it wouldn’t be Christ-like to do nothing. To whom much is given, much is required. I was good with cutting the check to clear my conscience of Trenton Jackson.

“Don’t ever contact him again unless you’re ready to apologize for your near thirty years of complete neglect and nothing more,” she growled. The room was quiet again, and my fists clenched angrily because I couldn’t pick her little ass up off her feet and snatch her out of here like I used to because she was pregnant. “You had better be glad I didn’t know what this was about. Be glad he’s a Christian man and generous to a fault. Anyone else, your sorry ass would be tossed out by security the minute you uttered you only have two boys.”

“Hang on here!” Jackson spoke. “I said I didn’t come here for no handouts!” 

When I heard movements of a chair, I leaped around to the table. I grabbed Jade roughly by the hand, but leaned across the table.

“The only reason I’m not feeling like a sucker right now is because I just found out you paid some type of child support,” I lied. “If it wasn’t for that, I would’ve never met with you today.” That part was true.

Whether it was forced or not, Trenton Jackson contributed something to my care. I didn’t know how much or how consistent, but I knew he did. It also meant something that he hadn’t tried going about this through the media.

I had recognized myself in my father. He wasn’t a total asshole. He was just desperate and needed help to protect what was his. Maybe I’d been left out of that exclusive circle, but he had some sense of dedication.

I looked over to Chesney again. “With stipulations, cut the check today.”

He nodded and I turned to leave the room, Jade’s little feet click-clacking to keep up.

“I was married,” Jackson spoke loud to get my attention. It worked. I stopped at the door again and turned to look over my shoulder. Jackson’s face was on the table, between his elbows, and his arms stood in the air. “When I met your mother, I was married and frustrated and stupid. We’d been trying to have kids for years and instead of me dealing with it the right way, I strayed. I met your mother at a bar.” His head came up and he looked at me. “A strip club. She wasn’t working there. Little did I know, she was there because her brother was working that night. Brenda Bailey wasn’t the most charming or flashy.”

He started with those hands and fingers again. “I’m sure I don’t have to explain the narrative to a handsome man of your popularity.” His chin lowered. “We had a few drinks. Flirted a little and I eventually left that first night. Then I came back the next. Brenda was there. She was even more friendlier. Things got wild and by the end of the night…” He looked over to his son, conscious about what he was copping to.

“We were in the back of my car. I didn’t go back to that bar for a couple of weeks. Guilt had me stay away. But my wife and I had another unlucky month and the way I handled it was going back to the bar. Brenda wasn’t there. Her friend told me where I could find her. She stayed in a little apartment with your brother, Trevor.” Shit… Something in my chest ripped. He couldn’t look at me. “Well… You can imagine what happened.” He waved his fingers.

Jade’s grip on my hand tightened and I could hear her breathing hard. I didn’t need her crying. I was trying to control my own emotions.

“I didn’t see her for a while after that night. Told myself I had to find a better way of dealing with my marital issues.” He shook his head slowly. “Two months later, I found myself back at the bar, not sure what I was looking for, but knew what I wanted. Shank was dancing that night and got off stage when he saw me. He yoked me up and dragged me into the back room. That’s when he told me about Brenda being pregnant. It wasn’t a negotiation session. After I explained my situation—at home—I was told what to pay and when.” He shrugged. “And I did. I paid.”

My mouth was dry, throat was closed with steel wool lodged in it.

“Yeah, but having you as a volunteer coach, at birthday parties—character witness at my trial woulda been better.” Then I looked at Jones. His mouth hung open, eyes wide with tear puddles as he looked at his dad then me. “I’ll lift your brother in prayer.”

By His stripes…

I turned and left the conference room.

I came bustling through the garage door with countless bags hanging from my wrists and hands. They were heavy and painful, so I dropped them all in front of the bench in between the door and laundry room and grabbed the ones needing to be addressed tonight. I walked down the hall to the kitchen, not even stopping. It was late and apparently, April had cleaned it. She’d been a big help around here with Kyree, even picked him up from school today and kept him while I was in the City with Trent, then running errands after.

I made my way into the dining room where there were place cards laid out over the table, mimicking the grand ballroom of LaChateau. As she’d been doing since RSVPs had begun pouring in, Tessie Bell had emailed me the latest responders. I began writing in their names where they should be placed as I pondered the meeting earlier with Trent’s father.

That was rough. I’d intended on being quiet, told myself to save all comments until we were alone. But when Trent consented to paying the man’s son’s medical expenses, I lost it. The man spoke to Trent with no familiarity at all, yet had the gall to ask him to fundraise. I was so incensed, my body temperature shot sky high. As I stood next to him and felt his palm mist and tremble as he fought to save face, I felt murderous.

But Trent being the benevolent heart he was, did more than grant his request of being the poster child of his fundraising. He paid off the debt caused by his brother’s illness and padded their father with more money. What’s to say Trenton Jackson wouldn’t come back for more? I couldn’t stand seeing anyone take advantage of Trent, and it seemed the two people who should be closest and most protective of him did it without conscience. I wanted to slaughter Brenda Bailey, but couldn’t due to her mental illness. I wanted my husband to break loose on Trenton Jackson, but instead, he figuratively turned the other cheek to allow more wrongdoing. I was engaging in an uphill battle that I knew I was losing.

And here I was, planning our wedding. Yesterday, I received Trick’s RSVP notification. It included Brenda’s. He’d kept his word. But even that sickened me. They could’ve kept the hell away from Trent and wouldn’t be missed by me. That included Brielle.

On my way home, I heard on the radio Brielle’s medical records had been leaked. In them were notes of an abortion. Several names were thrown around as to who could have impregnated the international pop star. My palms gripped the steering wheel to the point of pain and white knuckles when Trent’s name was thrown into the ring. The only upside to the ordeal was how meticulously private Brielle and her camp had been over the years. The public could only speculate. Proving it would be a difficult feat. But I knew the truth of the possibility and it boiled my blood. I couldn’t imagine Trent having a baby with anyone else, as crazy as that sounded. That first belonged to me. My regard swept down to my belly.

And now that you have it…

A trembling wave coursed my whole body from neck to toes. I sat down in a chair, trying to calm myself. Feeling dangerously warm again from anger, I kicked off my shoes. When I pulled my one foot over my thigh to massage it, my phone vibrated inside my purse. I dug for it.

Trent: The only money that means the most to me is what I'll pay to keep you by my side. I'll give it ALL just to have you. Please be patient with me J.

My belly rolled. It was her. She was kicking. I touched my tummy, feeling my daughter communicate to me. My daughter. That was the first time I referenced her as that. My left hand brushed down to the bottom of my belly while my right alternated between the left and right sides to feel where she was. That’s when it hit me: In the past month and a half, I hadn’t embraced being pregnant. I accepted it—couldn’t help but to with a growing belly. I’d even felt her kick on a number of occasions. But in this moment, experiencing her as her father made this emotional plea made it all real.

Trent: I love you Jade

My face fell into my hand and I sobbed uncontrollably. I felt it from the pit of my stomach as it vibrated under my diaphragm. I groaned loudly, feeling a flush of emotions I’d been keeping in.

“Jade!” I recognized April’s panicked cry, but I couldn’t look up. Didn’t want to. I was tired. “Jade!” I felt her hand on my shoulder then her soft meaty arms. “No. No. No, honey. Don’t do that. Please talk to me.”

I couldn’t stop shaking or crying. This was different from my hormonal outburst. This was pain seeping from my heart…my eyes, mouth.

“I can’t…do this,” I sputtered. “I can’t do this.”

“Jade, move your hands from your face.” She tried prying them. “If you can’t breathe, you can’t speak.

I allowed her to remove my hands and my head tossed back as I tried to stop crying.

“Is it wedding jitters?”

I shook my head. “Today,” I tried. “Trenton Jackson…”

“Okay. What did he want?” When I wasn’t speaking fast enough, she asked. “How much?”

It was more than that, but I hadn’t the voice to articulate it all.

“He got more than he…deserved and I’m feeling like a bitch because he shouldn’t have gotten…anything!” My eyes found hers. “I can’t do this, April. I thought…I could handle it, but I can’t.”

They say be careful what you ask for, and I was learning it to be true. I wanted the man and whatever he brought with him. But the fame, nasty hate-wishers from his celebrity, his former lover, neglectful parents, and obvious naivety were becoming too much for me. On top of that, I was carrying his child, something he didn’t need right now—none of us needed right now. My reputation as a jealous, ill-tempered lover of his amongst his friends and family would continue to spread. Once again, consequences were returning to collect on former poor decisions.

Seducing a man while he tried helping you and your son is coming back to bite you in the ass…

“What can’t you do, Jade?” she asked.

“I can’t do any of it. I’m not…built to take on a man like…Trent.” My diaphragm still made it difficult to speak.

“Awwwww, baby.” She smiled. I was having a damn meltdown and she was able to find humor in the moment? “You think there can’t be sunshine on rainy days? Now, I didn’t take you for being one of them little girls that believe relationships are supposed to be perfect at all times.”

I sighed, closing my eyes against the wave of annoyance creeping up my spine. “April, I mean no disrespect,” my voice was low, words dripped slowly, “…but if not being one of those ‘little girls’ means staying with a man who had AIDS after he cheated on me for years should be acceptable in my eyes, I’ve got news for you. I’m one of them.”

Great…

Now Trent’s aunt would join the long line of people in his life who hated me.

“Now, what I did was a lot. And I ain’t got to explain or apologize to nobody. But newsflash, young lady: no relationship is problem, issue, drama, or third party free.”

I sucked in air. “You think Trent’s cheating on me?”

“Girl, that ain’t what I’m saying! What I mean is, there’s going to always be that third person coming up, whether they’re just sniffing around the tree or dry humping it. Trent may never cheat, but that won’t stop the thousands of women who want him from trying. You just have to be strong enough to deal with it.” My face folded as I listened, trying to control my diaphragm. “And family drama? Huh! I done been in the Bailey family since I was little girl. You better just roll up your sleeves and get ready.”

My eyes closed again at that visual. I didn’t have it in me. Already, I was failing and I hadn’t been his wife a year yet.

Shaking my head, I whispered, “I can’t do it, April.”

“You are exactly what that boy needs. Even Shank knew it.”

“If you’re going to try to convince me with that story of Shank’s bet about us getting married and him wanting a lot of kids, I can tell you now, don’t waste your breath.” Now, I was being a bitch to April.

I couldn’t help it.

Her smile faded. “Come with me. I got something to tell you that will blow your mind. Leave this stuff here.” She pulled me from my chair. Quickly, I scrambled to grab my phone. Flashes of the gazillion things I had to do before closing my eyes flashed through my head. “And don’t worry about the cookies for Ky’s class tomorrow. I already made the packaged ones. Trust me; them kids will enjoy them just the same, child.”

I sniffled the entire way to her room.

He squeezed me tight in his big hold, smelling like masculine protection.

I relished it with closed eyes. “Thanks for this, George.”

“Are you kidding me?” he chuckled, letting go. “I’ve waited years for this. Wish I could’ve done more than walk you down the aisle.”

Money.

I snorted. “You’ve done more than your share since I moved in and invaded your home.” He looked gorgeous in his black tux, shining oxfords, and diamond point styled bowtie. “My gratitude is endless,” I murmured, smoothing down his right lapel.

“Jade, I wish you wouldn’t think of it as a burden. Has it ever occurred to you that before you, I didn’t have children of my own? You’ve been a tremendous blessing—filled a void. My gratitude is exclusive.” I almost cried. Almost. My hormones were better controlled now at six months, miraculously. And I didn’t want to disrupt my makeup. I settled for a kiss on the cheek to respond instead. “I’m going to let you get back to what you were doing,” George offered, backing away. “It’s not every day you see the bride on her big day, applying makeup to the first lady of the church.”

Lex laughed, sitting in a director’s chair, Redeeming Souls had available in their bridal suite. It was amazing.

“Pastor may have the more important work today, but I’m actually serving a purpose here,” she jeered with George.

We all laughed as he backed away toward the door. “Well, let me get back to my wife,” George breathed. “Kyree and I’ll be in the vestibule where Ms. Bell assigned us. We’ll see you there.”

I blew him a kiss before he closed the door, leaving us alone. My makeup—all but my lips—had been done by an artist Elle recommended. My hair was styled and gown was on as we waited until start time for the ceremony.

“Now, where was I?” I smiled, going back for the blush brush.

Lex sat back in the seat, rubbing her non-existent belly.

“I’m hungry,” she whined as I brushed her ebony cheeks. “A juicy burger would set me straight,” she moaned. “You have any cravings yet? I swear that’s how Ezra knew I was pregnant. The moment I asked for a bacon cheeseburger at DiFillippo’s one night after Bible study, his Spidey sensors went up—though he says otherwise.”

My hand froze at her face. “Really?”

“Yup,” she hummed. “Then he told me he selected the restaurant because he was craving their crème brûlée. That was a major key!” she declared firmly.

I tossed my head back and laughed. “I can’t believe Pastor Carmichael has cravings! Trent has none. My only one, lately, is sex.” I stood straight, grabbed the bottom of my small bulge. “Man, it’s been crazy lately. I’ve been crazy lately.”

“That’s life and marriage, especially when it throws you a curve ball.”

“And they’ve been coming. Oh, my goodness! One after another. Just three weeks ago, I was ready to call this thing off. Now, I’m counting down the hours until I’m in his pants. Isn’t that insane? I’ll be leaving my eight year old for two whole weeks, and my major concern is jumping my man’s bone.”

Lex tossed her head back and hooted nice and loud.

“Welcome to the sex-crazed hormonal club, bruh!”

“No!” I proclaimed with wide eyes, trying to watch my volume. “It’s not been this way the entire time. It seemed like the moment I found out I was pregnant, I didn’t want him touching me.” Her amusement ceased instantly. “I wanted no parts of the big guy. Didn’t even want him touching my belly.”

Lex sat up straight in the director-style chair.

I felt the need to explain. “It was the blues of my disappointment about getting pregnant. That mixed with his travel. The season is over, but Trent’s a brand and has been fulfilling obligations left and right, as well as pursuing his passion with at risk youth and football camps. It’s been tough on us these past two months. I’ve had a lot on my plate, too. I may not have been overwhelmed with the details of this wedding, thanks to the wedding coordinator, but I had to participate a little in the planning of today, tend to my son and his endless school projects, take on a new job with Trent’s PR firm, finish remodeling the house…it’s been a lot.”

Lex’s brows furrowed and I watched as her tongue roved over her front teeth with her mouth closed.

“Can I say something to you and not sound First Lady-ish?” I nodded, curious about what was coming. “Don’t let anything but infidelity and abuse stall your sex life with your husband.” She sat back in her seat. “I don’t say it publicly, but Ezra is a fountain of wisdom that I can’t even begin to understand. One of the few things that resonated with me immediately from his mouth is a man’s physical need of a woman. It’s so potent and raw that it can be uncontrolled and satisfied by anyone.”

Panic shot to every crevice of my body.

“You think Trent’s cheated on me?” I may have matured since being at his side, but I still had my insecurities and unfounded paranoia.

“No!” Her hand shot in the air. “I don’t believe that at all. What I’m saying is their need for sex is similar to ours as pregnant women, who have the heavy inclination. We need to be satisfied and can likely have it done by any appealing figure, the need is that dire. But our bodies are only assigned to our vow exchangers.” Her chin dipped to ask if I followed. “Unless it’s an extreme circumstance, you have to provide the release for him—however you can.” Her eyes were big, reading. “That could’ve contributed to the craziness you were experiencing. Things were out of whack because he was…without.”

There was a brief pause as Lex narrowed her eyes. “This is going to sound crazy coming from me,” she tried to warn. “But sex with his woman grounds a man. It’s like a part of their biological rhythm. When a man commits to a woman spiritually, I believe there’s a supernatural power that exchanges between the two during sex. Ezra explains it better than I ever could, but I get it. I experience it with him. He travels a lot and recently, he’s flown me out with him, even if for a few hours. It’s been hard with Lisa-Mare, but I make the sacrifice because I now understand, I’m a function of his biological rhythm.”

Oh. My. God.

Her words hit me instantly and weightily. 

“What have I been doing?” I more or less asked myself.

Lex snorted. “You’ve been adjusting to the vastness that is your husband. I get that part. Don’t get it twisted: I’m still learning…” She leaned into the mirror and murmured to herself, “and getting spanked along the way.”

I ignored that, suddenly revved up to feel Trent inside of me. God, I’d missed him. And not having to wait until we landed on the island to kick off our honeymoon sounded more and more feasible with this talk of internal biological rhythms. I yearned to be connected to Trent on the most intimate level. My body began to heat in flashes, I was so ready for him.

“Am I really going to do this?” I asked while backing up behind the partition to take off my thong. Tessie was able to pin the train so I could walk around in the gown without it dragging on the floor. No way was I asking her to help me remove my panties. “Will I have like a strike against me for the hell scoreboard for this?”

I needed to know what I was working with.

“Girl, Trent’s your husband already. Besides, far more scandalous affairs have gone down in the Bishop’s Office. Trust.” I peeked my head from the embroidered divider and watched as Lex casually spoke while blotting the side of her mouth in the vanity mirror. “Think of it as you anointing it, or something, against the bad spirits that’re probably still there from before Ezra took over.” She shrugged, not knowing I’d been watching her, frozen in shock. “At least that’s what I do.”

No waaaaaay…

After managing my panties down my leg, under what felt like fifteen pounds of material, I walked out from the partition.

“You know, I have no one to share your off the cuff personality with,” I divulged as I tucked the panties in my garment bag. “Trent would never believe it—no one would ever believe how down to earth you are. And because I want to earn your confidence, I can’t share it. I haven’t even told Trent about you guys expecting again.”

She took a deep breath. “Good. Ezra needed a moment to adjust to it himself. He’s started sharing. I’m sure he’ll tell Trent himself soon enough now.”

“I guess he’s like me, huhn? The timing didn’t work for him?” Their first child, Lisa-Mare, was still so young.

“That would be three of us.” She stood and grabbed her phone from the vanity. “My husband isn’t as mature as I am, so he needed more time.” Lex began tapping away. “Now, go. I’m running interference now.”

It didn’t take much to get me going. I moved to the door and stopped, perplexed. “Wait. How do you know they’re in the Bishop’s Office?”

“That’s where he holds the grooms this close to start time—if he likes them. Ezra can be antisocial with some people. Trent’s probably in there, having his head talked off.”

I frowned, not being able to imagine Trent being bored in a conversation with his pastor.

Opening the door, I winked. “Wish me luck.”

“I’ll do you one better. I’ll wish you two orgasms.”

I sucked in so much air, I choked on my way out the door.

~Seventeen

She took my breath away…

A petite stature of lace and beads, strolling down the aisle with grace like only Jade had, made me breathless. My ears rang, tips of my fingers stung, and lungs held full and unmoving. For a moment, I felt lightheaded, so filled with an emotion I didn’t know.

I couldn’t see her face as she walked arm in hand with George, but I could feel her elegance as she approached. She may have shown up to my house with a kid and homeless, but I’d never met a more refined woman in all my years of good living and travel. Maybe because I’d never expected much from a woman outside of sex. Even before Jade, my conversations with women had been surface with most. The ones I was able to let down my guard around didn’t get much more than easy conversation. I had little need for more.

Until Jade.  

As she got closer, I could make out her eyes behind the veil. They were strong on me, intensifying the heat stirring in my belly. This was what Jade did to my head. She made me crazy inside. I’d just let her take advantage of me in Bishop’s Office, and she still felt new to me. Innocent, pure. Just for me.

Ah, man…

The first tear slipped. I tried widening my eyes to stay ahead of the waterworks. I hated crying. It still wasn’t a show of emotions I accepted from myself, but I couldn’t control it. Jade must have caught on, because I caught her chin lifting in the air, and it seemed as though she strolled faster. She and George were now off beat to the music. 

I felt a tug on my leg.

Kyree.

“‘Sokay,” he tried whispering. “She’s coming.”

That had me, Ezra, and Jordan, who were close enough to hear, cracking up at the altar. I wiped my face, trying to man up. My moms was in the audience and I didn’t want her to see me like this.

Before I knew it, Jade and George were in front of Ezra and me. Our eyes were locked. Hers narrowed, communicating something good. Mine enjoyed everything I saw. From here, I could see her lip color. Another nude. Jade had been wearing lots of soft colors. When she busted in the Bishop’s Office earlier, wanting sex, she had nothing on her lips. I devoured them without the worry. Because I could…

The day was finally here when I could claim her in public. Today would be the day the world knew she was mine: legally, spiritually, and physically. On the low, I always thought I’d get married one day. In my mind, it would be when I was retired and had lucked up with a chick who would be good with an arrangement. Maybe we’d have kids, maybe we wouldn’t. As long as we had good sex, and decent conversation, we’d be fine.

But this.

Her…

She was more than that. Jade brought the banging sex, soulful love, and addictive pain. The good, bad, and indifferent: she was custom made for me.

As Ezra spoke, kicking off the ceremony, my attention was stapled to my wife. The co-captain God sent in my red zone play. We finally made it to the end zone, and it was time to score.

“Who here giveth away Jade Renee?”

“I do,” George screeched, eyes above Ezra’s head with his chest puffed out.

I held my hand out for her, ready for this touchdown.

We waited behind a huge, factory size set of frosted sliding doors. Tessie stood to the left of Trent as he gripped my hand. She held a clipboard in one arm and with the other hand, pushed a wired bud into her ear.

She glanced over at us with a concentrated regard and nodded as she mouthed, “Five, four, three, two, one.” Then she pointed at the industrial doors that separated, opening to the most spectacular regal ballroom hall I’d ever seen.

There were softly colored lights, white flowers, and countless candles around the room. The announcing music sounded like an introduction. An electric guitar of sorts, stringing emotionally.

Below us were hundreds of standing guests, robed in extravagant attire. I knew I’d just left them at Redeeming Souls in Harlem, but from this vantage point, it was more appreciated. Their applauses ripped the air around us and immediately, I felt a gentle pull. I peered up at Trent, whose impressed smile was quite a contrast to the sobbing face I’d experienced at the altar. It warmed me all over to experience such a wide range of his emotions in one day. My heart was full as I followed him down the steps.

Trent maintained one step ahead of me while carefully examining my movements. It was the heels. It concerned him with me being pregnant. I was sure to step slowly and rhythmically. And wonderfully taken by the splendor of the room as the guitar streamed into the air, our guests matched his concern with audible enthusiasm. I tried keeping my eyes from them and focusing on the task beneath my bulging belly. Less than ten steps down, Trent was on the landing, holding my hand to guide the rest of my journey. And apparently on beat with the music.

He mouthed lyrics, “The sex. The love. The pain.”

His eyes were intent, making it clear he was caught up in the spirit of the song already. It had meaning for him. Cameras flashed and countless voices congratulated and complimented us simultaneously. But my eyes couldn’t leave my husband. His were too entrancing as he mouthed unfamiliar lyrics to me. I tried smiling for the many cameras as I tuned into him, but it was hard. Trent was the main event for me.

Someone tapped Trent on the shoulder, taking his attention. It was Azmir, his friend, pointing at my feet hidden beneath the gown. Without delay, Trent dropped to his haunches and began removing my heels.

The nerve!

I loved my Sophia Webster’s and wasn’t ready to part with them just yet. But there was no time to fight him on it. Trent effortlessly slipped the shoes off and took my hand, drawing me into the middle of the room, parting the sea of our energetic guests as he did. Trent’s eyes were slanted, as though he were intoxicated with love and lust. And just like that, my attention was fixed on his big body.

When we stopped, Trent pulled me into his hardness as he serenaded me expressively. My belly was lodged possessively against his pelvis, which was dangerous at this proximity. My heels could have avoided it, but I don’t think my husband cared. The way he thrust into me, inaudibly serenading. My lashes wouldn’t stop beating, my smile would soon be painful, it was so broad. I tried fighting the plunge into eroticism with him. But Trent’s hip thrusts made it hard. He was performing for me, telling me this song was strategically chosen.

“Sex, love, and pain, too…” were a few of the lyrics I was able to catch.

Around us, the crowd hooted and cheered, encouraging this private expression. Many of them—more than me—were used to this performance behavior from him. Trent came from a family of dancers. He could dance himself. But in this moment, he was raw, vulnerable, and emotional as he sang to me.

Don’t get hard, Trent. Don’t inflate! I begged under my smile.

Then the singing halted. Next the music followed. My face folded as I glanced around to see what in the world the deejay was doing.

“Hold up! Hold up! Hold up!” a voice similar to the one on the record demanded. “Godammit, TB, I know this your day and all…” The crowd burst into laughter. My head twisted all over until it landed on a grand stage where a deejay booth was set off in a corner. A rather short man, holding a microphone was at the edge of it, gazing in our direction. Trent turned for the stage with a perceptive grin. “I know I’m getting paid to be here today, but dammit, this my show. You ain’t gone be outdoing me with ya Magic Mike hip work!”

Trent covered me, tumbling over in laughter. Our guests followed. I strained my eyes to see who this man was. Did we have a cover band for today? Lex told me about her star-lit wedding day and warned me mine would be even more glittery because of Trent’s line of work. She was right. I couldn’t count the number of celebrities I encountered after the ceremony. The line was endless. It was a stunning reminder of who Trent was before he became the angry, lone ogre I met close to two years ago.

“Now, let’s try this shit again.” I pushed up on Trent’s body so I could see who this person was. “There’s crazy star power in the building, and I’m gonna get my shine, dammit.” He nodded and cued the deejay.  

When he turned back to the crowd, my jaw dropped.

“Is that…” I couldn’t think of his name right away, I was so shocked. “Tank is performing at my wedding?”

Trent nodded, holding one of my hands in the air then pulling me into him to continue our dancing. The song resumed and Trent never stopped his rendition. He did tone it down, holding me protectively to his chest, though.

He leaned down to my ear. “I’m in a ‘blessing Jade’ mood. Tell me what you want. Anything, and I’ll make it happen.”

He backed away so I could see the sincerity in his eyes. They held a priapic slant that led my mind in only one direction.

I smiled with a closed mouth as I considered it.

“In our marriage enrichment class, we were encouraged to share our fantasies.”

“Say word.” Trent appeared stunned.

“Seriously.” I giggled while swaying in his arms.

He raised a suspicious brow. “What fantasy you got that I ain’t hit?” Trent was offended before I could answer.

“Sex in the locker room.” I watched his eyes intently as I spoke.

“Sex in a locker room? What type of—”

I shook my head, clipping his question. “Sex in the locker room.” I tossed my chin to him. My eyes batted then hid from him. “Your locker room.”

“The Kings’ throne?” Biting my bottom lip, I nodded.

I watched as his eyes rose above my head, pondering. He asked nothing more, so I dropped it. We danced the entire track through, and I was amazed at the performance.

I was given ballerina slippers the moment the song ended. We stood in front of a beautiful ice sculpture with exotic flowers inside and our names, Mr. & Mrs. Trenton Bailey, engraved on top to greet a line of guests. The line seemed endless, but the breadth of people and their history with Trent made the task worth my patience. Then the pictures. There were endless demands to smile and focus by the photographers and guests. Once we were done, there were loads of them to take in between those traditions that kicked off receptions. My dance with George happened first. We cut a rug to Chrisette Michele’s “Joy.” By the time the song ended, Kyree was at my side, grabbing my hand.

“Look, Mommy,” he urged. “She’s crying.”

I was still halfway in George’s hold when I followed his line of vision and saw my mother at the lip of the dance floor with streams of tears shooting down her face. Chéri McDowell never wasted a slayed face on emotions. What was this about? She barely said two words to me all day, opting to be with her sister, Aunt Magness.

The hosts announced Tank’s next performance as I made my way over to my mother. Behind me, I could hear George offer Kyree first dibs at the confection table. I knew it was to distract him. As I approached my mother, I saw a concerned Tessie, drawing near.

“Mom?” I asked when I made it to her.

She sniffled. “I’m sorry. I’ve been tortured for some time now.” She pointed behind me, on the dance floor. “And seeing you and George.” She shook her. “Well, I can’t do it anymore, Jade. I don’t want to be locked out of your life anymore.”

My eyes went wild with that unexpected confession.

“Ladies,” Tessie Bell beckoned. “Mr. Bailey believes you two need privacy.” She used her arms to encapsulate us, which wasn’t hard considering our petite frames. She pointed a few feet away to Trent, who stood next to some guys I wasn’t familiar with. With one hand in his pocket, he raised the other filled with a tumbler and nodded. “There’s a room right here where you’ll have privacy.”

I agreed without stalling. I’d guessed my mother looked a sight, crying near the dance floor. The last thing I needed was drama on Trent’s big day.

“I won’t be long,” my mother assured as we stepped into the small room, housing mostly chairs. “I just need to get this off my chest.”

“I’ll be right out here,” Tessie informed before closing the door behind her.

“I’m so sorry for doing this on your wedding day,” she sobbed, bouncing her arms in the air. “but the dance just brought things full circle for me.” I gasped, prematurely concluding. “Seeing you dance with the man I decided would care and provide for you…and how acknowledgement and recognition for the role he played in your life just emanated from you while out there. I just can’t take it anymore. Listen, Jade Renee, I know I may not have been the perfect mother—no one is—but I’ve worked damn hard to be sure you had the best; George is evidence of that. You went to the best schools, enrolled in the most recognized programs, participated in envy-worthy clubs and private associations. George may have sponsored it, but damn it, it was of my vision. My desire to groom you into a lady of grace and class. To develop you into a woman deserving of exchanging her vows at a church like Redeeming Souls, and to celebrate that here, at LaChateau!” She couldn’t breathe the last few syllables, she was so passionate about her claims.

“I may not have been perfect, but I tried. You know I did. And all I’ve asked for recently is access to my precious grandson. That’s it. Even today: you didn’t include me in on the planning. All I got to do was watch you dance in front of some of the most recognizable names in the country with the husband I chose to raise you. My grandson has made me feel more welcome here than you, and I’ve been robbed of his company lately!”

She was heaving at this point. Anger bouncing from her small, delicate stature. If her lungs could slow, she would have continued on her rant. The tears had stopped, being replaced by rage, almost.

I could have been angry. Should have been incensed by her audacity. Would have been more than justified for kicking her out of the place.

But I wasn’t. On the contrary, I rested in a calm and security I’d never known. For the first time, I recognized the insulation of peace I’d developed recently.

A natural smile blossomed on my face, and I watched as my mother processed it. Something in her eyes flipped.

“Mother, if you want access to Kyree, you’re more than welcome to it. He adores you and I can see the feeling is mutual. As his mother, I would never keep him from anyone who nurtures and means him good.”

“Good!” Her chin went into the air. “Now, if you don’t mind, I would like to have him a few days while you’re away, honeymooning.”

I nodded. “We can quickly arrange that with Trent’s aunt, April. She’ll be keeping him.” There was a pause. “And I apologize if I haven’t gone out of my way to be welcoming today. As you can imagine, it’s been quite eventful.”

“Of course.” Her tone was clipped, but her overwhelming childishness made it that easy to overlook.

“Is there anything else we should address?” My brows rose.

Her eyes successively blinked as her regard bounced around. She sniffled. “No. I think we’ve covered it all.”

And that’s when the old Jade’s heart would’ve ripped in my chest. Again. Today—the new Jade had a buffer for her disappointments. No mentions of her faults. Similar to Trent’s father; no congratulations on my wedding day or pregnancy. This was totally about her.

“Some of us are still afflicted with those childhood experiences and tragedies. We’re carrying inferiority complexes, low self-esteem, the inability to trust. We’re lacking emotional intelligence, have quick tempers, and other personality flaws that morph into character flaws. And this is all because of an act or actions of others who were supposed to govern us in our childhood. Many of us come from parents who were not emotionally or psychologically prepared to be parents before they conceived us. Or perhaps grandparents or teachers, who could no more nurture us than they were healed of their own afflictions, yet they somehow caused ours. That’s why it’s best to not overdose on people. They’re fallible, unsound, limited, and heavily blemished. There is only one Source that it is safe to lose yourself to. One Entity that never changes, remains consistent in His decrees and deliverances.”

Ezra’s words, the first sermon I heard still resonated true. That was the message that began the transformation of my heart. My life.

As I peered into my mother’s eyes, I saw a wounded and troubled woman. She may not have been equipped to nurture me. Maybe I’d been crying out for something from her she wasn’t capable of giving. But no more. I would monitor her relationship with Kyree and not expect her to love me in the way a mother should her child. I decided right then and there to let it all go. Release my lifelong conflicts with my mother.

The door opened behind us. Tessie peered inside.

“Sorry, Mrs. Bailey, but we have to have Mr. Bailey remove your garter.” Her eyes were apologetic.

I smiled and nodded my acknowledgement.

“Well, let’s finish this day. Huhn?” I addressed my mother with mustered excitement.

She led the walk out and I followed. I wasn’t sure about her feelings in the moment, but I was… Free. I walked out of that small storage room with lighter shoulders. Ironically, the baby kicked on the way out.

The chair was already set up for me and Trent was there waiting with a drink in his hand, engaging the audience in a two step. And he was effortlessly stately in a wine hued tux jacket and black pants. His beard was shaped handsomely, and mustache tapered to expose his full lips. I watched from a distance as he engaged in some footwork to house music. People were snapping away on their phones and others cheering him on as he moved skillfully. At one point, he emptied the contents of his tumbler then loosened his jacket and added bolder moves. 

“It’s Time for Da Perculator” vibrated from the speakers and Trent’s attention went to his feet that moved rhythmically, nimbly, and quicker than my brain could process. His cousins moved closer to him, egging him on while bouncing to the beat. Trent kept moving, his tongue pushed through his teeth as he did. His cousin, Tasha, danced toward him. He welcomed her, bringing attention to her footwork, and the crowd went wild.

This was a Jersey thing. More specifically, a Bailey-Camden dance family affair. The deejay blended Aly-Us’ “Follow Me,” and that cut incited a segment of our guests. I was familiar with the tunes, having heard them played in countless clubs and house parties over the years. As more Camdenites and house music-lovers gathered around, more began to show off their skills, too. It seemed ceremonial.

Tessie Bell glanced over to me apologetically. I shrugged with a smile. It was my husband’s day, and this was how his family celebrated. Next was Two Tons O’ Fun’s “Just Us.” That track I recalled from Trent’s birthday party because instead of helping me place the candles in the cake like I asked them to, his cousins Kevin and Marcey dropped everything to cut a step to that.

I jerked my neck to gesture to Tessie she could kill the impromptu dance off with the Bailey crew. I knew she was teetering on the edge of insanity with time in mind. We had a tight schedule.

While she made her way over to the hostess, I shimmied over to my husband and grabbed him from behind. I swayed with him from behind, holding him possessively. It didn’t matter that my belly was at his tush. I needed my hands on him. Trent peeked over his shoulder and smiled with tight eyes as he recognized me. That’s when the realization hit. My love was tipsy.

He swung around and grabbed me in his arms, hands shooting to my butt.

“You made me the happiest man today, yo!” He smiled as he spoke. “You just don’t understand.”

I felt my face light up at his words. It was unfortunately interrupted by the deejay fading the music and the host announcing Trent removing my garter. Tessie was at our side, directing me to the white tufted chair that had been placed in the middle of the dance floor earlier. As I watched Trent remove his tux jacket and hand it off to Jordan, Tank began to bellow on the stage. It started with similar lyrics to Patti LaBelle’s “If Only You Knew.” The beat was seductive, right in line with Trent’s inebriated state as he made a production of approaching me.

And that’s when I saw the elusive Shoot ‘Em Up! He was coming for me.

Damn!

Trent was a sexy man: gorgeous, virile, agile, and in tune with his emotions. He was also intoxicated, making his display that much more alluring. He rolled his shoulders, thrusts his hips, and even slid the rest of the way to me on his knees. The guests went wild. Not only was I amused, I was turned on.

Making a production of it, he grabbed me by the back of my head to meet his soft lips. Immediately, his warm tongue caressed mine and I was lost to him. His hand reached my ankle and glided sinuously up my thigh. His first destination was to the bed of my thong where he swiped over my swelling clit. I breathed hard into his face. Thankfully, he didn’t stay very long before going back down to my thigh and slowly shuffled the garter down my shaking leg. Once he got it to my ankle and from my foot, Trent leaped agilely into the air, tossing the elastic band around his finger. Our guests hooted at his presentation.

Tank ended the song to a huge applause and I stood to my feet, dancing toward Trent when the deejay began “I Want to Thank You” by Alicia Myers, a pick of mine. My hands reached as far up his neck as my belly allowed. Trent grabbed me from behind and lowered himself with bent legs to allow me closer. My moves weren’t as fluid as his. Trent’s at this point were indecent, but I loved his cheery state.

We moved on to me throwing the garter. That was an eventful fuss between my cousin, Lashawn, and one of Trent’s cousins, Tomeka. Apparently, they both grabbed it at some point. Neither one wanted to concede, so Trent attempted to quell the fire-dragons by selecting Stenton and Jordan to place the garter on them, one after the other. That seemed to satisfy them. And I was happy to see Zoey and Cole were good sports about it.

That was until Lashawn’s drunk ass jumped Jordan, roping a thigh around his waist. She yelled, “I’ll be your private dancer.” Jordan, accustomed to the fanfare was gracious enough to let her down slowly and gently. Aunt Magness all but yanked her off the dance floor. At that point, it was time to eat. We all took our seats as Tank took back to the stage, belting ballads from the soul. Kyree sat next to us and picked over his food. Trent and I were too preoccupied with guests coming to wish us well to eat. We practically wasted our plates.

Before I knew it, the host was calling us to the dance floor for a special presentation. After a few moments of consideration, I realized what it could be. My stomach toiled anxiously as I ambled with my hand clutched inside of Trent’s big palm to the dance floor, facing a monitor. April was upon us, wearing a conflicted expression. She, too, was excited and nervous at the same time, it appeared.

“What’s this?” Trent whispered to me as our attention was brought to the massive projector screen.

I didn’t answer, not knowing how. Instead, I shifted in front of him, backing into his warm hardness. The deejay asked the room to quiet down as the screen lit up. My chest pounded and mouth went dry as an image appeared on the screen in a homemade video. A figure came into view.

“Bet you wasn’t expecting to see my ugly mug on a day like this one, huhn?” He managed an infectious smile that made my face stretch and eyes well with joy. Instantly, Trent’s big frame pressed into mine for comfort and support. “Well, you know I stay ahead of the times. Anyway,” he basically breathed from the bed. I’d forgotten about his shallow chest breathing, having very little power in his voice box. His cadence was slow, but spirit could be felt through his words. “just wanna say I’m proud of you, man. I think I have an idea how much this day means to you. So many men don’t fully understand the blessing of it. You got connected to your soulmate, man. And if you chose wisely—and I know you did—the rest of your days will be filled with fortune money can’t buy.”

The room was still gasping in sheer amazement at the image of Shank, postmortem.

He took a moment to catch his breath before continuing. “People used to ask me why I looked after you like I did. I still don’t have a answer I can speak—but if I can be honest, it was because you kept me in line. It’s weird and not simple, but when you were underneath me, I couldn’t wild out like I wanted to. The ladies didn’t like it, but after a while, I realized one did. The right one.” His lazy eyes wandered above the camera. April. She was recording him. “I had a long life. A very…active one. But my ‘real’ life ain’t start until I settled on one. That’s what you’re doing today. You’re about to start your real life. Nothing else that happened before today matters anymore.”

He coughed for a spell. Trent’s hands squeezed mine tightly as he stood over me like the archway of a bridge. He was such a giant. A giant emotional mess. As I scanned the opulent room, so many others had been crying, too.

Shank continued when he was ready and could breathe. “After today, you don’t worry about nobody. Nobody! Don’t focus on who didn’t do what. That Jade girl got enough love to drown you in.” His shaky arm lifted and he pointed to the camera. I could feel Trent tremble around me. “And you let her. God knew the type of woman you needed and gave you her.”

I felt Trent’s bearded chin on the apex of my head. His body was heavy, but not unbearable. I could handle him. I could take it all from him.

“Anyways. If you seeing this, I’m already with my Maker. I know this because your pastor said if I believed in my heart and confessed with my mouth that Jesus is Lord, I would have eternal life. Now, that could be a problem for you. Why? Ask yourself if you’re taking care of my April.”

“Shank!” April yelled behind the camera.

“Nah, baby. He know. Him and Trick. I’m with my heavenly Father, who’s gonna let me haunt their little asses if you lonely, broke, or laid up with another man so soon. They know!” Shank’s adamant anger landed him in a coughing fit. The room exploded into laughter at his last line, covering the break.

“It’s time for your medicine,” April chided off camera.

Shank’s arm went up in the air, demanding that she hold on. “One more thing… One more thing.” He swiped his running nose with a tissue. After a beat, he resumed. “Me and April got this bet going that ya big ass gone wanna bunch of babies. That little lady ain’t tryna wreck her nice figure, pushing out no football babies of yours. If you lucky, you’ll get one, special like you always been. If she ain’t lucky, y’all have a damn football team.”

The room found humor in that one, too.

“On a last note: If it ain’t that little Jade ya marrying, my bad.” The room burst into a raucous round of applause and cheers. I chanced a peek up to my friendly and very emotional giant, issuing a haughty smirk on my tear-stained face. But my neck changed course when I heard the rasped whisper under the clamor of the room as Shank continued. “Never cheat, never lie, and never let go. Hot dogs, rice, and ketchup all the way,” Shank squealed.

April screeched then burst into a snicker before cutting the camera. The April now, just a few feet away from Trent and me, held her head as she cried into her hands. I wished I could comfort them both, simultaneously.

“Blowing in the winds of Macen Beach, ba-by,” Trent blubbered lowly over my head where he rested his chin.

I pushed my hands up and wrapped my arms around his neck as he squatted over me. “Yes. Macen Beach, baby,” I murmured so he could hear.

Trent’s hands pushed down to my belly where he now clasped, but gently. And like earlier in the Bishop’s Office, I embraced it, relishing his touch. We’d been to several doctor’s appointments between his crazy schedule and I watched his silent desire to touch what was his. As much as I wanted to do right by him, my stubborn spirit didn’t welcome him to do it.

“Shank, baby!” Alton shouted behind us. “We love you!”

“Rest in love, Shank-dog!” Jordan followed up.

Stenton whistled his salute with his fingers before clapping his support. Even Eli, the owner of the Connecticut Kings, and his wife clapped with emotion-filled expressions. It reminded me of how rooted their relationships all were. Of course, they’d be moved by this video. Shank had been in Trent’s football world at every turn until his death. It was just too bad he couldn’t be here today to see this monumental step in his nephew’s life.

My watery eyes went to April, who stood, gawking at the now blank screen. Somehow, she turned to pay a cursory glance our way. Doing a triple take, she saw I’d been gazing her way and faced me. If I could’ve moved from Trent’s tight grip, I’d’ve hugged her. Thanked her for the timely gift. April never told me what the video contained, but said it was footage Shank would have wanted shown at Trent’s wedding. Her wordplay was incredible, because she never said he’d actually made it for his nephew’s wedding. Suddenly, I wondered if there were more videos Shank made before his death for special occasions like this. Quickly, I decided I wouldn’t ask. Some of life’s best gifts are surprises like this.

The deejay started the next song and all I could do was stand stock-still, using my girl as a crutch to stand. How were they able to pull this off? I couldn’t believe April had been sitting on this for so long. My sweaty eyes went to her. She was looking at Jade, a message was being sent back and forth between the two. With the wave of my hand, I called her over.

Wiping her wet face, April toddled over to us. She looked good in a silver gown with jewelry all over it. Her short, tapered cut was sharp. The bleached blonde spikes at the top of her head worked for her. With the ballooned weight and all, April was still that fine piece Shank finally bagged years ago. Now, she was the closest thing to a mother I had. Not even my grandmother rode for me like April—with Shank and after we lost him.

“How long you was gone sit on this?” I asked, laughing to cover my tears.

“Boy, until today!” she fussed, waving her arm to the empty screen. “You saw that’s what that man wanted. It’s what he talked about!”

Before I could say anything else, Jade grabbed her from beneath me, pulling April into a tight hug, using her one free arm.

“Thanks so much, April. This meant the world to me. For us,” she told my aunt.

My right hand threaded through her soft, small fingers so, she couldn’t go anywhere. I reached down and hugged April with my left hand, too.

“Thanks so much for this, man.”

“Trent!” April yelled while giggling. “You gone crush this lil ole thang! She can’t breathe between us!”

April pulled back to check on Jade, who smiled while fixing her hair.

“Don’t matter,” I told her. “She used to me all over her…smothering her. Her hair gone get fucked up later on tonight anyway.”

“Trent!” Jade’s mouth formed an O. “That language.”

“Oh, girl!” April waved. “He’s excused. Can’t you tell the man’s tipsy? It’s his wedding day.” She laughed.

I went to hug her again. “Sorry, April,” I whined like a kid, and could hear them both laugh. Jade’s sounded smothered. “Thank you, April!” I kissed her on the cheek.

When I pulled back, I caught someone standing and staring a few feet away. What’s crazy is, out of almost three hundred guests, this one got my attention. Maybe because my moms stood next to him, looking on. I tossed my chin to him, and Trick made his way over by himself.

“Oh,” April reacted. I could see the shock in her eyes. “I’mma go over here and check on Cora Mae.” Jade acknowledged her before she took off.

“Hey,” Jade greeted him.

With that usual scowl in his eye, he looked down at her and blinked a few times. I knew that look. He was uncomfortable, but trying to warm.

“Hey, Jade. You look real pretty today.” He nodded. “Congrats.”

Jade smacked her hands together. “Thanks, Trick! Thanks for being a part of our day.” He nodded, his hands going to the back of his waistband to lift his sag as he looked over his shoulder to my moms. She didn’t move, but kept looking over at us. “You mind if I have just two seconds with him before handing him over to you?” she asked cheerily while glued to me.

Trick shrugged, looking out of place. Jade thanked him before turning to face me. She lifted on her toes, bringing her arms around my neck. My head reached down to her face.

“I feel like God kissed me today.”

That had a goofy smile spread on my lips. “Me, too.” My face went tight as I thought more about it. “But more like fist bumped me.”

She giggled, but I understood this was a serious conversation.

“And he whispered something to me.”

“What’s that?”

She combed her little hands through my beard. “He reminded me that though our parents weren’t the most dedicated or nurturing, He passed us to people who were able to buffer their shortcomings. Shank, April, and George don’t have kids of their own, but contributed greatly to our development. We have to acknowledge that and thank God.” Our eyes locked. “No focusing on the lack today. Just gratitude for the big, little, and in between things.”

It took me a minute to process the life in those words. My wife was ministering to me, telling me to be on guard and ready to win. That messed with my buzz, but the revelation was so worth it.

“Amen, little one.” She kissed my lips then with seductive eyes—at least, that’s what I saw—she backed away, leaving me to my uncle.

Taking a deep breath, I shifted my eyes to him. I had no idea what dude was coming with. He tossed his chin to me before stepping closer.

“Yo, man. I ‘on’t even know what the fuck to say—how to say this,” he started.

I cocked my head to the side, opening my arms in a welcoming manner. “Just spit it.”

Trick looked back at my moms, who was swaying from hip to hip as she waited. He turned back to me. “Yo, there’s some shit going down that I been meaning to tell you—I wanna tell you, but I just ain’t know how.” He shook his head, eyes sweeping his feet below. “First of all, congrats on ya beautiful day. You and Jade look mad happy. You deserve dat, homie.” I saluted him. “Look, man, I know we had our differences, but I ain’t the bad guy. I had a lot of growing up to do: before the bid, in the pen, and after I came home.” Trick kept brushing his chin with his fingers, uncomfortable.

“I’ll just keep it trilly: I told Shank I ain’t like feeling left out coming up. I felt like he treated you more like a son than a nephew, and treated me more like a little cousin than a baby brother. I ain’t gone front; I still do. But now I see why. I was a damn knucklehead, running the streets. I ain’t wanna listen after I got my fist wet-wet and money in my pockets for my first two pairs of Jays. I was fuckin’ outta control. You…” His head flew back and Trick took a deep breath.

Divine stopped over, slapped my shoulder, and handed me a drink then took off. Trick and I watched him ease back over to a small group of people, looking thirsty for his attention. Like the smooth dude he was, he slid back into conversation with them like he never left.

Mauve…

I chucked it back, feeling dude’s sixth sense. I needed this. Couldn’t fully believe Trick was talking to me and…humble with it.

“I just get it now.” His thumb tossed over his shoulder. Moms… “I made life a fuckin’ obstacle. Shit was rough for you, know what I mean? I get it now. Brenda got some shit with her, but she my sister. Nobody ain’t fuckin’ with her. Shank ain’t here, so I stepped up. There’s a lotta shit you ain’t in the know of, and I need to put you D. I know you ‘bout to kick off ya honeymoon and shit, but when you get back, hit me up so we can politic. A’ight?”

He finally stopped.

“So,” I widened my stance, legs moved further apart. “…let me get this straight—you know, I done had a few,” I explained Tis you peace-ing it up with me?” I really needed to know. Mind too fogged from the countless drinks I juggled since walking my bride in here. More than that, Trick just confirmed everything Ezra explained as to what his beef was with me all these years. “You saying you wanna end this beef that I never understood?”

Trick sniffled a laugh, fighting a smile. It wasn’t in him to be sitcom television with his expressions, and neither was it mine. So, I wasn’t expecting an apology or request to be cool on a jumbotron. 

“Look, man!” He swiped his nose, tossing his eyes out somewhere before looking at me again. “All I’m saying is shit been fucked up between us and Shank wasn’t down for it. I promised him we would work it out. I said some fucked up shit to you at the hospital that wasn’t called for. You wanted to see about ya earth, and was flexin’ ‘cause you felt like she was ignoring you. I get it. My dumb ass was in my own feelings ‘cause I ain’t know what to do with her.” He smacked his teeth. “I was trippin’ on some shit that ain’t have nothing to do with you.” He looked over his shoulder at my moms again. This time he waved her over. “And this shit with Brenda need to be addressed. She ‘bout to go. I told her to come say something to you.” I watched her on her way. “And don’t expect much. She ain’t off her shit tonight. That’s why she going home.”

She weaved through a small crowd, but made it over to us. At first, she didn’t say anything, just sported a smile that was dull. Her hands were folded at her pelvis and she gave Trick more eye action than me.

Trick cocked his head to the side. “Brenda.” Then he tossed it over to me.

My mother looked at me and her eyes got friendlier. “Hi, Trenton.” There was a pause because her actions were awkward. “Your wedding was real beautiful.” Trick nodded beside her, his eyes to the floor as he listened in, egging her on. Felt like I was in the twilight zone. First, Trick having friendly conversation with me, admitting he was wrong. Now my mother was trying to talk to me, even though it seemed like she needed help. “You look handsome.” Her head bounced. “Look a lot like your father—even though I ain’t seen him in many moons.” She put more energy into the FYI, as though she needed explaining. Too late. He already has. “You taller, though. Way taller and thicker. I told Jade I would come. I’m happy you found a wife.”

Trick leaned into her and whispered something in her ear. Her head bounced up and down again with recognition.

“And your baby… Congratulations. I’m proud of you.” She gave little eye contact, but didn’t sound forced.

If not for the fact I never knew of her getting high, neither could I sense it in her eyes, I would’ve thought my moms was drunk or lifted. She was almost like a puppet or a little kid.

“A’ight,” Trick spoke to her. “They over there waiting on you. Text me when you get in, and don’t forget to eat something before you knock out.”

My moms nodded. Her eyes were on me, as though making sure I was good. This was way weird.

“The house still in good condition,” she made sure I heard.

My neck jerked back at that. Since when did she even mention the house to me? Hell, I would have to think long and hard to recall the last conversation I had with her.

Trick reminded her again people were waiting on her, and then she took off.

“Everything good with her? She good from the strokes?” Now, I was concerned.

Trick took a deep breath, rolling his eyes, but not in an annoyed way. A “stressed out to the max” one.

He shook his head. “We gotta kick it when you get back. Just know I’m holding her down. Brenda ain’t the Brenda she used to be. A lotta the shit you been catching ain’t because of you.”

The crowd roaring to a new volume had both of us snapping our necks to the dance floor. Frankie Beverly and Maze was blasting through the speakers. “Before I Let Go” was one of Shank’s jams.  

“This one’s for Shank!” the deejay told the crowd as he cut the record, rewinding the intro. “Ahhhhh now! I know we can get a tribute from his family on this!” He dropped the volume again. “C’mon, Shoot ‘Em Up!”

Apparently, someone had tipped him off to who Shank was. Trick looked at me and gave a dry chuckle. I didn’t know what he wanted to do, but I was about to grab another glass of champagne and show my ass on the dance floor. Jade married me. I had every reason to celebrate. I saluted him with my index to my forehead and took off.

As soon as I did, I found a waiter with a tray of champagne. I dropped the empty glass Divine hooked me up with and grabbed a flute. This night was like a space between reality and some other dimension. To be honest, the head space I was in was so crazy, talking to Trick after all these years didn’t seem real.

What was real was finding my little one on the dance floor with Kyree, dancing. Being reckless, I grabbed her at the hips pulling her into my crotch. She gasped, shocked by my roughness. I smiled down at Kyree, who caught on to why his moms was yanked, but didn’t pick up on my rough handling.

Then Lex walked up on us, reaching for Kyree.

“You mind dancing with me?” she asked Ky with playful sad eyes. “My husband’s had enough of the dance floor for the night, and I still wanna cut up.”

Jade and I laughed. I knew Ezra wasn’t much of a fast dancer. He’d slow dance, but that was it for him. Kyree nodded, telling his mom’s he’d be right back. Lex backed away dancing with a new partner. I didn’t stare, but was reminded she was pregnant again. She didn’t look it at all. Ezra was convinced it was another baby girl. With the way he was spot on about Trick, I wouldn’t put much past him. Being on point was his thing.

Now that I had Jade alone, I dipped my knees to match my cock with her plump cheeks and grinded on her. She reached back and grabbed me by the neck, swaying with me. My one hand gripped her thigh in the long gown as we danced. Then I took her by the hand and spun her around twice, getting a good look at her sexy shape. Her belly was small, but big enough for the world to know she was mine in more than one way.

The deejay blended in Chris Brown. “Take You Down” was my ish back in the day. I remembered dancing to this at one of the legendary parties JJ and I threw. My hip movements got deeper against Jade. Her little arms went in the air and she was spinning it for me, inviting me to it. I bit my lip and popped my hips to bounce on her. With one hand in the air, I rode her little ass, enjoying her. Someone—I had no clue who—took the empty champagne glass from my hand that freed me up to grab her hips and rolled my pelvis against her. I could hear people hyping me all around.

That’s right…

This was my wedding day to the most amazing chick God could have ever sent my way. I was giving a show tonight. A tap on my shoulder got my attention. It was my big cousin, Red. He threw me a face I understood off the bat.

“They don’t want it with a Bailey, lil cuz,” he barked. “Don’t break the wife on ya wedding day. I see you done did some damage to her already.” He tossed his head back and hooted, “Shoot ‘Em Up!”

My head went back and I laughed hard. He was talking about her being pregnant.

“She had a Bailey, Red. She know what time it is,” I joked back.

“Let me show this one.” He winked and that’s when I saw Lashawn being spun next to us.

I didn’t see her before, but could tell he’d already been working on her. Like me, Lashawn was wasted. She giggled and bent over, giving Red full access. Man… I hoped she knew what she was in for. Probably did. Red had been a stripper as long as Shank. They came up together and brought Trick and my other cousins in the game.

Red started on Lashawn and I worked my wife as much as I could with her belly. Before I knew it, Trick had joined us with some chick I didn’t know. His girl had already left with my moms. My cousin, Kev, was in the cypher, too, giving a show. Soon, we had the floor. After the deejay extended “Wait” by the Ying Tang Twins, we somehow left the women and started busting freestyle moves to Bruno Mars. “That’s What I Like” had become a regular during my workouts. We had a blast showing off new moves and pulling out ones from back in the day. I wasn’t half as good as these dudes. I didn’t think Trick still danced, but my cousins still made a living from stripping. They were some of the best in the game.

We took over the party, but it was worth it when I caught Jade’s little hand swiping nervously over her deep cleavage at one point when I looked her way.

She mouthed, “Lucky for you, that’s what I like.”

That little message turned me on, almost messing up my rhythm and head game.

When it was time to go, Tessie Bell found Jade and me kicking it with Divine and his wife, Rayna.

I hadn’t seen her in a while. Rayna sat on a white, thick column that had a decorative plant pot on it with lights. He had to help her up there. She was low key and not traveling all over with him to be seen like his ex. Truth be told, I didn’t think Divine liked that. He was used to chicks riding him. If you knew who he was, you knew he was the man. Divine was the first dude that made me see the little fandemonium Shank, Red, Trick, and my other family had caused in Camden was small time. Divine wasn’t a celebrity, but he was that dude insiders made sure they rubbed elbows with to flourish. Kicking it with him and his wife, we learned we had the same wedding coordinator, Tessie Bell. We talked about their honeymoon on a yacht, too.

“You know, TB.” Divine chuckled. “When the wife’s feeling somebody else’s toy, you gotta go out and cop one for yourself.”

I looked down at Jade who, smiled while gulping down a flute of water. Her eyes sparkled, letting me know she liked that boss talk. I knew I had to do better with my cheapness. No matter how hard she denied it, Jade loved flossing.

“You wanna yacht?” I asked her, unsmiling.

Jade’s ambers raked over Divine and Rayna before hitting me and narrowing.

She lowered the glass as she swallowed, small neck extending in the air. “I already have a big boat,” she answered throatily. “I take it out in my sea as often as the weather allows.”

My eyes popped out of my head. Divine busted out laughing and Rayna shouted something in agreement and offered Jade a high-five.

“She’s a mess, this one!” Rayna giggled, pulling Divine into her as he stood next to the pillar she sat on, his body slouched over her.

Without looking back at his wife, Divine’s eyes were narrowed and on me. He swallowed back the rest of his Mauve—it had to be Mauve. Only brown juice dude drank was his. Then nodded. “She’s the right cloth for him.” His words were short but weighty.

Jade closer to me, moving my arm to make room for herself and she stared at me, probably wondering what that meant. With A.D.J. you never knew. You just knew it was legit. He was calculating. Always three thoughts ahead, this dude.

“I’m sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Jacobs. I need to steal away the bride and groom so they can be on their way this evening.” She smiled with her hands on my and Jade’s shoulders.

I could see one of her assistants behind her, speaking on their walkie-talkie things.

“Ut-oh!” Rayna piped up. “You two need to go. Tessie Bell doesn’t play. It’s been a pleasure. Hopefully, we can do it again soon, Baileys!”

Jade and I looked at each other. She giggled at that now public name. I turned to give Divine some love then Rayna. Jade played the opposite of me.

“No more drinks for this guy, Jade,” Azmir ordered. “He won’t be able to deliver on his promises later on tonight if you don’t cut him off.”

We all laughed. Even though I wasn’t at the drunk phase, I had too much to drink tonight. No more for me.

Tessie led us back to the stage where we said goodnight—well, I said goodnight, trying to look as sober as I could. Jade clutched me like a pillow the whole time, her face buried in my chest. My little one was showing signs of pregnancy for once. She was zapped.

Tessie and her team, along with Tyheem and John led us to Kyree and April, then we all headed out of LaChateau. The plan was to go back to the crib, shower and change, put Ky down, and leave for Teterboro for our flight.

The plane took off at one-fifteen that morning for the Caribbean Sea.

~Eighteen

“So, you must think I’m some kinda joke, huhn? A fuckin’ clown. You get married and don’t even tell me? Got my son face all over blogs and shit. My people ringin’ my phone with the shit you was ‘posed to hit me with? The fuck?” I rolled my eyes, not allowing Ryshon’s venom to affect my blissful mood as I peered over the perfectly turquoise sea. Not even my sunglasses could shade the picturesque hue. “You wanna trip over some bullshit about fuckin’ people who don’t know me, don’t know my son, don’t know you. But you care what they think and you want me to, too? Fuck a…apology. You want me to say sorry for defending myself to some chick that tried to play me? What you think this is Jade, huhn? Fuck that!” he screamed. “Call me the fuck back or have my son call me! I ain’t playin’ games witchu!”

That ended that rant. It was the third in as many days. I lay my cell down on the coffee table next to the lounger I lay stretched over. I peeked behind me in the glass door. From my vantage point, I saw a long columnar leg stretched out, hanging from the bed. The sight of his muscular glutes as he lay sprawled on his stomach had me swallowing involuntarily. This was the third day of our honeymoon, and it had been enchanted.

I turned to take a picture of the water our bungalow faced. A distant image of the four wooden pillars connected and roped by white silk and tulle drapery couldn’t escape the parameters of the shoot. Neither could the jumbo white pillows and low table that was encompassed in our ‘dining room’ out here. I clicked two or three shots, wanting to be sure I got at least one decent picture. After viewing and deciding which one, I uploaded it to Instagram, needing no filter.

What’s more perfect than this? Him.

That was my caption. Simple and true. On a satisfied breath, I lay back and perused the gorgeous sky. It was clear without a dark cloud in sight. I’d never heard quiet like this in all my life. And at night the water illuminated at the shore level. It was unbelievable. Sparking neon blue water saturating our feet at night. It was serene.

“You reading the Word?” His voice was throaty, unprepared yet for the day.

I glanced down to the Bible on my lap, realizing the inspiration of his question.

“Yeah. I finally got around to reading the story of Joseph like you asked me,” I explained.

The morning we arrived here in Saint Justin, a few miles south of Vieques Island, a smaller Caribbean island off Puerto Rico’s eastern coast, he told me about a revelation he’d been developing since recovering from our wedding day. He said his family kept thanking him throughout the entire day for inviting them to the “fancy” shindig. Even his mother and uncle, Trick, approached him in a manner of expecting him to be haughty about his success. Trent didn’t understand it, then remembered the story of Joseph and how his brothers sold him off as a slave to merchants, traveling to Egypt. That set off a series of bad events in his life, including false imprisonment, and would cause him to question God. It would have me, too. But Joseph trusted God and in the end, would see his brothers again when he was Prime Minister and they had hit bad times.

“That’s what it felt like, yo,” he explained with more emotion than I was accustomed to from him. More spiritual insight than I’d seen from him, and I’d seen some since meeting Trent. “I felt like my wedding was that point—that pinnacle of success—that everybody recognizes. It’s like I had that moment where they saw me—not through me or over me either. They actually talked to me. Trick and my moms was acting like they had something to prove to me.”

He shook his head. “And I felt like Joseph through it all. I know what they did to me, but it ain’t matter, Jade.  I mean, I ain’t trippin’ off the endorsements, the new contract, or none of that. You know what made me feel like that tallest and freshest dude in the room? You. I was aligning with my soul mate, finally, in public. Now, I could stand before Ky a real man; not just somebody boning his moms and playing house. I could show the world you a honest and pure woman. That ain’t got nothing to do with them or what they did to me all these years. Just like Joseph. He was so blessed by how God advanced his life, he couldn’t trip about the journey. He was made by his storms. And that’s how I feel about mine.”

And he encouraged me to read it, something I did this morning after awaking lazily from another good night’s rest.

“Word?” he asked. “What you think of it?”

I turned to face him and give my own revelation, but I steeled midway with one leg on the ground and the other slapping down onto the lounger. My mouth fell open and eyes blossomed.

“Trent…” was all I could say.

His tight eyes hit me then followed my line of sight. Muscles…all hard slabs of muscle encased in almond marred skin. The top his tight grooves and curves were covered with ink. Toward the middle of the canvas was bare tanned skin and lots of hair and…a long, even tanner resting snake against his upper thigh, then his muscular legs that were a darker shade, thanks to the sun out here. Trent was completely nude… And unbothered, based on his recklessly confident posture, standing in the doorway with one arm above his head, gripping the doorjamb, and the other holding a coffee mug to his bearded face.

“What?”

My eyes went even wilder at his ignorance. “You have no clothes on!”

His face tightened more. “So? You don’t either.”

My regard went down to my bare boobs that now tingled and their pebbled peaks.

“I am not naked. I have on bikini bottoms. My breasts are unbearably heavy,” I grabbed them, suddenly conscious about their exposure. “and I felt comfortable letting them be out here.” The grounds were private.

“Well…” He casually moved to take the seat in the lounger across from me. “My balls were heavy when I woke up. I feel like I can let them hang here, too.”

Trent was being facetious, groggy this late morning.

I tossed him a warning glare. “I’m serious,” he argued, exchanging his coffee for his tablet laying on the frosted glass coffee table next to him. “Now, tell me what you think of the story.”

I took a deep breath, seeing he was changing the subject. Trent wouldn’t be scolded into putting on clothes. That was fine with me because I didn’t want to cover up myself. The air was that perfect here that we had only turned on the air once since checking in. The temperature dropped at night, allowing us to sleep with the doors and windows open, hence him sleeping in the nude.

My regard went back to the beautiful sky. “It’s actually what I tried telling you I felt about my mother. I swear when talking to her, there was an unexpected peace that came over me. Weird, but true.” As I got revved up reliving the sensation, Trent let me know he was with me, he understood.

“Word up,” he muttered slowly, but emphatically.

“It was like… The fact that she didn’t even acknowledge—understand—all the hell she’d put me through and was determined to have a meltdown at my wedding didn’t faze me at all. I recognized it, but didn’t feel the need to address it. I was even willing to concede to her wishes of being back in Ky’s life. “Like…” I took a cleansing breath, searching for the right words. “I’m good.”

I glanced over to Trent and found him nodding while perusing his iPad. “It’s a joy that God gives. So many times, we pass it over and wanna be angry and vindictive. I’ve been praying for wisdom on this. I don’t wanna get in my feelings no more when people play me. I want to live in that joy that only God can give.” He nodded, eyes still ahead.

Man, I loved when he waxed spiritual knowledge with me. It was such a turn on. I had a glimpse of what must appeal to Lex about her husband. The confidence Trent exuded when he spoke about faith and all things worship was the new aphrodisiac for me. It started when I realized how dedicated to attending church he was. And when he complained of cursing too much… That drove me wild!

“Oh!” his boisterous yelped startled me. “I get a tag on IG? I’m the man!” He peered over to me with an unbridled smile.

The first of the morning.

I snorted, slighted by that dig. “What are you talking about?” It was more of a statement.

“I never get no social media love from you,” he exclaimed. “Like…ever! It’s all about you, Ky, your girls, ya hair, ya nails—everything but me. No love for TB. Ever.”

My face fell, tears threatened to spill.

“Trent, you’re my world. My fortune and not your money. Like you said, you’re my soul mate materialized. I would never slight you.” I was offended by the suggestion.

He didn’t look at me, behaving petulantly.

“I’m just sayin’…” he murmured, tapping at his screen.

“What are you saying?”

When he didn’t answer, I lay the Bible on the chair, but absentmindedly kept my phone in hand when I went over to straddle him. Gathering his beard in my palm, I forced him to look at me.

“Come again?” I lifted a brow.

I wanted to know because out of all my faults, not making him a priority wasn’t amongst them. I needed him to know how much I valued him in my life. It was because of Trent that I was stronger. No, he didn’t single-handedly bring about this transformation, but he introduced me to Christ, and I would forever be indebted to him for that. My confidence had grown, peace had taken residence in my heart and mind. I may have been stressed out about this pregnancy and what the world thought of me because of it, but even that anxiety was dulling in my heart. I was his and he was mine. Exclusively. That’s all that mattered. 

When Trent wouldn’t answer, an idea came to mind. I pulled my phone up, tapped to the camera app, and opted for a video. Then I drew closer to the bearded ogre and hit record. I didn’t speak, but angled it to record Trent. He didn’t regard the camera. His regard was pinned to me, angrily.

His eyes were narrowed, brows furrowed, sour with me, stiff from recently awakening, and partially against the unabashed sun. He looked damn irresistible when sulking. I didn’t feel as at ease as I’d appeared recording this. My life with Trent was extremely delicate and therefore had to be conducted in private. His trust issues and my recovery from self-esteem problems shouldn’t be blasted to the world. Trent’s name was constantly in the media; we didn’t need to add on my presence being a target for speculation or attack. But I’d do anything to prove my dedication to him.

I turned the camera to me, tightened my face and pouted my lips, mocking my husband. The view went back to him. Trent glanced at the face of my screen and discovered I was recording. His face loosened, but he withheld his reaction. That’s when I felt him swell beneath me. I didn’t react to it. Instead turned the camera back to me and relaxed my face, pushing my sunglasses to my forehead. I was barefaced without lashes and all, but I didn’t care. I was, for once, giving the world my regular life with an extraordinary man. Soundless. That was until I turned the camera back on him, moved closer to his face with protruded lips and brushed them against his. Trent didn’t move until I, next, opened my mouth and bit his beard, yanking it back.

At that, he grunted, pulling me into his hardness by my butt. I squealed when I felt him growing even larger next to the bed of my bikini and recognized the new slant in his eyes. That’s when I quickly ended the close to thirty second video and went over to the IG app to upload it.

Trent’s thick arms moved beneath my thighs, his hands pushed to my back where he pulled me into him at the shoulders. He held me so close, I could feel his heart thunder in his chest. In a swift maneuver, he lifted me from his lap. I giggled hysterically while he lay me on my back and pulled my legs straight in the open air. Trent wiggled my bikini bottoms over my hips then up my legs. He tossed them over his shoulder.

“I’m ‘bout to eat your sweet pussy then ram my dick until I empty my sacs then watch yesterday’s From the Sidelines.”

He leaned over, licking his lips. And when his mouth touched my sex I moaned. His tongue soon followed, lapping up and down my slit. My arms fell to my sides and the phone rolled onto the lounger next to his bare thigh. And when his focus settled on my clit my moans turned to desperate cries.

How could he think I’d overlook this?

As I rowed the boat with my little lady inside, The Whispers played on my phone, and I couldn’t stop looking up at the stars. They were bright against the dark sheet of night. I’d traveled the world and seen lots of amazing things, but I can’t remember being so impressed as I’d been these past two weeks, here in Saint Justin. Maybe it was this particular island or part of the Caribbean.

Nah… Don’t make sense.

It was the same sky I’d seen from Aruba, St. Thomas, Puerto Rico, Antigua, and Trinidad. I’d been to them all, fucked in them all. Can’t remember not having a good time in any of them. But this was something to go down in the history books. Being here was like leaving Jersey for the first time.

My eyes went down to short bare legs that were arched and crossed in the boat, across from me as I rowed. My wife. She was on her phone, relaxed as I worked. All I could think about was how much love we made on this island. How hard we laughed together. I’d seen a deeper, more transparent side to her. She got silly with me, nasty with me, and even spiritual as we kicked it a few times about growing in Christ. This was the best time in my life. Everything I needed was on the island, except for Kyree. He didn’t need to be here while I’d been exploiting his moms’ body, but if we were to stay longer, he’d have to be sent for. I wasn’t trying to hog her from him. Jade seemed happy, though. She fussed when I had her wear a life jacket again tonight. She may have known how to swim, but I wasn’t risking her safety or my daughter’s life to her ego.

After dinner, we decided to come out here again. It had been our fourth time getting in a boat at night. This was peaceful: just Jade and me. The water was pitch black except for when it sparkled with turquoise lights. That was new to me. Just beautiful. There were light posts around. A lifeguard on duty, but we were a good distance from the shoreline. This had been the farthest I’d taken us out. I figured I’d explore more, seeing it was our last night on the island.

“Whoa!” She broke the silence.

“What?”

“That video I posted last week got mad hits and shares!” Jade looked scared as hell over it.

Good…

I wondered why she’d just found that out. That was over a week ago. We’d been pretty busy here, focusing on us and exploring the island, but she’d had her phone. It’s how we kicked it with Kyree and April. Jade spoke to her moms, too, when she took Kyree for the weekend last week.

“No surprise. It’s a first for them.” I tried playing it cool, but really wanted to talk my smack about her never having me on her social media.

“I’m just glad I didn’t get more than our faces.”

“You wouldn’t let nothing like that slip,” I spoke underneath my breath, throwing a jab. Then I thought about something. “You uploaded that to Facebook, too?”

“Only IG, but I have my posts go to Facebook and Twitter from there.”

“Why?” I didn’t even know that was possible.

I liked social media. Instagram blew up while I was locked up. When I came home, I dabbled on it, but never did more than lurked. I had people posting for me, for the most part.

“It’s something I set up a while ago for my nail business. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have the time to post anywhere else.” She looked up from her phone. “You devoured me two point five seconds after I hit Share.”

I rolled my eyes out to the water. Little did Jade know, that shit turned me on something dangerous. When I realized she was recording us on her phone, my dick got hard and heart started racing. It was crazy.

“Oh, my god!” She lifted her head, eyes still on her phone. “Tineka from N.B.P. commented on the video!”

“Who? What’s N.B.P.?”

“Nubian Beauty Products. The company I met with last year about the nail salon chain.”

“What she say?”

“She big upped my nails, asking if I did them myself.” Jade pulled her nails to her face, inspecting them.

“That’s what’s up.” I liked Jade getting shine. She was talented in so many ways. She deserved it.

“I guess she still keeps in touch.” Then she frowned. “Or maybe seeing you on my post reminded her of why they were interested in the first place.”

Using the left oar, I started rowing a new angle, turning us around for the shore. TiTo, the water sports guy, taught me how to row last week. I hoped I could remember the technique to teach Ky.

And my baby girl…

“Or maybe she never forgot how skilled you are. Maybe you should have Minnie Chew hit her back up and see what y’all can work out.”

“Negative,” she came back quick. Jade took a deep breath, sitting up.

“That’s it? You don’t even give it thought?”

“I thought about it back then. My hands are full now. I don’t have time to upstart a business now anyway.”

“You’re just about done with the house, the wedding’s over, Shank’s ball’ll be here before you know it, then you’ll be freed up. So what else you gone do, Jade?”

I watched as she licked her lips, thinking.

“So, I’ve been thinking about culinary school.”

“Culin—” My head jerked back. “You already cook your ass off.”

“This is Polynesian cuisine. I’ve always wanted to learn a new type of food. You know that.”

My neck gave out and head dropped. Maybe I’ll get a drink when we’re done. I hadn’t had one since the night of the wedding. It was sounding good to me the more she spoke.

I tried calming myself.

“Okay. I’ll roll with you on that. How much?”

“Oh.” Jade blinked. “You don’t have to worry about that. I’ve got it covered.”

“You? How?”

“Through a grant the state offers to low income applicants.”

I slapped my forehead with my right hand, forgetting what I was doing. Then I jumped to grab the oar that shifted into the lock hole. Jade bit her lip, looking guilty. I couldn’t look at her and shot my eyes into the distance instead. I could feel my nostrils flare. 

“You can’t do that, Jade. You don’t qualify anymore.”

“How do you figure?”

“Did you forget you’re Jade Bailey now? You got seven zeros behind your name as her. You wanna scam the government now, Jade?”

I watched her look out into the water now. It took her a while to speak as I got us back to shore.

“I didn’t think about that,” she whispered.

“Yeah. I get it.”

“You get what?” She looked at me with big eyes.

“I know that state of mind. I get when you don’t trust someone to do what they say they’ll do.”

She sucked in air. “I do—”

“No, you don’t!” I yelled, and probably unnecessarily.

I was expecting her to chew me up about that slip. Jade was no pushover. She was one of a few that could hem me up with just words. But my girl never uttered a comeback. She folded her arms under her chest and turned to face the side of the boat. That had me more messed up. Where was her defense? Her assurances? What was going on?

We were back at shore. TiTo and his crew were in the water, pulling the boat in and holding it steady. I jumped off first. Then I turned to see where she was. I reached for her hand to help her off. At the same time, one of Tito’s guys extended his hand. She went to him instead of me.

“I got her, man!” Quickly, I moved in front of him and grabbed Jade as gently as I could, laying her in my arms. 

She felt tense in my arms like she didn’t want to be there. When we made it to the dry sand, I put her on her feet. She started toward the bungalow without looking at me.

“J—”

She leaped in the air, turning toward me with tears in her eyes.

“Why am I always feeling like the only one proving myself here?” she screamed at the top of her lungs, standing on her toes. Her index finger swung in the air. “I’m always the one reassuring, always the one begging you to believe I’m sincere and my love is true. Maybe I’m not secure in this thing! Maybe your constant need to be coddled emotionally is your lack of trust showing its ugly head! I’ve brought all I have into this. I’m having a second baby and my only income is tied to you. Damnit, Trent, reassure me, too!”

That hit me hard. My eyes closed, feeling her pain. Had I been this hard on her? I swear, I was good with Jade. My head and heart totally with her. I didn’t know I’d been sending mixed messages.

“Baby,” I stepped to her, grabbing her in my arms. Jade covered her face as she cried. “I’m sorry. I get you been out there hustling, tryna find your way all these years. I slipped up. I’m sorry.” That was all I could say.

Jade had been on her own for so long with nothing but Kyree and half supported by her baby’s father. She’d gotten used to hustling on the government. She wasn’t used to being with a man with my type of money. And then on top of that, she probably kept in mind how tight I am with money and didn’t want to ask for too much.

God, what am I doing?

I began the walk back to the bungalow with her still in my arms. Jade cried into my side half the way. When she was done, we finished the hike in silence, the ocean waves playing the backdrop. I felt…stupid for just now seeing this new perspective of her struggle. I’m sure she felt attacked on the boat. She had been carrying all of this on top of the nasty things said about her in the media—really on social media. All of it wasn’t bad, but I was used to being attacked by people who’d never met me. That had been my experience my entire career, but the tradeoff was my passion. The ball. Jade’s was just me, a suck ass, who was scared of embracing something real. Something he never had. Love.

I followed her up the stairs, into the bungalow. Jade went straight to the bathroom, turning on the shower. She came back out to drop her phone and take off her short dress and underwear. I tossed my clothes off in no time and followed her into the shower, needing to be next her. I moved so fast, I almost tripped over her small frame, not wanting to be far away. We washed and I watched her, looking for an “in” to end this madness. I wanted her: all of her. I wanted Jade forever.

I waited for her to be done to turn off the shower. I dried off next to her, eyes glued to her for clues of a mood change. She walked out into the bedroom for a shirt to toss over her head and I was behind her. So close that when she lay her first knee on the high bed, I waited for the next before I grabbed her by the hips and buried my face in her cheeks. My tongue stroked until it found her clit. Jade moved to widen her hips, opening her legs to me. And I stroked, tasting her special flavor mixed with the perfume of her soap.

The first hint of a moan sounded as though it slipped, like she didn’t want it to be heard. The others that came after were choppy, not fluid as she usually delivered them. Jade threw up a guard. I didn’t want her protected against me. I wanted to protect her. I pulled back and pushed on her hips, telling her to move up the bed.  As I followed, I jerked my cock in my hand, feeling lightheaded about being inside her soon.

I reached over and kissed her, turning her away on her side as much tongue moved in her mouth.

“Mmmmm…” Jade moaned, helplessly this time, bringing her arm around my neck.

I situated myself behind her, bringing the head of my dick to her opening. I could feel Jade arching to me as I rubbed my head over her clit. I didn’t let her come, so I knew she was ripe. Our tongues moved against each other, her hand reached up to grip my head.

I hadn’t been inside her since yesterday morning. Last night we debated names for the baby and where we’d build the nursery until we fell out. This morning, Tessie sent over the link to the digital copies of pictures from our wedding. We spent most of the day going through them and deciding which two we’d release to the media. The rest were separated by the photo album we’d have printed, the picture we’d use in our “thank you” messages to guests, and which one we’d have blown up for the living room at the crib. See, we vibed, talked about our plans, mapped out our future.

When I slipped inside her from behind, there was no way I would end this honeymoon beefing with Jade. I needed her. I made sure to tell her with every stroke I made. When I rubbed her nipples and nibbled on her bottom lip. I stroked her slow, not in a rush. I took cues from her breathing to know when she needed me to pound and not caress her walls.

“I love you,” I whispered to her.

She couldn’t keep her heavy eyes open as our skin smacked against each other, over and over again. When Jade’s head fell on my arm as I sucked on her neck, I knew she was ready.

“Trent…” she breathed and I sat up, keeping my dick inside of her.

I squatted on my thighs, keeping her on her side and hammered into her. My fingers grabbed the meat of her cheeks for leverage and my hips moved faster, plummeting into her. One of her hands went to her belly and the right one, closest to me swung back, hitting the mattress and made her tit bounce erotically.

My teeth clenched and I could feel chills in my spine and a twitch in my sacs. I let out a moan I couldn’t hold back. It was loud and…free. That’s what marriage had been for me these past six months. I was free to express my feelings without having to worry about Jade taking advantage of them or not feeling the same way. As I emptied inside her, recklessly spraying with my head tossed back, I felt a bond a man should only feel with a wife like Jade Renee. 

“Don’t forget to look around for all the chargers we brought,” she shouted from the bathroom as I was pulling on my socks.

I grabbed my sweat shorts, but stopped before putting them on. Not wanting to forget, I walked around the small suite and looked behind furniture. We didn’t have a lot of time before needing to head to the airport. Jade was in there flat-ironing her hair, but was dressed.

“My hat,” I whispered to myself, reaching for it.

It was on the floor, next to the couch. The first night we were here, Jade had tossed it. It hadn’t been a thought until now. After seeing there were no more chargers left, I picked up the ones she already had together on the dresser and put them into the pocket on the front of the suitcase. Then I finally put on my shorts. While kneeling over, I heard the bed squeak before I felt her at my back. Jade’s arms were around my shoulders and she bit my ear while laughing. My shorts fell to the floor.

“You found my favorite hat!” She reached over and kissed my mouth. “This is the first one you wore when going down on me in the kitchen. You remember that?” She couldn’t stop giggling, arms pulling me tighter and tighter.

“I done ate ya pussy more times than I can count. No way I’m gonna remember the first time I wore a cap.”

My arm was draped around her, holding her leg in case she lost her balance.

“You don’t wear caps on me, remember.” Her dark lined eyes blinked then she busted out laughing.

“Jade, easy! The baby, yo.”

“You are my baby. My biggest, forever, best-booty-rubbing, future-rocking-chair-companion baby.”

“I’m not playing, girl!”

“Okay!” She stopped moving in her long fitted dress. “I just want to say sorry about last night. I shouldn’t have spoken to you that way. I know you love me deeply and I can have patience with the rest.” I was able to turn in her arms while she stood securely on the bed. Her face turned serious. “I had a magical wedding. This was the best honeymoon I could ask for. Thank you, babe.”

I kissed her, sucking on her bottom lip when pulling back.

“You’re welcome. Anything for you. Now get down. Please,” I begged.

She dropped her head, agreeing and I helped her off the bed. Jade reached from her toes and kissed me again. Then she strutted back to the bathroom. I went for my shorts again.

“One last thing.” I looked over at her while pulling them up and tossed my chin to her. “I want to be your best friend.”

I grabbed my shirt off the bed. “Best friend, huhn? What’s that about?”

“About the fact that you don’t have one.” She shrugged with her palms in the air. “Neither do I. No one loves you the way I do, and nobody has the patience for me that you have. So…” She shrugged again. “I think if we’re stuck with each other, we should make the best of it.”

I chuckled quietly, pulling my undershirt then t-shirt over my head. Jade waited for an answer.

“I’ll be whatever you need me to be.”

A goofy grin broke out on her face. Jade leaped on her toes cheerily. “Well, cool then!” She turned for the bathroom, and I went for my sneakers. “One last thing.” While bending over, I looked her way. “You have to be open with me. Best friends share the good, bad, and ugly.”

I stood straight, still looking at her. Jade spoke those words with a straight face, silly smile seemed to have never existed. She dipped her chin asking if I agreed.

After snapping into the moment, I nodded. This was a different woman from last night.

Maybe it was the pregnancy…

~Nineteen

“Wow!” I breathed, stunned. “That was my nose.”

I watched Jade wipe the gel from her belly.

She nodded with a big smile. “Mmmhmmm.”

“But that last ultrasound you said she looked just like Ky did as a newborn. That’s crazy.”

She giggled again and picked up the phone to carry it across the room. Then the image was still again.

“That means, this month, she’s looking like you.” Jade pulled the white tank over her head and straightened it over her belly. “Maybe she’ll go back to looking like me next month.” She giggled, teasing her hair with her fingers.

I hoped I could be at the next checkup. I hated missing them. I made sure she FaceTime’d me for this one.

“Where’re you going after this?” I asked on a yawn.

“I’m hoping that refill of prenatal vitamins will be ready by the time I drive by the pharmacy. Then I’m taking Ky and Jordan to the movies.”

“Oh, word? What y’all going to see?”

She frowned in her compact as she touched up her lip gloss. “I’m not sure.”

Jade stayed picture perfect. She was so damn cute pregnant. I could never tell her, but her nose had swelled in the past month or so. I noticed since our wedding, because I’d been away so much, working. I left home nine days ago to do a few mentoring workshops in Kentucky, then in D.C. Yesterday, I flew out here to L.A. to meet with a sports medicine specialist for a checkup, take a meeting this morning, and do an appearance for juvies before flying out to Connecticut tomorrow to start training camp with the Kings.

It was July. Already. Time had flown since our wedding. I had a couple of weeks off in June to spend with my family, but then I was away a whole week, doing Kings community obligations. The last week of June, when Ky got out of school, we spent a week in The Bahamas as a family vacation with him. I was home maybe a day before having to fly out to Kentucky. Life had been too busy for my family, but I was grateful for another chance at my career and tried not to complain. I enjoyed talking to young kids about careful decision-making. I dug hearing their dreams and pushing them to accomplish each one. It gave me purpose.

But so did Kyree.

“Y’all saw Spiderman last week, right?”

Another trip I’d missed with Ky.

“Yeah. Who knows what they’ll ask to see today.”

“As long as it ain’t no rated R joints like All Eyez on Me.” As I laughed my phone beeped.

A call coming in from Elle. I tapped to ignore it, deciding to hit her when I was done with Jade. 

“I know!” She laughed, too.

“He good, though? Ky been alright?”

Jade rolled her eyes. “He hasn’t mentioned his father, but I know he hasn’t forgotten about it. Zoey said she overheard a conversation between him and Jordan about what if his father made him come live with him. Like that’ll ever happen.”

Kyree had been having a tough time with his parents beefing. Ryder had been asking for him and Jade bit the bullet, letting Ky go see him. But twice, Ky came back home upset with either something one of his sisters did to short him or the latest thing his father said that confused him. He told Kyree a few weeks back that he’d be living with us part time and him the second half. Poor guy was torn. And when he told his father that, bum-ass Ryder made him feel guilty about not wanting to live with him.

Jade had been stressed about what to do. She didn’t want to keep Kyree from his father, but only knew one way to protect him. I’d been quiet on the subject, just listening to support her. It was best for me not to give my opinion. Jade was too vulnerable and would have moved the way I advised. My advice would be to keep him away from the asshole until he grew up; hopefully Ryder would first. I felt powerless, wanting to deal with Ryder directly. But I knew better.

When I was in Connecticut for public relations, I took Kyree with me for a few days. It was a men’s trip that mommy couldn’t come on. We had a blast at Hotep stadium and around the state. It was our secret that we had B-Way Burger three nights in a row.

I tapped my rumbling belly. “Where’s Ky now?”

Jade packed her things into her bag as she answered, “He’s with April until I get back.”

“She going with y’all to the movies?”

April had been hanging out with them a lot since I’d been on the road. We invited her to The Bahamas and she turned us down. Jade talked her into a trip to Macen Beach with her sister on us, thinking she needed a getaway, too.

“No. She’s ready to go to the flower house. You know she loves that place.” She winked at me.

My little one was flirting. She did it out of the blue a lot. It teased me. I knew Jade was a little freak before, but she stayed horny while pregnant. That messed with me, too. I never wanted to leave her hungry.

“She said you took her to some place in Bloomfield the other day. Where you got my aunt, yo?” I joked.

Jade’s face went wide. “Oh, that.” Her eyes rocked back and forth. “I had some busin—”

Jade turned away from the phone.

“All right, Mrs. Bailey,” I heard the doc. “Your prescription has been called in. All looks well for Mommy and baby.”

Jade smiled at him then quickly turned to me. “Okay, baby. I have to go. I’ll call you tonight?”

“Alright.” I kissed my two fingers and tapped the screen with them, ending the call.

I tossed the phone on the bed next to me and stretched wide, groaning as I did. I’d give anything to be home. I was tired. The type only my bed could rest off. And I was hungry. I looked around the room for fruit.

Tyheem walked in. “Elle just hit me, saying the joint on lock down.” He shrugged. “Some beef between rival gangs is all they told her. It’s been pushed back till further notice.”

That was the last thing I wanted to hear. I had a crappy breakfast, trying to be on time for my meeting with Divine, Chesney, and a group of investors they invited to get in on the latest opportunity Divine had going on. Chesney knew I was looking to diversify my portfolio more now than ever. I understood wealth had to be earned through diligent saving and investments. It was a group of five he invited in. StentRo was one. His flight out left a couple of hours after the meeting was over. Like me, he was ready to get home to his family.

Now, I was envious of his exit. I stayed because Elle had scheduled this last stop on the juvenile center tour about an hour away from my hotel in West Hollywood. Now that it was pushed back, all I could think of was if that call had come earlier, I could’ve been on Stenton’s flight. I could’ve gotten in one night at home before camp.

Maybe.

“What’s further notice?”

Tyheem shrugged again. “Could be a couple of hours. Could be tomorrow.”

I chuckled at that, thinking I should have known the answer. I’d experienced a few lockdowns while in the pen. My flight left first thing in the morning for training camp. If this visit wasn’t going down today, it would be pushed back till next year.

“What you wanna do now?” he asked.

“Man, grub.” I scooted off the bed. “I’m hungry like a mug!”

“Where?”

“DiFillippo’s chicken parm is screaming in my head now. I’ll call over to let them know we’re coming through.”

“A’ight. Let me tell John.” Tyheem left out.

I grabbed my phone from the other side of the bed and called the restaurant on my way to the bathroom. We were out of the suite less than ten minutes later and headed to the elevator.

“Aye, Trent,” John started as we stepped on. “You’re cool with Ragee and his camp, right?”

Tyheem hit the panel button for the lobby and I backed into the corner.

“Why you ask?”

“That girl I told you I’ve been dating.” His white teeth were almost as glistening as his jet black curly hair. I couldn’t remember what chick John was talking about. He had so many. Dude’s Italian swag appealed to women of all ages and colors. “She loves Rage. I heard he’s going to be at MetLife next month. It’d be nice to score good seats.” He waggled his eyebrows.

I chuckled. Dude was bipolar. He could be a hopeless romantic one minute, but as soon as we hit the streets, he was like a savage weapon. The Kings paid top dollar for him. It didn’t take long to understand his asking price.

“Yo, Young Lord gone be at Yankee Stadium in September!” Tyheem cut in. “You gots to hook me up, yo. I need ‘bout five of them joints!”

The elevator landed, dinging to let us know.

“I ‘on’t know about five. I wanna take Jade, depending on how everything go with the baby,” I shared as we stepped out, into the lobby. “If not that one, then definitely when he comes to Hotep in November. It’s on an off night from the season.”

“Hey, man,” John spoke up while we made our way to the entrance. “Don’t forget about me for Ragee. This may be the future missus.”

We laughed. See. Playboy. Hopeless playboy.

“I got you, man. I’ll hit him and see what he can do. But what’s her name?” I asked over my shoulder. “Is it a “Isha” or “Becky?” Maybe he can add her name to the lyrics or—” I saw when John’s playful grin disappeared.

But he stopped before it registered I should, too. When I did, I looked over to Tyheem, whose eyes were wide with recognition, too. I turned to see what had my security’s attention. Right away, I recognized familiar faces. They were security, too… And Terrell.

Brielle…

She looked to have the expression of shock wash over her already. I was the last to realize this crossing. B stopped, crossed her arms, and cocked her head to the side. For a while, only security exchanged words. Tyheem had to tell John to be easy; he was familiar with her people. Once that quieted down, I waited for her to say something.

She didn’t.

“Nice to see you, Terrell. Off my property,” I joked, but it came out nasty.

Terrell’s face opened nervously, eyes shooting over to Brielle to bail him out. I stepped to move past them.

“I was coming to see you.” Her words stopped me before we were shoulder to shoulder to them. When I didn’t respond fast enough, she demanded, “We can do this here or back in your suite.”

I backed up to get a full view of her, because I hadn’t before. Was she serious?

“How’d you know I was staying here?”

She rolled her eyes. “It’s one of your favorite spots.” My head cocked to the side, pissed that she’d stalked me. How did she know I was in town? “I meant what I said. You’ve been dodging me long enough. I don’t deserve this. I’m prepared to make a spectacle.”

“B!” Terrell cried like a little punk.

Jade brought up their visit again a month ago and mentioned how shady Terrell had been to her and Brielle. I knew him from her crew and Pixie’s. He considered them his besties and acted more queenish than the divas put together. We never had any problems, but he and Brielle knew I didn’t like Terrell. He was too shifty.

She was still pretty: fair skin with a fit frame, showing off her toned thighs in booty shorts and high chunky heels. Brielle’s head was high, daring. Her pink lips trembled a little. The sight of them reminded me of how I used to tease her about how thin they were. I’d call them European-sized, out of fun. They were cute, though. Not tease-worthy, but I was comfortable joking with her almost right away.

It would always crack me up how thick she’d line her lips at the edge to make them appear bigger. The third or fourth night we hung out, I told her the makeup artist she used should be paid like a plastic surgeon for the magic trick he pulled. Brielle’s response was how incredible they’d feel wrapped around my dick. She could blow me like they were soup coolers, and that’s what I should be concerned about. That night she did. Brielle blew my mind when she showed me her deep throat game was one for the record books. I had to shake those thoughts off, now out of the web of confusion from those days.

I had a bigger issue on my hands. This was an ambush. The last thing I needed was a scene in West Hollywood. I’d been doing good, keeping under the radar. I’d be damned if Brielle cast me out. But no way was she coming up to my suite. Jade would hem my ass and hers.

I scratched my nose with my thumb. “I’m on a mission for food. If whatever you been ‘needing’ to kick it with me about is that important, there’s your chance to make it happen. After that, it’s a no.” I stepped off.

“Where?”

“Santa Monica.” I spoke in movement, needing to get this ‘talk’ over with before her trying to contact me got out of control. My wife could have been with me when she pulled up to this place. Two problems with that. Jade was a hothead…and pregnant. I couldn’t have her risking my baby girl for this foolishness. “DiFillippo’s.”

I wiped my mouth, took a deep breath then dropped the napkin in the plate.

“Man, B. I’m sorry you been going through this with your parents. I know Alice been through the ringer with Tom, with the women and coke. I do. But you gotta figure out a way to manage his madness.”

“Like what?” she asked with her head to the side, her hand holding the fork, stabbing her salad in the plate. “I’ve already fired him as my manager. My mom filed the divorce papers two months ago. What more can we do?”

I shrugged, not prepared to give advice.

“I ‘on’t know. Maybe cut him off. He’s made millions off you, managing your girl group when you was a kid and first hit the scene. He’s been in on movie sign-ons with you, perfume deals, and fashion lines. He was holding your hand along the whole ride. Maybe if y’all backed up off him…” I shrugged, again, not feeling comfortable telling someone to drop their parent.

I’d never had a bond with mine and didn’t want to project that onto anyone else.

Brielle’s wet eyes rolled toward the wall next to us. “And the woman who’s having his baby?” I nodded to acknowledge I was with her. “He met her when they took me to that doctor’s office for the abortion. Can you believe how little shame he has? His daughter’s in the next room, having an abortion while he’s out at the front desk applying for a hookup. That’s what pushed my mother to file the paperwork, finally.”

I was almost there again. Listening to Brielle’s most intimate secrets, playing her diary. It’s what we always did. We’d kick it—or she’d kick it with me about everything she couldn’t share with fake friends like Tynisha or Terrell, or any other phony members of her small crew. She didn’t keep many around, but even those she did, Brielle didn’t trust. But for some reason, she trusted me. She’d tell me personal stuff then we’d sex it out of the front part of her head, back it up, and repeat. It wasn’t until the concert last fall when she told me the lyrics to her hit single was about me. Then there was another one Young Lord co-wrote and produced with her called Secret Lovers. It’s funny how two people can be in the same relationship and have two different perceptions of it. But that was then.

Now was…never.

My eyes bounced around to find the right words to use for what I needed to say.

God, help me…

I said a short but sincere prayer. Brielle was crazy sensitive when it came to her family. For years, before her father’s reckless coke and infidelity habits came to light, they were thought of as the perfect American family. Before Brielle made it big, Tom was a corporate executive and her mother owned a dry-cleaning business. They were tight before the Hollywood gift and curse. It was something she blamed on her success. So, I had to tread carefully.

“Yo, B,” I started, eyes falling from her face as I licked my lips. They swept against my wedding ring. I found myself twisting it. “About me being out of touch—”

“You’re with someone now. I can’t assure you that I’m okay with it—I mean, I don’t even know where she came from. You were released from prison, we hung out, then you freaked over the thing with Allison,” she whispered that part. “Then I didn’t hear from you in months. It hurt me. But you, up and getting engaged to a stranger…” She shook her head, voice a little elevated. “That was insane, especially for you. But when I showed to your house—that I couldn’t even recognize from what I could see in the doorway, by the way—to a girl with a belly full of human? That rocked my entire universe, Trent.”

“B—”

“And the worst of it all?” I saw her eyes brimming with tears. “To hear there was a rumor about you getting married in May from a stylist I used while in Houston for a show when my regular got sick…” Her nostrils grew. “He said she knew for sure because one of his clients had scheduled him for the job. When I called Tynisha, and she confirmed it...” The tears spilled and Brielle’s shoulders shook, her jaw trembled. “That gut—ted me, Tre—nt!” she breathed out the last words.

My eyes went across the private room. Brielle was full on sobbing, and it actually hit me.

“I know I grew up under your eyes,” she could hardly speak. “I know I made lots of mistakes and took forever to own up to my feelings, but you meant more to me than you obviously thought. I would have never done that to you, Trent, and you know it.” I gave her a minute to control her lungs and the tears in silence.

Yeah, Brielle and I may have been at an impasse with how we viewed our relationship, but there was no question as to whether we genuinely cared for each other. We did. We just didn’t view one another as candidates for something real. And now, hearing her side of the story… It sounded pretty harsh on my part.  

“Yeah, B. Don’t forget how I did a eighteen-month bid and you ain’t send word, visit, or write a lyric dedicated to me then.”

Her face opened. “You told me not to!”

“Yeah. I was mad at the damn world! I got sentenced over some bullshit!”

“None of us expected it to go that far. You had the best legal team in the business. It was a blow to a lot of us. But you shut me out even then. You remember when I called you while you were on trial and we got into that big blow up?”

“Yeah.” I remembered us going at it, but couldn’t think of why. “You blew up on me over something stupid while I was fighting for my life.”

“I confronted you about sleeping with my cousin!”

My face wrinkled. Then it hit me. “Tralaina?”

“Yes—”

“You hit me over sex with Tralaina?” It was all coming back to me now. When I was arrested, tried, and convicted life was a blur of details. Tralaina was her younger cousin, like two years behind us. The cousin who was thirsty for some play from me. Brielle used to tease her saying when she finally got it, it would blow her mind. One night, JJ and I were in Miami on Bye week and ran into Tralaina at a boat party. She was fresh off a tour with Brielle, as one of her ‘assistants’. We got drunk and went back to a mansion JJ and I rented on Marye Island. Tralaina asked to see my room. Before we made it upstairs, she’d jumped me, tongue all down my throat. “That was just once. You knew that was coming.” My tone was indignant.

That was before my conscience began catching up to my ego.

“She was my cousin, Trent!”

“You knew she wanted to. You were smashing Manny Rodriquez back then.”

“But she was my cousin. Like Le’Onna was my friend!”

Another jab. I had to think of who Le’Onna was for a minute.

“Your background singer?” My face was screwed again, not believing this was all coming out now. None of this mattered to me then either.

“Ex background singer. I fired her.”

“Why?”

“Because she knew I was sleeping with you—”

“And other dudes,” I reminded her. “I wasn’t the only one, B.”

“Because you never wanted to be!” she screamed, making my head swing back. “Every man I’ve slept with at least asked for more. They made me feel like a prize. You—” She pushed her finger across the table, voice lowered again. “—were the only one who made me feel average. It turned me on and fucked me up at the same goddamn time, Trent! I wanted you to see me as the girl you proposed to after two weeks! I wanted to be the one you gave a baby to without question!” That last line was breathed out. “I wanted to be the one marching down an aisle with you!”

I shook my head. “You ain’t want that with me, B! C’mon now. You’re Brielle. You can’t do traditional or ordinary. You ain’t want that life.”

“I wanted you! Even when you came home from prison I swallowed my pride and called you. Acted as though the previous two years didn’t happen.”

“Yeah, by adding that Allison chick?” My mouth was twisted.

“By behaving in a manner I thought you’d want. By being that wild friend. The daring lover.”

“B, you wasn’t experimenting that night and you know it. Save the bull for a fool. I ain’t that dude.”

“I never said that. I admit that was extreme, but I have no reason to lie about my feelings for you. I may have been a fool for hiding them, but they were real. And now you’re married.”

“With a baby due next month,” I made clear. “Listen, B, we can’t go back and forth about who did what and who was right or wrong. I don’t have time to do that. It’s obvious that I had some savantry about me back then. Stuff I had no idea how cold it was.” And just to think, I was saved… I didn’t recognize the man she described, but couldn’t deny it was me. “I’m sorry for betraying you, disrespecting you, and overlooking you—if you believe all these years is what I did.”

Brielle sat back in her seat, her arms crossed under her chest.

“But…” she pushed.

“But I can’t go back and fix what I did.”

“You can make good by being at least a friend now.”

I shook my head, my eyes closed.

Finally, I looked up at her puffy face, red with sadness. “I can’t even have you call when you need to talk. I can’t be that type of friend no more.”

“Why?” Her hands went in the air. “Because you’re married? Your wife’s not secure enough to let you have female friends?”

I shook my head again. B probably thought I was disagreeing with her sarcasm. I was responding to the truth.

“This is a fresh start for me, man. She’s the real deal. No industry gimmicks. No recycled groupie. No gold-digger on a come up. She’s my grace.”

Brielle started crying again. I could tell she hated she couldn’t help them. Her eyes rolled away and she tried using her fist to cover her mouth.

“She said you were ordained for her,” she tried through crying.

A silly laugh burst from my belly, my eyes closed and head turned as I tried to hide it. 

“Her little ass ain’t tell me that,” I whispered, not for Brielle to hear.

She acted wounded from Brielle and Terrell’s visit. Like they’d gotten one up on her. She didn’t mention she clapped back. How did I not expect that from her?

Jade is so sneaky! 

“Don’t tell me you met her in church?” Brielle’s voice had calmed a lot, her eyes on me, wanting to know.

I took a deep breath before standing from the table. “Nah. I brought her with me.”

She didn’t speak, but I saw when her mouth dropped and she caught it was time to go. Or maybe that was her reaction to what I’d said. Either way, she stood and grabbed her things. I peeked out of the curtain for a waiter and to let Tyheem and John know I was ready. I’d gotten the attention of Tyheem when Brielle called my name.

I turned to face her.

She couldn’t look at me when she spoke.

“I…uhhh…” She swallowed. “…heard about the charity in Shank’s honor.” Her eyes lifted to me. “I want to donate—” Her palm pumped the air and head shook. “—anonymously, of course.”

“B, that ain’t necessary. Why go through all of that? There’re other organizations raising money for the cause.”

“Because I’ve now known two people with the virus. Shank was the first.” Her eyes bounced from me to the floor, back and forth.

“You mind if I ask—”

Her eyes squeezed closed. “My father.”

It felt like the air was knocked out of me.

I was surprised she was walking out with me, her face so swollen from crying. She seemed so not like the strong, untouchable Brielle we all knew. She walked fast through the restaurant, her people who waited in a different room while we ate flanked around her. Her clasped fists were to her mouth and head bowed.

Outside, we had to wait for our cars to be pulled around. It didn’t take too long for mine. Tyheem must have gone for it when I looked out from the curtain earlier. When the truck stopped in front of the restaurant, I gave Brielle a final look. I had the intent to say goodbye. But when I saw those light brown eyes surrounded by redness, I thought she deserved more than that. What was crazy is I made one step in her direction and Brielle ran the rest of the way into my arms.

“I hate that we ended this way. I swear I hate my life, Trent.”

Her team quickly jumped into action, circling us. I didn’t think we’d have anything to worry about. DiFillippo’s had a strict anti-paparazzi policy. We actually employed security outside to prevent it, which is one of the reasons why we were so popular in the industry.  

But this was Brielle. One of the biggest names in pop culture and music. She was iconic, even way before the age of thirty.

“You be good, Bri-Bri.” I meant that from the heart. I hadn’t called her that nickname in years, but my emotions were that surfaced in the moment. Brielle and I had undeniable history. “I’m gonna be praying for you and your family. A’ight?” I tried smiling to pull one from her.

It worked because she gave one back. “Wish you could do it by my side. That could be us, but you got a wife and child now,” she joked.

I laughed quietly. Proudly, feeling released all of a sudden. Shedding more of my past.

I reached down and kissed her forehead then hugged her again.

“Two,” I whispered. “A big boy and a incoming baby girl. I’m the richest man, yo.”

“You deserve it,” she spoke into my chest hugging me back.

We broke apart and I didn’t look back when I walked over to the back seat of the truck where John was waiting with the door open.

When I got settled in, I pulled out my phone to check the status of the juvenile home visit.

“As you can see, we have lots of space for just three letters.” My short arms stretched high over my head on the gentle green wall with off white polka dots. I tried demonstrating an outline for the baby’s name for the artist, who was over to discuss what I wanted done. “My issue now that you’ve shown me the different styles is it being gawky.”

“Hmmm…” April rocked in the linen swivel glider with her laptop open on her lap. “Maybe. Depending on which style you choose.”

“We can always include her middle name underneath…” he offered as a solution.

I backed away, considering that. Trent and I hadn’t settled on a middle name. He wanted Luna. I didn’t agree. It was Latin and wouldn’t be very authentic for us to name our black child something that blatant of a different culture. But I’d been considering it for peace. Ness was my counter. It blended well with Ava. Ava Ness Bailey. But even that was a Scottish baby name for a boy.

Maybe Nese with two E’s instead of Ss, but the same pronunciation…

I took a deep breath, rolling my eyes. “I don’t know. This is something I wish Daddy could make the call on.”

“Let me go run out to my truck to get the measuring tape. It must’ve dropped from my satchel.”

I nodded as my phone rang in my hand. With my mind still racing on all things baby, spacing, designs, and missing football-playing husbands, I answered right away.

“Hello…”

“Oh, you answer?” I rolled my eyes.

Why did I not look before picking up?

“Kind of busy over here. What’s up?”

“Where’s Ky? He ain’t answering the phone.”

Because it’s not a phone. It’s an iPod for the millionth time. No wifi, no communication!

“He’s with my mother for the night. They’re probably out of the house.”

“Oh, so what you doing?”

My brows met. “Being busy. Why?”

“I just wanted to know if you still mad at me. Still waiting on that apology?”

I heard the cockiness in his tone. I didn’t have time for this.

“Not today. Won’t be tomorrow. And now that I’m thinking about it, not yesterday either. Hope that answers your question. I have to go now.”

“Whoa…whoa…whoa! Don’t hang up. I’m just trying to be a familiar friend in the line of fire. I’m sure you done heard about ya hubby being a real man.”

“What?”

“The honeymoon done ended, I see.” I could hear the antagonizing amusement in his throaty delivery.

I gripped my forehead. “Again, Ryshon, I’m busy and don’t have time for romper room ludic frolics today.”

Behind me, I could hear the artist was back, pulling the tape out of its case.

“Now. Now. Now,” he warned, almost like groaned. “Don’t go white girl on me. I’m a familiar friend. You gone need me now that he showed his ass. Unless you gone stay with him. It ain’t fair if you do. You always rode my ass when I was doing the same shit as him. Only difference is his shit on blast through social media. Me? I’m just a local ass nigga. Only E.O.” I moved toward April and put my phone on mute.

“Go to Spilling That Hot Tea website,” I ordered curiously.

Impatient, I decided to go from my phone as Ryshon continued.

“And all he fucks with is bangers. They all got long weaves down they backs, big asses that bounce, titties that dance for him. They got pretty faces, too. You ain’t got nothing they ain’t got. But they got something you don’t. They got a stash. You ain’t got no job, working on ya second baby daddy, and because you married, you think you covered. Lemme put you D, baby girl: dude got big time lawyers that ran circles around your ordinary self. You ain’t got access to no real paper and when you leave, it’s gone take a minute for you to get the pennies you think you deserve. So, what you gone do now, Jadee?”

My heart thundered as I made it to Spilling That Hot Tea’s IG page. Two pictures into the page were images of Trent, standing outside of DiFillippo’s in a deep embrace with none other than Brielle. My hands began to tremble with what they held. Ryshon’s sinister tone came from them, and a video, as I swiped, played of my husband, smiling betrayingly down into her eyes. Her legs were bare in short shorts as they reached up his towering frame, calves tight and extended from long chunky heels. She was too happy there, too familiar in those big arms I called home.

I sucked back a cry, head spinning.

“Jade!” April called me. My eyes shot to her, watching her approach. Her expression told me everything. She’d seen the pictures and video, too. “You okay? You’re shaking, baby!”

“I’m just ya friend,” Ryshon continued, not knowing he’d been muted. “Look. You know I always got Ky, but I’ll be good to you, too. I’m investing in real estate in Irvington. I can probably hook you up with something once I get shit poppin’. If you get a job, I could use ya credit and cut you in, even.”

I was on sensory overload. Realizing I could eliminate one stressor, I tapped away to disconnect the call. In the next beat, another came through. Lashawn. I tapped to reject that call, needing to go back to the pictures and videos. This couldn’t be true. Trent couldn’t have kept running into Brielle from me. After all we’d been through with her… How understanding I’d been. Had I played that much of a fool to him?

Is this what I should expect from a man of Trent’s caliber?

My phone rang again. Elle. I tapped to reject the call. My eyes closed from the wave of nausea washing over me. Then I felt pressure around me, deepening and deepening.

“Jade, baby!” April cried. “It’s just me. You okay?” Her expression was alarmed.

I was out of breath, eyes and mouth wide open. Van, the artist, peering over to me with red cheeks.

“He’s asking if he should get started on the outline now,” April sounded as though she was repeating that information to me.

I found my head shaking before I did the words to corroborate the action.

“No!” I spat quickly. “I-I’ll call you when we’re—I’m ready to get started.”

I couldn’t process his response, but saw him pack up his things.

“I’ll walk you out!” April wobbled after him as I sat down in the glider.

My cell sounded again. Again, I rejected the call, wanting to go back to the pictures and video. When the calls grew excessive, I grabbed April’s laptop from the ottoman and viewed the blog from where she had it pulled up.

This felt like déjà vu. Last year, right after we were married, I’d crudely learned they even knew each other and were once lovers. I let the concert fiasco go. She showed up on his doorstep with familiarity, and I’d dismissed it. I learned he’d possibly impregnated her, and dropped it immediately. And what good had that done me? We weren’t two months from our wedding day and I’m being embarrassed again.

And I finally included him on my Instagram! What a slap in the face!

This was beyond an assumption of cheating. It was about Trent continuing to keep pertinent information from me. Like his mother being in the hospital and him attempting to see her several times. He may share his bank account with me, but that isn’t all he’s made of. My husband still didn’t trust me. We would never get around that.

“Jade, I know what it looks like.” April was upon me. At first my eyes were out of focus, I was so engulfed in my thoughts and the images of my husband engaging in an intimate juxtaposition with another woman. “We need to think about this and wait for Trent to explain it.”

Too easily, I forced a smile to my face. I closed the laptop and stood, handing it to her.

“That isn’t necessary.” My phone sounded of a text. It was Ryshon, still talking about my marriage being over so soon. Another cry wanted to erupt and I caught it again. I took a deep breath. “You got everything packed? You’re going to be hitting the road soon, right?” I made my way to the door, April was on my heels. “I’m going to pull out those brownies and ambrosia for you. Okay?”

I didn’t wait for April to answer as I ambled down the hall, rubbing my belly.

“You sure you gone be okay?” April asked from the front seat as I placed the pans of sweets on the floor in the back seat.

I closed the door and walked over to her on the driver’s side.

“Woman, I’ll be fine!” I tried to laugh.

“Just call him. You gotta hear from him what happened.”

“I know.” I tried to be silly and roll my neck.

I wasn’t a good actor, but I tried deflecting.

“You ladies don’t drink too much of that E&J!” I giggled.

“Girl, I stole a bottle of Trent’s Mauve!” She fell into a fit of giggles. “We gone be eating and sipping good these next few days!”

I tapped her arm inside the car then backed away. Tell your sister I said happy birthday. I’ll see you in a couple of days when you get back.”

April was going down to Camden to celebrate her sister and a family-friend’s birthdays.  She planned on returning in two days. Since she’d been staying with us, she’d spent no nights at her place. She’d only go down every other week or so and spot clean. It was fine with me. April had become a fixture around the mansion. We all enjoyed her.

“You gone be here by yourself tonight, Jade.” Worry etched her face. “What you gone do?”

I took a deep breath, with my arms folded over my round belly, I sighed. “Buy some furniture. You know me: always setting up shop.” I smiled tightly.

Then I blew her a goodbye kiss, prompting her to pull out of the garage. April’s face was doused with confusion.

My mind was not.

~Twenty

Ugh!

I rolled over to my side to sit up.

“Young lady, let me explain something to you. I’m the queen bee around here.” I cupped my belly as I spoke. “Will always be. And you need to know the queen sleeps at two in the morning,” I whispered forcefully.

I dropped my palms behind me to the sides. My head went back as I tried breathing through eternally stuffy nostrils. This would mark night two of no sleep. It was Thursday—now Friday—and I felt so…off. Maybe it was because I’d missed Bible study, something I deeply enjoyed and had become dependent upon for spiritual balance. But no way could I attend this week. If ever again… It could have been the lumpy full sized mattress that once suited me, but now that I’d been sleeping in a California king for close to two years, it would no longer do. Or it could have been the smell of the new digs. The noise pollution of a city I had to retrain myself to endure after hours. Maybe it was the mother in me who worried about Kyree, sleeping in the next room. This was new for him, too; his first night.

I sighed again, turning to my side to leave the bed. The linoleum flooring was cool to the touch as I padded out of the bedroom and into the hall. The next bedroom door was cracked. I peered inside, snaking my neck. Ky was fast asleep in his old bed, just the way he was the last time I’d checked on him. His little desk held a few of his fidget spinners and the book, When We Dream, by Nickon Harris. It was one of the last on his summer reading list. I couldn’t believe soon it would be time for school again.

School…

I cringed then collapsed against the doorjamb. What would I do about school? There was no way I could keep him enrolled there. I couldn’t afford the tuition and the commute in the mornings would take over an hour. And then adding a job I’d have to make it to in that time frame… Dropping the baby off at a sitter.

I grabbed my belly.

Finding a sitter…

My eyes squeezed and head rolled in exhaustion and despair. How did I find myself in this situation? Why was I once again here? In a place where I was facing my deserved circumstances for a rash decision. My mistake this time? Trusting a man with my heart—my life—who didn’t trust me.

I shook my head, leaving the doorway, not wanting to think about that. There was a short walk to the kitchenette and living room. I checked the locks on the windows. Again. This was a safe neighborhood, I knew, but after having been in the suburbs of Alpine where there were more trees and green acreage than people, I’d apparently developed a phobia. The small living room was littered with furniture, bags of unsorted clothing, and old memorabilia from my place in East Orange that I couldn’t begin going through. I tried getting as much of it organized as I could before I brought Kyree here earlier, from my mother’s.

After checking the locks on the door, I took to the bathroom to relieve my bladder. I washed my hands and began walking back to the bedroom. Cupping my belly again, I spoke to her.

“We’re going to try this again. It’ll be three soon and Mommy’s got a lot of work to do. I need sleep, little girl!” my voice was low, playful, but seriously admonishing.

I was unbelievably tired as I scooted back and wobbled until I found comfort on my side. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath, hoping sleep would take over. Unbelievably, after a few seconds, my stomach growled. My eyes flew open and just as I shifted to push up and pitch a fit, there were forceful raps at the door.

BANG! BANG! BANG! BOOM!

Too quickly, I twisted to leap from the bed to grab my phone, but was able to make it. With a yowling heart, I checked in on Kyree first, who was still lost in sleep. I closed the door and headed for the front door quietly. Hardly anyone knew we were here. Who would be banging at the door at this hour?

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Police?

I tiptoed as quietly as I could manage to the peephole. Bodies moving was all I could make out at first because they faced the opposite way with their backs to me. One was looking at the names on the mailboxes.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

That series had me rearing in the air on my toes, landing flat on my feet.

“Who is it?” I demanded, now pissed.

“Open the door, Jade!”

Relief flooded me at the mention of my name. This wasn’t random. I peered through the peephole again. This time, I saw hair. A beard. Then a pale muscular arm. John? My hands went to the locks, twisting and unhooking until I was able to swing the door open.

“Oh, my God,” I whispered.

Tyheem’s head collapsed backward in relief. John’s eyes mimicked his partner’s. But the expression of the big ogre in front was one I was entirely unfamiliar with.

“Are you serious right now?” His words were expressed too low, too calm. That was until he screamed, “Answer Me!”

Trent shouldered forward, coming into the apartment dangerously scouring the place as he passed me. He was supposed to be in training camp. What was he doing in Jersey at this hour?

“Who here with you?” he demanded without looking back for an answer. “Where he at?”

As John and Tyheem filed in behind him, faces tight, arm muscles flexing, and jaws twinging, I thought to try to stop Trent.

“Trent, where are you going? Who are you talking about?”

I watched as he pushed the bathroom door opened, stepped inside and yanked the shower curtain back.

“Trent!” I tried again. “What are you doing?”

I followed on his heels, at some point Tyheem and John coming between us in the tiny walkway. He led them to the bedroom at the far end. I grabbed my belly protectively, on alert as I followed them.

Trent flicked on the light and searched the small room, under the bed and inside the closet.

“Who are you looking for, Trent?” I asked again.

When he didn’t see anything, the muscles around his eyes flicked twice.

“Where’s Ky?” he gritted in movement out of the room.

“He’s sleeping, I hope!”

Trent was so violently loud, pushing in doors, dropping his heavy feet to announce his hunt. He smacked the room door open and at some point, found the light. It was hard for me to see him now that his security made their way past me again to be near him.

I now felt violated. That was Kyree in there. My son!

“Wait a minute, Trent!” I yanked John’s arm away, shoving him to get closer. “You need to calm the hell down!”

By the time I’d made it to Tyheem’s big frame, Trent was storming out of the room. The guys followed him out as I paid one last glance to Kyree, who was stirring, but still sleep. Thank God kids his age slept like logs. I quickly flicked off the light and closed his door to head to Trent. I was now pissed.

When I made it out to the small living room that now looked tiny with these three giants standing swollen in it, I saw red.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing? Kyree wouldn’t have been hiding underneath a bed or in a closet from you!” I watched as Trent’s head turned to face me. “Who are you looking for? You didn’t think I’d be in the arms of another man so quickly after exchanging vows again, did you?”

“Grab Ky, get your shit, and let’s fuckin’ go!” he roared in my face. He stepped forward, back bent to reach me at eye level. “Now!”

My eyes flew wide. “I’m not going anywhere! How did you even know I was here?”

It had been two days since Ryshon called about the pictures and video. I hadn’t answered calls or texts from anyone except Lashawn, who was able to get a couple of her friends to help me move my things from one of Trent’s garages, onto the truck, and from the truck in here that night after April left for Camden.

“My aunt called me crying when she came back to find shit missing!” he yelled. “And you got my baby’s things here?” His eyes shot all around. I managed a few essentials from her nursery, specifically a bassinet and changing table still in their boxes. “You think I was going to have my daughter and Ky living in this shitty shoe box?”

“Small equates to shitty, Trent? So, now, I can’t select a place suitable for my children?” 

“You ain’t selecting nothing!” His long thick arm reached past my head when he pointed. “Get whatever you need now.”

“I’m not going anywhere! This is my place!”

His head snapped back, astounded. “This your place?”

“Yes!”

“So, you brought my aunt to your stash spot last week? That’s what y’all was doing in Bloomfield? You got some balls, don’t you? You been plotting for how long, Jade?”

“It’s not like that! I’ve had this place since last year, from my Section 8. I told you about it then.”

“So, you are still scamming the government? Are you serious right now?”

“No! I’ve been paying the rent on my own.”

“And you check on it with my aunt, too? For what?”

He wasn’t letting my monumental slip from last week go. I cupped my face with my palms.

“It’s not like that, Trent!” I repeated myself. “I was giving it to LaShawn. We’ve been talking about it since Christmas. She’d been saving her money so I can relinquish the lease to her. I came last week to tell the landlord we were ready, but he wasn’t here. I’ve spoken to him since then and he’s cool with it.”

His eyes gestured the room, scattered with my things and my kids’. “And now…?”

A cry shot from my belly. “Now, it’s time to revisit things. I’m not leaving. I can’t go back to what I thought was security. We’re staying!” Tears fell.

Through them, I watched as Trent stood straight, taking a deep breath, trying to calm himself. I’d never seen him so out of sorts. He was violently angry, eyes red and the cords of his neck prominent. Then he lowered his face to me again to peer into my eyes.

“We’re married. We fight. I get it! But let me tell you what you not gone do!” He stepped closer to me, his face directly to mine as I trembled with fear for the first time since meeting Trent. “You don’t get to pack up and leave! This marriage shit is forever! You don’t like it? You should’ve fuckin’ never snuck into my room all those nights until you finally got what you wanted! I’m more than a good lay. Next time, be careful what you ask for. Move. Now!”

The sun was coming up.

Through tremoring shakes and a tear-stained face, I beheld the dawning sky from the balcony off the master suite. I was in a tower, and around me was green acreage of billowy landscape and manicured trees beyond the pool and tennis and basketball courts. The air felt and smelled different here. No noise pollution outside of insects and harmless wildlife amid the modest forest.

Alpine…

The place I ran from. The short-lived hiatus from my reality. It was after five in the morning and I was back here. Ky was nestled in his bed, back asleep from the forty-five minute commute. And our things were being off-loaded into one of the three garages, from which they came two—now three—days ago.

I buried my swollen face in my hands, my elbows on my knees as I sobbed quietly.

What am I going to do now?

“Everything’s off the truck,” I heard from behind me. It felt like 2015 déjà vu. “I’m going to have April take it back in the morning. You should call the landlord about handing in your key in the morning, too.”

He was pushing me. I didn’t have to lift my head to see with my eyes.

“I need to speak with Lashawn first.”

“If she saved for this spot, she can take care of business by herself.” There was finality in that, a hidden edict.

I finally picked up my heavy head and found his imposing figure half out on the deck and half in the master suite lit with a calming glow.

“I’m not going back to living as though none of this happened.”

“I’m not asking you to.”

“So, you see why separation is necessary?”

Trent let out a breath, nostrils swelled. “I’m leaving now. I’ll stay in Connecticut until we can talk all of this through. I don’t think it’s what you’re blowing it up to be, but I’ll wait till you’re ready to talk.”

“You can’t hide there forever. We won’t last long like this,” I warned.

“I pray we don’t.” His face stern with conviction. “I just don’t need you jumping the gun and disappearing behind my back. You’re pushing me away because we’re getting so close to that sacred place of partnership and you’re scared to let it all go to be there with me. You, me…we deserve this, J. We need each other. Nobody’s gonna ride for me like you do. I’m man enough to admit it. Man enough to beg you if I have to.” His head shook softly as he went lost inside his words. “You’re my everything. Ain’t no other woman out there that comes close. I don’t know how many times or ways I can say it before you believe me.”

Trent turned to leave, his thick shoulders hunched, face to the floor.

“I started off wanting a lover in you.” I shrugged with my head. “You blew my mind with that part. Then I wanted to be your best friend. Turns out, you’re sucky at it. Great sex is great. But being in a trusting, secure friendship would make me great.”

Trent gazed at me with revealing eyes. I knew he was in pain. Understood his limitations right now. He shouldn’t have been here. He was risking his job by leaving training camp.

The radio stations were jumping. John was tapping away, looking for something he could ride out to in the pitch blackness of the night as we cruised the highway on the way to Jersey. I heard a snippet of The Isley Brothers’ “Living for the Love of You.”

“Hold!” I yelled from the back seat. “Run that back.”

He turned the station back and I sat back in my seat, holding my phone. My thumbs scrolled her profile on IG. This had been my treat over the past two weeks; stalking my wife. Jade’s pretty belly was in full bloom. She took lots of pictures of herself nowadays. They weren’t her old “Maybelline queen” style either. Her natural hair was even longer and thicker than before, eliminating the need of a weave. Her makeup was lighter, no dark heavy made up eyes or extra thick lashes. The selected tones were soft on her glowing skin.

And she was hella-sexy. She wore heels and shirts that exposed the bottom of her brown round belly. She had somebody take a flick of her walking away from the camera as she rocked baggy jeans, high-heeled sandals and a blouse that was fully open in the back with a tie at the shoulders. Her whole back was exposed, showing she wore no bra. She held her arm in the air, raising the peace sign with her two fingers as her thick wavy hair fell down her shoulders.

Then there was one of her by rose bushes I recognized from the back yard. She had on a fitted sexy dress that exposed her lower thighs. It showed every curve, telling my little one was all belly. Her tits were bigger, nipples uncontrollably hard in it. She wore high heels as she posed with one propped in the air as she rested on her toes, the other flat on the ground. Her one hand grabbing a rose by the thorny stem while she stared sexily into the camera with her mouth open. 

Damn…

Jade made this pregnancy look so sexy. That pic reminded me of the one she took next to the pool, laid out flat on her back with an arch between her spine and the concrete lip. Her tits spilled from the triangle cups and her arms over her head. That one had me beating my stick in the bathroom. No way I could tell anybody.

Her IG was public now, for some reason. I didn’t know how to feel about that with these sexy pictures she’d been sharing of my mark on her: her beautiful belly. We’d always been connected, but the upsurge of hearts she got on posts caught my attention one day. Before the Brielle incident, she averaged thirty to sixty hearts and less than ten comments. Now, she got tens of thousands hearts and disabled the comment feature. I guess she didn’t want people to talk: only see her.

My head shot up from the phone. That’s when it hit me. Jade wanted to be seen by people. People she was sending a message to. Brielle…and me. This was her way of telling Brielle she was carrying my baby. She was telling me she was happy without me.

“We’re here, champ,” John alerted me of pulling up to the crib.

He stopped at the front door, cutting the engine and lights right away. He knew the routine: we’d done this four times already since training camp started. My coaches had been bitching a fit every time I told them I was leaving at night after chow time to ride home, just to make a turnaround trip back to Connecticut. Altogether, coming and going was a four and half hour trip, at most. Taxing, but necessary.

I stepped out of the truck, pushed the door closed slowly and crept up the front stairs to the house. Using my key, I unlocked it and stepped in. The smell of home hit me right away. A cool breeze from the central air mixed with potpourri scent, fresh flowers, and cooked food that was put away a couple of hours ago before everybody turned down for bed. I went through every room on the main floor, checking for locked windows and doors.

In the kitchen was a paper bag I knew was left for me. April may have been sleeping, but I told her each time I’d be coming through. I never asked for much, other than to disarm the security system so it wouldn’t go off, waking Jade up. Inside the bag were cookies—homemade. Jade… She must have baked them for dinner tonight. I bit into one, beasting for anything my little one had touched and created.

Then I took to the back stairs, two at a time, making sure to be soundless as I did. Ky’s door was halfway open as usual. I stepped in and saw him on his stomach, knocked out with his mouth opened. I swiped his head as I smiled. We talked every night since they’d been back. He had no clue of the beef taking place between his mom and me. Didn’t even ask me why I came to get them in the middle of the night from Bloomfield. I’d guessed his mom handled that. I headed out as quiet as I’d come in.

Next was the master suite. My heart raced on the way there. I hadn’t spoken much to Jade since I left her at the house and basically begged her to stay here without me. I don’t think I’d ever been so scared in my life as I had those few days of not being able to contact her. At first, I thought she was just mad about the pictures and video that were somehow taken in front of the restaurant. Divine flipped and fired the security on duty that day. Me, I was still in the dog house.

The soft recessed lights were on when I walked up to the open double doors. I couldn’t see her from that far away, so I had to go deeper into the room. Her humming stopped me in my tracks. She must have been dreaming. I hoped it was a good one.

About me. Please, God…

I took a few more steps closer until I could make out the imprint on her puffy cheek. She must have lay on the other side of her face for a while recently. My dick swelled. Blew up, rock hard just looking at her. That’s how open this girl had me. I was trained to respond to her scent. To react to her presence. Her body… Even though it was buried under the comforter, it owed me something. We were connected, whether I liked it or not. But I couldn’t touch. Couldn’t let her know I’d been making these late-night runs.

And I needed her. Man, I needed my wife. It had been hard going without her for over three weeks now. Training camp was always hard on players because we were isolated for so many weeks with a bunch of pent up dudes. Well…some of them. JJ was getting some regularly. Cole was easy access. And even though it was frowned upon, he was unapologetic about his late-night creeping. Even our new recruit, Ramsey Bishop, had stepped out a few times. That was crazy. Like my pictures with Brielle, my marriage rumored to be over, the blogs had been tapping away about pictures that went viral of the former talk show co-hosts, Ramsey and Wil Cunningham. The media said it was obvious they were sleeping together. At first, I paid it no mind. Now, that we were in camp together, I knew the real deal.

A few of the guys did their dirt, but stayed low with it, needing that relief to get them through these rough weeks of camp. Except for me. My only release came from milking my cock to IG pictures she wanted me and Brielle to see. They say revenge is best served when it’s cold. As I stared at my gorgeous sleeping wife, I disagreed. That joint hurt more when it was as hot as she was. I pulled out my phone and snapped a shot of my sleeping beauty, wanting one for the road. Then I backed away for the door.

Slowly, I made my way down the hall, eating another cookie I wasn’t supposed to have. When I passed April’s door, I knocked quietly then opened it before taking off for the stairs. By the time John and I were pulling out of the gate, and onto the street, she should have been setting the alarm.

Now it was time for me to go back into the mental zone I worked myself into to survive this latest storm in my life. Pray and play. That’s all I did in Connecticut as I waited out this time. I stretched out in the back seat and tried to sleep the two hours back, satisfied that my family was good.

I bit the banana, stomach crying for sustenance as I ambled over to April at the stove.

“Mmmmm… I can’t wait!” I garbled.

“I don’t know how you eat that nasty thing!” April fussed about bananas as she stirred the pot of lima beans. “I’m almost ready for you.” She tossed her chin. “Go hand me those bowls over there. I’ll put the rice in them while this cools a little.”

“I think this is my favorite pregnancy food this time around.” I backed away to the cabinet opposite the stove. “I can’t get enough of your beans.”

“Well, at least I can cook something you like after all this slaving after me you done did these past four months or so. It’s my pleasure. I’ll make ‘em again this weekend if I have to.”

I smiled, excited by the prospect. After laying the stacked bowls on the counter near her, I heard my phone chirp from the island in the center of the kitchen.

“Don’t tempt me, now!” I teased on my way.

When I saw his name, my heart began to gallop.

Trent: J we down to the last few days of camp. Can’t front. This one been the toughest. I’m focused up here. Thirsty for the opportunity to make it to the super bowl but preppin the new players and dealing with this new assistant QB coach ain’t been easy. Eli’s been supportive as he can. JJ been hot headed as we know him to be. Lmbo! Dude been verbally cutting everybody on the field. But I get it. We want to be solid for the ride this season. We going all the way.

Another text came through while I was reading the first.

Trent: And Trick called me last night sayin he thinks its best to check my moms into a mental hospital. Shes been tripping out not wanting to take her meds. Remember her meltdown when she couldn’t find her keys last week? He said he caught her screaming to a tree in the backyard at like three in the morning the other day. I told him to hold tight until I’m done up here. I been praying and asking God for wisdom in all this. Its killin me that shes going thru and he going thru it with her but my flesh wanna be mad at both of them and leave the situation. But I keep remembering what you told me at the reception about focusing on what God gave us instead of those people who dropped the ball. Then I think about the story of Joseph and how God would want me to respond. I hope you don’t think I’m letting them off easy.

Oh, Trent, baby, you’re being a man about it all. A man of faith…

I could never fault him for caring for his family. Brenda, as crazy as her story has been, was his mother. Trick was his uncle, who grew up as a brother to him. After their heart to heart when we returned from Saint Justin, they’d been in touch. I was happy for Trent.

Another message from him came through.

Trent: Last one. Naima made a bangin’ three herb chicken last night. All the dudes was raving about it. It was good. Little did they know Jade make the best three herb bird ever. It’s how she caught my eye. Remember that? Missing you like crazy. Kick it later.

I put the phone down, steeling frozen. He’d been doing this lately; sending text messages resembling diary entries. It wasn’t like him. And I never returned them, but was touched by each one. I wasn’t as resolved as it appeared. I was sure I missed him more than he missed me. My pride wouldn’t allow me to share it.

And now that training camp was coming to an end, how long would it be before I broke down and found myself making a trip up to Connecticut and setting the wrong precedent in this relationship.

But how long could I endure without him…or closure?

Her face was hard as they wheeled her off, but her eyes were blank. I hardly recognized her. At first, the guy in scrubs backed her up, seeming like he was giving us a final look at her before showing my moms to her new room. She eyed us hard, mostly Trick. He gave her a nod just before the guy turned her to head to the double doors.

So many thoughts raced through my mind. Would I see her again? Was this the right decision? Would she be okay? I never had to put a parent away before. This was crazy, but I wasn’t alone. Since the wedding, Trick and I had been in touch. I even had him come up to the crib and Jade barbequed for us while we hung by the pool. We kicked it for hours that first night. It got so late, he ended up staying over. We had a lot to catch up on. A lot to apologize for once we realized how stupid the beef was.

He told me he was shocked and scared on the low about my sentence. He didn’t know if I’d lost my CMD edge and could handle prison. He also said he was disappointed in me. Thought I knew better. Then I explained the reason I okayed Glock staying at the boarded up house when Snot-Snot called for help was because he was Trick’s man. I thought it would be doing right by Trick. As stupid as it sounded now, I could tell that touched Trick. He thanked me and apologized at the same time. That night, he drank and Trick got so emotional talking about all the deaths we’d had in the family over the years, from his brother and my uncle, Trey, to my brother, Trevor, and of course, Shank.

Shank never let us react emotionally to his illness or incoming death. Ever. He wouldn’t tolerate it. Let’s just say that first night at my crib, we did it together. April and Jade came out at some point. April leaned on Trick’s shoulder as he practically wailed with his feet in the lit pool. Jade wrapped me in her arms as I lay my head on her belly, feeling the baby kick against my face. I didn’t cry, but was raw and sensitive to it all. Since that night, we’d been in touch weekly, mostly about my moms and her bizarre behavior Trick couldn’t handle anymore. This time when the doctor recommended aggressive treatment and monitoring, we both agreed.

“You know Trevor used to tell Shank all the time he thought something was wrong with her?” I turned to Trick. Without looking at me, he nodded. “Me and you was like…mad young. Maybe eight or ten, but I remember when Shank used to buy them big ass bushels of steamed crabs from that lil spot on Westfield. And one day, we was all eating them and I heard your big brother complaining about something not being right with her. That was like the first time. I don’t think Shank thought she had mental problems. He probably thought she was just weird as fuck. Keep it real: I did, too. But when I came home, I was seeing different shit. And my people was filling me in on her crazy ways. Shank was sick and I ain’t wanna stress him over it, but I paid attention.”

My moms was behind the heavy double doors and my eyes fell to the floor. He nudged me to leave. Snapping out of it, I turned with him for the elevator.

Trick kept speaking at a low tone, “I remember all that shit. It all came back to me right before Shank died and she started coming around the family again. To be real, it got me remembering how you used to say she was mean to you and why you wanted to live with Mommy and us.” We stepped on the elevator and I pressed for the lobby. Yeah… I remembered begging to live with my grandmother. “I used to think you was just complaining about nothing, especially after Trevor died. Then Shank took you under his wing and I flipped the script. After that, I sold my soul to the streets and turned a blind eye to everything that wasn’t getting me fast money.”

Trick was quiet on our way to my truck where Tyheem was waiting on us. John was off this week. Earlier, Trick and my moms drove up to my house. I had Tyheem drive us to the hospital to drop her off. The plan was for Trick to drive April back down to Camden—well, April would drive because Trick had no license. My moms actually drove to my house, which was a part of the disconnect to me. If she was so sick, how could she drive? But I saw for myself, she was off. She took orders from Trick like a child.

“About the house,” Trick spoke once we were back in the coolness of the air-conditioned truck. “My lady got two more weeks to find a place on her Section 8. We’ll be out then.”

Everybody got Section 8!

The mention of it annoyed me, reminding me of uncertain times in my life. I hadn’t been hearing much from Jade, but what she did communicate since that night in Bloomfield was she broke the lease on that apartment and handed in the keys. I was happy, but not relieved. What else did she have up her sleeve for the next time I screwed up?

“No sweat. Take your time,” I offered.

I’d been considering offering him the place for a little while, at least until we saw how my mother did at the hospital. But I needed to discuss that with Jade first. For some reason, I felt she could make an unbiased call on it better than I could. She was smarter at things like that.

“Hello?” Trick answered his phone. I didn’t even hear it ring.

I went for mine, too, to check emails. Divine was heating plans up with a casino he was trying to take over in Vegas. I couldn’t wait to see this one through. Was grateful he pulled me in on it.

“Oh, shit! For real?” Trick stomped his foot on the floor board and rocked in his seat, hyped. “Yo, I’m in the area now!” He looked out the window, searching for something. “I’m coming through, yo! That nigga gone be surprised to see me, too!” He listened in, smiling real big. I went back to my phone, now on social media to stalk my little one. “A’ight! Don’t even tell him. I’ll be there. A’ight. One.” Trick cut the line.

He turned to me, still psyched. “You know who that was?”

“Who?” My eyes were still to the screen.

Daaaang, Jade…

“Cousin Wendi! Remember her? Mommy’s cousin?”

Dropping the phone, I thought for a minute. My grandmother had a first cousin, who packed up his kids and left Camden for Newark when he hooked up with a Puerto Rican baddie. Wendi was his daughter.

“The one with the little brother, who always wanted to stick underneath us?”

“Really you!” Trick laughed, that missing tooth space proud. “Yeah. Him, Butchie. He just got out yesterday. Six year bid, this dude! They giving him a little welcome home party in The Bricks later.” Trick was hyped. “We should stop through and show love before the crowd comes in, man.”

I was stuck at the little homie doing six hard ones. Butchie was a friendly kid, impressionable. He didn’t talk much, but was a soldier. He was over one weekend I walked to the store and dudes tried to jump me. He was about four years younger than me, but tall and bulky, and was able to help fight them off until the store owner caught it and scared us all away with a bat. That was the last time I remember seeing him.

“We only… What?” Trick looked around to see where we were on the highway. “Twenty minutes from Newark. You could say hi and drop me off. April’ll come get me on her way down.”

My first thought was to say no. I had practice to get to. It was almost twelve noon and I still needed to get back to Connecticut. I’d only come down to check my moms in. But I figured it was no biggie since he was now saying he’d stay. We could drop him off, say hello, and head straight up to Connecticut. Plus, I hadn’t seen Trick this happy in years. I almost forgot how much of a big personality he had. The guy must have had a real change of heart when it came to me.

I tossed my chin to the front seat. “You’re gonna have to tell Tyheem which way to go.”

“A’ight.” Trick moved to leave the truck. “Stay here. I’mma get the lil homie and bring him out to you. He gone be double surprised as shit.”

I nodded, going back to my phone.

Me: Its done. We checked my moms in. I don’t know how I’m feeling right now. Actually… I’m feeling crazy. Guess what? On our way to the hospital she asked what we were having. A boy or a girl. When I told her it’s a girl she told me I’m gonna look good with a little princess. She said it don’t matter if the baby looks like you or me she gone be alright. Crazy! Right?

Anyway. I’m in Newark dropping Trick off to family I ain’t seen in years. I wanted to come back to the crib in case you and Ky were back but now Imma head back up for practice. Plus I can’t promise I can keep my hands off you if I see you. I miss you so much. Tell April Trick want her to come scoop him. He’ll give her the address.

Miss you Jelly

I closed my eyes after hitting send, my finger brushing over my lip. Jade had me on some sucker shit. I halfway cared, growing desperate to have my baby back. It’d been a cold world without her. If this was the only way I could prove to her I was best-friend worthy I’d do it.

I looked around outside of the truck, trying to remember if I’d ever been up this way. I’d spent time in Newark with StentRo when he came back to his hometown to give back to the community with fairs and food and clothes drives when invited. But I wasn’t sure if I checked my family out those times when helping him out. The block was quiet at this hour and didn’t look familiar. In front of the truck was a baby Benz, C-Class. A few cats were leaning against it, shooting dice. Things got loud for a minute, catching my attention. I could see Tyheem staring, too.

“Yo, why does that one voice sound familiar?” he asked.

I shrugged with my head, even though he couldn’t see me. “These your stomping grounds. You probably know them.”

Tyheem’s head moved closer over the steering wheel. “Not really.”

Then they got loud again. One must have scored.

“Word life, man! I put that on my seed: you cheatin’ out this bitch!” one accused.

“Man, I ain’t got shit to cheat for! You see what I’m sittin’ on. I got skills, my nigga!”

“You sittin’ a’ight!” the first one came back with. “That’s all you doing. That ain’t even ya ride, my nigga. That’s yo bitch ride!”

“Ohhhh!” the guys in the group egged him on.

“Who the fuck you think copped it for her, dick head?”

“I thought maybe some other dude. Maybe she got smart like ya other baby mother did and went and fucked wit a real baller.” He laughed, totally disrespecting dude. “Ain’t that what ya son moms did? What Hov say? ‘In the future, other niggas playin’ football with ya son’?” The guys in their cypher cracked up at that one. The type of laugh that said they chose a side. “Fuck outta here with that whack ass, E.O. bullshit. You in the Bricks, my nigga.” He kept laughing.

My face was tight, processing what dude had just said.

“In the future, other niggas playin' football with ya son—”

Wait…

“No fuckin’ waaaaaay,” Tyheem breathed out in the front seat.

At the same time, we went for the doors. But I was ahead of him, making my way to the small cypher. When I made it, my eyes scanned the heads for a familiar face until it landed on him. Then I widened my stance, crossing my arms over my chest and cocked my head to the side. Ryder’s expression was blank at first. Then he chuckled, grabbing his sacks.

“Word? Y’all set me up?” his tone was casual.

“What the fuck,” one breathed behind me.

“Fuck you want, nigga?” Ryder spit.

“My apology, and I ain’t got long. So get with it.”

He rolled his eyes, backing up to lean back on the baby Benz. “Errrbody want Ryder to apologize. Y’all keep waiting. Go ‘head.” He snapped his head. “I ain’t that nigga.”

“Oh, yeah? Well, I am.” I stepped closer to emphasize it.

“Yo, Ryder, man!” One of his friends yelled and tried stepping closer. “Who dis?”

“Ut!” Tyheem intercepted him. “These ain’t the problems you want.”

“You disrespected my wife, our house, and my friends. You think I was goodie with all that? I ain’t that nigga.”

“Man, listen,” Ryder tried laughing. “whoever that chick was, was tryna play me. I ain’t start no shit. Just finished it. She spoke on some bullshit lies Jade done told her.”

“What lies?”

He laughed again, looking to his left as he swiped his nose. “About how I ran through that pussy, is what.”

Ryder may have been talking his shit, but I smelled fear from him. This was not his hood and these dudes were just clowning him, so I didn’t think they were his peoples like that.

“Jade pussy ain’t been run through until I had it.”

Ryder’s face wrinkled, one cheek went up as he looked me up and down. “Yo, you trippin’ over recycled pussy. Ask yo wife how I used to skeet-skeet all up in her.”

With one step, I was on him. I had Ryder against his babies’ mother’s baby Benz with his feet dangling.

 “Motherfucka, I can make her do shit with my dick you couldn’t with your tongue.” I was inches away from his face. His hands were at my one holding his neck, trying to break from my grip.

I saw a swift body move next to me. That was followed by a smacking sound I knew was a punch when I saw one of the dudes drop next to me against the car.

“Oh, shit!” Somebody yelled behind me. “Pull out! Pull out!”

“I wouldn’t do that, my nigga,” Tyheem warned. Then I heard the cocking of a pistol. “Let’s be fair about this.”

“Yo! What’s going on, man?”

“Trent, bruh! Fuck is you doin?” new voices screamed behind me.

That last one, I recognized as Trick. I couldn’t look, my eyes were glued to Ryder’s that were turning red and filling with tears from not being able to breathe. He was short. Maybe 5’7, and a light weight. He knew he had no wins.

“Hold up, mayne! This my cousin, and I swear on everything: y’all mufukas pull out on him, I’m lightin’ the whole E.O. tonight!”

The kid Tyheem knocked out was stirring near my foot. 

My breathing turned harsh, ready to do damage on the kid. Pent up anger and frustration was rushing in, good sense never arrived.

I moved closer to Ryder’s wet face. “Now, I’m waiting. How long you got before this lullaby rocks yo ass to sleep?”

“He can’t talk, yo!”

“That nigga ‘bout to die!”

Then I heard Trick. “Trent, man. Put him down, please,” he begged. “Ain’t nothing worth your beautiful family. I’m here. I got you.” His voice was pained as he pressed up to my right side. “I’ll take care of whatever this is.”

“Fuck that! I got this. Put ‘im down, cousin.” I sensed that was Butchie.

They were speaking facts. I could kill this dude, but for what? He wasn’t worth it. I let him down. Ryder fell to his ass, holding his neck as he gasped for air. I slung spit next to him and pulled up my sweats.

“I’ll tell my wife to expect that apology before the sun goes down,” were my last words as I turned to walk away.

Good sense had finally arrived and my conscience began flooding in. I was sure no one could see it, because I shielded it from my face. I was gone. Had flipped. Violent.

The guys followed me to the truck.

“Yo, Tyheem, man,” Trick yelled, on my heels, “get him in there. People gone start coming around, taking pix and shit for the Gram!”

Tyheem was already on it, had the door waiting as I approached the truck. I caught him slipping the pistol back in the holster as he waited.

“Yo, Brick, man,” Butchie yelled while following us. He pointed to Ryder, holding his neck on the ground. “Don’t let that nigga go nowhere until I say so!”

Trick and Butchie jumped in the truck on the other side and Tyheem pulled off.

They moved to leave the truck.

“Yo, man, y’all be safe out here,” I bade.

We drove around for close to thirty minutes catching up. I filled Butchie in on the Ryder situation, not giving away more details than he needed to know. My problems with my stepson’s father were mine. I was a grown man and could handle them alone. I knew I’d catch Ryder whether it was randomly like today—even though I wasn’t expecting it—or at Christmas when he dropped off gifts for Ky—if he bought him anything, because according to Jade, he hadn’t yet—or on the low at next year’s birthday party. We were going to settle his disrespect from that day.

“No problem, TB. I’m glad I saw you, man! Can’t believe you remembered me after all these years. Yo, you know how many times I told people you my cousin and they didn’t believe me ‘cause we ain’t in Camden no more?”

“No doubt. I remember you, man. I ain’t been around in a while, but we came up together, Butchie.” I didn’t want family like him thinking I had a big head. I didn’t want any of my family believing I was bigger or better—unless it was out on the football field. “You just keep your head up, and hands out them streets. Ain’t too late for you, man. I’mma be praying for your success.”

“Ah, man!” Butchie was more hyper than I remembered him, but mad cool. I could easily think it was because of my celebrity, but I recognized that loyal spirit in him from when we were pups. “That’s G, my nigga. You think you could hook me up with job training? I’m pushing three hun’-ed, man. I could be security. I probably can’t carry legally, but I got them shifty eyes and can peep out snakes. I likes to get my hands dirty!”

“Now that I got your number, I’ll put you in touch with Tyheem.” I tossed my chin to the front seat. “He can hook you up with the information. If you’re serious about this, I’ll cover the cost of your training. Lots of players are looking for good security. It’s about more than holding a gun. It’s about street smarts and knowing how to diffuse a situation. My man, Ramsey Bishop, just said he looking for somebody. The market’s definitely there.”

“Word? Ramsey Bishop from that show From the Sidelines with fine ass Wil? Damn!” He clapped his hands together as he laughed, face turning red. “Yo, nobody saw that coming. He a good look for the Kings, yo!” He nodded his approval. “Or I could be your other security!” Butchie looked gassed at that prospect.

“Nah. I can do that. I may’ve been on knock off, but this my brother. That’s why I’m ready to get back to this Ryder nigga now. We wasn’t raised as nephew and uncle. We was like twins. I’mma prove my loyalty again. Watch,” Trick vowed.

The weight of his words were too much for me. I was nobody to look up to, but wouldn’t mind having my dude back in my life.

“Nah.” I brushed my nose with my thumb, my eyes went out the window. “I got something else for you. Something that’s going to get you outta Jersey. I’m waiting to see how it go down first,” I shared honestly.

I was referring to the casino Divine was about to take over. When it happened, he would need fresh eyes in security. Trick may have been a felon, but Divine employed them by the dozen. I’d put in a word for Trick. He could use a change of scenery. Wasn’t nothing in Camden for him but familiar enticement of trouble. In the meantime, I’d watch him. See if he could live up to his word of letting the past go.

Trick nodded, acknowledging my proposal.

“I’ll hit you about it as it develops. You just gotta stay sucker free in these streets.” I held out my arm to give them some love, Trick first.

“Peace, Trent!” Butchie yelled when he was out of the truck, looking in. “I got you on all dat, big homie!”

I nodded. Trick saluted me, and I acknowledged him with a neck bow, too.

Tyheem pulled off and I relaxed in my seat, scooting back to rest my head. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes.

God, what is up with my temper?

It had been flaring up too much lately. I felt out of control and didn’t like it. I could have done some serious damage to that clown! Dude was a light weight. It wasn’t even fair. He was Ky’s father, for God’s sake!

On the ride to Connecticut, I prayed and repented until I fell asleep. If there was one thing today showed me, it was why I still needed Jesus.

~Twenty-One

Me: I’m here.

I took a deep breath after hitting send. My eyes glanced around to the grand building before me. I was here at the grand ballroom Hotep Black Financial Bank owned, not too far from the stadium deemed the home of the Connecticut Kings.

My nerves were far more rampant than I considered. Maybe I should have ridden in the limo with April. But I didn’t want to. I wanted to drive myself in case I needed a fast getaway. What if Brielle was here? Or another hard to shake former lover of Trent’s? No. I made the right call. What would have been more perfect was if Shank’s foundation’s fundraiser would have been in his home state of New Jersey. But when we planned it, we knew if we wanted to kick it off this year, it would have to be near Trent’s job. Technically, no major events like this should be scheduled during the season.

I took a deep breath. Trent was back at work now. Officially. The training camp gave us space from one another to think this marriage thing through. I don’t believe I’d come to any resolve yet, though. I was still angry and confused. I couldn’t divorce him now. I wasn’t prepared to leave our church. Neither could I leave the Alpine mansion. I had two kids to think about. 

Trent: Where? John’s out there. He said he don’t see you.

I rolled my eyes at the phone. Then I put it down to drive toward the entrance. I was late—unintentionally. I ran into traffic on the way up. The last thing I wanted to do was embarrass Trent. It was why I came anyway. Not showing to the first fundraiser from the foundation named after his beloved uncle would have been a slap in the face to my husband so soon after our public nuptials.

Of course, he doesn’t give me the same consideration…

As I pulled up to the entrance, I spotted John looking dapper in his black tux. He noticed me, too, and whistled for the valet. I quickly plopped down the mirror in the sun visor to apply a fresh coat of lipstick. By the time the attendant made it to my truck, I had my clutch and shoes in hand.

John was there to usher me inside. The moment we entered the lobby, Elle was there waiting for me. She didn’t even speak. Right away, she grabbed my sandals, dropped into a squat in her exquisite gown, and tapped my ankle for me to lift. She changed my footwear as I held onto John’s big frame.

“I’m grateful for this,” I murmured down to Elle, hearing the live band playing from beyond the ballroom doors.

“And I’m grateful you came,” she returned. Once done, she stood effortlessly and straightened her gown. “You know that thing with Brielle was a meaningless nuance, at best, don’t you?”

I smoothed down my own gown, wiggling to form it. My chin lifted and I peered ahead. “Let’s get this show on the road before my bladder gives.”

Completely ignoring her plea, I began my stride to the entrance of the room. I was pregnant, weeks away from delivering and stubborn as hell. The last thing I was going to do was discuss my marital issues with my husband’s public relations guru. Elle was damn good, but my marriage was mine to govern.

John released my arm to open the door for us. As he did, Elle released a big smile and faced me. The room opened to guests engaging, some holding champagne flutes or tumblers. The festiveness of the atmosphere could be felt immediately. Right away, I thought all the planning and all the stress was worth what I could feel in those first few moments.

The first face somewhat recognizable was Terrance Grant, a Kings wide receiver under JJ. I knew of him because of all the pictures he took with Trent, tagging him like crazy as though they were tight. Trent told me before training camp he believed Grant did that to spite Jordan. He said he had no relationship like that with Grant. That alone made me not like him. Jordan was my heart. No way I could be okay with someone trying to antagonize him.

True to my usual luck, Grant approached me the moment his eyes lit with recognition. Funny thing was, we’d never met. Quickly, my latest act of revenge came to mind. I’d made my Facebook and Instagram pages public to anger my husband with sexy pictures and to make his former lover, Brielle—and whomever else he’d been keeping from me—jealous.

“Mrs. Bailey,” Terrance Grant greeted with familiarity and hooded eyes the moment he was upon me.

That struck me. So much that I scoffed with eyes sweeping over to Elle.

“Jade, meet Terrance Grant, a third string wide receiver for your husband’s Connecticut Kings.” I couldn’t ignore the possession of the team in that introduction. “Mr. Grant, maybe Mrs. Bailey will be able to chat with you soon. She now needs to work the room before dinner is called.”

With a crestfallen expression, Grant backed up with a heavy pout and neck bow. Boy, was he laying it on thick.

Not two seconds after we advanced inside the opulent hall did Wil Cunningham and Ramsey Bishop come into view. The media had been dragging their relationship through the mud. According to Trent, per Ramsey, they weren’t “together” at my wedding. The word spread during Ramsey’s earlier days at training camp, which was two weeks before Trent started along with the other veterans. And now…seeing them “together”…it all made sense. Their proximity was blazed with chemistry.

“I’m so glad you two were able to make it!” I gushed, feeling a sense of familiarity with them now, particularly Wil. A blissful wedding would do that to you. Not to mention Wil’s interview of Trent this summer before training camp began. It was a near disaster, thanks to my overprotectiveness of Trent’s privacy. Her mentioning his relationship with his parents and legal woes had steam shooting through my ears. But Wil forged through, making it clear she had no ill intent and was padded with journalistic integrity. It also didn’t hurt that she was an admitted Trent Bailey fan. “Wil—wow! You look amazing!”

“Hey, Jade!” She approached me with a warm and clutching hug, letting me know our disagreement over the direction of her interview was forgiven. I was grateful. The end result was tasteful, honest to Trent’s character, and informative. “You look amazing yourself! And how far along are you now?” she asked excitedly.

“Whew!” I rubbed my tight belly. “Almost thirty-eight weeks, girl, and little miss thang doesn’t seem to be outgrowing her digs. My worst nightmare is her not adhering to the eviction notice at the end of the month!” I winked. “But I have a backup plan for missy.” I formed my fingers to resemble scissors.

We laughed.

“Well, it looks good on you, Jade,” Ramsey complimented. “TB is crazy excited about his little girl. He can’t stop talking about her and you. I’m happy for him.”

That mention of Trent doting on our baby sent a warm sensation coursing my spine. Okay… Maybe the inclusion of me played a part in it, too.

“You’re looking good in those Ase Garbs,” I noted while gazing down at his oxfords. “Is that a whole-cut derby? Oh, my god!” I breathed, covering my nose. “I love those! Trent wouldn’t let me order them for him. He’s so—urban!”

“He’s been looking good to me in all that Ase Garb and Gucci.” Ramsey winked.

“Yeah, but he’s so plain. My husband could wear gray sweats and fresh Timberland boots with a tee shirt every day and die a content man. I’ve been trying to explain his role as a model for these high-end brands.” I rolled my eyes dramatically, to which the couple laughed, Wil clasped onto Ramsey’s arm.

“He’s looking pretty urbane tonight,” Wil offered.

“That’s because he followed my instructions to a T. I wish I had more fashion-forward minds like you to dress, Ramsey. It would make my life easier.” I smiled, rolling my eyes again.

Ramsey had a different sports agent. Ironically, they were offered a contract by Ase Garb as well. I’d noticed Ramsey was a fashion divo himself. He always looked stately and clean no matter casual or formal wear.

Yeah… I see you Wil, girl…

As I smiled brightly at the handsome couple, behind my eyes reading their undeniable adhesiveness, something stirred in my soul. Admittedly, I knew nothing of their affair, but observing them in those few minutes as we chatted reminded me of how palpable good loving is. And not just sex: unadulterated love. Maybe they hadn’t crossed that bridge yet. I didn’t know. Perhaps those feelings had begun budding long before the admittance of it. Whatever it was reminded me of what I had with my husband.

I laughed as Ramsey told a story of a disagreement he’d gotten into with a head designer at Ase Garb, since his endorsement, about pattern and how fluid it is and can be paired with far more than the designer had been practicing. The light in Wil’s eyes as she gazed into his when he spoke… The glow they both shared being in such close proximity… I had that.

With my husband.

Darker thoughts would have me remember the look in Trent’s eyes as he smiled down on Brielle while holding her in his arms. Did they wear this glow once upon a time? Couldn’t have. I may have had my bouts with insecurity and feverish jealousy, but more than those features when it came to my husband, I recognized belonging. I belonged to that man. We may have been a fitful pair, but we belonged. It took us over twenty-five years to belong. But we did. To each other.

“Oh! You’re still here,” Elle noted as she walked up on us, her blonde curly hair unbelievably flawless, something I hadn’t noticed before, I was so flustered. “We have to get you off to the host of the night, Mrs. Bailey.” Her smile swept from me to Ramsey and Wil. Then she gave a faux pout to ask for forgiveness.

I reached for Wil’s hand that was clutched to Ramsey’s thick arm and squeezed.

“Promise me you’ll consider coming by for grilled food and a preseason game out on the deck before I deliver,” my voice was humbly exact, hoping she’d be open to it.

What these two didn’t know was, in just a few short minutes of our exchange, they’d revived my stamina to fight for a love I’d never known before Trent, but undoubtedly had since he opened his bedroom and heart to me willingly.

“Oh, without a doubt!” Wil breathed with wild eyes. “That’s if the princess doesn’t take the eviction notice personally and decide to leave before the applied date.”

A slow but excited smile spread on my face. I had possibly made a new friend. I hoped so. It would be good to gain another ally I could relate to when it came to the football and fame game. 

I said my “see you laters” and took off at the guidance of Elle. We passed notable figures on the way: the governor of the state and his family, the CEO of Hotep Black Financial Bank, executives from Ase Garb, and Eli Richardson and his lovely wife, Mel. I was prepared to see Azmir Jacobs after seeing Eli. Those two usually rolled together for anything Connecticut Kings related. But I recalled his regret. He was out of the country all month with his family on a tour that had been set for nearly a year. The Jacobs’ regret was amply clear when their six-figure donation came through last month. I couldn’t Trent was connected to wealth like that.

My parents were present, reminding me they belonged to this realm of affluence. We chatted briefly as my mother picked over my hair, not believing it was all mine. The Bailey family wasn’t too far off. I bumped into Trick and his girlfriend first. His missing tooth grabbed my attention, but his humility in verbally approving the event stole my heart. Cora Mae and her crew were in tow. I loved their girlfriend-ship. They raved over the food and pure lavishness of the place. It filled my heart to see faces that were now familiar to me. People I felt a connection to, strangely enough. I ran into Lex, too. We did quick air kisses as she announced she needed the ladies room.

Pastor Carmichael had just stepped off for the podium, giving way to full view of the sexiest man alive. He stood next to a wall with his one hand tucked into the pocket of his trousers, broad shoulders stretched with virility. He wore the black shawl-collared tuxedo I advised and had even had someone apply the pointed style bow tie I insisted on to stick out against his beard. The only thing I enjoyed more than dressing Trent was removing every garment of his clothing.

That beard…

It was full and shaped with precision. It reminded me of how many of his alluring features I hadn’t seen in weeks. My hungry eyes fell away at the rush of blood to southern regions tingling feverishly. But I couldn’t look away for long. Like a moth to a flame, my regard magnetically pulled to him. Trent hadn’t moved, steeled in place statuesque like. 

And his eyes. Oh, my… They spoke something. I hoped whatever it was, it was approving of me. I was only weeks away from delivering. And while I felt good and was still mobile, the fact remained I was very much pregnant and not an ideal bedroom fantasy.

Wow…

It happened to me.

Yup…

I’d gotten it. The celebrity meet-and-freeze. I’d met lots of famous people in my day. I met Michael Jackson twice. Was invited to a dinner party by Oprah herself. Had been to Stevie Wonders’ house before. I even met Barack Obama three times and was chill about it. Michelle was a different story. I got a little tongue-tied by how much better looking she was in person than on television—and she’d always been fine on there. But face-to-face, she was a banger with more curves than the camera picked up. 

But the thing about tonight was she wasn’t a celebrity. Crazier, she was my wife. A wife carrying my baby. It didn’t seem real because I hadn’t seen her in weeks, thanks to work…and Brielle. The most of her I’d seen were sexy pictures on IG and Facebook. That was the way I experienced her beauty and…our belly.

I couldn’t breathe for a minute. Jade was gorgeous. Her nose didn’t look as swollen as it did in some of her pictures. It was probably the way she lay her makeup for tonight. My girl was that talented. And sexy. And fuckable!

And…shy?

Jade stopped feet away. Elle turned and walked off, leaving us facing each other silently like strangers. I tried to move at first, but couldn’t. My eyes were all over her. Her hair in long curls around her shoulders. Her tits deliciously covered without cleavage from the v-cut gown that opened just above her belly and went out to her shoulders. She stood tall in heels that she glided, not wobbled in. I’d been peeping her since she came through the door.

And now, looking at her fully, my heart beat in my chest. She kept trying to look away but couldn’t. Finally, I was able to move and used my index finger to tell her to come to me. I watched her take a deep breath, her eyes grew before she calmed herself and then she started her way over.

“Hi, Trent,” she spoke softly like a kid.

When her eyes fell again and I could see the color in her cheeks, I chuckled to myself. Then I leaned down and whispered in her ear.

“Please say I can have a dance after dinner.”

Jade’s face shot up to me, her mouth opened and her lashes batted. After staring at me for a few seconds, she nodded.

“Trent…” It was hard for me, but I managed to rip my eyes away from Jade to find Lacey, the coordinator, calling me. “Time to get started. You and Mrs. Bailey can take your seats.”

I nodded then looked down at my little one, whose eyes never left me. I took her by the hand and we walked to our assigned table, saying hello to people on the way. It seemed all eyes were on Jade when I pulled her seat out for her to sit. Jade…glowed that much, stealing the show. Right away she sparked up a conversation with Lex who sat next to her. While speaking, I grabbed her hand under the table. She turned to me with a surprised expression, fighting a smile. I didn’t return it. I was making a statement that tonight, she was with me.

Ezra kicked off the ceremony with prayer and good words on the honoree: Shank aka Brandon Reginald Bailey. Next up, a health educator took to the podium with HIV and AIDS education and statistics. Once she was done, dinner was served and a live band played through it.

“Trent,” Jade called while I was stuffing my face with salad.

“Hmmm?”

“I’m right handed.”

“Huhn?” I finally turned to her.

I peeped the humor in her eyes. She wiggled her fingers in my palm. “I’m a righty and need to eat.” She widened her eyes then tossed them to the table.

I saw people eating, some with forks in their hands as they looked at us with smiles.

“Oh.” I let go of her hand, straightening my jacket to play it off.

My mind was being in this moment with her, and I got lost in it. As we ate, a few friends and family members went to the stage and spoke about Shank and how his illness affected them. I tried tuning that out, couldn’t get emotional tonight. This was business in his honor.

Later, April spoke. She shared about her life with Shank and the not so pretty moments between them because of the disease. At first, her voice was shaky, but when she decided to focus on the pictures of him floating against the walls and ceiling through a techy projector, she eased right into it. When she was done, dessert was being served. Jade stood from the table, saying she needed the bathroom. Automatically, I stood with her, going for her hand.

“Allow Alexis to tend to Mrs. Bailey, Trent,” my pastor rasped from across the table. My eyes landed on him wiping his mouth with a dinner napkin. He winked. Lex dropped her napkin on the table and scooted back to stand. “They’ll be fine.”

“Yeah,” Lex agreed. “It would either be now or five minutes from now with me.” She swung her head, telling Jade to follow.

I watched them off, it happened so fast. As I sat back down, I looked over to E.

He gave a neck bow and leaned toward me. “It’ll be that much more enjoyable when your obligations have exhausted here.”

After a moment of thinking, I caught on. Ezra watched everything. Seemed like dude knew about stuff he didn’t see. I told him about the Brielle situation when it went down. He knew Jade and I had been on the outs at a time when football had taken over. I didn’t like it, but I respected and trusted his call.

By the time the ladies made it back, some had started on the dance floor. When Jade said she was too full for dessert, I shot my shot.

“Can we make good on that dance?” I asked as close to her face as I thought she’d be comfortable with.

Jade gave me that look again. The one where she looked like a deer caught in headlights with her mouth hung open.

“So, you’re really not going to have words?” She tried stalling.

I shook my head. “Everybody in this room knew what Shank Daddy meant to me. No need to bore them with how much I miss him. I got you for that.”

Jade’s chin dipped. So did her eyes as she smiled. God, I was trying. Trying to get back right with her. Trying to be besties with her. Trying to use this dance as a reason to touch more than her hand. Trying to respect her boundaries.

When she nodded, I wasted no time and took her hand. We went out to the dance floor and faced each other as I took her by the hands and pulled her into me. My God… She felt amazing there. So good, my stomach jumped at contact. We didn’t speak, only swayed to the music. I smelled her hair again, felt her soft skin, even if it was against my tux.

I didn’t know how many songs in we were when she told me she had to go to the bathroom again. This time I did walk my wife out of the ballroom. We had to cut through the thick crowd of people wanting to say hello, look at Jade’s belly, and say how good of a time they were having. I didn’t want to be rude, but my attention was on my wife and wishing we were alone. The idea of being back in Saint Justin was everything each time I had to cut a stop short, telling someone she had to go to the bathroom. When we made it to the ladies’ room door, Jade thanked me with a soft smile and long lashes before going in.

I waited against the wall, eyes on my shoes, the ceiling, the crown molding of the hall, the few passing guests and staff—anything to help pass the time. I didn’t know why, but I was growing anxious. I tried all through dinner to come up with a plan of spending the night with her. Nothing. I couldn’t leave Connecticut. Preseason games had started and I’d already scheduled time off at the end of the month for the delivery of the baby. This fundraiser taking place as the season kicked off was a big deal to my bosses. My leaving camp when I did was an issue for them. There was no way I could leave town. They wouldn’t have it.

Jade walked out of the bathroom, and I moved into her, leaning down to speak low.

“Mind if we get out of here? I need to talk.”

“We can’t leave. There are still guests we have to see off. We can speak in there.”

She said we. That was good.

“Half the people left already. And what we need to talk about should be said in private.” Jade frowned, her eyes moving over my shoulder and around me. “I can text Lacey and tell her your feet were hurting or something.”

Jade’s neck jerked back. “My feet are feeling just fine. Thank you.”

I shook my head. “It’s just what I’ll tell her. Please. Just a few minutes. We can ride around the city as we talk. I can have one of the guys drive your truck to the condo for when we’re done.” I begged her with my eyes.

Finally, she took a deep breath. “Okay. But my feet are just fine.”

I tried not to smile, but the excitement that ran through my chest was dangerous. I took my girl by the hand and we crept out the front, only being stopped by a few to wave hello in passing. I sent Tyheem a text first then Lacey. By the time we made it outside, the limo was nowhere in sight. I kept her hand as we walked to the side, toward the parking lot. Eventually, Tyheem pulled up and I helped her inside.

When we pulled off, Jade sat on the opposite bench of me. I stretched my legs out, feeling nervous. I watched her look out of the window and knew I had to get this over with.

“I’m sorry for…everything, J.”

Her hazels rolled to me. “Everything?”

“Everything. I was wrong. I shouldn’t have met with B without your knowledge, and even though it was last minute, I should have told you the minute I pulled off from her. You shouldn’t have heard about it the way you did. That was wrong. I was a sucker for that.”

Jade took a deep breath like she was going to cry. Her chin went in the air, but she could hardly look at me.

“And what about that embrace?”

“Embrace?”

She nodded. “She was in your arms. That hurt, too.”

“It wasn’t what you think. Brielle and I were friends for mad years. She brought up some stuff that I didn’t realize was open between us. What you saw was me being relieved that it was closed and I could say goodbye. For good.” I was sure to make clear. 

She swallowed hard, chin still in the air. “Say it again,” her tone was daring, but serious.

I stretched my hands. “Baby, I’m sorry, and it’ll never happen again.”

Before I could blink, Jade was on her way to me. Nervous by the quick move, I slid my feet down to keep my legs out of her way when she was on me. Somehow, when she made it, her dress was rolled up to her thighs and she straddled me. Nervous, I caught her while looking over her shoulder to make sure the partition was closed.

Her mouth moved to meet mine, tongue thrashing out. I lost my breath trying to keep up with her. Her hands were against my face then in my head, rubbing and caressing. My hands went to her butt, cupping it then squeezing it. Jade loosened my tie and then the buttons on my shirt.

“Undo your pants. I can’t reach around my belly,” she whispered with half her tongue in my mouth.

Right away, I obeyed, taking extra caution to not hit her belly. I wasn’t expecting sex in the limo—back at the condo, maybe. But if she wanted it, I was down. Jade lifted after I undid my pants, waiting for me to push them down just enough for my swollen cock to plop out.

“Hold it for me,” she whispered out of breath as she tried to move her pussy over me.

Hold up…

Jade had no damn panties on!

My eyes shot wide open. “Where’re your panties?”

“In my purse.” Her brows went up. “Oh, you were going to give me this dick, if I had to sex the apology out of you!”  She wiggled around until she caught my head and bounced a few times to get me inside.

She was tight. Damn it tight. I helped by lifting from the seat, giving small pushes against her rocking. Before I knew it, I was half way in and let go of my cock. I grabbed her by the face to kiss her. I needed to. If I didn’t, I would be moaning like a bitch, Jade felt so good.

She pulled back. “After this, I want it in my mouth. Okay?” My mouth fell open as she rode me, just about all the way down my pipe.

I pulled down the sides of her dress and watched her swollen tits spill out. I kissed them like I missed them because I did. They were bigger, darker at the tips, and more sensitive.

Jade moaned. “Oooooooh… Then I’m going to let you put it between my breasts.” She smirked, knowing she had me.

“You’re driving me fuckin’ crazy.” My face was tight, she felt so good.

“It’s the baby,” she cried. “The baby makes me crazy.”

“The baby’s ‘bout to get you bruised down low.”

Jade’s eyes rolled to the back of her head, mouth went wide open, and face flew toward the roof. She didn’t speak or moan. She breathed out her first orgasm as I pelted into her tight pussy. Her first of the night. I would make sure of it. 

I held his head still to my sex, but his tongue moved feverishly. My pelvis vibrated, toes curled, and belly heated. That’s when I felt it and let it all go. An intense orgasm washed over me, yanking the fiercest moan from my lungs, and jerking my spine every which way.

“Trentiiiiiiin…” I moaned. “Oh, my god… Oh, my god… It won’t stop.”

I let go of his head, body shuddering. My arms shot back to the mattress, but my belly wouldn’t allow me to move. I had to lay in one place and take the onslaught of bliss Trent was ensuing with his mouth. And it went on and on.

When I was done, he lifted from the floor and began doffing his clothes. Trent tore his shirt and pulled down half zipped trousers. His shoes were kicked off before his boxers hit his ankles. His thick cock jutted out when he stood straight. Unable to take it, my head collapsed on the bed and eyes closed. How was I able to take that in the limo? My body was that desperate for him that it opened in record time. Looking at it now gave me doubts. Trent never climaxed in the car. He said he wanted to taste me before raining inside.

I watched him fist his erection, a scowl playing at his face. He grabbed my legs straight in the air, at his thick shoulders. Then he thrusted inside. The first one took my breath away. Sent air shooting from my lungs. And as he clutched my thighs against his chest, I melted even more onto him.

Trent went on and on like a starved man. And I let him have his way, rolling me over to another orgasm before switching positions and taking me from the side. This way was slower, more intimate as he kissed my shoulder and held my belly.

And when he reached over and rubbed my clit, he whispered, “I can’t live without this. I can’t live without you.”

My body tensed as I erupted again. He followed me, grunting and jolting behind me. His throbbing fullness rubbed inside me, dragging out the last of his orgasm.

I hummed after crawling on the bed and planting myself next to him. My face went to his chest and I rubbed my nose around his nipple. I missed this. It was like having your favorite toy back. We’d both showered, and already, I missed the scent of sex on him. My sex.

I hummed again.

“You like how that new Supercharged ride?

My eyes opened. “Oh. The truck? Yes.” I smiled appreciatively. “Thanks, Trent.”

I woke up to a new Range Rover in the garage last week. I went to run a few errands and found my truck completely replaced. The color was the same. Apparently, like my mother, I was partial to white vehicles. It took me a minute to figure out how to operate it, but once I was out of the gate and onto the street, it was on from there.

“Welcome.” He kissed the top of my head.

“Was that your push gift?” I asked.

“What’s that?”

“The gift you give the mother of your child for birthing your child.” I couldn’t help the humor in my voice.

“Oh.” He snorted. “It was my ‘time to step my game up’ gift.”

“I was perfectly fine with the other truck,” I reminded him.

“I know. But you’re not ordinary, baby. So, I have to provide extraordinary things for you. I don’t mind.”

I moaned again at the touch of his hands on my belly. I didn’t trust myself to all this goodness. So many surreal sensations—nasty, too—in one night. His scent and warmth were tantalizing. This was heaven. Trent appeared to be there, too, given the wonder in his eyes as he explored my belly.

“You know,” I licked my lips and swallowed, “tonight made me realize something.”

“What’s that?” His eyes were fastened to my belly that now moved.

He’d woken her up.

“It’s time for you to come back home.”

“I’ve been ready to come back home. You know that.”

“But this time we have to be better. I can’t have you keeping things from me. It seems like every few months a bomb is being dropped about a man I’m spiritually and physically connected to. I feel like you’re passing your trust deficiencies to me because you haven’t addressed them yet. Do you understand that hearing these stories...these discoveries about you and Brielle causes me not to trust you?”

“Ughhhhhhhh!” He grabbed the sides of his head, frustrated. “Y’all keep reminding me why I need Jesus.”

“Huhn?”

“That talk with Brielle. She reminded me that I had sex with her cousin.”

I cringed. “Trent!”

“And her background singer.”

“Oh, my God!” My hands covered my mouth, hanging agape. “What in the wor— Who are you? Did your Pastor know how off the hook you were?”

He shook his head then pinched the bridge of his nose. Then he hung his head. “Probably. Not much gets past dude.” His face shot into the air and he spoke up. “Look, Jade. I never claimed to be perfect—”

“When I met you, I thought I’d run into the first saint in my life.”

“Yeah, because spiritually, I had just decided to grow up. I’ve been saved most of my adult life, but I still had a worldly lifestyle to contend with. Still had millions, women, rich and famous friends. That was a lot for a young dude to deal with. My libido was a monster.”

“Still is!”

“Only for you, though. I don’t need that other stuff no more. I just need Jesus and Jade. My J and J.” My heart galloped like the jelly-back I was when it came to this man. “I’ve been fasting, praying, and talking to God the past few weeks up here. Fresh revelations came flooding in. Getting charged…locked up—going through that storm isolated me from everything. It like…kinda provided a filter to get rid of the unnecessary. The only people I have around me are those good for the soul. You…” He kissed my lips. “are my mate. My soulmate. You’re all I need and I made that clear to Brielle. No more contact.”

My eyes watered and I swallowed hard. “I hope not.” My voice no more than a ghosted whisper. “I need this to work.”

“And I need you. I’m going to fight, Jade. I swear.”

I wrapped my arms around him, hugging him from the side. My mind raced from the weight of his words. I didn’t want to keep talking about Brielle, but I had to make sure Trent understood how much of a sore spot her presence—former or otherwise—was for me. Forcing it out of my mind, I closed my eyes and was lulled by his pulse. I don’t know how long I lay there, but I jolted awake.

“You okay?”

I sat up and rolled my neck. “I have to go, Trent. I have to get Ky ready for camp.”

“So all I get from my wife is a one-night stand?”

I snorted at his seriousness. “I gave you my heart, body, and future.”

“And I gave you my heart, body, fortune, last name—my forever. I can’t, at least, get the rest of the night?”

I moved to leave the bed. “I’ll tell Ky you’ll be back before the due date. He’ll love that.” A smiled blossomed on my face at that truth.

“Aye…”

My feet had just hit the floor before I turned to him.

“Bestie moment of truth?” he asked permission to divulge. I nodded, trying to keep the content smile on my face. Trent rubbed his eyes and lay his head against the headboard. “I ran into Ryder.”

My face fell completely. “When?”

“A couple of days ago.”

“And you’re just now telling me?”

Trent’s tired eyes were on me. “We had other stuff to get through first, J.”

“What happened?”

“He tried to flex,” he explained lazily, clearly not wanting to get into it. “I stopped by my cousin’s in Newark to drop Trick off. It was the day we checked my moms in. It was mad random. He was out there shootin’ dice with his boys. I recognized his voice then stepped to him. And…” He shrugged.

“And what?”

“I told him to apologize for the disrespect in my house.” My face fell again.

“He called me a couple of nights ago. He was nasty about it, but did apologize. He even said he wouldn’t fight me with Ky anymore…whenever I want him to visit, he’d be cool with it.”

Trent dipped his chin. “Good. He obeyed.”

“How did you get him to do that?”

“Choked the hell outta his lil ass. By the time I let him go, he dropped to the ground, tryna catch his breath.”

I gasped, the visual so vivid. I couldn’t bear seeing Trent going up against Ryshon. It would be like a puppy fighting a lion. This was why I never told him about my fights with Ryshon since he’d been home. Trent was a big man. Too strong and physical to fool around with Ryshon. 

“You could’ve killed him, Trent! Where would that have left Ky?”

“I wasn’t—” he spoke a couple of octaves over me, whining to cut my concern. “—gonna kill that dude, Jade! I’m no killer.”

“You sure had the look of death in your eyes that night in Bloomfield,” I reminded him, rolling my eyes and sitting back against the headboard.

Trent scoffed. “Oh, that night I woulda killed dude if he was in that apartment.”

“See!” My back leaped from the headboard and I faced him. “I knew you were looking for someone other than Ky that night! You did think I was with someone else!”

“I wasn’t thinking that night either,” he murmured, guilt-ridden.

I crawled back over to him on the bed and managed to my knees. Then I took him at the sides of his hairy face. “You have to start thinking—with everybody—for me, Ky, and now Ava. You’re our provider…our leader. You’re a huge asset we can’t do without, Trent.”

Rolling his eyes away, my guy succumbed to my pleading and nodded.

“I know, baby. I’mma be better,” he murmured.

I reached over to kiss his warm lips. “You’re actually the best.”

~Twenty-Two

“Trent,” I heard a whisper and felt a nudge from little soft hands. “Trent, it’s time to get up.”

My eyes fluttered open to low lights in the dim room. Jade was bending over me. It took a minute to get my head together, but eventually, I nodded. She walked away, toward the door. I noticed the long dress she wore and her bare feet as she left the quiet suite.

I blinked my blurred eyes again in the softly lit room, feeling like I’d just gone to bed. I got in late last night from practicing with the team for a game happening later on today. I had to get my second string together. But I wouldn’t be there to actually play with them. Today was the day. My Ava Nese would be born in a few short hours. That realization woke me fully from my sleep and I hopped up, placing my feet flat on the floor. My elbows went to my knees and I rubbed my eyes.

Daddy…

I was going to be a daddy today. Jade was making me someone’s father. I wondered what she’d look like—who she’d look like. Features on the images from the ultrasounds over the months had changed. She looked like lots of people…and things. Today, I would see what she really looked like.

I stood and stretched before walking to the bathroom. Jade opted for a C-section with Ava. She’d had one with Kyree and the doctors recommended having another. I wasn’t big on the idea of my wife getting sliced, but Jade promised it would be fine. The benefit of it was we got to choose the due date if the baby didn’t come early. So far, she hadn’t threatened to come early. But Jade finally had to slow down. Her feet began to swell two weeks ago, and she started getting heartburn.

I’d been home when I wasn’t at work in Connecticut or traveling for work. Thank God I had because she needed me here. Jade was slower at getting around, couldn’t stand long to cook, and even had to sleep sitting up for the past week. When I wasn’t home, April would camp out on the couch here in the master suite to keep an eye on her. And every night Kyree made it his duty to FaceTime me with the rundown on the lady of the house’s condition. April took over cooking or ordering out. I had laundry and putting the final touches on the nursey. For once, we took care of Jade.

As I stood in the shower, letting the hot water beat down on my tired bones, I realized how exhausted I’d been. Before Jade, I had nothing to worry about except getting enough rest, eating healthy, and not partying too hard so I could perform my best out on the field. But now, with Jade being in her last couple of weeks of pregnancy, I had to stay on top of my game at work and come home to hold my lady down, too. I couldn’t slow now, though. The season hadn’t really begun. I had a ring to snatch up.

And a little girl to spoil…

I threw on sweats, a tee, and sneakers after my shower. Our bags were packed and waiting in the sitting room for me to grab when I was ready. The next thing was to look for the incubator of my princess. It was just after five in the morning, the sun hadn’t even come up yet. The house was quiet and everyone was still knocked out…even though I knew April slept with one eye open.

I crept down the hall, listening out for her. I’d hoped she didn’t get herself into anything in the nursery. I’d taken care of everything she asked me to. Was even there when she inspected it after me. I peeped into the dark nursery next door to the master suite. It was crazy how it was the room Ky used when they first moved in. I had to move him farther down the hall because his freaky ass momma liked to get loud when getting busy.

Jade wasn’t in there, though. The room was quiet and motionless. I kept down the hall, passing April’s room door that was cracked. It was quiet in there, too. That’s when it dawned on me. Going farther down the low lit hall, I came to Ky’s door. It was open. I stepped into the doorway and saw her over his bed similar to how she was in ours earlier to wake me. She stared down on him as he lay on his side, facing her. He was knocked out, but their positions caught my attention. She didn’t speak to wake him, wasn’t even touching him, but Jade was communicating with her son.

My flesh wanted to draw up in jealousy. But my spirit told me this was nothing personal. Jade was mean about her motherhood game. She loved and adored Kyree like nothing I’d ever seen. Part of it was who she was as a woman. The other part was what life made her be from her experience with her own mother. Everything this pint-sized mother loved was guarded fiercely. Like me. And the same would be true with Ava Nese. But here, with Kyree, was her last moment as mommy to just him. I had to respect it. For eight years, it had just been them, surviving together. Growing and maturing with each other, in a sense.

After she squatted, holding on to the headboard, and kissed his cheek, Jade stood to leave the room. She didn’t see me right away in her approach to the door. I wasn’t hard to peep with my height and two big duffle bags on my shoulders, but she must have been that caught up in her head to not notice right away. When she did, Jade smiled. It was one of those slow beams that met her eyes.

When she was almost to me, her arms opened and stretched, and she wrapped herself around my waist, squeezing tight. Then she took a deep breath.

“I am so blessed. Two years ago, I started off with one baby. Now, I have three.” She looked up at me, smiling sweetly.

“Three?” I whispered, my voice throaty at this hour.

“Yup. You, too. You’re my biggest baby.” Jade’s smile dropped. “Until I need you to play daddy. Big Daddy.”

“Yeah, and that’s how you get more babies,” I warned.

Jade shrugged. “Maybe Shank was right.”

“You wanna bunch of kids?” That surprised me.

She shook her head. “Not unless it’s after you retire. I want to travel with you. Be accessible to you. Sneak in the locker room to jerk the cobra. Can’t do that if I’m constantly popping out babies.”

Trying to hide my snicker, I pulled her from the room and started for the elevator.

“Locker room? Jerking the cobra?” I asked. “Sounds stalkerish to me.”

Jade hummed. “Oh, you ain’t seen nothing yet. I’m about to drop my load and then it’s on.” We stepped into the car and I hit the panel. “I’ve got to go back to crazy Jade. The world needs to know she still exists when it comes to TB.” Her eyes narrowed sassily.

My eyes blew up.

Taking a deep breath, I turned from the window. Looking at raindrops made me sleepy. I didn’t want to sleep. I wanted to get out of here and back to life. To work. I had to contact Aaron Croix’s people about his slip of not wearing a stitch of Ase Garb to a party he hosted for Playboy last night. He’d worn the Gucci ensemble I’d recommended, but didn’t pair it with the line’s socks or shoes. This would be the second time a client did this. And A.G. called Love Is Action, crying foul play first thing this morning.

Speaking of which, I needed to contact Ase Garb and place a special order for Terri McNabb. She was starring in Ragee’s next video and I thought it would be great to feature a black owned fashion line’s gear. After going back and forth with the head designer there, we came up with several concepts. Now, I needed to complete the deal. A deal that couldn’t happen from here. Trent made sure if it.

As I sauntered across the private hospital room in Hackensack, my fingers automatically tapped my earlobes. Subconsciously, I knew they were there, but confirming it comforted me. For my “push gift,” Trent had four carat diamond, princess cut earrings delivered to the house three days ago. Yup. Trent Bailey, balling like that. I put them in my ears before the jeweler could leave the house. More than I was impressed by the lavishness of the gift, the cost of it, or even the grand presentation of having them delivered by the jeweler himself, it was the gesture that swelled my heart.

My eyes raced to the corner of the room where he lay with a seven pound bundle of joy on his bare chest.

Ava…

She was gorgeous. Absolutely precious and just perfect. She was delivered at eight o’ five a. m. on yesterday without complications to the sounds of a Christian jazz track Ragee created with Take 6, an acapella gospel group. It was a beautiful soulful and soothing piece he put out independently recently. The song set the atmosphere of His presence, peace, and undisputable love as it looped. Ava’s father clutched my hand through the entire process of delivering her. He only let up when they offered her to him. Since then, the two had been inseparable. Now, looking at them sleeping peacefully on the small bed, I wondered if Ava knew what awaited her, would she have stayed so comfortably inside me as long as she did.

I didn’t want to disturb their bonding time. Trent would have to leave for work in five days to continue practicing for the first official game of the season. Already, there were coaches and assistants scheduled to train with him at the house starting tomorrow. Trent could have opted to travel the two hours to Connecticut. He could have even had them meet him at Rutgers. But he wanted to be close to me these last few days before he had to escape into the mind of the sports warrior he was.

Trent insisted on trying everything. He changed her diapers, burped her, and soothed her. He even fed her when I decided to stop waiting for her to take from my breasts. Breastfeeding didn’t happen for me yesterday. And while the nurses encouraged me to wait longer before giving her formula, I declined. I couldn’t breastfeed with Kyree either. I didn’t want to delay Ava for “a just in case.” Plus, seeing how enthusiastic Trent had been with her care, I figured having him feed her would propel their bond.

April and Trick had just left, taking loads of pictures of baby Ava. Trick brought gold helium balloons, spelling out her name. April assured she stocked the nursery with fresh flowers from our favorite florist. Elle and Jackson sent a bouquet of fruit. The Carmichaels sent a basket of goodies. Not many others knew of our stay here or delivery. Trent decided not to make an announcement until we absolutely had to. He didn’t want the focus taken off of the Kings’ chance at Super Bowl 2018. It was another improbable desire we believed God for.

I totally agreed to keeping Ava’s birth under wraps, not wanting the fanfare. There was only one person I wanted to know about the safe arrival of our blessing from above. The “petty princess” in me wanted Elle to contact Brielle’s camp to make sure she knew, although I was quite confident Alton Alston or Tynisha Lang had already passed the news along. But that didn’t quell the desire to make sure she knew. She needed to know to back the hell off.

As my husband said the night of the fundraiser: I need Jesus, too!

I stood back, the rear of my thigh touching my bed, and gazed at love across the room. My loves. It was truly a sight to behold. I was just about to take a picture when the sound of the door opening caught my attention.

I recognized her small frame, pushing through with a bag.

“Honey, you shouldn’t be walking around. Not alone, at least.” Her green eyes glittered in her worry. “You just had surgery yesterday.”

“I’m fine,” I whispered. “The nurses encouraged me to walk around.”

Then I tossed my chin toward my latest favorite vista. Trent and Ava. My mother journeyed toward me until she could see the view. We were shoulder to shoulder, experiencing the same sentiment.

“Just beautiful, Jade. She’s lovely,” my mother cooed.

I know…

I bit my dried bottom lip, unable to hide my blush. I could feel my cheeks heating.

Then I turned toward her, peering down at the bag.

I gestured with my head. “What’s that?”

“Oh,” she leaped faintly, her gaze on me. “Something special for you.” She moved to put her things down on the chair. “But first, I want to share something with you before Ky and George get in here from the vending machine.” She rolled her eyes gorgeously. Gosh, her beauty knew no bounds. “What my grandson’s obsession with a vending machine is, is anyone’s guess.” I laughed. Kyree and Trent enjoyed vending machine junk. I hated the fascination.

My mother began unraveling the bag she’d brought in, her attention fixed to it. “Have you heard from KyKy’s father?”

Hearing her call my son that nickname didn’t annoy me anymore. The privilege of forgiveness would do that.

“Not really. Ky was with him last Saturday. They arranged it, and Trent dropped him off at Wal-Mart in Kearny and picked him up there that night.”

“Wow. I wonder should Trent risk being the middleman. I don’t trust that Rysheed character,” she grumbled. “I can do it or have George do it for you.”

I turned stiffly to face her, my body was still numb in the mid-region. “It’s Ryshon. And thanks for the offer. I’ll keep it in mind.” My delivery was its usual softness with her, and accompanied by a smile.

Forgiving my mother, and allowing her grace increased my patience for her. It deepened my peace around her.

She shook her head, frustrated. Her manicured nails raised in the air then touched her nose.

“I did it again.” Her eyes squeezed before opening, revealing brilliance. “I came here prepared to settle a few things between us, and here I am being aggressive.” She stood straight, taking a cleansing breath. I glanced over my shoulder to be sure my family was still resting before turning back toward my mother for whatever it was she had to say. This seemed good. “So, Miss Jade, I’ve been doing some thinking, and here it is:” Her small shoulders straightened dramatically. “You are a fine woman—a strong woman. In fact, you’re far more durable than I ever gave you credit for. We may have never seen eye to eye on your decisions and lifestyle, but you seem to have done it your way.” She took in air through her nostrils with a closed mouth, fortifying herself.

“And you turned out just fine. I know you don’t have to have it, but you’ve earned my approval. You’re every bit the woman I’ve tried to be. In fact, you’re what I’ve become and so much more. You took poor actions and decisions and made the best out of the consequences. Like me, you had a child out of wedlock. Like me, you struggled to make a good life for your child. But unlike me, you did it fearlessly and unapologetically. You’re a fighter, Jade.”

She rolled her eyes again, expressing humor. “Yes. You created many of the obstacles you’ve faced, but you fought until the path was just right for you. I may not have been around for all of the details, and I believe that’s what I was trying to say at the wedding. I felt left out. Yeah, you let me spend time with my grandson. You even had George escort you down the aisle. But I felt, although you had been opening your life to me again, there was still a barrier there.”

A tear slipped down my face. This was the last thing I’d expected. She thought I was fearless? Unapologetic? Oh, I owed her apologies, too. I was wild in my teens. Reckless!

“But now, I understand you were doing it to protect yourself. You’re a good woman: of course, you’d let me get to know your son. George raised you: of course, you’d want him to escort you. But I hurt you: of course, you’d create a barrier so I couldn’t do it again. Amid all that, you fought until you found your way.”

I swiped the tears from my face. Never in my lifetime did I think this conversation would happen. It was heady, but I wanted to meet her halfway in this moment.

“Thank you, Mommy.”

“No. Thank you for giving me another chance. Please forgive me doubting and abandoning you.”

I nodded, biting my lip. “I do.”

“Now,” she breathed, appearing relieved. “I’m going to tell you: the days ahead won’t be perfect. I may still step on your toes and enforce my preferences onto you. But I hope we can come up with a way to communicate for me to pump the brakes.” Her palms shot into the air. “But sensitively! This old woman has feelings, too, you know.”

With my arms crossed underneath my untamed breasts, I smiled at my mother’s vulnerability. This wasn’t easy for her, but boy was it good for my soul.

Thank you, God…

I took a deep breath, flushing the emotions rising from my belly. My eyes went to the bag in front of her.

“So, we’re going to frost this sweet cake-ish moment with what’s in there?” I still wanted to know.

“Oh!” She gasped then got busy with lifting a bowl from the bag. “It’s April’s lima beans and rice. When we were trying to come up with something to brighten your already blessed day, KyKy said this has been your favorite meal lately. And Ginger sent the most ah-mazing blackberry swirl cheesecake bites.” She exploded a kiss into the air with her fingers, more jovial than I’d seen of her away from Kyree.

He’s not supposed to have—

“I told her you were going to make a fuss about Trent’s in-season diet, but Kyree told me when he brought home some last year, Trent ate them all. So, it was my idea to gift him these today. And they’re small, Jade—miniature bites. Here. Let’s take a look-see. I’ll prove it to you!” She went to open the lid of the Tupperware bowl. “And she used low fat—”

As she rattled on, my mind shut down to find a respectable way to communicate her being too aggressive. My hands went to my temples for a massage. I couldn’t be rude after what she just admitted.

God, give me wisdom…

Oh, no, baby girl…

I bounced her in the carrier strapped to my chest when she started to fuss again as we stood outside on a bright and warm November afternoon.

“This visit was such a treat, I don’t want to see you go!” Ethel Kincaid smiled, her hands folded at her waist. “Please say it won’t be long before the next one. I can’t wait to meet Kyree.” She was jolly, ecstatic. That made this visit and what it took to make it happen worth it.

Jade’s posture mirrored hers on the doorstep of a Bernardsville colonial sitting on—had to be—over ten acres of land. There were two barns, a pool house, and small flower house behind it. The lawn was green, thick, and cut professionally.

The Kincaids are paid…

Even their housekeeper stayed at the door, standing a few feet back, to see us off.

“It won’t be,” Jade responded as she pulled the thin blanket from over Ava. She rubbed her little legs after; I assumed she thought the baby was too warm now that we weren’t in the air-conditioned house. “I’m sorry this visit had to be cut so short. Our flight leaves in a couple of hours.” She pouted sweetly.

That was partially true. Yeah. We had to be at Teterboro airport in less than two hours where we’d meet April, Trick, his lady, and Kyree. But we also scheduled this visit at a time that would have to be limited. We had no idea how this would go—at least, I didn’t. That was why we opted to leave Ky out of this one and just bring Ava…who was fussing again.

Awwwww… Poohda, what’s wrong?

That’s when it hit me. I reached over to the baby bag Jade had over her shoulder and pulled out a bottle of milk. As soon as her little green eyes recognized it, she tried wiggling against my chest. Gently, I fed it to her, and my princess went H.A.M. on it. But she was beautiful: eyes like her grandma Chéri’s, complexion like her parents, nose like her momma’s, and lips, they say, like mine. Yup. That’s all I got, but I couldn’t complain. Ava Nese Bailey was pure perfection, heaven sent.

“Oh, my! Trent, you’re a natural!” Ethel complimented. “I guess you’re good at everything you do. You’ve had a remarkable season so far!”

Ethel Kincaid knew football? She was right, it had been a great season. We were 9 and 2 by the first week of November.

Jade reached back and rubbed my arm. “The best actually.” She smiled up at me, and I returned a wink.

I was just satisfied that my Ava was good.

“I’ll be sending a package for the bundle of cuteness next week when you’re back!” Ethel’s shoulders jumped excitedly as she looked at Ava.

Jade made a face that expressed humbleness then smiled. “Okay. We’ll get going.” Jade moved in again for a hug. “Thanks for having us again.”

“No problem, dear. I’m just so sad all these years have passed. We would have gone about things very differently had we known.”

“I totally understand. I’ll be in touch,” Jade promised.

Then Jade turned to me and gestured she was ready to head out. We gave our final wave and started off to the waiting truck where John had gotten out to read a comic book. When he saw us approaching, I held a finger, telling him not to rush. I wanted to finish feeding Ava and possibly burp her before taking off.

I leaned against the truck, looking down at my baby, pulling like a crazy woman.

“So, what do you think?” I made sure to keep my voice low.

She took a deep breath, her head shot up toward the bright sky, arms swinging in the air, and she breathed, “I don’t know.” Her face expressed a fake cry. “How should I feel? My father never told his family he had a daughter. They never knew until your detective friend reached out to them.” Her eyes were big.

Washington found the Kincaids right away. But I respected Jade’s wishes of waiting until after the wedding. Then after, things happened so fast with drama popping off between us, it had never been a priority. Keeping our marriage was. Then the season started and Ava was born. Last month, I had Chesney’s team reach out to the Kincaid family to see if they were open to meeting Jade. After a couple of days that, I was sure, were filled with doubt at the news of having this family member they claimed to have never heard of, they accepted. Jade wanted me with her when she met her family, so we waited until Bye week for the Kings to do it.

“She seemed gassed to see you, though,” I tried to give an upshot.

“Yeah,” Jade hummed, looking across the stretch of land around. “She did. It’s sad though. She lost her husband the same week Ava was born.”

I nodded. “One in, one out. That’s how they say it goes in families.”

Jade grabbed Ava’s chunky leg and wiggled it. “That’s what they say, Ava-cakes,” she used her baby voice. We all had one.

“Sorry to hear about ya pops, though.” Now, it made sense why Washington didn’t have specifics on him. It was mostly his family.

“Yeah…” Her eyes went back out into the open land again. “Died a lonely and tragic way. Alcoholism is no joke. He didn’t even marry and have kids.”

“He had you. And with the way that went down, you could have a brother or a sister out there. Never know.”

“I know.” She frowned.

David Kincaid died hours before his thirtieth birthday from liver disease in a warehouse in Trenton, a gift from his wealthy parents when he dropped out of Princeton, saying he wanted to be a freelance photographer. His body wasn’t discovered for six days. If his birthday wasn’t around that time, Ethel, his mother and Jade’s grandmother, said it could have been longer, that’s how isolated David had become over years of alcohol abuse. She showed us pictures of him at different ages. The last one she had of him was at his parents’ anniversary party where his whole body looked inflated—swollen—again from the abuse. She said he’d become a full-on recluse after that.

I sat up, pulling the bottle from Ava’s droopy lips, she’d fallen asleep that fast. “But guess who’s got you?” I moved toward my wife, getting in her personal space. Holding the baby’s head, I reached down for Jade’s face. Her eyes grew big, then quickly dark and heavy. “Me, Ky, and Ava Nese. We got our queen Jade all to ourselves for the next few days as we sail the Caribbean on Azmir Jacobs’ monster yacht.” I kissed her, pulling her bottom lip with me as I eased back.

Jade’s face brightened at that reminder.

“That was a sweet wedding gift.”

I nodded, burping Ava against my chest. “Sure was. When I scheduled this, I asked him if I could get a push gift for my first baby. Maybe we can have it next year for bye week, too. Shoot, make it a tradition.”

Jade sucked in air at the same time Ava belched. “What did he say?”

“He said he only gives push gifts to his lady.” Or more like, “My pussy pushing out my babies, my push gift to the pusher.” That was not something I was repeating to my lady, though. Jade laughed. I shrugged. “I was surprised he even knew what a push gift was. I didn’t. I thought I was running game.” I cracked up with her. “Can’t pull nothing off on the O.G.”

After I realized no more air was coming from Ava, I started pulling the carrier straps from my shoulders to transfer her to the car seat.

“C’mon. We gotta bounce. Ky gonna be blowing up my phone soon.”

Jade helped pull the carrier from the baby’s chubby legs. As soon as she opened the door for me to put Ava in, my phone rang.

“Ooooooh! Ky’s gonna get you,” she sang, teasing me.

Crazy thing was, I was now rushing to get to my lil soldier. He was the boss, too.

“You can wait in here,” I was instructed by John as Tyheem opened the glass door to an oval room with bold colors similar to the Kings’, only instead of the deep royal blue and gold of Connecticut, the Vikings had a rich purple and gold. 

There were purple suede couches rounding the circular gold and white striped walls. Two flat screen televisions were posted on opposite walls. One streamed plays from the earlier game. The other displayed the Minnesota Vikings’ logo.

John spoke to the armed, uniformed guards blocking the set of doors on the other side of the room. I stood in what seemed to be a holding lounge. There was a small bar with soft drinks and even cigar accessories like lighters, cutters, keychains, draw tools, punches. It all seemed so intimating. I had to be near the locker room. Had to. Tyheem approached me during the shouts, jumps, and victory dances to tell me Trent asked that I send Ky and Ava back to the hotel with April and my parents, and I come meet him. That was over two hours ago, before the family packed up in the suite and left the game.

Now, after traveling the interior of the stadium, I began to worry. Trent took a tough hit in the third quarter when he was left open and tackled by a darn human refrigerator. I was livid, jumping to my feet and holding tensely as he limped off the field, holding on to two bodies.

Is he badly hurt?

He continued to play without incident, but even George said unless he lost a limb, Trent would forge ahead.

My head collapsed in my hand as I stood in the cozy room with vivid hues. Then I told myself to be positive about this. There was no way Trent could be seriously injured and have finished that game. I threw my head back and took a cleansing breath. A sudden sound from the television snatched my attention.

“Super Bowl twenty-eighteen! Okay, Mike J, let’s run this play again!” the commentator I could have sworn seeing at my wedding clapped his hands together. The camera focused on him on half the screen and the replay footage of the game on the other. “After a miraculous twenty-yard pass along the sideline from Bailey to Johnson, the Kings have the ball at the one-yard line with only one second left on the clock and down by four.”

“Some might say it’s déjà vu, Byron,” the other commentator, a brother with the same Ermenegildo Zegna tie Ramsey wore when he visited Redeeming Souls with us chimed in. The tie was striking, burned into the meninges of my mind because, ironically, Ezra wore the same tie that day, and we all joked about it. “Last year, Trent and the Kings were in nearly the same position, but they came up short and lost to the Patriots.”

The camera switched again. “And this year, Mike J, the Kings have made it all the way back and once again find themselves down with time running out. From the fourteen-yard line, a pass was truly their only option last year. However, from the one-yard line this year, a running play is also in the cards. And, with Bishop having carried it twenty-three times for 117 yards, they may likely call his number once again.

“So, here comes Bailey with the play. They break the huddle and line up in an I formation with two tight ends and Johnson split out right. Bishop is the tailback. Bailey is barking out signals and sends Johnson in motion. The ball is snapped and it’s a running play. Bishop gets the ball from Bailey and follows his fullback up the middle. He’s met at the goal line and falls forward into the end zone giving the Kings their Super Bowl win—”

“Mrs. Bailey,” my name being called startled me for some reason.

The guard swung his head toward the hall he monitored with a partner. Beyond the doors he stood in front of, I saw John and Tyheem waiting. Tyheem waved me on. As I began toward them, the doors were opened for me, and I glided through, hiding a body tremble. John and Tyheem started down the curvy hall with images of Vikings against rich gold walls. The carpeted hall was willowy and seemed endless before the flooring changed and opened up to…

A locker room?

“You can go around there and hang a left, Jade,” Tyheem pointed.

John stopped at the top of the opened space, and Tyheem didn’t travel much beyond him. With an open mouth, I nodded before proceeding. My steps were hesitant and mind spun with worry. Opposite the wall I walked were partitions with benches and open lockers in each. My steps faltered when I spotted broad bare shoulders with swollen grooves in nothing but shower shoes and a towel wrapped low around his waist. His head was low and fists clenched against his forehead.

Trent…

My feet tripped over each other to change direction for him. In my frantic approach, he heard me and peered up with tired eyes.

“Are you okay?”

Trent sat up stiffly, pain vibrating in the muscles of his face as he did. He extended a corded arm, welcoming me to him. I gulped. He wiggled his fingers, asking again. Hesitantly, I ambled to him. When I made it to his feet, his big hands clutched my waist, pulling me directly into his center, and Trent pressed his head into my belly. My eyes closed and hands went to the back of his head. At first, we didn’t exchange a word. I couldn’t measure his disposition. But no longer did I feel alarmed.

“You okay?” I whispered.

Trent peered up to me, eyes lidded. He smiled.

“Congratulations,” I tried.

Although I couldn’t appreciate how much, I knew winning the Super Bowl was a pretty big deal for him.

But still, Trent didn’t speak. He reached to my ankles covered in leather thigh-high boots and lifted my long dress up until just under my hips and pulled me to straddle him. Tensely, I obeyed and lifted my left leg over the bench he sat on and Trent assisted with the other before I was able to rest on his lap. But I could feel him flinching.

“Hey,” I pulled him by the beard to face me. “Are you okay?”

His eyes lined with humor. “I’m okay,” he replied drily, being sarcastic.

“You took a hard hit out there.”

“Win or lose: you don’t walk out of a Super Bowl unscathed.”

My brows bunched and nose and lips turned up. “Anything broken?”

Trent shook his head. “I like your dress.” He smiled.

My eyes instinctively fell below. “You should, you picked it out.”

He snorted. After a beat, my eyes circled around.

“So this is their locker room?”

He nodded. “The guest section. The team’s area is around the corner.”

“Oh…” My eyes went into the air at the elaborate Vikings’ logo design on the ceiling.

I felt warm, soft moisture on my neck, causing my eyes to flutter closed. My hands went to clench his shoulders. An immediate zing hit my core, accompanied by warmth.

“So…” I tried. “What does a Super Bowl winning quarterback do after the game?”

His tongue was at my cleavage, the tip tracing the center of my chest.

“I don’t know about you”—My eyes rolled to the back of my head when his palms grabbed my bare cheeks under the dress—“but my ears haven’t stopped ringing from all the action out there.” Trent pulled down the right shoulder of my dress and bit down hard.

“Oh!” I moaned. “Maybe you’re—”

His tongue was in my mouth swirling hungrily. His hand explored behind me, searching for the strap of my thong. When I felt his other between us, shifting the towel, my heart thundered in my chest.

“Trent,” I tried whispering in his mouth between tasting him. “We’re going to get caught.”

Trent leaned into me, deepening our kiss. The hairs of his full beard caressed my chin. His hand pushed down between us even more, and that’s when I felt the bulbous head of his erection rub against me. His other hand behind me, navigating the strap even more. The material pulled against my swollen clit as he pulled it. His stiffness rubbed and rubbed until it was flesh on with my nub, and my spine jerked.

I was hot for him. Wanted him in that short time. His breathing grew feral. His scent coated and appealed to me. My hips moved of their own accord, my sex blazed, needing. This was happening too fast. He unarmed me too quickly.

Then he slipped inside me, just his head. I was an inferno, sinking onto him for more. He anchored me from behind, hands encouraging my helpless thrusts. When I was mostly full of him, my arms circled his shoulders, sex greedily swallowing him. I moved, at first, with mild strokes. My mouth was busy with his, teasing, tasting, lashing, and then devouring. My pelvis rocking desperately against his as I mewled against his mouth, caught up in a fury of senses. How did I get here?

I withdrew, panting, and with eyes so low. “Trent, we can’t do this here.”

But we already were. Trent’s mouth was back on me. He scraped his teeth against my chin, traced my neck with his tongue. All things that made my thrusts desperate. He squeezed my cheeks, sucking on the top of my breast, near my chest. My hands went behind me, clutching his hard knees as I rocked into him. When I saw my dress covered our meeting, I squeezed my eyes closed and allowed the pleasure from his fullness to take over. I pushed and lifted, squeezed my cheeks with each thrust, pressing my thighs into his waist.

Was I doing this? Really doing this? Was I that easily manipulated at his touch that my husband could simply pull up my dress, shift my panties to the side and the next minute, I was hopping on him, prepared to explode in a freaking NFL locker room?

My head swung up and I took him at his flexing shoulders again threw myself into him as my sex spasmed all around his thickness. My feet heated and mouth went dry and I bounced frantically on him, exploding my greediness for him. Trent pulled me in by the hips, lifting and dropping me down onto him as my torso tensed all over. Bliss shot to every corner of my frame as my lungs burned from stealthy laborious breathing. The orgasm wrecked my entire being, so intense and all-consuming. When my body went limp, Trent stopped and wrapped his arms around my back, holding me. I felt as helpless as a baby, needing his comfort as I throbbed all over him. I lay there quietly, feeling his pulse against my head.

Then it occurred to me.

Panting, I asked, “Did you come?”

He nodded against my face, buried into his neck.

I groaned. “We’re back to this again?”

I could hear and feel him snort. “To what?”

“You coming before me and I don’t know.”

He chuckled sweetly, running his hands soothingly down my back. “That was our pregnancy steeze. You come faster when pregnant.”

I thought about that. I did come faster and in multiples, too.

“Well, at least we know I’m not pregnant.”

“But for how long? You ain’t on the pill either,” he chided.

My eyes squeezed. We needed to address that.

I lifted from him and peered into his lazy eyes. “You’re crazy, you know. I can’t believe you called me back here to have sex with me!” I whispered hard.

A sly smile spread under his heated gaze. “How else were you going to jerk the cobra?”

My face wrinkled. “What?”

“If you snuck in here. What did you have in mind to do?”

Trent spoke at the same time my brain caught up to what this was.

“My fantasy.” My eyes widened then circled around. “Locker room,” I whispered. “Sex. You planned this?”

Trent nodded as he strained into a standing position still inside me. And he was still unbelievably hard. I clutched his shoulders as he turned, lifting me from his swollenness and placed me on the bench. I shivered at his exit and my dress draped down to my ankles.

He grabbed the towel from the floor and wiped himself then me. Holding the bunched towel to cover his waning erection, Trent took me by the side of the face and kissed me sweetly.

“That was one for me, too.”

“But you’re sore. Look at the color of your abs, Trent!” I breathed, alarmed. I hadn’t seen that earlier.

His eyes dropped to my gaze on his abdomen. Purple welts over the rolls of muscle.

I stepped down from the bench carefully in my heels. “You know if I had seen that bruising I would’ve never…” I pointed to the offending bench.

“Jade, stop lying!” Trent tossed his head backward and hooted. “Your nasty ass would’ve done it on the field if I worked you right.”

He pulled me into his side to walk with him. That joke nipped me. He was my weakness. I was still very much attracted to Trent—possibly more now than ever. But I didn’t want him thinking I was easy. I had to hold my cards closer.

“Am I really that bad?”

“Hate to tell you: you’re that hot, J.” He clutched me into him more as we walked toward the bathroom, from what I could see at this point. “For me. Always have been since sneaking into my room those nights.”

“Yeah,” I rolled my eyes. “But I finally scored.” I stuck out my tongue, cavalier.

“Nah. We scored. Finally made it past that end zone.” His hand went to my hip.

“Yeah,” I breathed while nodding, remembering Trent sharing with me his revelation on our relationship this past year. I smiled proudly. “We conquered that end zone love, baby.”

The End

####

~Love Acknowledges

Researcher: Shumethia S. — Thanks for coming through once again! I appreciate your dedication and patience! I wish the world knew the genius of your mind. But we have the fortune of your being. #PoeticBars

LBTR — Afi, Angela B., Angela J.J., April, Artemysia, Ashleigh, Ayanna, Ayo, Azaria, Bonita, Brittany, Courtney, Dana, Dee, Deena, Deidre, Denise, DeVona, Diane, Diva Dee, Doresha, Doris, Erica C., Ericka M., Fennia, Gail, Grace, Heather, Heidi, Hezie-Ann, Ja’Nice, Jessica, Kamashia, Karmen, Katrice, Katrina, Kay, Kerry, Keyma, Kim, Kimmiko, Kita, Korei, LaKaya, LaKisha, LaLa, LaSonde, Linda R., Linda W., Lee, LeShonda, Levette, Marshall, Michelle M., Michelle R.O., Michelle T., Monique H., Monique N., Natoya, Nena, Nikki, Pamela, PJ, Rakia, Quan, Regina, Richell, Robyn, Rose, Roslyn, Samona, Sharon L., Sharon F.W., Shaun, Sola, Sophia, Stacey K., Stacy M., Stina, Tabatha, Tamara, Tanya, Tara, Té, Teresa, Terri G., Terry H., Tesha, Tiffany, Tineka, Tonya, Tralaina, Vivian, Wendi, Yolanda, Yorubia, and Yvette H. thank you for the humor, education, nurturing, and love! Jemeka & Rita, I know your role isn’t easy. Just know I appreciate all you do: behind the scenes and otherwise. I’m grateful for your contributions to my brand.

Christina C. Jones aka CCJ — #AuthorBae Please don’t let this be our last collaboration! I said that last time. Maybe you’ll listen again. LOL!! Thank you sooooo much for opening that big brain and humongous heart to me. I appreciate your patience and nurturing. Congrats on Determining Possession going number one. Again, we win!

Proof Reader: Tina V. Young — I feel so…light after having your petty eye on this one! What would I do without your obsessional thinking and re-thinking and over-thinking? Thanks so much for pouring knowledge and ownership into these babies! You be the plug, shawtie!

In-house editor: Zakiya Walden of I’ve Got Something to Say Incorporated — Once again, you made it happen! Thanks for your patience and flexibility. So proud of your latest gig! I’m also grateful you still make the time to clean up my babies for the world to experience. Congrats on all your recent success. God keeps raining them down upon you, kid!

Editor: Karen Rogers-McCollum of Critique Editing Services — You keep coming through with patience and knowledge. You’re generous with your nuggets of information, and I’m grateful!

MDT: Thank you for the total dedication. I thoroughly appreciate the passion! 

Master, my Jireh, my Rohi, 1 John 4:4 #Greater My worship belongs to You!  #Forever

~Other Books by Love Belvin

Love’s Improbable Possibility series:

Love Lost, Love UnExpected, Love UnCharted & Love Redeemed

Waiting to Breathe series:

Love Delayed & Love Delivered

Love’s Inconvenient Truth (Standalone)

Love Unaccounted series:

In Covenant with Ezra, In Love with Ezra & Bonded with Ezra

The Connecticut Kings series:

Love In the Red Zone, Love on the Highlight Reel & Determining Possession (by Christina C. Jones)

Wayward Love series:

The Left of Love, The Low of Love & The Right of Love

~Extra

You can find Love Belvin at www.LoveBelvin.com

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