Dom's Guide To Submissive Training

Step-by-step Blueprint On How To Train Your New Sub. A Must Read For Any Dom/Master In A BDSM Relationship

Elizabeth Cramer

Copyright© 2013 by Elizabeth Cramer

Dom's Guide To Submissive Training

Copyright© 2013. All Rights Reserved.

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LEGAL NOTICE

The Publisher has strived to be as accurate and complete as possible in the creation of this book. While all attempts have been made to verify information provided in this publication, the Publisher assumes no responsibility for errors, omissions, or contrary interpretation of the subject matter herein. Any perceived slights of specific persons, peoples, or organizations are unintentional.

This book is not intended for use as a source of legal, business, accounting or financial advice. All readers are advised to seek services of competent professionals in the legal, business, accounting, and finance fields.

The information in this book is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. All content contained in this book is for general information purposes only. Always consult your healthcare provider before carrying on any health program

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1: Preparation

Gather Her History

Create a Formal Understanding

Make a Training Plan

Choose a Training Collar

Design an Opening Ritual

Chapter 2: Protocol

Titles

Rules about Speech

Clothing Rules and Body Options

Posture and Demeanor

Appropriate Attitude

Chapter 3: Physical Submission

Take Her Spanking Temperature

Punishment Spanking

Erotic Spanking

Maintenance Spankings

Other Punishments

Chapter 4: Sexual Submission

Presenting Herself Sexually

Oral Service

Anal Service

Intercourse and Orgasm Denial

Chastity

Chapter 5: Attitude Submission

Domestic Service

Public Practices

Humiliation and Objectification

Chapter 6: Advanced Techniques

Chapter 7: The Closing Ceremony

Conclusion

Introduction

A BDSM relationship isn’t just a work of love; it’s a work of art. Every part of the relationship has been carefully crafted to allow each partner to fit together and make their kinks and desires support the intensity and passion of the coupling.

A Dom/sub relationship doesn’t just happen. It is a finely crafted and designed system of expectations and joys. In order for you and your submissive lady to “fit” one another and create a lasting, happy union there must be a period of training.

Some Doms view training as "something you do for 18 year olds or newbies who have never been a sub before." Others make the mistake of thinking their dominance is so “natural” the sub will simply fall into line and know exactly what they want and how they want it. Both ideas are the building blocks for disasters.

All men are different. Being trained or having been bonded to another Dom doesn’t mean she knows how to serve you. It means she knows how to serve him.

Subs are not natural mind readers; in fact, they are terrible at it. The human psyche often places our own likes or dislikes into the way we read other’s feelings and actions. So she may think she’s pleasing you when she’s really just pleasing her idea of what she would like if she was the Dom.

It does not matter if your sub has thirty years of experience in submission or just read 50 Shades of Grey and decided to try it herself. She will need to be trained for the best relationship to emerge.

Training can be one of the most exciting, challenging and fun parts of the relationship. A well-trained sub will not only serve you in the capacity you deserve, but will have built up the two most important elements in any BDSM relationship – trust and consistency. It also allows you to show yourself as a worthy master, who is in control, experienced and able to guide you both to the best possible life.

This guide is written for the real time (not online) training of submissives with a medium to high level of protocol. It is recommended you start training very strict, and then loosen your requirements to a more comfortable level after the period of training is complete.

This guide is also written for couples who do not have children around the house and are living together or have a large amount of access to each other for longer session-based training. If there are children in your home, these practices will need to take place when the children are out of the house or unaware of your activity.

Chapter 1: Preparation

Gather Her History

It doesn’t matter how many emails you send back and forth getting to know one another. Make sure the very first thing you do when you get together is share history with each another.

Learn as much about her formation and development as a sub as possible. Start with some questions about her childhood, particularly in regard to punishment and feelings she has about being corrected.

A sub who grew up in a home where spanking was common may see the practice as love or may think it is something to be avoided because it always means disapproval. A woman who grows up in a home where there is light or no discipline (more common in younger subs) may not have a lot of experience with authority and will need more reinforcement on the concept.

Talk about former lovers and sexual experiences. It doesn’t sound like much fun to spend time hearing about the other men and masters in her life, but it will keep you from making the same mistakes they did.

Talk directly about how she began to understand she was a submissive and what experiences reinforced her self-knowledge. Ask what some of her best challenges and joys have been as a submissive and what her worst or lowest point has been while serving a man.

If your sub is a brand spanking new submissive, talk to her about her vanilla relationships. What did she feel was lacking in them that led her to want a Dom/sub relationship?

The more you know about where she has been, the more competent you will be to determine where she is going.

Create a Formal Understanding

Because there is no standard way for people to come into BDSM and everyone has their own ideas about everything from the definition of words to the ways submission is practiced, it is important you have a spoken, agreed-upon and clear understanding of what you both want and expect.

The DNA of a Dom/sub relationship is consent. It is the foundational stone all the rest of the relationship will be built upon. She can’t give you consent if she doesn’t know exactly what you plan to do and what her service will be like.

Be sure she is fully informed about what it means to be your submissive. Later, during the opening ritual, have her sign a contract so your understanding is reinforced and can be looked up later in the relationship.

Be aware that a woman who has a submissive nature is going to tell you everything you want to hear, especially if she can't actually visualize it happening. This is very common in relationships that start on Fetlife, Alt.com, or other fetish sites. When she's tucked in her bed at home on a laptop she may be telling you that she can't wait for you to take her anally. But, when she is with you in person and it is real, she may back down and say, "That’s a limit I have."

Establishing a mutual understanding of limits is the wisest course of action. Make sure you give her the time and ability to fully express how she feels about each limit so you can determine which kind of limit it is, and make your training plan accordingly.

There are three types of limits:

Universal Limits: Things about which there is no question. It's not a choice; it's the law. Any sexual activity with children, animals, people mentally/physically unable to consent, or people who have withdrawn consent is always out of bounds.

Hard Limits: Things she will not do because she has personal/moral/health reasons and the limit is never going to change. For many women things like scat, urine drinking, unprotected sex with strangers, cutting, branding or permanent scarification are hard limits.

Soft Limits: Things she is saying she doesn't want to try or do, largely because she has never done them and she has a fear based response to them. After the relationship develops more trust and power some of these limits may be stretched and challenged.

Once you have established her limits, you can proceed to come to an agreeable set of do's and don'ts, ideas and guiding philosophies to make her training and life with you successful.

Make a Training Plan

Submissives fantasize Master's plan. One of the things that drives the desire of a submissive woman to serve is the freedom she finds in her slavery. She is liberated from making the decisions and taking the responsibility for what happens.

One of the things that drives the heart of a master is the desire to be the responsible one. His need to guide, to initiate and to bear both the responsibility and pride of a task well-done is what encourages him to continue with the effort. The basis of that power exchange is trust.

Training is the period of time where the submissive partner learns to trust you. The more you have a clearly articulated plan for her training and your time together the easier it will be for her to relax and put herself in your hands.

While training can seem unpredictable and challenging to a sub, you don't want it to become so overwhelming that she withdraws from you. The best way to help her is to share your plans with her up front. This helps her see you are following a well-known methodology and not just "making stuff up."

If you are a younger (under 30) Dom, you definitely need to show you know what you're doing as there is a bias in the submissive world towards older, more experienced Doms.

Sit down with your sub and explain the plan. Make sure you pick a clear start date and an absolute end date for the period of training. The recommended time for initial training is 2 weeks to 1 month of cohabitation, or 4 weeks to 8 weeks for session work. Both the open and close date should be marked with a small ritual or ceremony (it can be a private one between you both, or one with friends) that shows a clear beginning and end.

Training time is not what the rest of the relationship is going to be like. It is just the time when the patterns and expectations of the relationship are magnified in order for them to become a life habit. Knowing there is an end to training time will be a help to both of you because it is a tiring phase when you must both be vigilant and address every joy and error.

Choose a Training Collar

The training collar should not be the collar she will wear for the rest of your relationship. She earns that collar at the end of her training as a rite of passage into your permanent service. The training collar is simply the device she wears throughout the training process.

At your end-date ceremony you will take that collar off of her and place her formal, forever collar around her neck. She will end up keeping her training collar as a sweet memory of the start of her service.

A training collar should be plain, cheap, and more functional than her formal collar. A simple dog collar from a pet store or one of those nylon collars and leads go well for session training with you. Make sure to choose a collar with a clip for a leash and enough room to accommodate your finger pulling or guiding her by the collar.

You may also want to choose a piece of jewelry for her to wear when she is not in the privacy of your home. Again, a training symbol should be different than a formal necklace or ring you plan to give her after training. Find a cheaper bracelet (something cosmetic or low key) or a toe ring for her to wear when she is in public so she can have the emblem of her submission with her throughout training.

Remember, the idea you want to enforce is that training (much like basic training in the Army) is harder, more rigorous, and more challenging, but this time will end and it will all be worth it when you put her real collar around her neck.

Design an Opening Ritual

Every couple is unique in how they experience and express their Dom/sub relationship. Some folks are very well connected in the BDSM community and have a lot of people in their lives that also practice and encourage submission. Others keep it all in the privacy of their bedroom and want no one to know or suspect what is going on. Some people are more formal, others are more casual.

It is important to design an opening ritual as simple or ornate as you are comfortable with enacting. Unlike a wedding, there are no long-standing traditions to guide you. That gives you the freedom to be more creative.

If you intend at some point to share knowledge of your commitment to others, it is wise to hold your training ritual in private between the two of you, and plan for a larger reception ritual to happen at the end when she moves from training to being your formal sub.

You don't want to make the two rituals the same because you don't want to cheapen the experience of either. For a sub, getting a training collar means she has been invited to start a journey into your service. Accepting the formal collar means she earned the right for all to know she is yours. They are very different feelings.

An opening ritual can last anywhere from 5 minutes to an hour. Required elements are that you both sign a Dom/sub agreement or contract (have that prepared and ready to be signed ahead of time), that you make her promises as her dominant partner and she commits herself to you as your submissive. The ritual should always end with you placing her training collar around her neck and snapping it in place.

It is nice for some submissive women to be asked in advance to bring an offering of her submission to you – a poem, a rose, a picture – so that she can give to you from the very beginning.

No matter how formal or informal the opening ritual, the most important understanding is that when the collar snaps around her neck, she is yours and the period of training has begun.

Chapter 2: Protocol

Titles

A title is an important formality during training which will carry itself throughout the rest of your relationship. As a Dom, you are not just a person – you are also a role that exists in your submissive's life for a distinct purpose.

Imagine a man walking through the door of his home. His girlfriend runs to greet him at the door. Now – look at three scenarios:

He smiles when he sees her. She looks at him lovingly and says, “Hello, Steve.”

He smiles when he sees her. She looks at him lovingly and says, “Hello, Honey.”

He smiles when he sees her. She looks at him lovingly and says, “Hello, Master.”

Do you feel the difference? Master is a title. It carries with it the authority, commitment and distinction that other names will never be able to make clear.

Instruct your submissive as to what she may call you and when it is appropriate to deviate from that title. The title, "Master" is the most common because it implies an authoritarian, disciplinary and loved relationship. Other choices may be: "Sir," "Daddy," "My Lord," or "Owner."

When a sub calls you Master as your title, it is preferable to allow her to also refer to you as "Sir" when answering a question. It is easier/shorter to say and conveys the respect you deserve.

Make sure to have some names she can call you when you are in public or in a vanilla environment. You might not want to be at a work function and have her say, "Thank you, Master" in front of your boss. Choose an endearing name such as, "My Love." That way you can both know she is honoring you, even though the others will think she is simply being affectionate.

Require your sub to add, "Sir" or "Master" at the end of every answer and request and punish her swiftly every time she forgets. A sub should never say, "Yes." Or "No." It should always be "Yes, Master," and "No, Master." By the time training is over it will roll off her tongue like second nature, but in the beginning it is language she will need to get used to using.

It is also important you develop word cues to show her what a good job she is doing and that you value her and her submission. Constant praise and reinforcement is just as important to training as instruction and discipline. Call her: "Good girl," "My pet," "My lovely," or other nice names to luxuriate her in your devotion.

Rules about Speech

Not only should your sub show you respect at all times by using your title correctly, she should also respect you with her silence. During the period of training, a sub should be silent unless asked a question or engaged by the master in conversation.

Learning to keep silent is an important tool in teaching your sub self-control. If she cannot hold her tongue when commanded, how can she ever be expected to be quiet voluntarily?

Early in training, particularly if your sub was not disciplined as a child or does not have a good track record of obedience, there will be a tendency to both question and argue. Training is not the time for either of those responses. If you come in with a paddle and she says, "I don't want swats tonight" or asks, "Why do I have to get swats?" It is very clear she is not submitting to your leadership.

The best way to handle speech is to start with very strict protocols and loosen them over time as she gets closer to her end date. Start with total silence. After a day of that, allow her to only use two phrases: "Yes, Master" and "Thank you, Master."

Over time, increase the amount you will allow her to speak as you see her speech and thought patterns changing. If she speaks to you rudely or rebels put her back into the position where she may not speak at all, or punish her with a gag for a time.

It may cut down on the number of spontaneous and pleasant conversations you have when her speech is limited to respect. However, training is a short period of time. Once she is firmly set in her role as your beloved submissive, those conversations can and will happen.

Make sure to take time each day for at least thirty minutes for a listening conference. Tell her she has that time to tell you everything she needs you to know. That gives her a chance to let you know if she doesn't understand something, needs something, or wants to try something. Make her aware once the thirty minutes is over she goes back to the rules of speech.

By setting aside a small time each day to listen to your submissive you can know what's going on in her head, and work together to make training a good experience.

Clothing Rules and Body Options

If you are at home alone, nudity is the only recommended choice for your sub during training. The outside world is a place based on status, equality, and expression where clothing is used to assign people roles and reveal their identity. Through training she only has one identity. She is yours. Her body should be open and available to you at all times. She should kneel before you or beside you dressed only in her collar for the larger part of her training.

If you live somewhere that doesn't have curtains or there are other people who can see you, a short skirt with no undergarment and a button up blouse (usually left open) will suffice.

Keeping her naked shows your submissive how proud you are of her body and honored you are to be given charge over it. When she is without clothing she is honoring you with the body she has trusted to you.

A submissive should always be kept clean shaven throughout her training. The smooth skin of her pubic area reminds her of her vulnerable status and the security of being under your protection. It also encourages her to keep her appearance up for your pleasure and to respect your position.

You may also want to have her spend some time in slave bells. These are small bells that can be attached to her collar, an anklet, nipple rings or her ears that jingle as she walks. The sound is soothing and reminds her of her submission. This is very helpful to a submissive woman leaning to be more graceful and feminine in her presentation.

If you do sessions together and are not cohabitating, have your submissive take off her shoes outside of your home before she comes inside. This is a sign of respect for your house and mentally prepares her for taking off the rest of her clothing once she is inside.

If she does not have an established or required wardrobe for work, pick out her clothing or have her report to you what she is wearing each day. Be appropriate in your selections, but also let her know that she is still yours, even at work, and you are to be honored by what she wears.

Posture and Demeanor

During training a sub should observe high protocol posture at all times. Her head should never be higher than your head (unless she is significantly taller than you) and she should never make eye contact without permission.

The proper posture for a submissive in the same room as her master is to be beneath him (on the floor if he is on the couch) kneeling down (back of the thigh resting on the calf-legs slightly open) with her eyes to the floor and her arms laying atop her legs, palms up. She should not look up or rise without permission.

The other position she should get used to performing is offering herself to you in sexual submission. For that she should be below you, face down to the ground, bottom up in the air. The "face down, ass up" position is well-used to help affirm her humility before you and at the same time show that she is available for your use and pleasure.

If she does need to be standing, she should be in the corner of the room (never the center of attention), standing straight, arms behind her back, breasts presented, and eyes down.

If you give her a command to leave the room to get you a drink, she should bow to show she heard your request and then walk out quietly, not raising her gaze until she is out of your presence.

If at any time during training your submissive needs to excuse herself to go to the bathroom, or leave your presence for any reason, she must ask permission. A sub who just walks out without her master's permission is one in need of correction.

Appropriate Attitude

While "bratting" may be fun on the Internet or for people who aren't committed to one another, a sub who is well-trained will recognize that for the immaturity it is and not fall into such a trap.

A good submissive has an attitude made of equal parts of humility, desire, gratitude and pleasantness. She doesn't need to "brat" for attention because she gets enough attention for pleasing her master and has learned to make his pleasure her pleasure as well.

A submissive should speak in soft tones. Her words should be gracious and respectful at all times. At no time should a submissive use curse words or foul language. The only exception to that is if you wish her to talk dirty to you during sex. If that is the case, make it clear she is only permitted to do so when you give her permission. Your submissive's speech and attitude should reflect her acceptance of her place in your heart and under your guidance.

A submissive should never use aggressive language, posture or movements toward the master. She should always ask permission and begin that phrase with the word, "Please." Whether she gets what she wants or not, she should say, "Thank you, Sir." During the training time you must be vigilant and punish her every time she fails to thank you for something good or bad.

The hallmark of a good submissive is her gratitude. After she serves you dinner, she should thank you. After she serves your body and sexual pleasure, she should thank you. After you punish her, she should thank you.

It is important that you portray a wide range of attitude cues as well. Just as surely as you should punish your sub for doing something wrong, you should praise her for doing things right. Lavish attention on her for serving you, and make sure to tell her she's a "good girl" often. You would be surprised the pain, effort and experiences a submissive woman will endure just to hear her master say, "Good girl" when it's over.

Give your sub comfort and encouragement. If she has been kneeling at your feet for a long time, allow her to sit on the couch with you as a reward. Give her a back rub or caress her body. Show her you recognize how hard she is working through training and you appreciate her. Let her know you are proud to be her master.

Chapter 3: Physical Submission

Your submissive is turning her body and will over to you in every way. The two methods to solidify that gift are physical and sexual submission. Physical refers to your domination of her body as a vessel of her mind and will. Sexual is the domination of her body for pleasure and intimate connection. Spanking is the primary way you will teach and control your sub during training.

Take Her Spanking Temperature

Pain tolerance and response is unique to every person. Some submissive women have vast experience with spanking and can absorb a great deal of pain; others begin to kick and pull away at the slightest touch.

Women also have different ways of showing their pain or pleasure. Some women jerk and pull away sobbing but are actually sexually aroused and enjoying the pain, and other women may stoically take the spanking but not find much pleasure in the process.

For the first act of training, you want to give her a good long spanking with different implements and postures to see what creates the best response and how much pain she can take. Many masters do this before the contract is signed as a way of getting to know their intended sub, but if you haven't done it by the time she is collared you need to start with this immediately.

For this first spanking, give her a safe word to use to stop the spanking when she has had enough/too much. Begin by having her strip in front of you if she is not already naked from the ceremony. Notice how she reacts to taking off her clothes in front of you. Is she embarrassed? Turned on?

Sit on the edge of the bed and drape her over your lap. You can also start the spanking over the knee (OTK), but this is going to be a long spanking so it's better for her back to let her lie across you.

Begin by rubbing and feeling her bottom, taking control of your possession. Stop several times during the spanking to rub, apply lotion or kiss her behind. Just because this is an examination doesn't mean it can't be fun.

Start with a light warm-up spanking, hand only, until a pink hue covers her globes. As time progresses go from tapping to smacking harder and bringing up a deeper shade of red. Once she is lifting her legs in response (but not doing the spanking dance) stop and caress her for a moment. Show her a wooden hairbrush or small paddle. Throughout the spanking always show her what you are using so she will know how each one feels.

Give her a good hard hairbrush/paddle spanking until her legs are pumping up and down (the spanking dance). Her bottom should be splotched red and starting to bruise slightly. Send her to stand with her nose in the corner (no rubbing or touching) while she catches her breath.

For the next round use a larger paddle (like a ceremonial paddle) or a cane if that is your preferred instrument. Have your sub return and bend over the bed, legs slightly apart and give her six swats (or strokes with the cane) with the paddle ranging in impact from light to harsh.

If she is able to endure more, position her on her back and lift both legs. Hold her calves or ankles with one hand (known as diaper position) and use a belt or taws on her "sit spot" (that area between the buttocks and the thighs where she will make contact with the chair when she sits). Continue the spanking using each of the implements you have or intend to use on her during training. Try to bring her to tears or to a moment where she uses the safe word.

When the spanking is over, comfort and care for you submissive. Have a conversation about which implements she enjoyed (save that list for erotic spanking) and which ones she hated/feared (place those on the discipline list). Make sure she knows you are proud of her for enduring such a hard spanking. Now you should have a good roadmap of your sub for the rest of your training together.

Punishment Spanking

During training the majority of spanking you will do for your sub is punishment spanking. This should be done at any infraction, small or large. Keep a paddle in the room you are in and if she forgets your title or makes another small error, bend her over and give her a couple of swats. For larger mistakes or steps out of bounds, be prepared to take her OTK or across the bed and give her a good, hard disciplinary spanking.

Important note: NEVER give a disciplinary spanking in anger. Wait until you are clear minded so it can be a teaching situation, and not a "fight." You must be in control to deserve control of your sub.

Discipline spankings differ from the other parts of her physical submission because they are supposed to hurt and not bring her pleasure. If your sub is a "pain slut" (a woman who derives sexual pleasure from pain), you will need to make sure the discipline spanking hurts sharply and is over quickly before she has a chance to convert the feeling into pleasure. A lexan paddle provides a very sharp, quick sting that will do a good job punishing a person with high pain tolerance.

A punishment spanking does not follow the same ritual (warm up, rubbing, lotion, etc.) as a pleasure spanking. The purpose is to correct behavior. The methodology of a punishment spanking is:

Lecture sternly. Stand your sub in front of you and explain what is wrong and why.

Immediate positioning. Immediately put her OTK or over the bed.

One implement, hard fast strokes. Don’t use a lot of different toys, this isn’t play.

Stop when she is crying or truly remorseful.

Gratitude. She must thank you for your discipline.

Aftercare. When it is over, it is imperative you hold her, comfort her and forgive her.

Don't be afraid to spank her to tears. Her tears belong to you as well. Aftercare is the most important part of a punishment spanking. Because other kinds of spanking are used in your relationship, punishment spankings must be different, but also have good results.

Your sub will fill distress at not pleasing you before she is spanked, because pleasing you is her heart's desire. After the spanking, hold and kiss her lightly. Tell her you are proud of her for taking her spanking.

Finally, once the punishment spanking is over, the incident is over. Do not keep bringing it up or reminding her of what happened. Let her know that punishment takes away guilt and makes her free.

Erotic Spanking

Punishment spankings are fast, painful and done in a one-way direction (you punish, she takes it). Erotic spankings are part of sex play. They are slow, usually made of only light to moderate pain, and are more playful than purposeful. Safe words can be used as part of the play but they generally aren't necessary.

Erotic spanking is done usually as foreplay. It's a way to redden up your sub and create arousal for you both. Sex play often involves softer implements such as your hand, a soft leather or flexible hand paddle, a light leather flogger or light use of a riding crop.

The goal of erotic spanking is to tingle the skin and the senses, not overload your sub with pain. Once your relationship moves from training to everyday life both of you will initiate erotic spankings as part of your sexual relationship.

However, during training erotic spankings should be limited in number (remember, training isn't that long of a time) because your sub will likely be getting both maintenance and discipline spankings and will be too sore/overwhelmed to get the good feelings that come from erotic spankings.

Maintenance Spankings

You'll discover a big part of training is ritual – certain things done a certain way all of the time. The purpose of ritual is to change patterns in thought, expectation and behavior so they become the norm in the relationship.

Submissive women often connect their master's desire to spank them as a sign of his strength and love for her. As such, there should be a daily spanking ritual in place to reaffirm her during the tense days of training.

On the Internet and in some BDSM circles you hear a lot about "bratting" – women who act out or purposely break the rules in order to earn a spanking. Subs who do this are usually immature or aren't getting enough attention from their master. Providing a daily maintenance spanking gets rid of this annoying habit because it helps your sub feel continually cared for and provides a strong ritual for her to expect and enjoy.

Maintenance spankings are usually done in the morning, first thing. If your sub gets up before you and is expected to have your breakfast made or shower ready, then the maintenance spanking can take place when you get up, not when she gets up.

Maintenance spankings are lighter than discipline spankings but a little harsher than an erotic spanking. You are both getting ready to go to work or start your day; you aren't trying to arouse each other.

A sub should be given an expected position or ritual to follow for her morning spanking. She should bring you the hairbrush or set out the chair and wait for you to sit down and take her in hand.

The spanking should redden her behind and leave the sting for about 30 minutes. You aren't trying to disable her from working, you just want a daily reminder that she is loved and cared for under your protection.

Some couples also use a nightly spanking before bed. However, training is so concentrated on physical and sexual activity that you two will usually have something else going on before you fall asleep.

If you do not live with your sub and do not have access to her every day, instruct her to give herself a maintenance spanking each morning and report to you that she has fulfilled your wish.

Long handled wooden bath brushes (often sold as back washers) are very good for self spanking. The handle is long enough for the woman to reach around and be able to swat herself, and the flat wood on the back of the brush makes a solid thud against her bottom.

If you have a secure phone or internet connection, she can always spank herself on Skype for you to watch, or send you a picture of her red bottom.

Other Punishments

Spanking is not the only way to take control of your sub's body during training. Bondage, rope games, physical challenges, and display are also ways you will control her.

Because training is focused on instruction, punishments are still the primary focus of physical submission. If your sub enjoys spanking – even hard discipline spankings – a little too much, an alternate form of punishment can be used.

Important note: NEVER withdraw your affection or attention as a form of punishment. This woman has put her life, her heart, her mind, her body and her emotions into your hands because she trusts you and your love for her. She has willingly put herself in a position to depend on you. If you take away your affection she will feel betrayed and alone. That's emotional abuse.

Good punishments are often related to the offense that happened and involve a natural consequence. For example, if your sub disobeys you and stays up late on the Internet although you told her to go to bed early, not only does she deserve a hard spanking, but you can also forbid her from getting on the computer for a few days. If her car is messy, spank her and have her clean it in front of you wearing short-shorts to reveal her spanked bottom.

If your sub is embarrassed by traditional childlike punishments such as corner time or writing lines, use that to your advantage and have her stand in the corner showing off her spanked bottom for a time, or give her a hard paddling then make her sit on a wooden chair and write "I will obey my master" a thousand times.

You can also put the kitchen table/writing punishment to stronger use and after her spanking have her write a 1000 word essay by hand on the topic, "What is obedience and why is it important?"

Creative punishments not only make a point to your sub, but they also add a little spice and variety to the training time. Instead of "just another spanking," your sub can experience new feelings, sensations and lessons. It also shows her you have thought about her training and aren't just being a lazy paddler. After all punishments a sub should always apologize for her behavior and thank you for your correction.

Chapter 4: Sexual Submission

It would be a terrible mistake to think submission is all about having sex. There are a million other ways that take less effort to have intercourse with someone on a regular basis. Sex isn't the purpose of a BDSM relationship. Sex is just a tool.

That is not to say that sex isn't important. Submitting to you sexually allows your sub to open herself up to you at the deepest levels. The submission of her sexual self to you is a constant reminder of the intimate bond you share.

Presenting Herself Sexually

Sexually, the most important task of training is to teach your sub to present herself as being open to you sexually at all times and without hesitation. She is to be ready for and focused on your pleasure. If she is serving you in another capacity (making dinner, doing laundry, kneeling beside you watching TV) the transition to her as a sexual being should be fluid, instant, and natural.

If you are living together, it may take some time for your sub to be comfortable spending so much of her time in the nude. Make sure to compliment her frequently, telling her how much you love to see her beautiful body. Touch her as you walk by and give her positive affirmation when she is open and natural about showing her body.

A sub should never take efforts to hide her body. Just as you wouldn't allow her to put her hand back and shield her bottom from a spanking, you should not allow her to use her hand or anything else to shield her body from your view. Any coverage without your permission should be punished quickly.

If you are doing session work, the sooner she has her clothing off and is open to you, the better. Encourage her to walk around naked at her home as well. You want her to feel awkward when she is clothed in her daily life and feel natural when she is naked with you.

A sub should always have her legs partially open in your presence. Society teaches women to sit with their legs pressed together or crossed at the thigh or ankle. As a submissive, she is afforded no such luxury. She is to be open and aware of her shaved pubic area at all times. Your sub should also take efforts to accentuate her breasts and hold her chest out so they are presented to you for use or pleasure.

Finally, her mouth should open to embrace your manhood without hesitation. Develop a signal – a snap of the fingers or pat on the head – and teach her to drop to her knees and open her mouth in preparation to give you oral pleasure as soon as that signal happens.

Her body is your body. Your sub should always carry herself in such a manner that not only are you both aware of that fact, but you are affirmed in your ability to use her body whenever and however you choose.

Oral Service

Oral service is the mainstay of sexual submission and your sub will spend a lot of her time giving you oral pleasure. The reason for its primacy has largely to do with the humbling position oral service takes, which goes well with the idea of submitting to a master.

When your sub is giving you oral sex she is likely on her knees, bent over or laying prone in your lap. The posture reinforces the understanding that she recognizes her place beneath you at that time. Using her mouth to embrace genitalia is an extremely intimate act which binds you together as a Dom/sub.

In consensual M/f relationships there is no concept of equality. The male is the master and the female the submissive. The thing that makes the power difference in the relationship is your cock. As such, it is natural for the female to embrace and nurture it in her mouth.

If your sub is new to oral sex, allow her to take some time just licking the shaft and sucking the tip of it until she gets used to the taste and feel of your penis in her mouth. Grabbing her head and forcing yourself down her throat isn't needed to establish your power or authority. She already recognizes those things.

Take your time encouraging your sub to take more and more of your penis in her mouth and down her throat until she is able to accommodate you to the base. Remind her that gagging is normal and that you are not expecting her to start with the perfect blow job, but her enthusiasm and devotion are what you want to see.

Because it is not proper for a sub in training to look at her master without his permission, oral sex can be turned into a great pleasure for her if you give her permission to gaze up at you while she is serving your cock. Not only will her eye contact make you feel great, it will also help her mind connect the idea of oral service to the ability to see and bond with you.

The other service your sub should provide for you often is simply licking and holding you in her mouth while you watch TV or play online. Whether she is kneeling under your desk, or laying on the couch, she should be holding or gently licking your penis. This practice, often called "cock worship" further commits her to the service of your pleasure and recognition of your power as her master.

Anal Service

There is no sexual gift more intimate that anal service. Anal sex is an extremely intimate form of sexuality that combines emotional and physical vulnerability with pain and immense pleasure. Many submissive women come into a relationship with little or no experience with anal sex and will need to be guided over time to be able to offer that part of her body without fear or hesitance.

Some people have religious or hygiene reasons for rejecting anal sex. If your sub lists anal sex as one of her limits, focus on other types of service during her training time and revisit the idea of anal service with her once she is more comfortable and trust has been built.

Start a new sub off slowly and help her get used to the feeling of having her sphincter stretched and entered. Begin with an erotic spanking or relaxed moment. Lubricate your finger and gently insert it into her anus. Once she feels the pleasurable sensations after the initial insertion she may be more comfortable with the idea.

A few days later start inserting butt plugs (beginning with the smallest size and working up to one that is larger and more challenging) and having her wear those while you are watching TV or she is serving you in some other way.

Finally prepare her to receive your penis in her anus. Use plenty of lube and give her a lot of praise and affection for going through this part of the training. Simply saying, "You're expected to do this" isn't going to help ease her anxiety. Start with your finger or a butt plug then move to the insertion of your penis. Go slowly, encouraging her to relax and accept your penis into her body.

Once the momentary pain of the sphincter's being forced open is over, rock gently back and forth inside of her and she will begin to experience both the sexually pleasurable feelings of anal sex and the pride of having pleased her master. Over time, she will be able to lean over or lie down and offer you her anus with no problem.

Annilingus, the act of licking the anus, is another form of service your sub should be trained in quickly. Unlike anal sex, annilingus doesn't hurt. Most women avoid it out of mental or emotional issues, not fear.

Again, start slowly by having her lick and kiss your bottom, then direct her to run her tongue up and down the crack of your ass, stimulating the perineum. When she sees how aroused this will make you, she will feel more comfortable licking or gently sucking your anus.

Anal service reinforces a submissive's willingness to open her whole self to you. It is a tremendous area of trust which needs to be handled respectfully and responsibly.

Intercourse and Orgasm Denial

In addition to the previous forms of sexual submission, there is always time for good 'ol vanilla vaginal intercourse. Because this form of intercourse is the one most subs are comfortable with and receive the most pleasure during (until your sub gets used to anal sex), intercourse should be seen as a reward for good behavior during the training period.

If she does something exceptionally well, or goes out of her way to serve you, intercourse is a fantastic way to reward your sub. If you REALLY want to reward her, give her oral sex and allow her to orgasm beneath your tongue. She will be thanking you all night long.

As her master, you control her ability to orgasm. Her pleasure is focused on your pleasure. Instruct your sub at the beginning of training that she must wait for your permission to orgasm during intercourse. If she comes without your permission, that should result in a punishment later.

As training goes on, have her hold out a little longer each time. Don't agree the first time she asks you. Make her beg for your permission. This will make the mental connection between your control and her pleasure. It also teaches her self-control.

If your sub claims she can't control her orgasm, do some exercises where you use a vibrator or cunnilingus to bring her very close to release. Tell her she must sit perfectly still while you pleasure her, and if she moves or makes any sound you will stop pleasuring her and she will earn a swat.

In time she will learn to control her reactions because she doesn't want the pleasure to end. Do offer her a chance to experience pleasure often with your permission. Training is tense and difficult. The release and relaxation of orgasm will do her good.

Chastity

It is entirely inappropriate for a submissive woman to stimulate or touch herself in any way without your permission. If you discover her rubbing her bottom after a spanking, or rubbing herself for sexual release, she should be disciplined quickly and harshly. You must reinforce the understanding that her body is no longer her property and only you may determine when it receives pain, comfort or joy.

In addition to a severe spanking, many Doms make their subs sleep with boxing gloves or heavy gloves to bring home the idea her hands must stay under control. It is never advised to let your sub sleep or spend a long time in cuffs or tied because of the dangers of an accidental decrease in circulation.

If you do not live together and see each other in sessions it can be very hard to ensure she is not touching herself when you are not around. Make sure to remind her frequently that your ability to trust her is as important as her need to trust you. If she confesses a mishap, punish her and move forward.

Enforced chastity is a powerful form of control which illustrates your power over her body and offers both discipline and endurance lessons. One of the best things to do is pick a certain number of days that she endures without orgasm or sexual pleasure. Do not tell her how many days you picked.

If you really want to test her – roll a pair of dice in front of her, but don't let her see the number. That way each day she will wonder if that day is the day. Enforced chastity does not mean she will not be giving you sexual release. She can still serve you sexually through oral or anal service, she just won't be getting any release of her own.

There are many online stores which sell chastity belts for women to ensure their cooperation. It is not recommended you spend that much money on one of those devices. They are highly expensive, require cleaning and care, and are too thick to wear at work or in public.

It is better to use a red thong or hand-crafted device to cover her pubic area for effect. After training if you and your sub determine formal chastity is something you want in your relationship then investigate the best chastity device for your situation.

Chapter 5: Attitude Submission

Domestic Service

Most people have so many demands between work, friends, social networks, household needs, and time for food and rest, we do the bare minimum of self-care (brush teeth, comb hair) and go on with the day. Training is a time to slow things down. Nothing is more luxurious than to have a sub who spends her time taking care of you. Whether or not she feels it is her long-term plan, a sub in training can learn a lot by providing you with domestic service.

Ask her to set out your clothes, have your coffee ready or draw you a bath. Allow her to cook for you or give her an opportunity to spend a few hours alone making you a surprise dinner and see what she comes up with as a gift for you. Have her iron your clothes, wash your car or anything that gives her a chance to support and nurture you.

Throughout training you will be giving a lot of time, attention and affection to your sub. Giving her the opportunity to perform some domestic service allows her to give back to you.

If your sub does not live with you, make her responsible for the environment you use for training. Have her unpack and lay out the toys, prepare the bed, or massage you from head to toe. When the training session is over make her responsible to collect and clean off all the toys and put everything in its rightful place.

Your sub should always be trained to thank you both for allowing her to provide service for you, and for your appreciation of her gifts to you. One of the great things about Dom/sub relationships is the somewhat formal and classy nature they can represent – almost like going back in time. Encourage this little bit of gentle fantasy in your training environment and formal time together.

Public Practices

Training is a very concentrated time where the more you are alone together the better and more effective your training sessions will be. Unfortunately, most people can't just shut themselves away from society for a month or six weeks.

If you are open about your BDSM practices your friends will understand that you are in the training process. But, everyone spends at least some time in the vanilla world, whether it be at work, family gatherings, or with other friends who don't understand or know about your Dom/sub relationship.

Being outside of the world of submission offers you an excellent chance to practice some of the finer techniques of service. Nothing is more fun than giving your sub a good solid maintenance spanking right before you head out the door so she has the challenge of spending the evening around others who would never guess she has a bright red bottom.

In order to take your internal relationship to the outside, you need to make some rules and protocols for public behavior so she can honor your dominance, even though no one but you will know what she is doing.

Prepare her to accept the fact that you will be ordering all of her food and drinks. If you are out with people who don't know you very well, you can make a show of asking her what she would like. If you are with friends, just go ahead and tell the waiter what she will be having. Surprisingly, most women in the vanilla world find this charming and sweet.

Instruct your sub to stay behind you or by your side for the evening. Set aside some catch phrases for her to use to show she is honoring you such as, "As you wish" or "Thank you, kindly." Require her to be respectful to all men she encounters. She should call the mailman, "Sir" and politely converse with the people around her. Please and Thank you aren’t just words she says in your home. She says them everywhere.

Over time as she grows in her submission to you, people will notice the change in her, because it will be undeniable. Your sub will be genteel, soft spoken, polite and happy. Her friends will begin to tell her that you must be good for her, and she will smile at your secret and assure them you are the best thing that has happened to her in a very long time.

Humiliation and Objectification

Rich or poor, young or old, man or woman – people need to be challenged. Without struggles to overcome, people become listless, depressed and unsure of themselves. Therefore, training sessions or a period of time that incorporates humiliation and objectification are very helpful to the process.

Modern society carries very different messages than you learn in a Dom/sub household. Women are encouraged to be equal or greater than men. A large part of the day is built on feeding people's "self-esteem" and they need constant attention to continue with what they are doing.

You will find younger subs who grew up in the "everyone is special" generation have an increased sense of entitlement. The best way to break those messages and keep them out of your relationship is structured humiliation and objectification.

Humiliation is the act of humbling someone to strip away a false sense of ego. As they say, "A bad day for the ego is a good day for the soul." Be sure you talk with your submissive before doing humiliation training and let her know what is happening and why. If you just start challenging and humbling her without warning, she will become fearful that you have decided you don't like or want her.

Start by asking your sub to make a list of the top 10 things that embarrass her. Go through the list and pinpoint some challenges she can endure through training. For example, if speaking in public embarrasses her, take her to dinner with friends and ask her to stand and make a toast.

If she has trouble admitting she was wrong, have her purchase clothing that is by far the wrong size (obviously too small or too large) and then take it back to the store the next day to exchange it and apologize.

These little games seem harmless enough, but over time her ability to follow your instructions, even when they are something she's not comfortable with, will build trust and help her develop an adventurous spirit.

You can also film her punishment and tell her to post the video on Fetlife, Alt.Com, Spanking Tube, or an age appropriate site. Have her write in the description box what she did wrong and why she was spanked. Check back frequently to see what comments others have about her misdeeds or punishment.

Objectification is the methodology of treating someone like an object or unrelated person. Some time as an objectified submissive strips away attention seeking behavior, gets rid of "bratting" and also gives the sub some space to just be.

Like humiliation, you want to communicate clearly with your sub and make sure she understands you are not angry with her, but you are going to spend a few days objectifying her so she gets her mind off her "self" and back onto you as a couple.

During objectification do not allow her to use any word that signifies she is human. Instruct her to refer to herself as "this sub" or "this slave" when she talks about herself – never "I" or her name. Thus, if she wants to be excused to leave the room, she should say to you, "Sir, this sub asks to leave the room." When she returns she should say, "This sub thanks you."

During her time of objectification you need to treat her like an object in your house designed for your pleasure. Command her to give you oral service, but watch TV like she isn’t present. Have her on her hands and knees in front of you acting like a table. Sit a drink on her or put your feet on her.

The key to objectification is that it must be limited. Spend a weekend or single day doing things that objectify her, then have a listening conference so she can share her frustrations and thoughts. Remind her you went through that training to scrape away self-focus and make her stronger in her focus on service and pleasure.

Chapter 6: Advanced Techniques

During the training period is not a good time to bring other people, other goals or permanent decisions into the relationship. Sometimes an intense training period may clue a sub in to the fact she isn’t ready to be a sub or may reveal she is not the best sub for you. Set aside the advanced techniques until she has made it through her training time and you have placed her permanent collar around her neck.

Some things that should wait until after training are:

Sharing – right now your sub is spending a tremendous amount of time and energy learning everything about what you desire. She is focused on your physical likes and dislikes, your sexual joys and being a dedicated sub. If you bring other people into the mix too early, it will confuse and overwhelm her. Wait until you are bonded to watch her used by another. If you do share her in training or within a few weeks of training, make sure you are present to watch him take her so she knows it is for your pleasure and you have not abandoned her.

Pony or pet training – if the goal you have set for your submissive is to be your pet, or pony girl, wait until the basic training is done before you begin the next round of change and adjustment. Learning how to walk in the harness or sleeping in a dog crate requires its own sense of concentration and dedication. It is too much to learn those skills while you are still remembering to say, "Thank you" for a spanking.

Cutting, branding or tattooing. I know it's hard to wait to put your mark on her, but be sure she has gotten through training and is firmly happy in your formal collar before you place a permanent mark on her body. Subs have a very hard time saying "no" or registering objections to their Doms. During training that is even truer because she is in a position where she is supposed to accept everything you say/do as law. So, it is not fair or really even informed consent if you ask her to commit to a tattoo or brand while she is in training. She doesn't know how to say no, and ends up with a yes she was coerced into. Save the big stuff for a later time.

Chapter 7: The Closing Ceremony

You should have known the date for your closing ceremony when training officially comes to an end from the very moment you started training. No doubt you will feel like you have had a lifetime of new experiences in the last few weeks and it will show. The closing ceremony is a time to celebrate those experiences and begin your formal and lasting relationship.

If you have friends who are in the fetish world, or know other Doms and subs, invite them over for the collar ceremony so they can be witnesses when you place the formal collar of your dominance on your submissive. Make it a reception and let your sub serve everyone or reward her hard training and serve her just for that night.

Like the opening, the closing ceremony of training can be long or short, simple or complex. Ahead of time make sure you have picked out a formal collar, and a piece of jewelry for her to wear in public places, that you can give her at the end of the ceremony.

Take some time to talk about or honor her gifts to you and her service. Praise her and express your gratitude and sense of good fortune to have such a dedicated submissive.

You may also want to build in time to allow her to talk about your training, gifts and abilities to guide her through the challenging times. End with a renewed commitment to your Dom/sub relationship and a vision of your future service together.

Conclusion

Overall, training your sub seems like a lot to take on at once. However, it is a set of small rules and protocols put together in the everyday context of your life. Most of these things will become like air you breathe every day but don't really notice anymore. The words, practices and habits that make up your life together as Dom/sub will carry your relationship farther into new worlds and new ideas.

With its emphasis on learning, changing and trust, training is the most important time in your relationship. Without a formal training time miscommunication, misdirection, bad habits and poor choices will invade your play space. Don't see training as a job or a burden. See it as the great gift you get in taking your sub in hand and guiding her to your pleasure.